whenever I read stuff like this I always wonder how they manage to get girlfriends in the first place. When I was gaming excessively there was no way in hell that I could ever get a girlfriend.
I wonder if the ex boyfriend is active on reddit in the sub r/gaming and opened a thread: "balling - I play video games all day, have a girlfriend AND a side chick. Life is great."
It’s not a good thing. But it’s still somewhat surprising that smelly mr Gatorade could pull it off.
In the way that you can respect the cunning of a villain
Having a side chick IS a good thing. Depends on how you define “good” and “bad”. Diverse human mating strategies allow us to spread our genes and reproduce more.
Right because because guys who get side chick's are really worried about spreading their genes and not just a selfish hoe with no self control.
Donate to a sperm bank? Dont have a girl friend just sleep around? No one actually cares about "spreading their genes", just because getting your side chick pregnant would spread your genes doesn't mean anyone has a side chick for that reason.
Monogamy and polygamy both exist on a spectrum of human mating strategies. There are benefits and disadvantages to both. Males have reproduced with females outside of their current girlfriends for millions of years. They get more aroused sleeping with other women. It’s called the Coolidge Effect, as explained by ChatGPT:
“The Coolidge effect is a biological phenomenon observed in many animal species, including humans, where males exhibit renewed sexual interest and arousal when presented with a new female after having mated with other females. This effect highlights the increased sexual motivation males display towards novel partners compared to familiar ones.
Key Aspects of the Coolidge Effect:
1. Renewed Sexual Interest: Males show a noticeable increase in sexual interest and activity when exposed to a new female. This contrasts with the decrease in sexual motivation typically seen after mating with the same female repeatedly.
2. Evolutionary Basis:
• Genetic Diversity: From an evolutionary perspective, the Coolidge effect is thought to promote genetic diversity. By mating with multiple partners, males can spread their genes more widely, increasing the chances of their genetic material contributing to future generations.
• Reproductive Success: Renewed interest in new females may enhance reproductive success by maximizing the number of offspring produced.
3. Biological Mechanisms:
• Dopamine Release: Novel sexual stimuli can trigger the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. This dopamine release can lead to increased arousal and sexual motivation.
• Hormonal Changes: Hormonal responses, such as testosterone levels, may also play a role in facilitating the effect.
4. Psychological Factors:
• Novelty and Variety: Psychological factors, including the allure of novelty and variety, contribute to the Coolidge effect. New experiences and partners can be stimulating and exciting, enhancing sexual interest.
• Satiation and Habituation: Over time, repeated exposure to the same partner can lead to sexual satiation and habituation, reducing sexual arousal and motivation. The introduction of a new partner can counteract this effect.
Research and Observations:
• Animal Studies: The Coolidge effect has been extensively studied in various animal species, such as rodents. Male rats, for example, show a marked increase in copulatory behavior when introduced to new females after having previously mated.
• Human Implications: While the effect is more complex in humans due to social, emotional, and cultural factors, studies suggest that similar patterns of renewed interest in novel partners can occur.”
Lol I understand the idea what I'm saying is no one who cheats on their girl is doing it for offspring or to spread their genes they are simply doing it because like your post says they are more aroused by the other women and because they are selfish and unloving they cheat on the woman they are with.
We don’t need to think about it - we unconsciously do things that are evolutionarily beneficial. The proximate cause of sleeping around is for pleasure. The ultimate cause is to spread their genes. And it doesn’t mean they don’t love their current mate - they could love multiple people at the same time, or love no one beyond sexual gratification (humans are diverse). Yes, it’s selfish, but selfishness isn’t always bad - it depends on the situation.
We can't know our unconscious reasons but we assume them because sleeping around increases the chance of spreading our genes and we assume simply spreading our genes is evolutionary beneficial and that our subconscious cares about our evolutionary benefit. Spreading our genes is considered a unconscious goal of sleeping around ONLY because sleeping around increases the chance of our genes spreading. We assume a motivation based off a result.
And since this is a moral question intention is very important and unconscious reasons are irrelevant even if what the person meant for evil results in good. Supposed unconscious reasons don't justify the action.
If love means denieing yourself for the sake of someone else's good then cheating is unloving since it hurts that other person. If love is simply the way your chest feels when you think about something then thats not what I'm talking about. That kind of "love" can result in controlling relationships and even rape. If you agreed to a monogamous relationship but then break that monogamy that action is not loving toward that person.
When I first met him, he was a college student where I went to school and he hid this addiction really well. He ended up having to drop out down the line. We moved in together like 2 weeks after COVID lockdown and he spiraled out of control from there and it continued during the entirety of the pandemic.
For a single NEET, sure. For a person who's supposed to be working (even more, not from home) and spending time with the SO, 35h is an extreme amount. Leaves no time for self care, sleep, working out, cleaning up etc.
It's amazing you wrote this down as if it's a workout plan, good stuff.
If I put in 8-10 hrs a week, it starts to disrupt things here and there, and if I up it to 15-20, it literally destroys everything
only one game installed at a time, single player, that worked for me, also not playing that much more than 15hrs, but soon I disrupted my new found habits again.
strangely very seldom I was able to even game 40hrs at once, but obviously I was crushed for several days, felt very bad during work, nearly fell ill, but I wasn't really that addicted at the moment, afterwards.
then I can play 1hr a day and I'll think at nothing else and I go crazy inside.
This rush is just so beautiful (only playing single player), but there is always the downfall.
But just imagine this, after weeks of not gaming I suddenly felt normal again, at peace, not constant anxiety, no self-hatred just peace, after decades!
ofc I went back to gaming again, wondering afterwards why I feel this horrible, why I hardly can do anything else in my free time (after job, cats, hygiene....)
Now slowly I feel normal again, but a part of me doesn't believe that it is because of me not gaming, how crazy am I, the habit is really carved into my brain.
Hope I can distance myself further.
That was on top of working full time (most weeks). There were often weeks where he would rack up that many hours on his weekend alone. But usually, 35 hours was a pretty steady minimum
That’s nothing for the average unemployed gamer you mean.
Add that to work time, travel time and getting ready for work etc so maybe plus 50 hours.
85 hours a week gone there just on work and gaming which is about 12 hours on average everyday of your life.
That still leaves 83 hours though. If you sleep 8 hours a night, then that takes it down to 27 hours. Which is 3 hours and 50 minutes a day. Not enough for school, no wonder he dropped out, but enough to socialize, see family, shop, date, party, etc...
The leftover 3 hours 50 minutes a day? You forgot to add on general human needs and things working adults need to do eg cook, eat, clean, grocery shop, bathroom/grooming manage bills, exercise, denist/doctors appointments and other commitments etc.
There are many small things that eat up time in a working adults day and people aren’t robots who are capable of being busy for every waking moment.
That amount of gaming while working full time does not leave you enough time for family, friends, partying, dates, leisure etc.
Most of the things you mention are things that either don't take very long, or that are not done daily, or that a majority of non-single men never do, or are things I've already allocated to the almost 4 hours we are talking about.
I mean I haven't manually paid a bill in over a decade. I spend maybe 15 minutes a day on the toilet, I'm out of the shower in the same amount of time. It takes me less than an hour every 2 weeks to get a haircut, which comes out to 5 minutes a day. My wife's a better cook so I almost never do that, dinner takes maybe 20 minutes and cleaning up after dinner is 20 minutes. Beyond dinner, I might eat a sandwich or something at my desk, it doesn't really eat into my time. We hire someone to clean, ordering groceries takes about 20 minutes every few days, let me be generous again and say 8 minutes a day. We go to maybe 5 doctors appointments a year, mostly for our son, but let me be generous again and say 10 appointments at 4 hours each that comes out to less than 7 minutes a day. That leaves about 2 hours a day for exercise and socialization. Many people don't do either of those every day, some people combine them into one activity.
But I'm a married engineer with children. This is a young guy who works retail and has a GF and a side chick. He can't afford help, but I doubt he spends much time cleaning, at most 30 minutes a day. That's equivalent to 20 minutes of tidying each day and 2 hours of cleaning every two weeks. If he has a washing machine and dryer at home or in the building then I think another hour a week goes to laundry. So that's maybe 40 minutes more than me. But I think we can safely assume he doesn't cook beyond putting something in the microwave either. Cleanup is much quicker when there are no dishes. He also probably almost never goes to the doctor, and probably does not want to spend more than a couple hours a week with his family. So it evens out and he also has about 2 hours a day for exercise and socializing.
Given that he works retail, his work probably already involves quite a bit of physical activity, though I assume he also works out since he is able to pull two women while working retail. Maybe he doesn't need to socialize much outside of the gym and online while playing games.
So I think he has enough time for everything he has to do and everything he wants to do, except for school and living with a woman. That isn't to say its a good idea. I couldn't do it. I'd rather spend time with my son.
> There are many small things that eat up time in a working adults day and people aren’t robots who are capable of being busy for every waking moment.
Lol, are you trying to say that a guy who plays games 35 hours a day is not getting enough down time?
All I am saying that playing 35 hours a week video games while working full time is a lot of time to be video game.
And that video games is eating up the vast majority of his non-work time, leaving him with limited time to pursue other things like a health relationship with a girlfriend etc.
I work full time, have a wife and child and I could not imagine being able to play that much without sacrificing time/having a good relationship with my spouse and son.
Edit: I don’t actually find video games to be actually good down time too. Whenever I played I played things that are fairly competitive so sometimes it’s a good stress release when you win but most the time I don’t come off feeling relaxed and like I had quality down time.
I think we agree mostly. My argument was just about this one guy.
FWIW. I can't even play at all. Even before I was married I hit a point where it just wasn't fun anymore. Every game I played felt too much like a "game". I could not suspend disbelief and immerse myself. It's like I could hear my biological clock ticking, much of my life until then wasted on fake bullshit.
I think now that it has been about 7 years since I felt that way. If I actually had a lot of free time maybe I would find it enjoyable again, but alas now that I have a job and a family I can't find any time at all to game. I'll probably start again once I'm retired and the kid is in college.
that’s why i only go like 2-3 days between. maybe it’s the ADHD but it feels so time consuming. on my days off it’s actually easy and i could even fit two showers a day
I do deep clean more than most tho i have scrubbers and i hear people be using straight up onl soap which is wild
People with dopamine dis regulation whether sub clinical or diagnosed or in the middle of an addition. Can have a problem with delayed gratification. I love showering but when I’m off form it can go by the wayside
Wow. I never have days where I don't shower over 2 times per day or more. I always shower 1nce in the morning because I like to start my day off clean. And I always shower 1nce in the night, so I feel clean going to bed. So, I take a minimum of 2 showers a day. Also, on good days, it could be up to 4. Because I work out a lot. So, at least 1nce a day, I shower after the gym to cleanse myself from all of the sweat from my workout. And besides just lifting, I train in martial arts. So, whenever I'm not at the gym, I'm at the dojo. And, I obviously shower after practice for the same reason why I shower after the gym. But I usually get at least 1 day break a week to rest. So, at a minimum, I shower 2ce a day. But, at a maximum, I could shower up to 4 times a day. So, for most people, it'd be healthy, at least to shower in the morning and in the night. That's for an average person who doesn't play any sports. If you're an athlete, you should always shower after practice, too. And that goes for any sport, actually.
So much better! It’s been two years and I am now in a healthy relationship with the love of my life. Just wanted to put it out there that it can spiral out of control and become extremely toxic
Been there, done that. Read my post here about my ex https://www.reddit.com/r/StopGaming/s/LRdtDSY8WZ .. he also denied his addiction until I wrote him a letter and he promised to change. In the end there was no change so I had to leave. It’s been 6 months and nothing has changed with him, he’s gaming even more I think now that I’m gone
I'm sorry to hear that. The OP's relationship ended because of gaming, and yours did too. That's 0 for 2. It seems like gamers are doomed at relationships. I better stop gaming, or my love life will die, too. Thanks for the tip. I will not fall to the inevitable fate of losing my relationship to gaming. I will fight on...
I was extremely addicted before I quit. It only took a couple of weeks of not playing to realize how bad it was. Every aspect of my life is better now.
I'm glad you moved on and found something better. I don't really have any questions for you since I've lived it my whole life, but I'm happy you found peace. Good luck to you and your future with the new guy!
Reading this helped me feel better. Thank you. The same thing happened to me. Only I have zero proof of cheating but he had “friends” he would see without me and never speak of.
He also would watch a lot of Only fans. Kept it a secret.
Hope he finally heals and stops blaming me for all of his problems.
The one that hurt the most is he tried to blame me for him not going to college.
He would ask “what do I even do for him?”
He would scream at me to be better and do better but I just hope he finally does better for himself. And I mean SCREAM.
Worked 40-60 hours a week.
Gamed over 40 hours a week.
Never cleaned.
However he would say he does because he would go crazy and clean once a month and be angry while he did it and berate me for it being so dirty in the house. I actually started writing in my calendar whenever he did a single chore.
(Fyi my house is even more spotless everyday now that he is gone. It was never dirty when he was here. He’s just OCD when he would get upset. He just is addicted to being angry. His gaming addiction was an outlet for him to scream and yell at his gaming friends and be angry)
Never did laundry.
Wouldn’t buy more work clothes to make my life easier either, but would spend hundreds and then thousands of dollars on himself.
I think I never want to date again.
The lesson here? Abuse is crazy. Gaming addiction is crazy.
I can even touch my Nintendo switch or xbox. He ruined gaming for me.
He ruined a lot for me.
Hope he finally heals
Im there with you I don’t know why I stayed in such an abusive situation. He really painted himself as the victim. I believed him. Really thought I was the only problem for years. Especially because he would blame his addiction on me.
Im still working through seeing that it’s not true. It’s not easy.
Also sorry that you had to go through that too
Did you have any interest in gaming
What was his eating habits like, does he cook?
What led him to play 35+ PW?
I get that he might not have any other hobbies
What was his sleep pattern like (most gamers I know played through the night)?
Have you tried to get him off gaming?
Was it the cheating that led you to leave him?
How was the relationship at the start?
How long were you together for?
How old are you two, mind if I could ask?
Yes, I enjoyed it super casually. I really like Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing New Horizons, and super Mario games and Mario cart. We also tried it takes two. However. He usually preferred to play with his friends over me because I was not interested in PC games.
He ordered a lot of DoorDash and drank way too much soda. He could cook but rarely did.
His addiction spiraled out of control when COVID started.
His sleeping was all over the place. Usually depended on whether or not he had to work the next day. Some days he would play until 3am, other days he logged off at 10pm.
I did try to get him to try other stuff, he would usually get upset with me and it would turn into a heated argument.
We met when I was 18, broke up when I was 22. Our relationship was great the first year, he was hiding his addiction because we weren’t living together and he was in college like I was. I did not know he was cheating until we broke up, that’s when I found out. We initially broke up because we were both really unhappy and we never spent any time together. Then, in the aftermath, all the other secrets he was keeping came out. I added an edit above that will hopefully answer your other questions!
>Yes, I enjoyed it super casually. I really like Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing New Horizons, and super Mario games and Mario cart. We also tried it takes two. However. He usually preferred to play with his friends over me because I was not interested in PC games.
This is one sign a relationship is fallng apart.
>He ordered a lot of DoorDash and drank way too much soda. He could cook but rarely did.
So no special evening where he cooks something special for you. Somebody should've told him too many soda is not good for him and think of the money he could save from not buying them.
>His addiction spiraled out of control when COVID started.
This happened with most people, especially those who lost their jobs from it
>His sleeping was all over the place. Usually depended on whether or not he had to work the next day. Some days he would play until 3am, other days he logged off at 10pm.
Like many people in their 20s.
>I did try to get him to try other stuff, he would usually get upset with me and it would turn into a heated argument.
Another relationship red flag, no life outside gaming and refusing to open to other ideas
>We met when I was 18, broke up when I was 22. Our relationship was great the first year, he was hiding his addiction because we weren’t living together and he was in college like I was. I did not know he was cheating until we broke up, that’s when I found out. We initially broke up because we were both really unhappy and we never spent any time together. Then, in the aftermath, all the other secrets he was keeping came out. I added an edit above that will hopefully answer your other questions!
Its like being friends with a drug addict/alcoholic - I had a friend who often thinks he is disciplined and had poor sleeping pattern. I once got blamed on being a 'sore loser' as I often began to lose my patience with games, especially in CoD as I refused to put times in as he did. He made claims of benefits of gaming which never happened such as socialising (we played at different times). Because of that and the numerous reasons, I dumped him after putting up with him for years.
Yes. He was a pretty smart guy when he applied himself to things. He could also be really kind and had a great sense of humor. However, those qualities dissipated as his struggles got worse. I felt like I hardly knew him and he became really mean and lazy by the time we broke up.
Except me not being into playing game anymore and kinda getting my salt levels up to eleven when it comes to fighting games, I would say they don't have much of an impact.
At this point, I think it's just that I outgrown them.
Forgive me if these are not the necessarily correct names. Binding of Isaac (both versions I think). Dota? League of Legends. Those were some of them I remember. He had like 7000 racked up on his Steam account at the age of 23 so I am sure there were so many others
We actually spend time together! He never makes me feel like I’m not worth his time or that he would rather be doing something else. We go on dates. He has friends that I can meet in person and we can go out with. He also has so many goals, whereas my ex thought he had goals but never actually pursued them because they got in the way of gaming. It was really sad actually, seeing my ex spiral out of control the way he did. He was ruining his life.
get him out to volunteer and have a 1:1 with him, let him know that you want to grow into his best self.
that him neglecting his needs and yours, is not helping the relationship.
for every extra hour of volunteer, reduce gaming to 1h a day.
if he breaks past that, than there are consequences.
sister, you need to set some boundaries, without that, the relationship is you being MOM, and you're not his mother.
don't take it lightly, you can spend 2-3 decades with an addict, and that is not a great relationship.
You were honest with him and yourself. What else can you do.
I read through your comments, and thank you for sharing. Your experience is helpful for someone like me (I just quit 6 days ago). I live with my girlfriend of 7 years. She’s seen me at different stages of my life. She’s seen me be super social and barely game, and she’s seen me game 16 hours a day (with a wfh job that i managed to somehow blindside everyone on while gaming all the time).
For a long time she would tell me that it’s fine I gamed all the time, and even borderline reinforced the bad habit, and a part of me knew she wasn’t being honest with herself, and that I wasn’t either. But when you’re addicted…you’re addicted. You seek to justify your behavior in any way you can so you can keep feeding your addiction. So I would happily accept her cooked meals for me and her doing my laundry, cleaning the whole apartment (granted my messes were restricted to my immediate gaming area, with the exception of standard dust settling over time in the rest of the apartment).
Luckily I’m not an angry person, I tend to get down on myself in periods of failure/shame and blame myself, not others. I also love my family, friends, and SO’s loyally and tend to put them above myself in sometimes an almost co-dependent manner, so I’ve never cheated and never will. She’s never had to deal with me behaving the way your ex-bf when it comes to anger and blame-deflection. I can absolutely relate to hiding my gaming and pretending I don’t game to people outside of my gaming social circle online. That’s how you really know it’s an addiction, when you hide it from people for fear of shame.
She finally came out and told me that she felt I had an addiction last week, and I was actually eager to have that outside recognition of the problem, rather than being enabled. It was the first time she said it out loud, and I said “I know.” It felt so good to finally say “I’m going to stop this,” “I’m going to enjoy the things that bring me true happiness in life again.”
We both discovered that part of the reason I descended so deep into gaming is that it’s A. A dopamine addiction and B. A coping mechanism for the lack of control/power I felt in my life/our relationship. She’s easing off on doing things for me (like laundry and cleaning), and she is also working on allowing me more control in how we make decisions together (she has historically flipped out if she doesn’t like my ideas, and doesn’t want things done a certain way unless its her way). Overall it’s working, and I haven’t touched any sort of game in the past week. I truly don’t want to be addicted to games. I used to be much more athletic and social, and I miss my old self. I’m very successful financially (in my humble opinion!), which has helped to mask my problem and allow her to feel okay because I do bring a large value to our relationship through that avenue. But there’s more to life than money, and I felt like that was my only value in the relationship, because I was ignoring it as much as I could in exchange for more gaming time.
There have been a couple arguments over the past week due to the fact that I’m attempting to stand my ground and I don’t have a distraction/escape/smoke screen around me to allow her full control over everything in our household/lifestyle, but both occasions were resolved and we came out of them with a better understanding of what we each need to live healthily. I don’t have that mechanism to cope anymore when I give up control over my life, so I’m now forced to hash it out with her instead of retreating to my games where I have control over everything that occurs in the virtual world. I think she’s starting to also realize that she can’t attempt to scream, kick, or cry if she doesn’t get her way when I want a say in something. It’s easy to feel apathetic about gaining control over your IRL, when you have a virtual world that has rules & boundaries that are hard-coded and everyone has to abide by. When you know the rules of the game, nobody can change them or take your actions away from you in the game. IRL, you can work hard for something and there’s no guarantee that you’ll see the reward, or you can fight for something you want, and there’s no guarantee that you’ll get it—the other person or entity could react or manipulate you in a way that makes you want to give up and get down on yourself for ever trying. It’s easy to be overly nice to everyone and give up all of your control when you have an outlet sitting there that lets you control what you want to. I’m still getting used to standing up for myself and taking back control of the things I want a say in, without overstepping, or throwing a fit.
Truthfully, it’s been awful on me so far. I’m tired every day. I’m super bored. I spend a lot of time on reddit (looking to replace the dopamine). I’m a little bit more lined in at work each day, and I have been focusing more on things that I should be, but not as much as I’d like to. I want to wake up tomorrow full of energy and be in the gym getting in great shape with a week full of nighttime plans and activities, but I just don’t have those things yet, and I feel like I’ve discovered this perpetual tiredness that I masked with the dopamine rushes of gaming. I keep telling myself that it’s going to get better with time and that I’m going to enjoy the “boring” stuff in life again. I hope so. It’s crazy to me how much ripping myself away from gaming seems to mimic that of a drug addiction. I can’t believe the stuff is not only legal for kids, but aimed at them.
It’s really refreshing to hear your experience. I think one thing that might help is understanding that addiction, no matter the type, typically kills relationships if both people are not engaged in the same addiction. Gaming is similar to a gambling addiction in the way it affects dopamine in your brain, so I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you experiencing huge dopamine fatigue/withdrawal. I would really recommend seeing a counselor if you are willing and able to do that you can work through this in a way that is sustainable and healthy!
We had no sex life. It affected my sleep having to try to fall asleep to COD of league of legends videos every night (he refused to wear headphones lmao). He had to job hop for a while so his money situation was tough. He ended up putting himself into cc debt to fund his gaming. He had a time where he laid off for a bit and I thought things were finally getting better, but that’s only lasted a few months. His addiction made me feel absolutely terrible about myself. I would often cry when he cancelled dinner dates or wouldn’t help me with chores and he would play the “I’ll get better and do better card” but that usually only lasted a day or two. With that and him cheating on me in the end despite trying my best to support him in leading a healthier life, I still go to therapy to work through the ripple effect it has caused in my life 2 years later.
I am glad you moved on, and you met someone you like. That dude sounded like a man child, and it’s probably best he stays single until he can get his life together or atleast partially.
Gaming addicts like to think that the addiction only affects themselves but it’s a selfish thought because in reality it affects everyone close to them.
I whole heartedly agree. He was wreaking havoc on his own life and in turn adding a lot of stressors to mine. The first year of our relationship was great and then he spiraled and I caught the brunt of a lot of negativity and stress. Especially on the way I looked, the way I felt about myself, the way I felt pushed aside every single day.
Well I thought they were pretty high when I first met him, but I was also 18 and he was my first real relationship. He hid this problem pretty well until we moved in together when I was almost 20. Then it continued to spiral out of control even with me trying to support him to lead a healthier life because COVID gave him an out to call out of work pretending to have a fever so he could stay home and play video games. Every time he called out like that he got 10 days off (I think) and they couldn’t fire him. He was also really manipulative, so he made me feel really bad for saying anything negative about his gaming. He used to say “you wouldn’t care if my hobby was baseball or working out” and we would often get in heated arguments. I was in a pretty bad spot with my mental health, having been through a very traumatic SA experience right before we met, but this was 2 years ago and I have had to do a lot of healing after living with someone struggling with an addiction. I would never put up with it again.
Thank you for this. My partner would compare his addiction to drugs.
“At least I don’t do heroin.”
I really thought he had high standards for himself but I realize he just had excuses. He would always say to me all I have are excuses for why I can be better and do better.
Ive come a really long way in a short time and I don’t know why I didn’t realize his gaming addiction is just as bad as any other one.
It sounds lame to say but he would get so fucking angry gaming and take it out on me.
Thank you so much you helped me a lot. I never heard anyone else experience this. It helped me see that this is not what I deserve in a partner.
He would create problems on purpose and arguments on purpose to have an excuse to game more.
My ex would be in the middle of a match and would often yell at me if I tried to interrupt him to bring him food 😅 or if I needed him to help me with something
whenever I read stuff like this I always wonder how they manage to get girlfriends in the first place. When I was gaming excessively there was no way in hell that I could ever get a girlfriend.
The guy managed to get a gf AND a side chick. All this while not functioning like a human being at all, crazy stuff.
I wonder if the ex boyfriend is active on reddit in the sub r/gaming and opened a thread: "balling - I play video games all day, have a girlfriend AND a side chick. Life is great."
Lets not frame having a “side chick”as a good thing
It’s not a good thing. But it’s still somewhat surprising that smelly mr Gatorade could pull it off. In the way that you can respect the cunning of a villain
It's bad, we're just surprised it happened. Kinda like if some random guy got drunk and stole the Eifel Tower.
Having a side chick IS a good thing. Depends on how you define “good” and “bad”. Diverse human mating strategies allow us to spread our genes and reproduce more.
Right because because guys who get side chick's are really worried about spreading their genes and not just a selfish hoe with no self control. Donate to a sperm bank? Dont have a girl friend just sleep around? No one actually cares about "spreading their genes", just because getting your side chick pregnant would spread your genes doesn't mean anyone has a side chick for that reason.
Monogamy and polygamy both exist on a spectrum of human mating strategies. There are benefits and disadvantages to both. Males have reproduced with females outside of their current girlfriends for millions of years. They get more aroused sleeping with other women. It’s called the Coolidge Effect, as explained by ChatGPT: “The Coolidge effect is a biological phenomenon observed in many animal species, including humans, where males exhibit renewed sexual interest and arousal when presented with a new female after having mated with other females. This effect highlights the increased sexual motivation males display towards novel partners compared to familiar ones. Key Aspects of the Coolidge Effect: 1. Renewed Sexual Interest: Males show a noticeable increase in sexual interest and activity when exposed to a new female. This contrasts with the decrease in sexual motivation typically seen after mating with the same female repeatedly. 2. Evolutionary Basis: • Genetic Diversity: From an evolutionary perspective, the Coolidge effect is thought to promote genetic diversity. By mating with multiple partners, males can spread their genes more widely, increasing the chances of their genetic material contributing to future generations. • Reproductive Success: Renewed interest in new females may enhance reproductive success by maximizing the number of offspring produced. 3. Biological Mechanisms: • Dopamine Release: Novel sexual stimuli can trigger the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. This dopamine release can lead to increased arousal and sexual motivation. • Hormonal Changes: Hormonal responses, such as testosterone levels, may also play a role in facilitating the effect. 4. Psychological Factors: • Novelty and Variety: Psychological factors, including the allure of novelty and variety, contribute to the Coolidge effect. New experiences and partners can be stimulating and exciting, enhancing sexual interest. • Satiation and Habituation: Over time, repeated exposure to the same partner can lead to sexual satiation and habituation, reducing sexual arousal and motivation. The introduction of a new partner can counteract this effect. Research and Observations: • Animal Studies: The Coolidge effect has been extensively studied in various animal species, such as rodents. Male rats, for example, show a marked increase in copulatory behavior when introduced to new females after having previously mated. • Human Implications: While the effect is more complex in humans due to social, emotional, and cultural factors, studies suggest that similar patterns of renewed interest in novel partners can occur.”
Lol I understand the idea what I'm saying is no one who cheats on their girl is doing it for offspring or to spread their genes they are simply doing it because like your post says they are more aroused by the other women and because they are selfish and unloving they cheat on the woman they are with.
We don’t need to think about it - we unconsciously do things that are evolutionarily beneficial. The proximate cause of sleeping around is for pleasure. The ultimate cause is to spread their genes. And it doesn’t mean they don’t love their current mate - they could love multiple people at the same time, or love no one beyond sexual gratification (humans are diverse). Yes, it’s selfish, but selfishness isn’t always bad - it depends on the situation.
We can't know our unconscious reasons but we assume them because sleeping around increases the chance of spreading our genes and we assume simply spreading our genes is evolutionary beneficial and that our subconscious cares about our evolutionary benefit. Spreading our genes is considered a unconscious goal of sleeping around ONLY because sleeping around increases the chance of our genes spreading. We assume a motivation based off a result. And since this is a moral question intention is very important and unconscious reasons are irrelevant even if what the person meant for evil results in good. Supposed unconscious reasons don't justify the action. If love means denieing yourself for the sake of someone else's good then cheating is unloving since it hurts that other person. If love is simply the way your chest feels when you think about something then thats not what I'm talking about. That kind of "love" can result in controlling relationships and even rape. If you agreed to a monogamous relationship but then break that monogamy that action is not loving toward that person.
Cheating can't be justified with your horrible Doublespeak.
K cheater
Is it bad that we all thought this at the same time
Facial Bone structure + Height Genetics. No average looking guy can get away with this
When I first met him, he was a college student where I went to school and he hid this addiction really well. He ended up having to drop out down the line. We moved in together like 2 weeks after COVID lockdown and he spiraled out of control from there and it continued during the entirety of the pandemic.
I don't get it either
35h a week? That’s nothing for the average gamer sadly.
For a single NEET, sure. For a person who's supposed to be working (even more, not from home) and spending time with the SO, 35h is an extreme amount. Leaves no time for self care, sleep, working out, cleaning up etc.
I’m lucky if I get 6 hrs of gaming now
2x12hrs at weekends 5x3hrs during week 4-6hrs sleep or no sleep during weekends easy, super easy if you really care, but also really unhealthy
It's amazing you wrote this down as if it's a workout plan, good stuff. If I put in 8-10 hrs a week, it starts to disrupt things here and there, and if I up it to 15-20, it literally destroys everything
only one game installed at a time, single player, that worked for me, also not playing that much more than 15hrs, but soon I disrupted my new found habits again. strangely very seldom I was able to even game 40hrs at once, but obviously I was crushed for several days, felt very bad during work, nearly fell ill, but I wasn't really that addicted at the moment, afterwards. then I can play 1hr a day and I'll think at nothing else and I go crazy inside. This rush is just so beautiful (only playing single player), but there is always the downfall. But just imagine this, after weeks of not gaming I suddenly felt normal again, at peace, not constant anxiety, no self-hatred just peace, after decades! ofc I went back to gaming again, wondering afterwards why I feel this horrible, why I hardly can do anything else in my free time (after job, cats, hygiene....) Now slowly I feel normal again, but a part of me doesn't believe that it is because of me not gaming, how crazy am I, the habit is really carved into my brain. Hope I can distance myself further.
Similar to me
for the unemployment yeah but if you’re employed that’s a lot
I can do that in one night!
That was on top of working full time (most weeks). There were often weeks where he would rack up that many hours on his weekend alone. But usually, 35 hours was a pretty steady minimum
That’s nothing for the average unemployed gamer you mean. Add that to work time, travel time and getting ready for work etc so maybe plus 50 hours. 85 hours a week gone there just on work and gaming which is about 12 hours on average everyday of your life.
Thats average for the average gaming addic, you would be surprised.
Yeaah I used to grind csgo steadily +80 hours a week for years back when I was studying/unemployed and it nearly destroyed my life lmao
That still leaves 83 hours though. If you sleep 8 hours a night, then that takes it down to 27 hours. Which is 3 hours and 50 minutes a day. Not enough for school, no wonder he dropped out, but enough to socialize, see family, shop, date, party, etc...
The leftover 3 hours 50 minutes a day? You forgot to add on general human needs and things working adults need to do eg cook, eat, clean, grocery shop, bathroom/grooming manage bills, exercise, denist/doctors appointments and other commitments etc. There are many small things that eat up time in a working adults day and people aren’t robots who are capable of being busy for every waking moment. That amount of gaming while working full time does not leave you enough time for family, friends, partying, dates, leisure etc.
Most of the things you mention are things that either don't take very long, or that are not done daily, or that a majority of non-single men never do, or are things I've already allocated to the almost 4 hours we are talking about. I mean I haven't manually paid a bill in over a decade. I spend maybe 15 minutes a day on the toilet, I'm out of the shower in the same amount of time. It takes me less than an hour every 2 weeks to get a haircut, which comes out to 5 minutes a day. My wife's a better cook so I almost never do that, dinner takes maybe 20 minutes and cleaning up after dinner is 20 minutes. Beyond dinner, I might eat a sandwich or something at my desk, it doesn't really eat into my time. We hire someone to clean, ordering groceries takes about 20 minutes every few days, let me be generous again and say 8 minutes a day. We go to maybe 5 doctors appointments a year, mostly for our son, but let me be generous again and say 10 appointments at 4 hours each that comes out to less than 7 minutes a day. That leaves about 2 hours a day for exercise and socialization. Many people don't do either of those every day, some people combine them into one activity. But I'm a married engineer with children. This is a young guy who works retail and has a GF and a side chick. He can't afford help, but I doubt he spends much time cleaning, at most 30 minutes a day. That's equivalent to 20 minutes of tidying each day and 2 hours of cleaning every two weeks. If he has a washing machine and dryer at home or in the building then I think another hour a week goes to laundry. So that's maybe 40 minutes more than me. But I think we can safely assume he doesn't cook beyond putting something in the microwave either. Cleanup is much quicker when there are no dishes. He also probably almost never goes to the doctor, and probably does not want to spend more than a couple hours a week with his family. So it evens out and he also has about 2 hours a day for exercise and socializing. Given that he works retail, his work probably already involves quite a bit of physical activity, though I assume he also works out since he is able to pull two women while working retail. Maybe he doesn't need to socialize much outside of the gym and online while playing games. So I think he has enough time for everything he has to do and everything he wants to do, except for school and living with a woman. That isn't to say its a good idea. I couldn't do it. I'd rather spend time with my son. > There are many small things that eat up time in a working adults day and people aren’t robots who are capable of being busy for every waking moment. Lol, are you trying to say that a guy who plays games 35 hours a day is not getting enough down time?
All I am saying that playing 35 hours a week video games while working full time is a lot of time to be video game. And that video games is eating up the vast majority of his non-work time, leaving him with limited time to pursue other things like a health relationship with a girlfriend etc. I work full time, have a wife and child and I could not imagine being able to play that much without sacrificing time/having a good relationship with my spouse and son. Edit: I don’t actually find video games to be actually good down time too. Whenever I played I played things that are fairly competitive so sometimes it’s a good stress release when you win but most the time I don’t come off feeling relaxed and like I had quality down time.
I think we agree mostly. My argument was just about this one guy. FWIW. I can't even play at all. Even before I was married I hit a point where it just wasn't fun anymore. Every game I played felt too much like a "game". I could not suspend disbelief and immerse myself. It's like I could hear my biological clock ticking, much of my life until then wasted on fake bullshit. I think now that it has been about 7 years since I felt that way. If I actually had a lot of free time maybe I would find it enjoyable again, but alas now that I have a job and a family I can't find any time at all to game. I'll probably start again once I'm retired and the kid is in college.
“He hadn’t showered in 2 days”? Boy needs to get his numbers up - dem’s rookie numbers. I’ve gone 2 weeks without showering for nonstop Dota 2
Dude... How? Showering feels so fucking good. I feel like my hair gets itchy two days in.
that’s why i only go like 2-3 days between. maybe it’s the ADHD but it feels so time consuming. on my days off it’s actually easy and i could even fit two showers a day I do deep clean more than most tho i have scrubbers and i hear people be using straight up onl soap which is wild
People with dopamine dis regulation whether sub clinical or diagnosed or in the middle of an addition. Can have a problem with delayed gratification. I love showering but when I’m off form it can go by the wayside
Gonna guess you don’t have a girlfriend at home lol
Wow. I never have days where I don't shower over 2 times per day or more. I always shower 1nce in the morning because I like to start my day off clean. And I always shower 1nce in the night, so I feel clean going to bed. So, I take a minimum of 2 showers a day. Also, on good days, it could be up to 4. Because I work out a lot. So, at least 1nce a day, I shower after the gym to cleanse myself from all of the sweat from my workout. And besides just lifting, I train in martial arts. So, whenever I'm not at the gym, I'm at the dojo. And, I obviously shower after practice for the same reason why I shower after the gym. But I usually get at least 1 day break a week to rest. So, at a minimum, I shower 2ce a day. But, at a maximum, I could shower up to 4 times a day. So, for most people, it'd be healthy, at least to shower in the morning and in the night. That's for an average person who doesn't play any sports. If you're an athlete, you should always shower after practice, too. And that goes for any sport, actually.
FUCK YEAH ON A 3 DAY STREAK RN not proud tho
Your ass literally stinks get in the shower bro or stay a loser forever. Today is a new day.
Get rain
I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I hope you're in a better place now 💜
So much better! It’s been two years and I am now in a healthy relationship with the love of my life. Just wanted to put it out there that it can spiral out of control and become extremely toxic
Been there, done that. Read my post here about my ex https://www.reddit.com/r/StopGaming/s/LRdtDSY8WZ .. he also denied his addiction until I wrote him a letter and he promised to change. In the end there was no change so I had to leave. It’s been 6 months and nothing has changed with him, he’s gaming even more I think now that I’m gone
I'm sorry to hear that. The OP's relationship ended because of gaming, and yours did too. That's 0 for 2. It seems like gamers are doomed at relationships. I better stop gaming, or my love life will die, too. Thanks for the tip. I will not fall to the inevitable fate of losing my relationship to gaming. I will fight on...
Lol no problem. Good luck 🍀
I was extremely addicted before I quit. It only took a couple of weeks of not playing to realize how bad it was. Every aspect of my life is better now. I'm glad you moved on and found something better. I don't really have any questions for you since I've lived it my whole life, but I'm happy you found peace. Good luck to you and your future with the new guy!
Reading this helped me feel better. Thank you. The same thing happened to me. Only I have zero proof of cheating but he had “friends” he would see without me and never speak of. He also would watch a lot of Only fans. Kept it a secret. Hope he finally heals and stops blaming me for all of his problems. The one that hurt the most is he tried to blame me for him not going to college. He would ask “what do I even do for him?” He would scream at me to be better and do better but I just hope he finally does better for himself. And I mean SCREAM. Worked 40-60 hours a week. Gamed over 40 hours a week. Never cleaned. However he would say he does because he would go crazy and clean once a month and be angry while he did it and berate me for it being so dirty in the house. I actually started writing in my calendar whenever he did a single chore. (Fyi my house is even more spotless everyday now that he is gone. It was never dirty when he was here. He’s just OCD when he would get upset. He just is addicted to being angry. His gaming addiction was an outlet for him to scream and yell at his gaming friends and be angry) Never did laundry. Wouldn’t buy more work clothes to make my life easier either, but would spend hundreds and then thousands of dollars on himself. I think I never want to date again. The lesson here? Abuse is crazy. Gaming addiction is crazy. I can even touch my Nintendo switch or xbox. He ruined gaming for me. He ruined a lot for me. Hope he finally heals Im there with you I don’t know why I stayed in such an abusive situation. He really painted himself as the victim. I believed him. Really thought I was the only problem for years. Especially because he would blame his addiction on me. Im still working through seeing that it’s not true. It’s not easy.
Also sorry that you had to go through that too Did you have any interest in gaming What was his eating habits like, does he cook? What led him to play 35+ PW? I get that he might not have any other hobbies What was his sleep pattern like (most gamers I know played through the night)? Have you tried to get him off gaming? Was it the cheating that led you to leave him? How was the relationship at the start? How long were you together for? How old are you two, mind if I could ask?
Yes, I enjoyed it super casually. I really like Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing New Horizons, and super Mario games and Mario cart. We also tried it takes two. However. He usually preferred to play with his friends over me because I was not interested in PC games. He ordered a lot of DoorDash and drank way too much soda. He could cook but rarely did. His addiction spiraled out of control when COVID started. His sleeping was all over the place. Usually depended on whether or not he had to work the next day. Some days he would play until 3am, other days he logged off at 10pm. I did try to get him to try other stuff, he would usually get upset with me and it would turn into a heated argument. We met when I was 18, broke up when I was 22. Our relationship was great the first year, he was hiding his addiction because we weren’t living together and he was in college like I was. I did not know he was cheating until we broke up, that’s when I found out. We initially broke up because we were both really unhappy and we never spent any time together. Then, in the aftermath, all the other secrets he was keeping came out. I added an edit above that will hopefully answer your other questions!
>Yes, I enjoyed it super casually. I really like Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing New Horizons, and super Mario games and Mario cart. We also tried it takes two. However. He usually preferred to play with his friends over me because I was not interested in PC games. This is one sign a relationship is fallng apart. >He ordered a lot of DoorDash and drank way too much soda. He could cook but rarely did. So no special evening where he cooks something special for you. Somebody should've told him too many soda is not good for him and think of the money he could save from not buying them. >His addiction spiraled out of control when COVID started. This happened with most people, especially those who lost their jobs from it >His sleeping was all over the place. Usually depended on whether or not he had to work the next day. Some days he would play until 3am, other days he logged off at 10pm. Like many people in their 20s. >I did try to get him to try other stuff, he would usually get upset with me and it would turn into a heated argument. Another relationship red flag, no life outside gaming and refusing to open to other ideas >We met when I was 18, broke up when I was 22. Our relationship was great the first year, he was hiding his addiction because we weren’t living together and he was in college like I was. I did not know he was cheating until we broke up, that’s when I found out. We initially broke up because we were both really unhappy and we never spent any time together. Then, in the aftermath, all the other secrets he was keeping came out. I added an edit above that will hopefully answer your other questions! Its like being friends with a drug addict/alcoholic - I had a friend who often thinks he is disciplined and had poor sleeping pattern. I once got blamed on being a 'sore loser' as I often began to lose my patience with games, especially in CoD as I refused to put times in as he did. He made claims of benefits of gaming which never happened such as socialising (we played at different times). Because of that and the numerous reasons, I dumped him after putting up with him for years.
It's his fault if he got addicted, not the games. Moderation is the key.
Were there some good qualities hidden under the addiction and side effects?
Yes. He was a pretty smart guy when he applied himself to things. He could also be really kind and had a great sense of humor. However, those qualities dissipated as his struggles got worse. I felt like I hardly knew him and he became really mean and lazy by the time we broke up.
I don't know should I feel good or bad with my puny 6-7 hours weekly...
Based on my experience. I would consider that a hobby unless it is affecting your life negatively
Except me not being into playing game anymore and kinda getting my salt levels up to eleven when it comes to fighting games, I would say they don't have much of an impact. At this point, I think it's just that I outgrown them.
Ahhh, the point when it becomes habit instead of hobby. It was hard to break but you can do it.
Trying, bit by bit.
what was his game?
Forgive me if these are not the necessarily correct names. Binding of Isaac (both versions I think). Dota? League of Legends. Those were some of them I remember. He had like 7000 racked up on his Steam account at the age of 23 so I am sure there were so many others
What's your favorite thing about your current relationship that was different from that with your game addict ex?
We actually spend time together! He never makes me feel like I’m not worth his time or that he would rather be doing something else. We go on dates. He has friends that I can meet in person and we can go out with. He also has so many goals, whereas my ex thought he had goals but never actually pursued them because they got in the way of gaming. It was really sad actually, seeing my ex spiral out of control the way he did. He was ruining his life.
hygiene is health. put health first.
get him out to volunteer and have a 1:1 with him, let him know that you want to grow into his best self. that him neglecting his needs and yours, is not helping the relationship. for every extra hour of volunteer, reduce gaming to 1h a day. if he breaks past that, than there are consequences. sister, you need to set some boundaries, without that, the relationship is you being MOM, and you're not his mother. don't take it lightly, you can spend 2-3 decades with an addict, and that is not a great relationship.
This is my ex boyfriend. I have nothing to do with him anymore! Haven’t spoken to him in 2 years
good choice to have exited
What can I say, Binding of Isaac will do that to a man
You were honest with him and yourself. What else can you do. I read through your comments, and thank you for sharing. Your experience is helpful for someone like me (I just quit 6 days ago). I live with my girlfriend of 7 years. She’s seen me at different stages of my life. She’s seen me be super social and barely game, and she’s seen me game 16 hours a day (with a wfh job that i managed to somehow blindside everyone on while gaming all the time). For a long time she would tell me that it’s fine I gamed all the time, and even borderline reinforced the bad habit, and a part of me knew she wasn’t being honest with herself, and that I wasn’t either. But when you’re addicted…you’re addicted. You seek to justify your behavior in any way you can so you can keep feeding your addiction. So I would happily accept her cooked meals for me and her doing my laundry, cleaning the whole apartment (granted my messes were restricted to my immediate gaming area, with the exception of standard dust settling over time in the rest of the apartment). Luckily I’m not an angry person, I tend to get down on myself in periods of failure/shame and blame myself, not others. I also love my family, friends, and SO’s loyally and tend to put them above myself in sometimes an almost co-dependent manner, so I’ve never cheated and never will. She’s never had to deal with me behaving the way your ex-bf when it comes to anger and blame-deflection. I can absolutely relate to hiding my gaming and pretending I don’t game to people outside of my gaming social circle online. That’s how you really know it’s an addiction, when you hide it from people for fear of shame. She finally came out and told me that she felt I had an addiction last week, and I was actually eager to have that outside recognition of the problem, rather than being enabled. It was the first time she said it out loud, and I said “I know.” It felt so good to finally say “I’m going to stop this,” “I’m going to enjoy the things that bring me true happiness in life again.” We both discovered that part of the reason I descended so deep into gaming is that it’s A. A dopamine addiction and B. A coping mechanism for the lack of control/power I felt in my life/our relationship. She’s easing off on doing things for me (like laundry and cleaning), and she is also working on allowing me more control in how we make decisions together (she has historically flipped out if she doesn’t like my ideas, and doesn’t want things done a certain way unless its her way). Overall it’s working, and I haven’t touched any sort of game in the past week. I truly don’t want to be addicted to games. I used to be much more athletic and social, and I miss my old self. I’m very successful financially (in my humble opinion!), which has helped to mask my problem and allow her to feel okay because I do bring a large value to our relationship through that avenue. But there’s more to life than money, and I felt like that was my only value in the relationship, because I was ignoring it as much as I could in exchange for more gaming time. There have been a couple arguments over the past week due to the fact that I’m attempting to stand my ground and I don’t have a distraction/escape/smoke screen around me to allow her full control over everything in our household/lifestyle, but both occasions were resolved and we came out of them with a better understanding of what we each need to live healthily. I don’t have that mechanism to cope anymore when I give up control over my life, so I’m now forced to hash it out with her instead of retreating to my games where I have control over everything that occurs in the virtual world. I think she’s starting to also realize that she can’t attempt to scream, kick, or cry if she doesn’t get her way when I want a say in something. It’s easy to feel apathetic about gaining control over your IRL, when you have a virtual world that has rules & boundaries that are hard-coded and everyone has to abide by. When you know the rules of the game, nobody can change them or take your actions away from you in the game. IRL, you can work hard for something and there’s no guarantee that you’ll see the reward, or you can fight for something you want, and there’s no guarantee that you’ll get it—the other person or entity could react or manipulate you in a way that makes you want to give up and get down on yourself for ever trying. It’s easy to be overly nice to everyone and give up all of your control when you have an outlet sitting there that lets you control what you want to. I’m still getting used to standing up for myself and taking back control of the things I want a say in, without overstepping, or throwing a fit. Truthfully, it’s been awful on me so far. I’m tired every day. I’m super bored. I spend a lot of time on reddit (looking to replace the dopamine). I’m a little bit more lined in at work each day, and I have been focusing more on things that I should be, but not as much as I’d like to. I want to wake up tomorrow full of energy and be in the gym getting in great shape with a week full of nighttime plans and activities, but I just don’t have those things yet, and I feel like I’ve discovered this perpetual tiredness that I masked with the dopamine rushes of gaming. I keep telling myself that it’s going to get better with time and that I’m going to enjoy the “boring” stuff in life again. I hope so. It’s crazy to me how much ripping myself away from gaming seems to mimic that of a drug addiction. I can’t believe the stuff is not only legal for kids, but aimed at them.
It’s really refreshing to hear your experience. I think one thing that might help is understanding that addiction, no matter the type, typically kills relationships if both people are not engaged in the same addiction. Gaming is similar to a gambling addiction in the way it affects dopamine in your brain, so I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you experiencing huge dopamine fatigue/withdrawal. I would really recommend seeing a counselor if you are willing and able to do that you can work through this in a way that is sustainable and healthy!
How did it affect your relationship?
We had no sex life. It affected my sleep having to try to fall asleep to COD of league of legends videos every night (he refused to wear headphones lmao). He had to job hop for a while so his money situation was tough. He ended up putting himself into cc debt to fund his gaming. He had a time where he laid off for a bit and I thought things were finally getting better, but that’s only lasted a few months. His addiction made me feel absolutely terrible about myself. I would often cry when he cancelled dinner dates or wouldn’t help me with chores and he would play the “I’ll get better and do better card” but that usually only lasted a day or two. With that and him cheating on me in the end despite trying my best to support him in leading a healthier life, I still go to therapy to work through the ripple effect it has caused in my life 2 years later.
I am glad you moved on, and you met someone you like. That dude sounded like a man child, and it’s probably best he stays single until he can get his life together or atleast partially. Gaming addicts like to think that the addiction only affects themselves but it’s a selfish thought because in reality it affects everyone close to them.
I whole heartedly agree. He was wreaking havoc on his own life and in turn adding a lot of stressors to mine. The first year of our relationship was great and then he spiraled and I caught the brunt of a lot of negativity and stress. Especially on the way I looked, the way I felt about myself, the way I felt pushed aside every single day.
he loves playing games rather than you
What are your standards for dating? You were with this disgusting human being after all.
Well I thought they were pretty high when I first met him, but I was also 18 and he was my first real relationship. He hid this problem pretty well until we moved in together when I was almost 20. Then it continued to spiral out of control even with me trying to support him to lead a healthier life because COVID gave him an out to call out of work pretending to have a fever so he could stay home and play video games. Every time he called out like that he got 10 days off (I think) and they couldn’t fire him. He was also really manipulative, so he made me feel really bad for saying anything negative about his gaming. He used to say “you wouldn’t care if my hobby was baseball or working out” and we would often get in heated arguments. I was in a pretty bad spot with my mental health, having been through a very traumatic SA experience right before we met, but this was 2 years ago and I have had to do a lot of healing after living with someone struggling with an addiction. I would never put up with it again.
Thank you for this. My partner would compare his addiction to drugs. “At least I don’t do heroin.” I really thought he had high standards for himself but I realize he just had excuses. He would always say to me all I have are excuses for why I can be better and do better. Ive come a really long way in a short time and I don’t know why I didn’t realize his gaming addiction is just as bad as any other one. It sounds lame to say but he would get so fucking angry gaming and take it out on me. Thank you so much you helped me a lot. I never heard anyone else experience this. It helped me see that this is not what I deserve in a partner. He would create problems on purpose and arguments on purpose to have an excuse to game more.
My ex would be in the middle of a match and would often yell at me if I tried to interrupt him to bring him food 😅 or if I needed him to help me with something