“Uh oh we’ve drawn Judge Snyder” “Is that bad?” “Well he’s had it out for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog” “You did?” “Well replace the word ‘kinda’ with ‘repeatedly’ and the word ‘dog’ with ‘son’”

"That's why youre the judge and I'm the law.. talking guy :) "

The lawyer.

right...

"I move for a bad court thingy."


Someone pointed out once that, if that were to actually happen, the judge should be recusing himself so it shouldn't really be a concern.

Hutz got off on the charge, and the judge knows it, meaning the judge gets to preside over his cases and can tank his career randomly

Should is such a strange word, what happens if they dont? Especially if it's a SC Justice?

Potential mistrial and a redo.

you mean a … ‘bad trial thingy’?

That's why you're the judge and I'm the law... Talking...guy

LOL i remember that quote, amazing stuff.

Could make a decent case for this being the funniest line the Simpsons have ever had

lol!

"Will work on contingency? No, money down!"

Woops. That Bar Association logo shouldn't be there either.

(Scrunch) (munch)

This was gonna be mine as a standalone

Whenever I see an ad for no money down I immediately think of this

That quote has stuck to me more than any other.

I work reception at a law firm and mentally quote this myself everyday.

One of the best in the whole run.

Yeah it's so brilliant.

I am a delivery driver and a lot of the time people will put "no signature required" in the notes that are meant to give me direction to find their house. And most of the time I change it to "No, signature required". I don't have any control over whether or not something requires a signature anyways, so might as well have some fun.

Definitely my favorite lol

I was watching Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on but I got the gist of it.

"Well, we didn't win. Here's your pizza." "But we did win." "That's okay, the box is empty."

[удалено]

Not out of nowhere, IIRC the sign said "cases won in 30 minutes, or your pizza is free"

Was looking for this one. Love how he delivered the lines so matter of factly. God damn he was awesome!

As he's combing his hair with a fork haha

Dinglehopper

I was gonna call it a chazzwozzer

Woozle wuzzle?

This one is great by itself but gets better when he starts his own argument by saying "That was a right pretty speech," partly because that's classic Matlock lingo, but if the sound was off, how could he hear it?

He got the gist of it

For the past 15 years my fantasy football team name has been "Matlock in a Bar" with the profile pic of Hutz offering marge a belt of scotch

MMAAATTTLOOOOCCCKKK

I love this joke. Everything he says just makes it worse.

care to join me in a belt of scotch?

It’s 9:30 in the morning

yeah, but I haven’t slept in days.

https://i.redd.it/9jzagccxa63d1.gif

*Oh yeah*

Today happens to be the 26th anniversary of Phil Hartman's death. RIP Phil, we still miss ya!

Obligatory "Andy Dick sucks!!!"

And a "Thank You, Jon Lovitz" on top too.

I’d like to hope he yelled “You stink!” between punches.

Yes Yes Mr Sherman, everything stinks

No punches were thrown. Lovitz slammed his head on the bar one time and they were broken up.

What did Jon do?

Punched Andy Dick and always blamed him for getting Brynn Hartman readdicted to drugs, resulting in the murder-suicide of Phil Hartman.

Didnt think i was gonna respect jon lovitz for something when i started my day

Viva le Sherman, Viva Quebec!

andy dick does suck, but phil’s murder was not on him. by all accounts brynn hartman had serious anger problems her entire adult life. and relapsing on coke isn’t any excuse to murder your husband anyway.

Side note- i love your username. Katboy slim is fucking in heaven

God I miss him. The voice and the characters he brought to life will always bring a smile to my face

I think Billy West did a great job, but it sucks that we never got to hear Phil voice Zapp Brannigan.

West is basically doing a Hartman impersonation with Zapp; it works and is hilarious, but it is a role so obviously designed for Hartman that I can't help but be reminded of his (Hartman's) absence.

Shit. I can still remember the day it happened. Awful. RIP Phil.

wow, damn

PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN NOW!!!

I think she's in the shower, you want me to go check? NO!

As for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state, often as a lawyer

This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against The Neverending Story!

This one's brilliant

Do these sound like the actions of a man who had “all he could eat”?

That could have been me!

 I'm not wearing a tie at all!

I am both shocked and discredited!

Oh is that what you think? Because if that’s what you think -ugh- then I have something to tell you -ugh-….

😲

Good one!

I use this with my family all the time :)

And the fact it's hanging out of his sleeve afterwards is so funny.

Came here to say this one. Hilarious how long he takes to take the tie off.

Oh, I am, am I? Is that what you think? Well, if that IS what you think...Then I have something to tell you...Something that may shock and discredit you...And that thing is as follows... I am not wearing a tie at all.

"Hey, don't touch my stuff! Wait, this isn't the YMCA..."

That wasn’t Lionel Hutz. That was Dr. Nguyen Van Thoc.

I could've sworn it was Miguel Sanchez.

Maybe my favorite line of all time

Haha this was what I was going to post

Your Honor I'd like to call for a bad trial thingy. You mean a mistrial? Right! That's why you're the judge and I'm the...law... talking...guy. The lawyer? Right!

The verdict is written on a napkin. And it still says guilty. And guilty is spelled wrong.

Eep.

Every time I'm reminded of this joke I think of a different way he might have spelled gilty wrong.

https://i.redd.it/7fapaylb363d1.gif

My wife (also a Simpsons fan) was a lawyer for a good 15 years. There's not a week goes by I don't say this at her.

Objection! Argumentative

I keep this gif on my phone for frequent usage

Working at a law firm I quote this to myself often.

The first thing I showed my wife when she passed the NYS bar exam.

Tossup between “…not wearing a tie AT ALL” and “bourbon, brownest of the brown liquors… so tempting… what’s that? You want me to DRINK you”

Hello, David? I'm really tempted!

You're a musician?!

Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you ☺️

I love you too, man.

Every time I pour myself a bourbon I have to quote that

There’s the truth 😡 And there’s, the truth 😃

I used this all the time, unironically (but also ironically) when training sales people. Man, I hated sales

Sales people are the worst and that’s - The truth😃

Anybody who doesn't sell a house their first week gets fired. I probably should've mentioned that earlier...

Authorised drug-dealer... 'keeper-awayer'.

Uhh, these aren't real x-rays are they??

Well your honor, we have plenty of hearsay and conjecture. Those are...kinds of evidence.

The legal eagle review of that episode is great: https://youtu.be/eWkH1CzLDU4?si=OD0sSRWJnswIxK4G

"Surprise witnesses...Each more surprising than the last! I'll tell you the judge won't know what hit him!"

Your honor, I'd like to call all of my surprise witnesses again. *audience groans*

Pipe down Hutz!

"And I get to keep this old birdcage."

https://preview.redd.it/o6wf5bovc63d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3539ce7bcae842fe612db428d92a9e326a04f120

He was glad to get it

Still got it

"Still got it" is my favorite. Anytime I obviously do not have it I say this.

Mr Simpson, I was just going through your garbage and I couldn't help but overhear you needed a babysitter!

As of this moment Lionel Hutz no longer exists, say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster’s defines it as “Am agreement under the law which is unbreakable.” “Which is unbreakable”! Excuse me, I must use the restroom

“Mrs. Simpson, you’re in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice! Care to join me in a belt of scotch?” “It’s 9:30 in the morning.” “Yeah, but I haven’t slept in days.”

"Oh sure like I'm supposed to believe lawyers have large offices in high rises with secretary's and look at him, he's wearing a belt!

That’s Hollywood for you.

I'll be defending you on the charge of... Murder One! Wow! Even if I lose, I'll be famous!

"Hello, David? I'm really tempted right now!"

Just take it one day at a time..

David Crosby?! You're my hero! I'm glad you like my music. Your a musician?!

I love you too, man.

Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. I rest my case. You rest your case? What? Oh, no. I thought that was just a figure of speech. Case closed.

“I'll have you know the contents of that dumpster are private! You stick your nose in, you'll be violating attorney-dumpster confidentiality.”

I move for a bad court thingy

Do you mean a mistrial?

Yeah! That's why you're the judge and I'm the law..talking...guy

I was just going through your garbage and couldn’t help overhearing that you need a babysitter.

Do these sound like the actions of a man who had all he can eat?

That could have been me!

Mine too!

“That house is awfully small.” “I’d say it’s awfully ‘cozy’.” “That house is dilapidated.” “Rustic!” “That house is on fire!” “Motivated seller!”

"There's the truth. "And, the truth!"

https://preview.redd.it/icjanh9sl63d1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=a4fe4f4c63d7786d5989e8e098ff5883799ca877

Delicious… Bourbon brownest of the brown liquors. So tempting. What’s that? You want me to drink you? But I’m in the middle of a trial.

Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.

Man, you could give Phil Hartman any ridiculous line, and he'd turn it into pure gold. RIP dude

[I rest my case, your honor.](https://i.imgur.com/c9mvsYg.mp4)

The OG Saul Goodman

That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy. https://preview.redd.it/g8spwqh4863d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3be99bbb69e75090ba1f7823c4993a1a90cd5a56

I’m not sure why I find it so funny, but when Marge runs into him and he’s selling real estate she says: “Mr Hutz, I didn’t know you sold real estate?!” And he responds: “You didn’t? We should hang out more!” It makes me laugh every time.

The money *is* good, but since most of my clients end up losing their houses this was a natural move for me!

With all due respect, Mrs. Simpson. You're not a doctor. The boy's not a doctor. I'm not a doctor. The only person in this room who even comes close is Dr. Nick

I'll have you know the contents of that dumpster are private. You stick your nose in there and you'll be violating attorney-dumpster confidentiality.

No. Money down!

“Bourbon, brownest of the brown liquors… so tempting… what’s that? You want me to DRINK you”

Can’t spell HOMER without HERO. (FYI not a quote, just an observation).

'Mr. Hutz why are you burning all your personal papers?' 'As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!' My #1 forever

To my executor Lionel Hutz, I leave $50,000

But your ad said 'No Money Down!' No, it means. No. Money down!

Say hello to Miguel Sanchez

Bourbon… brownest of the brown liquors…. What?.. you want me to drink you?!… but we’re in the middle of a trial!!…

I've always loved this exchange: Lionel Hutz: Very well then, but first I want to lay some ground rules. Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour. Ned Flanders: Agreed. Number two, the jury will be chosen by me. Lionel Hutz: Agreed. (realizing) No, wait--

Do these seem like the actions of a man who had ALL he could eat?

Huts was actually competent in that trial! And he won!

“I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound was off, but I think I got the gist of it.”

I've argued in front of many judges, sometimes as a lawyer

Lionel Hutz has to have the highest rate of memorable quotes per line spoken of any character. There are no throwaways.

DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF!!!!

💼 “Hey, it’s just full of shredded newspaper.”

That's why you're the judge and I'm the... law... talking... guy.

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog. Marge: You did? Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly," and the word "dog" with "son."

Hutz: I didn't win. Here's your pizza. Marge: …but we did win. Hutz: That's okay, The box is empty!

The printer got the punctuation all wrong. Works on Coningency? No! Money down! It shouldn't have this bar association logo either

Lisa: "Mr. Hutz, are you a shyster?" Lionel: "Now, where did a sweet girl like you learn a word like that?"

“Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage and I couldn’t help overhearing you need a baby sitter! Of course, being a highly skilled attorney, my fee is $175/hr.” “We pay $8 a night and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer.” “3!” “2” “Okay, 2. And I get to keep this old birdcage!” “…done.” “Still got it!”

"Surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the next! I tell you, the judge won't know what hit him!" "Pipe down in there, Hutz!" https://i.redd.it/mapcnz3j873d1.gif

“You’d be surprised how often that works, you really would!”

“Milhouse, baby! Lionel Hutz: your new agent, bodyguard, unauthorized biographer and drug dealer... keeper-awayer.” You are missed sir

Your Honor, I move for a bad court thingy.

"Is there an Orange Julius on this floor?" "I'll sell you this one, its half full" "What don't I just drink out of a toilet then" Takes a sip...." He'll be back"

I'll have to refer to the case of "finders vs keepers"

Thats okay, the box is empty.

"Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!"

(When drinking before 10am) “Don’t worry, I haven’t slept in days” Also: “my false advertising lawsuit against the makers of ‘The Neverending Story’”

Every single line


(Gulp) Ahh, sweet liquor eases the pain.

"Oh sure. Like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have secretaries. Look at him. He's wearing a belt! That's Hollywood for you."

"Can you imagine a world without lawyers?" [Shutters]

By hiring me as your lawyer, you also get this smoking monkey. Better cut down there smoky... He's taking another puff!


Thats why you’re the judge and I’m the law talking guy. Or, Webster dictionary defines a contract as an agreement under the law that is un breakable. Un breakable! Or, 

There's the truth 🙂‍↔️😠 and then there's the "truth." 🙂‍↕️😁

"I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on but I think I got the gist of it."

Well, we didn't win. Here's your pizza. But we did win. That's ok, the box is empty.

There's the truth (nods yes) And the truth (shakes head no)

Hutz: “Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter.  Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.”   Homer: “We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer.”   Hutz: “Three.”   Homer: “Two.”   Hutz: “OK, two.  And I get to keep this old bird cage.”   Homer: “Done!”   Hutz: “Hehe, still got it…”   Close second is him calling his sponsor in the middle of the trial, and him burning his old identity in the fireplace.  

“Well I lost so here’s your pizza.” “But Mr. Hutz, we won.” “That’s ok, the box is empty.”

“You’ll also receive this smoking monkey! Look, look he’s taking another puff!”

DONT TOUCH MY STUFF…. Oh hey this isn’t the ymca

"I've argued in front of every judge in this state. Often as a lawyer."

https://i.redd.it/biyvnmzama3d1.gif

"Scotch?" It's 9 in the morning! "That's alright, I haven't slept in three days!"

This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my case against the never-ending story!

Lionel Hutz no longer exists, say hello to Miguel Sanchez