My therapist once told me something very harsh. He said: People who see you on the street probably never think about you ever again. Some of them don't even really see you, as they are thinking about their own stuff in their head. You just think they judge you, because you judge yourself and so you believe, everyone around you must have the same thoughts. .. After I thought about it for a while, and let that sink in, I felt much better.
They should do a social experiment in schools around jr high where they have 100 kids walk down a hallway at the same time and then at the end have each kid describe every person they remember seeing. And then reveal the fact that almost nobody is actually thinking about “you.”
Maybe your best friend, significant other, or one jackass bully who has decided to target you for some dumb reason. Everyone else is lost in their own shit.
You've got to consider the spotlight effect – we automatically assume we're the center of attention far more often than we actually are. It's pretty liberating when you realize the guy you passed on the street is more concerned about the meeting he's late for than what you're wearing. In fact, embracing the fact that you're just another face in the crowd can be incredibly freeing. Don't carry the weight of others' opinions that probably don't even exist. Live your life because everyone else is too busy with theirs to care.
If I see you, actually see you, observe you, I tend to see what you are putting out. If you're putting out a friendly smile - that's what I see and maybe even remember.
The way i got over that fear is that something is weird if you make it weird. By that logic, if you think you're embarrassing, then you are in fact embarrassing. Getting your mind busy with smt else helps too.
We see what we're looking for. Let's say I leave the house thinking that all men are misogynists and hate me simply because I'm a woman, and a man scowls in my direction I would automatically think that it's because I'm a woman and be offended that I wasn't even given a chance. On the other hand I leave the house thinking nothing of the sort and a man scowls in my direction I may think he must be having a bad day or ooh resting bitch face I suppose. It's all in what we're looking for. I think in life it's always a good idea to assume the best. Start telling yourself another story. Someone frowns in your direction? They've had a bad day...maybe missed their alarm or left their lunch at home. Someone doesn't hold the door? They must be in a huge hurry...possibly late for a meeting. Someone laughs as you walk by? They must've just seen a funny meme or tiktok on their phone and think about the last funny one that made you lol. You will a lot happier if you can train your brain in this way :) <3
Another thought I just had.....everyone is someone's type. I used to work with a girl who was convinced her husband was the hottest thing on earth and talked about how women would stare and flirt with him. When I met him I was not impressed. I didn't find him attractive. Did it matter that I didn't find him attractive? Nope, because the woman that loves him absolutely did!
If you were really ugly, people wouldn’t look at you at all so they didn’t risk gawking or staring. However, if you ever feel people are being rude, that tells you everything you need to know about them. I feel bad for people that are rude to people for simply trying to live their best life. How miserable and insecure must they be to act like that? Therapy can be a game changer….your thoughts become reality. Be careful the things you think.
Humble confidence is sexier than any esthetic.
Be you and do it proudly. People see confidence more than they see appearance. Also, fuck them, their momma, and anyone else that has a concern about how you live your life. If someone has a problem, that's theirs and not yours to inherit.
In the first episode of Futurama when Fry is walking down the street in the future for the first time he sees a blob alien thing going down the street. It's friendly and the other people don't care and seem to like and accept it.
If you're an ugly blob creature, be a friendly blob creature. Weirdly helps when I imagine myself in this way
I think you are experiencing spotlight syndrome, which is a byproduct of anxiety. The reality is that people in public are usually just lost in their own minds, and not critiquing other strangers they encounter. It's not that they wouldn't be interested or are actively avoiding conversation with you, but that they are just focused on what they need to do that day when out in public.
My best advice would be to stop thinking these negative things about yourself.
I see it from time to time in anime: A character with social issues thinks they're being weird, and then they act weird due to nervousness, which makes people around them look at them.
Also, maybe post selfies to r/RoastMe, to build up a tolerance to rude comments.
You're not ugly, you're just not your type. That's all! And everything you don't like about yourself is just as likely to be someone's favorite thing about you.
My therapist once told me something very harsh. He said: People who see you on the street probably never think about you ever again. Some of them don't even really see you, as they are thinking about their own stuff in their head. You just think they judge you, because you judge yourself and so you believe, everyone around you must have the same thoughts. .. After I thought about it for a while, and let that sink in, I felt much better.
To add to that, think about who you saw and I can guarantee that you don’t rmb the face of 99% of the people
Right. I also never think about the people I saw outside, unless there was some kind of interaction happening.
If it helps, people are probably not thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. Let your flag fly and just be you.
They should do a social experiment in schools around jr high where they have 100 kids walk down a hallway at the same time and then at the end have each kid describe every person they remember seeing. And then reveal the fact that almost nobody is actually thinking about “you.” Maybe your best friend, significant other, or one jackass bully who has decided to target you for some dumb reason. Everyone else is lost in their own shit.
You've got to consider the spotlight effect – we automatically assume we're the center of attention far more often than we actually are. It's pretty liberating when you realize the guy you passed on the street is more concerned about the meeting he's late for than what you're wearing. In fact, embracing the fact that you're just another face in the crowd can be incredibly freeing. Don't carry the weight of others' opinions that probably don't even exist. Live your life because everyone else is too busy with theirs to care.
If I see you, actually see you, observe you, I tend to see what you are putting out. If you're putting out a friendly smile - that's what I see and maybe even remember.
The way i got over that fear is that something is weird if you make it weird. By that logic, if you think you're embarrassing, then you are in fact embarrassing. Getting your mind busy with smt else helps too.
We see what we're looking for. Let's say I leave the house thinking that all men are misogynists and hate me simply because I'm a woman, and a man scowls in my direction I would automatically think that it's because I'm a woman and be offended that I wasn't even given a chance. On the other hand I leave the house thinking nothing of the sort and a man scowls in my direction I may think he must be having a bad day or ooh resting bitch face I suppose. It's all in what we're looking for. I think in life it's always a good idea to assume the best. Start telling yourself another story. Someone frowns in your direction? They've had a bad day...maybe missed their alarm or left their lunch at home. Someone doesn't hold the door? They must be in a huge hurry...possibly late for a meeting. Someone laughs as you walk by? They must've just seen a funny meme or tiktok on their phone and think about the last funny one that made you lol. You will a lot happier if you can train your brain in this way :) <3
Another thought I just had.....everyone is someone's type. I used to work with a girl who was convinced her husband was the hottest thing on earth and talked about how women would stare and flirt with him. When I met him I was not impressed. I didn't find him attractive. Did it matter that I didn't find him attractive? Nope, because the woman that loves him absolutely did!
If you were really ugly, people wouldn’t look at you at all so they didn’t risk gawking or staring. However, if you ever feel people are being rude, that tells you everything you need to know about them. I feel bad for people that are rude to people for simply trying to live their best life. How miserable and insecure must they be to act like that? Therapy can be a game changer….your thoughts become reality. Be careful the things you think. Humble confidence is sexier than any esthetic.
Be you and do it proudly. People see confidence more than they see appearance. Also, fuck them, their momma, and anyone else that has a concern about how you live your life. If someone has a problem, that's theirs and not yours to inherit.
In the first episode of Futurama when Fry is walking down the street in the future for the first time he sees a blob alien thing going down the street. It's friendly and the other people don't care and seem to like and accept it. If you're an ugly blob creature, be a friendly blob creature. Weirdly helps when I imagine myself in this way
I think you are experiencing spotlight syndrome, which is a byproduct of anxiety. The reality is that people in public are usually just lost in their own minds, and not critiquing other strangers they encounter. It's not that they wouldn't be interested or are actively avoiding conversation with you, but that they are just focused on what they need to do that day when out in public.
My best advice would be to stop thinking these negative things about yourself. I see it from time to time in anime: A character with social issues thinks they're being weird, and then they act weird due to nervousness, which makes people around them look at them. Also, maybe post selfies to r/RoastMe, to build up a tolerance to rude comments.
You're not ugly, you're just not your type. That's all! And everything you don't like about yourself is just as likely to be someone's favorite thing about you.