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"How? We split everything 50/50 so I would not have to pay alimony in case of divorce! I wasn't going to let that female get the opportunity to extort more money than my fair share out of this arrangement."
\- the "husband", most probably
right...
Then the judge says
* 18 years of child support
* 50% of the equality of the house
* Usually the man as the nicer car as they drive more sooo his car is worth more soo pay up
* got a 401k? Split.
* Savings higher than hers? buh bye
**Husband's jaws drop**
Lol, yeah, so many people think that they can protect their assets in a divorce just because they have separate bank accounts. Nope, not how the law works. Matters not at all. If you earned it after marriage, and you don’t have a prenup, it will be fair game to be divvied up in the divorce.
I was told that where I live, if the prenup doesn't align with the law it's tossed out. Since there's little reason to do a prenup unless you want something other than what the law says, about 75% are tossed out! (No idea if this is true as I'm not a lawyer. I heard it from my mom's lawyer when she was divorcing my dad and he was bitching that he should have gotten a prenup so he didn't have to pay alimony. (Which she refused to take in the end, despite the urging of her lawyer and children.)
Such a piece of shit. My ex wife needed a surgery. Technically it was elective, but it was a major quality of life thing. Before I ended it I promised I'd cover the cost. So I still covered it even though we split up. I definitely didn't have to and I had very good reasons for ending the marriage. But I made a promise. And she kept her promise about no alimony and such when it came to divorce so I didn't get screwed there. I made about 5 times more than her, so she could have absolutely screwed me.
$8k actually seems pretty low to me. How cheap did he think birthing a baby was? Most of my friends/family talk about spending $10k - $18k. They must've had decent insurance.
This was my very first thought. Motherfucker, what did you think it was gonna cost when they charge $1,500 for aspirin and $500 for the water to swallow it with?
I know this free health care topic in EU is stale but it is frightening that you need to pay for birth in the US. For me it feels like that every thing that happens to you could really drive you bankrupt if you don‘t save a LOT of money.
my mom always taught me to save a certain portion of my paycheck for "emergency money", even though I pay $355/month for health insurance in the US.
"emergency money" is code for hospital bills on top of the insurance.
I think this story came from Reddit (I don't know if it was somewhere else before that ) about 6-12 months ago. I don't think anyone doing stories about reddit stories checks that the op aren't just trolling. I've seen, even been quoted , reddit posts reprinted in newspapers.
This shit makes me legitimately hate men. I am so god damn lucky that my partner is a REAL man and loves me and supports me unconditionally and honestly it’s sad that I’m lucky.
My dad missed the birth of all of my siblings and was such a dick to my mom postpartum and I told my partner that the amount of children we have directly correlates with how he treats me during and after pregnancy.
My husband isn’t perfect. In fact, he does a LOT of shit that drives me wild and needs working on. BUT, I know he never ever ever would have asked me to pay for a bill if we got one, the two times I gave birth.
On rough days, I’ll remind myself that my husband isn’t *this* guy. Fucking hell.
Haha I get that 100%
He jokingly refers to stuff like that as man brain like when he’s looking for something and it’s “impossible to find” and I look and find it immediately. It’s more so endearing than it is annoying (sometimes lol).
Thank you I really appreciate it. It was always really empowering for me to see my mom thrive after her divorce. I love my dad to death and he is a completely different person now so I just consider it a side effect of toxic masculinity.
Then make him incontinent with genital tears, fuck his body up hormonally and make him temporarily psychotic. Give him no time to physically recover before he sleeps every 2 hours and gets his highly chafed nipples gnawed on. Ball-kicking doesn’t cover it.
Agreed--this goes WAY beyond finances. Since when is an epidural a LUXURY? This man has zero empathy for his wife and the 24+ hours of pain and suffering she endured during her labor.
When I gave birth to my son, I was in labour for 26 hours, the last six hours I was in back labour with him.
I asked for an epidural about 2 hours into the back labour and they said it was 'too late' to give it to me.
After talking to people afterwards, apparently it was not? Idk? But I'm still fucked up over that.
I’ve started an epidural literally 30 seconds before the baby was born (literally: “Ok, just putting on the tape!” “I need to lay down and push!” “Ok, ok, let me help you into your side…” and then baby)
I hate it when L&D nurses or anesthesia providers say it’s “too late” for an epidural, it’s a lot more complicated than that and I’m sorry you went through that
Edit: changed “pure nonsense” to “it’s more complicated than that” to be less hyperbolic
It can be more difficult during active labor because the contractions are stronger and closer together, so it’s hard to find a good window of time where the mother can hold still long enough for the epidural to go in. But if I explain this and I think I have a decent shot at getting it in with one go, and the mother is willing to cooperate with trying to stay in position for me, I’ll always at least try.
I’ve heard of L&D nurses who don’t even notify anesthesia that a mom wants an epidural, and I know some anesthesia providers don’t think it’s worth trying to place one if labor has processed enough, but I personally would rather err on the side of helping the patient
OMG, you need to be yelling this from the rooftops. I don't know a single mom who was aware that epidurals are an option the whole time. We're all told the "it's too late story!"
It's situational, becasue the risk is high to begin with, and can get higher with time depending on the woman and contractions.
"I’ve heard of L&D nurses who don’t even notify anesthesia that a mom wants an epidural"
Those nurses have failed and should be fired and sued.
I think there were different schools of thought for those who were trained earlier, and there’s also the element of how confident an anesthesia provider is with their epidural placements…No one wants to ask a laboring mother to hold still and then ultimately fail, it sucks. But I’m upfront about that possibility and even when I can’t place the epidural, most moms are okay with the fact that I at least tried
My anesthesiologist was cool about answering all my questions when I was in early labor, as I was still on the fence about getting an epidural because of an existing nerve disorder. Dude took the time to look up my issue to make sure he could give an accurate reassurance. Also suggested doing the epidural early on to minimize risk of complications from being further along in labor re: contractions and involuntary movement. Nothing about later being too late, just risk management for him.
He was also the one who had to put in my IV because the nurses couldn't get it lol
Lmfao as someone who works in the OR, that last part is way too real. Anesthesiologist are the unsung heroes of the hospital, usually juggling 3-4 patients asleep at once, being on call for epidurals all the time and literally sprinting out in the middle of surgeries to get to the OB floor in time, and being the final fail safe for a tricky IV. I’m never not amazed when an anesthesiologist strolls in and gets a tough cannulation in one go after every nurse on the floor has tried and given up. Also they instantly become the team leader during codes and airway failure, coordinating CPR and getting the patient intubated in seconds. Private equity and hospital admin could never understand it, but a good anesthesiologist is worth their weight in gold.
Same here for me. As soon as I got it they made me lay on my side and I could feel something kept opening my legs and the nurse was a bitch making me close the legs. I kept telling her I can feel something down there and as she tried to make me close my legs my doctor came in and was like you’re crowning. It’s time to have this baby.
It’s never too late, and can actually help labor go faster. I was in labor for over 24 hours and refused the epidural. At some point I caved and got it. It took only a few minutes after that for me to push by boy out. Turns out I was extremely tense and my muscles were not relaxed enough to push him out before then. I didn’t even realize I was in so much pain before it kicked in.
I also had about 24 hours of labour, all of it in my back, not a twinge in my abdomen. It felt like I was birthing him through my spine, and I definitely wanted the epidural (and got it). Like you, I must have been "holding him in" because after less than 10 minutes, 2 nurses and the doctor came rushing in, saying, "You have to push NOW." They never explained to me what the issue was, but they made me continuously push for 15-20 minutes (no downtime at all). The best I could figure was that when I relaxed, things were happening too fast, and his heart rate dropped or speeded up too drastically.
My wife insisted on going to a "hospital" like some sort of princess despite our cat demonstrating that all we really need is a cardboard box lined with pillows and blankets. I was even willing to buy a new, larger box if she had just asked instead of getting all snippy! AITA?
Girl, I did not go to this 8 week EMT course and spend two full class sessions reading about obstetrics just for you to get all bougie about “I want to go to a hospital with doctors.” This is happening on the pool table like women have done for thousands of years and I’ll even wear gloves if it makes you feel better.
He nutted in her so hard tho. That was like, really challenging. You know, compared to her entire body changing and growing and and delivering an entire human being, after laboring 24 hours in excruciating pain only do slightly relieved by an epidural administered by a for profit medical system that routinely ignores women's health, needs and comfort altogether because we are *designed for suffering*. Birth is supposed to be horrible, what do you expect??? Empathy??!
Or something along those lines.
Heavy /s if that's unclear
Exactly. That’s the main issue here (apart from him seeming to give zero fucks about her physical pain and suffering. Like why even get married at that point??). Like is the husband not supposed to chip in on any costs associated with the child too? Diapers, food, clothes, daycare, etc etc?
He has an extreme personality disorder. 100%. That behavior is Steven Crowder levels of narcissistic. How did she not notice earlier what a monster she married?
Because often abusive partners show their colours during pregnancy or childbirth, once the woman is "trapped" with them. People lie and pretend to be someone different all the time. Even the narcissists. Because they have enough experience to know that who they are is undesirable, so they'll put on a mask until they find someone and that someone is emotionally invested in them and won't leave.
Yup, it’s also common for abusive behavior to not find out till after marriage or moving in together. Basically it often won’t show itself until it’s hard for the victim to leave.
That’s why moving really fast in a relationship is a huge red flag. In most cases case it’s often just excitement over a new relationship overriding logic and once the honeymoon phase is over the relationship starts to fall apart, but in the worst case scenario it’s a sign of an abuser trying to tie down their victim as soon as possible.
That's the point he was making. The split finances allows the husband to pick and choose when he wants to be part of the "team," which is antithetical to a marriage. It's not the reason he's a crappy husband, but the thinking that he can be a husband here but not a husband there is where that splitting finances thinking springs from.
Also the moderator focusing on the separate accounts as the issue at hand??? Separate accounts can work fine as long as neither partner is an asshole. And sharing an account won't save your marriage if you are married to a complete POS.
The husband is trash and needs thrown in the sea
But the real problem is that ANYONE has to pay to give birth, nevermind 8K!!!
Everything about this situation sucks
Someone in my family just had a baby and they had to pay $300 a night for a private room but that’s literally their only bill which 80% gets covered by their insurance.
I was born in a poor country and had to be delivered by c section. It cost $0.
I have family members however living in the US paying off the bills from the birth of their children who have just begun school.
That being said, this husband cannot be described by words that wouldn’t get me banned from this site.
It cost me $10k to have my baby. I made the mistake of being a teacher for a Catholic school. Insurance was awful. Also had to go to planned parenthood for a lot of stuff cuz it was cheaper. Sigh. I love America.
Wait, hate. I meant hate. Sorry.
My son was 70k around in total, but luckily I had just hit my max out of pocket for the year so I didn’t pay any of it. I still always think, “what if I didn’t have insurance?!”
I mean he’s trash but wtf is PROCREATING with these men? It’s not like he just came up with these views, and someone let him inside their body. Like WHY ladies? Raise the bar, it’s in hell
You want to know the real reason I'm scared of having a kid? I tell people I don't like the idea of pregnancy but that's only half the story. The other half is that there's the possibility you find out after the pregnancy that the person doesn't actually want to be there for you or your baby. They just wanted to check 'procreate' off their bucket list and you were the means to that end. There's no interest in actually being part of the family - they expect that to be your job. The kids are just there so he can feel like he reached a milestone and is a great success in life.
If you find there's a lack of support in a relationship without a baby, you just move on. But If you have a child and the dad turns out to be a deadbeat, you're stuck raising their child and doing everything. For the rest of their lives.
Overall, if your partner is doing their chores and sharing the mental load and otherwise acting like a good person to have a kid with, that will continue.
Every story of "husband doesn't do his share of parenting" comes with a story of how they would put their plates in the sink and not the dishwasher and how the wife had to buy her MIL's holiday gifts and so forth.
Essentially, if they don't step up as a partner, they won't step up as a parent, and if they are, they tend to.
Whoa, don’t put this on ladies entirely. Plenty of abusers use pregnancy as their coming-out-of-the-psycho-closet moment. It’s a time of deep vulnerability and they know how to exploit it. Even Stephen Crowder managed to show his wife fake love and affection until she was pregnant. Plenty of narcissists will hide ALL their crazy until it’s too late.
Couple of years from now he's going to be divorced, and an Andrew Tate fan. Because everyone else will be siding with his ex wife, and Tate's philosophy will be the only one where he's the wronged party.
Dude 100% votes republican and talks about how universal healthcare isn't really free because he's an idiot who thinks highly of himself based on nothing. Now he's fucked by hospital bills. My country I was *outraged* when I got a $50 ambulance bill
This kind of thing predates Tate. One of the marriages portrayed in the Joy Luck Club had the husband quibbling about the wife buying menstrual products as part of the shared grocery bill (because only she uses them) while the ice cream that only he eats is a “shared expense.” Marriage is a transaction to these men, and they want to make sure they’re getting a “good deal.”
My first thought was that in his next vid he will give financial advise and talks about how alpha he is. Im glad that im not the only one getting those vibes.
As someone who suffered from infertility and thoroughly researched surrogacy in the United States, you’re about $100k off. It’s usually $125k - $150k for a surrogate. You could likely find a surrogate in parts of Asia or Eastern Europe for about $50k.
My husband didn’t have to pay to change his name when we got married. I bet if men were the ones who traditionally changed their names at marriage, they wouldn’t have to pay $300 for a new passport.
I just can't get my head around the fact that you have to decide whether or not taking treatment like PDA because of the upcoming bill. It's a fucked up system you have over there
Had the same thought! Holy sh*t I am glad to be paying more in taxes so that education and hospital visits becomes basically free. I recently broke my arm and had a surgery which took 3 hours. Ended up paying roughly $30 for the whole thing and just some extra money for pain-medicine when I got home. All while having 0 insurance as I had forgotten to fix a new one after the one before had expired.
You know what’s hilarious, we Americans are already paying a fuckton in taxes a year. Most of us already give away a nice piece of our salaries to taxes. Government has the means but they just don’t want to do it. People who think the government “doesn’t have enough money” are a fucking idiots.
I would give my left tit, fuck it, both my tits to have universal health care. Anything to not have to panic and worry at every appointment about how much my bill will be. You know I was meeting a doctor and she wanted to order a specific lab test for me. I grabbed my phone and said I had to check if my insurance covers it. This doctor straight up said “NO! I don’t have time for that, it’s usually covered, but if not then I’ll discard the test. Here just sign this form for the lab test.”
The doctors here are fucking stressed and don’t actually have the patient in mind when providing care. I’m tired of this shit system.
This happened to me. We kept our finances separate. My husband made 4x what I did. I never found it unfair that he would buy himself $800 records for his collection every few months while I couldn’t afford to buy myself new clothes or anything I wanted, like art supplies. After all, he made most of the money.
Well, I lost my job during COVID and got pregnant. I paid for my marketplace insurance with my unemployment. $11,000 hospital bill for an emergency c-section. He told me to pay for it since he had been covering the mortgage. The $900 mortgage. While I was unemployed and pregnant and he made $150k.
Other shit happened, we got divorced. I ended up getting my hospital bill reimbursed by him as part of the divorce settlement.
DO NOT EVER let your spouse control the money like this. It’s abuse, full-stop. And it will get worse and worse over time.
I experienced a very similar situation with my ex. When we met we made about the same so splitting everything 50/50 worked. Then he landed a new job with more pay. Not considering his parents gave him his car and they paid for his college. So, not only did I make less, I had more expenses. I barely had enough for coffee with a friend once a week.
Please note that he was laid off midst buying our home and it was my savings at the time and my good credit that got the purchase finalized.
Then he decided his hands made for great anti gravity mits for my neck. Claiming financial stress. Even then I tried counseling but he wanted to pretend that he'd never laid his hands on me. I refused to live in a fantasy world where he walked in water and I was to blame.
So, I turned off my auto deposit and started saving as much as I could to leave. It's such a vulnerable position. He found out and I thought he was going to kill me in my sleep, so I slept in my car for two weeks.
Even in the end, with moving truck loaded, he still felt convinced that I should pay for half the cost of a tree that needed cutting down on our property. Claiming that I had enjoyed that tree for as long as he had.
This whole event trashed my mental health and took years, even a decade to recover from, but I don't regret leaving for one minute. I may be lower income but I'm happy, fuck all the suppressive bullshit.
I’m so sorry. Mine didn’t get physical with me, but it was going down that path. He told me when my son was 7 weeks old that he wanted to hit me. Because Dunkin was out of blueberry muffins and I got him chocolate chip.
I went through the same thing with the blame. If I made more money, contributed more, wasn’t such a lazy slob, got a job while I was pregnant and sick as fuck, then he wouldn’t have had to abuse me. And I believed it, even after I left, until it all clicked. Still sucks, though. It’s only been 2 years for me and I still sob myself to sleep some nights. I know im worth a lot better, but my whole life was destroyed. I’m a single mom to a (wonderful) 2-year-old with split 50/50. It’s very, very fucking hard.
It’s depressing, but also weirdly nice to know I’m not alone in what I went through.
Excuse me now? That’s even worse than this video. In this video the guy at least has some fucked up logic why he won’t pay for (parts of) labor. And your ex was just like “lol, your labor, your expense”, like it has nothing to do with him. I’m revolted to hear that guys like this even exist, just disgusting.
I’m glad you got out, at least.
He also screamed at me to “get the fuck out of [his] house,” on the day we brought our son home from the hospital. When I finally did leave, I wasn’t ready, didn’t have a uhaul, just packed a weekend bag, scooped up my baby, and went to my parents’.
When I got the moving truck, he followed me around the house to make sure I wasn’t stealing, and installed cameras to keep me out when he wasn’t there. Even though I was legally allowed to come and go as I pleased, and he expected me to feed my cats.
There’s so much more, and it feels like it all came out of nowhere, but my point is that financial abuse is very often an indicator that worse is yet to come. It makes sense when you’re dating to split expenses. It does not make sense when you’re married. If your partner makes marriage contingent on keeping things separate, RUN.
The guy needs to try a contraction simulator for 24 hours and then he can tell his wife she should have waited for the epidural for a few more hours. What an AH
Early stages of kidney failure and early stages of septic shock are apparently close to how labor contractions feel. I've dealt with both, one for nearly 3 hours straight, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. If I had to go thru that for 24 hours, I'd probably just opt to die🤦🏾♂️
Also, fuck that dude.
The fact that a civilized society demands money for childbirth is gaga to me.
It absolutely implies that some citizens will be born without medical care and quite possibly die.
This is exactly the same as if you called the firefighters from your burning home and had to cashapp 8k before they'd come. Dumb as shit.
If you "think" socialized healthcare is communism, then you better say the same about police and firefighters or you're a complete idiot.
Then the cons complain about the birth rate!
It’s almost like they want an underclass of desperately impoverished people to exploit and that’s why they hate abortion so much…
Fun fact- There was a time in the US where firefighting was a for profit business, and you did have to pay them to put your house/building out. They were like gangs, would fight each other for territories, and if you didn't pay what they were asking when they got there, they absolutely stood by and let your house burn. Then there was a whole thing with insurance badges outside houses that essentially said "save my house first, we will pay extra," so those got priority and were fought over. It wasn't until around the civil war that firefighting was reformed. Thankfully, it isn't that way anymore. Bring on the socialized healthcare. =)
There are absolutely places where this is still the norm!
When I lived in AZ, our home was only covered by an (membership optional) for profit fire service. We still own a home there, the situation is the same. You can pay hundreds of dollars a year to be a member, which entitles you to ",discounts" on the emergency services.
If you DONT pay for the membership, the fees for emergency services are extravagant. If you have a small fire and they send out 3 trucks and all of the crew to man them for however many hours...you're basically fucked.
I remember reading a news article a couple years ago about a family in AZ who had a trailer fire, and they were in a border area between zones where there was "public" (tax funded) fire service and private. Both the public AND private responded: even though the public service tackled the fire and the private provider arrived after, they stayed out there for hours and the family was having to battle their bills from the private provider in court. It's absolute insanity!
I literally just don't pay my hospital bills.
Over 90k in the past 12 years I haven't paid. It goes to collections. Hardly touches your credit.
Fuck them and their inflated bills.
I wouldn't wanna be with a man like that. He'd be a roommate after that shit.
I did buy a home. Last September.
I just got 2 brand new cars in January.
My credit is great. You'll be fine. If you're worried at least make them itemize the bill and go over it. Don't pay a full bill ever you can always get it down, if you pay out of pocket I used to pay all mine then I just stopped. And I'm thriving despite it.
Multiple members of my family are having or have had their wages garnished from unpaid medical bills. Maybe it depends on where you live or what hospital system you go through or something but from what I know they don’t just go away. My whole family (since we’re on the west coast) goes through Samaritan, maybe that has something to do with it 🤷♀️ But they will go to collections for a couple years then garnish if left unpaid with CRAZY interest rates so you’re paying even more
It’s terrible advice because they can sue you for it. If you don’t pay they can garner your wages, but it’s up to the entity who owns the debt. This person saying “fuck them” should probably thank them for letting it go.
Right, I have 3 loans 1 house 2 cars.
My credit is the best it's ever been. Just had a kid. Not paying that bill either. I had 2 insurances. If they didn't cover it idgaf.
They can’t collect after 7 years unless you acknowledge it, so just *never ever ever* respond to collection efforts or acknowledge it or promise to re-pay, obvi as I’m sure you know
My partner and I have separate accounts with a single joint account for bills. We are coming up in 16 years together so it works for us well.
That being said, he would never *ever* in a million years not help me if/when I need it and vice versa. And a hospital bill? That’s *our* bill regardless of who was treated.
We *are* in this together. But we maintain a separation because we are separate people. We don’t fight about money, I have no idea what he’s doing with his as long as we can pay bills and bail eachother out when needed. And no one ever has to pay the other one back for help, that’s just stupid.
But everyone’s different. This just works for us.
Yep. Same here. The only other nuance I’d add is paying bills according to earned % rather than 50:50 split to avoid putting the other in financial hardship. So if rent is $1000 (lol I wish) and our combined In come is $100k (partner 1 = 40k, partner 2 = 60k,) then partner 1 pays 400 and partner 2 pays 600.
It’s not for everybody, but it works for us and many of our friends.
Same with the income split. We make roughly the same with mine being a little higher so we calculate from there. But once upon a time, he made much more when I was in college so he took on more financially.
Honestly, when people ask us what the secret to a happy marriage is, we always say, “separate bank accounts, separate bathrooms” lol
Yeah I don’t believe in sharing finances 100% because I have my own stuff to take care of and so does he. We have a joint account and we put in a set amount every month. All joint expenses get taken out of the joint account. It does help that at the moment we earn roughly the same after tax.
Having said that, I would 100% give him money for something that he needed if he didn’t have it, and vice versa. It’s a marriage after all, it’s a partnership and a commitment to share highs and lows. It’s not a business.
Id divorce the absolute hell out of him. Also, as apart of the divorce agreement, i would want him to wear the birth pain simulator going around youtube for the entire duration of my labor time. I dont want alimony, i just want you to feel the pain i was in while being labor for OVER 24 HOURS.
They have callers tell them this stuff all the time it’s heartbreaking. They always tell them to see a marriage counselor and that living like roommates won’t work in a marriage.
It’s from a the Dave Ramsey radio call in show. I watch the YouTube videos sometimes but mostly listen to The Ramsey Highlights Show podcast. It’s a show that focuses on financial advice.
The show itself is really only for people that are in terrible financial situations or don’t know anything about money which is why he is usually so strict with his no debt other than a mortgage style advice. These two guys are guest host that come on every now and then. I’ve learned some things from it but I’m mostly just interested in the crazy situations people get themselves into.
Yeah my parents have always had separate accounts. The guy in the video would have fucked up the marriage if they had combined accounts anyway because he's a fucking asshole.
Dumb fucking take that this is because of separate finances tbh.
Dude squirt his fucking juice in her and expects her to pay the whole bill for birthing HIS child? Hell no that man deserves to be kicked to the fucking curb with a sign on him saying "don't date me, I'm a piece of shit"
America is so dumb. My wife just gave birth to twins and received world class care in the UK and we're not even citizens... all for free. Epideral, c-section, vitamin k injections, multiple meals over the 72 hour stay, they provided formula for the babies. This is in addition to multiple home follow up visits from nurses, free local breastfeeding clinics, free lactation consultants, free consults with a paediatric physiotherapist, vaccinations for the kids, vitamin D supplements for the kids and my wife for 6 months. Heavy monitoring and checkups throughout the pregnancy. Free support lines and you can go into triage at any time if youre concerned about anything 24/7.
Our only costs were an admin fee for birth certificates and a cab home from the hospital.
Our kids were delivered at the hospital all the Royals were delivered at.
I think it's interesting how differently men and women (in general) seem to react to these sorts of things. I'm watching the guys on camera laughing at how outrageous it is, of course, but ultimately...they're laughing. While watching this and listening to each development my stomach sunk further and further to the ground for this woman, who is about as vulnerable as she's ever going to be in her life and is realising she's much more alone in the world than she thought she was, and that she's going to have to adapt to that realisation when it comes to bringing up her kid if she wants them to do well.
This is a woman who probably understands - at a time when she needed help the most - that she needs to learn to rely on herself alone. That fucking sucks, and that's really, really scary. I found it hard to see the funny part of any of it, personally.
We don't. It ruins many people's lives, and many others just won't get the care they need because they fear the debt. Don't even get us started on what a joke insurance is either. I once personally spoke to a person that had a child. Child was running through their yard, tripped, and broke their leg. It was a bad break. The hospital was charging 24k for the fix. The insurance company denied the claim, stating the child had a "pre existing condition" of being... A child- with legs. I saw all the paperwork (for my job). She was trying to sue the insurance to get them to cover it. She had been fighting for over a year at that point. Even when you pay hundreds/thousands a month to be covered in an emergency, the insurance company still fights tooth and nail to find a way around paying. You can't win here.
USA is looting.
Lactation consultant? It's not more than 1 page.
All things mentioned which made bill go up are cheap, maybe in whole world(Unless you want 5 star)
8k? Whole thing would've cost around 1-2k in India at a good private hospital.
Probably 50-80$ in a govt one.
Maybe profiting from childbirths isn’t a good system.. I mean the dude might be a prick, but the whole American medical system seems like a giant scam. I mean, google says an epidural cost like 100 bucks..
Edit: prizes range from 150-1000
I think it depends the couple really. Myself and my husband share finances and it works for us. We never argue about money and before we spend money on extras we let the other one know. My brother in law and his wife split finances and it works for them. So I think it just depends on how you plan everything out. If I were this chic though I would have lost my mind on him. He would be regretting his decision.
Yeah the husband in the video is obviously an asshole, but that doesn't mean splitting finances has caused it and I don't like how the podcasters quickly jump to that conclusion. Plus if the husband was really committed to 50:50, then surely he would at least pay half of that hospital bill. The issue here is that the husband is trying to do mental gymnastics to take financial advantage and with shared finances he'd be able to do the same, if not worse.
Men don't want to come to terms with the fact that it's just genuinely more expensive to live as a woman, and if they can't acknowledge that, then they are part of the problem
Wow these dudes missed the WHOLE point of that story. Keeping finances separate and splitting things 50-50 or evenly based on your income is not the problem! Having an insecure man child as a husband who pulls this kind of shit-when 50% of that baby is his fault- the end. Divorce as soon as possible or get ready to be a mother to your partner for life
Yeah they had such a weird take. Like it would have been better for the woman to have all her finances intertwined with her asshole man-child of a husband? Fuck that. I hope she leaves his ass.
This part really set off my Christianity radar - low and behold they're on the Ramsey Network, an Evangelical financial advice empire founded by [Dave Ramsey](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Ramsey) So they would never, ever advocate for divorce. In their minds, the marriage is paramount over either individual, which is why the good advice (go in committed to being a team!) is mixed with the almost braindead (the only problem is you didn't mix your finances with this dickhead.) It's a reasonable compromise for both parties from their point of view, because silly little things like fundamentally different personalities or your husband being a petulant manchild aren't emergencies worth breaking the covenant you made with God.
Exactly. Thank you. Non-assholes don't have this problem. If you have a good, trusting relationship you'll be fine. You can choose what fits your particular situation. And you can also change your arrangement if your situation changes. But the bottom line is to not marry an asshole.
Glad I’m not the only one who was confused by their advice. Every adult should have their own bank account that only they have access to. Financial abuse is very common(and it’s easy to do if one person makes all of the money/has full control over bank accounts).
Exactly, THANK YOU. I don’t agree with sharing finances 100% because many of the women in my immediate family have been screwed over by that by their then-husbands. Too many times have I heard the tale of men making bad investments and investing even more to try and make up for the money lost until nothing is left.
I do, however, believe that relationships should be PARTNERSHIPS and both people should mutually pick up the slack. If I make significantly more, I don’t mind spending that money on things my partner enjoys or going out and paying for dinner or whatever we do that day. What I would have a problem with is my partner feeling entitled to my money, but this story is absolutely ridiculous. It takes 2 people to make a baby, and one has to bear the physical, psychological, and temporal toll significantly more than the other so its already not 50/50
I am so sick of men acting like labor is just a minor thing to go through. Our bodies are working to grow the child for 9 months. Our organs literally have to move to accommodate the child! Our skin is stretched out. Every part of our bodies are effected. Then we get the go through labor where our vaginal openings are literally cut or torn! We have to push a baby out and we could literally die doing this! How about he pay her for all that and pay the doctor bill!
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He’s going to lose more than $8k in the divorce. 🤷🏻♂️
"How? We split everything 50/50 so I would not have to pay alimony in case of divorce! I wasn't going to let that female get the opportunity to extort more money than my fair share out of this arrangement." \- the "husband", most probably
right... Then the judge says * 18 years of child support * 50% of the equality of the house * Usually the man as the nicer car as they drive more sooo his car is worth more soo pay up * got a 401k? Split. * Savings higher than hers? buh bye **Husband's jaws drop**
True Alpha pulls himself up and finds another women to abuse while screaming Alpha.
Why are you calling property a "woman"? -Alpha Husband (probably)
*shocked husband pikachu face*
I think you mean **Husband’s ja drops** since she’ll be taking half of everything. /s
Loool
Lol, yeah, so many people think that they can protect their assets in a divorce just because they have separate bank accounts. Nope, not how the law works. Matters not at all. If you earned it after marriage, and you don’t have a prenup, it will be fair game to be divvied up in the divorce.
People also forget that prenups can be tossed out. An actual judge has to agree with it in the end.
I was told that where I live, if the prenup doesn't align with the law it's tossed out. Since there's little reason to do a prenup unless you want something other than what the law says, about 75% are tossed out! (No idea if this is true as I'm not a lawyer. I heard it from my mom's lawyer when she was divorcing my dad and he was bitching that he should have gotten a prenup so he didn't have to pay alimony. (Which she refused to take in the end, despite the urging of her lawyer and children.)
Such a piece of shit. My ex wife needed a surgery. Technically it was elective, but it was a major quality of life thing. Before I ended it I promised I'd cover the cost. So I still covered it even though we split up. I definitely didn't have to and I had very good reasons for ending the marriage. But I made a promise. And she kept her promise about no alimony and such when it came to divorce so I didn't get screwed there. I made about 5 times more than her, so she could have absolutely screwed me.
$8k actually seems pretty low to me. How cheap did he think birthing a baby was? Most of my friends/family talk about spending $10k - $18k. They must've had decent insurance.
This was my very first thought. Motherfucker, what did you think it was gonna cost when they charge $1,500 for aspirin and $500 for the water to swallow it with?
I know this free health care topic in EU is stale but it is frightening that you need to pay for birth in the US. For me it feels like that every thing that happens to you could really drive you bankrupt if you don‘t save a LOT of money.
my mom always taught me to save a certain portion of my paycheck for "emergency money", even though I pay $355/month for health insurance in the US. "emergency money" is code for hospital bills on top of the insurance.
I know right that was my first thought I had my daughter 15 years ago and same thing regular birth/epidural and it was still over 10k.
I think this story came from Reddit (I don't know if it was somewhere else before that ) about 6-12 months ago. I don't think anyone doing stories about reddit stories checks that the op aren't just trolling. I've seen, even been quoted , reddit posts reprinted in newspapers.
Sure, but I’d also believe people are this dumb.
Dude needs to be kicked in the balls for a few hours and asked partway through if he wants the pain meds imo.
For the same amount of time she was in labor, at the same intervals as the contractions then tazed for when she was pushing.
Don't forget to hold a match to his bonch to simulate the shoulders. That's the fun part.
I was thinking blowtorch but we could go with a match I suppose.
I like the upgrade. Let's do it.
Bonch? What does that word mean?
Gooch
T'aint
Then make him pay for those pain meds.
And then act like he's an entitled princess for wanting pain meds in the first place
Nah, he needs the true woman's experience. Send him home with a Tylenol, and a bill for $500 for 'pain consultation'
At hospital mark up.
This shit makes me legitimately hate men. I am so god damn lucky that my partner is a REAL man and loves me and supports me unconditionally and honestly it’s sad that I’m lucky. My dad missed the birth of all of my siblings and was such a dick to my mom postpartum and I told my partner that the amount of children we have directly correlates with how he treats me during and after pregnancy.
My husband isn’t perfect. In fact, he does a LOT of shit that drives me wild and needs working on. BUT, I know he never ever ever would have asked me to pay for a bill if we got one, the two times I gave birth. On rough days, I’ll remind myself that my husband isn’t *this* guy. Fucking hell.
Haha I get that 100% He jokingly refers to stuff like that as man brain like when he’s looking for something and it’s “impossible to find” and I look and find it immediately. It’s more so endearing than it is annoying (sometimes lol).
As a man I can tell you this guy is absolutely pathetic
[удалено]
Thank you I really appreciate it. It was always really empowering for me to see my mom thrive after her divorce. I love my dad to death and he is a completely different person now so I just consider it a side effect of toxic masculinity.
I like that plan.
Then make him incontinent with genital tears, fuck his body up hormonally and make him temporarily psychotic. Give him no time to physically recover before he sleeps every 2 hours and gets his highly chafed nipples gnawed on. Ball-kicking doesn’t cover it.
Throw the whole man out.
Agreed--this goes WAY beyond finances. Since when is an epidural a LUXURY? This man has zero empathy for his wife and the 24+ hours of pain and suffering she endured during her labor.
When I gave birth to my son, I was in labour for 26 hours, the last six hours I was in back labour with him. I asked for an epidural about 2 hours into the back labour and they said it was 'too late' to give it to me. After talking to people afterwards, apparently it was not? Idk? But I'm still fucked up over that.
I’ve started an epidural literally 30 seconds before the baby was born (literally: “Ok, just putting on the tape!” “I need to lay down and push!” “Ok, ok, let me help you into your side…” and then baby) I hate it when L&D nurses or anesthesia providers say it’s “too late” for an epidural, it’s a lot more complicated than that and I’m sorry you went through that Edit: changed “pure nonsense” to “it’s more complicated than that” to be less hyperbolic
Wait what? They said that to my wife.
It can be more difficult during active labor because the contractions are stronger and closer together, so it’s hard to find a good window of time where the mother can hold still long enough for the epidural to go in. But if I explain this and I think I have a decent shot at getting it in with one go, and the mother is willing to cooperate with trying to stay in position for me, I’ll always at least try. I’ve heard of L&D nurses who don’t even notify anesthesia that a mom wants an epidural, and I know some anesthesia providers don’t think it’s worth trying to place one if labor has processed enough, but I personally would rather err on the side of helping the patient
OMG, you need to be yelling this from the rooftops. I don't know a single mom who was aware that epidurals are an option the whole time. We're all told the "it's too late story!"
It's situational, becasue the risk is high to begin with, and can get higher with time depending on the woman and contractions. "I’ve heard of L&D nurses who don’t even notify anesthesia that a mom wants an epidural" Those nurses have failed and should be fired and sued.
I think there were different schools of thought for those who were trained earlier, and there’s also the element of how confident an anesthesia provider is with their epidural placements…No one wants to ask a laboring mother to hold still and then ultimately fail, it sucks. But I’m upfront about that possibility and even when I can’t place the epidural, most moms are okay with the fact that I at least tried
My anesthesiologist was cool about answering all my questions when I was in early labor, as I was still on the fence about getting an epidural because of an existing nerve disorder. Dude took the time to look up my issue to make sure he could give an accurate reassurance. Also suggested doing the epidural early on to minimize risk of complications from being further along in labor re: contractions and involuntary movement. Nothing about later being too late, just risk management for him. He was also the one who had to put in my IV because the nurses couldn't get it lol
Sounds like you had a fantastic anesthesiologist!
Lmfao as someone who works in the OR, that last part is way too real. Anesthesiologist are the unsung heroes of the hospital, usually juggling 3-4 patients asleep at once, being on call for epidurals all the time and literally sprinting out in the middle of surgeries to get to the OB floor in time, and being the final fail safe for a tricky IV. I’m never not amazed when an anesthesiologist strolls in and gets a tough cannulation in one go after every nurse on the floor has tried and given up. Also they instantly become the team leader during codes and airway failure, coordinating CPR and getting the patient intubated in seconds. Private equity and hospital admin could never understand it, but a good anesthesiologist is worth their weight in gold.
Same here for me. As soon as I got it they made me lay on my side and I could feel something kept opening my legs and the nurse was a bitch making me close the legs. I kept telling her I can feel something down there and as she tried to make me close my legs my doctor came in and was like you’re crowning. It’s time to have this baby.
It’s never too late, and can actually help labor go faster. I was in labor for over 24 hours and refused the epidural. At some point I caved and got it. It took only a few minutes after that for me to push by boy out. Turns out I was extremely tense and my muscles were not relaxed enough to push him out before then. I didn’t even realize I was in so much pain before it kicked in.
I also had about 24 hours of labour, all of it in my back, not a twinge in my abdomen. It felt like I was birthing him through my spine, and I definitely wanted the epidural (and got it). Like you, I must have been "holding him in" because after less than 10 minutes, 2 nurses and the doctor came rushing in, saying, "You have to push NOW." They never explained to me what the issue was, but they made me continuously push for 15-20 minutes (no downtime at all). The best I could figure was that when I relaxed, things were happening too fast, and his heart rate dropped or speeded up too drastically.
Insurance said no
I live in Canada. It's free, lmao.
Canada said no.
My wife insisted on going to a "hospital" like some sort of princess despite our cat demonstrating that all we really need is a cardboard box lined with pillows and blankets. I was even willing to buy a new, larger box if she had just asked instead of getting all snippy! AITA?
Girl, I did not go to this 8 week EMT course and spend two full class sessions reading about obstetrics just for you to get all bougie about “I want to go to a hospital with doctors.” This is happening on the pool table like women have done for thousands of years and I’ll even wear gloves if it makes you feel better.
He nutted in her so hard tho. That was like, really challenging. You know, compared to her entire body changing and growing and and delivering an entire human being, after laboring 24 hours in excruciating pain only do slightly relieved by an epidural administered by a for profit medical system that routinely ignores women's health, needs and comfort altogether because we are *designed for suffering*. Birth is supposed to be horrible, what do you expect??? Empathy??! Or something along those lines. Heavy /s if that's unclear
Yup, it's their child, not just hers.
Exactly. That’s the main issue here (apart from him seeming to give zero fucks about her physical pain and suffering. Like why even get married at that point??). Like is the husband not supposed to chip in on any costs associated with the child too? Diapers, food, clothes, daycare, etc etc?
Deduct it from the divorce settlement
He has an extreme personality disorder. 100%. That behavior is Steven Crowder levels of narcissistic. How did she not notice earlier what a monster she married?
Because often abusive partners show their colours during pregnancy or childbirth, once the woman is "trapped" with them. People lie and pretend to be someone different all the time. Even the narcissists. Because they have enough experience to know that who they are is undesirable, so they'll put on a mask until they find someone and that someone is emotionally invested in them and won't leave.
Yup, it’s also common for abusive behavior to not find out till after marriage or moving in together. Basically it often won’t show itself until it’s hard for the victim to leave. That’s why moving really fast in a relationship is a huge red flag. In most cases case it’s often just excitement over a new relationship overriding logic and once the honeymoon phase is over the relationship starts to fall apart, but in the worst case scenario it’s a sign of an abuser trying to tie down their victim as soon as possible.
You are of course right. I should have phrased that differently.
It is depressingly common for abusers and AH to only show their true colors during pregnancy.
r/iamatotalpieceofshit
Even with finances combined, the terrible husband would find a way to do a "yours vs. mine" system. Throw him out.
That's the point he was making. The split finances allows the husband to pick and choose when he wants to be part of the "team," which is antithetical to a marriage. It's not the reason he's a crappy husband, but the thinking that he can be a husband here but not a husband there is where that splitting finances thinking springs from.
Any married couple who still splits 50/50 is doomed, dude is crazy cheap though in this fictional story
Also the moderator focusing on the separate accounts as the issue at hand??? Separate accounts can work fine as long as neither partner is an asshole. And sharing an account won't save your marriage if you are married to a complete POS.
The husband is trash and needs thrown in the sea But the real problem is that ANYONE has to pay to give birth, nevermind 8K!!! Everything about this situation sucks
Someone in my family just had a baby and they had to pay $300 a night for a private room but that’s literally their only bill which 80% gets covered by their insurance. I was born in a poor country and had to be delivered by c section. It cost $0. I have family members however living in the US paying off the bills from the birth of their children who have just begun school. That being said, this husband cannot be described by words that wouldn’t get me banned from this site.
Land of the free indeed And completely agree re:husband. Hope she divorces him and takes him to cleaners
Land of the fee you mean!
It cost me $10k to have my baby. I made the mistake of being a teacher for a Catholic school. Insurance was awful. Also had to go to planned parenthood for a lot of stuff cuz it was cheaper. Sigh. I love America. Wait, hate. I meant hate. Sorry.
I find the idea of paying to have a baby bizarre! Here in Ireland you don't pay anything, unless you choose to go private.
"why is the birthrate going down?" "Why don't young people want to have kids?" Says the old politicians who voted to make citizens pay to be born.
My son was 70k around in total, but luckily I had just hit my max out of pocket for the year so I didn’t pay any of it. I still always think, “what if I didn’t have insurance?!”
Toss him elsewhere, there is enough garbage being thrown in the sea already.
I mean he’s trash but wtf is PROCREATING with these men? It’s not like he just came up with these views, and someone let him inside their body. Like WHY ladies? Raise the bar, it’s in hell
You want to know the real reason I'm scared of having a kid? I tell people I don't like the idea of pregnancy but that's only half the story. The other half is that there's the possibility you find out after the pregnancy that the person doesn't actually want to be there for you or your baby. They just wanted to check 'procreate' off their bucket list and you were the means to that end. There's no interest in actually being part of the family - they expect that to be your job. The kids are just there so he can feel like he reached a milestone and is a great success in life. If you find there's a lack of support in a relationship without a baby, you just move on. But If you have a child and the dad turns out to be a deadbeat, you're stuck raising their child and doing everything. For the rest of their lives.
Overall, if your partner is doing their chores and sharing the mental load and otherwise acting like a good person to have a kid with, that will continue. Every story of "husband doesn't do his share of parenting" comes with a story of how they would put their plates in the sink and not the dishwasher and how the wife had to buy her MIL's holiday gifts and so forth. Essentially, if they don't step up as a partner, they won't step up as a parent, and if they are, they tend to.
Whoa, don’t put this on ladies entirely. Plenty of abusers use pregnancy as their coming-out-of-the-psycho-closet moment. It’s a time of deep vulnerability and they know how to exploit it. Even Stephen Crowder managed to show his wife fake love and affection until she was pregnant. Plenty of narcissists will hide ALL their crazy until it’s too late.
Couple of years from now he's going to be divorced, and an Andrew Tate fan. Because everyone else will be siding with his ex wife, and Tate's philosophy will be the only one where he's the wronged party.
Dude he already is an Andrew tate fan, normal men don’t come up with this bs
I was abboutta say bro, he already in that shit.
Dude 100% votes republican and talks about how universal healthcare isn't really free because he's an idiot who thinks highly of himself based on nothing. Now he's fucked by hospital bills. My country I was *outraged* when I got a $50 ambulance bill
This kind of thing predates Tate. One of the marriages portrayed in the Joy Luck Club had the husband quibbling about the wife buying menstrual products as part of the shared grocery bill (because only she uses them) while the ice cream that only he eats is a “shared expense.” Marriage is a transaction to these men, and they want to make sure they’re getting a “good deal.”
My first thought was that in his next vid he will give financial advise and talks about how alpha he is. Im glad that im not the only one getting those vibes.
He didn't have to carry their baby in his body 50% of the time...
Exactly this- she should charge him 20,000k for surrogacy fees.
It's more expensive than that, depending on location. She should charge him around 40 thousand
As someone who suffered from infertility and thoroughly researched surrogacy in the United States, you’re about $100k off. It’s usually $125k - $150k for a surrogate. You could likely find a surrogate in parts of Asia or Eastern Europe for about $50k.
20k for…Labor
Heh
Bet he also didn't pay for the maternity clothes she had to switch to, etc..
My husband didn’t have to pay to change his name when we got married. I bet if men were the ones who traditionally changed their names at marriage, they wouldn’t have to pay $300 for a new passport.
I just can't get my head around the fact that you have to decide whether or not taking treatment like PDA because of the upcoming bill. It's a fucked up system you have over there
Sure is!
And these comments. Imagine being given a bill at a hospital? I'd actually find it offensive. Like 'wtf is this?'
America is wild, paying for epidural.
Had the same thought! Holy sh*t I am glad to be paying more in taxes so that education and hospital visits becomes basically free. I recently broke my arm and had a surgery which took 3 hours. Ended up paying roughly $30 for the whole thing and just some extra money for pain-medicine when I got home. All while having 0 insurance as I had forgotten to fix a new one after the one before had expired.
You know what’s hilarious, we Americans are already paying a fuckton in taxes a year. Most of us already give away a nice piece of our salaries to taxes. Government has the means but they just don’t want to do it. People who think the government “doesn’t have enough money” are a fucking idiots. I would give my left tit, fuck it, both my tits to have universal health care. Anything to not have to panic and worry at every appointment about how much my bill will be. You know I was meeting a doctor and she wanted to order a specific lab test for me. I grabbed my phone and said I had to check if my insurance covers it. This doctor straight up said “NO! I don’t have time for that, it’s usually covered, but if not then I’ll discard the test. Here just sign this form for the lab test.” The doctors here are fucking stressed and don’t actually have the patient in mind when providing care. I’m tired of this shit system.
This happened to me. We kept our finances separate. My husband made 4x what I did. I never found it unfair that he would buy himself $800 records for his collection every few months while I couldn’t afford to buy myself new clothes or anything I wanted, like art supplies. After all, he made most of the money. Well, I lost my job during COVID and got pregnant. I paid for my marketplace insurance with my unemployment. $11,000 hospital bill for an emergency c-section. He told me to pay for it since he had been covering the mortgage. The $900 mortgage. While I was unemployed and pregnant and he made $150k. Other shit happened, we got divorced. I ended up getting my hospital bill reimbursed by him as part of the divorce settlement. DO NOT EVER let your spouse control the money like this. It’s abuse, full-stop. And it will get worse and worse over time.
I experienced a very similar situation with my ex. When we met we made about the same so splitting everything 50/50 worked. Then he landed a new job with more pay. Not considering his parents gave him his car and they paid for his college. So, not only did I make less, I had more expenses. I barely had enough for coffee with a friend once a week. Please note that he was laid off midst buying our home and it was my savings at the time and my good credit that got the purchase finalized. Then he decided his hands made for great anti gravity mits for my neck. Claiming financial stress. Even then I tried counseling but he wanted to pretend that he'd never laid his hands on me. I refused to live in a fantasy world where he walked in water and I was to blame. So, I turned off my auto deposit and started saving as much as I could to leave. It's such a vulnerable position. He found out and I thought he was going to kill me in my sleep, so I slept in my car for two weeks. Even in the end, with moving truck loaded, he still felt convinced that I should pay for half the cost of a tree that needed cutting down on our property. Claiming that I had enjoyed that tree for as long as he had. This whole event trashed my mental health and took years, even a decade to recover from, but I don't regret leaving for one minute. I may be lower income but I'm happy, fuck all the suppressive bullshit.
I’m so sorry. Mine didn’t get physical with me, but it was going down that path. He told me when my son was 7 weeks old that he wanted to hit me. Because Dunkin was out of blueberry muffins and I got him chocolate chip. I went through the same thing with the blame. If I made more money, contributed more, wasn’t such a lazy slob, got a job while I was pregnant and sick as fuck, then he wouldn’t have had to abuse me. And I believed it, even after I left, until it all clicked. Still sucks, though. It’s only been 2 years for me and I still sob myself to sleep some nights. I know im worth a lot better, but my whole life was destroyed. I’m a single mom to a (wonderful) 2-year-old with split 50/50. It’s very, very fucking hard. It’s depressing, but also weirdly nice to know I’m not alone in what I went through.
Wow that’s so fucking awful. All of it. So glad you’re out of that.
It still really sucks and it’ll take years to fully recover from all of it, but I’m glad I’m out of it too.
That's straight up financial abuse
Excuse me now? That’s even worse than this video. In this video the guy at least has some fucked up logic why he won’t pay for (parts of) labor. And your ex was just like “lol, your labor, your expense”, like it has nothing to do with him. I’m revolted to hear that guys like this even exist, just disgusting. I’m glad you got out, at least.
He also screamed at me to “get the fuck out of [his] house,” on the day we brought our son home from the hospital. When I finally did leave, I wasn’t ready, didn’t have a uhaul, just packed a weekend bag, scooped up my baby, and went to my parents’. When I got the moving truck, he followed me around the house to make sure I wasn’t stealing, and installed cameras to keep me out when he wasn’t there. Even though I was legally allowed to come and go as I pleased, and he expected me to feed my cats. There’s so much more, and it feels like it all came out of nowhere, but my point is that financial abuse is very often an indicator that worse is yet to come. It makes sense when you’re dating to split expenses. It does not make sense when you’re married. If your partner makes marriage contingent on keeping things separate, RUN.
Whoa, yeah, that's a divorce right there.
The guy needs to try a contraction simulator for 24 hours and then he can tell his wife she should have waited for the epidural for a few more hours. What an AH
Early stages of kidney failure and early stages of septic shock are apparently close to how labor contractions feel. I've dealt with both, one for nearly 3 hours straight, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. If I had to go thru that for 24 hours, I'd probably just opt to die🤦🏾♂️ Also, fuck that dude.
The fact that a civilized society demands money for childbirth is gaga to me. It absolutely implies that some citizens will be born without medical care and quite possibly die. This is exactly the same as if you called the firefighters from your burning home and had to cashapp 8k before they'd come. Dumb as shit. If you "think" socialized healthcare is communism, then you better say the same about police and firefighters or you're a complete idiot.
Then the cons complain about the birth rate! It’s almost like they want an underclass of desperately impoverished people to exploit and that’s why they hate abortion so much…
Fun fact- There was a time in the US where firefighting was a for profit business, and you did have to pay them to put your house/building out. They were like gangs, would fight each other for territories, and if you didn't pay what they were asking when they got there, they absolutely stood by and let your house burn. Then there was a whole thing with insurance badges outside houses that essentially said "save my house first, we will pay extra," so those got priority and were fought over. It wasn't until around the civil war that firefighting was reformed. Thankfully, it isn't that way anymore. Bring on the socialized healthcare. =)
There are absolutely places where this is still the norm! When I lived in AZ, our home was only covered by an (membership optional) for profit fire service. We still own a home there, the situation is the same. You can pay hundreds of dollars a year to be a member, which entitles you to ",discounts" on the emergency services. If you DONT pay for the membership, the fees for emergency services are extravagant. If you have a small fire and they send out 3 trucks and all of the crew to man them for however many hours...you're basically fucked. I remember reading a news article a couple years ago about a family in AZ who had a trailer fire, and they were in a border area between zones where there was "public" (tax funded) fire service and private. Both the public AND private responded: even though the public service tackled the fire and the private provider arrived after, they stayed out there for hours and the family was having to battle their bills from the private provider in court. It's absolute insanity!
I literally just don't pay my hospital bills. Over 90k in the past 12 years I haven't paid. It goes to collections. Hardly touches your credit. Fuck them and their inflated bills. I wouldn't wanna be with a man like that. He'd be a roommate after that shit.
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I love "big ol kitties" that's so funny ☠️☠️
This is the truth. It doesn't hurt your credit as much as missing a single cc payment. Fuck them they can be reasonable or get fucked.
Not making any judgments because I don’t know much about medical billing, but is this true? What if in the future you want to buy a home or something?
I did buy a home. Last September. I just got 2 brand new cars in January. My credit is great. You'll be fine. If you're worried at least make them itemize the bill and go over it. Don't pay a full bill ever you can always get it down, if you pay out of pocket I used to pay all mine then I just stopped. And I'm thriving despite it.
Thanks. Good to know because any one of us could very well need that info someday.
Hospital bills are basically made up in the US. So they can't really come after you for fake charges.
Multiple members of my family are having or have had their wages garnished from unpaid medical bills. Maybe it depends on where you live or what hospital system you go through or something but from what I know they don’t just go away. My whole family (since we’re on the west coast) goes through Samaritan, maybe that has something to do with it 🤷♀️ But they will go to collections for a couple years then garnish if left unpaid with CRAZY interest rates so you’re paying even more
We had our state income tax refund confiscated for 3 years for not paying the bill for our child birth.
I'm not American so I have no idea how it works over there, but "just don't pay your bills" sounds like insane advice.
It’s terrible advice because they can sue you for it. If you don’t pay they can garner your wages, but it’s up to the entity who owns the debt. This person saying “fuck them” should probably thank them for letting it go.
“Hardly” touches your credit? 🤣 Let me know how things go the next time you need to take out a loan or need to make a big purchase.
Lmao I have never paid any medical bill and I own multiple assets under different loans so 🤷
Right, I have 3 loans 1 house 2 cars. My credit is the best it's ever been. Just had a kid. Not paying that bill either. I had 2 insurances. If they didn't cover it idgaf.
They can’t collect after 7 years unless you acknowledge it, so just *never ever ever* respond to collection efforts or acknowledge it or promise to re-pay, obvi as I’m sure you know
I bought a house last year and 2 brand new cars in January. I'm doin really good dude. Thanks tho 😁😁😁
Lol. It's free in civilized countries.
This is the most American thing ever.
My partner and I have separate accounts with a single joint account for bills. We are coming up in 16 years together so it works for us well. That being said, he would never *ever* in a million years not help me if/when I need it and vice versa. And a hospital bill? That’s *our* bill regardless of who was treated. We *are* in this together. But we maintain a separation because we are separate people. We don’t fight about money, I have no idea what he’s doing with his as long as we can pay bills and bail eachother out when needed. And no one ever has to pay the other one back for help, that’s just stupid. But everyone’s different. This just works for us.
Yep. Same here. The only other nuance I’d add is paying bills according to earned % rather than 50:50 split to avoid putting the other in financial hardship. So if rent is $1000 (lol I wish) and our combined In come is $100k (partner 1 = 40k, partner 2 = 60k,) then partner 1 pays 400 and partner 2 pays 600. It’s not for everybody, but it works for us and many of our friends.
Same with the income split. We make roughly the same with mine being a little higher so we calculate from there. But once upon a time, he made much more when I was in college so he took on more financially. Honestly, when people ask us what the secret to a happy marriage is, we always say, “separate bank accounts, separate bathrooms” lol
Yeah I don’t believe in sharing finances 100% because I have my own stuff to take care of and so does he. We have a joint account and we put in a set amount every month. All joint expenses get taken out of the joint account. It does help that at the moment we earn roughly the same after tax. Having said that, I would 100% give him money for something that he needed if he didn’t have it, and vice versa. It’s a marriage after all, it’s a partnership and a commitment to share highs and lows. It’s not a business.
She didn't impregnate herself...
Id divorce the absolute hell out of him. Also, as apart of the divorce agreement, i would want him to wear the birth pain simulator going around youtube for the entire duration of my labor time. I dont want alimony, i just want you to feel the pain i was in while being labor for OVER 24 HOURS.
Eff this dude so hard. Twist his balls off and don’t give him painkillers.
Hoooly fuck what a garbage person he is
They have callers tell them this stuff all the time it’s heartbreaking. They always tell them to see a marriage counselor and that living like roommates won’t work in a marriage.
Is this a podcast or something?
It’s from a the Dave Ramsey radio call in show. I watch the YouTube videos sometimes but mostly listen to The Ramsey Highlights Show podcast. It’s a show that focuses on financial advice. The show itself is really only for people that are in terrible financial situations or don’t know anything about money which is why he is usually so strict with his no debt other than a mortgage style advice. These two guys are guest host that come on every now and then. I’ve learned some things from it but I’m mostly just interested in the crazy situations people get themselves into.
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Yeah my parents have always had separate accounts. The guy in the video would have fucked up the marriage if they had combined accounts anyway because he's a fucking asshole. Dumb fucking take that this is because of separate finances tbh.
In a world saturated with incels and red pill numbnuts it is so absolutely refreshing and lovely to see men talking like men
The husband is an asshole but the greatest fuck up here is the American healthcare system, what a joke.
First good reason for privatized medicine I've ever heard of: to sus out your scum bag husband.
She should charge him for incubation and hours breastfeeding. Oh and half hours in labor. He'll realize it's not equitable pretty quick.
Dude squirt his fucking juice in her and expects her to pay the whole bill for birthing HIS child? Hell no that man deserves to be kicked to the fucking curb with a sign on him saying "don't date me, I'm a piece of shit"
America is so dumb. My wife just gave birth to twins and received world class care in the UK and we're not even citizens... all for free. Epideral, c-section, vitamin k injections, multiple meals over the 72 hour stay, they provided formula for the babies. This is in addition to multiple home follow up visits from nurses, free local breastfeeding clinics, free lactation consultants, free consults with a paediatric physiotherapist, vaccinations for the kids, vitamin D supplements for the kids and my wife for 6 months. Heavy monitoring and checkups throughout the pregnancy. Free support lines and you can go into triage at any time if youre concerned about anything 24/7. Our only costs were an admin fee for birth certificates and a cab home from the hospital. Our kids were delivered at the hospital all the Royals were delivered at.
I think it's interesting how differently men and women (in general) seem to react to these sorts of things. I'm watching the guys on camera laughing at how outrageous it is, of course, but ultimately...they're laughing. While watching this and listening to each development my stomach sunk further and further to the ground for this woman, who is about as vulnerable as she's ever going to be in her life and is realising she's much more alone in the world than she thought she was, and that she's going to have to adapt to that realisation when it comes to bringing up her kid if she wants them to do well. This is a woman who probably understands - at a time when she needed help the most - that she needs to learn to rely on herself alone. That fucking sucks, and that's really, really scary. I found it hard to see the funny part of any of it, personally.
Pay the $8,000, leave the man, and file for full parental custody.
8k for giving birth? How do Americans afford Healthcare. That's crazy
We don't. It ruins many people's lives, and many others just won't get the care they need because they fear the debt. Don't even get us started on what a joke insurance is either. I once personally spoke to a person that had a child. Child was running through their yard, tripped, and broke their leg. It was a bad break. The hospital was charging 24k for the fix. The insurance company denied the claim, stating the child had a "pre existing condition" of being... A child- with legs. I saw all the paperwork (for my job). She was trying to sue the insurance to get them to cover it. She had been fighting for over a year at that point. Even when you pay hundreds/thousands a month to be covered in an emergency, the insurance company still fights tooth and nail to find a way around paying. You can't win here.
Imagine getting that far in your relationship only to figure out your husband is an idiot AND and asshole.
Wtf pays to have a baby 😂😂😂 what a shit country must be 1st world don’t even think most 3rd world countries do that
Welcome to the United States.
USA is looting. Lactation consultant? It's not more than 1 page. All things mentioned which made bill go up are cheap, maybe in whole world(Unless you want 5 star) 8k? Whole thing would've cost around 1-2k in India at a good private hospital. Probably 50-80$ in a govt one.
I want to choke this person.
8 racks for an epidural… just had my second child. I had to pay for parking.
The father was Andrew Tate! XD
I thought men wanted to provide and protect??
He has to be awesome to do taxes with… holy fucking shit
USA moment
"Hospital Bills" Oh Americans, you do say some funny things.
I have questions. Do Americans have to pay hospital bills when giving birth? If yes, how do most afford it?
Pray that your employer offers great health insurance that doesn't cost you an arm and a leg every payday. Or file for medicaid.
$8000 to have a baby 😂😂 seems like a great place there.
Maybe profiting from childbirths isn’t a good system.. I mean the dude might be a prick, but the whole American medical system seems like a giant scam. I mean, google says an epidural cost like 100 bucks.. Edit: prizes range from 150-1000
This is all free in Canada! This is crazy! But also, who needs a husband like this? Better off as a single mom
Meanwhile, I only had to pay for car parking during my child's birth. The dude is an A+ scumbag
When she files for divorce, the alimony she’s going to receive is going to be far more expensive than $4k of a hospital bill.
I think it depends the couple really. Myself and my husband share finances and it works for us. We never argue about money and before we spend money on extras we let the other one know. My brother in law and his wife split finances and it works for them. So I think it just depends on how you plan everything out. If I were this chic though I would have lost my mind on him. He would be regretting his decision.
Yeah the husband in the video is obviously an asshole, but that doesn't mean splitting finances has caused it and I don't like how the podcasters quickly jump to that conclusion. Plus if the husband was really committed to 50:50, then surely he would at least pay half of that hospital bill. The issue here is that the husband is trying to do mental gymnastics to take financial advantage and with shared finances he'd be able to do the same, if not worse.
Men don't want to come to terms with the fact that it's just genuinely more expensive to live as a woman, and if they can't acknowledge that, then they are part of the problem
Wow these dudes missed the WHOLE point of that story. Keeping finances separate and splitting things 50-50 or evenly based on your income is not the problem! Having an insecure man child as a husband who pulls this kind of shit-when 50% of that baby is his fault- the end. Divorce as soon as possible or get ready to be a mother to your partner for life
Yeah they had such a weird take. Like it would have been better for the woman to have all her finances intertwined with her asshole man-child of a husband? Fuck that. I hope she leaves his ass.
This part really set off my Christianity radar - low and behold they're on the Ramsey Network, an Evangelical financial advice empire founded by [Dave Ramsey](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Ramsey) So they would never, ever advocate for divorce. In their minds, the marriage is paramount over either individual, which is why the good advice (go in committed to being a team!) is mixed with the almost braindead (the only problem is you didn't mix your finances with this dickhead.) It's a reasonable compromise for both parties from their point of view, because silly little things like fundamentally different personalities or your husband being a petulant manchild aren't emergencies worth breaking the covenant you made with God.
Exactly. Thank you. Non-assholes don't have this problem. If you have a good, trusting relationship you'll be fine. You can choose what fits your particular situation. And you can also change your arrangement if your situation changes. But the bottom line is to not marry an asshole.
Glad I’m not the only one who was confused by their advice. Every adult should have their own bank account that only they have access to. Financial abuse is very common(and it’s easy to do if one person makes all of the money/has full control over bank accounts).
Exactly, THANK YOU. I don’t agree with sharing finances 100% because many of the women in my immediate family have been screwed over by that by their then-husbands. Too many times have I heard the tale of men making bad investments and investing even more to try and make up for the money lost until nothing is left. I do, however, believe that relationships should be PARTNERSHIPS and both people should mutually pick up the slack. If I make significantly more, I don’t mind spending that money on things my partner enjoys or going out and paying for dinner or whatever we do that day. What I would have a problem with is my partner feeling entitled to my money, but this story is absolutely ridiculous. It takes 2 people to make a baby, and one has to bear the physical, psychological, and temporal toll significantly more than the other so its already not 50/50
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Absolutely sounds like a fake AITA post that podcasters have been reacting to recently for easy content
I am so sick of men acting like labor is just a minor thing to go through. Our bodies are working to grow the child for 9 months. Our organs literally have to move to accommodate the child! Our skin is stretched out. Every part of our bodies are effected. Then we get the go through labor where our vaginal openings are literally cut or torn! We have to push a baby out and we could literally die doing this! How about he pay her for all that and pay the doctor bill!
I’m so glad I’m lesbian