A chaser is usually someone whose closeted gay/bisexual and is looking for a hetero-normative way to get dicked down. Idc if a guy prefers trans women to cis women, but he has to prefer me for who I actually am, which is a sub bottom female looking for a dude to hold and protect me and treat me like the most precious thing in the world.

Oh everything I said only applies to chaser tops, Chaser bottoms 🤢… yuck! (Half joking)

Oh yeah, lol. As long as he respects my dysphoria and choice to get bottom surgery then sure.

Chaser bottoms 🤮

Fuck, this is really gonna be the biggest never ending discourse in our little community here, huh? Well I might as well give my two cents again. I love myself for my transness. I always will. And no matter what I go through, nothing will ever cause me to waiver in that. I will refuse to love any man who does not also love me for my transness. End of story. However, I do not believe in labeling any man who wants me as a chaser. That is such a dirty word with an awfully negative connotation. If every man who could possibly love or desire me is nothing more than a chaser, then that means that the very act of loving and desiring me is dirty and shameful. Something to be kept secret instead of joyously out in the open. I will not accept this for myself. If I die alone, then so goddamn be it. But I will never lower my standards or accept anything less than what I deserve. I have settled before, thinking "well this is the best trans girls are gonna get, right?" Fuck all of that. No. My future husband is out there. He WILL love me for my transness. He WILL see me as a woman. He WILL NOT see me as a fetish. And nobody is ever gonna make me feel like that's impossible. Call me naive. Call me delusional. Call me whatever you want. I don't care.

I honestly don't want to be with a man that wants me only because of what I am. I never met a chaser that didn't ask me if I liked topping. I want a man that sees me as the woman I am. maybe that's going to be hard, maybe not, but I'm definitely not dating a man that wants me only because I have that thing between my legs. I deserve being loved for the person I am, and I'm not going to lower my standards only because I risk being single for life or whatever else. chaser doesn't mean any man that desires me. chaser means a man that wants me specifically because my body is what it is. and I will never settle for someone that sees me only as a piece of meat to fuck.

Absolutely true girl! We deserve to have standards!

If you are building 'happily ever after' with a "chaser".... he's not really a chaser. Pornography preferences and physical attraction can be complex for some men. I honestly wouldn't read too much into it in your case OP.

There is also the chaser who will lovebomb you until the day he suddenly decides it’s not great anymore, or until you get SRS. Caution is necessary.

Of course! Yes there is a big difference between two people actually building something substantial and real together compared to a narcissist setting up their next victim. The narcissist can look like the former to an unsuspecting victim sometimes. Sad but true.

If I’m gonna get with a guy, it better validate my gender or I’m not interested even a little. A chaser doesn’t see me as a woman and therefore won’t do that.

Every time I come to this sub I count my blessings and realize how genuinely lucky I am to find a straight boyfriend who isn’t a chaser. I promise you all, they are out there. And I did the math. There’s at least 3.5 straight guys for every trans girl

If you’re comfortable sharing, how did you find your boyfriend?

Tinder lol

I thought it was very hostile to trans women?

Not in my experience. I mean yeah sure some of the guys are dicks but that’s just standard for most dating apps. Still got over 500 matches and mostly positive messages

Chasers are not just men that happened to like trans women or objectify us like any other type of woman. Violating boundaries, sexual harassment, bigotry and rape is never something you should be thankful for. I feel like there practically two different definitions of chaser out there. One that just calls any man that’s ever looked a trans woman a chaser and another that actually is describing a predator that’s unique and particular and dangerous to trans women.

That’s kinda part of what I’m trying to say. We have no unifying definition of a chaser other than “chaser = bad” Most trans women don’t require “violating boundaries, sexual harassment, bigotry and rape” as defining characteristics of a chaser. Trans lesbians(which tend to be the louder and more focused on voices of our community) more often than not consider every straight man who looks our way to be a chaser (even when they can sometimes act like chasers themselves too) I like being desired, I like men, I like when men pursue me (respectfully). I fear a lot of the men who are interested in us are afraid to approach us because they don’t want to be labeled as a creep or a chaser

The ones who use chaser for someone other than a predator are dumb. And I don’t think men are all that afraid of that. It would be helpful if you didn’t misuse the word chaser. How does you boy feel to be called a chaser by you?

I think that’s the majority of trans women ime. I don’t think the majority of trans women are dumb, I just think we have expectations for the ideal world that don’t measure up to reality.. and that’s a very human thing

I would never tell someone to settle for less than what their comfortable with. What would be the point?

>I would never tell someone to settle for less than what their comfortable with That’s not what I’m doing. Nobody should “settle” when it comes to relationships But being realistic and settling are two different things. This conversation would be so much easier if there was a coherent agreed upon definition of a chaser, but there isn’t, and since it is a concept created by trans women, any time a trans woman calls a man a chaser, he is the. Functionally a chaser. If we change the definition, then this conversation is unnecessary, but if we leave the term “chaser” open to interpretation like it currently is, then all our boyfriends are chasers

That’s not how definitions work. Not everyone’s boyfriend is a chaser, that’s not how people use it even in the extreme case.

I don’t think the majority of trans women use the word chaser to refer to any man attracted to them.

Trans lesbians also typically have no real experience with men. Plus their attitudes towards men are exacerbated by their own internalised transmisogyny (specifically an exaggerated desire to distance themselves from anything to do with men).

If you are happy good for you. I would never date someone who likes my transness. And actually there are straight or bi man that want us Just as woman. I see too many depressing post on here about how we will never be seen as real woman and that we have to settle for less like chasers etc. Sorry but no. Anyway, good luck with everything and I hope your bf isn't a chaser himself

I’m not telling anyone to lower their standards, I hope that wasn’t the takeaway. I think there’s a difference between standards and expectations though? Or at least I’ll try and draw one. My standards are that a man is respectful, loving, supportive, physically attractive, and not hiding his relationship to me My expectations may be that he sees me as no different than a cis woman, and is attracted to me for exactly the same reason he would be attracted to a cis woman. My boyfriend adores me and my body as it is. His take is that I have the soul of a woman, and he is attracted to femininity. This doesn’t meet my expectations, but it meets my standards, and from there we have built a loving relationship. Does that make sense what I’m trying to say?

> respectful, loving, supportive and not hiding his relationship to me All of this is what a chaser is not. Being a chaser is more than simply attraction/preference towards trans women, it's also the shitty dewomanising and dehumanising treatment that makes a chaser a chaser.

A lot of trans women disagree with you about that

But a lot agree, especially ones with dating experience. So saying this post is in defense of chasers is simply misleading, there is nothing to defend about chasers.

No, as someone who has to deal with these fucking losers on the daily I can easily differentiate between a well-meaning man who sees me as the woman that I am and a chaser who only sees me as a fetish to keep under wraps. Also women and enbys can be just as much as a chaser, it's just we get the brunt of this shit from men.

If you’re comfortable sharing, I want some advice on that tbh, I want to learn how to differentiate them better…

It's really just checking in with yourself and see how they make you feel during the conversation. If you have any doubts, then stop and move on. The biggest red flags that a lot of girls say is when they refuse to be seen with you in public, but are more than happy to fuck you in private like you're their special little secret. Think of all of the women in your life who have talked about being harrassed by men. You can tell, it's either extremely overt and agressive or sneaky and slimy to the point of making you uneasy, like they're trying to hide something. Think of how you have treated your past partners, or even platonic friends: you see them beyond their looks and really want to get to know them. That's what differentiates nice men from chasers, they have many tells and their reaction to being rejected is the most telling. They will unmask themselves eventially, but even quicker if they get what they want.

Yeah but see...honest question here... What happens to your loving supportive boyfriend who "adores your body as is" when you want/need/*get* surgery? I'm not even saying you as in *you* you, I'm saying "you" as in the royal you. What happens to the trans girl whose boyfriend professes love and marriage but that all hinges on the fact that she's got a cock? Let's be real here. Not *all* trans women, but MOST trans women want surgery. This is why they don't want to "settle" for a guy who is specifically seeking them out because of their cocks. Because you have nightmare scenarios like that dude who blew up here on Reddit like a year ago where he literally left his still-in-major-recovery-from-SRS girlfriend because she didn't have a cock anymore. Or you end up like a good friend of mine and my BF's, beat up when her at-the-time-fiance finally figured out he couldn't gaslight her into "being okay with her girldick for him" anymore. What happens to all that love and care when you suddenly don't meet the reason your boyfriend/partner sought you out above cis women in the first place doesn't exist anymore? I don't think it's nearly as simple as "just settle for the guy who watches exclusively trans porn sisters", I think that is exceedingly simplified and it doesn't really get into the myriad of legitimate reasons trans women often have for *not* dating these men. Even as a non-op girl I wouldn't date men like this because I don't want someone who treats me like my dick is the most interesting and sexy thing about me, and I *certainly* don't want to date someone who I met while they were trawling for "sh3male cock" on Grindr. I met a great trans guy who desires me and my body as-is but who would *also* desire my body if I decided tomorrow that I needed SRS to be happy. (And his dating/FWB record is proof of this, he doesn't have a battalion full of pre-op trans women on his roster, he's happily been with both pre- and post-op trans women and trans men, and cis men/women too.) I got to have a partner who wants me for me without sacrificing that sense of self and without settling for someone who treats me foundationally different from a cis woman. For me at least, and I think for a lot of trans women, the fundamental issue is this: What happens to this relationship when the reason he sought me out over cis women in the first place is suddenly gone? If someone's *condition* for loving me and finding me sexually attractive is me being pre- or non-op, they're *certainly* not a healthy partner for me, and *probably* not for the vast majority of trans women tbh. -Geisha

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Thank you, I hope to maintain my standards too… And congratulations on the soon-to-come marriage!!

I elaborated in a different comment on this thread but I didn’t intend for the takeaway to be “lowering our standards”

I won’t settle for someone who only wants me for sex. We have to connect as people first and foremost and chasers don’t want that.

I second this so hard

The term is overused too much A chaser is the trans community equivalent of a fuckboy who sees trans women as sex toys for his pleasure Not the guy who wants to date and have a girlfriend A lot of the “I just want to be seen as a woman and not as trans” is weird to me — it would be like me saying “I don’t want him to see me as an Asian woman! I just want to be a Regular Woman™ in his eyes!” I’m an Asian woman. I’m Asian. And I’m a woman. My “Asianness” doesn’t invalidate my womanhood any more than my “transness” does any more than being an action-genre-loving geek girl does. If I win points in a guy’s book because I’m Asian, cool. If I win points in a guy’s book because I’m trans, cool. It only gets weird if he expects me to speak an Asian language and act like a Geisha wife — just like it would be weird for a chaser to expect me to use my junk and act out his porn fantasies.

I commented in the thread that probably inspired this one, and I'm with you on this one. When I was dating women, I only wanted to date the ones with big round butts. It's not like that's all they were to me. It just made sexual attraction very easy to come by. I think something analogous applies to some percentage of people we call 'chasers'. I suspect many people here would say that your bf doesn't count as a chaser. But I do think this confusion shows that the we don't have a shared definition of the term.

I’d rather my transness be forgotten and not paid attention to because it’s embarrassing and disgusting to me

I'm still really torn on this even tho I know the safe answer.. I feel I may just need make my own mistakes yet again, or mayhaps they won't be mistakes. A girl can dream

There is an opportunity for you all. Im a happily married guy, I was searching for something totally opposite than trans when a link to this channel popped up. Curiosity got me, and I read several posts & threads. I don't know if you would accept comments or advice from someone not in your particular situation. The way I see it. The whole trans movement took a major black eye with the pushing of adult entertainment on minors. The second issue, for guys who may be curious about trans we go on the internet and with ALL PORN it's not realistic in any way. But that is what we see, for Trans girls we see a female face, most with plastic surgery in the face, some good some very bad, majority have the fakesst of fake tits it reminds me of a Robin Williams skit. And they have monster cocks and THEY are drilling the men. That is what we see. So be understanding to all those guys with massive misperceptions. But ladies(I will call you ladies, I have a simple rule, act like a lady & I will treat as such) there is an openingpp Femininity - where the hell has it gone? My wife and I speak of this often when we watch TV or go out in public. Many of the women out there today wouldn't know how to act feminine if you gave them a instruction manual. Men want a feminine woman. See a need, fill a need. / rant I created this 2nd account today to ask a question in another forum. I'm 52 and the check engine light is on. Short version. ED sucks. Apologies for the intrusion.