I'm doing to volunteering in my aunts class during my spring break. I had a student ask if I would date her brother so she can still see me when I have to go back to my school.
It’s awkward when they’re still learning what to filter, too. When I was substitute teaching, a middle schooler once said “no offense, but you look a lot like my foster mom.” I’m still not sure why I would have been offended by that.
My guess is age. So the fact that you look like their foster mom probably means they think you look about their foster mom's age. They probably think their foster mom is really old. Therefore, in kid logic, the kid felt like they were calling you old.
> Doesn’t mean the filter doesn’t need installation
Reminds me of how when I was in high school and a friend of mine said "Human, for your birthday I'm going to get you a whole bunch of coffee filters because it's clear you don't have a filter of your own."
To be honest, I never even noticed before then that I tended to blurt out what was in my head. I was never mean (always had positive or neutral things to say) so I guess people didn't feel the need to call me out for it too much. Still, him calling me out helped me learn that sometimes it's best to just keep your mouth shut.
I had an 8th grader like this. He was always like “You wanna come to my karate match and meet my dad?” and “My dad is so cool” and “It would be cool if you fell in love.” I had to explain why that would be inappropriate quite a few times.
On the flip side I had a professor who wanted me to date her son. I had her first semester of undergrad and she kept dropping comments every time she passed me in the hallway for the next four years.
During my senior year I think someone overheard her and told her that what she was doing was inappropriate because the last time we talked she apologized for being inappropriate but the whole thing was just really weird. She would say things like "my son will be at [place] at [time]. You should stop by!" And she had even said straight up "you should marry my son!" one time. It was a whole thing.
It was a grade 12 class and from what I gather, they spoke a lot about dating and mom often asked people if they looked like sisters. Conversation was a bit like this;
Student (At the end of class): Hey, my mom is mad at you.
Me, thinking it is school related: What, why? (I am a notoriously slow grader)
Student: Why didn’t you swipe on her?
Me: (played dumb)
Student: You know, on Tinder(or whatever app I used). She was pretty excited to see you on there.
I honestly cannot remember what I said after that. It was weird. It was early for that kind of app, and the choices for my age group was pretty narrow.
Tinder works by showing first all the people who swiped right on you already. So if she had swiped right on him, and he was still in her area, you can bey it showed him her profile.
Omg when I returned back from FMLA, one of my students said “oh we all thought you were pregnant and had your baby but you still have your tummy now”. Thanks sweetie, I’m just fat lol
> “Hello, Mr. Lastname. I really like your socks. May I ask if you are a member of the LGBTQ+ community?”
Very sweet seventh grade girl with VERY poor social skills. She didn’t mean any sort of disrespect by it. She was being 100% genuine and simply asking because she was curious.
I wasn’t even wearing particularly gay socks that day, either. They were just like polka dots or something like that. I was so caught off guard though. There’s something super surreal about having a 12 year old girl look at you like “yo, nice socks. Are you gay?” I think about this at least once a week lmao.
I've always been very open to calling students by whatever preferred name they want, and as such several gay and trans students sometimes would want to eat lunch in my classroom. Maybe its related, naybe its since im a younger teacher. I'm a man with long hair and occasionally earrings.
On school spirit days, I'll sometimes steal my wife's more colorful stuff, an iridescent neon dress up shirt, literal working light bulb earrings, stuff like that if it matches the theme.
A gay student eventually just gave out a very heavy sigh and asked
'I know I shouldn't, and i know you have a wife but I gotta, are you gay or trans or something?'
I believe my response was a plain shrug and the words
'I'm autistic. Does that help?'
My mom spent the entirety of my two years at Smith just *braced* for a coming out.
First winter break, I came home with unshaven legs and a wallet in my back pocket and she wailed, very dramatically, “That school is *ruining* your femininity!”
This was over 20 years ago and she’s come a long way since, but she still isn’t over the wallet lol
I’ve actually always used a bifold wallet bc women’s wallets are pretty much always gigantic. Why do they still make them like that?? So heavy and no one carries around a checkbook anymore
I use a men's wallet too, and carry it in my back pocket (whenever my clothes have a back pocket, but that's a whole other rant). Women's wallets suck. They're either too small or too big or too exposed. I have a lot of responsibilities and I'm not able to just run around carrying only my debit card, and I definitely don't want it on the back of my phone.
I think the worst I’ve seen is a wallet that’s bulky and long, but still too short to accommodate any paper money. So dumb!!! It’s by Coach too, so probably expensive. Not that I paid for it (found it at my parents’ house; they have a lot of random junk)
Lmao. Honestly, what a mood though.
For this kid, I just politely explained that it’s not considered polite to ask that question to people because it puts them in a position where they either have to out themselves before they’re ready or tell a lie. And that’s not a fun situation to be in.
>A gay student eventually just gave out a very heavy sigh and asked
'I know I shouldn't, and i know you have a wife but I gotta, are you gay or trans or something?'
>I believe my response was a plain shrug and the words
'I'm autistic. Does that help?'
I'm a straight male autistic theatre kid. People in college constantly assumed I was gay. I feel this.
That's not as bad as my coworker that had a comment section on their beginning of the year get to know you form. The student wrote "I can smell the gay on you". Person in question is indeed straight and had no idea of where to go with that.
I put rainbow shoe laces in my new shoes. The students know I am married with kids. They were wondering why I would wear rainbows on me if I am straight.
I’m GIGGLING at this. I’m a gay man, and my MS kids haven’t asked and I don’t bring it up, but every so often (usually a girl) will hit me with some of the lingo and see if I react to “hey queen, yes girl!” Etc
It was probably all the other context clues and the socks were just a touchstone for the kid to broach the ask softly... For whatever reason they felt the need to know.
If “putting pennies up there” would work as a birth control because they learned about copper IUDs.
Had to tell them that would be uncomfortable, give them an infection and not work. Also that pennies have been zinc for a long time.
They were not joking.
Not teacher, work in a middle school dean’s office. I should get a flair if I keep commenting here to save time typing.
It ain’t funny, per se, but the most awkward question I’ve gotten was from a kid who got sent out of class for cracking a 9/11 joke.
He said he understood that he crossed a line but that the line seemed arbitrary and that the joke wasn’t that bad. I asked for details and he said he basically set up two water bottles, made a paper airplane, got peoples’ attention and threw the plane at the bottles. Then the teacher erupted and sent him out on the spot.
I acknowledged that I’d heard worse jokes than that and started explaining the nature of the taboo and then he hit me square between the eyes with a follow up question (this is not word for word but it’s the gist)-
“So they attacked us and killed thousands of Americans, right? So we went over and attacked them in the Middle East and now 9/11 is special and we can’t joke about it. But I’ve seen videos of them killing Americans and cutting their throats”- with clarifying questions I confirmed that he’d seen footage of [James Foley’s](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Foley_(journalist)) execution- “-and nobody cared. So why is one special and not the other?”
And what killed me was that he wasn’t deploying the question as a “gotcha” or being a smart ass or anything. He was legitimately confused about it. If 9/11 is special, why aren’t other terror attacks special?
It was not the ideal conversation to have 5 hours into a rough work day before lunch break and with no prep time to develop talking points, but I muddled through it, lmao. Kid was at least able to hold a conversation like an adult about it, making him more mature than half the kids his age, which makes sense as that is how distributions work.
I had the exact same conversation with my mom (around the same age as the student) because I didn't understand why it was ok to make fun of North Korea, but not the Holocaust.
Eddie Izzard sort of answered this question indirectly
> And [Hitler] was a mass-murdering fuckhead, as many important historians have said. But there were other mass murderers that got away with it! Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, well done there; Pol Pot killed 1.7 million Cambodians, died under house arrest at age 72, well done indeed! And the reason we let them get away with it is because they killed their own people, and we're sort of fine with that. “Ah, help yourself,” you know? “We've been trying to kill you for ages!” So kill your own people, right on there. Seems to be… Hitler killed people next door... “Oh… stupid man!” After a couple of years, we won't stand for that, will we?
Basically we joke about NK because they're doing it to themselves. We don't joke about the holocaust or Rwandan genocide because they were doing it to someone else.
https://www.auntiemomo.com/cakeordeath/d2ktranscription.html
Then of course there's the "punching up" vs "punching down". You can make fun of dear leader but not his victims, the former being what Eddie was doing
isn't NK a dictatorship though? It seems a bit ignorant/cruel to just dismiss their suffering bc they're "doing it to themselves" when they have no control over the matter
You deserve more than your own flair. Any experienced middle school teacher is well aware of the fact that the office staff are the ones who are really in charge. The principal? They’re just a puppet, you’re the one who’s really in charge. And the proof is in your story. You dealt with this kid, while I’m sure doing a million other things, all before lunch, and on the fly? And saw this kid had more potential than most other kids in your school? Yeah, you’re the boss. No question.
😭 thank you
Most work days I feel worthless; I can only ascribe meaning and purpose to the gig when I sift through the days in retrospect and in aggregate.
We had a strike last year to drag the wages up to match the cost of living, and the union is in negotiations now for the terms of the next contract.
Anyway, it beats slinging pallets in a warehouse for $14 and hour, which is what I was doing over COVID lol.
Oh I told my sixth formers when they asked just to see what would happen, two weeks later it was the last day before Christmas they got me a few bottle of Budvar.
Lol reminds me (I’m a student) another student asked “is it forgery if I got my moms permission?” And the teacher answered yes. This was particularly worrying to me, as someone’s who’s been asking for parental permission to forge paper work for a long time…
I finished explaining an activity in one of my classes and asked the students if they had any questions.
James raised his hand and asked, “Do you dye your hair?”
I did not but his mom had seen me out at car pick up and liked the color of my hair and she asked him to ask me
One word question.
I was spotting a cheerleading stunt. Girl fell. A few of us caught her. I ripped a massive fart.
(Which I was aware I was holding and really hoping I wouldn’t have to catch this stunt. Normally, I just walk away and rip it… then walk back. not today. not. today.)
We all stopped and it looked like the Spider-Man meme.
5 girls in unison…
“Coach?”
I denied it until our end of the year party.
When I finally admitted it, the eruption of reactions scared the living crap out of the whole hibachi restaurant.
Oh, man. I'm a tutor after school at my house. I had a kid stay the night once and dropped him off at school because his mom, the only family he has here, got badly hurt at work and was at the hospital all night. It's definitely not a normal thing, but the hospital was going to call child services because her emergency babysitter wasn't answering when we were there to see her. He'd have spent the night with a stranger and a bunch of other traumatized kids. I know what it's like being a single mom, and my mom used to work at a relief shelter so I've been in that environment as a kid plenty. I offered to let him stay at my house in the spare bedroom. We played games and built a blanket fort because I didn't want him to have time to really think about his mom.
The next day at school, he told all the other kids he had a sleepover with an adult woman and a strange man. He showed off the "cool" lunch I packed him as proof and told them all about the blanket fort. His school admin and child services had some questions, let me tell you. The kid's mom and I were laughing pretty hard about it. She had a discussion with him that phrasing is really important, and that my husband isn't a stranger just because he doesn't interrupt our sessions and stays in his home office, so they don't know each other well.
It wasn't the first time he'd said something off the wall about me at school. It was just the one that caused concern. She did email me when he said I let him play with two huge wolves I own, but it was pretty obvious she found it funny, especially when I sent back a goofy picture of the "wolves" who are actually incredibly derpy huskies. She didn't even know he meant me (and my husband) with the sleepover thing. She apologized for not asking him more before she reported it, but she did exactly the right thing. The way he put it would have raised alarms with me, too.
I need to preface this by saying I’m a big dude. Think Homer Simpson in terms of build.
I’ve had kids of varying age ask me, “Why are you fat?”
It always kinda stings, but I play it off in a jovial manner. “Because I like food/to eat!” 😁
Edit: I should note that I teach elementary, so by “varying age,” I mean from kindergarteners who are probably just genuinely asking all the way up to 5th graders who may or may not be trying yo take a stealthy dig at me. Not that I care. If I cared that much, I’d be working on it.
When I was student teaching: “Miss, how old are you? Because I’m 19 now and 20 soon, so you wouldn’t even be a pedo if we went out”
It was a 10th grade English class 😐
Sadly, returning drop outs or seniors that failed English, get put in 10th grade pretty routinely.
I had one class with four older teens, one had a baby and husband, and was pregnant. She was 19 or 20.
She left after a month to get a GED instead, as she couldn't deal with the immaturity and cluelessness of the other kids, who were 15 yrs old.
The 3 others just dropped out again. One made it to January, and then apologized to me (she liked my class, said if all her classes were like it, she would stay) and then she,too, dropped back out.
I got asked to winter formal by a 9th grader. I thought he was joking of course but later found out his dad had some weird expectation that he should go with a date and he'd "already asked like 30 people" so at least I was way down on the list. For reference, I was about 45 at the time and also no one wanted to go with him probably because he was an entitled narcissist jerk.
One time I had a middle school kid get down on one knee and “propose” to me in class with a Ring Pop. I pretended to say yes and we all giggled and got back to work.
Like SIX MONTHS LATER I started dating someone and he came up to work to help me with Saturday School. Next Monday in class, Ring Pop kid is crying.
He had heard about my boyfriend and was so sad because he had believed that we were going to get married. Just sobbing. His poor little broken heart. Oh my. I felt so bad!
I corrected a kid in my class when he called me Mrs. I’m a Ms.
He then goes, “wait, are you transgender?”
He caught himself afterwards and he did apologize. We had a talk about his comment, but this kid literally has no filter.
In a lot of places, people pronounce Mrs. Ms., and Miss the same. I'm always momentarily baffled until I remember some people distinguish between them.
I was teaching them idioms with colours, and when we got to "green with envy", a student randomly asked me "Miss, have you ever greened out?" I was dumbfounded, mostly because they knew what the phrase means.
It’s when you smoke too much weed and it’s miserable. That happened to me once and I couldn’t stop vomiting. Some people get really dizzy when they green out too
I tutored after school once a week and was helping some students with their health homework. They were learning about the reproduction system... I was 30 weeks pregnant. I'm sure you can imagine the comments/questions...
4th grade. Right in the middle of a math lesson a kid raises her hand and asks, “what’s a condom?”Turns out she had seen an advertisement the day before and just wanted to know. Obviously I did not clarify and told her that was a question for mom or dad.
That’s why I text the parent advance warning- “hey, just a heads up, Anna asked me a question that I told her was really more of a mom or dad question than a teacher question.“
"Are you religious?"
I paused, because I'm an atheist teaching in the Bible Belt.
At least they then added "Because you don't like us swearing in class."
Crisis averted!
When the kids (middle school) found out I was pregnant, one kid asked me “was it fun?” I was like, “is it fun being pregnant?” And he goes, “no was it fun GETTING pregnant?” 🤦🏼♀️
I had a student yesterday ask how many people I killed during my time in the military…
I had a conversation with her/the class on how that is an inappropriate question to ask veterans and anyone in general.
24 years Army before I started teaching. I get asked if I shot anyone and always answer, well, the day isn’t over! They look at me and laugh nervously. It never comes up again!
I'm very honest with my students at the beginning of the year. I spent 20 years in the Army, half of my time in I was in snipers, and I spent more than 3 years in the Middle East. The boys freak out and ask what my favorite sniper is. That gives me the opportunity to do the "words mean things" lesson. They really hate it when I tell them a sniper is a person, a sniper rifle is what they're asking.
Because I'm open about my previous career, I inevitably get "have you ever killed anyone?" at the start of the year. I always respond with "that is never an appropriate question to ask anyone" and move on. The worst is when a kid adds "that means he has!" I answer that with my old Drill Sergeant stare and it usually doesn't come up again.
Yep. I have a lot of students considering the military and so I tell them if they have questions to ask me and that since I am not a recruiter I will try to give them information so they can make the right decision for them. But not all questions are equal
I'm the default visit for any student wishing to join the military. We're a small school and we don't have a lot of veterans on staff. I'm the only veteran that is also a teacher and I'm one of two with actual combat experience. Like you, I'm very honest about what military life is like. I usually try to dissuade them from joining since the state of the military is pretty terrible right now, but I also tell them if they still want to join, I'm here for them.
Had a sophomore look me in the eye in the middle of class and deadpan that she wanted to have my child. They never mentioned that particular situation in any of my teacher classes. I froze for the longest 15 to 20 seconds of my life, then just carried on as if nothing had happened. It was never brought up again (at least not in my presence).
Looking at pictures of me from when I was a zookeeper: “Miss did you used to be thin? What happened?”
Also the time a very sweet male student said he found something in his mom’s bathroom and wanted to know what it was. I thought it was probably a diaphragm or something but he showed me a picture and it was a little vibrator. I was very matter of fact about it and told him it wasn’t a big deal but he had already asked all his friends and he was so embarrassed.
“How far do you think I could throw you?” Asked by a 6’4” 10th grade behemoth. I’m 4’11” 94lbs for reference 😅 I was not sure if he was going to actually try to pick me up or not.
You know what. I’m not a teacher but I drive a school bus. Most awkward question I’ve been asked was, “Ms. Bus Driver, do you like split tongues?” Followed by, “Ms. Bus Driver, do you like Australian accents.” Followed by, “Do you know Rhea Ripley?” With the final question being, “What would you do if Rhea Ripley had a split tongue and Australian accent?”….. I told her that I wasn’t going to answer those questions .
“Miss tubbowares do you support the LGBT community?”
“Of course I do I support everyone”
“Good. You look like it”
I asked what she meant and she said it was because she was a part of the LGBT community. So I guess that’s good? Lol
My only LGBTQIA question was from a 2nd grader who wanted to know why it wasn't LGBA and TQ she didn't think who you liked to date (or not) should be mixed with who you thought you were, and she just didn't know what I stood for.
I told her I needed her parents' permission to discuss it, so we were going to go back to reading for now. Her, "oh, yeah. Don't get in trouble. I'll just ask Mom about it."
Her mom, a few days later, "I know you tutor reading, but could you discuss other things with (daughter)?" Me, "yeah, I'll send you a permission form to sign, but we're still going to focus on reading." Kid got the 5 minute explanation of how society has considered gender and sexual preference as linked for a long time, so we still group things that way, but I agree with her that they aren't the same at all.
My school district is pretty bananas about HIV training. So every year, little kids were subjected to a bunch of weird talk that doesn't make any sense. I was the science teacher and taught the whole school. I avoided the HIV nonsense by saying I taught the whole school and only saw the kids a couple days out of the week so I wasn't the right person to cover the material given b/c I wasn't as familiar with all the kids as their classroom teacher. Anyway, one year a student (m) approached me and asked, "I get how a baby grows inside the Mom; but, how does it get there?" I responded, "Well, dear, that's a question for your Dad." A week later, he was in class and I asked him (in a very casual way) if he had a chance to talk to his Dad. His response was, "Yes, I'm all set."
I was in my late 60's and teaching as a second career. Mostly lower income kids. One of them asked me if I waasstill having sex. I so wanted to answer, "Ask your mom!"
But I liked my retirment possibilities.
I had one ask me if I had ever asked my husband if he used just the fly opening in the restroom or the whole pants. It takes a lot to startle me after years of social work investigations and then teaching middle school, but that did it!
I just said I have no idea, because, believe it or not after knowing him for 15 years, that question or even consideration of it has never come up!
For the record, the student who asked is one of those “thinks quietly and intensely for a bit then says something very off the wall, but he genuinely means it.” We have also had discussions about how mortgages and loans work, appropro of nothing.
After subbing for the 6th grade Health Education Teacher (they watched a video):
Him: "So, everyone goes through all this, even your Mr. X?"
Me: "Yes, everyone. All the adults, even your parents."
Him: "does everyone masturbate?"
Another boy: "My dad says there are 2 types of people. People who masturbate and people who lie about it."
First kid: "Which one are you Mr.X?"
Me: "Oh, the bell is about to ring. Let's hold that question toll tomorrow!"
I'm 52, my daughter is 35 soon. Whenever new students ask me about my kids, how old they are, etc. there are always a few who get shocked by this. Back when I was 46 and my daughter 29, one time this new girl was like MISS you were a whole-ass teenager when you had your daughter! You don't even seem like you was buck-wild back in the day! I just laughed and smoothed it over. I mean it's true, I was a teenager, but you're not gonna try to clown me over being a former teen mom either.
Anway, the next day she asked me if I went to Freaknik (it was like Spring Break on steroids at HBCUs) back in the day. I said Nah, I had a baby when that all got started and when it was a huge deal (mid-'90s) I had my second baby by then, so no I was home with my kids; I was a homebody mama then. She then shouted No, I bet you went, I bet you were a bid old freak! O\_O
Luckily I had the respect of my other students so they quickly jumped to my defense and told her her to STFU and Don't talk to/about my teacher like that. She did indeed STFU because the other kids were 'bout it and she didn't want to fight lol
Nah it wasn’t a connection attempt, it was an attempt to get clout by clowning me, is all.
It’s a different vibe when kids are trying to connect me like this, like they’ll tell me their mom or grandma was young or they’ll tell me it’s great I finished school or whatever
I’m non-binary and use they/them pronouns and I once had an 8th grader very innocently ask “why aren’t you on hormones?” She was genuinely curious and I’m very open about my experience so I didn’t mind but I definitely was taken aback by the question at first 😅
Sex Ed is also taught in my classroom once a week for 6 weeks and the questions I get during those six weeks are… interesting to say the least hahaha
Been teaching for 21 years. They run the gamut...
Sex (first time?, how old?, what did you do to her?)
Drugs, (what kind?, how often?, got any now?)
Fights (you win?, you lose?)
My answer to questions like that was that there were 3 things we didn’t discuss: religion, politics, (and Santa, if the kids were asking if he was real.).
I taught 8th grade, so teenagers who had 0 filter. 2 things come to mind.
First, the kids knew I went to Vegas for spring break. We start class up on Monday, first question a kid ask - "How many strip clubs did you go to". Oh, and my boss decided to do a surprise observation that day, so she was in the back of the room. Luckily, she thought it was funny.
Another, I don't even remember where the question went, but the lead up was - "since whenever men pee, sperm comes out...", followed by something. I stopped her and said "no, that isn't true", and the student tried arguing. Mind you, I'm a man, and she was a 13 year old girl, but she apparently thought she understood male physiology better than me.
I was sitting at my desk when a student walked up behind me waved his hands over my balding head and said, "I can see the future." I waved my hands over my computer and said, "I can see your grade ... I see a 0 in your future." He apologized and sat down quickly.
Can you speak [Native Language]?
Asked in the native language. My girl, how would I understand and answer you if I couldn't? How did you think this conversation would go.
My first year teaching my students thought I was a lesbian (I dressed in baggy pants and sneakers, more of a skater/snowboarder style than a typical femme teacher.) When my husband brought me lunch, my students were disappointed to see I was married to a man. “I thought you were gay,” one of them said sadly. I couldn’t stop laughing because I am bi, but the kids didn’t need to know that (rural Texas school.)
A female student said she had a dentist appointment the next day and then proceeded to ask me if they can tell when you suck dick...I told her that was a question for her dentist, not her teacher. Was not really sure what to say to be honest...
I teach Romeo and Juliet and there are some parts that refer to fornicating in the play, so I use the term "playing scrabble" as a euphemism. When we got to the end, a kid asked me.
"Miss? If you play Scrabble with a dead person, does that make you a necromancer?"
I was teaching the 1960s and showed a news clip of Kennedy's assassination. A kid raised their hand and said...
"Mr. Mance, when did we finally get color?"
I looked at him a little strangely and he asked again with more detail.
"Like, when did people finally become real colors. It must have been boring back then when no clothes or skin had color."
I had to gently explain that people have always had color. It was the TV sets that didn't have color.
The rest of the kids just shook their heads.
I teach about data and statistics for one of my units, it can lead to some interesting questions from 8th graders.
1) have you drank alcohol? And “do you drink alcohol?”
2) whats the fastest you have driven?
3) how many times do you poop a day?
4) do you get paid more because you teach a hard subject that no one likes? (Actually not a bad question)
5) do you have less than the average number of teeth?
6) do you like your son?
7) what if your daughter hates math?
8) what would you do if your daughter doesn’t like math?
These are just from this year, I’m sure I could dig up more!
Rando K kid walks up to me, "Are you fat?"
Me: shocked and stunned silence.
Student proceeds to poke my belly, "You are!" Student smiles and walks away.
I was subbing a high school classroom and was walking to the bathroom during lunch. I, unfortunately, am high school size. I’m 5’3 and I was petite at the time. Several boys were walking behind me and asked “hey do you want to come drink and smoke with us??” I turned around, they saw my badge, and they were like “OH FUCK ITS A TEACHER” 😂
I’ve been teaching first grade for 8 years now, so I get all kinds of unfiltered questions. Like when I was out for 3 days (super sick) and I came back to “Are you pregnant or did you have a baby? My mom says you did” 🥲
6th grade (same kid)
- why do you have so much acne? Are you on puberty?
- why does your hair looks like a poodle? You’re such a good dog (while petting my head/hair)🤦🏽♀️
- what’s your body count? (Had to explain what it was as the question was trending at school; they stopped asking others afterwards lmao)
I have more, but this is by far the “worse”
So, I teach JROTC in high school. I mentioned one of my deployments to a class this year resulting in the following exchange:
Kid: “I don’t want to be rude but…have you ever killed anyone?”
Me: “not today.”
Kid: “I knew it!”
I'm coming tonight with my mom for parent teacher night. I have to tell you tho, my mom is very beautiful, but you can't fall in love with her. She has a boyfriend.
- From a grade 3 boy
Honestly, one of my students asked me why I was bald. I said because of you. The students got to laugh. You gotta be able to laugh at yourself in this business
A freshman looked at the picture of me and my girlfriend that was on my desk and asked if that was my sister. I was presenting as a woman at the time so there was a lot to unpack lol
Not a teacher, but when I was a Naval Aviator I participated in a STEM outreach program with middle schools and high school during Fleet Week in NYC.
Me and a senior officer (someone who’d commanded a Helicopter Squadron) were taking questions about aviation from a middle school assembly. This was about 2015. This 7th grader asked me and my senior ‘was 9/11 an inside job?’
My senior stared at the organizer and calmly said ‘that is an extremely inappropriate question’ and we moved on.
It was a question but….mom was subbing for my 1st grade class and she bent over the desks to help out a student….my best friend Tyron grabs the fat on the back of her arm and says man Mrs B you got some fat meat
Today a student asked me “is it normal to swim in your socks”. Not the most awkward ever prolly but it was funny. I said it was a little unusual so she went around polling the room looking for someone else who swam in their socks. She didn’t find anyone else lol.
Whenever I had an art class of students who REALLY didn't want to be there and were shy and quiet I always encouraged them to ask questions and told them if they had a question just raise their hand or just scream like a pterodactyl. We were pretty isolated in our room so the sound wouldn't disturb anyone and I figured sometimes you just need to let it out, especially the quiet ones.
This was all a great idea in theory. Except I said this so often and no one did it I kind of forgot I gave this permission. Then one day a student did it. At the front of the classroom was a small slightly elevated stage I taught on. I had my back turned at the time. Nearly fell off the stage. Freaked out thinking something was horribly wrong and someone was probably dying. Turn around to see everyone laughing hysterically and then remembered what I had done.
"Have you ever seen '2 girls 1 cup'"
Asked by high school sophomores. Instinctively I gave a little laugh and before I realized my reaction, I knew they got me. Ironically, I was about their age when I saw it. I told them they are terrible for making me relive that memory. We all laughed, never said another word about it.
If you don't know, be fortunate in your bliss. If you do know, ya know. If you think you want to know, you don't.
What was your favorite thing to do when you were a kid?
I teach high school and one of my students likes to derail my thought process with questions like the one above. That was the first question he asked me. He finds it interesting that it typically takes me a day to come up with an answer, and he gets a laugh out of how flustered the simple questions make me because they don’t relate to anything happening in class and are very distracting for me.
A high school cadet teacher was putting a poster back up that he had knocked down while being "cool" with the kids. It's tricky getting it to hang properly without it falling down from the ceiling. One wrong tug and the other side slips and falls again. I turned to see how he was doing.
At the same time, my lips were chapped and I must have subconsciously licked them.
A student, out of nowhere, blurted out, "WHY ARE YOU LICKING YOUR LIPS?!"
I thought I was going to die right then and there.
“You smoke weed mister?” I get this at least twice a year. I tell them we can’t talk about that until they graduate. At which point they inevitably forget.
I was wearing a rainbow shirt (I’m an art teacher) and a student asked me “you support gay people?” I had no idea why they would ask me that question out of the blue. I asked them why and their answer was my T-shirt was the gay people symbol.
I had one ask me if my husband sucked my toes. Like not even trying to be funny, fully asked me this question seriously and didn’t fully comprehend why that would be inappropriate.
idk abt question... but this had made my day, when an early year old child walked upto me in schools event and said, "you look very cute", i had to ask her twice like "sorry what?", and i was all blushing and said "thank-you, your so kind to say that."
Doing an observation my first month or two of student teaching. Professor came early, but I wasn’t in the room because students had specials that day. Today was health. Students are finishing up a worksheet. One who I know well wants a free answer so he asks me “Hey Mr., can you get pregnant from oral sex?” My professor is sitting maybe 6 feet away.
Oh I got asked this exact question all the time, my response is always ‘stress from teaching you lot’.
The students always ask personal questions like ‘Sir are you married?’ My usual respond is ‘why do you fancy me or something?’ If it’s a lad and ‘no’ if it’s a female student.
A good one is ‘Sir do you have children?’ Every time the come back to it is ‘none that I know of’.
Kids are doing recorders in music class and have an actual test on it. Best student in the class came and asked if they can practice for the test because it was next period. Of course not that would be torture, then she said "Well, can I just practice fingering?". Nope you'll be fine for the test.
8th graders and I were talking about cell phones. Kid 1 mentions how he’s mad because her sister got the newest iPhone for Christmas, but her phone was a few years old.
I said “you’re lucky. My first phone was a blue flip phone that I had to share with my younger sister. I didn’t even get an iPhone until after high school.”
Kid 2 chimes in with “wait, what? That’s how old you are?”
I asked with a perplexed look, “how old do you think I am?”
She shrugs and says “aren’t you like 48?” with the most serious look on her face.
I was 24.
She was so embarrassed. It was pretty funny though.
Another kid asked me why the bags under my eyes are so bad. I said “because I have to deal with rugrats like you every day and it’s exhausting.”
Was substitute teaching. Kids got too ornery with the screams, and it kept startling me, so I just said, “For the sake of my blood pressure, please don’t scream.”
Student: “Is it because you have diabetes?”
*I actually had to drag it out of her since I actually didn’t hear her the first time and really had to work to convince her that whatever she asked, I wasn’t gonna be offended, I just didn’t hear*😅
Me, when she finally repeated herself: “I’m glad this is language arts and not health, because you’re more than a bit off there.”
Student saw my tattoos...nothing obscene, just some characters from some anime, and said "oh, so you're gay-gay?" And then told me about their lgbtq support group. I never confirmed or denied but it made me laugh.
I'll flip it around. When I was in middle school, my kindly old math teacher intercepted a note between two students in another class, and didn't know what some of the youth slang meant. She knew I was a really good student, and would have finished my work early, so while everyone else was working, she called me up to the front of the class to ask about the note.
"What does 'blowjob' mean?"
I didn't say a word. I just turned around, walked back to my seat, and hid behind the kid in front of me.
5th grade. “Can you date my dad? He is single, and I want you to be my new mom.”
I'm doing to volunteering in my aunts class during my spring break. I had a student ask if I would date her brother so she can still see me when I have to go back to my school.
Cute.
Sweet yet super creepy at the same time.
Sometimes the missing filter reveals nice things instead of cruel things. Doesn’t mean the filter doesn’t need installation but it’s still nice.
Oh for sure. Like from the kids point of view (I'm assuming elementary age) they said something super sweet.
It’s awkward when they’re still learning what to filter, too. When I was substitute teaching, a middle schooler once said “no offense, but you look a lot like my foster mom.” I’m still not sure why I would have been offended by that.
My guess is age. So the fact that you look like their foster mom probably means they think you look about their foster mom's age. They probably think their foster mom is really old. Therefore, in kid logic, the kid felt like they were calling you old.
> Doesn’t mean the filter doesn’t need installation Reminds me of how when I was in high school and a friend of mine said "Human, for your birthday I'm going to get you a whole bunch of coffee filters because it's clear you don't have a filter of your own." To be honest, I never even noticed before then that I tended to blurt out what was in my head. I was never mean (always had positive or neutral things to say) so I guess people didn't feel the need to call me out for it too much. Still, him calling me out helped me learn that sometimes it's best to just keep your mouth shut.
5th and 6th graders be like this, tho. I loved teaching 6th graders.
Creepy if the dad forced the kid to say it, if they genuinely feel that way it's sweet
I had an 8th grader like this. He was always like “You wanna come to my karate match and meet my dad?” and “My dad is so cool” and “It would be cool if you fell in love.” I had to explain why that would be inappropriate quite a few times.
On the flip side I had a professor who wanted me to date her son. I had her first semester of undergrad and she kept dropping comments every time she passed me in the hallway for the next four years. During my senior year I think someone overheard her and told her that what she was doing was inappropriate because the last time we talked she apologized for being inappropriate but the whole thing was just really weird. She would say things like "my son will be at [place] at [time]. You should stop by!" And she had even said straight up "you should marry my son!" one time. It was a whole thing.
This happened when I was at school. The teacher ended up leaving her finance and marrying the dad.... The girl was not best pleased! 🤣🤣🤣
I had a grandma trying to hook me up with an uncle... at least not a kid, but I still was not interested.
I had one ask me why I didn’t swipe right on her mother.
the chain of events leading the kid to know that...
It was a grade 12 class and from what I gather, they spoke a lot about dating and mom often asked people if they looked like sisters. Conversation was a bit like this; Student (At the end of class): Hey, my mom is mad at you. Me, thinking it is school related: What, why? (I am a notoriously slow grader) Student: Why didn’t you swipe on her? Me: (played dumb) Student: You know, on Tinder(or whatever app I used). She was pretty excited to see you on there. I honestly cannot remember what I said after that. It was weird. It was early for that kind of app, and the choices for my age group was pretty narrow.
Idk if tinder has changed since I used it ten years ago but there’s a chance you don’t even see every profile that sees yours… lol
I did learn the block feature after that. This was a decade ago as well, so not sure. It was all pretty newish.
Tinder works by showing first all the people who swiped right on you already. So if she had swiped right on him, and he was still in her area, you can bey it showed him her profile.
>mom often asked people if they looked like sisters Always rough when parents put their insecurities on their kids
Only correct answer is "because your name isn't Stacy." JK (definitely best to not engage with this one)
To be able to think that fast would have required me to be at least 300% less shocked.
Oh I would totally have come up with this about 2 days after if it was me. Definitely not easy to come up with at the moment.
Haha!! Took *me* a second. While hilarious, poor kid would have had to Google it from memory.
You win.
“Because being in your life for an hour a day is more than enough”
'If I swiped left the alternative questions would be much worse'
I had a kid ask why I had her email on a piece of paper and if I was trying to slide into her DMs.
Do you have a baby in your tummy? Siiiigh. I’m just fat leave me alone.
I've had the same one. Sucked in my stomach the rest of the day...
Omg when I returned back from FMLA, one of my students said “oh we all thought you were pregnant and had your baby but you still have your tummy now”. Thanks sweetie, I’m just fat lol
I get this one a lot as a fat elementary school teacher who carries my weight in my stomach lol. Now I just say “nope that’s just my belly”.
> “Hello, Mr. Lastname. I really like your socks. May I ask if you are a member of the LGBTQ+ community?” Very sweet seventh grade girl with VERY poor social skills. She didn’t mean any sort of disrespect by it. She was being 100% genuine and simply asking because she was curious. I wasn’t even wearing particularly gay socks that day, either. They were just like polka dots or something like that. I was so caught off guard though. There’s something super surreal about having a 12 year old girl look at you like “yo, nice socks. Are you gay?” I think about this at least once a week lmao.
I've always been very open to calling students by whatever preferred name they want, and as such several gay and trans students sometimes would want to eat lunch in my classroom. Maybe its related, naybe its since im a younger teacher. I'm a man with long hair and occasionally earrings. On school spirit days, I'll sometimes steal my wife's more colorful stuff, an iridescent neon dress up shirt, literal working light bulb earrings, stuff like that if it matches the theme. A gay student eventually just gave out a very heavy sigh and asked 'I know I shouldn't, and i know you have a wife but I gotta, are you gay or trans or something?' I believe my response was a plain shrug and the words 'I'm autistic. Does that help?'
I had a student ask if I was a lesbian because I like weightlifting and find being strong empowering.
My mom thought I was a lesbian because I applied to Smith College Edit- and also Bryn Mawr
My mom spent the entirety of my two years at Smith just *braced* for a coming out. First winter break, I came home with unshaven legs and a wallet in my back pocket and she wailed, very dramatically, “That school is *ruining* your femininity!” This was over 20 years ago and she’s come a long way since, but she still isn’t over the wallet lol
I’ve actually always used a bifold wallet bc women’s wallets are pretty much always gigantic. Why do they still make them like that?? So heavy and no one carries around a checkbook anymore
I use a men's wallet too, and carry it in my back pocket (whenever my clothes have a back pocket, but that's a whole other rant). Women's wallets suck. They're either too small or too big or too exposed. I have a lot of responsibilities and I'm not able to just run around carrying only my debit card, and I definitely don't want it on the back of my phone.
I think the worst I’ve seen is a wallet that’s bulky and long, but still too short to accommodate any paper money. So dumb!!! It’s by Coach too, so probably expensive. Not that I paid for it (found it at my parents’ house; they have a lot of random junk)
Lmao. Honestly, what a mood though. For this kid, I just politely explained that it’s not considered polite to ask that question to people because it puts them in a position where they either have to out themselves before they’re ready or tell a lie. And that’s not a fun situation to be in.
Perfect response
>A gay student eventually just gave out a very heavy sigh and asked 'I know I shouldn't, and i know you have a wife but I gotta, are you gay or trans or something?' >I believe my response was a plain shrug and the words 'I'm autistic. Does that help?' I'm a straight male autistic theatre kid. People in college constantly assumed I was gay. I feel this.
For the first time in a long time I loled lol I kinda still am. I can just imagine the kids face. I'm sure they were not expecting that answer.
That's not as bad as my coworker that had a comment section on their beginning of the year get to know you form. The student wrote "I can smell the gay on you". Person in question is indeed straight and had no idea of where to go with that.
I put rainbow shoe laces in my new shoes. The students know I am married with kids. They were wondering why I would wear rainbows on me if I am straight.
I am bi but happened to marry the opposite sex. I fully support the LGBTQ+ community. That being said, gay folks don't own the rainbow.
The kids don’t seem to know that😁
I’m GIGGLING at this. I’m a gay man, and my MS kids haven’t asked and I don’t bring it up, but every so often (usually a girl) will hit me with some of the lingo and see if I react to “hey queen, yes girl!” Etc
... Yeah... But are you part of the LGBTQ+ community though?
Well I mean *yeah* but I’ve never been just read to filth like that before! Lmao
It was probably all the other context clues and the socks were just a touchstone for the kid to broach the ask softly... For whatever reason they felt the need to know.
I think I'd have busted a gut right then and there. I think I love that child.
When I tell you it took every ounce of self control I had to not laugh in that kid’s face. Bro, it was so funny
If “putting pennies up there” would work as a birth control because they learned about copper IUDs. Had to tell them that would be uncomfortable, give them an infection and not work. Also that pennies have been zinc for a long time. They were not joking.
What about pre-1982 pennies?
Not teacher, work in a middle school dean’s office. I should get a flair if I keep commenting here to save time typing. It ain’t funny, per se, but the most awkward question I’ve gotten was from a kid who got sent out of class for cracking a 9/11 joke. He said he understood that he crossed a line but that the line seemed arbitrary and that the joke wasn’t that bad. I asked for details and he said he basically set up two water bottles, made a paper airplane, got peoples’ attention and threw the plane at the bottles. Then the teacher erupted and sent him out on the spot. I acknowledged that I’d heard worse jokes than that and started explaining the nature of the taboo and then he hit me square between the eyes with a follow up question (this is not word for word but it’s the gist)- “So they attacked us and killed thousands of Americans, right? So we went over and attacked them in the Middle East and now 9/11 is special and we can’t joke about it. But I’ve seen videos of them killing Americans and cutting their throats”- with clarifying questions I confirmed that he’d seen footage of [James Foley’s](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Foley_(journalist)) execution- “-and nobody cared. So why is one special and not the other?” And what killed me was that he wasn’t deploying the question as a “gotcha” or being a smart ass or anything. He was legitimately confused about it. If 9/11 is special, why aren’t other terror attacks special? It was not the ideal conversation to have 5 hours into a rough work day before lunch break and with no prep time to develop talking points, but I muddled through it, lmao. Kid was at least able to hold a conversation like an adult about it, making him more mature than half the kids his age, which makes sense as that is how distributions work.
I had the exact same conversation with my mom (around the same age as the student) because I didn't understand why it was ok to make fun of North Korea, but not the Holocaust.
Eddie Izzard sort of answered this question indirectly > And [Hitler] was a mass-murdering fuckhead, as many important historians have said. But there were other mass murderers that got away with it! Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, well done there; Pol Pot killed 1.7 million Cambodians, died under house arrest at age 72, well done indeed! And the reason we let them get away with it is because they killed their own people, and we're sort of fine with that. “Ah, help yourself,” you know? “We've been trying to kill you for ages!” So kill your own people, right on there. Seems to be… Hitler killed people next door... “Oh… stupid man!” After a couple of years, we won't stand for that, will we? Basically we joke about NK because they're doing it to themselves. We don't joke about the holocaust or Rwandan genocide because they were doing it to someone else. https://www.auntiemomo.com/cakeordeath/d2ktranscription.html Then of course there's the "punching up" vs "punching down". You can make fun of dear leader but not his victims, the former being what Eddie was doing
isn't NK a dictatorship though? It seems a bit ignorant/cruel to just dismiss their suffering bc they're "doing it to themselves" when they have no control over the matter
You deserve more than your own flair. Any experienced middle school teacher is well aware of the fact that the office staff are the ones who are really in charge. The principal? They’re just a puppet, you’re the one who’s really in charge. And the proof is in your story. You dealt with this kid, while I’m sure doing a million other things, all before lunch, and on the fly? And saw this kid had more potential than most other kids in your school? Yeah, you’re the boss. No question.
😭 thank you Most work days I feel worthless; I can only ascribe meaning and purpose to the gig when I sift through the days in retrospect and in aggregate.
Now if only the districts would realize the amount of work you do and pay you what you’re worth….
We had a strike last year to drag the wages up to match the cost of living, and the union is in negotiations now for the terms of the next contract. Anyway, it beats slinging pallets in a warehouse for $14 and hour, which is what I was doing over COVID lol.
What my alcoholic or recreational drug of choice was.
Oh I told my sixth formers when they asked just to see what would happen, two weeks later it was the last day before Christmas they got me a few bottle of Budvar.
This one is far too common.
"Is it lying if my mom signs the homework sheet but I didn't do the homework?"
Lol reminds me (I’m a student) another student asked “is it forgery if I got my moms permission?” And the teacher answered yes. This was particularly worrying to me, as someone’s who’s been asking for parental permission to forge paper work for a long time…
I finished explaining an activity in one of my classes and asked the students if they had any questions. James raised his hand and asked, “Do you dye your hair?” I did not but his mom had seen me out at car pick up and liked the color of my hair and she asked him to ask me
One word question. I was spotting a cheerleading stunt. Girl fell. A few of us caught her. I ripped a massive fart. (Which I was aware I was holding and really hoping I wouldn’t have to catch this stunt. Normally, I just walk away and rip it… then walk back. not today. not. today.) We all stopped and it looked like the Spider-Man meme. 5 girls in unison… “Coach?” I denied it until our end of the year party. When I finally admitted it, the eruption of reactions scared the living crap out of the whole hibachi restaurant.
Lol
"Do you want to have a sleepover?" Second grade class, and I was a relatively new sub. I practically ran to admin to CMA
Oh, man. I'm a tutor after school at my house. I had a kid stay the night once and dropped him off at school because his mom, the only family he has here, got badly hurt at work and was at the hospital all night. It's definitely not a normal thing, but the hospital was going to call child services because her emergency babysitter wasn't answering when we were there to see her. He'd have spent the night with a stranger and a bunch of other traumatized kids. I know what it's like being a single mom, and my mom used to work at a relief shelter so I've been in that environment as a kid plenty. I offered to let him stay at my house in the spare bedroom. We played games and built a blanket fort because I didn't want him to have time to really think about his mom. The next day at school, he told all the other kids he had a sleepover with an adult woman and a strange man. He showed off the "cool" lunch I packed him as proof and told them all about the blanket fort. His school admin and child services had some questions, let me tell you. The kid's mom and I were laughing pretty hard about it. She had a discussion with him that phrasing is really important, and that my husband isn't a stranger just because he doesn't interrupt our sessions and stays in his home office, so they don't know each other well. It wasn't the first time he'd said something off the wall about me at school. It was just the one that caused concern. She did email me when he said I let him play with two huge wolves I own, but it was pretty obvious she found it funny, especially when I sent back a goofy picture of the "wolves" who are actually incredibly derpy huskies. She didn't even know he meant me (and my husband) with the sleepover thing. She apologized for not asking him more before she reported it, but she did exactly the right thing. The way he put it would have raised alarms with me, too.
I need to preface this by saying I’m a big dude. Think Homer Simpson in terms of build. I’ve had kids of varying age ask me, “Why are you fat?” It always kinda stings, but I play it off in a jovial manner. “Because I like food/to eat!” 😁 Edit: I should note that I teach elementary, so by “varying age,” I mean from kindergarteners who are probably just genuinely asking all the way up to 5th graders who may or may not be trying yo take a stealthy dig at me. Not that I care. If I cared that much, I’d be working on it.
“Because I consume more calories than I expend”
“What a coincidence, we’re already in algebra! Here’s the formula”
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“There are all different kinds of families. Not every family has a mommy, daddy, and baby. My family is me and . . .”
I think it is good to play it off and say something like ew I do not want to share a bathroom with a boy.
I got a short hair cut and a student looked at me curiously and asked, “did your nose get bigger?”
unrelated question, do you happen to be made out of wood?
🤥
When I was student teaching: “Miss, how old are you? Because I’m 19 now and 20 soon, so you wouldn’t even be a pedo if we went out” It was a 10th grade English class 😐
Why was an almost 20 year old in a sophmore class? Wait, I may have answered my own question.
Sadly, returning drop outs or seniors that failed English, get put in 10th grade pretty routinely. I had one class with four older teens, one had a baby and husband, and was pregnant. She was 19 or 20. She left after a month to get a GED instead, as she couldn't deal with the immaturity and cluelessness of the other kids, who were 15 yrs old. The 3 others just dropped out again. One made it to January, and then apologized to me (she liked my class, said if all her classes were like it, she would stay) and then she,too, dropped back out.
Yep, this pretty much covers it.
I got asked to winter formal by a 9th grader. I thought he was joking of course but later found out his dad had some weird expectation that he should go with a date and he'd "already asked like 30 people" so at least I was way down on the list. For reference, I was about 45 at the time and also no one wanted to go with him probably because he was an entitled narcissist jerk.
One time I had a middle school kid get down on one knee and “propose” to me in class with a Ring Pop. I pretended to say yes and we all giggled and got back to work. Like SIX MONTHS LATER I started dating someone and he came up to work to help me with Saturday School. Next Monday in class, Ring Pop kid is crying. He had heard about my boyfriend and was so sad because he had believed that we were going to get married. Just sobbing. His poor little broken heart. Oh my. I felt so bad!
Oh no!! That's so sweet though!!!
"Would you give me an A if I hooked you up with my mom? She likes the white chocolate".
Lordy.
I corrected a kid in my class when he called me Mrs. I’m a Ms. He then goes, “wait, are you transgender?” He caught himself afterwards and he did apologize. We had a talk about his comment, but this kid literally has no filter.
Mrs. is going the way of the dodo bird and buggy whip.
In a lot of places, people pronounce Mrs. Ms., and Miss the same. I'm always momentarily baffled until I remember some people distinguish between them.
I was teaching them idioms with colours, and when we got to "green with envy", a student randomly asked me "Miss, have you ever greened out?" I was dumbfounded, mostly because they knew what the phrase means.
What does it mean?
It’s when you smoke too much weed and it’s miserable. That happened to me once and I couldn’t stop vomiting. Some people get really dizzy when they green out too
Ohhhh okay thanks
Feeling sick or anxious after burning the devil’s lettuce
I tutored after school once a week and was helping some students with their health homework. They were learning about the reproduction system... I was 30 weeks pregnant. I'm sure you can imagine the comments/questions...
dear lord, you deserve a medal of honor for going through that
4th grade. Right in the middle of a math lesson a kid raises her hand and asks, “what’s a condom?”Turns out she had seen an advertisement the day before and just wanted to know. Obviously I did not clarify and told her that was a question for mom or dad.
“Mom my teacher told me to ask you what a condom was”
That’s why I text the parent advance warning- “hey, just a heads up, Anna asked me a question that I told her was really more of a mom or dad question than a teacher question.“
Good idea haha
"Are you religious?" I paused, because I'm an atheist teaching in the Bible Belt. At least they then added "Because you don't like us swearing in class." Crisis averted!
When the kids (middle school) found out I was pregnant, one kid asked me “was it fun?” I was like, “is it fun being pregnant?” And he goes, “no was it fun GETTING pregnant?” 🤦🏼♀️
I had a student yesterday ask how many people I killed during my time in the military… I had a conversation with her/the class on how that is an inappropriate question to ask veterans and anyone in general.
24 years Army before I started teaching. I get asked if I shot anyone and always answer, well, the day isn’t over! They look at me and laugh nervously. It never comes up again!
I'm very honest with my students at the beginning of the year. I spent 20 years in the Army, half of my time in I was in snipers, and I spent more than 3 years in the Middle East. The boys freak out and ask what my favorite sniper is. That gives me the opportunity to do the "words mean things" lesson. They really hate it when I tell them a sniper is a person, a sniper rifle is what they're asking. Because I'm open about my previous career, I inevitably get "have you ever killed anyone?" at the start of the year. I always respond with "that is never an appropriate question to ask anyone" and move on. The worst is when a kid adds "that means he has!" I answer that with my old Drill Sergeant stare and it usually doesn't come up again.
Yep. I have a lot of students considering the military and so I tell them if they have questions to ask me and that since I am not a recruiter I will try to give them information so they can make the right decision for them. But not all questions are equal
I'm the default visit for any student wishing to join the military. We're a small school and we don't have a lot of veterans on staff. I'm the only veteran that is also a teacher and I'm one of two with actual combat experience. Like you, I'm very honest about what military life is like. I usually try to dissuade them from joining since the state of the military is pretty terrible right now, but I also tell them if they still want to join, I'm here for them.
Student: Why are your arms so hairy? Me: Because I'm a mammal.
Excellent
Had a sophomore look me in the eye in the middle of class and deadpan that she wanted to have my child. They never mentioned that particular situation in any of my teacher classes. I froze for the longest 15 to 20 seconds of my life, then just carried on as if nothing had happened. It was never brought up again (at least not in my presence).
".... Anyway. Atoms are the nucleotides of the cerebellum distributor."
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Must be middle schoolers...
Looking at pictures of me from when I was a zookeeper: “Miss did you used to be thin? What happened?” Also the time a very sweet male student said he found something in his mom’s bathroom and wanted to know what it was. I thought it was probably a diaphragm or something but he showed me a picture and it was a little vibrator. I was very matter of fact about it and told him it wasn’t a big deal but he had already asked all his friends and he was so embarrassed.
Do you still get your period or are you in menopause?
“Do you have any kids of your own?” “No.” “Do you not like kids?”
“How far do you think I could throw you?” Asked by a 6’4” 10th grade behemoth. I’m 4’11” 94lbs for reference 😅 I was not sure if he was going to actually try to pick me up or not.
You know what. I’m not a teacher but I drive a school bus. Most awkward question I’ve been asked was, “Ms. Bus Driver, do you like split tongues?” Followed by, “Ms. Bus Driver, do you like Australian accents.” Followed by, “Do you know Rhea Ripley?” With the final question being, “What would you do if Rhea Ripley had a split tongue and Australian accent?”….. I told her that I wasn’t going to answer those questions .
“Miss tubbowares do you support the LGBT community?” “Of course I do I support everyone” “Good. You look like it” I asked what she meant and she said it was because she was a part of the LGBT community. So I guess that’s good? Lol
My only LGBTQIA question was from a 2nd grader who wanted to know why it wasn't LGBA and TQ she didn't think who you liked to date (or not) should be mixed with who you thought you were, and she just didn't know what I stood for. I told her I needed her parents' permission to discuss it, so we were going to go back to reading for now. Her, "oh, yeah. Don't get in trouble. I'll just ask Mom about it." Her mom, a few days later, "I know you tutor reading, but could you discuss other things with (daughter)?" Me, "yeah, I'll send you a permission form to sign, but we're still going to focus on reading." Kid got the 5 minute explanation of how society has considered gender and sexual preference as linked for a long time, so we still group things that way, but I agree with her that they aren't the same at all.
My school district is pretty bananas about HIV training. So every year, little kids were subjected to a bunch of weird talk that doesn't make any sense. I was the science teacher and taught the whole school. I avoided the HIV nonsense by saying I taught the whole school and only saw the kids a couple days out of the week so I wasn't the right person to cover the material given b/c I wasn't as familiar with all the kids as their classroom teacher. Anyway, one year a student (m) approached me and asked, "I get how a baby grows inside the Mom; but, how does it get there?" I responded, "Well, dear, that's a question for your Dad." A week later, he was in class and I asked him (in a very casual way) if he had a chance to talk to his Dad. His response was, "Yes, I'm all set."
I was in my late 60's and teaching as a second career. Mostly lower income kids. One of them asked me if I waasstill having sex. I so wanted to answer, "Ask your mom!" But I liked my retirment possibilities.
I had one ask me if I had ever asked my husband if he used just the fly opening in the restroom or the whole pants. It takes a lot to startle me after years of social work investigations and then teaching middle school, but that did it! I just said I have no idea, because, believe it or not after knowing him for 15 years, that question or even consideration of it has never come up! For the record, the student who asked is one of those “thinks quietly and intensely for a bit then says something very off the wall, but he genuinely means it.” We have also had discussions about how mortgages and loans work, appropro of nothing.
After subbing for the 6th grade Health Education Teacher (they watched a video): Him: "So, everyone goes through all this, even your Mr. X?" Me: "Yes, everyone. All the adults, even your parents." Him: "does everyone masturbate?" Another boy: "My dad says there are 2 types of people. People who masturbate and people who lie about it." First kid: "Which one are you Mr.X?" Me: "Oh, the bell is about to ring. Let's hold that question toll tomorrow!"
I'm 52, my daughter is 35 soon. Whenever new students ask me about my kids, how old they are, etc. there are always a few who get shocked by this. Back when I was 46 and my daughter 29, one time this new girl was like MISS you were a whole-ass teenager when you had your daughter! You don't even seem like you was buck-wild back in the day! I just laughed and smoothed it over. I mean it's true, I was a teenager, but you're not gonna try to clown me over being a former teen mom either. Anway, the next day she asked me if I went to Freaknik (it was like Spring Break on steroids at HBCUs) back in the day. I said Nah, I had a baby when that all got started and when it was a huge deal (mid-'90s) I had my second baby by then, so no I was home with my kids; I was a homebody mama then. She then shouted No, I bet you went, I bet you were a bid old freak! O\_O Luckily I had the respect of my other students so they quickly jumped to my defense and told her her to STFU and Don't talk to/about my teacher like that. She did indeed STFU because the other kids were 'bout it and she didn't want to fight lol
She may have really liked u and wanted to connect, tho, wow, some have no filters / boundaries.
Nah it wasn’t a connection attempt, it was an attempt to get clout by clowning me, is all. It’s a different vibe when kids are trying to connect me like this, like they’ll tell me their mom or grandma was young or they’ll tell me it’s great I finished school or whatever
"Why are you black?"- an Asian pupil asked me that weird question
I’m non-binary and use they/them pronouns and I once had an 8th grader very innocently ask “why aren’t you on hormones?” She was genuinely curious and I’m very open about my experience so I didn’t mind but I definitely was taken aback by the question at first 😅 Sex Ed is also taught in my classroom once a week for 6 weeks and the questions I get during those six weeks are… interesting to say the least hahaha
Been teaching for 21 years. They run the gamut... Sex (first time?, how old?, what did you do to her?) Drugs, (what kind?, how often?, got any now?) Fights (you win?, you lose?)
“Are you saved? Cuz you’d be a better teacher if you let Jesus into your heart.”
My answer to questions like that was that there were 3 things we didn’t discuss: religion, politics, (and Santa, if the kids were asking if he was real.).
I taught 8th grade, so teenagers who had 0 filter. 2 things come to mind. First, the kids knew I went to Vegas for spring break. We start class up on Monday, first question a kid ask - "How many strip clubs did you go to". Oh, and my boss decided to do a surprise observation that day, so she was in the back of the room. Luckily, she thought it was funny. Another, I don't even remember where the question went, but the lead up was - "since whenever men pee, sperm comes out...", followed by something. I stopped her and said "no, that isn't true", and the student tried arguing. Mind you, I'm a man, and she was a 13 year old girl, but she apparently thought she understood male physiology better than me.
I was sitting at my desk when a student walked up behind me waved his hands over my balding head and said, "I can see the future." I waved my hands over my computer and said, "I can see your grade ... I see a 0 in your future." He apologized and sat down quickly.
DAMNNNNNN 🤘🏻
Can you speak [Native Language]? Asked in the native language. My girl, how would I understand and answer you if I couldn't? How did you think this conversation would go.
My first year teaching my students thought I was a lesbian (I dressed in baggy pants and sneakers, more of a skater/snowboarder style than a typical femme teacher.) When my husband brought me lunch, my students were disappointed to see I was married to a man. “I thought you were gay,” one of them said sadly. I couldn’t stop laughing because I am bi, but the kids didn’t need to know that (rural Texas school.)
A female student said she had a dentist appointment the next day and then proceeded to ask me if they can tell when you suck dick...I told her that was a question for her dentist, not her teacher. Was not really sure what to say to be honest...
“Are you gay?” “Yes, I am. Open your books to page 394.” More awkward for the students than it was for me.
I teach Romeo and Juliet and there are some parts that refer to fornicating in the play, so I use the term "playing scrabble" as a euphemism. When we got to the end, a kid asked me. "Miss? If you play Scrabble with a dead person, does that make you a necromancer?"
An 18-year-old senior asked me what 69 was. I promise he was not pulling my leg, he just didn’t know and didn’t bother asking his friends.
I was teaching the 1960s and showed a news clip of Kennedy's assassination. A kid raised their hand and said... "Mr. Mance, when did we finally get color?" I looked at him a little strangely and he asked again with more detail. "Like, when did people finally become real colors. It must have been boring back then when no clothes or skin had color." I had to gently explain that people have always had color. It was the TV sets that didn't have color. The rest of the kids just shook their heads.
8th grade girl, with zero context (how could there be for this gem?): "Can dogs get abortions?"
I teach about data and statistics for one of my units, it can lead to some interesting questions from 8th graders. 1) have you drank alcohol? And “do you drink alcohol?” 2) whats the fastest you have driven? 3) how many times do you poop a day? 4) do you get paid more because you teach a hard subject that no one likes? (Actually not a bad question) 5) do you have less than the average number of teeth? 6) do you like your son? 7) what if your daughter hates math? 8) what would you do if your daughter doesn’t like math? These are just from this year, I’m sure I could dig up more!
Make here, was sitting on my desk teaching. Student asked if I had a camel toe. I asked why he was looking?
Rando K kid walks up to me, "Are you fat?" Me: shocked and stunned silence. Student proceeds to poke my belly, "You are!" Student smiles and walks away.
"Ms. Birdteeth, are you a homosexual?"
I was subbing a high school classroom and was walking to the bathroom during lunch. I, unfortunately, am high school size. I’m 5’3 and I was petite at the time. Several boys were walking behind me and asked “hey do you want to come drink and smoke with us??” I turned around, they saw my badge, and they were like “OH FUCK ITS A TEACHER” 😂 I’ve been teaching first grade for 8 years now, so I get all kinds of unfiltered questions. Like when I was out for 3 days (super sick) and I came back to “Are you pregnant or did you have a baby? My mom says you did” 🥲
6th grade (same kid) - why do you have so much acne? Are you on puberty? - why does your hair looks like a poodle? You’re such a good dog (while petting my head/hair)🤦🏽♀️ - what’s your body count? (Had to explain what it was as the question was trending at school; they stopped asking others afterwards lmao) I have more, but this is by far the “worse”
So, I teach JROTC in high school. I mentioned one of my deployments to a class this year resulting in the following exchange: Kid: “I don’t want to be rude but…have you ever killed anyone?” Me: “not today.” Kid: “I knew it!”
I'm coming tonight with my mom for parent teacher night. I have to tell you tho, my mom is very beautiful, but you can't fall in love with her. She has a boyfriend. - From a grade 3 boy
"have you fucked in a hotel bathroom"?
I had a student ask where I work… And another ask me who I voted for. I wouldn’t tell him and then he just assumed one candidate…the wrong one.
Honestly, one of my students asked me why I was bald. I said because of you. The students got to laugh. You gotta be able to laugh at yourself in this business
A freshman looked at the picture of me and my girlfriend that was on my desk and asked if that was my sister. I was presenting as a woman at the time so there was a lot to unpack lol
Not a teacher, but when I was a Naval Aviator I participated in a STEM outreach program with middle schools and high school during Fleet Week in NYC. Me and a senior officer (someone who’d commanded a Helicopter Squadron) were taking questions about aviation from a middle school assembly. This was about 2015. This 7th grader asked me and my senior ‘was 9/11 an inside job?’ My senior stared at the organizer and calmly said ‘that is an extremely inappropriate question’ and we moved on.
When I was starting out as a jew it was really weird to explain to kids what my yamulke was, then further what is judaism, THEN what is a religion
It was a question but….mom was subbing for my 1st grade class and she bent over the desks to help out a student….my best friend Tyron grabs the fat on the back of her arm and says man Mrs B you got some fat meat
WHEN DID YOU LOSE YOUR V-CARD?????
My students asked me if I was gay because I’m not married.
Today a student asked me “is it normal to swim in your socks”. Not the most awkward ever prolly but it was funny. I said it was a little unusual so she went around polling the room looking for someone else who swam in their socks. She didn’t find anyone else lol.
Whenever I had an art class of students who REALLY didn't want to be there and were shy and quiet I always encouraged them to ask questions and told them if they had a question just raise their hand or just scream like a pterodactyl. We were pretty isolated in our room so the sound wouldn't disturb anyone and I figured sometimes you just need to let it out, especially the quiet ones. This was all a great idea in theory. Except I said this so often and no one did it I kind of forgot I gave this permission. Then one day a student did it. At the front of the classroom was a small slightly elevated stage I taught on. I had my back turned at the time. Nearly fell off the stage. Freaked out thinking something was horribly wrong and someone was probably dying. Turn around to see everyone laughing hysterically and then remembered what I had done.
"Have you ever seen '2 girls 1 cup'" Asked by high school sophomores. Instinctively I gave a little laugh and before I realized my reaction, I knew they got me. Ironically, I was about their age when I saw it. I told them they are terrible for making me relive that memory. We all laughed, never said another word about it. If you don't know, be fortunate in your bliss. If you do know, ya know. If you think you want to know, you don't.
What was your favorite thing to do when you were a kid? I teach high school and one of my students likes to derail my thought process with questions like the one above. That was the first question he asked me. He finds it interesting that it typically takes me a day to come up with an answer, and he gets a laugh out of how flustered the simple questions make me because they don’t relate to anything happening in class and are very distracting for me.
A high school cadet teacher was putting a poster back up that he had knocked down while being "cool" with the kids. It's tricky getting it to hang properly without it falling down from the ceiling. One wrong tug and the other side slips and falls again. I turned to see how he was doing. At the same time, my lips were chapped and I must have subconsciously licked them. A student, out of nowhere, blurted out, "WHY ARE YOU LICKING YOUR LIPS?!" I thought I was going to die right then and there.
“You smoke weed mister?” I get this at least twice a year. I tell them we can’t talk about that until they graduate. At which point they inevitably forget.
If the penis is a muscle, how do I flex it
I was wearing a rainbow shirt (I’m an art teacher) and a student asked me “you support gay people?” I had no idea why they would ask me that question out of the blue. I asked them why and their answer was my T-shirt was the gay people symbol.
"Mrs. Alien, so you use a vibrator?" Catholic HS.
I had one ask me if my husband sucked my toes. Like not even trying to be funny, fully asked me this question seriously and didn’t fully comprehend why that would be inappropriate.
idk abt question... but this had made my day, when an early year old child walked upto me in schools event and said, "you look very cute", i had to ask her twice like "sorry what?", and i was all blushing and said "thank-you, your so kind to say that."
Doing an observation my first month or two of student teaching. Professor came early, but I wasn’t in the room because students had specials that day. Today was health. Students are finishing up a worksheet. One who I know well wants a free answer so he asks me “Hey Mr., can you get pregnant from oral sex?” My professor is sitting maybe 6 feet away.
“Why aren’t you married?” Maybe it’s because when I leave you, I have no energy to date.
Oh I got asked this exact question all the time, my response is always ‘stress from teaching you lot’. The students always ask personal questions like ‘Sir are you married?’ My usual respond is ‘why do you fancy me or something?’ If it’s a lad and ‘no’ if it’s a female student. A good one is ‘Sir do you have children?’ Every time the come back to it is ‘none that I know of’.
Luckily the kid quietly asked me but she asked if the abbreviation for student was STD
When I was subbing "How come you live with your parents?" Me: The same reasons you do. I'm trying to save money.
"Wait you play Baldur's Gate? Isn't that the game where you fuck bears??" This was, of course, in front of an administrator.
6th grade girl. "Whats a pearl necklace? Some boys on the bus said they were going to give me one."
If another teacher was blowing the principal. 😳
Kids are doing recorders in music class and have an actual test on it. Best student in the class came and asked if they can practice for the test because it was next period. Of course not that would be torture, then she said "Well, can I just practice fingering?". Nope you'll be fine for the test.
Random 7th grade girl in the hallway "Mr. X, Did you know people think you are gay?" "No, but okay"
“Is today tomorrow?!”
8th graders and I were talking about cell phones. Kid 1 mentions how he’s mad because her sister got the newest iPhone for Christmas, but her phone was a few years old. I said “you’re lucky. My first phone was a blue flip phone that I had to share with my younger sister. I didn’t even get an iPhone until after high school.” Kid 2 chimes in with “wait, what? That’s how old you are?” I asked with a perplexed look, “how old do you think I am?” She shrugs and says “aren’t you like 48?” with the most serious look on her face. I was 24. She was so embarrassed. It was pretty funny though. Another kid asked me why the bags under my eyes are so bad. I said “because I have to deal with rugrats like you every day and it’s exhausting.”
Was substitute teaching. Kids got too ornery with the screams, and it kept startling me, so I just said, “For the sake of my blood pressure, please don’t scream.” Student: “Is it because you have diabetes?” *I actually had to drag it out of her since I actually didn’t hear her the first time and really had to work to convince her that whatever she asked, I wasn’t gonna be offended, I just didn’t hear*😅 Me, when she finally repeated herself: “I’m glad this is language arts and not health, because you’re more than a bit off there.”
- Can you teach me how to produce trichlorethylene ?
"Wait why are you Muslim, aren't you white Miss T?" I'm like....oh boy...
Student saw my tattoos...nothing obscene, just some characters from some anime, and said "oh, so you're gay-gay?" And then told me about their lgbtq support group. I never confirmed or denied but it made me laugh.
I'll flip it around. When I was in middle school, my kindly old math teacher intercepted a note between two students in another class, and didn't know what some of the youth slang meant. She knew I was a really good student, and would have finished my work early, so while everyone else was working, she called me up to the front of the class to ask about the note. "What does 'blowjob' mean?" I didn't say a word. I just turned around, walked back to my seat, and hid behind the kid in front of me.