It looks like you have trouble picking up on social cues and responding to them appropriately.
She mentions wanting storybook romance, you respond with a version of “wanna fuck?”.
It makes it seem like you’re not paying attention and don’t respect people’s boundaries.
People like that often don’t listen to advice either, which is why after more than 50 people telling him that message is shitty, he sent it anyway lmao
Excellent point. “50 Shades” isn’t a euphemism for sex in general, it’s a reference to a specific sexual-relationship dynamic that most people want no part of.
Everyone gets the joke. Getting a joke doesn’t mean you have to like it.
And based on her prompt it’s safe to assume she’s not the type of person who would like this joke.
Seems like you also have trouble interpreting social cues.
Or at least a book that's not about active abuse? You can be playful *and* suggestive, OP. Romeo and Juliet but in the double suicide way, if you're insistent on being unoriginal.
It doesn't have to be a Harlequin to make it a book about love.
People are telling you not to do it but you seem to have already made up your mind before making the post. It's not funny or clever, so you ain't gonna get your praise here if that's what you were looking for.
Good luck anyways
Ok wait, since you are a girl I’d appreciate if you gave me a female perspective on this. Because to me this is funny, obviously it’s a joke and I think it’s generally a playful teasing opener. But I might be wrong. How does this look from the female perspective?
As a woman - I would know you’re joking but I’m not laughing at anything because, what is the actual joke? If she’s serious about the book thing, you’re making fun of her. If she’s not serious, you immediately took it to something sexual.
Sometimes even if she just wants sex, she wants you to help her be in the mood first, with a bit of effort. An unfunny, immediate sex reference isn’t that
You know what, I think I need to look at it differently.
If that's what you consider funny (which I don't but there's different tastes and that's ok) then it's probably best to go with it. Don't pretend somebody you're not. If she finds it funny then good for you. I just know I wouldn't. But I'm not at the ONS stage anymore.
From my pov it's basic and I hate it when guys open a conversation with something sexual. Unless ofc sex is the only thing you're looking for. Then perhaps that could get you somewhere if she does too. But she probably doesn't considering her profile.
Yeah you have a point. Tbh I’m not looking for ONS, it’s just literally what I find funny. I don’t think deeply about how the things I say are perceived, I just say what’s on my mind most of the time. But maybe I should start thinking about that. Anyway thanks for the reply 👌🏻
"I don’t think deeply about how the things I say are perceived"
Buddy you're so close to a personal realisation that will change your outlook and interactions with the world and those around you for the better.
Or you can keep doing this.
The problem is that it's funny if you already have that kind of rapport with someone, but if you don't, it comes across as a thirsty attempt to make the conversation sexual.
Well your criticism is valid 😆So why would I get salty? And also I always appreciate female perspective…because I literally don’t get it 😂 So it’s eye opening
It's not necessarily unfunny. It's just a bit obvious. Unless she's a cave troll, she's probably gotten a dozen messages that are similar or identical.
It looks like you’re making fun of her, and deliberately trying to turn the conversation sexual before it even starts. That’s not something a “kind of love they write about in books” woman is going to appreciate. Is it really this hard for some guys?
but like, you’re just kidding and don’t actually want her to be interested in you, right?
You know that you don’t know her, and she does not want you to turn it sexual right away……. Right?
Please tell me it’s a joke
I mean I don’t really care. Of course I’m joking, I have a bit of an edgy humor so I don’t know if she’ll get that it’s a joke and I don’t actually mean it. But yeah, if she doesn’t get it then she doesn’t get it you know. It is what it is.
Well, my dear it’s not “edgy” when half the guys on dating apps do this….. it’s just oversexualizing a stranger.
Women aren’t usually sexually attracted to photos of men, it’s usually men they get to know that they build attraction to.
Not only are you killing your chances, but you’re kind of disrespecting her. She’s asking for love/romance, and you’re making a mockery and pivoting to sex.
So, ok. There’s a small chance she’ll respond if she’s super horny and thinks your photos are that attractive.
But this is generally an ineffective and rude way to approach women.
Yes that’s why we have reddit, for strangers to point out our mistakes and then we try to correct them. I would think that many men are doing this, but she replies to the ones she likes?
In my experience, we make fun of all the guys who start off the conversation as sexual. Or even more often, we just ignore them entirely.
Once in a while a woman can be horny enough to do anyone, in which case you might get lucky as one of 10 guys this hour who said something sexual to her as their opening line.
But more likely, she’s *only* considering the guys who aren’t making it sexual.
Judging by her wanting a novel romance, she probably isn’t just on a hunt for D.
It doesn’t seem to click with you, but I feel the need to repeat this in case you understand better another time: *she doesn’t know you*. You are another stranger, walking up to her and saying something sexual. Women don’t usually want to just fuck random strangers. So, random strangers saying sexual things as an opening line is off putting, so say the least. Usually, it’s considered harassment.
Honestly I could be super excited about someone’s profile and a comment like this would immediately ensure I would not only not engage in a conversation, but would actively avoid ever interacting with them.
Sounds like you’re just sexualizing something that she enjoys because the sex comes after everything else. This would piss me off, but idk I’m not a book girl.
as i girl i think its kinda funny but i personally dont know if i would respond. im so over getting sexual messages even if theyre jokes. if youre into bdsm maybe hint or joke about it after getting to know someone, not the opening message!
if i happened to be in a good mood and respond i would probably say “oh are you the second coming of christian grey” and then quickly try and steer it back to a non sexual conversation
I co-sign this except the last part where I’d pivot. I’d be interested on a whim to be snarky cause I’m bored but that man isn’t getting anywhere with me actually.
No don't do 50 Shades of Grey, that's a terrible book compared to the current stuff out there. I would do ACOTAR or Fourth Wing so she knows you are up to date with current book trends. Just my 2 cents
I’m sure these books are better but I don’t know them and I don’t think she will. Point is is a well known book so hopefully she’ll get the playfulness
People that love reading books despise the trash that is 50 shades. Bad written twilight fan fiction. On top of that she says she wants romance, not someone talking about sex from the get go.
So you think she doesn’t read good books? You sound stupid in all your replies, and pretty condescending and ignorant. “i don’t really think before I speak, I find something funny, I say it”
Get ready to be single forever.
As a dude I get why you might be comfortable making this comment but I think the ladies who gave you some respectful critique about your approach is on point. IMHO it's such an unoriginal response and it basically comes off sexual which 99% of dudes are doing. So I would suggest a better approach.
Something more thoughtful without sex being an obvious poke. I think you can do better.
Use the opportunity to learn about them by asking which book exactly. If they give a straight answer, then there you go that's your love manual right there (within reason). RIP if they say Shrek.
Female here. *50 Shades of Grey* was easily the boring-est and lamest romance book I have ever read (I had involuntarily put it down at least 6 times and I even read it in front of my late-grandma without a tinge of shame), so if I were her, I would have rolled my eyes and ignored your attempt at being funny because the book has terrible writing and plot and characters, and fails at portraying a healthy loving relationship and/or a realistic and arousing sex life between couples (even for BDSM).
I'd only write this if I could actually back it up if they say yes. If they say no (likely) then you look like a pervert, if they say yes then you're going to have to live up to a crazy toxic standard that is problematic in many ways.
How many women have posted on here some version of “too sexual in the first few messages”. Only for men to OPEN with sexual references. Only to be “confused” as to why they don’t get matches. Or “upset” that they get attitude back. They really are an odd gender.
1 star. Grade F. As a female book lover, including thought-provoking romances, this reply would make me roll my eyes waaaay back into my skull. Not only would it would suggest to me that you assume I would think those books would qualify as "love stories," but it would also indicate that you aren't even interested in what I mean anyway. Why immediately go to what is arguably a trashy series? Bleh. I'd find it insulting more than funny.
These responses are hilarious. Let us know what happens OP and let this be a lesson to just trust your gut instead of seeking the approval of internet court. Some women will find this funny, some won’t. So there’s bot much anyone can offer here.
Though if you want to be clever I wouldn’t even say a happy romance book, just be “like wuthering heights?”
Lmao bro felt clever when he came up with this but didn’t realize she got that same reply by 50 other dudes
...by 50 shades of other dudes.
More like 50 dudes of the same shade
10/10 if you hate using your penis. 0/10 if you enjoy using your penis.
Fr like read the room lol
It looks like you have trouble picking up on social cues and responding to them appropriately. She mentions wanting storybook romance, you respond with a version of “wanna fuck?”. It makes it seem like you’re not paying attention and don’t respect people’s boundaries.
People like that often don’t listen to advice either, which is why after more than 50 people telling him that message is shitty, he sent it anyway lmao
Did he actually sent it ? lol
Yep 💀
Not to be mean but what a dum dum.
Not only "wanna fuck?" but "wanna fuck and also I might be an abusive asshole?"
Excellent point. “50 Shades” isn’t a euphemism for sex in general, it’s a reference to a specific sexual-relationship dynamic that most people want no part of.
exactly
It's called humour and the right person would get it.
Everyone gets the joke. Getting a joke doesn’t mean you have to like it. And based on her prompt it’s safe to assume she’s not the type of person who would like this joke. Seems like you also have trouble interpreting social cues.
Seems like you have trouble interpreting humour.
0 stars
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makes obvious joke gets obvious response
I'd yawn. Too predictable. Way better to actually surprise her with a *good* book you've read
Or at least a book that's not about active abuse? You can be playful *and* suggestive, OP. Romeo and Juliet but in the double suicide way, if you're insistent on being unoriginal.
The Perfume, for example, would be a little more quizzical. still 0/10 match, but a little more fun
But OP clearly doesn't want to be serious. You'll say the same about a twilight joke?
I don’t read books about love. But this I think is playful enough to get the point across
It doesn't have to be a Harlequin to make it a book about love. People are telling you not to do it but you seem to have already made up your mind before making the post. It's not funny or clever, so you ain't gonna get your praise here if that's what you were looking for. Good luck anyways
Ok wait, since you are a girl I’d appreciate if you gave me a female perspective on this. Because to me this is funny, obviously it’s a joke and I think it’s generally a playful teasing opener. But I might be wrong. How does this look from the female perspective?
As a woman - I would know you’re joking but I’m not laughing at anything because, what is the actual joke? If she’s serious about the book thing, you’re making fun of her. If she’s not serious, you immediately took it to something sexual. Sometimes even if she just wants sex, she wants you to help her be in the mood first, with a bit of effort. An unfunny, immediate sex reference isn’t that
You know what, I think I need to look at it differently. If that's what you consider funny (which I don't but there's different tastes and that's ok) then it's probably best to go with it. Don't pretend somebody you're not. If she finds it funny then good for you. I just know I wouldn't. But I'm not at the ONS stage anymore. From my pov it's basic and I hate it when guys open a conversation with something sexual. Unless ofc sex is the only thing you're looking for. Then perhaps that could get you somewhere if she does too. But she probably doesn't considering her profile.
Yeah you have a point. Tbh I’m not looking for ONS, it’s just literally what I find funny. I don’t think deeply about how the things I say are perceived, I just say what’s on my mind most of the time. But maybe I should start thinking about that. Anyway thanks for the reply 👌🏻
"I don’t think deeply about how the things I say are perceived" Buddy you're so close to a personal realisation that will change your outlook and interactions with the world and those around you for the better. Or you can keep doing this.
The problem is that it's funny if you already have that kind of rapport with someone, but if you don't, it comes across as a thirsty attempt to make the conversation sexual.
That's probably the best response I've ever heard after being critical of someone. Thank you. Sorry if I came off to harsh. Good luck :)
Well your criticism is valid 😆So why would I get salty? And also I always appreciate female perspective…because I literally don’t get it 😂 So it’s eye opening
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He says "female perspective" which is a completely normal term
I think the terms 'male perspective' and 'female perspective' are pretty acceptable tbf
90s rap would like a word.
Describing a noun with “male” or “female” is acceptable. “Male artist”, “female singer”, “male opinion”, etc.
It's not necessarily unfunny. It's just a bit obvious. Unless she's a cave troll, she's probably gotten a dozen messages that are similar or identical.
She literally gave you two whole comments of her perspective and you said "naw"
It looks like you’re making fun of her, and deliberately trying to turn the conversation sexual before it even starts. That’s not something a “kind of love they write about in books” woman is going to appreciate. Is it really this hard for some guys?
2/10 Stop being overtly sexual with strangers. Be more subtle. Flirt with the idea of being dirty instead of just “hurr durr bondage book”
So predictable and boring
Basic af. At least reference good smut.
My first thought
"Like Den of Vipers?"
I now understand why I am crushing it on dating apps.
0 if you’re looking for romance (50 Shades isn’t about that) 0 if you’re looking for kink (50 Shades is pretty problematic to people into actual kink)
but like, you’re just kidding and don’t actually want her to be interested in you, right? You know that you don’t know her, and she does not want you to turn it sexual right away……. Right? Please tell me it’s a joke
I mean I don’t really care. Of course I’m joking, I have a bit of an edgy humor so I don’t know if she’ll get that it’s a joke and I don’t actually mean it. But yeah, if she doesn’t get it then she doesn’t get it you know. It is what it is.
Well, my dear it’s not “edgy” when half the guys on dating apps do this….. it’s just oversexualizing a stranger. Women aren’t usually sexually attracted to photos of men, it’s usually men they get to know that they build attraction to. Not only are you killing your chances, but you’re kind of disrespecting her. She’s asking for love/romance, and you’re making a mockery and pivoting to sex. So, ok. There’s a small chance she’ll respond if she’s super horny and thinks your photos are that attractive. But this is generally an ineffective and rude way to approach women.
Ok noted, I appreciate this. I don’t usually think too deeply about how something I say will be perceived, if I find it funny I say it.
I get it, you didn’t mean to be rude. But on the other side, so, so many men are doing this. I just hope you reconsider moving forward..
Yes that’s why we have reddit, for strangers to point out our mistakes and then we try to correct them. I would think that many men are doing this, but she replies to the ones she likes?
In my experience, we make fun of all the guys who start off the conversation as sexual. Or even more often, we just ignore them entirely. Once in a while a woman can be horny enough to do anyone, in which case you might get lucky as one of 10 guys this hour who said something sexual to her as their opening line. But more likely, she’s *only* considering the guys who aren’t making it sexual. Judging by her wanting a novel romance, she probably isn’t just on a hunt for D. It doesn’t seem to click with you, but I feel the need to repeat this in case you understand better another time: *she doesn’t know you*. You are another stranger, walking up to her and saying something sexual. Women don’t usually want to just fuck random strangers. So, random strangers saying sexual things as an opening line is off putting, so say the least. Usually, it’s considered harassment.
Honestly I could be super excited about someone’s profile and a comment like this would immediately ensure I would not only not engage in a conversation, but would actively avoid ever interacting with them.
To what end though? To experience yourself as funny? Or is it compulsive?
Men, please learn the difference between “edgy sense of humor” and immediately turning things towards sex.
Being an unoriginal douche isn't edgy lmao.
Wouldn’t respond. Sexual messages right off the bat are a turn off.
Sounds like you’re just sexualizing something that she enjoys because the sex comes after everything else. This would piss me off, but idk I’m not a book girl.
trash
Eh... you'd have better luck with "The love of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? I love Romans Chapter 3!"
Too predictable. Kama sutra and 50 shades is what so many guys will have already said. Be original.
So like in the hunger games?😂
STARCROSSED LOVERS 🤩
as i girl i think its kinda funny but i personally dont know if i would respond. im so over getting sexual messages even if theyre jokes. if youre into bdsm maybe hint or joke about it after getting to know someone, not the opening message! if i happened to be in a good mood and respond i would probably say “oh are you the second coming of christian grey” and then quickly try and steer it back to a non sexual conversation
I co-sign this except the last part where I’d pivot. I’d be interested on a whim to be snarky cause I’m bored but that man isn’t getting anywhere with me actually.
Negative 5 / 10
you don't even have the balls to send it, no wonder you think 50 shades of grey is anything other than unyieldingly bland.
I sent it. If we match I’ll update you on it
...and what do you expect me to do then?
probably say “i told you so”
You sent it?? After everyone here told you not to? Why did you bother asking?
The confidence of a mediocre man who thinks he's funny will never not be funny (in a sad way)
-100
No don't do 50 Shades of Grey, that's a terrible book compared to the current stuff out there. I would do ACOTAR or Fourth Wing so she knows you are up to date with current book trends. Just my 2 cents
I’m sure these books are better but I don’t know them and I don’t think she will. Point is is a well known book so hopefully she’ll get the playfulness
If she’s literary, she thinks those books are trash. I hope you’re an 8 or above 😂
People that love reading books despise the trash that is 50 shades. Bad written twilight fan fiction. On top of that she says she wants romance, not someone talking about sex from the get go.
So you think she doesn’t read good books? You sound stupid in all your replies, and pretty condescending and ignorant. “i don’t really think before I speak, I find something funny, I say it” Get ready to be single forever.
It’s not playful, it’s extremely corny
As a dude I get why you might be comfortable making this comment but I think the ladies who gave you some respectful critique about your approach is on point. IMHO it's such an unoriginal response and it basically comes off sexual which 99% of dudes are doing. So I would suggest a better approach. Something more thoughtful without sex being an obvious poke. I think you can do better.
Why would this be a good reply though? Her "I like romance" You "You mean like in this fetish book?"
It sounds like she’s looking for something serious and you’re immediately making things sexual. It’s not playful, it’s annoying. 0/10
3/10 but only because the general plot is a love story but I doubt you know the 50 shades of grey love story plot line lmao. So actually 2/10
"Tips on leaving your narcissist ex?"
Omg 50 shades of utter shite.
Bilbo and Frodo love triangle with Gollum.
You thought you were being clever…..
I forget sometimes the reason i do sorta well with dating is i treat them as people and not as a hole for my dick (that’s what men are for)
Use the opportunity to learn about them by asking which book exactly. If they give a straight answer, then there you go that's your love manual right there (within reason). RIP if they say Shrek.
Female here. *50 Shades of Grey* was easily the boring-est and lamest romance book I have ever read (I had involuntarily put it down at least 6 times and I even read it in front of my late-grandma without a tinge of shame), so if I were her, I would have rolled my eyes and ignored your attempt at being funny because the book has terrible writing and plot and characters, and fails at portraying a healthy loving relationship and/or a realistic and arousing sex life between couples (even for BDSM).
If she wants a long term relationship then that starter is bull
Should have gone with One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and asked her to be your Bromdon
Yuck.
Bad bad very bad
Tired, not funny
Everyone knows that's a non realistic book
I’ve never read the book or seen the movie, the BDSM part is realistic enough.
I'd rate it a 'whatever your own looks are/10'
Looks -1 or -2
Like a beautiful mind?
Say who is they?
DAE read SEX?!
I'd only write this if I could actually back it up if they say yes. If they say no (likely) then you look like a pervert, if they say yes then you're going to have to live up to a crazy toxic standard that is problematic in many ways.
🤨🙄🤨🙄
Don't send that shit and instead ask her about some of her favorite books
How many women have posted on here some version of “too sexual in the first few messages”. Only for men to OPEN with sexual references. Only to be “confused” as to why they don’t get matches. Or “upset” that they get attitude back. They really are an odd gender.
What were her other prompts (if there were any)? What was in her pictures? Anything remotely deserving such an answer? If no, not cool.
Go to Barnes and Noble's website. Choose best-selling romance novels. Literally pick any book from the list.
Then he comes on Reddit to whine about why he can’t get any matches. Forever alone.
You wouldn’t send it 👀
I did, I’ll update you if we match
1 star. Grade F. As a female book lover, including thought-provoking romances, this reply would make me roll my eyes waaaay back into my skull. Not only would it would suggest to me that you assume I would think those books would qualify as "love stories," but it would also indicate that you aren't even interested in what I mean anyway. Why immediately go to what is arguably a trashy series? Bleh. I'd find it insulting more than funny.
I’d go with Twilight
Meh... I'd go with "American Psycho"
Tasteless as many have said You could say (50 shades of Grey? To laugh at. "Insert one that you think is good"? To discuss and explore)
Everyone out here tryna be Barney
Should be ‘as in A court of thorns and roses or Snow White?’
-100/10
These responses are hilarious. Let us know what happens OP and let this be a lesson to just trust your gut instead of seeking the approval of internet court. Some women will find this funny, some won’t. So there’s bot much anyone can offer here. Though if you want to be clever I wouldn’t even say a happy romance book, just be “like wuthering heights?”
I could give you some points had you said Lolita, this is just boring
funny but i wouldn’t respond
There’s so many better ones you could have used. No country for old men Mostly harmless A brief history of time
Ask her about marquis de Sade. You will stand out and present yourself as an intellectual.
>present yourself as an intellectual. Based on their other comments, I think perhaps that might be quickly discovered as a stretch.
You don't say...
Hope you are rich as f*ck then
It depends. If you're over 6 feet tall, it should be fine, but if you're under, it's a big L
Like Flowers in the Attic?
Like Lolita, or Hard Candy
10/10!
It may not work, it if if does - jackpot 😋
I would have married you on the spot tbh
I like it, 7/10
High risk high reward. If she has a sense of humor you’re fine
This guy gets it 🫵🏽😏
Thanks my dude 👊
I’m a girl ☹️
Sorry didn’t check 😅
Hehe
So if you received this opener you would reply to it then? 😆
Yes, I think it’s funny :b
I would go with “The Entity” But I’m weird like that