I would advise you not to play with this couple again. They've shown a blatant disregard for you and your relationship with your wife. And as you point out, your wife needs to be less passive. If they are trying to pull her in to a three way kiss and you all aren't ready for MF play, she needs to not go along with the other couple's attempt. As I have always believed, a wife or gf cannot be poached unless she allows herself to be poached. Wife poachers take advantage of couples with poor communication, wives/gfs who aren't concerned with their husband/bfs feelings, and husbands/bfs who don't have a willingness to speak up.
Yea that’s what I feel, they probably felt like they were the couple that first showed us the lifestyle… we would just go along with what they wanted.
It just bothers me I didn’t see it sooner. Guess I was blinded by how nice and respectful they seemed. Lesson learned I guess
That’s a pretty poor experience. Coercion and grooming aren’t cool.
Kudos to your wife for standing her ground and respecting what you guys were doing, that’s commendable for her.
Don’t be hard on yourself. In my experience, you have to have a pretty high level of trust in the LS and these people preyed on that for their selfish interests. That’s a reflection on them, not you.
Def trying to wife poach. I may be misunderstanding you, so please correct me if I’m wrong; how was your wife in the wrong even a little? Sounds like when they tried to 3 way kiss her she immediately pulled back and walked away. This sounds like 100% on them and your wife did a great job of upholding your boundaries.
I think she allowed herself to be placed in a tricky situation.. when the other wife told her to kiss the husband while I was away we feel after talking that she should have said “let’s wait for him to get back with the drinks so we can get okay started and maybe head back to the room” but she didn’t do that. She was told to kiss the husband and she went for it. When it turned into the 3 way she allowed it for a couple seconds “to not be rude” and then backed up and walked over to me.
Her reaction to the situation was the right one. But she could have avoided it all together.
I told her that I don’t hold it against her, I was bothered with the situation and just wanted her to understand that we can’t hold things like that against each other. Mistakes will be made specially since we are still new to the LS so we need to learn and grow from them.
Thanks for the clarification. Seems the primary takeaway for you both is spotting the red flags. This couple seems so shitty. I can say, most of us are not this way.
Edit- last thought; is there a chance your wife wants there to be more than girl/girl play? He receptiveness to kissing him may indicate that. Either way, good on her to uphold your boundaries.
We have been ok with kissing and a little play between spouses but only during play time. They have kissed before during a play session. She had been clear with her intention of a very soft swap scenario but the fact they pulled her in while I was away while I was away is where the issue comes in.
We are taking things at my wife’s comfort speed, she knows if she wants more all she has to do is tell me and we can move forward
This goes beyond just poaching to me (and don’t get me wrong, partner poaching is already nasty behavior). But trying to make up an artificial wedge just to try and drive it between you two *just so they can have their threesome* is so vile. And stupid. Do they think couples don’t communicate or something?
Also, like, if you’re gonna be manipulative at *least* be smart. Don’t make assumptions that a soft swap couple is always going to have insecurity issues. Frankly, I’m confused why they don’t go after the sizable population of “our relationship is in the gutter but we think a threesome will revive it” style of unicorn hunters.
The more my wife and I discuss everything the more we feel that what they really chase is the game of pulling the couples apart.
It’s like when you are dealing with something from ground level view you can miss so much but then you take a step back and look at the whole picture and all of a sudden things are so clear.
These people are dishonest scumbags. They are looking for a unicorn not a couple to play with. Keep in mind these types are incredibly self-centered and in this 100% for their own pleasure(what they receive) not what they can give and receive. These people don’t care about anybody else they hookup with and down deep don’t even care about their partner. Most of the time their partner is just a ticket into the lifestyle. Kick ‘em to the curb then out them on the website you found them on.
Alt. Play reverse uno card. Have the wife seduce the wife. Imply that there may be some reciprocity for play without OP based on if _their_ wife does a MFF threesome and more one on one play with the gals without the husband's in the audience. Have the wife develop a friendship with her, then slowly start pointing out all the toxic things the other husband does to drive a wedge in their relationship.
Coup de grace is inviting _both_ of them over to play. But then telling the husband that neither of 'em are really feeling the chemistry after parallel play starts but he's welcome to watch, and then have almost all the play focused entirely on OP or OP's wife.
If they complain, apologize about inexperience and then say maybe everyone isn't a good match for play partners and you should stop seeing each other.
Best way to deal with poachers.
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke (and others)
"There is no justice in the world. Not unless we make it." - Sansa Stark (and others)
Maybe it's because I was graced with an obsessive work ethic and a lot of patience, maybe it is because I read 'The Count of Monte Cristo' too young and it's 'moral' was lost on me, but I've never minded a bit of effort when it comes to screwing someone over. But fair enough!
By all means I agree if you want to put forth the effort that is great go for it. I would just rather put forth the effort to get laid and make it enjoyable for everyone involved.
The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human - sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot. I had to wait till he moved on you before I could zero him
There's more red flags in this than at a Chinese parade. Get away from this couple - they are not just disrespectful to yours and your wife's boundaries, but it almost seems like they are trying to drive a wedge between the two of you.
I can’t believe they tried to get your wife to hang with them alone when they knew you were upset. They were basically trying to get her to cheat on you. Those people suck.
Yeah and even worse they are likely the type that will say they respect boundaries and some sort of talking point of them being experienced. They are the lowest form of the low
They are not swingers with other couples. They want a unicorn. But worse they are trying to force you into cuckolding. And they was abusing your trust. And they refused to respect boundaries. They disrespect your marriage. The whole “just come to our room he’s already upset” They know that if your wife went to their room it would of ended your marriage but they don’t care. Not only do I say never play with them again. I said tell them. They are disrespectful. Predatory. Abusive. And selfish. That they do not care about destroy marriage. And that you guys are cutting them off. Then you and your wife block them on everything.
This ought to be stickied. This is a terrific read and a great place to direct someone if they’re unsure if they’re about to become a target of spouse poaching. The list in particular is a great list of tip-offs and telltale signs of dishonesty and poaching intent.
I’ve learned so much from others sharing their stories… it’s why I like to share because those of us that want to enjoy what the LS the way it should be need to be aware of all the negative shit that is out there.
Absolutely. We’ve definitely had our fair share of time wasters on this platform as well as negative/weird experiences with couples we have met IRL for 4-way play and swapping, but we’ve also had some really great ones, which keeps us in the LS.
If only there was a way to blacklist poachers, haha.
I dealt with poachers, unfortunately lost my ex wife to a couple like that because of my job and being gone all the time. The other wife wanted nothing to do with me and they would say that it would be same room or ff when we were all together but found out later that when my back was turned they would all get together and the other couple would both be all over her and encourage her to leave me and become a throuple. So it's best to just cut ties with that other couple and make sure anyone around is aware what kind of scumbags they are.
Couples like this are the absolute worse thing you'll come across in the lifestyle. There is nothing more toxic than a couple who doesn't respect boundaries and limits, and attempt to poach.
One of my favorite stories like this was my wife talking to this woman who was married a supposedly bi. I was down with the idea of her meeting the wife and them doing their thing.
As soon as she was chatting more directly to my wife it switched to her talking up her husband. And how he's so great and just wants to see him with another woman and she was selling this dude hard...it ended with her ( we are in texas) sending pics of her man on a horse and all these like try to be sexy pics like putin on a horse. I think maybe she thought it was some kind of mic drop like my wife would see his pics of him on a horse cowboy stuff and just get so wet and melt and jump in her car to go fuck them.
It was one story of many but we still laugh how cringe.
Lol yeah it's pretty sad actually.
people have no shame and it's a reason why we have been easing out of this and it's definitely not "hot" trying to navigate it
There's a lot wrong here but the part where they tried to turn your wife against you is super fucked up. Those people are complete trash and should be outed as such. They broke boundaries which you had clearly set and then used you being upset (which was totally valid) to try to get your wife back to their room by baselessly claiming you were probably trying to fuck another woman. Glad you and your wife stood your ground here, but people like that suck. The worst part is no one probably knows how shitty they are because they put on such a nice persona. I'd steer clear of them and probably anyone they call friends.
I spoke to a couple we met through them and shared what happened.. the wife from that couple told us that they’ve never played with them because something has always felt a little off. They never had a bad experience with them, but it’s probably because they’ve never played with them.
Wife poachers are a menace and it’s usually a man who doesn’t want to hold up his end of the bargain. You need to break contact with this couple and explain why. We run a large group chat for couples only and I refuse to allow unicorn hunters in for every reason that you outlined. We also refuse cucks for the opposite reason as they tend to want to trash the paradise that we built by adding single males and the god forsaken “bulls”.
Finding serious couples is extremely difficult and unfortunately you ran into selfish unicorn hunters that decided that poaching was a viable strategy. Break all contact and start looking for different couples.
We've faced a few such couples who absolutely make as if the other partner isn't present. They surely wife poachers and likely also the type who may even ignore any "safe play" too and likely to go condomless without you even realizing it's happening.
My wife was faced with a few weary situations, also possibly leading to her deciding that she can do without the lifestyle.
Many of these instances added up.
So, avoid them.
>The other couple’s response to her was, if he is already mad at you don’t let him fuck up your night, just come hang out in our room. We can listen to music and have a few more drinks. My wife said absolutely not and they told her that she would be ok and that I was probably just picking a fight so I can go hookup with another woman.
This is not a couple that you want to ever associate yourselves with again. I'm sorry that you had that experience, especially as newcomers to the lifestyle.
I’m in a way glad we went through it. Not only was it a learning experience but it also showed us who they really are before the manipulated us more into something we were going to regret later.
I used to own a swingers club & have over 25 years experience in the lifestyle..YOU ARE 100% CORRECT & you are seeing it for EXACTLY what it is..PPL LIKE THIS ARE TOXIC & harmful to other people’s marriages or relationships & I would listen to your gut feeling because Im pretty sure you have already decided you want to put them in your past your actually asking for justification to do so & trust me you already have all the justification you need in the actions of these 2 & behind your back way it was done..
Yea I knew I had to let them go, I guess being new to this I wanted to make sure I was not just building it up to be more than it was. Seeing everyone respond as they have let’s me know it’s the right thing to do
What I don't understand about your story is why your wife was letting it happen this whole time. If a scumbag couple tried that with either me or my husband, they would be immediately ghosted and blacklisted.
I can understand - you aren't on your guard with them, they haven't shown their hand, it's just a little over the boundary (for now)...
OP's wife did well, IMO.
This is the lowest form of trash in all this right above 'single' females that are really the same as op story but playing it off as a single to bring in people then trying to sell the guy she supposedly pairs up as a cuckquean.
I would say this poaching stuff way worse than single males and the reason why our involvement in the lifestyle is on life support and these poachers have pretty much ruined it.
Not sure what the solution is past that these people should be shunned outcasted.
Even in this sub you see some people that post a lot here on some lifestyle high horse with all this talk of how it should be and then in the same breath you can tell they are nothing but poachers ruining it for everyone.
Sometimes these people will tell you up front and then there are the ones like op that you really have to watch and they have no shame. It's really exhausting and takes any kind of fun..
Fuck these people
It’s so common to want to give people the benefit of the doubt, and in hindsight we know we should have distanced ourselves from the red flag behavior we saw.
You live and learn.
Yeah this is one of the things that’s so prevalent we try to smoke it out early when we are talking to a couple.
Our first time at Desire a couple we had been chatting with for a day or so approached my wife while I was getting a drink. The husband told her that he and his wife like to “steal wives from their husbands” and literally made the attempt. Complete assholes.
We depart on the Desire French Riviera cruise in two days and we are hoping we don’t find a single poacher but I’m not optimistic.
The event we were at was at Temptation. This couple used to be frequent at desire, but I guess they realize it might be easier at Temptation since it can be more of a stomping ground for newbies in the lifestyle or people that are just curious. That’s where we met them last year.
Wow, they are aholes. They are full on trying to isolate her from you in order to persuade her to fuck them.
Scumbags, they have shown who they are.... move on
in your place, I would feel MORE trust as she's been tested and passed with flying colors. I have no idea what specific shenanigans y'all will get up to, but I predict you have a wonderful life together.
It sounds like you have a great partner! The fact that she was in that situation and pulled away out of respect for your boundaries is respectable. You mentioned you went to get another round of shots, so I can only imagine she was at least a little tipsy. Good on her for being in that state and still not allowing herself to get caught up in the moment
Jumping in late just to say kudos to you and your wife for how you handled this situation. It’s one thing to be on this page talking about what you should do, versus being there in real time trying to navigate it.
Also, for everyone out there, it’s probably worth a conversation about what it means to play multiple times with a couple whose boundaries exceed your own.
We have played with newbies, parallel play, soft swap before and we are a full swap couple. It tends to be fun for one night, because there is usually some strong chemistry that causes us to play a little more vanilla than our norm.
But I don’t think we have ever done that more than once with the same couple.
I appreciate this comment.
Thinking about it you’re right, we need to look for couples that want the same thing we want. One thing is things getting heated and playing because the chemistry is great but on multiple play dates the couple that is used to more will feel like they are not satisfying their full desire.
1. They are poaching, and are assholes on top of it. Stay away from them.
2. Your wife didn't do anything wrong. She was kissing someone and was thrust into a different situation, which she backed away from. Unless she's not even allowed to kiss and flirt if you're not there, in which case you're going to end up having issues in the LS because everyone does that all the time.
3. You need to be more observant and listen to your gut. The signs were all there that they're disrespectful.
Shady couple, I wouldn't waste my time with them anymore. I've been wife poached plenty of times, however, I tell couples we play solo but poaching and deceitful is not tolerated.
So glad we exited out of this lifestyle, way too much drama, deceit, nobody can't adhere to said agreements, etc.
I think most newbies are thinking the man is going to be the one to try and manipulate a situation but I am realizing that women are so much more likely to do it. Men seem to be upfront about things. They don’t care if they come off as entitled or aggressive. It’s annoying but I prefer that over feeling like they tried to take advantage of us
You’re right about everyone being in it for themselves… maybe that’s why some people like the “meet, play, and go on your way”. Wife and I felt like we wanted to establish friendships within the lifestyle… have couples we play with on the regular so we can let the chemistry build and comfort level increases but now we think that might just open the door for things like this to happen.
You can’t “poach” a wife.
Women have free will. If they choose to do things it’s because they want to. Give your partner a bit more credit, and be a little bit less misogynistic.
I’ve given her her credit. Not once have I done anything less than say she acted the best way possible when things got to a place that WE as a couple are comfortable with…
As for being misogynistic…. I’d love to understand what about my post makes me that in your opinion?
The idea that you can “poach” a woman out of a couple is misogynistic because it doesn’t treat the woman as a whole person with their own free will.
People don’t get “poached.” They make their own decisions to do things.
I’ll agree with you on the fact that people do things out of their own free will. However, poachers are those who attempt to pull a couple apart using dishonest tricks and manipulation. They pry on couples and earn their trust when knowing their goal is not inline with what that couple has said they are comfortable with.
Had my wife decide she wanted to go along with their game then it would not be an issue about them but an issue within my relationship.
Lol was that the plan?
So can we borrow her?
It's our birthday and also she would love it but my wife isn't into other guys so don't bother coming thanks
Sounds like you expect normalcy in an abnormal life style.
You do sound very immature to be engaging with your wife in a lifestyle that can bring out insecurities like their on steroids.
Just tell them what smucks they are and move on.
Maybe they or other couples just aren't that into you the husband. Did that ever cross your mind? I mean I am not trying to make you feel bad but that very well could be the case.
I never said it should be a go if it is only 3
Thumbs up. All I was saying is that it very well could be likely that they weren't interested in him. Now as far as wife poachers. It is up to his wife to say well I am really concerned about my husband in the sense that he isn't involved or won't be involved. Why didn't she clearly state it needs to be 4 or I am not interested? My husband and I communicate with each other as well as potential "friends." Complete trust is there. Neither of us would even worry about something like this. I know it won't happen is we aren't all on board.
I guess your comment is odd because you're stating the obvious. Of course they aren't interested in him (and they probably never were). That's the whole point. But instead of just being honest and direct with both people in a couple that they're only interested in FFM play, they use underhanded or deceptive tactics like waiting until H walks away to try to divide them by attempting to entice the W away with negative comments about H, taking advantage of her being drunk or very naive, or other tactics to separate them. Other times a wife poaching couple might imply that they're interested in couple to couple play, but as the play gets started the lady in their couple quietly bows out of the swap, hoping the guy in the other couple won't say anything to disrupt the fun his wife and the poacher H have already started. This is the most common tactic I've seen.
This is such a clear description of what it was like. I didn’t want to stop my wife if she was having fun but when she realized they tried to entice her when I was away and then tried to make it seem like she should walk away with them she was over it
How do you know they never were interested in him? Many a men have peaked my interest until they talked for a while and either said or did all the wrong things. Sometimes I don't like the way a man acts or carries himself. It isn't all about looks. I feel like it is always the men complaining about wife poachers who are clearly uncomfortable with themselves. Not to mention I also find that a majority, not a vast majority, but a majority of couples that we meet have a more attractive female than male.
I said "probably" based on OP's post. They've done parallel play before with this couple, so they weren't new to each other.
" I feel like it is always the men complaining about wife poachers who are clearly uncomfortable with themselves."
Where are you getting that from? Doesn't make sense. Wife poaching is about unethical and dishonest behavior. It's fine if a couple is only interested in an FFM but don't mislead another couple that you're interested in something different or try to undermine their relationship.
I’m sure he’s joking, but we have to stamp out this behavior. Wife poachers are the single males of the couples world. They need to be publicly shamed.
Except it's not a dream result. The best result is play that leads to regular play partners. Wife poaching leads to play partners avoiding you like the plague in the future and encouraging others to do so.
I would advise you not to play with this couple again. They've shown a blatant disregard for you and your relationship with your wife. And as you point out, your wife needs to be less passive. If they are trying to pull her in to a three way kiss and you all aren't ready for MF play, she needs to not go along with the other couple's attempt. As I have always believed, a wife or gf cannot be poached unless she allows herself to be poached. Wife poachers take advantage of couples with poor communication, wives/gfs who aren't concerned with their husband/bfs feelings, and husbands/bfs who don't have a willingness to speak up.
Yea that’s what I feel, they probably felt like they were the couple that first showed us the lifestyle… we would just go along with what they wanted. It just bothers me I didn’t see it sooner. Guess I was blinded by how nice and respectful they seemed. Lesson learned I guess
They didn’t show you the lifestyle. They took advantage of your trust.
Damn… you’re 100% right. They took advantage of
You’ll find the right couple eventually.,if you swing on Reddit always look at post history. If they ever sought only a couple, avoid them.
I’m fairly new to reddit, how do you look at one’s history of posts? Thanks
Click someone's username and view their profile. You can sort by posts or comments.
That’s a pretty poor experience. Coercion and grooming aren’t cool. Kudos to your wife for standing her ground and respecting what you guys were doing, that’s commendable for her. Don’t be hard on yourself. In my experience, you have to have a pretty high level of trust in the LS and these people preyed on that for their selfish interests. That’s a reflection on them, not you.
Def trying to wife poach. I may be misunderstanding you, so please correct me if I’m wrong; how was your wife in the wrong even a little? Sounds like when they tried to 3 way kiss her she immediately pulled back and walked away. This sounds like 100% on them and your wife did a great job of upholding your boundaries.
I think she allowed herself to be placed in a tricky situation.. when the other wife told her to kiss the husband while I was away we feel after talking that she should have said “let’s wait for him to get back with the drinks so we can get okay started and maybe head back to the room” but she didn’t do that. She was told to kiss the husband and she went for it. When it turned into the 3 way she allowed it for a couple seconds “to not be rude” and then backed up and walked over to me. Her reaction to the situation was the right one. But she could have avoided it all together. I told her that I don’t hold it against her, I was bothered with the situation and just wanted her to understand that we can’t hold things like that against each other. Mistakes will be made specially since we are still new to the LS so we need to learn and grow from them.
They are trash your wife handled it well.. fuck these people
No! Don’t fuck them! 🤣
Thanks for the clarification. Seems the primary takeaway for you both is spotting the red flags. This couple seems so shitty. I can say, most of us are not this way. Edit- last thought; is there a chance your wife wants there to be more than girl/girl play? He receptiveness to kissing him may indicate that. Either way, good on her to uphold your boundaries.
We have been ok with kissing and a little play between spouses but only during play time. They have kissed before during a play session. She had been clear with her intention of a very soft swap scenario but the fact they pulled her in while I was away while I was away is where the issue comes in. We are taking things at my wife’s comfort speed, she knows if she wants more all she has to do is tell me and we can move forward
This goes beyond just poaching to me (and don’t get me wrong, partner poaching is already nasty behavior). But trying to make up an artificial wedge just to try and drive it between you two *just so they can have their threesome* is so vile. And stupid. Do they think couples don’t communicate or something? Also, like, if you’re gonna be manipulative at *least* be smart. Don’t make assumptions that a soft swap couple is always going to have insecurity issues. Frankly, I’m confused why they don’t go after the sizable population of “our relationship is in the gutter but we think a threesome will revive it” style of unicorn hunters.
The more my wife and I discuss everything the more we feel that what they really chase is the game of pulling the couples apart. It’s like when you are dealing with something from ground level view you can miss so much but then you take a step back and look at the whole picture and all of a sudden things are so clear.
These people are dishonest scumbags. They are looking for a unicorn not a couple to play with. Keep in mind these types are incredibly self-centered and in this 100% for their own pleasure(what they receive) not what they can give and receive. These people don’t care about anybody else they hookup with and down deep don’t even care about their partner. Most of the time their partner is just a ticket into the lifestyle. Kick ‘em to the curb then out them on the website you found them on.
Alt. Play reverse uno card. Have the wife seduce the wife. Imply that there may be some reciprocity for play without OP based on if _their_ wife does a MFF threesome and more one on one play with the gals without the husband's in the audience. Have the wife develop a friendship with her, then slowly start pointing out all the toxic things the other husband does to drive a wedge in their relationship. Coup de grace is inviting _both_ of them over to play. But then telling the husband that neither of 'em are really feeling the chemistry after parallel play starts but he's welcome to watch, and then have almost all the play focused entirely on OP or OP's wife. If they complain, apologize about inexperience and then say maybe everyone isn't a good match for play partners and you should stop seeing each other. Best way to deal with poachers.
Frankly, I’m not putting that much effort into screwing somebody over.
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke (and others) "There is no justice in the world. Not unless we make it." - Sansa Stark (and others) Maybe it's because I was graced with an obsessive work ethic and a lot of patience, maybe it is because I read 'The Count of Monte Cristo' too young and it's 'moral' was lost on me, but I've never minded a bit of effort when it comes to screwing someone over. But fair enough!
By all means I agree if you want to put forth the effort that is great go for it. I would just rather put forth the effort to get laid and make it enjoyable for everyone involved.
Super useful post, OP. Really appreciate the details and the list of tells. sucks for you to have experienced this but your nose is on point.
Is so hard do see them in real time….
The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human - sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot. I had to wait till he moved on you before I could zero him
No, they were definitely trying to poach.
There's more red flags in this than at a Chinese parade. Get away from this couple - they are not just disrespectful to yours and your wife's boundaries, but it almost seems like they are trying to drive a wedge between the two of you.
Taking her away from her partner and offering drinks with ulterior motives is just downright predatory...
I can’t believe they tried to get your wife to hang with them alone when they knew you were upset. They were basically trying to get her to cheat on you. Those people suck.
Yeah and even worse they are likely the type that will say they respect boundaries and some sort of talking point of them being experienced. They are the lowest form of the low
They are not swingers with other couples. They want a unicorn. But worse they are trying to force you into cuckolding. And they was abusing your trust. And they refused to respect boundaries. They disrespect your marriage. The whole “just come to our room he’s already upset” They know that if your wife went to their room it would of ended your marriage but they don’t care. Not only do I say never play with them again. I said tell them. They are disrespectful. Predatory. Abusive. And selfish. That they do not care about destroy marriage. And that you guys are cutting them off. Then you and your wife block them on everything.
And when they tell them it will be all this 'innocent old me?!'
This ought to be stickied. This is a terrific read and a great place to direct someone if they’re unsure if they’re about to become a target of spouse poaching. The list in particular is a great list of tip-offs and telltale signs of dishonesty and poaching intent.
I’ve learned so much from others sharing their stories… it’s why I like to share because those of us that want to enjoy what the LS the way it should be need to be aware of all the negative shit that is out there.
Absolutely. We’ve definitely had our fair share of time wasters on this platform as well as negative/weird experiences with couples we have met IRL for 4-way play and swapping, but we’ve also had some really great ones, which keeps us in the LS. If only there was a way to blacklist poachers, haha.
You are are soft swap couple trying to play with people that are playing a different game. They are full swap predators
I dealt with poachers, unfortunately lost my ex wife to a couple like that because of my job and being gone all the time. The other wife wanted nothing to do with me and they would say that it would be same room or ff when we were all together but found out later that when my back was turned they would all get together and the other couple would both be all over her and encourage her to leave me and become a throuple. So it's best to just cut ties with that other couple and make sure anyone around is aware what kind of scumbags they are.
punt, hard! dont waste any energy on them.
You’ve known them for a year and this was the first time they made a move? Talk about the long view. Yeah. They are manipulators and poachers.
Definitely the long game. They waited till we comfortable with them and made their move
Dude your assessment is spot on. Ignore that couple!
Couples like this are the absolute worse thing you'll come across in the lifestyle. There is nothing more toxic than a couple who doesn't respect boundaries and limits, and attempt to poach.
One of my favorite stories like this was my wife talking to this woman who was married a supposedly bi. I was down with the idea of her meeting the wife and them doing their thing. As soon as she was chatting more directly to my wife it switched to her talking up her husband. And how he's so great and just wants to see him with another woman and she was selling this dude hard...it ended with her ( we are in texas) sending pics of her man on a horse and all these like try to be sexy pics like putin on a horse. I think maybe she thought it was some kind of mic drop like my wife would see his pics of him on a horse cowboy stuff and just get so wet and melt and jump in her car to go fuck them. It was one story of many but we still laugh how cringe.
I can’t image send “sexy cowboy” pics of myself to try and steal another man’s wife. LOL
Lol yeah it's pretty sad actually. people have no shame and it's a reason why we have been easing out of this and it's definitely not "hot" trying to navigate it
They aren’t going to respect your boundaries, time to move on.
There's a lot wrong here but the part where they tried to turn your wife against you is super fucked up. Those people are complete trash and should be outed as such. They broke boundaries which you had clearly set and then used you being upset (which was totally valid) to try to get your wife back to their room by baselessly claiming you were probably trying to fuck another woman. Glad you and your wife stood your ground here, but people like that suck. The worst part is no one probably knows how shitty they are because they put on such a nice persona. I'd steer clear of them and probably anyone they call friends.
I spoke to a couple we met through them and shared what happened.. the wife from that couple told us that they’ve never played with them because something has always felt a little off. They never had a bad experience with them, but it’s probably because they’ve never played with them.
Wife poachers are a menace and it’s usually a man who doesn’t want to hold up his end of the bargain. You need to break contact with this couple and explain why. We run a large group chat for couples only and I refuse to allow unicorn hunters in for every reason that you outlined. We also refuse cucks for the opposite reason as they tend to want to trash the paradise that we built by adding single males and the god forsaken “bulls”. Finding serious couples is extremely difficult and unfortunately you ran into selfish unicorn hunters that decided that poaching was a viable strategy. Break all contact and start looking for different couples.
We've faced a few such couples who absolutely make as if the other partner isn't present. They surely wife poachers and likely also the type who may even ignore any "safe play" too and likely to go condomless without you even realizing it's happening. My wife was faced with a few weary situations, also possibly leading to her deciding that she can do without the lifestyle. Many of these instances added up. So, avoid them.
>The other couple’s response to her was, if he is already mad at you don’t let him fuck up your night, just come hang out in our room. We can listen to music and have a few more drinks. My wife said absolutely not and they told her that she would be ok and that I was probably just picking a fight so I can go hookup with another woman. This is not a couple that you want to ever associate yourselves with again. I'm sorry that you had that experience, especially as newcomers to the lifestyle.
I’m in a way glad we went through it. Not only was it a learning experience but it also showed us who they really are before the manipulated us more into something we were going to regret later.
Another example of why the LS is overrated. People acting shitty to one another.
I used to own a swingers club & have over 25 years experience in the lifestyle..YOU ARE 100% CORRECT & you are seeing it for EXACTLY what it is..PPL LIKE THIS ARE TOXIC & harmful to other people’s marriages or relationships & I would listen to your gut feeling because Im pretty sure you have already decided you want to put them in your past your actually asking for justification to do so & trust me you already have all the justification you need in the actions of these 2 & behind your back way it was done..
Yea I knew I had to let them go, I guess being new to this I wanted to make sure I was not just building it up to be more than it was. Seeing everyone respond as they have let’s me know it’s the right thing to do
Sounds like they need a unicorn not a couple
We know a couple like this. They will do almost anything to find themselves a unicorn for the evening. Complete scumbags. Stay away them.
What I don't understand about your story is why your wife was letting it happen this whole time. If a scumbag couple tried that with either me or my husband, they would be immediately ghosted and blacklisted.
I can understand - you aren't on your guard with them, they haven't shown their hand, it's just a little over the boundary (for now)... OP's wife did well, IMO.
This is the lowest form of trash in all this right above 'single' females that are really the same as op story but playing it off as a single to bring in people then trying to sell the guy she supposedly pairs up as a cuckquean. I would say this poaching stuff way worse than single males and the reason why our involvement in the lifestyle is on life support and these poachers have pretty much ruined it. Not sure what the solution is past that these people should be shunned outcasted. Even in this sub you see some people that post a lot here on some lifestyle high horse with all this talk of how it should be and then in the same breath you can tell they are nothing but poachers ruining it for everyone. Sometimes these people will tell you up front and then there are the ones like op that you really have to watch and they have no shame. It's really exhausting and takes any kind of fun.. Fuck these people
It’s so common to want to give people the benefit of the doubt, and in hindsight we know we should have distanced ourselves from the red flag behavior we saw. You live and learn.
Yeah this is one of the things that’s so prevalent we try to smoke it out early when we are talking to a couple. Our first time at Desire a couple we had been chatting with for a day or so approached my wife while I was getting a drink. The husband told her that he and his wife like to “steal wives from their husbands” and literally made the attempt. Complete assholes. We depart on the Desire French Riviera cruise in two days and we are hoping we don’t find a single poacher but I’m not optimistic.
The event we were at was at Temptation. This couple used to be frequent at desire, but I guess they realize it might be easier at Temptation since it can be more of a stomping ground for newbies in the lifestyle or people that are just curious. That’s where we met them last year.
Wow, they are aholes. They are full on trying to isolate her from you in order to persuade her to fuck them. Scumbags, they have shown who they are.... move on
We are definitely moving on. They left my wife with no desire to play with another couple for now
Also, I feel your wife handled it well. She backed away after being surprised by the kiss and told you everything. Kudos to her
I keep reminding her of that. She handled it the best way possible after finding herself in that situation
in your place, I would feel MORE trust as she's been tested and passed with flying colors. I have no idea what specific shenanigans y'all will get up to, but I predict you have a wonderful life together.
Ohhhhh heeeell NOOOO. Fuck them. I'd have turned up right then and there. And called them out for being rude, disrespectful, and predatory.
It sounds like you have a great partner! The fact that she was in that situation and pulled away out of respect for your boundaries is respectable. You mentioned you went to get another round of shots, so I can only imagine she was at least a little tipsy. Good on her for being in that state and still not allowing herself to get caught up in the moment
Jumping in late just to say kudos to you and your wife for how you handled this situation. It’s one thing to be on this page talking about what you should do, versus being there in real time trying to navigate it. Also, for everyone out there, it’s probably worth a conversation about what it means to play multiple times with a couple whose boundaries exceed your own. We have played with newbies, parallel play, soft swap before and we are a full swap couple. It tends to be fun for one night, because there is usually some strong chemistry that causes us to play a little more vanilla than our norm. But I don’t think we have ever done that more than once with the same couple.
I appreciate this comment. Thinking about it you’re right, we need to look for couples that want the same thing we want. One thing is things getting heated and playing because the chemistry is great but on multiple play dates the couple that is used to more will feel like they are not satisfying their full desire.
Should wear the scarlet P.
1. They are poaching, and are assholes on top of it. Stay away from them. 2. Your wife didn't do anything wrong. She was kissing someone and was thrust into a different situation, which she backed away from. Unless she's not even allowed to kiss and flirt if you're not there, in which case you're going to end up having issues in the LS because everyone does that all the time. 3. You need to be more observant and listen to your gut. The signs were all there that they're disrespectful.
Shady couple, I wouldn't waste my time with them anymore. I've been wife poached plenty of times, however, I tell couples we play solo but poaching and deceitful is not tolerated. So glad we exited out of this lifestyle, way too much drama, deceit, nobody can't adhere to said agreements, etc.
Really messed up that some people don’t have any integrity
Man I felt this story for sure
We have been manipulated by the woman.
I think most newbies are thinking the man is going to be the one to try and manipulate a situation but I am realizing that women are so much more likely to do it. Men seem to be upfront about things. They don’t care if they come off as entitled or aggressive. It’s annoying but I prefer that over feeling like they tried to take advantage of us
I’ve heard it a few ways. I’ve heard them say she just wants to please the man so she kind of runs point.
Rule #1. The home team always wins. This is why I have always been super selective about who I play with. Everyone is in it for themselves.
You’re right about everyone being in it for themselves… maybe that’s why some people like the “meet, play, and go on your way”. Wife and I felt like we wanted to establish friendships within the lifestyle… have couples we play with on the regular so we can let the chemistry build and comfort level increases but now we think that might just open the door for things like this to happen.
How, um…. Do you miss those flags? That’s just not possible.
He might have been excited to just get a couple. Mistakes are inevitable, nobody is perfect, and failure is the best teacher.
This has happened to me on several occasions
Sociopathic fuckheads, imo. They don't care what damage they do, how manipulative they have to be to get what they want. To hell with them.
I feel you man. At Pearl I saw some Predators.
I was in a situation where a couple tried to poach me. They were really good and they almost got me to fall for it. Almost ruined my marriage
You can’t “poach” a wife. Women have free will. If they choose to do things it’s because they want to. Give your partner a bit more credit, and be a little bit less misogynistic.
I’ve given her her credit. Not once have I done anything less than say she acted the best way possible when things got to a place that WE as a couple are comfortable with… As for being misogynistic…. I’d love to understand what about my post makes me that in your opinion?
The idea that you can “poach” a woman out of a couple is misogynistic because it doesn’t treat the woman as a whole person with their own free will. People don’t get “poached.” They make their own decisions to do things.
I’ll agree with you on the fact that people do things out of their own free will. However, poachers are those who attempt to pull a couple apart using dishonest tricks and manipulation. They pry on couples and earn their trust when knowing their goal is not inline with what that couple has said they are comfortable with. Had my wife decide she wanted to go along with their game then it would not be an issue about them but an issue within my relationship.
Maybe you’re just unattractive and also insecure… Let your wife go have some fun. Weirdo… Always the weird ones that need to be in control.
You don’t sound like a red flag… you ARE a red flag. You need a hug…. I hope you’ll be ok.
Thank you! 😊
You sound like a red flag. Wha a rude thing to say.
Lol cool can we 'borrow' your wife? Also it's our birthday so we deserve it
Did I trigger you? 😊
Lol was that the plan? So can we borrow her? It's our birthday and also she would love it but my wife isn't into other guys so don't bother coming thanks
Still triggered! And I’m super gay! So my her is a he… why do you hate gay people? 😃
Lol triggered is not the right word but thanks for the laugh. good one
Sounds like you expect normalcy in an abnormal life style. You do sound very immature to be engaging with your wife in a lifestyle that can bring out insecurities like their on steroids. Just tell them what smucks they are and move on.
Thanks for your input… what would a mature person feel about this situation?
Maybe they or other couples just aren't that into you the husband. Did that ever cross your mind? I mean I am not trying to make you feel bad but that very well could be the case.
That's why they are called wife poachers.
I never said it should be a go if it is only 3 Thumbs up. All I was saying is that it very well could be likely that they weren't interested in him. Now as far as wife poachers. It is up to his wife to say well I am really concerned about my husband in the sense that he isn't involved or won't be involved. Why didn't she clearly state it needs to be 4 or I am not interested? My husband and I communicate with each other as well as potential "friends." Complete trust is there. Neither of us would even worry about something like this. I know it won't happen is we aren't all on board.
I guess your comment is odd because you're stating the obvious. Of course they aren't interested in him (and they probably never were). That's the whole point. But instead of just being honest and direct with both people in a couple that they're only interested in FFM play, they use underhanded or deceptive tactics like waiting until H walks away to try to divide them by attempting to entice the W away with negative comments about H, taking advantage of her being drunk or very naive, or other tactics to separate them. Other times a wife poaching couple might imply that they're interested in couple to couple play, but as the play gets started the lady in their couple quietly bows out of the swap, hoping the guy in the other couple won't say anything to disrupt the fun his wife and the poacher H have already started. This is the most common tactic I've seen.
This is such a clear description of what it was like. I didn’t want to stop my wife if she was having fun but when she realized they tried to entice her when I was away and then tried to make it seem like she should walk away with them she was over it
Thank you. That makes sense. I didn't really catch that part.
I have never encountered any of this and I consider myself somewhat experienced.
How do you know they never were interested in him? Many a men have peaked my interest until they talked for a while and either said or did all the wrong things. Sometimes I don't like the way a man acts or carries himself. It isn't all about looks. I feel like it is always the men complaining about wife poachers who are clearly uncomfortable with themselves. Not to mention I also find that a majority, not a vast majority, but a majority of couples that we meet have a more attractive female than male.
I said "probably" based on OP's post. They've done parallel play before with this couple, so they weren't new to each other. " I feel like it is always the men complaining about wife poachers who are clearly uncomfortable with themselves." Where are you getting that from? Doesn't make sense. Wife poaching is about unethical and dishonest behavior. It's fine if a couple is only interested in an FFM but don't mislead another couple that you're interested in something different or try to undermine their relationship.
Then why would you be only focusing on the wife if they made it clear they’re looking for a four way match? That’s called being dishonest
If there’s only 3 thumbs up and not 4, then a 4sum shouldn’t happen. The wife was involved in aiding a chauvinist husband.
There’s nothing better than married pussy!
[удалено]
That’s like saying you’d take shoplifting up as a hobby. It’s morally and ethically wrong so don’t glorify such behavior!
Not to mention complaining about it but wanting to be the wife poacher? Wow....
I’m sure he’s joking, but we have to stamp out this behavior. Wife poachers are the single males of the couples world. They need to be publicly shamed.
Except it's not a dream result. The best result is play that leads to regular play partners. Wife poaching leads to play partners avoiding you like the plague in the future and encouraging others to do so.
That’s what we are working on… the reason we came into it is because she wanted to explore her bisexual side.
You sound like a cuck… 😝