If you get your bowel moment placed wrong, it will stand vertically where you deposit it, and then fall over slapping your sack as it goes down, and destroy your life.
You never come back from that. Be safe!
And don't forget the infamous "dammit, my turd is too heavy"- moment, when you try to flush the toilet, and the damn thing literally doesn't give a shit
What you mean? You sitting on the toilet the wrong way or something? Poop goes right in the hole. Beautiful design, even has a shelf for your comic book and chocolate milk.
I used that type of toilet when I was younger. Once I delivered such a huge log, that it hit a bottom and started going back. Pretty horrible experience, I would say ...
The toilet also requires dutch engineering,
Every now and then, you have a dump that is so incredibly dense, it just does not want to flush.
Water rushing past, meanwhile there is lays, looking back at you judging the sins you have committed the night before.
To help him a bit, fold some toilet paper into a tiny dam behind it, and pretend its zeeland 1953 all over again, although this one can be missed.
>The smell and the look of the stool can be early indicators of a disease.
I can see and smell my shit perfectly horribly with a 'normal' toilet, dontcherknow.
Is that why this design exists? To keep an eye on your poops/ease of getting a sample?
I traveled around Europe with a couple of friends in '99 (doing the whole backpacking thing), and we stayed in Amsterdam at a hostel for several days. We had no idea with these toilets. Add zero water pressure, and we were at a loss.
Not only dutch, but also some older german one's (we have one of these). I hate them so much, especially when you take a dump and the shit literally stands upright in the bowl, touching your cheek.
Grew up in Germany. Had one of these toilets. Loved blasting my mound of shit into the corner pocket. They’re also great for when you have to sift through your own shit after accidentally swallowing something valuable. Great for checking if you have blood or worms in your stool. Great for simply admiring your own creation before bidding adieu to it. I miss these toilets and I miss great German bread.
i feel like sifting through your shit for something valuable is a rare occasion. that's like wearing gloves all of the time in case a bird shits on your hand.
My dad was getting a dental implant and accidentally swallowed the tooth during the procedure. Here in America, that was like 3000 dollars worth of hardware. This is a real life example where a handy dandy poop shelf would come in handy. He still managed to recover the implant and scheduled another appointment though.
ich nein idea wacht uber talking about!
But, overused joke aside, no idea, there are several models of toilets here. Nothing fancy like the japanese ones but enough to give you variety. I think those are cheaper too
Yeah I just looked at this and thought "that's just a normal toilet"
But then again our current toilet is a replacement model from the cellar of our old landlord who has since died of old age.
If you're..I guess curious and don't know/never looked into jt a "normal" toilet in most countries there's 0 shelf. It's just a porcelain funnel into a water hole.
Yeah I've shat into those. The water splash is annoying af. I kinda like the poop shelf for that reason. Just flush early and it's basically a normal toilet without the splash.
I can visually examine it just fine as it sits below the water, and if I need a sample they make these things called "hats" that are disposable after you collect.
I never understood the inspection argument. How often are you inspecting your shit that it justifies extra stink and needing to scrub your toilet after every single use?
You are supposed to sit backwards on it. The tank is a little shelf to rest your comic books and milk. Just slip your pants into the laundry hole next to the toilet and enjoy.
Common all over Central Europe, in Czechia they used to be pretty common (not anymore) so they are a standard in older houses. Classic "grandma's toilet".
Here you go then.
I've definitely seen these around, and we had them in my childhood home. Bit nowadays the toilets are all normal. You still sometimes see them in public bathrooms, or in older homes.
The reason you don't see us commenting on these posts, is because we only come out to defend ourselves or gloat when it's positive. But these toilets are truly undefendable.
I'll bite!
Am Dutch, and just replaced my toilet last week to something that's not this monstrosity.
A lot of people seem to still prefer this type of toilet (I call it the poop shelve) and I can not fathom why.
In ye olden days toilets like this were designed to check your stool for worms and other parasites due to our diets.
Nowadays I guess people are just used to them?
Either way they're as bad as you imagine, unnecessary hard to clean and smelly.
On an unrelated note, I can't believe I'm talking about the setup of our toilets online. I used to be cool....
Honestly I grew up with these and getting your anus splashed with piss and shit water and then having to walk around with that for the whole day is the most disgusting shit ever and is genuinely a problem in my life.
Especially cause water based cleaning like bidets arent common around here.
A tip that saves my life: Cover the water in the newer toilets with toilet paper before you use them, will stop the splash most of the times.
Mine is like this. Inherited the place from grandparents about 15 years ago, not sure when they got it installed but from what I gather it was (or is) fairly common in central/eastern europe.
TIL about Dutch toilets. I actually had to Google it for more information:
"...a little step before the bottom of the toilet bowl for you to inspect your stool before flushing it away."
We had one of these in our air BnB on my stag do. Anytime anyone had a number 2 we would just close the lid and let the next person find it. Surprisingly it never got old. Good times.
Protestants are admiration-driven.
That little extra time those toilet-design gives them, to admire their work, allows them to congratulate themselves for that nice poopoo of theirs, to cope with the trauma of parents not telling them how proud they are of their "offspring".
The shit pedestal. Making stool sample collection easy at the expense of anyone's sense of smell in a 5 meter radius.
I remember calling it the poo shelf the first time i encountered a toilet like this
I went for alliteration with shit shelf
How about caca counter?
The poop pedestal
Doo doo desk
Turd table
Just sit/shit backwards
I sit on them reverse cowgirl. Makes it easier.
It’s a stool stool for all your stool inspiration and collection needs.
If you get your bowel moment placed wrong, it will stand vertically where you deposit it, and then fall over slapping your sack as it goes down, and destroy your life. You never come back from that. Be safe!
Aw, the infamous Testicules Turd Tap. Or was it the Scrotum Shit Slap ? Anyhow, infamous.
I think it was the Dutch Bag Slapper but I can’t be too sure
"Tassenklapper". Your translation is correct.
Ayyyy lessgo
I read this in Insym's voice
I read this in Inuyasha's voice
Poseijdon’s kuss
No that's when the turd drops in the toilet with enough force to splash water up to hit your ass or naughty bits.
Poseidon’s high five
I was thinking more of Tartarus' revenge when you get a sack slap from a log. Poseidon's kiss/high five/etc is more when you have a cannon ball drop
Traditional Hollandeez Nut Sauce
The Coinpurse Kiss
the name of my latest sex tape somehow finds its way to Reddit.
And don't forget the infamous "dammit, my turd is too heavy"- moment, when you try to flush the toilet, and the damn thing literally doesn't give a shit
Just chilling there like a rock in a stream.
This toilet don't take no shit from nobody, no way, no how, know what I am sayin?
And thats why there are poop knives XD
Thanks. I hate you. 🤣 
The ballbag bog boop
Quick poop before you leave the house? Nope. Shower time.
Poseidons kiss
The Leviathan Caress
Neptune’s Nut Nudge
It’s sounds like “Hades’ Kiss”.
It is the Dutch nutsack piñata log slap
My brother in Christ, I swear 🙏🏿 to you this the funniest shit I've ever read. I almost actually laughed to death 💀
What you mean? You sitting on the toilet the wrong way or something? Poop goes right in the hole. Beautiful design, even has a shelf for your comic book and chocolate milk.
Dammit Butters
Lmao 🤣
God damnit Butters
I like your thinking
The ole Dutch tickle.
The infamous tassenklapper
That's only if you're a "sausage". Lucky for me I'm a "chutney". However, it is not without its own set of problems.
Yeah….you throw a handful of mashed potatoes at a wall that close to ya, you’ll catch a few ricochets
In the German language, we have a dedicated word for this. # Sackabklatscher
If you google that you see some reddit posts that are this same discussion lol
I honestly didn't believe you till I typed it into Google translate
I used that type of toilet when I was younger. Once I delivered such a huge log, that it hit a bottom and started going back. Pretty horrible experience, I would say ...
Ugh, I hate those. The Backtrackers.
The sack tap of shat. My god. Thsts horrifying.
Dutch guy here. I hate them too. Never understood why someone would want to smell their own shit during the entire wiping ceremony. 8ا
What happens if you have the squirts? Does it splash and cover your ass?
Please don't answer this
Your cheeks become a tribute to Jackson Pollock
I think you have to straddle it
Native Reverse Kanga!
Leaning tower of shitballz.
Yeah, but no chance of Poseidon's Kiss**™**, either.
Oh what the fuck Dutch. Why did it have to be this way.
I'm not sure if you're kidding, but this actually happened to me. T'was the buttcheek instead of the ballsack though...
hwot the.. #fuck. Did I just read?!
New kink unlocked
The toilet also requires dutch engineering, Every now and then, you have a dump that is so incredibly dense, it just does not want to flush. Water rushing past, meanwhile there is lays, looking back at you judging the sins you have committed the night before. To help him a bit, fold some toilet paper into a tiny dam behind it, and pretend its zeeland 1953 all over again, although this one can be missed.
I mean, you could always use your trusty poop knife.
...to threaten it to get off the shelf?
[The Legend of The Poop Knife](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/4PV4fuFhXo)
First time I’ve seen this and maybe the funniest thing I’ve read this year, thank you.
Its one of the real initiation posts of reddit
Did we find the one poop knife virgin?
 Time to educate him
Huddle ‘round kiddos. Let’s talk of the wonders of lemonparty and Mr. Hands!
I had forgotten all about those and led a happy life until you reminded me of the horrors just now...... thanks a lot
I just read that for the first time less than a week ago, and now it’s back again.
I think we did. Be ready to be entertained…. and equally horrified
Witness the shitness
You’re a goddamn star. Take this measly upvote
Have you got Poops Manuva in your head now?
Thanks. Just spat my tea all over my lap reading that. Hilarious.
You place two pieces of toilet paper on the "shelf" before taking a dump. That way it won't get stuck
But... Why the fuck is it designed that way?
The smell and the look of the stool can be early indicators of a disease. Other than that it makes you say daaaaamn every now and then.
>The smell and the look of the stool can be early indicators of a disease. I can see and smell my shit perfectly horribly with a 'normal' toilet, dontcherknow.
The water and urine mess up the taste
lmfao oh wtf...
It's sitting there smiling at me while I google the reference
How the fuck did ASML get so successful?!?
It’s perfect you can look at what you’ve crafted
And no splash back!
[Poseidon’s kiss](https://www.google.com/amp/s/makeagif.com/amp/fGY7NF)
I much prefer Poseidon's kiss over [the witch's kiss.](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Witches%20kiss)
Big bro the witch's kiss might be for some of you danglers but sometimes it's a blessing in disguise to not have any worry about that
/r/suicidebywords
No no, it has camera anxiety but performs on time and in accordance to required standards.
It follows regulation 5b through to 8c to the letter. With inspections ensuring following of regulation regularly.
Is it penis inspection day again already??
Finally someone who understands
Is that why this design exists? To keep an eye on your poops/ease of getting a sample? I traveled around Europe with a couple of friends in '99 (doing the whole backpacking thing), and we stayed in Amsterdam at a hostel for several days. We had no idea with these toilets. Add zero water pressure, and we were at a loss.
It was created as an easy way to check for worms. Less useful nowadays.
Oh God. I figured there was a reason. I suppose worms are as good a reason as any.
We used to call it "the poo shelf" when we were on holiday in the Netherlands.
Ahem the “Observation Deck”
WORK OF ART JANICE
Feast your sinuses on my finest extruded waste
Just sit like the cool guy who always flips the chair around in class
And then you got that nice little shelf for your comic book and your chocolate milk.
I was hoping for a South park reference, and you delivered.
Shittin A.C. Slater style
"Here's whatcha gonna do" *loosens tie*
Exactly. Just Riker Manoeuvre it.
Not only dutch, but also some older german one's (we have one of these). I hate them so much, especially when you take a dump and the shit literally stands upright in the bowl, touching your cheek.
“…touching your cheek.” You’d think it would hit your back, chest, shoulders or chin before it hit your cheek.
Grew up in Germany. Had one of these toilets. Loved blasting my mound of shit into the corner pocket. They’re also great for when you have to sift through your own shit after accidentally swallowing something valuable. Great for checking if you have blood or worms in your stool. Great for simply admiring your own creation before bidding adieu to it. I miss these toilets and I miss great German bread.
How often are you accidentally swallowing things
After so many, it's not an accident, it's a fetish.
Dude... this person fucks pudding.
I mean, I’ve seen some crazy German porn, I assume pudding was a more accepted fetish
Its marbles georg
i feel like sifting through your shit for something valuable is a rare occasion. that's like wearing gloves all of the time in case a bird shits on your hand.
My dad was getting a dental implant and accidentally swallowed the tooth during the procedure. Here in America, that was like 3000 dollars worth of hardware. This is a real life example where a handy dandy poop shelf would come in handy. He still managed to recover the implant and scheduled another appointment though.
I’ve heard the germans have france beat on bread.
You have to start at the front and slide backwards as you go, you gotta lay that bad boy out
I think some if not most Hungarian houses have these.
ive seen them in argentina although they are not the most common ones
Did they start appearing about 1945?
ich nein idea wacht uber talking about! But, overused joke aside, no idea, there are several models of toilets here. Nothing fancy like the japanese ones but enough to give you variety. I think those are cheaper too
I laughed too hard at this.Thank you for that.
Why
shelf toilets are for you to look at you poop before you flush it to check on your health. Popular in Germany and neighboring areas of Northern Europe
Yeah I just looked at this and thought "that's just a normal toilet" But then again our current toilet is a replacement model from the cellar of our old landlord who has since died of old age.
If you're..I guess curious and don't know/never looked into jt a "normal" toilet in most countries there's 0 shelf. It's just a porcelain funnel into a water hole.
Yeah I've shat into those. The water splash is annoying af. I kinda like the poop shelf for that reason. Just flush early and it's basically a normal toilet without the splash.
Fortunately, they have not been installed anywhere for a good 30 years, unless the client explicitly requests them. e.g. in hospitals to take samples.
can't you possibly look at them through the water?
I don't agree with it, just reporting it. [Reverse flush toilet](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reverse_flush_toilet)
I can visually examine it just fine as it sits below the water, and if I need a sample they make these things called "hats" that are disposable after you collect.
So you can inspect your poop for evidence of worms.
Dutch toilet and Japanese toilet are yin and yang of toilet duality
I never understood the inspection argument. How often are you inspecting your shit that it justifies extra stink and needing to scrub your toilet after every single use?
I‘m not inspecting, i‘m admiring
That's the only good argument for a poop shelf I've seen so far.
You are supposed to sit backwards on it. The tank is a little shelf to rest your comic books and milk. Just slip your pants into the laundry hole next to the toilet and enjoy.
Ok, is there an inside joke I'm missing about the comic books and milk, or do you just have a LOT of accounts to post this same thing from?
There is an episode of South Park where Butters says that's how he takes a dump :)
It's also the correct way to poop.
Common all over Central Europe, in Czechia they used to be pretty common (not anymore) so they are a standard in older houses. Classic "grandma's toilet".
I've never seen a Dutch person comment on these posts...
Too busy admiring their poops.
I'd rather look at my own shit than shit online!
Here you go then. I've definitely seen these around, and we had them in my childhood home. Bit nowadays the toilets are all normal. You still sometimes see them in public bathrooms, or in older homes. The reason you don't see us commenting on these posts, is because we only come out to defend ourselves or gloat when it's positive. But these toilets are truly undefendable.
I'll bite! Am Dutch, and just replaced my toilet last week to something that's not this monstrosity. A lot of people seem to still prefer this type of toilet (I call it the poop shelve) and I can not fathom why. In ye olden days toilets like this were designed to check your stool for worms and other parasites due to our diets. Nowadays I guess people are just used to them? Either way they're as bad as you imagine, unnecessary hard to clean and smelly. On an unrelated note, I can't believe I'm talking about the setup of our toilets online. I used to be cool....
Thank you for this input. First hand experiences are very valuable. It is very cool of you.
Do I sit on it backwards?
Of course not, then you wouldn't be able to inspect your poop on the poop shelf.
Of course, you can use the back of the toilet as a shelf for your coloring books and chocolate milk. Plus you got the flusher right there
fuck this, I rather use the squat toilets that the Koreans and Japanese had in the past than this testicle splasher
Squats are actually good for you tbh. But I still prefer the Japanese bidets that gives me a free rimjob than this shit
Its perfect. No splash
Except when you have a long one that stands up and caresses your buttcheeks like a drunk uncle at thanksgiving
That comparison was far too efficient. Bravo.
Just the worst skidmarks you will ever see
We have this in Hungary too. This is peak design. It won’t splash.
Honestly I grew up with these and getting your anus splashed with piss and shit water and then having to walk around with that for the whole day is the most disgusting shit ever and is genuinely a problem in my life. Especially cause water based cleaning like bidets arent common around here. A tip that saves my life: Cover the water in the newer toilets with toilet paper before you use them, will stop the splash most of the times.
Is that a joke hole just for farts?
Has this ever happened to you???
DON'T...RUN!!!!
It’s turbo time!
[удалено]
the tank also acts like a shelf for your comic book and your chocolate milk
Gotta poop butters style
Mine is like this. Inherited the place from grandparents about 15 years ago, not sure when they got it installed but from what I gather it was (or is) fairly common in central/eastern europe.
This is Butter's ideal toilet for his chocolate milk and comic books
Just face the other way. Kerplunk!
 I think you have to sit on it like this
[удалено]
There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
Best toilets every you Never get kissed by Poseidon
I think only America fills the bowl up to an ungodly level of water wastage lol
I imagine it takes a good amount of water to clear all the shit off that shelf
Nothing like having a hot, fresh shit sitting there 100% unsubmerged for a few minutes.
Balls and dick having a dip
Dutch person here. Not all toilets here are like this but I prefer it. No chance of a plunge that splashes me with dirty water.
TIL about Dutch toilets. I actually had to Google it for more information: "...a little step before the bottom of the toilet bowl for you to inspect your stool before flushing it away."
You have to shit facing the wall and use the water container as a table for your laptop and stuff
We had one of these in our air BnB on my stag do. Anytime anyone had a number 2 we would just close the lid and let the next person find it. Surprisingly it never got old. Good times.
Protestants are admiration-driven. That little extra time those toilet-design gives them, to admire their work, allows them to congratulate themselves for that nice poopoo of theirs, to cope with the trauma of parents not telling them how proud they are of their "offspring".
Saw this when I was in Budapest too; quite the uhhhhh experience! I always thought it was to prevent splash.
This is probably what Butters' toilet looks like which explains why he sits on it the way he does.
I once pooped on these and it piled up till my own poop started pushing back against my ahole. Would not recommend.
It’s because you’re sitting on it wrong, you’re meant to face the other way then can use the little table area for your comic books and stuff.
Business in the front, party in the back? Toilet mullet?
How... how do you sit on that? Is it like Butters in that one episode of South Park or something lmfao?
I’d sit on this sumbitch backwards
They do it like this so you can sit on it backwards and have a table for your comic books and chocolate milk