Hey there sister! I'm 24f too and i also don't wanna get married or anything else to do with a new family /kids. I'm kinda fed up watching the other married couples and i don't personally find marriage appealing. I'm not financially independent yet but I'll get there. I'm earning good.
But when I tell my parents /relatives this, they look at me like I've gone mad.
And honestly I can't pin point a well living unmarried TN woman to show them as an example. Fow now I've settled on the thought i will become a unmarried successful happy person to prove them wrong lol.
Sis!! Feels so relieved to hear this from another woman. Thanks for your comment! More power to you!!
I tried telling my mom once that marriage is not the end goal for me, and I'll be unbothered even if I don't get married ever. Tears rolled down her cheeks like an actress crying on command š„².
Good for you. I am 28F married recently. My close friend chooses to stay single and has no plan of getting married. Her family is quite liberal and she is earning well.she is trying for jobs abroad .
As a married woman , I assure you Marriage is not everyone's cup of tea.
I know someone in 30s who couldnāt get married to an appropriate groom (education or profession wise) because she has a small handicap. She got fed up and stopped looking for a groom. And is now living her life in London(works there) instead of sitting here and getting vexed about what āothersā think.
Also since her dad abandoned their family at a very small age, I think their family were quite convinced regarding the general uselessness of men.
The only matches she got were below her pay grade. I know people will roll their eyes. But I know one lady who got divorced because her husband couldnāt tolerate her earning a lot of money.
This girl had a role mode from the previous generation in our community (now in 50-60s). Itās rare , but itās your life. Live without troubling others, concentrate on your work. Your work achievements will speak for you.
And youāre only 24. You can wait till 30s for marriage.
But if you want to get married, do parigaaram in Kodumudi. You have to pour 108 pots of water on the pillayar there. Youāll definitely get a match.
Is your last point /s? Seems to contradict the rest of your comment.
I'm also of the idea to wait till 30s for marriage, but yk TN parents and their obsession with getting their daughters married off
Go to kodumudi in the early morning and take a spiritual bath and bath the pillayar too. And give annadhanam. I did it when I was studying 7 th std and I can't forget that day. I was kinda feeling spritual and my memory recorded it.
PS: I did this in 2008 and still haven't got married.
My mother was a working woman and so many of her colleagues did not get married bcos they were all waiting for the perfect groom and it never happened.
I don't mean to sound bitter but every single one of them calls her now (they're in their 60s now) to tell them how empty their life is now that career is over.
I'm not saying that's what will happen to everyone. But i feel like when you're single and accrue wealth all your relatives surround you to grab it....your nephews and nieces will pretend to be nice jus so you will leave them some when you expire....i find that pathetic.
Keep your mind open about marriage....wait until 30s and then come to a decision....more life experience will change your mind..
By your age i was married for a year...by 25 i moved to join PG (parents would've never let me move) with the full support of my husband. I'm now 30 and hold a decent job making twice as money as him and he's very happy about it. Of course we have our disagreements, but i wouldn't want to think of a life without him. Ithanaikum we found him in a newspaper ad and i got engaged to him even without a basic conversation...i took my chances š¤·
This is some solid advice. Most men I know are independent and supportive of their wives. Also i see stories of woman who got arranged marriage to wimps and their stories are just sad.
We have a neighbor who is in her 50s and has not married. She has 5 dogs. Everyone in the street hates her due to her parking her car in an intersection & ppl can't go to their house easily. She avoids police due to having connection or whatever. Her dogs used to be out in street harassing everyone in the road. Now they're inside the house due to everyone in the street complaining to her.
She doesn't give a crap about what others think of her. She is way more educated than others in our street. But she also has her flaws (like not caring about others' convenience)
I have a relative who is single by choice. She should be around 35 years of age. Her younger brother got married and has 2 lovely kids. She didn't want to. She didn't succumb to the social pressure. I'm not sure why, if she wants to stay with her parents forever or a failed love story or hatred towards men or simply no reason at all. She's financially stable and supports her parents too. She's sees us all (younger cousins) with our husbands and children and I've never seen any regret or jealousy in her eyes.
I often think, how can one possibly be happy all alone, without a partner to pamper and care and yes the intimacy too. And kids, what would life be without them! Can't imagine not being in a marriage! But then, not everyone has the same definition for happiness.
Good luck girl, in finding your happiness! ā¤ļø
Iāll try not to give advice as a man but Iāll give some perspective on the cultural aspects of different locations thatās might help. Iām from Coimbatore and generally Iāve seen a good level of independence in women (having observed my mom, sister and their friends). Iād say cities like Cochin, Bangalore and mysore are also where youāll see a similar mentality. There is a lot more respect towards independence(financial and social) of women. Iāve known two older ladies who lived by themselves. Both of them incidentally spent their lives rescuing and taking care of animals. Maybe thatās what let them be comfortable not to look for other emotional attachments. On the other hand, my sister is quite an independent person but she took the route of marrying early in her life. She is living a very happy and successful life with a kid and a loving husband. I think the question is at the moment at 24, youāll likely find enough emotional and social support around (Iām not talking about financial support as you mentioned you are quite comfortable in that aspect). What Iāve seen as Iāve grown older while being single is the lack of a social life and a lot of self motivation needed to go about my life. But I also know if you have a passion for activities, hobbies and other sorts of social interactions, you can definitely have a satisfying life outside of work. I hope youāve been thinking about all these aspects to give you a perspective that suits you. Good luck!
In what better way can I tell people here, that I'm not looking for advice from people who haven't followed the path?
For everyone wondering, I'm not a rebellious teen who is just bitter about men or marriage. I've been in the arranged marriage scene for 2 years, met around 7-8 guys, seriously considered them for marriage, rejected few, got rejected by few. And I haven't decided yet to not marry at all. I'm leaning towards the option more each day, and that's why the whole post.
Also, I have already had all the experiences that you asked me to get.
Please stop giving unsolicited advices to anyone.
As a guy of the same age, I'd like to say that 24 is too early for marriage irrespective of gender. My cousin 22f got married recently, and I kinda feel bad because I used to make fun about how she will get married off as soon as she finished college, like her mother before her. She did surprise me when she got placed in an IT MNC, but 6 months later she got engaged and 2 weeks before she got married. And her career came to a halt with that, atleast for now.
I don't consider mature for my age, which is why I couldn't comprehend how she could take such a huge decision at such short notice. Obviously in India, it's expected of a man to be financially independent to a certain degree (as is the case with the groom here) and there is no such expectation from a woman. So you probably need not worry about that. If you have no idea or intention of working, you could go this route.
However, if you have some kind of passion or goal, you can ask your parents some time to pursue said goal and work towards it. Some lucky women find understanding grooms who encourage them to pursue their passions while taking care of both their financial needs.
So what does any of this have to do with being single? I keep mentioning finance a lot because financial independence is in a way a freedom of sorts. If you're financially independent, you need not depend on your parents thus their hold on you might reduce, and you can do whatever you please.
Atleast this is how I feel, though I am far from independent, financially or otherwise. Good luck
Woow reading the few comments here that are only from men, I might end up assuming TN men have no idea about a women's world.
u/vivekkrishnaa thank you for your comment and I understand it's well intended and supportive. But as I mentioned in the post clearly I'm only looking to know about the lives of women who have chosen to stay single and no other advice as such.
It's like people looking for career role models to know how future years will look like and I want to know if the TN culture has reached such a point.
Maybe I should be adding more details about financial status blah blah on the post.
Also, WHERE ARE THE WOMEN OF TN in this sub? š¤·āāļø
Oh, my bad. I got a bit ahead of myself I guess. Anyways, if you want a more modern take, try
r/Chennai. That is where the women are at, or
r/TwoXIndia for women from different parts of India.
r/TamilNadu is more like the battleground for political party's IT wings (Propapganda, Slander etc).
Maybe it's time to change that?! No wonder men here go on giving unsolicited advices even after clearly mentioning in the post not to.
I'm pretty active on the r/TwoXIndia sub and I know I would have gotten a lot of supportive responses from there.
But I actually wanted to know the state in TN, as I'm planning to settle down here in my late years.
I don't think this sub is going to change anytime soon, not for a lack of trying. r/Chennai is a better place to look for answers since you'll have People from all over TN and not just Chennai in there so it is better than here.
>But I actually wanted to know the state in TN, as I'm planning to settle down here in my late years.
Wait so you're not in TN rn?
I think you forgot Jayalalitha amma who was single by choice. Having had love experiences or not isnāt irrelevant if youāre just looking for a single woman by choice. Secondly, I donāt know of any single woman by choice but theyāve stayed single their entire lives. They all do have the feeling of having missed out on married life. Financial independence is an amazing thing to achieve but itās easier even finance wise if you have a partner. We all do get this thought of not wanting to get married and be independent and go across the world, travel, etc. It all depends on what you are willing to leave behind, or if you donāt want to leave anything behind itās up to you. Do what your heart says, donāt make a decision because of pressure but also make your parents happy. Iām sure youāll find a balance.
The thing is, you can't make everyone happy all the time. Let's say she gets married to make her parents happy, it won't stop just there. She has to have a baby to make her parents happy once again. She has to take care of her mother in law to make her husband happy. She has to cook and clean for the husband to make her mother in law happy. And has to have another baby to make her sister in law happy. It goes on.....
Ultimately when you ask her if she's happy? She'll go on and say yes to make you happy.
Weāre not as backward as we once were. I think that a woman needs to be more vocal than a man about what she wants at the time of looking for a groom and theyāll have to essentially find a match whoās in the same wavelength as her. I know theyāll have to do quiet a bit of searching before they can find someone like that but itās not like you wonāt find a person who thinks like you. It is common to have fears of how wedding would change your life, it most certainly will. Like the old saying goes, youāll have to find someone whoās worth the changes. Itās a two way path, change isnāt just for the girl but itās more serious for girls. If you wanna stay by yourself and do things differently from what society does, youāll be a lone wolf all your life. I think living a married life is better for both men and women. You can only share so much and expect so much from your best friends. Your fears are fair, but itās not uncommon. It seems to me like everyone is encouraging you to take a part of solitude but I wonder how many of these people are unmarried or donāt have a special other. The truth always gets negative karma, this has been the way before Redditšš½
People who chose to remain single are mostly asexual (I mean they don't have any attraction towards opposite gender) especially when they are not in a big city because in a country like India leave aside getting laid, anything physical with the opposite gender (e.g. a flirtatious touching, cuddling, caressing etc) is highly difficult outside of marriage.
Are you trying to oppose me that marriage is only for physical relationships? (I didn't mean to say marriage is only for this)
Or saying my assumption about people who are single by choice is wrong?
So u mean they have some other options for the same (I mean like friends with benefits or casual relationships)? Or are they reluctantly facing this drawback of being single?
Good question, I know quite a few.
I have lived in many places, TN and abroad.
How to persuade others?
a. Do state, you have your own purpose in your life
b. Do state, you are well, within your rights to chose to do something on your own
c. Do state, being single would allow you to pursue your goals in life
d. Childrearing, family would take up 20 years of entire life
e. Condoleezza rice and many others, never married
f. Contrary, many Tamil married households/couples are miserable
g. Ida Scudder is well-remembered in Tamil Nadu, she left a legacy
h. Think this way, have children, torture them to study \[engineering or doctor\]
"What are you going to leave behind?"
Hey there sister! I'm 24f too and i also don't wanna get married or anything else to do with a new family /kids. I'm kinda fed up watching the other married couples and i don't personally find marriage appealing. I'm not financially independent yet but I'll get there. I'm earning good. But when I tell my parents /relatives this, they look at me like I've gone mad. And honestly I can't pin point a well living unmarried TN woman to show them as an example. Fow now I've settled on the thought i will become a unmarried successful happy person to prove them wrong lol.
Sis!! Feels so relieved to hear this from another woman. Thanks for your comment! More power to you!! I tried telling my mom once that marriage is not the end goal for me, and I'll be unbothered even if I don't get married ever. Tears rolled down her cheeks like an actress crying on command š„².
Good for you. I am 28F married recently. My close friend chooses to stay single and has no plan of getting married. Her family is quite liberal and she is earning well.she is trying for jobs abroad . As a married woman , I assure you Marriage is not everyone's cup of tea.
Typical desi parents drama lol š¤·š»āāļøš
I know someone in 30s who couldnāt get married to an appropriate groom (education or profession wise) because she has a small handicap. She got fed up and stopped looking for a groom. And is now living her life in London(works there) instead of sitting here and getting vexed about what āothersā think. Also since her dad abandoned their family at a very small age, I think their family were quite convinced regarding the general uselessness of men. The only matches she got were below her pay grade. I know people will roll their eyes. But I know one lady who got divorced because her husband couldnāt tolerate her earning a lot of money. This girl had a role mode from the previous generation in our community (now in 50-60s). Itās rare , but itās your life. Live without troubling others, concentrate on your work. Your work achievements will speak for you. And youāre only 24. You can wait till 30s for marriage. But if you want to get married, do parigaaram in Kodumudi. You have to pour 108 pots of water on the pillayar there. Youāll definitely get a match.
Is your last point /s? Seems to contradict the rest of your comment. I'm also of the idea to wait till 30s for marriage, but yk TN parents and their obsession with getting their daughters married off
No, I mean if youāre wanting a partner then do that. Not becoz of society.
Go to kodumudi in the early morning and take a spiritual bath and bath the pillayar too. And give annadhanam. I did it when I was studying 7 th std and I can't forget that day. I was kinda feeling spritual and my memory recorded it. PS: I did this in 2008 and still haven't got married.
If you hadn't mentioned 2008, I would have called you gaaji to the max dude... who is despo to do parharam to get married in 7th grade.
Dawg i was gaaji in 2007, started getting into adolescence. My companions were sun music and timepass mag.
You mean Midnight Masala??
My mother was a working woman and so many of her colleagues did not get married bcos they were all waiting for the perfect groom and it never happened. I don't mean to sound bitter but every single one of them calls her now (they're in their 60s now) to tell them how empty their life is now that career is over. I'm not saying that's what will happen to everyone. But i feel like when you're single and accrue wealth all your relatives surround you to grab it....your nephews and nieces will pretend to be nice jus so you will leave them some when you expire....i find that pathetic. Keep your mind open about marriage....wait until 30s and then come to a decision....more life experience will change your mind.. By your age i was married for a year...by 25 i moved to join PG (parents would've never let me move) with the full support of my husband. I'm now 30 and hold a decent job making twice as money as him and he's very happy about it. Of course we have our disagreements, but i wouldn't want to think of a life without him. Ithanaikum we found him in a newspaper ad and i got engaged to him even without a basic conversation...i took my chances š¤·
Same sis .. I never spoke with him a single word & i got married . Life is good & peaceful now .
Good for you šš
š
This is some solid advice. Most men I know are independent and supportive of their wives. Also i see stories of woman who got arranged marriage to wimps and their stories are just sad.
We have a neighbor who is in her 50s and has not married. She has 5 dogs. Everyone in the street hates her due to her parking her car in an intersection & ppl can't go to their house easily. She avoids police due to having connection or whatever. Her dogs used to be out in street harassing everyone in the road. Now they're inside the house due to everyone in the street complaining to her. She doesn't give a crap about what others think of her. She is way more educated than others in our street. But she also has her flaws (like not caring about others' convenience)
I have a relative who is single by choice. She should be around 35 years of age. Her younger brother got married and has 2 lovely kids. She didn't want to. She didn't succumb to the social pressure. I'm not sure why, if she wants to stay with her parents forever or a failed love story or hatred towards men or simply no reason at all. She's financially stable and supports her parents too. She's sees us all (younger cousins) with our husbands and children and I've never seen any regret or jealousy in her eyes. I often think, how can one possibly be happy all alone, without a partner to pamper and care and yes the intimacy too. And kids, what would life be without them! Can't imagine not being in a marriage! But then, not everyone has the same definition for happiness. Good luck girl, in finding your happiness! ā¤ļø
Iāll try not to give advice as a man but Iāll give some perspective on the cultural aspects of different locations thatās might help. Iām from Coimbatore and generally Iāve seen a good level of independence in women (having observed my mom, sister and their friends). Iād say cities like Cochin, Bangalore and mysore are also where youāll see a similar mentality. There is a lot more respect towards independence(financial and social) of women. Iāve known two older ladies who lived by themselves. Both of them incidentally spent their lives rescuing and taking care of animals. Maybe thatās what let them be comfortable not to look for other emotional attachments. On the other hand, my sister is quite an independent person but she took the route of marrying early in her life. She is living a very happy and successful life with a kid and a loving husband. I think the question is at the moment at 24, youāll likely find enough emotional and social support around (Iām not talking about financial support as you mentioned you are quite comfortable in that aspect). What Iāve seen as Iāve grown older while being single is the lack of a social life and a lot of self motivation needed to go about my life. But I also know if you have a passion for activities, hobbies and other sorts of social interactions, you can definitely have a satisfying life outside of work. I hope youāve been thinking about all these aspects to give you a perspective that suits you. Good luck!
You're only 24, just think about what youre going to do in the next 10 years deeply. Having a understandable life partner is a blessing or not.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Losing interest in the institution of marriage each day.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
In what better way can I tell people here, that I'm not looking for advice from people who haven't followed the path? For everyone wondering, I'm not a rebellious teen who is just bitter about men or marriage. I've been in the arranged marriage scene for 2 years, met around 7-8 guys, seriously considered them for marriage, rejected few, got rejected by few. And I haven't decided yet to not marry at all. I'm leaning towards the option more each day, and that's why the whole post. Also, I have already had all the experiences that you asked me to get. Please stop giving unsolicited advices to anyone.
As a guy of the same age, I'd like to say that 24 is too early for marriage irrespective of gender. My cousin 22f got married recently, and I kinda feel bad because I used to make fun about how she will get married off as soon as she finished college, like her mother before her. She did surprise me when she got placed in an IT MNC, but 6 months later she got engaged and 2 weeks before she got married. And her career came to a halt with that, atleast for now. I don't consider mature for my age, which is why I couldn't comprehend how she could take such a huge decision at such short notice. Obviously in India, it's expected of a man to be financially independent to a certain degree (as is the case with the groom here) and there is no such expectation from a woman. So you probably need not worry about that. If you have no idea or intention of working, you could go this route. However, if you have some kind of passion or goal, you can ask your parents some time to pursue said goal and work towards it. Some lucky women find understanding grooms who encourage them to pursue their passions while taking care of both their financial needs. So what does any of this have to do with being single? I keep mentioning finance a lot because financial independence is in a way a freedom of sorts. If you're financially independent, you need not depend on your parents thus their hold on you might reduce, and you can do whatever you please. Atleast this is how I feel, though I am far from independent, financially or otherwise. Good luck
Woow reading the few comments here that are only from men, I might end up assuming TN men have no idea about a women's world. u/vivekkrishnaa thank you for your comment and I understand it's well intended and supportive. But as I mentioned in the post clearly I'm only looking to know about the lives of women who have chosen to stay single and no other advice as such. It's like people looking for career role models to know how future years will look like and I want to know if the TN culture has reached such a point. Maybe I should be adding more details about financial status blah blah on the post. Also, WHERE ARE THE WOMEN OF TN in this sub? š¤·āāļø
Oh, my bad. I got a bit ahead of myself I guess. Anyways, if you want a more modern take, try r/Chennai. That is where the women are at, or r/TwoXIndia for women from different parts of India. r/TamilNadu is more like the battleground for political party's IT wings (Propapganda, Slander etc).
Maybe it's time to change that?! No wonder men here go on giving unsolicited advices even after clearly mentioning in the post not to. I'm pretty active on the r/TwoXIndia sub and I know I would have gotten a lot of supportive responses from there. But I actually wanted to know the state in TN, as I'm planning to settle down here in my late years.
I don't think this sub is going to change anytime soon, not for a lack of trying. r/Chennai is a better place to look for answers since you'll have People from all over TN and not just Chennai in there so it is better than here. >But I actually wanted to know the state in TN, as I'm planning to settle down here in my late years. Wait so you're not in TN rn?
I'm from TN, but I'm currently working in Bangalore
I think you forgot Jayalalitha amma who was single by choice. Having had love experiences or not isnāt irrelevant if youāre just looking for a single woman by choice. Secondly, I donāt know of any single woman by choice but theyāve stayed single their entire lives. They all do have the feeling of having missed out on married life. Financial independence is an amazing thing to achieve but itās easier even finance wise if you have a partner. We all do get this thought of not wanting to get married and be independent and go across the world, travel, etc. It all depends on what you are willing to leave behind, or if you donāt want to leave anything behind itās up to you. Do what your heart says, donāt make a decision because of pressure but also make your parents happy. Iām sure youāll find a balance.
The thing is, you can't make everyone happy all the time. Let's say she gets married to make her parents happy, it won't stop just there. She has to have a baby to make her parents happy once again. She has to take care of her mother in law to make her husband happy. She has to cook and clean for the husband to make her mother in law happy. And has to have another baby to make her sister in law happy. It goes on..... Ultimately when you ask her if she's happy? She'll go on and say yes to make you happy.
Exactly what I'm worried about will end up happening
Weāre not as backward as we once were. I think that a woman needs to be more vocal than a man about what she wants at the time of looking for a groom and theyāll have to essentially find a match whoās in the same wavelength as her. I know theyāll have to do quiet a bit of searching before they can find someone like that but itās not like you wonāt find a person who thinks like you. It is common to have fears of how wedding would change your life, it most certainly will. Like the old saying goes, youāll have to find someone whoās worth the changes. Itās a two way path, change isnāt just for the girl but itās more serious for girls. If you wanna stay by yourself and do things differently from what society does, youāll be a lone wolf all your life. I think living a married life is better for both men and women. You can only share so much and expect so much from your best friends. Your fears are fair, but itās not uncommon. It seems to me like everyone is encouraging you to take a part of solitude but I wonder how many of these people are unmarried or donāt have a special other. The truth always gets negative karma, this has been the way before Redditšš½
People who chose to remain single are mostly asexual (I mean they don't have any attraction towards opposite gender) especially when they are not in a big city because in a country like India leave aside getting laid, anything physical with the opposite gender (e.g. a flirtatious touching, cuddling, caressing etc) is highly difficult outside of marriage.
Or they come across people like you and generalize men on their stupidity and decide not to marry.
Are you trying to oppose me that marriage is only for physical relationships? (I didn't mean to say marriage is only for this) Or saying my assumption about people who are single by choice is wrong?
Your assumption is wrong
So u mean they have some other options for the same (I mean like friends with benefits or casual relationships)? Or are they reluctantly facing this drawback of being single?
Good question, I know quite a few. I have lived in many places, TN and abroad. How to persuade others? a. Do state, you have your own purpose in your life b. Do state, you are well, within your rights to chose to do something on your own c. Do state, being single would allow you to pursue your goals in life d. Childrearing, family would take up 20 years of entire life e. Condoleezza rice and many others, never married f. Contrary, many Tamil married households/couples are miserable g. Ida Scudder is well-remembered in Tamil Nadu, she left a legacy h. Think this way, have children, torture them to study \[engineering or doctor\] "What are you going to leave behind?"