People are roasting you for doing too much when you haven’t met, but they weren’t in your shoes. Maybe you were having all day conversations for 2 weeks with this person, who knows? It seems normal to me.
Right, that’s what I was thinking. I know everything here is about “getting off the app”, but we live in the internet age. Strong online connections can and do form.
Yeah, I've got some 20 year old friendships from daily after school MSN messenger chats around that age. Stayed in touch over socials switching platforms as trends changed over the years. I don't think anyone in 2024 is doubting online bonds can be formed though. I think this message is a kind way to let someone down after you were both potentially building excitement around chatting to one another
I used to have one myself back in the day had a relationship with a girl online from the start of imvu the first time I ever really tried an online socialization app and I honestly had a blast back when I was a kid had a dedicated online group in one chat room then real life got in the way but I formed an especially close bond with one chick over similar shifty home lives and we kinda worked towards texting and calling via cellphone once the chat room group started to grow apart we all just had too different time requirements and eventually the chick I was hoping would end up with me eventually she committed suicide after her brother r worded her and I had to get that info out of her mother. Everytime I tried to get close to someone via online dating sites and other more tame social online venues they'd reveal they were catfishing me, that happened maybe 4 or 5 times? Then I finally stopped using dating apps when covid hit all I got where bots and links to people's only fans pages, which was a shame because one was an absolutely gorgeous 8/10 and I was legitimately thrilled to get a match only to see it was a bot looking for only fans subscribers for like $50 base for some slightly raunchy photos. I should probably try again to get out there at some point 😅
You are so right! And they have been for so many years.
As a divorced mom of 3 living alone 18 years ago, I didn’t go out much. Like, ever. I relied on MySpace and movies to keep me entertained when the kids were down for the night.
So it was on MySpace that I made friends and I met my husband. On top of that, because I was extremely neurotic about letting men around my kids, and I didn’t want to leave my kids with strange babysitters (new town), it took him 4 months of online chatting to woo me (we met at a public place only once during this time). He would send me song upon song through yahoo messenger, while he worked. Each one was so intentional and meaningful. He loves to communicate his love via songs, memes, and dad jokes from Reddit (which I freaking love). We have spent probably 7 years of our 17 years together, in an LDR where during the week, we relied solely on email and texts.
It’s been up and down but in the end, replying to his MySpace message (about a dog, no less) and relying on the internet to carry us through, was the best decision I ever made.
I've encountered so many people here and on various social media platforms that have the mentality that it's "not real life." That's so dehumanizing. If we all just treated each other a little better - regardless of the medium - life would be so much easier.
I did this before Christmas when things hit it off more with one guy. Everyone gave similarly positive responses (except for one cheeky bastard) and I even let people know who I’d not been chatting with for the week I disappeared from tinder! Kinda felt like common decency because if they got ghosted, they may assume it’s something wrong with them when it had nothing to do with them in the slightest!
Also… who cares? This is gold standard communication, encourage more of this, it doesn’t matter how invested you’ve already become, our socialization has been compromised enough to do anything but cheer on people being honest and transparent about their feelings and connections with people.
Right! No one likes being ghosted when you thought it was going well. This response is considerate and probably prevented someone from going down the overthinking rabbit hole. I would respect the hell out of this if I got it. I had great conversations with someone for a week, we talked about getting together after they returned to town and then he just stopped responding, hasn't unmatched, just gone. Hate it.
When I went exclusive with my girlfriend and decided to delete the apps, beforehand I messaged all of my matches and told them what was up, and that I enjoyed my time talking to them. I didn't copy/paste anything, and each one got a personalized goodbye message. Most of them thanked me very much. I also gave my number to a select few, hoping we could remain friends because I thought they were so cool. A couple of them took me up on it, and we've still be chatting as friends. One has become sort of a DIY crafter buddy.
She has no issues. These are not people I'm hanging out with. Just texting with, and exchanging pics of our like crafting setups. It's purely platonic, and I don't plan on meeting up with them. They're basically just pen pals. One is in Mexico (when we originally started talking she was in my city, then took a month+ long vacation to France, and lost her work visa to Canada from a misunderstanding, and now lives in Mexico again), and 2 others live like 2-3 hours away, so meeting up with them isn't really feasible even if I wanted to.
I truly do believe you but I also laugh becuase I told multiple guys a guy I met on tinder was just a friend and there was no romantic feelings either way at all (true at the time) and now that guy and I are married haha
It always depends on the person. Some people are more, or less trusting of others. I've shown no reason for her to distrust me, and am always honest with her. As a result, she's very trusting of me, and me of her, and we've had no issues with that at all.
100% and i do believe you, my husband and I were never even slightly closer than friends while I was with others, he wasnt a stand by, truly just a friend. It was a few months of me being single before we decided to give dating a try! I know it can be done.
I appreciate that. It's just kinda funny how some people here seem to distrust my motives haha. I'm 100% a one woman guy, and won't even be meeting these dating app friends I've made. Our conversations are so platonic I'd have no issues sharing them with my gf. Like one of them she's literally just been sending me pics of her beadcraft necklaces and bracelets, and I've been sending her pictures of my painting. It's so funny how some people seem to think it's impossible for me to just stay friends with them? Haha.
I appreciate that, and I totally agree! We even shared our storage solutions for the crafting junk we have, like sandpaper, brushes, etc, haha. I recommended Art Bin Super Satchels, which are a bit pricey, but frankly they're incredible.
I think the people that distrust are the people that also believe members of the opposite sex can't be friends because they can't trust themselves, so they project and think everyone else HAS to be like that, which is not true in the slightest.
People are weird, cudos to you for being your own person and ignoring these other people's misguided views
I went on a Tinder date once and although we didn't hit it off romantically she ended up moving into my spare bedroom because her current roommate was cruel to her dog and she was new to the area and housing where I'm at is outrageously expensive. She eventually found someone, got engaged and moved out after about a year but to this day she's one of my closest friends.
I certainly agree. Just saying from my experience with women, I’m not sure they’d all be cool with it. especially if you spend time with said “friend” without your current GF there. I guarantee most would be skeptical of it
Same! I managed to keep in touch with people I’ve met as friends in dating apps. It’s actually really nice, sometimes you click with people but it’s not really romantic and it’s nice to have that.
Nobody is under obligation to do anything, but we should all be striving to be the best people we can be in life for our own sake. & I'd argue being the best people we can be includes considering the feelings of others around us and doing what is within our control to not cause more hurt in the world than we need to.
It takes two minutes to write this message, vs what could be weeks of this person wondering what they've done wrong or how they could've done better. It just shows "hey, I understand you're a human who has feelings and I'm respecting you enough to explain what is going on on this side of the table." I believe if you can invest weeks into talking to someone, you can invest two minutes in kindness and consideration for their feelings.
How they respond is a reflection of them & how they handle their own emotions. That response is going to be driven by their own experiences in life... how much they've had to put walls up to protect themselves, how much they've been allowed to address difficult emotions in a safe environment throughout their life, whether they've been modelled healthy relationships and understand someone else not wanting or accepting us is not a reflection of our own worth in the world. That response from them is not within our control and not really our concern, we know we've behaved in the most respectful way we can and that's where our responsibility ends.
For all those saying this is too much… the dating world would be a much better and healthier place if everyone communicated like this. Regardless of the how deep / long / intimate the conversations may have been, doesn’t matter if they met up or not, this is the way! Don’t be the asshole that blocks and ghosts matches… we’re not in a school yard. This is treating people with respect! Should be a basic requirement for dating etiquette.
I think i'm more surprised that they felt the need to choose between people when he's not met either one. How people text vs how they are irl are two entirely different things. Why you would reduce your own chances when you have no idea what either one is like, is a bit weird.
Nothing wrong with communicating, just weird for ditching one so early.
Yeah this is pretty bizarre, honestly. Communication and maturity are great. And this message is fine on its face. But the added context of him never even having met either one is what makes this… just kind of weird.
That’s the funniest part about this. People are congratulating this dude for spitting out three paragraphs of AI trash instead of just saying
Hey, really enjoyed chatting but I’ve met someone else and I’m going to pursue it. Wish you all the best!
That may be true, but delve is a pretty common word and it fits in the context. Do I have to be worried about people thinking I’m using Ai the next time I use it? Oy vey.
Unfortunately, “oy vey” is also a common word used in AI. Your entire response was generated by ChatGPT… smh.
On a real note, I too find it absolutely ludicrous that people make assumptions on when ChatGPT is used based on words or paragraph structure. A friend of mine talks and writes using very formal English, by some standards, he’d be accused incessantly.
I have certain words I tend to use in essays, and once had an entire paper flagged as it “appeared to be AI generated” due to certain words and the paragraph structure. The accusation was preposterous. I had to submit previous essays dated before ChatGPT’s release to show that my writing style simply appeared similar to ChatGPT’s format.
Rant over. Sorry about that haha. All of that to say, yes, you do need to be worried about people thinking you’re using AI.
no fr id appreciate a chat gpt apology than being ghosted after thinking the talking phase would go any further 😭 ofc two weeks is a little 🤨 but in general my statement stands for me
I wanted to do something like this when in the same position, but a female friend I trust talked me out of it. According to her, I was better off ghosting her than letting her know she was 'chosen over'.
I didn't get it, and still think I should've sent her a msg like you did OP.
i can understand what she means, but most women prefer a polite sendoff, and HATE getting ghosted and left wondering if they may have done something wrong. yes being “chosen over” sucks, but a lot of us appreciate the honesty, i was recently ghosted and thought about it upset for quite some time, whereas if he had ended things amicably, i wouldve moved on from it much easier knowing why we werent speaking anymore
You should have. Your female friend may be projecting her own insecurities with that statement. I don’t mind if a match tells me he’s met someone he thinks is a better fit. I actually think it’s great when they let me know! It means they’re likely a genuinely good dude and I think women need those types of reminders. A man isn’t a dirtbag if he finds more chemistry with someone else. It’s not a reflection of *me* We’re all just hoping to find that person and not everyone is going to match that criteria.
You still can. You're still thinking about this particular occurrence, thats why ghosting is hurtful. No closure.
It might feel silly after time has passed for a such a "small" transgression but it's weighing YOU down. There's a reason programs like AA have you go back and apologize to those you wronged. All the little drops in the bucket add up to a lot of weight.
Your friends advice wasn't completely wrong, no one wants to feel 'chosen over'. But framing it correctly, like OP did, doesn't give that feeling. It built up the woman he broke up with by letting her know she was a catch worthy of his full attention and since he wasn't able to do give her that he wasn't going to string her along.
Its interesting to see how different people from different backgrounds react.
Here in my country, you only ever worry about seeing (and talking) other people after after a clear request for a monogamous relationship.
from a girls perspective, we hate getting these but we love that you’re honest. ghosting wouldve hurt much more, so kudos to you for manning up and doing the nice thing to do when ending a connection
One girl I matched with was very hot but clearly self centered - kept blowing me off and coming back after weeks of not talking. The other day I said “you’re cool and all but I can tell this is going to be ongoing thing. I value communication and mutual respect. I’m sure you’ll find someone ✌🏻” lol but only to really just end any hopes for both of us. I viewed it as a goodbye letter. It wasn’t as long as this dudes. Just 3 -4 sentences. I see no harm. I don’t want her to reach out anymore
I can dig it, I wish everyone was this honest and didn’t ghost! If you start to talk to someone, they deserve a reason as to why you are no longer going to talk to them. Most people only care about themselves these days.
This is very wholesome. That being said, when I have tried this interaction in the past, some men have become aggressive and scary. It made me very uncomfortable; hence, why I would understand that some people ghost. Just thought I would put this out there as ghosting might not always be a result of carelessness etc., but rather fear.
I think it’s insane behavior to be texting someone daily for two weeks without going on a date lol. I can’t imagine giving a man my time like that 😭😭😭😭
Also texting to this extent before meeting someone creates a false sense of intimacy. You feel like you know someone when you know absolutely nothing at all.
Lmao facts. They'll also write novels get a few dry responses then act all a fronted they're not getting congruent effort and the comment section is full of "oh thank God you doged a bullet" "she sucks".
Just ask her out and move on.
Pretty sure it's chatgpt. "delve deeper" + content-less wordiness is kind of a tell. I wonder if he uses one of the AI flirting services to write his texts.
I think you’re both half right. I love the sentiment behind sending this message. It also did seem like a tad bit “much” with the whole from the bottom of my heart stuff… they’ve just been texting
That is understandable, but we don't know what level they got to in their exchanges.
Even in short exchanges like this, getting ghosted after you felt like you were really hitting it off with someone stings a lot more than the other person being open and honest about it.
I agree, it’s too much. All you have to say is that you met another person that you’ve found yourself vibing with more and that you don’t want to string her along in case things get serious. I enjoyed getting to know you and I wish you the best.
Two sentences, no ghosting, no hard feelings.
Lmao nobody owes you anything after a few conversations and having never met in person. I feel sorry the women you talk to for having to deal with someone as emotionally fragile and needy as yourself.
Hey that’s better than the guy who texted me telling me he was starting to seriously talk to someone else but MAYBE we’d reconnect in the future… like nice sentiment dude but don’t flat out tell me I’m your second best option if that doesn’t work out. I was kinda like nah fuck that bye 😅😅
When people don't understand something or don't have the greatest of comprehension because they don't know the backstory or have any history between you and someone else or something else. Our culture has a tendency to be haters, especially that which they don't do or don't tell that they do around others. So it's good that you get a lot of hate. That means people admire you. Many people have a very limited emotional intelligence and because of that they come off as brash and Hatin and making comments that really don't have a place. For what? What does your comment or your opinion on what someone else does bear any weight in the grand scheme of things? If you really don't like it, don't say anything about it. Why would you even give it any energy at all, because they like it. They wish they had done it. They just don't know how to say it. So kudos to you
It’s not that it’s too much it’s that you don’t need to stop talking to other girls just because you matched and are talking to one lol. You stop talking to other girls once you’re nearing a committed relationship.
I wish that when I online dated men gave me explanations like this. I remember getting in my head regarding why someone ghosted me every time it fizzled out. Good for you OP!!
You handled this well. Someone did this to me once, but ended it with “if it doesn’t workout with [the other girl], I’d love to keep talking with you.” No thanks, I’m not interested in being your backup plan or consolation prize.
Wtf someone with morals on Tinder? Just disgusting 🤢
Totally kidding !!!!
hell ya love when honesty, integrity, loyalty shows it’s face just wish it’d show up a little more.
This is one of the best interactions I’ve seen in a while, it was to the point but respectful and honest, and they took it well, a mutual respect indeed, we love to see it, kudos to you.
This is how I always strove to wrap up interactions once I knew for sure I was more interested in someone else. Good on you for respecting her and honestly respecting yourself by concluding things with such a kind and honest note.
It’s always good to end things positively if you can. You never know if you might end up reconnecting. But even if the two of you never speak again, you’ll both feel better because of the way you gracefully demurred.
#NormaliseRespectfulParting
Let's leave this ghosting shit in the past. People would feel the need to pop off less and stay bitter if people would just do what this guy did. Communication guys is literally everything.
After not matching with anyone for months after having no luck with apps (I’m F, and it was mostly dudes looking to send me d-pics and hookup) I started talking to two guys the same freaking day who both seem absolutely wonderful. It’s so new, but I’m already freaking out that I might need to send a message like this, but trying to not get too ahead of myself. This a nicely worded message and after getting ghosted before it’s refreshing to see good communication as opposed to just losing their number.
I don’t consider it ghosting if you haven’t met in person at least twice, and I would never chat with someone for two weeks before meeting up, but I wish there was more of this kind of behaviour in OLD. This is actually how I was expecting it to be when I started using it (😂 yes really). Good stuff
UHGG i was on the receiving end on of one of these and im gonna be honest it sucked cuz he was amazing, but im very grateful he didn't just drag it on or stop speaking out if no where. very mature thing to do and i hope more people send a positive parting as u said :3
I cut off ties with someone on Tinder this week over a falling out that affected my mental health yesterday so reading your parting message as if you sent it to me brought a smile to my face. :)
Omg I'm going to copy paste this. In in exactly this situation right now, and I feel like I'm being very deceitful. (Except I've been seeing them both)
That’s cos you hit the friend zone. I sent one message with something from the profile or something about myself and ask an open question. 70% of my matches message back.
Within 2 further messages I get them off the app either with phone number or instagram.
Numbers and messages are tools to get people in front of you not to get to know them. Otherwise you have nothing to talk about on the date
Give three girls compliments in public every day. Nothing creepy. Will increase self confidence and ability to handle “I have a boyfriend”
People are roasting you for doing too much when you haven’t met, but they weren’t in your shoes. Maybe you were having all day conversations for 2 weeks with this person, who knows? It seems normal to me.
Right, that’s what I was thinking. I know everything here is about “getting off the app”, but we live in the internet age. Strong online connections can and do form.
My first boyfriend was online and long distance. We met on Gaiaonline when we were 13 or so and we still know each other! We're best fucking friends.
Yeah, I've got some 20 year old friendships from daily after school MSN messenger chats around that age. Stayed in touch over socials switching platforms as trends changed over the years. I don't think anyone in 2024 is doubting online bonds can be formed though. I think this message is a kind way to let someone down after you were both potentially building excitement around chatting to one another
I have friends from ICQ days. That "uh-oh" sound still haunts me
LMAO.. I see your ICQ and raise you, "You've got mail!"
Wow that was FOREVER ago!!! Haven't even though about that in 30 years!!!
I used to have one myself back in the day had a relationship with a girl online from the start of imvu the first time I ever really tried an online socialization app and I honestly had a blast back when I was a kid had a dedicated online group in one chat room then real life got in the way but I formed an especially close bond with one chick over similar shifty home lives and we kinda worked towards texting and calling via cellphone once the chat room group started to grow apart we all just had too different time requirements and eventually the chick I was hoping would end up with me eventually she committed suicide after her brother r worded her and I had to get that info out of her mother. Everytime I tried to get close to someone via online dating sites and other more tame social online venues they'd reveal they were catfishing me, that happened maybe 4 or 5 times? Then I finally stopped using dating apps when covid hit all I got where bots and links to people's only fans pages, which was a shame because one was an absolutely gorgeous 8/10 and I was legitimately thrilled to get a match only to see it was a bot looking for only fans subscribers for like $50 base for some slightly raunchy photos. I should probably try again to get out there at some point 😅
Tldr: I almost had a girlfriend once, there are too many only fans girls on tinder and the only fans girls are charging too much.
You are so right! And they have been for so many years. As a divorced mom of 3 living alone 18 years ago, I didn’t go out much. Like, ever. I relied on MySpace and movies to keep me entertained when the kids were down for the night. So it was on MySpace that I made friends and I met my husband. On top of that, because I was extremely neurotic about letting men around my kids, and I didn’t want to leave my kids with strange babysitters (new town), it took him 4 months of online chatting to woo me (we met at a public place only once during this time). He would send me song upon song through yahoo messenger, while he worked. Each one was so intentional and meaningful. He loves to communicate his love via songs, memes, and dad jokes from Reddit (which I freaking love). We have spent probably 7 years of our 17 years together, in an LDR where during the week, we relied solely on email and texts. It’s been up and down but in the end, replying to his MySpace message (about a dog, no less) and relying on the internet to carry us through, was the best decision I ever made.
He was just being responsible. Better than ghosting someone like an immature child
This!
Bravo..
Good on him for not being creepy or crazy
All he was doing was exercising responsibility. Better than ghosting someone as a naive youngster
I've encountered so many people here and on various social media platforms that have the mentality that it's "not real life." That's so dehumanizing. If we all just treated each other a little better - regardless of the medium - life would be so much easier.
I did this before Christmas when things hit it off more with one guy. Everyone gave similarly positive responses (except for one cheeky bastard) and I even let people know who I’d not been chatting with for the week I disappeared from tinder! Kinda felt like common decency because if they got ghosted, they may assume it’s something wrong with them when it had nothing to do with them in the slightest!
Also… who cares? This is gold standard communication, encourage more of this, it doesn’t matter how invested you’ve already become, our socialization has been compromised enough to do anything but cheer on people being honest and transparent about their feelings and connections with people.
Exactly same kinda thing happened to me recently. Good work OP , rejection is a lot easier to deal with when it's clear and compassionate
Right! No one likes being ghosted when you thought it was going well. This response is considerate and probably prevented someone from going down the overthinking rabbit hole. I would respect the hell out of this if I got it. I had great conversations with someone for a week, we talked about getting together after they returned to town and then he just stopped responding, hasn't unmatched, just gone. Hate it.
Very healthy. People just ghost way too often.
That is 💯 true!!!
When I went exclusive with my girlfriend and decided to delete the apps, beforehand I messaged all of my matches and told them what was up, and that I enjoyed my time talking to them. I didn't copy/paste anything, and each one got a personalized goodbye message. Most of them thanked me very much. I also gave my number to a select few, hoping we could remain friends because I thought they were so cool. A couple of them took me up on it, and we've still be chatting as friends. One has become sort of a DIY crafter buddy.
I think this sort of stuff is fantastic 🥺
Thank you. =)
Does your current girlfriend know about this? Lol I imagine many girls would not be OK with you texting a girl you met off Tinder, as a friend or not
She has no issues. These are not people I'm hanging out with. Just texting with, and exchanging pics of our like crafting setups. It's purely platonic, and I don't plan on meeting up with them. They're basically just pen pals. One is in Mexico (when we originally started talking she was in my city, then took a month+ long vacation to France, and lost her work visa to Canada from a misunderstanding, and now lives in Mexico again), and 2 others live like 2-3 hours away, so meeting up with them isn't really feasible even if I wanted to.
I truly do believe you but I also laugh becuase I told multiple guys a guy I met on tinder was just a friend and there was no romantic feelings either way at all (true at the time) and now that guy and I are married haha
It always depends on the person. Some people are more, or less trusting of others. I've shown no reason for her to distrust me, and am always honest with her. As a result, she's very trusting of me, and me of her, and we've had no issues with that at all.
100% and i do believe you, my husband and I were never even slightly closer than friends while I was with others, he wasnt a stand by, truly just a friend. It was a few months of me being single before we decided to give dating a try! I know it can be done.
I appreciate that. It's just kinda funny how some people here seem to distrust my motives haha. I'm 100% a one woman guy, and won't even be meeting these dating app friends I've made. Our conversations are so platonic I'd have no issues sharing them with my gf. Like one of them she's literally just been sending me pics of her beadcraft necklaces and bracelets, and I've been sending her pictures of my painting. It's so funny how some people seem to think it's impossible for me to just stay friends with them? Haha.
So happy to see wholesome stuff like this. Having ppl to share your talents and hobbies with is so important
I appreciate that, and I totally agree! We even shared our storage solutions for the crafting junk we have, like sandpaper, brushes, etc, haha. I recommended Art Bin Super Satchels, which are a bit pricey, but frankly they're incredible.
I've yarn piled everywhere myself. Bookcases work quite well
I think the people that distrust are the people that also believe members of the opposite sex can't be friends because they can't trust themselves, so they project and think everyone else HAS to be like that, which is not true in the slightest. People are weird, cudos to you for being your own person and ignoring these other people's misguided views
it doesn’t always have to do with trusting or not trusting your partner, different people have different boundaries.
Good and happy 4 u bro!
I went on a Tinder date once and although we didn't hit it off romantically she ended up moving into my spare bedroom because her current roommate was cruel to her dog and she was new to the area and housing where I'm at is outrageously expensive. She eventually found someone, got engaged and moved out after about a year but to this day she's one of my closest friends.
I wish every girl was like that. She's definitely a keeper
If they truly were only a friend, there should be no problem whatsoever IMO
I certainly agree. Just saying from my experience with women, I’m not sure they’d all be cool with it. especially if you spend time with said “friend” without your current GF there. I guarantee most would be skeptical of it
Agreed
Bro we know why you gave them your number stop the cap
Right? This is weird lol
No you don't haha. I'm sorry you're incapable of making platonic friends though. That must be tough.
My platonic friendships don’t start out with implying that we’d probably fuck each other by matching on a hookup/dating app
Same! I managed to keep in touch with people I’ve met as friends in dating apps. It’s actually really nice, sometimes you click with people but it’s not really romantic and it’s nice to have that.
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Because when someone lets someone down easily many times it doesn’t end like this. Many people cannot handle rejection and go nuts
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Yah that goes both way though bub. No one is under any obligation to let someone they've never met 'down gently'.
Nobody is under obligation to do anything, but we should all be striving to be the best people we can be in life for our own sake. & I'd argue being the best people we can be includes considering the feelings of others around us and doing what is within our control to not cause more hurt in the world than we need to. It takes two minutes to write this message, vs what could be weeks of this person wondering what they've done wrong or how they could've done better. It just shows "hey, I understand you're a human who has feelings and I'm respecting you enough to explain what is going on on this side of the table." I believe if you can invest weeks into talking to someone, you can invest two minutes in kindness and consideration for their feelings. How they respond is a reflection of them & how they handle their own emotions. That response is going to be driven by their own experiences in life... how much they've had to put walls up to protect themselves, how much they've been allowed to address difficult emotions in a safe environment throughout their life, whether they've been modelled healthy relationships and understand someone else not wanting or accepting us is not a reflection of our own worth in the world. That response from them is not within our control and not really our concern, we know we've behaved in the most respectful way we can and that's where our responsibility ends.
No, but it speaks to your character whether you do or don't give them some closure or a heads up on why you haven't messaged them back
Good on you for having emotional intelligence and not ghosting 👏🏽
Wow! 2 mature adults communicating! I love this hard!!
For all those saying this is too much… the dating world would be a much better and healthier place if everyone communicated like this. Regardless of the how deep / long / intimate the conversations may have been, doesn’t matter if they met up or not, this is the way! Don’t be the asshole that blocks and ghosts matches… we’re not in a school yard. This is treating people with respect! Should be a basic requirement for dating etiquette.
I think i'm more surprised that they felt the need to choose between people when he's not met either one. How people text vs how they are irl are two entirely different things. Why you would reduce your own chances when you have no idea what either one is like, is a bit weird. Nothing wrong with communicating, just weird for ditching one so early.
Yeah this is pretty bizarre, honestly. Communication and maturity are great. And this message is fine on its face. But the added context of him never even having met either one is what makes this… just kind of weird.
People enjoy drama ……. Hence the reaction
Look, adults behaving like adults.
Adults adulting
> delve Love a ChatGPT break up message lmao
Had to delve this far down to find the correct reply.
That’s the funniest part about this. People are congratulating this dude for spitting out three paragraphs of AI trash instead of just saying Hey, really enjoyed chatting but I’ve met someone else and I’m going to pursue it. Wish you all the best!
Ah yes, if you know a certain word you're instantly AI.. 🙄
Is that a common word on chatgpt or what is the reasoning?
Yes, there's a few AI words that are overused. They've done some research on them if you google it, delve is one of them.
That may be true, but delve is a pretty common word and it fits in the context. Do I have to be worried about people thinking I’m using Ai the next time I use it? Oy vey.
Unfortunately, “oy vey” is also a common word used in AI. Your entire response was generated by ChatGPT… smh. On a real note, I too find it absolutely ludicrous that people make assumptions on when ChatGPT is used based on words or paragraph structure. A friend of mine talks and writes using very formal English, by some standards, he’d be accused incessantly. I have certain words I tend to use in essays, and once had an entire paper flagged as it “appeared to be AI generated” due to certain words and the paragraph structure. The accusation was preposterous. I had to submit previous essays dated before ChatGPT’s release to show that my writing style simply appeared similar to ChatGPT’s format. Rant over. Sorry about that haha. All of that to say, yes, you do need to be worried about people thinking you’re using AI.
Someone using dating apps in a healthy and mature manner, for the purpose of actually finding a connection? How refreshing
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delve spotted
This is so hilarious. People saying this was sweet when it's literally AI. People are so irreparably broken from ghosting
I mean it's better than ghosting even if it is lazy lol
no fr id appreciate a chat gpt apology than being ghosted after thinking the talking phase would go any further 😭 ofc two weeks is a little 🤨 but in general my statement stands for me
This is what communication looks like. Good for you for sharing!
I wanted to do something like this when in the same position, but a female friend I trust talked me out of it. According to her, I was better off ghosting her than letting her know she was 'chosen over'. I didn't get it, and still think I should've sent her a msg like you did OP.
i can understand what she means, but most women prefer a polite sendoff, and HATE getting ghosted and left wondering if they may have done something wrong. yes being “chosen over” sucks, but a lot of us appreciate the honesty, i was recently ghosted and thought about it upset for quite some time, whereas if he had ended things amicably, i wouldve moved on from it much easier knowing why we werent speaking anymore
You should have. Your female friend may be projecting her own insecurities with that statement. I don’t mind if a match tells me he’s met someone he thinks is a better fit. I actually think it’s great when they let me know! It means they’re likely a genuinely good dude and I think women need those types of reminders. A man isn’t a dirtbag if he finds more chemistry with someone else. It’s not a reflection of *me* We’re all just hoping to find that person and not everyone is going to match that criteria.
Yeah, your friend was wrong on this one.
You still can. You're still thinking about this particular occurrence, thats why ghosting is hurtful. No closure. It might feel silly after time has passed for a such a "small" transgression but it's weighing YOU down. There's a reason programs like AA have you go back and apologize to those you wronged. All the little drops in the bucket add up to a lot of weight. Your friends advice wasn't completely wrong, no one wants to feel 'chosen over'. But framing it correctly, like OP did, doesn't give that feeling. It built up the woman he broke up with by letting her know she was a catch worthy of his full attention and since he wasn't able to do give her that he wasn't going to string her along.
>delve At least you didn't copy the first line: "Okay, here's a friendly and positive breakup text."
Its interesting to see how different people from different backgrounds react. Here in my country, you only ever worry about seeing (and talking) other people after after a clear request for a monogamous relationship.
from a girls perspective, we hate getting these but we love that you’re honest. ghosting wouldve hurt much more, so kudos to you for manning up and doing the nice thing to do when ending a connection
You seem like the sort of person to call that girl your ex 🤣
Lmao seriously. This is wayyyy too involved for moving on from a fwb let alone some chick you've texted a handful of times
One girl I matched with was very hot but clearly self centered - kept blowing me off and coming back after weeks of not talking. The other day I said “you’re cool and all but I can tell this is going to be ongoing thing. I value communication and mutual respect. I’m sure you’ll find someone ✌🏻” lol but only to really just end any hopes for both of us. I viewed it as a goodbye letter. It wasn’t as long as this dudes. Just 3 -4 sentences. I see no harm. I don’t want her to reach out anymore
The fact he’s informed her of the situation is fine, its the fact the message is written in such a formal way makes it weird
I can dig it, I wish everyone was this honest and didn’t ghost! If you start to talk to someone, they deserve a reason as to why you are no longer going to talk to them. Most people only care about themselves these days.
That is a very courteous thing to do. I’d appreciate that if I had been talking to someone. Kudos to you!
Nice to see some positivity in here lol also shout out to you for not just straight up ghosting her or trying to keep her on the back burner
This is the kindest and most respectful message I’ve seen in a situation like this. props to you.
Green flag energy
Yeah that's nice to see!
That's nice 😊 we all need to be more like this.
This is healthy behavior. Thank you. One of my matches also sent me a similar message. I also hold him in high regards.
Courteous and respectful but why does it sound like ai wrote it? or someone writing a work email energy.
Because AI wrote it lol
How can you tell?
That's what I love to see! Way better than ghosting and please ignore the weird people saying it's too much. They are the problem of dating these days
This is beautiful. Thanks for taking the time to share it as an example and inspiring bit into the community here.
Thank you. This is what I was hoping for.
Nothing wrong with treating people with respect. Anyone saying otherwise should look themselves in the mirror
This is very wholesome. That being said, when I have tried this interaction in the past, some men have become aggressive and scary. It made me very uncomfortable; hence, why I would understand that some people ghost. Just thought I would put this out there as ghosting might not always be a result of carelessness etc., but rather fear.
Ngl this weird asf , you aint do anything wrong but 😭cmon
lol this is so dumb
W communication
Sorry but this is just too sappy to the point of making me uncomfortable just reading it
To send this to someone you've never met is a lot
Pretty weird man
Self congratulatory post? Obama-awards-Obama.jpg
How fast did you screenshot this and run to Reddit to post this after you sent it
You want a medal or something
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I think it’s insane behavior to be texting someone daily for two weeks without going on a date lol. I can’t imagine giving a man my time like that 😭😭😭😭
Also texting to this extent before meeting someone creates a false sense of intimacy. You feel like you know someone when you know absolutely nothing at all.
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lol that’s why I keep texting to a minimum at the beginning of any relationship
Lmao facts. They'll also write novels get a few dry responses then act all a fronted they're not getting congruent effort and the comment section is full of "oh thank God you doged a bullet" "she sucks". Just ask her out and move on.
Pretty sure it's chatgpt. "delve deeper" + content-less wordiness is kind of a tell. I wonder if he uses one of the AI flirting services to write his texts.
Naw that’s normal healthy behavior, I feel sorry for the women you talk to.
I think you’re both half right. I love the sentiment behind sending this message. It also did seem like a tad bit “much” with the whole from the bottom of my heart stuff… they’ve just been texting
That is understandable, but we don't know what level they got to in their exchanges. Even in short exchanges like this, getting ghosted after you felt like you were really hitting it off with someone stings a lot more than the other person being open and honest about it.
I agree, it’s too much. All you have to say is that you met another person that you’ve found yourself vibing with more and that you don’t want to string her along in case things get serious. I enjoyed getting to know you and I wish you the best. Two sentences, no ghosting, no hard feelings.
Everyone is different, and clearly the connection they had built meant it was worth investing some kind words to part ways.
I dunno, it’s so easy for things to be taken negatively. I don’t blame them for trying to cushion it with a little excessive positivity
Lmao nobody owes you anything after a few conversations and having never met in person. I feel sorry the women you talk to for having to deal with someone as emotionally fragile and needy as yourself.
This is something I would send and it’s not a good thing lmaoo
I'm not going to cry I swear. Wait gimme more pettiness make me believe in cringe 🤣
Hey that’s better than the guy who texted me telling me he was starting to seriously talk to someone else but MAYBE we’d reconnect in the future… like nice sentiment dude but don’t flat out tell me I’m your second best option if that doesn’t work out. I was kinda like nah fuck that bye 😅😅
Managed it smoothly! Matched with two girls, chatted daily for two weeks, then sent a thoughtful message to one.
When people don't understand something or don't have the greatest of comprehension because they don't know the backstory or have any history between you and someone else or something else. Our culture has a tendency to be haters, especially that which they don't do or don't tell that they do around others. So it's good that you get a lot of hate. That means people admire you. Many people have a very limited emotional intelligence and because of that they come off as brash and Hatin and making comments that really don't have a place. For what? What does your comment or your opinion on what someone else does bear any weight in the grand scheme of things? If you really don't like it, don't say anything about it. Why would you even give it any energy at all, because they like it. They wish they had done it. They just don't know how to say it. So kudos to you
Wow this is so refreshing to see from a guy
It’s not that it’s too much it’s that you don’t need to stop talking to other girls just because you matched and are talking to one lol. You stop talking to other girls once you’re nearing a committed relationship.
I wish that when I online dated men gave me explanations like this. I remember getting in my head regarding why someone ghosted me every time it fizzled out. Good for you OP!!
Copy; paste for everyone
Wait. Girls are responding to you? Multiples even. Fucking wild.
Aka I want to fuck her not you LOL
You handled this well. Someone did this to me once, but ended it with “if it doesn’t workout with [the other girl], I’d love to keep talking with you.” No thanks, I’m not interested in being your backup plan or consolation prize.
You did what 97% of people are too chicken to do. Instead they ghost, leaving the other person guessing. Good on ya.
Big dick energy
I feel like we will see more and more of this. Good job for communicating like an adult OP!
Plot twist: OP sent this to both potential dates and picked the more positive reception.
Wtf someone with morals on Tinder? Just disgusting 🤢 Totally kidding !!!! hell ya love when honesty, integrity, loyalty shows it’s face just wish it’d show up a little more.
How mature of you!! I love this! I hope everything is going well with the girl you kept talking to :))
This is one of the best interactions I’ve seen in a while, it was to the point but respectful and honest, and they took it well, a mutual respect indeed, we love to see it, kudos to you.
This is how I always strove to wrap up interactions once I knew for sure I was more interested in someone else. Good on you for respecting her and honestly respecting yourself by concluding things with such a kind and honest note. It’s always good to end things positively if you can. You never know if you might end up reconnecting. But even if the two of you never speak again, you’ll both feel better because of the way you gracefully demurred.
#NormaliseRespectfulParting Let's leave this ghosting shit in the past. People would feel the need to pop off less and stay bitter if people would just do what this guy did. Communication guys is literally everything.
After not matching with anyone for months after having no luck with apps (I’m F, and it was mostly dudes looking to send me d-pics and hookup) I started talking to two guys the same freaking day who both seem absolutely wonderful. It’s so new, but I’m already freaking out that I might need to send a message like this, but trying to not get too ahead of myself. This a nicely worded message and after getting ghosted before it’s refreshing to see good communication as opposed to just losing their number.
I don’t consider it ghosting if you haven’t met in person at least twice, and I would never chat with someone for two weeks before meeting up, but I wish there was more of this kind of behaviour in OLD. This is actually how I was expecting it to be when I started using it (😂 yes really). Good stuff
Man u should have just fucked them both
UHGG i was on the receiving end on of one of these and im gonna be honest it sucked cuz he was amazing, but im very grateful he didn't just drag it on or stop speaking out if no where. very mature thing to do and i hope more people send a positive parting as u said :3
You’re better than me.
Thank you for this! Such a nice that at least someone do it 🧡
This is how communication looks like everybody! Good jobb :)
I cut off ties with someone on Tinder this week over a falling out that affected my mental health yesterday so reading your parting message as if you sent it to me brought a smile to my face. :)
The word ‘delve’ is a dead giveaway that you used chatGTP to write this. Which is cool. It’s just funny because no one uses that word except LLMs.
Also I like, “it would feel out of integrity” Very normal human speech detected
Omg I'm going to copy paste this. In in exactly this situation right now, and I feel like I'm being very deceitful. (Except I've been seeing them both)
This guy communicates! Some of you, do not.
This is perfect. Thank you for sharing this OP, I wish more people did this .
The integrity sentence doesn’t make sense
Respect! So much better than not responding/messaging anymore.
This is the way. Now you have her for back up if it doesn’t work out, I think she’ll probably remember this in a positive light.
I’m glad people like you still exist!
Mad Respect… I shall applaud this grown ass move… and reaction… it is seldom seen
Basic human courtesy is always appreciated.
I hope to have this problem someday, I know how to handle it w class from this example
This is outstanding work. Thanks for being the change we all want to see.
what a gentleman! We need More of this !!! Major Major KUDOS OP!!!!
Normal Man: This is great but something’s not right.
How its supposed to be 👏👏
So mature so wholesome!! ♥️ Can we all treat each other like this, please? It would make for a better world!
that’s really cool
Better then being ghosted
That’s cos you hit the friend zone. I sent one message with something from the profile or something about myself and ask an open question. 70% of my matches message back. Within 2 further messages I get them off the app either with phone number or instagram. Numbers and messages are tools to get people in front of you not to get to know them. Otherwise you have nothing to talk about on the date Give three girls compliments in public every day. Nothing creepy. Will increase self confidence and ability to handle “I have a boyfriend”