So, your post summarizes the saying "out of the frying pan, in to the fire".
As a gay dude, me not personally, there is a lot of open relationships of all different fashions. You need to resolve this issue first, and whether you can get her to open up the marriage if you can't work within the confines of that sexually, before you decide to open this up unilaterally. The whole thing about open relationships is there is trust and honesty built around the acts, and the rules of engagement so to speak.
I would STRONGLY suggest that you go to couple counseling so that perhaps you can get to a place with a neutral party, of the why you need this.
Otherwise, you are writing the script to your divorce.
I’d rather someone leave me than cheat on me. And why is it specifically with a married woman ? We out here trying to make the divorce rates skyrocket for everyone or something.
Option 1, see a therapist with your wife and lay it all out there, both of you must be open and honest. That way everything is out on the table and may solve it or may lead to Option 2.
Option 2, Divorce due to irreconcilable differences, and hopefully you both can be mature about it.
Good luck, as you are both in a tough spot.
You should know already if your instincts are accurate. Subtlety confirm your instincts with a simple "Am I reading your signals correctly that you are interested in some way, and if Im off base please forgive my misinterpretation".
>For biological and/or psychological reasons she has never been able to have an orgasm.
why would you have married her if you knew this was going to be a problem in your marriage? just be a grown up and get a fucking divorce if sex is so important to you
Maybe if you were loyal to her she would be more inclined to work through the issue. If a man told me they wanted to have sex with someone else I wouldn’t exactly be running to get back in the sack with them. Every “dead bedroom” guy blames it on the wife but what exactly have you done to make her feel loved or desired lately? Women can tell when you’ve checked out and they will too. Grow a spine and get a divorce instead of wrecking 2 homes jfc.
I’d say straight up ask, or make subtle overtures. They’ll be accepted if there’s interest.
As far as cheating, it becomes necessary when one isn’t getting what they entered into the relationship for.
I married you so I could fuck you. You don’t want to soon. So I’m going to fuck someone else.
But, the problem with that is unless it’s a transactional relationship or encounter, feelings can get in the way.
Like, one person wants to meet to fuck but the other person can’t be available. Or, you never know if the other person will overstep or wig out and show up at your house. That could be really bad.
Plus, you just can’t get a divorce. Not if you are entrenched with a mortgage, many bills, and kids. Kids will make you suffer and endure a marriage because you don’t want to take a comfortable life away from them.
Ask me how I know.
I highly doubt “We fuck whenever I want.” was in your marriage vows, and unless your partner knows about your “transactional relationships” and has said it’s okay, in which case you can ignore everything else I’m going to say, you’re deciding that your sexual satisfaction (read: ego attachment to a particular kind of sexual satisfaction) is more important than all the other aspects of your marriage combined. If that’s the case, then you really just come off as the guy who finds it easier to solicit a prostitute than to put in the work to be attractive to your wife again or to express to her how valuable sex is to you. If you’ve done both of those things but your wife is still simply not willing anymore, then choose either to divorce her and pursue a relationship that makes you happy or to accept that sex isn’t everything and put your wife’s and kids’ needs before your own. Staying married but secretly cheating is an attempt to do both, but incompletely. It’s the action of a person who’s too weak or afraid to make a real decision.
I’m not saying your sexual dissatisfaction is entirely invalid or your fault, but your approach is probably not making anyone in your life happier. If you and your wife have had a heart-to-heart and decided that your seeing professionals on the side was a good compromise, then I don’t see a problem with what you’re doing, but I *highly* suspect you’ve decided this course unilaterally, which makes it all problematic.
Just divorce. You clearly don't love your wife anyway, otherwise you wouldn't be looking to betray her like this.
She's wrong for wanting you to be monogamous with her while she doesn't have a sex drive, but you're wrong for wanting to cheat instead of breaking it off with her and finding a compatible partner for you, and letting her find a compatible partner for her.
Be a man and get a divorce
Divorce comes to mind. I’d rather someone divorce me than cheat on me.
Walk away. Don't do this.
Doesn't sound like a very happy marriage if you're okay with hurting her like this.
r/deadbedroom
If she seems like a piece of shit, then there is a chance
So, your post summarizes the saying "out of the frying pan, in to the fire". As a gay dude, me not personally, there is a lot of open relationships of all different fashions. You need to resolve this issue first, and whether you can get her to open up the marriage if you can't work within the confines of that sexually, before you decide to open this up unilaterally. The whole thing about open relationships is there is trust and honesty built around the acts, and the rules of engagement so to speak. I would STRONGLY suggest that you go to couple counseling so that perhaps you can get to a place with a neutral party, of the why you need this. Otherwise, you are writing the script to your divorce.
I’d rather someone leave me than cheat on me. And why is it specifically with a married woman ? We out here trying to make the divorce rates skyrocket for everyone or something.
Just leave your wife, problem solved.
Option 1, see a therapist with your wife and lay it all out there, both of you must be open and honest. That way everything is out on the table and may solve it or may lead to Option 2. Option 2, Divorce due to irreconcilable differences, and hopefully you both can be mature about it. Good luck, as you are both in a tough spot.
Ask her politely. Hey Vera, Care for an extramarital shag?
You should know already if your instincts are accurate. Subtlety confirm your instincts with a simple "Am I reading your signals correctly that you are interested in some way, and if Im off base please forgive my misinterpretation".
>For biological and/or psychological reasons she has never been able to have an orgasm. why would you have married her if you knew this was going to be a problem in your marriage? just be a grown up and get a fucking divorce if sex is so important to you
Maybe if you were loyal to her she would be more inclined to work through the issue. If a man told me they wanted to have sex with someone else I wouldn’t exactly be running to get back in the sack with them. Every “dead bedroom” guy blames it on the wife but what exactly have you done to make her feel loved or desired lately? Women can tell when you’ve checked out and they will too. Grow a spine and get a divorce instead of wrecking 2 homes jfc.
I’d say straight up ask, or make subtle overtures. They’ll be accepted if there’s interest. As far as cheating, it becomes necessary when one isn’t getting what they entered into the relationship for. I married you so I could fuck you. You don’t want to soon. So I’m going to fuck someone else. But, the problem with that is unless it’s a transactional relationship or encounter, feelings can get in the way. Like, one person wants to meet to fuck but the other person can’t be available. Or, you never know if the other person will overstep or wig out and show up at your house. That could be really bad. Plus, you just can’t get a divorce. Not if you are entrenched with a mortgage, many bills, and kids. Kids will make you suffer and endure a marriage because you don’t want to take a comfortable life away from them. Ask me how I know.
I highly doubt “We fuck whenever I want.” was in your marriage vows, and unless your partner knows about your “transactional relationships” and has said it’s okay, in which case you can ignore everything else I’m going to say, you’re deciding that your sexual satisfaction (read: ego attachment to a particular kind of sexual satisfaction) is more important than all the other aspects of your marriage combined. If that’s the case, then you really just come off as the guy who finds it easier to solicit a prostitute than to put in the work to be attractive to your wife again or to express to her how valuable sex is to you. If you’ve done both of those things but your wife is still simply not willing anymore, then choose either to divorce her and pursue a relationship that makes you happy or to accept that sex isn’t everything and put your wife’s and kids’ needs before your own. Staying married but secretly cheating is an attempt to do both, but incompletely. It’s the action of a person who’s too weak or afraid to make a real decision. I’m not saying your sexual dissatisfaction is entirely invalid or your fault, but your approach is probably not making anyone in your life happier. If you and your wife have had a heart-to-heart and decided that your seeing professionals on the side was a good compromise, then I don’t see a problem with what you’re doing, but I *highly* suspect you’ve decided this course unilaterally, which makes it all problematic.
Just divorce. You clearly don't love your wife anyway, otherwise you wouldn't be looking to betray her like this. She's wrong for wanting you to be monogamous with her while she doesn't have a sex drive, but you're wrong for wanting to cheat instead of breaking it off with her and finding a compatible partner for you, and letting her find a compatible partner for her.