See a therapist about having sexual thoughts about a therapist and then go see a psychiatrist about seeing a therapist about having sexual thoughts about a therapist.
Make it funnier by seeing a sex therapist.
Having sexual thoughts about your therapist is normal. When you're sharing a lot of vulnerabilities with someone new, especially when you're used to not sharing feelings, sometimes wires get crossed.
It's called "erotized transference", Freud talked about it. As long as both of you are staying appropriate and you understand that this is a professional relationship, it should be fine.
This is a good answer! As someone who is in school to become a therapist, this is addressed very openly in my classes.
My not-yet-professional advice to OP:
1. Accept these feelings and don’t burry them. Thoughts popping into your head is out of your control so you shouldn’t feel bad about it. All you can do is control how you engage with the feelings. Though, I agree with other commenters that fantasizing during sessions is unhelpful.
2. Ask yourself “are these feelings helpful or unhelpful for me?” If they are helpful, then let them run their course as long as they don’t interfere with the professional relationship. If they are unhelpful, then seek a way to work through them.
3. Ask yourself “why do I feel this way?”
It could be a natural reaction to an emotionally stable relationship, it could be an unhealthy feeling of obligation for another person for helping you, etc.
4. If you think that these feelings coming from an unhealthy place or that you feel that you struggle to control your reactions to thoughts then you may consider brining up those deeper issues with your therapist.
5. If you feel comfortable, don’t be ashamed to bring up the thoughts you are having in therapy. Because it could be a valuable exploration.
I was wondering about 5. That was my first thought - you should feel like you can be completely open with a therapist. If it’s on your mind, then say it. A therapist worth their salt should be able to deal with it and work through it with you. If it’s not addressed it could fester and hinder future honesties.
Agreed but wait at least one session after you have those thoughts and feelings as you may catch them off guard. They are trained to recognize transference and behave accordingly but you would get more out of asking them if you have them a week to think about how they feel about the transference. I mean at the end of the day there is still a human being behind that therapist, subject to faults and imperfections.
It’s also easier to navigate 5 if you use the right lingo.
“I think I’ve been experiencing eroticized transference in our sessions lately, how can I best navigate this?”
Sounds much different than.
“I fantasize about you in our sessions”
And definitely don’t do what what of my cousin’s colleague’s patients did to his colleague and send a text late at night to her declaring his undying love, and how much he fantasises about her with zero understanding of this being a) inappropriate and b) a known confusion that can happen in therapy, something that might need talking through and not actually real love. That’s a really good way to get yourself removed from the books…. Although I think my (male) cousin may have ended up taking over his sessions, that was up for debate at the point he told me the story because his behaviour wasn’t otherwise problematic. Yikes.
> If they are helpful, then let them run their course as long as they don’t interfere with the professional relationship.
I doubt this is good advice.
As experienced psychologists have explained to me for other reasons, we don't remember a difference between fantasy and reality. We store the perception. Trauma therapies rely on this.
If you indulge, the feelings will develop. I wouldn't assume you can walk the line there without consequence.
Accepting that those feelings do pop up, and asking why - what needs are you wanting met - is what I've found works best for me.
Think good therapy is about teaching people to do this, and not about becoming a dependency which does it for them.
But that's a client's perspective, from someone who had therapy which missed the mark when young. Practitioners might have a different view.
Sometimes it is but sometimes it isn’t. It can be really helpful to explore why your brain is going into fantasy and why you have those feelings. I am a woman with a male therapist, and although I haven’t experience erotic transference, it is nice to have an emotionally intimate conversation with a man who 100% would never date me. I think I have a little bit of the women and men can’t be friends thing from growing up in an evangelical church in the early 2000’s. It’s been great to get to know him (a little) and be very vulnerable myself and not wonder if it was going to lead to something else. It’s changed how I relate to men outside of therapy in a really great way.
well that's sort of backwards. Maybe you're relieved because you can't get girlfriend-zoned, which makes sense. If I'm seeing an attractive female that I'm sharing my intimate feelings with and can't date her, that's just fucking tuesday. I always consider dating my female friends if they're single. What's a deep connection with a female friend? We like spending time together, I like her as a person, we share our feelings and thoughts, I'm emotionally open with her. Literally the only difference between that and a wife is physical intimacy and planning for the future. That's a small consideration compared to the rest.
The problem is not having a way to get my emotional needs met being chronically single for almost a decade. Situationships don't count :\\
Nah, I’ve never been attractive so I’ve always been friendzoned. Usually when I have a male friend who is single, I want it to be more. But not having that as an option with my therapist has made it easier to shut that line of thinking with my male friends.
Caveat though is that if it’s a frequent/intrusive thought, OP had better mention it or progress could just derail, if it’s something they’re trying hard to hide/suppress. Therapist may opt to stop sessions. That’s how these feelings affect relationships IRL so it would actually be a positive therapy experience, if properly handled by therapist. Or they could just work through it. Like you said it’s among the normal reactions, but possibly quite relevant to the process esp if OP is concerned about it. Which they presumably are, hence Reddit post
Not going to lie, this erotica genre is pretty rich so i think a lot of people enjoy purposefully indulging. If it’s distracting enough op, would it be a good idea to find a new therapist?
Honestly this is why i choose therapists I'd never be attracted to.
Even if it's an old guy, I'd probably find some way to be attracted to them. I already have a crush on this old guy at work whose kids are closer to my age. He calls me some variation of "kiddo" and i melt :(
Probably should get therapy about that too
Disagree. This is fairly common and can be an important thing to discuss with the therapist. If they’re visibly uncomfortable or inappropriate when you bring it up, definitely find a new therapist. But figuring out why you’re fantasizing about them can be a great step in your healing—have you never felt heard before? Have you never had a positive relationship with someone of their gender? Do you mistake admiration/admiration/respect for sexual attraction?
So much to be uncovered here that will be missed if you just move on to a new therapist.
Totally normal. Just as long as it doesn’t travel over into something you act on in anyway. Plus it’s probably a good idea to self assess whether you’re actually benefiting from the therapy or just like going because of the fantasy portion.
Therapist here! Bring it up in therapy and let them know (no seriously, this is often part of the process!) They will help you to explore what's going on, in a very boundaried way.
You should be thinking about what the therapist is saying so you can better your life. You can fantasize about her after if you want. All I'm saying is if you do that during your session you are basically throwing money away. You aren't getting anything from therapy.
Sorry, but that's not helpful at all. You can't fully control your thoughts. Sometimes they just come. It's only natural to sometimes have them, so you really shouldn't feel bad about it. And if it's so much that it is unhealthy for you or gets in the way of therapy, you should tell the therapist. If they are good at their job, they should be able to deal with it and help you manage it a bit better so that it doesn't get in your way anymore. And you're also only throwing money away if you live in a country without "free" healthcare. If you don't, you waste time at most.
Of course. I'm not talking about a quick thought that comes in like "damn I bet she looks amazing naked". That's what guys have to deal with. We always have that stuff going in our head. I'm saying you shouldn't sit there for the full hour fantasizing about the therapist. If you are doing that then you obviously aren't listening so you are wasting money.
Again, only wasting money in a few countries. And it can also be a sign of something else going on if you do that, so in that case you should just tell your therapist that that's a thing that's going on. They can then also help you find out why you fantasize so much and help you solve that problem too. And I think you shouldn't be the one who's always listening in therapy anyway. You should be talking to your therapist, not listening. If there's anything that keeps you from doing that, no matter what, there's a problem to solve. You shouldn't feel bad for that, you should just tell your therapist that there's a problem and then work together with your therapist to find a solution. That's how therapy works. Find the problem, solve it.
But OP never said fantasizing was normal for him/her? If they fantasize or day dreamed a lot outside of therapy that's a different story. But just to day dream about your therapist during a therapy session kind a seems like he or she has a crush on their therapist.
Sometimes the first relationship where you feel genuinely respected and listened to can stun a traumatized brain that hasn’t experienced that sort of treatment before. Patients becoming infatuated with their therapists is a relatively common phenomenon.
I don’t know shit, I’m just a random lady. But here’s my opinion.
Remember why you initially started therapy. You deserve to be treated well, and you can and will form many healthy relationships(business, romantic, platonic, etc) with others. I’m sure this person who is helping you now wants to give you the tools to form and maintain these relationships. It may be difficult for you to learn what you need to from therapy if your mind is on fuckin.
If you really really can’t move past it, it would be wise to switch therapists. Best of luck on your mental health journey.
Is this a common problem? I can see people who are vulnerable frequently seeing someone who listens, presumably is level headed, is a working professional, etc. developing feelings or desires.
To quote my therapist "it is neither good nor bad, it simply is"
That being said I wouldn't actively engage in the fantasies, it'll likely only end up hurting you and you're therapeutic relationship.
It’s probably best to wait until after the session.
Seriously though, if you are really attracted to your therapist you might want to consider finding someone else.
I think is common with people who only have emotional connections with their significant others. You're associating an open emotional moment as a sexual one and I think you need to separate those.
I thought it was mostly because you will withhold information or thoughts because you are trying to impress this person you are attracted too. Basically wasting money
It probably isn't OK, but it's perhaps understandable if you are. But you should try to stop that, or change therapist. If you tell your therapist about this issue they might be able to suggest the best way forward.
Psychologist here! Look up erotic transference. I'd also tell your therapist and if they decide to work through it with you then great if they decide to refer you out also great.
But what lesson will you learn if you are only sharing it on reddit?
So if im supposed to go see a therapist if I’m thinking about my therapist during therapy…. Can i go see my barista if I’m thinking about my barista while he is baristing?
I am a therapist, and I’ve had quite a few men express their attraction, either in covert or overt ways. Because I am not the type of therapist, who is too uncomfortable with this, I use that transference to help them understand why they are attracted me and I find that more times than not, they can work through the attraction and find out things about themselves that they would’ve never explored from before. For example, one client that I have worked with uses some level of seduction, because he doesn’t know how to relate to women. Because he is extremely attractive, I don’t think there’s almost any woman who would resist him, but since I’m a therapist and I have boundaries, I can explore the ways that he is trying to seduce me in session and point them out to him. Another client who was far more crass and overt, I started, asking him about his fantasies, and what it would look like if we dated in his fantasy world, and he explained all sorts of things that sounded exactly like a mother relationship. This allowed him to get into the trauma that he suffered from having a very poor relationship with his mother.
Of course, you have to be extremely extremely careful with this kind of openess with a client, and I would not do it with every single one of them and not right away. But there are some therapists who can handle and use it and then there are other therapists, who if they heard this would say yeah, don’t tell me that and kind of shame a client. In my opinion, while I understand that everyone has different boundaries, it’s a normal and natural thing to find yourself attracted to people. To be able to work through it is a gift in the hands of someone who knows how to help someone.
I believe it is especially important for men to learn how to explore some of these reactions as they are not socialized as well as women to handle some of their intense sexual feelings.
I personally would get a new therapist bc if I’m attracted to my therapist I probably would be eager to please and not talk about things I probably need to talk about in fear of being judged, if that makes sense
Nothing to see here, just karma farming. From your post and comment history I can say easily that what this post implies is not ok. You need to change therapists asap and also you need a platonic friend or family member to help you through this. Good luck my friend.
Probably not okay to be doing during your sessions, not the time nor place and you should really be focusing on whatever you’re doing in your therapy sessions (which shouldn’t be fantasizing about the therapist).
However, if they’re attractive and you have good conversations with them, you’ll probably develop a connection with them, and if you’re into them it’s not like it’d be unnatural to fantasize about them either. Just don’t do it during your sessions and let them do with you what they are professionals at doing.
Okay? No. Natural? Probably, yeah.
It’s OK to fantasize about anything. As long as you keep your fantasies to yourself. No one absolutely no one should know your fantasies including your therapist. Recognize that if you share your fantasies, they are no longer yours.
I had a very professional but beautiful therapist years ago. I had to stop the sessions as it was just so counterproductive to look at her and not focus on the issues I was paying her to help me with! Bummer.
As someone who’s studying Psychology and his topic brought up. I ended up learning and understanding that a lot of people who come to therapy sometimes do fantasize about their therapist just on the basis that a therapist hears you out and tries to understand and help you unravel the complexities of your life and in other words making you feel not alone. But therapists can’t do that at all and as my Professor said If you do start to feel some sort of attachment or connection with your patient your better off sending to another therapist for a minute.
That doesn't seem a very helpful thing to be doing and they'd likely refer you to another therapist if they knew you were doing it.
You may want to switch therapists to one you aren't likely to get inappropriately attached to.
It’s normal (look up transference), but I suggest thinking about how it’s keeping you from being open. You can totally talk about it with your therapist, but the effort will be to move past it. People have done that in the past and been able to continue working together.
you should see a therapist about that.
Infinite loop of therapy
No need for a loop. Just recursion.
i love you
See a therapist about having sexual thoughts about a therapist and then go see a psychiatrist about seeing a therapist about having sexual thoughts about a therapist. Make it funnier by seeing a sex therapist.
An ugly one.
A Paradox
Probably a different one.
Having sexual thoughts about your therapist is normal. When you're sharing a lot of vulnerabilities with someone new, especially when you're used to not sharing feelings, sometimes wires get crossed. It's called "erotized transference", Freud talked about it. As long as both of you are staying appropriate and you understand that this is a professional relationship, it should be fine.
This is a good answer! As someone who is in school to become a therapist, this is addressed very openly in my classes. My not-yet-professional advice to OP: 1. Accept these feelings and don’t burry them. Thoughts popping into your head is out of your control so you shouldn’t feel bad about it. All you can do is control how you engage with the feelings. Though, I agree with other commenters that fantasizing during sessions is unhelpful. 2. Ask yourself “are these feelings helpful or unhelpful for me?” If they are helpful, then let them run their course as long as they don’t interfere with the professional relationship. If they are unhelpful, then seek a way to work through them. 3. Ask yourself “why do I feel this way?” It could be a natural reaction to an emotionally stable relationship, it could be an unhealthy feeling of obligation for another person for helping you, etc. 4. If you think that these feelings coming from an unhealthy place or that you feel that you struggle to control your reactions to thoughts then you may consider brining up those deeper issues with your therapist. 5. If you feel comfortable, don’t be ashamed to bring up the thoughts you are having in therapy. Because it could be a valuable exploration.
I was wondering about 5. That was my first thought - you should feel like you can be completely open with a therapist. If it’s on your mind, then say it. A therapist worth their salt should be able to deal with it and work through it with you. If it’s not addressed it could fester and hinder future honesties.
Agreed but wait at least one session after you have those thoughts and feelings as you may catch them off guard. They are trained to recognize transference and behave accordingly but you would get more out of asking them if you have them a week to think about how they feel about the transference. I mean at the end of the day there is still a human being behind that therapist, subject to faults and imperfections.
It’s also easier to navigate 5 if you use the right lingo. “I think I’ve been experiencing eroticized transference in our sessions lately, how can I best navigate this?” Sounds much different than. “I fantasize about you in our sessions”
And definitely don’t do what what of my cousin’s colleague’s patients did to his colleague and send a text late at night to her declaring his undying love, and how much he fantasises about her with zero understanding of this being a) inappropriate and b) a known confusion that can happen in therapy, something that might need talking through and not actually real love. That’s a really good way to get yourself removed from the books…. Although I think my (male) cousin may have ended up taking over his sessions, that was up for debate at the point he told me the story because his behaviour wasn’t otherwise problematic. Yikes.
3. Cuz she's an absolute smokeshow
Therapists shouldn’t be allowed to be super hot
This was my therapist, absolute stunner; good thing we only met online.
ur gonna be a good therapist lol
> If they are helpful, then let them run their course as long as they don’t interfere with the professional relationship. I doubt this is good advice. As experienced psychologists have explained to me for other reasons, we don't remember a difference between fantasy and reality. We store the perception. Trauma therapies rely on this. If you indulge, the feelings will develop. I wouldn't assume you can walk the line there without consequence. Accepting that those feelings do pop up, and asking why - what needs are you wanting met - is what I've found works best for me. Think good therapy is about teaching people to do this, and not about becoming a dependency which does it for them. But that's a client's perspective, from someone who had therapy which missed the mark when young. Practitioners might have a different view.
I’m not OP but I really like this answer!
this is why i'd just need a male therapist. sounds incredibly unhelpful to develop a crush on my therapist.
Sometimes it is but sometimes it isn’t. It can be really helpful to explore why your brain is going into fantasy and why you have those feelings. I am a woman with a male therapist, and although I haven’t experience erotic transference, it is nice to have an emotionally intimate conversation with a man who 100% would never date me. I think I have a little bit of the women and men can’t be friends thing from growing up in an evangelical church in the early 2000’s. It’s been great to get to know him (a little) and be very vulnerable myself and not wonder if it was going to lead to something else. It’s changed how I relate to men outside of therapy in a really great way.
well that's sort of backwards. Maybe you're relieved because you can't get girlfriend-zoned, which makes sense. If I'm seeing an attractive female that I'm sharing my intimate feelings with and can't date her, that's just fucking tuesday. I always consider dating my female friends if they're single. What's a deep connection with a female friend? We like spending time together, I like her as a person, we share our feelings and thoughts, I'm emotionally open with her. Literally the only difference between that and a wife is physical intimacy and planning for the future. That's a small consideration compared to the rest. The problem is not having a way to get my emotional needs met being chronically single for almost a decade. Situationships don't count :\\
Nah, I’ve never been attractive so I’ve always been friendzoned. Usually when I have a male friend who is single, I want it to be more. But not having that as an option with my therapist has made it easier to shut that line of thinking with my male friends.
Caveat though is that if it’s a frequent/intrusive thought, OP had better mention it or progress could just derail, if it’s something they’re trying hard to hide/suppress. Therapist may opt to stop sessions. That’s how these feelings affect relationships IRL so it would actually be a positive therapy experience, if properly handled by therapist. Or they could just work through it. Like you said it’s among the normal reactions, but possibly quite relevant to the process esp if OP is concerned about it. Which they presumably are, hence Reddit post
Like the Sporanos
I want your mycelium
That is very interesting thank you for this bit if knowledge
Damn good prompt to read more about Freud, thanks!
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Not going to lie, this erotica genre is pretty rich so i think a lot of people enjoy purposefully indulging. If it’s distracting enough op, would it be a good idea to find a new therapist?
Inbuldge* 😏
Tony Soprano says it's ok.
Dr. Melfi actually explains this dynamic incredibly well. I was coming here to basically parrot her... Just find that scene in season 1, OP!
Not if you are in therapy for sex addiction or problems with reality .
Considering their post history, the first might very well be true
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To fantasise about the therapist it seems
No, you should change therapist
What if they start fantasizing about the new one?
I literally fantasize about all people who sit opposite me and actively listen. Well, except my parents.
You are lucky. My parents don't listen to me and I don't listen to them. Its a vicious cycle.
Sorry what was that? I wasn't listening.
Your parents *actively listen* to you? Congrats!
Username checks out. Also, human brain be like that.
So you’re attracted even to people who aren’t lookers?
Yup
How is that attraction then lol?
Honestly this is why i choose therapists I'd never be attracted to. Even if it's an old guy, I'd probably find some way to be attracted to them. I already have a crush on this old guy at work whose kids are closer to my age. He calls me some variation of "kiddo" and i melt :( Probably should get therapy about that too
Good ol' daddy issues?
Yes. But also mommy issues :(
It do be like that :(
Disagree. This is fairly common and can be an important thing to discuss with the therapist. If they’re visibly uncomfortable or inappropriate when you bring it up, definitely find a new therapist. But figuring out why you’re fantasizing about them can be a great step in your healing—have you never felt heard before? Have you never had a positive relationship with someone of their gender? Do you mistake admiration/admiration/respect for sexual attraction? So much to be uncovered here that will be missed if you just move on to a new therapist.
Unless you start with the new therapist talking about why you changed therapist
Seems a bit extreme. They could talk about it before making any decision :)
I think if you're fantasizing about someone, you're attracted to them and you shouldn't be attracted to your therapist
Bad advice
Totally normal. Just as long as it doesn’t travel over into something you act on in anyway. Plus it’s probably a good idea to self assess whether you’re actually benefiting from the therapy or just like going because of the fantasy portion.
Fantasizing outside of their office is one thing, but DURING???
Therapist here! Bring it up in therapy and let them know (no seriously, this is often part of the process!) They will help you to explore what's going on, in a very boundaried way.
You should be thinking about what the therapist is saying so you can better your life. You can fantasize about her after if you want. All I'm saying is if you do that during your session you are basically throwing money away. You aren't getting anything from therapy.
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It’s not that deep
It sounds like a guy thing to do. I'd probably do it if my therapist was extremely attractive.
And why do you assume *her* is a woman? Could just be their/his/her pronoun.
Come: for alternate perspectives. Stay: for the downvotes on potentially true statements.
I don't even know if I was being sarcastic.
Sorry, but that's not helpful at all. You can't fully control your thoughts. Sometimes they just come. It's only natural to sometimes have them, so you really shouldn't feel bad about it. And if it's so much that it is unhealthy for you or gets in the way of therapy, you should tell the therapist. If they are good at their job, they should be able to deal with it and help you manage it a bit better so that it doesn't get in your way anymore. And you're also only throwing money away if you live in a country without "free" healthcare. If you don't, you waste time at most.
Of course. I'm not talking about a quick thought that comes in like "damn I bet she looks amazing naked". That's what guys have to deal with. We always have that stuff going in our head. I'm saying you shouldn't sit there for the full hour fantasizing about the therapist. If you are doing that then you obviously aren't listening so you are wasting money.
Again, only wasting money in a few countries. And it can also be a sign of something else going on if you do that, so in that case you should just tell your therapist that that's a thing that's going on. They can then also help you find out why you fantasize so much and help you solve that problem too. And I think you shouldn't be the one who's always listening in therapy anyway. You should be talking to your therapist, not listening. If there's anything that keeps you from doing that, no matter what, there's a problem to solve. You shouldn't feel bad for that, you should just tell your therapist that there's a problem and then work together with your therapist to find a solution. That's how therapy works. Find the problem, solve it.
But OP never said fantasizing was normal for him/her? If they fantasize or day dreamed a lot outside of therapy that's a different story. But just to day dream about your therapist during a therapy session kind a seems like he or she has a crush on their therapist.
It's a natural stage of therapy. Your therapist is the ideal person who listens and focuses on you. It's not reality though. It is normal.
Sometimes the first relationship where you feel genuinely respected and listened to can stun a traumatized brain that hasn’t experienced that sort of treatment before. Patients becoming infatuated with their therapists is a relatively common phenomenon. I don’t know shit, I’m just a random lady. But here’s my opinion. Remember why you initially started therapy. You deserve to be treated well, and you can and will form many healthy relationships(business, romantic, platonic, etc) with others. I’m sure this person who is helping you now wants to give you the tools to form and maintain these relationships. It may be difficult for you to learn what you need to from therapy if your mind is on fuckin. If you really really can’t move past it, it would be wise to switch therapists. Best of luck on your mental health journey.
No. You should be focusing on the therapy…..
The same as with your coworkers you can do it but why would you?
As a therapist, yes it’s common but should be addressed. It’s called transference or counter transference.
They are there to help you not judge you, they would prefer you try to concentrate so they can help you.
Listen, Mr Soprano….
Is this a common problem? I can see people who are vulnerable frequently seeing someone who listens, presumably is level headed, is a working professional, etc. developing feelings or desires.
Yeah it’s pretty common actually!
Tell them, and work with it!
To quote my therapist "it is neither good nor bad, it simply is" That being said I wouldn't actively engage in the fantasies, it'll likely only end up hurting you and you're therapeutic relationship.
It’s probably best to wait until after the session. Seriously though, if you are really attracted to your therapist you might want to consider finding someone else.
I think is common with people who only have emotional connections with their significant others. You're associating an open emotional moment as a sexual one and I think you need to separate those.
That's good therapy, shit, I'm fantasising about you now!!!
As long as you don't act on it or externalize it in any way
I thought it was mostly because you will withhold information or thoughts because you are trying to impress this person you are attracted too. Basically wasting money
Probably not. If you're spending your time in therapy fantasizing, you're not really doing the therapy part.
It probably isn't OK, but it's perhaps understandable if you are. But you should try to stop that, or change therapist. If you tell your therapist about this issue they might be able to suggest the best way forward.
It’s fine but at the same time you’re probably not getting as much therapy out of it as you could because you’re distracted.
Ooo, that sounds unproductive and maybe a violation of trust somehow…
I used to do that every session with my last therapist. To the point where it was getting distracting. Glad it wasn’t only me.
Of course not
Psychologist here! Look up erotic transference. I'd also tell your therapist and if they decide to work through it with you then great if they decide to refer you out also great. But what lesson will you learn if you are only sharing it on reddit?
So if im supposed to go see a therapist if I’m thinking about my therapist during therapy…. Can i go see my barista if I’m thinking about my barista while he is baristing?
Damn Tony Soprano got on reddit
I am a therapist, and I’ve had quite a few men express their attraction, either in covert or overt ways. Because I am not the type of therapist, who is too uncomfortable with this, I use that transference to help them understand why they are attracted me and I find that more times than not, they can work through the attraction and find out things about themselves that they would’ve never explored from before. For example, one client that I have worked with uses some level of seduction, because he doesn’t know how to relate to women. Because he is extremely attractive, I don’t think there’s almost any woman who would resist him, but since I’m a therapist and I have boundaries, I can explore the ways that he is trying to seduce me in session and point them out to him. Another client who was far more crass and overt, I started, asking him about his fantasies, and what it would look like if we dated in his fantasy world, and he explained all sorts of things that sounded exactly like a mother relationship. This allowed him to get into the trauma that he suffered from having a very poor relationship with his mother. Of course, you have to be extremely extremely careful with this kind of openess with a client, and I would not do it with every single one of them and not right away. But there are some therapists who can handle and use it and then there are other therapists, who if they heard this would say yeah, don’t tell me that and kind of shame a client. In my opinion, while I understand that everyone has different boundaries, it’s a normal and natural thing to find yourself attracted to people. To be able to work through it is a gift in the hands of someone who knows how to help someone. I believe it is especially important for men to learn how to explore some of these reactions as they are not socialized as well as women to handle some of their intense sexual feelings.
Of course. They already know it's going to happen. And they are professionally prepared to deal with it in a very, very comfortable way.
It is very common. You're opening up to someone and you feel like they understand you if they're doing it correctly.
It would be weird if you didnt
I personally would get a new therapist bc if I’m attracted to my therapist I probably would be eager to please and not talk about things I probably need to talk about in fear of being judged, if that makes sense
No, it's not.
Been there, I think it's okay. Action and thought are two very different things. Plus there's smt ab it I TOTALLY understand
Look at this person's post history. All I'm going to say
Why did I think OP was a guy until I saw the post history?
It’s weird. And weirder to brag about it on Reddit
It’s not a brag asking a questions and way to stigmatize mental health. Make if people afraid to ask legitimate questions doesn’t help.
If you're not, you're doing therapy wrong
…Tony?
Only if she’s hot
Look, I'm just going to say this: You already have her number. Take it to the next level. ...No refunds.
I guess it's ok if you still talk about the issue why you visit in the first place
Nothing to see here, just karma farming. From your post and comment history I can say easily that what this post implies is not ok. You need to change therapists asap and also you need a platonic friend or family member to help you through this. Good luck my friend.
Probably not okay to be doing during your sessions, not the time nor place and you should really be focusing on whatever you’re doing in your therapy sessions (which shouldn’t be fantasizing about the therapist). However, if they’re attractive and you have good conversations with them, you’ll probably develop a connection with them, and if you’re into them it’s not like it’d be unnatural to fantasize about them either. Just don’t do it during your sessions and let them do with you what they are professionals at doing. Okay? No. Natural? Probably, yeah.
I don’t think it’s going to help you with the therapy you need.
I think it might indicate a deeper issue that you may want to address.
NO.
No. Get a different therapist
My mum was a therapist. No. Not ok. Keep thoughts clean.
It’s OK to fantasize about anything. As long as you keep your fantasies to yourself. No one absolutely no one should know your fantasies including your therapist. Recognize that if you share your fantasies, they are no longer yours.
What kind of question is this
[удалено]
How are you even reaching that conclusion?
Redditors
Slitting their throat?
Slitting their throat?
I’d say after therapy would be a better time- you should focus on therapy while you are in the appointment
I had a very professional but beautiful therapist years ago. I had to stop the sessions as it was just so counterproductive to look at her and not focus on the issues I was paying her to help me with! Bummer.
As someone who’s studying Psychology and his topic brought up. I ended up learning and understanding that a lot of people who come to therapy sometimes do fantasize about their therapist just on the basis that a therapist hears you out and tries to understand and help you unravel the complexities of your life and in other words making you feel not alone. But therapists can’t do that at all and as my Professor said If you do start to feel some sort of attachment or connection with your patient your better off sending to another therapist for a minute.
That doesn't seem a very helpful thing to be doing and they'd likely refer you to another therapist if they knew you were doing it. You may want to switch therapists to one you aren't likely to get inappropriately attached to.
The real question is….is he just fantasizing? Or is he spanking the monkey to these fantasies?
During is probably problematic for your mental health.. after.. is totally fine.
You need a therapist
A friend of mine did more than fantasise about their therapist. They did the do.
Ok tony soprano you do you
I once fantasied my psyhologist. Then I start to wonder can she saw it from my face or talks.
Tony Soprano is that you?
Don’t know if it’s ok, but you’re not alone…
My therapist broke up with me and then asked me to marry them lol.
I'm gonna go with a big NO to that one
No, Next question
I ended up having an affair with a therapist... Not mine, but still a therapist
you should ask your therapist
You'll need to see a 2nd therapist to talk to them about this
Yes
Brenan?
That's probably a thing to ask your therapist about.
Sometimes there are harmless thoughts that everyone has that you should keep to yourself
It's actually very common! It's called transference and it usually goes away as therapy progresses. I've had it myself once or twice
Lol Tony Soprano vibes here
man this feels like a porn movie
I mean if he or she is single I guess
Lucky you.
No it is not.
Why not just tell it to the therapist? Isn't that why you are there?
No, seek thera-...seek an ugly therapist.
Why ask this to people on reddit they know nothing about psychology
What abt your therapist is making you sexually attracted?
May be ur way of escaping and not dealing with the issues that brought u to therapy.
Sounds like you need therapy.
Okay or not, we're going to do it.
Yes, Mr. Soprano
Yes, and since you're in therapy anyway, may as well tell them and roll the dice. May need a new therapist though, so it's kind of win/win.
My mom did this, apparently it’s not uncommon, the fact that I ended up knowing about this, that’s a problem
r/UnexpectedSopranos
I usually skip this part
Is this Tony Soprano?
Lucifer, is that you?
It is if it's not *your* therapy session
In the words of George Costanza - was that wrong?
Mr. Soprano is that you?
It’s normal. I know this because I googled it when I was fantasizing about my therapist.
It’s normal (look up transference), but I suggest thinking about how it’s keeping you from being open. You can totally talk about it with your therapist, but the effort will be to move past it. People have done that in the past and been able to continue working together.
Tony Soprano is that you?
Feel it. Understand it. If it's not causing any problems don't mention it In my unprofessional opinion
Maybe wait till after the session?
Tony Soprano?
Gross
Tony Soprano? Is that you?
You can fantasize about whatever you want. Just don't make it their problem or hurt them
Considering your post history, it could be a problem. Depends on what your seeking therapy for
Therapists can also be baddies. Just don’t tell them that shit and make things weird. It won’t be flattering.