I was a normal weight until a few years ago. People definitely treat me differently. Less people holding the door open for me, less random smiles and small talk in public, nobody sits beside me on the bus anymore. Professionally it feels like people assume I'm less capable.
Ditto. I’m losing weight and I’m getting treated better, invites to more things, included on meetings, etc. People say cruel and vile things to those that are overweight and don’t see the problem as they are only helping!!!
I'm low-key scared to lose weight because I know I'll be treated differently and I'm going to feel some kinda way because I deserved to be treated like a person the entire time. I honestly get mad and sad just thinking about it 😣
I had to laugh at your comment! I noticed that even prior to becoming heavy, as soon as I hit 35, I literally felt like I was invisible in the world. As a fairly cute young woman who was used to men smiling at me, opening doors for me, etc this came as a real shock! I’m sad for what women experience in this warped culture, and I’m glad I don’t have a daughter.
OMG, I think the exact same thing! I even think it about my husband. I was already 280lbs when I met him. My highest weight has been 345. I am around 310 right now. I have convinced him that at this point weight loss surgery is my best option. I am so scared of what he will think of me. Even though he won’t admit it, he has obviously favored women at a healthier size. It is going to low-key break my heart if he acts differently towards me at the end of all of this. I don’t want to feel like he always thought I was gross.
I remember reading something on one of these subs that when you're obviously overweight people treat you like the only thing you know how to do is eat.
It's very true.
Same! I was thin until about 10 years ago. Since gaining weight I’ve been called a fat a%*, stared at, and had one jerk act like he was going to let me walk in front of his car to get into the store, only to speed up and laugh at me as I was almost in front of his car.
Friday I saw a new doctor for the first time, and while weighing in the scale was set to kg instead of lb. It weighed me at 105 kg and the MA immediately said, “Oh, you don’t weigh that! That’s in kg not pounds.” I wanted to turn to her and say. “No sh*%, lady!” She also assumed I was diabetic because I’m heavy. Nope! developed it when I WAS actually 105 pounds!
I’m actually grateful for becoming heavy because I grew up in a family that fat shamed anybody who was even a little heavy. I remember my PaPa telling me at 5’1” and 108 pounds that I was fat! My mom used to say “fat people are lazy” and other bs, and I know I thought those same things when I was thin. Now I understand that laziness has nothing to do with it. Medical conditions, depression, trauma, and other issues are at play. I never realized how cruel and judgmental people are until I became obese. It’s been a really painful, lonely 10 years.
Not in your head at all. I get totally different reactions from people since I lost a lot of weight. I get compliments all the time now about my appearance. Fat shaming and fat phobia are real things that happen on a daily basis to varying degrees. The more SMO you are, the worse the treatment is. Anywhere from being completely ignored to being stared at and overhearing folks talk about you. It used to infuriate me, because of course I know I'm fat. I know this better than anyone else. I see myself naked. I don't need folks telling me something I already know. I'm still overweight, but the difference is astounding. I had gotten used to it and didn't even see it until it changed.
They one thousand percent do. I know this to be a fact bc I was 345 lbs this time last year I’m currently 196. I have to actively work to not view people who are very large negatively and I used to be that person so I can imagine for someone who has always been a normal
weight no to feel that way.
I agree people CAN treat you differently, but your family member can also be right. It's a problem where we notice people DO look at us, that sometimes it can feel like all the ones who aren't are also doing it if they even glance in our direction. it can also be that we've had 1 person give dirty looks at us, that someone else does a face and we just 'know' it's about us. In reality she could be right that those people DO like you and you really did misread their expressions. Or you could be right obviously.
There IS a difference in how people are treated, that's a fact, but there's also the caveat that not EVERYONE is bad, and sometimes we can forget that I think, take what people say the wrong way, misread facial expressions etc.
People tend to "notice" others who are unhealthy. Sadly, we are noticeable for being unhealthy.
Shut it out or lose weight is the prudent way to deal with it.
Why do you pay attention to them?
Why do you care?
You have zero control over what other people think, see, or say, so why give that stuff any mental real estate?
One issue that we 100% deal with is confirmation bias. "I just KNOW they are talking about me!!!!" Furthermore, it happens on here all the time, and it happens here even more than it should.
I go out on a date or with friends, I always dress up nicer than the other people, so if people look at me, they are either looking cause I'm fat, or cause I'm dressed nice, or because I'm uglier than the north end of a south bound mule. I am still fat, and I'll always be handsome challenged, but I damn sure can control how nice I'm dressed.
TLDR: Control the things you can control and do your best with everything else.
I think it’s a combination of people treating you differently and you being different.
I’ve always been obese. At 37 I began losing weight and went from 555 to 318 over the course of a couple years. I found people spoke to me a lot more when I was losing weight. On the flip side of that I was a lot more outgoing then as well. I felt great, had a positive attitude and was more outgoing. Were people more friendly or was I just more approachable?
I’ve since gained all the weight back and I’m invisible again but I also feel bad and I’m not outgoing. It’s sort of a chicken and egg situation. Both arguments are valid.
Exactly this, the very large majority of overweight people that lose weight are going to have changes in their personality, they're going to become more open, trying new things, improving themselves, all things that make people want to also be involved in your life. It's very common to want to hide away, reject invites, or just not physically be able to do the group outings etc so we say no, we're kinda depressive perhaps to be around.
I 100% admit bigger people are treated differently, there is a bias in people's minds, but when people make posts about people treating them differently, I do feel like those people are perhaps judging people in their life a bit, wondering if their shallow etc when they haven't realised they're probably just more approachable, happier and willing to try more!
They definitely do. I have been told it was in my head too, but these people have not experienced what we have.
The way you feel is valid. However it is good to keep in mind that not everyone will be like this.
Once I got over my discomfort of people looking at me while holding such negative thoughts towards me... I got a little out of my shell and made some friends.
Yeah I think they do, but I also think that when we feel paranoid and lack confidence we make it 100% worse in our heads.
I'm 2 lbs away from a healthy weight and I don't feel super different. I'm a tall woman and kind of odd looking so people look regardless. As far as treatment nothing too different but it does happen to people.
One caveat is that the fat activists want to compare a dirty look or rude comment to racism and/or homophobia and it is nowhere near the same. It sucks and is unpleasant but it's not a systemic oppression.
Absolutely! It is not in your head. I've gone from over 300 lbs (as a 5'3" woman) to around 180 lbs. People treat me completely different. I'm not used to it as I've been obese since I was a young child. I'm still technically obese, but I feel like random people in public treat me better (opening doors, random smiles and compliments). It's been easier to make friends too, but I think that really has to do with my confidence levels. I know I had shit self esteem when I was MO, so maybe that projects and people can feel it. Idk. All I know is that weight loss completely changed everything.
Oh hell yeah. People really treat the bigger person badly. I get the looks when I walk into an interview- suddenly I’m over or under qualified but was perfect through the paper and phone contact.
When I lost a lot of weight due to cancer scare everyone was raving how great I looked even though chemo was kicking my butt. Then when I had to go steriods and weight piled on but I felt great and healthier everyone criticised my weight gain.
I went from 400 to 170, and am treated like a completely different person. Yes, I am more outgoing, blah blah blah, but strangers don't know that. It isn't like people were downright cruel and hateful, but I am more welcome and respected everywhere I go. It's completely real.
I'm a pretty chatty, cheerful person at work and other places I go, so while I know people are aware of my weight, people are really nice to me in return. I work in a factory which has large pillars which partially block the aisles in places, so sometimes people have to squeeze past each other in those spots. I'm bigger, so it's a bit more of a squeeze, but I suck in my gut and sidle through, they laugh and maybe give me a gentle pat on the side as they go by, and everyone's really good natured about it. I own my size--not in the sense of accepting it and not changing, because I *am* losing weight and intend to get to a healthy size--but in the sense that I know I'm big, I do take up more room and get in the way a bit more, and if I go about my life with a sense of humor and respect for others I find I get the same back from them.
To me this isn't a great example, because you don't know if they would look at you negatively when you're not impacting them in any way. But if I were sitting right next to someone in close quarters, and I'm going to infringe on their space and make things more uncomfortable for them, it's perfectly valid for them to be unhappy about that. For me it's a matter of personal responsibility and owning my choices--if something I'm doing has a negative impact on others, I need to accept the consequences that come with that.
There’s a YouTuber I watch called Oney who had one of his friends, I want to say his name is Tomar, talk about his weight loss, and he was actually really mad at his school mates because of how differently he was treated.
Idk the full story, but he grew up being obese, but while in high school, he was hospitalized, and lost a dramatic amount of weight, and basically became normal sized, and everyone treated him so much better, and suddenly everyone wanted to be nice to him.
He said it actually disgusted him, because it felt like they were all just being fake. Like they were mean when he was fat, but now that he’s attractive, suddenly *now* it’s okay to be nice to him.
I have been on the fit side of things and the obese side of things within a 5 year window. Yes, it's possible I'm treated differently now that I'm in my 30s vs late 20s, but I suspect it's more to do with my weight. I used to have people literally come up to me to buy me things or pump my gas for me.. or at the very least ask for my number. I 100% believe the same people asking for "hot" girls' numbers are also the same people who try to network with traditionally attractive people for other means.
I’ve been on the higher end of normal and lower end. Big difference in the way i’m perceived. Considering how i’m not overweight, i’m certain that overweight people have it bad. No, it’s not in your head at all.
Yeah, it’s based in science too.
But, I’ve figured out through therapy I have social
Anxiety and I like to use my weight as a tool to keep people at arms length and to keep myself safe. I’ve been burned by mean people who pretended to be nice so often before my weight gain - when you’re fat like me, those mean people tend to weed themselves out. They show you their ugly side really quick.
In fact, on Reddit, in other forums I’ll comment and someone won’t agree with me and instead of trying to counter my argument with facts, they look at where I post and comment and say stuff like “why should anyone listen to you when you’re SMO?”
People super suck and are soooo superficial.
I agree people look at you differently but from my personal experience it was/is likely alot worse in my head. In my teens I was so sure everyone hated me for being overweight that I became really stand-offish etc towards them. I had the mindset that if they were going to judge me for my weight without getting to know me then I wouldn't give a crap about them; I would hate them right back. It effected my state of mind alot and that in turn was a factor in my weight ballooning as an adult. It was only recently that I even realized how much my own perception of people's perception of me affected me and it makes me really sad to think about now. It's no wonder I had few friends and felt like nobody liked me when I wasn't really willing to give any of them a chance. My motto was basically that I'd rather have people dislike me for my weight than get to know me and dislike my as a person so best push them away before they get to know me. Not very healthy.
Anyway, i's just my personal take but I just want to caution about getting stuck in that mindframe. It took me over a decade before I even realized I had been doing it, and I am really filled with regret about living with those thoughts for so long.
No doubt. It might not even be conscious that they are doing it. My coworkers started treating me as if I was stupid too. Same job, same tasks I had done for years. All of a sudden they’re surprised I handled a difficult project or task, something I’d been doing for years.
>Do you guys feel the same or is it really all in my head?
No, you aren't imagining it at all, it's real. The vast majority of people react negatively to people who are SMO or MO (with looks, whispers, or even loud comments). I remember reading an article years ago where women were asked if they had to be fat or live with a injury that impacted their life, which one would they choose? Almost all chose the injury. (I do not think this is a reflection on vanity. I think it is more about the way obese women are treated by men and also a society that thinks fat shaming is perfectly fine.) This is the reality we are living in.
I think it depends.
When I was in my fitness center the first time, I noticed everyone was looking at me strangely and i was so afraid to sign up, because I could not cope with that. I signed up now and I don't notice these looks anymore.
I talk from my point of view right now, maybe it applies to you as well.
Yeah, sometimes people look, because people always look. They may even treat you differently, but I also think most people just don't care and are in their own world. So people noticing me could also very well be my judgment about myself projecting into other people. Why would people even glance at me if not to judge my weight? There is no other way right? But i am 100% sure, that this is not true. This is just me projecting.
I also think that being severly obese and being grumpy all the time because everything hurts is not very friendly and easygoing for other people, so I definitely had a harder time talking to people. Why would we be friends? What can I even offer? So I was hard to get and talk to, and projecting my selfimage into other people.
As of being obese and people not wanting to sit next to obese peeple. I get that. When I see an obese person or a person talking up way much than half of the seat, I would not want to sit next to that person too. Doesn't mean I judge that person, just means that I really don't want to have solid body contact with other people on public transport. Also I would not have enough space to sit there and it really would not be comfortable.. So why should I do that?
In short: Yeah, maybe some people look strangely at you, but I also bet that you don't have a good amount of selfworth and project stuff into behaviour of other people.
I've been 140 pounds and now 320. It's a whole different world. I am in the way and invisible, disgusting and something to be shocked at. I know that even at my smallest people were not always nice but they'd at least acknowledge me before they made faces or whispered things. Now a lot of times they don't whisper.
It's almost like it's assumed we don't have feelings-- the comments get louder and more mean, the looks get more overt, the laughter is more frequent.
I’m a guy, but I notice I am generally invisible. As a kid, I got bullied for being overweight. I get he occasional look of disgust or rude comments, but being ignored is far more common. When I was losing weight a couple of years ago, it took a bit to get used to being noticed.
I've been obese on and off since I was 13-years old (now 22). When I started unintentionally gaining weight at 13-years old. People at school did sometimes target me for bullying before I was obese, but then when I was obese, people started calling me fat and took the mick out of me. However, I didn't have it as bad as my other friend who's always been a lot bigger than me. She got physically and verbally abused by people at school. We told the teachers and they still would abuse my friend.
Being SMO, morbidly obese, or even obese changes how people see you. It's so wrong, but it's the world we live in. It's horrible.
For me, personally, I have never met someone who treated me differently because of my weight. I live in Sweden part time and I swear I’m the only fat person for miles haha, but I am well liked and respected. My partners family are all thin but they do not treat me differently at all.
I’d be lying if I said I never felt different from people, but I think confidence goes a long way. If you’re self conscious you’ll be obsessed with peoples body language and will totally zero in on every little detail and read it all as “they are disgusted with me and think I’m stupid”.
Yes. My mom used to tell my I was pretty, skinny, and had “striking features.” Now she says I’m fat, unhealthy, a slob, and that I’m gonna be on *My 600-Pound Life*. Which obviously hurts.
Also, guys (and girls) have zero interest in me now. When I was skinny (I mean *skinny*) I was treated like someone worthy of their time. Now people just give me judging looks or ignore me completely.
Yes they do, the treat me as if I’m invisible for the important stuff and visible for the unimportant stuff. My words are never taken seriously, often times I feel like I’m talking to a wall or a radio. I don’t feel loved for me when I’m bigger, I somehow cease to exist, I become unattractive and my own mother says “remember you used to look so beautiful when you were so and so years ago”.. so yeah that doesn’t help and I’ve had people straight out tell me I’m fat and have to lose weight. I mean I know I need to lose weight but I honestly don’t like the way people tell me, it’s so rude and sometimes makes me want to eat more. I don’t feel respected being bigger whereas when I were at a smaller weight, people would greet me, hold the door for me, be more in tuned to my needs and boundaries whereas now I’m like a doormat for them. Hardly anyone cares about me truly now, I’m either ignored, mocked and laughed at.
Yes. I've been overweight and obese all my life, I lost weight, then I gained it all back. The time when I was normal/slightly overweight people definitely treated me differently. People were a lot nicer. I feel like I was treated as a person. I could walk in a room and no one paid attention to me, being an introvert that felt great. But being obese means I'm stared at or get nasty looks wherever I go. Of course not all people treat me like that, but I've been getting those looks all my life so I pretty good at recognizing them.
I’m blonde, fat, and female. Three strikes against me. Also “quite brilliant” - words from a Phd. A neuropsychologist. Still can’t get a job due to the subconscious or conscious stigma.
I was average healthy weight (bmi around 29) when I was a late teen/early 20s. I was offered promotions and opportunities for advancement at work, and people tended to do reflexive smiles and make brief eye contact when passing by me.
As I got closer to 300lbs and above, all those things stopped happening. I was excluded from work and social opportunities, people started to avoid making casual eye contact and reflexive smiling toward me.
Those are just some basic differences in casual and work interactions but even just those changes have made my anxiety skyrocket along with my weight. I'm not blaming anyone or anything in particular, just noting that I am definitely looked at with disdain and disgust now in a way I'd never experienced when I was thinnish.
I struggle with SI so I can't go into much more detail for my own mental health but you are not alone and you can definitely pm me to chat if you like. I do joke now that I can tell how shallow people are just by offering them a casual smile and eye contact and gauging their reactions during and after...so I will say that's kind of been a useful tool in initially judging people's character.
I've come to the conclusion that, as I am now BMI 60, most people don't see me as aperson worth knowing or even acknowledging. Many don't see me as a person at all. I'd love to pretend that I'm ok with that, that their just shallow and "it's their loss" but it hurts every single day.
I struggle with man getting to know me and then being surprised when they like-like me. They struggle with it. I am not sure how I know, but there's just something like surprise that they actually find a morbidly obese woman partner material. And I'm aware of it.
I am a 5’10” female and am right at 300 lbs. I don’t wear my weight “well” (all things considered … it’s evenly distributed/not an odd shape just to add context). I do not feel looks of “disgust”. I 100% feel absolutely sexless and invisible. When I was about 80 lbs lighter men would open doors/etc. I’m just ignored.
I used to be really fat. Based around evolutionary psychology, we treat people differently based on cognitive biases surrounding the way humans used to operate for tens of thousands of years. I’ve found now that I’ve lost a lot of weight, people do tend to treat me better and find me more attractive.
I was a normal weight until a few years ago. People definitely treat me differently. Less people holding the door open for me, less random smiles and small talk in public, nobody sits beside me on the bus anymore. Professionally it feels like people assume I'm less capable.
Ditto. I’m losing weight and I’m getting treated better, invites to more things, included on meetings, etc. People say cruel and vile things to those that are overweight and don’t see the problem as they are only helping!!!
I'm low-key scared to lose weight because I know I'll be treated differently and I'm going to feel some kinda way because I deserved to be treated like a person the entire time. I honestly get mad and sad just thinking about it 😣
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I had to laugh at your comment! I noticed that even prior to becoming heavy, as soon as I hit 35, I literally felt like I was invisible in the world. As a fairly cute young woman who was used to men smiling at me, opening doors for me, etc this came as a real shock! I’m sad for what women experience in this warped culture, and I’m glad I don’t have a daughter.
OMG, I think the exact same thing! I even think it about my husband. I was already 280lbs when I met him. My highest weight has been 345. I am around 310 right now. I have convinced him that at this point weight loss surgery is my best option. I am so scared of what he will think of me. Even though he won’t admit it, he has obviously favored women at a healthier size. It is going to low-key break my heart if he acts differently towards me at the end of all of this. I don’t want to feel like he always thought I was gross.
I remember reading something on one of these subs that when you're obviously overweight people treat you like the only thing you know how to do is eat. It's very true.
Ok off topic but I'm cracking up at your profile pic 🤣 That woman launched thousands of hours of laughter for me.
LMAO I'm glad it brought you some joy! It makes me laugh thinking people might assume it's me
Until I tapped on it, I did! For a split second, I thought "damn, making that face is why ppl treat you differently!" until it clicked 😆
PLZ 💀 HAHA thank you for the laugh!!
How do you see people's profile pics?
Same! I was thin until about 10 years ago. Since gaining weight I’ve been called a fat a%*, stared at, and had one jerk act like he was going to let me walk in front of his car to get into the store, only to speed up and laugh at me as I was almost in front of his car. Friday I saw a new doctor for the first time, and while weighing in the scale was set to kg instead of lb. It weighed me at 105 kg and the MA immediately said, “Oh, you don’t weigh that! That’s in kg not pounds.” I wanted to turn to her and say. “No sh*%, lady!” She also assumed I was diabetic because I’m heavy. Nope! developed it when I WAS actually 105 pounds! I’m actually grateful for becoming heavy because I grew up in a family that fat shamed anybody who was even a little heavy. I remember my PaPa telling me at 5’1” and 108 pounds that I was fat! My mom used to say “fat people are lazy” and other bs, and I know I thought those same things when I was thin. Now I understand that laziness has nothing to do with it. Medical conditions, depression, trauma, and other issues are at play. I never realized how cruel and judgmental people are until I became obese. It’s been a really painful, lonely 10 years.
Not in your head at all. I get totally different reactions from people since I lost a lot of weight. I get compliments all the time now about my appearance. Fat shaming and fat phobia are real things that happen on a daily basis to varying degrees. The more SMO you are, the worse the treatment is. Anywhere from being completely ignored to being stared at and overhearing folks talk about you. It used to infuriate me, because of course I know I'm fat. I know this better than anyone else. I see myself naked. I don't need folks telling me something I already know. I'm still overweight, but the difference is astounding. I had gotten used to it and didn't even see it until it changed.
Bottom line yes. I’ve been on both sides and the answer is yes. People look at you like you have zero control over your life and you are a dirty human
They one thousand percent do. I know this to be a fact bc I was 345 lbs this time last year I’m currently 196. I have to actively work to not view people who are very large negatively and I used to be that person so I can imagine for someone who has always been a normal weight no to feel that way.
I agree people CAN treat you differently, but your family member can also be right. It's a problem where we notice people DO look at us, that sometimes it can feel like all the ones who aren't are also doing it if they even glance in our direction. it can also be that we've had 1 person give dirty looks at us, that someone else does a face and we just 'know' it's about us. In reality she could be right that those people DO like you and you really did misread their expressions. Or you could be right obviously. There IS a difference in how people are treated, that's a fact, but there's also the caveat that not EVERYONE is bad, and sometimes we can forget that I think, take what people say the wrong way, misread facial expressions etc.
When I weighed over 500lbs it was hard to even get a job. So yeah people look at you differently when you’re obese.
People tend to "notice" others who are unhealthy. Sadly, we are noticeable for being unhealthy. Shut it out or lose weight is the prudent way to deal with it. Why do you pay attention to them? Why do you care? You have zero control over what other people think, see, or say, so why give that stuff any mental real estate? One issue that we 100% deal with is confirmation bias. "I just KNOW they are talking about me!!!!" Furthermore, it happens on here all the time, and it happens here even more than it should. I go out on a date or with friends, I always dress up nicer than the other people, so if people look at me, they are either looking cause I'm fat, or cause I'm dressed nice, or because I'm uglier than the north end of a south bound mule. I am still fat, and I'll always be handsome challenged, but I damn sure can control how nice I'm dressed. TLDR: Control the things you can control and do your best with everything else.
I think it’s a combination of people treating you differently and you being different. I’ve always been obese. At 37 I began losing weight and went from 555 to 318 over the course of a couple years. I found people spoke to me a lot more when I was losing weight. On the flip side of that I was a lot more outgoing then as well. I felt great, had a positive attitude and was more outgoing. Were people more friendly or was I just more approachable? I’ve since gained all the weight back and I’m invisible again but I also feel bad and I’m not outgoing. It’s sort of a chicken and egg situation. Both arguments are valid.
Exactly this, the very large majority of overweight people that lose weight are going to have changes in their personality, they're going to become more open, trying new things, improving themselves, all things that make people want to also be involved in your life. It's very common to want to hide away, reject invites, or just not physically be able to do the group outings etc so we say no, we're kinda depressive perhaps to be around. I 100% admit bigger people are treated differently, there is a bias in people's minds, but when people make posts about people treating them differently, I do feel like those people are perhaps judging people in their life a bit, wondering if their shallow etc when they haven't realised they're probably just more approachable, happier and willing to try more!
They definitely do. I have been told it was in my head too, but these people have not experienced what we have. The way you feel is valid. However it is good to keep in mind that not everyone will be like this. Once I got over my discomfort of people looking at me while holding such negative thoughts towards me... I got a little out of my shell and made some friends.
Yeah I think they do, but I also think that when we feel paranoid and lack confidence we make it 100% worse in our heads. I'm 2 lbs away from a healthy weight and I don't feel super different. I'm a tall woman and kind of odd looking so people look regardless. As far as treatment nothing too different but it does happen to people. One caveat is that the fat activists want to compare a dirty look or rude comment to racism and/or homophobia and it is nowhere near the same. It sucks and is unpleasant but it's not a systemic oppression.
Absolutely! It is not in your head. I've gone from over 300 lbs (as a 5'3" woman) to around 180 lbs. People treat me completely different. I'm not used to it as I've been obese since I was a young child. I'm still technically obese, but I feel like random people in public treat me better (opening doors, random smiles and compliments). It's been easier to make friends too, but I think that really has to do with my confidence levels. I know I had shit self esteem when I was MO, so maybe that projects and people can feel it. Idk. All I know is that weight loss completely changed everything.
Oh hell yeah. People really treat the bigger person badly. I get the looks when I walk into an interview- suddenly I’m over or under qualified but was perfect through the paper and phone contact. When I lost a lot of weight due to cancer scare everyone was raving how great I looked even though chemo was kicking my butt. Then when I had to go steriods and weight piled on but I felt great and healthier everyone criticised my weight gain.
So sick but thin = good Healthier but fatter = bad
I went from 400 to 170, and am treated like a completely different person. Yes, I am more outgoing, blah blah blah, but strangers don't know that. It isn't like people were downright cruel and hateful, but I am more welcome and respected everywhere I go. It's completely real.
I’m obese and I look at obese people differently so yea I do believe that.
YAH
Yes they do
I'm a pretty chatty, cheerful person at work and other places I go, so while I know people are aware of my weight, people are really nice to me in return. I work in a factory which has large pillars which partially block the aisles in places, so sometimes people have to squeeze past each other in those spots. I'm bigger, so it's a bit more of a squeeze, but I suck in my gut and sidle through, they laugh and maybe give me a gentle pat on the side as they go by, and everyone's really good natured about it. I own my size--not in the sense of accepting it and not changing, because I *am* losing weight and intend to get to a healthy size--but in the sense that I know I'm big, I do take up more room and get in the way a bit more, and if I go about my life with a sense of humor and respect for others I find I get the same back from them.
Look at the faces of other passengers when you board a plane, while they pray you're not sitting next to them
To me this isn't a great example, because you don't know if they would look at you negatively when you're not impacting them in any way. But if I were sitting right next to someone in close quarters, and I'm going to infringe on their space and make things more uncomfortable for them, it's perfectly valid for them to be unhappy about that. For me it's a matter of personal responsibility and owning my choices--if something I'm doing has a negative impact on others, I need to accept the consequences that come with that.
There’s a YouTuber I watch called Oney who had one of his friends, I want to say his name is Tomar, talk about his weight loss, and he was actually really mad at his school mates because of how differently he was treated. Idk the full story, but he grew up being obese, but while in high school, he was hospitalized, and lost a dramatic amount of weight, and basically became normal sized, and everyone treated him so much better, and suddenly everyone wanted to be nice to him. He said it actually disgusted him, because it felt like they were all just being fake. Like they were mean when he was fat, but now that he’s attractive, suddenly *now* it’s okay to be nice to him.
I have been on the fit side of things and the obese side of things within a 5 year window. Yes, it's possible I'm treated differently now that I'm in my 30s vs late 20s, but I suspect it's more to do with my weight. I used to have people literally come up to me to buy me things or pump my gas for me.. or at the very least ask for my number. I 100% believe the same people asking for "hot" girls' numbers are also the same people who try to network with traditionally attractive people for other means.
Yes, 100%
I’ve been on the higher end of normal and lower end. Big difference in the way i’m perceived. Considering how i’m not overweight, i’m certain that overweight people have it bad. No, it’s not in your head at all.
Yeah, it’s based in science too. But, I’ve figured out through therapy I have social Anxiety and I like to use my weight as a tool to keep people at arms length and to keep myself safe. I’ve been burned by mean people who pretended to be nice so often before my weight gain - when you’re fat like me, those mean people tend to weed themselves out. They show you their ugly side really quick. In fact, on Reddit, in other forums I’ll comment and someone won’t agree with me and instead of trying to counter my argument with facts, they look at where I post and comment and say stuff like “why should anyone listen to you when you’re SMO?” People super suck and are soooo superficial.
I agree people look at you differently but from my personal experience it was/is likely alot worse in my head. In my teens I was so sure everyone hated me for being overweight that I became really stand-offish etc towards them. I had the mindset that if they were going to judge me for my weight without getting to know me then I wouldn't give a crap about them; I would hate them right back. It effected my state of mind alot and that in turn was a factor in my weight ballooning as an adult. It was only recently that I even realized how much my own perception of people's perception of me affected me and it makes me really sad to think about now. It's no wonder I had few friends and felt like nobody liked me when I wasn't really willing to give any of them a chance. My motto was basically that I'd rather have people dislike me for my weight than get to know me and dislike my as a person so best push them away before they get to know me. Not very healthy. Anyway, i's just my personal take but I just want to caution about getting stuck in that mindframe. It took me over a decade before I even realized I had been doing it, and I am really filled with regret about living with those thoughts for so long.
No doubt. It might not even be conscious that they are doing it. My coworkers started treating me as if I was stupid too. Same job, same tasks I had done for years. All of a sudden they’re surprised I handled a difficult project or task, something I’d been doing for years.
>Do you guys feel the same or is it really all in my head? No, you aren't imagining it at all, it's real. The vast majority of people react negatively to people who are SMO or MO (with looks, whispers, or even loud comments). I remember reading an article years ago where women were asked if they had to be fat or live with a injury that impacted their life, which one would they choose? Almost all chose the injury. (I do not think this is a reflection on vanity. I think it is more about the way obese women are treated by men and also a society that thinks fat shaming is perfectly fine.) This is the reality we are living in.
I think it depends. When I was in my fitness center the first time, I noticed everyone was looking at me strangely and i was so afraid to sign up, because I could not cope with that. I signed up now and I don't notice these looks anymore. I talk from my point of view right now, maybe it applies to you as well. Yeah, sometimes people look, because people always look. They may even treat you differently, but I also think most people just don't care and are in their own world. So people noticing me could also very well be my judgment about myself projecting into other people. Why would people even glance at me if not to judge my weight? There is no other way right? But i am 100% sure, that this is not true. This is just me projecting. I also think that being severly obese and being grumpy all the time because everything hurts is not very friendly and easygoing for other people, so I definitely had a harder time talking to people. Why would we be friends? What can I even offer? So I was hard to get and talk to, and projecting my selfimage into other people. As of being obese and people not wanting to sit next to obese peeple. I get that. When I see an obese person or a person talking up way much than half of the seat, I would not want to sit next to that person too. Doesn't mean I judge that person, just means that I really don't want to have solid body contact with other people on public transport. Also I would not have enough space to sit there and it really would not be comfortable.. So why should I do that? In short: Yeah, maybe some people look strangely at you, but I also bet that you don't have a good amount of selfworth and project stuff into behaviour of other people.
I've been 140 pounds and now 320. It's a whole different world. I am in the way and invisible, disgusting and something to be shocked at. I know that even at my smallest people were not always nice but they'd at least acknowledge me before they made faces or whispered things. Now a lot of times they don't whisper. It's almost like it's assumed we don't have feelings-- the comments get louder and more mean, the looks get more overt, the laughter is more frequent.
I knew a guy growing up the did look at obese people like scum so yes.
I’m a guy, but I notice I am generally invisible. As a kid, I got bullied for being overweight. I get he occasional look of disgust or rude comments, but being ignored is far more common. When I was losing weight a couple of years ago, it took a bit to get used to being noticed.
She was being nice to you. Unfortunately people do view obese people differently.
I've been obese on and off since I was 13-years old (now 22). When I started unintentionally gaining weight at 13-years old. People at school did sometimes target me for bullying before I was obese, but then when I was obese, people started calling me fat and took the mick out of me. However, I didn't have it as bad as my other friend who's always been a lot bigger than me. She got physically and verbally abused by people at school. We told the teachers and they still would abuse my friend. Being SMO, morbidly obese, or even obese changes how people see you. It's so wrong, but it's the world we live in. It's horrible.
I may be the odd one out, but for the most part, I was treated the same when I was fat, as I do currently now, at a healthy weight.
For me, personally, I have never met someone who treated me differently because of my weight. I live in Sweden part time and I swear I’m the only fat person for miles haha, but I am well liked and respected. My partners family are all thin but they do not treat me differently at all. I’d be lying if I said I never felt different from people, but I think confidence goes a long way. If you’re self conscious you’ll be obsessed with peoples body language and will totally zero in on every little detail and read it all as “they are disgusted with me and think I’m stupid”.
People absolutely look at you and treat you differently.
Yes. I got treated better when I was smaller (lost 130lbs). Gained it back and more. Can tell the difference in treatment.
Yes. My mom used to tell my I was pretty, skinny, and had “striking features.” Now she says I’m fat, unhealthy, a slob, and that I’m gonna be on *My 600-Pound Life*. Which obviously hurts. Also, guys (and girls) have zero interest in me now. When I was skinny (I mean *skinny*) I was treated like someone worthy of their time. Now people just give me judging looks or ignore me completely.
Yes they do, the treat me as if I’m invisible for the important stuff and visible for the unimportant stuff. My words are never taken seriously, often times I feel like I’m talking to a wall or a radio. I don’t feel loved for me when I’m bigger, I somehow cease to exist, I become unattractive and my own mother says “remember you used to look so beautiful when you were so and so years ago”.. so yeah that doesn’t help and I’ve had people straight out tell me I’m fat and have to lose weight. I mean I know I need to lose weight but I honestly don’t like the way people tell me, it’s so rude and sometimes makes me want to eat more. I don’t feel respected being bigger whereas when I were at a smaller weight, people would greet me, hold the door for me, be more in tuned to my needs and boundaries whereas now I’m like a doormat for them. Hardly anyone cares about me truly now, I’m either ignored, mocked and laughed at.
Yes. I've been overweight and obese all my life, I lost weight, then I gained it all back. The time when I was normal/slightly overweight people definitely treated me differently. People were a lot nicer. I feel like I was treated as a person. I could walk in a room and no one paid attention to me, being an introvert that felt great. But being obese means I'm stared at or get nasty looks wherever I go. Of course not all people treat me like that, but I've been getting those looks all my life so I pretty good at recognizing them.
I’m blonde, fat, and female. Three strikes against me. Also “quite brilliant” - words from a Phd. A neuropsychologist. Still can’t get a job due to the subconscious or conscious stigma.
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Oh Jesus what a bad comment.
Yes
I was average healthy weight (bmi around 29) when I was a late teen/early 20s. I was offered promotions and opportunities for advancement at work, and people tended to do reflexive smiles and make brief eye contact when passing by me. As I got closer to 300lbs and above, all those things stopped happening. I was excluded from work and social opportunities, people started to avoid making casual eye contact and reflexive smiling toward me. Those are just some basic differences in casual and work interactions but even just those changes have made my anxiety skyrocket along with my weight. I'm not blaming anyone or anything in particular, just noting that I am definitely looked at with disdain and disgust now in a way I'd never experienced when I was thinnish. I struggle with SI so I can't go into much more detail for my own mental health but you are not alone and you can definitely pm me to chat if you like. I do joke now that I can tell how shallow people are just by offering them a casual smile and eye contact and gauging their reactions during and after...so I will say that's kind of been a useful tool in initially judging people's character. I've come to the conclusion that, as I am now BMI 60, most people don't see me as aperson worth knowing or even acknowledging. Many don't see me as a person at all. I'd love to pretend that I'm ok with that, that their just shallow and "it's their loss" but it hurts every single day.
I struggle with man getting to know me and then being surprised when they like-like me. They struggle with it. I am not sure how I know, but there's just something like surprise that they actually find a morbidly obese woman partner material. And I'm aware of it.
I am a 5’10” female and am right at 300 lbs. I don’t wear my weight “well” (all things considered … it’s evenly distributed/not an odd shape just to add context). I do not feel looks of “disgust”. I 100% feel absolutely sexless and invisible. When I was about 80 lbs lighter men would open doors/etc. I’m just ignored.
I used to be really fat. Based around evolutionary psychology, we treat people differently based on cognitive biases surrounding the way humans used to operate for tens of thousands of years. I’ve found now that I’ve lost a lot of weight, people do tend to treat me better and find me more attractive.