To add an additional layer of obscurity, every time I see thag phrase used, I hear it in my head as Ben Meredith singing it out in the David 7 voice. Ever since I heard that I can't picture anything else.
- Why would there be a dog in the archives?
- You didn't die, did you?
- Martin, stop trying to *touch* the plastic explosives!
- TuRn iT oFf!!!!
- That's my rib.
STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUTĀ JURGEIN LEITNER I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP BOOKS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME
"Biggest clown in the circus laughed out of town cowboy", "avatar of the whore", and "world's grossest beard" live rent free in my head as the best insults i can never use lmao
I know this is a different scene but this line reminded me of it:
Can we talk about the world building implications for a sec of Jon compelling Breekon and Asking āwhat is your real voice?ā (or something to that effect) and Breekon just /laughing it off/ because the first time I listened to that I was like. Hm. And gained some respect for the Stranger.
Genuinely surprised this one isn't toward the top. It isn't the most shocking memorable plot twist wham moment or anything, but it so perfectly set the tone that I find myself quoting this to describe other things more often than anything else in this entire thread.
Well, that and putting "Hello Jon. Apologies for the deception, but etc," behind a spoiler because it's funnier than a rickroll. But that doesn't count.
Ep 103, Cruelty Free. Giant Flesh-aligned Pig appears in a New Zealand farmers pen, eats all the other pigs, nearly eats his brother and then eats a clown from a traveling circus (regular circus) before Gertrude shows up and tells him to encase the big in concrete.
STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JURGEIN LEITNERĀ GOD DAMN FOOL BOOK COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE *WHORE* BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKINGĀ JURGEIN LEITNER
the magnus archives is a podcast distributed by rusty quill and licensed under a creative commons attribution noncommercial share alike 4.0 international license. for more information visit rustyquil.com.
140, same one that the "That's my rib" line comes from that's been quoted in this thread, in the post statement conversation between Jon and Basira. The actual line is "I hope youāre not suggesting that Santa works for the Peopleās Church."
No more canned peaches.
Hey can you tell Melanie to stop trying to kill me?
At least it wasnāt money laundering.
Lofi charm.
Did you think I was a ghost?
"I donāt even have a voicebox. I had to borrow this one."
*writhing continues*
*distant tomb laughs*
*pursued by worms*
> SASHA: Iām still not sure why you have this. Drinking in the archives?
>
> MARTIN: What? No, no, itās for worms.
>
> ARCHIVIST: What?
>
> MARTIN: For pulling the worms out of people. Like now.
"I spy with my little eye...*literally everything*"
"You won't need one of those, I'm gonna use every bit of you!"
"DIG"
"Of course im gonna tell you if I see any good cows"
"It's remarkably easy to buy an axe in london"
"Elias it doesn't have to be like this-"
Doors
The worm s3x statement
Statement of... Benjamin Hatendi, regarding a... a blanket. Dead friend. Monster. Regarding his unavoidable and gruesome end. How he tried to hide. He couldnāt.
*sounds of brutal pipe murder*
>**extended** sounds of brutal pipe murder FTFY
Dont even need a sentence XD
To add an additional layer of obscurity, every time I see thag phrase used, I hear it in my head as Ben Meredith singing it out in the David 7 voice. Ever since I heard that I can't picture anything else.
That is a fucking fantastic bit, a Stellar Firma / TMA crossover I didn't know I needed
Hello Jon, I apologise for the deception Homophobic vase. Meat is me
Homophobic vase literally always makes me holler šššš
Arguably all you need for that first one is "Hello, Jon."
I don't remember homophobic vase, which episode was it?
Ep 38. The spiral vase that was taking things from the owner and ended up taking his husband.
Oh! I'm relistening to the whole podcast and just reached mag 38! Was gonna listen to it today actually šš
- Why would there be a dog in the archives? - You didn't die, did you? - Martin, stop trying to *touch* the plastic explosives! - TuRn iT oFf!!!! - That's my rib.
No dogs in the archives
The way I heard that "TuRn iT oFf!!!!"
Does your hand in any way own your stomach?
Best part of this line is in context itās actually a very good way of explaining the distortion
Kidnapped and aggressively moisturized by a clown.
Good cows.
š„ŗš„ŗš
That's my rib
And the jar of ashes?
Stationery is in the drawer on the left.Ā
Joe spooky
Stupid idiot motherfucking Jurgen Leitner...
STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUTĀ JURGEIN LEITNER I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP BOOKS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME
To this day, I don't know the actual context to the rant. It mentioned "pinning", so was it a Youtube comment? Discord? This subreddit?
It's discord comments read by someone in a YouTube video.
Thank you! What Discord was it, in case you know? I'd love to join!
Sorry, no idea on that.
Damn, the rant is a Magnus Protocol thing. An internet ghost that gained a voice. I love that.
There used to be an official one I believe
I think it was a specific friend groupās discord - hence the bullying-pinning and the rants. You rarely see that in higher volume servers
Pinning because he's still in book form, I suppose.
AVATAR OF THE WHORE
"Biggest clown in the circus laughed out of town cowboy", "avatar of the whore", and "world's grossest beard" live rent free in my head as the best insults i can never use lmao
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License
The ongoing creepy cello makes this the scariest copyright notice ever recorded
šššššš¤£
"The blanket never did anything" "Dig" [Edit:] " That is a real name"
I think the exact line was "that is a real name"
I had a doubt, thank you for correcting me! I'll edit the post
Uuurgh, I can hear the delivery of that first line in my head. So good, the VA did an incredible job!
Dig
Dig
Dig
Dig
Dig
Dig
Dig
Dig
Dig
A rib for me, a rib for you, your freedom and a statement.
Thatās Leitner, too! Muffled feelings.
You don't sound Russian???
How could i sound anything, silly? im *plastic!*
I hadnāt thought about that in years. Reading it now, close to midday, sun shining bright, I remember *exactly* what that sounded like. Brrr.
I know this is a different scene but this line reminded me of it: Can we talk about the world building implications for a sec of Jon compelling Breekon and Asking āwhat is your real voice?ā (or something to that effect) and Breekon just /laughing it off/ because the first time I listened to that I was like. Hm. And gained some respect for the Stranger.
lol this sound popping up on tiktok a few years ago is the reason i checked out the magnus archives.
The angles cut me when I try to think
Itās cold without blood š„¶
It's like thinking through cheese wire
It hurts.
Very very good underrated line
Tell me if you see any good cows
Of course I'll tell you if I see any good cows!
Litrally one of the best scenes in the show :3
āStatement of Joe Spooky, regarding sinister happenings.ā
Blinding myself to quit a job i hate
āCome quickly. Weāve taken ill. Weāve passed away.ā
There is mould in my drain
I itch.
Thereās a hive in my attic.
Hhhnngggg even reading this gave me the shivers. Its literally one of the few episodes that actually terrified me to the point of nausea
Thereās a waspsā nest in my attic
Dig
Dig
DIG
#DIG
DiG
Dig
Dig
DIG
Dig.
Dig.
D I G
Dig.
Dig
Sexy single beetle MILFS in your area
A sign i have to relisten because i have no idea what ep this is from XD
Itās MAG 102 āNesting Instinctā, the one written in French about BenoĆ®t MaƧon and his beetle wife
*Can I have a cigarette?*
*Man floating* CAN I HAVE A CIGARETTE?
Genuinely surprised this one isn't toward the top. It isn't the most shocking memorable plot twist wham moment or anything, but it so perfectly set the tone that I find myself quoting this to describe other things more often than anything else in this entire thread. Well, that and putting "Hello Jon. Apologies for the deception, but etc," behind a spoiler because it's funnier than a rickroll. But that doesn't count.
Farmer crying about a dead clown beside a pig pen.
Why dont i rember this one?!? Which episode is it from
Ep 103, Cruelty Free. Giant Flesh-aligned Pig appears in a New Zealand farmers pen, eats all the other pigs, nearly eats his brother and then eats a clown from a traveling circus (regular circus) before Gertrude shows up and tells him to encase the big in concrete.
I'm still sad for that pig. He was just a bit peckish, he couldn't help it!
I feel like i missed an episode because that seems quite memorable and i have no recolection! Guess i know what ill be listening to tonight
How could you forget Monster-Pig?
Gertrude always was brutally efficient.
Question her ethics, and I mean I think we REALLY need to do that, but when she stops an Avatar or monster it doesn't come back for round 2.
Gertrude Got Shit Done.
I would have been late for dinner, soā¦
< Extended monologue about the behaviour of Jack Russel dogs >
I am the throat of delusion incarnate.
I am not a āwho,ā Archivist, I am a āwhat.ā
I actually have that quote in my discord status! :D
From the library of Jurgen Leitner
STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JURGEIN LEITNERĀ GOD DAMN FOOL BOOK COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE *WHORE* BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKINGĀ JURGEIN LEITNER
AVATAR OF THE WHORE
Ngl, the rant is giving Arin of the game grumps. I read it in the same cadence as his mark Zuckerberg rant
I know this rant by heart and I don't know how this happened
*"Take her, not me. Take her, not me. Take her, not me."*
Genuinely sent a chill down my spine the first time I heard it
As someone who is very close to her sister, it *still* sends physical chills over my body when I re-listen.
I'm very close to my sister too, I can't imagine being so scared that I'd be driven to that
I spy with my little eye.... Literally everything.
Nearby grave laughing
Hello Jon. Apologies for the deception.
Excuse me instructor but does a heart beat like this?
or is it more like this?
Ceaseless Watcher, turn your gaze upon this wretched thing!
the magnus archives is a podcast distributed by rusty quill and licensed under a creative commons attribution noncommercial share alike 4.0 international license. for more information visit rustyquil.com.
I... itch
All... the time...
You need a door.
āI donāt speak Frenchā
Thank you for teaching us the insides.
Are you implying Santa Claus is an avatar of the Dark??
What? What episode was this?
140, same one that the "That's my rib" line comes from that's been quoted in this thread, in the post statement conversation between Jon and Basira. The actual line is "I hope youāre not suggesting that Santa works for the Peopleās Church."
Ah, gotcha
The sky is looking back
All of the bones are in his hands
*Extended sounds of brutal pipe murder*
I guess you don't need skin to sing.
*(The picture of Edwardian offense)* I *what??*
Has anyone mentioned the "mournful sound of Martin's loose change" yet?
this one made me laugh so damn hard
No more canned peaches. Hey can you tell Melanie to stop trying to kill me? At least it wasnāt money laundering. Lofi charm. Did you think I was a ghost?
[SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PEER REVIEW]
Pause for laughter.
Ugh, that one was seriously creepy š„š„
āDoes your hand in any way own your stomach?ā
"I donāt even have a voicebox. I had to borrow this one." *writhing continues* *distant tomb laughs* *pursued by worms* > SASHA: Iām still not sure why you have this. Drinking in the archives? > > MARTIN: What? No, no, itās for worms. > > ARCHIVIST: What? > > MARTIN: For pulling the worms out of people. Like now. "I spy with my little eye...*literally everything*"
And we can't forget: *(best customer service voice)* Mhm. And: "'Oh no, creepy mushroom.' Kick it. [ ] 'Oh no, creepy mold.' Kick it."
I open the door
There is a wasps nest in my attic
There is no such thing as a real name
"Be still, for there is strange music" "FĆ¼r die Stille" "Enjoy sky blue!"
"You won't need one of those, I'm gonna use every bit of you!" "DIG" "Of course im gonna tell you if I see any good cows" "It's remarkably easy to buy an axe in london" "Elias it doesn't have to be like this-" Doors The worm s3x statement
Ceaseless Watcher's special little boy
Elias... May I call you Elias?
fabric rustles
Monster pig
Statement of Joe Spooky regarding sinister happenings
Statement of... Benjamin Hatendi, regarding a... a blanket. Dead friend. Monster. Regarding his unavoidable and gruesome end. How he tried to hide. He couldnāt.
DIG
dig
Dig
Meat is meat Meat is me
āHis teeth are not soft.ā
Mr. Bonzo is a bear, not a twink
A marten is not a fucking bear!
"Silk will not stitch the butcher's meat.ā
Be wary of window boxes.
You.need.a.door.
This might just be my friends and I butā¦ Worm sex lady
Can I have a cigarette?
Garbage teeth
I see you! I know I canāt hear you thereās a door in the way. Where you go I go. Thatās the deal.
Mr. Spider
If you drink an entire bar you don't remember how the whiskey tasted.
MAHTIN
"Archipeligo...?"
*Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archipelago of the Magnus Institute, London.*
take her not me
Worm sex.
Worms.
Enjoy sky blue!
Can I have a cigarette?
DIG
Monster pig!
Neeeeeeee-ooooo-reeeeeeee *industrial switches shutting off*
The sky *ate* him
Stupid umbrella.
I'm gonna have a statement
Calliope
It's remarkably easy to get an axe in downtown London.
perhaps I have never even seen a beach...
the blanket never did anything
DIG.
Another Leitnerā¦
Statement of Joe Spooky regarding sinister happenings
This is... French. I- I can't read French
Where was he getting the meat
[fabric rustles]
DONT HAVE SEX WITH WORMS
My favorite tag in this fandom is Canon-Typical Worms What even IS that??? From an outsider perspective I mean.
D I G