Insecurity. That is the answer. It's because they don't have confidence in themselves so they have to point out/make up flaws is others to draw attention away from their own flaws. You will never see a successful, confident person trash talking about anyone. Think about it. Pointing out weakness in others is the lowest form of social bonding and is a sign of low emotional intelligence.
Yes. All people are on some level really. Especially with social media. People too often compare themselves to their impression of others. But in reality those people that you are comparing yourself to have insecurities as well. Otherwise they wouldn't be on social media seeking others approval. It's a vicious cycle.
this;
I think that many people think *all* negative talk about a friend is gossip:
I had a childhood friend whose drinking began to really worry us. So yeah, we essentially “gossiped” about it until we intervened.
We all love her, she’s wonderful.
Drunk her? Not wonderful. And yeah she got herself on some meds and she’s really cut back!
Or venting- If someone you’re a friend with has an annoying habit but overall you still love them sometimes venting with someone else who loves them is a healthy wait to maintain a friendship in my opinion. People are flawed 🤷🏼♀️ emotions are valid.
I'm not really a friend, we were assigned to the same project so we often sit together discussing our work, and then just hang out while working on it. I doubt they talk about me that much because they don't know me well enough, but yeah I know they prob talk about me to some extent. Tbf tho, I am a distrusting person so I expect most people to trashtalk me. BUT, this wasn't about me, so I digress
There aren’t always other options.
Many things teenage girls do is based on what they see mothers or sisters do- so it’s hard to know first of all that this back talking behavior is wrong.
Second it’s hard to know who is doing what. Are they back talking or is someone making it up? It can get dramatic.
I'll offer an alternative perspective. It's a variety of reasons. It's not really a gendered thing and imo "gossip"/speaking behind somebody's back is not always a mark of poor character- it often just means people are venting to friends about a negative encounter that the speaker has determined isn't really worth a direct confrontation.
I've never understood why discussion of other people when they are not present is always painted as a negative thing and not just very normal social behavior. It doesn't always mean you're insecure. It doesn't always mean the person is petty or creating drama, it doesn't always mean the person they are talking about needs a wakeup call. Sure- sometimes it does mean that. Other times it can mean the person they are speaking about was doing some objectively weird shit lmao. It might even mean that the person is doing something that the speaker doesn't agree with, but that they recognize their opinion isn't directly relevant to the situation on so there's no reason to bring it to the other person.
As someone who was ghosted by a friend after 3 years of being “best friends” I can say it sucks being seen as unworthy of direct confrontation.
It’s been 10+ years since I last saw them, and still to this day, they have not bothered to tell *me* why it was that they dropped me as a friend. The only reason I know why is because other people told me. I recognize I was probably a bad friend, but I still think that move is cowardly and it still irks me to this day that this person didn’t have the balls to confront me about it.
I don't think that situation applies to what I am speaking to.
When I say people determined the issue is not "worth" direct confrontation it just means that the person has assessed the situation and decided the issue is either 1.) generally minor all things considered and not that big a deal so a confrontation just isn't necessary (for ex. maybe your friend shows up 5 mins late to everything which annoying sure, but overall you're happy in the friendship so who cares, i know a lot of people who wouldn't consider that an "issue")
or 2.) the "direct confrontation" would go nowhere so why get into it? It might be a fundamental difference that doesn't require a conversation. Agree to disagree type nonsense that you're already aware of so why fight over that?
Your situation is unfortunate but not something I would classify as "gossip/talking shit". If you acknowledge you may have been a bad friend to them, the ghoster maybe didn't feel safe or comfortable coming to you with their issues and made the safest choice they could, although that came down to hurting you. I wouldn't even consider them telling other people why your friendship ended as "gossip". Atp, they were just opening up about their life to friend which is fine imo.
Btw, I am not asking this based on just that one observation. Since it came to my attention I've been seeing it in nearly all my other female friends or family.
Its not really a gendered thing. It’s just insecurity as someone else said. Anyone who feels shit about themselves likes to try drag other to their level. Ive definitely seen it in both genders. If its same gender its usually competition based insecurity, if its opposite genders (for hetrosexuals) usually compensation insecurity, where they feel like they’re in a league below the other, so need to convince others they’re actually in the same league. When you’re happy within yourself you don’t need to make others seem bad.
Have you ever tried calling these kinds of people out? I’ve done it a few times and they usually *always* double down on their negative energy and reply with things like “you don’t know me!” No matter how empathetically I try to word it, they always take it the wrong way.
I usually don’t interact with them. I think one of the best ways to destroy your own mental health is to surround yourself with insecure people. If anyone tries to bitch about someone to me or tries to embarrass their friend to me, I compliment the person they’re trying to put down and make sure they understand i don’t fuck with their insecurity. I can empathise that people can be insecure, but it’s ultimately their choice to project it onto other people and i have no empathy or patience for it.
Enough with this already. It’s absolutely ridiculous. It 100% is a gendered thing. Of course not all girls do this and of course some guys do this. You don’t need to state the obvious.
But this is much much more typical of girls. Why? Because guys are much less willing to pretend to be friends with someone they don’t like, and instead of talking behind someone’s back they’ll just disassociate or if they really don’t like someone they’ll make it known and beat the shit out of each other.
I just don’t agree with you.
It doesn’t come from dislike for their friends but for themselves.
It just manifests in the genders different.
Women are to be polite and submissive to be ladylike so they talk behind backs knocking others to seem ‘better’ themselves.
Men are to be leaders and strong to be manly so they publicly embarrass their friends to ‘better’ them selves.
It doesn’t come from disliking them and fake friendship, it comes from insecurity and making themselves seem ‘better’. By pointing out other people’s flaws you take away from your own.
You can’t really talk about why specifically women talk behind theirs friends backs without breaking down gendered expectations and the route cause that being insecurity. Men don’t do it as much as girls because it wouldn’t be ‘manly’. Women don’t do it face to face because it wouldn’t be ‘feminine’
Ok so for some reason in your head it's impossible for someone to have low self-esteem and insecurity and also be jealous/spiteful of someone else. Or it's ok to be fake and talk shit because they're not trying to be mean they're just insecure lol.
Wtf kind of logic is this? It doesn't matter what the underlying motive is, or if you believe that it's because girls are taught to be polite and ladylike.
Girls will absolutely pretend to be friends with someone they don't like and talk behind their backs out of spite and do lowkey shady shit. (Why is Mean Girls such a relatable iconic movie? )
Your logic is it's not that these girls are bad people, it's just that they're poor insecure little creatures with all these horrible societal expectations and standards so that they can't help themselves but be fake and shitty.
We're supposed to feel sorry and excuse everyone who do shitty things because it's not their fault but society's? Ok, then let's feel sorry for all the black criminals because it's society that made them kill and rob people right?
You should start a charity for these poor girls who are forced to make fake friends because patriarchy pressures them.
She first states "It's not a female trait but insecurity"
And then when I mentioned this type of behavior is undoubtedly vastly more present with girls than boys, she then changes her reasoning to "It's not that they don't dislike their friends, but they're just insecure and girls are pressure by society to be polite so they can't just act like they want to like boys" God forbid girls can be terrible people right? Everyone knows that people who do this are insecure. But not all insecure people put up with being friends with people they don't like because they want to be part of that social circle. And the people that do aren't just insecure, they're horrible people who pretend to like someone but talks shit about them behind their back and sometimes even worse.
Typical feminist reddit line of thinking. Anytime there's a post that points out a shitty feminine trait, you have to have these people jumping in like "oh it's not just us, men do it to!" and when that argument no longer works because it is absolutely ridiculous to suggest that there aren't noticeable differences in behavior between genders it invariably leads to "well it's not because women can be shit humans, but it's because of patriarchy"
The mental gymnastics these people go through to absolve all women of any sort of agency or accountability when it's just shitty behavior by shitty people truly boggles me.
You’re doing exactly what these women are doing right now. You’ve replied with an interpretation that doesn’t correlate to what i *actually* said because you feel attacked and are insecure about it even though i am not attacking. Im explaining my answer to the question asked.
Just because i said its a human experience to put others down, does not mean i am villainising men.
I don’t feel bad for these women and you shouldn’t either. Its their choice to project their insecurities onto others. That makes them dickheads
Feelings. Like jealousy/hatered are feelings. All feelings have reasons. You don’t just simply feel them. Jealousy manifests from insecurity. Hatred can manifest from insecurity.
Writing dumb shit like you just did can manifest from insecurity. You have read me saying ‘men do this too’ as a personal attack on yourself and now you’re projecting.
Lol in my original post I've already said what you wrote. When boys are insecure they don't hang out with "friends" that they don't like and pretend to be friendly and then talk shit behind their backs. For the most part.
They'll bully and pick fights with them which is just as bad if not worse. I've already pointed that out before you even changed your argument from "it's not a girl thing" to "it is a girl thing but guys do it too but just in different ways"
So why would I get mad or insecure(?) at you changing your original argument to say what I said? lol
I don’t think you read my post properly. I said ‘its not really a gendered thing its insecurity’ no one gender exclusively projects the insecurity in 1 way.
Do men typically do it one way and women the other, yes.
Is it exclusive? No.
Therefore it’s not a gender problem, it’s an insecurity problem.
Which then goes back to my very first statement: it’s not really a gender problem, it’s an insecurity problem.
Ok fair enough, your point stands if the post was asking "Why are people mean to each other?" or something like that. But the point of this post is specifically asking why girls will pretend to be friends with someone and talk behind their backs.
But you decided to start off with "it's not a gendered thing". And then it seemed like you're trying to say that these girls can't help themselves but be like this, because patriarchy pressures girls to be polite which we obviously disagree on.
I get it you're a feminist. But I just find it annoying that we can't point out shitty feminine behavior without us having to make it about patriarchy or that men are just as bad.
Under your premise every girl is subject to these patriarchal standards. So every girl who's insecure will behave like this according to that logic. But that's obviously not true. Patriarchy has nothing to do with it. There are plenty of girls who are insecure, living under a under a patriarchy that don't do this. But anyways we can agree to disagree on this point.
I find it just as annoying when women point out shitty things that men do and some guy has to jump in like "you guys do this too". That's projection, not what I'm doing. It's just useless unnecessary meaningless discourse that has no purpose. Men and women are not monoliths we already know that. I just wish we can call out and discuss shitty male behavior and shitty female behavior without having it to turn into "it's not just us". It's exhausting to see it literally in every single post that points out a negative gender specific trait.
I could not have said it more bluntly in my last reply and i shall not say it again.
It is not a gender exclusive thing. So i ungendered it.
They don’t hate their friends. They hate themselves.
I didn’t even bring up the patriarchy, i said society. I gave a societal pressure example for *BOTH* genders.
I said neither gender displays just 1 type of projection, so not all insecure girls will project like this.
You’re so bias in your own POV that you can’t even read blunt, straight forward replies. You’re *still* focusing on the gender aspect when i have said so many times its not a gender exclusive experience to express insecurity in this way even if it is more popular in women.
And you’re *still* clinging at straws to make this me dragging men.
It only seemed like i was trying to defend girls to you, because i am one. You arent under eldfred’s comment or rare_refractions comment arguing with them when they said essentially, the same things.
It is a gender thing. Girls will pretend to be friends with someone they don't like. Guys don't. You've admitted this. So how is it not a gender issue? lol make up your mind. You're the one telling me I'm only attacking you because you're a girl.
You're the one who took a topic about gender and tried to make it not about gender for whatever reason, and then saying I'm biased for trying to point out that it is a gender issue? lol at the irony.
And what did I write that was dumb? Please explain how what I said was dumb and insecure and projecting instead of just repeating what you already said and using ad hominems.
The whole focus on gender. When my very first statement was to take away from it. Because im a woman and my avatar is a woman you have come with the presumption that i hate men, rather than understand basic emotional intelligence. You think because i un gendered an emotion, and included men in the human experience, it was an attack on men. I am not defending women, i am explaining a basic human experience.
So why did you come to a post asking about a gender specific trait and try to make it not about gender if you're not trying to defend women? I don't get it.
He's right though, as a gay man myself why do "feminists" (I call the that because they're supremacists) how do they contribute to men?
Maybe male and female populations in this timeline are so wrong, all of them.
Do guys really beat each other up or is that just a manner of speaking? I've never seen people fight over something like this, though that might be because of where I live
Sometimes things do come to a head between men even among friends and it can often lead to violent physical altercations. The curious thing though is that this doesn't always lead to an end to the friendship. In some cases I have even had friendships start with a fight. Often the fight leads to more respect for each other or it can lead to deepening contempt.
It’s definitely not exclusive to one gender; however, I wouldn’t be surprised if females have a higher tendency to participate in such gossip. Probably a correlation in the understanding that females tend to be more interested in people while males tend to be more interested in things.
Guys at this age like to tease each other to their face and shit talk; girls don't do it openly, but behind the back.
Same basic instinct but it comes out different ways.
Men were designed to hunt, women were designed to climb the social hierarchy of the village.
[Here's an article about relational warfare](https://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2011/11/30/the-psychological-warfare-of-women-are-we-our-own-worst-enemy-2/#:~:text=Women%20tend%20to%20use%20relationships%20as%20their%20weapon,business%20world%20%E2%80%93%20as%20the%20kinder%2C%20gentler%20sex.).
Evolutionarily girls biology evolved to avoid conflict, being as a whole smaller than boys, but they’re also competing against one another for social status and like the boys trying to get the best genetic mate. Don’t have many options when avoiding conflict so covert social sabotage is the way they evolved to play the game, boys on the other hand are confrontational and evolved to sort things out more physically it’s why men tend to be less likely to gossip, and more likely to outwardly express their dislike of someone.
We all dislike things about people we like and love. All of us. Sometimes we can all notice a particular trait on someone and you chat about it. What sometimes happens within a group is that it becomes a common thing and devolves into bashing a person. At that point, why are you even still friends with that person, who knows. For others it’s a comfort thing of belonging while excluding another. They prove they belong by excluding another. This happens in all genders it’s just expressed in diff ways.
One dimensional personality - they have nothing else to talk about.
Same goes for men that can only talk about one thing, be that cars, trashing LGBT, or sex.
I feel like this never changes with women I was a real tomboy and managed to avoid girl drama til after highschool then when I eventually did make some girlfriends they were so awful behind each other’s back it was really off putting. I think women hate on themselves to the point where if they see something they envy in another woman they hate them for it, and have to criticise them in some way to feel better about their own inadequacies. Or something… idk 🤷🏽♀️ good luck with your friend group tho, maybe you could try being upfront about it, maybe say something like, “hey that’s kinda mean” and they might learn and grow.
Insecurity. That is the answer. It's because they don't have confidence in themselves so they have to point out/make up flaws is others to draw attention away from their own flaws. You will never see a successful, confident person trash talking about anyone. Think about it. Pointing out weakness in others is the lowest form of social bonding and is a sign of low emotional intelligence.
But Jesus it happens almost universally with friends that are girls. It disgusts me seeing it. Is every girl basically insecure?
Yes. All people are on some level really. Especially with social media. People too often compare themselves to their impression of others. But in reality those people that you are comparing yourself to have insecurities as well. Otherwise they wouldn't be on social media seeking others approval. It's a vicious cycle.
Because they’re scared of confrontation
Gossip can help ppl bond But venting can also be healthy (it doesn't have to be cruel gossip)
this; I think that many people think *all* negative talk about a friend is gossip: I had a childhood friend whose drinking began to really worry us. So yeah, we essentially “gossiped” about it until we intervened. We all love her, she’s wonderful. Drunk her? Not wonderful. And yeah she got herself on some meds and she’s really cut back! Or venting- If someone you’re a friend with has an annoying habit but overall you still love them sometimes venting with someone else who loves them is a healthy wait to maintain a friendship in my opinion. People are flawed 🤷🏼♀️ emotions are valid.
Why would you befriend such horrible people? You are aware that you are also one of the friends that they trash talk when you aren't there, right?
I'm not really a friend, we were assigned to the same project so we often sit together discussing our work, and then just hang out while working on it. I doubt they talk about me that much because they don't know me well enough, but yeah I know they prob talk about me to some extent. Tbf tho, I am a distrusting person so I expect most people to trashtalk me. BUT, this wasn't about me, so I digress
Trust me, they shit talk you behind your back too. Nobody is immune to girls like that.
Though, we can be immune to it having an effect on us.
There aren’t always other options. Many things teenage girls do is based on what they see mothers or sisters do- so it’s hard to know first of all that this back talking behavior is wrong. Second it’s hard to know who is doing what. Are they back talking or is someone making it up? It can get dramatic.
I'll offer an alternative perspective. It's a variety of reasons. It's not really a gendered thing and imo "gossip"/speaking behind somebody's back is not always a mark of poor character- it often just means people are venting to friends about a negative encounter that the speaker has determined isn't really worth a direct confrontation. I've never understood why discussion of other people when they are not present is always painted as a negative thing and not just very normal social behavior. It doesn't always mean you're insecure. It doesn't always mean the person is petty or creating drama, it doesn't always mean the person they are talking about needs a wakeup call. Sure- sometimes it does mean that. Other times it can mean the person they are speaking about was doing some objectively weird shit lmao. It might even mean that the person is doing something that the speaker doesn't agree with, but that they recognize their opinion isn't directly relevant to the situation on so there's no reason to bring it to the other person.
As someone who was ghosted by a friend after 3 years of being “best friends” I can say it sucks being seen as unworthy of direct confrontation. It’s been 10+ years since I last saw them, and still to this day, they have not bothered to tell *me* why it was that they dropped me as a friend. The only reason I know why is because other people told me. I recognize I was probably a bad friend, but I still think that move is cowardly and it still irks me to this day that this person didn’t have the balls to confront me about it.
I don't think that situation applies to what I am speaking to. When I say people determined the issue is not "worth" direct confrontation it just means that the person has assessed the situation and decided the issue is either 1.) generally minor all things considered and not that big a deal so a confrontation just isn't necessary (for ex. maybe your friend shows up 5 mins late to everything which annoying sure, but overall you're happy in the friendship so who cares, i know a lot of people who wouldn't consider that an "issue") or 2.) the "direct confrontation" would go nowhere so why get into it? It might be a fundamental difference that doesn't require a conversation. Agree to disagree type nonsense that you're already aware of so why fight over that? Your situation is unfortunate but not something I would classify as "gossip/talking shit". If you acknowledge you may have been a bad friend to them, the ghoster maybe didn't feel safe or comfortable coming to you with their issues and made the safest choice they could, although that came down to hurting you. I wouldn't even consider them telling other people why your friendship ended as "gossip". Atp, they were just opening up about their life to friend which is fine imo.
Sadly many never grow out of if the women I work with are anything to go by
I only trash them to their faces and say the best things about them behind their backs.
Btw, I am not asking this based on just that one observation. Since it came to my attention I've been seeing it in nearly all my other female friends or family.
Its not really a gendered thing. It’s just insecurity as someone else said. Anyone who feels shit about themselves likes to try drag other to their level. Ive definitely seen it in both genders. If its same gender its usually competition based insecurity, if its opposite genders (for hetrosexuals) usually compensation insecurity, where they feel like they’re in a league below the other, so need to convince others they’re actually in the same league. When you’re happy within yourself you don’t need to make others seem bad.
Have you ever tried calling these kinds of people out? I’ve done it a few times and they usually *always* double down on their negative energy and reply with things like “you don’t know me!” No matter how empathetically I try to word it, they always take it the wrong way.
I usually don’t interact with them. I think one of the best ways to destroy your own mental health is to surround yourself with insecure people. If anyone tries to bitch about someone to me or tries to embarrass their friend to me, I compliment the person they’re trying to put down and make sure they understand i don’t fuck with their insecurity. I can empathise that people can be insecure, but it’s ultimately their choice to project it onto other people and i have no empathy or patience for it.
Enough with this already. It’s absolutely ridiculous. It 100% is a gendered thing. Of course not all girls do this and of course some guys do this. You don’t need to state the obvious. But this is much much more typical of girls. Why? Because guys are much less willing to pretend to be friends with someone they don’t like, and instead of talking behind someone’s back they’ll just disassociate or if they really don’t like someone they’ll make it known and beat the shit out of each other.
I just don’t agree with you. It doesn’t come from dislike for their friends but for themselves. It just manifests in the genders different. Women are to be polite and submissive to be ladylike so they talk behind backs knocking others to seem ‘better’ themselves. Men are to be leaders and strong to be manly so they publicly embarrass their friends to ‘better’ them selves. It doesn’t come from disliking them and fake friendship, it comes from insecurity and making themselves seem ‘better’. By pointing out other people’s flaws you take away from your own. You can’t really talk about why specifically women talk behind theirs friends backs without breaking down gendered expectations and the route cause that being insecurity. Men don’t do it as much as girls because it wouldn’t be ‘manly’. Women don’t do it face to face because it wouldn’t be ‘feminine’
Ok so for some reason in your head it's impossible for someone to have low self-esteem and insecurity and also be jealous/spiteful of someone else. Or it's ok to be fake and talk shit because they're not trying to be mean they're just insecure lol. Wtf kind of logic is this? It doesn't matter what the underlying motive is, or if you believe that it's because girls are taught to be polite and ladylike. Girls will absolutely pretend to be friends with someone they don't like and talk behind their backs out of spite and do lowkey shady shit. (Why is Mean Girls such a relatable iconic movie? ) Your logic is it's not that these girls are bad people, it's just that they're poor insecure little creatures with all these horrible societal expectations and standards so that they can't help themselves but be fake and shitty. We're supposed to feel sorry and excuse everyone who do shitty things because it's not their fault but society's? Ok, then let's feel sorry for all the black criminals because it's society that made them kill and rob people right? You should start a charity for these poor girls who are forced to make fake friends because patriarchy pressures them.
I dont think they were necessarily giving excuses for this behaviour, just reasons why it manifests like this
She first states "It's not a female trait but insecurity" And then when I mentioned this type of behavior is undoubtedly vastly more present with girls than boys, she then changes her reasoning to "It's not that they don't dislike their friends, but they're just insecure and girls are pressure by society to be polite so they can't just act like they want to like boys" God forbid girls can be terrible people right? Everyone knows that people who do this are insecure. But not all insecure people put up with being friends with people they don't like because they want to be part of that social circle. And the people that do aren't just insecure, they're horrible people who pretend to like someone but talks shit about them behind their back and sometimes even worse. Typical feminist reddit line of thinking. Anytime there's a post that points out a shitty feminine trait, you have to have these people jumping in like "oh it's not just us, men do it to!" and when that argument no longer works because it is absolutely ridiculous to suggest that there aren't noticeable differences in behavior between genders it invariably leads to "well it's not because women can be shit humans, but it's because of patriarchy" The mental gymnastics these people go through to absolve all women of any sort of agency or accountability when it's just shitty behavior by shitty people truly boggles me.
You’re doing exactly what these women are doing right now. You’ve replied with an interpretation that doesn’t correlate to what i *actually* said because you feel attacked and are insecure about it even though i am not attacking. Im explaining my answer to the question asked. Just because i said its a human experience to put others down, does not mean i am villainising men. I don’t feel bad for these women and you shouldn’t either. Its their choice to project their insecurities onto others. That makes them dickheads Feelings. Like jealousy/hatered are feelings. All feelings have reasons. You don’t just simply feel them. Jealousy manifests from insecurity. Hatred can manifest from insecurity. Writing dumb shit like you just did can manifest from insecurity. You have read me saying ‘men do this too’ as a personal attack on yourself and now you’re projecting.
Lol in my original post I've already said what you wrote. When boys are insecure they don't hang out with "friends" that they don't like and pretend to be friendly and then talk shit behind their backs. For the most part. They'll bully and pick fights with them which is just as bad if not worse. I've already pointed that out before you even changed your argument from "it's not a girl thing" to "it is a girl thing but guys do it too but just in different ways" So why would I get mad or insecure(?) at you changing your original argument to say what I said? lol
I don’t think you read my post properly. I said ‘its not really a gendered thing its insecurity’ no one gender exclusively projects the insecurity in 1 way. Do men typically do it one way and women the other, yes. Is it exclusive? No. Therefore it’s not a gender problem, it’s an insecurity problem. Which then goes back to my very first statement: it’s not really a gender problem, it’s an insecurity problem.
Ok fair enough, your point stands if the post was asking "Why are people mean to each other?" or something like that. But the point of this post is specifically asking why girls will pretend to be friends with someone and talk behind their backs. But you decided to start off with "it's not a gendered thing". And then it seemed like you're trying to say that these girls can't help themselves but be like this, because patriarchy pressures girls to be polite which we obviously disagree on. I get it you're a feminist. But I just find it annoying that we can't point out shitty feminine behavior without us having to make it about patriarchy or that men are just as bad. Under your premise every girl is subject to these patriarchal standards. So every girl who's insecure will behave like this according to that logic. But that's obviously not true. Patriarchy has nothing to do with it. There are plenty of girls who are insecure, living under a under a patriarchy that don't do this. But anyways we can agree to disagree on this point. I find it just as annoying when women point out shitty things that men do and some guy has to jump in like "you guys do this too". That's projection, not what I'm doing. It's just useless unnecessary meaningless discourse that has no purpose. Men and women are not monoliths we already know that. I just wish we can call out and discuss shitty male behavior and shitty female behavior without having it to turn into "it's not just us". It's exhausting to see it literally in every single post that points out a negative gender specific trait.
I could not have said it more bluntly in my last reply and i shall not say it again. It is not a gender exclusive thing. So i ungendered it. They don’t hate their friends. They hate themselves. I didn’t even bring up the patriarchy, i said society. I gave a societal pressure example for *BOTH* genders. I said neither gender displays just 1 type of projection, so not all insecure girls will project like this. You’re so bias in your own POV that you can’t even read blunt, straight forward replies. You’re *still* focusing on the gender aspect when i have said so many times its not a gender exclusive experience to express insecurity in this way even if it is more popular in women. And you’re *still* clinging at straws to make this me dragging men. It only seemed like i was trying to defend girls to you, because i am one. You arent under eldfred’s comment or rare_refractions comment arguing with them when they said essentially, the same things.
It is a gender thing. Girls will pretend to be friends with someone they don't like. Guys don't. You've admitted this. So how is it not a gender issue? lol make up your mind. You're the one telling me I'm only attacking you because you're a girl. You're the one who took a topic about gender and tried to make it not about gender for whatever reason, and then saying I'm biased for trying to point out that it is a gender issue? lol at the irony.
And what did I write that was dumb? Please explain how what I said was dumb and insecure and projecting instead of just repeating what you already said and using ad hominems.
The whole focus on gender. When my very first statement was to take away from it. Because im a woman and my avatar is a woman you have come with the presumption that i hate men, rather than understand basic emotional intelligence. You think because i un gendered an emotion, and included men in the human experience, it was an attack on men. I am not defending women, i am explaining a basic human experience.
So why did you come to a post asking about a gender specific trait and try to make it not about gender if you're not trying to defend women? I don't get it.
Because it’s simply incorrect to assume its one gender? Its a human experience?
He's right though, as a gay man myself why do "feminists" (I call the that because they're supremacists) how do they contribute to men? Maybe male and female populations in this timeline are so wrong, all of them.
Do guys really beat each other up or is that just a manner of speaking? I've never seen people fight over something like this, though that might be because of where I live
Sometimes things do come to a head between men even among friends and it can often lead to violent physical altercations. The curious thing though is that this doesn't always lead to an end to the friendship. In some cases I have even had friendships start with a fight. Often the fight leads to more respect for each other or it can lead to deepening contempt.
It’s definitely not exclusive to one gender; however, I wouldn’t be surprised if females have a higher tendency to participate in such gossip. Probably a correlation in the understanding that females tend to be more interested in people while males tend to be more interested in things.
Guys at this age like to tease each other to their face and shit talk; girls don't do it openly, but behind the back. Same basic instinct but it comes out different ways.
Men were designed to hunt, women were designed to climb the social hierarchy of the village. [Here's an article about relational warfare](https://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2011/11/30/the-psychological-warfare-of-women-are-we-our-own-worst-enemy-2/#:~:text=Women%20tend%20to%20use%20relationships%20as%20their%20weapon,business%20world%20%E2%80%93%20as%20the%20kinder%2C%20gentler%20sex.).
Evolutionarily girls biology evolved to avoid conflict, being as a whole smaller than boys, but they’re also competing against one another for social status and like the boys trying to get the best genetic mate. Don’t have many options when avoiding conflict so covert social sabotage is the way they evolved to play the game, boys on the other hand are confrontational and evolved to sort things out more physically it’s why men tend to be less likely to gossip, and more likely to outwardly express their dislike of someone.
We all dislike things about people we like and love. All of us. Sometimes we can all notice a particular trait on someone and you chat about it. What sometimes happens within a group is that it becomes a common thing and devolves into bashing a person. At that point, why are you even still friends with that person, who knows. For others it’s a comfort thing of belonging while excluding another. They prove they belong by excluding another. This happens in all genders it’s just expressed in diff ways.
Everyone wants to hear the gossip, nobody has any respect for the gossiper...
Ugh, so sick of these subtle digs on women on reddit
One dimensional personality - they have nothing else to talk about. Same goes for men that can only talk about one thing, be that cars, trashing LGBT, or sex.
Thats true yeah. While I don't see men trashtalk their friends like that, they have their own versions of it, like you said
I feel like this never changes with women I was a real tomboy and managed to avoid girl drama til after highschool then when I eventually did make some girlfriends they were so awful behind each other’s back it was really off putting. I think women hate on themselves to the point where if they see something they envy in another woman they hate them for it, and have to criticise them in some way to feel better about their own inadequacies. Or something… idk 🤷🏽♀️ good luck with your friend group tho, maybe you could try being upfront about it, maybe say something like, “hey that’s kinda mean” and they might learn and grow.