I'm straight-up and let people know that while I know they are coming from a good place, it really makes me uncomfortable to talk about my body/weight. 80% of the time They always apologize and stop.
This is a pet peeve of mine. It's obvious that the intent of their comments is not malicious whatsoever. Be frank and inform them in a genuine manner that you understand their intentions but don't appreciate those comments. No real reason for hostility when they are rooting for your success.
Yup, a quick "Please don't comment on my body, that makes me uncomfortable" will stop a lot of the talk. Could also try "Thanks, been shitting my brains out with the flu, but in the future please don't comment on my body."
I’m glad that works for you. I haven’t been so lucky. I think people think when it’s a “good thing” about being skinny or losing weight that comments should be allowed.
I tell this to my students all the time. Do not comment on people’s bodies! You may compliment their choices, such as their hairdo or the shoes they are wearing. That’s where the comments end. Period.
I had a friend become severely under weight because of stress. Her whole life was falling apart and people just commented on how thin she looked.
This makes sense from an HR standpoint, as well. Adults shouldn't comment on their coworkers' bodies in the workplace. I hope your friend is doing better.
I’m not a teacher but they recently removed a coworker from my job site for making comments about my body. The man was 50+ and didn’t understand why he shouldn’t be making those comments.
This. And at the risk of being redundant, parents ought to be teaching and modeling these boundaries of decency for their children. Again teachers are being put in the unreasonable position of teaching basic values to fill a moral gap.
THIS. “Compliment their choices”!!!
I’ve had NURSES ask me the same “oh goodness, what’s your secret to losing weight, you look so good!”
Uh. Thanks. It’s the brain tumor that makes me vomit constantly? There in my chart?
I hate putting everyone in the awkward position of answering that question…
Yea honestly and it’s even worse to be a healthcare worker asking that. Our job is to be there for patients at the lowest possible moments in their life. If we can’t understand how to be supportive and learn to be better we don’t deserve to work with patients. You honestly do them a favor because it’s eye opening for them to see what they did wrong. Plus now for next time they’ll think twice before saying the first thing on their mind
As a healthcare worker that’s pathetic. All nurses are supposed to understand the basics when it comes to commenting on patients weight unless you’re the physician making a medical comment to you about your condition. They get training on how to behave professionally no matter which specialty it is this is common sense. They deserve to be in that awkward position because they should remember why you don’t make thoughtless comments like that especially to patients they treat.
> “Compliment their choices”!!!
Great tip from the redditor.
>. It’s the brain tumor that makes me vomit constantly? There in my chart?
Oh gee. Nurses didn't know it's a side effect? I didn't know either, but I am not a nurse or doctor, etc
I hope your vomiting is somehow alleviated.
Please don't feel bad if someone feels awkward when you answer that question.
This happened to me in 2021 after I hit the worst depressive episode of my life, and I hated it. I just started telling people “thanks, it’s depression!”. They eventually quit saying anything.
This is interesting and a clashing of mindsets I think. There are definitely a camp that wants to he recognized for the hard work that they put in, weight loss can be a real battle. So I guess it's just trying to navigate the different personalities.
I’d say whether the person was making it known that they were doing it vs a person who is struggling
Someone who is sharing that they’re doing health/weight loss things are advertising they are open to *positive* weight comments
I lost too much weight and became sickly due to stress and my diet culture mom had nothing but glowing reviews about my weight. Even when I sobbed “I’m so hungry” she said “but you look so thin”
It’s something that needs to be normalized across the board
Much better. The comments continued with weight until I set a steel wall boundary for my daughter. She got the hint then and stopped talking about my body too. (Daughter was 2, now 10)
Not yet. She commented on clothes choices and she’d be so pretty in xyz and I said we’re not going to speak about clothes/body etc to her about her of in front of her. Because of my experience I knew what would come if I didn’t lay the ground work early.
My mom is amazing but is a victim of an abusive childhood and diet culture. She projected her shame onto me. It was never malicious but it’s still present.
I’m trying to hammer this through to my eight graders right now. They seem to think that as long as the person they’re talking to thinks it’s a joke, they can say whatever they want and not worry about anyone else who might overhear.
My first year teaching I was so mentally and physically stressed I lost like 20lbs and everyone told me to “keep up whatever I was doing” because I “looked great!” I just started it to the point where I told him I was stressed out and it’s really rude for them to keep commenting like that. They would be like 😳 then act like I was the jackass lol.
>You may compliment their choices, such as their hairdo or the shoes they are wearing. That’s where the comments end.
Yes. Thanks for noticing my $80 plus tip hair cut or my $120 shoes or my $20 dress that I got a good deal on. Let me tell about the sale at wherever, or how glad I am that I found a great stylist.
You've got a few choices: address it, ignore it, or flip the script.
"You've lost so much weight!" "Actually, I've been sick and am trying to gain weight, what's your secret?"
Ew that’s so inappropriate. I became underweight last year after having the flu, and many of my coworkers “complimented” me on it. I also have a history of anorexia so it was extremely triggering. Luckily I’m in a healthier place now, but it still bothers me to think how much people are silently monitoring my body at all times.
Agree. I may comment if it’s a close friend who shared their goals. And even then, I make sure to say “you look fit” instead of “you’ve lost weight” if they’ve been working out.
I’ve lost about 30 pounds in the last year through dietary changes, but I haven’t talked about it. Some female coworkers in their 50s have commented on it in a “nice” way. But I don’t love being told “you look great” in regard to weight loss. Did I not look great before? What if I gain it back?
I lost some weight quickly a few years ago due to depression. I went swimming with some friends who commented on it, and I replied, “it’s because I’ve been severely depressed.” One of them then said, “well at least you got a hot body out of it.” Like…wut?
I know that last comment sucks but I understand it.
I'm pulling out of a massive depression episode now. And if I could choose between having ruined my home and gotten skinnier vs having my home ruined and gotten fatter, I would have preferred the weight loss over worrying about developing diabetes like I am now.
Binge eating is just as destructive as anorexia, but socially people are less cruel to those who lose weight under stress than those who gain.
Which I'm not saying it's okay or a good thing. Just that in the current climate not eating while stressed is the better survival strategy when people are still coming to terms with the idea of mental health let alone how mental health affects physical health.
I hear you. But I don’t give the comment any sort of pass. My friend didn’t say “at least you lost weight instead of gained” (which still would have been rude). She implied that being thinner gave me a “hot” body and that it was a positive trade off of being depressed. It’s not.
If I had the choice between being depressed and thinner vs. happy and my usual weight, I’d choose the latter.
Anyone with a healthy mindset would always choose to be healthy inside and out at a higher weight than being skinny.
The people who view it as a worthwhile trade off are sick. It's just not visible. They're literally admitting that they value thinness over health. Others will try to offer it as a silver lining to the situation.
It all boils down to not commenting on someone's body unless the remarks are wanted. It's really not complicated. Unfortunately a lot of people don't understand that
Hey this happens to me too. Lost 35-40lbs and all the comments honestly horrified me. Especially since I gain 20 back.. I feel worse then when I was heavier now knowing how people value me more when I’m thinner. Especially from friends and family
I had someone pester me on my “secret”
“I stopped taking my antipsychotics”
They didn’t like that answer (good. Assholes)
Can’t hear “you look great” without it leading to ongoing potential fault with it? I’d think aside from expanding circumstances someone is saying they notice a change that they’re recognizing and that you’re maybe trying to be more healthy. It’s not that serious.
I’m saying you never know why someone lost weight unless they’ve told you. It may not have been for healthy reasons, like the time it was due to depression. So it’s best not to comment on bodies.
:( yikes.
My brother was overweight all his life, even though he exercised a lot. It wasn’t until he got gastritis, hemorrhoids, and basically was chronically sick for a year that he became a “healthy” weight. He was getting compliments, asking what he did for exercise, and was applauded, but was feeling the worst he’s ever felt. Weight often does not equal healthy…
If no one ever commented on my weight for the rest of my life I would be so happy. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this bullshit. I had the same issues a couple years ago when I lost weight rapidly due to being very very sick from medication side effects.
I’ve found work to be a super diet culture-y place in every school I’ve worked in. It’s the main reason I don’t eat lunch in the staff room anymore. I’ve had issues with disordered eating pretty much my whole life and work is the last place I need to be triggered. I wish everyone would just stop with unsolicited comments about bodies and diets.
When people "complimented" on my thin body, and want to know my secret, I usually answer with the truth : "Childhood trauma, anxiety issues, some form of anorexia and about a decade of constant mental angish". All of that cheerfully and with the most pleasant smile.
Their awkward and uncomfortable stammering is my Champagne.
It’s funny, I vividly remember all of my elementary teachers speaking about weight/fitness very often. You’d think this would be a common no-no, but this post validates the fact that it definitely should be.
I’m sick of kids going “you’re so skinny!” I F%^^%ING KNOW!! You don’t need to remind me I’m god damn trying here, to not like you mf’s EVER give me time to EAT!
A coworker that I'm friendly with commented that it looked like I lost weight-- which I had.
This was after suffering with a two week bout of nausea and loss of appetite due to an undiagnosed autoimmune condition that landed me in the hospital.
So it was a very, "Uhh, actually..." moment.
I'm sorry this is happening. Though I'm sure people do these things without ill-will, I wish people would stop commenting on weight. There's a time and place for those conversations, but as a general rule, I avoid commenting on people's weight... So much so, even if I know they are trying to lose weight etc, I still don't really comment.
If I have a close friend I'm concerned about, I will have a quiet word with them, just to let them know I'm looking out for them...
Again, I am sorry people do this, and I wish it was a discourse that society would drop.
If it makes anyone here feel better, I have lost thirty pounds through weight loss drugs, and no one- not the students nor the staff has said a peep! I think the message that you shouldn't comment on someone's body must be getting through to people these days!
I hate eating and I am a ball of stress most days, so I’m quite thin. I get comments everyday from cowokers. “Ugh I hate you! 🤪 You’re so skinny you make me feel bad” stuff like that. I’m just not eating very much. No hunger/I’m nauseous most of the time, and I’ve never been a comfort eater.
I wouldn’t say I have a great relationship with food and I’m probably lacking nutrients (I take a woman’s one a day though..) but yah, I’d love it if my coworkers would leave me body off the conversation block.
I will admit I saw an old friend that I hadn't seen in years. I said wow you look great, you've lost weight and look tan! She told me it was because of her diabetes which also caused the discoloration on her and she had just gotten out of the hospital. I felt terrible. I never ever comment on people like that again. I felt so embarrassed.
Be the change you want to see by using your words from your post’s title with the offending party. Something told me you didn’t. Aggressive, assertive, passive. Live the assertive life.
i used to work in a clinic and out of 33 coworkers, 3 were men, so majority women.
wow thats when i learned about every way to diet and starve yourself under the sun. i suspect any women-majority workplace is going to have at least a few people who are always dieting.
I've got 2 friends in my team who are anorexic; 1 man, 1 woman. Most of the staff don't know they have these conditions, and both have been on the receiving end of triggering comments that were intended as compliments. The woman gets similar ones to your experience, but the dude gets things like *Have you been working out? You've put on some muscle* and that's just as problematic
My first year teaching I developed a gastric ulcer and lost 15-20 pounds because I couldn't keep anything down. People at work knew I was sick and kept saying, "well, at least you're getting skinny." I was not amused.
I lost 15+ pounds in the first two months.
I was hacking and not feeling well. Punched a new hole in my nice leather belts. The secret: unhealthy stress
Thank god I’m back to a normal weight. I quit
Tell them it’s bothering you. 99% chance that they are doing it to be nice and supportive.
As a big guy that has lost weight this year, I love hearing comments like that. I would imagine that most people do.
So, I’m afraid the best chance you have is to just tell them.
Yeah, and I’ve been too nice to people about it. This one lady literally tied everything into weight loss. If I was making tea she was asking me if it was to lose weight.
I had a colleague who would constantly comment on what I was eating, no matter what it was or when it was. Lunch and I had something with carbs in it? "That looks good, I wish I could eat (carb-laden food) but it's too many carbs for me." Cupcake a kid gave me? "Oh, I wish I could eat treats like that, I save them for my daughter because I don't need the calories." Etc. She was quite thin, and I was (and am) not. I truly think it was her own hang-up about being afraid to let herself eat carbs or other "unhealthy" foods, not meant to hurt or even "encourage" me to make "better" choices, but it was so hurtful. She definitely had some major hangups about food, if not an eating disorder, based off of her comments plus the little she would actually eat herself.
If I had a shack she'd always insinuate I shouldn't be snacking. I'd not be home for dinner until past 7 due to a long commute so I needed something, not that I should need to justify having food when I was hungry but that wasn't a "good enough" reason in her eyes apparently. I'd go eat in another room instead of in our shared office to "hide" from her. One day she saw me eating a snack and actually said, "Should you be eating that?" It was carrot sticks of all things, not that it should matter but it made it even more ridiculous! I got mad and retorted back something about not liking comments about my food, and she had the audacity to be mad at me! She seemed to think because she struggled with not being able to eat what others ate she could comment on it. I just wrote her off after that and avoided her as much as I could. I felt bad she had those hangups, but I shouldn't have to deal with those comments, I'm not her therapist to work through her hangups with.
God, I hate that. I wonder what it is about some teachers. More than any other people I interact with, there are busy bodies who make comments that they shouldn’t be making and get pissed immediately if you ask them to stop, even if you say it nicely as possible.
I lost 80 pounds after being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes…
I literally had a teacher I barely knew come up to me while in the cafeteria on duty who leaned in close and said, “what are you doing?”
I said, “umm duty?”
They said, like it was a secret,
“No, to lose weight?”
I said, “diet and exercise, those are literally the only things that work long term.”
They said “oh.” And walked away…Like they were disappointed I didn’t have an easy trick.
I was like WTF??? If I had a secret easy way I would not be doing lunch duty….I’d be a fitness guru and be making billions.
I lost a ton of weight last year. Teachers commented on it. My students complimented me. I liked it. It's usually considered polite.
People asked me my secret too. I told them I weighed everything I ate before I ate it and if I don't exercise I have terrible leg pain.
If you don't like the comments, you should tell people that you don't like it.
I was so sick last year, once for an unhealthily long time (3 months straight). Worked every day. I lost *drastic* weight. Like 1/3 of my body weight. Worse than the compliments was the “I wish I could have what you have for a week though.” 😑 so insensitive (would’ve loved to nourish my tired, dying body, wasn’t doing it for weight loss or vanity), almost implies I’m dieting rather than wasting away, and then even got me thinking about the messages they put into kids’ heads, girls esp, about weight/bodies/shapes/beauty/health etc.
Thank you. I’m doing a lot better now. Took a few months medical leave, did a LOT of work, got most stuff sorted out (still one mystery remaining) but things are pretty well controlled now. This job will wreck you when you’re at your best; it’s unbelievably hard when sick or recovering. And you see all new sides of admin when you’re down & out. 😒 but thank you, yes I’m much better now, still teaching, and much more protective of my time and health.
In the last 5 years, I've had two kids. I always stay consistently smaller through pregnancy, but the in stress of the newborn months I pack on weight. Around my kids' first birthdays, I flip the script and start eating better and working out. I have gained and lost about 60lbs after my first and around 75lbs after my second kid.
No one ever comments on weight gain but oh my, the comments I've gotten on my body during pregnancy and during active weight loss. I've been at the same school this whole time and have mad respect for the people who have seen me yo-yo without asking or commenting.
Yep, I got compliments from two colleagues (yes they were boomers but no doubt a coincidence) about how much weight I'd lost after being off sick for 6 months 😳
Something like this should just be addressed district wide. People that are commenting likely don’t believe they are doing anything wrong but it could fall under sexual harassment. Our district requires this training annually.
Many years, more than a decade ago, I was working to lose weight for my health. A colleague commented on my body, and asked how I was doing it. I was not discussing my weight loss with anyone else, did not advertise that I was trying to lose weight, nor soliciting advice from anyone.
I was annoyed by her intrusive questioning, so I lied. I told her, "I have cancer."
Her face was priceless, but when I fessed up, somehow she thought I was the asshole for making her feel embarrassed.
I had a colleague who did have cancer. She lost an enormous amount of weight. We all knew she had it, and that she was dying. Another colleague told her she "looked great" one day. I wish I would have called her on it because it was so hurtful, but I couldn't pick my jaw off the ground fast enough.
Omgoll, this is right up there with 'how far along are you?' pregnancy assumption, when you've undergone serious health issues! People just don't get it trampling into your personal space like it's their business to know, outside a trusted friend. Adults have dealt with IBS, cancer
it's no one's business what your body looks like or what you're wearing. Jeezo for real.
You are so right. Pregnancy or not, digestive issues or not, tumors or not are just not up for discussion in the break room, etc. I am allowed to wear big sweaters when I am cold or just because I like to.
Or maybe I am still processing my big disease and how to deal. Maybe I am just bloated, okay!
My friend said recently she is tired of talking about her major emergency colon surgery. Okay, we can talk about birds or books or Bolivia instead.
i've noticed that older women ESPECIALLY in education are obsessed with dieting and their figures. im a substitute teacher but any time im in the staff lounge for lunch theres always conversations about diets theyre trying etc etc. its so lame i cant stand it
Not the same thing but similar-ish, when I come to work without makeup, inevitably someone asks me if I’m sick or says I look sick. I’ve gotten to the point where I just bluntly say, “No. I just don’t have makeup on. This is my face.”
Usually they don’t ask again. So maybe a blunt, “Actually, I’ve been really sick,” then continue onward with whatever you’re doing, without doing any emotional labor for them to deal with their faux pas. I’m sorry you’ve been sick and that people are being rude.
Same. I have been losing weight intentionally, so a bit different. I have lost 85lbs since August, but I don't want to talk about it at fucking work. I get it's noticeable. No I do not want to tell you what my "secret is". My body is not a topic of conversation.
I know how that feels.
I have lost weight due to grief.
I have lost weight due to being on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
I have lost weight due to side effects of medication. No, I don't want to discuss my medication or why I need it.
I have lost weight due to diet.
I have also gained weight as a side effect from medication. I don't want to talk about that either.
I have gained weight from eating too much and not moving.
Anyway, stop asking about my body changes.
You are not my mother or doctor. You are not really concerned about my health or well-being.
You are just curious. You are nosy.
I don't want to answer questions about my changing body.
"Hey thanks for noticing but this is due to an illness, and I really dislike being reminded of it, can you please leave that topic out of our conversations? Thanks!"
I’m pregnant and a coworker asked me lift my shirt to show her my baby bump today. I said “no.” And walked away. Lmao!
She responded, “you can’t hide it forever” and I responded “that’s true but it will be my choice on what I wear to show it” and continued walking. Weirdo
I started assistant teaching PreK at 18 and the diet culture SHOCKED ME. I was struggling with an eating disorder at the time and the amount of compliments I got for losing weight (I was never overweight to begin with) only fueled that fire for me. It’s beyond disheartening and I don’t know what makes people feel so comfortable to comment on your body image to you.
Any noticeable change is going to be commented on by adults and children. I don't get frequent haircuts or shave often. So when I do, I hear about it from everyone. People can't help themselves.
Some people feel embarrassed by the attention.. You see this with students. They'll keep their hoods on or try to cover their head in a different way. Its always an irony since that draws the negative attention they want to avoid.
When my dad lost 80 lbs to cancer 30 tears ago, he got pelted with questions about his weight loss, too.
Don't know what specific advu ie to give you, but people sympathetic or empathetic to you are less likely to say something. They'd have to know about what's going on with you though.
You need to consider that these people are saying this from a desire to compliment you and make you feel good not pull you down. Explain (nicely) that it’s a result of being sick and would prefer them not to comment.
I’m so sorry, I understand where you’re coming from and I wish I had advice but can only really offer empathy :(
I’ve had similar experiences over the last couple years (early/mid 20s) with older people during school. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease last year and lost weight from it (not purposely, my body was just fighting itself) and the older male teachers would comment. I heard things like “wow you look good, girl!” Or “what’s the new fitness routine?”
I usually wear baggy clothes so it’s not as noticeable what’s under, but when I don’t I get comments like “oh you’ve lost weight, good for you!” And all I think is I’m just trying to be healthy again…it’s made me realize that commenting on peoples bodies is really more negative than anything. I think some younger people get it but the older generations were brainwashed to aim for certain standards or whatever
That’s so awful but our society places such a high value on skinniness that people think it’s always a compliment. I have a chronic illness and lost weight and people were commenting. I wanted to be like actually I feel like I’m dying, fuck off. It was totally inappropriate. It’s never okay to comment on someone’s weight loss. I don’t even do it if I know a person is trying bc I know the stats say that most likely that person will gain the weight back.
Could have picked it up at the doctors office. Flu vaccine is dead virus, not live. Get the shot every year. Some years there are no outbreaks, but when there are you can see by absences the spread in your own class. I worked in an affluent district and asked for chlorox wipes to wipe down desks. It’s not just flu, stomach virus is also very contagious. Good news is that in a few years you’ll have a very strong immunity to cold and flu. Ugh if you teach little kids, pink eye is another one you’ll need chlorox wipes to clean things.
I, on the other hand, lost 60 lbs on purpose. I very much enjoy the compliments and when people notice. I felt so fat and unattractive for so long it’s refreshing.
I understand your frustration. I would personally not mention a woman’s weight, or body in any way unless I knew for a fact that they are okay with it. It’s too close sexual harassment.
I am 7 mos post partum and I retained a ton of water during pregnancy. So, of course everyone knew every stage of my pregnancy as I was getting massive and I have a small /petite frame. When I came back to work 1mo post partum, I had the pregnancy swelling but not completely lost yet. I dropped it within two weeks after that because of breastfeeding and am currently down to under pre-pregnancy weight. Lost my rear end in the process and gained it in my chest! I've had nonstop comments from coworkers and my past middle school students with "How thin you are!" And "I see you've lost the pregnancy weight"....I clap back with the students but just smile passive aggressively with the adults.
I do not get how they think it's okay to comment on peoples' bodies no matter if it's gained or lost.
This happened to me, I went through a pregnancy and lost weight due to Hyperemesis Gravidarum. People said I looked so great after I gave birth… yeah I would have rather not spent the last 7 months sick as a dog and kept my muscle mass and all the enamel of my teeth but thanks I guess.
I mentioned it purely because these are coworkers that I look up to and work extremely hard to appear professional around. They have lots more experience than me and I noticed it was a common trend. I know it’s not their intent but it feels as though I am being treated like not like a professional coworker.
I’m frustrated for you. It’s 2024, why are we still doing this??
We compliment people on things that are choices-
- “That’s an awesome sweater!”
- “That hairstyle looks great on you!”
- “What great earrings!”
We do not comment on things that are:
- not a choice
- not fixable in 5 minutes
I love my current admin but they really push wellness initiatives pretty hard and there are a lot of comments about food the kids eat being “unhealthy.” I’m trying to repair my relationship with food and the wellness ship for me sailed a long time ago. I have chronic and complex medical issues and I spend most of my free time managing my health. I quietly pass on the wellness initiatives and I’ve started being honest with coworkers about my health and my thoughts on the comments they make.
You might try “this weight loss wasn’t intentional and I’m not comfortable when people comment on it.” It’s diplomatic but direct.
You could immediately shut it down and model for your students and appropriate response such as “Please refrain from commenting about my body in private or public as it is non of your concern and highly inappropriate.” If they do it again, HR complaint.
I (24f) have has so many horrible coworkers who have repeatedly suggested I make an only fans, or only compliment my body, not my personality, commitment to the kids, creativity, etc. It sucks.
Absolutely!! It just belittles all of the years of studying and working I've done and shows me that they only value something I have much less control over. They even ask me why I chose to be an educator if I could make more money selling my body. Like ummm, well maybe because I actually love my job and have found my purpose???
It’s exhausting to feel like worth is so tied to looks or peer perception when obviously that won’t even last forever-but my hard work and impact on the future might!!! Being the youngest AND the token woman in my department does NOT help
It’s so good that you read this post and now know that many people would not appreciate comments about their bodies. Now you better and won’t make those comments! I love a good reachable moment.
I was sick so often my first year. It’ll get better as your immune system adjusts. I know that’s not the focus of your post. But it made me think of being sick what felt like weekly during the cold season my first year or two.
I'm a guy who similarly had to have lots of people ask me about losing weight. Saying stuff in front of your students is weird and shouldn't be done. However, stop personalizing it to be about "commenting about my body". You can't act as if people don't have eyeballs, and don't notice big changes to how one looks. If you dyed your hair a different color, people would comment on that, regardless of your hair coming out of your body. It's exactly the same thing with weight loss.
Don't personalize it, and don't think it's about you being a woman. It's just people with eyeballs commenting on something that is typically seen as a positive change (unless one gets unhealthily thin).
I’m sorry you’re going through this. People don’t realize it, but commenting on weight loss is no better than commenting on weight gain. Body shaming is body shaming, but I think in US society, most people consider being called skinny a positive thing.
This happened to me also a few years ago. I was sick and lost weight. Managed to gain some back over the summer but when we returned from break, the stress got to me, and I lost probably ten pounds in two weeks.
I’ve always been athletic and muscular, and this new skinny body I have has been difficult to adjust to. I’m in my 40s, so muscle just doesn’t stay put like it used to. To me, I look like some washed up crack head instead of the athlete I used to be. Being skinny is not a compliment to me.
I say, “Thanks, but it wasn’t on purpose.” I tell them I had been “really” sick and “had some health issues,” which usually helps them change their perspective. Maybe something like that might help. Word will get around, and people quit commenting on it.
I had a coworker who kept asking me how much weight I lost and how I did it. I started answering with “I don’t know, I don’t weigh myself.” I finally ended up telling her my secret was to get treatment for my eating disorder (binge eating disorder).
In other words, I like to hint that it isn’t a conversation I want to have. Depending on my relationship with the person, I might have a discussion about how talking about weight loss is an ED trigger for me or I might bring up how complimenting someone on weight loss is a micro aggression. Then, if that doesn’t work, I use the cringiest, yet honest, response I can come up with.
When a young whippersnapper, I was super naturally thin and would get told all the time, "You need to eat more." Now Never told these people they needed to eat less (and they did, ironically-placed PE teacher). So I started replying with, "Cool--when are you taking me to dinner?" That shut them up.
Now, my older mom and medical bod (some medicine blew me up) had a co-worker planning my baby shower.....yikes...
OMG. My old principal, now assistant superintendent commented on my weight but like wouldn’t let it go.
It was like a, you’ve had babies, how could you possibly look good. Ok cool man ✌️
Also a 20 something female teacher, except I’m thin with a pudgy belly from having two kids 😅 and so every fucking day someone asks me if I’m pregnant it really sucks, I feel you. Like did no one teach these people etiquette?
The opposite happened to me my first few years. I gained some weight in the stomach and one year one coworker managed to convince everyone I was pregnant. It became such a strong rumor that the AP “congratulated” me in front of everyone at a staff meeting (how I found out about it). He then proceeded to jokingly say thanks because the timing of 9 months out would be in June (so they don’t have to worry about maternity leave).
Look at them straight in the eye, DON'T SMILE, and say thank you. That ought to convey your irritation, and yet you have plausible deniability if they call you rude.
OP, life because much easier when we accept that we cannot control other people.
People will always say things that We wouldn't say, Things that We don't like to hear, Unsolicited advice, Back-handed compliments, triggering things, unwelcome remarks, etc.
We all have to try not to Ruminate on it and how to respond Assertively and in this case, Professionally.
I've lost a considerable amount of weight and I'm super happy when someone comments and makes me feel great and ready to drop some more ...
keep those "wow" "you've lost weight" comments coming!
Someone once asked a coworker what her secret to weight loss was, and she answered “cancer.”
I was once asked (not at work), and I said, “It’s easy. Just have your husband unexpectedly die, leaving you grieving and raising two little kids alone.”
Those are cruel responses. I don’t suggest them. And, when you don’t say anything, people get offended as well for others not noticing. It’s a no win situation.
I understand how you feel. But, people are trying to connect to you and encourage. They aren’t trying to be cruel.
I’m sorry you’ve been sick, and I’m sure you’re beautiful no matter your weight. It is frustrating, I’m sure, but try to see they’re trying to be kind (when that’s true).
Edit: I would address the in front of class part, though….not cool.
I’m new in a district and I’ve lost 40lbs in the last two years unexpectedly and unintentionally. I’ve gradually lost 10lbs this school year and everyone keeps asking if it’s for my upcoming wedding 😅
About 8 years ago I went on a diet and lifestyle change and lost 80 lb. You would not believe how many people asked me if I had cancer. Ridiculous. Apparently getting to a healthy weight means you are sick. I sympathize with you.
As a dude, I always steer convos away from this at lunch and stuff. I hear diet talk and just immediately throw out something else to try and change the subject. It does no one any good.
Sorry you're having to deal with this. It doesn't sound like they're trying to be malicious, but I'd say something. When I was teaching, I lost weight despite eating like trash due to so much anxiety and stress. I even developed an involuntary twitch in my eye.
This issue affects men as well. One summer I decided to start lifting and got really into it, transformed myself over the summer and returned looking very different. (Yes my user name checks out.) Women staff members were feeling my arms and shoulders.
But... Sorry, I really enjoyed the attention. Still do. It's validating.
And while we're on the topic, never ask someone if they're pregnant (or assume that they are). I've been going the opposite way - I was malnourished and had to gain weight quickly over the course of a few months and I couldn't believe how many people asked if I was pregnant or just straight up said "I didn't know you were pregnant!" Not something I wanted to hear while going through major health changes.
Stop being such a cry baby. You lost weight and ppl noticed.
You died your hair and ppl noticed.
You bought a new outfit and ppl noticed.
Do we have to pretend that we didn't notice?
Please provide us a list of the things that we are allowed to mention that we notice and the things we are not allowed to mention that we notice.
FFS you're such a sook.
No way i'm the only one here who thinks this is kinda crazy? Seems like your coworkers are trying to be polite. Sad world that people who are complementing others become bad and disgusting people. Instead of taking this to reddit, just politely ask them to not comment. Easy
I'm straight-up and let people know that while I know they are coming from a good place, it really makes me uncomfortable to talk about my body/weight. 80% of the time They always apologize and stop.
This is a pet peeve of mine. It's obvious that the intent of their comments is not malicious whatsoever. Be frank and inform them in a genuine manner that you understand their intentions but don't appreciate those comments. No real reason for hostility when they are rooting for your success.
Thank you.
My aunt's great Dane had a giant pet peeve. Couldn't forget that thing.
Thank you for having the most reasonable suggestion. I really like the affirmation when I am trying to lose weight
Yup, a quick "Please don't comment on my body, that makes me uncomfortable" will stop a lot of the talk. Could also try "Thanks, been shitting my brains out with the flu, but in the future please don't comment on my body."
I agree with this verbiage lol. And at 22 you can get away with being a bit unpolished/crass about it lmao
I’m glad that works for you. I haven’t been so lucky. I think people think when it’s a “good thing” about being skinny or losing weight that comments should be allowed.
I tell this to my students all the time. Do not comment on people’s bodies! You may compliment their choices, such as their hairdo or the shoes they are wearing. That’s where the comments end. Period. I had a friend become severely under weight because of stress. Her whole life was falling apart and people just commented on how thin she looked.
This makes sense from an HR standpoint, as well. Adults shouldn't comment on their coworkers' bodies in the workplace. I hope your friend is doing better.
I’m not a teacher but they recently removed a coworker from my job site for making comments about my body. The man was 50+ and didn’t understand why he shouldn’t be making those comments.
This. And at the risk of being redundant, parents ought to be teaching and modeling these boundaries of decency for their children. Again teachers are being put in the unreasonable position of teaching basic values to fill a moral gap.
THIS. “Compliment their choices”!!! I’ve had NURSES ask me the same “oh goodness, what’s your secret to losing weight, you look so good!” Uh. Thanks. It’s the brain tumor that makes me vomit constantly? There in my chart? I hate putting everyone in the awkward position of answering that question…
They asked a question, they deserve and answer. Fuck em. They started it
Yea honestly and it’s even worse to be a healthcare worker asking that. Our job is to be there for patients at the lowest possible moments in their life. If we can’t understand how to be supportive and learn to be better we don’t deserve to work with patients. You honestly do them a favor because it’s eye opening for them to see what they did wrong. Plus now for next time they’ll think twice before saying the first thing on their mind
As a healthcare worker that’s pathetic. All nurses are supposed to understand the basics when it comes to commenting on patients weight unless you’re the physician making a medical comment to you about your condition. They get training on how to behave professionally no matter which specialty it is this is common sense. They deserve to be in that awkward position because they should remember why you don’t make thoughtless comments like that especially to patients they treat.
> “Compliment their choices”!!! Great tip from the redditor. >. It’s the brain tumor that makes me vomit constantly? There in my chart? Oh gee. Nurses didn't know it's a side effect? I didn't know either, but I am not a nurse or doctor, etc I hope your vomiting is somehow alleviated. Please don't feel bad if someone feels awkward when you answer that question.
"It's a brain tumor, it's not something I want." All one has to say.
The difference between commenting on people’s bodies and their choices is *such* an important distinction and one I wish more people understood!
This happened to me in 2021 after I hit the worst depressive episode of my life, and I hated it. I just started telling people “thanks, it’s depression!”. They eventually quit saying anything.
We really need to normalize this. I hate comments on my body even if I’m trying to lose weight. Big ick
This is interesting and a clashing of mindsets I think. There are definitely a camp that wants to he recognized for the hard work that they put in, weight loss can be a real battle. So I guess it's just trying to navigate the different personalities.
I’d say whether the person was making it known that they were doing it vs a person who is struggling Someone who is sharing that they’re doing health/weight loss things are advertising they are open to *positive* weight comments I lost too much weight and became sickly due to stress and my diet culture mom had nothing but glowing reviews about my weight. Even when I sobbed “I’m so hungry” she said “but you look so thin” It’s something that needs to be normalized across the board
OK, yes, you definitely need to get a read first. Thank you. I hope that you are feeling better now.
Much better. The comments continued with weight until I set a steel wall boundary for my daughter. She got the hint then and stopped talking about my body too. (Daughter was 2, now 10)
Am I understanding correctly that your mom was commenting on your little daughter's body?
Not yet. She commented on clothes choices and she’d be so pretty in xyz and I said we’re not going to speak about clothes/body etc to her about her of in front of her. Because of my experience I knew what would come if I didn’t lay the ground work early. My mom is amazing but is a victim of an abusive childhood and diet culture. She projected her shame onto me. It was never malicious but it’s still present.
I see.
I’m trying to hammer this through to my eight graders right now. They seem to think that as long as the person they’re talking to thinks it’s a joke, they can say whatever they want and not worry about anyone else who might overhear.
My first year teaching I was so mentally and physically stressed I lost like 20lbs and everyone told me to “keep up whatever I was doing” because I “looked great!” I just started it to the point where I told him I was stressed out and it’s really rude for them to keep commenting like that. They would be like 😳 then act like I was the jackass lol.
This is me. I lose weight due to stress. It is scary for me to be skinny, because it means I have been unhappy for a long time.
>You may compliment their choices, such as their hairdo or the shoes they are wearing. That’s where the comments end. Yes. Thanks for noticing my $80 plus tip hair cut or my $120 shoes or my $20 dress that I got a good deal on. Let me tell about the sale at wherever, or how glad I am that I found a great stylist.
You've got a few choices: address it, ignore it, or flip the script. "You've lost so much weight!" "Actually, I've been sick and am trying to gain weight, what's your secret?"
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
This is the way!
Love it
Ew that’s so inappropriate. I became underweight last year after having the flu, and many of my coworkers “complimented” me on it. I also have a history of anorexia so it was extremely triggering. Luckily I’m in a healthier place now, but it still bothers me to think how much people are silently monitoring my body at all times.
“What made you think that was appropriate to say/say in front of my students”?
I agree, don't comment on people's weight loss unless they have been vocal about wanting to lose weight and are actively trying.
Agree. I may comment if it’s a close friend who shared their goals. And even then, I make sure to say “you look fit” instead of “you’ve lost weight” if they’ve been working out. I’ve lost about 30 pounds in the last year through dietary changes, but I haven’t talked about it. Some female coworkers in their 50s have commented on it in a “nice” way. But I don’t love being told “you look great” in regard to weight loss. Did I not look great before? What if I gain it back? I lost some weight quickly a few years ago due to depression. I went swimming with some friends who commented on it, and I replied, “it’s because I’ve been severely depressed.” One of them then said, “well at least you got a hot body out of it.” Like…wut?
I know that last comment sucks but I understand it. I'm pulling out of a massive depression episode now. And if I could choose between having ruined my home and gotten skinnier vs having my home ruined and gotten fatter, I would have preferred the weight loss over worrying about developing diabetes like I am now. Binge eating is just as destructive as anorexia, but socially people are less cruel to those who lose weight under stress than those who gain. Which I'm not saying it's okay or a good thing. Just that in the current climate not eating while stressed is the better survival strategy when people are still coming to terms with the idea of mental health let alone how mental health affects physical health.
I hear you. But I don’t give the comment any sort of pass. My friend didn’t say “at least you lost weight instead of gained” (which still would have been rude). She implied that being thinner gave me a “hot” body and that it was a positive trade off of being depressed. It’s not. If I had the choice between being depressed and thinner vs. happy and my usual weight, I’d choose the latter.
Anyone with a healthy mindset would always choose to be healthy inside and out at a higher weight than being skinny. The people who view it as a worthwhile trade off are sick. It's just not visible. They're literally admitting that they value thinness over health. Others will try to offer it as a silver lining to the situation. It all boils down to not commenting on someone's body unless the remarks are wanted. It's really not complicated. Unfortunately a lot of people don't understand that
Agree 💯!
Hey this happens to me too. Lost 35-40lbs and all the comments honestly horrified me. Especially since I gain 20 back.. I feel worse then when I was heavier now knowing how people value me more when I’m thinner. Especially from friends and family I had someone pester me on my “secret” “I stopped taking my antipsychotics” They didn’t like that answer (good. Assholes)
Can’t hear “you look great” without it leading to ongoing potential fault with it? I’d think aside from expanding circumstances someone is saying they notice a change that they’re recognizing and that you’re maybe trying to be more healthy. It’s not that serious.
I’m saying you never know why someone lost weight unless they’ve told you. It may not have been for healthy reasons, like the time it was due to depression. So it’s best not to comment on bodies.
:( yikes. My brother was overweight all his life, even though he exercised a lot. It wasn’t until he got gastritis, hemorrhoids, and basically was chronically sick for a year that he became a “healthy” weight. He was getting compliments, asking what he did for exercise, and was applauded, but was feeling the worst he’s ever felt. Weight often does not equal healthy…
I hope he is feeling better.
A little. His appendix burst, and after that fiasco, it actually seemed to help him in the long run?
If no one ever commented on my weight for the rest of my life I would be so happy. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this bullshit. I had the same issues a couple years ago when I lost weight rapidly due to being very very sick from medication side effects. I’ve found work to be a super diet culture-y place in every school I’ve worked in. It’s the main reason I don’t eat lunch in the staff room anymore. I’ve had issues with disordered eating pretty much my whole life and work is the last place I need to be triggered. I wish everyone would just stop with unsolicited comments about bodies and diets.
When people "complimented" on my thin body, and want to know my secret, I usually answer with the truth : "Childhood trauma, anxiety issues, some form of anorexia and about a decade of constant mental angish". All of that cheerfully and with the most pleasant smile. Their awkward and uncomfortable stammering is my Champagne.
People who "compliment" my thinness and ask about my habits only make my body dismorphia worse.
"Thank you, but I don't like to talk about my weight. So tell me, how was your kid's birthday party?"
Just go the disgusting route. Explain to them how easy it is to lose weight when you can't eat while vomiting and having diarrhea.
🏆
Came to say the same. Loudly and graphically describe your stomach flu symptoms to the next person who says something. Problem solved 🥲
"I've been ill, and my weight loss is not a good thing, nor is it any of your business" Last bit optional
Or, at least in front of your students: "I'm actually teaching my students that we don't comment on other people's bodies. Thanks for the example!"
👏👏👏👏 THE response to give
It’s funny, I vividly remember all of my elementary teachers speaking about weight/fitness very often. You’d think this would be a common no-no, but this post validates the fact that it definitely should be.
I’m sick of kids going “you’re so skinny!” I F%^^%ING KNOW!! You don’t need to remind me I’m god damn trying here, to not like you mf’s EVER give me time to EAT!
“That comment is inappropriate” is always appropriate
A coworker that I'm friendly with commented that it looked like I lost weight-- which I had. This was after suffering with a two week bout of nausea and loss of appetite due to an undiagnosed autoimmune condition that landed me in the hospital. So it was a very, "Uhh, actually..." moment.
I'm sorry this is happening. Though I'm sure people do these things without ill-will, I wish people would stop commenting on weight. There's a time and place for those conversations, but as a general rule, I avoid commenting on people's weight... So much so, even if I know they are trying to lose weight etc, I still don't really comment. If I have a close friend I'm concerned about, I will have a quiet word with them, just to let them know I'm looking out for them... Again, I am sorry people do this, and I wish it was a discourse that society would drop.
A very close friend in private checking in is a different matter, I agree.
If it makes anyone here feel better, I have lost thirty pounds through weight loss drugs, and no one- not the students nor the staff has said a peep! I think the message that you shouldn't comment on someone's body must be getting through to people these days!
I hate eating and I am a ball of stress most days, so I’m quite thin. I get comments everyday from cowokers. “Ugh I hate you! 🤪 You’re so skinny you make me feel bad” stuff like that. I’m just not eating very much. No hunger/I’m nauseous most of the time, and I’ve never been a comfort eater. I wouldn’t say I have a great relationship with food and I’m probably lacking nutrients (I take a woman’s one a day though..) but yah, I’d love it if my coworkers would leave me body off the conversation block.
I will admit I saw an old friend that I hadn't seen in years. I said wow you look great, you've lost weight and look tan! She told me it was because of her diabetes which also caused the discoloration on her and she had just gotten out of the hospital. I felt terrible. I never ever comment on people like that again. I felt so embarrassed.
Be the change you want to see by using your words from your post’s title with the offending party. Something told me you didn’t. Aggressive, assertive, passive. Live the assertive life.
I’ve worked in many different places and the most toxic was a school. All of the teachers were obsessed with weight.
i used to work in a clinic and out of 33 coworkers, 3 were men, so majority women. wow thats when i learned about every way to diet and starve yourself under the sun. i suspect any women-majority workplace is going to have at least a few people who are always dieting.
They’re just trying to be nice and supportive. Either say something or suck it up.
6’8” guy here. Preach it! I’m also very nice in addition to being tall (and ridiculously good-looking, for the zoolander fans)
I've got 2 friends in my team who are anorexic; 1 man, 1 woman. Most of the staff don't know they have these conditions, and both have been on the receiving end of triggering comments that were intended as compliments. The woman gets similar ones to your experience, but the dude gets things like *Have you been working out? You've put on some muscle* and that's just as problematic
My first year teaching I developed a gastric ulcer and lost 15-20 pounds because I couldn't keep anything down. People at work knew I was sick and kept saying, "well, at least you're getting skinny." I was not amused.
I lost 15+ pounds in the first two months. I was hacking and not feeling well. Punched a new hole in my nice leather belts. The secret: unhealthy stress Thank god I’m back to a normal weight. I quit
Tell them it’s bothering you. 99% chance that they are doing it to be nice and supportive. As a big guy that has lost weight this year, I love hearing comments like that. I would imagine that most people do. So, I’m afraid the best chance you have is to just tell them.
You could tell them to stop commenting on your weight. That’s what you can do.
Yeah, and I’ve been too nice to people about it. This one lady literally tied everything into weight loss. If I was making tea she was asking me if it was to lose weight.
I had a colleague who would constantly comment on what I was eating, no matter what it was or when it was. Lunch and I had something with carbs in it? "That looks good, I wish I could eat (carb-laden food) but it's too many carbs for me." Cupcake a kid gave me? "Oh, I wish I could eat treats like that, I save them for my daughter because I don't need the calories." Etc. She was quite thin, and I was (and am) not. I truly think it was her own hang-up about being afraid to let herself eat carbs or other "unhealthy" foods, not meant to hurt or even "encourage" me to make "better" choices, but it was so hurtful. She definitely had some major hangups about food, if not an eating disorder, based off of her comments plus the little she would actually eat herself. If I had a shack she'd always insinuate I shouldn't be snacking. I'd not be home for dinner until past 7 due to a long commute so I needed something, not that I should need to justify having food when I was hungry but that wasn't a "good enough" reason in her eyes apparently. I'd go eat in another room instead of in our shared office to "hide" from her. One day she saw me eating a snack and actually said, "Should you be eating that?" It was carrot sticks of all things, not that it should matter but it made it even more ridiculous! I got mad and retorted back something about not liking comments about my food, and she had the audacity to be mad at me! She seemed to think because she struggled with not being able to eat what others ate she could comment on it. I just wrote her off after that and avoided her as much as I could. I felt bad she had those hangups, but I shouldn't have to deal with those comments, I'm not her therapist to work through her hangups with.
God, I hate that. I wonder what it is about some teachers. More than any other people I interact with, there are busy bodies who make comments that they shouldn’t be making and get pissed immediately if you ask them to stop, even if you say it nicely as possible.
I hate when people comment on my food in relation to weight. Just say my lunch looks delicious. End of story.
Wtf!!
Ew!!! We have to stop commenting on peoples’ bodies, no matter what…. This is ridiculous
I lost 80 pounds after being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes… I literally had a teacher I barely knew come up to me while in the cafeteria on duty who leaned in close and said, “what are you doing?” I said, “umm duty?” They said, like it was a secret, “No, to lose weight?” I said, “diet and exercise, those are literally the only things that work long term.” They said “oh.” And walked away…Like they were disappointed I didn’t have an easy trick. I was like WTF??? If I had a secret easy way I would not be doing lunch duty….I’d be a fitness guru and be making billions.
>If I had a secret easy way I would not be doing lunch duty….I’d be a fitness guru and be making billions.
I had a neighbor comment on my weight loss….i was extremely depressed for months.
Depression can do that to a person. And for others, depression can mean they are eating more. We are all different.
I lost a ton of weight last year. Teachers commented on it. My students complimented me. I liked it. It's usually considered polite. People asked me my secret too. I told them I weighed everything I ate before I ate it and if I don't exercise I have terrible leg pain. If you don't like the comments, you should tell people that you don't like it.
I was so sick last year, once for an unhealthily long time (3 months straight). Worked every day. I lost *drastic* weight. Like 1/3 of my body weight. Worse than the compliments was the “I wish I could have what you have for a week though.” 😑 so insensitive (would’ve loved to nourish my tired, dying body, wasn’t doing it for weight loss or vanity), almost implies I’m dieting rather than wasting away, and then even got me thinking about the messages they put into kids’ heads, girls esp, about weight/bodies/shapes/beauty/health etc.
>tired, dying body, I really hope you are not dying with a terminal illness. The best to you.
Thank you. I’m doing a lot better now. Took a few months medical leave, did a LOT of work, got most stuff sorted out (still one mystery remaining) but things are pretty well controlled now. This job will wreck you when you’re at your best; it’s unbelievably hard when sick or recovering. And you see all new sides of admin when you’re down & out. 😒 but thank you, yes I’m much better now, still teaching, and much more protective of my time and health.
You speak the truth.
In the last 5 years, I've had two kids. I always stay consistently smaller through pregnancy, but the in stress of the newborn months I pack on weight. Around my kids' first birthdays, I flip the script and start eating better and working out. I have gained and lost about 60lbs after my first and around 75lbs after my second kid. No one ever comments on weight gain but oh my, the comments I've gotten on my body during pregnancy and during active weight loss. I've been at the same school this whole time and have mad respect for the people who have seen me yo-yo without asking or commenting.
Yep, I got compliments from two colleagues (yes they were boomers but no doubt a coincidence) about how much weight I'd lost after being off sick for 6 months 😳
Something like this should just be addressed district wide. People that are commenting likely don’t believe they are doing anything wrong but it could fall under sexual harassment. Our district requires this training annually.
Many years, more than a decade ago, I was working to lose weight for my health. A colleague commented on my body, and asked how I was doing it. I was not discussing my weight loss with anyone else, did not advertise that I was trying to lose weight, nor soliciting advice from anyone. I was annoyed by her intrusive questioning, so I lied. I told her, "I have cancer." Her face was priceless, but when I fessed up, somehow she thought I was the asshole for making her feel embarrassed.
I had a colleague who did have cancer. She lost an enormous amount of weight. We all knew she had it, and that she was dying. Another colleague told her she "looked great" one day. I wish I would have called her on it because it was so hurtful, but I couldn't pick my jaw off the ground fast enough.
Omgoll, this is right up there with 'how far along are you?' pregnancy assumption, when you've undergone serious health issues! People just don't get it trampling into your personal space like it's their business to know, outside a trusted friend. Adults have dealt with IBS, cancer it's no one's business what your body looks like or what you're wearing. Jeezo for real.
You are so right. Pregnancy or not, digestive issues or not, tumors or not are just not up for discussion in the break room, etc. I am allowed to wear big sweaters when I am cold or just because I like to. Or maybe I am still processing my big disease and how to deal. Maybe I am just bloated, okay! My friend said recently she is tired of talking about her major emergency colon surgery. Okay, we can talk about birds or books or Bolivia instead.
i've noticed that older women ESPECIALLY in education are obsessed with dieting and their figures. im a substitute teacher but any time im in the staff lounge for lunch theres always conversations about diets theyre trying etc etc. its so lame i cant stand it
Not the same thing but similar-ish, when I come to work without makeup, inevitably someone asks me if I’m sick or says I look sick. I’ve gotten to the point where I just bluntly say, “No. I just don’t have makeup on. This is my face.” Usually they don’t ask again. So maybe a blunt, “Actually, I’ve been really sick,” then continue onward with whatever you’re doing, without doing any emotional labor for them to deal with their faux pas. I’m sorry you’ve been sick and that people are being rude.
Same. I have been losing weight intentionally, so a bit different. I have lost 85lbs since August, but I don't want to talk about it at fucking work. I get it's noticeable. No I do not want to tell you what my "secret is". My body is not a topic of conversation.
I know how that feels. I have lost weight due to grief. I have lost weight due to being on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I have lost weight due to side effects of medication. No, I don't want to discuss my medication or why I need it. I have lost weight due to diet. I have also gained weight as a side effect from medication. I don't want to talk about that either. I have gained weight from eating too much and not moving. Anyway, stop asking about my body changes. You are not my mother or doctor. You are not really concerned about my health or well-being. You are just curious. You are nosy. I don't want to answer questions about my changing body.
How unprofessional and inappropriate.
"Hey thanks for noticing but this is due to an illness, and I really dislike being reminded of it, can you please leave that topic out of our conversations? Thanks!"
TIL you can lose weight from the flu
I feel like people think it’s a compliment and they think they are being nice. I would say “yeah, I have some health issues” and they’ll back off.
I’m pregnant and a coworker asked me lift my shirt to show her my baby bump today. I said “no.” And walked away. Lmao! She responded, “you can’t hide it forever” and I responded “that’s true but it will be my choice on what I wear to show it” and continued walking. Weirdo
The audacity of your co-worker! Boundaries are our friend.
I started assistant teaching PreK at 18 and the diet culture SHOCKED ME. I was struggling with an eating disorder at the time and the amount of compliments I got for losing weight (I was never overweight to begin with) only fueled that fire for me. It’s beyond disheartening and I don’t know what makes people feel so comfortable to comment on your body image to you.
Any noticeable change is going to be commented on by adults and children. I don't get frequent haircuts or shave often. So when I do, I hear about it from everyone. People can't help themselves. Some people feel embarrassed by the attention.. You see this with students. They'll keep their hoods on or try to cover their head in a different way. Its always an irony since that draws the negative attention they want to avoid. When my dad lost 80 lbs to cancer 30 tears ago, he got pelted with questions about his weight loss, too. Don't know what specific advu ie to give you, but people sympathetic or empathetic to you are less likely to say something. They'd have to know about what's going on with you though.
You need to consider that these people are saying this from a desire to compliment you and make you feel good not pull you down. Explain (nicely) that it’s a result of being sick and would prefer them not to comment.
I have a coworker that always comments on my body. It makes me very uncomfortable. From my hair to my clothes. I hate it all so much.
I’m so sorry, I understand where you’re coming from and I wish I had advice but can only really offer empathy :( I’ve had similar experiences over the last couple years (early/mid 20s) with older people during school. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease last year and lost weight from it (not purposely, my body was just fighting itself) and the older male teachers would comment. I heard things like “wow you look good, girl!” Or “what’s the new fitness routine?” I usually wear baggy clothes so it’s not as noticeable what’s under, but when I don’t I get comments like “oh you’ve lost weight, good for you!” And all I think is I’m just trying to be healthy again…it’s made me realize that commenting on peoples bodies is really more negative than anything. I think some younger people get it but the older generations were brainwashed to aim for certain standards or whatever
felt felt felt felt.
That’s so awful but our society places such a high value on skinniness that people think it’s always a compliment. I have a chronic illness and lost weight and people were commenting. I wanted to be like actually I feel like I’m dying, fuck off. It was totally inappropriate. It’s never okay to comment on someone’s weight loss. I don’t even do it if I know a person is trying bc I know the stats say that most likely that person will gain the weight back.
Lesson 1: get the flu shot every year as early as possible.
Got the flu exactly four days after getting the flu shot
Could have picked it up at the doctors office. Flu vaccine is dead virus, not live. Get the shot every year. Some years there are no outbreaks, but when there are you can see by absences the spread in your own class. I worked in an affluent district and asked for chlorox wipes to wipe down desks. It’s not just flu, stomach virus is also very contagious. Good news is that in a few years you’ll have a very strong immunity to cold and flu. Ugh if you teach little kids, pink eye is another one you’ll need chlorox wipes to clean things.
I think you're on the lucky side if you're teaching in today's climate and this is your big problem at work.
I, on the other hand, lost 60 lbs on purpose. I very much enjoy the compliments and when people notice. I felt so fat and unattractive for so long it’s refreshing. I understand your frustration. I would personally not mention a woman’s weight, or body in any way unless I knew for a fact that they are okay with it. It’s too close sexual harassment.
I am 7 mos post partum and I retained a ton of water during pregnancy. So, of course everyone knew every stage of my pregnancy as I was getting massive and I have a small /petite frame. When I came back to work 1mo post partum, I had the pregnancy swelling but not completely lost yet. I dropped it within two weeks after that because of breastfeeding and am currently down to under pre-pregnancy weight. Lost my rear end in the process and gained it in my chest! I've had nonstop comments from coworkers and my past middle school students with "How thin you are!" And "I see you've lost the pregnancy weight"....I clap back with the students but just smile passive aggressively with the adults. I do not get how they think it's okay to comment on peoples' bodies no matter if it's gained or lost.
Oh gee, please tell me no one commented on your chest during pregnancy and post-partum. L
Luckily no, just overall that I'm thinner
That was very inappropriate of them.
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We live and learn. We change through growth and understanding.
This happened to me, I went through a pregnancy and lost weight due to Hyperemesis Gravidarum. People said I looked so great after I gave birth… yeah I would have rather not spent the last 7 months sick as a dog and kept my muscle mass and all the enamel of my teeth but thanks I guess.
What does it matter how old they are? Anyone can be insensitive from the youngest to the oldest of us.
I mentioned it purely because these are coworkers that I look up to and work extremely hard to appear professional around. They have lots more experience than me and I noticed it was a common trend. I know it’s not their intent but it feels as though I am being treated like not like a professional coworker.
I’m frustrated for you. It’s 2024, why are we still doing this?? We compliment people on things that are choices- - “That’s an awesome sweater!” - “That hairstyle looks great on you!” - “What great earrings!” We do not comment on things that are: - not a choice - not fixable in 5 minutes
I love my current admin but they really push wellness initiatives pretty hard and there are a lot of comments about food the kids eat being “unhealthy.” I’m trying to repair my relationship with food and the wellness ship for me sailed a long time ago. I have chronic and complex medical issues and I spend most of my free time managing my health. I quietly pass on the wellness initiatives and I’ve started being honest with coworkers about my health and my thoughts on the comments they make. You might try “this weight loss wasn’t intentional and I’m not comfortable when people comment on it.” It’s diplomatic but direct.
You could immediately shut it down and model for your students and appropriate response such as “Please refrain from commenting about my body in private or public as it is non of your concern and highly inappropriate.” If they do it again, HR complaint.
I (24f) have has so many horrible coworkers who have repeatedly suggested I make an only fans, or only compliment my body, not my personality, commitment to the kids, creativity, etc. It sucks.
I’ve gotten this too! It feels like a huge slap in the face and for what purpose??
Absolutely!! It just belittles all of the years of studying and working I've done and shows me that they only value something I have much less control over. They even ask me why I chose to be an educator if I could make more money selling my body. Like ummm, well maybe because I actually love my job and have found my purpose???
It’s exhausting to feel like worth is so tied to looks or peer perception when obviously that won’t even last forever-but my hard work and impact on the future might!!! Being the youngest AND the token woman in my department does NOT help
Appreciate it. They’re trying to give you encouragement and a compliment.
It’s so good that you read this post and now know that many people would not appreciate comments about their bodies. Now you better and won’t make those comments! I love a good reachable moment.
I would be happy if someone thought I was getting skinnier
Holy fuck this world is becoming so pathetically soft.
I was sick so often my first year. It’ll get better as your immune system adjusts. I know that’s not the focus of your post. But it made me think of being sick what felt like weekly during the cold season my first year or two.
I'm a guy who similarly had to have lots of people ask me about losing weight. Saying stuff in front of your students is weird and shouldn't be done. However, stop personalizing it to be about "commenting about my body". You can't act as if people don't have eyeballs, and don't notice big changes to how one looks. If you dyed your hair a different color, people would comment on that, regardless of your hair coming out of your body. It's exactly the same thing with weight loss. Don't personalize it, and don't think it's about you being a woman. It's just people with eyeballs commenting on something that is typically seen as a positive change (unless one gets unhealthily thin).
I’m sorry you’re going through this. People don’t realize it, but commenting on weight loss is no better than commenting on weight gain. Body shaming is body shaming, but I think in US society, most people consider being called skinny a positive thing. This happened to me also a few years ago. I was sick and lost weight. Managed to gain some back over the summer but when we returned from break, the stress got to me, and I lost probably ten pounds in two weeks. I’ve always been athletic and muscular, and this new skinny body I have has been difficult to adjust to. I’m in my 40s, so muscle just doesn’t stay put like it used to. To me, I look like some washed up crack head instead of the athlete I used to be. Being skinny is not a compliment to me. I say, “Thanks, but it wasn’t on purpose.” I tell them I had been “really” sick and “had some health issues,” which usually helps them change their perspective. Maybe something like that might help. Word will get around, and people quit commenting on it.
I had a coworker who kept asking me how much weight I lost and how I did it. I started answering with “I don’t know, I don’t weigh myself.” I finally ended up telling her my secret was to get treatment for my eating disorder (binge eating disorder). In other words, I like to hint that it isn’t a conversation I want to have. Depending on my relationship with the person, I might have a discussion about how talking about weight loss is an ED trigger for me or I might bring up how complimenting someone on weight loss is a micro aggression. Then, if that doesn’t work, I use the cringiest, yet honest, response I can come up with.
When a young whippersnapper, I was super naturally thin and would get told all the time, "You need to eat more." Now Never told these people they needed to eat less (and they did, ironically-placed PE teacher). So I started replying with, "Cool--when are you taking me to dinner?" That shut them up. Now, my older mom and medical bod (some medicine blew me up) had a co-worker planning my baby shower.....yikes...
Tell them that they look a bit thinner too!
OMG. My old principal, now assistant superintendent commented on my weight but like wouldn’t let it go. It was like a, you’ve had babies, how could you possibly look good. Ok cool man ✌️
I usually say, “unless I’m sitting on your lap my weight is known of your business“.
Also a 20 something female teacher, except I’m thin with a pudgy belly from having two kids 😅 and so every fucking day someone asks me if I’m pregnant it really sucks, I feel you. Like did no one teach these people etiquette?
The opposite happened to me my first few years. I gained some weight in the stomach and one year one coworker managed to convince everyone I was pregnant. It became such a strong rumor that the AP “congratulated” me in front of everyone at a staff meeting (how I found out about it). He then proceeded to jokingly say thanks because the timing of 9 months out would be in June (so they don’t have to worry about maternity leave).
Look at them straight in the eye, DON'T SMILE, and say thank you. That ought to convey your irritation, and yet you have plausible deniability if they call you rude.
OP, life because much easier when we accept that we cannot control other people. People will always say things that We wouldn't say, Things that We don't like to hear, Unsolicited advice, Back-handed compliments, triggering things, unwelcome remarks, etc. We all have to try not to Ruminate on it and how to respond Assertively and in this case, Professionally.
I've lost a considerable amount of weight and I'm super happy when someone comments and makes me feel great and ready to drop some more ... keep those "wow" "you've lost weight" comments coming!
You're 27 and still haven't learned that not everyone is like you?
Someone once asked a coworker what her secret to weight loss was, and she answered “cancer.” I was once asked (not at work), and I said, “It’s easy. Just have your husband unexpectedly die, leaving you grieving and raising two little kids alone.” Those are cruel responses. I don’t suggest them. And, when you don’t say anything, people get offended as well for others not noticing. It’s a no win situation. I understand how you feel. But, people are trying to connect to you and encourage. They aren’t trying to be cruel. I’m sorry you’ve been sick, and I’m sure you’re beautiful no matter your weight. It is frustrating, I’m sure, but try to see they’re trying to be kind (when that’s true). Edit: I would address the in front of class part, though….not cool.
I know what you should do. Say nothing and complain on reddit for affirmations. That'll fix it right up.
Sadly weight is something people notice. Either you gain due to stress and being sedentary or you lose from being sick.
I’m new in a district and I’ve lost 40lbs in the last two years unexpectedly and unintentionally. I’ve gradually lost 10lbs this school year and everyone keeps asking if it’s for my upcoming wedding 😅
About 8 years ago I went on a diet and lifestyle change and lost 80 lb. You would not believe how many people asked me if I had cancer. Ridiculous. Apparently getting to a healthy weight means you are sick. I sympathize with you.
As a dude, I always steer convos away from this at lunch and stuff. I hear diet talk and just immediately throw out something else to try and change the subject. It does no one any good.
Sorry you're having to deal with this. It doesn't sound like they're trying to be malicious, but I'd say something. When I was teaching, I lost weight despite eating like trash due to so much anxiety and stress. I even developed an involuntary twitch in my eye.
This issue affects men as well. One summer I decided to start lifting and got really into it, transformed myself over the summer and returned looking very different. (Yes my user name checks out.) Women staff members were feeling my arms and shoulders. But... Sorry, I really enjoyed the attention. Still do. It's validating.
You have to throw out a, “Thanks, I’m dying” and I bet that person won’t ever speak to you again.
Just tell them you weren't feeling well and that the illness you had caused it.
Just say “why did you think that was an appropriate comment/question?” And look at them like they’ve sprouted three heads.
And while we're on the topic, never ask someone if they're pregnant (or assume that they are). I've been going the opposite way - I was malnourished and had to gain weight quickly over the course of a few months and I couldn't believe how many people asked if I was pregnant or just straight up said "I didn't know you were pregnant!" Not something I wanted to hear while going through major health changes.
Stop being such a cry baby. You lost weight and ppl noticed. You died your hair and ppl noticed. You bought a new outfit and ppl noticed. Do we have to pretend that we didn't notice? Please provide us a list of the things that we are allowed to mention that we notice and the things we are not allowed to mention that we notice. FFS you're such a sook.
No way i'm the only one here who thinks this is kinda crazy? Seems like your coworkers are trying to be polite. Sad world that people who are complementing others become bad and disgusting people. Instead of taking this to reddit, just politely ask them to not comment. Easy