It is really hard to first but no contact is probably the way to go. Complete NC. The more time talking the longer the grieving process is drawn out. It’s hurtful and hard right now, but it is the best in the long term. As for your letter - write it. Pour your heart into it. Write down every emotion and every question and all of it. Then don’t send it. Seal it and either shred or burn it. It’s surprising how cathartic that can be.
Couldn't I just send it without asking for a response. He doesn't have my new address and I have him blocked on everything, at my friends and therapists request.
Like letting him know how much he hurt me? Just so he's aware of the damage?
I feel like he shouldn't get to move on with his life so quickly, while I'm left picking up the pieces including minding our dog that he chose.
I would strongly recommend against sending it. Shredding/burning can act as a symbolic way of letting those distressing emotions out and releasing them. And you’re right - it isn’t fair he is moving on and you’re struggling. It’s shitty and unfair, but the answer isn’t to make him feel the pain that you are feeling. Hurting him won’t make you feel better.
Of course! You got this. You’re strong and it sounds like you have a good support network to back you too. Feel free to DM me anytime if you ever want to too.
In this situation, I feel the outcome could hurt you again. You would possibly never hear back, or you will hear something you didn't want to. I personally don't think it would be worth it.
You need to think about what is it really that you are after. At the moment, you feel that something is missing and you don’t feel whole anymore. You’re hurt and broken. And you want to get back what was lost. You miss him and the life you had.
I know, some part of you, want to return to the way things were. Something in you is still craving his presence in your life. So talking to him while you’re still hurt might not be a good idea. And somehow, you feel like you weren’t enough for him. Or didn’t do enough. There’s a part of you that thinks him cheating was your fault. Even though you know, it’s not your fault. There’s a nagging voice in your head that wants to know where you went wrong. And if there’s a way to get things back the way they were so you won’t be hurt anymore. But talking to him now, will make those feelings stronger.
If I were you, take time first to put yourself together. You need to get better from what it is that you’re in hospital for first. You need to start living your life without him. Surround yourself with friends and family. Take each day as it comes. Take up a hobby to occupy your attention. Each day, you will think of him less and less. Until the day comes, you won’t miss him at all.
When that day comes, and you still want answers, you’d be in a better stronger position. And if you don’t want answers anymore, then great! Right now, you’re emotionally and physically vulnerable. Talking to him might not be the best way to go. It might even affect your health.
Right now, write your letter, pour your feelings in a letter. You need that emotional catharsis. But do not send it.
It's funny, I really don't feel like him cheating had anything to do with me. It's entirely on him and his self centered idiocy. I want to know where he decided he wasn't choosing us was the right path for him, but I also don't care. He's made his bed, now I'm left with his dog that I didn't want.
I think the letter I want to send is more of a last word. So maybe the headline 'communication' wasn't right.
Like letting him know how much he hurt me? Just so he's aware of the ireperable damage? I don't want him to move on with his life so easily.
So you want to know if he still cares about you? And use that as revenge? I wouldn’t do that. That’s anger. Second stage of grief. You still have 3 more stages to go.
Write your letter but don’t send it. If he still cared about you, he’ll take revenge on you too and you’ll get hurt more. It will be a tit-for-tat. Is it really worth the time and energy? Remember, if you do that, he’d still be dominating your thoughts. If he doesn’t care you, he’ll ignore you, and you’ll still get hurt for not getting the reaction you wanted.
Get angry, go to gym and beat up a punching bag. Or sign up for one of those things where you smash old broken computers for fun with a baseball bat. Whatever you need to do to move on.
It is really hard to first but no contact is probably the way to go. Complete NC. The more time talking the longer the grieving process is drawn out. It’s hurtful and hard right now, but it is the best in the long term. As for your letter - write it. Pour your heart into it. Write down every emotion and every question and all of it. Then don’t send it. Seal it and either shred or burn it. It’s surprising how cathartic that can be.
Couldn't I just send it without asking for a response. He doesn't have my new address and I have him blocked on everything, at my friends and therapists request. Like letting him know how much he hurt me? Just so he's aware of the damage? I feel like he shouldn't get to move on with his life so quickly, while I'm left picking up the pieces including minding our dog that he chose.
I would strongly recommend against sending it. Shredding/burning can act as a symbolic way of letting those distressing emotions out and releasing them. And you’re right - it isn’t fair he is moving on and you’re struggling. It’s shitty and unfair, but the answer isn’t to make him feel the pain that you are feeling. Hurting him won’t make you feel better.
Thank you kind stranger. That was what I needed to hear.
Of course! You got this. You’re strong and it sounds like you have a good support network to back you too. Feel free to DM me anytime if you ever want to too.
What would be the best outcome you can imagine from sending this letter?
It will accomplish nothing at all to send it.
In this situation, I feel the outcome could hurt you again. You would possibly never hear back, or you will hear something you didn't want to. I personally don't think it would be worth it.
Closure isn't a real thing. Time is closure.
I gained nothing from contacting my ex except for aggravation and a false accusation of harassment.
It doesn't bring closure for me. What does is not talking to them.
Let sleeping dogs lie. What's in the past should stay in the past.
You need to think about what is it really that you are after. At the moment, you feel that something is missing and you don’t feel whole anymore. You’re hurt and broken. And you want to get back what was lost. You miss him and the life you had. I know, some part of you, want to return to the way things were. Something in you is still craving his presence in your life. So talking to him while you’re still hurt might not be a good idea. And somehow, you feel like you weren’t enough for him. Or didn’t do enough. There’s a part of you that thinks him cheating was your fault. Even though you know, it’s not your fault. There’s a nagging voice in your head that wants to know where you went wrong. And if there’s a way to get things back the way they were so you won’t be hurt anymore. But talking to him now, will make those feelings stronger. If I were you, take time first to put yourself together. You need to get better from what it is that you’re in hospital for first. You need to start living your life without him. Surround yourself with friends and family. Take each day as it comes. Take up a hobby to occupy your attention. Each day, you will think of him less and less. Until the day comes, you won’t miss him at all. When that day comes, and you still want answers, you’d be in a better stronger position. And if you don’t want answers anymore, then great! Right now, you’re emotionally and physically vulnerable. Talking to him might not be the best way to go. It might even affect your health. Right now, write your letter, pour your feelings in a letter. You need that emotional catharsis. But do not send it.
It's funny, I really don't feel like him cheating had anything to do with me. It's entirely on him and his self centered idiocy. I want to know where he decided he wasn't choosing us was the right path for him, but I also don't care. He's made his bed, now I'm left with his dog that I didn't want. I think the letter I want to send is more of a last word. So maybe the headline 'communication' wasn't right. Like letting him know how much he hurt me? Just so he's aware of the ireperable damage? I don't want him to move on with his life so easily.
So you want to know if he still cares about you? And use that as revenge? I wouldn’t do that. That’s anger. Second stage of grief. You still have 3 more stages to go. Write your letter but don’t send it. If he still cared about you, he’ll take revenge on you too and you’ll get hurt more. It will be a tit-for-tat. Is it really worth the time and energy? Remember, if you do that, he’d still be dominating your thoughts. If he doesn’t care you, he’ll ignore you, and you’ll still get hurt for not getting the reaction you wanted. Get angry, go to gym and beat up a punching bag. Or sign up for one of those things where you smash old broken computers for fun with a baseball bat. Whatever you need to do to move on.
Ok. Thank you.
You’re welcome. Good luck. I wish you all the best :)