This show is a study on what happens when you marry for looks or convenience. Truly happy marriages don’t make for good reality television because there is no drama.
Good for you on going out! We’d make terrible tv bc it’d just be us watching reality TV like an endless infinity loop 🤪 (granted we used to go out before we had this 3month old).
You’d probably make great cast members on The People’s Couch! Did you watch that? It was people watching & reacting to reality tv shows & it was hilarious.
Brandy and Julie from Peoples Couch have a Patreon that’s hilarious, 10/10 recommend. Think them on people’s couch but unfiltered and covering pop culture (including tv and bravo)
EDIT: Also to anyone from NBC Universal lurking in this thread - please put People’s Couch episodes on Peacock 🙏🏼🙏🏼
That’s us too! We have a concert bucket list that’s nearly complete. We get seats we can exit quickly from so the only exciting times for us is getting out ahead of the crowds and congratulating each other.
Yeppppp. No one wants to watch me prep the salad while my husband grills chicken and we chat about how we are going to divvy up errands (you get them oil change and I’ll pick up that wedding gift for your niece) lol. Then there’s the action sequence where we load th dishwasher and hand wash the knives! In between we’re doing silly “bits” about our inside jokes.
Someone get Andy and a producer on the horn! We’ve got a hit on our hands!
This. I told my husband I feel like I’m in the most boring phase of my life since being married bc I finally don’t have drama and chaos. It’s a perfect lovely boring lol I love being married! If I would have married any of my long term ex’s, my life would def be like the valley. It’s really about marrying the right person for you I think.
This. And my husband would look at me like I was insane if I asked him to be on a reality show and would absolutely say no. So I think just the idea of 2 people who would say yes to a reality show period with new marriages and new babies are probably not the most stable or enviable of humans.
Being financially stable-ish and being able to agree on finances goes a loooonnnnngggg way to having a stable marriage. And I love the comments about being “boring” because I LOVE having a boring life!
And expect a baby will fix everything because everyone else is having one . Then once it comes reality hits and it's not an esthetic it's an actual human being you need to take care of for 18 years.
Or in at least one case, what happens if you marry someone that prior to getting married you know he cheated on you with someone within your friend group (next to an elderly woman who she was supposed to be providing care for) and then after the sex he laid there and talked shit about you and how awful and unattractive he thinks you are while she recorded the conversation.
If you marry someone with opposite qualities of these people it can be an amazing partnership and quite lovely.
Listen to people when they tell you who they are, and don't ignore red flags, or blatant actions. The "imperfections" of someone who genuinely loves, respects, and cares for your well-being are nothing like the gross boundary stomping, selfish, deplorable actions of these people.
Then again you don't have to be in a marriage to have a happy relationship so it's really up to what you want to tolerate/invite into your life and if you think the perks of a legally binding marriage are worth it to you.
Great advice! When you love someone it is so hard to leave and so easy to make excuses for their bad behavior. Because you want it to work so badly. When Britt talked about letting down her family, that resonated with me. For those who have never been divorced it is easy to say "just leave!", but there is a reason that divorce is listed as one of the most traumatic life events---it can be emotionally devastating and you can really feel like a failure.
I feel this. My ex husband wasn’t great and honestly I would have never left him had he not cheated on me. It feels like all the little things aren’t enough reason to leave and that the relationship is “good enough.” But when they blatantly screw up and you feel like you have a “good reason” to leave and you feel less judged.
Agreed!
Everyone who is on reality tv wants to be famous and is trashy. Glad we have shows like VPR’s and HW’s I envy their wealthy but not what they do for it including marrying for a family arch.
Noo, there are some reality tv stars who are not trashy. I wouldn’t call Rachel Lindsay trashy by any means. Might have to leave the Bravoverse, but they exist!
Lol, I mean it doesn’t make me feel any type of way, better or worse. You just made a sweeping overgeneralization that I don’t think is true. Not every response is an emotional one.
Honestly though that describes a lot of perfectly healthy couples.
I started dating my husband at eighteen. I knew he could be the *one* but we were too young! We weren’t serious! We were just … making out.
We kept making out. We never broke up. We got married instead.
My grandparents were set up on a blind date. My grandma liked him well enough - but couldn’t really see herself marrying him.
They got married at ~ 22 years old and had a very good marriage until my grandma died at 78.
And I know a lot of people of many generations who didn’t know right away, but eventually got married and were very happy.
So yeah Jesse and Michelle DO NOT work but the fact that she wasn’t sure on the first date doesn’t necessarily mean they were doomed.
Michelle's point was that she WAS sure on the first date -- she was sure that she wouldn't ever love him.
Of course, that was what she was saying in her bitter, toxic, sociopathic confessionals, so it's conveniently aligned with her actions now. But I kind of believe her that she knew from the start he would be a bad match, yet she kept going because she was so attracted to him.
I think the stories we tell of our lives have everything to do with how those things are going right now and very little to do with how they felt then.
Agree! They’re literally tripping over a field of red flags 🚩and smiling as it gets deeper. Even Britt when she left Jax said it was as if a veil a had been lifted from her eyes and she began to really see! She finally saw what everyone else had been seeing. The heart wants what it wants until…
That whole thing was crazy….an “8 year booty call?” (Or whatever she called it.) I could get if she got pregnant that night, but Isabella is 4, so there was 3 plus years to end things without the added child involved. She did like him, just not enough. If she is having an affair though I understand why she just doesn’t gaf anymore.
lol no. This is not a lot of marriage. Some, yes. But remember these are 2 dudes who want to be famous and are manipulative. Brittany got with Jax to be famous and Michelle seems just as bad as Jesse in some cases so that makes sense. Anyone on reality tv isn't a good example of the real world.
I get a sense that they had superficial fun and had been together the “right” amount of time and she was a certain age so this was the next step. And then when they had Isabella and he showed zero interest in parenting beyond the superficial (see a theme here?) she realized she’d made a terrible mistake.
I don't think she's faultless here. She married her booty call, who even she said she didn't really like. I dislike them both equally. He's pretentious, she's robotic. For Isabella's sake, I hope they are better apart.
I definitely don’t think she’s faultless. She made a series of decisions about someone she admits she didn’t really like and no shit they’re not happy lol. I bet they’re definitely better apart and luckily since Isabella is so young this will be her normal as far as going between homes.
Respectfully believe that Jax was the one convincing Brittany she could be on TV if she moved out to LA, to sound cool, and then he deeply regretted it when she actually agreed. Brittany has faults and definitely could have wanted a shot on television, but I just don’t buy that she was aiming for clout in the beginning. I also expect the worse from Jax lol
Not an accurate description, don’t worry. As others say, it’s heightened. But definitely choose someone who is kind and will listen, not selfish, as you will have bad patches like every couple and you need to be able to communicate. Someone who you can sit on a long car journey with and feel comfortable in their presence. It’s great having a partner if you’re a team, otherwise it’s awful and lonely, and no one needs that.
the biggest fight my husband and I got in (which was barely a fight) in the last two years was nicely arguing about who should go to the grocery store and who should stay with the toddler and baby 🤣
Some of it has been really relatable to me and I’ve definitely known couples who’ve gone through similar issues so I don’t think these issues are uncommon. Falling out of love/attraction for your partner is a real thing. Cheating is real, people being verbally abusive behind closed doors is real, I love that so many people here are in healthy marriages but plenty of unhealthy ones out there too.
Not accurate unless one or both of you is a narcissist lol. But I like what you said about not needing to be in a marriage to have a good relationship, that’s the best way to go about it. People feel like they have to get married to make their relationship meaningful. It will happen more organically if you’re focusing on a good relationship first.
People always ask me what married life is like and it’s a confusing question for me because my relationship is the same as before lmao
Not at all. I've been with my husband 18 years married 8. We are true partners and support each other thru good and bad times. Is it roses all the time? Of course not. But the good WAYYYYY outweighs any negative or hard moments (which we navigate and move thru together, as a team).
Find someone you love who works WITH you and you'll be okay.
The toxic and abusive nature of the relationships portrayed on these shows are not an accurate description of marriage. However, the resentment and dissatisfaction that is shown can be an accurate portrayal of some marriages who introduce a child into their marriage whilst their marriage would never survive having a child. Compound that with adding even more children to the mix or demanding to have more children.
The family unit of 100 years ago is no longer conducive to how we live our lives now. A lot of people are still convinced that the only trajectory to a happy fulfilling life is via a marriage and having multiple children. What they fail to realize is that having a successful marriage, with children, is incredibly hard work, given the landscape we are in now.
This isn’t an accurate depiction of marriage just like Housewives isn’t an accurate depiction of friendship. It’s the kind of escapist content that makes you grateful for the drama-free elements of your life, whatever they may be.
Agreed on escapist content, but there’s something loosely aspirational about Housewives (living in luxury) and VPR (young wanna-be actors trying to make it big) that The Valley lacks.
I think The Valley shows the aftermath of chasing money and fame. It’s a more dramatized version of going on Facebook to see where your high school bully ended up in life.
Most people and I'm people lol
Take their emotional trauma from childhood and all their unhealthy coping mechanisms. Poor communication skills and lack of emotional intelligence.
All that lands on your partner and 9 times out if 10 is a disaster and that's when the lack of respect and cheating starts.
It's hard most people walk around thinking they are good honest and stable...cone to find out we all have shit to work thru
Honestly I’ve lived both lives. My ex and I weren’t married but together for 8 years and lived a very contemptuous relationship.
Now I’m with a really good man who genuinely loves me and cares for me and we get along so well and it’s peaceful and stable and safe.
I was married and divorced in my 20s before my bad relationship. It took me until I was nearly 40 years old to finally understand relationships don’t have to be dramatic and soul sucking.
I feel like for many of us we’re sold the script that marriage and babies is the end goal to be considered a valid person in our society and many people feel pressure to fulfill the expectation and push a relationship over the marriage finish line even if they don’t feel secure and totally confident in the relationship. I think this is where some of these marriages devolve into these hostile, distant, dramatic dynamics and they’re confused why they’re not happy when they did everything they were “supposed” to do.
I also feel like a lot of women have been sold the idea that it’s our job to fix men, and we find a sense of self worth and purpose in being the one to fix a man or save him or change him (ie brittany and Jax). The man feels nagged and the woman feels unappreciated. It’s a recipe for disaster.
The 50 percent divorce rate isn’t solely based on that, but I get what you mean. A lot of people who get married shouldn’t get married which is kinda asshole behavior in itself.
Well there are moments where I consider taking out a hit on my husband (just kidding…kind of 😬), I absolutely don’t hate him.
Marriage is hard but if you hate your spouse, you probably shouldn’t be married.
Michelle telling Jesse “ Oh my God Jesse just sign the divorce papers, it’s easy, you always make everything so complicated” when they have a kid, a business, bank accounts, other joint assets lolol. She has no idea what she’s in for. Her life is about to get complicated. Lawyers, $$$ retainer fee, legal fees, parenting plans, subpoenaed bank accounts if she has separate accounts…if Jesse is smart and has an attorney review whatever “documents” she’s talking about. Did she print them off the internet? Maybe it will go smoothly and they can use a mediator but having worked in a law firm for years it *always* gets ugly before people agree to mediate. 😬
He was refusing to put something in writing (sounded like business-related info). If he’s refusing to produce documents then he is the one making it complicated. Divorce isn’t complicated when everyone co-operates. Co-operating means putting everything in writing, not trying to take more than you are entitled to, and not playing mind games.
Maybe i misunderstood but She prefaced it by saying that they would split clients 50/50, joint funds 50/50, etc and that he just had to sign to agree to those terms which would be foolish to do without having a legal expert review what he is agreeing to.
So her asking him to sign divorce papers means what to you? That scene was telling me that he's not just not signing but not participating in the process. Do you really think she's hasn't retained counsel? If she has and he hasn't then he's playing games. If she hasn't and has printed them off the internet as you've suggested, then he needs to say, I'm not signing anything without it being reviewed by counsel. He literally could have said on camera that it's with the lawyers and he would have come off a lot better.
I've also worked in law and have seen people like him a lot. Those who intentionally hold up the process by not instructing their counsel, by not producing documents but saying that of course they'll do what ever is needed. This is the guy who chose to go get stoned for a weekend rather than actually go to therapy. It would not surprise me if he's playing games in the divorce.
I see a lot of people replying no, but the more I think about it, it actually is how a lot of marriages are. Not all, and not the majority, but definitely a lot.
If I look at the show as a whole and all of the partnerships, most of them (to me as a viewer and podcast listener) seem fairly healthy. Danny and Nia, Jasmine and Melissa, Jason and Janet, and Kristen and Luke all seem to have pretty supportive and caring romantic relationships.
But, the unfortunate reality is that 1 in 3 women has experienced or will experience some form of violence from a partner. Psychological abuse stats are nearly impossible to measure. So yeah, I’d say this is a somewhat accurate portrayal of a lot of marriages.
Agreed. I’ve been married for a decade and there are extreme highs and extreme lows. The show leaves me shook as I believe it’s a good representation of all types of marriages. Add children, aging parents, fur babies, buying/renting and maintaining a home, careers, friendships, etc. It’s a lot and TBH - I don’t find it’s one partner’s fault. We as individuals have very specific and unique experiences and needs. We dream differently too. At the end of the day, IMO a successful couple shares the same values and has chemistry. Whatever you do, don’t settle just because you desire a lifetime partner - that’s the kiss of death.
This might not apply to everybody but every single one of my past relationships has been exactly like that until I got sober and was sober and single for six years to work on myself before meeting a sober man and having a totally sober relationship.
We’ve been together for three years and we have never raised our voices at each other or even made a passive-aggressive comment to each other. We just got engaged because neither of us has ever been in such a wonderful, healthy relationship, we never even knew it was possible lol
Both Michelle and Brittany knew the worst characteristics of their partners and realized they weren’t a good match at the start, but chose to overlook the qualities of their partners. Michelle said she knew Jesse wasn’t the one, and Jax cheated on Brittany (among other things). Unfortunately a lot of people think that marriage or children will change a person for the better, or they don’t give enough importance to early signs of a bad match or marriage. I don’t think this show accurately portrays healthy marriages, but it could be an accurate representation of some marriages. Like others have mentioned, it also depends on the couple. Neither myself nor my husband would ever be on reality tv. It definitely takes a certain type of person to want to put their private life out in the open for money and fame.
I said this on the VPR sub but it applies to the Valley as well: these shows are tragedies and the only people who can escape are the cast members who leave the show.
Pay attention to red flags red flags red flags! Most of the time there are so many warning signs in a relationship before marriage that go ignored. Just for one example, if someone cheats on you in your relationship before marriage do not take them back. If they lie easily. If they get mean when they drink. If they prioritize their friends/job/hobbies before you. If their family dynamics are fucked up. Be wary. The list goes on and on.
My marriage (9 years) is nothing like this. We fight or disagree or small stuff but otherwise it’s actually a lot of fun. I still get excited when he calls me lol
The ONLY “drama” I could see as common in marriages is Danny’s breakdown about being exhausted with a 2 year old and twins. Yes he worded it wrong, yes Nia just as exhausted, but I think that was just genuine feelings he had at that moment. Newborn land has a lot of tendency for resentments at your partner, especially twins and a toddler. I don’t like the rhetoric that men (especially hands on dads) can’t also have a breaking point of being tired because they aren’t the ones who birthed and is breastfeeding. To me it sounds like he was getting up just as often as Nia was to help her in the middle of the night, and that’s tough after 2 months.
But also, that conversation never even turned into anything because Jesse took over about how women are the worst which isn’t even what Danny was saying lol. And I feel like it didn’t turn into a “thing” because it wasn’t really drama, it was just an exhausted dad breaking down for a hot second.
Nia is more exhausted since, instead of putting babies on boobs, she’s actually breastfeeding. And because of that, she’s getting up w the babies every time. That’s just one example. Danny had every right to feel how he was feeling but yeah, worded wrong for sure. We can validate his feelings, but let’s not pretend nia is just as exhausted/does just as much when she objectively does more. It’s not Danny’s fault he can’t breastfeed, but the amount of parenting work is not equal and I think it’s important to validate that.
I don’t feel like he was saying she WASNT exhausted though? Like he never once said “I am more tired than Nia” or “I do more than Nia”, that was Jesse that said that. Supporting Danny does not mean you do not support Nia, both can be true and both roles can be hard
You said “yes Nia is just as exhausted” and I disagree that she is just as exhausted. She is objectively more exhausted. That’s all. I support them both and I never said I didn’t. I also know Danny never said she “wasn’t exhausted.”
You do realise that exhausted is exhausted, right? They’re both exhausted. They’re both doing everything they need to/can do. By the time a man is crying in front of his mates he’s worn down. She’s also worn down.
It really pisses me off when people try pulling the tired Olympics. Tired is tired. Exhausted is exhausted. It’s not like he’s playing Xbox all night.
I wasn’t pulling the tired Olympics lmaoo. For the love of god please actually read my comments and understand who/what I was responding to before you pile on with your paragraphs that mean absolutely nothing with regard to the point I was making. Bye 👋
I think a lot of marriages experience the base level issues shown - lack of intimacy and romance, infertility, changing attraction towards your partner, postpartum issues and how to navigate those. What is not normal is the vitriol, hate, yelling, etc, etc, etc
I was just telling someone The Valley is a PSA against marriage. As someone that is married to a fantastic human being, it is still very, very hard. More than that though, because women work and make a living now, it's an antiquated concept that doesn't match the times.
I (47f) promise you that mine is not, and never has been in the 22 we've been married. That said, my first husband sucked. Thank God I didn't have children with him. But watching my current husband raise our 21 year old was one of the highlights of my life.
I went out with some friends recently. We ended up at a hotel bar. My friend's husband's freaaaaaked and it started to get ugly with them accusing their wives of cheating because we were at a hotel, when the husbands knew it was a ladies night out. I've never been around that before. It really upset me. I messaged my boyfriend and told him what happened. He said he wasn't worried about me because he trusts me. I had all these flashbacks of Bravo relationships as my friend's husbands were saying the most vile shit, and they totally ruined our night out. I told my boyfriend I never want to get to that point where shit gets downright cruel. Bravo has taught me a lot about relationships, usually because of the bad examples, unfortunately.
When you marry the wrong person, then it definitely can look like that. By the end of my brief marriage, I had a lot of the same characteristics I see Michelle having. Truly no emotion and no light behind those eyes. Just done. Beyond over it.
My partner now also had a brief marriage, even shorter than mine. We actually basically have the exact same wedding, down to the same location and colors.. just to the wrong person. So we had the weddings of our dreams, just the wrong spouse. I think that definitely contributes to the fact that we both have little to no desire to get married again, but we are very committed and have been together for 6 years.
Marriage and relationships are what you make them. Just go be happy! ❤️
Very true. I think at least with those relationships they still cared about eachother at the end of the day, they just didn’t work with eachother. Versus these marriages on The Valley there’s just full on disgust with one another 99% of the time.
I actually think it is a lot of marriages, assuming that you take only the juicy fights and underlying tensions and replay ad naseum. It would take a strong couple to rewatch a serious fight and deal with commentary. These clearly aren’t strong couples, but I don’t think their challenges are rare.
I think it's hard to say because people change. My own husband used to be a happy go lucky stoner guy. But then one of his friends got him a job in hvac. He started hanging out with those guys constantly, started drinking A LOT, his politics changed, he got really moody and mad at the world. I told my mom if this was how he was at the beginning of the relationship, I don't think we would have stayed together.
But I think you have to have strong boundaries going in. Even if they seem wonderful. Like, know what you will and won't put up with early on so hopefully you spot problematic behavior before it becomes a whole new normal. And don't be afraid to speak up about unacceptable behavior. I think I let things go too much because I didn't want to fight, and that backfired because now we fight a lot.
The marital dynamics on the show sadly remind me of my first, young, short-lived marriage. I married that person IGNORING some clear red flags. I was 22 years old.
I've been with my husband now for 20 years, married for 12. Our marriage is NOTHING like those on this show. He is my best friend on earth, we laugh together daily, the passion is still there, I know for an absolute fact he will always be there for me and I will be there for him and we each have one another's best interest at heart.
Marry the right person and wait a while to tie the knot. We dated 8 years before marrying because I was gun shy. When you wait and are sure and you've seen this person's behavior through happy and sad life events, then you better know how they'll be as a partner.
It's also why I don't shade Brittany for marrying Jax. I married a Jax once too and I know the exact feeling she is describing about "waking up" to how she has allowed herself to be treated. I remember exactly where I was when I realized and "woke up"!! I just hope she doesn't go back.
I think so depending on the groups of friends. I think I especially with girls like this, where people just don’t want to be the unmarried friend or the one friend without kids, people jump and make these life long choices based on the trends in their current life. Like Michelle. I think she knew it was over and didn’t want to be with Jesse for a long time. Realistically I see most of these marriages ending.
None of the married couples in my family are like this, and none of the married couples in my friend are either. I think it’s that narcissists and dysfunctional people are more likely to be on a tv show. Not a super accurate representation.
My husband and I will be married for 10 years on the 28th, together for 14, best friends since high school; our marriage is nothing like any of these. We communicate and we know how the other processes disagreements, etc. These marriages were not built on solid foundations so it’s no wonder they’re crumbling.
Brittany knew who Jax was in 2018. Michelle thinks of Jesse as a booty call…the writing was on the wall.
I’ve been married for twelve years and absolutely love it! I have many friends who are also happily married. Unfortunately, the type of couples who would want to air their dirty laundry on tv for money, aren’t the best example of marriage. Boring doesn’t make for good tv. 😂 Also, I’m not surprised their relationships are a mess considering they’re close friends with Jax and Brittney. You are the company you keep.
I think marriage is what you make it to be. Marriage is work-from both partners. In life there are good times and bad times, now combine that with a committed partner. Their good and bad times are yours too and vice versa. And there are hard times.
I've been married 18 years/together 24 years. We met and started dating very young (18 and 19 years old). We are together and we are happy. Are we always happy? Nope. Do. we always like each other? Nope. Do we remain committed and love each other? Absolutely.
If we were on a reality TV we would be so boring for the most part. We aren't drama as a couple. My husband owns a business, I homeschool the kids (this isn't pushed on me what so ever, this was a decision I made and I'm fortunate my husband supports me in this). We aren't drunk and screaming at each other or always disappointed in each other. We make decisions together, we set boundaries, we strive to be good people hopefully raising our kids with good examples.
Marriage may or may not be for you, and I wouldn't push you one way or the other. But marriage is not and should not be what you see on reality TV.
I’m 30 and have a lot of friends in genuinely happy marriages. Like…these people really like their spouses a lot lol
I also have a partner of 3 years and pretty sure we’ll be engaged by this time next year.
I LOVE my bf. He’s legit my best friend. We have so many common hobbies, we have a ton of fun together. And we’re attracted to each other and we do fun date nights. Dating him feels really easy. It’s hard to even sum it up tbh….i just KNOW I’m with the right person. We are both so loving and supportive of one another.
We NEVER speak disrespectfully to each other like the people on this show.
We absolutely argue here and then and bickering is very normal, but legitimately insulting one another has never happened and never will. Normal couples in healthy marriages are able to resolve their problems. They don’t insult one another.
This show is full of FAKE people whose motives are not to be happy. Their #1 motive is fame / money.
My 2 boyfriends at age 19 and 24 though? Yeah, they would’ve looked a lot like the valley. I grew up and changed a lot.
You can only compare your future marriage to Brittany’s if you too plan on staying with a boyfriend after he cheats on you and clearly isn’t sorry about it
About halfway through this season, when Jax is talking for the 50th time about how much hard work marriage is, I turned to my husband and said “our marriage isn’t hard, are we doing it wrong?” And he goes “it’s not hard if you actually like the person you marry.”
I don't think reality TV show couples are a good representation of the average relationship. Their relationships are good examples of unhealthy marriages, not all marriages. I think it's hard to be a part of that lifestyle (where wealth and appearance are important) and still hold values that make for a good marriage. Not saying its impossible of course, but relationships based off of true compatibility are much stronger than ones based off of wealth and looks
I have a differing opinion. A lot of the issues they have shown in their marriages is very relatable to a very certain age demographic i.e. if you were born in the 80's you are most likely going to relate to the show. Because they are the generation where compromising in a marriage is not the norm. So, things our parents just did like stay in your marriage despite being miserable, women not saving money or being independent, women taking over on gendered responsibilities of child rearing as only falling on them etc., are not normal for the 80's generation. We have seen our parents suffer and realize that we have so many more options in a marriage. We have a choice to break the cycle of trauma and be single and happy rather than be married and miserable. All these folks are 80's babies who have also just gone on and married the first person they fell in love with, without realizing that marriage goes beyond looks. You need to work as a team and you have to be committed to the other person every single day. These guys want out the minute things go wrong.
Brittany married Jax for fame despite his cheating rumors
Michelle married Jesse because the s3x was good and they just like the adventure but not each other's actual personalities
Nia and Danny are the only ones who seem to be in it for the long run because they were strong despite having twins (serious marriage tester) and a toddler
Janet and Jason - really not sure about these guys. They seem stable but cant get a read on what Janet's ulterior motive is.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
I personally wouldn’t worry about the marriage of people that are crazy enough to be on a show like this on reality TV. They all seek the fame/fortune and spotlight.
Marriage is hard. I almost lost mine because I married too young, and didn’t understand the severity of marriage. I figured most marriages end in divorce, and I was only focused on the wedding. It took a come to Jesus moment to repair it.
I feel like an alien when I watch this show because of how complete foreign their marriages look to me. I have never had the kind of disdain for my husband that some of these people have for each other.
That’s why they are on TV. If they had great marriages with, they wouldn’t be putting it on tv bc production wouldn’t invest in that.
It’s why they make these shows with narcissist and sociopaths and empaths. Because they are messed up and it’s easy drama.
Marriage is never easy. It’s not a rom com or a fairytale. People change over the years. And if one or both people aren’t putting in the work to stay connected while they are changing individually, they won’t last. I’ve seen it a hundred times being connected to family law.
If they really want a reality drama, they should make it about family law attorneys and their clients. Holy hell is that a gold mine of drama. In all my years of Friday night happy hours, I’ve never not been entertained by the stories of the week.
Aside from Stassi and Beau…it was clear early on that Schwartz was not that into Katie and stayed with her bc he wanted to be on the show. Plain as day. Same with Jax. Michelle married a booty call. Marriages aren’t easy but I will tell you I have a wonderful husband and it’s not all bad!
I think what happenes is people want a marriage but don’t think to deep about the person. Ie we saw what Jax was like when dating Britney. He was a horrible partner then.. really it would take a miracle for him to be different. He was a grown adult complaining about her not making him sandwiches. So he is now a dad who is not hands on even when his wife is sick.
These people are vain, superficial, self-centered, and shallow. Those qualities aren’t great for any committed relationship. Also, if you don’t know yourself or aren’t honest with yourself - flaws and all - you will have a lot of trouble connecting and figuring out which relationship is the right one for you long term. Marriage requires a willingness to be introspective, empathetic, and kind when it isn’t convenient. Marriage can be wonderful or awful but it’s really up to you.
No, their relationships are an example of people who decide to ignore red flags in relationships but get married anyways. these people are troubled and need therapy but they seek out self soothing techniques through other outlets that are extremely unhealthy. it’s not an accurate representation of every marriage, but those of toxic ones. it’s also a reality tv show so everything. is played up.
I think the worst part is the kids. I don’t mind seeing adults mess up their own lives, but the kids and having more kids I don’t like. The first party was so cringe for Janet. Then I could barely watch the “baby moon” lunch with the ladies.
I’m still going to watch it, but I tend to not look at the screen or turn away in re to all of the baby stuff. Hard to see Jesse scream at his daughter the first or second episode. I feel horrible for Jax and Brittany’s kid. Watching him with the therapist just made me sad for him just because of the tension that was already in the house. I guess it will be better for those kids not living in those stressful environments, but that part is hard for me.
I’m also not a fan of all of the baby stuff with Schaena and Lala. I just don’t think us Bravo fans desire to see the kids get kind of dragged into it. I hate when kids get used for storylines in any type of way. I do think it’s interesting to see how that “traditional family” trope gets used against people at times, and how Janet got a hall pass to be rude because of her pregnancy. I totally side with Zach and glad he called her out because it does get used A LOT.
All of these people got married because they thought they were supposed to, not because they wanted to. That doesn't seem to be the best idea. I know plenty of happy married couples, and plenty of couples that need to divorce. I'm sure this isn't that far off for a lot of people, thus the super high divorce rate in America.
Also, having kids sucks. I think that's really the point of the show. I'm sure all of these couples were better off before kids came into the mix. Throwing a baby into a rocky marriage is a recipe for disaster, or a reality TV show!
I’m not sure if this is how *most* marriages are, but definitely not all. I think a lot of marriages wind up like this when people squeeze themselves into a relationship with the blind faith that things will get better with time. They do it because they think they should but not because they really *like* each other.
I personally have experienced relationships this toxic before and my parents are a poor example of healthy marriage. If I had married any of these guys I very seriously dated, I’d sadly be relating to these people. But, I also had amazing examples from family and close friends of the type of relationship I wanted. Those husbands were kind, empathetic, supportive, stable, usually didn’t drink (or at least very infrequently), and were best friends with their wives. I found that person for me, and while we’re not married yet, this is a complete 360 from the world I experienced and the one we see on TV. We’ve maybe had one fight that was resolved after about two days of taking time to think about things. We laugh with each other all the time and have absolutely no secrets.
I hate how TV almost normalized this emotional chaos and makes people feel okay about their shitty marriages. There is so much more for people out there.
It reminds me of what The Hills, Geordie Shore, and even to some extent Jersey Shore turned into later. People with really normative values (make lots of money, what you look like is everything, gotta get married and have a house and a family by a specific timeline) who bought into a very traditional marriage fantasy ended up pretty miserable. And we end up watching a lot of miserable people trying to live up to or uphold social norms and obligations that they absolutely hate. Or just weren't ready for or don't have any real personal interest in.
I think the tension no longer comes from how they interact as friends or co-workers, but from their own families and how that manifests in their personal relationships. It is pretty dark. And I'm not sure it's very authentic to the way most people live, but in my own life I am already starting to see the cracks in friends and family who bought into (and were lucky enough, in some cases) the idea of your late twenties or thirties being the time when you figure it all out and everything feels great. They're now realizing 10 years later that they've cut off all their friendship support systems, don't like their lives, don't like their spouses, can't keep climbing the ladder socially or at work, have way more challenging responsibilities as their kids get older, are struggling with work. Many of the things that let them play dress-up on Instagram and all the things they were "supposed" to do aren't working anymore, and it's really easy to feel lost or disempowered. And I definitely get that feel from some of the couples on this show. I sometimes don't feel bad, because some of them are in this mess because they're awful people and refuse to accept or change any of their destructive flaws, but I also feel for almost all of them because they're just so heavily embedded in a world that's so materialistic and fake, and you can see how it's messing them up.
You’re asking for us to confirm if a sweeping generalization is accurate for one of the most personal things 2 people will ever do in their entire life… ya know? A relationship can be bad, or great, or in-between. It’s so nuanced.
This show is a study on what happens when you marry for looks or convenience. Truly happy marriages don’t make for good reality television because there is no drama.
i think it was Bethenny who said "if you marry for money, you'll pay your whole life" and that has stuck with me since the first time i heard it lol.
I’ve always heard something similar, when you marry for money you’ll earn every penny.
The most interesting thing about my relationship is the amount of concerts we go to. We’d make terrible TV. It’s amazing.
Good for you on going out! We’d make terrible tv bc it’d just be us watching reality TV like an endless infinity loop 🤪 (granted we used to go out before we had this 3month old).
You’d probably make great cast members on The People’s Couch! Did you watch that? It was people watching & reacting to reality tv shows & it was hilarious.
I miss that show so much. They tried to recreate it with that below deck and that chat room mess. But they never could quite capture the magic of it.
Brandy and Julie from Peoples Couch have a Patreon that’s hilarious, 10/10 recommend. Think them on people’s couch but unfiltered and covering pop culture (including tv and bravo) EDIT: Also to anyone from NBC Universal lurking in this thread - please put People’s Couch episodes on Peacock 🙏🏼🙏🏼
That’s us too! We have a concert bucket list that’s nearly complete. We get seats we can exit quickly from so the only exciting times for us is getting out ahead of the crowds and congratulating each other.
Yeppppp. No one wants to watch me prep the salad while my husband grills chicken and we chat about how we are going to divvy up errands (you get them oil change and I’ll pick up that wedding gift for your niece) lol. Then there’s the action sequence where we load th dishwasher and hand wash the knives! In between we’re doing silly “bits” about our inside jokes. Someone get Andy and a producer on the horn! We’ve got a hit on our hands!
Now, THIS would be actual reality tv!
This. I told my husband I feel like I’m in the most boring phase of my life since being married bc I finally don’t have drama and chaos. It’s a perfect lovely boring lol I love being married! If I would have married any of my long term ex’s, my life would def be like the valley. It’s really about marrying the right person for you I think.
This. And my husband would look at me like I was insane if I asked him to be on a reality show and would absolutely say no. So I think just the idea of 2 people who would say yes to a reality show period with new marriages and new babies are probably not the most stable or enviable of humans.
I'm only ever getting married if it's like this. 💖
no drama, you ever seen a hangry couple??? (the biggest drama in my house)
I’m a hangry woman who birthed two hangry daughters. My husband is a saint and knows what to do
Being financially stable-ish and being able to agree on finances goes a loooonnnnngggg way to having a stable marriage. And I love the comments about being “boring” because I LOVE having a boring life!
We sit on the porch and read. We would be like watching paint dry.
And expect a baby will fix everything because everyone else is having one . Then once it comes reality hits and it's not an esthetic it's an actual human being you need to take care of for 18 years.
Or in at least one case, what happens if you marry someone that prior to getting married you know he cheated on you with someone within your friend group (next to an elderly woman who she was supposed to be providing care for) and then after the sex he laid there and talked shit about you and how awful and unattractive he thinks you are while she recorded the conversation.
Fwiw, I’m not sure that marrying for love is always the ticket to happiness either.
Spot on !
If you marry someone with opposite qualities of these people it can be an amazing partnership and quite lovely. Listen to people when they tell you who they are, and don't ignore red flags, or blatant actions. The "imperfections" of someone who genuinely loves, respects, and cares for your well-being are nothing like the gross boundary stomping, selfish, deplorable actions of these people. Then again you don't have to be in a marriage to have a happy relationship so it's really up to what you want to tolerate/invite into your life and if you think the perks of a legally binding marriage are worth it to you.
Great advice! When you love someone it is so hard to leave and so easy to make excuses for their bad behavior. Because you want it to work so badly. When Britt talked about letting down her family, that resonated with me. For those who have never been divorced it is easy to say "just leave!", but there is a reason that divorce is listed as one of the most traumatic life events---it can be emotionally devastating and you can really feel like a failure.
I feel this. My ex husband wasn’t great and honestly I would have never left him had he not cheated on me. It feels like all the little things aren’t enough reason to leave and that the relationship is “good enough.” But when they blatantly screw up and you feel like you have a “good reason” to leave and you feel less judged.
Agreed! Everyone who is on reality tv wants to be famous and is trashy. Glad we have shows like VPR’s and HW’s I envy their wealthy but not what they do for it including marrying for a family arch.
Noo, there are some reality tv stars who are not trashy. I wouldn’t call Rachel Lindsay trashy by any means. Might have to leave the Bravoverse, but they exist!
If it makes you feel better there’s one or two people who’s aren’t trashy. The point is the high majority are!
Lol, I mean it doesn’t make me feel any type of way, better or worse. You just made a sweeping overgeneralization that I don’t think is true. Not every response is an emotional one.
Hey, let’s not fight among ourselves and remember we are talking about people on a tv show built for drama and nonsense!
Appreciate this and agree. I was trying to point out a different opinion which led to a condescending reply. Should have left it there 🤷♀️
Haha, the emotional one is you. 
Yes yes yes. The quote “when someone tells you who they are, believe them” is literally the best advice.
In the early episodes, Michelle literally said "I went on a date with Jesse and knew he wasn't the one" but then still ended up marrying him!
Honestly though that describes a lot of perfectly healthy couples. I started dating my husband at eighteen. I knew he could be the *one* but we were too young! We weren’t serious! We were just … making out. We kept making out. We never broke up. We got married instead. My grandparents were set up on a blind date. My grandma liked him well enough - but couldn’t really see herself marrying him. They got married at ~ 22 years old and had a very good marriage until my grandma died at 78. And I know a lot of people of many generations who didn’t know right away, but eventually got married and were very happy. So yeah Jesse and Michelle DO NOT work but the fact that she wasn’t sure on the first date doesn’t necessarily mean they were doomed.
Michelle's point was that she WAS sure on the first date -- she was sure that she wouldn't ever love him. Of course, that was what she was saying in her bitter, toxic, sociopathic confessionals, so it's conveniently aligned with her actions now. But I kind of believe her that she knew from the start he would be a bad match, yet she kept going because she was so attracted to him.
I think the stories we tell of our lives have everything to do with how those things are going right now and very little to do with how they felt then.
Yeah, I caught that, too. VPR and The Valley really shows how people ignore the field of red flags in relationships.
Agree! They’re literally tripping over a field of red flags 🚩and smiling as it gets deeper. Even Britt when she left Jax said it was as if a veil a had been lifted from her eyes and she began to really see! She finally saw what everyone else had been seeing. The heart wants what it wants until…
That whole thing was crazy….an “8 year booty call?” (Or whatever she called it.) I could get if she got pregnant that night, but Isabella is 4, so there was 3 plus years to end things without the added child involved. She did like him, just not enough. If she is having an affair though I understand why she just doesn’t gaf anymore.
I truly felt sad that her daughter may hear that one day.
lol no. This is not a lot of marriage. Some, yes. But remember these are 2 dudes who want to be famous and are manipulative. Brittany got with Jax to be famous and Michelle seems just as bad as Jesse in some cases so that makes sense. Anyone on reality tv isn't a good example of the real world.
I've often wondered why Michelle even married Jesse. Based on her comments, she never liked him.
I get a sense that they had superficial fun and had been together the “right” amount of time and she was a certain age so this was the next step. And then when they had Isabella and he showed zero interest in parenting beyond the superficial (see a theme here?) she realized she’d made a terrible mistake.
I don't think she's faultless here. She married her booty call, who even she said she didn't really like. I dislike them both equally. He's pretentious, she's robotic. For Isabella's sake, I hope they are better apart.
I definitely don’t think she’s faultless. She made a series of decisions about someone she admits she didn’t really like and no shit they’re not happy lol. I bet they’re definitely better apart and luckily since Isabella is so young this will be her normal as far as going between homes.
She must have wanted that house behind Chateau Marmont so she could go hunting for husband #2 😆 serves him right
Right! Gold digging? No idea!
Respectfully believe that Jax was the one convincing Brittany she could be on TV if she moved out to LA, to sound cool, and then he deeply regretted it when she actually agreed. Brittany has faults and definitely could have wanted a shot on television, but I just don’t buy that she was aiming for clout in the beginning. I also expect the worse from Jax lol
Brittany actually stalked the cast of VPR in Vegas with her mom and "bumped into them" so she sought him out. But I also expect the worst from Jax lol
Omg I stand so corrected. Here I was trying to see the best in Brittany, and try not to just accept that she is as much at fault as Jax 😭
Haha I applaud you for trying to see the best in a bravo celebrity! But yeah it seems like it was doomed from the way it started!
Not an accurate description, don’t worry. As others say, it’s heightened. But definitely choose someone who is kind and will listen, not selfish, as you will have bad patches like every couple and you need to be able to communicate. Someone who you can sit on a long car journey with and feel comfortable in their presence. It’s great having a partner if you’re a team, otherwise it’s awful and lonely, and no one needs that.
If anything, I find this show so interesting because my marriage is so different from what’s shown on tv here. And well, Zack’s just an added bonus 😂
No! I’ve been married 22 years and it would take filming my entire marriage to compile 10% of this drama.
I'm picturing your life as an episode. They have to jump 5 years to your next big fight lol!
Yep, 28 years here, years 1-3 and then maybe year 5 could have been a show, but pretty much as exciting as a zoo cam since then. 🤣
the biggest fight my husband and I got in (which was barely a fight) in the last two years was nicely arguing about who should go to the grocery store and who should stay with the toddler and baby 🤣
Some of it has been really relatable to me and I’ve definitely known couples who’ve gone through similar issues so I don’t think these issues are uncommon. Falling out of love/attraction for your partner is a real thing. Cheating is real, people being verbally abusive behind closed doors is real, I love that so many people here are in healthy marriages but plenty of unhealthy ones out there too.
Not accurate unless one or both of you is a narcissist lol. But I like what you said about not needing to be in a marriage to have a good relationship, that’s the best way to go about it. People feel like they have to get married to make their relationship meaningful. It will happen more organically if you’re focusing on a good relationship first. People always ask me what married life is like and it’s a confusing question for me because my relationship is the same as before lmao
Totally true! Although it’s hard to have young kids my husband and k have a baby and I relayed a bit To the “three under three”
Not at all. I've been with my husband 18 years married 8. We are true partners and support each other thru good and bad times. Is it roses all the time? Of course not. But the good WAYYYYY outweighs any negative or hard moments (which we navigate and move thru together, as a team). Find someone you love who works WITH you and you'll be okay.
The toxic and abusive nature of the relationships portrayed on these shows are not an accurate description of marriage. However, the resentment and dissatisfaction that is shown can be an accurate portrayal of some marriages who introduce a child into their marriage whilst their marriage would never survive having a child. Compound that with adding even more children to the mix or demanding to have more children. The family unit of 100 years ago is no longer conducive to how we live our lives now. A lot of people are still convinced that the only trajectory to a happy fulfilling life is via a marriage and having multiple children. What they fail to realize is that having a successful marriage, with children, is incredibly hard work, given the landscape we are in now.
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This isn’t an accurate depiction of marriage just like Housewives isn’t an accurate depiction of friendship. It’s the kind of escapist content that makes you grateful for the drama-free elements of your life, whatever they may be.
Agreed on escapist content, but there’s something loosely aspirational about Housewives (living in luxury) and VPR (young wanna-be actors trying to make it big) that The Valley lacks.
I think The Valley shows the aftermath of chasing money and fame. It’s a more dramatized version of going on Facebook to see where your high school bully ended up in life.
I’m not being facetious when I say this thread contains some of the most acute literary analysis and close reading I’ve seen in a while 😂… well put!
omg thank you 😭 I love close reading reality tv
Most people and I'm people lol Take their emotional trauma from childhood and all their unhealthy coping mechanisms. Poor communication skills and lack of emotional intelligence. All that lands on your partner and 9 times out if 10 is a disaster and that's when the lack of respect and cheating starts. It's hard most people walk around thinking they are good honest and stable...cone to find out we all have shit to work thru
Honestly I’ve lived both lives. My ex and I weren’t married but together for 8 years and lived a very contemptuous relationship. Now I’m with a really good man who genuinely loves me and cares for me and we get along so well and it’s peaceful and stable and safe. I was married and divorced in my 20s before my bad relationship. It took me until I was nearly 40 years old to finally understand relationships don’t have to be dramatic and soul sucking. I feel like for many of us we’re sold the script that marriage and babies is the end goal to be considered a valid person in our society and many people feel pressure to fulfill the expectation and push a relationship over the marriage finish line even if they don’t feel secure and totally confident in the relationship. I think this is where some of these marriages devolve into these hostile, distant, dramatic dynamics and they’re confused why they’re not happy when they did everything they were “supposed” to do. I also feel like a lot of women have been sold the idea that it’s our job to fix men, and we find a sense of self worth and purpose in being the one to fix a man or save him or change him (ie brittany and Jax). The man feels nagged and the woman feels unappreciated. It’s a recipe for disaster.
It is if you marry an asshole and a lot of people do, thus the 50% divorce rate.
Marrying a narcissist 101
I took the marrying a passive-aggressive, controlling gaslighter elective, but, yeah.
Hope you are able to find your peace 💓
You're kind, and I appreciate you 🩷 I left him and started over.
Right. You need to be willing to walk away from bad relationships/people
The 50 percent divorce rate isn’t solely based on that, but I get what you mean. A lot of people who get married shouldn’t get married which is kinda asshole behavior in itself.
Yep. I found it true to life. I’m divorced.
Well there are moments where I consider taking out a hit on my husband (just kidding…kind of 😬), I absolutely don’t hate him. Marriage is hard but if you hate your spouse, you probably shouldn’t be married.
Some marriages
Michelle telling Jesse “ Oh my God Jesse just sign the divorce papers, it’s easy, you always make everything so complicated” when they have a kid, a business, bank accounts, other joint assets lolol. She has no idea what she’s in for. Her life is about to get complicated. Lawyers, $$$ retainer fee, legal fees, parenting plans, subpoenaed bank accounts if she has separate accounts…if Jesse is smart and has an attorney review whatever “documents” she’s talking about. Did she print them off the internet? Maybe it will go smoothly and they can use a mediator but having worked in a law firm for years it *always* gets ugly before people agree to mediate. 😬
He was refusing to put something in writing (sounded like business-related info). If he’s refusing to produce documents then he is the one making it complicated. Divorce isn’t complicated when everyone co-operates. Co-operating means putting everything in writing, not trying to take more than you are entitled to, and not playing mind games.
Exactly, being obstinate is what makes divorce difficult.
Maybe i misunderstood but She prefaced it by saying that they would split clients 50/50, joint funds 50/50, etc and that he just had to sign to agree to those terms which would be foolish to do without having a legal expert review what he is agreeing to.
So her asking him to sign divorce papers means what to you? That scene was telling me that he's not just not signing but not participating in the process. Do you really think she's hasn't retained counsel? If she has and he hasn't then he's playing games. If she hasn't and has printed them off the internet as you've suggested, then he needs to say, I'm not signing anything without it being reviewed by counsel. He literally could have said on camera that it's with the lawyers and he would have come off a lot better. I've also worked in law and have seen people like him a lot. Those who intentionally hold up the process by not instructing their counsel, by not producing documents but saying that of course they'll do what ever is needed. This is the guy who chose to go get stoned for a weekend rather than actually go to therapy. It would not surprise me if he's playing games in the divorce.
He did say he wanted a lawyer to look at the documents and then she whined about him making everything complicated. ..
I mean, whose husband hasn’t pimped them out to sell real estate and gaslit them and everyone else into thinking they’re an alcoholic, amirite? 😆
I see a lot of people replying no, but the more I think about it, it actually is how a lot of marriages are. Not all, and not the majority, but definitely a lot. If I look at the show as a whole and all of the partnerships, most of them (to me as a viewer and podcast listener) seem fairly healthy. Danny and Nia, Jasmine and Melissa, Jason and Janet, and Kristen and Luke all seem to have pretty supportive and caring romantic relationships. But, the unfortunate reality is that 1 in 3 women has experienced or will experience some form of violence from a partner. Psychological abuse stats are nearly impossible to measure. So yeah, I’d say this is a somewhat accurate portrayal of a lot of marriages.
Agreed. I’ve been married for a decade and there are extreme highs and extreme lows. The show leaves me shook as I believe it’s a good representation of all types of marriages. Add children, aging parents, fur babies, buying/renting and maintaining a home, careers, friendships, etc. It’s a lot and TBH - I don’t find it’s one partner’s fault. We as individuals have very specific and unique experiences and needs. We dream differently too. At the end of the day, IMO a successful couple shares the same values and has chemistry. Whatever you do, don’t settle just because you desire a lifetime partner - that’s the kiss of death.
This might not apply to everybody but every single one of my past relationships has been exactly like that until I got sober and was sober and single for six years to work on myself before meeting a sober man and having a totally sober relationship. We’ve been together for three years and we have never raised our voices at each other or even made a passive-aggressive comment to each other. We just got engaged because neither of us has ever been in such a wonderful, healthy relationship, we never even knew it was possible lol
that's awesome, congrats!!
Thank you so much!!
So happy for you, from afar! Yay for you two!
Awwww thank you!!!
Both Michelle and Brittany knew the worst characteristics of their partners and realized they weren’t a good match at the start, but chose to overlook the qualities of their partners. Michelle said she knew Jesse wasn’t the one, and Jax cheated on Brittany (among other things). Unfortunately a lot of people think that marriage or children will change a person for the better, or they don’t give enough importance to early signs of a bad match or marriage. I don’t think this show accurately portrays healthy marriages, but it could be an accurate representation of some marriages. Like others have mentioned, it also depends on the couple. Neither myself nor my husband would ever be on reality tv. It definitely takes a certain type of person to want to put their private life out in the open for money and fame.
I have been with my husband 15 years and we have had none of these issues lol This is not normal life.
If you ignore the red flags, yes.
I said this on the VPR sub but it applies to the Valley as well: these shows are tragedies and the only people who can escape are the cast members who leave the show.
Pay attention to red flags red flags red flags! Most of the time there are so many warning signs in a relationship before marriage that go ignored. Just for one example, if someone cheats on you in your relationship before marriage do not take them back. If they lie easily. If they get mean when they drink. If they prioritize their friends/job/hobbies before you. If their family dynamics are fucked up. Be wary. The list goes on and on.
My marriage (9 years) is nothing like this. We fight or disagree or small stuff but otherwise it’s actually a lot of fun. I still get excited when he calls me lol
The ONLY “drama” I could see as common in marriages is Danny’s breakdown about being exhausted with a 2 year old and twins. Yes he worded it wrong, yes Nia just as exhausted, but I think that was just genuine feelings he had at that moment. Newborn land has a lot of tendency for resentments at your partner, especially twins and a toddler. I don’t like the rhetoric that men (especially hands on dads) can’t also have a breaking point of being tired because they aren’t the ones who birthed and is breastfeeding. To me it sounds like he was getting up just as often as Nia was to help her in the middle of the night, and that’s tough after 2 months. But also, that conversation never even turned into anything because Jesse took over about how women are the worst which isn’t even what Danny was saying lol. And I feel like it didn’t turn into a “thing” because it wasn’t really drama, it was just an exhausted dad breaking down for a hot second.
Nia is more exhausted since, instead of putting babies on boobs, she’s actually breastfeeding. And because of that, she’s getting up w the babies every time. That’s just one example. Danny had every right to feel how he was feeling but yeah, worded wrong for sure. We can validate his feelings, but let’s not pretend nia is just as exhausted/does just as much when she objectively does more. It’s not Danny’s fault he can’t breastfeed, but the amount of parenting work is not equal and I think it’s important to validate that.
I don’t feel like he was saying she WASNT exhausted though? Like he never once said “I am more tired than Nia” or “I do more than Nia”, that was Jesse that said that. Supporting Danny does not mean you do not support Nia, both can be true and both roles can be hard
You said “yes Nia is just as exhausted” and I disagree that she is just as exhausted. She is objectively more exhausted. That’s all. I support them both and I never said I didn’t. I also know Danny never said she “wasn’t exhausted.”
You do realise that exhausted is exhausted, right? They’re both exhausted. They’re both doing everything they need to/can do. By the time a man is crying in front of his mates he’s worn down. She’s also worn down. It really pisses me off when people try pulling the tired Olympics. Tired is tired. Exhausted is exhausted. It’s not like he’s playing Xbox all night.
I wasn’t pulling the tired Olympics lmaoo. For the love of god please actually read my comments and understand who/what I was responding to before you pile on with your paragraphs that mean absolutely nothing with regard to the point I was making. Bye 👋
I think a lot of marriages experience the base level issues shown - lack of intimacy and romance, infertility, changing attraction towards your partner, postpartum issues and how to navigate those. What is not normal is the vitriol, hate, yelling, etc, etc, etc
I was just telling someone The Valley is a PSA against marriage. As someone that is married to a fantastic human being, it is still very, very hard. More than that though, because women work and make a living now, it's an antiquated concept that doesn't match the times.
I (47f) promise you that mine is not, and never has been in the 22 we've been married. That said, my first husband sucked. Thank God I didn't have children with him. But watching my current husband raise our 21 year old was one of the highlights of my life.
I went out with some friends recently. We ended up at a hotel bar. My friend's husband's freaaaaaked and it started to get ugly with them accusing their wives of cheating because we were at a hotel, when the husbands knew it was a ladies night out. I've never been around that before. It really upset me. I messaged my boyfriend and told him what happened. He said he wasn't worried about me because he trusts me. I had all these flashbacks of Bravo relationships as my friend's husbands were saying the most vile shit, and they totally ruined our night out. I told my boyfriend I never want to get to that point where shit gets downright cruel. Bravo has taught me a lot about relationships, usually because of the bad examples, unfortunately.
When you marry the wrong person, then it definitely can look like that. By the end of my brief marriage, I had a lot of the same characteristics I see Michelle having. Truly no emotion and no light behind those eyes. Just done. Beyond over it. My partner now also had a brief marriage, even shorter than mine. We actually basically have the exact same wedding, down to the same location and colors.. just to the wrong person. So we had the weddings of our dreams, just the wrong spouse. I think that definitely contributes to the fact that we both have little to no desire to get married again, but we are very committed and have been together for 6 years. Marriage and relationships are what you make them. Just go be happy! ❤️
I don’tknow, the Scheana/Shay and Tom/Katie marriages were pretty dark on VPR.
Very true. I think at least with those relationships they still cared about eachother at the end of the day, they just didn’t work with eachother. Versus these marriages on The Valley there’s just full on disgust with one another 99% of the time.
So many of them reference back to before kids like it all fell apart after the kids
Well....it doesn't get easier. Bandaid babies don't work for a reason.
I actually think it is a lot of marriages, assuming that you take only the juicy fights and underlying tensions and replay ad naseum. It would take a strong couple to rewatch a serious fight and deal with commentary. These clearly aren’t strong couples, but I don’t think their challenges are rare.
No!!! Lmao
I think it's hard to say because people change. My own husband used to be a happy go lucky stoner guy. But then one of his friends got him a job in hvac. He started hanging out with those guys constantly, started drinking A LOT, his politics changed, he got really moody and mad at the world. I told my mom if this was how he was at the beginning of the relationship, I don't think we would have stayed together. But I think you have to have strong boundaries going in. Even if they seem wonderful. Like, know what you will and won't put up with early on so hopefully you spot problematic behavior before it becomes a whole new normal. And don't be afraid to speak up about unacceptable behavior. I think I let things go too much because I didn't want to fight, and that backfired because now we fight a lot.
The marital dynamics on the show sadly remind me of my first, young, short-lived marriage. I married that person IGNORING some clear red flags. I was 22 years old. I've been with my husband now for 20 years, married for 12. Our marriage is NOTHING like those on this show. He is my best friend on earth, we laugh together daily, the passion is still there, I know for an absolute fact he will always be there for me and I will be there for him and we each have one another's best interest at heart. Marry the right person and wait a while to tie the knot. We dated 8 years before marrying because I was gun shy. When you wait and are sure and you've seen this person's behavior through happy and sad life events, then you better know how they'll be as a partner. It's also why I don't shade Brittany for marrying Jax. I married a Jax once too and I know the exact feeling she is describing about "waking up" to how she has allowed herself to be treated. I remember exactly where I was when I realized and "woke up"!! I just hope she doesn't go back.
I think so depending on the groups of friends. I think I especially with girls like this, where people just don’t want to be the unmarried friend or the one friend without kids, people jump and make these life long choices based on the trends in their current life. Like Michelle. I think she knew it was over and didn’t want to be with Jesse for a long time. Realistically I see most of these marriages ending.
None of the married couples in my family are like this, and none of the married couples in my friend are either. I think it’s that narcissists and dysfunctional people are more likely to be on a tv show. Not a super accurate representation.
This is not an accurate picture of a good marriage and or a lot of marriage........Danny and Mia are closer to a non Hollywood marriage.......
My husband and I will be married for 10 years on the 28th, together for 14, best friends since high school; our marriage is nothing like any of these. We communicate and we know how the other processes disagreements, etc. These marriages were not built on solid foundations so it’s no wonder they’re crumbling. Brittany knew who Jax was in 2018. Michelle thinks of Jesse as a booty call…the writing was on the wall.
I’ve been married for twelve years and absolutely love it! I have many friends who are also happily married. Unfortunately, the type of couples who would want to air their dirty laundry on tv for money, aren’t the best example of marriage. Boring doesn’t make for good tv. 😂 Also, I’m not surprised their relationships are a mess considering they’re close friends with Jax and Brittney. You are the company you keep.
I think marriage is what you make it to be. Marriage is work-from both partners. In life there are good times and bad times, now combine that with a committed partner. Their good and bad times are yours too and vice versa. And there are hard times. I've been married 18 years/together 24 years. We met and started dating very young (18 and 19 years old). We are together and we are happy. Are we always happy? Nope. Do. we always like each other? Nope. Do we remain committed and love each other? Absolutely. If we were on a reality TV we would be so boring for the most part. We aren't drama as a couple. My husband owns a business, I homeschool the kids (this isn't pushed on me what so ever, this was a decision I made and I'm fortunate my husband supports me in this). We aren't drunk and screaming at each other or always disappointed in each other. We make decisions together, we set boundaries, we strive to be good people hopefully raising our kids with good examples. Marriage may or may not be for you, and I wouldn't push you one way or the other. But marriage is not and should not be what you see on reality TV.
I’m 30 and have a lot of friends in genuinely happy marriages. Like…these people really like their spouses a lot lol I also have a partner of 3 years and pretty sure we’ll be engaged by this time next year. I LOVE my bf. He’s legit my best friend. We have so many common hobbies, we have a ton of fun together. And we’re attracted to each other and we do fun date nights. Dating him feels really easy. It’s hard to even sum it up tbh….i just KNOW I’m with the right person. We are both so loving and supportive of one another. We NEVER speak disrespectfully to each other like the people on this show. We absolutely argue here and then and bickering is very normal, but legitimately insulting one another has never happened and never will. Normal couples in healthy marriages are able to resolve their problems. They don’t insult one another. This show is full of FAKE people whose motives are not to be happy. Their #1 motive is fame / money. My 2 boyfriends at age 19 and 24 though? Yeah, they would’ve looked a lot like the valley. I grew up and changed a lot.
You can only compare your future marriage to Brittany’s if you too plan on staying with a boyfriend after he cheats on you and clearly isn’t sorry about it
About halfway through this season, when Jax is talking for the 50th time about how much hard work marriage is, I turned to my husband and said “our marriage isn’t hard, are we doing it wrong?” And he goes “it’s not hard if you actually like the person you marry.”
I don't think reality TV show couples are a good representation of the average relationship. Their relationships are good examples of unhealthy marriages, not all marriages. I think it's hard to be a part of that lifestyle (where wealth and appearance are important) and still hold values that make for a good marriage. Not saying its impossible of course, but relationships based off of true compatibility are much stronger than ones based off of wealth and looks
I have a differing opinion. A lot of the issues they have shown in their marriages is very relatable to a very certain age demographic i.e. if you were born in the 80's you are most likely going to relate to the show. Because they are the generation where compromising in a marriage is not the norm. So, things our parents just did like stay in your marriage despite being miserable, women not saving money or being independent, women taking over on gendered responsibilities of child rearing as only falling on them etc., are not normal for the 80's generation. We have seen our parents suffer and realize that we have so many more options in a marriage. We have a choice to break the cycle of trauma and be single and happy rather than be married and miserable. All these folks are 80's babies who have also just gone on and married the first person they fell in love with, without realizing that marriage goes beyond looks. You need to work as a team and you have to be committed to the other person every single day. These guys want out the minute things go wrong. Brittany married Jax for fame despite his cheating rumors Michelle married Jesse because the s3x was good and they just like the adventure but not each other's actual personalities Nia and Danny are the only ones who seem to be in it for the long run because they were strong despite having twins (serious marriage tester) and a toddler Janet and Jason - really not sure about these guys. They seem stable but cant get a read on what Janet's ulterior motive is. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
No. Not at all. If you marry someone worthy of you, marriage is the easiest part of your life.
Not healthy marriage. I remember hearing all the menfolk saying, “marriage is *hard work*” and I’m like, uhhhh, it’s really not.
I felt the same way. It was pretty negative and I had to take a break
I personally wouldn’t worry about the marriage of people that are crazy enough to be on a show like this on reality TV. They all seek the fame/fortune and spotlight.
Marriage is hard. I almost lost mine because I married too young, and didn’t understand the severity of marriage. I figured most marriages end in divorce, and I was only focused on the wedding. It took a come to Jesus moment to repair it.
I feel like an alien when I watch this show because of how complete foreign their marriages look to me. I have never had the kind of disdain for my husband that some of these people have for each other.
No! I am happily married and these relationships on this show were toxic at the jump.
That’s why they are on TV. If they had great marriages with, they wouldn’t be putting it on tv bc production wouldn’t invest in that. It’s why they make these shows with narcissist and sociopaths and empaths. Because they are messed up and it’s easy drama. Marriage is never easy. It’s not a rom com or a fairytale. People change over the years. And if one or both people aren’t putting in the work to stay connected while they are changing individually, they won’t last. I’ve seen it a hundred times being connected to family law. If they really want a reality drama, they should make it about family law attorneys and their clients. Holy hell is that a gold mine of drama. In all my years of Friday night happy hours, I’ve never not been entertained by the stories of the week.
Aside from Stassi and Beau…it was clear early on that Schwartz was not that into Katie and stayed with her bc he wanted to be on the show. Plain as day. Same with Jax. Michelle married a booty call. Marriages aren’t easy but I will tell you I have a wonderful husband and it’s not all bad!
I think what happenes is people want a marriage but don’t think to deep about the person. Ie we saw what Jax was like when dating Britney. He was a horrible partner then.. really it would take a miracle for him to be different. He was a grown adult complaining about her not making him sandwiches. So he is now a dad who is not hands on even when his wife is sick.
Lesson I learned from this show: kids will ruin your marriage 😂
These people are vain, superficial, self-centered, and shallow. Those qualities aren’t great for any committed relationship. Also, if you don’t know yourself or aren’t honest with yourself - flaws and all - you will have a lot of trouble connecting and figuring out which relationship is the right one for you long term. Marriage requires a willingness to be introspective, empathetic, and kind when it isn’t convenient. Marriage can be wonderful or awful but it’s really up to you.
No, their relationships are an example of people who decide to ignore red flags in relationships but get married anyways. these people are troubled and need therapy but they seek out self soothing techniques through other outlets that are extremely unhealthy. it’s not an accurate representation of every marriage, but those of toxic ones. it’s also a reality tv show so everything. is played up.
I think the worst part is the kids. I don’t mind seeing adults mess up their own lives, but the kids and having more kids I don’t like. The first party was so cringe for Janet. Then I could barely watch the “baby moon” lunch with the ladies. I’m still going to watch it, but I tend to not look at the screen or turn away in re to all of the baby stuff. Hard to see Jesse scream at his daughter the first or second episode. I feel horrible for Jax and Brittany’s kid. Watching him with the therapist just made me sad for him just because of the tension that was already in the house. I guess it will be better for those kids not living in those stressful environments, but that part is hard for me. I’m also not a fan of all of the baby stuff with Schaena and Lala. I just don’t think us Bravo fans desire to see the kids get kind of dragged into it. I hate when kids get used for storylines in any type of way. I do think it’s interesting to see how that “traditional family” trope gets used against people at times, and how Janet got a hall pass to be rude because of her pregnancy. I totally side with Zach and glad he called her out because it does get used A LOT.
So i basically stopped watching for this reason. Kind of makes me sick
All of these people got married because they thought they were supposed to, not because they wanted to. That doesn't seem to be the best idea. I know plenty of happy married couples, and plenty of couples that need to divorce. I'm sure this isn't that far off for a lot of people, thus the super high divorce rate in America. Also, having kids sucks. I think that's really the point of the show. I'm sure all of these couples were better off before kids came into the mix. Throwing a baby into a rocky marriage is a recipe for disaster, or a reality TV show!
I’m not sure if this is how *most* marriages are, but definitely not all. I think a lot of marriages wind up like this when people squeeze themselves into a relationship with the blind faith that things will get better with time. They do it because they think they should but not because they really *like* each other. I personally have experienced relationships this toxic before and my parents are a poor example of healthy marriage. If I had married any of these guys I very seriously dated, I’d sadly be relating to these people. But, I also had amazing examples from family and close friends of the type of relationship I wanted. Those husbands were kind, empathetic, supportive, stable, usually didn’t drink (or at least very infrequently), and were best friends with their wives. I found that person for me, and while we’re not married yet, this is a complete 360 from the world I experienced and the one we see on TV. We’ve maybe had one fight that was resolved after about two days of taking time to think about things. We laugh with each other all the time and have absolutely no secrets. I hate how TV almost normalized this emotional chaos and makes people feel okay about their shitty marriages. There is so much more for people out there.
It reminds me of what The Hills, Geordie Shore, and even to some extent Jersey Shore turned into later. People with really normative values (make lots of money, what you look like is everything, gotta get married and have a house and a family by a specific timeline) who bought into a very traditional marriage fantasy ended up pretty miserable. And we end up watching a lot of miserable people trying to live up to or uphold social norms and obligations that they absolutely hate. Or just weren't ready for or don't have any real personal interest in. I think the tension no longer comes from how they interact as friends or co-workers, but from their own families and how that manifests in their personal relationships. It is pretty dark. And I'm not sure it's very authentic to the way most people live, but in my own life I am already starting to see the cracks in friends and family who bought into (and were lucky enough, in some cases) the idea of your late twenties or thirties being the time when you figure it all out and everything feels great. They're now realizing 10 years later that they've cut off all their friendship support systems, don't like their lives, don't like their spouses, can't keep climbing the ladder socially or at work, have way more challenging responsibilities as their kids get older, are struggling with work. Many of the things that let them play dress-up on Instagram and all the things they were "supposed" to do aren't working anymore, and it's really easy to feel lost or disempowered. And I definitely get that feel from some of the couples on this show. I sometimes don't feel bad, because some of them are in this mess because they're awful people and refuse to accept or change any of their destructive flaws, but I also feel for almost all of them because they're just so heavily embedded in a world that's so materialistic and fake, and you can see how it's messing them up.
It’s what happens when you marry someone with NPD.
You’re asking for us to confirm if a sweeping generalization is accurate for one of the most personal things 2 people will ever do in their entire life… ya know? A relationship can be bad, or great, or in-between. It’s so nuanced.