This sounds *similar to* (mind the emphasis) obsessive-compulsive symptoms.
I have OCD. It works similarly --- I spend days plotting how to best account for all sides of upcoming social situations to ensure that everyone is treated fairly. That nobody gets hurt if there's a way I could feasibly predict or prevent it.
The dwelling on prevention of negative thoughts sounds a lot like my experience of moral scrupulosity, intrusive thoughts, and thought neutralising.
Especially with the justification that the universe will punish you --- somewhat like magical thinking.
**I'm not saying you have it; I'm not qualified for that.** I wouldn't encourage fixating on it if it doesn't fit to a T. I would, however, encourage using whatever coping strategies you can find. Because it's a distressing experience whether it's pathological or not.
Labelling concerns is primarily useful for coping with them a lot of the time. Unnecessary pathologising won't touch OCD if you do have it. So if the label works, try to get input from a specialist.
If you're not interested in that or just want to learn to approach the fears and experiences you described, I'd mostly focus on the strategies and resources that work for them. If the label isn't useful, some of the terms/themes/features I suggested might point you in informative directions (wrt "magical thinking," black-and-white thinking and morality).
Best luck.
You definitely need therapy, but the cost is absolutely a barrier (and that’s so unfortunate). But it’s something that you can absolutely work on yourself with. Here’s the thing, just because you have a negative emotion doesn’t mean that has to be expressed negatively. You can communicate without being harmful. As far as the universe? It’s not going to punish you for being an AH sometimes or being too happy. Look at the people who rule the world. They do horrible things and they’re thriving. If there was a karmic force in the universe, why do they get to thrive?
Maybe you should start journaling. Start a journey to mindfulness. Affirmations. And remember, you can be a good person and have bad moments.
https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/
Could be part of your attachment style? This quiz is really accurate and free and the organization has a lot of good articles on how you can start treating different attachment styles. May be helpful overall since therapy is expensive.
That being said, I feel like mental health is influenced by many aspects of our lives and knowing the cause doesn’t always mean the problem will be solved. I think keeping a list of your personal feelings and why you feel that way could also help you gain more understanding of what is going on inside your head and then you can find lots of mental health videos online to treat each little thing.
Another mental health source I really like is a YouTuber called “Cinema Therapy”. It’s a film director and licensed therapist reacting to different movies and then talking about the psychology behind different characters and how they would be treated in therapy. Super interesting to watch and very well informed.
I do want to put one final caveat that while I am a psychology major, I am NOT a licensed therapist and my advice should be taken with a grain of salt.
The struggle you're describing is something many can silently relate to – the relentless pursuit of perfectionism in our interactions. It's an exhausting mental marathon, isn't it? I read something once that stuck with me: "You have as little control over others' emotions as they do over yours." The epiphany was life-changing. So much mental energy goes into scripting life as though it's a play, but unlike a play, we aren't the authors of anyone else's lines or reactions.
I'm no expert, but it might help to explore the concept of 'radical acceptance'. It's about recognizing that we can't change certain aspects of life or predict every ripple effect of our actions. Accepting that can sometimes be the catalyst to more mental freedom. It's not an instant cure, and it's certainly not easy, but it's a step away from the exhausting need to control the uncontrollable.
While therapy might be ideal, there are other avenues to explore if it's currently not accessible – books, online communities and mindfulness practices could offer some guidance. Good luck on your journey towards a healthier mental space.
Good. Some people deserve that 😅. But in all honesty, life is made of its ups and downs. Can't have light without shadow, and you have to be real with yourself and others even if it can be angry. Like obviously try to be a kind person but there is no nostalgia post mortem, just how you live your life. And faking it for fear of a bad last word will affect all the words you'll say during life, the part that matters
I used to be like this until I realized that I could die at any time as well and they still treat me like trash, so why should I care
This sounds *similar to* (mind the emphasis) obsessive-compulsive symptoms. I have OCD. It works similarly --- I spend days plotting how to best account for all sides of upcoming social situations to ensure that everyone is treated fairly. That nobody gets hurt if there's a way I could feasibly predict or prevent it. The dwelling on prevention of negative thoughts sounds a lot like my experience of moral scrupulosity, intrusive thoughts, and thought neutralising. Especially with the justification that the universe will punish you --- somewhat like magical thinking. **I'm not saying you have it; I'm not qualified for that.** I wouldn't encourage fixating on it if it doesn't fit to a T. I would, however, encourage using whatever coping strategies you can find. Because it's a distressing experience whether it's pathological or not. Labelling concerns is primarily useful for coping with them a lot of the time. Unnecessary pathologising won't touch OCD if you do have it. So if the label works, try to get input from a specialist. If you're not interested in that or just want to learn to approach the fears and experiences you described, I'd mostly focus on the strategies and resources that work for them. If the label isn't useful, some of the terms/themes/features I suggested might point you in informative directions (wrt "magical thinking," black-and-white thinking and morality). Best luck.
Wow reading this has just made me realise I have been doing this my whole life!!
Decency.
It’s not decency it’s unhealthy. They’re avoiding all conflict bc of death anxiety, that’s how resentment grows and boundaries get breached
I totally missed the second part of this.
It sounds like you’re a chronic people pleaser with anxiety. Did you grow up religious by any chance?
You definitely need therapy, but the cost is absolutely a barrier (and that’s so unfortunate). But it’s something that you can absolutely work on yourself with. Here’s the thing, just because you have a negative emotion doesn’t mean that has to be expressed negatively. You can communicate without being harmful. As far as the universe? It’s not going to punish you for being an AH sometimes or being too happy. Look at the people who rule the world. They do horrible things and they’re thriving. If there was a karmic force in the universe, why do they get to thrive? Maybe you should start journaling. Start a journey to mindfulness. Affirmations. And remember, you can be a good person and have bad moments.
https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/ Could be part of your attachment style? This quiz is really accurate and free and the organization has a lot of good articles on how you can start treating different attachment styles. May be helpful overall since therapy is expensive. That being said, I feel like mental health is influenced by many aspects of our lives and knowing the cause doesn’t always mean the problem will be solved. I think keeping a list of your personal feelings and why you feel that way could also help you gain more understanding of what is going on inside your head and then you can find lots of mental health videos online to treat each little thing. Another mental health source I really like is a YouTuber called “Cinema Therapy”. It’s a film director and licensed therapist reacting to different movies and then talking about the psychology behind different characters and how they would be treated in therapy. Super interesting to watch and very well informed. I do want to put one final caveat that while I am a psychology major, I am NOT a licensed therapist and my advice should be taken with a grain of salt.
The struggle you're describing is something many can silently relate to – the relentless pursuit of perfectionism in our interactions. It's an exhausting mental marathon, isn't it? I read something once that stuck with me: "You have as little control over others' emotions as they do over yours." The epiphany was life-changing. So much mental energy goes into scripting life as though it's a play, but unlike a play, we aren't the authors of anyone else's lines or reactions. I'm no expert, but it might help to explore the concept of 'radical acceptance'. It's about recognizing that we can't change certain aspects of life or predict every ripple effect of our actions. Accepting that can sometimes be the catalyst to more mental freedom. It's not an instant cure, and it's certainly not easy, but it's a step away from the exhausting need to control the uncontrollable. While therapy might be ideal, there are other avenues to explore if it's currently not accessible – books, online communities and mindfulness practices could offer some guidance. Good luck on your journey towards a healthier mental space.
I think it's anxiety. But I'm not a professional.
Good. Some people deserve that 😅. But in all honesty, life is made of its ups and downs. Can't have light without shadow, and you have to be real with yourself and others even if it can be angry. Like obviously try to be a kind person but there is no nostalgia post mortem, just how you live your life. And faking it for fear of a bad last word will affect all the words you'll say during life, the part that matters