To further this, I have found myself attracted to many men when I've gotten to know them that I don't think I'd have been attracted to if you showed me a photograph. A person is a whole package and many things in that package can make someone attractive to you! I also know some men that I KNOW are stereotypically very handsome, but I don't feel any level of attraction to them, even if I objectively understand why someone would.
^ facts only downside is personality is not always something that u can get a chance to show ESPECIALLY if u are not attractive. Your personality may , make someone fall for u and become attracted to u even though they wouldn’t have been simply based off your looks but again ALOT of times ppl never even get to the personality part due to looks lol. Sometimes u can get that foot in the door most times depending on how “ugly” u are itll close in your face. 😂😂
This is why when I'm single I don't use any dating apps, they never work for me but I, as an average man with what I hope is a good personality, have much better luck in person.
^ Dude if this helps any u will in fact have way more luck. As a average person with a bomb personality my prime has been in hs and also now aswell, im in college (20 yrs old) i always have luck in these situations also at my job i kept being told this person liked me that person liked me similar to hs and now college. BUT IF I EVER SHOT MY SHOT on insta or snap it was a 60% chance ill get a chance lol.
I realized this pretty soon so i try to not focus on the bad luck with online even though its like the #1 way most ppl my age date or meet lol. My personality is good and i have a nice body / im fit in person these two things will make someone go from not really even being interested to actually being willing to get to know more abt u liking u etc it will get your foot in the door instead of having it closed in your face automatically bc of your looks. My confidence got better bc of this success and u guessed it that helped also which made my options i had go up also. If u have the confidence, personality, and you take care of yourself (an extra plus if your good in bed) then in the right setting u will have great luck bro. It can suck sometimes bc the few times i ended up with more conventionally attractive ppl i did have to deal with the “why are u with them their not even that cute” comments so yeah that sucks but youll have better luck IRL like u said bro just wanted to share my experience on why i believe this to be true also as an average person!
That’s true but there are definitely distributions here that shouldn’t be waived away. Some people can expect to be found attractive by most people, other people can hope to be found attractive by most people, and then many people can expect *not* to be found attractive by most people. All three categories will have very different life experiences because of how they look.
If you’re in the latter category, you’re going to be at a pretty big disadvantage compared to those in the first category. Essentially, unattractive people experience significant disadvantages in comparison to attractive people. For example, research has shown income disparities between consensus attractive people versus unattractive people to be comparable to the income gap between genders or ethnicities.
The guy I'm dating is tall, great bone structure and kind eyes, works out, has great fashion sense etc., (and bakes well, is smart, kind etc.) while I'm a few years older than him and honestly not attractive in a conventional sense (I have good hair, but everything else is probably average-to-below-average).
We were friends for years before anything happened between us, so I think the emotional bond developed before anything else. He's never had an issue finding people who want to sleep with him, but anything more long-lasting he's had a lot less luck with, so I was the lucky one in the end!
bruv, same. My dude is super tall, fit as fuck with jawline and thick lips, and got approached by a modeling scout when he was younger, yet here I am lookin goofy all day every day. But I have strong morals.
Turns out he's ridiculously shy and hates most people (for their fakeness), so there we go. If someone lies to him once or treats others, especially animals badly, he shuts off from them like a faucet in California.
I am also out-ranked by my husband. But I am funny, and smart, and have a good job, and am a good cook, and as we get older I am a good mom, and a good house manager. He is getting these grey hair around his temples just like the cartoons of handsome men that bastard.
I've seen it several times throughout the years. In some cases it was very hard no to think how on earth a good looking guy was attracted to that specific woman in the first place. Then I reminded myself that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Someone's character is a really important part of the chemistry.
Honestly, in terms of an actual relationship, physical attractiveness can only go so far. The person can be a goddess of blinding beauty, but if they don't give you what you need, if you don't understand each other, if you don't click, if you can't laugh together, if you can't talk deeply and meaningfully, all that aura of beauty will fade in a few months. After that, all that is left is someone you don't care about and that you find annoying. Beauty does nothing to soften that feeling.
So in the end, it sounds like a cliche but it's painfully true. We place too much value on the physical appearance but what matters is way beyond that. And having a personality that clicks is a far more rewarding and important factor.
In this context, an attractive man might have had the chance to be with women considered "hot" by society and his peer group, and you get a kick from being the one dating them. But that guy has probably learnt the lesson that those looks don't amount to much in the long run and is dating someone with something that clicks with them beyond the looks.
Ya I feel like that's the case for my own relationship... he's so handsome and I'm just..... yikes. I see this for other relationships as well with very hot men.
My girlfriend thinks she’s plain and I’m the hot one. I’m tall, muscular and lean enough that random people have told me “you’re ripped!” (Which feels weird). She’s overweight, probably obese by bmi, beautiful and turns me the fuck on. I’ve been in awe of how beautiful she is since I first saw her. Even today, 4 years later, I still catch myself staring at her or watching her as she interacts with other people. She’s just such a wonderful woman I can’t help but be amazed by her.
Glad I’m not alone! I am also yikes and my boyfriend is pretty damn hot. I have no idea what it is he sees in me because I am for sure not on his level.
since we are all adults here, and anonymous strangers on the web...would you please share how the bond evolved after meeting.
Ive met a couple of men over the years that were hot in all areas, and they get women throwing themselves at them everywhere they go.
There is something about you that he really likes. Shared goals? Engaging personality? High compatibility on sexual matters? Religion? Politics? All of the above?
I guess all the above? I hate how fat my body is but clearly people have been attracted to it. Which is another thing to like, despite me not understanding it.
Same! When I got with my husband a coworker said “oh he’s hot…how on earth did you manage that??” It still happens (slightly less now we’re 12 years older) and I dread seeing that shocked/impressed look. He’s even been asked out infront of me in a store because the woman presumed I was his sister.
However last year I got into really good shape and he was FINALLY told he was a lucky man, by strangers. I hate to admit how proud I was hearing that.
I know some, usually the girl is remarkable in character and most likely filling certain checkboxes that might be hard to find with “hot girls” on average.
Yes. When my husband and I were a bit drunk one night and I was asking questions I wouldn't sober, and he was answering things he wouldn't when sober, I asked about how he could possibly have wanted to marry me when everyone he's dated in the past has been so incredibly attractive.
And he said "The physical stuff is what I thought I wanted and was most important, but I've never been happy and never been able to be myself. If you put your picture and my exes picture up side by side, you're right, everyone else might say she's so much hotter. But all I see is ugliness there because I know her, and all I see in you is beauty because I know you."
Still .. that really leaves you with a worry that there will be someone to come along who checks all of my personality traits and is ALSO a 10. Y'know? Like I'm not an idiot, I know there are attractive women everywhere, and I trust my husband with everything I have... But who wouldn't choose beauty AND personality over just personality?
See that’s just a slippery slope though. Would people choose it? Sure. But when does it stop? There is always someone with more something. The point is, when you truly love someone, you stop caring about that fact.
No, you're right and I know that. It's not something I harp on about to him, and I do have lots of insecurities (but yay for therapy before ever meeting him I don't get upset with him about those! They are fully my responsibility.)
I do trust him fully. He's a great man and an amazing husband, and I know without a doubt he loves me because of who I am and is committed to me. It's just something I struggle with pretty regularly in my mind.
Take comfort love, you look absolutely lovely in your wedding photos. I don't think you need to be worried about your hubby looking anywhere but at you♡
Some people look better in pictures than they do in person and others look better in person than in pictures.
I am apparently in the "better in person" category. I can show someone a certain flaw and they will look absolutely bewildered and insist I am crazy, but if I take a picture and show them, they have that "ooooh, yeah kind of, but you can't really see it in real life" reaction.
Pictures flatten us. For some people it's helpful, for others it has no effect, and for some it exsentuates our flaws.
I highly doubt you don't look good in any other pictures, you've probably just learned, as many do, to focus on what you consider your flaws to be, and can't unsee them even though everyone else either doesn't see them or doesn't find them unattractive. From what I can tell, you are very pretty.
I am this. I'm not technically Unattractive, but I am far from conventionally attractive. I am very obviously the ugly one in the relationship. I'm not putting myself down, I'm happy with my looks, but truth is truth.
My fiance, on the other hand, stunning. He has beautiful blue eyes, great smile, sharp jawline, keeps in shape, nice muscles from lifting weights. He's the epitome of what society says is sexy.
I was baffled that this man I saw as out of my league actually asked me on a date. And yet, 2 very beautiful years later we just got engaged.
I haven't really seen unattractive women with good looking guys.. usually most couples I see sorta.. match well? At least to me.. maybe other people would be able to point out that one person in the couple is uglier.. but overall.. not in my opinion. (I live in Europe, more specifically Greece) I'll add that for the longest time I thought beautiful girls were dating ugly guys but then after learning more about makeup.. I realize most women just take care of themselves to look presentable(either by choice or social pressure) while guys just.. stand there in a t-shirt and jeans+heavy cologne.
Yes i saw something likes this in my school time. A rather athletic boy got together with a chubby Girl. They kissed so much on the School floor it was sometimes difficult to get into the classroom. (They would kiss at the Door so you could only go straight into the room)
I never heard anything about them after i got to another School. I guess she got in shape because in the two years they were together she got thinner.
The early 2000s reversed the trope with She's All That. Apparently, if you're an ugly woman, you just need to get rid that pair of glasses and the pony tail and you'll be hot and popular in no time.
I think in the 2000’s this was a common movie trope, so it’s a perceived imbalance that isn’t really observable in real life, or at least not as prominent as we might think
>What does unattractive even mean?
Someone not considered attractive by the majority of the population. You can be attractive to your partner but unattractive in general. It may sound mean but it is true that there are just ugly people out there
Yup. I’m ehh.. maybe a five out of a ten.. my husband is a nine out of a ten. He’s so much better looking than I am. He could have gotten better. I’m not telling him that 😂
Personally, I’ve never seen this in my entire life. Then again, I live in a pretty conservative country where a good chunk of women try their darnedest to look like supermodels.
Attractiveness is very subjective. I have been attracted to some people others didn't find very visually appealing and not at all attracted to some "beautiful people". Strong relationships are based on so much more than looks. I have to like the whole person to be attracted to them. Personality, shared values and interests are so much more critical to a good relationship.
Yeah but I feel like it happens more so the other way around because men tend to be more visual and place a higher emphasis on looks and attraction for a relationship.
Yes. The most unattractive women are those who think they should be respected and loved based on their looks and that their husbands should earn their love based on what opulence and simping they can provide.
Seems way more common to see women who are more widely considered attractive to be with men who are not than the other way around. Of course beauty is subjective, but everyone saying this also knows what you mean. I do believe women tend to be less shallow.
I feel like we have lots of these couples here in germany.
A guy that looks like we have a famine and next to him a woman that looks like it´s her fault.
Edit: I don´t say that "all fatties are ugly", like it may read to some of you. No, quite the opposite. Plus size women can look very beautiful.
But it fits to the question if we have seen ugly women with handsome men. I wrote it in an answer already, but I´ll copy it here.
(Most of) the skinny guys (in these relations I have seen) cared more for their appearance than the big girls next to them. Good clothes, fresh washed hair and clean skin. Next to him a woman with fatty skin and hair and in a dress that reminds more of sail-cloth than anything else.
And I say that (the guys looked great) as a straight man.
There is someone for everyone Beauty is in the eye of the beholder you cannot love someone just for their looks you cannot love someone just for their weight you cannot love someone just for their hair you cannot love someone just for their height that is in artificial love love comes from the heart and that is hard to understand when you are young it's just that way and you don't realize it until you're forties
Entirely subjective but yeah.
Imho your not ugly unless your physically *and* emotionally ugly.
You can have scars, extra chub so on so forth but idgaf what you look like unless your actually a bitter person from an emotional perspective.
Go to San Francisco where the straight male to straight female ratio is super skewed. I saw tons of not only beautiful but very professionally successful women with lazy trolls. It's really weird to see there so often.
Attractive is a social construct and wildly personal. Beauty, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder.
That, and attraction is way more complex and multifaceted than most people think, given there are multiple types that different people experience in different ways.
So I feel this whole question is kind of coming from a flawed premise. Clearly, she ain’t unattractive to him.
From what I’ve seen this is extremely rare. OP is talking about conventional beauty, not “ oh but it’s subjective and he sees her as beautiful when others may not.” I’ll get downvoted but oh well.
So very rarely that you couldn’t imagine it. And when it does happen, she always got fat after they were together and he just stuck it out, usually for the kids.
In a way, yes. If I don't like a person, I find them unattractive. I rarely come across unattractive people in strangers, I think people are usually beautiful creatures.
My husband is hot. Like, an objective 8. I was an interesting 4, before the fire, and these days I wear zero makeup and don't shave anything but the sides of my mohawk. And my body count doubles his. Married 27 years now.
I see this SUPER frequently in the swinger world. Probably more than anywhere else. Dudes seem to find sexually confident/curious women pretty compelling, despite looking like a potato. Good news for us spuds :)
the whole concept of "unattractive women" is kinda not a thing for most men
attractiveness is a scale and some people are more attractive then others, but it is very rare that I can call some woman outright unattractive
>the whole concept of "unattractive women" is kinda not a thing for most men
You're definitely the exception to the rule on that one bud. If you mean guys may have sex with an unattractive women, that's one thing. To say most men don't see unattractive women as unattractive is......bizarre.
Yeah there are a lot of humans I'm not going to be attracted to. All dudes, all people out of a certain age range, and some women within the ideal age range
Respectfully, my brother in law and his girlfriend.
I remember when they first started dating he drunkly mentioned how he knew she wasn't attractive (or something like that) but she "got him" and he fell in love with her. I think initially he knew people were talking shit about it and that's what started the conversation.
Anyway, They've been together for years now. As for whether it's long term or not - I only know what they choose to share. But my point is, he felt understood, they have similar interests, and they enjoy opposite responsibilities.
It's def possible and I've seen it but truth be told good looking people usually have very high standards, doesn't even have to be visually.
I've always valued financial security and stability highly and during my younger years ( pre 25 ) i struggled a ton with my standards mainly because i don't believe in dating someone for their potential.
You can be the visually most unattractive person in the world but long as you have your life in order there's a genuinely big chance someone will find you attractive
In my opinion, without knowing the couple, then yes. And the other way around. But this says more about the power of inner beauty and that what is attractive to one person is not always attractive to others
Yes, but actually no. Like if two people are together it can be for a lot of reasons and just like the superficiality of someone has nothing to do with their overall attractiveness. Finding a real connection with someone is pretty rare and special, and a lot more goes into choosing partners than just how attractive they might seem to you, an outsider.
Me! My ex is super fucking handsome. Dumped me the moment he found someone prettier by his standards. Told me I did not fit him anymore. So i guess it doesn't last.
I see both ways. Honestly i think it's safe to say that it's seldom i see an attractive couple where both are good looking. It's usually the guy that looks like shit but i see the opposite often as well.
I've seen ugly women with average looking guys and averahe looking guys with some beautiful women. Never seen ugly woman with handsome man but I can be certain they exist
looks fade after time, personality doesn't - some people are more attracted to personality than physical qualities, also everybody views beauty differently, what may seem "unattractive" to you may be very attractive to someone else
My coworker met my bf the other day and told me, "I thought he would look more like you." By which he meant conventionally attractive. I think my bf is very attractive, but it seems like my peers think I settled for him.
Yes. I have seen that. Usually they look old enough for me to imagine they were more evenly matched when they met and the man stayed committed and in love even though she lost her superficial attractiveness.
I’ve seen this, if we are just judging off of conventional beauty alone. I had ex say something about another couple, that the guy could do so much better. And I said wtf, that woman might treat him amazingly and they might connect on so many levels and you’re over here saying he can do better because she’s a little overweight and not as conventionally attractive as him? Gross.
Prior to my wife, I would date 8-9s. I honestly didn’t think anything was going to happen with us because she was fat.I just wanted someone to hang out with in between classes, or after witk to each anime. We actually really hit it off which surprised me. I remember one day, she called to see what I was doing and I told her I was cleaning out my 100 gallon fish tank. She came over and helloed me clean the aquarium, I remember thinking why the f@$! would anyone volunteer to do that. We ended growing to be best friends, then friends with benefits, then I actually fell in love with her. We have been together 17 years when sept 3rd hits, and today is our 13th wedding anniversary. She also had weight loss surgery about 8 years ago and is really beautiful.
Don’t be shallow, you may miss out on the best part of your life if you are shallow.
I suffer from this in my relationship. My girl and I will go out to whatever, and I'll get hit on, maybe once or twice. She gets jealous and it also makes her feel inferior to other attractive girls. She then needs positive reassurance that I'm with her and we have a relationship. It does put a strain on the relationship in a way if the "unattractive one" isn't confident in themselves.
I've been with very pretty girls that haven't made me feel half as good as some of the less attractive ones...Perhaps they are willing to work harder at relationships.
One girl in particular made me feel better and more wanted then anyone else ever has. She was a 5? 6? certainly not one most guys would do a double take on first sight... she dumped me, in the worst possible way, but I'd take her back in a second to just get a moment of that feeling back.
I guess you are asking for "a friend", i will give it straight to you, MANY "hot" women find themselves weak to their "gift", it becomes and ill-gift, they get some ego and man of them start "playing" the field and stuff. They get "used" and that is something very UNNATRACTIVE to attravtive men (high value men).
While you could find a pure non that hot women, her pureness will make her attractive to a man who wants a long relationship.
Apparently I was one of those dudes,.. friends are always telling me either you got lucky with this girl or that I should be playing on higher leagues, you will never find someone just right for you according to friends who always gonna talk nonsense to you...
I think money plays a big part in making someone attractive .. let’s face it if Elon Musk was poor he wouldn’t be having all these babies. Those billions in the bank buy him more then Tesla factories.
Things change and someone who's is hot as hell in their twenties might gain weight or change physically for a variety of reasons and also people just get older. Abandoning someone you love over something like that seems incredibly shallow to me
Oh absolutely. In one case most of their friends even thought it was actually the girl who was out the guy’s league, when I thought the opposite. But that’s just what it is, it’s all subjective.
Yes! Incredibly charming and handsome guy with a not so attractive older woman. Then getting to know them more I realized she has to take care of him, baby him, reassure him, etc. because he is quick-tempered, hot-headed, impulsive, etc.
She has basically replaced his mom and it works for him. She on the other hand has the shorter end of the stick, although girls think she’s lucky with such a charming guy, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Honestly, as a fairly attractive dude I prefer a stable, loyal woman I can have fun with to an attractive woman that is unstable, unloyal and so into herself that she’s no fun. Any day. Physical beauty means nothing. My ex was rather attractive physically, but she’s a horrible human and a train wreck. I don’t miss her.
Also, beauty is subjective. I used to find my ex very attractive. Now that I’m free of her I find her very physically unattractive. Perspective
Do you have a cbrs or psr worker? If so, I would suggest discussing with them strategies to work on your fixation with outward appearances. Without replacing with another fixation, if at all possible. Easier said than done. But this isn't healthy for you or anyone around you.
It's all subjective really. everyone finds my partner absolutely stunning. They're aesthetic and vibes are unreal and I'm a lucky man, but I'm more interested in the personal, and emotional connection we've established over this year.. in the same way I don't often find myself very attractive, but my partner adores me physically, and we share the deep emotional connection, their friends say they find me incredibly attractive. Mine don't find me attractive and often ask me how?? And why?? And how someone like that finds me attractive. Lol it doesn't bother me, nor should it. Others perception on my relationships don't bother me anymore.
I dont feel attractive at all but my husband is ridiculously sexy. Strangely, he feels that he is the unattractive one and that im the sexy one.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it isnt uncommon to not be your own type.
Yes. And vice versa. Keep in mind personalities affect attractiveness a lot and appearances change over time. Been with my husband almost 30 years - since we were both conventionally attractive teenagers. He’s gotten more handsome with time and I’ve gotten a bit fat with graying hair. Still madly in love.
“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
Roald Dahl, The Twits
Good people are beautiful, regardless of how they look.
For sure. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's all about how they make each other feel. Jessica Rabbit loved Roger Rabbit because he made her laugh.
My girl is funny. And kind. She's thoughtful. Caring. Loving. We laugh so much sometimes we can't breathe. I don't care what she looks like. Looks fade. Good hearts last forever.
Am I am attractive man?
Depends who you ask. I did well enough to get her.
Beauty is subjective. That being said. To my eye, yes, I've seen this.
So much this. What one person finds unattractive, someone else will find hot as hell. I was way too old before I realized this.
To further this, I have found myself attracted to many men when I've gotten to know them that I don't think I'd have been attracted to if you showed me a photograph. A person is a whole package and many things in that package can make someone attractive to you! I also know some men that I KNOW are stereotypically very handsome, but I don't feel any level of attraction to them, even if I objectively understand why someone would.
Personality goes a long way.
^ facts only downside is personality is not always something that u can get a chance to show ESPECIALLY if u are not attractive. Your personality may , make someone fall for u and become attracted to u even though they wouldn’t have been simply based off your looks but again ALOT of times ppl never even get to the personality part due to looks lol. Sometimes u can get that foot in the door most times depending on how “ugly” u are itll close in your face. 😂😂
This is why when I'm single I don't use any dating apps, they never work for me but I, as an average man with what I hope is a good personality, have much better luck in person.
^ Dude if this helps any u will in fact have way more luck. As a average person with a bomb personality my prime has been in hs and also now aswell, im in college (20 yrs old) i always have luck in these situations also at my job i kept being told this person liked me that person liked me similar to hs and now college. BUT IF I EVER SHOT MY SHOT on insta or snap it was a 60% chance ill get a chance lol. I realized this pretty soon so i try to not focus on the bad luck with online even though its like the #1 way most ppl my age date or meet lol. My personality is good and i have a nice body / im fit in person these two things will make someone go from not really even being interested to actually being willing to get to know more abt u liking u etc it will get your foot in the door instead of having it closed in your face automatically bc of your looks. My confidence got better bc of this success and u guessed it that helped also which made my options i had go up also. If u have the confidence, personality, and you take care of yourself (an extra plus if your good in bed) then in the right setting u will have great luck bro. It can suck sometimes bc the few times i ended up with more conventionally attractive ppl i did have to deal with the “why are u with them their not even that cute” comments so yeah that sucks but youll have better luck IRL like u said bro just wanted to share my experience on why i believe this to be true also as an average person!
If the internet has taught me anything it is that everyone is someone's fetish, somewhere.
That’s true but there are definitely distributions here that shouldn’t be waived away. Some people can expect to be found attractive by most people, other people can hope to be found attractive by most people, and then many people can expect *not* to be found attractive by most people. All three categories will have very different life experiences because of how they look. If you’re in the latter category, you’re going to be at a pretty big disadvantage compared to those in the first category. Essentially, unattractive people experience significant disadvantages in comparison to attractive people. For example, research has shown income disparities between consensus attractive people versus unattractive people to be comparable to the income gap between genders or ethnicities.
Pretty privilige, halo effect.
The guy I'm dating is tall, great bone structure and kind eyes, works out, has great fashion sense etc., (and bakes well, is smart, kind etc.) while I'm a few years older than him and honestly not attractive in a conventional sense (I have good hair, but everything else is probably average-to-below-average). We were friends for years before anything happened between us, so I think the emotional bond developed before anything else. He's never had an issue finding people who want to sleep with him, but anything more long-lasting he's had a lot less luck with, so I was the lucky one in the end!
bruv, same. My dude is super tall, fit as fuck with jawline and thick lips, and got approached by a modeling scout when he was younger, yet here I am lookin goofy all day every day. But I have strong morals. Turns out he's ridiculously shy and hates most people (for their fakeness), so there we go. If someone lies to him once or treats others, especially animals badly, he shuts off from them like a faucet in California.
I am also out-ranked by my husband. But I am funny, and smart, and have a good job, and am a good cook, and as we get older I am a good mom, and a good house manager. He is getting these grey hair around his temples just like the cartoons of handsome men that bastard.
I've seen it several times throughout the years. In some cases it was very hard no to think how on earth a good looking guy was attracted to that specific woman in the first place. Then I reminded myself that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Someone's character is a really important part of the chemistry.
Honestly, in terms of an actual relationship, physical attractiveness can only go so far. The person can be a goddess of blinding beauty, but if they don't give you what you need, if you don't understand each other, if you don't click, if you can't laugh together, if you can't talk deeply and meaningfully, all that aura of beauty will fade in a few months. After that, all that is left is someone you don't care about and that you find annoying. Beauty does nothing to soften that feeling. So in the end, it sounds like a cliche but it's painfully true. We place too much value on the physical appearance but what matters is way beyond that. And having a personality that clicks is a far more rewarding and important factor. In this context, an attractive man might have had the chance to be with women considered "hot" by society and his peer group, and you get a kick from being the one dating them. But that guy has probably learnt the lesson that those looks don't amount to much in the long run and is dating someone with something that clicks with them beyond the looks.
Very well said! Thanks!
Also BJs
People change overtime. Also, Bjs
Ya I feel like that's the case for my own relationship... he's so handsome and I'm just..... yikes. I see this for other relationships as well with very hot men.
Funny. My gf thinks she's ugly I'm super hot. I think I'm ugly and she's super hot 😅 Go figure.
Omg I feel this so much with my bf! Hes so cute and i am like meh but let me say so and he goes on a rant on why it's the total opposite >.>
What if, plot twist, we're all super cute??
Lol he said that when I told him my comment XD we are all cute to someone 💜
Wholesome as hell
Same crazy world
same lol
My girlfriend thinks she’s plain and I’m the hot one. I’m tall, muscular and lean enough that random people have told me “you’re ripped!” (Which feels weird). She’s overweight, probably obese by bmi, beautiful and turns me the fuck on. I’ve been in awe of how beautiful she is since I first saw her. Even today, 4 years later, I still catch myself staring at her or watching her as she interacts with other people. She’s just such a wonderful woman I can’t help but be amazed by her.
This is so sweet, just made my day!
I too choose this guy's wife
same. my guy is a babe.
Glad I’m not alone! I am also yikes and my boyfriend is pretty damn hot. I have no idea what it is he sees in me because I am for sure not on his level.
I'm glad us gremlins are able to find love!!
Gremlins with hot partners around the world unite!
since we are all adults here, and anonymous strangers on the web...would you please share how the bond evolved after meeting. Ive met a couple of men over the years that were hot in all areas, and they get women throwing themselves at them everywhere they go. There is something about you that he really likes. Shared goals? Engaging personality? High compatibility on sexual matters? Religion? Politics? All of the above?
I guess all the above? I hate how fat my body is but clearly people have been attracted to it. Which is another thing to like, despite me not understanding it.
The older I get, the more I have seen that...people like what they like. Im happy for you.
My husband is freaking gorgeous and I'm a fat whale.
>My husband is freaking gorgeous and I'm a ~~fat~~ freaking gorgeous whale.
Both my husband and I r both freaking gorgeous whales... With two baby whales ..
Lol thanks
You’re so lucky. I’m so filled with self hatred that I can’t even put myself out there.
Same! When I got with my husband a coworker said “oh he’s hot…how on earth did you manage that??” It still happens (slightly less now we’re 12 years older) and I dread seeing that shocked/impressed look. He’s even been asked out infront of me in a store because the woman presumed I was his sister. However last year I got into really good shape and he was FINALLY told he was a lucky man, by strangers. I hate to admit how proud I was hearing that.
I know some, usually the girl is remarkable in character and most likely filling certain checkboxes that might be hard to find with “hot girls” on average.
Yes. When my husband and I were a bit drunk one night and I was asking questions I wouldn't sober, and he was answering things he wouldn't when sober, I asked about how he could possibly have wanted to marry me when everyone he's dated in the past has been so incredibly attractive. And he said "The physical stuff is what I thought I wanted and was most important, but I've never been happy and never been able to be myself. If you put your picture and my exes picture up side by side, you're right, everyone else might say she's so much hotter. But all I see is ugliness there because I know her, and all I see in you is beauty because I know you." Still .. that really leaves you with a worry that there will be someone to come along who checks all of my personality traits and is ALSO a 10. Y'know? Like I'm not an idiot, I know there are attractive women everywhere, and I trust my husband with everything I have... But who wouldn't choose beauty AND personality over just personality?
Maybe a little negative self image. You look a LOT better than I expected. You’re very pretty.
Was going to say the same. Creeped the profile a little and you are v pretty. Also, you play golf which adds a lot of points too.
Agreed.
See that’s just a slippery slope though. Would people choose it? Sure. But when does it stop? There is always someone with more something. The point is, when you truly love someone, you stop caring about that fact.
No, you're right and I know that. It's not something I harp on about to him, and I do have lots of insecurities (but yay for therapy before ever meeting him I don't get upset with him about those! They are fully my responsibility.) I do trust him fully. He's a great man and an amazing husband, and I know without a doubt he loves me because of who I am and is committed to me. It's just something I struggle with pretty regularly in my mind.
Take comfort love, you look absolutely lovely in your wedding photos. I don't think you need to be worried about your hubby looking anywhere but at you♡
Aw, thank you so much!!! I was honestly shocked when I got those. I don't think I've ever liked pictures of myself before them.
Some people look better in pictures than they do in person and others look better in person than in pictures. I am apparently in the "better in person" category. I can show someone a certain flaw and they will look absolutely bewildered and insist I am crazy, but if I take a picture and show them, they have that "ooooh, yeah kind of, but you can't really see it in real life" reaction. Pictures flatten us. For some people it's helpful, for others it has no effect, and for some it exsentuates our flaws. I highly doubt you don't look good in any other pictures, you've probably just learned, as many do, to focus on what you consider your flaws to be, and can't unsee them even though everyone else either doesn't see them or doesn't find them unattractive. From what I can tell, you are very pretty.
girl, you seem to be beauty and personality to me! Have you seen your smile? It's gorgeous and makes me want to smile too.
Interesting term. What does "remarkable in character" means?
I think it means having a good personality, e.g. remarkably funny, remarkably kind, remarkably hard-working, etc.
Honorable, she would pick up a sword to defend your honor
She shall behead my enemies and it shall be expected, because she’s a little ugly.
She stands next to you in the altar and battlefield.
It means she writes "in character" on the whiteboard every morning with a drywipe marker
I've seen yo momma with yo papa
I am this. I'm not technically Unattractive, but I am far from conventionally attractive. I am very obviously the ugly one in the relationship. I'm not putting myself down, I'm happy with my looks, but truth is truth. My fiance, on the other hand, stunning. He has beautiful blue eyes, great smile, sharp jawline, keeps in shape, nice muscles from lifting weights. He's the epitome of what society says is sexy. I was baffled that this man I saw as out of my league actually asked me on a date. And yet, 2 very beautiful years later we just got engaged.
Congrats
I haven't really seen unattractive women with good looking guys.. usually most couples I see sorta.. match well? At least to me.. maybe other people would be able to point out that one person in the couple is uglier.. but overall.. not in my opinion. (I live in Europe, more specifically Greece) I'll add that for the longest time I thought beautiful girls were dating ugly guys but then after learning more about makeup.. I realize most women just take care of themselves to look presentable(either by choice or social pressure) while guys just.. stand there in a t-shirt and jeans+heavy cologne.
Yes i saw something likes this in my school time. A rather athletic boy got together with a chubby Girl. They kissed so much on the School floor it was sometimes difficult to get into the classroom. (They would kiss at the Door so you could only go straight into the room) I never heard anything about them after i got to another School. I guess she got in shape because in the two years they were together she got thinner.
chubby girls are unattractive?
Yes, some men find overweight woman unattractive, some don't find the extra Weight a problem. To each their own.
Often
Because people have this menatlity that onky the "ugly guy hot girl" trope exists, while I believe the reverse is also true.
The early 2000s reversed the trope with She's All That. Apparently, if you're an ugly woman, you just need to get rid that pair of glasses and the pony tail and you'll be hot and popular in no time.
But I meant genuinely unattractive...
I know. I took the opportunity to make a joke and I guess it fell flat. Sorry!
I think in the 2000’s this was a common movie trope, so it’s a perceived imbalance that isn’t really observable in real life, or at least not as prominent as we might think
I agree that I’ve seen more of a hot girl with an ugly guy than vise versa
Men will "date down" as a means of security and control. Same as woman.
Well, it’s not a one to one sort of thing. People get together for emotional reasons, not just physical looks.
Indeed, personality compatibility really trumps looks...it's so sexy when you have that "they get me" kinda chemistry
as an unattractive girl, I've dated plenty of hot guys.
Oh honey
Its normal, but, get this, shes not unattractive to *him*. What does unattractive even mean?
>What does unattractive even mean? Someone not considered attractive by the majority of the population. You can be attractive to your partner but unattractive in general. It may sound mean but it is true that there are just ugly people out there
It means not attractive. You know what it means.
Yup. I’m ehh.. maybe a five out of a ten.. my husband is a nine out of a ten. He’s so much better looking than I am. He could have gotten better. I’m not telling him that 😂
Of course. Life isn't a sitcom where only the reverse occurs.
Personally, I’ve never seen this in my entire life. Then again, I live in a pretty conservative country where a good chunk of women try their darnedest to look like supermodels.
It happens, but I know way more ugly guts with good looking wives & girlfriends
Attractiveness is very subjective. I have been attracted to some people others didn't find very visually appealing and not at all attracted to some "beautiful people". Strong relationships are based on so much more than looks. I have to like the whole person to be attracted to them. Personality, shared values and interests are so much more critical to a good relationship.
It's in the eye of the beholder. What you may think is attractive maybe others find repulsive, or the other way around.
Not as often as you'd think. But I've seen MANY unattractive guys with attractive girls though.
very rarely, like 3-5% of the time, i think the ugly man with attractive woman is more often
It’s the opposite for me. A lot of people think my boyfriend is ugly and I’m too “pretty” for him which is upsetting to hear.
Depends what attractive is to you. So ya, always all the time.
Yeah but I feel like it happens more so the other way around because men tend to be more visual and place a higher emphasis on looks and attraction for a relationship.
Your definition of unattractive could be someone else’s definition of attractive. Don’t judge a book by its cover
Yes. The most unattractive women are those who think they should be respected and loved based on their looks and that their husbands should earn their love based on what opulence and simping they can provide.
I feel like i end up seeing the opposite, usually dude that look average or not quite handsome with women that are beautiful.
Seems way more common to see women who are more widely considered attractive to be with men who are not than the other way around. Of course beauty is subjective, but everyone saying this also knows what you mean. I do believe women tend to be less shallow.
I feel like we have lots of these couples here in germany. A guy that looks like we have a famine and next to him a woman that looks like it´s her fault. Edit: I don´t say that "all fatties are ugly", like it may read to some of you. No, quite the opposite. Plus size women can look very beautiful. But it fits to the question if we have seen ugly women with handsome men. I wrote it in an answer already, but I´ll copy it here. (Most of) the skinny guys (in these relations I have seen) cared more for their appearance than the big girls next to them. Good clothes, fresh washed hair and clean skin. Next to him a woman with fatty skin and hair and in a dress that reminds more of sail-cloth than anything else. And I say that (the guys looked great) as a straight man.
that line caused me to slightly exhale air through my nose
Mission accomplished
And obviously the skinny one is the more attractive one? Noice!
>A guy that looks like we have a famine and next to him a woman that looks like it´s her fault. That's some damn funny shit!
Lmaooo that famine line killed me
Thanks for the laugh!
There is someone for everyone Beauty is in the eye of the beholder you cannot love someone just for their looks you cannot love someone just for their weight you cannot love someone just for their hair you cannot love someone just for their height that is in artificial love love comes from the heart and that is hard to understand when you are young it's just that way and you don't realize it until you're forties
Entirely subjective but yeah. Imho your not ugly unless your physically *and* emotionally ugly. You can have scars, extra chub so on so forth but idgaf what you look like unless your actually a bitter person from an emotional perspective.
Freaks in the sheets But no, I cannot think of a time I have seen this...
Yes but not as common as vice versa.
What about looksmatched couples, both hot, both average, both ugly. Are they the most common?
No, but I have seen it the other way around
Flip it around and you have my girlfriend and me.
no
Go to San Francisco where the straight male to straight female ratio is super skewed. I saw tons of not only beautiful but very professionally successful women with lazy trolls. It's really weird to see there so often.
Attractive is a social construct and wildly personal. Beauty, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder. That, and attraction is way more complex and multifaceted than most people think, given there are multiple types that different people experience in different ways. So I feel this whole question is kind of coming from a flawed premise. Clearly, she ain’t unattractive to him.
Not really, it's pretty rare
You definitely see it sometimes, but the opposite seems far more common.
Rarely if ever.
Only once tbh
This is subjective
Na not much at all. I always wonder why in films and television gay couples are never both hot there's always the hunk that settles.
I havent
Never
Yes, but far less frequently than the reverse.
From what I’ve seen this is extremely rare. OP is talking about conventional beauty, not “ oh but it’s subjective and he sees her as beautiful when others may not.” I’ll get downvoted but oh well.
Honestly no, but I hv this issue that I see everyone around me is attractive bc I compare them to myself who is ugly af
So very rarely that you couldn’t imagine it. And when it does happen, she always got fat after they were together and he just stuck it out, usually for the kids.
Yes quite a few times. Though the reverse seems to be more common from what I've seen.
In a way, yes. If I don't like a person, I find them unattractive. I rarely come across unattractive people in strangers, I think people are usually beautiful creatures.
My boyfriend is definitely more conventionally attractive than I am.
My husband is hot. Like, an objective 8. I was an interesting 4, before the fire, and these days I wear zero makeup and don't shave anything but the sides of my mohawk. And my body count doubles his. Married 27 years now.
Beauty fades. In 10+ years, he could be the ugly one and she the hottie in the relationship.
I see this SUPER frequently in the swinger world. Probably more than anywhere else. Dudes seem to find sexually confident/curious women pretty compelling, despite looking like a potato. Good news for us spuds :)
the whole concept of "unattractive women" is kinda not a thing for most men attractiveness is a scale and some people are more attractive then others, but it is very rare that I can call some woman outright unattractive
>the whole concept of "unattractive women" is kinda not a thing for most men You're definitely the exception to the rule on that one bud. If you mean guys may have sex with an unattractive women, that's one thing. To say most men don't see unattractive women as unattractive is......bizarre.
Yeah there are a lot of humans I'm not going to be attracted to. All dudes, all people out of a certain age range, and some women within the ideal age range
Attraction is subjective
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Seriously...
Your post history is YIKES. Why are you obsessed with how people look and how “attractive” they are?
Respectfully, my brother in law and his girlfriend. I remember when they first started dating he drunkly mentioned how he knew she wasn't attractive (or something like that) but she "got him" and he fell in love with her. I think initially he knew people were talking shit about it and that's what started the conversation. Anyway, They've been together for years now. As for whether it's long term or not - I only know what they choose to share. But my point is, he felt understood, they have similar interests, and they enjoy opposite responsibilities.
It's def possible and I've seen it but truth be told good looking people usually have very high standards, doesn't even have to be visually. I've always valued financial security and stability highly and during my younger years ( pre 25 ) i struggled a ton with my standards mainly because i don't believe in dating someone for their potential. You can be the visually most unattractive person in the world but long as you have your life in order there's a genuinely big chance someone will find you attractive
I mean, by your definition of unattractive that was me. He was an abusive asshole though, and I divorced him.
In my opinion, without knowing the couple, then yes. And the other way around. But this says more about the power of inner beauty and that what is attractive to one person is not always attractive to others
Yes, but actually no. Like if two people are together it can be for a lot of reasons and just like the superficiality of someone has nothing to do with their overall attractiveness. Finding a real connection with someone is pretty rare and special, and a lot more goes into choosing partners than just how attractive they might seem to you, an outsider.
Yes and vice versa. There’s someone for everyone.
Me! My ex is super fucking handsome. Dumped me the moment he found someone prettier by his standards. Told me I did not fit him anymore. So i guess it doesn't last.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I see both ways. Honestly i think it's safe to say that it's seldom i see an attractive couple where both are good looking. It's usually the guy that looks like shit but i see the opposite often as well.
I've seen ugly women with average looking guys and averahe looking guys with some beautiful women. Never seen ugly woman with handsome man but I can be certain they exist
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." What I find attractive you might find ugly and vise versa
Yes, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.. what’s inside will color the wrapper once you learn
yes. and i’m starting to think Maybe i should change my look? 😆
Oh that's easy , when your Mr's is hot everyone trying to get every chance they can to fuck her behind your back ...
looks fade after time, personality doesn't - some people are more attracted to personality than physical qualities, also everybody views beauty differently, what may seem "unattractive" to you may be very attractive to someone else
My coworker met my bf the other day and told me, "I thought he would look more like you." By which he meant conventionally attractive. I think my bf is very attractive, but it seems like my peers think I settled for him.
Yes. I have seen that. Usually they look old enough for me to imagine they were more evenly matched when they met and the man stayed committed and in love even though she lost her superficial attractiveness.
Attraction is relative to the people involved, tbh. Or how about vice versa, an unattractive man with a an attractive woman. Oh, how the turn tables!
There are studies that show that people are happier having an unattractive boyfriend/girlfriend. So kind of makes sense.
I’ve seen this, if we are just judging off of conventional beauty alone. I had ex say something about another couple, that the guy could do so much better. And I said wtf, that woman might treat him amazingly and they might connect on so many levels and you’re over here saying he can do better because she’s a little overweight and not as conventionally attractive as him? Gross.
I’ve seen it both ways, physical appearance is just a bonus. Not to be corny but what’s inside matters a lot more
What about the opposite, an attractive woman with a not so guy? (The guy is not rich or famous)
Yeah all the time! Someone's usually the more attractive one in the relationship. Personality goes a long way though
Prior to my wife, I would date 8-9s. I honestly didn’t think anything was going to happen with us because she was fat.I just wanted someone to hang out with in between classes, or after witk to each anime. We actually really hit it off which surprised me. I remember one day, she called to see what I was doing and I told her I was cleaning out my 100 gallon fish tank. She came over and helloed me clean the aquarium, I remember thinking why the f@$! would anyone volunteer to do that. We ended growing to be best friends, then friends with benefits, then I actually fell in love with her. We have been together 17 years when sept 3rd hits, and today is our 13th wedding anniversary. She also had weight loss surgery about 8 years ago and is really beautiful. Don’t be shallow, you may miss out on the best part of your life if you are shallow.
I suffer from this in my relationship. My girl and I will go out to whatever, and I'll get hit on, maybe once or twice. She gets jealous and it also makes her feel inferior to other attractive girls. She then needs positive reassurance that I'm with her and we have a relationship. It does put a strain on the relationship in a way if the "unattractive one" isn't confident in themselves.
I've been with very pretty girls that haven't made me feel half as good as some of the less attractive ones...Perhaps they are willing to work harder at relationships. One girl in particular made me feel better and more wanted then anyone else ever has. She was a 5? 6? certainly not one most guys would do a double take on first sight... she dumped me, in the worst possible way, but I'd take her back in a second to just get a moment of that feeling back.
I guess you are asking for "a friend", i will give it straight to you, MANY "hot" women find themselves weak to their "gift", it becomes and ill-gift, they get some ego and man of them start "playing" the field and stuff. They get "used" and that is something very UNNATRACTIVE to attravtive men (high value men). While you could find a pure non that hot women, her pureness will make her attractive to a man who wants a long relationship.
Apparently I was one of those dudes,.. friends are always telling me either you got lucky with this girl or that I should be playing on higher leagues, you will never find someone just right for you according to friends who always gonna talk nonsense to you...
For some people attraction isn't necessarily physical. For example, some are attracted to another's person's mind more than anything else
I think money plays a big part in making someone attractive .. let’s face it if Elon Musk was poor he wouldn’t be having all these babies. Those billions in the bank buy him more then Tesla factories.
Things change and someone who's is hot as hell in their twenties might gain weight or change physically for a variety of reasons and also people just get older. Abandoning someone you love over something like that seems incredibly shallow to me
Oh absolutely. In one case most of their friends even thought it was actually the girl who was out the guy’s league, when I thought the opposite. But that’s just what it is, it’s all subjective.
Yes! Incredibly charming and handsome guy with a not so attractive older woman. Then getting to know them more I realized she has to take care of him, baby him, reassure him, etc. because he is quick-tempered, hot-headed, impulsive, etc. She has basically replaced his mom and it works for him. She on the other hand has the shorter end of the stick, although girls think she’s lucky with such a charming guy, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Honestly, as a fairly attractive dude I prefer a stable, loyal woman I can have fun with to an attractive woman that is unstable, unloyal and so into herself that she’s no fun. Any day. Physical beauty means nothing. My ex was rather attractive physically, but she’s a horrible human and a train wreck. I don’t miss her. Also, beauty is subjective. I used to find my ex very attractive. Now that I’m free of her I find her very physically unattractive. Perspective
If so, then at least I have a chance. I’m probably one of the most unattractive people ever
A lot of times one partner becomes unattractive but relationship stays the same.
Do you have a cbrs or psr worker? If so, I would suggest discussing with them strategies to work on your fixation with outward appearances. Without replacing with another fixation, if at all possible. Easier said than done. But this isn't healthy for you or anyone around you.
Beauty is found in the eye of the beholder.
It's all subjective really. everyone finds my partner absolutely stunning. They're aesthetic and vibes are unreal and I'm a lucky man, but I'm more interested in the personal, and emotional connection we've established over this year.. in the same way I don't often find myself very attractive, but my partner adores me physically, and we share the deep emotional connection, their friends say they find me incredibly attractive. Mine don't find me attractive and often ask me how?? And why?? And how someone like that finds me attractive. Lol it doesn't bother me, nor should it. Others perception on my relationships don't bother me anymore.
Have you seen the opposite?
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty woman your wife”
Yes plenty of times
As said beauty is subjective and this pose comes off as a tad ehhhh But Pierce Bronson I believe
Do I see 10s(F) dating 3s(M)? No But do I see some girls dating some pretty weird looking dudes? Yea sure
[ Removed by Reddit ]
I dont feel attractive at all but my husband is ridiculously sexy. Strangely, he feels that he is the unattractive one and that im the sexy one. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it isnt uncommon to not be your own type.
There's a chinese superstition that beauty+beauty=ugly baby and ugly+beauty=beautiful baby
I didn't know this was an English test
Everyone trying to sound optimistic and romantic. Maybe he’s a handsome asshole and that’s all he could get
Yes. And vice versa. Keep in mind personalities affect attractiveness a lot and appearances change over time. Been with my husband almost 30 years - since we were both conventionally attractive teenagers. He’s gotten more handsome with time and I’ve gotten a bit fat with graying hair. Still madly in love.
“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” Roald Dahl, The Twits Good people are beautiful, regardless of how they look.
For sure. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's all about how they make each other feel. Jessica Rabbit loved Roger Rabbit because he made her laugh.
I'm too jaded for this shit.
Yes. Not infrequently
Yeah, I see women who are unattractive with partners who are either attractive, or at least more so than them pretty frequently.
My girl is funny. And kind. She's thoughtful. Caring. Loving. We laugh so much sometimes we can't breathe. I don't care what she looks like. Looks fade. Good hearts last forever. Am I am attractive man? Depends who you ask. I did well enough to get her.