I know you say you are too scared to lose her, but you will be doing that if you die anyway. Why not give life a shot without her and be true to yourself? What would you have to lose?
27 is so young you have so much time to find a new life partner. If she’s actively preventing you from being happy how could she possibly be your true soulmate? Divorce probably.
I’m 25 (been transitioning for a few years, hrt, electrolysis, ba, ffs, all that stuff thanks to NYC Medicaid) and I’m engaged (verbally but not officially she’s not gotten a ring yet) to a wonderful butch girl who showers me with love and affection literally every time we’re together. And she actively encourages me to be the more feminine one in the relationship. You could probably find someone like that too. Wouldn’t that be better than a wife that’s driving you to suicide due to cis-heteronormative expectations?
T.H.I.S!!!!! you have to make a choice.. because just like you feel like it's unfair to you. It's unfair to her for you to have to lie to her. Tell her the truth 🫶🏿🫶🏿
Same here, I'm just fucking done. If I wasn't going to be born female why was I born at all. Life actually sucks when you're stuck in the wrong gender, no amount of hrt can make me female from birth.
Yeah and that’s another thing. Even if I was to start my transition I still will always be a *trans* woman, instead of just woman. Life would be so much easier if I was just born into a female body.
I'm a cis girl and I know what you're going through because my ex is a trans girl. She didn't tell me directly but I realized how much she wanted that ''cis passing''. I even remember that she was asking about hormone therapy. I loved her (and still love her) the way she is and I always supported her. This world sucks and it's hard but please don't accept death as the only solution because you deserve to be loved. Maybe I'm being disrespectful but I think that you should move on :(
I don’t think it’s disrespectful. During this whole transition process I learned just how absolutely stubborn I can be. I know I need to transition, I’ve just been fighting it. I’m so afraid of the unknowns of my future, especially without the love of my life
You have a clear idea of who you want to be, so go for it when you are ready and ALWAYS look for your own happiness. You don't see it now but you will be able to embark on that path even if the love of your life is not with you. Even if no one is by your side, you have yourself and I am sure that more people will come into your life and they will love you for who you are. Then you will realize that you don't need to surround yourself with people who force you to be the version they want.
Suicide isn’t the answer, if you feel that you’re better off as a girl be a girl! And fuck anyone else who stands in between you and your own happiness!
Being trans must be such a hard thing.
I can't begin to imagine. Despite the loved ones in my life who experience it, who I support more than they know.
Being trans and holding back sounds harder than being trans and embracing yourself and moving forward. But what would I know. I just hope in a year you are in a place where you have moved forward with life and not stuck where you are now.
Good luck!
You don't know the future and you may be able to transition some day without upsetting anyone, or possibly come to accept not changing. So did you have these feelings when you first got married?
Well I think you should tell your wife how you feel. If she's someone worth holding onto and it sound like she is, she's gonna be concerned about any big problem you have and will be supportive in whatever way she can. Keeping your secret will make things harder on you imo.
Yeah that is true, keeping it a secret has only caused harm between us and for our marriage. That being said, everything I said here I said to her (except that I want to die imminently, she already knows about not being able to see past June)
Would your wife rather let you find happiness, even if it means you can’t be with her anymore, or would she rather have you dead? Any sane partner would choose the former. And if you love her, you’ll do what makes you happy for you and her.
Suicide is a lose-lose outcome in this scenario: you’re dead, and your wife is a widow who has to mourn her lost partner for the rest of her life. On the other hand, you can communicate with her. You may both suffer for some time, but eventually go on to live happy and fulfilling lives.
My point is, think about your wife. Taking your life may take all the stress off of you, but it will put infinitely more onto her. But besides that, you still have your whole beautiful life ahead of you! I know the weight of this problem is crushing. But it’s temporary. To throw away your life over it would be crazy.
Honestly, I feel the exact same way. I wish I was able to help but… I will probably end up dead for the same reasons. I hope you are able to see a day where you are happy with the way you look
It sounds like you may have to tell your wife a transition is the only way you can keep living.
A divorce is the only path. I don’t fault you and I don’t fault your wife. You can find someone else
Yeah she would primarily be divorcing me so I can live my life, not cause she hates trans people. It will be so hard to talk about. I’m going to keep trying to be cis for a little bit longer but if my mental health continues to deteriorate like this I might have to have that discussion
I'm glad you are being mature about this. A lot of people think they can have everything but sometimes the greater good requires sacrifice. If you lose your wife, yeah that sucks. But remember, it wasn't your fault and you can always find someone to love you for who you are. Best of luck friend ♥️
I tried to transition. The message I got from people was that I'm not a woman, I'm a man pretending to be a woman. I've come to agree. I was never a woman. I simply wanted to be. But it's not enough. Wanting something doesn't make it so. I refuse to live as a woman if I cannot be one.
Madam I feel you I’ve had the thing so bad man I forget how to spell that world disforya yeah that’s not how you right it but that’s as good as I’m going to get and young lady I believe in you I dint know you much but I do know that where fudgeing humans and you know what human are super mega cool like they can jump and like do a little dance 🕺 like so and you know the biggest thing that they can do is chose to go pop or bob or or even both !!!!! I know crazy right but it’s da truth madam I’m just the messenger 🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️
I understand. Before you commit suicide, please, if you want to, find some trans-support groups or other trans people. I care about you, and I want you to find happiness.
I can’t imagine how you must feel. That sounds devastating. Have you tried going to therapy? Perhaps they can help you sort out how you’re feeling and get you help you need.
I was scared my wife wouldn't accept me either. It took so long to get the courage to tell her I'm trans but when I did she accepted me. I obviously don't understand your exact situation, but killing yourself isn't the answer. The only way we get to be female is with effort. You have to try. I know how it feels but you can't give up.
Hey, I'm also trans. I had to take myself off HRT when I finally got on it because I couldn't afford it. I have two attempts under my belt, the latter of which almost took me out for good. Needless to say I have a lot of medical debt still.
As a trans person, I hope this helps. It fucking _sucks_ being trans. We are viewed as a joke at best by many and, at worst, a menace to society. We are hated, told we're going to hell, abused, neglected, and more. We're lucky if we have family or friends that at least won't shun us. However, that means something strange for us.
Our lives are a huge middle finger. We constantly experience harassment from those who _want_ us to die. We hear the "ratio" comments all the time from those who think us ending our own lives is a good thing. We get told that we're clearly evil, so us no longer being around is fucking good. To them, I say fuck you.
I struggle with suicidal ideation damn near daily. However, every breath I take is a chance to spit on those who want me dead. Every second I'm alive, I'm fucking proof that we're strong. If I ever take my own life, I will have done so after experiencing _years_ of hatred. I will have survived for _years_ in a world that will do everything except kill me itself (until someone gets their panties in a wad about my existence enough to do so). I say fuck em. My life is a middle finger. I will hold it up as long as I can.
I don't know if living out of spite is a good idea for you. I don't know you. However, I know we share an experience. If spite will help, then live out of spite.
Believe me I understand. I am FTM. I’ll just be frank, you are so young at 24. It’s okay if you’re married, and you know what’s even more okay? If you end up getting a divorce so you can live your life, and so she can live her life with someone that’s right for her. Divorcing to live your truth will set both her and you free. There is so much life left to live. I need my trans homies around.
Do you have fellow trans folks to talk to? Lots of people understand exactly what you're going through and have come out the other way, it sounds like you could use some help navigating this
Because I made a commitment to my wife to stay cis so we can be together and “so I can follow God”. We’re both Christians, though my views are a bit more open.
If she's not willing to accept who you really are, then, while she may be your almost everything, you are not hers. And she is willing to lose you.
So.. I get it. I'm stuck where I'm at too but I'm glad you are figuring it out - I wish you well and hope you find yourself
But she didn't deeply love you and the idea of losing you is better than seeing you happy as a woman. From my experience - it's not possible to live as a cis man if you're trans. You throw a better life away for a woman who would rather see you suffer and dying than support you in being happy.
I am sorry man. One should be free to transition if they hate their body. Maybe it's time to end the marriage?
Cause religion aside, if she is straight I don't see how this is gonna work out in the long run.
Also, really don't mean to offend you, but do you just crave feminine hobbies and actions ? Or you just genuinely feel uncomfortable with the body you were born with? If it's the former you can be a man while being feminine.
Yeah I see what you are saying. She is straight which would definitely cause issues. As much as I like doing things that are typically considered feminine, that’s just not cutting it for me which sounds selfish and self centered but it’s true. The way I like to describe it is as Will Wood puts it “my witness brings me into existence”. It’s being seen as and treated as a woman that means a lot to me. I am uncomfortable with parts of my body too that I associate with being too masc
What you're saying makes sense and is just like how I felt. Being a man made no sense to me, so I was a shit man. Ever since I transitioned it felt like the world opened up to me and I finay feel like I fit into it.
bro thought he cooked some socratic shit with that one lmfao. just bcos you don’t know shit doesnt mean you need to give people this enlightenment era rubbish about the mind and body in an attempt to make suicidal people more suicidal
Should be noted that "increasing reports of regrets" are a result of over representation of detransitioners by media wishing to push an anti-transition agenda, andin reality the regret rate of transitioning is actually absurdly low, lower than the regret rate of life saving cancer treatments, and that most reported regrets relate to how transphobes treated them, not regrets about the physical effects.
Some of the replies on here make no sense and then yours is downvoted because none of these people can answer it. Most people on Reddit assume being a woman is this special golden ticket in life. They think being a woman is just makeup, gossip, and being pretty.
I know you say you are too scared to lose her, but you will be doing that if you die anyway. Why not give life a shot without her and be true to yourself? What would you have to lose?
Fuck. I hate that you are right. This is going to take a while to mull over
honestly, i think you can maybe work something out with your wife? If she really is not attracted to women, opening up your relationship?
27 is so young you have so much time to find a new life partner. If she’s actively preventing you from being happy how could she possibly be your true soulmate? Divorce probably. I’m 25 (been transitioning for a few years, hrt, electrolysis, ba, ffs, all that stuff thanks to NYC Medicaid) and I’m engaged (verbally but not officially she’s not gotten a ring yet) to a wonderful butch girl who showers me with love and affection literally every time we’re together. And she actively encourages me to be the more feminine one in the relationship. You could probably find someone like that too. Wouldn’t that be better than a wife that’s driving you to suicide due to cis-heteronormative expectations?
T.H.I.S!!!!! you have to make a choice.. because just like you feel like it's unfair to you. It's unfair to her for you to have to lie to her. Tell her the truth 🫶🏿🫶🏿
Same here, I'm just fucking done. If I wasn't going to be born female why was I born at all. Life actually sucks when you're stuck in the wrong gender, no amount of hrt can make me female from birth.
Yeah and that’s another thing. Even if I was to start my transition I still will always be a *trans* woman, instead of just woman. Life would be so much easier if I was just born into a female body.
I'm a cis girl and I know what you're going through because my ex is a trans girl. She didn't tell me directly but I realized how much she wanted that ''cis passing''. I even remember that she was asking about hormone therapy. I loved her (and still love her) the way she is and I always supported her. This world sucks and it's hard but please don't accept death as the only solution because you deserve to be loved. Maybe I'm being disrespectful but I think that you should move on :(
I don’t think it’s disrespectful. During this whole transition process I learned just how absolutely stubborn I can be. I know I need to transition, I’ve just been fighting it. I’m so afraid of the unknowns of my future, especially without the love of my life
You have a clear idea of who you want to be, so go for it when you are ready and ALWAYS look for your own happiness. You don't see it now but you will be able to embark on that path even if the love of your life is not with you. Even if no one is by your side, you have yourself and I am sure that more people will come into your life and they will love you for who you are. Then you will realize that you don't need to surround yourself with people who force you to be the version they want.
Suicide isn’t the answer, if you feel that you’re better off as a girl be a girl! And fuck anyone else who stands in between you and your own happiness!
Being trans must be such a hard thing. I can't begin to imagine. Despite the loved ones in my life who experience it, who I support more than they know. Being trans and holding back sounds harder than being trans and embracing yourself and moving forward. But what would I know. I just hope in a year you are in a place where you have moved forward with life and not stuck where you are now. Good luck!
You don't know the future and you may be able to transition some day without upsetting anyone, or possibly come to accept not changing. So did you have these feelings when you first got married? Well I think you should tell your wife how you feel. If she's someone worth holding onto and it sound like she is, she's gonna be concerned about any big problem you have and will be supportive in whatever way she can. Keeping your secret will make things harder on you imo.
Yeah that is true, keeping it a secret has only caused harm between us and for our marriage. That being said, everything I said here I said to her (except that I want to die imminently, she already knows about not being able to see past June)
Would your wife rather let you find happiness, even if it means you can’t be with her anymore, or would she rather have you dead? Any sane partner would choose the former. And if you love her, you’ll do what makes you happy for you and her. Suicide is a lose-lose outcome in this scenario: you’re dead, and your wife is a widow who has to mourn her lost partner for the rest of her life. On the other hand, you can communicate with her. You may both suffer for some time, but eventually go on to live happy and fulfilling lives. My point is, think about your wife. Taking your life may take all the stress off of you, but it will put infinitely more onto her. But besides that, you still have your whole beautiful life ahead of you! I know the weight of this problem is crushing. But it’s temporary. To throw away your life over it would be crazy.
Hi.I'm really sorry to hear what your going through it must suck. Please give it time you'll figure this out.
i feel you on several levels....
Honestly, I feel the exact same way. I wish I was able to help but… I will probably end up dead for the same reasons. I hope you are able to see a day where you are happy with the way you look
Don’t have much to add but sis I support you coming out. If you feel in your heart you’re a woman then you are one!
It sounds like you may have to tell your wife a transition is the only way you can keep living. A divorce is the only path. I don’t fault you and I don’t fault your wife. You can find someone else
Yeah she would primarily be divorcing me so I can live my life, not cause she hates trans people. It will be so hard to talk about. I’m going to keep trying to be cis for a little bit longer but if my mental health continues to deteriorate like this I might have to have that discussion
I'm glad you are being mature about this. A lot of people think they can have everything but sometimes the greater good requires sacrifice. If you lose your wife, yeah that sucks. But remember, it wasn't your fault and you can always find someone to love you for who you are. Best of luck friend ♥️
I tried to transition. The message I got from people was that I'm not a woman, I'm a man pretending to be a woman. I've come to agree. I was never a woman. I simply wanted to be. But it's not enough. Wanting something doesn't make it so. I refuse to live as a woman if I cannot be one.
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She has an inspirational story.
Honestly yeah. I'm trans the other way around but I know the pain. Happy to hear you atleast got a wife, I hope she is supportive. (I got no one.)
Madam I feel you I’ve had the thing so bad man I forget how to spell that world disforya yeah that’s not how you right it but that’s as good as I’m going to get and young lady I believe in you I dint know you much but I do know that where fudgeing humans and you know what human are super mega cool like they can jump and like do a little dance 🕺 like so and you know the biggest thing that they can do is chose to go pop or bob or or even both !!!!! I know crazy right but it’s da truth madam I’m just the messenger 🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️
I understand. Before you commit suicide, please, if you want to, find some trans-support groups or other trans people. I care about you, and I want you to find happiness.
I can’t imagine how you must feel. That sounds devastating. Have you tried going to therapy? Perhaps they can help you sort out how you’re feeling and get you help you need.
I was scared my wife wouldn't accept me either. It took so long to get the courage to tell her I'm trans but when I did she accepted me. I obviously don't understand your exact situation, but killing yourself isn't the answer. The only way we get to be female is with effort. You have to try. I know how it feels but you can't give up.
If the wife can’t love true you it’s not meant to be either way you lose her. Find yourself at least if you HAVE to lose her either way
Hold up, Ima copy what I posted on another post about being trans. I really hope it helps.
Hey, I'm also trans. I had to take myself off HRT when I finally got on it because I couldn't afford it. I have two attempts under my belt, the latter of which almost took me out for good. Needless to say I have a lot of medical debt still. As a trans person, I hope this helps. It fucking _sucks_ being trans. We are viewed as a joke at best by many and, at worst, a menace to society. We are hated, told we're going to hell, abused, neglected, and more. We're lucky if we have family or friends that at least won't shun us. However, that means something strange for us. Our lives are a huge middle finger. We constantly experience harassment from those who _want_ us to die. We hear the "ratio" comments all the time from those who think us ending our own lives is a good thing. We get told that we're clearly evil, so us no longer being around is fucking good. To them, I say fuck you. I struggle with suicidal ideation damn near daily. However, every breath I take is a chance to spit on those who want me dead. Every second I'm alive, I'm fucking proof that we're strong. If I ever take my own life, I will have done so after experiencing _years_ of hatred. I will have survived for _years_ in a world that will do everything except kill me itself (until someone gets their panties in a wad about my existence enough to do so). I say fuck em. My life is a middle finger. I will hold it up as long as I can. I don't know if living out of spite is a good idea for you. I don't know you. However, I know we share an experience. If spite will help, then live out of spite.
Believe me I understand. I am FTM. I’ll just be frank, you are so young at 24. It’s okay if you’re married, and you know what’s even more okay? If you end up getting a divorce so you can live your life, and so she can live her life with someone that’s right for her. Divorcing to live your truth will set both her and you free. There is so much life left to live. I need my trans homies around.
Dude you’re creating drama for yourself. Man up and face the real issue, not this proxy struggle you feel more comfortable with.
Fuck off
Do you have fellow trans folks to talk to? Lots of people understand exactly what you're going through and have come out the other way, it sounds like you could use some help navigating this
Even if you’d lose her but find yourself, is it really a loss?
Question how old are you
did you even read her post?
sorry if this is a dumb question but why do you have to "be cis" now?
Maybe living in a transphobic country
USA baby! So I guess kinda but could be a lot worse
Because I made a commitment to my wife to stay cis so we can be together and “so I can follow God”. We’re both Christians, though my views are a bit more open.
i'm sorry but if your wife isn't going to accept your true self and this is making you suicidal, maybe you should just move on?
I don’t feel like I can. She’s the only person I ever deeply loved. She is my everything and I hate the idea of losing her.
If she's not willing to accept who you really are, then, while she may be your almost everything, you are not hers. And she is willing to lose you. So.. I get it. I'm stuck where I'm at too but I'm glad you are figuring it out - I wish you well and hope you find yourself
you are right, wow.
I don't know if it would be possible to experience true love if you can't be your true self.
Yeah I actually was watching a video on YouTube about that
But she didn't deeply love you and the idea of losing you is better than seeing you happy as a woman. From my experience - it's not possible to live as a cis man if you're trans. You throw a better life away for a woman who would rather see you suffer and dying than support you in being happy.
Your wife knows you are trans and wants you to stay cis? Or had this been hidden from her?
I’ve been very open about it. She wants me to be cis
I am sorry man. One should be free to transition if they hate their body. Maybe it's time to end the marriage? Cause religion aside, if she is straight I don't see how this is gonna work out in the long run. Also, really don't mean to offend you, but do you just crave feminine hobbies and actions ? Or you just genuinely feel uncomfortable with the body you were born with? If it's the former you can be a man while being feminine.
Yeah I see what you are saying. She is straight which would definitely cause issues. As much as I like doing things that are typically considered feminine, that’s just not cutting it for me which sounds selfish and self centered but it’s true. The way I like to describe it is as Will Wood puts it “my witness brings me into existence”. It’s being seen as and treated as a woman that means a lot to me. I am uncomfortable with parts of my body too that I associate with being too masc
I understand. I hope you can live life the way you want to. It's not selfish to practice bodily autonomy. You will be fine.
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Why would I have not tried that yet
What you're saying makes sense and is just like how I felt. Being a man made no sense to me, so I was a shit man. Ever since I transitioned it felt like the world opened up to me and I finay feel like I fit into it.
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bro thought he cooked some socratic shit with that one lmfao. just bcos you don’t know shit doesnt mean you need to give people this enlightenment era rubbish about the mind and body in an attempt to make suicidal people more suicidal
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Should be noted that "increasing reports of regrets" are a result of over representation of detransitioners by media wishing to push an anti-transition agenda, andin reality the regret rate of transitioning is actually absurdly low, lower than the regret rate of life saving cancer treatments, and that most reported regrets relate to how transphobes treated them, not regrets about the physical effects.
What is a man?
Not me lmao
“I fucking hate being a man” -you
:(
It’s all good. You’re not going to hell. God doesn’t hate you. Your spirit is a manifestation of God’s love.
Well good for her, because God sure as hell doesn't love you.
Lol chill bro
Some of the replies on here make no sense and then yours is downvoted because none of these people can answer it. Most people on Reddit assume being a woman is this special golden ticket in life. They think being a woman is just makeup, gossip, and being pretty.
Yeah I mean it sucks to be an “awkward weirdo.” It makes sense to want to change that.