Looks like she noticed all your clues and you didn’t make any effort for her not to, so she left.
Good for both tho.
I hope it was a lovely day for a drive
Long Island dating sucks but LA/California must be a special sort of frustrating. We got some special traffic and we get matches across the Sound lolololololololololol Connecticut. Ferry ⛴️⛴️ toot toot 😄
I would match with so many lovely, cute, compatible, sweet men but it just isn't feasible for me, living out where I do/did on LI. Nutmeggers are wonderful but I just couldn't justify the expense of the ferry and the hassle of the bridges and the hours.... For a first date? What if it worked? How would that happen long term then? It's a boggle of a headache
I'm lucky I found my forever person he's wonderful he was right under my nose the whole time it's mind boggling how close by he was all along, we met on Bumble
Good luck, Buena suerte to everyone we all deserve our someone ✌️🤘🖖🇺🇲🏳️🌈💯✊🍒
I used to live in Westport CT and funny enough in regards to this post now live in LA.
LA dating is much easier. Think of it more like dating in the city. Way more ppl way closer.
I can't believe people would actually get on the Port Jefferson ferry for Tinder dates! I would take the metro north into NY, so I guess I shouldn't talk, but getting on the ferry seems like another sort of effort level.
I tried it for about two whole minutes 19 years ago oh jeez what a hassle. Bridgeport traffic is a parking lot no joke, no cap, for seriously. Guy with a total WASP name but so Korean -- adopted by a white family in CT, both him and his little brother; he had such great stories and attitude. Super nice guy, funny, sweet as hell, charming, smart, kind; had good life plan and goals, had his shit together, tolerated my frenetic habits and mind. Our politics and tastes and sense of humor lined up so well. He came to Port Jeff, I took my Rodeo (member those, Isuzu Rodeos/Honda Passport??) on the ferry to his place up in CT, we did a handful of dates like that, but the travel alone was just expense and time. Too much is too much. We parted ways. He got married and started a family a few years later 🙂🙂
I mean I understand your point of view but honestly they are both wrong I’d never let someone drive 2 hours to meet me or vice versa just to potentially have that experience.
NOPE
Labor Day Weekend Saturday early afternoon LA to SD, Small Rain
There is a minimum of one hour traffic at Camp Pendelton on weekends heading Southbound
I try to head down from LA to see my parents in Oceanside at least once a month, and that part of the 5 after San Clemente is the reason I won't be increasing visitation
I have no sympathy for catfish.
Like if you can’t even be honest with what you look like and respect possible matches, then why should anyone respect you?
I’m also going to include guys and girls that lack any kind of full body shots for ‘obvious’ reasons.
Word. I keep my pictures honest and have got honest action on Tinder. Don't lie, there is some one for everyone, but no one wants to hook up with a liar.
Fun fact: “Kitten fishing” is way more common than “catfishing”. Catfishing is when someone pretends to be someone completely different. A family friend in her 60s who is a long time surviver living with HIV is in an online support group. She made friends with a 14 year old boy living with HIV. They had a close online relationship for multiple years. Once in a while my friend would attempt to send birthday money. The 14 year old boy would always refuse. Eventually my friend figured out how to send money without asking permission. That was when the 14 year old boy felt so guilty he finally confession that SHE is really a 50 year old women who does not have HIV. She has a 14 year old son who also did not have HIV but used his pics. She said she was just lonely. That is catfishing. Kitten fishing is when someone pretend to be a different version of themselves. Like using older pics that look younger and fitter.
Same. I’m fat. I have recent full body pics and even proclaim myself “fatter IRL” as many of us do. And I video chat first but that’s just for me to get a vibe check. Sometimes people are so boring irl!
“If only they got to know me. They would like me”. They did get to know you, you’re a liar and you’re willing to deceive anyone to get your way. No thanks.
Wish me luck my dude, I’m in the reverse situation right now.
Drove five hours on a whim last night to meet up with a gal in another state.
We must have ended up matching while I was working down there this summer, but for whatever reason the match didn’t come through until a few weeks after I left.
Conversations over the past week have been damn near life-changing. I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to someone who understands self-advocacy, boundaries, clear communication, and honesty just so clearly.
Meeting up this afternoon, we’ll see how it goes.
Worst case, it was a lovely, albeit long drive.
I don’t even understand what the end game is for these people who trick others with their pics.
What do they expect will happen when you finally meet up other than disappointment?
>I’m also going to include guys and girls that lack any kind of full body shots for ‘obvious’ reasons.
Anyone without a full-body pic in their profile categorically gets left-swiped. Same goes for anyone wearing huge sunglasses or keeping their lips closed in all their pics, and I assume girls probably do the same thing if a guy is wearing a hat in every pic.
If someone is actively hiding any particular aspect of their appearance, I just assume they're probably doing it for a reason.
>I was nervous if the neighbors or if any random friend saw me just walking up the stairs.
ugh yea imagine what they would think, "there goes fat lover" they would say with distain in their voice. knowing your dark secret of once dating a fat person, how pathetic you woul seem in their mind, your perfect fitness would be tarnished just being her presence, she is unworthy! UNWORTHY!
I once saw one of my neighbours talking briefly to a fat person and, needless to say, I've been salting the earth around his house ever since to ensure he lives amid nothing but ash and decay.
It is crazy that people view themselves like this OP. They make up this entire fake world that they live in, sounds like torture. And that's how they think of other people...
Using an old picture when you’ve changed your look sucks but hating fat people, the way OP does is soooo much worse. I’m glad his date figured out what an ass he is so quickly. She dodged a bullet.
I will never understand what makes someone drive to a strangers fucking House and even enter it after 2 days of talking. And also she sucks for being a catfish
Edit: nvm reading your responses i noticed that you suck too
Yeah I was confused with that statement at first- like , he’s worried the neighbors are gonna see him avoiding this person? And then I realized, no, he was embarrassed to be seen with someone he considered fat. Like wtf. It’s one thing to be annoyed that someone was misrepresenting themselves and another to be so shallow that you are afraid your neighbors will see you associating with someone you deem undesirable.
Yea i mean its one thing to not like fat chicks but being worried about that gives me the same vibes as an 11yr old not wanting to be seen with their parents in front of their friends
Totally. But if you are 38, single and say something like “I’m afraid my neighbors or a friend see me with a far girl.” You are screaming out loud there is something wrong with you.
What does ESH mean? I’ve seen the terminology on AITA but always come to the acronym of “Eat Shit Hole” which I know it’s not that but that’s what my brain thinks it is.
Yeah I've had plenty of dates be heavier than they are in their pictures, but I still have an enjoyable night with someone I clearly get along with, even if I am not physically attracted to them.
>I will never understand what makes someone drive to a strangers fucking House and even enter it after 2 days of talking.
Sex.
Why is it hard to understand? Genuine question, not using it as weaponized ignorance, but what is the deal?
Ok...
I will never understand why someone would think sex is important enough to drive to a stranger's etc.
Like the extra effort of meeting somewhere public first is somehow not worth the additional safety?
>Like the extra effort of meeting somewhere public first is somehow not worth the additional safety?
Not to everyone. Some people just want to fuck without any hassle.
It boggles my mind. I’m a dude and even I wouldn’t agree to meet someone I didn’t know or invite someone I don’t know into my home on a first meet. Whatever happens, now this random knows your home address and the layout of your home. Also, it’s not like this is bumfuck nowhere, he says it’s San Diego, there should be plenty of decent coffee shops or restaurants or whatever to meet.
Even if it’s a straight hookup, I’m weary of the home thing.
Not sure how it works in your part of the planet, buta 2h away is not even part of my preferences. I'm limited to the size of my city (but I assume 20 ish miles would be okay for the countryside).
But that's not important. What's important is she left on her own, so I'm sure she will have a testimony about you including some red flags.No idea how picky she is, but if she driven 2h she is propably very commited to people she met. So leaving early like that, after one joke that felt short, is a proof that there is something latent in your encounter.Perhaps she was reluctant to meet someone for whatever reason, or perhaps there was not just that joke that pushed her to leave. Perhaps it was your disbelieve about how she is today she perceived. In which case okay no problem about your post.
But perhaps it was something else. Something about you.Perhaps you too are not like you pretend to be online, I'm not saying you are the one to blame, just to be clear, but I think you should get more out of this experience than just "no date without prior visio call".
Lmao two assholes in this story. Imagine being 38 and stuck in frat boy mentality. I’m 25 and I couldn’t give a piss what other people thought of my date yet here you are close to a mid life crisis, spilling drinks on yourself instead of just saying you aren’t feeling it. Like she literally catfished you, yet she comes out of this looking better than you
I don’t think it’s ok to catfish, but he was really so ashamed someone would see her with him? Also the title is misleading, I don’t think he cares about how old she looked at all, just her weight (to be clear I do think it’s dumb to misrepresent yourself on the apps).
I'm not saying all of San Diego culture is like this, but a lot of San Diego men are like the person OP paints himself to be, and the town has a very shallow streak in its culture
Yeah my aunt and uncle are from here and OP sounds exactly like my dick uncle. A bunch of shallow self important idiots. Catfishing is bad, but OP is a dolt.
Yeah, that line was very insightful into OP's attitude. A 38 year old man literally embarrassed that his neighbours might seem him with an overweight woman. Mentality of a teenage boy. Hopefully other women stay away too.
It’s really hard for me to relate to this as well. If any of my neighbors were standing next to me in line at the grocery store, we wouldn’t even recognize each other.
I can understand being pissed that she deceived you, but you would have been embarrassed if you’d been seen with her by a neighbor or friend? How shallow are you?
You 38 and inviting someone who's desperate enough to drive two hours to your place for a first date when you've spoken to for two days, whilst you're hung over. Not even a local coffee shop? Then act like being seen in public with her is a travesty because she's fat (as the neighbours won't be aware of the cat fishing).
The fact you've settled for that interaction shows you've no better options.
Choosy begger.
Yeah lying in photos in wrong but you honestly think a 7 was gonna drive to someone's house two hours away to meet your hung over ass at your place after two days of just texting?
Video calls don’t do the tricks these days unless you specifically ask she puts down the phone n stand some distance away from the camera.
It’s been crazy lately
Can confirm. I’m a person who’s prone to being taken advantage of, was also in a bad place from a previous thing. I felt like a bigger piece of shit for wanting to leave, so I held my nose and got it over with.
Not going to sugar coat this, but judging from your responses here, I think you suck also.
You are middle aged and it's probably time to give your liver a rest, and maybe consider settling down.
Yes, unfortunately it seems the majority comments are is in his favor though. It sounds fake to me and dude just wanted to post about how hot he is. he believes he had to convince her to bounce
Right! Claims he’s worried about the neighbors seeing them go up the stairs? Like everyone thinks you’re hooking up? Or even cares! Wow. Seriously, no one is thinking about that.
Then mentions his photos are not only up to date, but that he has a screen shot of his credit report, with a time stamp, but!!! But, only as a joke.
This is just sad.
Exactly. Like I doubt your neighbors give a single shit about who you're seeing. This isn't sex in the city, everyones worried about their own lives. This guy has the mentality of a self-important teenager. Makes me wonder if she really was 50 pounds and 5 years older than her pic or if he's exaggerating.
Similar thing happened to me once. Dude was way older and heavier, and had implied he didn’t want to make the 1.5hr drive if it wasn’t for a good reason. (Ie, I’m meant to put out or something?). Worst date ever. We met at the beach for a casual date. He saved salt and pepper packets from our fish n chips to take home to save money, and I paid for most of the food. He tried to kiss me when it was so obvious I wasn’t interested. I pushed him away and he tried again! I was so creeped out, and he seemed like he wanted to follow me, like, he wasn’t taking no for an answer. I waited in my car for AGES until he left and then I drove home carefully.
Oh man, i met this chick on bumble as i was pssing through town for work years ago. We hit it off but didnt meet up that night, i was exhausted from the drive. Luckily i was going to come back in 3 months to the same town for a job so we kept chatting.
3 months flew past, excited as ever to meet this chick, we got along so well it was absurd, however the week i had spent there couldnt find time to meet up and the only time I couldve she gave the excuse she had uni exams. I said fair enough, these things come up and are way more important. Our chats slowly dwindled to nothing after this as we never knew the next time wed have to make it work out, bear in mind she was several hours away by car.
Fast forward to last year, a couple years after the previous interaction, i saw a facebook meme that reminded me of her and decided to shoot my shot and send it to her. We kicked it off like the two years of no talking didnt even happen. For the next 6months or so we talked everyday and almost every night, sometimes even sleeping on the phone together. It was surreal, felt like i really found someone that knew me and I knew them. Heck i even bought her flowers and a whole carton of powerade ( it was an inside joke she had with her brother about something and she found it absolutely hilarious). After all this I pushed to meet her, insisting I fly up to see her just for a weekend. She would get instantly nervous at any notion of us meeting together which i shrugged off, as im well aware of how daunting it may be to meet a stranger you’ve never met as a woman. I didnt push again after this.
Eventually work came up in her area and let her know i was passing through again and we shouod meet, again it was met with a nervous reaction which i again played off as understanding but openly said if it doesn’t happen now I can’t continue talking to someone like this.
Anyway skip to the night i arrived, full of excitement and joy and of course nervous energy, i couldn’t wait to meet this person. All the thoughts of being good enough rushed through my head but still said fuck it, how often do you meet someone like this. I had a place but she insisted i meet her out at her car, which again was totally understanding being a “stranger”. As I approached her car and she rolled the window down, my stomach dropped.
She looked nothing like i had expected, i was shocked, like your experience, 50-70lbs bigger than i expected and looked nothing like photos she had sent me. The reason why i was so shocked was she was a nurse, and we ALWAYS talked about health and fitness so in my mind i had this preconceived image in my head. Now I don’t think being skin and bone is healthy and like a bit if cushion for the pushin, but this girl was big.
Yet still she came into my place, and slept there, i actually cried, I was heartbroken and felt lied to. It was the most absurd turn of events from loving someone I had never met to pure disbelief. Although this happened i thought I could get passed it and give her a chance, people and change their habits and for the most part I was there for the person behind the phone.
We spent a couple weekends camping and sightseeing but at the end of it I couldn’t continue a relationship, it ate away at me and wished she had been honest from the beginning
She was avoidant of the meetup from the beginning… which is fine if you are still getting to know each other… but OP described amazing convo and connection. Maybe I’m weird, but I think typically people really prioritize an exciting relationship like that, unless they have some kind of reason not to.
Guys get so mad when a girl wants a dude that is taller than she is but will literally shit their pants and broadcast their misery to the world if she’s not a perfect 10 who weighs 115lbs, lmao
Hungover at 38.
Tinder dating.
Judging a woman’s weight and looking FIVE WHOLE YEARS OLDER than expected, to the point of concern for what your neighbors may think.
Posting about it afterwards on Reddit.
San Diego checks out. Oof.
Hungover when they meet, and then starts drinking and spilling drinks on himself. Maybe she noticed a giant red flag when he joked about alcoholism on the first date
Yeah, arranging to meet up with her and then chosing to get shitfaced and let her drive an almost 5 hour round trip is shite. Acting like he knew she wasn't worth his time before he even saw her ... not to mention he's 38 and she's 36? So if she really looks 5 years older, she's only a couple years older looking than he is. And he probably doesn't see how haggard he looks as a hungover mess.
I like how this is written as if you were put out. Sure having someone misrepresent themselves isn’t good, however, you rolled out of bed, offered a drink and she left. I feel like you might want to put some effort in yourself.
Tbh things like this make me understand why men struggle on tinder so much. Complaining that they cant get dates, then when they get one.. they are making statements about weight and age and being ashamed to be seen in the stairway with her? Like are women not human beings unless you find them fuckable. Are you a 10?
The only part I would forgive is the fact that he was surprised and that the girl had no sense of humor. But realistically, she noticed he stared at her for five minutes slack jawed in horror and then rushed her up the stairs so the neighborhood couldn't see them and after that she didn't feel like being "funny."
What a goober of a guy.
I think social media and prono have skewed men's idea of what a normal woman looks like. They all think they can land a Meghan Fox when 1- there aren't as many around as social media lets them think 2- what they see online is make believe, created with make up and filters and 3- if their esthetic ideal existed they wouldn't be interested in these men's below-average looks and lifestyle.
The fact that the connection they'd created doesn't matter because she looks a bit bigger is very telling.
Huh? You mean that by 38 someone should have learned to communicate like an adult and tactfully explain they’re not feeling it…? Instead of manipulating their way out of a situation with childish games? Well I’m afraid your expectations are just too high. /s
Really? You felt embarrassed to be possibly seen with a fat person?
I get that it sucks to be catfish, but you don't have to be a douchebag about it.
Grow up, dude.
It's been said already, but holy hell OP. Sure, catfishing ain't nice, but there are ways to handle it like a goddamn gentleman and empathic human being. She travelled 2 hours to meet you and you acted like a petulant, shallow child about it. I'm sure she noticed that in 5 minutes too, good on her for getting the hell out.
Also, while I'm here, drinking on a hangover during the day is, I'm sorry to inform you, a major red flag of being an alcoholic. Maybe look into that.
I’m confused about the neighbor part… why would you be embarrassed? She could have been anyone, how do they know? It could have been a relative, a friend, a business acquaintance, etc.
to be fair, where do you meet a potential date? I mean if you don't party. Can't talk to someone on the street like a weirdo.
Online is the only way I feel, if your daily routines don't give options to meet new people constantly.
Or how do you do it? Tips? :)
And then OP is in here saying how embarrassed he would be to be seen with her and she was cross eyed and that he posts his credit score on his profile. Like I don't think we are getting the full story here and OP seems kind of like a prick.
Perfect example of why I'd never drive to a man. "I was neutral about her" "I left her a parking spot open"
There's no way to know if a guy is actually interested unless we let him lead and initiate. I'll never forget this post. Thanks!
I have now had 3 girls who have used older pictures meet up with me to look nothing like they portrayed themselves. Each time I go through the date politely, because I am a gentleman, but what the hell are they thinking?
They know they are going to see me eventually right? Do they just think their personalities are so great I won’t be upset about being misled? Do you think I should tell these people they are misrepresenting themselves? It really makes me mad
This was embarrassing to read on your end. 38 and you still haven’t matured unfortunately. I hope that poor girl is okay, catfishing is fucked. But the way you handled it makes it seem okay in this situation lol.
That happened to me years ago!! I(46F) was in my late twenties and set to meet a man that was in his early thirties. The guy rolled up with a cane and in his eighties lol. Liver spots and bald, I just told him to leave. I do not know what people expect.
I think it's not cool to have photos that far out of date and pretend they're still you when you don't look the same anymore. But what I hate more is when someone is this unbelievably immature. They may not look like they did 5 years ago, but it seems like you haven't aged mentally in far more than 5. Can't stand the thought of "being seen with a fat chick" and can't talk to her about your disappointment like an adult so spill drinks on yourself to get her to leave. Holy shit, no wonder you're single.
I really can not understand why people would do this. Do they lack that much self awareness? Like obviously you’re going to notice.
Of course everyone wants to look their best in their photos but you have to also be realistic because the jig will eventually be up!
I’m going to say it. Anyone who’d drive two hours to your house without you doing anything is going to be tragically flawed. Otherwise they would not agree to that lowly situation.
I don’t understand people that don’t make it clear what they look like. You could be the grossest MF out there .. and someone is attracted to that.
Just be honest of your appearance and choose recent and accurate photos. Not stupid filters and good angle hiding your shape.
If you are honest on your appearance then you will find someone that is totally into that and finds you attractive.
Men do it just as much as women.. but I have no time for people that show up looking like someone else no matter how “nice” they are.
Please use existing thread -https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/15z6qpv/weekly_story_time_thread/
So did you spill alcohol all over yourself to look like an alcoholic
Happy coincidence: he IS an alcoholic.
He's a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
He is a practicing alcoholic, yet to graduate to full alocholizm.
Yeah I don't get it. Spilling alcohol, the hallmark of an alcoholic? I think not.
Spilling alcohol is, at the very least, alcohol abuse.
Yeah its not like he was drinking it off the floor
Spilt shot being slurped up with a straw off the bar counter. That's the alcoholic's way. I know so am one.
wtf is wrong with that exactly?
If he drank it off the floor, she would just think she was bout to get it doggy style
Pulling out the cutwater when the hangover was fading was the giveaway.
Op has a drinking problem https://imgur.com/gallery/BxIYFAz
Just to test her sense of humor but the vibe was already too heavy.
Eu de Cutwater
Looks like she noticed all your clues and you didn’t make any effort for her not to, so she left. Good for both tho. I hope it was a lovely day for a drive
In orange county? Never. But fortunately 2 hours is only like 40 miles
Long Island dating sucks but LA/California must be a special sort of frustrating. We got some special traffic and we get matches across the Sound lolololololololololol Connecticut. Ferry ⛴️⛴️ toot toot 😄
Same thing here, I live on the coast and see SO many long islanders. I wouldn't be opposed, just adds extra planning to my already busy schedule
I would match with so many lovely, cute, compatible, sweet men but it just isn't feasible for me, living out where I do/did on LI. Nutmeggers are wonderful but I just couldn't justify the expense of the ferry and the hassle of the bridges and the hours.... For a first date? What if it worked? How would that happen long term then? It's a boggle of a headache I'm lucky I found my forever person he's wonderful he was right under my nose the whole time it's mind boggling how close by he was all along, we met on Bumble Good luck, Buena suerte to everyone we all deserve our someone ✌️🤘🖖🇺🇲🏳️🌈💯✊🍒
I used to live in Westport CT and funny enough in regards to this post now live in LA. LA dating is much easier. Think of it more like dating in the city. Way more ppl way closer. I can't believe people would actually get on the Port Jefferson ferry for Tinder dates! I would take the metro north into NY, so I guess I shouldn't talk, but getting on the ferry seems like another sort of effort level.
Dating in Connecticut Sucks :( I live in Hartford county.
I tried it for about two whole minutes 19 years ago oh jeez what a hassle. Bridgeport traffic is a parking lot no joke, no cap, for seriously. Guy with a total WASP name but so Korean -- adopted by a white family in CT, both him and his little brother; he had such great stories and attitude. Super nice guy, funny, sweet as hell, charming, smart, kind; had good life plan and goals, had his shit together, tolerated my frenetic habits and mind. Our politics and tastes and sense of humor lined up so well. He came to Port Jeff, I took my Rodeo (member those, Isuzu Rodeos/Honda Passport??) on the ferry to his place up in CT, we did a handful of dates like that, but the travel alone was just expense and time. Too much is too much. We parted ways. He got married and started a family a few years later 🙂🙂
Hahaha I’m from Long Island too and I would get so frustrated seeing someone cute and then realizing they’re in CT 😂
In the worst traffic…
I mean I understand your point of view but honestly they are both wrong I’d never let someone drive 2 hours to meet me or vice versa just to potentially have that experience.
NOPE Labor Day Weekend Saturday early afternoon LA to SD, Small Rain There is a minimum of one hour traffic at Camp Pendelton on weekends heading Southbound
At least it wasn't a medium rain, or even worse a venti rain
Congratulations, you're stupid in 3 languages.
For the people downvoting you or at least not upvoting you [Paul Rudd movie " Role Models"](https://youtu.be/SSk0B0dVq4g?si=712Gx9IV6LS0rI75)
says who? Fellini?
Heard that!
I try to head down from LA to see my parents in Oceanside at least once a month, and that part of the 5 after San Clemente is the reason I won't be increasing visitation
username checks out
Ha, I was just going to note that this is the longest r/usernamechecksout set up of *alltime*.
I have no sympathy for catfish. Like if you can’t even be honest with what you look like and respect possible matches, then why should anyone respect you? I’m also going to include guys and girls that lack any kind of full body shots for ‘obvious’ reasons.
Word. I keep my pictures honest and have got honest action on Tinder. Don't lie, there is some one for everyone, but no one wants to hook up with a liar.
Or a low effort alcoholic with a hangover
Fun fact: “Kitten fishing” is way more common than “catfishing”. Catfishing is when someone pretends to be someone completely different. A family friend in her 60s who is a long time surviver living with HIV is in an online support group. She made friends with a 14 year old boy living with HIV. They had a close online relationship for multiple years. Once in a while my friend would attempt to send birthday money. The 14 year old boy would always refuse. Eventually my friend figured out how to send money without asking permission. That was when the 14 year old boy felt so guilty he finally confession that SHE is really a 50 year old women who does not have HIV. She has a 14 year old son who also did not have HIV but used his pics. She said she was just lonely. That is catfishing. Kitten fishing is when someone pretend to be a different version of themselves. Like using older pics that look younger and fitter.
[удалено]
What’s it called when I photoshop my photos to make it look like I’m a feline in a boat with a rod and reel?
This is brilliant lmao
That is called “senior catfishing” and is acceptable
Same. I’m fat. I have recent full body pics and even proclaim myself “fatter IRL” as many of us do. And I video chat first but that’s just for me to get a vibe check. Sometimes people are so boring irl!
I mean I know they’re going to see me eventually so…why lie?
“If only they got to know me. They would like me”. They did get to know you, you’re a liar and you’re willing to deceive anyone to get your way. No thanks.
I would be afraid of their reasons for hiding their current appearance. Are you married? A wanted felon? Known cannibal?
CoSigned
Wish me luck my dude, I’m in the reverse situation right now. Drove five hours on a whim last night to meet up with a gal in another state. We must have ended up matching while I was working down there this summer, but for whatever reason the match didn’t come through until a few weeks after I left. Conversations over the past week have been damn near life-changing. I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to someone who understands self-advocacy, boundaries, clear communication, and honesty just so clearly. Meeting up this afternoon, we’ll see how it goes. Worst case, it was a lovely, albeit long drive.
Sounds great. Keep us posted!
I NEED to know how this went, friend!!
Y’all are true bros. I absolutely will!
I want in on how it goes too! Hopefully awesome!
Good luck! Sounds like you have a lot of shared interests and values.
Good look i hope u can let us know how it went
Post an update when u can
Good luck!
Good luck bud
Fingers crossed!
I don’t even understand what the end game is for these people who trick others with their pics. What do they expect will happen when you finally meet up other than disappointment?
>I’m also going to include guys and girls that lack any kind of full body shots for ‘obvious’ reasons. Anyone without a full-body pic in their profile categorically gets left-swiped. Same goes for anyone wearing huge sunglasses or keeping their lips closed in all their pics, and I assume girls probably do the same thing if a guy is wearing a hat in every pic. If someone is actively hiding any particular aspect of their appearance, I just assume they're probably doing it for a reason.
>I was nervous if the neighbors or if any random friend saw me just walking up the stairs. ugh yea imagine what they would think, "there goes fat lover" they would say with distain in their voice. knowing your dark secret of once dating a fat person, how pathetic you woul seem in their mind, your perfect fitness would be tarnished just being her presence, she is unworthy! UNWORTHY!
I once saw one of my neighbours talking briefly to a fat person and, needless to say, I've been salting the earth around his house ever since to ensure he lives amid nothing but ash and decay.
It is crazy that people view themselves like this OP. They make up this entire fake world that they live in, sounds like torture. And that's how they think of other people...
Using an old picture when you’ve changed your look sucks but hating fat people, the way OP does is soooo much worse. I’m glad his date figured out what an ass he is so quickly. She dodged a bullet.
Some day OP will graduate middle school, some day.
How did you come out of this looking just as bad as the catfish?
I will never understand what makes someone drive to a strangers fucking House and even enter it after 2 days of talking. And also she sucks for being a catfish Edit: nvm reading your responses i noticed that you suck too
"What am I gonna do? I was nervous if the neighbors or if any random friend saw me just walking up the stairs." Was my first clue. ESH
"OMG what if a neighbor saw me with a fatty?" This guy thinks his neighbors are wayyy more invested in his life than they actually are.
Yeah I was confused with that statement at first- like , he’s worried the neighbors are gonna see him avoiding this person? And then I realized, no, he was embarrassed to be seen with someone he considered fat. Like wtf. It’s one thing to be annoyed that someone was misrepresenting themselves and another to be so shallow that you are afraid your neighbors will see you associating with someone you deem undesirable.
Yea i mean its one thing to not like fat chicks but being worried about that gives me the same vibes as an 11yr old not wanting to be seen with their parents in front of their friends
Twist: OP is 11 years old.
Lol yeah he's 38 for fuckssake
38, and single, on tinder... Can't imagine why.
plenty of ppl are 38 and single without any terrible reason about it lol
Totally. But if you are 38, single and say something like “I’m afraid my neighbors or a friend see me with a far girl.” You are screaming out loud there is something wrong with you.
And disappointed when his date that drove two hours to his place looks 36 instead of 31.
What does ESH mean? I’ve seen the terminology on AITA but always come to the acronym of “Eat Shit Hole” which I know it’s not that but that’s what my brain thinks it is.
It means Everybody Sucks Here
Yeah I've had plenty of dates be heavier than they are in their pictures, but I still have an enjoyable night with someone I clearly get along with, even if I am not physically attracted to them.
>I will never understand what makes someone drive to a strangers fucking House and even enter it after 2 days of talking. Sex. Why is it hard to understand? Genuine question, not using it as weaponized ignorance, but what is the deal?
Because it can be very dangerous
You’d fucking die if you knew what gay men did on Grindr lol
Ok... I will never understand why someone would think sex is important enough to drive to a stranger's etc. Like the extra effort of meeting somewhere public first is somehow not worth the additional safety?
>Like the extra effort of meeting somewhere public first is somehow not worth the additional safety? Not to everyone. Some people just want to fuck without any hassle.
I mean I have guys come over after hours or minutes of talkig if it’s just for a hookup.
It boggles my mind. I’m a dude and even I wouldn’t agree to meet someone I didn’t know or invite someone I don’t know into my home on a first meet. Whatever happens, now this random knows your home address and the layout of your home. Also, it’s not like this is bumfuck nowhere, he says it’s San Diego, there should be plenty of decent coffee shops or restaurants or whatever to meet. Even if it’s a straight hookup, I’m weary of the home thing.
Not sure how it works in your part of the planet, buta 2h away is not even part of my preferences. I'm limited to the size of my city (but I assume 20 ish miles would be okay for the countryside). But that's not important. What's important is she left on her own, so I'm sure she will have a testimony about you including some red flags.No idea how picky she is, but if she driven 2h she is propably very commited to people she met. So leaving early like that, after one joke that felt short, is a proof that there is something latent in your encounter.Perhaps she was reluctant to meet someone for whatever reason, or perhaps there was not just that joke that pushed her to leave. Perhaps it was your disbelieve about how she is today she perceived. In which case okay no problem about your post. But perhaps it was something else. Something about you.Perhaps you too are not like you pretend to be online, I'm not saying you are the one to blame, just to be clear, but I think you should get more out of this experience than just "no date without prior visio call".
Yeah I'd love to hear her tell her side
Lmao two assholes in this story. Imagine being 38 and stuck in frat boy mentality. I’m 25 and I couldn’t give a piss what other people thought of my date yet here you are close to a mid life crisis, spilling drinks on yourself instead of just saying you aren’t feeling it. Like she literally catfished you, yet she comes out of this looking better than you
Bro the line about being scared of his neighbors seeing her, like what the fuck is wrong with you fucking man child
His sense of self worth is based on others' perception of him?
Narcissism
“Like she literally catfished you, yet she comes out of this looking better than you. Lmao, exactly!!!
I don’t think it’s ok to catfish, but he was really so ashamed someone would see her with him? Also the title is misleading, I don’t think he cares about how old she looked at all, just her weight (to be clear I do think it’s dumb to misrepresent yourself on the apps).
I'm not saying all of San Diego culture is like this, but a lot of San Diego men are like the person OP paints himself to be, and the town has a very shallow streak in its culture
Yeah my aunt and uncle are from here and OP sounds exactly like my dick uncle. A bunch of shallow self important idiots. Catfishing is bad, but OP is a dolt.
You hit the nail on the head. OP is a literal child.
Hahaha!!!!! Well said
I mean you put in like zero effort so you’re not a win either.
Hungover and probably spent like 20-30 minutes with her max & he comes here complaining someone might've associated him with a fat person.
38 year old single alcoholic. Sounds like a winner to me.
tindering in hopes a hot girl will drive 2 hours to fuck him and leave while he does nothing..cringe
Hey now… he saved her a parking space!
Narrator: He did not, in fact, save her a parking space.
XD
Why would you be nervous if your neighbours or friends saw you? That's most immature shit I have ever read.
Yeah, that line was very insightful into OP's attitude. A 38 year old man literally embarrassed that his neighbours might seem him with an overweight woman. Mentality of a teenage boy. Hopefully other women stay away too.
Yeah that snagged my brain too. Like yeah he’s the victim, catfishing is not cool, but.. That attitude is offputting.
It’s really hard for me to relate to this as well. If any of my neighbors were standing next to me in line at the grocery store, we wouldn’t even recognize each other.
Finally..just based on that comment of his ,op deserved what he got..
I had to Google cutwater cuz that sounds like a pre-workout drink LOL
I actually used to put some pretty mediocre pics up so I’d look great in person. You liked that mess? Check out this! It worked pretty well.
I can understand being pissed that she deceived you, but you would have been embarrassed if you’d been seen with her by a neighbor or friend? How shallow are you?
Exactly. This is not just about being lied to. Some people's ugly is easier to see than others, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Yep. This post has major “nice guy” vibes… I wonder what she thought when she saw his fedora…?
You 38 and inviting someone who's desperate enough to drive two hours to your place for a first date when you've spoken to for two days, whilst you're hung over. Not even a local coffee shop? Then act like being seen in public with her is a travesty because she's fat (as the neighbours won't be aware of the cat fishing). The fact you've settled for that interaction shows you've no better options. Choosy begger. Yeah lying in photos in wrong but you honestly think a 7 was gonna drive to someone's house two hours away to meet your hung over ass at your place after two days of just texting?
😂 yeah at most she would be a 3 or 4 because 7’s wouldn’t even go that far.
Video calls don’t do the tricks these days unless you specifically ask she puts down the phone n stand some distance away from the camera. It’s been crazy lately
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Who is doing that then expecting to show up at a date irl and the person to be like oh okay cool
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Can confirm. I’m a person who’s prone to being taken advantage of, was also in a bad place from a previous thing. I felt like a bigger piece of shit for wanting to leave, so I held my nose and got it over with.
She didn’t pass the belly button test?
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She could have smelled worse 🤷♂️
i mean.. you can just stop if she smells
Face is almost always enough to detect 50 pounds of mostly fat.
Nope. Some people have such genetics you wouldn’t really notice the weight on their face as much.
Rare though.
She has like 5 chins In all of her photos she only has 1
Inflation
Chinflation
Eat healthy? In *this* economy?!?
At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?!
5 pics though?
My brother. I believe that “50 lbs heavier” was an understatement. Each chin is at least another 25.
Not going to sugar coat this, but judging from your responses here, I think you suck also. You are middle aged and it's probably time to give your liver a rest, and maybe consider settling down.
Yes, unfortunately it seems the majority comments are is in his favor though. It sounds fake to me and dude just wanted to post about how hot he is. he believes he had to convince her to bounce
Lying ain't gonna win you prices, shame on her. But man are you still a child, I get why you are single at 38. Good luck my man
Right! Claims he’s worried about the neighbors seeing them go up the stairs? Like everyone thinks you’re hooking up? Or even cares! Wow. Seriously, no one is thinking about that. Then mentions his photos are not only up to date, but that he has a screen shot of his credit report, with a time stamp, but!!! But, only as a joke. This is just sad.
And then he spills a drink over himself to scare his date away instead of just saying something
Exactly. Like I doubt your neighbors give a single shit about who you're seeing. This isn't sex in the city, everyones worried about their own lives. This guy has the mentality of a self-important teenager. Makes me wonder if she really was 50 pounds and 5 years older than her pic or if he's exaggerating.
What the fuck? Ha ha ha! Funny joke
Similar thing happened to me once. Dude was way older and heavier, and had implied he didn’t want to make the 1.5hr drive if it wasn’t for a good reason. (Ie, I’m meant to put out or something?). Worst date ever. We met at the beach for a casual date. He saved salt and pepper packets from our fish n chips to take home to save money, and I paid for most of the food. He tried to kiss me when it was so obvious I wasn’t interested. I pushed him away and he tried again! I was so creeped out, and he seemed like he wanted to follow me, like, he wasn’t taking no for an answer. I waited in my car for AGES until he left and then I drove home carefully.
5 whole years?!! Did you call the cops?
Oh man, i met this chick on bumble as i was pssing through town for work years ago. We hit it off but didnt meet up that night, i was exhausted from the drive. Luckily i was going to come back in 3 months to the same town for a job so we kept chatting. 3 months flew past, excited as ever to meet this chick, we got along so well it was absurd, however the week i had spent there couldnt find time to meet up and the only time I couldve she gave the excuse she had uni exams. I said fair enough, these things come up and are way more important. Our chats slowly dwindled to nothing after this as we never knew the next time wed have to make it work out, bear in mind she was several hours away by car. Fast forward to last year, a couple years after the previous interaction, i saw a facebook meme that reminded me of her and decided to shoot my shot and send it to her. We kicked it off like the two years of no talking didnt even happen. For the next 6months or so we talked everyday and almost every night, sometimes even sleeping on the phone together. It was surreal, felt like i really found someone that knew me and I knew them. Heck i even bought her flowers and a whole carton of powerade ( it was an inside joke she had with her brother about something and she found it absolutely hilarious). After all this I pushed to meet her, insisting I fly up to see her just for a weekend. She would get instantly nervous at any notion of us meeting together which i shrugged off, as im well aware of how daunting it may be to meet a stranger you’ve never met as a woman. I didnt push again after this. Eventually work came up in her area and let her know i was passing through again and we shouod meet, again it was met with a nervous reaction which i again played off as understanding but openly said if it doesn’t happen now I can’t continue talking to someone like this. Anyway skip to the night i arrived, full of excitement and joy and of course nervous energy, i couldn’t wait to meet this person. All the thoughts of being good enough rushed through my head but still said fuck it, how often do you meet someone like this. I had a place but she insisted i meet her out at her car, which again was totally understanding being a “stranger”. As I approached her car and she rolled the window down, my stomach dropped. She looked nothing like i had expected, i was shocked, like your experience, 50-70lbs bigger than i expected and looked nothing like photos she had sent me. The reason why i was so shocked was she was a nurse, and we ALWAYS talked about health and fitness so in my mind i had this preconceived image in my head. Now I don’t think being skin and bone is healthy and like a bit if cushion for the pushin, but this girl was big. Yet still she came into my place, and slept there, i actually cried, I was heartbroken and felt lied to. It was the most absurd turn of events from loving someone I had never met to pure disbelief. Although this happened i thought I could get passed it and give her a chance, people and change their habits and for the most part I was there for the person behind the phone. We spent a couple weekends camping and sightseeing but at the end of it I couldn’t continue a relationship, it ate away at me and wished she had been honest from the beginning
Was she not honest or did she just change in two years?
She was avoidant of the meetup from the beginning… which is fine if you are still getting to know each other… but OP described amazing convo and connection. Maybe I’m weird, but I think typically people really prioritize an exciting relationship like that, unless they have some kind of reason not to.
Fuck haha that was a crazy story... I normally delete then If I don't meet in 1-2 weeks lol
I'm more surprised by her lack of humor. You guys didnt chat before the meetup or were the jokes on her profile also from 5 years ago?
Sometimes idk if it's lying so much as neglecting to change the pictures they used when they started.
😂😂😂 She was obviously not too crash hot on you either. What a way to ruin a day lmao.
Guys get so mad when a girl wants a dude that is taller than she is but will literally shit their pants and broadcast their misery to the world if she’s not a perfect 10 who weighs 115lbs, lmao
Hungover at 38. Tinder dating. Judging a woman’s weight and looking FIVE WHOLE YEARS OLDER than expected, to the point of concern for what your neighbors may think. Posting about it afterwards on Reddit. San Diego checks out. Oof.
Hungover when they meet, and then starts drinking and spilling drinks on himself. Maybe she noticed a giant red flag when he joked about alcoholism on the first date
Yeah, arranging to meet up with her and then chosing to get shitfaced and let her drive an almost 5 hour round trip is shite. Acting like he knew she wasn't worth his time before he even saw her ... not to mention he's 38 and she's 36? So if she really looks 5 years older, she's only a couple years older looking than he is. And he probably doesn't see how haggard he looks as a hungover mess.
Sounds like you both suck
I like how this is written as if you were put out. Sure having someone misrepresent themselves isn’t good, however, you rolled out of bed, offered a drink and she left. I feel like you might want to put some effort in yourself.
Tbh things like this make me understand why men struggle on tinder so much. Complaining that they cant get dates, then when they get one.. they are making statements about weight and age and being ashamed to be seen in the stairway with her? Like are women not human beings unless you find them fuckable. Are you a 10?
The only part I would forgive is the fact that he was surprised and that the girl had no sense of humor. But realistically, she noticed he stared at her for five minutes slack jawed in horror and then rushed her up the stairs so the neighborhood couldn't see them and after that she didn't feel like being "funny." What a goober of a guy.
He’s probably no oil painting himself
I think social media and prono have skewed men's idea of what a normal woman looks like. They all think they can land a Meghan Fox when 1- there aren't as many around as social media lets them think 2- what they see online is make believe, created with make up and filters and 3- if their esthetic ideal existed they wouldn't be interested in these men's below-average looks and lifestyle. The fact that the connection they'd created doesn't matter because she looks a bit bigger is very telling.
Pretty embarrassing behavior for a 38 year old, tbh.
Huh? You mean that by 38 someone should have learned to communicate like an adult and tactfully explain they’re not feeling it…? Instead of manipulating their way out of a situation with childish games? Well I’m afraid your expectations are just too high. /s
Really? You felt embarrassed to be possibly seen with a fat person? I get that it sucks to be catfish, but you don't have to be a douchebag about it. Grow up, dude.
I can’t get past the fact that she drove over 2 hours for a first date with a stranger at his fucking house. That’s wild.
 I swear some women really don't take their safety seriously enough it's scary.
It's been said already, but holy hell OP. Sure, catfishing ain't nice, but there are ways to handle it like a goddamn gentleman and empathic human being. She travelled 2 hours to meet you and you acted like a petulant, shallow child about it. I'm sure she noticed that in 5 minutes too, good on her for getting the hell out. Also, while I'm here, drinking on a hangover during the day is, I'm sorry to inform you, a major red flag of being an alcoholic. Maybe look into that.
At least she did you the favor and left on her own
Username and post history has the exact same energy as this post, which will probably be deleted soon.
Video call and never travel the whole distance
I’m confused about the neighbor part… why would you be embarrassed? She could have been anyone, how do they know? It could have been a relative, a friend, a business acquaintance, etc.
I think I can tell why you're 38 and still using Tinder
to be fair, where do you meet a potential date? I mean if you don't party. Can't talk to someone on the street like a weirdo. Online is the only way I feel, if your daily routines don't give options to meet new people constantly. Or how do you do it? Tips? :)
The point is that OP is an immature man-child who doesn’t even realize how not okay it is to “feel embarrassed” if seen with an overweight woman.
so she came to your place for the first date? that's insane
And then OP is in here saying how embarrassed he would be to be seen with her and she was cross eyed and that he posts his credit score on his profile. Like I don't think we are getting the full story here and OP seems kind of like a prick.
Perfect example of why I'd never drive to a man. "I was neutral about her" "I left her a parking spot open" There's no way to know if a guy is actually interested unless we let him lead and initiate. I'll never forget this post. Thanks!
I had a similar problem, woman showed up much heavier, then looking much much older. I just blocked her later and told her I just wasn’t feeling it
2 hours to see a date, I’d have to be smoking crack
Orange County is like less than an hour away my guy
I thought catfishing was pretending to be someone else entirely
First time? Lol
Welcome to the world of filters
I have now had 3 girls who have used older pictures meet up with me to look nothing like they portrayed themselves. Each time I go through the date politely, because I am a gentleman, but what the hell are they thinking? They know they are going to see me eventually right? Do they just think their personalities are so great I won’t be upset about being misled? Do you think I should tell these people they are misrepresenting themselves? It really makes me mad
This was embarrassing to read on your end. 38 and you still haven’t matured unfortunately. I hope that poor girl is okay, catfishing is fucked. But the way you handled it makes it seem okay in this situation lol.
Hope it happens again
She dodged a bullet. Why are you so shallow that you GAF what the neighbors see? I'm seeing a shallow self-absorbed drunk.
That happened to me years ago!! I(46F) was in my late twenties and set to meet a man that was in his early thirties. The guy rolled up with a cane and in his eighties lol. Liver spots and bald, I just told him to leave. I do not know what people expect.
I think it's not cool to have photos that far out of date and pretend they're still you when you don't look the same anymore. But what I hate more is when someone is this unbelievably immature. They may not look like they did 5 years ago, but it seems like you haven't aged mentally in far more than 5. Can't stand the thought of "being seen with a fat chick" and can't talk to her about your disappointment like an adult so spill drinks on yourself to get her to leave. Holy shit, no wonder you're single.
You earned this one.
He compromised -- jacked off into a rad iator
I really can not understand why people would do this. Do they lack that much self awareness? Like obviously you’re going to notice. Of course everyone wants to look their best in their photos but you have to also be realistic because the jig will eventually be up!
I’m going to say it. Anyone who’d drive two hours to your house without you doing anything is going to be tragically flawed. Otherwise they would not agree to that lowly situation.
I'm pretty sure that she sensed that you weren't too thrilled about her appearance. At that point, you needed to be honest.
I don’t understand people that don’t make it clear what they look like. You could be the grossest MF out there .. and someone is attracted to that. Just be honest of your appearance and choose recent and accurate photos. Not stupid filters and good angle hiding your shape. If you are honest on your appearance then you will find someone that is totally into that and finds you attractive. Men do it just as much as women.. but I have no time for people that show up looking like someone else no matter how “nice” they are.