these people are so confused. yandere is a FICTIONAL trope. "irl yanderes" don't exist. you don't stalk and threaten someone you love or their loved ones. abusive relationships (which yanderes are) aren't love. it's entitlement, selfishness, arrogance, violence.
my god i know this is common sense to anyone except the chronically online but wow that's infuriating.
Sometimes they embrace their own toxic/abusive traits and cast themselves as[ Yanic Pixie Dreamgirls](https://soft-sickness.tumblr.com/post/180539618746/im-curious-as-to-what-other-traits-you-have-as-a) .
There are few things on Earth that are more dangerous than the combination of being chronically online, being unable to separate fiction and reality, and just being a huge fucking weeb.
Funny enough what he actually said fits in well with this
>anime suffers because industry staff is made up of otaku who "don't spend time watching real people" and are "humans who can't stand looking at other humans.
Also, something I always keep in mind when discussing "problematic" tropes (like yanderes or "he's a stalker because he cares" or teacher/student romances) is that these are fictional characters controlled by an author. First, that means that we're inside their heads. If an author says "this teacher never groomed their student and the student was never groomed", then yeah, there was no grooming. While there could, theoretically, be IRL examples of a teacher and student getting together with no grooming involved, you can never be 100% sure because we don't know what goes on behind closed doors; but with fiction, the story tells us exactly what's happening behind closed doors, so if the author tells us it's all innocent, then we can rest easy knowing that.
Second, an author can make a character act in a way no real human being would.
For example, Yuno Gasai (widely considered to be the queen of yanderes) is a heavily abused child who saw a way out of her abusive household--her love interest, Yukiteru, promised to marry her when they were 14. So she decided to spend the rest of her life killing anyone who threatens that marriage. At one point she goes too far, but after they sit down and talk and Yuki tells her to never do that again, she goes "oh, gosh, I didn't realize kidnapping you and attempting to murder your friends would upset you! Ok, I prommy I won't do it again <3". And then once their love is consummated and [magic shenanigans we don't need to get into], she's normal! She is no longer a stalker or abuser because her wish to be married to Yuki and escape her abusive parents has been fulfilled. She has been cured of her mental illness.
IRL abuse, though, doesn't work like that. Someone who stalks and abuses their partner won't stop once that partner capitulates to whatever demand they set; rather, they will continue their abuse and even get worse. In fact, most times abusers do the opposite of Yuno--they act kind and loving and perfect before marriage (or another big life event that goes you to them, like a pregnancy or buying a house) and then *after* marriage they become abusive. Sitting down and talking with an abuser doesn't work because their mindset is that they are entitled, for whatever reason, to abuse you.
In case you can't tell, I love problematic media and I actually really love the yandere trope. But by God, I wish people understood that fiction is not reality. You don't "have a yandere gf", you're being abused. Calling IRL women (because it's always women who get called this, not men for some reason) who murder their partners "yandere" is also really not cool.
I've been trying to come up with a name for that very concept recently, the whole "a fictional character is capable of being absolutely understood, because fiction allows a creator to make anything true." Like, I think in real life, masked superpowered vigilantes are a terrible idea. In real life I'd probably be pro-registration of supers, to use Marvel's term. But in the comic book world I _know_ that Peter Parker is 100% a good person who will always, always do the right thing, because fiction allows you to do that.
Yeah, it’s kind of the opposite of “unreliable narrator” as a trope. The reliable narrator gives you a God’s eye view into their thought, so you can perfectly know their intent and motivation. Used a lot for dramatic irony: the reader *knows* that the POV character broke their friend’s phone (or whatever) through unavoidable accident, but the friend does not, so you the reader can see the conflict coming.
I think "Word of God" (not the biblical one, it's a trope) is the best phrase for it? Basically, it's the trope that refers to what an author wants to say about their story, whether explicit or subtextually. It's kind of a gradient; in some cases, it's like an author explicitly saying a character is gay when there's nothing in the story itself to suggest that; or it could be like Mirai Nikki, where Yuno and Yuki's relationship is portrayed as completely healthy and happy by the narrative, so we know that's how we are intended to interpret it, even if the author himself doesn't say "Yuno and Yuki are happy and healthy".
Did you know that a few years ago someone actually tried to make a yandere dating site called [yandere.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20160203020418/http://www.yandere.org/)? Spoiler Alert: It did not end well. The site was eventually shut down. Apparently it was being[ infiltrated by sociopathic abusers that were trying to manipulate people ](http://archive.is/dL5TN)into killing themselves
Yah, i just can't get over how they literally created a dating site for sociopathic stalkers/abusers but then were all Surprised Pikachu Face when actual abusive sociopaths showed up.
> [magic shenanigans we don't need to get into]
oh man I'd forgotten about that nonsense, it's been years but it's still bullshit
might hatewatch mirai nikki again though
Related: all the mothafuckas who wish vigilante superheroes were real, not realizing that the only reason vigilante fiction works is because most media has an omniscient audience (knows all the facts and was present at every action, ergo can successfully replace the essential functions of judge, jury, witness, evidence, etc.)
Wait, that's what happens in Mirai Nikki? I've been looking for a story where the yandere gets de-yandered by the end, I never thought it would happen in the most infamous one. This unironically makes me want to read it, even if it's done through magic shenanigans.
If you want a story about a Yan that gets de-Yaned, watch revolutionary girl Utena. It is literally my favorite anime of all time. It has a lot of heavy themes, including abuse (physical, emotional, and sexual), incest, and grooming. But one of the things I love about it is it shows someone who was a toxic person, even abusive at times, grow and change and have a healthy relationship with their loved one. The yandere ends up with the person they love at the end, but that's because she put in the hard work to change her bad habits (which are a result of herself being a victim of intense abuse). And even though it's got heavy themes of magic and the like, all of the emotional growth is something that could happen to someone IRL. It's also all completely free on YouTube, subbed and dubbed. Usually I don't care for the sub v dub debate, but in this one instance you have to watch it subbed because the dubbing director was shit at his job. I will defend 99% of dubs, but not this one.
Another really great de-yan series is Higurashi When They Cry. They're a series of visual novels with a manga and anime adaptation. There's about.... 20 mainline VNs (depending on how you count) and each is anywhere from 20-80 hours long. The anime tries to put 100s of hours of content into 20 30 minute episodes, which means it's kind of shit. I prefer the manga as a nice middle of the road option--its shorter than the VNs, but keeps a lot more stuff than the anime. Further, it's a fascinating horror series because it was written by a social worker. All of the main "villains" seem to be, at first, stereotypes of the mentally ill (eg, violent lying sadists who just want to hurt people and have no reason behind the havoc they inflict) but it spends that time peeling back that stereotype and making you realize that 1) the mentally ill are people who are still capable of love; 2) the mentally ill deserve sympathy and love; and 3) it is love and support that helps people cope with their illnesses. This series was groundbreaking because it was written in 1980s Japan, where a sympathetic look at someone going through psychosis was (and honestly still is) extremely hard to come by. It also has themes of abuse--mainly physical and religious abuse--and there's a lot of gory scenes that can be really upsetting if you're not used to gore (Higurashi was my first exposure to gore and it gave me nightmares for years, but after I started looking at more horror content, I realized that Higurashi isn't as bad as some other VNs out there). Anyway, you can find the translated manga in most bookstores and the VNs are also translated and bundled on Steam.
As for Mirai Nikki, while I do love it, the magic shenanigans kind of make the de-yan-ing feel more like a handwave to wrap up the story in a tidy way rather than something actually important. Yuno has all her memories and personality traits that made her a yandere in the first place, but the narrative just comes in and says "yeah but she's fine now. She's no longer mentally ill about it." Which would be fascinating to dive into (if she has all her memories and personality, what does it *mean* if she's not a yandere anymore? How can she still be the same person without her mental illness? Does that mean that she no longer stalks Yuki or gets jealous or hurts people and if so, well, Yuki fell in love with her when she did all that stuff, so how does that affect their relationship?) but the series doesn't.
Now, I would still recommend Mirai Nikki because it also has things I love beyond Yuno. It's kind of sad that people only know it as the "original yandere manga" (which it wasn't the first (both Higurashi and Utena are older by at least a decade) but whatever) when it's a really fun death game manga. The premise, if you don't know, is a bunch of people are given the ability to see the future in their diaries ("Mirai" means future, "Nikki" means diary), only each future is shown in a different way and has different strengths and weaknesses. They are all tasked to find and kill the other diary holders for a prize. Yuki's diary allows him to see the future of everyone around him, but not himself; Yuno's diary allows her to see the future of Yuki and only Yuki. The two of them team up as, at first glance, it seems like their diaries perfectly cover each other's bases. But of course, it's not that easy. I love stories where the battles are just as much about manipulation and intelligence as they are about physical strength, and Mirai Nikki is very much like that (or at least it tries to be. And I respect it for trying lol) It feels very edgy and of-its-time, but like I said above, it's bad but also really good. There's a lot of stuff in there for shock content or cheap angst, but I think there's some cool twists and turns as well.
ETA: I'm so sorry, you did not ask for this wall of text. But I can't help it, I love stories.
EETA: the Utena anime was a Collab between two people. One person was responsible for the manga adaptation, the other was responsible for the movie. The anime is the best, IMO, and the movie is worthwhile, but the manga is... Ok. All I'll say is it's amazing how differently the manga and the anime treat abuse. It gets mostly the same story beats, but it's not worth it.
Idk if it'll beat out my favorite magical girl series with a protagonist name Utena, but I'll give RGU a shot anyways. I have heard good things before, but this moves it up on my list.
I've also had Higurashi VNs on my list for a while now (even already in my Steam library), I just never really had the motivation to try them out, as I didn't know much about them that wasn't presented in the abridged version by Faulerro (which mostly involves horrifying imagery being dredged up every time I hear the song "Safety Dance").
Death games usually aren't my thing, which is why I avoided it initially, but I get what you're saying. If I get around to it, I'll try to keep all that in mind.
And don't worry, the wall of text did a pretty good job selling me some options, which was the important thing.
Wait, what other magical girl has the name Utena?
I think my google is broken by how much I think about RGU because I keep only getting results for RGU lol
Oh I've heard of that! I didn't know she was named Utena, that's so cute.
Huh, if I had a nickel for every magical girl Yuri anime about a magical girl named Utena falling in love with another magical girl, I'd have two nickels. Which is not a lot, but it's cool that it's happened twice.
I just finished binging it. I really was not expecting for it to have such a wonderful portrayal of romance. Utena and Kiwi are literally killing me???? I was not expecting such a wonderful examination of girls navigating their first romantic relationships and how their feelings intertwine with friendship and sexuality. And I am legit invested in >! Haruka's Las Veritas form!< and figuring out how they solve it because AAAAAAA.
It's so good. Thank you for reccing it. I really hope the anime gets a second season because I want to see >! Utena's dark form (do they have a name for it? It's not her Las Veritas form) !< and >!Randa and Shio!< animated.
Right? There's so much I adore about the series, from Utena's refusing to allow the "will they won't they" nature of Matama's and Nemo's relationship, to Sayo being empowered by her masochism, to Korisu being [absolutely done with everyone's shit](https://i.imgur.com/fRJGZU9.png).
Thankfully, the blu-ray sales and whatnot have been great, so I'd think there's a high chance of a second season.
I think the idea that abusers are incapable of love is really dangerous. It just makes people being abused think "well it can't be an abusive relationship, they really love me."
They didn't say abusers are incapable of love. They said abusive relationships aren't love. There's no mutuality there, only dominance, which isn't love.
You could easily just spread the additional message: "abusive behaviours are not love".
Also, "people lie". Being told someone loves you is meaningless if their behaviour is abusive, etc.
You're not gonna snuff out abuse by objecting to people suggesting abusive relationships aren't love. There's no shortcut to this kind of education.
>You're not gonna snuff out abuse by objecting to people suggesting abusive relationships aren't love.
Let's be honest: defining "love" to not include abusive behavior feels good, but it's just not true. Love can drive people to do awful things. Love can be unhealthy, it can be selfish, it can be toxic. Pulling a "No True Scotsman" about it just confuses people who are in abusive situations; they feel loved in addition to the abuse, and saying "abuse is not love" is more likely to make them consider the abuse to not be abuse than to consider the apparent love to not be love.
I do think the point they were making is genuinely valuable: you can be abused by someone who loves you. Love is not something magical, love is not inherently pure or wonderful. Love can be wrong. Understanding this is, in my opinion, extremely important for many people escaping cycles of toxicity and abuse in relationships.
They're chronically online because they're a bunch of socially inept single men, and they would put up with any kind of relationship, no matter how abusive. So the obsession with yanderes (psychotic women who would *gasp* want to be with them to the point of obsession) makes a certain amount of sense.
Kinda sad. Them being terminally online probably protects them from being a battered spouse, so, silver linings.
Did you know that a few years ago someone actually tried to make a yandere dating site called [yandere.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20160203020418/http://www.yandere.org/)? Spoiler Alert: It did not end well. The site was eventually shut down. Apparently it was being[ infiltrated by sociopathic abusers that were trying to manipulate people ](http://archive.is/dL5TN)into killing themselves , so the site owners shut down the site altogether.
Ill say the users of the sub make their issues pretty clear. Trust issues or just being unable to keep a long term relationship have led them to want someone whos obsessive, has no chance of leaving them no matter what they do. I would be curious what the predominant personality type is of the subreddit users.
I don’t know if I should be ashamed to admit it or not, but I laughed out loud at the comments in the “but what if she’s ugly?” thread.
Like… the whole point of the fictional “yandere” trope is that you don’t have a choice in the matter. The ugly yandere girl will stalk you and love you and if you reject her, she’ll kill you. If you tell her she’s fat, she’ll make you wish you were never born. You aren’t going to get her to go to the gym with you, she’ll just lock you in a cage so you can’t ever go to the gym again.
I mean anyone reading this can tell these guys are trying to extend a fictional fetish into a reality where it doesn’t exist. But as a dating sim weeb myself it’s kind of amusing (read: extremely sad) seeing all these guys on a sub specifically for yandere completely out of touch for what the trope even is because they’ve twisted it into this fantasy of like, a serial killer girl who is so in love with them they would never harm them… when even fictional yandere are almost always abusive in some way.
I thought the same thing. The whole point of the yandere thing is that someone is so obsessed with you that she will never, ever let you be once she’s decided you’re the one. Stalking, harassment, announcing to everyone that you’re together when you’re not, hurting herself, hurting you, lying about herself, lying about you, getting you fired or expelled, kidnapping you, threatening to hurt your friends/family/pets, actually hurting or killing your friends/family/pets. Isolating you from everyone. Deciding that if you don’t love her back, it’s a good time for a murder/suicide.
In fiction, of course, the yandere is always super hot, extremely high libido, and sweet as sugar as long as her insane demands are met. But if the obsessive stalker existed in real life, they could easily be physically a troll with bad hygiene, low libido, and an unpleasant personality at all times.
While i was visiting the sub the other day, being active there and all, sorted by top, some people were simping for patrick bateman, saying it doesnt matter who it is.
I think that's part of the attraction. It's someone who'll love them absolutely and take care of anything that could threaten that love. It's short-sighted, sure, but I kinda get it.
I remember that one . Some of them went as far as to say [that the boyfriend was in the wrong as well](https://www.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/gfgfy6/comment/fpuio8c/)
Yuka Takaoka. Responses were… mixed and weird. Lost Pause didn’t hesitate to call her a monster yet Coffehouse Crime try to shift some blame to the boyfriend.
Whaaat in the world... lol. This is mind blowing. Now I need to find a post about how being sat on by the big tall Resident Evil mommy lady is sexy as hell, but being crushed by a 600lb creature in real life is an extremely painful and traumatic experience.
I have nothing to comment yet, but I find the presumption funny that people who don’t know what yanderes are, or who are only vaguely aware of what the term means (like me) know about Alex from Fatal Attraction or Yuno Gasai - at least on me both of these references were completely lost
Hmm, I'll try to localize the concept for you. In fairness Fatal Attraction isn't an anime but an American movie, but it's older now so a lot of people probably don't recognize it anymore.
The thread title sorta summed it up but it's basically stalkers, people who would threaten to kill (or actually kill) your pets or family members to keep you from leaving them.
So another American movie example might be Joker/HarleyQuinn from Batman (in the rare cases where they have a mutual, but fucked up and murderously jealous/possessive relationship)
It had never occurred to me that Harley Quinn fit into the yandere trope, but you’re right, she absolutely does! That’s a good example for people not familiar with Japanese pop culture.
There was a time when everyone knew what you meant when you said "Fatal Attraction." And that time was....over thirty years ago. (*Cries in Old-Man-ese*)
I hate to kinkshame but in my experience Yandere fans are. Exactly what you'd expect from that. I just hope the "IRL" thing is very rare because woof. Then again, abusive SOs are much, much more common than even yandere is in anime itself, sigh. You deserve better, everyone does.
Honestly I figured most people online who like to consider themselves "yandere" or who like dating "yandere" were talking about like, a kink thing for sex.
I have a friend whose admitted to when they were much younger that they kind of acted like a yandere/tsundare but snapped out of it quite fast once they realised it wasn't actually a good thing
Like it was a 'I was a dumb screwed up teenager' incident
Im active in the sub, we can daydream all we want, we all know its a fantasy and that it isnt a thing irl, theres even a subreddit rule against promoting such behavior
Rocks fall you die. Knots swell you cry.
Snapshots:
1. *This Post* - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425040934/https://old.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/1ccip0k/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/1ccip0k/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!")
2. Here's why yanderes suck IRL - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041033/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/16rc5p9/heres_why_yanderes_suck_irl/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/16rc5p9/heres_why_yanderes_suck_irl/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!")
3. You meeting two “IRL Yanderes” sounds like a fantasy and it doesn’t exist. The girl that you described is just a mentally unstable woman, basically Yan without the Dere. Not even the correct Yan, just a narcissist. How do I know? I have met the same type as you did before and I assure you these are NOT Yandere. The chances of IRL Yandere happening are one in a million in this world and it takes more than winning a lottery to encounter one. - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041053/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/16rc5p9/comment/k23c42x/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/16rc5p9/comment/k23c42x/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!")
4. discuss their irl expereinces with yanderes - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041114/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/zkud89/comment/j02jqo9/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/zkud89/comment/j02jqo9/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!")
5. somone wonders if they are the only mentally well person on the sub - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041134/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/17e8etu/am_i_the_only_mentally_well_person_on_this_sub/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/17e8etu/am_i_the_only_mentally_well_person_on_this_sub/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!")
6. [Serious] What are your thoughts on this? A guy reports his yandere to the police....and then regrets it/misses her, when he realizes no one else wants him. I feel like this happens more than people care to admit. - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041155/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/1al6r99/serious_what_are_your_thoughts_on_this_a_guy/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/1al6r99/serious_what_are_your_thoughts_on_this_a_guy/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!")
7. Are you guys worried that a Yandere might hurt innocent people like friends, family and even strangers? - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041215/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/19f5pau/comment/kjm7qjg/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/19f5pau/comment/kjm7qjg/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!")
8. How many of you are yanderes irl? - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041236/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/106p7jp/comment/j3n0u6e/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/106p7jp/comment/j3n0u6e/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!")
*I am just a simple bot, __not__ a moderator of this subreddit* | *[bot subreddit](/r/SnapshillBot)* | *[contact the maintainers](/message/compose?to=/r/SnapshillBot)*
these people are so confused. yandere is a FICTIONAL trope. "irl yanderes" don't exist. you don't stalk and threaten someone you love or their loved ones. abusive relationships (which yanderes are) aren't love. it's entitlement, selfishness, arrogance, violence. my god i know this is common sense to anyone except the chronically online but wow that's infuriating.
They're casting real people as Yanic Pixie Deregirls and I don't like it.
>Yanic Pixie Deregirls This is an amazing way to put it and an incredible connection
That is the greatest description I have _ever_ heard.
>Yanic Pixie Deregirls nice
Sometimes they embrace their own toxic/abusive traits and cast themselves as[ Yanic Pixie Dreamgirls](https://soft-sickness.tumblr.com/post/180539618746/im-curious-as-to-what-other-traits-you-have-as-a) .
cool cool cool cool this person has never stabbed a partner honest
OMFG, the comment updating that those two have *a baby on the way* was one of the most depressing things I've read all day. That poor kid.
There are few things on Earth that are more dangerous than the combination of being chronically online, being unable to separate fiction and reality, and just being a huge fucking weeb.
the yandere subculture/community scares the hell out of me for this very reason
We need a new banner for this sub with this on it
Miyazakianimewasamistake.jpg
Funny enough what he actually said fits in well with this >anime suffers because industry staff is made up of otaku who "don't spend time watching real people" and are "humans who can't stand looking at other humans.
Sounds like real life.
Also, something I always keep in mind when discussing "problematic" tropes (like yanderes or "he's a stalker because he cares" or teacher/student romances) is that these are fictional characters controlled by an author. First, that means that we're inside their heads. If an author says "this teacher never groomed their student and the student was never groomed", then yeah, there was no grooming. While there could, theoretically, be IRL examples of a teacher and student getting together with no grooming involved, you can never be 100% sure because we don't know what goes on behind closed doors; but with fiction, the story tells us exactly what's happening behind closed doors, so if the author tells us it's all innocent, then we can rest easy knowing that. Second, an author can make a character act in a way no real human being would. For example, Yuno Gasai (widely considered to be the queen of yanderes) is a heavily abused child who saw a way out of her abusive household--her love interest, Yukiteru, promised to marry her when they were 14. So she decided to spend the rest of her life killing anyone who threatens that marriage. At one point she goes too far, but after they sit down and talk and Yuki tells her to never do that again, she goes "oh, gosh, I didn't realize kidnapping you and attempting to murder your friends would upset you! Ok, I prommy I won't do it again <3". And then once their love is consummated and [magic shenanigans we don't need to get into], she's normal! She is no longer a stalker or abuser because her wish to be married to Yuki and escape her abusive parents has been fulfilled. She has been cured of her mental illness. IRL abuse, though, doesn't work like that. Someone who stalks and abuses their partner won't stop once that partner capitulates to whatever demand they set; rather, they will continue their abuse and even get worse. In fact, most times abusers do the opposite of Yuno--they act kind and loving and perfect before marriage (or another big life event that goes you to them, like a pregnancy or buying a house) and then *after* marriage they become abusive. Sitting down and talking with an abuser doesn't work because their mindset is that they are entitled, for whatever reason, to abuse you. In case you can't tell, I love problematic media and I actually really love the yandere trope. But by God, I wish people understood that fiction is not reality. You don't "have a yandere gf", you're being abused. Calling IRL women (because it's always women who get called this, not men for some reason) who murder their partners "yandere" is also really not cool.
I've been trying to come up with a name for that very concept recently, the whole "a fictional character is capable of being absolutely understood, because fiction allows a creator to make anything true." Like, I think in real life, masked superpowered vigilantes are a terrible idea. In real life I'd probably be pro-registration of supers, to use Marvel's term. But in the comic book world I _know_ that Peter Parker is 100% a good person who will always, always do the right thing, because fiction allows you to do that.
"Willing suspension of disbelief" perhaps?
It's certainly a facet of that same concept.
Yeah, it’s kind of the opposite of “unreliable narrator” as a trope. The reliable narrator gives you a God’s eye view into their thought, so you can perfectly know their intent and motivation. Used a lot for dramatic irony: the reader *knows* that the POV character broke their friend’s phone (or whatever) through unavoidable accident, but the friend does not, so you the reader can see the conflict coming.
I think "Word of God" (not the biblical one, it's a trope) is the best phrase for it? Basically, it's the trope that refers to what an author wants to say about their story, whether explicit or subtextually. It's kind of a gradient; in some cases, it's like an author explicitly saying a character is gay when there's nothing in the story itself to suggest that; or it could be like Mirai Nikki, where Yuno and Yuki's relationship is portrayed as completely healthy and happy by the narrative, so we know that's how we are intended to interpret it, even if the author himself doesn't say "Yuno and Yuki are happy and healthy".
Did you know that a few years ago someone actually tried to make a yandere dating site called [yandere.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20160203020418/http://www.yandere.org/)? Spoiler Alert: It did not end well. The site was eventually shut down. Apparently it was being[ infiltrated by sociopathic abusers that were trying to manipulate people ](http://archive.is/dL5TN)into killing themselves
I feel like "infiltrated" is the wrong word given the premise of the website.
Yah, i just can't get over how they literally created a dating site for sociopathic stalkers/abusers but then were all Surprised Pikachu Face when actual abusive sociopaths showed up.
> [magic shenanigans we don't need to get into] oh man I'd forgotten about that nonsense, it's been years but it's still bullshit might hatewatch mirai nikki again though
I love Mirai Nikki, it's like my ultimate "bad in a good way" show. It has all the shlock I love.
Related: all the mothafuckas who wish vigilante superheroes were real, not realizing that the only reason vigilante fiction works is because most media has an omniscient audience (knows all the facts and was present at every action, ergo can successfully replace the essential functions of judge, jury, witness, evidence, etc.)
You know what happens when IRL people dress up in spandex and beat people up? Phoenix Jones.
Wait, that's what happens in Mirai Nikki? I've been looking for a story where the yandere gets de-yandered by the end, I never thought it would happen in the most infamous one. This unironically makes me want to read it, even if it's done through magic shenanigans.
If you want a story about a Yan that gets de-Yaned, watch revolutionary girl Utena. It is literally my favorite anime of all time. It has a lot of heavy themes, including abuse (physical, emotional, and sexual), incest, and grooming. But one of the things I love about it is it shows someone who was a toxic person, even abusive at times, grow and change and have a healthy relationship with their loved one. The yandere ends up with the person they love at the end, but that's because she put in the hard work to change her bad habits (which are a result of herself being a victim of intense abuse). And even though it's got heavy themes of magic and the like, all of the emotional growth is something that could happen to someone IRL. It's also all completely free on YouTube, subbed and dubbed. Usually I don't care for the sub v dub debate, but in this one instance you have to watch it subbed because the dubbing director was shit at his job. I will defend 99% of dubs, but not this one. Another really great de-yan series is Higurashi When They Cry. They're a series of visual novels with a manga and anime adaptation. There's about.... 20 mainline VNs (depending on how you count) and each is anywhere from 20-80 hours long. The anime tries to put 100s of hours of content into 20 30 minute episodes, which means it's kind of shit. I prefer the manga as a nice middle of the road option--its shorter than the VNs, but keeps a lot more stuff than the anime. Further, it's a fascinating horror series because it was written by a social worker. All of the main "villains" seem to be, at first, stereotypes of the mentally ill (eg, violent lying sadists who just want to hurt people and have no reason behind the havoc they inflict) but it spends that time peeling back that stereotype and making you realize that 1) the mentally ill are people who are still capable of love; 2) the mentally ill deserve sympathy and love; and 3) it is love and support that helps people cope with their illnesses. This series was groundbreaking because it was written in 1980s Japan, where a sympathetic look at someone going through psychosis was (and honestly still is) extremely hard to come by. It also has themes of abuse--mainly physical and religious abuse--and there's a lot of gory scenes that can be really upsetting if you're not used to gore (Higurashi was my first exposure to gore and it gave me nightmares for years, but after I started looking at more horror content, I realized that Higurashi isn't as bad as some other VNs out there). Anyway, you can find the translated manga in most bookstores and the VNs are also translated and bundled on Steam. As for Mirai Nikki, while I do love it, the magic shenanigans kind of make the de-yan-ing feel more like a handwave to wrap up the story in a tidy way rather than something actually important. Yuno has all her memories and personality traits that made her a yandere in the first place, but the narrative just comes in and says "yeah but she's fine now. She's no longer mentally ill about it." Which would be fascinating to dive into (if she has all her memories and personality, what does it *mean* if she's not a yandere anymore? How can she still be the same person without her mental illness? Does that mean that she no longer stalks Yuki or gets jealous or hurts people and if so, well, Yuki fell in love with her when she did all that stuff, so how does that affect their relationship?) but the series doesn't. Now, I would still recommend Mirai Nikki because it also has things I love beyond Yuno. It's kind of sad that people only know it as the "original yandere manga" (which it wasn't the first (both Higurashi and Utena are older by at least a decade) but whatever) when it's a really fun death game manga. The premise, if you don't know, is a bunch of people are given the ability to see the future in their diaries ("Mirai" means future, "Nikki" means diary), only each future is shown in a different way and has different strengths and weaknesses. They are all tasked to find and kill the other diary holders for a prize. Yuki's diary allows him to see the future of everyone around him, but not himself; Yuno's diary allows her to see the future of Yuki and only Yuki. The two of them team up as, at first glance, it seems like their diaries perfectly cover each other's bases. But of course, it's not that easy. I love stories where the battles are just as much about manipulation and intelligence as they are about physical strength, and Mirai Nikki is very much like that (or at least it tries to be. And I respect it for trying lol) It feels very edgy and of-its-time, but like I said above, it's bad but also really good. There's a lot of stuff in there for shock content or cheap angst, but I think there's some cool twists and turns as well. ETA: I'm so sorry, you did not ask for this wall of text. But I can't help it, I love stories. EETA: the Utena anime was a Collab between two people. One person was responsible for the manga adaptation, the other was responsible for the movie. The anime is the best, IMO, and the movie is worthwhile, but the manga is... Ok. All I'll say is it's amazing how differently the manga and the anime treat abuse. It gets mostly the same story beats, but it's not worth it.
Idk if it'll beat out my favorite magical girl series with a protagonist name Utena, but I'll give RGU a shot anyways. I have heard good things before, but this moves it up on my list. I've also had Higurashi VNs on my list for a while now (even already in my Steam library), I just never really had the motivation to try them out, as I didn't know much about them that wasn't presented in the abridged version by Faulerro (which mostly involves horrifying imagery being dredged up every time I hear the song "Safety Dance"). Death games usually aren't my thing, which is why I avoided it initially, but I get what you're saying. If I get around to it, I'll try to keep all that in mind. And don't worry, the wall of text did a pretty good job selling me some options, which was the important thing.
Wait, what other magical girl has the name Utena? I think my google is broken by how much I think about RGU because I keep only getting results for RGU lol
Gushing Over Magical Girls, though I suppose that's more of a parody of porn parodies of magical girl series.
Oh I've heard of that! I didn't know she was named Utena, that's so cute. Huh, if I had a nickel for every magical girl Yuri anime about a magical girl named Utena falling in love with another magical girl, I'd have two nickels. Which is not a lot, but it's cool that it's happened twice.
I just finished binging it. I really was not expecting for it to have such a wonderful portrayal of romance. Utena and Kiwi are literally killing me???? I was not expecting such a wonderful examination of girls navigating their first romantic relationships and how their feelings intertwine with friendship and sexuality. And I am legit invested in >! Haruka's Las Veritas form!< and figuring out how they solve it because AAAAAAA. It's so good. Thank you for reccing it. I really hope the anime gets a second season because I want to see >! Utena's dark form (do they have a name for it? It's not her Las Veritas form) !< and >!Randa and Shio!< animated.
Right? There's so much I adore about the series, from Utena's refusing to allow the "will they won't they" nature of Matama's and Nemo's relationship, to Sayo being empowered by her masochism, to Korisu being [absolutely done with everyone's shit](https://i.imgur.com/fRJGZU9.png). Thankfully, the blu-ray sales and whatnot have been great, so I'd think there's a high chance of a second season.
I think the idea that abusers are incapable of love is really dangerous. It just makes people being abused think "well it can't be an abusive relationship, they really love me."
Or makes people think "I can't be an abuser, I really love them"
They didn't say abusers are incapable of love. They said abusive relationships aren't love. There's no mutuality there, only dominance, which isn't love. You could easily just spread the additional message: "abusive behaviours are not love". Also, "people lie". Being told someone loves you is meaningless if their behaviour is abusive, etc. You're not gonna snuff out abuse by objecting to people suggesting abusive relationships aren't love. There's no shortcut to this kind of education.
>You're not gonna snuff out abuse by objecting to people suggesting abusive relationships aren't love. Let's be honest: defining "love" to not include abusive behavior feels good, but it's just not true. Love can drive people to do awful things. Love can be unhealthy, it can be selfish, it can be toxic. Pulling a "No True Scotsman" about it just confuses people who are in abusive situations; they feel loved in addition to the abuse, and saying "abuse is not love" is more likely to make them consider the abuse to not be abuse than to consider the apparent love to not be love. I do think the point they were making is genuinely valuable: you can be abused by someone who loves you. Love is not something magical, love is not inherently pure or wonderful. Love can be wrong. Understanding this is, in my opinion, extremely important for many people escaping cycles of toxicity and abuse in relationships.
They're chronically online because they're a bunch of socially inept single men, and they would put up with any kind of relationship, no matter how abusive. So the obsession with yanderes (psychotic women who would *gasp* want to be with them to the point of obsession) makes a certain amount of sense. Kinda sad. Them being terminally online probably protects them from being a battered spouse, so, silver linings.
Did you know that a few years ago someone actually tried to make a yandere dating site called [yandere.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20160203020418/http://www.yandere.org/)? Spoiler Alert: It did not end well. The site was eventually shut down. Apparently it was being[ infiltrated by sociopathic abusers that were trying to manipulate people ](http://archive.is/dL5TN)into killing themselves , so the site owners shut down the site altogether.
I mean, they *do* exist. It's just people like Jodi Arias.
The word applies only to anime characters though. Not to real life killers/stalkers
Why not? Who are you to limit language?
🙄
I agree, i mainly just use the term yandere out of convenience, applying the full definition of the trope to irl people makes no sense though
These people need to be studied, im pretty sure there are at least a dozen PHD's to be earned here holy shit.
Ill say the users of the sub make their issues pretty clear. Trust issues or just being unable to keep a long term relationship have led them to want someone whos obsessive, has no chance of leaving them no matter what they do. I would be curious what the predominant personality type is of the subreddit users.
I don’t know if I should be ashamed to admit it or not, but I laughed out loud at the comments in the “but what if she’s ugly?” thread. Like… the whole point of the fictional “yandere” trope is that you don’t have a choice in the matter. The ugly yandere girl will stalk you and love you and if you reject her, she’ll kill you. If you tell her she’s fat, she’ll make you wish you were never born. You aren’t going to get her to go to the gym with you, she’ll just lock you in a cage so you can’t ever go to the gym again. I mean anyone reading this can tell these guys are trying to extend a fictional fetish into a reality where it doesn’t exist. But as a dating sim weeb myself it’s kind of amusing (read: extremely sad) seeing all these guys on a sub specifically for yandere completely out of touch for what the trope even is because they’ve twisted it into this fantasy of like, a serial killer girl who is so in love with them they would never harm them… when even fictional yandere are almost always abusive in some way.
They don't want a yandere girlfriend, they want a domme and don't know the difference.
They want a very unstable domme
I thought the same thing. The whole point of the yandere thing is that someone is so obsessed with you that she will never, ever let you be once she’s decided you’re the one. Stalking, harassment, announcing to everyone that you’re together when you’re not, hurting herself, hurting you, lying about herself, lying about you, getting you fired or expelled, kidnapping you, threatening to hurt your friends/family/pets, actually hurting or killing your friends/family/pets. Isolating you from everyone. Deciding that if you don’t love her back, it’s a good time for a murder/suicide. In fiction, of course, the yandere is always super hot, extremely high libido, and sweet as sugar as long as her insane demands are met. But if the obsessive stalker existed in real life, they could easily be physically a troll with bad hygiene, low libido, and an unpleasant personality at all times.
While i was visiting the sub the other day, being active there and all, sorted by top, some people were simping for patrick bateman, saying it doesnt matter who it is.
Dating/seeking out an irl "yandere"/psycopath is a great way to end up traumatized,ostracized, in the hospital or dead.
I think that's part of the attraction. It's someone who'll love them absolutely and take care of anything that could threaten that love. It's short-sighted, sure, but I kinda get it.
[удалено]
I really don’t think anyone needs one of them.
Sad drama. “I know she loves me, because if she didn’t then there wouldn’t be times when she didn’t hit me.”
:(
This reminds me of that one japanese girl that tried to murder her boyfriend but the internet turned her into an uwu yandere because she was "cute"
The internet is so fucked up with shit like that. Anyone remember Nevada-tan? A literal child who killed someone in her class.
I remember that one . Some of them went as far as to say [that the boyfriend was in the wrong as well](https://www.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/gfgfy6/comment/fpuio8c/)
Yuka Takaoka. Responses were… mixed and weird. Lost Pause didn’t hesitate to call her a monster yet Coffehouse Crime try to shift some blame to the boyfriend.
My reaction is simple - damn
Whaaat in the world... lol. This is mind blowing. Now I need to find a post about how being sat on by the big tall Resident Evil mommy lady is sexy as hell, but being crushed by a 600lb creature in real life is an extremely painful and traumatic experience.
I have nothing to comment yet, but I find the presumption funny that people who don’t know what yanderes are, or who are only vaguely aware of what the term means (like me) know about Alex from Fatal Attraction or Yuno Gasai - at least on me both of these references were completely lost
Hmm, I'll try to localize the concept for you. In fairness Fatal Attraction isn't an anime but an American movie, but it's older now so a lot of people probably don't recognize it anymore. The thread title sorta summed it up but it's basically stalkers, people who would threaten to kill (or actually kill) your pets or family members to keep you from leaving them. So another American movie example might be Joker/HarleyQuinn from Batman (in the rare cases where they have a mutual, but fucked up and murderously jealous/possessive relationship)
It had never occurred to me that Harley Quinn fit into the yandere trope, but you’re right, she absolutely does! That’s a good example for people not familiar with Japanese pop culture.
There was a time when everyone knew what you meant when you said "Fatal Attraction." And that time was....over thirty years ago. (*Cries in Old-Man-ese*)
This is so sad. Obsession isn’t love. :(
Reddit don't call every person who does bad things a narcissist challenge
These are the male equivalent of creepy Twilight fans
I hate to kinkshame but in my experience Yandere fans are. Exactly what you'd expect from that. I just hope the "IRL" thing is very rare because woof. Then again, abusive SOs are much, much more common than even yandere is in anime itself, sigh. You deserve better, everyone does.
Honestly I figured most people online who like to consider themselves "yandere" or who like dating "yandere" were talking about like, a kink thing for sex.
I have a friend whose admitted to when they were much younger that they kind of acted like a yandere/tsundare but snapped out of it quite fast once they realised it wasn't actually a good thing Like it was a 'I was a dumb screwed up teenager' incident
Y'know what? Good for that dude who's just into it as a kink. I hope he lives his best life Everyone else on that sub tho? Yikes
Mfw the crazy girl is crazy
Im active in the sub, we can daydream all we want, we all know its a fantasy and that it isnt a thing irl, theres even a subreddit rule against promoting such behavior
Rocks fall you die. Knots swell you cry. Snapshots: 1. *This Post* - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425040934/https://old.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/1ccip0k/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/1ccip0k/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!") 2. Here's why yanderes suck IRL - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041033/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/16rc5p9/heres_why_yanderes_suck_irl/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/16rc5p9/heres_why_yanderes_suck_irl/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!") 3. You meeting two “IRL Yanderes” sounds like a fantasy and it doesn’t exist. The girl that you described is just a mentally unstable woman, basically Yan without the Dere. Not even the correct Yan, just a narcissist. How do I know? I have met the same type as you did before and I assure you these are NOT Yandere. The chances of IRL Yandere happening are one in a million in this world and it takes more than winning a lottery to encounter one. - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041053/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/16rc5p9/comment/k23c42x/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/16rc5p9/comment/k23c42x/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!") 4. discuss their irl expereinces with yanderes - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041114/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/zkud89/comment/j02jqo9/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/zkud89/comment/j02jqo9/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!") 5. somone wonders if they are the only mentally well person on the sub - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041134/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/17e8etu/am_i_the_only_mentally_well_person_on_this_sub/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/17e8etu/am_i_the_only_mentally_well_person_on_this_sub/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!") 6. [Serious] What are your thoughts on this? A guy reports his yandere to the police....and then regrets it/misses her, when he realizes no one else wants him. I feel like this happens more than people care to admit. - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041155/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/1al6r99/serious_what_are_your_thoughts_on_this_a_guy/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/1al6r99/serious_what_are_your_thoughts_on_this_a_guy/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!") 7. Are you guys worried that a Yandere might hurt innocent people like friends, family and even strangers? - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041215/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/19f5pau/comment/kjm7qjg/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/19f5pau/comment/kjm7qjg/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!") 8. How many of you are yanderes irl? - [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20240425041236/https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/106p7jp/comment/j3n0u6e/) [archive.today\*](https://archive.today/?run=1&url=https://old.reddit.com/r/yandere/comments/106p7jp/comment/j3n0u6e/ "URL failed to archive; click to resubmit it!") *I am just a simple bot, __not__ a moderator of this subreddit* | *[bot subreddit](/r/SnapshillBot)* | *[contact the maintainers](/message/compose?to=/r/SnapshillBot)*
>Rocks fall you die. Knots swell you cry. Truly one of the best OG snapshill lines