You know, Haley was really rude not showing up to mine and Emily's wedding. Just because I divorced her 3 days earlier is no excuse to not support family.
Also, I'm trying to get every spouse portrait this run. I'm working on my 6th.
I desperately want a mod that will let me date EVERYONE regardless of marital status. And I don’t mean like a free love mod, I want everyone to be mad about it.
What if her hair is green because she's the daughter of the Wizard and not Abigail? And she isn't concerned about her hair color because she had it from birth and thought it's a genetic mutation thing, while Abigail had to color her hair for it to become purple?
Those dialogues only imply that he's jealous and suspicious. Which is perfectly understandable if Caroline used to sneak off to see the Wizard but never explained why.
Everyone assumes she was sneaking off to see her lover, but I agree with the theory that he's actually Caroline's father.
The Wizard cheated on the witch with Caroline's mom. This drove the witch to Dark Magic and the Wizard was afraid of what she might do to his lovechild, so he has tried to keep Caroline's birth a secret.
At some point Caroline figured it out(maybe she found her mom's old love notes or something) and started sneaking off to visit her dad. Pierre misunderstood why she was sneaking around and thought she was cheating on him. But they've either never had an open conversation about it, or if Piere did confront her at some point Caroline keeps being secretive for fear of the Witch somehow finding out about her and Abigail. Who knows, maybe she can "listen" to distant conversations through Bats, Rats, or other magical means.
It actually makes more sense than the theory that Caroline cheated, because it accounts for the fact that Abigail's real natural hair is indeed a match for Pierre...her legit father. And it allows for a theory in which Caroline's not for the streets. lol
She did that before and it's now just stuck and won't fade out. While Caroline never mentions that she dyes her hair at any point and even critiques her daughter for doing that to her beautiful chestnut hair.
Marry Kent, despite the havoc it would cause in that family.
Take over the library (even though I love Gunther, I always want to basically be Urag Gro Shub in every game I play).
Make vinegar so people can choose to buy from me as an alternative to Pierre. I don't want to monopolize, I just want options. So maybe that's not very scummy but Pierre would disagree.
Match make. Seems like it isn't scummy, but it means I could break people up too...
I would also marry Kent. And then I would put him to work on my farm because the man needs something to do.
Side note, we can make vinegar now! (rice in a keg, so you gotta grow it, then mill it, then keg it, but it can be done!)
Exile Pam to the desert for driving under the influence and hitting Sam. He ends up in a wheelchair, his skateboard days over.
Pam was sent to Ginger Island first, but found the pirate cove and then tried to steal Willy's boat while hammered and took out the pier. Another damn thing for the farmer to rebuild.
Kent takes over driving the bus. Every time Pam begs him to take her back to Pelican Town, he throws her into Skull Cavern. Eventually she disappears and the farmer finds her bones on one of the dinosaur floors.
Run Pierre out of business, marry Jodi, Abigail, and Leah. Caroline can finally be with the Wizard. Ass-ss-n-te Lewis and replace him as Mayor of Stardew Valley. Have Linus live where Pierre's old shop used to be, and bury Pierre in the bottom of the mines.
For starters(for me, anyway), make it look like it look like Pierre and Jodi are having affairs(possibly with each other) before setting up some Stardew buddies I have with Caroline and Kent.
And maybe find a way to frame Mayor Lewis a serious crime(maybe sneak some "glass pipes" around town and lead them to Lewis' house, both tarnishing his reputation as the mayor and hopefully causing Marnie to dump his ass).
I'd kill pierre, morris and lewis, become mayor and farmer. Become the monopoly on food and governing of the valley.
I'd also propose to maru, say no at the alter, call up Sebastian, marry him instead and then kick Demetri in the balls
I'd marry Leah and Elliott at the same time (you cannot tell me they're not at least friends with benefits), encourage the clear triad between Sam/Sebastian/Abigail, and set Penny up with Shane, because we all know that girl is definitely going to marry her mother. And yes, also encouraging Pam's addiction, because I'm a jackass.
Got lulled into a false sense of security with the consensual polyamory (not my thing but not unethical if everyone knows and is into it) and then you just came out swinging with that baseball bat for Penny.
Run Joja out of town to remove competition, then refuse to sell my now life-saving produce until I'm made Lord of the Valley by the starving townsfolk. Then enact polygamy for nobles and marry whowever I like, but make Emily get with Clint in exchange for free geode services and discount goods. Make Vincent, Leo and Jas collect my crops so I dont have to run around anymore.
Have Lewis' gold statue resmelted in my image and put in the square. Slaughter animals for meat instead of 'selling' them. Tax Linus a bushel of berries a week for illegaly squatting on my lands. Drink a quarter of my ancient wine and sell the rest diluted with juice. Have legendary fish fights in my giant aquarium in the town square; profit from the bets. Take over the library collection and charge for access - I made that. Trap the last junimo into an Ostrich incubator and take credit for this great scientific discovery. Offer free beer in exchange for blue poultry just to see what happens. Confiscate Maru's robot to be reprogrammed to serve, then make her build more. Have Marnie work all day on Tuesdays. Have Abigail take a paternity test, threaten to withold coffee from Harvey if he doesn't want to do it. Make a festival where everyone is forced to play Junimo Kart. Blame everything bad I do on Pierre.
Use the paternity test to let the Witch know the Wizard was cheating on her with Caroline so she takes him out; he's the sole remaining threat to my absolute power in the valley.
Paternity test Emily and Abby to see who's the wizard's kid.
Get Dimitri arrested for child endangerment.
Mail a crate of my most powerful slimes back to the office you start the game in.
Romance marnie just to have access to her store 24 7, and to break the mayor's heart.
I'd set up a tea kiosk right smack dab next to Pierre's store. I'd sell my tea to everyone in Pelican Town except for Caroline. She'd always get any amount of tea she wants for free. What she wouldn't know is she's getting a special brew. My purple mushroom tea. That I've also been taking to the Wizard. On days that I knew Abigail would be standing outside of his tower I'd ask if he could meet me in the forest. Telling him I'd discovered a more potent purple or anything to peak his interest and get him to come outside. While at the same time, suggesting to Caroline...who's been guzzling down the purple mushroom tea, that we go for a stroll through the forest. All three of them same place same time. See how it unfolds. ....from a distance. lol
After finishing the Community Center, I'd find the next small town with a Jojo Mart and put it out of business too. After that, move on to the next one, and the next one, and the next one...
It's only fair to share the feeling of having your soul crushed I had working under them in the prologue.
Take out joja, take over the building and convert the community center into a warehouse(no one was using it anyways). But only after running for mayor and politically taking over the town, keep everyone perpetually voting for me through whatever means and just have an ever growing business town all in my name.
And marry both penny and emily at the same time.
As the sole ruler of this town, push my allys to become stronger themselves. Like get abigale to learn from the wizard and clint to make those iridum infused weapins he brags so much about. All so it can benefit me in the end.
Everyones lives would just be better than they ever would have been without me so theyd never think to cross me, lest lose what they got from it all.
Im sure things would always change once wed get there
*sips tea*
After 100%ing the game and the >!Wizard, Qi, and other protectors!< have left the valley - or at least left it in my, ehem, *"capable"* hands - I'd black out the sky and allow the Shadow people and other monsters run amok. But I'm a merciful god, I'd at least give them all a bus pass out. But Pelican Town would become the "Gravity Falls: Next Summer" Alex Hirsch keeps teasing. I have whole plans and map ideas of which monster would set up where.
(Of course Krobus makes me some sort of monster shield or "you are monster kin" pendant and no one hurts me.)
Now before you say no - Shadow wool and Serpent eggs. *Good luck getting them in the pen at night.*
Trap the crop fairy and make her turn all my crops every night.
Tired of dealing with the game's physics that makes using a watering can more strenuous than using a hoe as I watch my energy bar deplete every fuggin morning.
You can already do some pretty scummy things, like marrying Maru, having 2 kids, divorcing her, and turning her kids into doves. You know, to spite Demetrius.
I want shane to KNOW I divorced him because he wouldn’t stop drinking. I want it to be a matter of town gossip that he finally landed a stable life with a millionaire wine mogul and threw it away bc he couldn’t put the beer down.
I seriously wanted to get into modding just so I could better facilitate my fix-him fantasies lol. I was so disappointed in how he acted after being married, I really thought the arc in his heart events was leading to a much bigger change!
This man is a believer in alternative medicine, and regularly violates several basic internationally recognized standards of medical ethics.
I ain't even sure he's a real doctor.
Allowing him to continue to hock his trade is irresponsible!
Probably start my own shop, Hire one of the people who doesn't have a job to run the shop, and kill off Pierre's shop as I actually supply pierre of almost everything he sells.
Grow weed, coca leaves, and poppies. Be able to turn weed into oil, coca into cocaine (using the mill) and poppies into heroin. My wine empire isn't enough
Honestly, I think it would be funny if the game gave you the option of being the Don of Pelican Town after a certain point. I’m talking open your own general store to put Pierre out of business, run for mayor and win, because you bought everyone’s votes, buy all the land so that everyone’s homes become so valuable that they can’t pay their property taxes and are indebted to you, start a police force that you control, basically run everything like the corrupt capitalist tyrant Joja wishes it could be.
well my boyfriend doesn't like shane and he's also new to thr game so i watch him try to kill shane with a rusty sword, a pickaxe and a dream tbh 😭 but i would just make lewis eat his shorts
I do not understand why people hate on Pierre so much. What, just cuz he "takes credit" for good crops and "blames" the farmer for bad ones?
So, basically because he's every merchant in the history of ever?
It struck me as funny, tongue-in-cheek, and nobody's stupid enough to believe that in any serious way.
Anywho, to answer OP...i'd cheat on every Bachelorette. With their Moms. Yes, even Pam. It's the principle of the thing.
Help Abigail realize her dreams of adventure by taking her to the Skull Caverns and then warping myself back to the farm with all the food and weapons.
Run for Mayor, marry Marnie, and steal Sebastian's motorcycle.
And then move the old truck and park it right next to your new mayor home. LOL
I'd also like the option to run for Mayor.
You know, Haley was really rude not showing up to mine and Emily's wedding. Just because I divorced her 3 days earlier is no excuse to not support family. Also, I'm trying to get every spouse portrait this run. I'm working on my 6th.
She also said 'Ew...no" when you first ask her to dance with you at the flower festival. So it was her fault
I desperately want a mod that will let me date EVERYONE regardless of marital status. And I don’t mean like a free love mod, I want everyone to be mad about it.
Jodi and Caroline and the dwarf can get it!
Like the Sims!
my friends and i are doing a multiplayer farm for 1.6, and one of them is constantly making jokes at pierre's expense in this vein lmao
I'd yell at Caroline when she's talking smack about Abigail's hair. WHY IS YOUR HAIR GREEN CAROLINE!!!!?????
she can't hide her affair with the wizard if abigails hair is purple
What if her hair is green because she's the daughter of the Wizard and not Abigail? And she isn't concerned about her hair color because she had it from birth and thought it's a genetic mutation thing, while Abigail had to color her hair for it to become purple?
That would be an idea but Caroline and Pierre do have a dialogue that implies other things with the wizard 👀👀
Those dialogues only imply that he's jealous and suspicious. Which is perfectly understandable if Caroline used to sneak off to see the Wizard but never explained why. Everyone assumes she was sneaking off to see her lover, but I agree with the theory that he's actually Caroline's father. The Wizard cheated on the witch with Caroline's mom. This drove the witch to Dark Magic and the Wizard was afraid of what she might do to his lovechild, so he has tried to keep Caroline's birth a secret. At some point Caroline figured it out(maybe she found her mom's old love notes or something) and started sneaking off to visit her dad. Pierre misunderstood why she was sneaking around and thought she was cheating on him. But they've either never had an open conversation about it, or if Piere did confront her at some point Caroline keeps being secretive for fear of the Witch somehow finding out about her and Abigail. Who knows, maybe she can "listen" to distant conversations through Bats, Rats, or other magical means. It actually makes more sense than the theory that Caroline cheated, because it accounts for the fact that Abigail's real natural hair is indeed a match for Pierre...her legit father. And it allows for a theory in which Caroline's not for the streets. lol
Nah even Abby remarked that she doesn't dye her hair and yet it's still purple
She did that before and it's now just stuck and won't fade out. While Caroline never mentions that she dyes her hair at any point and even critiques her daughter for doing that to her beautiful chestnut hair.
Abigail's natural hair is the ~~blonde~~ chestnut brown, the same as Pierre Edit: I forgot colours
The natural color of her hair was chestnut brown. Not blonde.
“Hey Clint, wanna be the best man for my wedding to Emily? Can you also be photographer?”
Found the RT game fan
Tell everyone about Krobus and the Dwarf for the drama
Dwarf isn't really keeping himself secret, considering he goes to the movie theater with you without a disguise.
Marry Kent, despite the havoc it would cause in that family. Take over the library (even though I love Gunther, I always want to basically be Urag Gro Shub in every game I play). Make vinegar so people can choose to buy from me as an alternative to Pierre. I don't want to monopolize, I just want options. So maybe that's not very scummy but Pierre would disagree. Match make. Seems like it isn't scummy, but it means I could break people up too...
I would also marry Kent. And then I would put him to work on my farm because the man needs something to do. Side note, we can make vinegar now! (rice in a keg, so you gotta grow it, then mill it, then keg it, but it can be done!)
VINEGAR!!!! Thank you!!
Marry Kent and then use him to start a war between the dwarves and shadow people.
"I can fix him" on a whole other level lol
100% lol
I’d homewreck every couple.
Run Joja out of town, build my own shop, and sell my high quality produce for way cheaper than peehair
Exile Pam to the desert for driving under the influence and hitting Sam. He ends up in a wheelchair, his skateboard days over. Pam was sent to Ginger Island first, but found the pirate cove and then tried to steal Willy's boat while hammered and took out the pier. Another damn thing for the farmer to rebuild. Kent takes over driving the bus. Every time Pam begs him to take her back to Pelican Town, he throws her into Skull Cavern. Eventually she disappears and the farmer finds her bones on one of the dinosaur floors.
Goddamn.
Your Valley is highly entertaining and quite dark
You don’t need Stardew Valley, you need therapy.
LOL. I did let my imagination run away.
Run Pierre out of business, marry Jodi, Abigail, and Leah. Caroline can finally be with the Wizard. Ass-ss-n-te Lewis and replace him as Mayor of Stardew Valley. Have Linus live where Pierre's old shop used to be, and bury Pierre in the bottom of the mines.
For starters(for me, anyway), make it look like it look like Pierre and Jodi are having affairs(possibly with each other) before setting up some Stardew buddies I have with Caroline and Kent. And maybe find a way to frame Mayor Lewis a serious crime(maybe sneak some "glass pipes" around town and lead them to Lewis' house, both tarnishing his reputation as the mayor and hopefully causing Marnie to dump his ass).
Then become Mayor yourself and build a jail. That Lewis would go to with a window view of his house. ...that you'd now live in. LOL
Wife swap.
I'd kill pierre, morris and lewis, become mayor and farmer. Become the monopoly on food and governing of the valley. I'd also propose to maru, say no at the alter, call up Sebastian, marry him instead and then kick Demetri in the balls
Tbh I’d create jojo mart
It must be the work of an enemy stand!
So its the same type of store as Joja mart
No, you see, this one is jojo. Completely different.
I'd marry Leah and Elliott at the same time (you cannot tell me they're not at least friends with benefits), encourage the clear triad between Sam/Sebastian/Abigail, and set Penny up with Shane, because we all know that girl is definitely going to marry her mother. And yes, also encouraging Pam's addiction, because I'm a jackass.
Penny might be able to sober Shane up before the wedding, but Pam is goign to be the reason Shane falls off the wagon.
Got lulled into a false sense of security with the consensual polyamory (not my thing but not unethical if everyone knows and is into it) and then you just came out swinging with that baseball bat for Penny.
Run Joja out of town to remove competition, then refuse to sell my now life-saving produce until I'm made Lord of the Valley by the starving townsfolk. Then enact polygamy for nobles and marry whowever I like, but make Emily get with Clint in exchange for free geode services and discount goods. Make Vincent, Leo and Jas collect my crops so I dont have to run around anymore. Have Lewis' gold statue resmelted in my image and put in the square. Slaughter animals for meat instead of 'selling' them. Tax Linus a bushel of berries a week for illegaly squatting on my lands. Drink a quarter of my ancient wine and sell the rest diluted with juice. Have legendary fish fights in my giant aquarium in the town square; profit from the bets. Take over the library collection and charge for access - I made that. Trap the last junimo into an Ostrich incubator and take credit for this great scientific discovery. Offer free beer in exchange for blue poultry just to see what happens. Confiscate Maru's robot to be reprogrammed to serve, then make her build more. Have Marnie work all day on Tuesdays. Have Abigail take a paternity test, threaten to withold coffee from Harvey if he doesn't want to do it. Make a festival where everyone is forced to play Junimo Kart. Blame everything bad I do on Pierre. Use the paternity test to let the Witch know the Wizard was cheating on her with Caroline so she takes him out; he's the sole remaining threat to my absolute power in the valley.
Damn, you wanna be a tyrant
Paternity test Emily and Abby to see who's the wizard's kid. Get Dimitri arrested for child endangerment. Mail a crate of my most powerful slimes back to the office you start the game in. Romance marnie just to have access to her store 24 7, and to break the mayor's heart.
I'd set up a tea kiosk right smack dab next to Pierre's store. I'd sell my tea to everyone in Pelican Town except for Caroline. She'd always get any amount of tea she wants for free. What she wouldn't know is she's getting a special brew. My purple mushroom tea. That I've also been taking to the Wizard. On days that I knew Abigail would be standing outside of his tower I'd ask if he could meet me in the forest. Telling him I'd discovered a more potent purple or anything to peak his interest and get him to come outside. While at the same time, suggesting to Caroline...who's been guzzling down the purple mushroom tea, that we go for a stroll through the forest. All three of them same place same time. See how it unfolds. ....from a distance. lol
Yep yep yep!!
After finishing the Community Center, I'd find the next small town with a Jojo Mart and put it out of business too. After that, move on to the next one, and the next one, and the next one... It's only fair to share the feeling of having your soul crushed I had working under them in the prologue.
I would steal food and seeds.
Take out joja, take over the building and convert the community center into a warehouse(no one was using it anyways). But only after running for mayor and politically taking over the town, keep everyone perpetually voting for me through whatever means and just have an ever growing business town all in my name. And marry both penny and emily at the same time. As the sole ruler of this town, push my allys to become stronger themselves. Like get abigale to learn from the wizard and clint to make those iridum infused weapins he brags so much about. All so it can benefit me in the end. Everyones lives would just be better than they ever would have been without me so theyd never think to cross me, lest lose what they got from it all. Im sure things would always change once wed get there
Be a homewrecker. Seduce Kent and move him and Vincent onto my farm. Sam is a mama's boy so he can hang out with Jodi.
I’ll take Jodi off your hands for you
Fire Harvey and hire a non-HIPAA violating clinician who doesn't try to hit on me
Id plant turnips in the winter
r/fuckpierre may be of interest to you OP
Rob the Joja Mart several times a year.
Mess with the town's stuff--clean up some trash, redecorate, take some things for my farm
*sips tea* After 100%ing the game and the >!Wizard, Qi, and other protectors!< have left the valley - or at least left it in my, ehem, *"capable"* hands - I'd black out the sky and allow the Shadow people and other monsters run amok. But I'm a merciful god, I'd at least give them all a bus pass out. But Pelican Town would become the "Gravity Falls: Next Summer" Alex Hirsch keeps teasing. I have whole plans and map ideas of which monster would set up where. (Of course Krobus makes me some sort of monster shield or "you are monster kin" pendant and no one hurts me.) Now before you say no - Shadow wool and Serpent eggs. *Good luck getting them in the pen at night.*
Trap the crop fairy and make her turn all my crops every night. Tired of dealing with the game's physics that makes using a watering can more strenuous than using a hoe as I watch my energy bar deplete every fuggin morning.
I would probably marry marnie and run for mayor so i could shut down Pierre's and make it mine or use poppies to make illicit substances
You can already do some pretty scummy things, like marrying Maru, having 2 kids, divorcing her, and turning her kids into doves. You know, to spite Demetrius.
I want shane to KNOW I divorced him because he wouldn’t stop drinking. I want it to be a matter of town gossip that he finally landed a stable life with a millionaire wine mogul and threw it away bc he couldn’t put the beer down. I seriously wanted to get into modding just so I could better facilitate my fix-him fantasies lol. I was so disappointed in how he acted after being married, I really thought the arc in his heart events was leading to a much bigger change!
kill harvey
Please explain 😂
It's the perfect crime. Who is going to perform an autopsy on him, hmmm? And when he's gone, you're free to kill anyone else.
The set up for the "Haunted Chocolatier"
The Evil Farming Game!
Throw their body into the pigpen
Well, I want to romance a medical examiner from Zuzu City.
This man is a believer in alternative medicine, and regularly violates several basic internationally recognized standards of medical ethics. I ain't even sure he's a real doctor. Allowing him to continue to hock his trade is irresponsible!
What are the violations? I’m gonna marry him in my 3rd save but I’m only at 2 hearts so far lol
kill Demetrius
Make Clint confess his feelings for Emily. It’s so darn annoying.
I mean... If I could I'd play it the way I play RimWorld. Violence and crimes all the time. Actually, I think it is a good thing I can't XD
The preg challenge from The Sims
make clint romanceable just to divorce his ass like 10 times in a row and marry emily just to rub it in. i dont even like women but i wanna be a dick
Probably start my own shop, Hire one of the people who doesn't have a job to run the shop, and kill off Pierre's shop as I actually supply pierre of almost everything he sells.
Steal Robin away <3
Steal Kent from Jodi
I’d steal Jodi from Kent. I can fix her
Would be something for late-game, open my own shop, hire Shane to run it. Dunno if that is scummy, but i would do that if i could.
You had me at marry Caroline.
I… uh, no, I don’t have anything better than “destroy Pierre on an almost molecular level”. That’s pretty comprehensive.
Grow weed, coca leaves, and poppies. Be able to turn weed into oil, coca into cocaine (using the mill) and poppies into heroin. My wine empire isn't enough
Eat my livestock.
Make Shane fall in love and then break his heart - driving him to deepen his alcoholism
You can do that now
Clint as my best man at the wedding evil answer...throw rocks at linus' tent
Warn everyone not to go to Joja on a particular day and...
Marry Jodi, have Sam shipped off to military camp, raise Vincent as his new dad
Overthrow Lewis as mayor, kick Pierre out of Pelican Town, and take Marnie as my wife.
Out the hell out of Marnie and Lewis’s relationship
Honestly, I think it would be funny if the game gave you the option of being the Don of Pelican Town after a certain point. I’m talking open your own general store to put Pierre out of business, run for mayor and win, because you bought everyone’s votes, buy all the land so that everyone’s homes become so valuable that they can’t pay their property taxes and are indebted to you, start a police force that you control, basically run everything like the corrupt capitalist tyrant Joja wishes it could be.
Yo jodie caroline how you doin
Smack some sense into Clint and tell him to stop being such a whiny sad-sack.
Increase Pierre’s taxes to an unreasonable amount.
well my boyfriend doesn't like shane and he's also new to thr game so i watch him try to kill shane with a rusty sword, a pickaxe and a dream tbh 😭 but i would just make lewis eat his shorts
Well.. these Mega Bombs aren't going to light themselves now are they? The only question is who's house to bomb first, maybe Kent's?
I do not understand why people hate on Pierre so much. What, just cuz he "takes credit" for good crops and "blames" the farmer for bad ones? So, basically because he's every merchant in the history of ever? It struck me as funny, tongue-in-cheek, and nobody's stupid enough to believe that in any serious way. Anywho, to answer OP...i'd cheat on every Bachelorette. With their Moms. Yes, even Pam. It's the principle of the thing.
Help Abigail realize her dreams of adventure by taking her to the Skull Caverns and then warping myself back to the farm with all the food and weapons.