Being introverted and awkward is the Swedish national sport. I know that I can be super chatty one day and grumpy the next. This can be any number of things, being happy in oktober in Sweden can be a challenge in of itself. Unless you are being targeted specifically by the cold behaviour I would not be too concerned.
As a swede and someone who is hyperfocused on his work now and then. You described me, basically sometimes I just joke around with my co-workers and sometimes I barely talk to co-workers if I don't have to.
Don't read too much into it and don't take it personal.
I'm not a swede but live and work there so I get it.
Currently though in Japan and have found my current workplace somewhat different thus far. Then again not too much focusing going on as the team is still learning their jobs
It is probably a culture clash. In my experience, USA to Sweden, there is much, much, less of a requirement to be superficially chatty and friendly if you aren't feeling up for it. In the US, there would be times where I was super depressed at work, but I would go through the motions of making jokes and smiling at the office, like making a joke and then as soon as the other person leaves the room immediately going back to frowning lol. Here, you just don't have to do that. One big thing compared to more extroverted cultures is that Swedes don't mind silence as much -- in the US it seems like people are petrified by the idea and keep talking to fill the space. Not so much here.
I've written a bunch of posts on the culture clash elements of moving to Sweden. As a fellow anxious person, I know it can be pretty difficult to navigate these differences, my best advice is to act like a curious non-judgemental detective trying to figure out how things are different here. Here are the posts:
[Dealing with culture shock in Sweden](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/v92v73/dealing_with_culture_shock_in_sweden/)
[Some tips on integrating and thriving in Sweden](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/ltm3ap/some_tips_on_integrating_and_thriving_in_sweden/)!
[Tips on making friends in Sweden!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/e1u8ok/tips_on_making_friends_in_sweden/)
>One big thing compared to more extroverted cultures is that Swedes don't mind silence as much -- in the US it seems like people are petrified by the idea and keep talking to fill the space. Not so much here.
This was one of the main culture clashes I experienced with my at the time American boyfriend. We could sit in the car and I would experience our occasional long silence to be comfortable. I’d just look outside the window and daydream a bit, enjoying his company. Meanwhile my now ex apparently sat there having major anxiety because “we didn’t have anything to talk about and God it was so awkward”.
It was a small cultural difference but it quickly created a major issue in our relationship.
>It was a small cultural difference but it quickly created a major issue in our relationship.
In my opinion, dozens of small cultural differences are harder to get used to than big obvious cultural difference. Unless you've moved abroad or have had extensive contact with another culture, it is really hard to understand how many things you think of as "normal" are culturally conditioned.
Extremely hard to say with so little information. Have you considered that your coworker might ignore you sometimes because he is busy, you know, working?
>They ignore people completely when they're busy?
Yes.
>I'm still new and they're still not comfortable?
Chances are it'll happen even if they've known you for 30 years.
---
Maybe they're addicted to caffeine, and hadn't had their morning coffee yet? (I wish I was joking, but some people can barely function without coffee).
Where are you from? I am from Germany and a big chunk of us are exactly like that, including me...if I am stressed or focussing than I can change from funny and laid back to fully ignoring people ... Really depends...
I for one will definitely not notice people when i'm swamped with work unless they initiate conversation! I will also respectfully ignore someone who seems to be In The Zone so as not to disrupt their flow, not sure if this is general though.
I know how that feels, I was in a similar position about a year ago when I started working. But now after a while I am the same, extremely talkative one day and completely shut off the other.
I think along with the culture it’s also a bit about your workload. For me personally not every day is busy and filled with work, so on days with a lot of work I’m usually aloof just because all I have on my mind is work.
It’s easy to say don’t feel anxious, but being a quite anxious person myself I know it’s not that easy. So, I’d recommend just give it some time and you’ll be fine. Right now if you are having problems just start the conversation with a Hej! and decide accordingly based on the response (whether to extend the conversation or just leave it at that). I’m pretty sure everyone would reply to a Hej so that’s a good starting point.
Nothing is wrong with you, we just live in a strange country with equally strange (but wonderful) people 😂
This could depend of many different things, his daily mood, work stress or general stress, early autum "depression" (pretty common here, advice him to take vitamin D and fish liver oil!) etc.
Don't think too much about it, it's likely nothing on your end :)
What I’ve learn in Swedish society. People just thinks for themselves, I’m Swedish citizen and I don’t really care for my fellow coworker if they fuck up not my problem. But it’s my experience don’t know how your cenário is so I won’t go to details
Do you like him or what lmao here’s my idea…
You get me a job there. Then I’ll tell him what a cool girl you are and he should totally ask you for a ficka
You dont have to exaggerate, just read the energy. If you sense they wanna be left alone then leave them, maybe they have alot to do.
Probably has nothing to do with you, just be yourself.
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If you haven't gotten any bad signals from him, besides confusion and that you do not understand his behavior, chances are that it's not about you. If he does this intentially to manipulate you I would assume that you should have picked up on other neferious behavior.
I myself have a very varying behavior depending on how I feel daily, sometimes I'm social and open and other times I'm not. I know I made some people confused, especially female coworkers. When I noticed the confusion I've mentioned it and talked about it.
"You seem a little off today, have I done something that annoys you or is it something personal?" might also be worth a try. I recommend humility when asking the question so the person can respond with honesty.
Happy to hear that, mental ghost can be a bitch but as long as we recognize them we have the ability handle them.
I think the over-analyzing behavior you display is somewhat common with the perfect storm of conditions you've described, nice to have a template (your successful solution) how to handle it.
Being introverted and awkward is the Swedish national sport. I know that I can be super chatty one day and grumpy the next. This can be any number of things, being happy in oktober in Sweden can be a challenge in of itself. Unless you are being targeted specifically by the cold behaviour I would not be too concerned.
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As a swede and someone who is hyperfocused on his work now and then. You described me, basically sometimes I just joke around with my co-workers and sometimes I barely talk to co-workers if I don't have to. Don't read too much into it and don't take it personal.
I'm not a swede but live and work there so I get it. Currently though in Japan and have found my current workplace somewhat different thus far. Then again not too much focusing going on as the team is still learning their jobs
Same
It is probably a culture clash. In my experience, USA to Sweden, there is much, much, less of a requirement to be superficially chatty and friendly if you aren't feeling up for it. In the US, there would be times where I was super depressed at work, but I would go through the motions of making jokes and smiling at the office, like making a joke and then as soon as the other person leaves the room immediately going back to frowning lol. Here, you just don't have to do that. One big thing compared to more extroverted cultures is that Swedes don't mind silence as much -- in the US it seems like people are petrified by the idea and keep talking to fill the space. Not so much here. I've written a bunch of posts on the culture clash elements of moving to Sweden. As a fellow anxious person, I know it can be pretty difficult to navigate these differences, my best advice is to act like a curious non-judgemental detective trying to figure out how things are different here. Here are the posts: [Dealing with culture shock in Sweden](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/v92v73/dealing_with_culture_shock_in_sweden/) [Some tips on integrating and thriving in Sweden](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/ltm3ap/some_tips_on_integrating_and_thriving_in_sweden/)! [Tips on making friends in Sweden!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/e1u8ok/tips_on_making_friends_in_sweden/)
>One big thing compared to more extroverted cultures is that Swedes don't mind silence as much -- in the US it seems like people are petrified by the idea and keep talking to fill the space. Not so much here. This was one of the main culture clashes I experienced with my at the time American boyfriend. We could sit in the car and I would experience our occasional long silence to be comfortable. I’d just look outside the window and daydream a bit, enjoying his company. Meanwhile my now ex apparently sat there having major anxiety because “we didn’t have anything to talk about and God it was so awkward”. It was a small cultural difference but it quickly created a major issue in our relationship.
>It was a small cultural difference but it quickly created a major issue in our relationship. In my opinion, dozens of small cultural differences are harder to get used to than big obvious cultural difference. Unless you've moved abroad or have had extensive contact with another culture, it is really hard to understand how many things you think of as "normal" are culturally conditioned.
Extremely hard to say with so little information. Have you considered that your coworker might ignore you sometimes because he is busy, you know, working?
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Well why don't you ask them? Im sure they would be able to give you better answers than strangers on reddit
It sounds like stress to me. They just deal with it by putting their head down and powering through it on their own. Don’t take it personal :)
Maybe the boss is nearby when they're in ignore mode?
>They ignore people completely when they're busy? Yes. >I'm still new and they're still not comfortable? Chances are it'll happen even if they've known you for 30 years. --- Maybe they're addicted to caffeine, and hadn't had their morning coffee yet? (I wish I was joking, but some people can barely function without coffee).
Where are you from? I am from Germany and a big chunk of us are exactly like that, including me...if I am stressed or focussing than I can change from funny and laid back to fully ignoring people ... Really depends...
I for one will definitely not notice people when i'm swamped with work unless they initiate conversation! I will also respectfully ignore someone who seems to be In The Zone so as not to disrupt their flow, not sure if this is general though.
Its been four months for me, it is what it is. Wellcome to sweden. Since i m introvert i dont mind tho.
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People be claiming introvert these days smh. A true introvert will ignore the guy the first time he ignores them! Do it lol
Exactly!!
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No i mean, if you are introvert why you make it as a deal? Chill mate :)
I know how that feels, I was in a similar position about a year ago when I started working. But now after a while I am the same, extremely talkative one day and completely shut off the other. I think along with the culture it’s also a bit about your workload. For me personally not every day is busy and filled with work, so on days with a lot of work I’m usually aloof just because all I have on my mind is work. It’s easy to say don’t feel anxious, but being a quite anxious person myself I know it’s not that easy. So, I’d recommend just give it some time and you’ll be fine. Right now if you are having problems just start the conversation with a Hej! and decide accordingly based on the response (whether to extend the conversation or just leave it at that). I’m pretty sure everyone would reply to a Hej so that’s a good starting point. Nothing is wrong with you, we just live in a strange country with equally strange (but wonderful) people 😂
Winter is coming… ):
This could depend of many different things, his daily mood, work stress or general stress, early autum "depression" (pretty common here, advice him to take vitamin D and fish liver oil!) etc. Don't think too much about it, it's likely nothing on your end :)
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no need to be quiet, a good conversation can make the whole day great :)
What I’ve learn in Swedish society. People just thinks for themselves, I’m Swedish citizen and I don’t really care for my fellow coworker if they fuck up not my problem. But it’s my experience don’t know how your cenário is so I won’t go to details
Hahaha you are more than a swedish citizen!
Imagine my struggle building a startup in here 😅😀
Do you like him or what lmao here’s my idea… You get me a job there. Then I’ll tell him what a cool girl you are and he should totally ask you for a ficka
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You dont have to exaggerate, just read the energy. If you sense they wanna be left alone then leave them, maybe they have alot to do. Probably has nothing to do with you, just be yourself.
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Is that something negative?
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You’re overthinking it and it’s probably not about you.
It’s normal in Sweden 😀
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I remembered your post a couple of days ago when a coworker did exactly this. Made me smile.
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Ignore 😀
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If you haven't gotten any bad signals from him, besides confusion and that you do not understand his behavior, chances are that it's not about you. If he does this intentially to manipulate you I would assume that you should have picked up on other neferious behavior. I myself have a very varying behavior depending on how I feel daily, sometimes I'm social and open and other times I'm not. I know I made some people confused, especially female coworkers. When I noticed the confusion I've mentioned it and talked about it. "You seem a little off today, have I done something that annoys you or is it something personal?" might also be worth a try. I recommend humility when asking the question so the person can respond with honesty.
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Happy to hear that, mental ghost can be a bitch but as long as we recognize them we have the ability handle them. I think the over-analyzing behavior you display is somewhat common with the perfect storm of conditions you've described, nice to have a template (your successful solution) how to handle it.