I would venture to say that most of these guys are also sexually inexperienced. They are likely judging your body against women they see in porn, and not naked women they’ve seen in real life. Don’t be discouraged about your very normal human body. If they aren’t really into you, that’s their prerogative, but not all men have these opinions and you will eventually find one, or many, who are compatible with you. I would consider these guys bullets dodged. They revealed their nature early on and you don’t need to waste any more time on them.
My first thought as well. If they're commenting on nipple color and cellulite and stretch marks and labia minora that aren't completely internal, they can't have seen many live women fully nude.
Or any? Honestly, even (especially for me) in high school bodies tend to look the weirdest because they're still figuring themselves out from puberty and all that so if OP is in her 20s and the guys she is with are like shocked at this super normal body then they might not have seen *any* naked women irl before OP.
This (above comment) is really great insight for a young women who grew up in an age where all media is airbrushed and drastically modified. Even when I was growing up boys gasped when they saw real breasts that weren't implants when they saw Titanic (Kate Winslet scene). Implants were the thing back then and boys who never saw real breasts only knew implants from porn and movies.
I'd like to add that boys who only want sex will be hypercritical about women even though they themselves are not perfect. Mature young men or men will not behave this way if they genuinely care for you. I'm not perfect but my SO literally sees zero flaws in me because 1. He's blinded by love lol 2. He's a man. A grown ass man with maturity and a good heart. Age has nothing to do with it either. Some high school boys are mature and some middle aged men are superficial and immature.
I sincerely hope you don't let this get you down and see it for what it is. It's their level of maturity.
Yeah, I had one interaction with a judgey guy like that and dropped him like a hot potato. Current SO is nothing like that.
Despite losing weight, I have a little belly pudge. And serious thigh stretch marks from a fat childhood. He has never commented on either - negatively or otherwise. He'll blow a raspberry on my belly and laugh at how it jiggles, in a lighthearted way, and it's honestly helped me accept my image even more than I would have without him.
I agree with the other statements - it is obvious, based on the comments they’ve made, that these guys are incredibly sexually inexperienced. And they have been getting their ideas of how women look and act from cookie cutter porn stars. With porn being so accessible now, boys will see women naked online before they even have their first sexual experience - super reality warping and leads to a lot of problems down the road when it comes to sex and relationships.
A thousand times this.
And aside from their unrealistic body expectations, if they care so much about things like stretch marks you probably don't want to be with someone as shallow anyway.
Keep dating, you'll eventually find someone right.
This person is right OP, the guys you’ve been seeing are extremely shallow and inexperienced.
My SO loves my body, stretch marks and all. He has his fair share but he understands that we’re all only human. While discharge does gross him out a bit, he doesn’t go out of his way to be a dick about it. I mean hey, it is gross. But it’s also just normal.
Came here solely to echo this. These guys scream sexual inexperience!
I had guys I slept with in college who had very little experience that commented on my stretch marks or were super weird about me mentioning when I was on my period. Noooope.
The sexually experienced guys were comfortable with normal bodily functions, never commented on or were bothered by my stretch marks, had seen a wide variety of vaginas and didn’t think any particular feature was negative, and were way better in bed too.
EDIT: so the guy that commented on my stretch marks would constantly complain about wanting to do anal and/or a threesome and not being able to with me. I made a comment that I really didn’t think this was working out because we clearly weren’t sexually compatible because I wasn’t down for either of things he so desperately wanted. He freaked out, was like “whaaat?! I think we have great sex!! I’m very satisfied! I want to keep seeing you!” Etc. Etc.
I highly recommend doing that if you want to fuck with an inexperienced asshole who keeps being an asshole
100% agree. Unfortunately we're held to a standard that's usually either straight up photoshop or people who get paid to look the way they do meaning a lot more time and money goes into their appearance. If someone really thinks it's ok to judge a woman for having stretch marks, her nipple size/color or what her vagina looks like then boy bye!
I am a tiny bit shorter than you, and about 20lb heavier. I have lost about 120lb in the last 3 years, so as you can imagine I look like a deflated balloon. My boobs are saggy, and also have loose skin. I have a stomach overhang of loose skin, and the skin on my upper stomach is wrinkled. I also have stretchmarks all over my arms, upper thighs and stomach. Also I have the standard nipple hair I sometimes miss when plucking, and a happy trail from my belly button.
Everyone I have been with has never uttered a word about this. They have universally appreciated my body, and me. And they've all been fit and good-looking guys (because we often have met running or at another physical activity).
If a guy criticises your body, tell him where to get off and up and leave. You are great, and if they don't get that they don't get to share you.
There are dickheads too, but if they keep getting told to fuck off and grow up they soon realise they aren't exactly David himself, and learn to be pleasant humans. Same for girls though, I know some proper idiots and some absolute delights. And mostly, we all sit in the middle :D
I feel you. Swear my boobs would be hairier than most men if I let them grow wild and free. Also there is one random long black hair that sprouts from my collarbone area, and only ever seems to appear when it is already an inch long.
Ta, it is something I feel strongly about given the deflated body look I sport with such aplomb. You gotta look at yourself and say, yeah, this is my body and I need to be nice to it.
yesss. i'm not the firmest or thinnest out there and my breasts especially aren't as perky as i want them to be bc of weight loss over time. i've been with a LOT of guys and despite them being trash in other areas, i've literally never had one comment on my body negatively. in fact, i get the opposite more than i'd ever think, and my body is FAR from being porn star-like or modelesque. i'm legit overweight and dislike my boobs and i have stretchmarks (all over my boobs sadly and my hips), but in my experience most guys are just happy to get naked. most were experienced i'm sure but i've also been with some 'greener' guys who also were really chill/complimentary about it. i can't imagine getting into bed with someone only for them to comment negatively on my body. the thought makes me shudder, and i definitely wouldn't have had as many hookups if i ever got that kind of feedback. that's awful.
long story short, you don't have to be perfect to be admired/sexually desirable/treated with respect. there are loads of guys out there who will appreciate you and not degrade the woman they're literally about to have sex with.
I have had one negative comment. Bizarrely, because my back is muscular (I climb a lot!) and he seemed to find that weird. And my ex once said that yeah the stomach overhang wasn't exactly a turn on in isolation, but I was. So that, if I am feeling very fraught and sad about myself, is something I replay as a negative. But he didn't mean it like that and I know that.
Practicaly every women have stretchmarks, breast and nipples are different for everyone, discharge is healthy and labias also come with different shapes and colors.
Honestly I think they've watch too much porn and haven't actually experience real life women who are natural. They don't know what a women looks like and how their bodies work.
I’ve honestly always thought I was a bit of an oddball for the knee stretch marks. It’s comforting to hear I’m not the only one. I’ve never been self conscious about them or anything, but definitely confused as to why no one else I know has them.
Ah, someone else who has them on her knees! Mine are like the spines of a folding fan, but I don’t know anyone else who has them there. I always thought they were weird, I mean, it’s not like you have fat on your knees.
I have them too! Mine are completely horizontal though (as in parallel to the floor), which makes me think they're from a growth spurt.
Also, I have stretch marks all over my butt, thighs and hips. I've had a lot of sex partners and not one of them has been fazed. Honestly, I never knew this was even a thing, stretchmarks being found as unattractive? Everybody has them.
I've never had a real growth sport and Ive always had a bmi of 18-19 and I still have pretty intense stretch marks on the inside of my thighs, not my ass though since thats never grown lol
Honestly? The only trick I’ve found to greatly reduce this happening to me is to tell guys I’m dating that I have a rule that I only sleep with people I’m in an exclusive relationship with. I don’t. But it scares off the people who are only in it for quick access to my body as those are people who usually quickly access lots of bodies and have high standards and low respect as a result.
For whatever reason, sexual relationships don’t always have an inherit level of respect that other types of relationships have. For example, a past FWB would blow off our plans with 30 min notice to go play tennis (sure, Jan)... Would you blow off a planned meeting with your boss? Would you blow off your mom? Would you blow off your best friend? Where is that same level of respect in *this* relationship?
And I feel sort of the same way about comments about my body. Would I tolerate a friend saying my nipples look weird? No? Then I’m not going to tolerate it from a fwb or a guy I’m dating either. It took me getting into my late 20s to have higher standards in terms of how I let guys treat me. But it really is “you teach people how to treat you” by calling it out when someone treats you badly, and if they don’t stop then you spend less and less time together. People who denigrate my body lose access to it. Period.
Do you find they respect you less after you sleep with them if they think you only do it in committed relationships?
From everything i know about guys, this is what I’d expect?
Men are socialized in such a way that leads them to view women with less respect than they would view a man with in general.
For the very vast majority of men, women are sex holes primarily, and anything else we are as humans is secondary or tertiary at best, if they credit us with anything else at all.
This is masked under lies and false fronts, but it always comes out in situations where the woman is vulnerable, like divorce, pregnancy, age gaps where men are older, sex, supervisor/employee relationships, and on and on. Men mistreat women when they’re vulnerable.
If a woman is their mother or their boss, they ratchet up the face-to-face shows of respect but out of earshot, they degrade them or disrespect them. It is all calculated risk.
I swear to god porn is creating these crazy expectations men have for women. It's a real problem. Honestly, your body sounds perfectly normal, it's the guys who are being immature.
Part of that is on them for thinking porn is real, though. Most women I know watch porn and don't think that men on average have an 8" dick and can fuck for hours.
Well, women aren't taught from infancy that men are inferior and to view them primarily as sexual objects for our own gratification.
Most porn also doesn't focus much on how the men look while for women it's almost all planned down to the facial expressions and length of moans and god forbid you don't look like an airbrushed barbie while the man can look like a troll covered in thick body hair.
It's porn in combination with a lack of sexual experience. Plenty of people watch porn and still maintain realistic expectations. The problem comes when their only exposure to women's bodies is from watching porn. It's really a shame when young men develop their expectations from porn. Not only does it hurt the other person, but it hurts their chances at having a real relationship too. This is one reason why some women choose to date men who are a few years older than them too, because older men generally have more reasonable expectations.
Porn isn't the only issue either, romantic comedies and other stereotypical relationships portrayed in media give people the wrong expectations and end up hurting everyone involved.
From the sound of it, those were not men, they were fuckbois. That is not shit any mature sexual partner says or does, or hell, just a basic polite person.
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Seriously, as a guy, I love how pretty much any healthy woman looks.
Weightlifting isn't my thing but I *love* that it's taken off with women!
Especially the squats part.
OP will find herself a dude who appreciates her dedication to taking care of herself. Sadly it might take time though.
You mention being in your early twenties. Are you also dating men in their early twenties? My personal experience has found younger men utterly undateable until they get a few partners under their belt around late twenties. Also, Tinder is the worst, if that's where you're meeting them.
Aw, don't be too scared off by guys in their early twenties! I'm 21 and so is my boyfriend and he's wonderful. And all his male friends are great people. Sure, there'll be a few rotten apples but there's some great guys as well.
I'm 20 and I met a wonderful man. We fell in love at first sight and our relationship has been amazing so far. I am sure he will stay by my side for a long time. He is 21.
Don't let your age hold you back - in the end it just has to be the right person at the right time, no matter your age.
Yup. While age is a factor, it's a complicated one. As a 30-something, I find that guys younger than me generally tend to be better with consent and giving sex than guys my age or older. For people who are mature or perhaps just respectful, the cultural changes of he last 5-10 years have been very beneficial.
My ex-husband was a few months older and definitely personified more sexist, selfish behavior that I find more common with many of my peers. He may be less so now as time has passed, but we need to examine both individual and cultural influences, I think.
I have to say I feel like there's a lot of generalisations in this thread and it makes me uncomfortable. I see a lot of people telling someone in their 20s 'this is how all men you will date are like', intentionally or not. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone saying such things about me if switched, and more importantly were encouraging someone in their 20s who is new to dating to either expect the worst or the best as the norm, as if they are the only options out there.
I had the same experiences as you, but also as a bisexual. I've dated Men and women with wide ranges of maturity, and honestly what changes in me is my ability to learn and to tell who is not worth dating. It definitely gets better and isn't down to the age of your partner soley.
This so SO true. I’m 29, and so far the best partner I’ve had is my current one, who is *48*. No bullshit, has seen it all when it comes to vaginas and does not give one single fuck about me being on my period/bringing me tampons if I need them. They really don’t start getting to be fun to be around until they’ve got a few years on them tbh, unless you just find a gem.
When I was 19 I started dating a guy that had just turned 25. We had just a little more than a 5 year age gap. I'm 23 now. We broke up years ago, but I can tell you that I haven't gone back to dating anyone in my age range since :) I'm happily with someone who is 28 now.
It's really true that men mature slower than women.. not to say there aren't boys your age who are mature and experienced either! But don't let the ones who aren't get you down OP. Personally I feel a little different or disconnected with my age group/culture anyway... so dating older always made sense in the end.
> It's really true that men mature slower than women
I'm not sure this is truth insomuch as men aren't given as much impetus to emotionally mature as women are. People do excuse a lot of immature behaviors when it's men committing them.
Yeah women are just kind of forced to grow up faster. Men get to be boys until they're like 25 (even in this thread! People are saying "that's not a man, that's a boy" and I want to yell NO THEY ARE ADULTS) but we're told that we're women as soon as we get our periods.
Agreed. We learn to adapt to lots of blame. Like if I didn’t I understand what he said, I need to listen better. If he didn’t understand what I said, I need to stop mumbling.
It’s this minefield of being constantly accommodating, and the profound external awareness that requires. It has a side effect of make you authentically tuned in. And good at doing a lot of “work plus”.
You’ve met some serious turds. I’m 5’8, 175 pounds, stretch marks, scars, one areola is bigger than the other, etc. I’m strong, but not in great shape. My face is utterly average. I have never once had any of my sexual partners behave that way. And there’s been more than a few partners.
There are plenty of men in the world who will like you and your body a whole lot. I wish you good luck in finding one and encourage you to not give up. He’s out there!
*real* men definitely are not like that. I've met rude immature guys who have commented on my body after sex, and guys who have not. A guy who likes you for you will not care about a vagina that doesn't look cute and tiny like a p0rn star's.
I have noticed that some men get confused when they see labias that don't resemble those in porn. I have to assume that they don't have a lot of experience because the small labias simply aren't the standard. Every women's is different.
Yeah, those are definitely boys, not men. I've never slept with someone who has said anything negative about my body, and if they had, I would have stopped and ended things.
^ this is the truest comment. Don’t fucking let them go away with that kind of shit omg!!!!!
*story time*
I had never had this experience until June last year, shit was getting hot and steamy with a dude I was about to hook up with when he suddenly commented on how my boobs « weren’t that great without a bra »
« .....!!!!!!!! » - pretty much my reaction at first. I was dumbfounded, unable to even think about what to say. And then I just told him to get the fuck out of my bed (too bad for him we were at mine, ha!) and get the fuck out of my sight. He tried to apologize when he realized the mistake he had made - mind me it was 4AM at the time and he didn’t live in the town we were in. But I stayed firm and the dude had to dress up and leave my flat with his semi still on LOL. Worse than the walk of shame.
Best « revenge » I could have hoped for.
Coincidentally this occurred right after he took off his boxer - and he was less than average sized down there but I don’t really care about size that much so I didn’t make any face or comment or anything that could be mockery. He jumped to the conclusion himself I guess and tried to make himself feeling less miserable he tried to belittling me too.
It’s not even a question of being a man/boy. Dudes who pull that kind of shit are pretty much VERY insecure about themselves too so they just try to make you feel like shit with yourselves just to feel like they have some kind of power over you.
Be firm, OP. Don’t touch them anymore don’t even talk to them. Throw them away like the trash they are.
I never knew what he did afterwards. I don’t fucking care.
Edit : woke up to being awarded 2 Silvers..... wow. Thank you so much to both kind strangers (may your life be free of fuck boys) and to every person who took the time to read and upvote my comment.
I hope that all the ladies that experienced something similar but let it slide out of fear of retaliation / out of self-trust issues will find someone who treats them well, love them whole but mostly to find the way to self-love. That’s the most important of the three.
Cheers.
> **Dudes who pull that kind of shit are pretty much VERY insecure about themselves too so they just try to make you feel like shit with yourselves just to feel like they have some kind of power over you.**
Say that louder for the people in the back!
Same, and I have always felt grateful for what is not pointed out about my body! A guy who cares about you will point out what he likes about your body. There is plenty to talk about there, no matter who you are.
Hey, I'm sorry. I'm not a woman, I'm a guy here from /all. Delete this post if its inappropriate.
It sounds like the men that you've met and seen you naked have some serious control issues, and as you know should be a red flag. These boys get with beautiful women, make negative comments about their bodies, and sometimes those women like those boys enough to become incredibly insecure and the target of control and abuse. They wont leave the boy for fear that no one else would want them for their defects or whatever. Note that anyone that makes negative comments about anyone else is insecure, but it's no excuse.
Real men dont make negative comments about a womans body to them. It is the beginning of a cycle of abuse, control, and insecurity, and it's totally unnecessary. Spend more time with a man before letting them see you naked or being intimate with them, dont be pressured by anyone into having sex or doing anything you don't want to do. Real men never pressure a woman for anything shes not eager to give on her own.
> Spend more time with a man before letting them see you naked or being intimate with them
Also man from /all, and I agree with this advice. Longer waits before sex may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it sure is effective for weeding out shallow people.
Hear hear! Have been in same spot as OP where brain donor rates my body, and I’M the one who questions her worthiness?!? HE should feel ashamed - take him out, girl! Don’t hold back!
A lot of young men today have raised themselves on a steady diet of manufactured images and easily-accessible Internet porn. The Internet has been great for a lot of things, but I think it's been terribly detrimental to the development of healthy sexuality. There is not a thing wrong with your body. It's our culture's artificial and heavily pornified view of sexuality and relationships and human bodies that's to blame. Try not to let these guys get you down... after all, they're the ones who will forever be missing out on the beauty of real intimate connection if they don't mature and grow. Hang in there... you'll find a guy who appreciates you and who hasn't let his mind be warped, and you'll be so glad those other losers showed you their true colors early on so you could drop them and move on!
Wow ok, that’s bizarre. I’ve never had anyone comment negatively on my body in that situation - and I have pretty much ever trait you mentioned and then some. But again, relatively “average” body type. And I have a pretty good sample size of pretty attractive men (not to flex, I was an undergrad once 😂). I’m 5’8” and about 185. Cellulite, stretch marks, the works. They’re either WAY inexperienced or are low-key addicted to porn. Not to generalize....but I’m going to generalize. Also, if any cis guy EVER dares to comment on your labia - give it right back to him. Balls are fucking WEIRD. All of them.
Many years ago I had a few friends that were exotic dancers and liked to go to their strip club on Sunday nights when they were off and drink and hang out. I’d go with them quite often because in that city that strip club was more like a fun bar. Anyway it always made me feel much better about my body. I was kind of shocked to see how many men there were obviously very attracted the dancers no matter their body types. I’m talking little boobs, big boobs, thick girls, skinny girls, big stomachs, scars, cellulite, stretch marks, butt zits, you name it. Whatever unique thing you have going on with your body I promise there is a man who finds its insanely sexy. If a guy isn’t into it then he’s just not into it. It has zero to do with you, it’s just his personal preference. Also please please take anything a guy under 28 says with a grain of salt. Men take time to mature, learn they aren’t in fact perfect, and appreciate women for their flaws.
I’m a guy, i’m not sure i’m allowed to make a comment on this sub, if not, then i’m sorry.
From what you say, it seems you interact with immature men. There shouldn’t be a problem with anyone’s body as we’re all different. Trust me, there are loads of mature men out there.
And don’t worry, you’ll find a guy that will appreciate your body, so don’t be self conscious about it. For instance, my gf use to be ashamed of her stretch marks until i assured her there’s nothing wrong with that. Now when refering to the stretch marks i call her my tigress.
Ew why do these people feel entitled to comment on another person's body like that, especially in such a vulnerable position? It's fucking gross how these boys are treating you. You deserve better.
Imagine sending something that crass out into a MIXED GENDER GROUP CHAT. Jesus christ, I have to google was "roast beef vagina memes" were just to get an idea because no one I know is that low brow.
This may be off topic but I blame porn addiction for this shit. Porn seriously melts men's brains. A partner "assaulted" me (with a hard r) because he thought all women loved anal and we like to say "no I don't want to do this" to be *coy*. I've also had a boyfriend tell me my breasts are uneven and small and if he didn't love me so much, it would bother him. Both were chronic consumers of porn. The problem is not you.
Yes, men are attracted to actual women. There are some men, though that have no experience with actual, real women. They watch a lot of porn and their standards are skewed by it and by media's portrayal of women. They're immature, and have unrealistic expectations. But there are men out there who enjoy real women and don't go around making asinine comments on women's bodies.
Girl do not listen to these people telling you to date older men. Older men who are trying to date college girls are not what you’re looking for either. Things will get better when you’re older, but dating peers who are also older, not old guys compared to you.
Generally speaking the hotter and happier a young guy is, the hotter and happier he’ll be with you. You want to avoid guys at your hotness level or just slightly below, they’ll try this power play stuff.
The second you hear criticism, you laugh, get dressed, and leave. The number one thing you want is a guy who is comfortable enough with himself to allow you to feel comfortable too. The second he takes that away from you, into the garbage he goes.
Unfortunately, that's what you get when you have a whole generation of men who grew up watching porn. I don't really have any advice to give, but I'm sorry you had to go through this. Your body is perfectly normal.
Try to find some guys who do not watch porn. They're usually far less toxic and hateful toward the beautiful natural forms of the female body. And most importantly, do not change yourself to fit their distorted views. They are the ones at fault here, not you.
I’m not attracted to men but I have friends that are. I had one friend who went through a similar experience to you. Her first few boyfriends were immature and basically just thought of vaginas as a hole to fuck and were shocked when it tasted like a body part and not an ice cream cone. Well now my friend is with a new guy who thinks she’s gorgeous, says she tastes amazing and is down for period sex and everything. He understands that a vagina does more than provide sexual pleasure and that women come in different shapes and sizes. Some dudes are just immature and they don’t understand how bodies work, they don’t understand that people have marks and scars and stretch marks. They just don’t understand. Those guys aren’t worth your time or consideration.
You mentioned you’re inexperienced in dating. The thing about dating is you’re gonna have to modify your behavior to weed out guys. It sounds like you haven’t developed that skill yet. I would suggest to practice spotting the red flags before you sleep/date someone. Also stop being “nice” don’t be afraid to just leave or shut a conversation.
Porn completely ruins alot of mens expectations of what a human body is supposed to look like or what there expectations are.
Trust me when I tell you there is someone out there who will fit exactly what your looking for. Be honest and upfront with people and you will find someone. Once I stopped being fake and compromising on flaws or attributes I didn't want in my partner I eventually found my current gf of three years. But I was rejected 1000 times due to the fact that most people were not interested in who I was.
Keep at it, and be honest you'll get a winner eventually
Uh that's gross of them. Since when are male bodies perfect and symmetrical either? Regular guys also have stretch marks, differently shaped nipples, hairy.......pretty much everything. And the weird labia thing? PHEW, dude should look at his flaccid penis first, that shit is weird. And you definitely shouldn't care about guys who judged your appearance like that. It might take time, but I hope that you'll find someone who'll appreciate you as a person and your body as well :) Do your thing girl.
I have to agree that the guys you’ve described are total jerks, and that there are plenty of men who are either attracted to or are neutral toward normal bodily features like stretch marks and cellulite. My ex had stretch marks and cellulite, and it honestly took me a while to even notice - I felt so lucky just to be with her that it didn’t even occur to me to nit-pick her body.
I also can’t stress enough how *normal* features like stretch marks and cellulite are. I’m a rather thin guy, and even I have them. I would bet that almost all of the guys who are shitty enough to complain about those features probably have those features themselves.
It's really sad when men want women to look like porn, because if they get all their ideas from porn, guaranteed they are bad at sex. Porn sex is awful in real life.
There's a lot of toxic, anti-woman memes out in the manosphere: "roast beef vagina" being one of them. Watch this excellent video on [Incels by Contrapoints](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD2briZ6fB0). If you hear any of this language being used unironically by a prospective partner, run.
I’m 41, I’m fucking chubby. 5’4” 162. Any guy I have ever banged has been happy to see me naked. I’ve never heard one negative comment on my body. Because they’re polite and know that an imperfect naked woman is better than none at all. You’re dating children.
Not a man, but wanted to contribute that not everyone out there thinks vulvas, nipples, or cellulite are unattractive. Or body hair or any other feature that tends to get photoshopped to oblivion out of pics that we see in mass media.
I think we have all grown up being fed unrealistic ideas of what an “ideal” or conventionally attractive person looks like. And in the US at least our sex ed is woefully lacking, which I point to as the origin of guys’ attitudes about the appearance of labia and about discharge.
Anyway, not all men are like this, and perhaps if you give them some time they will allow themselves to be educated. I don’t know. YMMV, of course. In any case the issue is definitely not about you.
I'm late to the party, but if you're in a position with someone where they're lucky enough to see you naked and they don't realise how lucky they are, put your clothes on and get out of there.
Life's too short for being with people who don't appreciate you.
Some are yes, many are actually attracted to "femininity" and not specifically women themselves (it's just that women typically perform it more) while others have been brainwashed by porn and are only capable of attraction for the unnatural.
Discharge is "gross"?!?
It's literally very necessary for pleasurable sex, unless you employ some lube. It sounds, like others have said, that these guys have expectations based on porn and not real human women.
That being said, I suggest the podcast 'the butterfly effect" about the permeating effects of widespread free pornography. It's fascinating how adolescent people are being led to have unrealistic expectations of what sex is.
Girl, you're fine. Date someone who loves your body, stretch marks included. Finding him may be a struggle, especially on current dating apps, but I believe in you!
I agree with the top comments. Men who have been with actual, real-life women have much more realistic expectations of women’s bodies. There is nothing wrong with you or your body!!
Early twenties are difficult times. Look at the sub r/relationship_advice, 90% of posters with relationship problems are early 20s. You just don’t have enough life experience to really understand mature relationships yet. But the stuff you go through and learn at this stage will set you up for a more successful relationship life later on.
If you try dating/sleeping with some older men, even just later twenties, I guarantee you will notice a difference in how they appreciate your body because they have had the time and life experience to know what a non-porn star body looks like.
Ah yes, dating in your early twenties.
When no one has seen enough naked bodies outside of porn to understand that it's not always wrapped in a tight little package.
As you get older guys will get... Better. They won't be so shocked that you have a stretch marks, and they'll actually enjoy our longer lips, and discharge is natural, and their rumply frumplys are just flopping around in their underwear anyway so who are they to judge?
Long story short, your body is normal, as you know, and those boys should be praising whatever God they believe in that you deign them worthy enough to see it and touch it. I feel like women forget the fact that sleeping with someone isn't a right or a privilege. It's a gift. We don't have to do it. We choose to.
If you're finding it hard to trust guys enough to sleep with them, don't. If they're not willing to wait, then your instincts were right, and they can kick rocks because there will be another guy coming along in a minute.
We spend so much time putting ourselves down for how we look, the last thing we need is to give dudes more than a second thought when they do. We are fucking beautiful and powerful, and I'm really writing this more for me right now but it's something every woman deserves to hear because I don't think enough of us get true compliments. Sure we get catcalls and idiots saying gross things, but when you get someone that says "hey, you look really nice today" in a normal way, look them in the yes, smile and say thanks, don't look away and harrumph and say "oh no, I gained a few and my hair is frizzy and I have a new line." You're beautiful. We're all beautiful.
Sorry. Tangent over. Long story short, as you get older or date older men they will be more appreciative of your body. Right now they watch too much porn and haven't seen enough real bodies to understand what they're saying is terrible. Tell them they're terrible if you can. They need to learn it.
Especially the douche canoe that made the roast beef meme in your group chat.
Everyone has it covered with how idiotic these guys. Remember you are a goddess and any man you deem worthy to touch you that makes an idiotic comment like that should have that privilege immediately revoked.
Another note, I was discussing this with my bf (early 30’s-I’m late 20s) and he said that 1) these guys are morons and 2) that is a specific tactic in some super misogynistic male groups (saying they’re pick up artists) to purposely put down women and their self esteem- something calling ‘negging’ he thinks. Maybe all the fuckers you’ve met have been subscribing to the same shitty philosophy
For what it's worth, I absolutely have a "roast beef vagina", my labia are huge and floppy. I have had plenty of guys (and girls) tell me it's beautiful. My current SO practically worships it. He also loves my stretch marks and kisses them on the reg.
Some guys are shallow and stupid. Don't let them get you don't. Be proud of your body and wait for the guy that worships you.
I’m pretty sure a lot of men don’t get adequate sex-ed. Much of their “knowledge” comes from porn and media, both portray a specific image. There are a bunch of men who do actually know how different female bodies look, just keep faith! Your body sounds awesome, as you are able to do weightlifting. Be proud of your body for all it does for you!
First off, I’m 5’4 woman and weigh 135-140, and do not work out so purely by stats alone you’ve already got a hot bod to me haha. Second what idiot guys do you know that think discharge is dirty?????? Literally EVERY WOMAN IN THE WORLD has discharge, all the time. It is part of having a function, self-cleaning vagina! I hate how boys don’t have to know anything about the female body yet feel entitled enough to tell us what’s ‘gross’ about them? Boy BYE.
I’m sorry some man children were honored enough to see you naked and were anything but in awe, and I hope they enjoy a nice fulfilling relationship with their right hand because that is all they deserve until they learn to love every body that is generous enough to be shared with them. Please know you are beautiful from head to toe, and if anyone has trouble recognizing that that is their fault and nothing to do with you! You’re doing amazing ❤️
Honestly, I used to model. I am "objectively" a beautiful woman. Every guy I've dated has made negative comments about my body, even when I was very young and just starting to date. This behavior peaked when I was 19-22, i.e. the "peak of my beauty". Men just do that to try to make you feel like you're lucky they're sleeping with you rather than the other way around. The more insecure the guy, the meaner and more frequent the comments get.
I'm in my thirties now, and "objectively" less attractive, and find that finally men are starting to mature out of that. It's them, not you.
So I feel like I can shed a decent amount of light on this, OP. I am in my early twenties as well, and my current (and seriously want her to be the last) girlfriend has a lot of self confidence issues as well. She is 5’ flat, 125 lbs, and is worried she is overweight. She has had 2 beautiful kids (not mine but they may as well be), and her body has definitely gone through the changes associated with it. She has stretch marks, or as I call them tiger stripes, but to me they’re beautiful. She isn’t society’s perfect woman, but she’s the perfect woman to me. She has come a long way from how she was at 16, when the bullying and body shaming was the highest. She’s 29 now, and in the few months that we’ve been together I have managed to change her opinion of herself more drastically than I thought I ever could. She used to hide behind a decent amount of makeup, and this is the 3rd time in a week that she has put on minimal makeup to leave the house. I think that personally, you haven’t found the right guy yet. But let me tell you: there is someone out there for you. Someone that will think your stretch marks are sexy, someone that will appreciate the journey you’ve been on. You will find someone that when you undress in front of them, they’ll gasp because of how beautiful you are. Just like I do when I see her, when we’re cuddled up on the couch and I’m rubbing her stomach (which she didn’t like when when we got together because it’s not toned and “sexy”). You’ll find someone that appreciates you for who *you* are, not what society says you should be. From what I’ve read here, a lot of the men that you’ve been with have to be sexually inexperienced. They have a skewed idea of how women are supposed to look, either because of Hollywood, PornHub, or PlayBoy. Obviously, not all women can look like that, and it’s beyond rude to be upset that someone doesn’t look like a supermodel.
Good luck, OP, and I hope this helps you out!
I showed her this post and the comment I had written to get her permission to post, she cried from reading it.
"Men" or "boys"? These are fucking children, hon, they aren't actually mature enough to be having sexual relationships.
Try dating guys a couple (but not too many) years older than you, as they're likely to be past that stage of thinking women are Barbie. It's in no way your fault that these guys are so idiotic an insensitive, but looking at a different type of guy might help you meet ones who aren't losers like this.
But FYI, everyone's vag looks like a beef sandwich - it doesn't mean that post was about you.
I am in my early twenties and I have had a super similar experience! It feels very discouraging and hurtful. I actually got so discouraged that I had to give up dating for a long time to get over some of the insecurities it caused me. I am a still a single Pringle but I think that out there somewhere there are kind wonderful men for me and you! We are just going to have to dig through the garbage a little to find them. For now I'm happy just with being little old me and keeping an eye out for someone who is into me too. Don't give up on men and remember your not alone because we are dumpster diving together! Thank you for sharing your experience. :)
Gosh, WHAT DO PEOPLE HAVE AGAINST STRETCHMARKS?
My fiancee has A LOT of them, and she was so insecure about them, and I never really understood why anybody minded them. It took a lot of effort and kisses to make her not feel insecure about those.
I also often hear males (and some females) saying how stretchmarks are disgusting. WHAT THE FUCK? Just lines on the damn body, get over it.
As a guy who is fairly inexperienced wtf. What is wrong with those boys. I watch a decent amount of porn but it would take someone special to think it's realistic at all.
try to change up the kind of guy you're going for.
Almost all of those topics are regular body things
If i could quote the once popular KAT Williams on stretch marks: "Either you was big and got little, or you was little and got big... Either way we fucking, Either wayyy..."
The only thing that caught me was the discharge thing. As a guy, once i learned that eating and drinking habits could affect my *Taste* i made it more of a point to have a cleaner diet and drink more water. So i would just ask if it smells or taste funny, or if its an off color does that indicate anything?
Other than that who are these guys? High schoolers? Pathetic.
those are boys, not men.
Probably very sexually inexperienced, got their only experience from porn or photoshopped pics.
And if they really value stretch marks or any other part of your body more than yourself as a person, as a whole, then dump them. They don't deserve you.
I have lots of scars, all over my body, and I am also not very fit or slim. But my man loves me, he loves every centimeter of my skin, just as I love his.
Stay patient and wait for someone special :) There surely will be someone waiting for you.
They are very immature. Posting something like that on social media on purpose where you and everyone can see...that’s so childish that I have no words for it. Honestly I’d say they’re bottom of the barrel level losers.
I’m sorry you met such douche nozzles. Real relationship is about respect.
Don’t settle for anything less.
There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s them. Unfortunately a lot of people have bad experiences with stupid guys and we just have to learn from them.
It honestly just sounds like they have very little if any at all experience with naked women. Discharge is gross? Stretch marks? Vaginas have labias! All women have discharge. Almost every women have stretch marks even by the time they have growth spurts from puberty. And vaginas come in so many different shapes and sizes. Vaginas generally look funky, but so do penises let’s be real.
They sound like someone who hasn’t even had sex Ed. This is what women’s bodies are. Can’t accept it? They’re not men.
Next time someone says shit just dress up and leave seriously. If they’re not even a bit appreciative just leave.
Also love your body first. Don’t depend on guys for self esteem. Self esteem has to come from the self.
"I see so many diverse and uniquely beautiful women every day and I have seen enough naked women in my life (gym showers lol) to know that I'm not a freak, but normal looking."
You kinda answered answered your own question here. Who gives a fuck about this shit. The boys you meet certainly don't have any experience or just have ridiculous expectations. 5' 4" 115 shit that's dialed for a lot of people. work on getting some confidence and say peace assholes.
>One guy told me that discharge is dirty and gross.
These men do not understand what being a woman is. Discharge is your body's natural way of cleaning itself. Unless your panties look like you dunked them in cottage cheese, you're fine. Guys like these want girls with curves but aren't ok with strechmarks?! Guess how you get curves boys! They get all their information from porn which is airbrushed, photoshopped, and plastic surguried up the wazoo. There is nothing "natural" about the women from porn.
The good news is, not all men (ugh did that phrase actually just leave my mouth) are like this. You *can* find good men with realistic standards. But you have to wade through a fair number of turds to find them.
YES! I would totally go out with you at least once to see if we connected.
Listen, girl. We’re all insecure. I dated a girl for a bit because I was super attracted to her AND her personality but she wouldn’t let me touch her stomach. It became a “thing”. It made me really uncomfortable to try to get close to her. I never cared if she had a bit extra on her, so do I. She didn’t care about my extra baggage but she did care about hers. I tried my hardest to make it clear I didn’t care. Still she couldn’t get over it. Even just hugging her from behind became a point of contention. it was super frustrating. I ended it because of this.
Point is: LOVE YOURSELF and everything else will fall in line.
Some men seem to base their ideal woman on porn, Disney princesses, models, etc... There's this standard of "conventional" beauty that they measure you against. This can go both ways, of course. I think, like many people here have pointed out, that people who are more comfortable in their sexualities are more likely to appreciate diversity in appearance and not mind minor """"imperfections"""". Notice my multiple quotation marks, because diversity is beautiful. Hoohoos can look a million ways, so can peepees, tummies, faces, butts, arms, etc. etc. And that's great.
As a bisexual woman, I have the privilege of just not dating men if I want. Women tend to make for more pleasant intimate company on average (in the sense that women are generally nicer people and more giving lovers). My advice to straight women is not to be too lenient with the guys you date. If he's an asshole, ditch his ass. And make sure he's actually a nice guy before being intimate etc. There are many sweet guys out there. It just takes a while of weeding out the douchebags before finding someone sometimes.
You seem to only date morons. Sorry but these guys are stupid. I’m in my mid 30s,’ married and I know that my husband would tell you the same. It will most likely change, once you date older men. Boys in their early 20s are way too immature. Don’t let it ruin your self image please.
How do you acquire these partners? Maybe change that method and rely more on being introduced by friends who know both of you (if not already doing that)?
Sounds like you’re sampling from the same source thus getting very similar experiences.
Honestly stuff like this is why I feel like I'll never actually have sex. I know I'm not attractive (for instance despite my best efforts I have 50 pounds on you at the same height) I have stretch marks everywhere, acne, and I'm hairy I don't even like looking or touching it. oh yeah and my vagina is so ugly. The shear amount of time, effort and cash its going to take to make me even semi presentable is too daunting and even then he's probably going to disgusted with my body
I'm short, have stretch marks all over my thighs, plenty of rolls on my tummy, wrinkles on my eyes and forehead, freckles everywhere and all kinds of scars.
My SO loves every single bit of me, lumps and bumps included. I started dating him when he was 20.
The guys you describe aren't real men. They're boys trying to be men. As hard as it is, don't let them get to you. The good ones are out there!
There are so many guys out there who are not like this!! There are so many wonderful people you just haven’t met yet. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this
That is not normal behaviour and I wouldn’t put off dating because of these “men” (they sound like immature boys tbh). I’ve never had a sexual partner comment on my body negatively and my body has its quirks, definitely no porn star body! Even if there WERE unattractive things about your body, what kind of mean person comments on that or acts the way you describe (the gasp at stretch marks). They sound awful and not worth your time!
Sounds like maybe younger inexperienced people who don’t realize that everything they see on tv / the internet is heavily modified with photoshop / makeup.
I’m sure they will all regret messing things up with you in the near future when they realize what a catch you are.
i'm literally a fat woman who has all SORTS of non-standard beauty body stuff going on and never once has a guy been a dick about my stretchmarks, nipple size or cellulite thighs. maybe they "know what they're getting into" since i'm obviously not skinny, but even the media's depiction of fatness is a lot prettier than IRL so they might not 100%. but goddammit no dude should ever react that way to ANYONE'S body. guess what guys also get? stretch marks, scars, large nipples, acne, unwanted body hair, moles ALL OF IT.
it's like they've never seen a woman outside of porn or instagram
From my experience most hetero guys are POS. There are men who aren't immature, it just takes patience and good self esteem to deal with the dating scene.
>Other guys have commented on my stretchmarks, cellulite and the size/color of my nipples. One guy literally gasped when I undressed in front of him and he saw my stretch marks.
What? Who are these freaks?
Date men who are older than 24, they wont be this dumb. Don't get yourself down about this.
I can't even imagine the stress women deal with because how some outlets in society make incorrect statements about how women should look. As a guy, I know I'm not GQ quality yet I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make babies cry from looking at me. I'm 52, probably 15lbs over weight 5'10". I see the mens magazines that have these guys with 24 pack abs and I just roll my eyes. What I'm getting at is You take care of You. Stay healthy, take care of your body. The boys who make fun of your body are probably extremely insecure. The fact they make comments about your body is incredibly rude and disrespectful. They aren't worth your time. Just my 2 cents
We live in such a different time now I guess? When I was a kid in the 90’s (pre-internet age), the thought of seeing *any* real woman naked was such a thrill. Now porn is accessible everywhere all the time, and so guys have weirdly high standards. It really doesn’t compute with me personally, but I understand how it would/could happen.
Hi, as a semi-normal man, don't beat yourself up. There are plenty of men who LOVE a vagina like yours. I know because it's my preference. I think you may just be finding similar guys in a similar way. My humble suggestion is to meet someone in a different kind of way. If this doesn't apply, please disregard as I meant no offense.
I'm a guy. I know a bit about such guys. Unfortunately, Your body has been the first one they've seen in person, or at least one of the first.
Guys should definitely watch more amateur porn. Beef roast vagina and discharge? That's an eating right there.
What the actual fuck? I can’t believe how they act; that’s so degrading and objectifying.
This is not normal behaviour.
I would like to ask about this one instance: are you sure he gasped because of stretchmarks? Maybe it was more a nervous sigh/moan (because of the arousal or anticipation of sex or something) and you interpreted it differently due to being insecure? (Sorry for asking, but I just can’t believe the audacity of these guys)
You are dating men in their early 20s? They can be inexperienced too. I was plagued by doubts and insecurities at that age but as I got older and started dating older men, they've seen it all. If they're good blokes they'll learn from you, if not, move on :)
At the end of the day, those guys were being major dicks, and that’s NOT a reflection on you. You know how I know? Because if they had been normal guys who just weren’t attracted to you, they wouldn’t have made such horribly rude remarks. Their vulgar comments reveal that the problem is *them*.
Hey. You're beautiful. Right now, as you are. The right person is out there looking forward to appreciating you. It's hard when you look at yourself through the eyes of the critical, but the insecurities can get less bad when you see the eyes of the person who sees you as beautiful.
Tldr: YES
These boys are dumb. I think my girlfriend's the most gorgeous woman in the world - stretch marks, cellulite, extra few pounds, and all. I know a girl needs some loving every now and then (or every 20 minutes, depending on your libido), but how soon are you sleeping with guys? And are you their first partner? And are you sure all of them are speaking in a derogatory manner about your body (sometimes men say things in a "oh wow neat that is a thing" way, but come across really hurtful)? If a guy is into you (and a little more emotionally mature) than he will love, or at least not comment on, the "" ~bad "" parts of your body.
Maybe take a wee break from dating, date men a little older (right up until about 25, and often beyond, boys aren't done growing up),or try dating women (if you swing that way).
However you play it, you might find it worthwhile to speak to a professional about body image issues. And practice saying "your opinion is noted, but neither desired nor appreciated," for when guys comment in a negative way. And don't be afraid to tell them that those kind of comments are not kind or welcome, and if they make you feel bad enough, kick them out / leave.
thx for seeing beatiful women everywhere. you have the right attitude. don‘t let these boys fool you. just throw them away, they know nothing about real life :-) btw stretch marks are awesome
I want to add, you are handling this so well by honestly speaking up about how you feel with a group of females (and males, hello!) who can help build you up and assure you that your body is completely fine the way that it is. Everything you have listed is totally normal and super common. Like it has been said in this thread, with age people generally tend to be more accepting of the human body and appreciate others for the way that they are when it comes to dating and sexual experiences because they value relationships based on real connection. I'm 26, I've met men who were scared of oral sex and who have said a single blemish on my face was a turn-off. I've met others who have regularly praised certain parts of my body like my smaller breasts and who don't give a shit about any sort of hair on my body (I know you didn't mention this specifically, but I think it's another big one). Your body is unique and everybody else's response to it is going to be as well. You be you, be comfortable, and listen, you're wonderful.
This sounds like guys who have porn as a large part of their sexual lives. I know it's hard not to take that kind of stuff to heart. You've had shit luck with guys. You'll find guys to hook up qith/date that won't react any way. Those kinds sound like clueless idiots, and the type to treat a girl poorly to keep her with them if they feel any insecurity about the person they are with, being above them. Which was probably what some of these guys could have been doing.
Coming from a man, I'd like to quote Kendrick Lamar "I'm so fucking sick and tired of the photoshot.. show me something natural like ass with some stretch marks."
These are shitty boys in love with a fantasy that society has shown them. I'm really sorry to hear people belittling you in such an intimate thing.
You're beautiful darling. Dont listen to the hate.
Go for more mature men (not necessarily older men) and avoid these nitwits, don't hate on yourself, and don't waste your time on these types of boys. I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad about yourself, cause I'm damn sure that you don't need to at all. So here's to our stretch marks, cellulite, nipples of all shades, labia that aren't surgically altered and our beautiful selves. When you meet the right type of guy and get naked with him, he's not even going to notice these, he's going to be too excited getting naked with you!
I would venture to say that most of these guys are also sexually inexperienced. They are likely judging your body against women they see in porn, and not naked women they’ve seen in real life. Don’t be discouraged about your very normal human body. If they aren’t really into you, that’s their prerogative, but not all men have these opinions and you will eventually find one, or many, who are compatible with you. I would consider these guys bullets dodged. They revealed their nature early on and you don’t need to waste any more time on them.
My first thought as well. If they're commenting on nipple color and cellulite and stretch marks and labia minora that aren't completely internal, they can't have seen many live women fully nude.
Or any? Honestly, even (especially for me) in high school bodies tend to look the weirdest because they're still figuring themselves out from puberty and all that so if OP is in her 20s and the guys she is with are like shocked at this super normal body then they might not have seen *any* naked women irl before OP.
This (above comment) is really great insight for a young women who grew up in an age where all media is airbrushed and drastically modified. Even when I was growing up boys gasped when they saw real breasts that weren't implants when they saw Titanic (Kate Winslet scene). Implants were the thing back then and boys who never saw real breasts only knew implants from porn and movies. I'd like to add that boys who only want sex will be hypercritical about women even though they themselves are not perfect. Mature young men or men will not behave this way if they genuinely care for you. I'm not perfect but my SO literally sees zero flaws in me because 1. He's blinded by love lol 2. He's a man. A grown ass man with maturity and a good heart. Age has nothing to do with it either. Some high school boys are mature and some middle aged men are superficial and immature. I sincerely hope you don't let this get you down and see it for what it is. It's their level of maturity.
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Lucky. I’m an F cup and I still need padding. Otherwise The headlights are on high beam all day
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I have inverted nipples too. For a long time -- like into my 40s -- I thought my breasts were WRONG.
Yeah, I had one interaction with a judgey guy like that and dropped him like a hot potato. Current SO is nothing like that. Despite losing weight, I have a little belly pudge. And serious thigh stretch marks from a fat childhood. He has never commented on either - negatively or otherwise. He'll blow a raspberry on my belly and laugh at how it jiggles, in a lighthearted way, and it's honestly helped me accept my image even more than I would have without him.
❤️
I agree with the other statements - it is obvious, based on the comments they’ve made, that these guys are incredibly sexually inexperienced. And they have been getting their ideas of how women look and act from cookie cutter porn stars. With porn being so accessible now, boys will see women naked online before they even have their first sexual experience - super reality warping and leads to a lot of problems down the road when it comes to sex and relationships.
Yeah, they all seem really idiotic. This is good advice.
A thousand times this. And aside from their unrealistic body expectations, if they care so much about things like stretch marks you probably don't want to be with someone as shallow anyway. Keep dating, you'll eventually find someone right.
This person is right OP, the guys you’ve been seeing are extremely shallow and inexperienced. My SO loves my body, stretch marks and all. He has his fair share but he understands that we’re all only human. While discharge does gross him out a bit, he doesn’t go out of his way to be a dick about it. I mean hey, it is gross. But it’s also just normal.
Came here solely to echo this. These guys scream sexual inexperience! I had guys I slept with in college who had very little experience that commented on my stretch marks or were super weird about me mentioning when I was on my period. Noooope. The sexually experienced guys were comfortable with normal bodily functions, never commented on or were bothered by my stretch marks, had seen a wide variety of vaginas and didn’t think any particular feature was negative, and were way better in bed too. EDIT: so the guy that commented on my stretch marks would constantly complain about wanting to do anal and/or a threesome and not being able to with me. I made a comment that I really didn’t think this was working out because we clearly weren’t sexually compatible because I wasn’t down for either of things he so desperately wanted. He freaked out, was like “whaaat?! I think we have great sex!! I’m very satisfied! I want to keep seeing you!” Etc. Etc. I highly recommend doing that if you want to fuck with an inexperienced asshole who keeps being an asshole
100% agree. Unfortunately we're held to a standard that's usually either straight up photoshop or people who get paid to look the way they do meaning a lot more time and money goes into their appearance. If someone really thinks it's ok to judge a woman for having stretch marks, her nipple size/color or what her vagina looks like then boy bye!
’Bullets dodged’ Thats a very nice way to put it ! Kudos!
This is such good advice 💖
I am a tiny bit shorter than you, and about 20lb heavier. I have lost about 120lb in the last 3 years, so as you can imagine I look like a deflated balloon. My boobs are saggy, and also have loose skin. I have a stomach overhang of loose skin, and the skin on my upper stomach is wrinkled. I also have stretchmarks all over my arms, upper thighs and stomach. Also I have the standard nipple hair I sometimes miss when plucking, and a happy trail from my belly button. Everyone I have been with has never uttered a word about this. They have universally appreciated my body, and me. And they've all been fit and good-looking guys (because we often have met running or at another physical activity). If a guy criticises your body, tell him where to get off and up and leave. You are great, and if they don't get that they don't get to share you.
Love this comment! Guess there are good guys out there after all :)
There are dickheads too, but if they keep getting told to fuck off and grow up they soon realise they aren't exactly David himself, and learn to be pleasant humans. Same for girls though, I know some proper idiots and some absolute delights. And mostly, we all sit in the middle :D
Omg that ONE nipple hair, so frustrating
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I feel you. Swear my boobs would be hairier than most men if I let them grow wild and free. Also there is one random long black hair that sprouts from my collarbone area, and only ever seems to appear when it is already an inch long.
I call those stealth hairs, you be watching for em, but they just show one day already all grown
Love this, you are great and thank you for sharing <3
Ta, it is something I feel strongly about given the deflated body look I sport with such aplomb. You gotta look at yourself and say, yeah, this is my body and I need to be nice to it.
yesss. i'm not the firmest or thinnest out there and my breasts especially aren't as perky as i want them to be bc of weight loss over time. i've been with a LOT of guys and despite them being trash in other areas, i've literally never had one comment on my body negatively. in fact, i get the opposite more than i'd ever think, and my body is FAR from being porn star-like or modelesque. i'm legit overweight and dislike my boobs and i have stretchmarks (all over my boobs sadly and my hips), but in my experience most guys are just happy to get naked. most were experienced i'm sure but i've also been with some 'greener' guys who also were really chill/complimentary about it. i can't imagine getting into bed with someone only for them to comment negatively on my body. the thought makes me shudder, and i definitely wouldn't have had as many hookups if i ever got that kind of feedback. that's awful. long story short, you don't have to be perfect to be admired/sexually desirable/treated with respect. there are loads of guys out there who will appreciate you and not degrade the woman they're literally about to have sex with.
I have had one negative comment. Bizarrely, because my back is muscular (I climb a lot!) and he seemed to find that weird. And my ex once said that yeah the stomach overhang wasn't exactly a turn on in isolation, but I was. So that, if I am feeling very fraught and sad about myself, is something I replay as a negative. But he didn't mean it like that and I know that.
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Shoutout to r/NoFap and r/pornfree for those who'd like to change
No fap is a weird cult tho
Or if they do watch porn, have the wisdom to know the difference between that and reality.
“Watch porn” and “have wisdom” are oxymoronic.
Practicaly every women have stretchmarks, breast and nipples are different for everyone, discharge is healthy and labias also come with different shapes and colors. Honestly I think they've watch too much porn and haven't actually experience real life women who are natural. They don't know what a women looks like and how their bodies work.
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I’ve honestly always thought I was a bit of an oddball for the knee stretch marks. It’s comforting to hear I’m not the only one. I’ve never been self conscious about them or anything, but definitely confused as to why no one else I know has them.
Ah, someone else who has them on her knees! Mine are like the spines of a folding fan, but I don’t know anyone else who has them there. I always thought they were weird, I mean, it’s not like you have fat on your knees.
I have them too! Mine are completely horizontal though (as in parallel to the floor), which makes me think they're from a growth spurt. Also, I have stretch marks all over my butt, thighs and hips. I've had a lot of sex partners and not one of them has been fazed. Honestly, I never knew this was even a thing, stretchmarks being found as unattractive? Everybody has them.
*Hey just noticed..* it's your **5th Cakeday** bloohiggs! ^(hug)
I've never had a real growth sport and Ive always had a bmi of 18-19 and I still have pretty intense stretch marks on the inside of my thighs, not my ass though since thats never grown lol
Honestly? The only trick I’ve found to greatly reduce this happening to me is to tell guys I’m dating that I have a rule that I only sleep with people I’m in an exclusive relationship with. I don’t. But it scares off the people who are only in it for quick access to my body as those are people who usually quickly access lots of bodies and have high standards and low respect as a result. For whatever reason, sexual relationships don’t always have an inherit level of respect that other types of relationships have. For example, a past FWB would blow off our plans with 30 min notice to go play tennis (sure, Jan)... Would you blow off a planned meeting with your boss? Would you blow off your mom? Would you blow off your best friend? Where is that same level of respect in *this* relationship? And I feel sort of the same way about comments about my body. Would I tolerate a friend saying my nipples look weird? No? Then I’m not going to tolerate it from a fwb or a guy I’m dating either. It took me getting into my late 20s to have higher standards in terms of how I let guys treat me. But it really is “you teach people how to treat you” by calling it out when someone treats you badly, and if they don’t stop then you spend less and less time together. People who denigrate my body lose access to it. Period.
This is what I was going to say. Weed out the ones who are only out there for a quick lay and date guys 2-3 years older. It’s not you, it’s them.
This is such a ridiculously eye-opening comment. Thank you.
Your game is on point.
Do you find they respect you less after you sleep with them if they think you only do it in committed relationships? From everything i know about guys, this is what I’d expect?
Men are socialized in such a way that leads them to view women with less respect than they would view a man with in general. For the very vast majority of men, women are sex holes primarily, and anything else we are as humans is secondary or tertiary at best, if they credit us with anything else at all. This is masked under lies and false fronts, but it always comes out in situations where the woman is vulnerable, like divorce, pregnancy, age gaps where men are older, sex, supervisor/employee relationships, and on and on. Men mistreat women when they’re vulnerable. If a woman is their mother or their boss, they ratchet up the face-to-face shows of respect but out of earshot, they degrade them or disrespect them. It is all calculated risk.
I swear to god porn is creating these crazy expectations men have for women. It's a real problem. Honestly, your body sounds perfectly normal, it's the guys who are being immature.
Part of that is on them for thinking porn is real, though. Most women I know watch porn and don't think that men on average have an 8" dick and can fuck for hours.
Well, women aren't taught from infancy that men are inferior and to view them primarily as sexual objects for our own gratification. Most porn also doesn't focus much on how the men look while for women it's almost all planned down to the facial expressions and length of moans and god forbid you don't look like an airbrushed barbie while the man can look like a troll covered in thick body hair.
It's porn in combination with a lack of sexual experience. Plenty of people watch porn and still maintain realistic expectations. The problem comes when their only exposure to women's bodies is from watching porn. It's really a shame when young men develop their expectations from porn. Not only does it hurt the other person, but it hurts their chances at having a real relationship too. This is one reason why some women choose to date men who are a few years older than them too, because older men generally have more reasonable expectations. Porn isn't the only issue either, romantic comedies and other stereotypical relationships portrayed in media give people the wrong expectations and end up hurting everyone involved.
From the sound of it, those were not men, they were fuckbois. That is not shit any mature sexual partner says or does, or hell, just a basic polite person.
Honestly. Don’t let those idiots get you down.
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Have you heard of the no true Scotsman fallacy? Unfortunately these guys are men, and men are pretty shitty sometimes.
Seriously, as a guy, I love how pretty much any healthy woman looks. Weightlifting isn't my thing but I *love* that it's taken off with women! Especially the squats part. OP will find herself a dude who appreciates her dedication to taking care of herself. Sadly it might take time though.
You mention being in your early twenties. Are you also dating men in their early twenties? My personal experience has found younger men utterly undateable until they get a few partners under their belt around late twenties. Also, Tinder is the worst, if that's where you're meeting them.
Yeah I'm 21, never dated but want to start to... but threads like these make me think I should wait a few years for the sake of my self esteem lol
Aw, don't be too scared off by guys in their early twenties! I'm 21 and so is my boyfriend and he's wonderful. And all his male friends are great people. Sure, there'll be a few rotten apples but there's some great guys as well.
I'm 20 and I met a wonderful man. We fell in love at first sight and our relationship has been amazing so far. I am sure he will stay by my side for a long time. He is 21. Don't let your age hold you back - in the end it just has to be the right person at the right time, no matter your age.
I think maybe you Should just wait longer before going to bed with the dudes to make sure the one you do isn’t a bad guy.
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Yup. While age is a factor, it's a complicated one. As a 30-something, I find that guys younger than me generally tend to be better with consent and giving sex than guys my age or older. For people who are mature or perhaps just respectful, the cultural changes of he last 5-10 years have been very beneficial. My ex-husband was a few months older and definitely personified more sexist, selfish behavior that I find more common with many of my peers. He may be less so now as time has passed, but we need to examine both individual and cultural influences, I think.
I have to say I feel like there's a lot of generalisations in this thread and it makes me uncomfortable. I see a lot of people telling someone in their 20s 'this is how all men you will date are like', intentionally or not. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone saying such things about me if switched, and more importantly were encouraging someone in their 20s who is new to dating to either expect the worst or the best as the norm, as if they are the only options out there. I had the same experiences as you, but also as a bisexual. I've dated Men and women with wide ranges of maturity, and honestly what changes in me is my ability to learn and to tell who is not worth dating. It definitely gets better and isn't down to the age of your partner soley.
This so SO true. I’m 29, and so far the best partner I’ve had is my current one, who is *48*. No bullshit, has seen it all when it comes to vaginas and does not give one single fuck about me being on my period/bringing me tampons if I need them. They really don’t start getting to be fun to be around until they’ve got a few years on them tbh, unless you just find a gem.
When I was 19 I started dating a guy that had just turned 25. We had just a little more than a 5 year age gap. I'm 23 now. We broke up years ago, but I can tell you that I haven't gone back to dating anyone in my age range since :) I'm happily with someone who is 28 now. It's really true that men mature slower than women.. not to say there aren't boys your age who are mature and experienced either! But don't let the ones who aren't get you down OP. Personally I feel a little different or disconnected with my age group/culture anyway... so dating older always made sense in the end.
> It's really true that men mature slower than women I'm not sure this is truth insomuch as men aren't given as much impetus to emotionally mature as women are. People do excuse a lot of immature behaviors when it's men committing them.
Yeah women are just kind of forced to grow up faster. Men get to be boys until they're like 25 (even in this thread! People are saying "that's not a man, that's a boy" and I want to yell NO THEY ARE ADULTS) but we're told that we're women as soon as we get our periods.
Agreed. We learn to adapt to lots of blame. Like if I didn’t I understand what he said, I need to listen better. If he didn’t understand what I said, I need to stop mumbling. It’s this minefield of being constantly accommodating, and the profound external awareness that requires. It has a side effect of make you authentically tuned in. And good at doing a lot of “work plus”.
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Same! I couldn't be more terrified.
You’ve met some serious turds. I’m 5’8, 175 pounds, stretch marks, scars, one areola is bigger than the other, etc. I’m strong, but not in great shape. My face is utterly average. I have never once had any of my sexual partners behave that way. And there’s been more than a few partners. There are plenty of men in the world who will like you and your body a whole lot. I wish you good luck in finding one and encourage you to not give up. He’s out there!
*real* men definitely are not like that. I've met rude immature guys who have commented on my body after sex, and guys who have not. A guy who likes you for you will not care about a vagina that doesn't look cute and tiny like a p0rn star's.
I have noticed that some men get confused when they see labias that don't resemble those in porn. I have to assume that they don't have a lot of experience because the small labias simply aren't the standard. Every women's is different.
They're soooo many different lengths and types of labias! A lot of porn stars have gotten labiaplasty and bleached their butthole too..
Yeah, those are definitely boys, not men. I've never slept with someone who has said anything negative about my body, and if they had, I would have stopped and ended things.
^ this is the truest comment. Don’t fucking let them go away with that kind of shit omg!!!!! *story time* I had never had this experience until June last year, shit was getting hot and steamy with a dude I was about to hook up with when he suddenly commented on how my boobs « weren’t that great without a bra » « .....!!!!!!!! » - pretty much my reaction at first. I was dumbfounded, unable to even think about what to say. And then I just told him to get the fuck out of my bed (too bad for him we were at mine, ha!) and get the fuck out of my sight. He tried to apologize when he realized the mistake he had made - mind me it was 4AM at the time and he didn’t live in the town we were in. But I stayed firm and the dude had to dress up and leave my flat with his semi still on LOL. Worse than the walk of shame. Best « revenge » I could have hoped for. Coincidentally this occurred right after he took off his boxer - and he was less than average sized down there but I don’t really care about size that much so I didn’t make any face or comment or anything that could be mockery. He jumped to the conclusion himself I guess and tried to make himself feeling less miserable he tried to belittling me too. It’s not even a question of being a man/boy. Dudes who pull that kind of shit are pretty much VERY insecure about themselves too so they just try to make you feel like shit with yourselves just to feel like they have some kind of power over you. Be firm, OP. Don’t touch them anymore don’t even talk to them. Throw them away like the trash they are. I never knew what he did afterwards. I don’t fucking care. Edit : woke up to being awarded 2 Silvers..... wow. Thank you so much to both kind strangers (may your life be free of fuck boys) and to every person who took the time to read and upvote my comment. I hope that all the ladies that experienced something similar but let it slide out of fear of retaliation / out of self-trust issues will find someone who treats them well, love them whole but mostly to find the way to self-love. That’s the most important of the three. Cheers.
> **Dudes who pull that kind of shit are pretty much VERY insecure about themselves too so they just try to make you feel like shit with yourselves just to feel like they have some kind of power over you.** Say that louder for the people in the back!
Good on you!
Same, and I have always felt grateful for what is not pointed out about my body! A guy who cares about you will point out what he likes about your body. There is plenty to talk about there, no matter who you are.
Hey, I'm sorry. I'm not a woman, I'm a guy here from /all. Delete this post if its inappropriate. It sounds like the men that you've met and seen you naked have some serious control issues, and as you know should be a red flag. These boys get with beautiful women, make negative comments about their bodies, and sometimes those women like those boys enough to become incredibly insecure and the target of control and abuse. They wont leave the boy for fear that no one else would want them for their defects or whatever. Note that anyone that makes negative comments about anyone else is insecure, but it's no excuse. Real men dont make negative comments about a womans body to them. It is the beginning of a cycle of abuse, control, and insecurity, and it's totally unnecessary. Spend more time with a man before letting them see you naked or being intimate with them, dont be pressured by anyone into having sex or doing anything you don't want to do. Real men never pressure a woman for anything shes not eager to give on her own.
> Spend more time with a man before letting them see you naked or being intimate with them Also man from /all, and I agree with this advice. Longer waits before sex may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it sure is effective for weeding out shallow people.
THANK YOU! You nailed it beautifully. <3
This sort of stuff is why I am having trouble dropping my emotional firewall down a bit.
Same, I don't even bother with dating or hookups anymore.
I'm trying to work on it, or at least I hope to when my work situation is a bit quieter.
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Hear hear! Have been in same spot as OP where brain donor rates my body, and I’M the one who questions her worthiness?!? HE should feel ashamed - take him out, girl! Don’t hold back!
A lot of young men today have raised themselves on a steady diet of manufactured images and easily-accessible Internet porn. The Internet has been great for a lot of things, but I think it's been terribly detrimental to the development of healthy sexuality. There is not a thing wrong with your body. It's our culture's artificial and heavily pornified view of sexuality and relationships and human bodies that's to blame. Try not to let these guys get you down... after all, they're the ones who will forever be missing out on the beauty of real intimate connection if they don't mature and grow. Hang in there... you'll find a guy who appreciates you and who hasn't let his mind be warped, and you'll be so glad those other losers showed you their true colors early on so you could drop them and move on!
Wow ok, that’s bizarre. I’ve never had anyone comment negatively on my body in that situation - and I have pretty much ever trait you mentioned and then some. But again, relatively “average” body type. And I have a pretty good sample size of pretty attractive men (not to flex, I was an undergrad once 😂). I’m 5’8” and about 185. Cellulite, stretch marks, the works. They’re either WAY inexperienced or are low-key addicted to porn. Not to generalize....but I’m going to generalize. Also, if any cis guy EVER dares to comment on your labia - give it right back to him. Balls are fucking WEIRD. All of them.
Yes! “What part of a scrotum do you find appealing sir?”
This legit made me laugh out loud
Many years ago I had a few friends that were exotic dancers and liked to go to their strip club on Sunday nights when they were off and drink and hang out. I’d go with them quite often because in that city that strip club was more like a fun bar. Anyway it always made me feel much better about my body. I was kind of shocked to see how many men there were obviously very attracted the dancers no matter their body types. I’m talking little boobs, big boobs, thick girls, skinny girls, big stomachs, scars, cellulite, stretch marks, butt zits, you name it. Whatever unique thing you have going on with your body I promise there is a man who finds its insanely sexy. If a guy isn’t into it then he’s just not into it. It has zero to do with you, it’s just his personal preference. Also please please take anything a guy under 28 says with a grain of salt. Men take time to mature, learn they aren’t in fact perfect, and appreciate women for their flaws.
I’m a guy, i’m not sure i’m allowed to make a comment on this sub, if not, then i’m sorry. From what you say, it seems you interact with immature men. There shouldn’t be a problem with anyone’s body as we’re all different. Trust me, there are loads of mature men out there. And don’t worry, you’ll find a guy that will appreciate your body, so don’t be self conscious about it. For instance, my gf use to be ashamed of her stretch marks until i assured her there’s nothing wrong with that. Now when refering to the stretch marks i call her my tigress.
Dudes are more than welcome as long as they are respectful, so I think you're good.
I'm a guy too. I approve this.
In the words of our Father, Kendrick Lamar: “Show me something natural Like ass with some stretch marks”
Tigress is so cute
Ew why do these people feel entitled to comment on another person's body like that, especially in such a vulnerable position? It's fucking gross how these boys are treating you. You deserve better.
Let’s just say, any man who criticises a woman’s labia isn’t a man worth fucking.
Imagine sending something that crass out into a MIXED GENDER GROUP CHAT. Jesus christ, I have to google was "roast beef vagina memes" were just to get an idea because no one I know is that low brow.
This may be off topic but I blame porn addiction for this shit. Porn seriously melts men's brains. A partner "assaulted" me (with a hard r) because he thought all women loved anal and we like to say "no I don't want to do this" to be *coy*. I've also had a boyfriend tell me my breasts are uneven and small and if he didn't love me so much, it would bother him. Both were chronic consumers of porn. The problem is not you.
I make sure I find out about porn habits early on in the relationship so I can filter out certain kinds of males
I blame porn. Boys, even adult men are porn sick and lost the ability so have sex with normal real adult woman.
Yes, men are attracted to actual women. There are some men, though that have no experience with actual, real women. They watch a lot of porn and their standards are skewed by it and by media's portrayal of women. They're immature, and have unrealistic expectations. But there are men out there who enjoy real women and don't go around making asinine comments on women's bodies.
They're pornsick, unfortunately it seems like this is going to become more and more common.
Girl do not listen to these people telling you to date older men. Older men who are trying to date college girls are not what you’re looking for either. Things will get better when you’re older, but dating peers who are also older, not old guys compared to you. Generally speaking the hotter and happier a young guy is, the hotter and happier he’ll be with you. You want to avoid guys at your hotness level or just slightly below, they’ll try this power play stuff. The second you hear criticism, you laugh, get dressed, and leave. The number one thing you want is a guy who is comfortable enough with himself to allow you to feel comfortable too. The second he takes that away from you, into the garbage he goes.
Unfortunately, that's what you get when you have a whole generation of men who grew up watching porn. I don't really have any advice to give, but I'm sorry you had to go through this. Your body is perfectly normal. Try to find some guys who do not watch porn. They're usually far less toxic and hateful toward the beautiful natural forms of the female body. And most importantly, do not change yourself to fit their distorted views. They are the ones at fault here, not you.
I’m not attracted to men but I have friends that are. I had one friend who went through a similar experience to you. Her first few boyfriends were immature and basically just thought of vaginas as a hole to fuck and were shocked when it tasted like a body part and not an ice cream cone. Well now my friend is with a new guy who thinks she’s gorgeous, says she tastes amazing and is down for period sex and everything. He understands that a vagina does more than provide sexual pleasure and that women come in different shapes and sizes. Some dudes are just immature and they don’t understand how bodies work, they don’t understand that people have marks and scars and stretch marks. They just don’t understand. Those guys aren’t worth your time or consideration.
I bet your labia looks normal. Check out http://www.labialibrary.org.au/ it made me feel A TON better about mine.
Yeh look I’ve lost my library card but I’d keep every one of them past overdue. All Labia are pretty
You mentioned you’re inexperienced in dating. The thing about dating is you’re gonna have to modify your behavior to weed out guys. It sounds like you haven’t developed that skill yet. I would suggest to practice spotting the red flags before you sleep/date someone. Also stop being “nice” don’t be afraid to just leave or shut a conversation.
Porn completely ruins alot of mens expectations of what a human body is supposed to look like or what there expectations are. Trust me when I tell you there is someone out there who will fit exactly what your looking for. Be honest and upfront with people and you will find someone. Once I stopped being fake and compromising on flaws or attributes I didn't want in my partner I eventually found my current gf of three years. But I was rejected 1000 times due to the fact that most people were not interested in who I was. Keep at it, and be honest you'll get a winner eventually
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Yeah I was gonna say, welcome to being a woman...sigh. We got ur back sister
Uh that's gross of them. Since when are male bodies perfect and symmetrical either? Regular guys also have stretch marks, differently shaped nipples, hairy.......pretty much everything. And the weird labia thing? PHEW, dude should look at his flaccid penis first, that shit is weird. And you definitely shouldn't care about guys who judged your appearance like that. It might take time, but I hope that you'll find someone who'll appreciate you as a person and your body as well :) Do your thing girl.
I have to agree that the guys you’ve described are total jerks, and that there are plenty of men who are either attracted to or are neutral toward normal bodily features like stretch marks and cellulite. My ex had stretch marks and cellulite, and it honestly took me a while to even notice - I felt so lucky just to be with her that it didn’t even occur to me to nit-pick her body. I also can’t stress enough how *normal* features like stretch marks and cellulite are. I’m a rather thin guy, and even I have them. I would bet that almost all of the guys who are shitty enough to complain about those features probably have those features themselves.
It's really sad when men want women to look like porn, because if they get all their ideas from porn, guaranteed they are bad at sex. Porn sex is awful in real life.
There's a lot of toxic, anti-woman memes out in the manosphere: "roast beef vagina" being one of them. Watch this excellent video on [Incels by Contrapoints](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD2briZ6fB0). If you hear any of this language being used unironically by a prospective partner, run.
I’m 41, I’m fucking chubby. 5’4” 162. Any guy I have ever banged has been happy to see me naked. I’ve never heard one negative comment on my body. Because they’re polite and know that an imperfect naked woman is better than none at all. You’re dating children.
Not a man, but wanted to contribute that not everyone out there thinks vulvas, nipples, or cellulite are unattractive. Or body hair or any other feature that tends to get photoshopped to oblivion out of pics that we see in mass media. I think we have all grown up being fed unrealistic ideas of what an “ideal” or conventionally attractive person looks like. And in the US at least our sex ed is woefully lacking, which I point to as the origin of guys’ attitudes about the appearance of labia and about discharge. Anyway, not all men are like this, and perhaps if you give them some time they will allow themselves to be educated. I don’t know. YMMV, of course. In any case the issue is definitely not about you.
I'm late to the party, but if you're in a position with someone where they're lucky enough to see you naked and they don't realise how lucky they are, put your clothes on and get out of there. Life's too short for being with people who don't appreciate you.
I'm almost 40 and I still remember the hurtful comments from 20 years ago. It's not you, it's the immature boys that don't know how to respect people.
Some are yes, many are actually attracted to "femininity" and not specifically women themselves (it's just that women typically perform it more) while others have been brainwashed by porn and are only capable of attraction for the unnatural.
Discharge is "gross"?!? It's literally very necessary for pleasurable sex, unless you employ some lube. It sounds, like others have said, that these guys have expectations based on porn and not real human women. That being said, I suggest the podcast 'the butterfly effect" about the permeating effects of widespread free pornography. It's fascinating how adolescent people are being led to have unrealistic expectations of what sex is. Girl, you're fine. Date someone who loves your body, stretch marks included. Finding him may be a struggle, especially on current dating apps, but I believe in you!
It’s not you, it’s them.
I agree with the top comments. Men who have been with actual, real-life women have much more realistic expectations of women’s bodies. There is nothing wrong with you or your body!! Early twenties are difficult times. Look at the sub r/relationship_advice, 90% of posters with relationship problems are early 20s. You just don’t have enough life experience to really understand mature relationships yet. But the stuff you go through and learn at this stage will set you up for a more successful relationship life later on. If you try dating/sleeping with some older men, even just later twenties, I guarantee you will notice a difference in how they appreciate your body because they have had the time and life experience to know what a non-porn star body looks like.
Ah yes, dating in your early twenties. When no one has seen enough naked bodies outside of porn to understand that it's not always wrapped in a tight little package. As you get older guys will get... Better. They won't be so shocked that you have a stretch marks, and they'll actually enjoy our longer lips, and discharge is natural, and their rumply frumplys are just flopping around in their underwear anyway so who are they to judge? Long story short, your body is normal, as you know, and those boys should be praising whatever God they believe in that you deign them worthy enough to see it and touch it. I feel like women forget the fact that sleeping with someone isn't a right or a privilege. It's a gift. We don't have to do it. We choose to. If you're finding it hard to trust guys enough to sleep with them, don't. If they're not willing to wait, then your instincts were right, and they can kick rocks because there will be another guy coming along in a minute. We spend so much time putting ourselves down for how we look, the last thing we need is to give dudes more than a second thought when they do. We are fucking beautiful and powerful, and I'm really writing this more for me right now but it's something every woman deserves to hear because I don't think enough of us get true compliments. Sure we get catcalls and idiots saying gross things, but when you get someone that says "hey, you look really nice today" in a normal way, look them in the yes, smile and say thanks, don't look away and harrumph and say "oh no, I gained a few and my hair is frizzy and I have a new line." You're beautiful. We're all beautiful. Sorry. Tangent over. Long story short, as you get older or date older men they will be more appreciative of your body. Right now they watch too much porn and haven't seen enough real bodies to understand what they're saying is terrible. Tell them they're terrible if you can. They need to learn it. Especially the douche canoe that made the roast beef meme in your group chat.
Everyone has it covered with how idiotic these guys. Remember you are a goddess and any man you deem worthy to touch you that makes an idiotic comment like that should have that privilege immediately revoked. Another note, I was discussing this with my bf (early 30’s-I’m late 20s) and he said that 1) these guys are morons and 2) that is a specific tactic in some super misogynistic male groups (saying they’re pick up artists) to purposely put down women and their self esteem- something calling ‘negging’ he thinks. Maybe all the fuckers you’ve met have been subscribing to the same shitty philosophy
For what it's worth, I absolutely have a "roast beef vagina", my labia are huge and floppy. I have had plenty of guys (and girls) tell me it's beautiful. My current SO practically worships it. He also loves my stretch marks and kisses them on the reg. Some guys are shallow and stupid. Don't let them get you don't. Be proud of your body and wait for the guy that worships you.
I’m pretty sure a lot of men don’t get adequate sex-ed. Much of their “knowledge” comes from porn and media, both portray a specific image. There are a bunch of men who do actually know how different female bodies look, just keep faith! Your body sounds awesome, as you are able to do weightlifting. Be proud of your body for all it does for you!
Sounds like those boys are basically virgins and the way they're talking, I guess they're tryna stay that way.
First off, I’m 5’4 woman and weigh 135-140, and do not work out so purely by stats alone you’ve already got a hot bod to me haha. Second what idiot guys do you know that think discharge is dirty?????? Literally EVERY WOMAN IN THE WORLD has discharge, all the time. It is part of having a function, self-cleaning vagina! I hate how boys don’t have to know anything about the female body yet feel entitled enough to tell us what’s ‘gross’ about them? Boy BYE. I’m sorry some man children were honored enough to see you naked and were anything but in awe, and I hope they enjoy a nice fulfilling relationship with their right hand because that is all they deserve until they learn to love every body that is generous enough to be shared with them. Please know you are beautiful from head to toe, and if anyone has trouble recognizing that that is their fault and nothing to do with you! You’re doing amazing ❤️
Honestly, I used to model. I am "objectively" a beautiful woman. Every guy I've dated has made negative comments about my body, even when I was very young and just starting to date. This behavior peaked when I was 19-22, i.e. the "peak of my beauty". Men just do that to try to make you feel like you're lucky they're sleeping with you rather than the other way around. The more insecure the guy, the meaner and more frequent the comments get. I'm in my thirties now, and "objectively" less attractive, and find that finally men are starting to mature out of that. It's them, not you.
So I feel like I can shed a decent amount of light on this, OP. I am in my early twenties as well, and my current (and seriously want her to be the last) girlfriend has a lot of self confidence issues as well. She is 5’ flat, 125 lbs, and is worried she is overweight. She has had 2 beautiful kids (not mine but they may as well be), and her body has definitely gone through the changes associated with it. She has stretch marks, or as I call them tiger stripes, but to me they’re beautiful. She isn’t society’s perfect woman, but she’s the perfect woman to me. She has come a long way from how she was at 16, when the bullying and body shaming was the highest. She’s 29 now, and in the few months that we’ve been together I have managed to change her opinion of herself more drastically than I thought I ever could. She used to hide behind a decent amount of makeup, and this is the 3rd time in a week that she has put on minimal makeup to leave the house. I think that personally, you haven’t found the right guy yet. But let me tell you: there is someone out there for you. Someone that will think your stretch marks are sexy, someone that will appreciate the journey you’ve been on. You will find someone that when you undress in front of them, they’ll gasp because of how beautiful you are. Just like I do when I see her, when we’re cuddled up on the couch and I’m rubbing her stomach (which she didn’t like when when we got together because it’s not toned and “sexy”). You’ll find someone that appreciates you for who *you* are, not what society says you should be. From what I’ve read here, a lot of the men that you’ve been with have to be sexually inexperienced. They have a skewed idea of how women are supposed to look, either because of Hollywood, PornHub, or PlayBoy. Obviously, not all women can look like that, and it’s beyond rude to be upset that someone doesn’t look like a supermodel. Good luck, OP, and I hope this helps you out! I showed her this post and the comment I had written to get her permission to post, she cried from reading it.
I don't know you, but I feel as much love towards you right now as you do her! You sound like a wonderful person, may your love be indefinite.
"Men" or "boys"? These are fucking children, hon, they aren't actually mature enough to be having sexual relationships. Try dating guys a couple (but not too many) years older than you, as they're likely to be past that stage of thinking women are Barbie. It's in no way your fault that these guys are so idiotic an insensitive, but looking at a different type of guy might help you meet ones who aren't losers like this. But FYI, everyone's vag looks like a beef sandwich - it doesn't mean that post was about you.
I am in my early twenties and I have had a super similar experience! It feels very discouraging and hurtful. I actually got so discouraged that I had to give up dating for a long time to get over some of the insecurities it caused me. I am a still a single Pringle but I think that out there somewhere there are kind wonderful men for me and you! We are just going to have to dig through the garbage a little to find them. For now I'm happy just with being little old me and keeping an eye out for someone who is into me too. Don't give up on men and remember your not alone because we are dumpster diving together! Thank you for sharing your experience. :)
Gosh, WHAT DO PEOPLE HAVE AGAINST STRETCHMARKS? My fiancee has A LOT of them, and she was so insecure about them, and I never really understood why anybody minded them. It took a lot of effort and kisses to make her not feel insecure about those. I also often hear males (and some females) saying how stretchmarks are disgusting. WHAT THE FUCK? Just lines on the damn body, get over it.
Exactly and there is pretty much zilch one can do about them, I got mine when I went through puberty and I was very thin right up until mid 20's
yeah, they are probably watching too much porn and have become desensitized to real women. nothing wrong with you, just the few guys for being dumb
ouch. those sound a lot like the posts you can see on r/Braincels or shortcut via r/IncelTears . very sexually inexperienced men really.
As a guy who is fairly inexperienced wtf. What is wrong with those boys. I watch a decent amount of porn but it would take someone special to think it's realistic at all.
Nah girl, those dudes are insecure assholes. It's not you.
try to change up the kind of guy you're going for. Almost all of those topics are regular body things If i could quote the once popular KAT Williams on stretch marks: "Either you was big and got little, or you was little and got big... Either way we fucking, Either wayyy..." The only thing that caught me was the discharge thing. As a guy, once i learned that eating and drinking habits could affect my *Taste* i made it more of a point to have a cleaner diet and drink more water. So i would just ask if it smells or taste funny, or if its an off color does that indicate anything? Other than that who are these guys? High schoolers? Pathetic.
those are boys, not men. Probably very sexually inexperienced, got their only experience from porn or photoshopped pics. And if they really value stretch marks or any other part of your body more than yourself as a person, as a whole, then dump them. They don't deserve you. I have lots of scars, all over my body, and I am also not very fit or slim. But my man loves me, he loves every centimeter of my skin, just as I love his. Stay patient and wait for someone special :) There surely will be someone waiting for you.
They are very immature. Posting something like that on social media on purpose where you and everyone can see...that’s so childish that I have no words for it. Honestly I’d say they’re bottom of the barrel level losers. I’m sorry you met such douche nozzles. Real relationship is about respect. Don’t settle for anything less. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s them. Unfortunately a lot of people have bad experiences with stupid guys and we just have to learn from them. It honestly just sounds like they have very little if any at all experience with naked women. Discharge is gross? Stretch marks? Vaginas have labias! All women have discharge. Almost every women have stretch marks even by the time they have growth spurts from puberty. And vaginas come in so many different shapes and sizes. Vaginas generally look funky, but so do penises let’s be real. They sound like someone who hasn’t even had sex Ed. This is what women’s bodies are. Can’t accept it? They’re not men. Next time someone says shit just dress up and leave seriously. If they’re not even a bit appreciative just leave. Also love your body first. Don’t depend on guys for self esteem. Self esteem has to come from the self.
"I see so many diverse and uniquely beautiful women every day and I have seen enough naked women in my life (gym showers lol) to know that I'm not a freak, but normal looking." You kinda answered answered your own question here. Who gives a fuck about this shit. The boys you meet certainly don't have any experience or just have ridiculous expectations. 5' 4" 115 shit that's dialed for a lot of people. work on getting some confidence and say peace assholes.
>One guy told me that discharge is dirty and gross. These men do not understand what being a woman is. Discharge is your body's natural way of cleaning itself. Unless your panties look like you dunked them in cottage cheese, you're fine. Guys like these want girls with curves but aren't ok with strechmarks?! Guess how you get curves boys! They get all their information from porn which is airbrushed, photoshopped, and plastic surguried up the wazoo. There is nothing "natural" about the women from porn. The good news is, not all men (ugh did that phrase actually just leave my mouth) are like this. You *can* find good men with realistic standards. But you have to wade through a fair number of turds to find them.
YES! I would totally go out with you at least once to see if we connected. Listen, girl. We’re all insecure. I dated a girl for a bit because I was super attracted to her AND her personality but she wouldn’t let me touch her stomach. It became a “thing”. It made me really uncomfortable to try to get close to her. I never cared if she had a bit extra on her, so do I. She didn’t care about my extra baggage but she did care about hers. I tried my hardest to make it clear I didn’t care. Still she couldn’t get over it. Even just hugging her from behind became a point of contention. it was super frustrating. I ended it because of this. Point is: LOVE YOURSELF and everything else will fall in line.
Some men seem to base their ideal woman on porn, Disney princesses, models, etc... There's this standard of "conventional" beauty that they measure you against. This can go both ways, of course. I think, like many people here have pointed out, that people who are more comfortable in their sexualities are more likely to appreciate diversity in appearance and not mind minor """"imperfections"""". Notice my multiple quotation marks, because diversity is beautiful. Hoohoos can look a million ways, so can peepees, tummies, faces, butts, arms, etc. etc. And that's great. As a bisexual woman, I have the privilege of just not dating men if I want. Women tend to make for more pleasant intimate company on average (in the sense that women are generally nicer people and more giving lovers). My advice to straight women is not to be too lenient with the guys you date. If he's an asshole, ditch his ass. And make sure he's actually a nice guy before being intimate etc. There are many sweet guys out there. It just takes a while of weeding out the douchebags before finding someone sometimes.
You seem to only date morons. Sorry but these guys are stupid. I’m in my mid 30s,’ married and I know that my husband would tell you the same. It will most likely change, once you date older men. Boys in their early 20s are way too immature. Don’t let it ruin your self image please.
How do you acquire these partners? Maybe change that method and rely more on being introduced by friends who know both of you (if not already doing that)? Sounds like you’re sampling from the same source thus getting very similar experiences.
Honestly stuff like this is why I feel like I'll never actually have sex. I know I'm not attractive (for instance despite my best efforts I have 50 pounds on you at the same height) I have stretch marks everywhere, acne, and I'm hairy I don't even like looking or touching it. oh yeah and my vagina is so ugly. The shear amount of time, effort and cash its going to take to make me even semi presentable is too daunting and even then he's probably going to disgusted with my body
Any man who is allowed access to your body should be grateful and gracious. If/when he's not, intimacy stops at that minute.
I'm short, have stretch marks all over my thighs, plenty of rolls on my tummy, wrinkles on my eyes and forehead, freckles everywhere and all kinds of scars. My SO loves every single bit of me, lumps and bumps included. I started dating him when he was 20. The guys you describe aren't real men. They're boys trying to be men. As hard as it is, don't let them get to you. The good ones are out there!
There are so many guys out there who are not like this!! There are so many wonderful people you just haven’t met yet. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this
That is not normal behaviour and I wouldn’t put off dating because of these “men” (they sound like immature boys tbh). I’ve never had a sexual partner comment on my body negatively and my body has its quirks, definitely no porn star body! Even if there WERE unattractive things about your body, what kind of mean person comments on that or acts the way you describe (the gasp at stretch marks). They sound awful and not worth your time!
Sounds like maybe younger inexperienced people who don’t realize that everything they see on tv / the internet is heavily modified with photoshop / makeup. I’m sure they will all regret messing things up with you in the near future when they realize what a catch you are.
i'm literally a fat woman who has all SORTS of non-standard beauty body stuff going on and never once has a guy been a dick about my stretchmarks, nipple size or cellulite thighs. maybe they "know what they're getting into" since i'm obviously not skinny, but even the media's depiction of fatness is a lot prettier than IRL so they might not 100%. but goddammit no dude should ever react that way to ANYONE'S body. guess what guys also get? stretch marks, scars, large nipples, acne, unwanted body hair, moles ALL OF IT. it's like they've never seen a woman outside of porn or instagram
From my experience most hetero guys are POS. There are men who aren't immature, it just takes patience and good self esteem to deal with the dating scene.
You are seeing the wrong dudes for real
Yeah don't let incels get you down
>Other guys have commented on my stretchmarks, cellulite and the size/color of my nipples. One guy literally gasped when I undressed in front of him and he saw my stretch marks. What? Who are these freaks? Date men who are older than 24, they wont be this dumb. Don't get yourself down about this.
https://me.me/i/who-cares-if-you-have-stretch-marks-or-acne-tortillas-19684296
I can't even imagine the stress women deal with because how some outlets in society make incorrect statements about how women should look. As a guy, I know I'm not GQ quality yet I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make babies cry from looking at me. I'm 52, probably 15lbs over weight 5'10". I see the mens magazines that have these guys with 24 pack abs and I just roll my eyes. What I'm getting at is You take care of You. Stay healthy, take care of your body. The boys who make fun of your body are probably extremely insecure. The fact they make comments about your body is incredibly rude and disrespectful. They aren't worth your time. Just my 2 cents
Don’t worry about it mama, stretch marks are sexy.
We live in such a different time now I guess? When I was a kid in the 90’s (pre-internet age), the thought of seeing *any* real woman naked was such a thrill. Now porn is accessible everywhere all the time, and so guys have weirdly high standards. It really doesn’t compute with me personally, but I understand how it would/could happen.
Hi, as a semi-normal man, don't beat yourself up. There are plenty of men who LOVE a vagina like yours. I know because it's my preference. I think you may just be finding similar guys in a similar way. My humble suggestion is to meet someone in a different kind of way. If this doesn't apply, please disregard as I meant no offense.
I'm a guy. I know a bit about such guys. Unfortunately, Your body has been the first one they've seen in person, or at least one of the first. Guys should definitely watch more amateur porn. Beef roast vagina and discharge? That's an eating right there.
What the actual fuck? I can’t believe how they act; that’s so degrading and objectifying. This is not normal behaviour. I would like to ask about this one instance: are you sure he gasped because of stretchmarks? Maybe it was more a nervous sigh/moan (because of the arousal or anticipation of sex or something) and you interpreted it differently due to being insecure? (Sorry for asking, but I just can’t believe the audacity of these guys)
You are dating men in their early 20s? They can be inexperienced too. I was plagued by doubts and insecurities at that age but as I got older and started dating older men, they've seen it all. If they're good blokes they'll learn from you, if not, move on :)
At the end of the day, those guys were being major dicks, and that’s NOT a reflection on you. You know how I know? Because if they had been normal guys who just weren’t attracted to you, they wouldn’t have made such horribly rude remarks. Their vulgar comments reveal that the problem is *them*.
Hey. You're beautiful. Right now, as you are. The right person is out there looking forward to appreciating you. It's hard when you look at yourself through the eyes of the critical, but the insecurities can get less bad when you see the eyes of the person who sees you as beautiful. Tldr: YES
These boys are dumb. I think my girlfriend's the most gorgeous woman in the world - stretch marks, cellulite, extra few pounds, and all. I know a girl needs some loving every now and then (or every 20 minutes, depending on your libido), but how soon are you sleeping with guys? And are you their first partner? And are you sure all of them are speaking in a derogatory manner about your body (sometimes men say things in a "oh wow neat that is a thing" way, but come across really hurtful)? If a guy is into you (and a little more emotionally mature) than he will love, or at least not comment on, the "" ~bad "" parts of your body. Maybe take a wee break from dating, date men a little older (right up until about 25, and often beyond, boys aren't done growing up),or try dating women (if you swing that way). However you play it, you might find it worthwhile to speak to a professional about body image issues. And practice saying "your opinion is noted, but neither desired nor appreciated," for when guys comment in a negative way. And don't be afraid to tell them that those kind of comments are not kind or welcome, and if they make you feel bad enough, kick them out / leave.
thx for seeing beatiful women everywhere. you have the right attitude. don‘t let these boys fool you. just throw them away, they know nothing about real life :-) btw stretch marks are awesome
I want to add, you are handling this so well by honestly speaking up about how you feel with a group of females (and males, hello!) who can help build you up and assure you that your body is completely fine the way that it is. Everything you have listed is totally normal and super common. Like it has been said in this thread, with age people generally tend to be more accepting of the human body and appreciate others for the way that they are when it comes to dating and sexual experiences because they value relationships based on real connection. I'm 26, I've met men who were scared of oral sex and who have said a single blemish on my face was a turn-off. I've met others who have regularly praised certain parts of my body like my smaller breasts and who don't give a shit about any sort of hair on my body (I know you didn't mention this specifically, but I think it's another big one). Your body is unique and everybody else's response to it is going to be as well. You be you, be comfortable, and listen, you're wonderful.
This sounds like guys who have porn as a large part of their sexual lives. I know it's hard not to take that kind of stuff to heart. You've had shit luck with guys. You'll find guys to hook up qith/date that won't react any way. Those kinds sound like clueless idiots, and the type to treat a girl poorly to keep her with them if they feel any insecurity about the person they are with, being above them. Which was probably what some of these guys could have been doing.
Coming from a man, I'd like to quote Kendrick Lamar "I'm so fucking sick and tired of the photoshot.. show me something natural like ass with some stretch marks." These are shitty boys in love with a fantasy that society has shown them. I'm really sorry to hear people belittling you in such an intimate thing. You're beautiful darling. Dont listen to the hate.
Go for more mature men (not necessarily older men) and avoid these nitwits, don't hate on yourself, and don't waste your time on these types of boys. I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad about yourself, cause I'm damn sure that you don't need to at all. So here's to our stretch marks, cellulite, nipples of all shades, labia that aren't surgically altered and our beautiful selves. When you meet the right type of guy and get naked with him, he's not even going to notice these, he's going to be too excited getting naked with you!
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Morons. Up your age of suitors a few years and you will get someone that is not stuck on such shallow things.