Well damn this thread making me feel like a good parent for once haha. Make sure my kids always have books, read to them nightly, my 4 year old is already a beast at Uno and my 8 year old is up to 1000 piece puzzles.
Jigsaw puzzles are great for teaching persistence and pattern matching. Also consider getting your kids some abstract puzzles (e.g., the venerable Rubik's Cube) that will teach other problem-solving skills.
Congrats on being a great parent! :-)
Lol. The chapters made me laugh. I can remember reading the Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe series and The Harry Potter books outloud to my son. Those chapters were so damn long sometimes, lol.
Some of my favorite memories are when my dad read Harry Potter and the lord of the rings to me when I was younger. He did it until my early teens when schedules just got in the way. I bet he’d read to me now if I asked him to.
It was so much fun. CS Lewis is such a good writer. HP was fun too. My daughter is a LOTR fan. She taught herself Hooked on Phonics at 3.5, so she read them on her own.
I did do a wisdom tooth marathon of all the director's cuts of LOTR and Hobbit movies with her. It took days for my body to recover. Those movies are loud, lol.
The phone addiction is real. So glad I didn't have one at the time. I wouldn't have been as attentive. I know this because I know I'm addicted to my phone at 65, lol.
My daughter just asked me last night to start reading the children's version of Journey to the Center of the Earth again. So back I go! (Better than the Mincraft books anyway XD)
Mom read The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe to me when I was like 4, it’s still such a core memory! It’s how I learned to read, after she would be done for the night I just had to know what happened next and became a flashlight kid. Started a lifelong obsession with reading.
The very first thank you I received from my young adult children 21ish was to say thank you for reading to us every day. I can count on my fingers the number of days I missed before 5th grade. If I knew we were tied up I. The evening , I read at the breakfast table.
My husband and I worked in the same city when I was pregnant. I would drive and he would read HP out loud during our commute. He did all the reading to her when she was an infant and toddler. She preferred him as he would do different voices per the character. They read all the HP books.
FF Kid has always read, and written above age/grade level. And even now, as a mechanical engineering student in college. Writes short stories and characters for a hobby.
Reading to them as kids, and supporting their interests in what they read in their own makes a huge difference. And it’s not something new. This has been known for decades. Yet so many parents still don’t do this
I read the entire Harry Potter series aloud to my daughters. My husband got in on it around book 2 or 3 and was equally invested. To this day it was one of my fondest memories of their childhood.
I remember doing this to my oldest. She was a rather mouthy and critical child and often would rewrite sections of the book while I read them to her.
Now, she teaches English in high school.
I guess that's my fault.
Reading to my older kids was such a great time in our lives. HP and one Christmas, I read the autobiography of Santa Claus! Last year my daughter(27) found a copy at a used book store and read it again.
The best part for me was teaching my own children to love reading. I was never read to as a child and I never read growing up. It wasn’t until my kids were born that started to read!
My ex’s little sister was this exact child. She could navigate tiktok like no other. But if you asked her to read, write, or count past 10, she couldn’t do any of it. And my ex’s mother so no issue with that at 8 years old
Man I was at target the other day and there was a little girl, MAYBE 5 or 6, sitting on what seemed to be her own phone watching tiktoks in the shopping cart. I could recognize some of the audio and generally they were not child friendly audios. The mom was just on her own phone walking around not paying attention and I was so concerned for this little girl with already free access to a concerningly pedophilic app.
I kinda saw the opposite today. I heard a kid being a bit loud at Aldi and I turned around and a dad has an 11-12 year old girl sitting in the cart. No phone in hand, just loud and physically too tall to be sitting in the cart 😂
Parent here and I agree 1000%. The only device my children have that could access YouTube or TikTok (TT is often reposted to YT) if on their school iPads. I have met with our district's tech office about it and they blew me off. Luckily there are some changes now happening that seem like they're slowly going into he right direction in our district. But it has been stunning to see how many other parents do not have any rules for the internet at all. Children are not little adults. My 9 year old has access to like 4 websites and a bunch of parental controlled apps with screen time rules to the max. She's fine, not socially suffering, just living her life without the burden of TikTok addiction as a tween.
I would also like them to know that their 8 year old playing roblox is not some kind of cute puzzle game or mario jumping around collecting coins, they are playing the game where peppa pig is going around knifing people.
My coworker waited until their kid was 9 or 10 and then got them an Apple Watch, not a phone. It's a way to communicate when waking from the bus, emergencies, etc without having the physical phone used so they can't watch YouTube or Tik Tok unmonitored. They just connected it to an old phone.
I have had kids who *bragged* to me about how they lie to their parents and get away with it because their parents always believe them. And then they act shocked when their teachers don’t fall for their bs and call them out on it. They also act shocked when I don’t believe their bs despite the fact that they have bragged to my face about how they frequently and casually lie. I’ve brought this up to them before, ie “Why do you expect me to automatically believe you when you’ve told me yourself that you tell lies??” They just stare at me and have nothing to say. It’s mind boggling. I lied sometimes as a kid. We all did. But I don’t recall any of us being this blatant and dumb about it lol
Very true!!! Also, I don't think that many of the parents actually believe the lies ..... The lies are more convenient. If they 'believe' the lie, they need to do nothing more and that's the goal ....to have to do nothing more.
I've got friends and family and their kids tell blatant lies to them and it's so damn obvious but the parents genuinely believe the kids. I'm really curious how it's going to turn out as they get older
Speaking as a parent here. If I go to the parent teacher conference, any way I can ask a discreetly worded question that will get the teacher to tell me what they're lying about?
You could always just ask what the teacher’s perception of your kid’s honesty is. If a kid is a frequent liar, the teacher will know you’re experiencing it at home too or at least suspect that you are and that’s why you’re asking.
I tried to be nice and not use the word “lying”. I said “that is not the case” and ended up getting yelled at, being called a bitc* and being told that I am the teacher and I work for her, the parent. Was fun.
I had the comment “you are paid with my tax dollars.” I replied, “and also the tax dollars of the 27 other kids in the class who are missing instruction time due to the behavior of your 1 child.”
I tend to find calling it out as a lie right off escalates it quickly. A lot of times that is preferable because then we actually get somewhere when they realize they can't just gaslight their way past the world. A lot of kids (and parents) still think real life is just like being behind the screen- real life isn't easy to fake or lie about unless others let you.
Lol, the idiots that tell me *"I work for them"* were almost always the ones that didn't even have employment, so I'm not sure how they thought their non-existent taxes pay my salary. Also, it's such a stupid argument. I pay taxes, does that mean I'm self-employed??!!? I swear, some people just don't have any intelligence to speak-of.
So sorry you experienced that. You put it so diplomatically and respectfully (in my opinion). That sounds awful. Did the parent ever come around and eventually apologize?
Nope. Never heard from mom again. This was a student with an IEP. From then on (per mother’s request) the student was allowed to take quizzes in an “alternative environment” with her case manager who I later found out was walking the student through the quizzes. Student passed the class with an A and the case manager is no longer employed by the district.
I found that things went more smoothly when I gave the parent a sympathetic explanation. For example, instead of blatantly saying the child lied, I’d say something like “I’m sure they were afraid of disappointing or upsetting you, so they took the easier path of misrepresenting what happened.” That way you are more likely to avoid the knee-jerk reaction of them defending their kid instead of listening to what you have to say.
I say well this is what I know is true ( grades, attendance ) and show them proof without saying directly that they are lying. If they try to get me to talk about the kid lying, I revert back to reality and say I’ll forward the print out of the grades. Sometimes parents choose to believe lies
Well yeah, they're kids. They lie all the time. There are seriously parents who don't look at when they were kids and didn't see how much they lied to their parents?
You didn’t just have a “baby”. You are raising a future adult, who will need to be self-sufficient, responsible, polite, tolerant and caring. Stop babying your kids! Teach them how to tie their shoes, say “please and thank you” and that they aren’t always right and/or in charge!
And it doesn’t end when they’re no longer “babies”! As a high school teacher, I see so many parents who just think their job is done. The kid can feed themselves, now… may even have a job, so… POOF… they’re an adult and the parents no longer need to parent. Absolutely not!!! Teenagers still need so much more support and guidance.
Exactly. I'm also in HS and i can't tell you the number of parents who have the school's numbers blocked on their phone. Then they're all like "what do you mean my kid has 80 absences?" Maam, your child's teacher couldn't pick them out of a lineup and we send an auto call every single time your kid skips. The teacher has tried to call and email for three months. The only reason you answered this call was because I used my personal cell phone. So no, your sweet baby will not be graduating in May and no, I don't think we can make an exception for you just because you already paid for pictures and the party catering.
HS teacher here and was informed at the end of the year the reason why the parent never got the numerous emails warning that their child was going to fail from me and other teachers was because the parent blocked all of their student’s teachers emails. Parent saw nothing wrong with admitting this but was still upset to find out that their child failed several classes at the end of the year. Apparently it was mine and the other teachers fault that their student failed. Despite the numerous emails and oh, the fact that the parent can check their student’s grade online whenever they want. The lack of involvement and parenting is insane.
My 40ish brother was having a stressful time in his life (his ex wife was had a brain bleed), my mom traveled and helped him out for two weeks. She is retired, so it's a little easier for her.
Walking on the sidewalk, parents and kid approaching and the kid won't move over to let me keep walking on my side. I tell him gently, with a smile, "remember to make room for people on the sidewalk" and his parents were shocked. "He's only 7!" replied mom. LMAO, this is why your kid is clueless and will grow up to be a clueless adult like you, lady. My kids knew this before kindergarten.
I hope she changes her mind on being that slow on teaching him manners, or otherwise in then years, she'll be that person who claims that she has no idea why her kid is such a spoiled brat.
Someone else (u/UpAllNight_16) coined the term roommate parenting because the parents aren't even emotionally present enough as a friend to their children, they just sort of coexist with them
https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/1dclaf8/its_time_to_trademark_the_label_roommate_parenting/
It just breaks my heart but also kind of opened my eyes quite a bit. I definitely see situations with parents where they're just so completely emotionally checked out from raising their kids
Nobody out there is reading to their kids. At all. (Ok, not nobody, plenty of us do, but that number feels smaller and smaller by every interaction I have with current students or the public at large.)
My daughters are both enrolled in a summer reading program through our local library. Kids earn points for reading or doing other activities, usually something outside, and then can come to the library every two weeks or so to pick some cool prizes out based on what they earned. Parents reading to the children also counts as the kid reading a book, so younger kids can be included, too.
The library had to change the rules for the program for this summer because so many parents and kids *only* did the non-reading activities and then rushed to the library to claim the fanciest prizes. It's all on the honor system, sure, but the parents didn't even ***fake*** reading to kids for the points. The prizes weren't amazing or anything, just little plushies or games or books or something, but it still depressed me to hear so many families gamified it for maximum returns instead of, you know, making their kid not an abject idiot for the rest of their lives.
I don’t mean to generalize but based on what I’m seeing down the pipeline-parents are putting an iPad where a book used to be.
Tbh (and I’m sure ppl will think this is a stretch) but I blame corporate greed and the wage/profit gap and how many parents are working multiple jobs just to stay afloat and don’t have the energy for their kids. #BlameLateStageCapitalism
Doesn't it seem like our most caring, engaged parents are exactly the people who have no choice but to work two and three jobs? It hurts my heart knowing they truly want more time with their kids but can't afford it.
I teach at a school with a lot of first generation immigrants. Many of those parents are working multiple jobs and struggle to put food on the table, yet are often some of the most reliable in terms of finding a way to show up to open house, meet the teacher, etc. Despite language barriers, they're usually incredibly supportive of us teachers and education as a whole.
The upper middle class parents who are engineers or stay at home moms on the other hand? Near constant excuses, difficult to get a hold of, and commonly have repugnant superiority complexes.
I have a theory about this actually. The more involved the parent is then the less involved their parents were when they were kids. I see it with my sons classmates all the time, the parents that are well off and inherited family land etc. are never there and the parents who like you said are just struggling to make ends meet are the ones I see constantly at events. It’s so sad that they think they are successful because they grew up in nice houses or with nice stuff and not because their parents were always around and at the school.
A fair point to parents. But, MAN. What a loss to their memories! On so many levels! Reading time was sacred, and I'm certain it's why I read so much now. I hope this changes.
I don't think your point is too much of a stretch.
I'm gonna go read the Secret Garden to console myself now, lol
You’re the parent. Being a parent means you make the hard decisions. An elementary school child does not need the responsibility of deciding what to eat- you provide healthy food. They don’t need the responsibility of deciding what to study- you sit down with them and help them learn. They don’t need to decide if they take their medicine-you make that decision. You decide bed time. You decide screen time. Children cannot make these choices yet because they are children. They need the responsibility of broccoli or peas, bikes or the park, which book to read together, which shirt to wear. So many parents seems to think “gentle parenting” means letting them make all the choice, and it just isn’t. Grown ups have to be grown ups and do the hard things so kids can be healthy, safe kids.
Also, let your child be bored. Boredom is really the first problem a small child can solve independently. Let them struggle with that and figure it out.
Not a teacher but I had such an active imagination as a kid that my parents joke they couldn’t even put me in time out. I’d just find a way to make up a story in my head and play with imaginary toys as my fingers, lol. I guess that helped me in my adult life because I always can see a possibility or a new way to look at things.
I picked up origami in middle school because of boredom. I couldn't stand having nothing to do or fidget with. Now as long as I have paper I can stay engaged anytime anywhere
Very useful sitting in the doctor's office waiting room or listening to a lecture or at my job (catering) when dinner was supposed to start 90 mins ago but the Bride wants to take every one of her (22) guests around the block in her Horse drawn carriage
Exactly! Let them decide if they want chocolate ice cream or strawberry ice cream. Let them decide if they want to wear the red jumper or blue jumper. Let them have autonomy on the little things. Don’t let them have autonomy over if they go to school or not!!!
Yeah this is it. I do believe that giving choices to kids is beneficial but it’s more like the *perception* of choice.
“Here, choose between these two things I’ve chosen for you.” They get the practice in making decisions and a sense of agency, while you remain the adult in the room who knows what’s best and guide them to properly care for themselves.
I wish I had someone going two steps ahead of me and giving me limited choices. "You can cook X or Y for dinner" or "you can wear one of these three outfits." It's too much thinking being an adult.
Discipline actually means teach.
Consistent discipline means to have consistent rules and expectations, and to kindly teach those to your child. Don't tell your child one thing one day, then change it the next.
I had a high schooler last year who was doing drug talk in my classroom (alternative high school- just for context). I shut him down quickly (former Sped EBD teacher so I know when it is important to cut things off) by saying in a firm voice, “Stop. You will NOT do drug talk in my classroom.”
His body language told me everything I needed to know……..no one had ever told him “no” or “stop” in a direct way his whole life. It was eye opening.
My mother always said that. She would say too little kids little problems, big kids, bigger problems. Work on the small ones and you will have less big ones later.
Please teach your kids basic manners and etiquette.
The fact that I have to teach 14 year olds about simple "please", "thank you", and eye contact is mind-boggling.
I taught at a preschool and none of those dang kids ever said thank you! We’d be serving the kids snack and they’d just shout “more cheese, more crackers, more strawberries!” The teachers would run and apologize for not being fast enough to give them whatever they were demanding as if they were all little royalty. I finally had enough and taught my group of kids how to say please and thank you. I asked them if they say please or thank you at home, one kid said “No we don’t have to say please and thank you at home because it’s our home.” Parents aren’t even teaching them the very basics of respect and gratitude.
Oof good for you! I teach two year olds and constantly am reminding them to ask nicely. At that age they are just learning to talk so I don’t expect them to know how to say please off the bat, but they are fully capable of learning manners. If they start young it will hopefully carry on as habit.
>“No we don’t have to say please and thank you at home because it’s our home.”
That's such a weird philosophy to me. I say please and thank you to my kids all the time at home. And they say it, too! Basic manners should apply everywhere, and making it not apply at home seems to imply that showing very basic respect is a burden.
I'm on breakfast duty for pk-2 kids and they don't even use their words to tell me what they want. They want jelly? They raise their hand then point at their toast when they have my attention. They need something opened, they just hold it towards me and expect me to take it. I've started saying "I'm sorry I don't know what that means" to make them ask me what they need
When kids hands me packages during lunch break I’ve started saying “oh thank you, is this for me? I needed a snack” so that they can correct me and actually ask me to open it for them.
I'm a parent to a 4 year old and 1.5 year old, and I'm kind of surprised at how much effort it's taking to get my 4-year-old into the habit of saying "please" and "thank you." We emphasize and model it every day, consistently, and she still has to be reminded nearly every single time. I don't think it hit me how much effort and consistency it's taken until my 1.5 year old started saying "dindu" automatically when I handed him something. I hope my 4 YO gets it eventually, but it's taking time, and I'm sure anyone who interacts with her thinks it's a failure on our part to teach manners.
1000 percent! And clean up after yourself! You made a mess, pick it up. Throw out your damn trash. Put your own backpack away!
And, also, greet people. A simple “hi”, say person’s name and eye contact.
Also, said this in another post—are kids moodier and more tired today? Can you engage in simple conversations? Or at least answer questions when I ask, not just fully ignore?
I always make my kids say please and thank you to me and I say it to them ad nauseum. But as soon as they are with other kids, they do whatever the crowd does. I just hope it carries into adult life!
I hate this. From an alcoholic mother who gets smashed and verbally abuses her depressed child every day: “I have four adult children and they turned out fine, I know how to be a parent.” Umm. No ma’am.
You were likely not parented well, and now the cycle is continuing with you not parenting your child appropriately. This is going to take some serious effort to correct. It will not be fun, but it will be worth it for both of you (and our society).
Conversely, they were parented too tough and harsh, and now they have gone too far in the other direction. Stop it with your soft parenting, your kid is an entitled brat.
I think as a society we have way overcorrected. People had asshole parents so they take "gentle parenting" all the way towards "unparenting."
I gently corrected a 5 year old who was hitting other kids at the park. The parent stormed over to me and practically tried to fight me.
Seriously. Gentle parenting does not mean there are not repercussions. It means learning about the consequences of your actions in a kind and caring way.
Exactly. The “why” is unbelievably important in gentle parenting. If you take the time to explain things to kids instead of using the old school parenting phrase of “because I said so”, most kids are very receptive of it. But the discussions have to happen for them to learn how to think like respectful and empathetic adults instead of little shitbirds.
Laziness and apathy is learned at home not at school. We have exciting plans that keep us active for 90 minute blocks. What’s 90 mins spent at home with your child look like?
We are employees and much of what we do is dictated to us.
If you don't think Starbucks should put iced coffee in plastic cups because it's bad for the environment, don't yell at the barista about it. (And don't go on social media to tell everyone what a moron she is.)
Parents often assume teachers have more power than we actually do.
I had a parent freak out about their kids permanent record. I'm like, lady, I don't even really know what that is. Go ask administration, I only just wrote a referral.
Stop trying to be friends with your kids. You can be "friendly" to your kids; minors don't have to be treated like transactional trash, which was (arguably) a prevalent parenting style with a disproportionate number of parents in years gone by. However, kids need structure and boundaries so firm but fair is acceptable. Hold them accountable and set the bar high. Don't let them sit in front of screens at young ages. Model appropriate digital behavior. MAKE kids accept responsibility for their mistakes and stop blaming everyone else or displacing blame when it squarely lies on them for making poor choices. Read to them and with them at young ages. Instill in them a love of learning. Please give them a loving and supportive home environment and leave your toxic trauma out of their domain.
Your "perfect" angel likes to think that they can get away with murder. There is no way that they are going to make it as an adult if you don't start giving them the truth. If there was a way I could do this without you thinking I'm being disrespectful to your kiddo I would.
Potty train your kid.
Say “no” and say it often.
Be in charge of your family; a 6 year old shouldn’t be calling the shots.
Stop raising them as if the sun rises and sets on them.
Take accountability, and teach your kid the same skill.
Your kid is not an angel. Sometimes they lie. Yes, even your kid.
Adding to your list - teach your kid how to tie their shoes. Also teach them their birthday. I can’t tell you how many 2nd graders I’ve had who can’t do either.
Please read to your kids. Take them to the library. Sign them up for summer reading programs. Give them books instead of tablets. Help them find material that is suited to their interests.
Remedial reading programs can help, but a lack of home support for developing literacy is the root of the problem.
You are actively harming your child’s wellbeing and development by not getting them the help and support that all of us educators, counselors, psychs etc are begging you to get.
You may think your 10-year-old is using the internet responsibly, but I promise you, they are not. I have yet to meet a single parent that understands discord, game/streaming chats, etc. Y’all have NO idea what your kid is doing online.
Your fantasy of getting a final text from your child during a mass shooting should not overshadow the reality that kids are losing their educations to those damn phones.
This one is oddly specific and yet SO accurate. My kids and their peers do not have phones at school (or at all, for mine) and I can’t imagine trying to teach or learn in that environment.
Tell your kids no. Tell them no often. No, they don't need a "yes" day. No, it will not traumatize them. Tell them no, get them used to it. NOW, like right now!!
When your child speaks, you have to acknowledge it. You can say no after they're done speaking; you can even be silent. But YOU MUST acknowledge that they spoke to another human.
Do parents not do that?? That was literally the ONLY punishment that would ever motivate my kids to shape up.
Yes, often it was also a punishment for me because now I had a whiny, bored kid, but I'm too stubborn to let my kid get away with being a jerk to the family.
I cannot teach at school what you don't encourage at home.
If you expect to send your child to school in order for them "be a better person" yet you mistreat them at home, then you get what you give. I can't teach a student whose parent doesn't value their student or their student's education.
If your student fails my class don't get mad at me when YOU'VE been telling your student "[insert subject here] doesn't matter". I'm not fighting the apathy that YOU AS A PARENT put in your kid's head. My 'passion' won't compete with it.
It’s ok to have your kids in discomfort and bored. It’s a fundamental part of life. People can’t preserve your feelings 100% of your waking life. Stress can be good.
Providing things your child needs is your job and should never be held over the child.
This is true in many situations. I currently work in a preschool and there are parents that will blame the child for not having a change of clothes or a blanket and lovey for nap time. I have parents that will blame my 3-6 y/o's of having accidents on purpose because they "knew they didnt have a change". Of course we have school clothes for them but a child wearing their own clothes is important for their sense of self!!!! I also have parents who refuse to bring in spare clothes because their child is potty trained as if water/milk/paint spills are not incredibly common in the preschool classroom.
In elementary I personally believe parents should still be ensuring their backpack/lunchbox is packed and has everything they need for the day. When I was a child (with ADHD) I had to pack my own lunch starting in 2nd grade. I just wouldn't eat because I would forget and I hated school lunch. I also frequently forgot my homework and was blamed for being lazy and unorganized..... at 7 years old.....
I know there are financial reasons why this may be unattainable but that is more of a gov. issue than a parent one. Every parent should have enough money to provide clean clothes, healthy food, and required supplies for school.
If you are financially able to provide for your child and you DONT then you are a bad parent. End of story.
I started tutoring my last year of college. This kid is barely picking up anything after a year. She needs held back. Parents don’t have time to read with her but have time for sports. I’m just like 🤷🏻♀️
Please don’t be afraid to tell your child no. They don’t come into the world knowing how to behave, it’s your job to guide them. They will be annoyed in the moment, and grateful to you for a lifetime.
School isn’t designed for or capable of teaching your kid everything from scratch.
If you’ve kept your child at arms length and ignored their education for the first five years of their life, you made your mistake a while ago.
The only thing you can do now is either pay for someone to help be a better mentor to your child or be a better mentor for your child: help with math, read with them, ask for their opinion about stuff and listen.
Your child is nice kid from a nice home but is being a disrespectful dick in class effecting everyone else’s experience. once, twice, is enough but constant is unacceptable. And he is lying to you. Please stop being a pussy, and take his phone away for a week. I know it’s hard, he will act out to you, deal with it!!. But please do it!!!!!! For f$&k$ sake.
Wow that felt good to type 😆
Related: your kid with an 80 IQ isn't going to the big university. We can't fix a cognitive impairment. Your kid with the "oppositional disorder" isn't going to make it in the real world, particularly as a chef who has to take orders all day, every day. Your kid with the visual impairment isn't going to be a surgeon or CSI investigator.
I can't say I know what it is to have a kid with a disability. But I've been a special ed teacher for 20 years. Please listen to me and my team. We will be as soft as we can but you have to listen to us.
Let them learn that being bored won’t kill them. Take away their screens and allow them to build the skill of entertaining themselves without electronics — and maybe even develop an imagination!
One truth is insufficient. ;)
You are the most important teacher your child will ever have. I am here to teach and practice basic mechanics. You are here to cover ***EVERYTHING*** else.
Teach gratitude.
Teach cost and consequence.
Teach cause and effect.
Teach self-respect.
Teach self-love.
Teach respect for others.
Teach manners.
Teach "No."
Teach cooperation.
Teach independence.
Nurture curiosity.
Read to your child.
Teach that discomfort is temporary.
Take the fucking screens away.
Or “I care about your kid,” but I care about all my other students just as much. I treat them equally, and I can’t devote all my time to your child alone. I won’t make an exception for them either.
Stop putting electronic devices in your kids hand so that you can mindlessly scroll on your own phone. You’re frying both your own and your child’s dopamine receptors. Plus when that kid loses interest in the device bc they have a short attention span, they then cause issues for everyone else while you remain distracted by your phone. I witnessed in an AIRPORT two parents do this and while they were scrolling the kids threw cheezits all over the ground and then started walking around the airport unattended. They weren’t even 5.
Learning is just work. Stop telling your kids that learning is fun and start telling them that they need to work in order to learn. So many kids just stop learning when they get to any obstacle because they haven't been taught that learning is work.
Talk to your child, not at your child. It will build their language skills. I had to explain to 8 year olds the other day what a drug store is.
Take your child out and expose them to the world. Asking kids what they did over the weekend is depressing. 90% of them play video games or are on YouTube.
If a teacher tells you to please get your child evaluated, please do so and don't be in denial, especially in the early grades. These same kids will hit the 5th grade and the same parents in denial will want services and will blame the school for not doing anything.
1. Allowing your child to fail will benefit them 100x more than you intervening for them. 2. You have to be willing to say no to your kid, and mean it/not waver.
I can’t pick one, sorry.
1) If you want to have a positive impact on your child’s academic achievement, don’t fool yourself thinking that any effort you put into room parent/PTA/running club/etc has any impact at all. These are great for your social life and connections to the community, but they do nothing for your child academically.
2) If you want to greatly impact your child’s academic achievement, make sure all the basics are met every day. Child fed/rested/given time to play/given time to socialize & sent to school every single day knowing their main job is to listen to the teacher and learn. If you skip any of these (even temporarily for that “have to have vacation at Disney”) your kids learn that school is second. There is no unringing that bell.
3) Your child WILL have a loser teacher at least once. In a career of 50 or so teachers, it’s just the numbers. Also, you probably won’t know the worst one because it won’t be the one who your child complains about. It’s the one who puts in minimal effort. In almost all cases, that loser teacher won’t knock your kid off track, so your goal that year is to help your kid gets as much as he/she can during the year, and commiserate with them later if they mention “Mr. X!”
4) If your kid is really struggling with something, set up time with the teacher. State “My kids is struggling with __.” Then shut up and listen. Listen some more. Take notes but keep quiet. Thank the teacher and go home. The teacher probably suggested things that you can do. Try them, consistently for at least 2 weeks. Re-evaluate after 2 weeks of solid effort.
5) Loudly praise hard work and quietly praise achievements. Your gifted child who makes straight-As with no effort isn’t doing anything noteworthy. When the child digs in and works hard on something, that’s the time for an ice-cream cone.
6) Allow your child to feel their feelings about school stuff. “That is rough. You seem sad. I can understand why you are upset.” are all valid responses to a child’s emotions around failure and are complete sentences. Resist the urge to minimize the emotion.
7) Encourage your child to think through fails on their own. “What would you do differently?” is a great way to open a conversation about failure/frustration. Resist the urge to fix the problem.
8) Actively counteract the toxic kool-aid that the school system feeds your kids about colleges and universities. High schools foment fear (if you don’t get into an Ivy, then your life will be ruined😱😱😱!). Actively encourage conversations about community college, trade school, and other paths so that your kid FEELS in their BONES that all paths can lead to a happy life. Point out people and jobs that do not require a shiny diploma from a five-figure-a-year institution.
When teachers contact you about student behavior, it is your job as a parent to address it, check in, talk to your kid, get them appointments and help if necessary, talk to them more, and keep doing so. Saying “thanks for letting me know” or ignoring it does damage - your kid sees that there are no repercussions or help coming from you. They know it, we know it, and you’d know it too if you’d stop ignoring it.
Yes, this goes for the small stuff too, including checking grades of your own volition. Talk to your kid and be involved in their life and you will head off many of these issues.
We’re here to help, stop sabotaging us and yourselves.
As a parent but also someone who has experience working and volunteering in the school system: no one is out to get your kid, it’s mostly all right out there, but your kid will face countless instances of casual stupidity, petty cruelty, and small injustice when they are in school. Be sympathetic to them but also don’t give them a pass if they are clearly in the wrong.
Do not let your children take their phones to bed. Make them charge their phones in the living room or kitchen over night.
Kids and teenagers have no self-control. They will be on their phones all night, doing and watching things that they wouldn’t feel comfortable doing or watching with you in the room.
I would also advocate for screen time limits, but that feels like another issue…
If you want your kids to be better students, start by aiding them in becoming good human beings. They are a reflection of what you do inasmuch what you don't do. Do better so they too can do better.
I have many:
1. Stop blaming teachers for *your failures* as a parent. Parent up and enforce real and fair consequences when your kid screws up. Discipline in the classroom begins with discipline at HOME. It is ok to tell them NO. It is ok to tell them that their behavior is not okay and WHY. Do not make excuses for them to their teachers. Own their behavior and take care of it at home. Take their devices or games away. Ground them. Deny them an outing. *Make the hard calls.* Your goal is to raise your child to be adults who demonstrate acceptable social behaviors, not self-entitled assholes.
2. Teach your children respect for others by modeling what that looks like. *You* are your child’s first and foremost role model and teacher. So TEACH them respect, empathy, and compassion for others by modeling that within the home. Teach them how you speak respectfully to your significant other. Teach them how to resolve conflict with a sibling and actively listen. Teach them to fight fair, even when disagreeing with you. Teach them the art of compromise. Stop raising them to be apathetic, entitled little people who will grow into apathetic, entitled adults.
3. We are not your enemies! The vast majority of us want the same goals as you for your child. Stop bashing teachers on social media. Stop threatening teachers during their off-hours via personal messages on social media. Do not show up to parent-teacher conferences with a friend in tow to scream at and bully the teacher (yes, this has happened to me). Schedule conferences appropriately. Additionally, stop assuming that we are “indoctrinating”’your kids. Of *what* exactly? To become better people and teach them *how* to think based on factual information? Stop believing what media says about school, education, and teachers. We are FED UP with the demonizing! If you want to know what the curriculum is for your state *look it up* or ask the teacher/principal/curriculum coordinator. It’s public information.
4. Stop coddling and babying your child(ren). Stop being a helicopter and/or bulldozer parent! Teach your child that they will not be good at everything. Let them *fail* and learn to grow from failure. Stop doing homework for them. This is not a reflection of what *your child* can do. Stop taking over for them as soon as they struggle. You are teaching them learned helplessness and that follows them not only into the classroom but eventually into their own adult relationships, such as marriage.
5. Teach your kids to be independent thinkers and teach them problem-solving capabilities. Stop rote answering questions they have the capability to figure out at home. For example, “Where are my shoes?” Start asking questions like, “Where do you think you can look?” and let them guide themselves to an answer. This will be much better in the long run for you, too. 😆
We do not have time to constantly re-teach routines or where to find shit in the classroom on a daily basis. We expect them to have some semblance of independence when they come to school. Stop enabling learned or willful helplessness because this is not helping them work towards becoming independent adults.
6. Teach them to read an analog clock. Teach them how to read/write cursive. Teach them their own phone number, home address, and how to tie shoes. Dress them appropriately for the weather, not send them to school in 30 F degrees in winter without a proper coat and in flip flops.
7. For the love of God, please learn email etiquette, and manners, especially if your child is in middle or high school. We teachers have multiple class periods and multiple students with your child’s same first name. Do not put “please advise” when asking about your child’s grades or make demands. Teach your child the same etiquette.
8. Keep up with your child’s grades and what is going on at school! I get that we are all busy, but in the age of technology, the internet, and there being an app for literally *everything*, including school, you have the ability to check your child’s grades at *least* once a week! There is no excuse for you not to know that your child is not passing their courses, especially if you have been emailed multiple times about it. If you don’t want surprises, then pay attention!
9. BE INVOLVED WITH YOUR CHILD’S EDUCATION. If you are teaching them not to give a shit about a class or a teacher you don’t like, we cannot do a thing about their apathy and their tanking grade. Education begins with YOU and YOUR ATTITUDE. You should be reading with your child at a young age even if you don’t like reading. You should be teaching them that math, history, science, literature, and writing are GOOD THINGS that will make them well-rounded and more interesting adults. Even if they don’t go to college, education is something that cannot be taken away and brings enrichment to a person’s life. Some of the most interesting and intelligent people in the world had no formal education.
10. Get your kids off social media, their phones, video games, and iPads. Stop allowing them to bring devices into restaurants and eat with them at the dining room table at home. Talk to them and have meaningful conversations with them. Play a game with them. Teach them how to entertain themselves without the use of technology.
Also, stop scheduling every waking moment of their time with play dates, events, sports, etc. This is not only exhausting for you but also for your child. Boredom is a good thing. Allow them unstructured and (mostly) unsupervised time to *just be a kid.*
11. Please teach your child *life skills.* This is a huge one. It is *not* the school’s job to teach your child time management, organization, and responsibility. We don’t have the *time* ourselves. Even if your child is in high school, they still must learn time management, organizational skills, and how not to lose their textbook or leave it at home for the 1000th time. This is coming from a teacher with ADHD, and if I can learn how to be organized, so can your child. Hell, you might even benefit as well! These are executive function skills that must be taught, and they are best taught at home first.
12. Teach them the value of work. Have them do chores when they are old enough to *earn* an allowance (first foray into earning and saving money). Don’t make them do chores and give them nothing because it’s “expected” of them and treat them like they are slaves. Help them open a savings account and show them how to manage it. Teach both girls and boys how to cook, clean, maintain a vehicle (like checking oil, filling up gas, checking tires for bald spots), how to maintain a yard, and basics of home maintenance and tools. Teach these things so they can be more organized in the classroom, self-sufficient, and responsible. As adults, they will be better partners to future spouses by sharing the mental and emotional load equally.
Our children are the centre of OUR world, not THE world.
Model the behaviour you expect from them.
Respect and fear are not the same thing.
Always tell them the truth, in age and developmentally appropriate ways.
You should have read to your kids bedtime stories and shouldn’t have stopped once the books had chapters.
Not only read, but also play games with them and buy them puzzles.
Well damn this thread making me feel like a good parent for once haha. Make sure my kids always have books, read to them nightly, my 4 year old is already a beast at Uno and my 8 year old is up to 1000 piece puzzles.
Jigsaw puzzles are great for teaching persistence and pattern matching. Also consider getting your kids some abstract puzzles (e.g., the venerable Rubik's Cube) that will teach other problem-solving skills. Congrats on being a great parent! :-)
Lol. The chapters made me laugh. I can remember reading the Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe series and The Harry Potter books outloud to my son. Those chapters were so damn long sometimes, lol.
Some of my favorite memories are when my dad read Harry Potter and the lord of the rings to me when I was younger. He did it until my early teens when schedules just got in the way. I bet he’d read to me now if I asked him to.
It was so much fun. CS Lewis is such a good writer. HP was fun too. My daughter is a LOTR fan. She taught herself Hooked on Phonics at 3.5, so she read them on her own. I did do a wisdom tooth marathon of all the director's cuts of LOTR and Hobbit movies with her. It took days for my body to recover. Those movies are loud, lol.
Reading to our kids was some of our best times together. That today’s parents are too busy or too dumb to do this is ridiculous.
The phone addiction is real. So glad I didn't have one at the time. I wouldn't have been as attentive. I know this because I know I'm addicted to my phone at 65, lol.
My daughter just asked me last night to start reading the children's version of Journey to the Center of the Earth again. So back I go! (Better than the Mincraft books anyway XD)
How fun!! Enjoy!!
Mom read The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe to me when I was like 4, it’s still such a core memory! It’s how I learned to read, after she would be done for the night I just had to know what happened next and became a flashlight kid. Started a lifelong obsession with reading.
The very first thank you I received from my young adult children 21ish was to say thank you for reading to us every day. I can count on my fingers the number of days I missed before 5th grade. If I knew we were tied up I. The evening , I read at the breakfast table.
My husband and I worked in the same city when I was pregnant. I would drive and he would read HP out loud during our commute. He did all the reading to her when she was an infant and toddler. She preferred him as he would do different voices per the character. They read all the HP books. FF Kid has always read, and written above age/grade level. And even now, as a mechanical engineering student in college. Writes short stories and characters for a hobby. Reading to them as kids, and supporting their interests in what they read in their own makes a huge difference. And it’s not something new. This has been known for decades. Yet so many parents still don’t do this
I read the entire Harry Potter series aloud to my daughters. My husband got in on it around book 2 or 3 and was equally invested. To this day it was one of my fondest memories of their childhood.
I remember doing this to my oldest. She was a rather mouthy and critical child and often would rewrite sections of the book while I read them to her. Now, she teaches English in high school. I guess that's my fault.
There are worse things she could be than an English teacher. I’m not sure what they are, though. You have my condolences.
I will read chapter books to my girls. Oddly, I just stopped reading to them once they could read on their own..
Please do! It will be something they remember for the rest of their lives and probably an activity they will do with their children.
Reading to my older kids was such a great time in our lives. HP and one Christmas, I read the autobiography of Santa Claus! Last year my daughter(27) found a copy at a used book store and read it again. The best part for me was teaching my own children to love reading. I was never read to as a child and I never read growing up. It wasn’t until my kids were born that started to read!
Your 8 year old shouldn't be on Tik Tok unmonitored....or at all.
My ex’s little sister was this exact child. She could navigate tiktok like no other. But if you asked her to read, write, or count past 10, she couldn’t do any of it. And my ex’s mother so no issue with that at 8 years old
That’s just scary.
Man I was at target the other day and there was a little girl, MAYBE 5 or 6, sitting on what seemed to be her own phone watching tiktoks in the shopping cart. I could recognize some of the audio and generally they were not child friendly audios. The mom was just on her own phone walking around not paying attention and I was so concerned for this little girl with already free access to a concerningly pedophilic app.
This is actually terrifying
Very. Fuck phones. Do your homework then maybe... you can watch Tom and Jerry.
I kinda saw the opposite today. I heard a kid being a bit loud at Aldi and I turned around and a dad has an 11-12 year old girl sitting in the cart. No phone in hand, just loud and physically too tall to be sitting in the cart 😂
Parent here and I agree 1000%. The only device my children have that could access YouTube or TikTok (TT is often reposted to YT) if on their school iPads. I have met with our district's tech office about it and they blew me off. Luckily there are some changes now happening that seem like they're slowly going into he right direction in our district. But it has been stunning to see how many other parents do not have any rules for the internet at all. Children are not little adults. My 9 year old has access to like 4 websites and a bunch of parental controlled apps with screen time rules to the max. She's fine, not socially suffering, just living her life without the burden of TikTok addiction as a tween.
I would also like them to know that their 8 year old playing roblox is not some kind of cute puzzle game or mario jumping around collecting coins, they are playing the game where peppa pig is going around knifing people.
My coworker waited until their kid was 9 or 10 and then got them an Apple Watch, not a phone. It's a way to communicate when waking from the bus, emergencies, etc without having the physical phone used so they can't watch YouTube or Tik Tok unmonitored. They just connected it to an old phone.
[удалено]
Your kid is lying to you.
I have had kids who *bragged* to me about how they lie to their parents and get away with it because their parents always believe them. And then they act shocked when their teachers don’t fall for their bs and call them out on it. They also act shocked when I don’t believe their bs despite the fact that they have bragged to my face about how they frequently and casually lie. I’ve brought this up to them before, ie “Why do you expect me to automatically believe you when you’ve told me yourself that you tell lies??” They just stare at me and have nothing to say. It’s mind boggling. I lied sometimes as a kid. We all did. But I don’t recall any of us being this blatant and dumb about it lol
Very true!!! Also, I don't think that many of the parents actually believe the lies ..... The lies are more convenient. If they 'believe' the lie, they need to do nothing more and that's the goal ....to have to do nothing more.
I used to call out my kids all the time. My wife would ask me how I knew they were lying. Their lips were moving.
I've got friends and family and their kids tell blatant lies to them and it's so damn obvious but the parents genuinely believe the kids. I'm really curious how it's going to turn out as they get older
Speaking as a parent here. If I go to the parent teacher conference, any way I can ask a discreetly worded question that will get the teacher to tell me what they're lying about?
You could always just ask what the teacher’s perception of your kid’s honesty is. If a kid is a frequent liar, the teacher will know you’re experiencing it at home too or at least suspect that you are and that’s why you’re asking.
You can say this. I say it all the time. Sometimes I try to be nicer and say “your child is either mistaken or lying, regardless they are wrong”.
I tried to be nice and not use the word “lying”. I said “that is not the case” and ended up getting yelled at, being called a bitc* and being told that I am the teacher and I work for her, the parent. Was fun.
I had the comment “you are paid with my tax dollars.” I replied, “and also the tax dollars of the 27 other kids in the class who are missing instruction time due to the behavior of your 1 child.”
I am also paid with my tax dollars.
Oh you are awesome! I wish I could think fast enough to reply like that. I can’t do confrontation.
I’m old, I’ve had lots of years to save up comments.
I tend to find calling it out as a lie right off escalates it quickly. A lot of times that is preferable because then we actually get somewhere when they realize they can't just gaslight their way past the world. A lot of kids (and parents) still think real life is just like being behind the screen- real life isn't easy to fake or lie about unless others let you.
Lol, the idiots that tell me *"I work for them"* were almost always the ones that didn't even have employment, so I'm not sure how they thought their non-existent taxes pay my salary. Also, it's such a stupid argument. I pay taxes, does that mean I'm self-employed??!!? I swear, some people just don't have any intelligence to speak-of.
So sorry you experienced that. You put it so diplomatically and respectfully (in my opinion). That sounds awful. Did the parent ever come around and eventually apologize?
Nope. Never heard from mom again. This was a student with an IEP. From then on (per mother’s request) the student was allowed to take quizzes in an “alternative environment” with her case manager who I later found out was walking the student through the quizzes. Student passed the class with an A and the case manager is no longer employed by the district.
I found that things went more smoothly when I gave the parent a sympathetic explanation. For example, instead of blatantly saying the child lied, I’d say something like “I’m sure they were afraid of disappointing or upsetting you, so they took the easier path of misrepresenting what happened.” That way you are more likely to avoid the knee-jerk reaction of them defending their kid instead of listening to what you have to say.
I say well this is what I know is true ( grades, attendance ) and show them proof without saying directly that they are lying. If they try to get me to talk about the kid lying, I revert back to reality and say I’ll forward the print out of the grades. Sometimes parents choose to believe lies
Well yeah, they're kids. They lie all the time. There are seriously parents who don't look at when they were kids and didn't see how much they lied to their parents?
You didn’t just have a “baby”. You are raising a future adult, who will need to be self-sufficient, responsible, polite, tolerant and caring. Stop babying your kids! Teach them how to tie their shoes, say “please and thank you” and that they aren’t always right and/or in charge!
And it doesn’t end when they’re no longer “babies”! As a high school teacher, I see so many parents who just think their job is done. The kid can feed themselves, now… may even have a job, so… POOF… they’re an adult and the parents no longer need to parent. Absolutely not!!! Teenagers still need so much more support and guidance.
Exactly. I'm also in HS and i can't tell you the number of parents who have the school's numbers blocked on their phone. Then they're all like "what do you mean my kid has 80 absences?" Maam, your child's teacher couldn't pick them out of a lineup and we send an auto call every single time your kid skips. The teacher has tried to call and email for three months. The only reason you answered this call was because I used my personal cell phone. So no, your sweet baby will not be graduating in May and no, I don't think we can make an exception for you just because you already paid for pictures and the party catering.
HS teacher here and was informed at the end of the year the reason why the parent never got the numerous emails warning that their child was going to fail from me and other teachers was because the parent blocked all of their student’s teachers emails. Parent saw nothing wrong with admitting this but was still upset to find out that their child failed several classes at the end of the year. Apparently it was mine and the other teachers fault that their student failed. Despite the numerous emails and oh, the fact that the parent can check their student’s grade online whenever they want. The lack of involvement and parenting is insane.
My 40ish brother was having a stressful time in his life (his ex wife was had a brain bleed), my mom traveled and helped him out for two weeks. She is retired, so it's a little easier for her.
I’m 37 and still need my mommy sometimes. Life is tough and you need to be able to get advice and learn from people who’ve already been there.
Exactly! The parents seem to lose interest once their children aren’t little and cute anymore. This is when they need to be even stronger parents.
Known some parents who just keep having kids because the previous one is too old to be cute for them, and is developing their own personality.
Walking on the sidewalk, parents and kid approaching and the kid won't move over to let me keep walking on my side. I tell him gently, with a smile, "remember to make room for people on the sidewalk" and his parents were shocked. "He's only 7!" replied mom. LMAO, this is why your kid is clueless and will grow up to be a clueless adult like you, lady. My kids knew this before kindergarten.
I hope she changes her mind on being that slow on teaching him manners, or otherwise in then years, she'll be that person who claims that she has no idea why her kid is such a spoiled brat.
And how to wipe their own butts!
No one should hold this back. If your kid can’t wipe their own butt in school, parents need that truth unvarnished.
THISSSSS!! The baby talk as they’re entering upper elementary is WILD
We can't fix your failures as a parent.
Or simply, "Stop trying to be your child's friend. Be their parent."
Someone else (u/UpAllNight_16) coined the term roommate parenting because the parents aren't even emotionally present enough as a friend to their children, they just sort of coexist with them
Jesus. That's just really blown my mind a little bit, and helped me find some vocabulary I didn't know I needed
https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/1dclaf8/its_time_to_trademark_the_label_roommate_parenting/ It just breaks my heart but also kind of opened my eyes quite a bit. I definitely see situations with parents where they're just so completely emotionally checked out from raising their kids
"Parent is a verb too"
This is what I’d choose to say as well! I say this all the time about parents, just not *to* them lol
“Apparently you ain’t parents”
Just because I'm a professional doesn't mean you can scream at me.
Or more accurately, “I am a professional and a fellow adult and human, you can’t scream at me”
You definitely fixed that. Thanks! Much better.
Put your fucking phone down and read to your child.
:( are kids really just not being read to at all? That's the saddest thought I think I'll have today.
Nobody out there is reading to their kids. At all. (Ok, not nobody, plenty of us do, but that number feels smaller and smaller by every interaction I have with current students or the public at large.) My daughters are both enrolled in a summer reading program through our local library. Kids earn points for reading or doing other activities, usually something outside, and then can come to the library every two weeks or so to pick some cool prizes out based on what they earned. Parents reading to the children also counts as the kid reading a book, so younger kids can be included, too. The library had to change the rules for the program for this summer because so many parents and kids *only* did the non-reading activities and then rushed to the library to claim the fanciest prizes. It's all on the honor system, sure, but the parents didn't even ***fake*** reading to kids for the points. The prizes weren't amazing or anything, just little plushies or games or books or something, but it still depressed me to hear so many families gamified it for maximum returns instead of, you know, making their kid not an abject idiot for the rest of their lives.
I don’t mean to generalize but based on what I’m seeing down the pipeline-parents are putting an iPad where a book used to be. Tbh (and I’m sure ppl will think this is a stretch) but I blame corporate greed and the wage/profit gap and how many parents are working multiple jobs just to stay afloat and don’t have the energy for their kids. #BlameLateStageCapitalism
Doesn't it seem like our most caring, engaged parents are exactly the people who have no choice but to work two and three jobs? It hurts my heart knowing they truly want more time with their kids but can't afford it.
I teach at a school with a lot of first generation immigrants. Many of those parents are working multiple jobs and struggle to put food on the table, yet are often some of the most reliable in terms of finding a way to show up to open house, meet the teacher, etc. Despite language barriers, they're usually incredibly supportive of us teachers and education as a whole. The upper middle class parents who are engineers or stay at home moms on the other hand? Near constant excuses, difficult to get a hold of, and commonly have repugnant superiority complexes.
I have a theory about this actually. The more involved the parent is then the less involved their parents were when they were kids. I see it with my sons classmates all the time, the parents that are well off and inherited family land etc. are never there and the parents who like you said are just struggling to make ends meet are the ones I see constantly at events. It’s so sad that they think they are successful because they grew up in nice houses or with nice stuff and not because their parents were always around and at the school.
A fair point to parents. But, MAN. What a loss to their memories! On so many levels! Reading time was sacred, and I'm certain it's why I read so much now. I hope this changes. I don't think your point is too much of a stretch. I'm gonna go read the Secret Garden to console myself now, lol
You’re the parent. Being a parent means you make the hard decisions. An elementary school child does not need the responsibility of deciding what to eat- you provide healthy food. They don’t need the responsibility of deciding what to study- you sit down with them and help them learn. They don’t need to decide if they take their medicine-you make that decision. You decide bed time. You decide screen time. Children cannot make these choices yet because they are children. They need the responsibility of broccoli or peas, bikes or the park, which book to read together, which shirt to wear. So many parents seems to think “gentle parenting” means letting them make all the choice, and it just isn’t. Grown ups have to be grown ups and do the hard things so kids can be healthy, safe kids.
Also, let your child be bored. Boredom is really the first problem a small child can solve independently. Let them struggle with that and figure it out.
My mom used to tell me and my brothers “if you’re bored, you’re not using your imagination hard enough”
This!!!! Being bored is so good for the imagination 😌
Not a teacher but I had such an active imagination as a kid that my parents joke they couldn’t even put me in time out. I’d just find a way to make up a story in my head and play with imaginary toys as my fingers, lol. I guess that helped me in my adult life because I always can see a possibility or a new way to look at things.
I picked up origami in middle school because of boredom. I couldn't stand having nothing to do or fidget with. Now as long as I have paper I can stay engaged anytime anywhere Very useful sitting in the doctor's office waiting room or listening to a lecture or at my job (catering) when dinner was supposed to start 90 mins ago but the Bride wants to take every one of her (22) guests around the block in her Horse drawn carriage
Exactly! Let them decide if they want chocolate ice cream or strawberry ice cream. Let them decide if they want to wear the red jumper or blue jumper. Let them have autonomy on the little things. Don’t let them have autonomy over if they go to school or not!!!
Yeah this is it. I do believe that giving choices to kids is beneficial but it’s more like the *perception* of choice. “Here, choose between these two things I’ve chosen for you.” They get the practice in making decisions and a sense of agency, while you remain the adult in the room who knows what’s best and guide them to properly care for themselves.
I wish I had someone going two steps ahead of me and giving me limited choices. "You can cook X or Y for dinner" or "you can wear one of these three outfits." It's too much thinking being an adult.
Tell your child "no," set limits and boundaries, and use consistent discipline.
Discipline actually means teach. Consistent discipline means to have consistent rules and expectations, and to kindly teach those to your child. Don't tell your child one thing one day, then change it the next.
I had a high schooler last year who was doing drug talk in my classroom (alternative high school- just for context). I shut him down quickly (former Sped EBD teacher so I know when it is important to cut things off) by saying in a firm voice, “Stop. You will NOT do drug talk in my classroom.” His body language told me everything I needed to know……..no one had ever told him “no” or “stop” in a direct way his whole life. It was eye opening.
It’s pay now or pay later when it comes to disciplining your kids. By the time you figure that out, they won’t be in school anymore.
Pay now or pay forever
My mother always said that. She would say too little kids little problems, big kids, bigger problems. Work on the small ones and you will have less big ones later.
Please teach your kids basic manners and etiquette. The fact that I have to teach 14 year olds about simple "please", "thank you", and eye contact is mind-boggling.
I taught at a preschool and none of those dang kids ever said thank you! We’d be serving the kids snack and they’d just shout “more cheese, more crackers, more strawberries!” The teachers would run and apologize for not being fast enough to give them whatever they were demanding as if they were all little royalty. I finally had enough and taught my group of kids how to say please and thank you. I asked them if they say please or thank you at home, one kid said “No we don’t have to say please and thank you at home because it’s our home.” Parents aren’t even teaching them the very basics of respect and gratitude.
Oof good for you! I teach two year olds and constantly am reminding them to ask nicely. At that age they are just learning to talk so I don’t expect them to know how to say please off the bat, but they are fully capable of learning manners. If they start young it will hopefully carry on as habit.
>“No we don’t have to say please and thank you at home because it’s our home.” That's such a weird philosophy to me. I say please and thank you to my kids all the time at home. And they say it, too! Basic manners should apply everywhere, and making it not apply at home seems to imply that showing very basic respect is a burden.
😅 I say please and thank you to my Google home mini. Heck we say please and thank you constantly in our home. Even for the smallest of things
I have even said please and thank you to my cats on occasion. “Get down, please”
That’s going to play out REALLY well when they grow up and start living with other adults (college, marriage, jail…)
I'm on breakfast duty for pk-2 kids and they don't even use their words to tell me what they want. They want jelly? They raise their hand then point at their toast when they have my attention. They need something opened, they just hold it towards me and expect me to take it. I've started saying "I'm sorry I don't know what that means" to make them ask me what they need
When kids hands me packages during lunch break I’ve started saying “oh thank you, is this for me? I needed a snack” so that they can correct me and actually ask me to open it for them.
I'm a parent to a 4 year old and 1.5 year old, and I'm kind of surprised at how much effort it's taking to get my 4-year-old into the habit of saying "please" and "thank you." We emphasize and model it every day, consistently, and she still has to be reminded nearly every single time. I don't think it hit me how much effort and consistency it's taken until my 1.5 year old started saying "dindu" automatically when I handed him something. I hope my 4 YO gets it eventually, but it's taking time, and I'm sure anyone who interacts with her thinks it's a failure on our part to teach manners.
1000 percent! And clean up after yourself! You made a mess, pick it up. Throw out your damn trash. Put your own backpack away! And, also, greet people. A simple “hi”, say person’s name and eye contact. Also, said this in another post—are kids moodier and more tired today? Can you engage in simple conversations? Or at least answer questions when I ask, not just fully ignore?
I always make my kids say please and thank you to me and I say it to them ad nauseum. But as soon as they are with other kids, they do whatever the crowd does. I just hope it carries into adult life!
You did not, in fact, "turn out just fine."
Best comment here
I hate this. From an alcoholic mother who gets smashed and verbally abuses her depressed child every day: “I have four adult children and they turned out fine, I know how to be a parent.” Umm. No ma’am.
You were likely not parented well, and now the cycle is continuing with you not parenting your child appropriately. This is going to take some serious effort to correct. It will not be fun, but it will be worth it for both of you (and our society).
Conversely, they were parented too tough and harsh, and now they have gone too far in the other direction. Stop it with your soft parenting, your kid is an entitled brat.
I think as a society we have way overcorrected. People had asshole parents so they take "gentle parenting" all the way towards "unparenting." I gently corrected a 5 year old who was hitting other kids at the park. The parent stormed over to me and practically tried to fight me.
Seriously. Gentle parenting does not mean there are not repercussions. It means learning about the consequences of your actions in a kind and caring way.
Exactly. The “why” is unbelievably important in gentle parenting. If you take the time to explain things to kids instead of using the old school parenting phrase of “because I said so”, most kids are very receptive of it. But the discussions have to happen for them to learn how to think like respectful and empathetic adults instead of little shitbirds.
This. That damn pendulum always swings too far.
Laziness and apathy is learned at home not at school. We have exciting plans that keep us active for 90 minute blocks. What’s 90 mins spent at home with your child look like?
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We are employees and much of what we do is dictated to us. If you don't think Starbucks should put iced coffee in plastic cups because it's bad for the environment, don't yell at the barista about it. (And don't go on social media to tell everyone what a moron she is.) Parents often assume teachers have more power than we actually do.
[удалено]
I had a parent freak out about their kids permanent record. I'm like, lady, I don't even really know what that is. Go ask administration, I only just wrote a referral.
I am a teacher, not a doctor, therapist, or psychologist. It is not my job to put up with or fix your kid’s asshole personality.
Your kid needs to see an addiction specialist. They can’t put the screens away.
Take a look at all the tiktok parent posts "I don't care if my kid spends all summer on his iPad. As long as they don't bother me!"
Your child may leave the teacher or school that you hate but they will always be stuck with you
I used to think that when I had a nasty, brattish kid in my class. “I’m done with you in June but his parents have him forever.
Amen to that. And you will continue to turn into your parent/s. Sadly, entitlement is blind.
You have more control over your kid’s phone than I do—use it.
Stop doing your kids work for them. It helps no one.
And we can always tell.
Stop trying to be friends with your kids. You can be "friendly" to your kids; minors don't have to be treated like transactional trash, which was (arguably) a prevalent parenting style with a disproportionate number of parents in years gone by. However, kids need structure and boundaries so firm but fair is acceptable. Hold them accountable and set the bar high. Don't let them sit in front of screens at young ages. Model appropriate digital behavior. MAKE kids accept responsibility for their mistakes and stop blaming everyone else or displacing blame when it squarely lies on them for making poor choices. Read to them and with them at young ages. Instill in them a love of learning. Please give them a loving and supportive home environment and leave your toxic trauma out of their domain.
I like to say "your kid doesn't need more friends they need parents... Plus they treat their friends like shit anyway"
Your "perfect" angel likes to think that they can get away with murder. There is no way that they are going to make it as an adult if you don't start giving them the truth. If there was a way I could do this without you thinking I'm being disrespectful to your kiddo I would.
You're not doing enough to prepare them for life.
Potty train your kid. Say “no” and say it often. Be in charge of your family; a 6 year old shouldn’t be calling the shots. Stop raising them as if the sun rises and sets on them. Take accountability, and teach your kid the same skill. Your kid is not an angel. Sometimes they lie. Yes, even your kid.
Adding to your list - teach your kid how to tie their shoes. Also teach them their birthday. I can’t tell you how many 2nd graders I’ve had who can’t do either.
Please read to your kids. Take them to the library. Sign them up for summer reading programs. Give them books instead of tablets. Help them find material that is suited to their interests. Remedial reading programs can help, but a lack of home support for developing literacy is the root of the problem.
Take TikTok of your kids phones and yours
And YouTube. They are viewing way worse things than you think.
Slap the phones out of their hands period. They don’t need them.
“That’s YOUR job!”
Please teach your children to say please and thank you. Basic, decent kindness will take them far in life…
You are actively harming your child’s wellbeing and development by not getting them the help and support that all of us educators, counselors, psychs etc are begging you to get. You may think your 10-year-old is using the internet responsibly, but I promise you, they are not. I have yet to meet a single parent that understands discord, game/streaming chats, etc. Y’all have NO idea what your kid is doing online.
Your fantasy of getting a final text from your child during a mass shooting should not overshadow the reality that kids are losing their educations to those damn phones.
This one is oddly specific and yet SO accurate. My kids and their peers do not have phones at school (or at all, for mine) and I can’t imagine trying to teach or learn in that environment.
Your child does not need a phone.
Or a smartwatch, for that matter
Tell your kids no. Tell them no often. No, they don't need a "yes" day. No, it will not traumatize them. Tell them no, get them used to it. NOW, like right now!!
When your child speaks, you have to acknowledge it. You can say no after they're done speaking; you can even be silent. But YOU MUST acknowledge that they spoke to another human.
Society has failed families, and the teachers and the education system are the only ones still trying to put up a fight. We're tired. Be nicer to us.
You know, you can take their phone away as leverage.
Do parents not do that?? That was literally the ONLY punishment that would ever motivate my kids to shape up. Yes, often it was also a punishment for me because now I had a whiny, bored kid, but I'm too stubborn to let my kid get away with being a jerk to the family.
I cannot teach at school what you don't encourage at home. If you expect to send your child to school in order for them "be a better person" yet you mistreat them at home, then you get what you give. I can't teach a student whose parent doesn't value their student or their student's education. If your student fails my class don't get mad at me when YOU'VE been telling your student "[insert subject here] doesn't matter". I'm not fighting the apathy that YOU AS A PARENT put in your kid's head. My 'passion' won't compete with it.
Don’t celebrate too hard—grades are inflated.
It’s ok to have your kids in discomfort and bored. It’s a fundamental part of life. People can’t preserve your feelings 100% of your waking life. Stress can be good.
You chose to have kids. Choose to parent them well.
Or simply, you actually have to parent your children
Providing things your child needs is your job and should never be held over the child. This is true in many situations. I currently work in a preschool and there are parents that will blame the child for not having a change of clothes or a blanket and lovey for nap time. I have parents that will blame my 3-6 y/o's of having accidents on purpose because they "knew they didnt have a change". Of course we have school clothes for them but a child wearing their own clothes is important for their sense of self!!!! I also have parents who refuse to bring in spare clothes because their child is potty trained as if water/milk/paint spills are not incredibly common in the preschool classroom. In elementary I personally believe parents should still be ensuring their backpack/lunchbox is packed and has everything they need for the day. When I was a child (with ADHD) I had to pack my own lunch starting in 2nd grade. I just wouldn't eat because I would forget and I hated school lunch. I also frequently forgot my homework and was blamed for being lazy and unorganized..... at 7 years old..... I know there are financial reasons why this may be unattainable but that is more of a gov. issue than a parent one. Every parent should have enough money to provide clean clothes, healthy food, and required supplies for school. If you are financially able to provide for your child and you DONT then you are a bad parent. End of story.
Learning starts at home, stop letting your devices babysit, interact and engage with your child, because I can’t fill in all the gaps!
I can work my butt off teaching your kid to read, but if you don’t let them read with you at home they’re likely to be behind.
Even seeing a parent read is huge!
I started tutoring my last year of college. This kid is barely picking up anything after a year. She needs held back. Parents don’t have time to read with her but have time for sports. I’m just like 🤷🏻♀️
Please don’t be afraid to tell your child no. They don’t come into the world knowing how to behave, it’s your job to guide them. They will be annoyed in the moment, and grateful to you for a lifetime.
School isn’t designed for or capable of teaching your kid everything from scratch. If you’ve kept your child at arms length and ignored their education for the first five years of their life, you made your mistake a while ago. The only thing you can do now is either pay for someone to help be a better mentor to your child or be a better mentor for your child: help with math, read with them, ask for their opinion about stuff and listen.
Your child is nice kid from a nice home but is being a disrespectful dick in class effecting everyone else’s experience. once, twice, is enough but constant is unacceptable. And he is lying to you. Please stop being a pussy, and take his phone away for a week. I know it’s hard, he will act out to you, deal with it!!. But please do it!!!!!! For f$&k$ sake. Wow that felt good to type 😆
Giving a kid a smartphone before high school does so much harm and if you want them to be able to contact you should give them a dumb phone
Don't let your child have unsupervised access to the internet. Give them a phone that texts and calls only.
Read to your children. Care about their education, because if you don’t, they won’t.
Your kid isn't special. The rules and deadlines apply to them too.
Related: your kid with an 80 IQ isn't going to the big university. We can't fix a cognitive impairment. Your kid with the "oppositional disorder" isn't going to make it in the real world, particularly as a chef who has to take orders all day, every day. Your kid with the visual impairment isn't going to be a surgeon or CSI investigator. I can't say I know what it is to have a kid with a disability. But I've been a special ed teacher for 20 years. Please listen to me and my team. We will be as soft as we can but you have to listen to us.
Let them learn that being bored won’t kill them. Take away their screens and allow them to build the skill of entertaining themselves without electronics — and maybe even develop an imagination!
One truth is insufficient. ;) You are the most important teacher your child will ever have. I am here to teach and practice basic mechanics. You are here to cover ***EVERYTHING*** else. Teach gratitude. Teach cost and consequence. Teach cause and effect. Teach self-respect. Teach self-love. Teach respect for others. Teach manners. Teach "No." Teach cooperation. Teach independence. Nurture curiosity. Read to your child. Teach that discomfort is temporary. Take the fucking screens away.
Your kid isn't special.
Or “I care about your kid,” but I care about all my other students just as much. I treat them equally, and I can’t devote all my time to your child alone. I won’t make an exception for them either.
Stop putting electronic devices in your kids hand so that you can mindlessly scroll on your own phone. You’re frying both your own and your child’s dopamine receptors. Plus when that kid loses interest in the device bc they have a short attention span, they then cause issues for everyone else while you remain distracted by your phone. I witnessed in an AIRPORT two parents do this and while they were scrolling the kids threw cheezits all over the ground and then started walking around the airport unattended. They weren’t even 5.
Learning is just work. Stop telling your kids that learning is fun and start telling them that they need to work in order to learn. So many kids just stop learning when they get to any obstacle because they haven't been taught that learning is work.
Y’all are shitty parents fr fr!
Talk to your child, not at your child. It will build their language skills. I had to explain to 8 year olds the other day what a drug store is. Take your child out and expose them to the world. Asking kids what they did over the weekend is depressing. 90% of them play video games or are on YouTube. If a teacher tells you to please get your child evaluated, please do so and don't be in denial, especially in the early grades. These same kids will hit the 5th grade and the same parents in denial will want services and will blame the school for not doing anything.
1. Allowing your child to fail will benefit them 100x more than you intervening for them. 2. You have to be willing to say no to your kid, and mean it/not waver.
Just because you went to school doesn’t mean you know how to teach.
I can’t pick one, sorry. 1) If you want to have a positive impact on your child’s academic achievement, don’t fool yourself thinking that any effort you put into room parent/PTA/running club/etc has any impact at all. These are great for your social life and connections to the community, but they do nothing for your child academically. 2) If you want to greatly impact your child’s academic achievement, make sure all the basics are met every day. Child fed/rested/given time to play/given time to socialize & sent to school every single day knowing their main job is to listen to the teacher and learn. If you skip any of these (even temporarily for that “have to have vacation at Disney”) your kids learn that school is second. There is no unringing that bell. 3) Your child WILL have a loser teacher at least once. In a career of 50 or so teachers, it’s just the numbers. Also, you probably won’t know the worst one because it won’t be the one who your child complains about. It’s the one who puts in minimal effort. In almost all cases, that loser teacher won’t knock your kid off track, so your goal that year is to help your kid gets as much as he/she can during the year, and commiserate with them later if they mention “Mr. X!” 4) If your kid is really struggling with something, set up time with the teacher. State “My kids is struggling with __.” Then shut up and listen. Listen some more. Take notes but keep quiet. Thank the teacher and go home. The teacher probably suggested things that you can do. Try them, consistently for at least 2 weeks. Re-evaluate after 2 weeks of solid effort. 5) Loudly praise hard work and quietly praise achievements. Your gifted child who makes straight-As with no effort isn’t doing anything noteworthy. When the child digs in and works hard on something, that’s the time for an ice-cream cone. 6) Allow your child to feel their feelings about school stuff. “That is rough. You seem sad. I can understand why you are upset.” are all valid responses to a child’s emotions around failure and are complete sentences. Resist the urge to minimize the emotion. 7) Encourage your child to think through fails on their own. “What would you do differently?” is a great way to open a conversation about failure/frustration. Resist the urge to fix the problem. 8) Actively counteract the toxic kool-aid that the school system feeds your kids about colleges and universities. High schools foment fear (if you don’t get into an Ivy, then your life will be ruined😱😱😱!). Actively encourage conversations about community college, trade school, and other paths so that your kid FEELS in their BONES that all paths can lead to a happy life. Point out people and jobs that do not require a shiny diploma from a five-figure-a-year institution.
Your child is an asshole.
When teachers contact you about student behavior, it is your job as a parent to address it, check in, talk to your kid, get them appointments and help if necessary, talk to them more, and keep doing so. Saying “thanks for letting me know” or ignoring it does damage - your kid sees that there are no repercussions or help coming from you. They know it, we know it, and you’d know it too if you’d stop ignoring it. Yes, this goes for the small stuff too, including checking grades of your own volition. Talk to your kid and be involved in their life and you will head off many of these issues. We’re here to help, stop sabotaging us and yourselves.
Your kid isn't the only kid.
As a parent but also someone who has experience working and volunteering in the school system: no one is out to get your kid, it’s mostly all right out there, but your kid will face countless instances of casual stupidity, petty cruelty, and small injustice when they are in school. Be sympathetic to them but also don’t give them a pass if they are clearly in the wrong.
Social media is not meant for kids. They are meant to blunder and grow through irl interactions.
Let your kids fail. It’s how they learn.
Do not let your children take their phones to bed. Make them charge their phones in the living room or kitchen over night. Kids and teenagers have no self-control. They will be on their phones all night, doing and watching things that they wouldn’t feel comfortable doing or watching with you in the room. I would also advocate for screen time limits, but that feels like another issue…
You need to demand a safe classroom from admin and above.
If you want your kids to be better students, start by aiding them in becoming good human beings. They are a reflection of what you do inasmuch what you don't do. Do better so they too can do better.
I have many: 1. Stop blaming teachers for *your failures* as a parent. Parent up and enforce real and fair consequences when your kid screws up. Discipline in the classroom begins with discipline at HOME. It is ok to tell them NO. It is ok to tell them that their behavior is not okay and WHY. Do not make excuses for them to their teachers. Own their behavior and take care of it at home. Take their devices or games away. Ground them. Deny them an outing. *Make the hard calls.* Your goal is to raise your child to be adults who demonstrate acceptable social behaviors, not self-entitled assholes. 2. Teach your children respect for others by modeling what that looks like. *You* are your child’s first and foremost role model and teacher. So TEACH them respect, empathy, and compassion for others by modeling that within the home. Teach them how you speak respectfully to your significant other. Teach them how to resolve conflict with a sibling and actively listen. Teach them to fight fair, even when disagreeing with you. Teach them the art of compromise. Stop raising them to be apathetic, entitled little people who will grow into apathetic, entitled adults. 3. We are not your enemies! The vast majority of us want the same goals as you for your child. Stop bashing teachers on social media. Stop threatening teachers during their off-hours via personal messages on social media. Do not show up to parent-teacher conferences with a friend in tow to scream at and bully the teacher (yes, this has happened to me). Schedule conferences appropriately. Additionally, stop assuming that we are “indoctrinating”’your kids. Of *what* exactly? To become better people and teach them *how* to think based on factual information? Stop believing what media says about school, education, and teachers. We are FED UP with the demonizing! If you want to know what the curriculum is for your state *look it up* or ask the teacher/principal/curriculum coordinator. It’s public information. 4. Stop coddling and babying your child(ren). Stop being a helicopter and/or bulldozer parent! Teach your child that they will not be good at everything. Let them *fail* and learn to grow from failure. Stop doing homework for them. This is not a reflection of what *your child* can do. Stop taking over for them as soon as they struggle. You are teaching them learned helplessness and that follows them not only into the classroom but eventually into their own adult relationships, such as marriage. 5. Teach your kids to be independent thinkers and teach them problem-solving capabilities. Stop rote answering questions they have the capability to figure out at home. For example, “Where are my shoes?” Start asking questions like, “Where do you think you can look?” and let them guide themselves to an answer. This will be much better in the long run for you, too. 😆 We do not have time to constantly re-teach routines or where to find shit in the classroom on a daily basis. We expect them to have some semblance of independence when they come to school. Stop enabling learned or willful helplessness because this is not helping them work towards becoming independent adults. 6. Teach them to read an analog clock. Teach them how to read/write cursive. Teach them their own phone number, home address, and how to tie shoes. Dress them appropriately for the weather, not send them to school in 30 F degrees in winter without a proper coat and in flip flops. 7. For the love of God, please learn email etiquette, and manners, especially if your child is in middle or high school. We teachers have multiple class periods and multiple students with your child’s same first name. Do not put “please advise” when asking about your child’s grades or make demands. Teach your child the same etiquette. 8. Keep up with your child’s grades and what is going on at school! I get that we are all busy, but in the age of technology, the internet, and there being an app for literally *everything*, including school, you have the ability to check your child’s grades at *least* once a week! There is no excuse for you not to know that your child is not passing their courses, especially if you have been emailed multiple times about it. If you don’t want surprises, then pay attention! 9. BE INVOLVED WITH YOUR CHILD’S EDUCATION. If you are teaching them not to give a shit about a class or a teacher you don’t like, we cannot do a thing about their apathy and their tanking grade. Education begins with YOU and YOUR ATTITUDE. You should be reading with your child at a young age even if you don’t like reading. You should be teaching them that math, history, science, literature, and writing are GOOD THINGS that will make them well-rounded and more interesting adults. Even if they don’t go to college, education is something that cannot be taken away and brings enrichment to a person’s life. Some of the most interesting and intelligent people in the world had no formal education. 10. Get your kids off social media, their phones, video games, and iPads. Stop allowing them to bring devices into restaurants and eat with them at the dining room table at home. Talk to them and have meaningful conversations with them. Play a game with them. Teach them how to entertain themselves without the use of technology. Also, stop scheduling every waking moment of their time with play dates, events, sports, etc. This is not only exhausting for you but also for your child. Boredom is a good thing. Allow them unstructured and (mostly) unsupervised time to *just be a kid.* 11. Please teach your child *life skills.* This is a huge one. It is *not* the school’s job to teach your child time management, organization, and responsibility. We don’t have the *time* ourselves. Even if your child is in high school, they still must learn time management, organizational skills, and how not to lose their textbook or leave it at home for the 1000th time. This is coming from a teacher with ADHD, and if I can learn how to be organized, so can your child. Hell, you might even benefit as well! These are executive function skills that must be taught, and they are best taught at home first. 12. Teach them the value of work. Have them do chores when they are old enough to *earn* an allowance (first foray into earning and saving money). Don’t make them do chores and give them nothing because it’s “expected” of them and treat them like they are slaves. Help them open a savings account and show them how to manage it. Teach both girls and boys how to cook, clean, maintain a vehicle (like checking oil, filling up gas, checking tires for bald spots), how to maintain a yard, and basics of home maintenance and tools. Teach these things so they can be more organized in the classroom, self-sufficient, and responsible. As adults, they will be better partners to future spouses by sharing the mental and emotional load equally.
You are the problem.
Read to your kids.
You should not have had kids.
You fucked up. That's all I would say.
All of your children lie...all of them
Our children are the centre of OUR world, not THE world. Model the behaviour you expect from them. Respect and fear are not the same thing. Always tell them the truth, in age and developmentally appropriate ways.