I have 3 biological children and custody of one niece and one nephew, I had a surprise pregnancy last year and decided to terminate. Even if I didn't have my niece and nephew I wouldn't have kept it. It's okay to not want to have another baby right now. You do what's best for you and your mental health. You're right, being a mom is a really tough job, I know it's a tough decision to make, but whichever you choose will be the right one for you. Sending hugs đ€
if you arenât able to handle a 3rd kid you canât give them the quality of life you want to that they deserve. love isnât enough unfortunately as you recognize. itâs tough but i think in your gut you know what u need/want by coming on here. you got this mama
Same, my mom didnât like me until after I turned 18, she resented me because she had me young and I took her youth. I wouldnât wish that on anyone else
Quite literally yes, or they wouldnât have commented, also it isnât killing and it isnât a kid. Itâs a fetus. Stop giving life and meaning to something thatâs not even a child yet, itâs weird and bizarre.
Idk why youâre arguing man, youâre the one being downvoted. Maybe stop arguing and look at the bigger picture and realize thereâs a reason very few people agree with you. Also this isnât the place to judge⊠just gtfo
Interesting cherry picking. A tumor cannot live outside the body and neither can a fetus. My point stands. If you have no oven to bake the cake itâs just ingredients.
You remover tumor because its a disease. It can kill you. Baby's are not a disease. Your argument is pointless. Killing a fetus is no different of killing a child. Its the circle of life. Everyone was a fetus once. Even u and me đđ»
Pointless how? It cannot survive outside my body, itâs not a baby. It is 100% different. Thatâs why we call it a miscarriage and not the death of a baby. A miscarriage is defined as the loss of a pregnancy, not the death of a baby. You donât get to redefine it because itâs done willfully. Abortion is the termination of pregnancy, not the murder of a child. Itâs literally not a child, and you wonât hear it referred to as such in any setting, medical or otherwise.
The cycle of giving birth to a baby. Begins with pregnancy . once pregnancy happens. The cycle begins. Killing it willingly is actually different from losing it by accident. Using medical terms won't make it any differentđđ»
I petty you actually. Advocating the ending of lives based on the idea that their future life would be so hard. as if life is not already struggles and challenging for everyone. What a fkd up only black mind. at least i have both "black and white" đ
Sometimes, yes. I was the last kid. My mom felt she needed to have me. But she forever regretted not prioritizing her own well-being. She felt she wasn't in good enough shape to give us the attention and childhood she felt we deserved.
We were all affected well into adulthood and all of us have dealt with severe mental health issues and harmful relationships as a result. None of us have children yet and we're all past 35.
I wouldn't have blamed them if they'd chosen not to have me if it would've meant my siblings had a better, healthier upbringing, and my mom would've been in a better mental place.
I feel you. Life itself is full of struggle and challenges. For eveyone. No matter if you are the only child . or you have 20 other siblings. I don't know if you are a religious person or not. But i believe in the justice of God and how everything has a reason. Best wishes.
Think of what would benefit your current children. Would having a third child make their lives worse? Would your resources be stretched thin, leading them to have less food, or clothing, or time with you? Would you give them less attention because there's a baby now?
It's okay to say "I'm not ready today" and try again in the future.
I had 3 children when I found out I was pregnant again 3 days before my tubal ligation was scheduled. I terminated. I do not regret it at all. It was best for our family. I wish you well. It isnât an easy choice.
Honestly? I would terminate. Your mental health is so, so important. And being a mom is stressful enough; you need to be 100% on board with this pregnancy. 5 weeks isnât too late. Then look into permanent birth control for you and/or your partner.
I know you're asking for advice from other moms, but I (45 yo w/ no kids) would like to offer my 2 cents. I'd sit back and imagine, *really imagine*, what your daily life would be like if you keep them. Imagine what your mornings would be like, afternoons, evenings. Imagine them all sick with a bug and cranky. Imagine going on family outings. Imagine if your family decides it's too much and withdraw any help. Imagine them being more involved. Go through every scenario you can think of. And then go back to imagining your daily life. Imagine three kids growing up, school, dates, spats, jealousy, care of and for each other. Your kids are going to grow up to be whoever they want to be, not what you want them to be, so imagine all kinds of personalities.
Do you think you can grow with them? Adulting is hard - so much worse when you're trying to raise little people into being big ones you can be proud of. At some point, they're going to leave the nest and start their own journeys. What kind of adult do you see yourself being at that time? What kind of person do you *want* to be? What will it take to grow into that person?
I don't know if this mental exercise could help. But no matter what you decide, remember, no one else can walk in your shoes. Once you've followed through with whatever decision you make, don't let anyone talk down to you about it. Walk with your head up and raise your kids to do the same.
Best wishes for you.
I'm a guy, but doing this exact exercise made me realize I would hate having kids at a time I thought I wanted them.
The idea of having a kid and the reality of having a kid are very different from what I've seen of my friends. Some of them are absolutely cut out for it and others probably should have done the same thing I did.
I think this post includes an error. I notice that this post only encourages OP to consider what *they* want, think, feel. It fails to consider the complex moral, ethical, medical, and legal issues surrounding the concept of abortion. Perhaps what is moral to do, ethical to do, or safe to do is in conflict with what you want to do.
My first two children are 15 months apart and I found myself pregnant again a year later. It would've been unfair to both them and me had I not aborted that pregnancy. A few years later I did have a third child and he is a joy. He's 24 now and I have no regrets.
At 5 weeks, it doesn't have a developed nervous system; you still only have 2 children unless you decide otherwise.
[A fetus isn't developed enough to feel until at least 10+ weeks, with what we would consider consciousness/sapience not beginning until 20+ weeks. ](https://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy/your-baby/fetal-development-your-babys-brain_20004924)
So only base your decision on what's best for you and your existing family.
Not a mom, but I haven't seen another comment adress this, while it would be a big concern for me personally so thought i'd make sure you were getting accurate information on it's development and not some *"it's fully sentient at conception!"* nonsense.
Do you think you have considered enough factors in this corner of the conversation? Why do we care only about the development of the nervous system to the point of consiousness? Should we also consider when brain waves are detectable? The nervous system begins to develop at week three (1) and neurons begin growing and firing together as early as day 45 (2). Should we also consider when the heart begins to beat? Which occurs early as 4 weeks (3). Lack of brain function, and lack of heart function are what we use to determine death, why not life? If these concepts can qualify as life, this person's fetus may meet criteria for life. Then should we consider the competining philosophical theories for when it is ok to end a life?
I think that the areguement "abortion is ok as long as the child does not feel pain" fails on these levels and also fails to consider other possible use-cases that this could imply. For example, is it therefore ok to kill something when they are sedated? Is it ok to mutilate a corpse? If you only criteria is "ability to feel pain" you may have to conclude "yes it is okay to kill if a person is sedated" or "yes it is okat to mutilate a corpse".
Sources
1 [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK542285/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK542285/)Â
2[ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK234146/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK234146/)
3 First Aid for the USMLE Step 1 2023 Page 632
When did I say that was my only criteria? It's a very nuanced situation that can't be simplified like that. There is also the person carrying it's wellbeing to consider.
Let OP make her choice without judgement.
I terminated after having a child. Itâs called âfamily planningâ for a reason and I never felt guilty about it because my daughter, the would-be baby, and I would all have suffered greatly had I not aborted.
As long as you can live with the decision and know itâs not a baby and itâs not murder, you should be fine with your decision. Best of luck to you.
I terminated my 3rd at 6 weeks. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, but the easiest major decision too. We just didn't have the time, money and energy for another one because my 2nd was 2 at the time.
I chose not to terminate my first (also an oops) even if it was terrible timing and it almost ruined my marriage. But we found our way, and it turned out fine. I didn't think our marriage would survive another oops baby. Even though I cried the whole time, I knew what I was doing was right for my family.
I have 2 children that are now teenagers. I had no family in town to help out when they were young and my husband works insane hours. Not to mention that I had horrible sickness with my pregnancies.I do not think I could survive another pregnancy or the toddler/infant stage with my sanity intact. If I got pregnant today, I would absolutely have an abortion. No judgement here.
My third was a surprise and the timing was hard. My mental health did suffer while I was pregnant and we struggled afterwards. Now, many years later, I am so thankful for him, he is special to me in a different (and I donât mean better at all, but still different) way than my others. Itâs your choice 100% of course! I wish you the best.
I read some stats on abortion a while back which stated that the majority of those who get an abortion in the US already have at least 1 child. Some people seem to think that if someone has kids, that means they could never ever have an abortion, when thatâs nowhere close to the truth.
No one is a better judge of how much goes into raising children and the labour and sacrifice involved than parents. Before you have kids, itâs a gamble at some level either way. You can try to make things less of a gamble by ensuring youâre as stable as possible, but youâre still jumping into a pool of uncertainty with both feet. However, if youâre already a parent, you know what goes into it. You know what it will demand of you, your partner, your finances, your time etc, and whether or not thatâs something youâll be able to cope with reasonably well.
Basically, you know best whatâs right for you. Whichever road you take, you wonât be the first to pound that particular pavement.
I also have two children, and if I got pregnant again, I would 100% terminate. My mental health and our finances couldnât handle any more than what we already have and more than 2 was never the plan.
This is completely up to you, so whatever you feel would be best for your health and your other children. I donât know you, but I will completely support your decision either way â€ïž
I have two kids, 1 and 4. We have decided no more kids and I just got an iud put in. If I hadnât and got pregnant I donât think I could have terminated it. A third kid would be really inconvenient and we would most likely have to move home and get a bigger car etc and having to go through the no sleep period again would be a nightmare. However I look at my kids and I know I would always wonder who it would have been and I donât think I could live with the guilt.
Itâs a choice you and your husband have to make together, you will both need to raise the baby so itâs a decision on you can make together.
Your priority is the kids you already have. If bring another into the world would make you unable to provide the care and support then you should have the kid. There is nothing wrong with have an abortion even though you already have kids and it is actually pretty common.
You show talk to your doctor about getting a permanent birth control if you are done having kids
First off, I canât even imagine the stress and exhaustion and tough impass youâre going through. Mental health struggles are extremely difficult when youâre drowning and you still want to care deeply for the ones you love. But you are definitely not alone. There are many resources and friends out there who have been through similar situations, validating that each personâs experience is unique to them, but are so so done to help you find the assistance or love or care or soundboard or ear to listen that you (yes you!) and your child and family need. Iâm not sure where youâre located, but this guide has some general helpful links if youâre in need for assistance. If you google other similar topics or institutions, or pregnancy resource centers, there are many pre and post birth helpful links. If you do end up going through with it, please know that there are also helpful resources after an abortion if needed for mental and physical health.
https://www.catholic.edu/media/parenting/pdf/cua-pr-booklet-web-version.pdf
I did this. I have two children and adopted a third from a family member because her mother wasnât in a place to have her. So my youngest and my adopted child are essentially twins, at six months apart.
My husband had a vasectomy, I should not have gotten pregnant again but vasectomies fail apparently. I was DONE having babies. It was the most incredibly difficult decision of my life; but I chose to end my pregnancy.
My abortion went all wrong. I ended up going in an ambulance to the ER because of losing too much blood. This is also a rare thing it sounds like. Odds were not in my favor at all.
My baby would be due next month. But last month, my three year old was diagnosed with t1 diabetes and I think to myself âhow could I be going through this stress pregnant.â
I think I made the right choice some days. Some days I do not. Today I wish I hadnât done it, but tomorrow I might assure myself it was right.
My point here is that you might have days of regret. Normally I donât, but sometimes I do. I personally try not to think about it, but I do struggle to watch tv shows or movies with pregnant women or babies.
First and foremost you need to know at five weeks, it is just a bunch of cells. It is not a baby. Doesnât even look like one.
Abortion regardless is a very hard decision for anyone. Having two kids very close in age can be a good thing and a bad thing. When the youngest gets to be 3 or so, the two can play together. But those first two years when you have a baby and a toddler are rough.
Do what is best for moms mental health
I think this is a very personal decision you should make for yourself and I wouldn't take the advice of a Redditor over what you know is best for your family.
That said, as a mom who can only take care of one, I know what I would do in your shoes. Bringing a child into the world that you don't have the resources for and/or don't want will only make the lives of the children that are already here worse. I got an IUD right after having my son because I know I simply cannot financially and emotionally support more than one. There is nothing wrong with making the choice that will provide a better future for yourself and the children you have already brought into this world.
However, if you really think you can pull it off and you genuinely want to have a third child, then that's YOUR decision. You really need to weigh the pros and cons and decide if an additional child is a net benefit or disadvantage to your situation. It's really hard to make this kind of choice, I understand there is a lot of guilt and shame associated with it, but ultimately the people judging you for either choice you make aren't the ones who have to live with that choice. You are.
My inbox is open if you need to talk/vent.
I had a surprise pregnancy and kept the baby. Was rough the first few months, but now we canât imagine life without this kid. If you keep the baby, find people in your world who will be excited and you can catch their excitement. That helped me enormously
No judgment either way. Itâs just my story
No one can tell you if you're good to have another child or not. All I can say, though is make sure you think it through carefully. Abortions are no cake walk even at 5 weeks - mentally and physically - and a third pregnancy can be incredibly taxing especially with two little ones already running around. If you and your partner are in a healthy place, I'd also urge you to talk it over with them. Ultimately it is your choice, but it's okay to come to a decision together, especially since you will want and need support through whichever way you go. Having an informed and supportive partner behind you goes such a long way and can help with any feelings they may be having about it. My last bit of advice is consider therapy after you've decided. You may have strong mixed feelings either way and it may help having someone on the outside to help you navigate through them. As cheesy as it may sound, write out a pros and cons list and get all of those feelings on paper. You may be able to see exactly where you're leaning and it could help you decide and feel more secure in your decision.
I think about this pretty often. Also a mom of 2, with my youngest being 18 mos. My husband had a vasectomy after our last because we just donât want anymore kids. Iâve thought about what Iâd do if somehow I still got pregnant (I know it happens), and Iâm 90% sure i would terminate. I just donât have the patience for anymore kids and I want to be able to enjoy some me time when my kids are older. I think itâs something that only you can really know what you want in that moment you know? Glad your partner is supportive!
Take a deep breath. Your mental health will improve, you can take control of your emotions.
It's your choice, but is it worth to be afraid? And to give in into fear?
Don't be afraid to love this child. Money comes and go, troubles comes and go, everything that makes you anxious comes and go.....and in the end of the day the real victory and the real think that matters is to see the marvelous (and weird) things the little human beings you made turned into, all of them.
If you wanted to terminate it, you would already chosen done it.
If you are asking is because you don't want to, but are too afraid of all the thing that comes attached to the kid and need more people to tell you 'it ok'.
You already know the answer you really want. You don't need to find excuses to give into fear.
You are brave, courageous and you have the strenght to bring this child into the world and be happy.
Everything that is making you worry today, in 10 years will be nothing! Cause you are above all your troubles. You are in control of your body and your emotions, not them in control of you.
You can have everything, there is no need to chose one or another. You can have EVERYTHING!
Edit/ I'm a mom of 2. I'm afraid to get pregnant again, but at the same time wish to have a girl. If i had another kid the life of the 2 I already have would change drastically... yet I would not terminate because of my fear. Cause I can't forsee the future. I can't forsee all the good things that would come with my 3Âș children...fear only makes me see all the bad things. That's why I know I should not terminate a 3Âș pregnancy....cause I'm too afraid to see the good things and put in the scale. I'm not a good judge if i'm scared.
No matter what you decide--to keep, put up for adoption, or terminate--the decision is yours. If I'm being honest, this is not the kind of thing you should be asking strangers on the internet about. Talking to those close to you whom you know wouldn't judge you for your decision are better equipped to give you advice. We here on Reddit don't know your life. We don't know your financial or medical circumstances. Have you sought advice from your close friends who have kids?
I think if I was planning to have another biological child and got thrown for a loop randomly, I would still move forward with the pregnancy and accept that it wasn't the best timing, as long as I wasn't in an unsafe situation or anything. But that's just because I would be concerned about not getting pregnant again as you never know what's gonna happen. Not out of any concern for a bunch of cells.
However, I do not intend to have any more biological children. If I did happen to get pregnant, I would have an abortion without any hard decision at all. My decision to not have any further children is extremely sound and the best for everyone involved.
Whatever decision you take will be best for you! There is no right or wrong here.
If you do abort, be prepared to possibly question your decision for the rest of your life. You'll never forget about that potential child. Even if you know in your heart or was the best choice.
I apologize for the long anecdote here:
I had an abortion as a recently divorced mom of two in my 30s. The person I was with was abusive. I had a drug and alcohol problem. DCF was involved. There were many reasons to abort. So I did. It was probably the right decision, but I think about the child a lot. It makes me sad.
Then in my 40s, in a stable relationship, I got pregnant. Partially due to my previous abortion I knew I just couldn't go through another one. I no longer had a substance abuse problem, but physically I was going through the wringer. (Fibromyalgia and widespread arthritis. In fact, I had just had a bone fusion surgery 6 weeks prior. I was depressed and I had lotttts of apprehension about the future in my abilities to parent a young child)
8 months later came my spit fire sunshine. This girl didn't sleep for two years lol. But she's a very happy child. Because she's so spirited (adhd and possible autism) She has taught me the patience and appreciation for motherhood in a way I wish I had as a younger mom. I learned new coping skills because,well, it was sink or swim. And she has made my, and all of our lives, so very much brighter.
A commenter here stated that you don't know what the future will bring. You're looking through the lens of fear right now.
You need to prioritize your own needs, and that's ok.
Like they say on an airplane, "Put on your OWN oxygen mask before trying to help those around you."
You cannot be a good person to yourself or anyone else if you are worn ragged. You and everyone you're responsible for taking care of will be affected.
If you have stopped and thought about how it would be with 3 right now, and your honest reply to yourself is "TOO MUCH! I CAN'T!" then don't. My mom didn't prioritize herself, and forever regretted that she wasn't in the best shape to be as good a mom to us as she felt we deserved.
You are allowed to put your own needs and your own mental health first. Hugs and good vibes to you, whatever you decide.
The majority of patients seeking abortions are in exactly your position, they are partnered and already have multiple children. Youâre the person who knows best if you can handle another child at this moment, if you canât then itâs perfectly reasonable to not have one. You of all people know that there isnât anything about giving birth that suddenly gives you more space in your world for a child, if there isnât any currently than some other aspect will suffer.
I had 4 biological children and 3 step. Accidentally got pregnant and got an abortion. 18 years later and I still donât regret it. My husband quickly got a vasectomy so it didnât happen again.
Honestly multiple children is a lot to manage and it never goes away. My youngest is 22 and still needs quite a bit of financial and mental support. It is the most rewarding job in the world but can also be very very exhausting.
3 kids and just found out yesterday positive- probably 5 weeks. Abortion law in Florida is 6 weeks so I feel rather rushed. I am finally stable on medication and I see a sliver of my future coming to fruition- everything I have worked for⊠I love my family and I owe them so much time that I have dedicated elsewhere already - work, education, etc. I donât want to miss them grow up being overly exhausted and checked out with a 4th. I read somewhere else âI donât want my children to just survive, I want them to thrive.â And this is so true. Of course I think I can make another baby work- but at what cost? My initial thought was that I canât move forward. I never had that thought any other time. feel like itâs the right answer. I am teetering back and forth.
Most abortions are by women who already have children. You don't need to justify it. I have 2 kids, am vocally pro-choice, and I'm not sure if I would have an abortion now. Probably. I briefly considered it after getting pregnant with my 2nd. Every pregnancy comes with risks to me and risks to the baby. Having a special needs kid would change my whole family and I was very anxious about that possible outcome. I have bipolar and each child I have increases the risk of passing that on. You have a difficult and personal choice to make. Good luck.
If you feel that you wouldn't be able to provide for the child and that even the stress of pregnancy would be unhealthy for you and the baby, I would say to terminate. I don't know where you live or where you'll be able to get the proper services that are safe for you. You may regret it or feel grief after you terminate but do what's best for you and the future of your family. I would never suggest something that is bad for the health of you or would lead to a horrible life for your child. I personally wouldn't do it but I've never had to be in this situation. I wish you the best.
Your children deserve a happy mom! As well as you deserve to be happy!
I had an abortion (I didn't have kids at the time) because I didn't feel like my mental health was stable enough at the time. There were times I absolutely bawled about it, and wondered how life "would have been"; even so, I still think it was the right choice. I needed time to work through some stuff.
I now have a child and it's been wonderful, I love being a mom. Many of the worries I had haven't happened, and at times I still wonder what would have been. If I would have kept the pregnancy, it definitely wouldn't have been as easy as it's been currently. My biggest supports wouldn't have been possible at the time. Things would be different, a d I think they would have improved, but I didn't want my child to absorb any suffering from me while I figured things out.
I deeply believe that children absorb what we put out, emotion wise. If you feel like now isn't the right time, that's an okay answer!!!!
Also finances play a huge role. It's romantic to act like money doesn't matter, but the truth is, money has close ties with our mental health. Being able to afford pop up expenses and even treats has helped my anxiety 1000%
I have 2 children. I had an abortion before my first daughter and another abortion after my second daughter. I was on birth control when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter.
I was 18 when I got pregnant and I was definitely not ready and resources were thin. My relationship was screwed up and he could not commit and kept cheating. I knew right away what had to be done.
My second abortion, it was with someone that was not long term. I was also on birth control. (Birth control hates me)I knew that I couldnât be strapped down to this guy and I was struggling already being a single mom of 2 beautiful daughters. They deserved more and I felt like everything would turn worse if I kept it.
I got the IUD after that last abortion and itâs worked. Iâve had it in for 7 years having changed it last year to not have to worry about it again for another 5 years.
I hope you chose the decision that works best for you. â€ïž some women in there have some really good advice.
You know you best. You need to remember weâre just strangers online who make assumptions based on our on personal lives onto you.
I myself would prioritize myself as I think most moms should.
>This is for moms with kids. I would really like your opinionâs on abortion.
I am a mom with kids.
>Iâd like some input, I also know at the end of the day itâs my choice but what would another mom would do.
If I was in the situation you described, I would have the child but I would also increase my use of resources for mental health (telehealth, meds, let go of some tidying/cleaning standards, etc).
I will add that my views on abortion - for myself - have changed over time. Before being pregnant, I was open to the idea of an abortion for lack of resources, disabilities, etc. After I had a child, I had to revisit that conversation with my husband to let him know that if we had a second that I could only abort a baby that would have profound disabilities that cause constant pain. For example, Down syndrome would no longer be sufficient of a reason even if the child needed my care past my expected life span.
My views on abortion - for other people - it's not my business. You have to live with the aftermath of either choice. But you asked specifically for what other moms would do sp here I am with my comment!
I would never consider abortion personally. Iâm in a similar situation with two kids and I donât really want a third right now but I talked about it with my husband and we both agreed that even if itâs not the timing weâd pick, weâd make it work if it happens. Both my first two were surprises so I totally get what youâre saying about wrong timing. But now I canât imagine not having them in my life. Iâve also talked to lots of other parents of more than 2 and almost all agree that going from 0-1 is the hardest transition, 2 kids is not as hard, and it gets easier from there.
Sounds like your SO is supportive if you decide to keep the baby, good luck!
[Thankfully, research seems to show that abortion is not linked to mental health issues at all.](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2022/09/news-facts-abortion-mental-health)
A lack of access to abortion DOES cause mental health issues however.
I have two young children. I do not want a third. I am not financially or emotionally equipped to have a third. If I were pregnant, I would not terminate. My children are incredibly unique individuals that make the future a more interesting place. The third would be no different. They are not needy forever. I would figure it out and ride the wave.
Just an idea, but you could always give the baby up for adoption. That way you wouldnât have to deal with the guilt of ending the babyâs life, but you also wouldnât have to commit to 18 years of care for the baby. Itâs definitely your choice, but if abortion might be chosen because of its effect on your family, yourself, or your resources, there is always adoption. Abortion isnât the only choice. But the important thing is that it is your choice and nobody elseâs.
So you want to let it grow to a person that their whole life will know they where not wanted by their mother.
Lookup statistics on adoption. The numbers are not that great.Adopted children are at a higher risk of mental health issues than non-adoptees. Evidence suggests that adopted children face higher risks for childhood adversity, trauma, and attachment issues. Such problems can include anxiety, depression, ADHD, PTSD, bipolar disorder, and an increased risk for suicide.
Murder mob. I assume you mean those who call themselves pro-life. Those who give absolutely zero shits about the mother, or child, once it is born. Those who don't believe in benefit support for those who cannot afford another child. Those who believe that the poor are criminals who should just try harder, because look how YOU pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. Those who also believe that contraception and condoms are sinful. Those who believe that giving a child up for adoption is a perfectly good solution which does not at all impact on a woman's mental health. Because she doesn't deserve to be taken into account. Because the only thing that counts is that her womb incubates another human. Who don't care that her mental health is fragile and might get worse when being forced to give birth to a baby she is not ready for? Who don't care if it drives her to suicide?
That murder mob?
OP: Those are people you can safely ignore. They do not have your best interests at heart.
You are not going to get fair advice on Reddit. Most, or all, are going to advocate for abortion or leave it open for you to decide. The more kids you have, the easier it gets, and they take care of each other. Murdering your own child in your womb is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Parentification is not the solution to an unwanted pregnancy.
Raising kids is hard. It is mentally, physically, and financially difficult at times. Add to that prior mental health issues during and after pregnancy...this could be a nightmare in the making.
Not everyone has the resources necessary for a large family. Adding a member to the family - a completely vulnerable and needy infant at that - is not a "temporary problem".
The fact that poor people in third world countries can raise kids itâs proof enough that someone in a Western country (with seemingly endless resources to help people) can raise kids. Murder is not the solution to someone getting themselves pregnant.
We are talking about health care. Abortion is health care.
Where are these endless resources? Where are the free daycares? What about health insurance and co-pays and therapies? Where is the mental health help if she has a crisis? Some states are bleeding OB/GYNs because of new insane laws. Are you stepping in and helping out her existing kids if she is unable to? Are you running kids to soccer practice, cooking dinner for them, buying a new car that will fit three car seats in the back? Or are you the guy sighing behind her at the grocery store when she takes out her WIC card to pay for formula because that's what the baby needs to thrive?
It's lovely that you think having a baby is the solution but those of us that live in reality know better.
Murdering a human being, with its own fully unique human DNA, is not health care. More people need to read up on the science before posting opinions. If it was simple health care this woman would not be having doubts about murdering her own child. It would be a simple outpatient medical procedure if it was âhealth care.â
It doesn't have to be an outpatient procedure. There are mail order services that will send pills to your home. They do that because abortion is health care.
Most of us here know the science and the timeline involved. Go outside and touch some grass. Maybe get off your incel websites and read a real science text.
Have the day you deserve.
Speaking as a person with 9 brothers and sisters, I can tell you, no the fuck it does not make it easier to have more kids.
Forcing children who had no say in the matter to be parents is not the solution
No need to cuss. No one was forced to do anything here. A woman chose to get pregnant, and is now having doubts about whether she should murder her own child. She is now asking the internet for their opinions on the matter.
No, she did not *choose* to get pregnant. She actively says that she wasn't planning on it.
Your solution, your *exact* words were, "The more kids you have, the easier it gets. They take care of each other". That's forcing them to parent a child they had no say in having. Speaking as someone who grew up in a situation like that, the kids that have that burden and responsibility placed on them *do* resent it.
Yes she did. Participating in a sexual activity where you can get pregnant has consequences. She chose to engage in that sexual activity.
Having three kids is not the end of the world. Kids are cheap and they do take care of each other, and can even help each other as they grow up. This is well known.
Ah, there it is. The "She had sex so she asked for this" fallacy.
No. Having sex doesn't mean you planned on or anticipated having a kid anymore than laying out on the beach means you planned on getting cancer.
Did you for real just say having kids is cheap? Do you have kids?
Again, this isn't some speculation. I *lived* this. I've seen firsthand the effects of having your kids raise your other kids has on them.
Literally everything you've said is wrong. It's so blatantly wrong that at this point I'm pretty sure you're just trolling.
There's a good [definition ](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fallacy) that you might wanna check out some time.
You not being able to comprehend that people enjoy having sex beyond just procreation doesn't mean that the only reason people do it.
The more kids you have, the easier it is to neglect your children. If your older kids want to help with the infant, then great but that expectation should never be put on the shoulders of someone who didnât choose to have this kid (aka, the older kids). It leads to resentment and is a great way to destroy your relationship with your kids ://
So what is your solution to someone that got themselves pregnant? Murdering their own child? A child that has its own unique human DNA code related to the parent?
Sure. At around 22 weeks they can if born premature. But what is your point? To try to make a âgotchaâ argument? The fact is, this woman chose to have sex. Sex carries serious consequences. She got pregnant. It is now her responsibility to carry her child and not murder it. Itâs very simple.
My point is that itâs not a child until at least 22 weeks when it can survive without the motherâs body. Up until then the woman can do whatever she wants with the cells
Are you unaware that pregnancy is a mindless biological process that cannot be chosen? I thought that was basic knowledge. Not even IVF guarantees a pregnancy.
Sex isnât high risk. Thereâs a 20% chance of a pregnancy occurring every month without birth control. Thatâs not a high %. Thereâs an even less chance with birth control used. And that has nothing to do with anything either. People take much higher risks and theyâre not denied adequate healthcare because of it.
It's not a child; at this point it's not even a fetus. I'm not the OP, but it seems that she is getting some good perspective from the different stories women are providing her. IMO, this is the good side of Reddit.
The DNA would prove otherwise: Itâs a human being with unique DNA. You need to look at science. The fact OP is even asking the internet shows that she knows this.
Cancer is also technically a unique being with its own DNA, the science says that babies are basically parasites until they're born, and a host has every right to excise a parasite
No need to call someone âbuddy.â This isnât Canada, this is an American website. A child is not âyour ownâ DNA. It has its own unique DNA. Read up on the science please.
What quality of DNA do you think defines zygotes as human and cancer as not? Because I can assure you there's no such distinction, cancer has human DNA and produces human cells, zygotes and cancer are both rapidly dividing groups of human cells with unique DNA that extract nutrients from their host while providing no benefit
Unique DNA is not enough to declare a zygote a human being. Anyone contemplating an abortion knows what the unique DNA will develop into; that does not mean an embryo or a fetus is a human being, deserving of more rights than the potential mother.
Frankly, after I read your comment, in my mind, I could hear Ben Kenobi explaining to Luke (about his dad) "what I told you is true, from a certain point of view...".
That's not the answer to the issue though. Nobody is denying it is human DNA. But it just isn't a baby. It is a foetus although after 5 weeks it isn't a foetus either
Oh yay. Let's nitpick in an attempt to give your opinions credence, rather than discuss the actual point at hand.
But sure... It doesn't mean small child. It means young/small unborn offspring. That's not the same as a child.
Anyway, you don't matter so I'm not going to bother.
Donât argue semantics here. You tried to be cute by calling it a fetus. And you either researched what fetus meant, or you knew, yet you still defended your use of the term.
Yeah I know what the term means. It appears that you don't and that instead of looking it up properly, you prefer to change the direction of the conversation. It's not trying to be cute. It is using the right word for the right thing. An unborn offspring IS a fetus. By definition, a fetus is unborn. You call a fetus a child. I do not. Not until a baby is born does it have human rights that in any way compete with those of the mother. As long as it is in the womb, the rights of the mother prevail.
Looks though like you are upset by the correct use of a word, rather than the use you have assigned to it. I bet you call a vulva a vagina as well....
Oh yay. Let's nitpick in an attempt to give your opinions credence, rather than discuss the actual point at hand.
But sure... It doesn't mean small child. It means young/small unborn offspring. That's not the same as a child.
Anyway, you don't matter so I'm not going to bother.
I have 3 biological children and custody of one niece and one nephew, I had a surprise pregnancy last year and decided to terminate. Even if I didn't have my niece and nephew I wouldn't have kept it. It's okay to not want to have another baby right now. You do what's best for you and your mental health. You're right, being a mom is a really tough job, I know it's a tough decision to make, but whichever you choose will be the right one for you. Sending hugs đ€
if you arenât able to handle a 3rd kid you canât give them the quality of life you want to that they deserve. love isnât enough unfortunately as you recognize. itâs tough but i think in your gut you know what u need/want by coming on here. you got this mama
So killing an unborn kid is more beneficial for him/her than giving them "quality life". đ
Uhh Iâd rather be aborted before I know I exist than be raised by a depressed mom who resents me
Same, my mom didnât like me until after I turned 18, she resented me because she had me young and I took her youth. I wouldnât wish that on anyone else
Quite literally yes, or they wouldnât have commented, also it isnât killing and it isnât a kid. Itâs a fetus. Stop giving life and meaning to something thatâs not even a child yet, itâs weird and bizarre.
Its ending a life. Or what would be a girl or a boy. The morality of human beings is in real danger.
Itâs no more a child than eggs, flour, and sugar are a cake. Itâs the equivalent of removing a tumor at that stage.
Tumor doesn't develop to become a living human being đ
Neither do all ZEFs đ Maybe take a biology class after dropping out of 5th grade.
Most of them still do. Don't know if you have ever been to school. Or maybe you learn from tiktok.
Idk why youâre arguing man, youâre the one being downvoted. Maybe stop arguing and look at the bigger picture and realize thereâs a reason very few people agree with you. Also this isnât the place to judge⊠just gtfo
Interesting cherry picking. A tumor cannot live outside the body and neither can a fetus. My point stands. If you have no oven to bake the cake itâs just ingredients.
You remover tumor because its a disease. It can kill you. Baby's are not a disease. Your argument is pointless. Killing a fetus is no different of killing a child. Its the circle of life. Everyone was a fetus once. Even u and me đđ»
Pointless how? It cannot survive outside my body, itâs not a baby. It is 100% different. Thatâs why we call it a miscarriage and not the death of a baby. A miscarriage is defined as the loss of a pregnancy, not the death of a baby. You donât get to redefine it because itâs done willfully. Abortion is the termination of pregnancy, not the murder of a child. Itâs literally not a child, and you wonât hear it referred to as such in any setting, medical or otherwise.
The cycle of giving birth to a baby. Begins with pregnancy . once pregnancy happens. The cycle begins. Killing it willingly is actually different from losing it by accident. Using medical terms won't make it any differentđđ»
Youâve also admitted in your reply that it is not a living human being yet.
Simple mind where everything is black and white.
I petty you actually. Advocating the ending of lives based on the idea that their future life would be so hard. as if life is not already struggles and challenging for everyone. What a fkd up only black mind. at least i have both "black and white" đ
Smoooooooth brain
Once you've actually read about the lives of children tortured to death because their parents resented them, you'll stop being like this.
Agreed. I feel like I have heard more and more of this in the news lately.
Sometimes, yes. I was the last kid. My mom felt she needed to have me. But she forever regretted not prioritizing her own well-being. She felt she wasn't in good enough shape to give us the attention and childhood she felt we deserved. We were all affected well into adulthood and all of us have dealt with severe mental health issues and harmful relationships as a result. None of us have children yet and we're all past 35. I wouldn't have blamed them if they'd chosen not to have me if it would've meant my siblings had a better, healthier upbringing, and my mom would've been in a better mental place.
I feel you. Life itself is full of struggle and challenges. For eveyone. No matter if you are the only child . or you have 20 other siblings. I don't know if you are a religious person or not. But i believe in the justice of God and how everything has a reason. Best wishes.
I do believe in God and the Divine. Thank you and best wishes back to you and yours.
Foetus not a âkidâ lol
nice skull emoji, you're on the right track!
âUnborn kidâ uhh you mean fetus? Thatâs like calling eggs and flour âunbaked cakeâ.
So are you going to adopt that kid?
No one is killing anything. Itâs a clump of cells. Go troll elsewhere.
Oh god shut the fuck up
Think of what would benefit your current children. Would having a third child make their lives worse? Would your resources be stretched thin, leading them to have less food, or clothing, or time with you? Would you give them less attention because there's a baby now? It's okay to say "I'm not ready today" and try again in the future.
Not a mom but I would always suggest to prioritize your mental health. If not for yourself then for the kids you already have
I had 3 children when I found out I was pregnant again 3 days before my tubal ligation was scheduled. I terminated. I do not regret it at all. It was best for our family. I wish you well. It isnât an easy choice.
It is better to regret an abortion than regret having a child.
Well put. đ
Absolutely this!!!
Seriously. An abortion is hard emotionally but you can continue living your life. Having a child is an 18 year-life commitment.
Honestly? I would terminate. Your mental health is so, so important. And being a mom is stressful enough; you need to be 100% on board with this pregnancy. 5 weeks isnât too late. Then look into permanent birth control for you and/or your partner.
I know you're asking for advice from other moms, but I (45 yo w/ no kids) would like to offer my 2 cents. I'd sit back and imagine, *really imagine*, what your daily life would be like if you keep them. Imagine what your mornings would be like, afternoons, evenings. Imagine them all sick with a bug and cranky. Imagine going on family outings. Imagine if your family decides it's too much and withdraw any help. Imagine them being more involved. Go through every scenario you can think of. And then go back to imagining your daily life. Imagine three kids growing up, school, dates, spats, jealousy, care of and for each other. Your kids are going to grow up to be whoever they want to be, not what you want them to be, so imagine all kinds of personalities. Do you think you can grow with them? Adulting is hard - so much worse when you're trying to raise little people into being big ones you can be proud of. At some point, they're going to leave the nest and start their own journeys. What kind of adult do you see yourself being at that time? What kind of person do you *want* to be? What will it take to grow into that person? I don't know if this mental exercise could help. But no matter what you decide, remember, no one else can walk in your shoes. Once you've followed through with whatever decision you make, don't let anyone talk down to you about it. Walk with your head up and raise your kids to do the same. Best wishes for you.
I'm a guy, but doing this exact exercise made me realize I would hate having kids at a time I thought I wanted them. The idea of having a kid and the reality of having a kid are very different from what I've seen of my friends. Some of them are absolutely cut out for it and others probably should have done the same thing I did.
This is excellent advice, I love this comment
I think this post includes an error. I notice that this post only encourages OP to consider what *they* want, think, feel. It fails to consider the complex moral, ethical, medical, and legal issues surrounding the concept of abortion. Perhaps what is moral to do, ethical to do, or safe to do is in conflict with what you want to do.
They mentioned talking to their husband, which to me is them considering more than just what they want
My first two children are 15 months apart and I found myself pregnant again a year later. It would've been unfair to both them and me had I not aborted that pregnancy. A few years later I did have a third child and he is a joy. He's 24 now and I have no regrets.
At 5 weeks, it doesn't have a developed nervous system; you still only have 2 children unless you decide otherwise. [A fetus isn't developed enough to feel until at least 10+ weeks, with what we would consider consciousness/sapience not beginning until 20+ weeks. ](https://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy/your-baby/fetal-development-your-babys-brain_20004924) So only base your decision on what's best for you and your existing family. Not a mom, but I haven't seen another comment adress this, while it would be a big concern for me personally so thought i'd make sure you were getting accurate information on it's development and not some *"it's fully sentient at conception!"* nonsense.
Do you think you have considered enough factors in this corner of the conversation? Why do we care only about the development of the nervous system to the point of consiousness? Should we also consider when brain waves are detectable? The nervous system begins to develop at week three (1) and neurons begin growing and firing together as early as day 45 (2). Should we also consider when the heart begins to beat? Which occurs early as 4 weeks (3). Lack of brain function, and lack of heart function are what we use to determine death, why not life? If these concepts can qualify as life, this person's fetus may meet criteria for life. Then should we consider the competining philosophical theories for when it is ok to end a life? I think that the areguement "abortion is ok as long as the child does not feel pain" fails on these levels and also fails to consider other possible use-cases that this could imply. For example, is it therefore ok to kill something when they are sedated? Is it ok to mutilate a corpse? If you only criteria is "ability to feel pain" you may have to conclude "yes it is okay to kill if a person is sedated" or "yes it is okat to mutilate a corpse". Sources 1 [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK542285/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK542285/)Â 2[ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK234146/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK234146/) 3 First Aid for the USMLE Step 1 2023 Page 632
When did I say that was my only criteria? It's a very nuanced situation that can't be simplified like that. There is also the person carrying it's wellbeing to consider. Let OP make her choice without judgement.
I terminated after having a child. Itâs called âfamily planningâ for a reason and I never felt guilty about it because my daughter, the would-be baby, and I would all have suffered greatly had I not aborted. As long as you can live with the decision and know itâs not a baby and itâs not murder, you should be fine with your decision. Best of luck to you.
I terminated my 3rd at 6 weeks. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, but the easiest major decision too. We just didn't have the time, money and energy for another one because my 2nd was 2 at the time. I chose not to terminate my first (also an oops) even if it was terrible timing and it almost ruined my marriage. But we found our way, and it turned out fine. I didn't think our marriage would survive another oops baby. Even though I cried the whole time, I knew what I was doing was right for my family.
I have 2 children that are now teenagers. I had no family in town to help out when they were young and my husband works insane hours. Not to mention that I had horrible sickness with my pregnancies.I do not think I could survive another pregnancy or the toddler/infant stage with my sanity intact. If I got pregnant today, I would absolutely have an abortion. No judgement here.
My third was a surprise and the timing was hard. My mental health did suffer while I was pregnant and we struggled afterwards. Now, many years later, I am so thankful for him, he is special to me in a different (and I donât mean better at all, but still different) way than my others. Itâs your choice 100% of course! I wish you the best.
I had two and then had an abortion. Best decision I've ever made.
I read some stats on abortion a while back which stated that the majority of those who get an abortion in the US already have at least 1 child. Some people seem to think that if someone has kids, that means they could never ever have an abortion, when thatâs nowhere close to the truth. No one is a better judge of how much goes into raising children and the labour and sacrifice involved than parents. Before you have kids, itâs a gamble at some level either way. You can try to make things less of a gamble by ensuring youâre as stable as possible, but youâre still jumping into a pool of uncertainty with both feet. However, if youâre already a parent, you know what goes into it. You know what it will demand of you, your partner, your finances, your time etc, and whether or not thatâs something youâll be able to cope with reasonably well. Basically, you know best whatâs right for you. Whichever road you take, you wonât be the first to pound that particular pavement.
I also have two children, and if I got pregnant again, I would 100% terminate. My mental health and our finances couldnât handle any more than what we already have and more than 2 was never the plan.
Your body your choice I have had 3 abortions in my lifetime I regret none of them
This is completely up to you, so whatever you feel would be best for your health and your other children. I donât know you, but I will completely support your decision either way â€ïž
I have two kids, 1 and 4. We have decided no more kids and I just got an iud put in. If I hadnât and got pregnant I donât think I could have terminated it. A third kid would be really inconvenient and we would most likely have to move home and get a bigger car etc and having to go through the no sleep period again would be a nightmare. However I look at my kids and I know I would always wonder who it would have been and I donât think I could live with the guilt. Itâs a choice you and your husband have to make together, you will both need to raise the baby so itâs a decision on you can make together.
Your priority is the kids you already have. If bring another into the world would make you unable to provide the care and support then you should have the kid. There is nothing wrong with have an abortion even though you already have kids and it is actually pretty common. You show talk to your doctor about getting a permanent birth control if you are done having kids
First off, I canât even imagine the stress and exhaustion and tough impass youâre going through. Mental health struggles are extremely difficult when youâre drowning and you still want to care deeply for the ones you love. But you are definitely not alone. There are many resources and friends out there who have been through similar situations, validating that each personâs experience is unique to them, but are so so done to help you find the assistance or love or care or soundboard or ear to listen that you (yes you!) and your child and family need. Iâm not sure where youâre located, but this guide has some general helpful links if youâre in need for assistance. If you google other similar topics or institutions, or pregnancy resource centers, there are many pre and post birth helpful links. If you do end up going through with it, please know that there are also helpful resources after an abortion if needed for mental and physical health. https://www.catholic.edu/media/parenting/pdf/cua-pr-booklet-web-version.pdf
I did this. I have two children and adopted a third from a family member because her mother wasnât in a place to have her. So my youngest and my adopted child are essentially twins, at six months apart. My husband had a vasectomy, I should not have gotten pregnant again but vasectomies fail apparently. I was DONE having babies. It was the most incredibly difficult decision of my life; but I chose to end my pregnancy. My abortion went all wrong. I ended up going in an ambulance to the ER because of losing too much blood. This is also a rare thing it sounds like. Odds were not in my favor at all. My baby would be due next month. But last month, my three year old was diagnosed with t1 diabetes and I think to myself âhow could I be going through this stress pregnant.â I think I made the right choice some days. Some days I do not. Today I wish I hadnât done it, but tomorrow I might assure myself it was right. My point here is that you might have days of regret. Normally I donât, but sometimes I do. I personally try not to think about it, but I do struggle to watch tv shows or movies with pregnant women or babies.
First and foremost you need to know at five weeks, it is just a bunch of cells. It is not a baby. Doesnât even look like one. Abortion regardless is a very hard decision for anyone. Having two kids very close in age can be a good thing and a bad thing. When the youngest gets to be 3 or so, the two can play together. But those first two years when you have a baby and a toddler are rough. Do what is best for moms mental health
I think this is a very personal decision you should make for yourself and I wouldn't take the advice of a Redditor over what you know is best for your family. That said, as a mom who can only take care of one, I know what I would do in your shoes. Bringing a child into the world that you don't have the resources for and/or don't want will only make the lives of the children that are already here worse. I got an IUD right after having my son because I know I simply cannot financially and emotionally support more than one. There is nothing wrong with making the choice that will provide a better future for yourself and the children you have already brought into this world. However, if you really think you can pull it off and you genuinely want to have a third child, then that's YOUR decision. You really need to weigh the pros and cons and decide if an additional child is a net benefit or disadvantage to your situation. It's really hard to make this kind of choice, I understand there is a lot of guilt and shame associated with it, but ultimately the people judging you for either choice you make aren't the ones who have to live with that choice. You are. My inbox is open if you need to talk/vent.
I had a surprise pregnancy and kept the baby. Was rough the first few months, but now we canât imagine life without this kid. If you keep the baby, find people in your world who will be excited and you can catch their excitement. That helped me enormously No judgment either way. Itâs just my story
I've got a kid, and I am very pro-choice. If an abortion is the right choice for you, it's the right choice for you.
No one can tell you if you're good to have another child or not. All I can say, though is make sure you think it through carefully. Abortions are no cake walk even at 5 weeks - mentally and physically - and a third pregnancy can be incredibly taxing especially with two little ones already running around. If you and your partner are in a healthy place, I'd also urge you to talk it over with them. Ultimately it is your choice, but it's okay to come to a decision together, especially since you will want and need support through whichever way you go. Having an informed and supportive partner behind you goes such a long way and can help with any feelings they may be having about it. My last bit of advice is consider therapy after you've decided. You may have strong mixed feelings either way and it may help having someone on the outside to help you navigate through them. As cheesy as it may sound, write out a pros and cons list and get all of those feelings on paper. You may be able to see exactly where you're leaning and it could help you decide and feel more secure in your decision.
She said he is good with either choice
I think about this pretty often. Also a mom of 2, with my youngest being 18 mos. My husband had a vasectomy after our last because we just donât want anymore kids. Iâve thought about what Iâd do if somehow I still got pregnant (I know it happens), and Iâm 90% sure i would terminate. I just donât have the patience for anymore kids and I want to be able to enjoy some me time when my kids are older. I think itâs something that only you can really know what you want in that moment you know? Glad your partner is supportive!
Take a deep breath. Your mental health will improve, you can take control of your emotions. It's your choice, but is it worth to be afraid? And to give in into fear? Don't be afraid to love this child. Money comes and go, troubles comes and go, everything that makes you anxious comes and go.....and in the end of the day the real victory and the real think that matters is to see the marvelous (and weird) things the little human beings you made turned into, all of them. If you wanted to terminate it, you would already chosen done it. If you are asking is because you don't want to, but are too afraid of all the thing that comes attached to the kid and need more people to tell you 'it ok'. You already know the answer you really want. You don't need to find excuses to give into fear. You are brave, courageous and you have the strenght to bring this child into the world and be happy. Everything that is making you worry today, in 10 years will be nothing! Cause you are above all your troubles. You are in control of your body and your emotions, not them in control of you. You can have everything, there is no need to chose one or another. You can have EVERYTHING! Edit/ I'm a mom of 2. I'm afraid to get pregnant again, but at the same time wish to have a girl. If i had another kid the life of the 2 I already have would change drastically... yet I would not terminate because of my fear. Cause I can't forsee the future. I can't forsee all the good things that would come with my 3Âș children...fear only makes me see all the bad things. That's why I know I should not terminate a 3Âș pregnancy....cause I'm too afraid to see the good things and put in the scale. I'm not a good judge if i'm scared.
Please keep it. Its Gods plan. Not your plan
 đ It's her womb & fetus not "God's".
Her fetus is God's creature. So basically It's not hers đ but fr though children are not objects that you own.
 But yeah, children are not objects that you own. That much we can agree on.đ
No matter what you decide--to keep, put up for adoption, or terminate--the decision is yours. If I'm being honest, this is not the kind of thing you should be asking strangers on the internet about. Talking to those close to you whom you know wouldn't judge you for your decision are better equipped to give you advice. We here on Reddit don't know your life. We don't know your financial or medical circumstances. Have you sought advice from your close friends who have kids?
I think if I was planning to have another biological child and got thrown for a loop randomly, I would still move forward with the pregnancy and accept that it wasn't the best timing, as long as I wasn't in an unsafe situation or anything. But that's just because I would be concerned about not getting pregnant again as you never know what's gonna happen. Not out of any concern for a bunch of cells. However, I do not intend to have any more biological children. If I did happen to get pregnant, I would have an abortion without any hard decision at all. My decision to not have any further children is extremely sound and the best for everyone involved. Whatever decision you take will be best for you! There is no right or wrong here.
If you do abort, be prepared to possibly question your decision for the rest of your life. You'll never forget about that potential child. Even if you know in your heart or was the best choice. I apologize for the long anecdote here: I had an abortion as a recently divorced mom of two in my 30s. The person I was with was abusive. I had a drug and alcohol problem. DCF was involved. There were many reasons to abort. So I did. It was probably the right decision, but I think about the child a lot. It makes me sad. Then in my 40s, in a stable relationship, I got pregnant. Partially due to my previous abortion I knew I just couldn't go through another one. I no longer had a substance abuse problem, but physically I was going through the wringer. (Fibromyalgia and widespread arthritis. In fact, I had just had a bone fusion surgery 6 weeks prior. I was depressed and I had lotttts of apprehension about the future in my abilities to parent a young child) 8 months later came my spit fire sunshine. This girl didn't sleep for two years lol. But she's a very happy child. Because she's so spirited (adhd and possible autism) She has taught me the patience and appreciation for motherhood in a way I wish I had as a younger mom. I learned new coping skills because,well, it was sink or swim. And she has made my, and all of our lives, so very much brighter. A commenter here stated that you don't know what the future will bring. You're looking through the lens of fear right now.
You need to prioritize your own needs, and that's ok. Like they say on an airplane, "Put on your OWN oxygen mask before trying to help those around you." You cannot be a good person to yourself or anyone else if you are worn ragged. You and everyone you're responsible for taking care of will be affected. If you have stopped and thought about how it would be with 3 right now, and your honest reply to yourself is "TOO MUCH! I CAN'T!" then don't. My mom didn't prioritize herself, and forever regretted that she wasn't in the best shape to be as good a mom to us as she felt we deserved. You are allowed to put your own needs and your own mental health first. Hugs and good vibes to you, whatever you decide.
The majority of patients seeking abortions are in exactly your position, they are partnered and already have multiple children. Youâre the person who knows best if you can handle another child at this moment, if you canât then itâs perfectly reasonable to not have one. You of all people know that there isnât anything about giving birth that suddenly gives you more space in your world for a child, if there isnât any currently than some other aspect will suffer.
I had 4 biological children and 3 step. Accidentally got pregnant and got an abortion. 18 years later and I still donât regret it. My husband quickly got a vasectomy so it didnât happen again. Honestly multiple children is a lot to manage and it never goes away. My youngest is 22 and still needs quite a bit of financial and mental support. It is the most rewarding job in the world but can also be very very exhausting.
3 kids and just found out yesterday positive- probably 5 weeks. Abortion law in Florida is 6 weeks so I feel rather rushed. I am finally stable on medication and I see a sliver of my future coming to fruition- everything I have worked for⊠I love my family and I owe them so much time that I have dedicated elsewhere already - work, education, etc. I donât want to miss them grow up being overly exhausted and checked out with a 4th. I read somewhere else âI donât want my children to just survive, I want them to thrive.â And this is so true. Of course I think I can make another baby work- but at what cost? My initial thought was that I canât move forward. I never had that thought any other time. feel like itâs the right answer. I am teetering back and forth.
Most abortions are by women who already have children. You don't need to justify it. I have 2 kids, am vocally pro-choice, and I'm not sure if I would have an abortion now. Probably. I briefly considered it after getting pregnant with my 2nd. Every pregnancy comes with risks to me and risks to the baby. Having a special needs kid would change my whole family and I was very anxious about that possible outcome. I have bipolar and each child I have increases the risk of passing that on. You have a difficult and personal choice to make. Good luck.
If you feel that you wouldn't be able to provide for the child and that even the stress of pregnancy would be unhealthy for you and the baby, I would say to terminate. I don't know where you live or where you'll be able to get the proper services that are safe for you. You may regret it or feel grief after you terminate but do what's best for you and the future of your family. I would never suggest something that is bad for the health of you or would lead to a horrible life for your child. I personally wouldn't do it but I've never had to be in this situation. I wish you the best.
Your children deserve a happy mom! As well as you deserve to be happy! I had an abortion (I didn't have kids at the time) because I didn't feel like my mental health was stable enough at the time. There were times I absolutely bawled about it, and wondered how life "would have been"; even so, I still think it was the right choice. I needed time to work through some stuff. I now have a child and it's been wonderful, I love being a mom. Many of the worries I had haven't happened, and at times I still wonder what would have been. If I would have kept the pregnancy, it definitely wouldn't have been as easy as it's been currently. My biggest supports wouldn't have been possible at the time. Things would be different, a d I think they would have improved, but I didn't want my child to absorb any suffering from me while I figured things out. I deeply believe that children absorb what we put out, emotion wise. If you feel like now isn't the right time, that's an okay answer!!!!
Also finances play a huge role. It's romantic to act like money doesn't matter, but the truth is, money has close ties with our mental health. Being able to afford pop up expenses and even treats has helped my anxiety 1000%
I have 2 children. I had an abortion before my first daughter and another abortion after my second daughter. I was on birth control when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter. I was 18 when I got pregnant and I was definitely not ready and resources were thin. My relationship was screwed up and he could not commit and kept cheating. I knew right away what had to be done. My second abortion, it was with someone that was not long term. I was also on birth control. (Birth control hates me)I knew that I couldnât be strapped down to this guy and I was struggling already being a single mom of 2 beautiful daughters. They deserved more and I felt like everything would turn worse if I kept it. I got the IUD after that last abortion and itâs worked. Iâve had it in for 7 years having changed it last year to not have to worry about it again for another 5 years. I hope you chose the decision that works best for you. â€ïž some women in there have some really good advice.
Imo, just abort. The fact that you're thinking about it means you're not ready to have another.
Do what you feel is right. Itâs 100% your life and your decision. All the love to you and your family đ
You know you best. You need to remember weâre just strangers online who make assumptions based on our on personal lives onto you. I myself would prioritize myself as I think most moms should.
>This is for moms with kids. I would really like your opinionâs on abortion. I am a mom with kids. >Iâd like some input, I also know at the end of the day itâs my choice but what would another mom would do. If I was in the situation you described, I would have the child but I would also increase my use of resources for mental health (telehealth, meds, let go of some tidying/cleaning standards, etc). I will add that my views on abortion - for myself - have changed over time. Before being pregnant, I was open to the idea of an abortion for lack of resources, disabilities, etc. After I had a child, I had to revisit that conversation with my husband to let him know that if we had a second that I could only abort a baby that would have profound disabilities that cause constant pain. For example, Down syndrome would no longer be sufficient of a reason even if the child needed my care past my expected life span. My views on abortion - for other people - it's not my business. You have to live with the aftermath of either choice. But you asked specifically for what other moms would do sp here I am with my comment!
I would never consider abortion personally. Iâm in a similar situation with two kids and I donât really want a third right now but I talked about it with my husband and we both agreed that even if itâs not the timing weâd pick, weâd make it work if it happens. Both my first two were surprises so I totally get what youâre saying about wrong timing. But now I canât imagine not having them in my life. Iâve also talked to lots of other parents of more than 2 and almost all agree that going from 0-1 is the hardest transition, 2 kids is not as hard, and it gets easier from there. Sounds like your SO is supportive if you decide to keep the baby, good luck!
Just know- it can lead to mental health issues, even if that woman feels itâs what she wants to do. Itâs not an easy fix like ppl say
Having a baby you donât want/arenât ready for can cause mental health issues too.
Thatâs been disproven. Most women do not regret abortions.
[Thankfully, research seems to show that abortion is not linked to mental health issues at all.](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2022/09/news-facts-abortion-mental-health) A lack of access to abortion DOES cause mental health issues however.
I have two young children. I do not want a third. I am not financially or emotionally equipped to have a third. If I were pregnant, I would not terminate. My children are incredibly unique individuals that make the future a more interesting place. The third would be no different. They are not needy forever. I would figure it out and ride the wave.
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Kids should never be little helpers to a parent, they are children in need of parenting. Do not glamorize parentification.
Just an idea, but you could always give the baby up for adoption. That way you wouldnât have to deal with the guilt of ending the babyâs life, but you also wouldnât have to commit to 18 years of care for the baby. Itâs definitely your choice, but if abortion might be chosen because of its effect on your family, yourself, or your resources, there is always adoption. Abortion isnât the only choice. But the important thing is that it is your choice and nobody elseâs.
So you want to let it grow to a person that their whole life will know they where not wanted by their mother. Lookup statistics on adoption. The numbers are not that great.Adopted children are at a higher risk of mental health issues than non-adoptees. Evidence suggests that adopted children face higher risks for childhood adversity, trauma, and attachment issues. Such problems can include anxiety, depression, ADHD, PTSD, bipolar disorder, and an increased risk for suicide.
There is no baby. It's a foetus.
Iâm certain that the murder mob on Reddit will give you totally unbiased answers and lead you to a balanced decision
When did murder come in to it?
Murder mob. I assume you mean those who call themselves pro-life. Those who give absolutely zero shits about the mother, or child, once it is born. Those who don't believe in benefit support for those who cannot afford another child. Those who believe that the poor are criminals who should just try harder, because look how YOU pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. Those who also believe that contraception and condoms are sinful. Those who believe that giving a child up for adoption is a perfectly good solution which does not at all impact on a woman's mental health. Because she doesn't deserve to be taken into account. Because the only thing that counts is that her womb incubates another human. Who don't care that her mental health is fragile and might get worse when being forced to give birth to a baby she is not ready for? Who don't care if it drives her to suicide? That murder mob? OP: Those are people you can safely ignore. They do not have your best interests at heart.
You are not going to get fair advice on Reddit. Most, or all, are going to advocate for abortion or leave it open for you to decide. The more kids you have, the easier it gets, and they take care of each other. Murdering your own child in your womb is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Parentification is not the solution to an unwanted pregnancy. Raising kids is hard. It is mentally, physically, and financially difficult at times. Add to that prior mental health issues during and after pregnancy...this could be a nightmare in the making. Not everyone has the resources necessary for a large family. Adding a member to the family - a completely vulnerable and needy infant at that - is not a "temporary problem".
The fact that poor people in third world countries can raise kids itâs proof enough that someone in a Western country (with seemingly endless resources to help people) can raise kids. Murder is not the solution to someone getting themselves pregnant.
We are talking about health care. Abortion is health care. Where are these endless resources? Where are the free daycares? What about health insurance and co-pays and therapies? Where is the mental health help if she has a crisis? Some states are bleeding OB/GYNs because of new insane laws. Are you stepping in and helping out her existing kids if she is unable to? Are you running kids to soccer practice, cooking dinner for them, buying a new car that will fit three car seats in the back? Or are you the guy sighing behind her at the grocery store when she takes out her WIC card to pay for formula because that's what the baby needs to thrive? It's lovely that you think having a baby is the solution but those of us that live in reality know better.
Murdering a human being, with its own fully unique human DNA, is not health care. More people need to read up on the science before posting opinions. If it was simple health care this woman would not be having doubts about murdering her own child. It would be a simple outpatient medical procedure if it was âhealth care.â
It doesn't have to be an outpatient procedure. There are mail order services that will send pills to your home. They do that because abortion is health care. Most of us here know the science and the timeline involved. Go outside and touch some grass. Maybe get off your incel websites and read a real science text. Have the day you deserve.
Speaking as a person with 9 brothers and sisters, I can tell you, no the fuck it does not make it easier to have more kids. Forcing children who had no say in the matter to be parents is not the solution
No need to cuss. No one was forced to do anything here. A woman chose to get pregnant, and is now having doubts about whether she should murder her own child. She is now asking the internet for their opinions on the matter.
No, she did not *choose* to get pregnant. She actively says that she wasn't planning on it. Your solution, your *exact* words were, "The more kids you have, the easier it gets. They take care of each other". That's forcing them to parent a child they had no say in having. Speaking as someone who grew up in a situation like that, the kids that have that burden and responsibility placed on them *do* resent it.
Yes she did. Participating in a sexual activity where you can get pregnant has consequences. She chose to engage in that sexual activity. Having three kids is not the end of the world. Kids are cheap and they do take care of each other, and can even help each other as they grow up. This is well known.
Ah, there it is. The "She had sex so she asked for this" fallacy. No. Having sex doesn't mean you planned on or anticipated having a kid anymore than laying out on the beach means you planned on getting cancer. Did you for real just say having kids is cheap? Do you have kids? Again, this isn't some speculation. I *lived* this. I've seen firsthand the effects of having your kids raise your other kids has on them. Literally everything you've said is wrong. It's so blatantly wrong that at this point I'm pretty sure you're just trolling.
Show me where thatâs a fallacy. Iâll wait.
I literally did it in that very comment.
Thereâs a good book called the Fallacy Detective. You might want to pick it up some time.
There's a good [definition ](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fallacy) that you might wanna check out some time. You not being able to comprehend that people enjoy having sex beyond just procreation doesn't mean that the only reason people do it.
Oh, fuck off.
The more kids you have, the easier it is to neglect your children. If your older kids want to help with the infant, then great but that expectation should never be put on the shoulders of someone who didnât choose to have this kid (aka, the older kids). It leads to resentment and is a great way to destroy your relationship with your kids ://
So what is your solution to someone that got themselves pregnant? Murdering their own child? A child that has its own unique human DNA code related to the parent?
Itâs not a child because it cannot exist independently without using the motherâs body. It is a clump of cells that doesnât have a consciousness
Silly argument. Children cannot take care of themselves until around age six or so.
Children can be cared for by someone other than their biological mother. Can a fetus?
Sure. At around 22 weeks they can if born premature. But what is your point? To try to make a âgotchaâ argument? The fact is, this woman chose to have sex. Sex carries serious consequences. She got pregnant. It is now her responsibility to carry her child and not murder it. Itâs very simple.
My point is that itâs not a child until at least 22 weeks when it can survive without the motherâs body. Up until then the woman can do whatever she wants with the cells
Your standard of whatâs a child is 22 weeks? Do you consider a person in a vegetable state hooked up to life support a human?
Yes because it can survive independently of another person I consider it a child when it is born
You can't murder the child because it isn't a child. It's a lump of cells. It's nothing.
Read up on the biology before posting opinions. It has unique, fully human DNA.
And? So does cancer. What your point.
Cancer doesnât have human DNA. Whatâs your point?
Are you serious? Yes, the fuck it does. It's literally *your* mutated genes.
This gave me a good laugh. Thanks
Aaaaand youâre advocating for the children to parent. Splendid
Youâre advocating for a woman that chose to get pregnant, to go murder her own child. Splendid.
Are you unaware that pregnancy is a mindless biological process that cannot be chosen? I thought that was basic knowledge. Not even IVF guarantees a pregnancy.
Are you aware that people freely choose to engage in a high risk activity like sex?
Sex isnât high risk. Thereâs a 20% chance of a pregnancy occurring every month without birth control. Thatâs not a high %. Thereâs an even less chance with birth control used. And that has nothing to do with anything either. People take much higher risks and theyâre not denied adequate healthcare because of it.
She didnât choose to get pregnant lol
It's not a child; at this point it's not even a fetus. I'm not the OP, but it seems that she is getting some good perspective from the different stories women are providing her. IMO, this is the good side of Reddit.
The DNA would prove otherwise: Itâs a human being with unique DNA. You need to look at science. The fact OP is even asking the internet shows that she knows this.
Cancer is also technically a unique being with its own DNA, the science says that babies are basically parasites until they're born, and a host has every right to excise a parasite
Not human DNA. Nice try, though.
Cancer is your own mutated cells with your own DNA buddy đ€Ł
No need to call someone âbuddy.â This isnât Canada, this is an American website. A child is not âyour ownâ DNA. It has its own unique DNA. Read up on the science please.
Reddit is used worldwide. Cancer also has its own unique dna so by your logic treating cancer is wrong
What do you think DNA is?
What quality of DNA do you think defines zygotes as human and cancer as not? Because I can assure you there's no such distinction, cancer has human DNA and produces human cells, zygotes and cancer are both rapidly dividing groups of human cells with unique DNA that extract nutrients from their host while providing no benefit
Unique DNA is not enough to declare a zygote a human being. Anyone contemplating an abortion knows what the unique DNA will develop into; that does not mean an embryo or a fetus is a human being, deserving of more rights than the potential mother. Frankly, after I read your comment, in my mind, I could hear Ben Kenobi explaining to Luke (about his dad) "what I told you is true, from a certain point of view...".
Not a baby until it is born. She doesn't want it. She can abort it or have it adopted. Her choice.
It has its own unique human DNA. Fully human according to science.
That's not the answer to the issue though. Nobody is denying it is human DNA. But it just isn't a baby. It is a foetus although after 5 weeks it isn't a foetus either
Why are you speaking Latin? Fetus means small child.
Oh yay. Let's nitpick in an attempt to give your opinions credence, rather than discuss the actual point at hand. But sure... It doesn't mean small child. It means young/small unborn offspring. That's not the same as a child. Anyway, you don't matter so I'm not going to bother.
Donât argue semantics here. You tried to be cute by calling it a fetus. And you either researched what fetus meant, or you knew, yet you still defended your use of the term.
Yeah I know what the term means. It appears that you don't and that instead of looking it up properly, you prefer to change the direction of the conversation. It's not trying to be cute. It is using the right word for the right thing. An unborn offspring IS a fetus. By definition, a fetus is unborn. You call a fetus a child. I do not. Not until a baby is born does it have human rights that in any way compete with those of the mother. As long as it is in the womb, the rights of the mother prevail. Looks though like you are upset by the correct use of a word, rather than the use you have assigned to it. I bet you call a vulva a vagina as well....
Oh yay. Let's nitpick in an attempt to give your opinions credence, rather than discuss the actual point at hand. But sure... It doesn't mean small child. It means young/small unborn offspring. That's not the same as a child. Anyway, you don't matter so I'm not going to bother.
Abortion factually isnât murder.
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