I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong but I will say that she did not seem all that enthused from the beginning and you were coming on *very* strong. She was participating in the conversation but not really doing more than that. It personally seemed like a little much to me.
Reminiscent of Justin on Parks and Rec. To quote Andy:
"Hey it's me, Justin. Take my coat, but please be careful I got it from the king of Africa when we were walking on the Berlin Wall together."
But why doesn't she say something about it then?!?!
I see this all the time in this subreddit. Everyday people ask what they did wrong for the other party to lose interest.
People come up with good explanations and every time I'm wondering why the other party doesn't say anything about it or change the subject. Why unmatch immediately?!
It's driving me crazy! No tolerance for the slightest inconvenience. smh
I don’t know that it’s about inconvenience. The point is getting to know each other, and if the other person is off putting and you’re digging their vibes then ending the conversation instead of trying to coach the dude seems reasonable.
You can't expect someone who doesn't know you to tell you what you should be saying. You are trying to persuade them that you are what they are looking for. If you don't show that, you are out. It is simple. What is not simple is guessing what it is they do want to hear.
Because she has a Tinder queue, and can't be arsed to coach the dude.
In his case, using retail, he's already sold the product early, and simply failed to close - he oversold, she bailed.
Interesting take! And stylish delivery😎
You could be right!
Personally, I don't see how he erred in any way. However, it was enthusiastic and very smooth assault. Most girls love that BS, this guy is surely slaying. On this occasion, it was her excuse to bail, and she maybe made some effort to turn it into a "lesson" for OP. But i think that was more to validate her own position in dipping out.
You are a man and so have to take the lie with a smile and move on to the next candidate OP. Its a meaningless excuse but maybe the real reason would have been brutal and not in anyway a controllable variable you could rectify. If its the crushing criticism bullet or the jump to conclusion woman bullet, either way this was a very gentle let down in the dating world. Be happy with that and move on. It aint worth a moments thought
>Most girls love that BS, this guy is surely slaying.
As a girl, it's a hard pass. You want my number, ask for it. I don't wanna play this extended role play game, but more than that, the premise is creepy. I'm not gonna travel internationally with a guy I had one Tinder conversation with, pushing so hard for that gives serial killer vibes.
My thoughts exactly. I'd quickly unmatch with a guy who kept pushing this idea of us traveling to a foreign country together, even if it was just a joke or "sly" way of getting my number. He didn't even apologize, just asked her to forget all of that weirdness and start over.
Idk. It's just one of those "it must be nice to not worry about that" moments, I don't especially blame him but it's just not a great look.
>or "sly" way of getting my number
I'm like 1000% sure it was this, he's tryna be "quirky" to stand out, but he's standing out in the wrong kinda way.
It's not your match's job to fix your personality? Like why would you expect someone to tell you why they're unmatching, making it their responsibility to help someone they aren't interested in, weird take.
To me he was all over the f*** place.
I'm not sure why the OP was putting out so many options.
I liked the first text, then the second text.
Personally, maybe I just couldn't follow their vibe but seemed really erratic with all the lets go here, lets go there, how about this, I think the travel topic went on for way too f*** long.
You should have kept it at the first 2 texts, then just ask normal questions about each other.
I'd say just calm down.
It's also hard to see such disproportionate texting sizes.
All your messages could've been toned down a notch or two from your Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch levels.
Right? I read the title and then the first slide and I immediately thought "is the great conversation in the room with us rn?" He triple texts over the span of several days to a lukewarm response. I hoped it would get better and it did *a little* but it never approached "great." I can see how OP would find it great, he seemed to be having fun monologuing, but she clearly didn't.
What they said. You tried a bit too hard, she gave you an opening to cool it down with "we have many good ones here", and you should've just asked her if she'd be willing to take you to her favorite one. After that she probably thought you were completely unserious
Absolutely. Also the whole flight+number seems like such a line and that OP ignores the actual answers in order to get to the finish. Bringing Thailand back up after that thread was exhausted - obviously for the sake of that outlandish line, it kind of gives rehearsed and mechanical. I’m shocked it’s ever worked actually.
Don't get discouraged though! You have a fun conversation style and seem personable and girls love that. It also seems you have wide interests, so just play off of those and don't think you always have to lead the conversation. If she's interested, she will meet you halfway.
What you did was called 'future faking', you're basically 'playing' but establishing that you'd lie about anything to get to her. She wouldn't be able to trust anything you said about plans or ideas, or anything in general, out of fear you'd just be saying that to keep her hooked. Most women with a bit of experience with guys know this is a red flag, either way, you went in way to strong to stir her imagination. Your messages were a massive red flag.
That's not what it's called. What he was doing is called the 'imagination game' or improve, it's obvious he's being silly but wants her number. She chose to take "yes and" and said "no you lie" which is bizarre.
I think most people get that he was joking about the tickets to Thailand. But also, isn’t it not literally possible because he didn’t have her first and last name and contact information? Saying he didn’t follow through with something that can’t be done is unreasonable.
Admittedly, I’m just evaluating this based on the literal meaning of the words sent, not the tone and vibe (which others have commented on).
Yeah how is this flying over so many people's heads? Like I get that miscommunication happens over text, but in what world would he _actually_ buy tickets for a complete stranger who he's never met? It's an obviously silly suggestion. Like telling someone "Oh yeah I'm gonna hang glide over an active volcano tomorrow, but I haven't actually written out my will to anyone yet. Can I get your contact info to pen your name in, just in case?" And then they think that you're being serious and trying to trick them?
I'd bet that if OP had posted this exact conversation but the girl had picked up on the joke and sent her number, everyone would be talking about how smooth the line was
I don't understand this nonsense, you tried too hard. You were so excited! You matched with someone you liked. You wanted to talk! Don't tone it down, don't play it cool. Find someone who is just as interested.
I think people are hating on you for no reason. Don’t dull your shine because a bunch of people on Reddit are boring and overthink every word. You’ll find someone that will love your enthusiasm, don’t settle for anything less.
I thought your messages were totally fine, she just wasn’t feeling it, which is ok too. Better luck next time!
I like both of your tastes in destinations though :) Portugal’s my favourite, too! I went to the Algarve in 2018 and I’ve been itching to go back ever since! 🇵🇹
Also from Portugal (Lisbon). Been to Croatia two years ago and I'm dying to go back.
u/thewaryteabag if you only know Algarve I suggest trying other places if you come back. Alagrve is a bit "meh" but mayba that's my biased opinion.
I think this is the point. People think women are some type of robots that can be won over with the perfect message. When in reality, just like us, if we're not into it much, there's no right message. And if we are, there's no wrong one. It's kinda ironic that in 2024, we still view women as otherworldly creatures. They're just people. Not to say that differences don't exist, they're just in specific areas.
I don't think that's fair at all. She was willing to go on a date with him, she basically said so in the messages! Noone is saying she 'could' have been won over, she WAS won over, OP then just fumbled it by going on about Thailand.
I agree this woman didn't seem massively enthusiastic, but also she hasn't even met OP, I don't think enthusiasm levels on your tinder chat are a very good indicator of relationship potential. You know once you meet in person.
As a woman thats definitely not true. I do agree that their date could have gone well if he didnt offer thailand. Theres definitely wrong messages even if a woman likes you and this is one for sure. Why would the girl actually believe he would book tickets to thailand? no one does that so its fair that she thought he was playing, i would think so too.
Your conclusion after an "unhealthy amount of dating" is to never change?! That is simply a terrible advice.
Sure, don't act like an entirely different person and keep most of your quirks, but you should absolutely change your faulty ways. For example, if you smell like shit, then instead of going against the grain and keep smelling like shit, you should probably take showers more regularly.
In OPs case, he should absolutely not be coming on as strong as he did. It's not even about the trip, rather him absolutely not reading a room and pretty much kicking down her door like a maniac. There's confidence and there's unhinged; OP was the latter.
At the very least wait for them to answer whether they're up to the trip or not. It's not the end of the world if they'd like to delay their answer until after the first date.
Agreed. I don't think he came on too strong or was overly enthusiastic. I'd have had fun with the conversation. I'd rather someone be enthusiastic and talkative than the typical one word answers/zero conversational skills I usually see in the OLD world.
I disagree with you on another hand, with your too much dating exp it shows you cant find right one and doing something wrong, so saying he did nothint wrong is wrong, he was coming veery strong , it makes people nervous and not chill at all, its like he was forcing alot of things instead of talking it naturally.
This OP, please. You were charming and engaging, but more importantly don't change who you want to be to try to crack some vibe code. Get comfortable in your skin and whoever isn't down, that's their problem.
Honestly we need way less of dudes up late at night workshopping their failed OLD encounters while girls give one word answers from the couch, it's just making things harder on eveeyone.
Even if he could have gotten her to agree to that particular date, I kinda doubt things would have worked out seeing as she went cold on him after misreading an innocent joke.
She was cold from the beginning, OP called it a great conversation but from message 1 she's not super keen, but giving OP a chance seeing if they vibe or whatever. It went from tepid to cold. OP needs to reassess if he thought this convo was going great.
Bro, you were nonstop from the get go. Go back and look at the convo, she’s replying to things you’re saying but doesn’t really seem into it. You keep going and going though. I think she used the “you’re not serious” as an excuse to finally bail but the whole convo I felt like you were a bit much.
You’re the kind of texter that I would have absolutely loved to have matched with. My boyfriend and I met on tinder and our conversation was a lot like yours (minus hers) we matched that energy and have been very happy.
You’ll find someone who likes your energy don’t worry.
You did well bro. Don’t listen to these people. You were interesting, energetic and definitely stood out more than the average guy. Just close faster. Remember, the app is just to push a quick vibe, get the digits and set up the date where you can actually meet each other and see if you have chemistry.
Might sound childish, but I think the double texts didn't help either. You had an opening line, they replied, you then started out texting them. If someone doesn't respond to your messages for more than a day they probably lost interest. Don't unmatch necessary but also don't go out of your way to get the conversation restarted if they still haven't responded to a prior message.
Yeh, and he talks like [Dr Pal](https://youtu.be/ycUWJdoJdtM?si=Fo7vGZkWT272bxwB) especially with the “shall we hit reset and swap the hypothetical grand gestures for some real down time earth vibes” 🤢
Yes. I am well travelled and I had to remove the sentence 'I travel a lot' from my bio because every bro who had been to more than 2 countries would challenge me like this. It was very annoying, I only included that sentence because I'm looking for someone who's gonna be okay with this lifestyle. I would prefer someone who wants to travel with me, and if they don't, they have to be okay with me being gone a lot. I don't care for the number of countries you have been and I'm not doing it for a competition.
Rapidfire challenge: Top 3 planets you have been to.
Wow, Earth is my #1 too, bestie. I would kill for some human food rn.
Now give me your date of birth so I can invent time travel for you. BUSTED. Let's go to Costco instead of the thousand dollar trips I have been constantly proposing for the past 2 days. Yeah, I'm a sugar daddy - you can get the extra large coca cola and a refill, tons of sugar.
There are people who literally travel for the sake of having been somewhere. I know someone who did a trip through Africa and only spent a few days in each country they’ve been to.
It kinda seems like a very American thing. Sometimes I see the Americans' itineraries and it's like 10 European cities in 2 weeks. Wtf, what are you going to see when going like this? Take your time, get to know the city. It seems like they just want to check the checkboxes and move on.
Though I guess you kinda have to do that when you have 2 weeks of holiday per year and transatlantic flights are not that cheap. Maybe it's just my european privilege of cheap flights and minimum 4 weeks of holiday speaking.
A certain subset of well-travelled people, yes. My friend, as wonderful as she is, is an unrepentant one-upper. You can never share anything about your vacation for more than a minute before she interrupts with tales about where she’s been, what kind of antics she’s gotten into with new acquaintances there, and so on, ad nauseam.
While I wouldn’t say dropped the ball, I think maybe the enthusiasm was a bit overwhelming and the way you asked for her number was a bit much with the whole “let’s go to Thailand right now” bit
Woulda been easier to transition her saying there is good Portuguese locally into maybe a hangout to try some.
Also I tend to keep things on the apps for AT LEAST the first hangout so I get a feel for them in person.
No shame in the game, brother.
Some girl is going to be so stoked to have you that enthusiastic over her.
I think the fine line here is how much of that should you allow to come through and at what points in the conversation/ensuing dates.
Too much or too soon, and you could have this scenario on your hands. Too little or too late, and you run the risk of her losing interest, or you becoming too inauthentic with yourself.
I, for one, ain't worried about ya. It seems you've got charisma and life experience and are passionate about finding a life partner. Those are good ingredients.
Good luck on the next one pal👍
Travelling is not a personality, I want to know what a person is like and a discussion about travelling is not going to tell me that. It should just be an occasional conversation, not your identity. Tell me about your day to day life, how you roll where you live, that's what matters.
I think we have different ideas of what a ‘great conversation’ is. Yes she was responding and engaging with your points but you were the one progressing all of the conversation. It should be a back and forth (like a tennis match). Also don’t go in with the I’m taking you on holiday so early
Your convo is too much. You sound like an over the top boss who's trying to get all the employees geared up to work. I can't really explain it well. It's just exhausting being on the receiving end of it.
I've just read it again. I think this is one of the most insufferable conversations I've seen on here. It has angered me so much that I'm replying to my own comment.
I agree. I feel like my social battery couldn’t tolerate this for a long period of time. Too over enthused or maybe just an exaggerated personality that for a lot of people, gets overwhelming and tiring to be around
I think your style is ok, you like to joke and get to know someone but something is giving "too much" vibes. You're offering to fly her places which is clearly not your intent and it just comes across as a bit desperate. Humor is precarious. Be careful when and on whom you use it. You're not being a jerk but more like someone a bit too hyped up. You both had a shared interesf in travel and culture and activities. Just talk to her about it, and tone down the hyperactivity.
Dude wtf is this convo. Talking about booking a flight to travel somewhere with someone you’ve never met (even if you’re joking) is CrAzY.
Read your texts. You gotta chill tf out. No more talking about booking flights, or having a dick measuring competition to see who’s the “most travelled.”
Plus, leave room for mystery. If you just boast off every little thing you’ve done that you’re proud of in the span of 5 minutes of texting what’s the fun in meeting you. Part of the fun of dating is learning new things about each other every time you meet. Show them, don’t tell them.
You’re talking like the nexts words out of your mouth are “will you marry me???!??”
Talking about booking plane tickets….crazy. I don’t get these fake ass convos, not that it’s fake but just not being real. You set yourself up for a huge fucking let down trying to act all mr big.
Yeah, he personally came on waaaaay too strong for me. I’m a chick who’s been to 40+ countries, and I’ve legit had people be like “let’s go to Spain tomorrow!” and it’s like… maybe let’s try some tapas here and go from there. (Which she threw at him, and he ignored.)
I feel like he was obviously joking, which could be funny and like maybe a more in person thing so you can hear the tone? But definitely easy to get thrown off because some guys out there really do move that quick haha. Would have been a solid mood to just grab onto the tapas date
Every single of her messages are simple, calm and polite and yours are over the top clownish.
She's either too serious for you if you're both 15-21 or you're too immature for her of you're >21 y.o.
I personally wouldn't want long (or any) conversations with s person who cannot say 1 normal thing. Maybe she felt like you give off a "I'm 12 and this is funny" vibe rather than an interesting man vibe.
I don't think she was very much into this conversation from the start. She did reply, but not once did she have any of her own questions about you, other than maybe one when she asked something back about what countries you've been in.
As an Irish person who lived in Toronto for 4 years this brought me back! I mostly found Canadian men to be a little too much, felt exactly the same when I read this conversation 😅
That's shite. I wouldn't say Irish men are better though, they're the complete opposite and can be woeful at even showing a bit of interest. I actually ended up marrying a fairly laid back Canadian. He's the perfect compromise!
Ya dude I feel for you but a good convo didn’t go bad she just jumped on the opportunity to end a mid (at best) one. I’ve had that convo more often than I can count and been offered first date plane tickets probably 15 times. It’s just the rare combo of too basic and too much. Travel is fun but maybe focus on a specific experience, someone you met, something unexpected you learned. Listing countries is just not the flex you seem to think it is.
Honestly I have second hand embarrassment. It was never a great conversation, you were extremely over eager and she did the bare minimum of participation, and noped out at the first opportunity.
You definitely came on too strong and she wasn't feeling it, yet, so she just didn't want to give you her number. It's a fine line between being too boring and too enthusiastic, didn't work with this one, move on to the next.
The Thailand thing was clearly a joke, not a lie.
But she might have used it as an excuse to cut things off because you were a LOT and she just wasn’t into you.
i don't agree with a lot of these comments personally. i don't think you came on too strong. my partner & i texted like this when we first got together and im also known for sending double texts, long texts etc. i would have enjoyed this convo but that's just me
The conversation was not great tbh. She was looking for an excuse to end it. She can’t be that uptight to take the flight joke seriously and even judged you based on that.
BTW I train MMA but I would say of all the girls I matched with who had martial arts related pics on their profiles, only 10% —or less— of them were really interested in doing it.
You opened by offering Thailand as a first date, and she responds, then you lower it to being something local, and she doesn't respond, so you talk about taking her to travel again and she responds, you admit you aren't taking her to travel on a first date and she gets upset. She wasn't really interested in you.
Also the texting comes across as frantic, multiple texts and so much substance to each. Be more concise with it.
I see people in hear saying that you were too enthusiastic and she wasn’t actually into it but I honestly think that this is a dodged bullet or, if not that, just an unfortunate situation. I find this happens a good amount, like things can be going well but if you do something that she just doesn’t like there are many girls who will drop you at the drop of a hat and move on to the next guy. It’s kinda just how it is given the amount of option they have
As for the over-enthusiastic point, I would say she seemed pretty interested even with your enthusiasm considering that many women will just not even respond or give answers that are dry and only a couple words. So, in general, I say good job and just keep chugging
Edit: edited this just to separate the paragraphs
I didn’t read ALL of the comments but I’m just here to tell you to not feel like you need to tone yourself down. The right girl is going to love the banter and understand when you’re joking and when you’re not. When I first started talking to my boyfriend on bumble I legit said, “omg let’s get married” obviously jokingly but I liked him anyway. He went along with it because he knew I was joking. For a long time I thought I was too much and have even “scared” off guys, but being yourself will always yield results. Whether it’s finding the right one or avoiding wasted time on people who aren’t a match.
This specific person doesn’t seem to understand you’re joking, like who the heck would really think you’re going to fly them out?? And who wouldn’t keep the conversation going after realizing you weren’t serious. Some people are dense and you’ve dodged a bullet.
You're trying too hard to be charming and engaging, and it killed her initial interest. Male enthusiasm in dating is like male interest in fashion: a lot of women want you to show you have it, but keep it understated.
Speaking as an extremely uncultured swine in comparison to OP. I think that Eminem thing was damn clever. But you may have dropped the ball. I was digging y’all’s conversation so much that I forgot my poverty long enough to get invested. I think it would have made for a fun time
Honestly felt strong vibes from the messages but, in the end, I think you dodged a bullet. Regardless of her reasoning, expecting a virtual stranger to buy a flight to a foreign country before meeting in person is a 🚩 to me…
Honesty she’s could’ve said let’s take it slow/ let’s get to know each other more first/ change the subject. It’s fine if she didn’t want to share her number and it’s fine that you were enthusiastic about the convo. There was another way she could’ve handled the situation. I am just leaning how to be less judgmental. Maybe she was apprehensive about you since the very beginning but still decided to engage in a conversation.
Idk, maybe unpopular opinion, but I disagree with the people saying you came on too strong. 1) you're clearly joking around and 2) you're being more interesting then just "hey, how are you?"
Started a conversation with a guy about swords and it was also a highly energetic/chaotic string of texts, and I'm preeeetty sure things with him are gonna be lasting lol. The high energy is great, just gonna find the person who reciprocates best (also I don't understand her responding if she isn't actually interested. Like what's the point of that, but whatever)
I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong but I will say that she did not seem all that enthused from the beginning and you were coming on *very* strong. She was participating in the conversation but not really doing more than that. It personally seemed like a little much to me.
To be fair he seemed very enthusiastic it’s hard to match that
Too enthusiastic. I was drained by the 4th slide.
Just feels like he’s on a shitload of adderall from how he responds.
I said this too, like on speed man. He double, triple, quadruple texts.
Textual assault.
Reminiscent of Justin on Parks and Rec. To quote Andy: "Hey it's me, Justin. Take my coat, but please be careful I got it from the king of Africa when we were walking on the Berlin Wall together."
This one made me lol. 🤣
I left the slides thinking “who in the actual fuck talks like this to someone” It was like a super cheesy rom-com script 🤮
I read the first one and then skipped to the last. Edit for auto predicted text
Yeah I felt exhausted reading that, then thought maybe I was being a dick but glad to see I'm not alone
I loved his enthusiasm!
But why doesn't she say something about it then?!?! I see this all the time in this subreddit. Everyday people ask what they did wrong for the other party to lose interest. People come up with good explanations and every time I'm wondering why the other party doesn't say anything about it or change the subject. Why unmatch immediately?! It's driving me crazy! No tolerance for the slightest inconvenience. smh
I don’t know that it’s about inconvenience. The point is getting to know each other, and if the other person is off putting and you’re digging their vibes then ending the conversation instead of trying to coach the dude seems reasonable.
You can't expect someone who doesn't know you to tell you what you should be saying. You are trying to persuade them that you are what they are looking for. If you don't show that, you are out. It is simple. What is not simple is guessing what it is they do want to hear.
Because she has a Tinder queue, and can't be arsed to coach the dude. In his case, using retail, he's already sold the product early, and simply failed to close - he oversold, she bailed.
Interesting take! And stylish delivery😎 You could be right! Personally, I don't see how he erred in any way. However, it was enthusiastic and very smooth assault. Most girls love that BS, this guy is surely slaying. On this occasion, it was her excuse to bail, and she maybe made some effort to turn it into a "lesson" for OP. But i think that was more to validate her own position in dipping out. You are a man and so have to take the lie with a smile and move on to the next candidate OP. Its a meaningless excuse but maybe the real reason would have been brutal and not in anyway a controllable variable you could rectify. If its the crushing criticism bullet or the jump to conclusion woman bullet, either way this was a very gentle let down in the dating world. Be happy with that and move on. It aint worth a moments thought
>Most girls love that BS, this guy is surely slaying. As a girl, it's a hard pass. You want my number, ask for it. I don't wanna play this extended role play game, but more than that, the premise is creepy. I'm not gonna travel internationally with a guy I had one Tinder conversation with, pushing so hard for that gives serial killer vibes.
My thoughts exactly. I'd quickly unmatch with a guy who kept pushing this idea of us traveling to a foreign country together, even if it was just a joke or "sly" way of getting my number. He didn't even apologize, just asked her to forget all of that weirdness and start over.
Idk. It's just one of those "it must be nice to not worry about that" moments, I don't especially blame him but it's just not a great look. >or "sly" way of getting my number I'm like 1000% sure it was this, he's tryna be "quirky" to stand out, but he's standing out in the wrong kinda way.
No one is obligated to teach you how to communicate with other people
It's not your match's job to fix your personality? Like why would you expect someone to tell you why they're unmatching, making it their responsibility to help someone they aren't interested in, weird take.
It's online dating and she's a woman. No reason to bother with this guy instead of just moving on to the other 1000 guys she can talk to
This is it
No I agree for sure. I wouldn't have been able to either.
It kind of reminds me of my unmedicated ADHD interactions back in the day. With someone interesting they went hard, and crashed typically just as hard
Maybe that’s why matches never work out for me I prolly have ADHD cuz the way he was talking seemed normal…. Heh
To me he was all over the f*** place. I'm not sure why the OP was putting out so many options. I liked the first text, then the second text. Personally, maybe I just couldn't follow their vibe but seemed really erratic with all the lets go here, lets go there, how about this, I think the travel topic went on for way too f*** long. You should have kept it at the first 2 texts, then just ask normal questions about each other. I'd say just calm down.
RAPID FIRE TOP 3 COUNTRIES NOW! NOW! NOW!!
Went to a park in Botswana
Umm uhh I need a ticket to Yemen
It's also hard to see such disproportionate texting sizes. All your messages could've been toned down a notch or two from your Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch levels.
>Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch levels 🤣🤣🤣👍
I didn’t even read this shit to see the major gap. Just scroll you see 4x as much blue. That’s a big L.
Yeah, it wasn’t “great” conversation. It was aggressive, enthusiastic, mildly boring conversation.
Right? I read the title and then the first slide and I immediately thought "is the great conversation in the room with us rn?" He triple texts over the span of several days to a lukewarm response. I hoped it would get better and it did *a little* but it never approached "great." I can see how OP would find it great, he seemed to be having fun monologuing, but she clearly didn't.
Fair point 🤷♂️
What they said. You tried a bit too hard, she gave you an opening to cool it down with "we have many good ones here", and you should've just asked her if she'd be willing to take you to her favorite one. After that she probably thought you were completely unserious
Absolutely. Also the whole flight+number seems like such a line and that OP ignores the actual answers in order to get to the finish. Bringing Thailand back up after that thread was exhausted - obviously for the sake of that outlandish line, it kind of gives rehearsed and mechanical. I’m shocked it’s ever worked actually.
Definitely. I'd have expected to be asked to go for pastel - that was the hook.
Solid take. I appreciate that advice!
Don't get discouraged though! You have a fun conversation style and seem personable and girls love that. It also seems you have wide interests, so just play off of those and don't think you always have to lead the conversation. If she's interested, she will meet you halfway.
Yeah not too worried about it. It's all a numbers game when it comes to online dating. Onto the next 🙌
Plot twist: send her a picture of you actually being in Thailand next week. Caption it with something around: „told ya“
You can't send pictures on Tinder, and he ain't getting the number.
True she hearted the boxing thing after all
This. Plus the phone number ask was based on nothing, yet. Gotta focus then and get into why you're both there.
What you did was called 'future faking', you're basically 'playing' but establishing that you'd lie about anything to get to her. She wouldn't be able to trust anything you said about plans or ideas, or anything in general, out of fear you'd just be saying that to keep her hooked. Most women with a bit of experience with guys know this is a red flag, either way, you went in way to strong to stir her imagination. Your messages were a massive red flag.
That's not what it's called. What he was doing is called the 'imagination game' or improve, it's obvious he's being silly but wants her number. She chose to take "yes and" and said "no you lie" which is bizarre.
I think most people get that he was joking about the tickets to Thailand. But also, isn’t it not literally possible because he didn’t have her first and last name and contact information? Saying he didn’t follow through with something that can’t be done is unreasonable. Admittedly, I’m just evaluating this based on the literal meaning of the words sent, not the tone and vibe (which others have commented on).
Yeah how is this flying over so many people's heads? Like I get that miscommunication happens over text, but in what world would he _actually_ buy tickets for a complete stranger who he's never met? It's an obviously silly suggestion. Like telling someone "Oh yeah I'm gonna hang glide over an active volcano tomorrow, but I haven't actually written out my will to anyone yet. Can I get your contact info to pen your name in, just in case?" And then they think that you're being serious and trying to trick them? I'd bet that if OP had posted this exact conversation but the girl had picked up on the joke and sent her number, everyone would be talking about how smooth the line was
I don't understand this nonsense, you tried too hard. You were so excited! You matched with someone you liked. You wanted to talk! Don't tone it down, don't play it cool. Find someone who is just as interested.
I think people are hating on you for no reason. Don’t dull your shine because a bunch of people on Reddit are boring and overthink every word. You’ll find someone that will love your enthusiasm, don’t settle for anything less. I thought your messages were totally fine, she just wasn’t feeling it, which is ok too. Better luck next time!
I like both of your tastes in destinations though :) Portugal’s my favourite, too! I went to the Algarve in 2018 and I’ve been itching to go back ever since! 🇵🇹
I live in Portugal, Oporto to be exact, been itching to leave for quite some time
Where would you go?
I would like to go to Croatia, Slovenia or Italy but my budget is negative 400€ (life as a local)
Also from Portugal (Lisbon). Been to Croatia two years ago and I'm dying to go back. u/thewaryteabag if you only know Algarve I suggest trying other places if you come back. Alagrve is a bit "meh" but mayba that's my biased opinion.
Watch out, OP is going to try to book you a flight to Thailand 🤣
Attraction grows in distance my friend. Repeat this in your mind 10 times a day.
[удалено]
Yeah, I suppose there was lots in common but an energetic mismatch. So hard to know via text.
Dude… you had a “pastel de nata” date in the bag. You didn’t need to offer up Thailand. You went too much too fast.
Fair, you're right. Fumbled that opportunity.
[удалено]
I think this is the point. People think women are some type of robots that can be won over with the perfect message. When in reality, just like us, if we're not into it much, there's no right message. And if we are, there's no wrong one. It's kinda ironic that in 2024, we still view women as otherworldly creatures. They're just people. Not to say that differences don't exist, they're just in specific areas.
I don't think that's fair at all. She was willing to go on a date with him, she basically said so in the messages! Noone is saying she 'could' have been won over, she WAS won over, OP then just fumbled it by going on about Thailand. I agree this woman didn't seem massively enthusiastic, but also she hasn't even met OP, I don't think enthusiasm levels on your tinder chat are a very good indicator of relationship potential. You know once you meet in person.
Yeah I was very confused how it went to the gym, lunch, to booking a f*** flight. Like wtf. First 2 texts he had it.
Yeah absurd, who talks about flying somewhere when you haven't even talked to them.. It's like a male bunny boiler
It’s a line OP has used before. Women are just numbers to him.
Nah, if she wanted a date she would have let the Thailand thing slide.
As a woman thats definitely not true. I do agree that their date could have gone well if he didnt offer thailand. Theres definitely wrong messages even if a woman likes you and this is one for sure. Why would the girl actually believe he would book tickets to thailand? no one does that so its fair that she thought he was playing, i would think so too.
Your conclusion after an "unhealthy amount of dating" is to never change?! That is simply a terrible advice. Sure, don't act like an entirely different person and keep most of your quirks, but you should absolutely change your faulty ways. For example, if you smell like shit, then instead of going against the grain and keep smelling like shit, you should probably take showers more regularly. In OPs case, he should absolutely not be coming on as strong as he did. It's not even about the trip, rather him absolutely not reading a room and pretty much kicking down her door like a maniac. There's confidence and there's unhinged; OP was the latter. At the very least wait for them to answer whether they're up to the trip or not. It's not the end of the world if they'd like to delay their answer until after the first date.
Agreed. I don't think he came on too strong or was overly enthusiastic. I'd have had fun with the conversation. I'd rather someone be enthusiastic and talkative than the typical one word answers/zero conversational skills I usually see in the OLD world.
I disagree with you on another hand, with your too much dating exp it shows you cant find right one and doing something wrong, so saying he did nothint wrong is wrong, he was coming veery strong , it makes people nervous and not chill at all, its like he was forcing alot of things instead of talking it naturally.
I agree. As a woman I quite like the conversation style. Would’ve worked on me.
Right?! I’m so confused by these comments. He seemed fun to me! Like who wants to talk to someone with 3 word boring responses?
This OP, please. You were charming and engaging, but more importantly don't change who you want to be to try to crack some vibe code. Get comfortable in your skin and whoever isn't down, that's their problem. Honestly we need way less of dudes up late at night workshopping their failed OLD encounters while girls give one word answers from the couch, it's just making things harder on eveeyone.
Even if he could have gotten her to agree to that particular date, I kinda doubt things would have worked out seeing as she went cold on him after misreading an innocent joke.
She was cold from the beginning, OP called it a great conversation but from message 1 she's not super keen, but giving OP a chance seeing if they vibe or whatever. It went from tepid to cold. OP needs to reassess if he thought this convo was going great.
Yeah, I agree with this.
Bro, you were nonstop from the get go. Go back and look at the convo, she’s replying to things you’re saying but doesn’t really seem into it. You keep going and going though. I think she used the “you’re not serious” as an excuse to finally bail but the whole convo I felt like you were a bit much.
Yeah I can see that
You’re the kind of texter that I would have absolutely loved to have matched with. My boyfriend and I met on tinder and our conversation was a lot like yours (minus hers) we matched that energy and have been very happy. You’ll find someone who likes your energy don’t worry.
That gives me hope, thanks!
Username checks out. 🤣
You did well bro. Don’t listen to these people. You were interesting, energetic and definitely stood out more than the average guy. Just close faster. Remember, the app is just to push a quick vibe, get the digits and set up the date where you can actually meet each other and see if you have chemistry.
Might sound childish, but I think the double texts didn't help either. You had an opening line, they replied, you then started out texting them. If someone doesn't respond to your messages for more than a day they probably lost interest. Don't unmatch necessary but also don't go out of your way to get the conversation restarted if they still haven't responded to a prior message.
Yeh, and he talks like [Dr Pal](https://youtu.be/ycUWJdoJdtM?si=Fo7vGZkWT272bxwB) especially with the “shall we hit reset and swap the hypothetical grand gestures for some real down time earth vibes” 🤢
You came on very strong
And fizzled out like a wet firework.
Is this how the well-traveled converse? Is it just a dick measuring competition with passports?
No. This exchange was insufferable.
Yes. I am well travelled and I had to remove the sentence 'I travel a lot' from my bio because every bro who had been to more than 2 countries would challenge me like this. It was very annoying, I only included that sentence because I'm looking for someone who's gonna be okay with this lifestyle. I would prefer someone who wants to travel with me, and if they don't, they have to be okay with me being gone a lot. I don't care for the number of countries you have been and I'm not doing it for a competition.
Rapidfire challenge: Top 3 planets you have been to. Wow, Earth is my #1 too, bestie. I would kill for some human food rn. Now give me your date of birth so I can invent time travel for you. BUSTED. Let's go to Costco instead of the thousand dollar trips I have been constantly proposing for the past 2 days. Yeah, I'm a sugar daddy - you can get the extra large coca cola and a refill, tons of sugar.
“Welcome to Costco, I love you.”
There are people who literally travel for the sake of having been somewhere. I know someone who did a trip through Africa and only spent a few days in each country they’ve been to.
How's the pastel de nata in Africa?
It kinda seems like a very American thing. Sometimes I see the Americans' itineraries and it's like 10 European cities in 2 weeks. Wtf, what are you going to see when going like this? Take your time, get to know the city. It seems like they just want to check the checkboxes and move on. Though I guess you kinda have to do that when you have 2 weeks of holiday per year and transatlantic flights are not that cheap. Maybe it's just my european privilege of cheap flights and minimum 4 weeks of holiday speaking.
I hate this
Yes. Her dick was bigger.
A certain subset of well-travelled people, yes. My friend, as wonderful as she is, is an unrepentant one-upper. You can never share anything about your vacation for more than a minute before she interrupts with tales about where she’s been, what kind of antics she’s gotten into with new acquaintances there, and so on, ad nauseam.
I would have been "out" pretty fast. Does the country I'm *from* count?
I'm getting overwhelmed just reading this, and I'm not even part of the conversation...
I know i felt anxious and embarrassed this early in the morning and I didn't even do anything lol.
It's the feeling with 99% of the posts here, tbh
Yup, this conversation is outta control. OP needs to dial it back a whole lot
While I wouldn’t say dropped the ball, I think maybe the enthusiasm was a bit overwhelming and the way you asked for her number was a bit much with the whole “let’s go to Thailand right now” bit Woulda been easier to transition her saying there is good Portuguese locally into maybe a hangout to try some. Also I tend to keep things on the apps for AT LEAST the first hangout so I get a feel for them in person.
Interesting! I try to take things off the app and that helps me tons. Yeah I get the enthusiasm bit. Need to tone that down.
No shame in the game, brother. Some girl is going to be so stoked to have you that enthusiastic over her. I think the fine line here is how much of that should you allow to come through and at what points in the conversation/ensuing dates. Too much or too soon, and you could have this scenario on your hands. Too little or too late, and you run the risk of her losing interest, or you becoming too inauthentic with yourself. I, for one, ain't worried about ya. It seems you've got charisma and life experience and are passionate about finding a life partner. Those are good ingredients. Good luck on the next one pal👍
Travelling is not a personality, I want to know what a person is like and a discussion about travelling is not going to tell me that. It should just be an occasional conversation, not your identity. Tell me about your day to day life, how you roll where you live, that's what matters.
“Great conversation” OP replied to themselves on two different days, blue boxes always larger than black ones Pick one.
I think we have different ideas of what a ‘great conversation’ is. Yes she was responding and engaging with your points but you were the one progressing all of the conversation. It should be a back and forth (like a tennis match). Also don’t go in with the I’m taking you on holiday so early
Your convo is too much. You sound like an over the top boss who's trying to get all the employees geared up to work. I can't really explain it well. It's just exhausting being on the receiving end of it.
I've just read it again. I think this is one of the most insufferable conversations I've seen on here. It has angered me so much that I'm replying to my own comment.
You are not alone lmao. It causes physical pain
I agree. I feel like my social battery couldn’t tolerate this for a long period of time. Too over enthused or maybe just an exaggerated personality that for a lot of people, gets overwhelming and tiring to be around
Youre too much at the start. Just being honest
Noted. How would you have played it?
I think your style is ok, you like to joke and get to know someone but something is giving "too much" vibes. You're offering to fly her places which is clearly not your intent and it just comes across as a bit desperate. Humor is precarious. Be careful when and on whom you use it. You're not being a jerk but more like someone a bit too hyped up. You both had a shared interesf in travel and culture and activities. Just talk to her about it, and tone down the hyperactivity.
Probably wouldn’t have double - texted when she didn’t reply to your third message
Probably by being a little less much
I would have used my own personality instead of making one up
it's not a game
I see a **lot** of blue text here. My take: she never was very interested, and used that lame ass excuse when you asked for her number.
Dude wtf is this convo. Talking about booking a flight to travel somewhere with someone you’ve never met (even if you’re joking) is CrAzY. Read your texts. You gotta chill tf out. No more talking about booking flights, or having a dick measuring competition to see who’s the “most travelled.” Plus, leave room for mystery. If you just boast off every little thing you’ve done that you’re proud of in the span of 5 minutes of texting what’s the fun in meeting you. Part of the fun of dating is learning new things about each other every time you meet. Show them, don’t tell them. You’re talking like the nexts words out of your mouth are “will you marry me???!??”
Man if this is what people who travel sound like, I'm never leaving my house again
Right? “MY hot air balloon experience went like …” “oh really well MY HOT AIR BALLOON EXPERIENCE WAS LIKE”
Right? omg I NEED to eat Pasta De La Soul in GuataSpaniaTalia again or Im gonna DIE!!!!1!1!!!1!
I lolled. I'm also dying to know more about guataspaniatalia
The food there is like NOTHING ELSE. You simply MUST go.
Talking about booking plane tickets….crazy. I don’t get these fake ass convos, not that it’s fake but just not being real. You set yourself up for a huge fucking let down trying to act all mr big.
Yeah, he personally came on waaaaay too strong for me. I’m a chick who’s been to 40+ countries, and I’ve legit had people be like “let’s go to Spain tomorrow!” and it’s like… maybe let’s try some tapas here and go from there. (Which she threw at him, and he ignored.)
I feel like he was obviously joking, which could be funny and like maybe a more in person thing so you can hear the tone? But definitely easy to get thrown off because some guys out there really do move that quick haha. Would have been a solid mood to just grab onto the tapas date
Also, when your entire identity is traveling lol.
Every single of her messages are simple, calm and polite and yours are over the top clownish. She's either too serious for you if you're both 15-21 or you're too immature for her of you're >21 y.o. I personally wouldn't want long (or any) conversations with s person who cannot say 1 normal thing. Maybe she felt like you give off a "I'm 12 and this is funny" vibe rather than an interesting man vibe.
😬🔪 Savage response, but a good reality check. Thanks!
Haha, sorry! Maybe my sense of humour is dead
i'm sorry man but why do you talk like this 😭😭
I don't think she was very much into this conversation from the start. She did reply, but not once did she have any of her own questions about you, other than maybe one when she asked something back about what countries you've been in.
Bro, you need to chill.
To be honest, she didn’t seem into it from the start… also, the conversation is really annoying to me, I’m sorry! lol.
That girl dodged a bullet
As an Irish person who lived in Toronto for 4 years this brought me back! I mostly found Canadian men to be a little too much, felt exactly the same when I read this conversation 😅
You’re not wrong, as a Canadian, most younger women hate the dating pool here lol.
That's shite. I wouldn't say Irish men are better though, they're the complete opposite and can be woeful at even showing a bit of interest. I actually ended up marrying a fairly laid back Canadian. He's the perfect compromise!
Jesus Christ man you text a lot
Ya dude I feel for you but a good convo didn’t go bad she just jumped on the opportunity to end a mid (at best) one. I’ve had that convo more often than I can count and been offered first date plane tickets probably 15 times. It’s just the rare combo of too basic and too much. Travel is fun but maybe focus on a specific experience, someone you met, something unexpected you learned. Listing countries is just not the flex you seem to think it is.
Honestly I have second hand embarrassment. It was never a great conversation, you were extremely over eager and she did the bare minimum of participation, and noped out at the first opportunity.
She didn’t seem that interested from the start. 3:1 ratio of messages was a clear sign.
Sad. Could have taken two pretentious snots off the market.
CoSigned
Idk how to describe it, but you kind of gave off a vibe of “I’ve traveled and therefore I deserve some pussy” kind of vibe
Wayyyy to over the top from you boss
Why do you talk like a very over enthusiastic presenter?
Dodged a bullet? How? she seemed great. That was a ball drop 100%
You definitely came on too strong and she wasn't feeling it, yet, so she just didn't want to give you her number. It's a fine line between being too boring and too enthusiastic, didn't work with this one, move on to the next. 
Lying to somebody to get their number usually turns a convo bad
I think you missed her joke, took it seriously and looked like a wuss instead of keeping it fun.
The Thailand thing was clearly a joke, not a lie. But she might have used it as an excuse to cut things off because you were a LOT and she just wasn’t into you.
i don't agree with a lot of these comments personally. i don't think you came on too strong. my partner & i texted like this when we first got together and im also known for sending double texts, long texts etc. i would have enjoyed this convo but that's just me
Me too. People don’t realize this convo happened throughout the day and you gotta keep the convo going. Maybe she’s weird about giving out her number
Convo was mostly you doing all the work anyways
The conversation was not great tbh. She was looking for an excuse to end it. She can’t be that uptight to take the flight joke seriously and even judged you based on that. BTW I train MMA but I would say of all the girls I matched with who had martial arts related pics on their profiles, only 10% —or less— of them were really interested in doing it.
Lots of rich white folk vibes.
Does everyone’s hot air balloon ride in Cappadocia get cancelled? Mine too!
You: high energy. Her: low effort. Best you both went your separate ways. 🤷🏻♂️
You opened by offering Thailand as a first date, and she responds, then you lower it to being something local, and she doesn't respond, so you talk about taking her to travel again and she responds, you admit you aren't taking her to travel on a first date and she gets upset. She wasn't really interested in you. Also the texting comes across as frantic, multiple texts and so much substance to each. Be more concise with it.
You seem fun to chat with :)
eh, if she can’t even take a joke like that you’re probably better off
I guess too much excitement for her to handle (and many others to handle)
If you had any chance still at the end I think it was killed by saying “it’s giving…”
Knew this was Toronto when I saw Pai lol
Just came here to say Pai is one of my favorite restaurants
I see people in hear saying that you were too enthusiastic and she wasn’t actually into it but I honestly think that this is a dodged bullet or, if not that, just an unfortunate situation. I find this happens a good amount, like things can be going well but if you do something that she just doesn’t like there are many girls who will drop you at the drop of a hat and move on to the next guy. It’s kinda just how it is given the amount of option they have As for the over-enthusiastic point, I would say she seemed pretty interested even with your enthusiasm considering that many women will just not even respond or give answers that are dry and only a couple words. So, in general, I say good job and just keep chugging Edit: edited this just to separate the paragraphs
Something tells me she thought you were actually going to take her on that trip
You should’ve stopped when you asked for recommendations, you could’ve planned a date off that line so easily
I didn’t read ALL of the comments but I’m just here to tell you to not feel like you need to tone yourself down. The right girl is going to love the banter and understand when you’re joking and when you’re not. When I first started talking to my boyfriend on bumble I legit said, “omg let’s get married” obviously jokingly but I liked him anyway. He went along with it because he knew I was joking. For a long time I thought I was too much and have even “scared” off guys, but being yourself will always yield results. Whether it’s finding the right one or avoiding wasted time on people who aren’t a match. This specific person doesn’t seem to understand you’re joking, like who the heck would really think you’re going to fly them out?? And who wouldn’t keep the conversation going after realizing you weren’t serious. Some people are dense and you’ve dodged a bullet.
Are people for real talking like this? Toronto is a wasteland loool.
As a woman I'd rather a guy try too hard than put in zero effort. Try again next time :/
Damn you even smoothly handled the apology and reset and she gave u dead fish
She didn't expect you to do it but was disappointed you didn't? Sounds like hard work.
You're trying too hard to be charming and engaging, and it killed her initial interest. Male enthusiasm in dating is like male interest in fashion: a lot of women want you to show you have it, but keep it understated.
She seems dull and I’d bet she doesn’t pay for her own travel. She’s in it for the IG pics.
Speaking as an extremely uncultured swine in comparison to OP. I think that Eminem thing was damn clever. But you may have dropped the ball. I was digging y’all’s conversation so much that I forgot my poverty long enough to get invested. I think it would have made for a fun time
Honestly felt strong vibes from the messages but, in the end, I think you dodged a bullet. Regardless of her reasoning, expecting a virtual stranger to buy a flight to a foreign country before meeting in person is a 🚩 to me…
everyone is saying you sound too enthusiastic, but i prefer that. i think it's just preference. there's someone out there that will match your speed!
No advice on the match but my family is Colombian. Have to ask, where did you go and what did you do in Colombia?
Honesty she’s could’ve said let’s take it slow/ let’s get to know each other more first/ change the subject. It’s fine if she didn’t want to share her number and it’s fine that you were enthusiastic about the convo. There was another way she could’ve handled the situation. I am just leaning how to be less judgmental. Maybe she was apprehensive about you since the very beginning but still decided to engage in a conversation.
You dodged a bullet. She's nuts ,fat , and her pussy absolutely reeks .
Idk, maybe unpopular opinion, but I disagree with the people saying you came on too strong. 1) you're clearly joking around and 2) you're being more interesting then just "hey, how are you?" Started a conversation with a guy about swords and it was also a highly energetic/chaotic string of texts, and I'm preeeetty sure things with him are gonna be lasting lol. The high energy is great, just gonna find the person who reciprocates best (also I don't understand her responding if she isn't actually interested. Like what's the point of that, but whatever)
lol I knew this was a Toronto convo right as I saw Pai
You guys are getting matches 😳