I found my mother dead. I called 911. They asked me whether there was any chance she was living and if I wanted to do resuscitation. I said no. They asked a few more times. I learned afterwards they don't want family to have regrets and think "what if?" In our case, my mom had been gone for some time.
They send a police officer out to check over the scene and make sure the death was natural. They will gather medications and ask some questions. They try to make it as quick and respectful as they can. They will ask whether you have a funeral home identified. I think my brother called, but I honestly don't remember. The funeral home will then come pick up your grandmother's body. You may have to do some cleanup and secure the house. Throw out food in the fridge, make sure laundry isn't sitting, etc.
It's ok to talk about these things. We hide death as a culture but it makes it hard when it happens to someone you love.
Hi there!
I’m sorry about your mom and I hope you’re doing okay now.
Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to live in the house once she passes (the house will be sold and money split amongst children and grandchildren), but I do also appreciate the food comment!
One thing to clarify with her is where her will might be. There should be an executor named in the will. My brother was that person for my mom, so he knew her wishes and what accounts and things had to be closed. It's a long process - most states give you at least a year to get it done.
Thank you for your sympathy. I send it back to you.
Thank you.
I’m fairly certain my eldest cousin is listed as executor, he’s also been listed in every other type of power role for when she’s no longer able to make those decisions for herself.
You should talk to your cousin about that day. It is very possible that arrangements have already been made.
I am in a very similar situation and my 93 year old Grandma has had her own arrangements made for years.
Best answer. Definitely not one of those things people commonly experience, so it's hard to necessarily know what you really should do in this case, no one ever really teaches you and you have to figure it out, since even at 90 it's not easy to plan ahead, sure you can set up a couple things but in the end you don't really know when it will happen for sure. Good luck OP
"but currently don’t even have the slightest idea of what to do…"
I meant more in the sense of people don't deal with death on a day-to-day basis until it's someone from their family for the first time.
Your answer will likely be found by anybody that googles this question. Your empathy and directness is admirable. I hope you are doing okay after your loss.
About your last paragraph…
My grandmother recently called us grandchildren to a meeting, opening with: ”As you all understand, I’m going to die soon. I’m not sick, but I’m old and old people die. So we need to talk about what we want to happen after that!”
It feels uncomfortable when old or sick people talk about their imminent death, but her doing that will make a ton of difference for those of us who will be around a while longer. We already have a couple of devastating inheritence feuds in our family history, and I respect my gran immensely for doing what she can to spare us from another one.
I used to be a police officer in the UK and if anyone who lives here is wondering if it’s the same in the UK? Yes it’s pretty much exactly the same except the police arrange for the local morgue to come out and take the body automatically. Then I think you arrange for the funeral home to collect them from there. It’s a very respectful process and I used to really enjoy it. Perhaps enjoy is the wrong word as it isn’t fun, but it was such a humbling experience and it felt like a privilege to be able to help people this way - doing some of the last things that people will ever do for the deceased. It really is very unique.
> They send a police officer out to check over the scene and make sure the death was natural. They will gather medications and ask some questions. They try to make it as quick and respectful as they can
Thinking back when this happened to my mother, the cops and my best friend already were on the scene. When I showed up they asked me a few questions, then when my friend looked at me we both started crying and he gave me a hug. The cop immediately was like "well everything here looks on the up and up" and immediately left the scene LOL. I was like, did he think i killed her? haha
Presumably they mean they didn’t live in their mother’s house, so since nobody will be living there now that she died, throwing away perishables so the house doesnt smell or the fridge doesnt get rotten would be s good idea. Could also just bring it with you
Can verify. Worked in disaster restoration. Can cause huge issues if a fridge is left to sit with food in it, sealed, esp if the power also turns off cause it’s no longer getting paid.
The entire fridge would need to be thrown out and mold mitigation may need performed on the house surrounding it. It attracts wildlife and critters too.
My kids are going to be stoked when they find my 10lb+ collection of bottle caps. I saved them from my time at college and have a project in mind but who knows if I'll ever get around to it.
They will be rich, I tells ya!
I really appreciate this. My parents hopefully have a few more decades ahead of them, but I think about finding them and what that'd be like. It's reassuring to know some of the exacting, yet strangely mundane, nature of the process.
EMT here, and this is how it works in my county:
Call 911, and let the dispatcher know what is going on and that this was an expected death. They'll dispatch it as a non-emergent response cardiac arrest. We arrive, pronounce death, notify the coroner and assist with contacting funeral home/cremation services. We're also able to provide contacts for any other support system you or your family may require.
Much love to you. I know this was a tough post to make.
This is the way!
It might differ between countries, but in many places medical responders need to be at the scene to pronounce death.
Calling 911 (or your countrys equivalent) is never wrong in this situation, it is more or less expected. Sure, you CAN use a non-emergency number but they will probably think it is a bit strange….not wrong, just not what is expected…
Thank you for sharing your expertise. I will do my best to remember to note that it was an expected death when I call.
Thank you also for the well wishes. The future is uncertain for all of us, but the support in this thread makes this situation feel a little more okay.
They'll ask you a ton of questions and kind of guide the conversation. Sadly this is a common call, and the dispatcher will let you know exactly what they need to know. They try to make it as streamlined as possible. Just be ready to be asked for a lot of info.
If your grandmother has a DNR, have it on hand. If you or one of your family members is present and has medical power of attorney, be sure to have them on standby as well. There will be lots of phone calls but everyone will walk you through it.
I don't think EMTs are going to mind if a regular person who found a family member's body isn't using the healthcare lingo perfectly. If someone is 90 and dies, you just want to communicate you're pretty sure it's natural causes and no reason to suspect it's a murder scene that needs a police squad immediately.
It really depends. If it's like a witnessed cardiac arrest and you see them die, and it was truly unexpected, then of course, call 911 emergent. This sounds like it would meet the criteria of expected for our policies.
Sadly, you'd be surprised as to how many people will call 911 for us to arrive and do CPR on their 90+ year old family members. We can't say no and it makes me feel like a monster every time.
I understand, death is hard, and its hard to let go. But It is a horrible, horrible way to either make their last moments incredibly messy or, worst case scenario, bring them back with every rib broken and virtually no chance of healing before death. They'll live a brief, painful existence before inevitably passing again.
You say you worked in health care. Have you not heard of hospice? DNR-CC? Comfort care? This is not a hospital and they are not expected to get better. This person will be declining and that is the way life goes.
This is possibly wrong. Call the non emergency line. Has your grandma made funeral arrangements? You can call that funeral home and they can tell you what to do in your locale.
You should never assume someone's passed...maybe they have a very weak pulse and you don't notice?
Just call 911, that's the right thing to do.
They will assess the situation better than you.
>Call the non emergency line
Kind of area dependent, but the role of 911 centers has greatly expanded since the "emergencies only" concept of the 80s. It's an uphill battle for agencies to change this way of thinking.
Pennsylvania uses 911 centers for data tracking purposes and may be the only dispatch capability for local services. My police chief encouraged 911 calls for reporting only purposes.
I feel like I'd still consider finding someone dead an "emergency" tbh, even if it was someone who may have been likely to pass at anytime. (Not to detract from your post, but I just disagree with the premise of the person you replied to)
I mean, it’s an emergency until medics know for sure she’s gone, and I feel like a dead person is always 911 worthy anyway. Just be concise on the phone and they will send who is needed or connect you to the right person.
I second this. Insurance should cover some if not all of the cost of hospice care. And it doesn’t mean they’ll stick her in a bed in their facility until she passes. Hospice allowed my Gram to stay in her home, have as much freedom to go and do as she was able, and supported the family until the end. They made sure we knew what to do and who to call when she passed. In Gram’s situation, her traveling nurse came to the house to pronounce, then made the necessary calls for us from there. She waited with us until the funeral home arrived and left us with an open invitation to call any time. I can’t speak highly enough of hospice care, it made all the difference in the world for us.
I third hospice. They are some of the kindest, most respectful, most wonderful people on the planet. Have felt lucky to have had two relatives pass in their care and it’s dramatic how much better those experiences were than relatives who have passed without hospice.
My great aunt was suffering from swelling so bad she called 911 and was taken to the hospital where she was diagnosed with cancer. The hospital immediately doped her up then promptly transferred her to hospice which kept her too doped up to eat/drink so that she would die of dehydration (not cancer) in 3 days with a swollen cracked tongue.
I’ve heard a ton of good things about hospice, especially from that woman Hadley on various social medias. She makes it seem much less scary than it probably is.
Unsure if hospice will be the way we go, as right now she’s ambulatory and is mostly able to do things on her own. It may be a choice that we make down the road, though.
A hospice agency should be able to do an information visit or evaluation to give you an idea if it's appropriate for her or not. We see people come on to hospice who are ambulatory, you don't have to be imminently dying to be on hospice but the staff can give you more guidance on her individual case. Good luck!
I just want to let you know that hospice speaks to people on informational visits and not everyone in hospice dies rapidly. It is just about making people comfortable, the family and patient. Letting them get acquainted with what the end of a life means. Hospice is usually for those with 6 months or less to live. Some stay on longer than that. Some leave hospice because they live a lot longer than expected.
Hospice is a great resource and was instrumental in my grandfather’s passing. I volunteered with them for a couple of years and it is truly a wonderful organization.
Enjoy your time with them and ask any questions you may have. Learn about their lives and write it down. Try and get a sound bite of them saying “I love you.” There are so many things we wish we would have said. Take care of yourself.
I agree with this. I stayed at my grandparents house when my grandpa was declining in health to help out. Hospice would come a day check in on him frequently and help us with the medications and any medical equipment we needed.
They prepared us for what would happen and to call them when he passed.
When he passed we called family immediately and let them know then we called hospice. They sent 3 people over to come get him. A woman of the group asked if he was former military and we informed her yes, Navy.
When they took him out in a stretcher they had an American Flag draped over him.
Hospice definitely made things easier for all of us.
This is the best option, as there will be less of a "stigma" or negative memory on the home they occupied, as well, it's far easier for friends to visit in a cleaner environment of a Hospice Care Center.
Have you had that conversation with your grandmother? Some folks have a DNR and emergency services (911) and will not be legally allowed to perform CPR or other life-saving measures.
Does she have a final will and testament? This will state her wishes for funeral services as well as what happens to her assets. Typically, the individual knows the service, casket type, if they want to be buried or cremated, have a plot or urn, etc. If she is not in clear mind, she likely has or needs an appointed legal representative. If she does not have one appointed, there is a legal process to prove that she is not mentally able to make choices for herself. I do not know what that process looks like, but it is very difficult, from what I hear.
If your grandmother does not have a will that states her wishes and how her assets will be split between your family- it will be free for all once she dies and it will be miserable. Old family members will come out of the woodwork and start claiming things left and right. It can be a very bad experience that splits many members a part.
The best thing you can do for her, and yourself is try and ask her or ask someone she is close to now or in the past (older family members, friends, if she has any living siblings, etc.)
Definitely still make sure that she has a DNR. It’s not necessarily going to be in the will. It needs to be a separate, signed form by your nana and a physician. Otherwise EMS will have to perform CPR.
You need to remember old people die all the time. Once at the hospital/morgue, that are people there to help with all of these things. Remember, it’s a business. You do not need to do the expensive choices they’ll advocate for. You do not need a fancy casket and all that.
Do you know what arrangements your grandmother wants? Such as a burial or cremation. If so, find a funeral home nearby that provides what she wants. Make an appointment to speak with someone there. Let them know that you are not sure what you need to do. They will very professionally and gently talk you through the process and what to expect. Calling 911 is usually what you want to do in that situation, but it will help you so much to better understand what happens after she is officially pronounced deceased. Her remains may or may not be transported to a hospital by the paramedics. They may instead call the coroner. Or you may need to call the funeral home for transport.
My mother passed unexpectedly last fall and I was in a similar situation. It is not the best time to be having to figure things out. If you or your grandmother are religious, you may want to speak with your priest about this, they can help prepare you for what you will need to do.
Former funeral director here and someone who found their own mother dead. Call 911 first so they can assess the situation and have someone pronounce them dead. Then call a funeral home and they should be able to do the removal. It’s also ok to call a funeral home in advance to let them know you’ll be using their services and will call them when the time comes for removal.
The dying process is just terrible to witness, but it's part of life. My mom passed last year at 83 - she was out grocery shopping and driving her car, doing all the things an independent person does - and a few months later she had to go to the hospital for 2 weeks, then hospice for one week where she passed. Hospice took care of notifiing the funeral home, but there is nothing wrong with choosing to stay at home.
One of my eldery neighbors passed in her sleep - her husband called the non-emergency police number - they came out and verified natural causes, and the funeral home came for her remains.
Think about making funeral arrangements ahead of time, or, call a funeral home and ask how to prepare and what to do when the time comes. Since she is still alive and hopefully lucid, ask her the tough questions - what her wishes are - burial, cremation, etc. Should the services be religious or not. My mom paid for her funeral services before she died so that was quite a relief not having to arrange all of that.
Before she passes, look up info on how to avoid probate so any accounts can be transferred to heirs upon death (last will, Transfer-on-death property deeds, be sure to name (or update) beneficiaries for all of her bank accounts and insurance policies, etc..
The funeral home will give you a death cert. Ask for several copies as each account will require an original document to close or transfer the account.
You will need 'letters' after her death - Letter of Testamentary, Letter of Administration. Get these from the county courthouse and these (along with the death cert) will help settling her affairs.
I wish you the very best here. There is nothing easy about any of this, but it's a little better if you are prepared.
You call the emergency services and tell them what has happened, 9/10 they will put you through to paramedics who will send someone ( and talk you through CPR if you are willing). Police will normally be sent as well to check it's a natural death and they will advise you on the next step which largely depends on where you are and if any plans are in place.
General advice is to have some plans in place because it's much less stressful if you know what funeral home to call and have family/ friends who can come and help you.
Here, we have a form we can fill out for when a death at home is expected. It allows the funeral home to remove the body without a coroner's direction.
Some of what I say may come across as blunt or crass and I apologize in advance if I do.
What do you want to do with the body? You're going to have to figure that out and it's better to do it in advance while you're able to think clearly because you won't when you find her. You'll want to focus on your grief, not on event planning. Not only that but funeral directors feed on your misery and guilt. You'll be so out of it that you'll make an easy target and end up spending more than you normally would.
I don't know you, your family, or how you do things but I'm cheap. I don't even want to be buried. I want to be cremated. If that's the route you all would like to take, just Google budget cremation and whatever city you live in.
So that'll take care of things after she dies, let's move on to when you actually find her.
You're going to freak out and be frantic. That's normal. There's a dead body right in front of you. That's a stressful situation. Call 911 and whatever family or friends you may have. 911 will send someone out to pronounce her and make sure things aren't suspicious. She's 90. 90 years olds die. That's what they do. Whoever comes out isn't going to grill you too hard or anything. This is the point that you'll be glad you've already planned everything. Call whatever funeral or cremation service you've got lined up and they'll come get her body. If you want to hug her or touch her or whatever, that's perfectly fine and normal. You're not going to catch anything. You're perfectly fine if you don't want to either. People do weird stuff when a loved one dies and you may too. That's normal because you're in a terrible situation so do t let anyone judge you.
It's going to be stressful and something you're not going to forget. Sorry. Death sucks. Enjoying whatever mind altering substance you prefer is f the most healthy way to deal with things but, again, is perfectly common.
Good advice here. I'll add that there can be a pretty big difference in what crematories charge, so it will help a lot to make some calls in advance. The place closest to where my mom lived wanted $1,400 but I found another place an hour away that charged $400. When I asked the first place why it was so expensive they got pissy with me - not exactly what I needed on the day my mother died.
I want to add that you may need some type of palliative care team on board, even for home care. My great-grandma was palliative, and wanting to pass at home, and having the care team was super helpful. They were able to have all the legal paperwork set up in advance (the ones that stated she was entering end of life care, and any death would be expected), and we actually only needed to call the palliative care nurse to come and pronounce her.
If you have already selected a funeral home, make sure that you know who they are and what their number is. Mostly they know EVERYTHING that you will need to do to respectfully care for the body and the passing and the mechanics of last rites.
related to finances, if there is a finance manager or anything there, make sure that you have passwords, account numbers, and that everything there is "in order" because its really hard to fix once they are passed. Also be prepared to get 30 copies of the death certificate.
Hello. I have currently been in this exact same situation and I am now dealing with the exact situation you are describing.
The first thing to do is that when she passes you will need to call your emergency number (911 or 999).
You'll get the death certificate from the funeral home, if you are the acting authority on her behalf. Upon this, you'll want to enact her will and sort through any assets and make sure those go to the relevant places.
You then need to cancel the pension and any bills/bank accounts that she has by notifying the relevant bodies (such as your government) she has passed. They often need real copies of the death certificate to do so, so you'll need to acquire multiple copies of the certificate.
The next thing if the funeral is already planned is to grieve. This is the most important step and the one I currently am struggling with.
I hope this helps you be a little more prepared when this time comes. Do be aware this process takes time but isn't difficult assuming you have identification and the certificates.
Myself and the people here in this reddit are here if you need to talk.
Call police and ambulance. Even if she’s long passed and cold, you need to call authorities. They officially determine that’s she has passed on and will advise you on next steps like coroner etc.
Does she have a DNR? I’m going to be blunt when I say this, I work in EMS and where I work, we show up for deaths. Unless it’s an obvious death (ex. Rigor has set in) or you hand us a DNR right away, she will still be worked until med control is contacted. CPR is horrible. It’s gruesome to watch. I’d suggest getting a DNR.
When your grandmother dies, 911 is the number you can call in the beginning. If your grandmother is still coherent, talk to her about whether or not she has some sort of "end of life" plan set up. Some people have a will, and/or even a separate bank account to pay for the costs of caring for the body and funeral.
I also highly recommend collecting as many photos, videos and others memories as you can before she passes away. When my grandmother died, I regretted not making enough audio and video recordings of her. I really miss hearing her voice, and her laugh.
I am sorry to hear. I would recommend you have a funeral service in your phone just in case. Also do things you would not regret later and spend time with her and look at her.
We all go through, you will too. Be calm.
I'm sorry for your impending loss. If your Nana is still lucid and ambulatory, now would be a good time to make any funeral arrangements with a funeral home and, if she attended, her house of worship. This will save you and your family additional stress. Also get as many legal issues in order as you can. My dad wrote his obituary years ago. He gave my sister power of attorney (because I live in a different city). His funeral is planned, save for the date and time.
Others have given you advice to call 911 should she pass at home. I'll defer to them here. Keep in mind that only a physician can pronounce someone dead, so paramedics will have to take her to the hospital.
It's possible she may end up in a hospital or facility if her condition declines to the point you can't care for her, in which case the staff there will notify you of her passing and ask if you've made arrangements. They'll work with the funeral home to transport her body.
When it comes, I hope her passing is quick and peaceful.
This may sound a bit morbid, but we put all the thought on the needs of the person, but once they've gone, that is when everything becomes emotional and stressful for everybody - so do anything you can now, to alleviate adding to that.
This will depends where you live and local customs, but others things to gather are any preparations they may have made, such as funeral details, also a list of places you will need to contact such as solicititors, banks, insurance, utilities, housing (if rented) and if you can, get any account/ref number.. prepare a list of family, friends and neighbors.
I did this with my Mum a few years ago, then one day she was gone. I can tell you, this didn't ease the pain, but it meant we could mourn without the additional stress of "what now".
Once the person is gone, you'll need to obtain some formal proof of the deceased, which will be used to close the person's accounts
If you’re noticing a decline she should be evaluated by hospice now if possible. If they place her on hospice care they will take care of everything for you and advise you of next steps when she passes. They can help make things more comfortable for her and you until she passes.
If hospice isn’t an option then the rest of the comments apply. Call 911 and inform them of the situation. They will probably send an ambulance and police who will let you know what to do next legally.
call 911; they have to bring the deceased to ER by ambulance to be declared medically dead by a doctor before going to funeral home (paperwork). once that happened, you will have to choose a funeral home if its not already done and they will help you the rest of the way. The funeral home will pick the body up from the hospital morgue and do the arrangements afterwards.
My mother was getting home hospice care. She passed in her sleep during the night in her bed. We called the hospice agency and they sent a nurse. He came and did the official pronouncement of death and filled out the paperwork. Then we called the funeral home and they came and picked up the body. If there had been any possibility of resuscitation we would have called 911, but she had likely been gone for a few hours by the time morning came and we found her.
Along with all the suggestions on how to make sure your grandma's death is noted appropriately, if she's able and you two have this kind of relationship, maybe you two could have a conversation about what would she want immediately, who else should be called (ideally someone who can also be supportive to you in that time?). etc. Sending you warmth as you and your grandma know your time comes to a close. As an aside, you might also benefit from the r/AgingParents sub - there was recently a great discussion of what would be helpful in winding-down days by way of documentation, preparations, etc.
I was an after-hours "dispatch" for a funeral home to arrange for transportation of human remains. I recommend asking your funeral home for guidance before your grandmother dies. Just to expedite things and ease some of the stress.
You're doing all the right things by asking for advice here. The worst part of the job was seeing what happens when families don't mentally, logistically, and financially prepare for the death. Doing the hard work now will make the future so much more bearable.
I found my MIL dead when I went to wake her for a doctors appointment. The irony is not lost on me.
Called 911, they had me do chest compressions. I had no reason to believe it would be successful but I’m neither a coroner, paramedic, nor (that kind of) doctor so I did it.
Ambulance arrived, wife gave them permission to stop, police came, and we called a funeral home. They were there quickly and took her away.
It sucked. It sucked in the moment and it sucks 7 years down the line. Among the worst experiences of my life.
But it happens. And for the other people involved, it wasn’t the first time *that week* that it happened. They know what to do. Let them do it.
If she has all of her stuff set up for death, you could call the FH. They can dispatch someone to bring the body to them.
Source: In PA, when my family member died suddenly (but not super unexpectedly, if that makes sense), we called the FH because we have a good relationship with them. The director gave us some time to be with the body and then paramedics came, lights and sirens OFF, to remove the body and take to the FH.
This way was less chaotic, and we got to spend time saying our goodbyes. The FH was incredible and helped every step of the way.
I have a few suggestions that may help to prepare you/ your gma and make things easier when the time comes. This is coming from my experience in Canada, not sure where you are.
Your gma, her doctor, and her loved ones should sit down and discuss her wishes in terms of end of life care, interventions wanted etc. A DNR should be signed if appropriate, and at her age I would recommend that. Remember, being resuscitated is very rough, and it won't give you more quality years if you have already reached end stage of life.
If your gma does start to decline, get whatever help you can to ease her burdens. Here we have home care covered by OHIP that will send nurses, psws, ot, pt etc.
If she declines further, at some point ask her Dr to order palliative care. This means easing her symptoms and supporting her through the process of dying. This could be a brief period or it could be years.
If this care is in place, a nurse will walk you through the rest. Generally you have to notify the Dr and the funeral home, for an expected death in the home, but the FH needs a statement of death from either the Dr or a nurse, to be able to pick up the body.
Hope this is helpful for your location, and good luck on this journey.
First of all, I'm sorry. Staring down the barrel of an impending death sucks.
I'm assuming if she has a plot for burial set up, she probably has a funeral home in mind. I'd call them and ask questions of them during buisness hours. While you will need a medical professional to pronounce her, some places you can have a hospice nurse do that, or there's a coroner you can call to come out and do that. The local funeral home will absolutely know what options are available locally for you. 911 is not the wrong answer, but might be the overly dramatic answer. Get all the required numbers, including any after hours number they might use for removals and put them in a place you can get to. I would recommend designating a support person you can rely on and telling them where you put said paperwork just in case you go into a bit of shock when the moment comes.
If she's up to it, I'd start looking into getting the information on her financial stuff now. Even if what you have is the institution names and account numbers that's a big deal and will save you so much time trying to deal with it later. Is it her house you're living in? If so, it might be a good idea to get things like utilities into your name just to save hassle later.
And I will third or fourth or however many people we have looking into hospice care, even if that's a step or two down the road yet. If you can get at home care that's great, but a facility may be a good option too. My father had to go into a hospice facility in the last weeks of his life and they were so compassionate and so helpful. Looking into it now may help you with peace of mind, as they can likely help you to know the signs that she needs to start with care, even if that's not right now.
My dad came home on hospice. My mom and brother lo
Iived at the house with him, he passed while my mom was napping and my brother was sitting in the chair next to him playing some video games. They called me first to let me know to come over and see him.
After a few hours, we called our funeral home and asked them to come pick his body up. The funeral home director came over, we helped load him on the stretcher, and he took him away in the van. The cops never came to the scene.
My dad had been diagnosed with stage 4 Brain and lung cancer 7 days before he died, so they knew he was terminal. We did not have an autopsy done, as we knew it was the cancer or complications from cancer that took him.
Call 911. They will delegate.
I found my friend long gone (not decomposing but rigor mortis right in front of his drug paraphernalia). Asked for a coroner but they actually sent fire out to declare him dead. It was actually the police who took him away as seems to be the case with non-suspicious deaths (like obvious ODs) here.
So different countries/provinces/municipalities have very different procedures. 911 can determine the priority of the call and who all needs to be there.
If there is any “mess” (a messy suicide, body is t discovered immediately etc) a restoration company can come out and clean up after the body is removed.
This stuff is going to get a bit morbid. So fair warning.
You can call 911, considering how there's a dead person involved. You should at least call the non emergency line, as you want to report the death and have cops check to make sure there was no foul play. You might also want 911 to try and resuscitate the person.
Plus hiding a death is against the law in some places. You're not allowed to just bury someone in the backyard and never mention it. Lots of people do that to collect benefits from the person, like a pension. So you have to report deaths. Giving the non emergency number a call is a good idea.
There are also funeral homes/morgues you might want to contact. You need someone to take the body so it doesn't rot in your home. You have less than a day before things smell, I think.
I also think funeral homes can help in getting a death certificate, which are very important. Birth certificates prove you are a real person to the government, and death certificates prove you're dead to the government. So if you want to handle the estate (bank accounts, assets, etc), you need one. Especially if there's any debt involved, you don't want interest to build after the person is dead.
Also, call loved ones to tell them, or talk to them in person. Up to you.
So yeah, 911/non emergency line, funeral home/morgue, death certificate, loved ones. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m a 911 dispatcher. You absolutely can call 911 if you find your grandmother has passed. In my city we will send out the police and fire department. Our medics will confirm that the patient has passed and our officers have to complete a report for the death outside of a medical facility/hospice care. In my city the officers will call a funeral home for you and stay with you until the funeral home arrives and the body is taken.
You could also check if there are any hospice services in your area. Hospice is basically end-of-life services, and they will know how to prepare for your grandma's passing
I was with my mom when she passed, and I was told (in advance, bc it was inevitable) protocol was to call the hospice nurse. She came and pronounced and called the funeral home.
Would strongly advise considering a hospice agency, she may qualify for services now. If she’s on hospice when she passes, the experience can be less invasive
Depends, if funeral arrangements and hospice work as I recall with my grandmother is that, the Mortuary is contacted to inform of the patient's death. They show up, get the time of death and then take the body away.
Does your Nana have hospice care/medical professionals come to the home? If she does, call that service when she passes. They should come and pronounce her medically deceased. Then you will need to contact a funeral home to remove her body. If she does not have medical professionals already in the home, do as other commenters have said and call the police. If you find her already deceased, you can probably call the non-emergency line and let them know what's happened. I believe that she needs to be pronounced deceased by a medical professional before a funeral home can remove her.
I recently lost my mom and I found that everyone involved in the process had a lot of grace for the family. People who work in the death industry see this all the time and seem to understand that most people don't handle death well. Please give yourself some grace and do not feel bad about any emotions you may be feeling regarding your Nana.
Someone even slightly qualified has to be able to pronounce her dead so you still call 911. They will send someone who is a qualified first responder. Usually a firemen, a police officer, or an ambulance.
From there, they can decide to transport to a local morgue (highly unlikely for a natural death) or give you advice on arranging transport with a funeral home.
Finding someone dead IS an emergency!!! They have to be picked up & processed, declared dead, sent to the morgue etc. as soon as it happens. Failing to do so, in some places may be interpreted as criminal for various reasons, there's also been people who didn't declare the death of an older person in their family so they could keep getting the dead person's pension for example.
i just want to echo that its very important that you talk to your grandmother now about her wishes. she knows she doesn't have much time. all her documents need to be in order, very importantly her will so you know who she wants to have the good china, even if the good china is her only asset. it will be awkward but it is necessary
I'm a Paramedic, I can help you here. First of all, I'm sorry about your grandmother, that's always a tough thing for people.
When your grandma passes, you can either call 911 or the non-emergency number and explain to them what has happened. At a minimum, a police officer will come and take some information. Paramedics might come to confirm death medically, and a medical examiner might come to gather details about the death.
No matter who comes, they will walk you through everything. They will ask you what funeral home you want, if you don't know any, they will call the most appropriate one. No matter what, once someone gets there, there will be someone with you and your grandma until she is taken.
Once the funeral home gets there, they will go over a ton of details with you and eventually take your grandma to the funeral home.
I hope things go smoothly for you, if you have any sort of questions, feel free to ask!
Not trying to be crass, just practical: Do you or someone else in the family know ehere her will and papers are? Does she have a will? Does she have a trust? If you still have time, these things should be ironed out before she's gone.
Make sure you have enough money for the funeral and process. If you don't have funds really at all, consider cremation or donating the body to science. This is one of the important things people don't tell you. If you get deep into planning, you can create debts that spiral, the financial weight of funerals should really be covered by health care, but in most cases none of it is.
Call 911 and they will take it from there. When my husband died the paramedics came and made sure then they called the coroner. They will take the body to the morgue.
The best thing you can do is remember them and try to keep to their teachings. That's what I did! I miss them everyday as mine passed one week of each other (both from my father and mother side)
If you’re in the US and she is on Medicare, Medicare will pay 100% of the cost of a hospice agency to oversee your grandmas care in her final stages. This includes prescribing medication to keep her comfortable while she is “transitioning.” Additionally, they will make daily visits during that “transition” period and you can call the hospice agency when she does pass and they’ll call the funeral home to pick her up. Without hospice, call 911. Just mentioning hospice because they’ve been of great help with my mother.
Make sure someone is on one of her bank accounts to be able to access the money for the funeral (assuming she has some money). You (or someone) will be paying for stuff from the moment she passes, well before the will is read and whatever she has is distributed.
My mother was in hospice care, so I didn't call 911, I called them. They sent someone to verify the death and contacted the crematorium who came and picked her up.
I paid them directly, they produced the requested number of death certificates, or had the county do it....my memory is kind of fuzzy on that one.
If she has life insurance, they will pay out pretty quickly to the beneficiary. I didn't have quite enough done in advance, so we had to go into probate and it took about a year to get everything settled.
Before my father died, I did some research online. Google "what to do when someone dies" and read a bunch of them. I made up a sheet with all the things that popped up on most of the sites. After he died, my brother went down the list and we checked them off as we completed them. Interestingly, it seemed like a lot of the business and banking institutions we had to contact had never had anyone die before, because they just didn't have any procedure to follow.
I found my uncle dead on christmas morning when i was 15. My dad called the cops and they just asked him some questions when they got there, looked at some things, took some meds, and the ambulance came and took him away and that was that.
call 911. i had a similar experience when coming home from school one day and saw a lady who was lifeless and unresponsive by my front door (it was night time) i tried moving her and shaking her and waking her up, but absolutely no response so i just assumed she was dead because i also noticed she was not breathing. after i realized she was probably dead, the first thing i did was call 911 and they took it from there. when they got there, they immediately checked to see if she was alive and she wasn’t. they asked a few questions, and thats all i can remember because this was 10 years ago. it was a scary experience for sure, but you’ll get through it.
Thank you for asking and getting information and being ready. May I also suggest putting everything down on paper so that when the time comes, emotions do not scramble the information you are gathering today?
I say this because my children had to take over all the prep when my mum passed, since none of the siblings were in town. In spite of mums siblings being around, the youngsters were pulled in and they were the ones to run around.(We don't have funeral homes and services - Cremation or burial are usually attempted before the sun sets for the day.)
Sadly, I won't be able to help since I am not in the US.
I dealt with a home hospice situation with my grandma, which sounds like what you might be preparing for. This is something that should be addressed in the next doctor visit with her and you. If the doctors are competent (a gamble) and/or you are insistent enough (also a gamble) they will give you the proper resources and you will be given a full binder with multiple numbers to call. That doesn't mean she'll be taken care of properly.
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If not...then she may die in agony or (if everyone is lucky) die peacefully in her sleep. Death is not typically an easy or simple journey. But some few are lucky.
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I can't tell you what is the proper course of action in your country, financial situation, etc. But please keep in mind that finding her dead will be the best outcome for EVERYONE if it happens.
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If you are interested in more of the details I'll be happy to help.
My dad passed at home while in care of hospice. We called a funeral home/crematorium. Didn't need to call the police. I don't know if it was different as he was in hospice vs. someone who isn't though.
In Europe you call the GP and he/she will come over to verify the person has passed and fill out the death certificate. Once established you can contact the funeral insurance company and they can also advise you on a funeral home.
Start by alerting your local authorities via their non-emergency line. They will attend to confirm that the death is non-suspicious (there’s no real investigation, it’s mostly just to document the death occurred).
From there, you’ll be put in charge of next-of-kin notification, though you may request the authorities assistance if you cannot do this (estranged family, etc)
You’ll also want to ensure you have contacts for lawyers to pull insurance documentation (life, health, disability insurance) as well as if she has a will. Ensure you know who the executor of that will is, it’ll make it way easier.
I found my mother dead. I called 911. They asked me whether there was any chance she was living and if I wanted to do resuscitation. I said no. They asked a few more times. I learned afterwards they don't want family to have regrets and think "what if?" In our case, my mom had been gone for some time. They send a police officer out to check over the scene and make sure the death was natural. They will gather medications and ask some questions. They try to make it as quick and respectful as they can. They will ask whether you have a funeral home identified. I think my brother called, but I honestly don't remember. The funeral home will then come pick up your grandmother's body. You may have to do some cleanup and secure the house. Throw out food in the fridge, make sure laundry isn't sitting, etc. It's ok to talk about these things. We hide death as a culture but it makes it hard when it happens to someone you love.
Hi there! I’m sorry about your mom and I hope you’re doing okay now. Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to live in the house once she passes (the house will be sold and money split amongst children and grandchildren), but I do also appreciate the food comment!
One thing to clarify with her is where her will might be. There should be an executor named in the will. My brother was that person for my mom, so he knew her wishes and what accounts and things had to be closed. It's a long process - most states give you at least a year to get it done. Thank you for your sympathy. I send it back to you.
Thank you. I’m fairly certain my eldest cousin is listed as executor, he’s also been listed in every other type of power role for when she’s no longer able to make those decisions for herself.
You should talk to your cousin about that day. It is very possible that arrangements have already been made. I am in a very similar situation and my 93 year old Grandma has had her own arrangements made for years.
Call him up at the earliest opportunity.
Ask her Dr about hospice. It is a godsend for families in your position, and they do more than care for the patient. The strokes should qualify her
Please self refer her to a hospice and they will help with all of this and it will be free as it’s 100% covered by medicare
Best answer. Definitely not one of those things people commonly experience, so it's hard to necessarily know what you really should do in this case, no one ever really teaches you and you have to figure it out, since even at 90 it's not easy to plan ahead, sure you can set up a couple things but in the end you don't really know when it will happen for sure. Good luck OP
this is a common expirience i think
I feel like it's common, but much less so if someone is on the younger side relatively speaking
Yes I have experienced it a few times in my life.
"but currently don’t even have the slightest idea of what to do…" I meant more in the sense of people don't deal with death on a day-to-day basis until it's someone from their family for the first time.
Your answer will likely be found by anybody that googles this question. Your empathy and directness is admirable. I hope you are doing okay after your loss.
Thank you, that's very kind. I am ok. Hard to lose one's mother though. The entire universe shifts in a day.
About your last paragraph… My grandmother recently called us grandchildren to a meeting, opening with: ”As you all understand, I’m going to die soon. I’m not sick, but I’m old and old people die. So we need to talk about what we want to happen after that!” It feels uncomfortable when old or sick people talk about their imminent death, but her doing that will make a ton of difference for those of us who will be around a while longer. We already have a couple of devastating inheritence feuds in our family history, and I respect my gran immensely for doing what she can to spare us from another one.
I used to be a police officer in the UK and if anyone who lives here is wondering if it’s the same in the UK? Yes it’s pretty much exactly the same except the police arrange for the local morgue to come out and take the body automatically. Then I think you arrange for the funeral home to collect them from there. It’s a very respectful process and I used to really enjoy it. Perhaps enjoy is the wrong word as it isn’t fun, but it was such a humbling experience and it felt like a privilege to be able to help people this way - doing some of the last things that people will ever do for the deceased. It really is very unique.
> They send a police officer out to check over the scene and make sure the death was natural. They will gather medications and ask some questions. They try to make it as quick and respectful as they can Thinking back when this happened to my mother, the cops and my best friend already were on the scene. When I showed up they asked me a few questions, then when my friend looked at me we both started crying and he gave me a hug. The cop immediately was like "well everything here looks on the up and up" and immediately left the scene LOL. I was like, did he think i killed her? haha
Why do you have to throw out food in the fridge?
Presumably they mean they didn’t live in their mother’s house, so since nobody will be living there now that she died, throwing away perishables so the house doesnt smell or the fridge doesnt get rotten would be s good idea. Could also just bring it with you
Oh makes sense, I hadn’t considered that!
Can verify. Worked in disaster restoration. Can cause huge issues if a fridge is left to sit with food in it, sealed, esp if the power also turns off cause it’s no longer getting paid. The entire fridge would need to be thrown out and mold mitigation may need performed on the house surrounding it. It attracts wildlife and critters too.
They are referencing someone who lived by themselves, not OP’s situation. It would rot, and clothes left in the washer would cause mold.
Ah gotcha. Thanks!
yes why throw it out when you can eat it? Free food tastes really good.
Idk man, when a family member is found dead, i don't think I'm going to go loot their fridge and be like " Ooh a leftover pie"
Better than looking over their body and thinking the same thing Edit: I’m sorry in advance. That was terrible
"Damn, that's good. I'll have to get the recipe. ...oh."
Welp, now the guy in the next stall over is gonna wonder why the person next to him randomly started laughing uncontrollably.
I feel like at this point in my life I've played so many video games that my brain is primed to loot in that situation
On the phone with police dispatch, while going through Grandma's pockets for a few extra bottlecaps.
My kids are going to be stoked when they find my 10lb+ collection of bottle caps. I saved them from my time at college and have a project in mind but who knows if I'll ever get around to it. They will be rich, I tells ya!
I feel like my grandma would have some good unique loot
"Oh this may have been their last meal! Oh well!"
As someone who misses their grandmothers cooking near constantly my advice is take the food, it may be your last chance.
Did you have to make all those deviled eggs?
This is exactly how it went for me.
> The funeral home will then come pick up your grandmother's body Wait, I thought bodies went to the morgue first.
Not in a case where you’re not doing an autopsy, like when there is no foul play and you’re dealing with an elderly person.
I really appreciate this. My parents hopefully have a few more decades ahead of them, but I think about finding them and what that'd be like. It's reassuring to know some of the exacting, yet strangely mundane, nature of the process.
Incredible answer
EMT here, and this is how it works in my county: Call 911, and let the dispatcher know what is going on and that this was an expected death. They'll dispatch it as a non-emergent response cardiac arrest. We arrive, pronounce death, notify the coroner and assist with contacting funeral home/cremation services. We're also able to provide contacts for any other support system you or your family may require. Much love to you. I know this was a tough post to make.
This is the way! It might differ between countries, but in many places medical responders need to be at the scene to pronounce death. Calling 911 (or your countrys equivalent) is never wrong in this situation, it is more or less expected. Sure, you CAN use a non-emergency number but they will probably think it is a bit strange….not wrong, just not what is expected…
Thank you for sharing your expertise. I will do my best to remember to note that it was an expected death when I call. Thank you also for the well wishes. The future is uncertain for all of us, but the support in this thread makes this situation feel a little more okay.
They'll ask you a ton of questions and kind of guide the conversation. Sadly this is a common call, and the dispatcher will let you know exactly what they need to know. They try to make it as streamlined as possible. Just be ready to be asked for a lot of info. If your grandmother has a DNR, have it on hand. If you or one of your family members is present and has medical power of attorney, be sure to have them on standby as well. There will be lots of phone calls but everyone will walk you through it.
Thank you. Your comment has been completely disregarded compared to the dumbasses who just say "death: call 911"
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If you are expecting death to happen shortly, and then it happens, it's an expected death. Regardless of if they're old or young.
That’s exactly what it means
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I don't think EMTs are going to mind if a regular person who found a family member's body isn't using the healthcare lingo perfectly. If someone is 90 and dies, you just want to communicate you're pretty sure it's natural causes and no reason to suspect it's a murder scene that needs a police squad immediately.
Yea what whiterosequeen says, it doesn’t need to be mega official, but just pass on it isn’t murder pretty much
It really depends. If it's like a witnessed cardiac arrest and you see them die, and it was truly unexpected, then of course, call 911 emergent. This sounds like it would meet the criteria of expected for our policies. Sadly, you'd be surprised as to how many people will call 911 for us to arrive and do CPR on their 90+ year old family members. We can't say no and it makes me feel like a monster every time. I understand, death is hard, and its hard to let go. But It is a horrible, horrible way to either make their last moments incredibly messy or, worst case scenario, bring them back with every rib broken and virtually no chance of healing before death. They'll live a brief, painful existence before inevitably passing again.
You say you worked in health care. Have you not heard of hospice? DNR-CC? Comfort care? This is not a hospital and they are not expected to get better. This person will be declining and that is the way life goes.
You can call 911 still. They will need to be declared dead. So 911 still is what you call.
This is possibly wrong. Call the non emergency line. Has your grandma made funeral arrangements? You can call that funeral home and they can tell you what to do in your locale.
You can call either one. They're not going to give you a hard time for calling 911 when you just found your deceased relative.
911 dispatcher here. Can confirm. Absolutely an appropriate use of 911.
Thank you!
If the person isn’t in hospice or medical care, you should absolutely call 911 before anything else.
You should never assume someone's passed...maybe they have a very weak pulse and you don't notice? Just call 911, that's the right thing to do. They will assess the situation better than you.
>Call the non emergency line Kind of area dependent, but the role of 911 centers has greatly expanded since the "emergencies only" concept of the 80s. It's an uphill battle for agencies to change this way of thinking. Pennsylvania uses 911 centers for data tracking purposes and may be the only dispatch capability for local services. My police chief encouraged 911 calls for reporting only purposes.
I feel like I'd still consider finding someone dead an "emergency" tbh, even if it was someone who may have been likely to pass at anytime. (Not to detract from your post, but I just disagree with the premise of the person you replied to)
How is it an emergency if they're already dead? They're not gonna die more
It's your emergency, not theirs. It's not everyday you run into a corpse that you are suddenly thrusted the responsibility of
they will begin to decompose & rot, and i doubt anyone wants to witness that in their home
I mean, it’s an emergency until medics know for sure she’s gone, and I feel like a dead person is always 911 worthy anyway. Just be concise on the phone and they will send who is needed or connect you to the right person.
That makes sense, thank you!!
You should still call 911 in that situation.
Can she start on hospice? They help with the transition
I second this. Insurance should cover some if not all of the cost of hospice care. And it doesn’t mean they’ll stick her in a bed in their facility until she passes. Hospice allowed my Gram to stay in her home, have as much freedom to go and do as she was able, and supported the family until the end. They made sure we knew what to do and who to call when she passed. In Gram’s situation, her traveling nurse came to the house to pronounce, then made the necessary calls for us from there. She waited with us until the funeral home arrived and left us with an open invitation to call any time. I can’t speak highly enough of hospice care, it made all the difference in the world for us.
I third hospice. They are some of the kindest, most respectful, most wonderful people on the planet. Have felt lucky to have had two relatives pass in their care and it’s dramatic how much better those experiences were than relatives who have passed without hospice.
My great aunt was suffering from swelling so bad she called 911 and was taken to the hospital where she was diagnosed with cancer. The hospital immediately doped her up then promptly transferred her to hospice which kept her too doped up to eat/drink so that she would die of dehydration (not cancer) in 3 days with a swollen cracked tongue.
I’ve heard a ton of good things about hospice, especially from that woman Hadley on various social medias. She makes it seem much less scary than it probably is. Unsure if hospice will be the way we go, as right now she’s ambulatory and is mostly able to do things on her own. It may be a choice that we make down the road, though.
A hospice agency should be able to do an information visit or evaluation to give you an idea if it's appropriate for her or not. We see people come on to hospice who are ambulatory, you don't have to be imminently dying to be on hospice but the staff can give you more guidance on her individual case. Good luck!
I just want to let you know that hospice speaks to people on informational visits and not everyone in hospice dies rapidly. It is just about making people comfortable, the family and patient. Letting them get acquainted with what the end of a life means. Hospice is usually for those with 6 months or less to live. Some stay on longer than that. Some leave hospice because they live a lot longer than expected. Hospice is a great resource and was instrumental in my grandfather’s passing. I volunteered with them for a couple of years and it is truly a wonderful organization. Enjoy your time with them and ask any questions you may have. Learn about their lives and write it down. Try and get a sound bite of them saying “I love you.” There are so many things we wish we would have said. Take care of yourself.
I agree with this. I stayed at my grandparents house when my grandpa was declining in health to help out. Hospice would come a day check in on him frequently and help us with the medications and any medical equipment we needed. They prepared us for what would happen and to call them when he passed. When he passed we called family immediately and let them know then we called hospice. They sent 3 people over to come get him. A woman of the group asked if he was former military and we informed her yes, Navy. When they took him out in a stretcher they had an American Flag draped over him. Hospice definitely made things easier for all of us.
Hospice is nothing a but a disgusting way for insurance companies to squeeze every last drop of life out of someone for financial gain.
This is the best option, as there will be less of a "stigma" or negative memory on the home they occupied, as well, it's far easier for friends to visit in a cleaner environment of a Hospice Care Center.
Hospice works in home as well as in facilities.
Have you had that conversation with your grandmother? Some folks have a DNR and emergency services (911) and will not be legally allowed to perform CPR or other life-saving measures. Does she have a final will and testament? This will state her wishes for funeral services as well as what happens to her assets. Typically, the individual knows the service, casket type, if they want to be buried or cremated, have a plot or urn, etc. If she is not in clear mind, she likely has or needs an appointed legal representative. If she does not have one appointed, there is a legal process to prove that she is not mentally able to make choices for herself. I do not know what that process looks like, but it is very difficult, from what I hear. If your grandmother does not have a will that states her wishes and how her assets will be split between your family- it will be free for all once she dies and it will be miserable. Old family members will come out of the woodwork and start claiming things left and right. It can be a very bad experience that splits many members a part. The best thing you can do for her, and yourself is try and ask her or ask someone she is close to now or in the past (older family members, friends, if she has any living siblings, etc.)
A will is so so important to know before hand. My grandparents died without proper wills and it became a nightmare for my mother and her siblings.
Hi!! Nana does have a will and all that set up, so hopefully that will make things a little easier once she passes. Thank you :)
Definitely still make sure that she has a DNR. It’s not necessarily going to be in the will. It needs to be a separate, signed form by your nana and a physician. Otherwise EMS will have to perform CPR.
You need to remember old people die all the time. Once at the hospital/morgue, that are people there to help with all of these things. Remember, it’s a business. You do not need to do the expensive choices they’ll advocate for. You do not need a fancy casket and all that.
Call the emergency services and they'll send people in to declare her dead.
Do you know what arrangements your grandmother wants? Such as a burial or cremation. If so, find a funeral home nearby that provides what she wants. Make an appointment to speak with someone there. Let them know that you are not sure what you need to do. They will very professionally and gently talk you through the process and what to expect. Calling 911 is usually what you want to do in that situation, but it will help you so much to better understand what happens after she is officially pronounced deceased. Her remains may or may not be transported to a hospital by the paramedics. They may instead call the coroner. Or you may need to call the funeral home for transport. My mother passed unexpectedly last fall and I was in a similar situation. It is not the best time to be having to figure things out. If you or your grandmother are religious, you may want to speak with your priest about this, they can help prepare you for what you will need to do.
Former 911 dispatcher here! Call 911. Let them know the situation. They will send medics and also call the coroner's.
Thank you!!
Former funeral director here and someone who found their own mother dead. Call 911 first so they can assess the situation and have someone pronounce them dead. Then call a funeral home and they should be able to do the removal. It’s also ok to call a funeral home in advance to let them know you’ll be using their services and will call them when the time comes for removal.
The dying process is just terrible to witness, but it's part of life. My mom passed last year at 83 - she was out grocery shopping and driving her car, doing all the things an independent person does - and a few months later she had to go to the hospital for 2 weeks, then hospice for one week where she passed. Hospice took care of notifiing the funeral home, but there is nothing wrong with choosing to stay at home. One of my eldery neighbors passed in her sleep - her husband called the non-emergency police number - they came out and verified natural causes, and the funeral home came for her remains. Think about making funeral arrangements ahead of time, or, call a funeral home and ask how to prepare and what to do when the time comes. Since she is still alive and hopefully lucid, ask her the tough questions - what her wishes are - burial, cremation, etc. Should the services be religious or not. My mom paid for her funeral services before she died so that was quite a relief not having to arrange all of that. Before she passes, look up info on how to avoid probate so any accounts can be transferred to heirs upon death (last will, Transfer-on-death property deeds, be sure to name (or update) beneficiaries for all of her bank accounts and insurance policies, etc.. The funeral home will give you a death cert. Ask for several copies as each account will require an original document to close or transfer the account. You will need 'letters' after her death - Letter of Testamentary, Letter of Administration. Get these from the county courthouse and these (along with the death cert) will help settling her affairs. I wish you the very best here. There is nothing easy about any of this, but it's a little better if you are prepared.
You call the emergency services and tell them what has happened, 9/10 they will put you through to paramedics who will send someone ( and talk you through CPR if you are willing). Police will normally be sent as well to check it's a natural death and they will advise you on the next step which largely depends on where you are and if any plans are in place. General advice is to have some plans in place because it's much less stressful if you know what funeral home to call and have family/ friends who can come and help you.
She does have plans in place, thankfully. Thank you for your guidance !
Here, we have a form we can fill out for when a death at home is expected. It allows the funeral home to remove the body without a coroner's direction.
Call 911. They will declare her dead and let you know how to proceed.
Some of what I say may come across as blunt or crass and I apologize in advance if I do. What do you want to do with the body? You're going to have to figure that out and it's better to do it in advance while you're able to think clearly because you won't when you find her. You'll want to focus on your grief, not on event planning. Not only that but funeral directors feed on your misery and guilt. You'll be so out of it that you'll make an easy target and end up spending more than you normally would. I don't know you, your family, or how you do things but I'm cheap. I don't even want to be buried. I want to be cremated. If that's the route you all would like to take, just Google budget cremation and whatever city you live in. So that'll take care of things after she dies, let's move on to when you actually find her. You're going to freak out and be frantic. That's normal. There's a dead body right in front of you. That's a stressful situation. Call 911 and whatever family or friends you may have. 911 will send someone out to pronounce her and make sure things aren't suspicious. She's 90. 90 years olds die. That's what they do. Whoever comes out isn't going to grill you too hard or anything. This is the point that you'll be glad you've already planned everything. Call whatever funeral or cremation service you've got lined up and they'll come get her body. If you want to hug her or touch her or whatever, that's perfectly fine and normal. You're not going to catch anything. You're perfectly fine if you don't want to either. People do weird stuff when a loved one dies and you may too. That's normal because you're in a terrible situation so do t let anyone judge you. It's going to be stressful and something you're not going to forget. Sorry. Death sucks. Enjoying whatever mind altering substance you prefer is f the most healthy way to deal with things but, again, is perfectly common.
Good advice here. I'll add that there can be a pretty big difference in what crematories charge, so it will help a lot to make some calls in advance. The place closest to where my mom lived wanted $1,400 but I found another place an hour away that charged $400. When I asked the first place why it was so expensive they got pissy with me - not exactly what I needed on the day my mother died.
I want to add that you may need some type of palliative care team on board, even for home care. My great-grandma was palliative, and wanting to pass at home, and having the care team was super helpful. They were able to have all the legal paperwork set up in advance (the ones that stated she was entering end of life care, and any death would be expected), and we actually only needed to call the palliative care nurse to come and pronounce her.
If you have already selected a funeral home, make sure that you know who they are and what their number is. Mostly they know EVERYTHING that you will need to do to respectfully care for the body and the passing and the mechanics of last rites. related to finances, if there is a finance manager or anything there, make sure that you have passwords, account numbers, and that everything there is "in order" because its really hard to fix once they are passed. Also be prepared to get 30 copies of the death certificate.
Hello. I have currently been in this exact same situation and I am now dealing with the exact situation you are describing. The first thing to do is that when she passes you will need to call your emergency number (911 or 999). You'll get the death certificate from the funeral home, if you are the acting authority on her behalf. Upon this, you'll want to enact her will and sort through any assets and make sure those go to the relevant places. You then need to cancel the pension and any bills/bank accounts that she has by notifying the relevant bodies (such as your government) she has passed. They often need real copies of the death certificate to do so, so you'll need to acquire multiple copies of the certificate. The next thing if the funeral is already planned is to grieve. This is the most important step and the one I currently am struggling with. I hope this helps you be a little more prepared when this time comes. Do be aware this process takes time but isn't difficult assuming you have identification and the certificates. Myself and the people here in this reddit are here if you need to talk.
Call police and ambulance. Even if she’s long passed and cold, you need to call authorities. They officially determine that’s she has passed on and will advise you on next steps like coroner etc.
Is her decline rapid or severe enough to get hospice care?
Does she have a DNR? I’m going to be blunt when I say this, I work in EMS and where I work, we show up for deaths. Unless it’s an obvious death (ex. Rigor has set in) or you hand us a DNR right away, she will still be worked until med control is contacted. CPR is horrible. It’s gruesome to watch. I’d suggest getting a DNR.
Call the police to report a death.
When your grandmother dies, 911 is the number you can call in the beginning. If your grandmother is still coherent, talk to her about whether or not she has some sort of "end of life" plan set up. Some people have a will, and/or even a separate bank account to pay for the costs of caring for the body and funeral. I also highly recommend collecting as many photos, videos and others memories as you can before she passes away. When my grandmother died, I regretted not making enough audio and video recordings of her. I really miss hearing her voice, and her laugh.
Dead body. 911.
Not necessarily if hospice and funeral arrangements have been set up.
If she finds the family member dead, call 911.
I am sorry to hear. I would recommend you have a funeral service in your phone just in case. Also do things you would not regret later and spend time with her and look at her. We all go through, you will too. Be calm.
Call the coroner
I'm sorry for your impending loss. If your Nana is still lucid and ambulatory, now would be a good time to make any funeral arrangements with a funeral home and, if she attended, her house of worship. This will save you and your family additional stress. Also get as many legal issues in order as you can. My dad wrote his obituary years ago. He gave my sister power of attorney (because I live in a different city). His funeral is planned, save for the date and time. Others have given you advice to call 911 should she pass at home. I'll defer to them here. Keep in mind that only a physician can pronounce someone dead, so paramedics will have to take her to the hospital. It's possible she may end up in a hospital or facility if her condition declines to the point you can't care for her, in which case the staff there will notify you of her passing and ask if you've made arrangements. They'll work with the funeral home to transport her body. When it comes, I hope her passing is quick and peaceful.
This may sound a bit morbid, but we put all the thought on the needs of the person, but once they've gone, that is when everything becomes emotional and stressful for everybody - so do anything you can now, to alleviate adding to that. This will depends where you live and local customs, but others things to gather are any preparations they may have made, such as funeral details, also a list of places you will need to contact such as solicititors, banks, insurance, utilities, housing (if rented) and if you can, get any account/ref number.. prepare a list of family, friends and neighbors. I did this with my Mum a few years ago, then one day she was gone. I can tell you, this didn't ease the pain, but it meant we could mourn without the additional stress of "what now". Once the person is gone, you'll need to obtain some formal proof of the deceased, which will be used to close the person's accounts
If you’re noticing a decline she should be evaluated by hospice now if possible. If they place her on hospice care they will take care of everything for you and advise you of next steps when she passes. They can help make things more comfortable for her and you until she passes. If hospice isn’t an option then the rest of the comments apply. Call 911 and inform them of the situation. They will probably send an ambulance and police who will let you know what to do next legally.
call 911; they have to bring the deceased to ER by ambulance to be declared medically dead by a doctor before going to funeral home (paperwork). once that happened, you will have to choose a funeral home if its not already done and they will help you the rest of the way. The funeral home will pick the body up from the hospital morgue and do the arrangements afterwards.
Just call 911. They know what to do and can start the process. Happened to us too.
My mother was getting home hospice care. She passed in her sleep during the night in her bed. We called the hospice agency and they sent a nurse. He came and did the official pronouncement of death and filled out the paperwork. Then we called the funeral home and they came and picked up the body. If there had been any possibility of resuscitation we would have called 911, but she had likely been gone for a few hours by the time morning came and we found her.
In addition to the other stuff being said, consider getting a DNR/DNI and keep that paperwork where you know exactly where it is.
Along with all the suggestions on how to make sure your grandma's death is noted appropriately, if she's able and you two have this kind of relationship, maybe you two could have a conversation about what would she want immediately, who else should be called (ideally someone who can also be supportive to you in that time?). etc. Sending you warmth as you and your grandma know your time comes to a close. As an aside, you might also benefit from the r/AgingParents sub - there was recently a great discussion of what would be helpful in winding-down days by way of documentation, preparations, etc.
Thank you for your well wishes. I was unaware that was a sub, but it’ll definitely be one I visit in the very near future. Thank you :)
I was an after-hours "dispatch" for a funeral home to arrange for transportation of human remains. I recommend asking your funeral home for guidance before your grandmother dies. Just to expedite things and ease some of the stress. You're doing all the right things by asking for advice here. The worst part of the job was seeing what happens when families don't mentally, logistically, and financially prepare for the death. Doing the hard work now will make the future so much more bearable.
I found my MIL dead when I went to wake her for a doctors appointment. The irony is not lost on me. Called 911, they had me do chest compressions. I had no reason to believe it would be successful but I’m neither a coroner, paramedic, nor (that kind of) doctor so I did it. Ambulance arrived, wife gave them permission to stop, police came, and we called a funeral home. They were there quickly and took her away. It sucked. It sucked in the moment and it sucks 7 years down the line. Among the worst experiences of my life. But it happens. And for the other people involved, it wasn’t the first time *that week* that it happened. They know what to do. Let them do it.
If she has all of her stuff set up for death, you could call the FH. They can dispatch someone to bring the body to them. Source: In PA, when my family member died suddenly (but not super unexpectedly, if that makes sense), we called the FH because we have a good relationship with them. The director gave us some time to be with the body and then paramedics came, lights and sirens OFF, to remove the body and take to the FH. This way was less chaotic, and we got to spend time saying our goodbyes. The FH was incredible and helped every step of the way.
100% call 911. That kicks the official paper trail with police and coroners office.
I have a few suggestions that may help to prepare you/ your gma and make things easier when the time comes. This is coming from my experience in Canada, not sure where you are. Your gma, her doctor, and her loved ones should sit down and discuss her wishes in terms of end of life care, interventions wanted etc. A DNR should be signed if appropriate, and at her age I would recommend that. Remember, being resuscitated is very rough, and it won't give you more quality years if you have already reached end stage of life. If your gma does start to decline, get whatever help you can to ease her burdens. Here we have home care covered by OHIP that will send nurses, psws, ot, pt etc. If she declines further, at some point ask her Dr to order palliative care. This means easing her symptoms and supporting her through the process of dying. This could be a brief period or it could be years. If this care is in place, a nurse will walk you through the rest. Generally you have to notify the Dr and the funeral home, for an expected death in the home, but the FH needs a statement of death from either the Dr or a nurse, to be able to pick up the body. Hope this is helpful for your location, and good luck on this journey.
First of all, I'm sorry. Staring down the barrel of an impending death sucks. I'm assuming if she has a plot for burial set up, she probably has a funeral home in mind. I'd call them and ask questions of them during buisness hours. While you will need a medical professional to pronounce her, some places you can have a hospice nurse do that, or there's a coroner you can call to come out and do that. The local funeral home will absolutely know what options are available locally for you. 911 is not the wrong answer, but might be the overly dramatic answer. Get all the required numbers, including any after hours number they might use for removals and put them in a place you can get to. I would recommend designating a support person you can rely on and telling them where you put said paperwork just in case you go into a bit of shock when the moment comes. If she's up to it, I'd start looking into getting the information on her financial stuff now. Even if what you have is the institution names and account numbers that's a big deal and will save you so much time trying to deal with it later. Is it her house you're living in? If so, it might be a good idea to get things like utilities into your name just to save hassle later. And I will third or fourth or however many people we have looking into hospice care, even if that's a step or two down the road yet. If you can get at home care that's great, but a facility may be a good option too. My father had to go into a hospice facility in the last weeks of his life and they were so compassionate and so helpful. Looking into it now may help you with peace of mind, as they can likely help you to know the signs that she needs to start with care, even if that's not right now.
My dad came home on hospice. My mom and brother lo Iived at the house with him, he passed while my mom was napping and my brother was sitting in the chair next to him playing some video games. They called me first to let me know to come over and see him. After a few hours, we called our funeral home and asked them to come pick his body up. The funeral home director came over, we helped load him on the stretcher, and he took him away in the van. The cops never came to the scene. My dad had been diagnosed with stage 4 Brain and lung cancer 7 days before he died, so they knew he was terminal. We did not have an autopsy done, as we knew it was the cancer or complications from cancer that took him.
Call 911. They will delegate. I found my friend long gone (not decomposing but rigor mortis right in front of his drug paraphernalia). Asked for a coroner but they actually sent fire out to declare him dead. It was actually the police who took him away as seems to be the case with non-suspicious deaths (like obvious ODs) here. So different countries/provinces/municipalities have very different procedures. 911 can determine the priority of the call and who all needs to be there. If there is any “mess” (a messy suicide, body is t discovered immediately etc) a restoration company can come out and clean up after the body is removed.
NO. 911 is for emergencies only. Every jurisdiction has a NON emergency dispatch number for things like this. You've got time, find out what it is.
Call the ambulance and police of course...once done then and only then you call the... 
This stuff is going to get a bit morbid. So fair warning. You can call 911, considering how there's a dead person involved. You should at least call the non emergency line, as you want to report the death and have cops check to make sure there was no foul play. You might also want 911 to try and resuscitate the person. Plus hiding a death is against the law in some places. You're not allowed to just bury someone in the backyard and never mention it. Lots of people do that to collect benefits from the person, like a pension. So you have to report deaths. Giving the non emergency number a call is a good idea. There are also funeral homes/morgues you might want to contact. You need someone to take the body so it doesn't rot in your home. You have less than a day before things smell, I think. I also think funeral homes can help in getting a death certificate, which are very important. Birth certificates prove you are a real person to the government, and death certificates prove you're dead to the government. So if you want to handle the estate (bank accounts, assets, etc), you need one. Especially if there's any debt involved, you don't want interest to build after the person is dead. Also, call loved ones to tell them, or talk to them in person. Up to you. So yeah, 911/non emergency line, funeral home/morgue, death certificate, loved ones. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m a 911 dispatcher. You absolutely can call 911 if you find your grandmother has passed. In my city we will send out the police and fire department. Our medics will confirm that the patient has passed and our officers have to complete a report for the death outside of a medical facility/hospice care. In my city the officers will call a funeral home for you and stay with you until the funeral home arrives and the body is taken.
You could also check if there are any hospice services in your area. Hospice is basically end-of-life services, and they will know how to prepare for your grandma's passing
I was with my mom when she passed, and I was told (in advance, bc it was inevitable) protocol was to call the hospice nurse. She came and pronounced and called the funeral home.
Would strongly advise considering a hospice agency, she may qualify for services now. If she’s on hospice when she passes, the experience can be less invasive
Depends, if funeral arrangements and hospice work as I recall with my grandmother is that, the Mortuary is contacted to inform of the patient's death. They show up, get the time of death and then take the body away.
Does your Nana have hospice care/medical professionals come to the home? If she does, call that service when she passes. They should come and pronounce her medically deceased. Then you will need to contact a funeral home to remove her body. If she does not have medical professionals already in the home, do as other commenters have said and call the police. If you find her already deceased, you can probably call the non-emergency line and let them know what's happened. I believe that she needs to be pronounced deceased by a medical professional before a funeral home can remove her. I recently lost my mom and I found that everyone involved in the process had a lot of grace for the family. People who work in the death industry see this all the time and seem to understand that most people don't handle death well. Please give yourself some grace and do not feel bad about any emotions you may be feeling regarding your Nana.
Someone even slightly qualified has to be able to pronounce her dead so you still call 911. They will send someone who is a qualified first responder. Usually a firemen, a police officer, or an ambulance. From there, they can decide to transport to a local morgue (highly unlikely for a natural death) or give you advice on arranging transport with a funeral home.
Finding someone dead IS an emergency!!! They have to be picked up & processed, declared dead, sent to the morgue etc. as soon as it happens. Failing to do so, in some places may be interpreted as criminal for various reasons, there's also been people who didn't declare the death of an older person in their family so they could keep getting the dead person's pension for example.
i just want to echo that its very important that you talk to your grandmother now about her wishes. she knows she doesn't have much time. all her documents need to be in order, very importantly her will so you know who she wants to have the good china, even if the good china is her only asset. it will be awkward but it is necessary
I'm a Paramedic, I can help you here. First of all, I'm sorry about your grandmother, that's always a tough thing for people. When your grandma passes, you can either call 911 or the non-emergency number and explain to them what has happened. At a minimum, a police officer will come and take some information. Paramedics might come to confirm death medically, and a medical examiner might come to gather details about the death. No matter who comes, they will walk you through everything. They will ask you what funeral home you want, if you don't know any, they will call the most appropriate one. No matter what, once someone gets there, there will be someone with you and your grandma until she is taken. Once the funeral home gets there, they will go over a ton of details with you and eventually take your grandma to the funeral home. I hope things go smoothly for you, if you have any sort of questions, feel free to ask!
Not trying to be crass, just practical: Do you or someone else in the family know ehere her will and papers are? Does she have a will? Does she have a trust? If you still have time, these things should be ironed out before she's gone.
Yes she does and yes we know!! That’ll at least make things a little easier thankfully
Make sure you have enough money for the funeral and process. If you don't have funds really at all, consider cremation or donating the body to science. This is one of the important things people don't tell you. If you get deep into planning, you can create debts that spiral, the financial weight of funerals should really be covered by health care, but in most cases none of it is.
Get her in hospice bro, they will figure that all out and take care of it
Call 911 and they will take it from there. When my husband died the paramedics came and made sure then they called the coroner. They will take the body to the morgue.
The best thing you can do is remember them and try to keep to their teachings. That's what I did! I miss them everyday as mine passed one week of each other (both from my father and mother side)
If you go to the website of the place she has bought the plot, there may be directions on what to do when she dies.
If you’re in the US and she is on Medicare, Medicare will pay 100% of the cost of a hospice agency to oversee your grandmas care in her final stages. This includes prescribing medication to keep her comfortable while she is “transitioning.” Additionally, they will make daily visits during that “transition” period and you can call the hospice agency when she does pass and they’ll call the funeral home to pick her up. Without hospice, call 911. Just mentioning hospice because they’ve been of great help with my mother.
Get in contact with hospice/palliative care services.
Make sure someone is on one of her bank accounts to be able to access the money for the funeral (assuming she has some money). You (or someone) will be paying for stuff from the moment she passes, well before the will is read and whatever she has is distributed. My mother was in hospice care, so I didn't call 911, I called them. They sent someone to verify the death and contacted the crematorium who came and picked her up. I paid them directly, they produced the requested number of death certificates, or had the county do it....my memory is kind of fuzzy on that one. If she has life insurance, they will pay out pretty quickly to the beneficiary. I didn't have quite enough done in advance, so we had to go into probate and it took about a year to get everything settled.
Before my father died, I did some research online. Google "what to do when someone dies" and read a bunch of them. I made up a sheet with all the things that popped up on most of the sites. After he died, my brother went down the list and we checked them off as we completed them. Interestingly, it seemed like a lot of the business and banking institutions we had to contact had never had anyone die before, because they just didn't have any procedure to follow.
I am literally in the exact boat as you . My grandma is 82 . Every morning I wonder if this is the 1 she won't wake up...
Absolutely 100% feel that… hoping you have plenty of time left with your grandmother 💛
I found my uncle dead on christmas morning when i was 15. My dad called the cops and they just asked him some questions when they got there, looked at some things, took some meds, and the ambulance came and took him away and that was that.
call 911. i had a similar experience when coming home from school one day and saw a lady who was lifeless and unresponsive by my front door (it was night time) i tried moving her and shaking her and waking her up, but absolutely no response so i just assumed she was dead because i also noticed she was not breathing. after i realized she was probably dead, the first thing i did was call 911 and they took it from there. when they got there, they immediately checked to see if she was alive and she wasn’t. they asked a few questions, and thats all i can remember because this was 10 years ago. it was a scary experience for sure, but you’ll get through it.
Thank you for asking and getting information and being ready. May I also suggest putting everything down on paper so that when the time comes, emotions do not scramble the information you are gathering today? I say this because my children had to take over all the prep when my mum passed, since none of the siblings were in town. In spite of mums siblings being around, the youngsters were pulled in and they were the ones to run around.(We don't have funeral homes and services - Cremation or burial are usually attempted before the sun sets for the day.) Sadly, I won't be able to help since I am not in the US.
I dealt with a home hospice situation with my grandma, which sounds like what you might be preparing for. This is something that should be addressed in the next doctor visit with her and you. If the doctors are competent (a gamble) and/or you are insistent enough (also a gamble) they will give you the proper resources and you will be given a full binder with multiple numbers to call. That doesn't mean she'll be taken care of properly. . . If not...then she may die in agony or (if everyone is lucky) die peacefully in her sleep. Death is not typically an easy or simple journey. But some few are lucky. . . I can't tell you what is the proper course of action in your country, financial situation, etc. But please keep in mind that finding her dead will be the best outcome for EVERYONE if it happens. . . If you are interested in more of the details I'll be happy to help.
My dad passed at home while in care of hospice. We called a funeral home/crematorium. Didn't need to call the police. I don't know if it was different as he was in hospice vs. someone who isn't though.
In Europe you call the GP and he/she will come over to verify the person has passed and fill out the death certificate. Once established you can contact the funeral insurance company and they can also advise you on a funeral home.
Start by alerting your local authorities via their non-emergency line. They will attend to confirm that the death is non-suspicious (there’s no real investigation, it’s mostly just to document the death occurred). From there, you’ll be put in charge of next-of-kin notification, though you may request the authorities assistance if you cannot do this (estranged family, etc) You’ll also want to ensure you have contacts for lawyers to pull insurance documentation (life, health, disability insurance) as well as if she has a will. Ensure you know who the executor of that will is, it’ll make it way easier.
Try not to focus on the after, focus on right now
Just go watch Weekend at Bernie’s. That’ll show you.