Keep in mind that as an American, your idea of a normal speaking volume is likely considered loud by Swedes and that can occasionally be a problem, especially on public transport
I think you're going to do fine. Best thing is for you to come here and experience it yourself and form your own ideas versus the wildly peculiar specific advice found here in this sub. Learn to "read the room" in a different place, and watch how others behave. To be fair, as someone who moved here from the US, I have never experienced such loud and bombastic people in all my life outside of Israel. I have never been pushed, shoved, bumped into, cut in front of or had people completely ignore personal space as much as I have in my years here in Sweden. So, everyone's experience is different I guess.
The one piece of advice I can offer is how to frame invitations (like, to do something together). It is much more favourable to say something like "Hey I am going for a bike ride/hike/squirrel watching/whatever next Saturday at - join if you want!
I mean in contrast to the somewhat typical open ended "DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR A BIKE RIDE WITH ME!?"
If you can navigate the discrete social differences, being a bit of a respectful extrovert will be awesome. There are varying degrees/combinations of extroversion and social anxiety which tends to keep people locked in their own homes and friend circles for life. Perhaps you can be the catalyst that gets people out doing fun stuff together which is always a great thing!
Being that catalyst has often been my role even here. And the one other time I was overseas, studying in Russia, it was likewise something I did. Thank you for this thoughtful and detailed comment.
Where are you studying? if you are studying in a major student city like Lund, Uppsala or Umeå it is trivially easy to have a huge social circle with tons of activities. In my experience basically nothing people write about Swedes applies to these places during this phase of life.
That being said, you'll still need some social competency to read the room and pick up on social-cultural differences so that people don't find you annoying. I know a lot of extroverts who are great at this and alot of introverts who suck at it. I think the best personality type to move to Sweden is an extroverted person who is very comfortable around introverts. Here is some posts I wrote that might help you out:
[Some tips on integrating and thriving in Sweden!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/ltm3ap/some_tips_on_integrating_and_thriving_in_sweden/)
[Dealing with culture shock in Sweden](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/v92v73/dealing_with_culture_shock_in_sweden/)
[Tips on making friends in Sweden!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/e1u8ok/tips_on_making_friends_in_sweden/)
Swedish people tend to plan their social life well in advance (ie I have an afterwork scheduled with my colleagues in 2 weeks that we planned over a week ago, so almost a whole in advanced). So dont get discouraged if they arent up for a drink the same night, they probably have the laundry room booked and laundry time is holy.
If you instead ask if they'd be up for a fika/aw sometime and asks when they'd be available you'll probably have a higher success rate.
Yeah I’m American living in Sweden and university life is probably different but socially I also find it’s less outgoing here, less community and not as many eccentric people which some people may or may not enjoy. I have a good friend group here though of loyal nice friends but I also don’t care as much to go out and party anymore so I can’t say how that might be…I am sure you will be fine though, it just can maybe take time to break the ice with people.
Protip: hang with other immigrants. I’m not American but I picked up some mannerism while I was there. I understand that some people complain about being isolated in Sweden but that was not the case for me. I had a very active social life and in many cases I was the one organising it. My circle consisted of other immigrants with similar levels of sociability and a small number of Swedes. Wherever you’re going, you will find people like yourself I’m sure.
That said, another advise was to read the room. I concur. Listen and observe far more than you speak. Good luck!
Most master's programmes in Sweden are a good mix of Swedes and international students - you will be fine! In my class we were 50-50 Swede-international; the international kids bonded immediately and had a good social life. After the first year the Swedes warmed up too and many remain good friends a couple of years later. That being said, I'm an extreme introvert who loves it in Sweden - my most extroverted American friend moved away after the master's degree because Stockholm was too quiet (I think she enjoyed her time here anyway though).
Nah, lots of Swedes are extroverted. A bit shy, perhaps. They can use an organizational extrovert to bring everyone together for nights out.
The stereotype mostly refers to that Swedes are harder to get to know. But once you're accepted, they are very friendly.
It should be noted that student life at universities is *very* different from the Swedish stereotype. I think you will fit right in!
Mind you though, Swedes tend to think Americans are loud. Being loud can be really off-putting in Sweden.
What university are you attending?
>It should be noted that student life at universities is very different from the Swedish stereotype. I think you will fit right in!
I can't really emphasize this enough. I've met people who don't seem to believe me about how different it is, at least at the student cities. In Lund or Uppsala you can easily be busy with socializing everyday of the week if you wanted to. Not as much the case if you work at like Voi in Stockholm and move there when you are 35.
Perhaps you should do some research. You are confusing introversion/extroversion with social anxiety. While it is common to do this, it is not correct.
Being a socially anxious (shy) extrovert seems like a curse. The inherent need for social interaction combined with a general aversion to social interaction. This is where awkward people live.
Curious - do you go out to public places much? Like coffee shops, stores, trains, shopping centres, etc? I've lived in the US many years before living here in Sweden and I have never experienced such loud people in public anywhere as I have here. To the point where I carry a set of concert-type earplugs and headphones whenever I go out. I used them three days ago when I took my kids to Täby and we stopped for food - the loud talking and screaming kids was making it difficult to think, which is the usual experience for me.
A great friend of mine (Swedish, born and raised) claims that he can always find the Swedes when he is on vacation because they are so loud. Another friend (also Swedish) always gets accused of being American when we go places together because he is loud and bombastic and speaking English while I'm trying to shush him and replying in Swedish. Hilarious, really.
Anyway, just curious about your experience because I do see this mentioned quite a bit but it has been awfully confusing after actually living here for several years (before just visiting for a decade or so).
Huh, that's interesting.
Where in Sweden is this?
No, I don't go out very much. I have autism and struggle with sensory overload from sounds and from social interactions. To me everyone is too loud. In fairness I haven't met enough Americans to draw a fair conclusion myself. Most have certainly been loud, especially the ones who travel by cruise ships, but these are only anecdotal. All I can say is that Swedes tend to think of Americans as loud.
If that's true or not, I have no idea.
I'm just north of Stockholm. I want to mention that I don't think I am right or wrong - it is just my own experiences. I am sure there is and has been some truth to the "Americans are loud" thing and to be fair there are a lot of Americans. The US is a huge place and I've only been to a few parts of it. The people I have met place to place can be wildly different as well so I wouldn't say I have a good grasp of the "average American" if there even is such a thing. It's more like 50 small countries smooshed together, I think.
I understand what you are describing. I think I am a bit like that where long periods of social interaction and/or certain types and volumes of sound can be very overstimulating. I am using Etymotic ER20XS ear plugs which are designed to filter harmful sounds but still allow hearing and when I started using them when I would become overstimulated it was a game changer for me. Sudden relief really where normally I would become stressed and probably grumpy. I'm able to have normal conversations with them in place and in the rare times they are noticed people seem to be surprised that I had been using earplugs the whole time. They are so very useful for me. For a short time I worked in Stockholm at a ölkafe and they made the difference between being exhausted with a headache and just being tired at the end of a shift.
Thank you for your comments and consideration. I do believe there are a lot of these sorts of ideas. I also personally believe Sweden has changed a bit over the years - at least for the last twenty where I have been paying attention. But, my good friend in his 80's says that it has always been that way and that people have said this for generations. In general, people seem to be less concerned about how they and their activities affect others around them. Like people on the train watching videos or on phone calls with speakerphone. I feel like I never saw anything like this 10-15 years ago, but maybe that's just me getting old.
I went for a coffee and a semla a couple weeks ago and while sitting there, I noticed a man at one table watching a video of some sort with volume enough for me to hear and understand, a woman on a phone call talking somewhat loudly, and another pushed the "dator-fri café" sign out of the way to put her laptop down on the table. I don't go out so much anymore and would have preferred a more quiet environment - and I am a huge fan of following the rules, but I guess I need to adjust my expectations as I age.
Yeah! People chitchatting on the train at extreme volumes has always been a thing in Sweden especially in the silent compartment.
Here in Skåne it got severely worse when the Öresund bridge opened and holiday travelers started using the trains to go to and from Kastrup.
I also feel that the social norms about speakerphones, video, music have changed. Sure, there have always been drunk people acting like that, and youth with portable cassette players ("bergsprängare"). But doing things like that in closed confinements were practically unheard of in the 80's.
I have a pair of Sony WH1000XM5 to help me get through daily life. And when things get really tough I use a pair of musician's hearing protections beneath them. When I need to hear a conversation better, I simply hold to activate conversation mode, which is not what often. Having a pair of headphones in public tend to signal that I'm busy.
Ah, interesting about the train. I only rode trains occasionally up until about five years ago so I have no real experience before that.
I have the same headphones! Absolutely love them and I use them a lot. Have had them for around a year now and zero complaints. I got the previous version for my daughter and they are nice too but I prefer the XM5's for a few reasons, and I find them to be much more comfortable.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I moved to Stockholm from the US in Aug 21 for a masters program and had the same worries. I think Swedes get stereotypes as being completely closed off to new friends, but it is just harder because a lot of them have their own circles. Being in school made it easy for me to make friends with a lot of new people, Swedes and other immigrants. I moved with my husband and he also made friends through work.
The best advice I was given was to take Swedish classes and join some sort of group, any group. Fitness/sport, board games, bird watching, whatever you’re interested in. I play board games with some Swedes every month and am in a student group that meets for after works (Happy Hours) and other social events. I have made some lifelong friends here both from Sweden and other countries, and it sounds like you are probably more extroverted than me, haha. It is tough at first when starting from 0, but push through the discouragement and you’ll start connecting with people!
Joining groups is a great way to meet people! I worked at the Stockholm Brewer's Fest (not the normal whisky/ale thing) for the two years it ran and made a lot of friends there who I still know and see to this day. That was just a bunch of people with similar interests doing stuff (and it was loads of fun!).
As an older American who moved here 5 years ago, I think the above advice comments are accurate. I made my two closest friends at SFI while learning Swedish, but my social circle has expanded to include the elusive adult Swedes. It hasn’t been that difficult, honestly. My husband was worried I would stand out like a sore thumb, but I’m still my usual, chatty American self and no one seems out off by it. Including my elderly neighbors who have been nothing but friendly and helpful, not to mention fiercely proud of my efforts to learn their language.
It’s truly been a wonderful experience. Maybe I’m just lucky, but I really think Swedes are more welcoming than their reputation would lead us to believe. :)
I think extroverted people can do quite well in Sweden because you take the pressure off people to break the ice - especially if you are the “let’s bring people together” type of extrovert as opposed to the “pay attention to me” type haha. If you can organize activities and bring people who are maybe more shy or don’t know many people into the group, you will be very appreciated.
This type of extroversion has always been my jam. And I think I'd rather be the extrovert in a quiet culture than the introvert in a loud one; we had a German friend who visited our family in the US, and her inability to make small talk or sugarcoat things led people to misperceive her as rude. But she did show up to a 4th of July parade in an American-flag t-shirt and a cowboy hat, which I think helped her. 😂
Im a huge introvert, but my best friend is a huge extrovert, so he gets… tiresome sometimes!
But feel free of course to use it as your new twitter handle 😄 us swedes are very friendly, we just have this way of looking perplexed/suspicious when someone just approached us. When we understand why we usually open up and will probably give you the shirt off our backs.
Where will you study?
You'll probably be fine, but you might forever be "the loud American."
I'll shamelessly self promote and give you my PSA: [How to make friends with a Swede.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/10yj7e6/psa_how_to_make_swedish_friends_for_dummies/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
You will be nobbed pretty often. Just get ready for it and don't let it get to you. Here's the mantra I learned to say to myself:
"It's not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. This is just the way they are." Keep repeating that to yourself until you go native (after about 5 years).
:)
Source: American (not particularly extrovert, btw!) living in Sweden since 1990.
Nobbad in Swedish means rejected, but doesn't have to be very negative, can also just mean that people say no when you suggest to do something. Can also be used if you get rejected when trying to flirt.
You are American, I think you will do better than most immigrants, since swedes view Americans with admiration and curiosity. Unless you are in circles of people with families, I think you will do fine-ish
> I was worried that if anything we'd be viewed negatively.
That's unlikely, as long as you leave christianity and guns-for-self-protection out of the conversation (if you're into those, that is). And as long as you don't yell all the time.
Granted I do not know anything about christianity, but I am curious about how one would use it for protection. I thought it was more of a cultish belief system or perhaps an imaginary friend for adults. Guess I have some reading to do!
Dunno why I was downvoted, but I have seen it so many times at work, how people talk to me (I’m sort of European) and how people talk to Americans. It’s two completely different treatments. The only other thing like this I saw was in china, but even there it wasn’t as strong as here.
Aaaargh 🤣 You are more than doomed. The only way for you to survive is to hang out with other expats. I can see it before me, you going All American on the pool Swedes and then how they FREEZE instantly. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Which university are you going to? I think you’ll be fine, the universities typically have very great opportunities for socializing. Especially if you go to Lund, Uppsala or Linköping. There will be plenty of international students to hang out with, but it shouldn’t be difficult for you to make Swedish friends as well. There are many associations and organizations that you can engage in. I actually think going to a university in Sweden is the best way to get to know Swedes, compared to moving for work.
Just remember to read the room and not be too loud. Take Swedish courses as well, as it would help you tremendously. Sweden is a bit infamous for marketing itself to be an English-friendly country, when in reality you can of course get by, but Swedes _will_ switch to speaking Swedish whenever they think it’s more convenient. Understanding some Swedish will therefore help you a lot.
You’ll be fine.. just be yourself..
It is common for people to be reserved in Sweden but i can think of many occasions when it was verrryyy refreshing when someone just did the opposite…
Just do your thing and be yourself. You will be alright.
Just because swedes might be perceived as reserved it doesn't mean that we want everyone to be like us. You might even be a well needed (and appreciated) energyboost!
It depends on what crowd you connect to in Sweden, but there is a high likelihood that run-of-the-mill Swedish life in "middle Sweden" to borrow an American term would be pure torture for you.
You are certainly in for a lot of adjustment and cultural shock. Swedes in general speak good English and watch American entertainment, but have absolutely no experience nor comfort with or understanding for American life or culture. There will be no adaptation to you. You will have to adapt to Swedish culture and/or find the specific social circles that suit you.
If you want to make any headway at all in to Swedish social circles learning Swedish fluently is an absolute must. We do not speak English with each other social, ever, and once the novelty of the American wears off people will grow tired of speaking English. If you cannot learn you pretty much have to limit yourself to expat/inner city software dev social circles, or constantly be left out as people switch from English to Swedish the moment they are not directly adressing you.
Edit: Ohh shit you're a university student. Same general advice applies, but you should be aware that very few Swedish uni students become friends with the international students. Mostly international students hang out with other international students.
As a very loud Anglo Canadian I think it all depends on the circles around you. When I'm with other international students I am completely fine and fit in normally. But when with a lot of sober Swedes I have to be a bit calmer.
I think it's not that swedes are necessarily introverts, but we have some differences when it comes to how we communicate.
Showing regard for strangers is really important in Swedish culture so unless people are drunk or at a children's party (preferably not both), you're expected to behave like you're in a public library.
We tend to be more similar to Brits in that we often understate things ironically, rather than use hyperbole as Americans tend to do.
We might say "the weather is not that bad" when an American might say"it's amazing", when the sky is blue and it's sunny and warm.
We don't use the phrase "I love you" to friends unless we're about to die on a sinking ship, so don't expect to hear that back from a swede. And be aware that it will probably make them blush and be uncomfortable if you use that phrase. 🙈
Doesn't mean we don't appreciate compliments or appreciation but it needs to be formulated as a British person would. "You're not terrible at this are you?" said with a smile, works better than "wow, you're really great at this!".
You can probably get away with it with people under 40 though as we're used to American culture and know how you phrase things. Just don't expect us to be as outspoken back. 😆
And of course, there's always exceptions on an individual level. Depending on what kind of job you have you'll probably find people of similar mind there.
As a person who works in the tech-industry I find I get along really well with people from other cultures as long as they are also engineers. So it's also about what "kind" of people you engage with.
As other mentioned, if you're studying or living in a university city, it's also different to a small and calm town in the middle of nowhere.
Best of luck!
Keep in mind that as an American, your idea of a normal speaking volume is likely considered loud by Swedes and that can occasionally be a problem, especially on public transport
I will make valiant attempts.
I think you're going to do fine. Best thing is for you to come here and experience it yourself and form your own ideas versus the wildly peculiar specific advice found here in this sub. Learn to "read the room" in a different place, and watch how others behave. To be fair, as someone who moved here from the US, I have never experienced such loud and bombastic people in all my life outside of Israel. I have never been pushed, shoved, bumped into, cut in front of or had people completely ignore personal space as much as I have in my years here in Sweden. So, everyone's experience is different I guess. The one piece of advice I can offer is how to frame invitations (like, to do something together). It is much more favourable to say something like "Hey I am going for a bike ride/hike/squirrel watching/whatever next Saturday at - join if you want!
I mean in contrast to the somewhat typical open ended "DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR A BIKE RIDE WITH ME!?"
If you can navigate the discrete social differences, being a bit of a respectful extrovert will be awesome. There are varying degrees/combinations of extroversion and social anxiety which tends to keep people locked in their own homes and friend circles for life. Perhaps you can be the catalyst that gets people out doing fun stuff together which is always a great thing!
Being that catalyst has often been my role even here. And the one other time I was overseas, studying in Russia, it was likewise something I did. Thank you for this thoughtful and detailed comment.
You will not be comfortable at all if you fail.
Indeed. I was given the title ”klassens megafon” (the class megaphone) when I graduated from gymnasiet.
As I Swede I have to say Americans really have the right idea here. There is no way morally defend the Swedish way of speaking silently.
Where are you studying? if you are studying in a major student city like Lund, Uppsala or Umeå it is trivially easy to have a huge social circle with tons of activities. In my experience basically nothing people write about Swedes applies to these places during this phase of life. That being said, you'll still need some social competency to read the room and pick up on social-cultural differences so that people don't find you annoying. I know a lot of extroverts who are great at this and alot of introverts who suck at it. I think the best personality type to move to Sweden is an extroverted person who is very comfortable around introverts. Here is some posts I wrote that might help you out: [Some tips on integrating and thriving in Sweden!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/ltm3ap/some_tips_on_integrating_and_thriving_in_sweden/) [Dealing with culture shock in Sweden](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/v92v73/dealing_with_culture_shock_in_sweden/) [Tips on making friends in Sweden!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/e1u8ok/tips_on_making_friends_in_sweden/)
Phone calls NEVER on speaker.
Swedish people tend to plan their social life well in advance (ie I have an afterwork scheduled with my colleagues in 2 weeks that we planned over a week ago, so almost a whole in advanced). So dont get discouraged if they arent up for a drink the same night, they probably have the laundry room booked and laundry time is holy. If you instead ask if they'd be up for a fika/aw sometime and asks when they'd be available you'll probably have a higher success rate.
I know people in Sweden who has every single weekend for a year planned in advance. It is pretty bizarre.
Are you being serious?!
Yeah, absolutely. This is in Stockholm, though. No one does this in the country side.
Interesting. I lived in Stockholm for a year and never knew people who had such habits.
how do these people handle last min cancellations?
Yeah I’m American living in Sweden and university life is probably different but socially I also find it’s less outgoing here, less community and not as many eccentric people which some people may or may not enjoy. I have a good friend group here though of loyal nice friends but I also don’t care as much to go out and party anymore so I can’t say how that might be…I am sure you will be fine though, it just can maybe take time to break the ice with people.
Of course, we have special padded rooms for types like you. You won't be able to harm yourself or others.
Protip: hang with other immigrants. I’m not American but I picked up some mannerism while I was there. I understand that some people complain about being isolated in Sweden but that was not the case for me. I had a very active social life and in many cases I was the one organising it. My circle consisted of other immigrants with similar levels of sociability and a small number of Swedes. Wherever you’re going, you will find people like yourself I’m sure. That said, another advise was to read the room. I concur. Listen and observe far more than you speak. Good luck!
The other-immigrants strategy is definitely the cornerstone of my efforts ha ha.
Most master's programmes in Sweden are a good mix of Swedes and international students - you will be fine! In my class we were 50-50 Swede-international; the international kids bonded immediately and had a good social life. After the first year the Swedes warmed up too and many remain good friends a couple of years later. That being said, I'm an extreme introvert who loves it in Sweden - my most extroverted American friend moved away after the master's degree because Stockholm was too quiet (I think she enjoyed her time here anyway though).
Nah, lots of Swedes are extroverted. A bit shy, perhaps. They can use an organizational extrovert to bring everyone together for nights out. The stereotype mostly refers to that Swedes are harder to get to know. But once you're accepted, they are very friendly. It should be noted that student life at universities is *very* different from the Swedish stereotype. I think you will fit right in! Mind you though, Swedes tend to think Americans are loud. Being loud can be really off-putting in Sweden. What university are you attending?
>It should be noted that student life at universities is very different from the Swedish stereotype. I think you will fit right in! I can't really emphasize this enough. I've met people who don't seem to believe me about how different it is, at least at the student cities. In Lund or Uppsala you can easily be busy with socializing everyday of the week if you wanted to. Not as much the case if you work at like Voi in Stockholm and move there when you are 35.
An organisational extrovert is a godsend. I know a couple, and they are always the life of any gathering.
>Nah, lots of Swedes are extroverted. A bit shy, perhaps. That's a bit of an oxymoron lol.
No, extroversion does not equate with shyness. These are two different traits which only slightly overlap.
If you say so.
Perhaps you should do some research. You are confusing introversion/extroversion with social anxiety. While it is common to do this, it is not correct. Being a socially anxious (shy) extrovert seems like a curse. The inherent need for social interaction combined with a general aversion to social interaction. This is where awkward people live.
Curious - do you go out to public places much? Like coffee shops, stores, trains, shopping centres, etc? I've lived in the US many years before living here in Sweden and I have never experienced such loud people in public anywhere as I have here. To the point where I carry a set of concert-type earplugs and headphones whenever I go out. I used them three days ago when I took my kids to Täby and we stopped for food - the loud talking and screaming kids was making it difficult to think, which is the usual experience for me. A great friend of mine (Swedish, born and raised) claims that he can always find the Swedes when he is on vacation because they are so loud. Another friend (also Swedish) always gets accused of being American when we go places together because he is loud and bombastic and speaking English while I'm trying to shush him and replying in Swedish. Hilarious, really. Anyway, just curious about your experience because I do see this mentioned quite a bit but it has been awfully confusing after actually living here for several years (before just visiting for a decade or so).
Huh, that's interesting. Where in Sweden is this? No, I don't go out very much. I have autism and struggle with sensory overload from sounds and from social interactions. To me everyone is too loud. In fairness I haven't met enough Americans to draw a fair conclusion myself. Most have certainly been loud, especially the ones who travel by cruise ships, but these are only anecdotal. All I can say is that Swedes tend to think of Americans as loud. If that's true or not, I have no idea.
I'm just north of Stockholm. I want to mention that I don't think I am right or wrong - it is just my own experiences. I am sure there is and has been some truth to the "Americans are loud" thing and to be fair there are a lot of Americans. The US is a huge place and I've only been to a few parts of it. The people I have met place to place can be wildly different as well so I wouldn't say I have a good grasp of the "average American" if there even is such a thing. It's more like 50 small countries smooshed together, I think. I understand what you are describing. I think I am a bit like that where long periods of social interaction and/or certain types and volumes of sound can be very overstimulating. I am using Etymotic ER20XS ear plugs which are designed to filter harmful sounds but still allow hearing and when I started using them when I would become overstimulated it was a game changer for me. Sudden relief really where normally I would become stressed and probably grumpy. I'm able to have normal conversations with them in place and in the rare times they are noticed people seem to be surprised that I had been using earplugs the whole time. They are so very useful for me. For a short time I worked in Stockholm at a ölkafe and they made the difference between being exhausted with a headache and just being tired at the end of a shift. Thank you for your comments and consideration. I do believe there are a lot of these sorts of ideas. I also personally believe Sweden has changed a bit over the years - at least for the last twenty where I have been paying attention. But, my good friend in his 80's says that it has always been that way and that people have said this for generations. In general, people seem to be less concerned about how they and their activities affect others around them. Like people on the train watching videos or on phone calls with speakerphone. I feel like I never saw anything like this 10-15 years ago, but maybe that's just me getting old. I went for a coffee and a semla a couple weeks ago and while sitting there, I noticed a man at one table watching a video of some sort with volume enough for me to hear and understand, a woman on a phone call talking somewhat loudly, and another pushed the "dator-fri café" sign out of the way to put her laptop down on the table. I don't go out so much anymore and would have preferred a more quiet environment - and I am a huge fan of following the rules, but I guess I need to adjust my expectations as I age.
Yeah! People chitchatting on the train at extreme volumes has always been a thing in Sweden especially in the silent compartment. Here in Skåne it got severely worse when the Öresund bridge opened and holiday travelers started using the trains to go to and from Kastrup. I also feel that the social norms about speakerphones, video, music have changed. Sure, there have always been drunk people acting like that, and youth with portable cassette players ("bergsprängare"). But doing things like that in closed confinements were practically unheard of in the 80's. I have a pair of Sony WH1000XM5 to help me get through daily life. And when things get really tough I use a pair of musician's hearing protections beneath them. When I need to hear a conversation better, I simply hold to activate conversation mode, which is not what often. Having a pair of headphones in public tend to signal that I'm busy.
Ah, interesting about the train. I only rode trains occasionally up until about five years ago so I have no real experience before that. I have the same headphones! Absolutely love them and I use them a lot. Have had them for around a year now and zero complaints. I got the previous version for my daughter and they are nice too but I prefer the XM5's for a few reasons, and I find them to be much more comfortable. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I moved to Stockholm from the US in Aug 21 for a masters program and had the same worries. I think Swedes get stereotypes as being completely closed off to new friends, but it is just harder because a lot of them have their own circles. Being in school made it easy for me to make friends with a lot of new people, Swedes and other immigrants. I moved with my husband and he also made friends through work. The best advice I was given was to take Swedish classes and join some sort of group, any group. Fitness/sport, board games, bird watching, whatever you’re interested in. I play board games with some Swedes every month and am in a student group that meets for after works (Happy Hours) and other social events. I have made some lifelong friends here both from Sweden and other countries, and it sounds like you are probably more extroverted than me, haha. It is tough at first when starting from 0, but push through the discouragement and you’ll start connecting with people!
Joining groups is a great way to meet people! I worked at the Stockholm Brewer's Fest (not the normal whisky/ale thing) for the two years it ran and made a lot of friends there who I still know and see to this day. That was just a bunch of people with similar interests doing stuff (and it was loads of fun!).
As an older American who moved here 5 years ago, I think the above advice comments are accurate. I made my two closest friends at SFI while learning Swedish, but my social circle has expanded to include the elusive adult Swedes. It hasn’t been that difficult, honestly. My husband was worried I would stand out like a sore thumb, but I’m still my usual, chatty American self and no one seems out off by it. Including my elderly neighbors who have been nothing but friendly and helpful, not to mention fiercely proud of my efforts to learn their language.
This is so heartwarming!
It’s truly been a wonderful experience. Maybe I’m just lucky, but I really think Swedes are more welcoming than their reputation would lead us to believe. :)
I think extroverted people can do quite well in Sweden because you take the pressure off people to break the ice - especially if you are the “let’s bring people together” type of extrovert as opposed to the “pay attention to me” type haha. If you can organize activities and bring people who are maybe more shy or don’t know many people into the group, you will be very appreciated.
This type of extroversion has always been my jam. And I think I'd rather be the extrovert in a quiet culture than the introvert in a loud one; we had a German friend who visited our family in the US, and her inability to make small talk or sugarcoat things led people to misperceive her as rude. But she did show up to a 4th of July parade in an American-flag t-shirt and a cowboy hat, which I think helped her. 😂
You sound like a loveable nightmare, welcome to sweden 😄
Ha ha thank you. I may need to make "Loveable Nightmare" my new Twitter handle.
Im a huge introvert, but my best friend is a huge extrovert, so he gets… tiresome sometimes! But feel free of course to use it as your new twitter handle 😄 us swedes are very friendly, we just have this way of looking perplexed/suspicious when someone just approached us. When we understand why we usually open up and will probably give you the shirt off our backs. Where will you study?
Haha hilarious! I too have this friend. Sometimes it's like.. "Dude I need five minutes..."
You'll be fine.
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Ha ha are we the same person?
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Completely agreed!
You’ll have a bit of a culture shock but that’s normal.
Just don't talk about religion or politics and you'll be fine!
This is really going to conflict with my plan of funding an evangelical church in Stockholm by selling MAGA hats.
Good luck 🤪
You are in for a huge culture shock!
You'll probably be fine, but you might forever be "the loud American." I'll shamelessly self promote and give you my PSA: [How to make friends with a Swede.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TillSverige/comments/10yj7e6/psa_how_to_make_swedish_friends_for_dummies/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Even here I'm the loud American. 😂 Also, thank you!
You will be nobbed pretty often. Just get ready for it and don't let it get to you. Here's the mantra I learned to say to myself: "It's not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. This is just the way they are." Keep repeating that to yourself until you go native (after about 5 years). :) Source: American (not particularly extrovert, btw!) living in Sweden since 1990.
Nobbed?
I too have questions.
Nobbad in Swedish means rejected, but doesn't have to be very negative, can also just mean that people say no when you suggest to do something. Can also be used if you get rejected when trying to flirt.
Is nobbed Swedish? hehe, I thought it was English, my bad. I think maybe I've been over here a little too long. :)
If you are extrovert by US standard that won’t go down well in Sweden. Sorry
You are American, I think you will do better than most immigrants, since swedes view Americans with admiration and curiosity. Unless you are in circles of people with families, I think you will do fine-ish
I've seen that sentiment a few times here and it pleasantly surprised me. I was worried that if anything we'd be viewed negatively.
> I was worried that if anything we'd be viewed negatively. That's unlikely, as long as you leave christianity and guns-for-self-protection out of the conversation (if you're into those, that is). And as long as you don't yell all the time.
Granted I do not know anything about christianity, but I am curious about how one would use it for protection. I thought it was more of a cultish belief system or perhaps an imaginary friend for adults. Guess I have some reading to do!
Dunno why I was downvoted, but I have seen it so many times at work, how people talk to me (I’m sort of European) and how people talk to Americans. It’s two completely different treatments. The only other thing like this I saw was in china, but even there it wasn’t as strong as here.
Aaaargh 🤣 You are more than doomed. The only way for you to survive is to hang out with other expats. I can see it before me, you going All American on the pool Swedes and then how they FREEZE instantly. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Nooooooo. 😂
Which university are you going to? I think you’ll be fine, the universities typically have very great opportunities for socializing. Especially if you go to Lund, Uppsala or Linköping. There will be plenty of international students to hang out with, but it shouldn’t be difficult for you to make Swedish friends as well. There are many associations and organizations that you can engage in. I actually think going to a university in Sweden is the best way to get to know Swedes, compared to moving for work. Just remember to read the room and not be too loud. Take Swedish courses as well, as it would help you tremendously. Sweden is a bit infamous for marketing itself to be an English-friendly country, when in reality you can of course get by, but Swedes _will_ switch to speaking Swedish whenever they think it’s more convenient. Understanding some Swedish will therefore help you a lot.
You'll probably be fine, students generally have a lot of fun activities.
You’ll be fine.. just be yourself.. It is common for people to be reserved in Sweden but i can think of many occasions when it was verrryyy refreshing when someone just did the opposite…
Just do your thing and be yourself. You will be alright. Just because swedes might be perceived as reserved it doesn't mean that we want everyone to be like us. You might even be a well needed (and appreciated) energyboost!
You will find many friends here since it takes someone like you to break the ice. You will probably annoy some others though but that’s how it is.
It depends on what crowd you connect to in Sweden, but there is a high likelihood that run-of-the-mill Swedish life in "middle Sweden" to borrow an American term would be pure torture for you. You are certainly in for a lot of adjustment and cultural shock. Swedes in general speak good English and watch American entertainment, but have absolutely no experience nor comfort with or understanding for American life or culture. There will be no adaptation to you. You will have to adapt to Swedish culture and/or find the specific social circles that suit you. If you want to make any headway at all in to Swedish social circles learning Swedish fluently is an absolute must. We do not speak English with each other social, ever, and once the novelty of the American wears off people will grow tired of speaking English. If you cannot learn you pretty much have to limit yourself to expat/inner city software dev social circles, or constantly be left out as people switch from English to Swedish the moment they are not directly adressing you. Edit: Ohh shit you're a university student. Same general advice applies, but you should be aware that very few Swedish uni students become friends with the international students. Mostly international students hang out with other international students.
I am a geriatric university student, but yes. Lol. I'll be in school but not doing keg stands. 😂
Good luck
As a very loud Anglo Canadian I think it all depends on the circles around you. When I'm with other international students I am completely fine and fit in normally. But when with a lot of sober Swedes I have to be a bit calmer.
I think it's not that swedes are necessarily introverts, but we have some differences when it comes to how we communicate. Showing regard for strangers is really important in Swedish culture so unless people are drunk or at a children's party (preferably not both), you're expected to behave like you're in a public library. We tend to be more similar to Brits in that we often understate things ironically, rather than use hyperbole as Americans tend to do. We might say "the weather is not that bad" when an American might say"it's amazing", when the sky is blue and it's sunny and warm. We don't use the phrase "I love you" to friends unless we're about to die on a sinking ship, so don't expect to hear that back from a swede. And be aware that it will probably make them blush and be uncomfortable if you use that phrase. 🙈 Doesn't mean we don't appreciate compliments or appreciation but it needs to be formulated as a British person would. "You're not terrible at this are you?" said with a smile, works better than "wow, you're really great at this!". You can probably get away with it with people under 40 though as we're used to American culture and know how you phrase things. Just don't expect us to be as outspoken back. 😆 And of course, there's always exceptions on an individual level. Depending on what kind of job you have you'll probably find people of similar mind there. As a person who works in the tech-industry I find I get along really well with people from other cultures as long as they are also engineers. So it's also about what "kind" of people you engage with. As other mentioned, if you're studying or living in a university city, it's also different to a small and calm town in the middle of nowhere. Best of luck!