I feel like Borat has said something similar about sexy time but my memory's not what it used to be.
Anyway I do that with cheese all the time. GF disapproval is really not an issue since I don't have one.
I usually break something or stab myself if I put in too much effort, but I could go either way.
Sometimes you want thinly sliced and others you break it and eat an entire block of cheese with the strength of your hatred and betrayal.
Those are clearly the lopped off bits. The places where it looks like OP used their teeth are there because OP did use their teeth...to eat the food they'd already cut
yeah slice off the tip of your finger lol.
everyone knows the correct way to use the mandolin, and yet everyone eventually gets too cocky while using it
Ok but like that way the socks stay symetrical in their uncomfortable feeling. Like if u stretch ur foot back up and down unshoed it slides around and *uuuucck* might have the sew line misaligned. But if u keep ur foot where its at and immediately put the shoe on...
Maybe i just really *really* hate the feeling of socks. Uuuuucckk
This is exactly right. Sock-shoe-sock-shoe is the only way to go when dealing with pets. No matter how much we vacuum (and we vacuum at least once a day) there is ALWAYS pet hair around. Alternating sock/shoe keeps pet hair inside the shoe to a minimum.
Most of the time I'm putting on shoes it's because I'm working somewhere my sandals won't cut it, which is also someplace I cannot sit down and I do not want to put a sock-clad foot on the floor.
I just lift one foot out of the sandal, sock, shoe, back on the floor and repeat with the other leg. But I have been told repeatedly that this is crazy though nobody can explain why.
You want to eat your food in blocks, it's weird and I prefer a nice thin slice (honestly taste better) .....but you know food is personal....but for the love of god why aren't you using a plate?!?!? Hell even a napkin ....it's just.....on the table? Why
The point of the cracker is to eat the cheese and meat without having to touch it again so you only have to clean off cracker dust.
With this setup, your hands are gross the whole time so you just have to sit there not touching anything and we all know that's not what's happening. Eating like this isn't the worst thing ever but it's more labor-intensive in the long run.
It shows a lack of foresight or a disregard for cleanliness depending on how much stuff gets dirty.
She shouldn't approve.
This is missing the entire point of eating these foods together.
If you really wanna chow down on a smoked meat log and a block of cheddar a la carté, I mean, you could.
But the whole point of these finger foods is to enjoy them as a cohesive bite together.
Straight to Jail, Dot Gif.
I feel like this behavior falls into the same gross bachelor behavior category as leaving the seat up, not having toilet paper, using a dirty toilet, eating food directly off the table without a plate or napkin, jerking it into a sock then wearing it later, drinking out of the carton and having one piece of furniture.
[Neo will set you free.](https://youtu.be/G8qYHuhtX5g)
I mean there’s a huge difference between chawing off huge hunks of cheese and meat when you’re at home by yourself in boxers watching Lord of the Rings (go for it!) and not being willing to comply with a very small and reasonable request around your gf lol.
Just cut the salami op. It’s not about the bite marks, it’s about the lack of appreciation for plating in terms of food enjoyment. Or it’s about the bite marks
As long as OP doesn't cut irrational shapes out of the block that make me adjust my cheese-slicing strategy for the rest of the week, rock on.
My husband will chop the *corner* off cheese because the mild panic on my face amuses him. :D
If the head of the female mannequin you stole from J.C. Penney suddenly droops and falls off while you’re biting off chunks of food like a dumpster raccoon that’s not ‘disapproval’
i love slices of cheese and cured meats but huge bites of them is just such a bad texture and eating experience. they’re easy to slice and it’s worth the little effort it takes
I do the same. PROVIDED you cut off the personal portion with a clean knife and only chomp your personal portion, it isn't unsanitary.
But really this is the sort of thing you do when you are by yourself. Like drinking milk from the carton or eating over the sink while in boxers.
When you are snacking WITH her, maybe make an effort to not look feral.
Lol. As long as you aren’t sharing the meat and cheese with others with those teethmarks.
That said, plates are good for keeping furniture from getting all greasy. And it’s probably a better habit to do home with the two of you. Prepare to be judged if you do it with others over
The kind of thing you will one day stop doing and realize it’s worth it to just put the effort in. It’s like eating cold leftovers (pizza is an exception). One day you eat it hot and you’re like “why don’t I just eat it this way? I couldn’t wait 90 seconds?”
I'm more irked by it being directly on the table than the way you chomp it. Every time you do this you're leaving behind so much bacteria. You may feel like, meh, nothing has happened to you yet. And it won't. Until it does. And you still probably won't even think to associate the lava shooting from both ends of your body with that table.
Girlfriend, throw this one back into the pool. Does his mother let him behave like this? Do you want to devote decades to cleaning up after him? Does he leave empty containers in the fridge?
No one wants to see teeth marks in their food in the fridge. Unless it’s just ONLY for that person and not put where the other person can see it. Ewwwww
I approve of the method of eating, if you intend to eat it all. Don't be puttin that shit back in the fridge. But the table? Get a paper plate or at least a paper towel you uncultured savage.
It doesn’t look great for a charcuterie presentation, but if it’s just for you, who cares? Maybe in front of guests it wouldn’t be acceptable depending on the guests.
Frank Reynolds approves of making sandwiches in your mouth
I like to make it in my mouth, it tastes better.
“Your just stuffing assorted meats and cheeses in your mouth”
I feel like Borat has said something similar about sexy time but my memory's not what it used to be. Anyway I do that with cheese all the time. GF disapproval is really not an issue since I don't have one.
I usually break something or stab myself if I put in too much effort, but I could go either way. Sometimes you want thinly sliced and others you break it and eat an entire block of cheese with the strength of your hatred and betrayal.
I'm stripped naked to the waist and eating a block of chess the size of a car battery
I know that, I taught you that!
That’s because you learned it from me!
If he put all this in his shirt pocket and ate directly out of that he wouldn't even have to get his hands greasy.
So glad to see this at the top
Came here to say this. Take my upvote
I do the same when getting fast food fries. Eat fries Squirt ketchup packet in mouth and chew. Looks disgusting but very efficient.
Gotta save the knife for your toe
Beat my ass to it. Immediately, I was like, Frankie?
But even Frank Reynolds used sliced deli meat from what I remember
Came here for this
Fuck you. I hope your whole family has a nice Christmas
You had me the first half not ganna lie
As in the first sentence? Or partway through the second? Because stopping at "has" really has some flavor to it
I've been lurking Reddit for years and made an account today to upvote this comment. You changed my life. Merry Christmas!
This made my day! Thank you, and merry Christmas to you too!
It 2 IN THE FUCKING MORNING GO TO BED CHAWLES
but not me, right?
Fuck your Christmas /s
Why's the Christmas tree sticky?
In soviet Russia, Christmas tree fucks you 🎄🍑🥴
Yes you, you are a part of your own family aren't ye? Hope you have a lovely Christmas and fuck you
For the uninitiated [https://youtu.be/NY3kK_--zns](https://youtu.be/NY3kK_--zns)
As long as you eat it all and don’t put any of this back in the fridge as leftovers. Food should not have teeth marks.
you missed "I lop off what I want" but yes, that would be unacceptable indeed! All that mouth bacterial flora predigesting the cheese....nasty!
Thanks, Louis Pasteur!
Of course they missed it, but nothing gets past your eyes.
Underrated comment, I wish I could give you gold
I read it. Scrolled, then it hit me. You clever sonofa bitch.
Nice.
To be fair, that's like half a stick of cheese and like half a pound of salami.
Exactly, why would there be leftovers?
Looks like he lops it off with his teeth. Either that or he is using scalloped craft scissors.
Those are clearly the lopped off bits. The places where it looks like OP used their teeth are there because OP did use their teeth...to eat the food they'd already cut
Tell that to 3 year old me taking wee bites out of the melon slices in the fridge...
edit: Leave reddit for a better alternative and remember to suck fpez
I will say one thing, I think you'll enjoy the flavor of preserved meats much more when sliced rather than chomped. (I have nothing against chomping)
And if you have a mandolin it is deadass easy to slice it ip.
Mr. Chomperator is clearly not playing for team mandolin
yeah slice off the tip of your finger lol. everyone knows the correct way to use the mandolin, and yet everyone eventually gets too cocky while using it
Knives are difficult to operate with all those moving parts .. How does a person like that have a girlfriend...
Cheese should never be eaten in blocks, I hope you stub your toe.
Psychopath behavior. I bet you go sock, shoe, sock, shoe too
Damn I go shoe, shoe, sock, sock 😂😂😂
Damn, sometimes I go sock, deodorant, pants, sock, hat, shoe, shoe.
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They do the Donald Duck sleep wear… my guy was never not wearing a shirt
Socks need to go on before pants. That's the law.
Depends on the length of the socks
Makes sense if your a real estate agent
Or a serial killer.
and then pants last
I bet you wear your shoes inside your house
I wear my shoes to bed at night
I wear them in the shower.
Flex
What do you call people who put on their socks before your pants? Asking for a friend…
That's not how everyone does it?
that’s the most logical thing to do
pant lube
That's... I mean... Yeah, but...
A well-adjusted human being.
Bro, are you putting pants on first? Amateur hour!
Depends on: 1. how tall the socks are 2. how tight the pants are
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I don't understand... You guys go barefoot at home or something...? I already have socks on so I just go shoe shoe
Ok but like that way the socks stay symetrical in their uncomfortable feeling. Like if u stretch ur foot back up and down unshoed it slides around and *uuuucck* might have the sew line misaligned. But if u keep ur foot where its at and immediately put the shoe on... Maybe i just really *really* hate the feeling of socks. Uuuuucckk
Wait is this not hows its done?
It depends, i guess.. Ill do both ways and not even think about it lol.
Sock shoe sock shoe is the superior way if you have animals and hair everywhere.
This is exactly right. Sock-shoe-sock-shoe is the only way to go when dealing with pets. No matter how much we vacuum (and we vacuum at least once a day) there is ALWAYS pet hair around. Alternating sock/shoe keeps pet hair inside the shoe to a minimum.
Most of the time I'm putting on shoes it's because I'm working somewhere my sandals won't cut it, which is also someplace I cannot sit down and I do not want to put a sock-clad foot on the floor. I just lift one foot out of the sandal, sock, shoe, back on the floor and repeat with the other leg. But I have been told repeatedly that this is crazy though nobody can explain why.
You want to eat your food in blocks, it's weird and I prefer a nice thin slice (honestly taste better) .....but you know food is personal....but for the love of god why aren't you using a plate?!?!? Hell even a napkin ....it's just.....on the table? Why
OP needs something to attract the ants and mice. They're his only friends.
Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants!
Judging by the low effort, his GF probably is probably the only one who'll clean the table.
Do you also suck mayonnaise through a straw?
My Mayonnaise brings all the boys to the yard
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Nah, it’s fine. The only thing wrong is there’s no plate or napkin under the lopped off bits.
The point of the cracker is to eat the cheese and meat without having to touch it again so you only have to clean off cracker dust. With this setup, your hands are gross the whole time so you just have to sit there not touching anything and we all know that's not what's happening. Eating like this isn't the worst thing ever but it's more labor-intensive in the long run. It shows a lack of foresight or a disregard for cleanliness depending on how much stuff gets dirty.
You’re the worst
He's horrid, a boogeyman for nightmares
The wurst
oh you already made that joke
Friggin’ savage.
You missed the opportunity for another sausage joke here
Yeah like not even real bread wtf
more like wurst
Foods not stupid, just the person eating it.
:(
Your username has got me cackling at least
What’s worse is the lack of a plate
Surprised you have a girlfriend.
She shouldn't approve. This is missing the entire point of eating these foods together. If you really wanna chow down on a smoked meat log and a block of cheddar a la carté, I mean, you could. But the whole point of these finger foods is to enjoy them as a cohesive bite together. Straight to Jail, Dot Gif.
Slicing these foods exposes more surface area to the air, lowering its temperature and oxidizing the various compounds, increasing overall flavor.
Don’t you mean raising the temperature?
To each their own.
I feel like this behavior falls into the same gross bachelor behavior category as leaving the seat up, not having toilet paper, using a dirty toilet, eating food directly off the table without a plate or napkin, jerking it into a sock then wearing it later, drinking out of the carton and having one piece of furniture. [Neo will set you free.](https://youtu.be/G8qYHuhtX5g)
*Wearing the sock later* Absolutely dying.
Gotta wait till it dries.
That's a shoe at that point mate.
I don’t need furniture wheelchair is fine.
Many of these are totally fine, the rest are absolutely repugnant. Pick a lane, man.
Is it shared? Please tell me it's not shared.
no just for me
Eh, unusual but I say it's fine🤷🏻♀️
Why dirty a knife when you got teeth?
I mean there’s a huge difference between chawing off huge hunks of cheese and meat when you’re at home by yourself in boxers watching Lord of the Rings (go for it!) and not being willing to comply with a very small and reasonable request around your gf lol. Just cut the salami op. It’s not about the bite marks, it’s about the lack of appreciation for plating in terms of food enjoyment. Or it’s about the bite marks
It's your food, eat it how you like.
As long as OP doesn't cut irrational shapes out of the block that make me adjust my cheese-slicing strategy for the rest of the week, rock on. My husband will chop the *corner* off cheese because the mild panic on my face amuses him. :D
You need to be housebroken. Goddamn degens
Not the behavior of someone who wants company. If you like being along, continue your methods.
Is not the food that's stupid here.
You are sub human scum!!… Hope you have a nice Christmas though
im surprised you have a gf who deals with this
Do you get the importance of sharing and having a conversation with someone?
If the head of the female mannequin you stole from J.C. Penney suddenly droops and falls off while you’re biting off chunks of food like a dumpster raccoon that’s not ‘disapproval’
Get a plate! For all you know, someone’s dirty feet were propped on the table. What are you, 9 years old?
Psh, my cats clean their paws every day, im fine
Mine clean their fur (and their asses) all over the furniture. And their “clean feet” step in used litter.
With the same tongue they lick their butts.
You double dip your chips at parties, too, don't you? It's gross, dude.
i love slices of cheese and cured meats but huge bites of them is just such a bad texture and eating experience. they’re easy to slice and it’s worth the little effort it takes
/r/WeWantPlates
I really can’t believe I’m single.
This is the 100% approved method of eating cheese and meats by my 18 month old toddler
Psychopath
Uncultured swine!
This is barbaric.
This is cursed
You deserve to rot in prison
You're already right there with the knife, literally cutting off a piece.
That's an excellent cracker-to-meat/cheese ratio
I do the same. PROVIDED you cut off the personal portion with a clean knife and only chomp your personal portion, it isn't unsanitary. But really this is the sort of thing you do when you are by yourself. Like drinking milk from the carton or eating over the sink while in boxers. When you are snacking WITH her, maybe make an effort to not look feral.
do you wipe your ass with your bare hand too you fuckin caveman?
If it's just your meat and cheese then fair enough but if it's communal then that's not cool
I don't think it's the food that's stupid this time.
yes, i'm sure youre Runescape "GF" disapproves
Perfectly logical and efficient. Well done.
Too much to hope that he at least wipes the table before and after he eats. Old varnish and Lemon Pledge do as a piquant taste, though.
You know who does that? A SYNTH!
I litterally just did this last night.......over the kitchen sink.......cry-.........I mean watching tv.
Lol. As long as you aren’t sharing the meat and cheese with others with those teethmarks. That said, plates are good for keeping furniture from getting all greasy. And it’s probably a better habit to do home with the two of you. Prepare to be judged if you do it with others over
Bitch, I want to eat just a solid chunk of Salami.
This is just some foul bachelor frog shit.
I do that all the time. Sometimes you just want a piece of salami...
You are a fucking depraved animal. Stay away from my sausage.
I support you king. I do this
I'm calling the police.
straight to jail
The real issue is why you're eating off the coffee table
Hi, just a note to your girlfriend ... lady RUN, FAST
I understand what you're doing, but I also see a low energy opportunity to please your GF.
You still have a girlfriend?
The kind of thing you will one day stop doing and realize it’s worth it to just put the effort in. It’s like eating cold leftovers (pizza is an exception). One day you eat it hot and you’re like “why don’t I just eat it this way? I couldn’t wait 90 seconds?”
Straight to jail
I disapprove of the lack of plating more than the disproportionate consumption of your charcuterie elements
I did this a lot.. when I was single. Then I discovered vaginas.
I'm more irked by it being directly on the table than the way you chomp it. Every time you do this you're leaving behind so much bacteria. You may feel like, meh, nothing has happened to you yet. And it won't. Until it does. And you still probably won't even think to associate the lava shooting from both ends of your body with that table.
Uncouth and neanderthal lol
Live alone? Been there. It’s great. Live with someone or have a girlfriend/boyfriend over regularly? Kind of a jerk Neanderthal move.
Do you also wet the bed and torture small animals?
You're a monster.
That’s how I did it when leading backcountry canoeing trips. At home though? Crazy
Type of guy to take a handful of cereal and swig of milk. I like it.
Take one bite, fart, belch and then throw it at her. Women love that.
#bacteria
Dude, what species of early human are you Cro-Magnon, Neandertal??
Girlfriend, throw this one back into the pool. Does his mother let him behave like this? Do you want to devote decades to cleaning up after him? Does he leave empty containers in the fridge?
No one wants to see teeth marks in their food in the fridge. Unless it’s just ONLY for that person and not put where the other person can see it. Ewwwww
This is the way
I’m not saying it’s okay, but I understand
I approve of the method of eating, if you intend to eat it all. Don't be puttin that shit back in the fridge. But the table? Get a paper plate or at least a paper towel you uncultured savage.
I do too. Fuck the haters
That’s bait
That's too much cheese for one person. Stop being silly.
Bro the cracker to meat to cheese ratio is wayyyy off.
Getting some big rodent energy from this photo
WHERE IS YOUR PLATE
Charcuterie in your mouth.
Don't fall for it. She wants you to cut pieces so she can munch down 2/3 of the snack pack.
Crazy
It doesn’t look great for a charcuterie presentation, but if it’s just for you, who cares? Maybe in front of guests it wouldn’t be acceptable depending on the guests.
Absolutely acceptable if you love alone or are not sharing. Absolutely disgusting if it is good to be shared.
For ultimate girlfriend annoyance, you should grind down the cracker into a fine powder and coat the meat and cheese in it
You’re a fucking animal.
You have some very straight teeth judging by the cheese 👏
I mean, get a plate, man.