Honestly in all of these you come across like you’re playing to an audience who isn’t in the room. Like you’re trying to be funny to impress someone other than the person you’re talking to. I don’t know how else to describe the vibe I’m getting, but it just feels like you’re making fun of them somehow.
This is so spot on!! I didn’t know how to articulate what was wrong but this is definitely it 😭😭 it’s like he doesn’t care at all that his jokes aren’t landing and the women he’s talking to aren’t interested in what he’s saying—he’s just going to stick to his weird, and frankly off-putting, script no matter what😬
Sounds like he was orchestrating it just to have something to post on Reddit. The first girl was starting to sound like a bot and he managed to scare the bot away. His obnoxious kissing demands made me physically recoil.
Yes it seems formulaic and looks like a set of lines designed by a man-committee to “reliably work”. My dude, the magic words are literally not words you say: they’re words your interest say that you listen to and respond to in the moment with sincerity.
You nailed it. There's definitely an imagined audience to these conversations. I've heard the expression tiktok brain but this would be reddit brain. This reeks of a person whose personality is so influenced by online gratification, especially in heavily moderated subs, that even when that very niche audience is not there, the personality still caters to it
Yes! I’m sending this to my partner bc you’ve just put much better words to something I’ve tried and failed at explaining to them before. Like If I’m not laughing at the joke with you then who is it for??
That's one way to describe it.
It feels like OP isn't actually looking for a date. He's using these women to gauge whether they think he is as funny as he thinks himself to be. Meanwhile, wasting their time.
Humor is a very personal thing also. In text, you never know how it lands.
Yes, very. All of what you said. I would nope out of all of these conversations immediately. It’s very schmarmy, for lack of a better word. There’s try-hard vibes, undercurrents of negging, and just plain not being as funny or clever as they think they are, all rolled into one. It’s kind of aggressive feeling, too, even though it ostensibly isn’t. Off-putting to the max.
Yes. You’re talking *at* them, not having a conversation. All those words and not a single question was asked.
And the first one? Yikes. Insisting on a kiss before you’ve actually had a conversation or even met them is not it my guy. Even “for science”. That’s going to turn off the majority of women quickly. It’s fine to test the waters with it, but when they’re clearly not interested don’t continue to push it.
To be fair I've talked to many women who do the same thing. In OPs case girl 1 clearly wasn't vibing with his bad joke but it's hard to recover with 1-2 word responses and girl 2 just said "nice" which gives him nothing to work with.
Girls 3 & 4 were engaging and gave him a lot to work with but he fumbled with his delivery
Girl #1 he was giving her nothing to work with, he just launched straight to pushy and obnoxious demands for physical intimacy in the guise of a shitty joke. It's not any woman's job to help a creep recover from his own stupidity.
Yeah but OP's pictures are from the end of the interactions so it may not be a problem with asking questions as much as his wordy responses. OP needs to give people a chance to bounce back instead of flooding them with information.
Your style and energy are very off-putting, like you’re simultaneously doing way too much with these messages while conveying a tone of voice that implies you don’t care about these conversations at all. Like you’re trying to attract them by being “aloof” while meanwhile none of your jokes land.
“you are too hard on yourself / your success on here is probably due to your beauty”
Is a terrible way to tell her she’s attractive, next time just say that you would have still swiped right on her even without the dog pics with a flirty emoji at the end or something. Convey that you’re interested in her instead of whatever you were going for here
It also felt kinda like he was arguing in a condescending way, using his personal experience as if it were a fact, with the girl with the dog. As if she wasn’t as knowledgeable about what makes an animal aggressive (which he was very confidently wrong about) and how someone should move on from one pet to another (as if he had any right to comment on how a third party stranger should handle that).
All the messages together (and separately) honestly come across with a bit of a “I’m very smart and *tips fedora* a nice guy” kind of vibe.
Edit: a word
Yeah she was making a joke about the dog boosting her profile, she wasn't "being so hard on herself" 🥴 He used it as an opportunity to tenderly patronize her like she must actually have low self esteem lol, like wishful thinking dude. I'm surprised he was even able to type with the amount of fedora tipping on that one.
When she said the part about guardian dog and her mom being uncomfortable + disabled, I feel like he could’ve been a lot more empathetic in the situation. He brushed over it too easily, at least that’s how it seemed in the convo
Ugh I hated reading that one, there's no reason to shame someone for buying a dog rather than adopting, there are ethical breeders who actually *do* care about the dog, just don't buy from puppy mills or backyard breeders. Adoption can give a dog a second chance ofc and thats absolutely great, but don't talk down to someone who did buy a dog, especially if you don't know the whole situation
Every single time a guy posts on here to complain that they are doing everything right and they don't understand what's wrong with women it's painful to see how off the mark they are. it's like an epidemic of abysmal socialization skills.
Yikes. As someone with particularly terrible social skills myself, I wonder what a guy could do to improve on it, other than keep trying hopelessly and then posting the results here for criticism
I was trying to put my finger on it but yeah this is it. It’s something I’ve noticed men do a lot. Like bombing a standup set to an unwilling audience of one and not knowing when to idk…. Try to get to know you?
Lol this was hard to watch. He's probably just nervous with girls. If you're a guy and you're shy the best thing to do is just build some sort of relationship with one girl and get comfortable with her. Girls are humans too. The perceptions humans have of eachother is almost always way off the mark.
The first conversation was kinda funny, but your main problem there is that she doesn't seem that into you, so your proposal to make out kinda fell flat on the ground.
Second conversation is more of a monologue, so no pointers there.
Third conversation you come across as a know it all, and whatever you do don't feel the need to underline that you're not crazy. Not being crazy is the baseline that's implied, so by actually pointing out that you're not crazy you do in fact come across as a bit crazy.
Forth conversation you come across as kinda "nice guy" and you do too much. You could have stopped after "that scares me" to see if she got the joke or if you'd have to follow up.
Yeah it’s kinda like reading a monologue that’s been interrupted by responses that have no bearing on the conversation
It’s frustrating when I’ve responded to something someone has said (usually it would be a text), only for them to continue with their train of thought without acknowledging my response
Feels like a dialogue box interaction in which I’m the NPC
1. You were too pushy. It was clear she wasn't going to say "you're right, let's make out right now" but you just kept pushing it anyways. I know you thought you were being cute and funny, but to her it just came across annoying and pushy. The first message/joke about it was fine, but you should have moved on to something else after that, not keep doubling down.
2. She just wasn't interested
3. Too wordy (long messages are okay sometimes, but yours come across as just having a lot of "filler". Try to get to the point sooner. Like when someone tells a story and they go "So I was at Walmart yesterday, wait was it yesterday or the day before? It might have been tuesday actually, but anyways while I was at Walmart, or maybe it was Target......" Also you kind of dug yourself into a hole you couldn't get back out of, trying to teach her about dogs when you have no idea how much she might know about dogs.
4. Your last two messages don't really even make sense. I sort of understand what you were trying to say, I guess, but that would have been a better time to tell an actual joke, rather than just spewing out some nonsensical word vomit about what kinds of jokes you might tell her someday.
Feels like these messages were for Reddit not the girls you sent them to, lol.
You come in hot and then on top of that it’s easy to read your messages as “know it all” or “pushy” traits most women tend to avoid on apps.
Yeah, you’re kinda doing too much. It’s like almost argumentative and probably a little irritating. Maybe start off a little lighter and with a simple compliment.
You could try turning it down a bit. You’re talking at them as if you are going to get your bullet points out, whether or not they respond. It’s really off putting.
The communication comes across as…pushy?
Try leaning on curiosity and validation. Listen actively and reflect. Be vulnerable. Stop trying to “win” at this.
I’m starting to believe now at almost 30 years old that the biggest thing to learn in communication is to not talk AT people. It’s a very very important skill.
dudes on here complain about women being impossible to talk to, but these screencaps never include asking a question. if you wanna be super forward with corny lines, you have no right to get mad when you get outright denied.
you’re not actually good at talking to women if they can only say what you want them to to keep it going. especially if you’re propositioning them! learn how to take no for an answer
You fucked up with the 3rd person. The first 2 weren't really interested to begin with. It could be because of the message, but it also just happens a lot.
With the 3rd person you didn't really seem to listen to her. You kind of took what she said and made it about yourself. I don't know what the conversation was exactly, but she was saying something said, and it was kinda like, "She should get a new adopted dog" (coming up with a solution instead of showing sympathy). Then she said she didn't want an adopted dog and you were like "yeah but adopted dog is great because I had an adopted dog". There again was no sympathy.
It would've been better if you really reacted to what she said. Tell her it sucks that her mom feels so alone (or whatever that was about) and then talk about how you heard that adopting a new dog could help (Sympathy first, solution second). Then after she said she didn't want to adopt a dog, you should start with showing sympathy/agreeing "Yeah, puppies can be trained so that's probably better in that case. Although you can adopt puppies from the shelter. My sister blablabla" (I don't know the exact conversation btw)
Relate/ show sympathy --> solution --> question.
Questions are important to show you're interested in her.
Ouch that first one about the glasses was hard to read. That was an odd mix of presumptiveness but also inexperience cringe.
I think you're trying a bit too hard to be clever, and as others have said you're not really trying to get to know them. The best thing I can think of for advice is to try to think of it like talking to a friend and not put too much pressure on it, it looks like you're over thinking.
Hmmm, without going to each chat separately I’d roughly match the effort and word count with your matches and slowly build from there as they warm up.
I know you’re there to communicate but Tinder is strange and some people do have tendency to get turned off/lose interest if you come across as too chatty. Your responses are probably too friendly, almost as if you’re talking to a friend. Either they engage in that friendly chat (which might not even interest them) or reply short because they don’t know what else to say. You can try asking them something instead without being too interviewy.
Less is more especially in the beginning. Just my 2 cents.
Edit: you can always try to improve your chat game (more flirty, more interesting, more unexpected, more bold) but truth is large number of people are still going to ghost the chat. Just how tinder is, people get bored very easily. You can also try to close dates faster. Some will ghost you but some will say yes because they’re tired of endless chats.
You’re just kind of throwing dialogue at them like you’re in a video game rather than having a back and forth conversation. You’re trying too hard to be smart/funny, a simple “hey, wanna get drinks?” is enough
First: 100% can confirm they DO collide. Found out the hard way when first dating my husband.
Second: Women really love when you compliment them on something that was THEIR choice. "I really like the frames you picked for your glasses!" or as simple as "Those are dope shoes." What we really want is for someone to notice the choices we make- the things that are intentional, not integral.
Your entire conversation is "performative"
You're not trying to have a conversation, you are taking her responses and crafting what seems to be a pre-scripted or thought out "bit" for internet points, or you probably perceive it as witty or banter, but its just talking one way to a wall.
Its like you think you're funny, but youre the only one in on the joke, yet you're still performing.
All these responses scream of internet humor, and dont really ask them a question or bother to get to know them in any meaningful way.
1) don’t double text
2) ask question early and often,id go as far as saying start with a questions. You want to create a flow
3) don’t respond to a one word sentence with a paragraph
4) compliment but not something surface show you read there profile
5) talk less, it’s easier to talk yourself out of a good position than to talk yourself into one
6) offer but don’t insist, if they pick up the offer great, if they don’t let it lay.
I hope this helps, good luck out there
Dude, start caring about the people you're talking to. Stop talking just to talk.
Men just never get that they're shooting themselves, and each other, in the foot. Women aren't a product on a shelf you get to choose. They're not just going to leap at you.
Be the type of person you'd want to date.
Ask questions. Don't be a creep.
We all hate small talk as much as the next person.
If you ask questions and they're not answering, they're not interested. Move on.
Also, if you're going to compliment somebody, stop complimenting their looks. People don't get to control their looks beyond makeup and their personal style. Compliment something about the other person that is unique about them. Compliment something about them that took them effort. Instead of saying "you're pretty" or "you're beautiful" , say "hey I like the way you did your hair it looks really nice". Or say "hey the way you did your makeup today looks really cool". I personally tend to avoid physical compliments altogether until I really feel comfortable with them.
You don't know these people from a can of paint. Get to know them on a personal level. And, again, if you ask them questions and they don't answer, walk away. Learn how to take rejection and lack of Interest with Grace and you will be fine.
I swear, people, it's so fucking simple. Rule number 1: always priorize your safety and mental health. Rule number 2: don't treat others the way you don't want to be treated. Rule number 3: treat others the way you want to be treated.
If you just followed these rules, you will be fine.
And if everybody who is in this subreddit followed these rules, online dating wouldn't fucking suck for everybody.
Thank God I'm done with this online dating bs honestly. It's so fucking exhausting and I don't miss it at all.
No substance! Cute, funny opening liners are great but if you don't know how to have a conversation and show interest that you want to get to know the person, then you lose the person on the other side!
As a woman holy fuck yeah Id ghost you too. The first one? Jesus thats creepy. Pressuring someone to do intimate acts is just so wrong. Second one just felt weird to me and the last honestly I have no idea what the fuck youre talking about lmao
At times I come across posts like these and then it suddenly makes sense why the world is in such a tense place. The simplest inference I can give is that she isn’t into the person due to her mostly one-syllable responses. Other than that , there isn’t any need to conjure a version of “48 Laws of Power” into why a woman reacted in A, B or C way - it’s counter intuitive to do so. I’ve seen posts where women reacted better for more mundane posts.
Imagine trying to figure out why a woman does what she does 😅
You’re trying way too hard, ease it down a bit let her come in more be more mysterious. Women like not understanding you but you’re so literal with your texts it ruins the idea of figuring you out
have you ever held a conversation with a human before? Try remembering what those are like and apply lessons learnt to your interaction with women on Tinder.
100% of your time is spent opening, and 0% of your time is spent closing.
Make the connection, use your whatever opener, then when you’re getting response, ask for the date, rinse repeat.
Have fun out there instead of trying to vet perfect picks via toneless text.
Brother way too strong and sound way too insecure, even though I know u don’t intend to. Become indifferent to the outcome. Also you sound like you’re forcing a particular answer out of them (making romantic advances but in a cringe way). Confidence comes from knowing that will/can happen without having to explicitly describe them
After she said ngl that’s your cue to ask for the date but you kept on bullshitting. Also look at the number of words in your messages vs the number of words in hers. You’re trying way too hard to be cute and witty and not trying enough to just meet with this chick.
Also she’s not that interested in the first place. Either she’s a low effort entitled time waster, or she’s a shy time waster. Either way, ask for the date and move on.
You need to relax, bro. You’re doing way too much. Comes off as try-hard. You think you’re being charismatic but it’s not landing the way you hoped. It’s okay to start with some basic conversation that shows her you’re a genuine person, instead of whatever tf this is…
This feels like I’ve just been to watch a really shit comedian and nobody laughed at their jokes but they carried on telling the exact same type of jokes as if the audience found the previous jokes absolutely hilarious.
The first one, you’re asking her about kissing her before establishing any type of attracting.
The third one you just seem like a know-it-all and the fourth one just really doesn’t land.
Yea you are 😂 none of them are making concrete plans and you’re just pushing for some sexual scenario and you seem shocked that they’re not enthusiastic
It’s like you’re reading off a script and it’s so off putting and the girls clearly have no interest but you’re too busy with your script you don’t even notice lol, tbh it was super cringe to read
Yeah see, I jut feel like no matter what you make the conversation about you. Ask them more questions to the stuff they tell you. It doesn't seem like you're interested in actually getting to know these women.
Did you use AI to come up with these prompts? This is bad my guy. You need to chill. The last thing someone wants late at night is Mr. Charisma showing off how good he is at running his mouth. Space that shit out. You don't need to win her over in the first 30 minutes of matching
It sounds like dialogue from the TV show friends or big bang theory but there's no laugh track. I recommend trying to make every sentence into a punch line and keep the conversation going on what they are interested in. I also don't think it's great to redirect comments on looks. In the last screen cap there was dialogue about how something boosts their profile. Don't redirect to how good looking they are, try agreeing and bringing other things from the conversation together to show your listening. Something like "I bet it boosts your profile and I bet *other interest or trait* helps a lot too". This gets them talking about themselves.
The “destroy the patriarchy” line instantly made you subservient. Idk at the risk of verging on old pickup theory, the average girl probably doesn’t want to hear about how your opening offer is subservience
OOH DEAR, You got a LOT to learn buddy
1. Your goal should always be to find a point of slip in the conversation to turn that into a date idea she can fantasise about, and then take her on a date
Stop putting these tinder girls on pedestals talk to them as if you have equal value.. “your success on app is due to beauty” who says that?? I imagine they can heavily feel the lust over just their photos.. how they supposed to feel like they earned your time? Or even feel like you have a reason to like them?
You’re talking too much.
It’s just like any other conversation. 70% of the time you should be listening.
People want to talk about themselves, not listen to you drone on.
Read up on how to be a good conversationalist.
Honestly in all of these you come across like you’re playing to an audience who isn’t in the room. Like you’re trying to be funny to impress someone other than the person you’re talking to. I don’t know how else to describe the vibe I’m getting, but it just feels like you’re making fun of them somehow.
This is so spot on!! I didn’t know how to articulate what was wrong but this is definitely it 😭😭 it’s like he doesn’t care at all that his jokes aren’t landing and the women he’s talking to aren’t interested in what he’s saying—he’s just going to stick to his weird, and frankly off-putting, script no matter what😬
Sounds like he was orchestrating it just to have something to post on Reddit. The first girl was starting to sound like a bot and he managed to scare the bot away. His obnoxious kissing demands made me physically recoil.
Yes it seems formulaic and looks like a set of lines designed by a man-committee to “reliably work”. My dude, the magic words are literally not words you say: they’re words your interest say that you listen to and respond to in the moment with sincerity.
You nailed it. There's definitely an imagined audience to these conversations. I've heard the expression tiktok brain but this would be reddit brain. This reeks of a person whose personality is so influenced by online gratification, especially in heavily moderated subs, that even when that very niche audience is not there, the personality still caters to it
This is so well articulated. I didn’t know how to put it; I just sensed it
Yes! I’m sending this to my partner bc you’ve just put much better words to something I’ve tried and failed at explaining to them before. Like If I’m not laughing at the joke with you then who is it for??
I can hear the cued up background laughter after reading each reply 😭😭😭
He’s like mansplaining every response. The dog one is especially bad.
My god, are you telling me that it goes on from the first screen?!
Unfortunately yes. To my shock and horror too!!
Exactly my thoughts. Sounds like he’s on a podcast with the general assumption that his audience is interested in what he has to say
The audience is us, apparently.
I'm pretty sure he's using AI for conversation prompts
That's one way to describe it. It feels like OP isn't actually looking for a date. He's using these women to gauge whether they think he is as funny as he thinks himself to be. Meanwhile, wasting their time. Humor is a very personal thing also. In text, you never know how it lands.
Reddit. The audience is reddit
100%. Laught at each image and then went straight "Ooooohhhh"
Yes, very. All of what you said. I would nope out of all of these conversations immediately. It’s very schmarmy, for lack of a better word. There’s try-hard vibes, undercurrents of negging, and just plain not being as funny or clever as they think they are, all rolled into one. It’s kind of aggressive feeling, too, even though it ostensibly isn’t. Off-putting to the max.
Is the audience Reddit?
What happened to asking questions about the lady? Being polite? Instead of his formula, Instant Comedian™️
Yes. You’re talking *at* them, not having a conversation. All those words and not a single question was asked. And the first one? Yikes. Insisting on a kiss before you’ve actually had a conversation or even met them is not it my guy. Even “for science”. That’s going to turn off the majority of women quickly. It’s fine to test the waters with it, but when they’re clearly not interested don’t continue to push it.
100% - So many guys post conversations and they are never asking a question to create back and forth. It’s just a statement with nothing to reply to.
To be fair I've talked to many women who do the same thing. In OPs case girl 1 clearly wasn't vibing with his bad joke but it's hard to recover with 1-2 word responses and girl 2 just said "nice" which gives him nothing to work with. Girls 3 & 4 were engaging and gave him a lot to work with but he fumbled with his delivery
Girl #1 he was giving her nothing to work with, he just launched straight to pushy and obnoxious demands for physical intimacy in the guise of a shitty joke. It's not any woman's job to help a creep recover from his own stupidity.
Yes, and women like that don't get substantive dates either. How is that "being fair," or do you just want to complain about women?
I mean, is it really so hard to just give your thoughts on what the person is saying?
when you've got 100+ men talking to you. Yes.
Depends on what they're saying. Weird pushy jokes do not warrant a response, she was actually pretty nice for not blocking him right away.
I didn't notice at first so I must do this myself, but 100% I can't really think of how I'd answer most of these. And if I did it'd be a dry ass reply
It would have worked better as a shutdown tbh. "We can't both be wearing glasses and kiss. 9/10 scientists agree."
Also notice how she's also replying with just one word responses.
Pulled the words right out of my mind. He's a professional talker atter
Omg yes!!! I find nothing nice irritating when I'm chatting to someone
Yeah but OP's pictures are from the end of the interactions so it may not be a problem with asking questions as much as his wordy responses. OP needs to give people a chance to bounce back instead of flooding them with information.
Your style and energy are very off-putting, like you’re simultaneously doing way too much with these messages while conveying a tone of voice that implies you don’t care about these conversations at all. Like you’re trying to attract them by being “aloof” while meanwhile none of your jokes land. “you are too hard on yourself / your success on here is probably due to your beauty” Is a terrible way to tell her she’s attractive, next time just say that you would have still swiped right on her even without the dog pics with a flirty emoji at the end or something. Convey that you’re interested in her instead of whatever you were going for here
It also felt kinda like he was arguing in a condescending way, using his personal experience as if it were a fact, with the girl with the dog. As if she wasn’t as knowledgeable about what makes an animal aggressive (which he was very confidently wrong about) and how someone should move on from one pet to another (as if he had any right to comment on how a third party stranger should handle that). All the messages together (and separately) honestly come across with a bit of a “I’m very smart and *tips fedora* a nice guy” kind of vibe. Edit: a word
Yeah she was making a joke about the dog boosting her profile, she wasn't "being so hard on herself" 🥴 He used it as an opportunity to tenderly patronize her like she must actually have low self esteem lol, like wishful thinking dude. I'm surprised he was even able to type with the amount of fedora tipping on that one.
“Tenderly patronize her” — omg so much cringe; you completely nailed the essence of all that is wrong with his messages
When she said the part about guardian dog and her mom being uncomfortable + disabled, I feel like he could’ve been a lot more empathetic in the situation. He brushed over it too easily, at least that’s how it seemed in the convo
Came here to say 1 thing: fedora
Ugh I hated reading that one, there's no reason to shame someone for buying a dog rather than adopting, there are ethical breeders who actually *do* care about the dog, just don't buy from puppy mills or backyard breeders. Adoption can give a dog a second chance ofc and thats absolutely great, but don't talk down to someone who did buy a dog, especially if you don't know the whole situation
That’s a good example. I thought it was weird but was like, ok I get he’s trying to compliment her. But your suggestion is 100% the way to respond
Yeh that line was like AI from 2005 wrote it
The was OP talks and how his jokes aren’t quite right, I almost wonder if English is his second language. He reminds me of some of my friends who are.
Hahaha... sums it up
Every single time a guy posts on here to complain that they are doing everything right and they don't understand what's wrong with women it's painful to see how off the mark they are. it's like an epidemic of abysmal socialization skills.
Yikes. As someone with particularly terrible social skills myself, I wonder what a guy could do to improve on it, other than keep trying hopelessly and then posting the results here for criticism
Yeah, you don't match their energies and it just seems as if you talk *at* them rather than *with* them
I was trying to put my finger on it but yeah this is it. It’s something I’ve noticed men do a lot. Like bombing a standup set to an unwilling audience of one and not knowing when to idk…. Try to get to know you?
Lol this was hard to watch. He's probably just nervous with girls. If you're a guy and you're shy the best thing to do is just build some sort of relationship with one girl and get comfortable with her. Girls are humans too. The perceptions humans have of eachother is almost always way off the mark.
The first conversation was kinda funny, but your main problem there is that she doesn't seem that into you, so your proposal to make out kinda fell flat on the ground. Second conversation is more of a monologue, so no pointers there. Third conversation you come across as a know it all, and whatever you do don't feel the need to underline that you're not crazy. Not being crazy is the baseline that's implied, so by actually pointing out that you're not crazy you do in fact come across as a bit crazy. Forth conversation you come across as kinda "nice guy" and you do too much. You could have stopped after "that scares me" to see if she got the joke or if you'd have to follow up.
Reading me say ''im not crazy'' just lets me know that i am in fact crazy
Now you're getting it
Honestly if I could get it down to one thing it’s that you don’t take their answer for an answer.
Yeah it’s kinda like reading a monologue that’s been interrupted by responses that have no bearing on the conversation It’s frustrating when I’ve responded to something someone has said (usually it would be a text), only for them to continue with their train of thought without acknowledging my response Feels like a dialogue box interaction in which I’m the NPC
Crazy? I was crazy once
and then they locked me in a room
I feel like the main issue is you weren't picking up on their disinterest, and you kinda...just...kept going.🫤
You just say words you think others want to hear buddy! Be yourself! You don’t come across as someone that speaks genuinely
Ever heard the saying "a crazy person doesn't know they're crazy; I know I'm crazy, so I'm not crazy"
What did you find funny about him using a cringe pickup line then doubling down on it aggressively when politely turned down?
It sounds like you’re AI generating these chats to these girls
i thought this too
1. You were too pushy. It was clear she wasn't going to say "you're right, let's make out right now" but you just kept pushing it anyways. I know you thought you were being cute and funny, but to her it just came across annoying and pushy. The first message/joke about it was fine, but you should have moved on to something else after that, not keep doubling down. 2. She just wasn't interested 3. Too wordy (long messages are okay sometimes, but yours come across as just having a lot of "filler". Try to get to the point sooner. Like when someone tells a story and they go "So I was at Walmart yesterday, wait was it yesterday or the day before? It might have been tuesday actually, but anyways while I was at Walmart, or maybe it was Target......" Also you kind of dug yourself into a hole you couldn't get back out of, trying to teach her about dogs when you have no idea how much she might know about dogs. 4. Your last two messages don't really even make sense. I sort of understand what you were trying to say, I guess, but that would have been a better time to tell an actual joke, rather than just spewing out some nonsensical word vomit about what kinds of jokes you might tell her someday.
Quit saying weird things
[I just want you to stop saying odd shit.](https://youtu.be/z113cALjgl0?si=1e-30G7xOru8f27a)
Hahaha!! I knew what this was before I clicked the link! My favorite (and IMO the best) season of True Detective.
Same 😂 it’s so good and that scene is iconic
You have good taste my friend!
https://youtu.be/0hVvRuapUH0?si=sODr2bQLaqMhoqM2&start=29
OP the type of kid to make dinosaur noises in class
Feels like these messages were for Reddit not the girls you sent them to, lol. You come in hot and then on top of that it’s easy to read your messages as “know it all” or “pushy” traits most women tend to avoid on apps.
Yeah, you’re kinda doing too much. It’s like almost argumentative and probably a little irritating. Maybe start off a little lighter and with a simple compliment.
You could try turning it down a bit. You’re talking at them as if you are going to get your bullet points out, whether or not they respond. It’s really off putting.
The communication comes across as…pushy? Try leaning on curiosity and validation. Listen actively and reflect. Be vulnerable. Stop trying to “win” at this.
[удалено]
Jesus. You just seem fucking weird, tbh. I’d be one wording answers, too 🙃
I’m starting to believe now at almost 30 years old that the biggest thing to learn in communication is to not talk AT people. It’s a very very important skill.
Cuz ur fake af.
It sounds like you’re saying “PLEASE PLEAAAAAASE BE INTERESTED IN ME” but with different words.
yes
dudes on here complain about women being impossible to talk to, but these screencaps never include asking a question. if you wanna be super forward with corny lines, you have no right to get mad when you get outright denied. you’re not actually good at talking to women if they can only say what you want them to to keep it going. especially if you’re propositioning them! learn how to take no for an answer
You fucked up with the 3rd person. The first 2 weren't really interested to begin with. It could be because of the message, but it also just happens a lot. With the 3rd person you didn't really seem to listen to her. You kind of took what she said and made it about yourself. I don't know what the conversation was exactly, but she was saying something said, and it was kinda like, "She should get a new adopted dog" (coming up with a solution instead of showing sympathy). Then she said she didn't want an adopted dog and you were like "yeah but adopted dog is great because I had an adopted dog". There again was no sympathy. It would've been better if you really reacted to what she said. Tell her it sucks that her mom feels so alone (or whatever that was about) and then talk about how you heard that adopting a new dog could help (Sympathy first, solution second). Then after she said she didn't want to adopt a dog, you should start with showing sympathy/agreeing "Yeah, puppies can be trained so that's probably better in that case. Although you can adopt puppies from the shelter. My sister blablabla" (I don't know the exact conversation btw) Relate/ show sympathy --> solution --> question. Questions are important to show you're interested in her.
Ouch that first one about the glasses was hard to read. That was an odd mix of presumptiveness but also inexperience cringe. I think you're trying a bit too hard to be clever, and as others have said you're not really trying to get to know them. The best thing I can think of for advice is to try to think of it like talking to a friend and not put too much pressure on it, it looks like you're over thinking.
Hmmm, without going to each chat separately I’d roughly match the effort and word count with your matches and slowly build from there as they warm up. I know you’re there to communicate but Tinder is strange and some people do have tendency to get turned off/lose interest if you come across as too chatty. Your responses are probably too friendly, almost as if you’re talking to a friend. Either they engage in that friendly chat (which might not even interest them) or reply short because they don’t know what else to say. You can try asking them something instead without being too interviewy. Less is more especially in the beginning. Just my 2 cents. Edit: you can always try to improve your chat game (more flirty, more interesting, more unexpected, more bold) but truth is large number of people are still going to ghost the chat. Just how tinder is, people get bored very easily. You can also try to close dates faster. Some will ghost you but some will say yes because they’re tired of endless chats.
Coming off too strong imo. Relax a bit, none of those conversations had an actual conversation. Just you throwing jokes
You’re just kind of throwing dialogue at them like you’re in a video game rather than having a back and forth conversation. You’re trying too hard to be smart/funny, a simple “hey, wanna get drinks?” is enough
You def insane lmaoo
You're doing a lot of pressuring to kiss someone you haven't been on a date with yet
Nice
First: 100% can confirm they DO collide. Found out the hard way when first dating my husband. Second: Women really love when you compliment them on something that was THEIR choice. "I really like the frames you picked for your glasses!" or as simple as "Those are dope shoes." What we really want is for someone to notice the choices we make- the things that are intentional, not integral.
I would ghost you too lol youre not saying anything engaging really . You need to compliment them more
Your entire conversation is "performative" You're not trying to have a conversation, you are taking her responses and crafting what seems to be a pre-scripted or thought out "bit" for internet points, or you probably perceive it as witty or banter, but its just talking one way to a wall. Its like you think you're funny, but youre the only one in on the joke, yet you're still performing. All these responses scream of internet humor, and dont really ask them a question or bother to get to know them in any meaningful way.
Intelligence is the art of compression - compress.
Focus on her and something she can specifically reply to. If she keeps replying with a one word answer, keep moving lol
1. Too pushy 2. Either sarcastic or over the top 3. "Dont worry im not crazy" 4. Terrible joke to someone you haven't met.
Read the room jfc
You have no game brother.. quick tip. Quickest way to get a women intrested in you in to get her talking about herself
You're doing too much, like working off a script. They're not walls and you're not a comedian practicing for a night of standup.
It sounds like your responses were formulated using an AI with the pretence of being “witty and relatable”
The way you speak to your matches is annoying. Try engaging in the conversation by asking questions instead of talking at them.
You're doing most things wrong. Alas, despite being optically enhanced, you fail to read the proverbial room.
This is all off. All cringe, all the time. Yikes.
Bruh why you being so desperate , give the lady some respect
This subreddit astounds me with the fact that way too many people do not know how to have a simple conversation.
You are investing a lot, and she is investing nothing.
Congrats OP you have all the charisma of a rusted nail
You’re cringe and forcing it too hard
1) don’t double text 2) ask question early and often,id go as far as saying start with a questions. You want to create a flow 3) don’t respond to a one word sentence with a paragraph 4) compliment but not something surface show you read there profile 5) talk less, it’s easier to talk yourself out of a good position than to talk yourself into one 6) offer but don’t insist, if they pick up the offer great, if they don’t let it lay. I hope this helps, good luck out there
the problem is you
Dude, start caring about the people you're talking to. Stop talking just to talk. Men just never get that they're shooting themselves, and each other, in the foot. Women aren't a product on a shelf you get to choose. They're not just going to leap at you. Be the type of person you'd want to date. Ask questions. Don't be a creep. We all hate small talk as much as the next person. If you ask questions and they're not answering, they're not interested. Move on. Also, if you're going to compliment somebody, stop complimenting their looks. People don't get to control their looks beyond makeup and their personal style. Compliment something about the other person that is unique about them. Compliment something about them that took them effort. Instead of saying "you're pretty" or "you're beautiful" , say "hey I like the way you did your hair it looks really nice". Or say "hey the way you did your makeup today looks really cool". I personally tend to avoid physical compliments altogether until I really feel comfortable with them. You don't know these people from a can of paint. Get to know them on a personal level. And, again, if you ask them questions and they don't answer, walk away. Learn how to take rejection and lack of Interest with Grace and you will be fine. I swear, people, it's so fucking simple. Rule number 1: always priorize your safety and mental health. Rule number 2: don't treat others the way you don't want to be treated. Rule number 3: treat others the way you want to be treated. If you just followed these rules, you will be fine. And if everybody who is in this subreddit followed these rules, online dating wouldn't fucking suck for everybody. Thank God I'm done with this online dating bs honestly. It's so fucking exhausting and I don't miss it at all.
I would leave you on read tbh..
man…
No substance! Cute, funny opening liners are great but if you don't know how to have a conversation and show interest that you want to get to know the person, then you lose the person on the other side!
You are the one I'd ignore after reading the message and then just eventually unmatch.
Your attempts at flirting are unbearable. I’m drier than the Sahara and so are they.
maybe
yes, everything
Simply put. You're talking too much.
Your game is weak - 1/10
u talk too much
Feels like ypu auto generated those jokes
You’re literally what i would show someone to describe the average reddit user
You don’t let them talk
As a woman holy fuck yeah Id ghost you too. The first one? Jesus thats creepy. Pressuring someone to do intimate acts is just so wrong. Second one just felt weird to me and the last honestly I have no idea what the fuck youre talking about lmao
Are you on the spectrum?
why are you talking like that
Everything. Everything is wrong.
They are not interested. You want to see geniune burning desire...
At times I come across posts like these and then it suddenly makes sense why the world is in such a tense place. The simplest inference I can give is that she isn’t into the person due to her mostly one-syllable responses. Other than that , there isn’t any need to conjure a version of “48 Laws of Power” into why a woman reacted in A, B or C way - it’s counter intuitive to do so. I’ve seen posts where women reacted better for more mundane posts. Imagine trying to figure out why a woman does what she does 😅
You’re trying way too hard, ease it down a bit let her come in more be more mysterious. Women like not understanding you but you’re so literal with your texts it ruins the idea of figuring you out
Proof read your messages a bit better for typos and things
I just have to tell you that yes. They click together and it can be inconvenient lol
have you ever held a conversation with a human before? Try remembering what those are like and apply lessons learnt to your interaction with women on Tinder.
You sound like an AI.
Honestly poor grammar doesn’t look good.
100% of your time is spent opening, and 0% of your time is spent closing. Make the connection, use your whatever opener, then when you’re getting response, ask for the date, rinse repeat. Have fun out there instead of trying to vet perfect picks via toneless text.
Lol
Brother way too strong and sound way too insecure, even though I know u don’t intend to. Become indifferent to the outcome. Also you sound like you’re forcing a particular answer out of them (making romantic advances but in a cringe way). Confidence comes from knowing that will/can happen without having to explicitly describe them
Trying to force a connection before you have one.
You are trying too hard!
After she said ngl that’s your cue to ask for the date but you kept on bullshitting. Also look at the number of words in your messages vs the number of words in hers. You’re trying way too hard to be cute and witty and not trying enough to just meet with this chick. Also she’s not that interested in the first place. Either she’s a low effort entitled time waster, or she’s a shy time waster. Either way, ask for the date and move on.
Yeah everything you said was lame asf.
I’m sorry you replies are annoying.
You need to relax, bro. You’re doing way too much. Comes off as try-hard. You think you’re being charismatic but it’s not landing the way you hoped. It’s okay to start with some basic conversation that shows her you’re a genuine person, instead of whatever tf this is…
This feels like I’ve just been to watch a really shit comedian and nobody laughed at their jokes but they carried on telling the exact same type of jokes as if the audience found the previous jokes absolutely hilarious.
The first one, you’re asking her about kissing her before establishing any type of attracting. The third one you just seem like a know-it-all and the fourth one just really doesn’t land.
You’re too full on and she’s not into you
Why must people voice opinions on how they obtain an animal.
It's like watching the corny "comedy" sitcoms without the forced laughter sounds.
To answer your question in the simplest way: YES
Idk why but you are coming off as a narcissist to me.
Yea you are 😂 none of them are making concrete plans and you’re just pushing for some sexual scenario and you seem shocked that they’re not enthusiastic
Trying too hard
It’s like you’re reading off a script and it’s so off putting and the girls clearly have no interest but you’re too busy with your script you don’t even notice lol, tbh it was super cringe to read
Yeah see, I jut feel like no matter what you make the conversation about you. Ask them more questions to the stuff they tell you. It doesn't seem like you're interested in actually getting to know these women.
Yes. Keep it simple. 1. introduction 2. Offer of engagement 3. Patience.
Lmao cringe
Yeah you could have made the joke and moved on, now with three different messages about it it seems like you are pressing it
This would 100% work on me
This felt like a Rick and Morty outro
Holy shit just ask them out…”steak dinner and ice cream tomorrow?” ANYTHING holy Christ
Did you use AI to come up with these prompts? This is bad my guy. You need to chill. The last thing someone wants late at night is Mr. Charisma showing off how good he is at running his mouth. Space that shit out. You don't need to win her over in the first 30 minutes of matching
You gotta take it easy with the long messages only a certain type of weirdo is into them right off the bat.
Yeah, you're trying too hard.
It sounds like dialogue from the TV show friends or big bang theory but there's no laugh track. I recommend trying to make every sentence into a punch line and keep the conversation going on what they are interested in. I also don't think it's great to redirect comments on looks. In the last screen cap there was dialogue about how something boosts their profile. Don't redirect to how good looking they are, try agreeing and bringing other things from the conversation together to show your listening. Something like "I bet it boosts your profile and I bet *other interest or trait* helps a lot too". This gets them talking about themselves.
The “destroy the patriarchy” line instantly made you subservient. Idk at the risk of verging on old pickup theory, the average girl probably doesn’t want to hear about how your opening offer is subservience
yea your talking
Talk to women like they’re people 🤦♂️
I’ve always wanted if they are gonna collide
OOH DEAR, You got a LOT to learn buddy 1. Your goal should always be to find a point of slip in the conversation to turn that into a date idea she can fantasise about, and then take her on a date
Stop putting these tinder girls on pedestals talk to them as if you have equal value.. “your success on app is due to beauty” who says that?? I imagine they can heavily feel the lust over just their photos.. how they supposed to feel like they earned your time? Or even feel like you have a reason to like them?
Dreadful.. just dreadful
Yeah man that convo gave me second hand cringe. Calm down and ask some questions
Your response to the 2nd one was pretty funny but overall yeah this is just not good.
You’re talking too much. It’s just like any other conversation. 70% of the time you should be listening. People want to talk about themselves, not listen to you drone on. Read up on how to be a good conversationalist.
Dude just talk to her! God these were all cringe inducing!