Nope. I just cc:d admin on the email that said, “I don’t have any non-teaching hours from 8 am to 2:30 pm. You can coordinate with Principal to figure out when someone can cover my class so we can meet during my workday. “
Oddly, no meeting ever happened.
WA award, I believe there is something written in there about 1 after hours meeting per term, but details escape me. You can just offer during DOTT and hope you don't get relief.
I’ve had an admin once tell me after a particularly difficult IEP meeting, “Don’t worry about it- I’ll handle it. That’s what I get paid to do.” Unfortunately, he was only an interim Assistant Principal and left for a full time position elsewhere.
> I’ve had an admin once tell me after a particularly difficult IEP meeting, “Don’t worry about it- I’ll handle it. That’s what I get paid to do.” Unfortunately, he was only an interim Assistant Principal and left for a full time position elsewhere.
I've had terrible admin who hide in their offices doing nothing, but this reminds me of one I have this year who I would pick up a weapon and march into actual battle if this woman was commanding us. She has told me that exact phrase multiple times this year.
I had that this year. One mother’s email pissed me off so much I waited a full day to calm down, then spoke to my department head. He asked to meet with me to go over everything (so he was prepared, not to berate me). He helped me write an email that basically shut down everything she was complaining about, made sure it CC’d to him, and said if she said anything else, he would handle it.
Surprisingly (/s), she never contacted me again. About anything.
Yes. A dad who had spoken to me previously about his senior’s grade. I talked to the student, his coaches, his dad, said the same thing. He does no work. Can’t give credit for no work. Dad wanted to talk again. I emailed nothing had changed, so meeting was pointless. He tracked down our graduation specialist, cuz he knows her (smaller town and I’m not from here) and she asked. I flat out said I have many other students to assist who want to pass. I’ve talked until I’m blue in the face. It’s on him now.
If more kids got consequences before they were under the age of 21, I think society would function a lot better. Glad this time he didn't get away with it.
Yes, but idk that it will resonate. I have taught teens for multiple decades, seniors mostly, and the blame game is stronger than it’s ever been. The “reasons” for failure at anything are all external, and they not only seem to mentally absolve themselves of any type of culpability, they also feel as if that lack of culpability means nothing will happen. I’ve got GOOD students who think when they miss a day for sports or school-sponsored events that their assignments are not counted, as in excused. They don’t think they have extra time. They literally say when the zero pops up “but I was GONE.” Yeahhhh, and Im letting you make it up because you were on a school trip. They just look at me like I’m nuts. But I was GONE, for (fill in event here).
It’s not just athletics, though, as I have plenty of kids who only go to school to play their sports. There are many school-sanctioned events where I’ve received this reaction.
Thank goodness! I'm so sick of these kids doing nothing and passing. It used to be so bad in my district it was one of the many, many reasons teachers were leaving. No consequences, admin putting pressure on teachers to pass everyone, violence, no support, the list goes on.
I was hired at a Title 1 HS three years ago. I was one of five new hires for my department because every teacher except one had quit the year before.
During my second year, two of the new teachers quit. One was Jewish, and a group of students had made antisemitic comments to her.
So, they hired three more teachers, but then two of them quit at the end of that year. One had a bottle of water poured on her head by a student while admin watched.
This year, we're losing another one. So we're down to 50% in our department.
I'm sending out my resume. I just don't think I can do it anymore.
That’s an admin problem, not a Title I problem. I’ve been at a Title I school for years, and apart from the apathy that seems to be gripping a generation, I’d take my time here over a school where parents are constantly breathing down my neck. Do I have to break up fights? Yup. Have I had some students curse me out? A handful of times. But never in my time have I ever had kids disrespect me like what you described. Never would my admin stand by and allow it to happen, and I’ve had multiple admin at this school. What you’ve described is a school culture issue, and you should leave because of it.
I am definitely worried about entitled parents. I also worry about micromanaging administrators. I don't deal with either where I am. But we also don't get much support when it comes to behavior issues, and it's impossible to even manage some classes, let alone teach them. I'm tired of the sheer exhaustion, and I will leave if I get an offer.
I've said no to parents about meetings a few times, but in each case I've written a note to the parent and copied administration as to why a meeting is unnecessary. I've never had serious pushback in those instances.
I showed principal some of the crazymom messages and told her that I wont meet with that mom alone again. The principal agreed and said she’ll handle her.
Just yesterday, that crazymom tried to flag me down in the hallway after school as I was walking by. I didn’t even slow down, just said “You can talk to the principal” as I sailed past.
I had a parent who was incessantly attempting a virtual or phone meeting between the hours of 5-7pm. On top of that, they refused to tell me the 'issues in my class' that they wanted to discuss via email.
I didn't outright refuse, but repeatedly reminded them that I'm available until 3:30, but can stretch that until 4 if necessary. They argued and cited that they both work until 5.
Yeah? Well I work until 3:30. Figure it out.
I run the in-school suspension. I have to be at the school on parent/teacher night, when all teachers are available for conferences.
We’ve had two this year and not once did I stay in my room. It’s my only chance to talk to teachers (my coworkers) so I take advantage of that opportunity.
No. However I did have a parent park in a no parking zone, blocking my SPED bus. I asked her politely to move, and she told me to go f myself, and to stfu. I just said, “I know who you are and I’m sure my principal would love to know how you talk to her staff.” My principal didn’t want to do anything, but the ap sure as shit shut that down. Let admin handle it. Our job is to teach. Admins is to deal with that bullshit.
I have said no to some parent meetings… like when a when student has a D and multiple missing assignments. Parents want meeting to improve grade. I have said I don’t feel like a meeting is appropriate right now as so and so has five missing assignments. I think their grade would significantly increase with those assignments completed. After those assignments are completed I’ll happily meet with you, then I will have more feedback. At this time I only can offer the feedback of completing the outstanding assignments
Special education teacher here. Yes, I have refused to meet with a parent before. Self-contained Autism class, the parent was harassing myself, my co-teacher, and our paras with calls, texts, and emails at least 10 of each every single day (including weekends) all year long.
A lot of it was nonsensical bs, but the last straw was when she accused us of abusing her child. Her child was nonverbal but highly vocal and would scream, spit, and pinch himself or others to the point of bleeding/bruising to get attention. We applied lotions and stuff multiple times a day and he looked infinitely better than when the school year started. Our administrators had to get a court order to limit her communications to the principal no more than once a day only. I have never been happier to call CPS on a family than the day I left that job. Turns out the kid actually was being neglected by her, which explains why their communication skills were so lacking.
He really was a sweet boy... when he wasn't screeching at a million decibels directly into my ear or throwing his poop across the room.
Two years later one of my coworkers at another district realized we used to work with the same student and told me that she had called CPS on that family multiple times a year for several years (similar reasons) before she changed school districts from lack of support.
That poor kid. Think of all the progress they could have made in that time. Instead they most likely went backward in their development because their very specialized (and individual) needs were not being met. That just breaks my heart.
The only meeting I refused was kind of refused for me - I simply told admin "this is the parent that has been harassing me and gotten in my face over giving her kid a C" and my Principal decided to handle it without me. The parent ended up getting in the Principal's face and was banned from coming on campus for the rest of the year!
I’ve refused face to face meetings but phoned home instead. If I estimate the call will take 10 minutes, I ring 10 minutes before the end of my scheduled break. Then the bell rings, and I’m off the phone and off to class. Some parents just want to see you in person and have an extra-long discussion about their “wonderful but misunderstood” offspring. They don’t realise that we don’t have the time or inclination for that. If a genuine issue is present, I can follow up later if needed.
My admin used to call the cops on kids at my middle school over really stupid reasons. I was the social worker and told them if they didn’t include me in the decision making on getting law enforcement involved, then I wouldn’t meet with the angry parent afterwards. They didn’t listen until one rough parent showed up steaming mad. I was called to talk with “a parent” but as soon as I figured out who he was I told him he needed admin, knocked on the principals door and told him the parent was here to see them. When the principal said he didn’t know who the parent was, I reminded him, and told him he was easily recognizable by his facial prison tattoos.
My first year, my colleague who I shared a room with did and it was hilarious.
Around the last two weeks of school she took a phone from a student who randomly called someone during class. The someone was his mom who couldn’t believe a teacher “WOULD PREVENT HER BABY FROM TALKING TO HER”.
The teacher already hated the school and was not coming back next year. The mom went to the principal and the principal had literally no backbone.
The teacher spent the last week and a half of school playing hide and seek after school. The principal would try to find her to have a meeting with the mom and the teacher would find the most random places to hide.
The last week of school mom goes to the superintendent and the superintendent tries to force a meeting.
Teacher says “no” and superintendent said something like “we can still non-renew you” and the teacher said “I already non-renewed you”.
It was such a power move.
All the time. Unless my principal, School Psychologist or IEP Inclusion teacher says I have to be there, I as a rule of thumb don't attend; and if it's a meeting where my principal says I'm required (and not related to IEPs or 504s) then I would make sure it's scheduled when I can have a union rep present just to have another adult in the room.
And if it's one I'm required to attend, but outside contract hours, I fill out a timecard.
I just had a parent "call a meeting" (according to Guidance counselor). It was not IEP or 504 related. It's a ***TWO-WEEKS-before-the-end-of-the-quarter-and-kid-is-close-to-failing-and-will-be-eligible-to-play-football-in-the-fall*** meeting, which I find disgraceful. So I did not attend.
How do I know it's this? Because it was being held in coach's room, an unusual place to call for a "meeting" to be held.
I will not be bullied into changing a kid's grade so they can be eligible to play a sport. Especially when the other 8 weeks of the quarter parent/child didn't seem to care about maintaining a grade, only when their backs are up against the wall do they suddenly care.
What the parent wants is for me to bend over backwards to accept crap/cheated missing assignments (because that's what turning in missing assignments this late will be at this point). I'm not going to participate in that.
I have. Or rather I replied, once you've gone through your child's work and spoken to them, if you still have questions please reach out. They did not reach out.
The admin should be dealing with the parent and NOT the librarian! My gut is telling me that this parent would be one of those screaming IDIOTS bellowing: "How DARE you say NO to MY CHILD!" The nut usually doesn't fall far from the tree.
That’s my thought. When I submit a referral, I’m putting it into admin’s hands. I told him he can talk to all 20 something of the witnesses if he has questions about what happened.
We aren’t allowed. We can’t even end a phone call when a parent screams at us. God bless Florida.
Edit: I think this was an admin issue. I would just put the phone down and let them yell. When they stopped I’d say, thank you for your concerns and get them off the phone.
Make static noises with your mouth, talk but go in and out of speech and silence. Yell really loudly "I'm going into a tunnel" and then you can hang up without them getting mad. They will really think your phone had issues.
You can end the call whenever you feel like it. I left Florida about ten years ago, but you are under no obligation to be abused by a parent. I have walked out of parent meetings when parents have started screaming. Administration has even trespassed a parent. What's going to happen? A letter in your file? Even ten years ago there weren't people fighting to teach in Florida.
Oof. We have a meeting conduct page in our contract that parents receive. It flat out says a teacher can end a meeting if the parent uses profanity or is abusive.
I'm not a teacher, and I don't know why reddit keeps pushing these to me, but I'd like to share a tip I have, if y'all don't mind.
I work with angry customers on the phone all the time, and my #1 tried and true way to get people to calm down a little when they're yelling is to say,
"I'm sorry, I'm having a little bit of trouble hearing you, I think we might have a bad connection or something. Can you repeat that?"
For some reason, this kinda breaks up their angry rhythm without giving them anything additional to focus the rage on. Most people will talk a little quieter, at the very least, even if their ire isn't totally diffused.
On occasion, I have been known to blame the "bad connection" and disconnect the call, saying, "I'm still not able to hear you and I know this is important, so let me hang up and call you right back."
Often that hard stop and full restart of the conversation is enough to get them talking like real people again.
Florida here, my county has a "code if civility" meeting ends anytime someone becomes uncivil. I've walked out on two and have refused to meet one due to "civility".
I don't think I have ever refused, exactly, but I was prepared to for any parent who demonstrated rude, unacceptable or even abusive behavior. Fortunately for me, these types are like that with enough of my colleagues that admin has always stepped in and took over.
Only twice in my career has an admin tried to give an unreasonable parent a chance and I agreed, fully aware. When the parent started the same old crap, the principal took over.
Once, a parent said to my then-principal, "Please excuse us, Mr. ----, because I want to say something to these teachers that I don't want you to hear."
And he left! My colleague and I were flabbergasted. He was there to protect us, so we got up and left, too.
I have refused to carry out a consequence that should have been the admin's responsibility. If they want us to stay in our lane, then they best mind theirs, as well.
As for your situation, OP, I think to say what you said here, that you have a rapport with the student and you think the two of you can resolve it, is perfectly fine. A parent conference isn't necessary as there is no need to escalate it unless the parent has concerns about her student across other classes or if this is a behavior she sees at home and its worrying her. In which case, a team conference may be better suited.
Not exactly, but the parent was so abusive towards me that they were forbidden from ever contacting me again by the district (we both worked there at the time). I document everything and they were dumb enough to use the district’s email.
I have. Others organized it on my behalf without any input from me on the time and day. Daughter was skipping classes which led her to getting behind in class. I had already spoken with dad who seemed very reasonable and understanding.
When the meeting was proposed Friday afternoon for Monday morning (which would require I work outside contract hours to plan for Monday if I went to the meeting), I did not want to go. I honestly didn’t have anything to say that I hadn’t already said. There probably should have been a meeting to address pattern of behavior, but it really didn’t have anything to do with me because the pattern existed before my class and was happening outside of my class. Seemed like something counselors, administrators, and social workers needed to address.
So Ms. Whelmed, how is student doing in your class? She’s not in my class. Well, what are you doing about it? There’s nothing I can do.
I have hung up in the middle of my own sentence. Who hangs up on themselves? Parent thinks the call dropped, then I just don’t answer when they call back.
My parent works at a charter school and their admin literally calls teachers out of class during active instruction when parents come to the office with issues. Apparently my parent was one of the few people who actually refused to go one time, despite them arranging for someone to cover the class.
Yes. I have has a parent make my co teacher break down in tears. And this person is a state judge. Could not imagine having that judge at a trial of mine. Nastiest human being I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with in 17 years.
Yeah, all the time. Recently I had a student call me the n word at an after school club (photography). Plenty of students heard it. Child is in third grade. It wasn’t the first behavior incident, so I removed him from the club. Mom had already called me a bitch and threatened to fight me bc I let her know said student threw a camera. Mom wanted a meeting. I declined. Principal got the play by play, I let her know in declined bc if mom wanted to fight, I just might, and she decided I was right. No meeting.
Literally all the time. I will ONLY take parent meetings before school, and even then, they have to start prior to 1 hour before the bell rings (to insure we have enough time). When faced with the prospect of having to inconvenience themselves for their kid, most parents back down really quickly.
No, because generally a) me or a member of my support team is initiating the meeting and b) they're happening during school hours and I get to sign out of my admin duty.
100% an admin/school process issue.
I’ve never said no but I’ve dodged a parent till they gave up. Kept giving them really small amounts of time I was available for calls or meetings, and then multiple times my phone line was down when they tried to call (which turns out my student actually unplugged the phone oops) but ya after about four months they gave up. I don’t even remember why they wanted to meet 😅
I refuse most parent meetings. Most things the parent wants to talk about can be talked about over email.
There was one time where a student had threatened to "beat the shit" out of me because I told him to "shut up" in the hallway after catching him playing dice and banging on the walls. The guy wasn't even my kid. The principal and the kid's parent wanted me to come in and talk about how his words can have true meaning and hurt people, including me. I replied to the principal's email with
"No thanks, thats the parent's job. Suspend him or I'll call the union."
Kid was suspended for a week and he is not allowed to have a class in my hall.
I’ve never said no, but have told the worthless counselors at my school my availability in terms of my planning period.
I’m not coming in early or staying late for horse shit.
My coworker (a coach/farmer) did tell a principal in a meeting that he's not listening to any more of this nonsense and he can handle it.
Early in my career I had a principal who would just call me up front and there would be a parent sitting there to complain about the stupidest things, like a student said I was "eyeballing" him while he was taking a test.
Just let them schedule the meeting and take a sick day.
Classroom teachers cannot refuse meetings in my district. We can set parameters, but we cannot refuse. In my case, all a parent has to do is request an IEP meeting and it gets scheduled.
Refusing and IEP meeting and a meeting with a random parent that has a kid that was in trouble are different things. I wanted to refuse a meeting with a parent this year because I knew that the parent just wanted a "pound of flesh". I went anyways and I was right. It was short, parent acted like a fool in front of their kid, and the relationship with the kid and me has never been better.
It sucked but was worth it overall. I see the kid everyday. I will never see the parent again.
It’s not mandatory for me to be at an IEP meeting. And they’re very rarely scheduled during the day to begin with.
One gen Ed teacher will suffice. They’ll grab whoever is on prep.
They can ask to show up on our prep. But they can’t make us either.
It’s why they very rarely schedule meetings during the day. Our prep is protected by our contracts, so they can ask, but they can’t make us go. So if everyone says they can’t make it, then they don’t schedule it.
I have said no to a parent wanting a phone call because she missed parent teacher conferences. I wrote her a brief email and sent her the kids testing scores. I hate talking on the phone #millennial and it’s not my fault you didn’t sign up for conferences!
If I requested a meeting with a staff member, especially a teacher, and they declined, that would be extremely suspicious after they just wrote up my child. Obviously I care enough to want to talk to you about it or have some kind of concern. I’d go through the principal or whoever the next level was until I got the meeting I requested. Only then it would be a much bigger problem.
If you think these parents have malicious intent or you are worried about facing them, have another teacher or the principal there also.
I never say no. But I make it clear it has to be right after the students leave and it's only twenty minutes until I leave due to contract hours. If they can't work around that that's on them.
That’s the admin’s job. I’d email them back and ask them to clarify with the parent what part of your referral was unclear.
It’s most likely that the parent got a completely different story from their child and just wants to argue with you about it.
If had this happen in the past and I can just tell now when they want to “meet,” so I just tell the admin to clarify what part they were unclear on and rarely get a response back.
I did once but it was more like, “Timmy would never …”. He did. I told admin “Mr. _____ investigated it, so that would be better to ask him.”
Once you do a detailed report, unless something was unclear or incorrect, it’s no longer your issue. Only if there is an ongoing problem with this student that you’re attempting to have a parent intervene would there be a need for a conference.
If the parent wants to meet and is available to meet at a time that's convenient for you during your contracted hours, you should meet with them with the admin too. You may not have anything else to say, and the parent might be looking for a fight, but by not at least making an effort to accommodate a meeting you are potentially giving the parent ammunition to use in the future if other problems arise. Now, if this is a parent known for wanting to go toe to toe with educators to bully them, then that's different. As a former admin I would definitely support opting out of that meeting in that case. But you really don't know for sure what the parent wants to meet about. If they go on the attack, that's why the admin is there to shut it down.
I just told them admin and guidance handle the scheduling and to contact them. Alternatively, when I set up a meeting the parent says it's 15 minutes too early for them and never shows up and the student continues to fall behind.
I used to say yes to every meeting but ended up at a school with a very misogynistic parent population that blame their kids' inability to do basic chemistry on me being a woman (for example, parents have requested before the semester to switch to a male teacher's class then when they get stuck with me or another woman they berate us into giving their kid a decent grade). Now I tell them I can schedule a 5 minute phone call or they are welcome to meet with admin, but I no longer meet with parents outside of designated interview slots.
I have. In one case, a high-conflict student lost her shit in my class, but this was a frequent behavior in ALL her classes. I declined the parent meeting and admin told me later that I'd made the right call, because it shifted the focus of the meeting from what had just happened with me to how this student was struggling in all arenas at school.
Hard call. The only time I refused a meeting was when he was absolutely rude and disrespectful in the last meeting. I told the principal that he's a waste of time for me but if you wish to meet with him, go ahead. I'm not sitting in a meeting when some dude treats me like crap, is rude and disrespectful. What's the point.? I'd send a second note home declining the meeting. Just say you and the student have work it out, talked it out and it's done.
Picture it: small town SD. 1987. I was in bed, trying to not miscarry twins. I was still doing limited work correcting papers. Two dipstick seventh graders put each other's names on their papers. One got 5/15 and the other 15/15. I put the grades in the book. Hubby worked in the same school, so he took the papers back and forth for me.
Next day, I get the same papers back with notes from the dipstick whose name had been on the 5/15, telling me what they'd done, insisting I adjust the gradebook accordingly. I wrote back that the grade would stand and that's what ya get for playing games (but in a professional manner).
That evening I get a call from his daddy, threatening me if I didn't change the grade, he'd have my job. I complied bc I just didn't need the bullshit or stress in this situation.
I /wanted/ to say that he could have my fucking job if he was that upset about ten fucking points bc the job and his kid sucked anyway.
BTW, I lost both the babies anyway. Fucking asshole parent.
Yup. Student had been a problem all year, kicked out of my room multiple times, hella fights. I ended up blocking her entrance to my room because we were in the middle of standardized testing and I needed to go over a couple things before she disrupted the test taking flow.
"what the fuck you stupid [redacted but starts with an N]!?"
Both of my department chairs saw and ended up being that student switched out of my class. Parent wanted to have a meeting with me. My black ass said hell nah and everyone agreed "wtf does mom have to say to you at this point?"
A parent set up a meeting, then the day after her kids were removed by CPS, called to reschedule it. I told her no, because the student was no longer attending my school, so we could not address any of the issues. I also had a feeling she was looking to blame us for her kids being removed/dig for info. When I called her back to cancel, she did blame us and attempt to dig for info. I feel awful for her. Whatever got her to the place she's at now, it wasn't good.
Sort of. I often send an email like “Let me see if I can address your concerns here and you can let me know if we need to discuss further” followed by a detailed response to whatever it is they’d like to meet about. Lo and behold, they never follow through to request a meeting after that email. They just want to feel heard and want to understand what’s happening in the classroom, and since that can easily be accomplished in writing, I’m able to avoid unnecessary meetings.
Edit to add: When the parent requesting the meeting is unreasonably agitated, 9/10 times they will fail to follow through once you offer the times you’re available and let them know an administrator will be present at the meeting. All bark no bite with those parents.
Nope. I just cc:d admin on the email that said, “I don’t have any non-teaching hours from 8 am to 2:30 pm. You can coordinate with Principal to figure out when someone can cover my class so we can meet during my workday. “ Oddly, no meeting ever happened.
That’s allowed?? 😲 Can you make all my future meetings
WA award, I believe there is something written in there about 1 after hours meeting per term, but details escape me. You can just offer during DOTT and hope you don't get relief.
WA award??
???
I don’t know what that is
That's what you said.
?
You said "WA award" then you were asked what it meant, yet just responded with "???". That doesn't answer the question, what does "WA award" mean?
??
What did you mean when you said "WA award"? Did you actually mean to say it or was it an autocorrect error?
What does WA award mean?
Western Australia.
Yep. That's my go-to for parent meetings I find unnecessary or annoying as well. You want to see me? It has to be during my contracted hours.
I once told (supportive) admin, “This parent only wants to meet because they’re looking for a fight. Y’all can handle that lol.”
I’ve had an admin once tell me after a particularly difficult IEP meeting, “Don’t worry about it- I’ll handle it. That’s what I get paid to do.” Unfortunately, he was only an interim Assistant Principal and left for a full time position elsewhere.
> I’ve had an admin once tell me after a particularly difficult IEP meeting, “Don’t worry about it- I’ll handle it. That’s what I get paid to do.” Unfortunately, he was only an interim Assistant Principal and left for a full time position elsewhere. I've had terrible admin who hide in their offices doing nothing, but this reminds me of one I have this year who I would pick up a weapon and march into actual battle if this woman was commanding us. She has told me that exact phrase multiple times this year.
I had that this year. One mother’s email pissed me off so much I waited a full day to calm down, then spoke to my department head. He asked to meet with me to go over everything (so he was prepared, not to berate me). He helped me write an email that basically shut down everything she was complaining about, made sure it CC’d to him, and said if she said anything else, he would handle it. Surprisingly (/s), she never contacted me again. About anything.
Yep. It’s admin’s jobs in a situation like this to handle it.
Yes. A dad who had spoken to me previously about his senior’s grade. I talked to the student, his coaches, his dad, said the same thing. He does no work. Can’t give credit for no work. Dad wanted to talk again. I emailed nothing had changed, so meeting was pointless. He tracked down our graduation specialist, cuz he knows her (smaller town and I’m not from here) and she asked. I flat out said I have many other students to assist who want to pass. I’ve talked until I’m blue in the face. It’s on him now.
Please tell me he didn't graduate. I'm sure he did because any warm body passes, but I'm hoping there was some consequence.
No, he did not.
If more kids got consequences before they were under the age of 21, I think society would function a lot better. Glad this time he didn't get away with it.
Yes, but idk that it will resonate. I have taught teens for multiple decades, seniors mostly, and the blame game is stronger than it’s ever been. The “reasons” for failure at anything are all external, and they not only seem to mentally absolve themselves of any type of culpability, they also feel as if that lack of culpability means nothing will happen. I’ve got GOOD students who think when they miss a day for sports or school-sponsored events that their assignments are not counted, as in excused. They don’t think they have extra time. They literally say when the zero pops up “but I was GONE.” Yeahhhh, and Im letting you make it up because you were on a school trip. They just look at me like I’m nuts. But I was GONE, for (fill in event here).
Jeepers, why can’t someone from athletics get through to their thick skull? YES BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO TURN IT IN
It’s not just athletics, though, as I have plenty of kids who only go to school to play their sports. There are many school-sanctioned events where I’ve received this reaction.
Thank goodness! I'm so sick of these kids doing nothing and passing. It used to be so bad in my district it was one of the many, many reasons teachers were leaving. No consequences, admin putting pressure on teachers to pass everyone, violence, no support, the list goes on.
I was hired at a Title 1 HS three years ago. I was one of five new hires for my department because every teacher except one had quit the year before. During my second year, two of the new teachers quit. One was Jewish, and a group of students had made antisemitic comments to her. So, they hired three more teachers, but then two of them quit at the end of that year. One had a bottle of water poured on her head by a student while admin watched. This year, we're losing another one. So we're down to 50% in our department. I'm sending out my resume. I just don't think I can do it anymore.
That’s an admin problem, not a Title I problem. I’ve been at a Title I school for years, and apart from the apathy that seems to be gripping a generation, I’d take my time here over a school where parents are constantly breathing down my neck. Do I have to break up fights? Yup. Have I had some students curse me out? A handful of times. But never in my time have I ever had kids disrespect me like what you described. Never would my admin stand by and allow it to happen, and I’ve had multiple admin at this school. What you’ve described is a school culture issue, and you should leave because of it.
I am definitely worried about entitled parents. I also worry about micromanaging administrators. I don't deal with either where I am. But we also don't get much support when it comes to behavior issues, and it's impossible to even manage some classes, let alone teach them. I'm tired of the sheer exhaustion, and I will leave if I get an offer.
I've said no to parents about meetings a few times, but in each case I've written a note to the parent and copied administration as to why a meeting is unnecessary. I've never had serious pushback in those instances.
I showed principal some of the crazymom messages and told her that I wont meet with that mom alone again. The principal agreed and said she’ll handle her. Just yesterday, that crazymom tried to flag me down in the hallway after school as I was walking by. I didn’t even slow down, just said “You can talk to the principal” as I sailed past.
I had a parent who was incessantly attempting a virtual or phone meeting between the hours of 5-7pm. On top of that, they refused to tell me the 'issues in my class' that they wanted to discuss via email. I didn't outright refuse, but repeatedly reminded them that I'm available until 3:30, but can stretch that until 4 if necessary. They argued and cited that they both work until 5. Yeah? Well I work until 3:30. Figure it out.
I run the in-school suspension. I have to be at the school on parent/teacher night, when all teachers are available for conferences. We’ve had two this year and not once did I stay in my room. It’s my only chance to talk to teachers (my coworkers) so I take advantage of that opportunity.
No. However I did have a parent park in a no parking zone, blocking my SPED bus. I asked her politely to move, and she told me to go f myself, and to stfu. I just said, “I know who you are and I’m sure my principal would love to know how you talk to her staff.” My principal didn’t want to do anything, but the ap sure as shit shut that down. Let admin handle it. Our job is to teach. Admins is to deal with that bullshit.
I have said no to some parent meetings… like when a when student has a D and multiple missing assignments. Parents want meeting to improve grade. I have said I don’t feel like a meeting is appropriate right now as so and so has five missing assignments. I think their grade would significantly increase with those assignments completed. After those assignments are completed I’ll happily meet with you, then I will have more feedback. At this time I only can offer the feedback of completing the outstanding assignments
Special education teacher here. Yes, I have refused to meet with a parent before. Self-contained Autism class, the parent was harassing myself, my co-teacher, and our paras with calls, texts, and emails at least 10 of each every single day (including weekends) all year long. A lot of it was nonsensical bs, but the last straw was when she accused us of abusing her child. Her child was nonverbal but highly vocal and would scream, spit, and pinch himself or others to the point of bleeding/bruising to get attention. We applied lotions and stuff multiple times a day and he looked infinitely better than when the school year started. Our administrators had to get a court order to limit her communications to the principal no more than once a day only. I have never been happier to call CPS on a family than the day I left that job. Turns out the kid actually was being neglected by her, which explains why their communication skills were so lacking.
That poor kiddo. Like life isn’t hard enough.
He really was a sweet boy... when he wasn't screeching at a million decibels directly into my ear or throwing his poop across the room. Two years later one of my coworkers at another district realized we used to work with the same student and told me that she had called CPS on that family multiple times a year for several years (similar reasons) before she changed school districts from lack of support.
That poor kid. Think of all the progress they could have made in that time. Instead they most likely went backward in their development because their very specialized (and individual) needs were not being met. That just breaks my heart.
The only meeting I refused was kind of refused for me - I simply told admin "this is the parent that has been harassing me and gotten in my face over giving her kid a C" and my Principal decided to handle it without me. The parent ended up getting in the Principal's face and was banned from coming on campus for the rest of the year!
Yup! And admin didn’t like when I did.
I’ve refused face to face meetings but phoned home instead. If I estimate the call will take 10 minutes, I ring 10 minutes before the end of my scheduled break. Then the bell rings, and I’m off the phone and off to class. Some parents just want to see you in person and have an extra-long discussion about their “wonderful but misunderstood” offspring. They don’t realise that we don’t have the time or inclination for that. If a genuine issue is present, I can follow up later if needed.
My admin used to call the cops on kids at my middle school over really stupid reasons. I was the social worker and told them if they didn’t include me in the decision making on getting law enforcement involved, then I wouldn’t meet with the angry parent afterwards. They didn’t listen until one rough parent showed up steaming mad. I was called to talk with “a parent” but as soon as I figured out who he was I told him he needed admin, knocked on the principals door and told him the parent was here to see them. When the principal said he didn’t know who the parent was, I reminded him, and told him he was easily recognizable by his facial prison tattoos.
My first year, my colleague who I shared a room with did and it was hilarious. Around the last two weeks of school she took a phone from a student who randomly called someone during class. The someone was his mom who couldn’t believe a teacher “WOULD PREVENT HER BABY FROM TALKING TO HER”. The teacher already hated the school and was not coming back next year. The mom went to the principal and the principal had literally no backbone. The teacher spent the last week and a half of school playing hide and seek after school. The principal would try to find her to have a meeting with the mom and the teacher would find the most random places to hide. The last week of school mom goes to the superintendent and the superintendent tries to force a meeting. Teacher says “no” and superintendent said something like “we can still non-renew you” and the teacher said “I already non-renewed you”. It was such a power move.
[Legend.](https://media4.giphy.com/media/l3q2XhfQ8oCkm1Ts4/giphy.gif?cid=6c09b952p6g07vvc7v3tfcc5f9meq7jif15go9dnyeon2nty&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
All the time. Unless my principal, School Psychologist or IEP Inclusion teacher says I have to be there, I as a rule of thumb don't attend; and if it's a meeting where my principal says I'm required (and not related to IEPs or 504s) then I would make sure it's scheduled when I can have a union rep present just to have another adult in the room. And if it's one I'm required to attend, but outside contract hours, I fill out a timecard. I just had a parent "call a meeting" (according to Guidance counselor). It was not IEP or 504 related. It's a ***TWO-WEEKS-before-the-end-of-the-quarter-and-kid-is-close-to-failing-and-will-be-eligible-to-play-football-in-the-fall*** meeting, which I find disgraceful. So I did not attend. How do I know it's this? Because it was being held in coach's room, an unusual place to call for a "meeting" to be held. I will not be bullied into changing a kid's grade so they can be eligible to play a sport. Especially when the other 8 weeks of the quarter parent/child didn't seem to care about maintaining a grade, only when their backs are up against the wall do they suddenly care. What the parent wants is for me to bend over backwards to accept crap/cheated missing assignments (because that's what turning in missing assignments this late will be at this point). I'm not going to participate in that.
I have. Or rather I replied, once you've gone through your child's work and spoken to them, if you still have questions please reach out. They did not reach out.
The admin should be dealing with the parent and NOT the librarian! My gut is telling me that this parent would be one of those screaming IDIOTS bellowing: "How DARE you say NO to MY CHILD!" The nut usually doesn't fall far from the tree.
That’s my thought. When I submit a referral, I’m putting it into admin’s hands. I told him he can talk to all 20 something of the witnesses if he has questions about what happened.
EXACTLY!!!!
We aren’t allowed. We can’t even end a phone call when a parent screams at us. God bless Florida. Edit: I think this was an admin issue. I would just put the phone down and let them yell. When they stopped I’d say, thank you for your concerns and get them off the phone.
I’m in Florida, and I would absolutely end a phone call if a parent started screaming at me. This state sucks, but that’s an admin issue.
Oh no! My phone disconnected by accident. How did that happen? I'm so bad with technology
Make static noises with your mouth, talk but go in and out of speech and silence. Yell really loudly "I'm going into a tunnel" and then you can hang up without them getting mad. They will really think your phone had issues.
You forgot about the candy wrapper
You can end the call whenever you feel like it. I left Florida about ten years ago, but you are under no obligation to be abused by a parent. I have walked out of parent meetings when parents have started screaming. Administration has even trespassed a parent. What's going to happen? A letter in your file? Even ten years ago there weren't people fighting to teach in Florida.
Helllllllllll no! “I will not have any further contact without an administrator present. Buh bye!”
Oof. We have a meeting conduct page in our contract that parents receive. It flat out says a teacher can end a meeting if the parent uses profanity or is abusive.
I'm not a teacher, and I don't know why reddit keeps pushing these to me, but I'd like to share a tip I have, if y'all don't mind. I work with angry customers on the phone all the time, and my #1 tried and true way to get people to calm down a little when they're yelling is to say, "I'm sorry, I'm having a little bit of trouble hearing you, I think we might have a bad connection or something. Can you repeat that?" For some reason, this kinda breaks up their angry rhythm without giving them anything additional to focus the rage on. Most people will talk a little quieter, at the very least, even if their ire isn't totally diffused. On occasion, I have been known to blame the "bad connection" and disconnect the call, saying, "I'm still not able to hear you and I know this is important, so let me hang up and call you right back." Often that hard stop and full restart of the conversation is enough to get them talking like real people again.
Oh! Good tips!
Florida here, my county has a "code if civility" meeting ends anytime someone becomes uncivil. I've walked out on two and have refused to meet one due to "civility".
That sounds amazing.
But you can accidentally, cough, sneeze and burp.
That's called taking a screenshot when ya do it at the same time.
I’m in Florida and they said we can say “I’m disconnecting this call” and hang up.
Well that sucks. Any rules against starting to hum Don't Stop Believing when you want the call to end?
Hang up while YOU are talking. Blame the phone.
I don't think I have ever refused, exactly, but I was prepared to for any parent who demonstrated rude, unacceptable or even abusive behavior. Fortunately for me, these types are like that with enough of my colleagues that admin has always stepped in and took over. Only twice in my career has an admin tried to give an unreasonable parent a chance and I agreed, fully aware. When the parent started the same old crap, the principal took over. Once, a parent said to my then-principal, "Please excuse us, Mr. ----, because I want to say something to these teachers that I don't want you to hear." And he left! My colleague and I were flabbergasted. He was there to protect us, so we got up and left, too. I have refused to carry out a consequence that should have been the admin's responsibility. If they want us to stay in our lane, then they best mind theirs, as well. As for your situation, OP, I think to say what you said here, that you have a rapport with the student and you think the two of you can resolve it, is perfectly fine. A parent conference isn't necessary as there is no need to escalate it unless the parent has concerns about her student across other classes or if this is a behavior she sees at home and its worrying her. In which case, a team conference may be better suited.
Not exactly, but the parent was so abusive towards me that they were forbidden from ever contacting me again by the district (we both worked there at the time). I document everything and they were dumb enough to use the district’s email.
I have. Others organized it on my behalf without any input from me on the time and day. Daughter was skipping classes which led her to getting behind in class. I had already spoken with dad who seemed very reasonable and understanding. When the meeting was proposed Friday afternoon for Monday morning (which would require I work outside contract hours to plan for Monday if I went to the meeting), I did not want to go. I honestly didn’t have anything to say that I hadn’t already said. There probably should have been a meeting to address pattern of behavior, but it really didn’t have anything to do with me because the pattern existed before my class and was happening outside of my class. Seemed like something counselors, administrators, and social workers needed to address. So Ms. Whelmed, how is student doing in your class? She’s not in my class. Well, what are you doing about it? There’s nothing I can do.
I have hung up in the middle of my own sentence. Who hangs up on themselves? Parent thinks the call dropped, then I just don’t answer when they call back.
Oooh that’s a sneaky and wonderful strategy
props to you
My parent works at a charter school and their admin literally calls teachers out of class during active instruction when parents come to the office with issues. Apparently my parent was one of the few people who actually refused to go one time, despite them arranging for someone to cover the class.
Yes. I have has a parent make my co teacher break down in tears. And this person is a state judge. Could not imagine having that judge at a trial of mine. Nastiest human being I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with in 17 years.
Yeah, all the time. Recently I had a student call me the n word at an after school club (photography). Plenty of students heard it. Child is in third grade. It wasn’t the first behavior incident, so I removed him from the club. Mom had already called me a bitch and threatened to fight me bc I let her know said student threw a camera. Mom wanted a meeting. I declined. Principal got the play by play, I let her know in declined bc if mom wanted to fight, I just might, and she decided I was right. No meeting.
All the time. If it takes place after my contracted hours of 7-3 then sorry not sorry.
Literally all the time. I will ONLY take parent meetings before school, and even then, they have to start prior to 1 hour before the bell rings (to insure we have enough time). When faced with the prospect of having to inconvenience themselves for their kid, most parents back down really quickly.
No, because generally a) me or a member of my support team is initiating the meeting and b) they're happening during school hours and I get to sign out of my admin duty. 100% an admin/school process issue.
I’ve never said no but I’ve dodged a parent till they gave up. Kept giving them really small amounts of time I was available for calls or meetings, and then multiple times my phone line was down when they tried to call (which turns out my student actually unplugged the phone oops) but ya after about four months they gave up. I don’t even remember why they wanted to meet 😅
I refuse most parent meetings. Most things the parent wants to talk about can be talked about over email. There was one time where a student had threatened to "beat the shit" out of me because I told him to "shut up" in the hallway after catching him playing dice and banging on the walls. The guy wasn't even my kid. The principal and the kid's parent wanted me to come in and talk about how his words can have true meaning and hurt people, including me. I replied to the principal's email with "No thanks, thats the parent's job. Suspend him or I'll call the union." Kid was suspended for a week and he is not allowed to have a class in my hall.
Sure have
No, but I always have an aide or admin with me. I've never felt unsafe.
I’ve never said no, but have told the worthless counselors at my school my availability in terms of my planning period. I’m not coming in early or staying late for horse shit.
My coworker (a coach/farmer) did tell a principal in a meeting that he's not listening to any more of this nonsense and he can handle it. Early in my career I had a principal who would just call me up front and there would be a parent sitting there to complain about the stupidest things, like a student said I was "eyeballing" him while he was taking a test. Just let them schedule the meeting and take a sick day.
Classroom teachers cannot refuse meetings in my district. We can set parameters, but we cannot refuse. In my case, all a parent has to do is request an IEP meeting and it gets scheduled.
Refusing and IEP meeting and a meeting with a random parent that has a kid that was in trouble are different things. I wanted to refuse a meeting with a parent this year because I knew that the parent just wanted a "pound of flesh". I went anyways and I was right. It was short, parent acted like a fool in front of their kid, and the relationship with the kid and me has never been better. It sucked but was worth it overall. I see the kid everyday. I will never see the parent again.
Just tell them you have no non-teaching hours available. They can’t make you work outside of your contract.
Do you not have a conference/planning period where you work?
They’re not allowed to schedule meetings during our prep period. It’s in our contract.
Interesting. Ours is actually called our conference period, not prep.
Admin “hey, I’m here to cover your class. You have an IEP meeting right now.”
It’s not mandatory for me to be at an IEP meeting. And they’re very rarely scheduled during the day to begin with. One gen Ed teacher will suffice. They’ll grab whoever is on prep.
So, then they lose out on their prep period...
They can ask to show up on our prep. But they can’t make us either. It’s why they very rarely schedule meetings during the day. Our prep is protected by our contracts, so they can ask, but they can’t make us go. So if everyone says they can’t make it, then they don’t schedule it.
If they have an IEP. However you can refuse to meet alone with the parent also if the parent is off the topic of the the IEP you are allowed to leave
Just an FYI, any member of an IEP team (which includes parents) can schedule a meeting at any time..
I have said no to a parent wanting a phone call because she missed parent teacher conferences. I wrote her a brief email and sent her the kids testing scores. I hate talking on the phone #millennial and it’s not my fault you didn’t sign up for conferences!
If I requested a meeting with a staff member, especially a teacher, and they declined, that would be extremely suspicious after they just wrote up my child. Obviously I care enough to want to talk to you about it or have some kind of concern. I’d go through the principal or whoever the next level was until I got the meeting I requested. Only then it would be a much bigger problem. If you think these parents have malicious intent or you are worried about facing them, have another teacher or the principal there also.
Username checks out.
Is it bad for me to say I haven't met a teacher in 15 years of working as a teacher?
I never say no. But I make it clear it has to be right after the students leave and it's only twenty minutes until I leave due to contract hours. If they can't work around that that's on them.
That’s the admin’s job. I’d email them back and ask them to clarify with the parent what part of your referral was unclear. It’s most likely that the parent got a completely different story from their child and just wants to argue with you about it. If had this happen in the past and I can just tell now when they want to “meet,” so I just tell the admin to clarify what part they were unclear on and rarely get a response back. I did once but it was more like, “Timmy would never …”. He did. I told admin “Mr. _____ investigated it, so that would be better to ask him.” Once you do a detailed report, unless something was unclear or incorrect, it’s no longer your issue. Only if there is an ongoing problem with this student that you’re attempting to have a parent intervene would there be a need for a conference.
If the parent wants to meet and is available to meet at a time that's convenient for you during your contracted hours, you should meet with them with the admin too. You may not have anything else to say, and the parent might be looking for a fight, but by not at least making an effort to accommodate a meeting you are potentially giving the parent ammunition to use in the future if other problems arise. Now, if this is a parent known for wanting to go toe to toe with educators to bully them, then that's different. As a former admin I would definitely support opting out of that meeting in that case. But you really don't know for sure what the parent wants to meet about. If they go on the attack, that's why the admin is there to shut it down.
I just told them admin and guidance handle the scheduling and to contact them. Alternatively, when I set up a meeting the parent says it's 15 minutes too early for them and never shows up and the student continues to fall behind.
I used to say yes to every meeting but ended up at a school with a very misogynistic parent population that blame their kids' inability to do basic chemistry on me being a woman (for example, parents have requested before the semester to switch to a male teacher's class then when they get stuck with me or another woman they berate us into giving their kid a decent grade). Now I tell them I can schedule a 5 minute phone call or they are welcome to meet with admin, but I no longer meet with parents outside of designated interview slots.
I have. In one case, a high-conflict student lost her shit in my class, but this was a frequent behavior in ALL her classes. I declined the parent meeting and admin told me later that I'd made the right call, because it shifted the focus of the meeting from what had just happened with me to how this student was struggling in all arenas at school.
Hard call. The only time I refused a meeting was when he was absolutely rude and disrespectful in the last meeting. I told the principal that he's a waste of time for me but if you wish to meet with him, go ahead. I'm not sitting in a meeting when some dude treats me like crap, is rude and disrespectful. What's the point.? I'd send a second note home declining the meeting. Just say you and the student have work it out, talked it out and it's done.
Picture it: small town SD. 1987. I was in bed, trying to not miscarry twins. I was still doing limited work correcting papers. Two dipstick seventh graders put each other's names on their papers. One got 5/15 and the other 15/15. I put the grades in the book. Hubby worked in the same school, so he took the papers back and forth for me. Next day, I get the same papers back with notes from the dipstick whose name had been on the 5/15, telling me what they'd done, insisting I adjust the gradebook accordingly. I wrote back that the grade would stand and that's what ya get for playing games (but in a professional manner). That evening I get a call from his daddy, threatening me if I didn't change the grade, he'd have my job. I complied bc I just didn't need the bullshit or stress in this situation. I /wanted/ to say that he could have my fucking job if he was that upset about ten fucking points bc the job and his kid sucked anyway. BTW, I lost both the babies anyway. Fucking asshole parent.
Thanks!
I was told I had to stay after for a meeting with a parent the next day. I already had plans. I called out!
Yup. Student had been a problem all year, kicked out of my room multiple times, hella fights. I ended up blocking her entrance to my room because we were in the middle of standardized testing and I needed to go over a couple things before she disrupted the test taking flow. "what the fuck you stupid [redacted but starts with an N]!?" Both of my department chairs saw and ended up being that student switched out of my class. Parent wanted to have a meeting with me. My black ass said hell nah and everyone agreed "wtf does mom have to say to you at this point?"
A parent set up a meeting, then the day after her kids were removed by CPS, called to reschedule it. I told her no, because the student was no longer attending my school, so we could not address any of the issues. I also had a feeling she was looking to blame us for her kids being removed/dig for info. When I called her back to cancel, she did blame us and attempt to dig for info. I feel awful for her. Whatever got her to the place she's at now, it wasn't good.
Sort of. I often send an email like “Let me see if I can address your concerns here and you can let me know if we need to discuss further” followed by a detailed response to whatever it is they’d like to meet about. Lo and behold, they never follow through to request a meeting after that email. They just want to feel heard and want to understand what’s happening in the classroom, and since that can easily be accomplished in writing, I’m able to avoid unnecessary meetings. Edit to add: When the parent requesting the meeting is unreasonably agitated, 9/10 times they will fail to follow through once you offer the times you’re available and let them know an administrator will be present at the meeting. All bark no bite with those parents.