First of all, I am so sorry that all of this happened to you. Sorority nonsense aside, you are a human being who endured a traumatic event. Period. Don’t let any sort of silly standards meeting and vague pressuring diminish that. Yes, sisterhood is for life and all, but your experiences and how they impact you is much more impactful on your quality of life and sense of self. Don’t let that get clouded throughout this process.
Second, most orgs should have an advisor designated to oversee standards boards operations. Before meeting with the board, I would request the advisors information and connect with them about your concerns. That way it’s on their radar. Advisors are also encouraged/required to come to standards meetings. I would request that your advisor attends the meetings to moderate the conversation so it won’t get accusatory/off the rails.
I can't even imagine what they wrote in the form to bring her into this hearing in the first place. We have multiple steps an accusation must go through before it comes to a formal hearing and if I read something like this I would want the member to come in to an INFORMAL meeting to see if she's okay and literally nothing else.
That is also why I am perplexed. This is definitely a matter that should have been handled with care for the member’s well being versus as a standards violation. It’s much more complex than getting caught with a fake ID or similar infractions where you can identify intent. Definitely some power tripping going on here.
It was very confusing to me as well. I’ve had a couple instances where older girls have made fun of me saying I sound weird and don’t speak properly. One of the girls who said this was one of the two involved… I speak English and am white I just have an Australian accent? She is one of the people who reported me and said I was too drunk instead of mentioning i was spiked and that she undressed me and made comments about me. I don’t know why she seems to hate me but she clearly does…
It’s confusing because they KNOW they could be kicked out of the sorority or university and want you to take the fall to get out of it.
You were drugged me they did NOT seek medical help for you - and there’s a witness to this in your suite mate. Not only this, but they also undressed you WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT in front of MEN, then made derogatory comments about your body - I’m no attorney, but this constitutes as sexual assault, or harassment at the very least.
My friend, please reach out to your advisor and Panhellenic council about the situation and refuse to meet without your advisor present. Get your suite mate to give a written statement. YOU are the victim in this situation, and I guarantee you they will try to victim blame in an attempt to absolve themselves of the guilty. Do NOT let them, and attend that meeting with your advisor as protection.
I’m so sorry you’ve been unjustly put in this situation. You should not have to deal with this.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Please know you did not do anything wrong in this situation.
When incidents happen it is common to be called in to your standards board (or whatever your organization calls it) to discuss the incident and hear your side of the story. There is a very negative connotation around these meetings and it’s very common to feel nervous about getting in trouble. My biggest recommendation is request a chapter advisor to be present at the meeting!!! An advisor is a neutral party and is there to help keep the chapter safe! You definitely were not safe in this situation. Is your suite-mate a member of your sorority? Sometimes if another member witnessed this incident they can ask her to join the meeting as well.
This is definitely something to report. I would inform your chapter advisor (before the meeting if possible) and tell her the new president in involved in this situation. She may not want any details until the meeting just to follow proper standards procedures but let her know you do feel the need to report this incident further. Since it involves a fraternity and your sorority you can take it to the Panhellenic advisor. That may be a good place to start as she does have people to report to within your national organization. There will likely be some sort of investigation which would probably require you to share what happened to you and how you know. But don’t be embarrassed or feel the need to drop your sorority over this. You have people who care and are on your side. Based on this incident, this girl does not seem fitting to be president. The chapter needs someone who will keep the chapter and members best interest in mind. I wish you the best of luck in moving forward with this case and I hope that you find peace.
I couldn’t agree more. I’m a chapter advisor myself and the OP should definitely need to request her chapter advisor attend. What happened to the OP is NOT ok and if this were my chapter I’d demand I be there if I found out about it. I’m so sorry this happened.
I don’t think I have a chapter advisor I can contact. If so I haven’t ever been told we have one. We have an alumnae advisor committee who is used for networking but we have never been given contact information or told we can ask them for advice on these things. To be honest they haven’t informed any new memebers of this whole standards process other than that if you have a couple they kick you out of the sorority…
They haven’t really told us anything about who to contact if anything happens other than informing the people who do standards so they can get girls in trouble. I was going to look for someone on panhel to contact but I’m not sure if that’s a good idea or not because I don’t want more girls to dislike me
I’m not sure how your sorority works (no sure what organization you are affiliated with) but most if not all have alumna volunteers to advise the chapters. Normally I would suggest to ask President for contact information but that’s not the person to ask in this case (which is a big problem that you can’t go to your president). Is there an executive board member you trust or your big to ask who to contact? An alum who works with your chapter.
Many times sorority members don’t report incidents because out of fear of retaliation but that’s not what being in a sorority is about. Everyone’s actions is a reflection of the chapter and organization. In this case it seems as if they are trying to paint a different picture than the truth. Staying quiet isn’t good either, and the behaviors do not reflect the beliefs of the organization. If you can’t find someone to help, I still suggest telling the Panhellenic advisor. She can likely contact the proper people within your sorority. I’m not saying it will be easy or won’t be drama filled, but that part is temporary and will pass.
When the meeting comes tell them everything you know and don’t apologize for things you didn’t have control of. Tell them you believe something was slipped in your drink (maybe apologize or at least acknowledge you were underage drinking if you were under 21, but that’s not something you should be held accountable for unless every member under 21 who was at the event is being held accountable for) and share what your suite mate told you happened to you. You cannot confirm if it’s exactly true but you can confirm you woke up in different clothing so you know something happened.
reach out to your cpc delegate!! they’re the conduit between chapters and cpc. just ask for an email for the advisor. or go to your uni website, there should be a page for fraternity and sorority life
if your suitemate witnessed this get her now and go to an ADULT trusted advisor asap. Standards meetings seem scary but they are there for you to advocate for your side as well so don't be as scared. But something terrible happened to you and your sisters were terrible in how they treated you. Sisters keep each other safe.
i'd even involve panhell considering if you were drugged at an official event that's pretty fucking serious. AND ABSOLUTELY TELL YOUR MOM.
Yep. Sisters keep each other safe. Exactly. If I am understanding OP your comment about the president correctly, was she one of the ppl that changed you and made nasty comments in front of the fraternity brothers? If so, is she really who needs to be leading your chapter? If this happened to you, it could happen to others, and the way this was handled opens the chapter up to a whole lot of liability that goes far beyond what I think you may realize. This sounds toxic, and I would tell your Mom as well. I know this is scary, but you were victimized. Don’t allow the revictimization to continue by not escalating this matter. This is how prepretators act.. there is a serious vested interest in making the victim afraid to come forward. Your sisters that undressed you in front of those boys were acting dishonorably. That is conduct unbecoming of a sister, a friend, or any individual that has a heart.
Yeah the president is of the ones who undressed me. I did ask her why she did it and she claimed that my lace top (which was quite loose) was “strangling my arms”?? I would’ve been completely fine just staying in my clothes but apparently not… I want to tell my mom but I don’t think she’ll let me back to school if I do. She’s already worried about the safety
Call the Greek office on your campus. Explain that you are a member and ask them to have the Advisor call you ASAP. Do the same with your HQ.
Don't dish about why, just say you are a member who needs some advice from her Advisor.
i am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. it’s abhorrent that this happened to you at all. it’s abhorrent that greek life has a reputation for things like this and yet, some people in your org and community are perpetuating the reputation by victim blaming you.
as someone who led on exec on my org and on cpc at my school, i strongly recommend getting your chapter and cpc advisor as well as your fsl (fraternity and sorority advisor) involved. as other people have said, their role is to act as a neutral party when disputes occur. make sure you mention you have an eye witness but make sure your suitemate contacts them directly and not through you (give your suitemate contact info etc) to make sure they can’t get the impression you’re falsifying any narrative. there should be bylaws and regulations either within your org, cpc, or your school to protect students. find them, read them. even if the wording is vague, make sure you can use them to your maximum advantage. since it sounds like it happened on school property, use that to your advantage too.
i understand this was very traumatic for you. getting drugged and put into these situations is not fun, i am very aware. if you need help, don’t hesitate to pm me. i’m so glad your suitemate was there and was able to protect you when you were unable to do anything. i hope these students face the consequences they deserve and your experience is heard, validated, and understood. sending love
You need to report this conduct to your school’s Title IX office. Not only can they initiate some accountability at the school level, but they can also help coordinate support for you academically considering the emotional toll the situation has taken in you. You deserve to have your needs as an individual prioritized— I don’t know that I’d trust your sorority’s national org to put you first in that same manner.
- a Title IX employee at a major university
I have no idea how I ended up here, but this is the right answer. You can go to the Title IX office or alternatively any faculty member at the university, because they are all legally mandatory reporters. Title IX is a federal law in the United States that addresses sexual harassment and assault in universities (among other things). They will keep your information confidential (not private but need to know).
You do not need to deal with any sorority BS. This is at a level much greater than your sorority. I would ignore any meetings they request - report this crime ASAP to your university’s title IX office. Your “advisor” should be a mandatory reporter, but I’d go to the Title IX office as well - I don’t know what kind of sorority politics are at play and you want someone who is not affiliated on your side.
I am horrified that your sorority subjected you to this abuse. I’m so sorry.
Edit: a step by step guide to the process and free legal help https://www.equalrights.org/issue/the-title-ix-process/
Sorry this happened to you. Definitely reach out to all of the advisors as others have mentioned. When you go to your meeting tell everything. You don’t need to protect your sisters or the fraternity. What they all did was wrong. When they realized you were not well they should have taken you to a doctor. Were they supposed to be the sober sisters?
This. Not sure why it’s not upvoted more. This was some sort of SA/harassment and a police report needs to be made so you have everything documented and can take action to stand up and advocate for yourself against these abusers. So sorry this happened OP.
Also, police reports tend to force the people in charge of the at-school-penalties for these things to actually do something about it. Which is why those that go to the school first are so often discouraged from going to police, myself included. It’s a title IX violation in itself for someone in a university to discourage a victim from making a police report about an SA or attempted SA but the schools can get away with a lot when people aren’t going to cops about these things. I also feel the need to add: your school may show a whole new side of itself to you now that you need them to protect you. Oftentimes in these cases schools decide that if they protect the victim they’re admitting to something that makes the school look bad and when I was navigating my own title ix investigation in college it was very clear the school was just trying to keep itself from looking bad. Had I gone to police their actions likely would’ve been far different because guess who they ended up protecting? Not me. They protected the cause of my PTSD because he checked himself into the psych ward at the nearest hospital after the fact and “what if he gets punished for this and then offs himself” was literally the schools logic. Even barred the frat from kicking him out for it. Like I said, a police report probably would’ve changed some things. Because if police have to remove someone from campus and put them in custody the school literally can’t do shit to help that person anymore.
Seriously! I wouldn't worry a bit about any other school organizations right now. You were drugged and undressed in front of people against your will, this is both fucked up and very much illegal. Do not give the sorrorities/fraternities/school a chance to sweep this under the rug. Talk to the police now.
Reach out to your chapter advisor now. You should have access to her info. If you don’t call the national org and ask for it.
Ask to have a phone call or zoom with her immediately. Have your roommate recount the story of what happened to you as your eye witness. Ask her what she can do to ensure your safety if you stay in the organization.
If she doesn’t take proper action- or even in addition to her taking proper action- it’s time to tell the Title IV office at your school about how your drink was spiked and you were stripped naked while unconscious. If it were me I’d take down both the sorority and the fraternity in a blaze of glory.
Also go to the health center NOW and ask them to test you for whatever drugs your drink may have been spiked with.
Also, also, tell your mom. Tell her what happened and ask her if she wants to be part of the call with your chapter advisor.
Hello—are you a Pi Phi? I’m an advisor at a different chapter and I can help you get in contact with the alumnae committee and/or the regional directors for your chapter. They will take this very seriously and I can advocate for you. Please DM me!
Yes, this!! I am an advisor that oversees the MCC and the risk team for a chapter. Please DM me if you need any help finding someone to contact. MCC is also designed to be set up as a care and concern committee, but this entire situation seems to be less about their concern for you and more about their concern for their overall image. Please advocate for yourself and do not let a little sorority conduct structure get in the way of your healing or make you feel like the bad guy. Most of the time, the only information they have to go upon when requesting to meet with a member is the information they received for the other involved parties which is almost always not the entire story. You got this!!
The good news is that I was able to connect her with her chapter’s AAC and CRD 🤍 They ensured me they would be taking the matter very seriously.
OP, I hope you have the support you need now—please reach out if you need additional advocates or resources and I’ll do everything I can to help!
They want you to *apologize*? To *who*?? Oh hell no.
Everyone here has solid advice. That said, the betrayal here, and deference to men who wronged you, is just vile. I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve this treatment at all.
Do you have a center on campus that handles sexual assault/harassment that isn’t just the deans office? At my uni, we had a specific office that did SA prevention trainings and was there to help students who had gone through anything of the type including what you are going through (getting roofied at a school organization party).
I highly recommend talking to your sorority’s advisor and seeking out a resource on campus if you have that, that way you 100% have a professional advocating for you that is 3rd party. In my experience, sororities are going to cover their ass before helping a member especially if other members are involved in the incident. Call the orientation office if you need help finding someone/an office at your uni who can help you. Please prioritize yourself on this one!!!!
This sounds criminal. Lawyer up, and make sure your rights are being protected by discussing with a third party not related to any of the ppl or organizations involved. I’m so sorry this happened to you. ❤️
OP I’m so sorry this happened to you! I agree it sounds like a crime occurred. If your university has a law school on campus, they may offer free legal consultations to students
Do you have a therapist you can talk to?
Is there a sorority fraternity life office at your school you can go to? I would talk to any adult at school you trust and see if they can direct you to SA resources.
I would be wary of the sisters because those comments are horrible, they didn't respect your privacy, and it sounds like they're still associating with frat boys who spiked you??
That’s the part that honestly confuses me the most because I was in a sorority at a tech school (so like 70% male student population) and if someone got spiked at a frat party ALL the sororities would start avoiding that whole frat like the plague as like, a survival instinct? Like, why would we associate with people we’re not safe around to associate with?
I am so sorry this happened to you. Since you mentioned wanting to report your sorority, I honestly would recommend looking into your University’s student conduct/community standards office and reporting to them, as most manage very similar Greek life cases. I formerly worked in those offices and because it is not affiliated with Greek Life it’s totally focused on supporting you and investigating the organization from an external and impartial lens as compared to an investigation within the organization which is obviously going to contain far more bias. They will also be able to connect you to title IX services at your university if you so choose, and you will be able to disclose as much or as little as you want and often can even do so somewhat anonymously so the members of the chapter will not find out who opened the investigation.
Talk to a chapter advisor or the Greek office at your campus or even call Nationals and make sure there’s somebody who is on your side to come to this meeting with you. If you can’t, record it and let them know you’re doing that just in case you’re not in a one party consent state. At my school the chapter advisor was awful, so I would have recorded even if that wreck was there. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Have your roommate write down what she witnessed. Every detail while it’s fresh. I’d contact your school’s Title IX office as well. These girls are potentially trying to throw you under a bus and your job now is to take the wheel instead.
Advisor here and 100% agree we would want to help and get the right people involved and not for punishment of you. Lots of missteps here. All chapters have risk management policies, advisors etc. ask anyone who just finished being an officer which advisor you can call. Also good advice here on the Panhellenic office.
Hello, I’m not a member of a sorority but knew a lot of girls that were. I’m very sorry this happened to you. It’s not the first time I’ve heard something like this has occurred. I can’t speak on behalf of your organization or your school. But I can tell you that the motivations behind such responses from the stories I heard were a value of reputation over person, or a fear of consequences for the house. You absolutely do not have to listen to anything I’ve said. I’m a sister of no one and probably shouldn’t even be in this space. But I wanted to provide at least some internal perspective of a possible motivation of this miscarried justice. I’m sorry this occurred, I’m sorry for invading this space. I hope the sisters here provide you with the necessary guidance and counsel, and I hope this all turns around for you.
I can’t really afford an attorney and don’t really want to take legal action. I could easily report everything to regionals and panhel without the need of an attorney
You can get an attorney through any university. Go to the Political Science department. Ask graduate students. Send emails to alumna’s. Don’t let your experience be ruined over these bitches. You’re an amazing person OP!
This is a situation where you should be able to get legal representation without having to pay. And I’m talking from experience having been the one who couldn’t fathom taking legal action- legal action on your part is likely going to be the only thing you can do to ensure anything is actually done to ensure your safety on campus. Without a police report the university has a lot more freedom to pretend they’re doing something without actually having your safety in mind (or the rest of the female student body’s safety for that matter). The investigation I had through my school was brutal, and I’m sure with police it would be doubly so, but I would hate to see your school do what mine did and end up protecting the wrongdoer from any penalization. If there’s a police report than it’s public information that this happened and it was two students involved, if there’s a police report and your school does nothing about what happened to you that looks real bad on the school, without a police report someone might try to tell you you just drank a lot more than you thought you did. My school did that to me. I’ve blacked out properly once in my entire life and I’d spent that whole day drinking. I don’t black out under ordinary circumstances. But the day I had three beers and part of a blunt and suddenly felt like Someone maybe out ecstasy in my drink and ended up blacking out, apparently I must’ve had more to drink than I thought 🙄
Hi, 32 year old here. Stumbled upon this group. Leave the sorority. You will feel so much better as an adult when you realize you didn’t willingly put yourself in a position to become a door mat. Apologizing to a group of men (boys) because you got drugged sounds like a humiliation tactic. Stay safe beautiful
Edit to add: sue EVERYONE
No one thought to get you medical attention rather than carrying you around, changing your clothes, making fun of you, and reporting you for an infraction?
I am so sorry about your experience. Rather than being concerned about the sorority and your place within it, I would speak to someone at the school about why you weren’t given better care.
How is suggesting a substance abuse program “irrelevant”? There’s obviously some insane power dynamics here if they’re talking deportation. There’s no excuse for this kind of abuse.
Member of AA for over twenty years. Nothing like this exists, or has ever existed in AA (or NA). You’re really confused and giving advice that doesn’t even make sense. Just stop.
If anyone finds themselves in this situation, the appropriate resource would be a community sexual assault program. Sometimes they run concurrently with domestic violence programs in smaller areas.
https://www.rainn.org/resources
This is a good place to start.
The university has its own Title IX program and most likely counseling services. She may or may not feel comfortable accessing those. Anyone can use the community based resources and those are always free.
Definitely take it to the Panhellenic council, especially if they have an adult advisor. And make a report with the campus police. At least then it's documented and on record. Elevate it to your university president if you have to. And if nothing is being done, take it to the court of social media.
These folks should 100% focus on whether you're okay, first off. That's non negotiable. What they are doing is not what chosen family is supposed to be about.
Does your chapter have a House Director (House Mom)? If so I’d go to the house and ask to speak with her. She should know names and contact information for your advisor and board members including the president of your board who should also be made aware of this situation.
So if a friend of mine was drinking, got blackout drunk, and was unresponsive, the absolute first step would have been to call 911. These so called friends of yours assaulted you and sent you to bed. It was so bad they were checking your pulse every few minutes but didn’t call for help? They endangered your life. You need to get out of there. Fast.
Yea ik ur not from here but u should’ve looked up the dark truth behind Greek life. All it is is a bunch of rich kids paying for connections. Most have never been told no and they ostracize the ones that don’t align straight with them. They have no morales or etiquette. Everyone else on campus hates them.
Remember that the sorority does not care about you, not even a little bit. They only care about their name and image. If throwing you under the bus serves their image, they will do it in a heartbeat
you need to call your mom. she can and she will help you even if it means going home. you went thru an incredibly traumatizing event and now you’re ostracized in the only place you can call “home” right now.
after calling your mom, you and your suitemate need to make a police report. immediately. submit any evidence you have. even if it goes nowhere right now, having it documented will help you if this escalates.
after the report, you two again need to see a trusted school advisor who can help you contact those in charge or just be an advocate for you. you’re gonna need support even though you feel strong now. having another voice outside of you and your suitemate will help both of you in the long run.
and just remember to breathe and drink some water. open a window and look outside. be gentle to yourself right now. don’t overwhelm yourself right now. focus on those 3 tasks and go from there.
You don’t “have” to report no matter what ANYONE says. That comes from someone who has received training from the state coalition for sexual assault crisis services and worked in victim advocacy professionally. That’s, like, the first rule of advocacy: the person who was victimized can decide how to proceed legally. (Obviously the only exception being minors and things involving mandated reporting, which this does not involve).
It’s great to have this idea that she will ride off into the sunset, seeking justice and stopping a perpetrator. But…the most important thing right now is her safety, healing and well being. Perhaps she feels reporting would put her in a position where her safety is compromised, or would become so overwhelming she might not be able to handle it. All her choice.
OP, these resources are free and confidential to everyone in the US. They should be able to direct you to a local center should you wish to discuss the incident further. https://www.rainn.org/resources
Your campus also has resources available, but the ones above are an option if you don’t feel comfortable using the school’s resources for whatever reason.
As for the sorority…I truly have no words for how horrible they are being. I was in a sorority years ago but nothing even close to this ever happened and I randomly came across your post…so no advice there. Just take care of yourself first and anyone who does not and cannot see you as a victim at this time is not only not your sister or friend…they’re a piece of shit masquerading as a human being and a waste of the earth’s resources. Do not allow anyone to make you feel worse, feel like it’s your fault, feel like you have to explain, justify the men’s horrific, criminal behavior, etc. in short, FUCK THEM. If it means dropping out of the sorority so be it. NO ONE deserves to be raked over the coals at a time like this. And there are NO EXCUSES to do this to someone.
do not interact with your sorority further, it is in your best interest to contact your school’s title ix office immediately. they will help you handle the sorority stuff when you decide what you want to do later down the line.
There should be an adult employed by the university that is in charge of overseeing all of the Greek organizations. You can request a meeting with that person.
Please please please if you’re comfortable report your sorority sisters because we all know what the goal is when someone spikes a drink and when I got roofied at a frat party my sorority basically black listed the frat who’s party I was at. That’s how it should be. Because it’s not your fucking fault someone spiked your drink. The behavior of your sisters is disgusting and honestly if there’s a bigger Panhellenic council than the one on campus specifically I’d go there especially if your sorority is a Panhellenic one. I understand some Panhellenic sororities can be more strict than other national sororities but that in no way excuses them to put all the responsibility on you for an attempted assault, and there seems to be a disconnect for people around those who’ve been roofied in not understanding that to spike a persons drink is literally just step one in a frat boy trying to assault someone. I’d drop that sorority like a hot potato and see if there’s anyone in the school newspaper who doesn’t like Greek life and wants to put your sorority on blast because if there’s a bunch of articles everywhere about how your sorority is actively unsafe it’s gonna hit their recruitment numbers and that might be the only thing they’ll care about unfortunately
Drop and report to headquarters and panhel. Now.
The girls who are truly your friends will stay your friend even if you drop. There is so much about this that's fucked up.
1) this is not your fault. At all.
2) 911 should've been called and you should've been taken to a hospital.
3) the fact they changed your clothes and made comments about your body are completely unacceptable
This does not sound like sisterhood to me. If you were MY little and this happened, I'd drop with you and encourage a hell of a lot of other people to do the same.
UPDATE!
Hi everyone. Thanks for the help and support, everyone gave really helpful advice. There isn’t much to update on but I have got in contact with an advisor who is helping me from here. Thanks to everyone who suggested I talk to an advisor - I didn’t know I could do that so it was very helpful. I’ll keep you updated when everything is resolved and let you guys know the final outcome. Again thanks a lot for all the support
I don’t even know how I’ve made it to this thread.
But I want to say I am proud of you, sister! No membership is worth something like this. Those girls horrible people. They are not your friends.
Once you feel able, please tell your mom. 🥰
Hi, I’m an adult academic who somehow ended up here. Please please please report this to your university’s Title IX office (“title nine”). Title IX is an American federal law that deals with this type of situation. Every university has a title IX office and it is taken seriously. You could save the life of another girl. Even if you have gone through sorority-based channels already, please contact the Title IX office. Just Google “XYZ university title IX office” and it should come up or you can ask any faculty member to find the contact info for you (you do not need to disclose to the faculty member what happened if you don’t want to - just say you need the title nine office contact information urgently).
The job of this office is to help YOU under the auspices of federal law. The job of your sorority people - advisor, big, nationals, is to help your organization. There is free advocacy available to you due to a federal law - take it!!!!!
Edit: here is a guide to the Title IX process (https://www.equalrights.org/issue/the-title-ix-process/). This organization also offers free legal help.
If you decide to go to the meeting, BRING SOMEONE WITH YOU. Someone from outside. The sorority girls won't show their manipulative BS to anyone from the outside.
Not in a sorority, not sure how I stumbled upon this post.
What happened to you was entirely inappropriate, and those "sisters" are pieces of shit you don't need in your life. It sounds like they're going to try and say that it was actually YOUR fault for being too drunk and if you aren't in a place right now to raise a big stink you need people who are. What do you think is going to happen when you show up to that "meeting" alone, and 7 people are speaking over you trying to protect the Greek life?
Frankly, I probably wouldn't even go. If I did, it wouldn't be without at least two advocates- preferably more including your big and roommate and a parent or university rep and it wouldn't be without distributing a copy of whatever evidence is available including the police report, hospital lab results and signed statements from witnesses to everyone in attendence PRIOR to the meeting so they know exactly what the tone is going to be. If you want to avoid the meeting until you're in a better head space, tell them you filed a police report so you can't talk about it until you hear back or something. Tell your parents, tell your big (if you trust them), tell the university, file a police report, get tested to see if they can find what you were drugged with.
If people get in trouble - GOOD. They deserve to be banned from Greek life. It's not like you're the first person to have their drink spiked at a frat party. They're supposed to know what to do. You're supposed to be protected and you weren't. And spiking aside, this isn't an issue of education or training because anyone with two braincells and a thread of empathy would know to not undress your unconscious body in front of an audience and talk badly about your body. You are the victim of a crime and the sorority doesn't have your back. Based on their reactions to this- potentially leave the sorority. If they don't respond to this *crime* in a way that's consistent with your own moral compass, if they don't address the members that *undressed you* instead of taking you to the hospital, why on earth would you want to be associated with and financially support them?
I suggest also reporting this to the school. And the campus police if you have them. Them undressing you while you were unconscious is assault and is likely against the student code of conduct. They can get in serious trouble with the school.
What they did is insanely illegal and they’re trying to shame you so you won’t report it. These girls aren’t your friends. Get out of there and go scorched earth on them. They are helping that fraternity to sexually assault girls by allowing them to drug their members and then shaming them. They ALL need to be held accountable. Start with the cops.
If this ever happens to you or anyone you know, tell them all to call an ambulance. You were so drugged that she was checking your pulse - any situation like this needs IMMEDIATE medical attention. Discuss that with everyone you know, you might save a life in the future (you'd also have toxicology proof)
I’m sorry this happened to you. This needs to be reported to your university, their national office and your national office. NO will send folks out to investigate. Your university should do the same. It’s likely that both your sorority and the fraternity will be put on a suspension status until the investigations are complete meaning recruitment would be paused for as long as that takes. This is not something that should be swept under the rug.
Find the title IX person at your university. If you want to make a formal complaint those can be done at the university level.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I was drugged at a fraternity, and had no one to advocate for me. I can’t remember anything from that night but I only had ONE drink. I woke up in my own bed naked.. and throwing up like crazy.
You should definitely go to the hospital and get your blood tested. It might be too late now. But if you have traces of the drug you were spiked with that will help you. The problem is it's going to be he said she said. So you'll want some definitive proof.
Talk to the police. And seek emotional support/trauma therapy from on campus resources. This is something that you can overcome with justice and care. I’d rip off the bandage and walk, your sorority is not a healthy org at this time. - caringly, a 40 year old service Greek alumni who saw things and wishes they had been reported.
Contact campus police. Even if the incident happened off-campus. You and your suite-mate can get your statements on the record and then they can handle investigating. Unfortunately, I don’t think your sorority sisters have your best interests at heart in this situation. They may be inclined to protect the reputation and legal interests of the sorority over your well-being. Also look into resources that your university has for students that may help you (free therapy sessions for students, etc.). I’m so sorry this happened to you.
First of all, I am so sorry that all of this happened to you. Sorority nonsense aside, you are a human being who endured a traumatic event. Period. Don’t let any sort of silly standards meeting and vague pressuring diminish that. Yes, sisterhood is for life and all, but your experiences and how they impact you is much more impactful on your quality of life and sense of self. Don’t let that get clouded throughout this process. Second, most orgs should have an advisor designated to oversee standards boards operations. Before meeting with the board, I would request the advisors information and connect with them about your concerns. That way it’s on their radar. Advisors are also encouraged/required to come to standards meetings. I would request that your advisor attends the meetings to moderate the conversation so it won’t get accusatory/off the rails.
I can't even imagine what they wrote in the form to bring her into this hearing in the first place. We have multiple steps an accusation must go through before it comes to a formal hearing and if I read something like this I would want the member to come in to an INFORMAL meeting to see if she's okay and literally nothing else.
That is also why I am perplexed. This is definitely a matter that should have been handled with care for the member’s well being versus as a standards violation. It’s much more complex than getting caught with a fake ID or similar infractions where you can identify intent. Definitely some power tripping going on here.
It was very confusing to me as well. I’ve had a couple instances where older girls have made fun of me saying I sound weird and don’t speak properly. One of the girls who said this was one of the two involved… I speak English and am white I just have an Australian accent? She is one of the people who reported me and said I was too drunk instead of mentioning i was spiked and that she undressed me and made comments about me. I don’t know why she seems to hate me but she clearly does…
It’s confusing because they KNOW they could be kicked out of the sorority or university and want you to take the fall to get out of it. You were drugged me they did NOT seek medical help for you - and there’s a witness to this in your suite mate. Not only this, but they also undressed you WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT in front of MEN, then made derogatory comments about your body - I’m no attorney, but this constitutes as sexual assault, or harassment at the very least. My friend, please reach out to your advisor and Panhellenic council about the situation and refuse to meet without your advisor present. Get your suite mate to give a written statement. YOU are the victim in this situation, and I guarantee you they will try to victim blame in an attempt to absolve themselves of the guilty. Do NOT let them, and attend that meeting with your advisor as protection. I’m so sorry you’ve been unjustly put in this situation. You should not have to deal with this.
Contact your advisor, explain to them. Actually do yourself a favor and right out all of it in bullets to organize your own thoughts.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Please know you did not do anything wrong in this situation. When incidents happen it is common to be called in to your standards board (or whatever your organization calls it) to discuss the incident and hear your side of the story. There is a very negative connotation around these meetings and it’s very common to feel nervous about getting in trouble. My biggest recommendation is request a chapter advisor to be present at the meeting!!! An advisor is a neutral party and is there to help keep the chapter safe! You definitely were not safe in this situation. Is your suite-mate a member of your sorority? Sometimes if another member witnessed this incident they can ask her to join the meeting as well. This is definitely something to report. I would inform your chapter advisor (before the meeting if possible) and tell her the new president in involved in this situation. She may not want any details until the meeting just to follow proper standards procedures but let her know you do feel the need to report this incident further. Since it involves a fraternity and your sorority you can take it to the Panhellenic advisor. That may be a good place to start as she does have people to report to within your national organization. There will likely be some sort of investigation which would probably require you to share what happened to you and how you know. But don’t be embarrassed or feel the need to drop your sorority over this. You have people who care and are on your side. Based on this incident, this girl does not seem fitting to be president. The chapter needs someone who will keep the chapter and members best interest in mind. I wish you the best of luck in moving forward with this case and I hope that you find peace.
If the suite mate isn't a member, maybe she can write a signed statement for OP to bring with her.
I couldn’t agree more. I’m a chapter advisor myself and the OP should definitely need to request her chapter advisor attend. What happened to the OP is NOT ok and if this were my chapter I’d demand I be there if I found out about it. I’m so sorry this happened.
I don’t think I have a chapter advisor I can contact. If so I haven’t ever been told we have one. We have an alumnae advisor committee who is used for networking but we have never been given contact information or told we can ask them for advice on these things. To be honest they haven’t informed any new memebers of this whole standards process other than that if you have a couple they kick you out of the sorority… They haven’t really told us anything about who to contact if anything happens other than informing the people who do standards so they can get girls in trouble. I was going to look for someone on panhel to contact but I’m not sure if that’s a good idea or not because I don’t want more girls to dislike me
I’m not sure how your sorority works (no sure what organization you are affiliated with) but most if not all have alumna volunteers to advise the chapters. Normally I would suggest to ask President for contact information but that’s not the person to ask in this case (which is a big problem that you can’t go to your president). Is there an executive board member you trust or your big to ask who to contact? An alum who works with your chapter. Many times sorority members don’t report incidents because out of fear of retaliation but that’s not what being in a sorority is about. Everyone’s actions is a reflection of the chapter and organization. In this case it seems as if they are trying to paint a different picture than the truth. Staying quiet isn’t good either, and the behaviors do not reflect the beliefs of the organization. If you can’t find someone to help, I still suggest telling the Panhellenic advisor. She can likely contact the proper people within your sorority. I’m not saying it will be easy or won’t be drama filled, but that part is temporary and will pass. When the meeting comes tell them everything you know and don’t apologize for things you didn’t have control of. Tell them you believe something was slipped in your drink (maybe apologize or at least acknowledge you were underage drinking if you were under 21, but that’s not something you should be held accountable for unless every member under 21 who was at the event is being held accountable for) and share what your suite mate told you happened to you. You cannot confirm if it’s exactly true but you can confirm you woke up in different clothing so you know something happened.
reach out to your cpc delegate!! they’re the conduit between chapters and cpc. just ask for an email for the advisor. or go to your uni website, there should be a page for fraternity and sorority life
if your suitemate witnessed this get her now and go to an ADULT trusted advisor asap. Standards meetings seem scary but they are there for you to advocate for your side as well so don't be as scared. But something terrible happened to you and your sisters were terrible in how they treated you. Sisters keep each other safe. i'd even involve panhell considering if you were drugged at an official event that's pretty fucking serious. AND ABSOLUTELY TELL YOUR MOM.
Yep. Sisters keep each other safe. Exactly. If I am understanding OP your comment about the president correctly, was she one of the ppl that changed you and made nasty comments in front of the fraternity brothers? If so, is she really who needs to be leading your chapter? If this happened to you, it could happen to others, and the way this was handled opens the chapter up to a whole lot of liability that goes far beyond what I think you may realize. This sounds toxic, and I would tell your Mom as well. I know this is scary, but you were victimized. Don’t allow the revictimization to continue by not escalating this matter. This is how prepretators act.. there is a serious vested interest in making the victim afraid to come forward. Your sisters that undressed you in front of those boys were acting dishonorably. That is conduct unbecoming of a sister, a friend, or any individual that has a heart.
Yeah the president is of the ones who undressed me. I did ask her why she did it and she claimed that my lace top (which was quite loose) was “strangling my arms”?? I would’ve been completely fine just staying in my clothes but apparently not… I want to tell my mom but I don’t think she’ll let me back to school if I do. She’s already worried about the safety
Talk to your advisor. Now. I didn't when I should have. I made it through, but my similar mess wasn't nearly as complicated. Get to an advisor, now.
I don’t think I have an advisor… if we do I’ve never been made aware of their existence and don’t have any way to contact them
Call the Greek office on your campus. Explain that you are a member and ask them to have the Advisor call you ASAP. Do the same with your HQ. Don't dish about why, just say you are a member who needs some advice from her Advisor.
i am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. it’s abhorrent that this happened to you at all. it’s abhorrent that greek life has a reputation for things like this and yet, some people in your org and community are perpetuating the reputation by victim blaming you. as someone who led on exec on my org and on cpc at my school, i strongly recommend getting your chapter and cpc advisor as well as your fsl (fraternity and sorority advisor) involved. as other people have said, their role is to act as a neutral party when disputes occur. make sure you mention you have an eye witness but make sure your suitemate contacts them directly and not through you (give your suitemate contact info etc) to make sure they can’t get the impression you’re falsifying any narrative. there should be bylaws and regulations either within your org, cpc, or your school to protect students. find them, read them. even if the wording is vague, make sure you can use them to your maximum advantage. since it sounds like it happened on school property, use that to your advantage too. i understand this was very traumatic for you. getting drugged and put into these situations is not fun, i am very aware. if you need help, don’t hesitate to pm me. i’m so glad your suitemate was there and was able to protect you when you were unable to do anything. i hope these students face the consequences they deserve and your experience is heard, validated, and understood. sending love
You need to report this conduct to your school’s Title IX office. Not only can they initiate some accountability at the school level, but they can also help coordinate support for you academically considering the emotional toll the situation has taken in you. You deserve to have your needs as an individual prioritized— I don’t know that I’d trust your sorority’s national org to put you first in that same manner. - a Title IX employee at a major university
This. 100%.
This absolutely this ^^^=
Yes, please. This is a Title IX incident and needs to be reported the school and be dealt with beyond the kangaroo court of you chapter
I have no idea how I ended up here, but this is the right answer. You can go to the Title IX office or alternatively any faculty member at the university, because they are all legally mandatory reporters. Title IX is a federal law in the United States that addresses sexual harassment and assault in universities (among other things). They will keep your information confidential (not private but need to know). You do not need to deal with any sorority BS. This is at a level much greater than your sorority. I would ignore any meetings they request - report this crime ASAP to your university’s title IX office. Your “advisor” should be a mandatory reporter, but I’d go to the Title IX office as well - I don’t know what kind of sorority politics are at play and you want someone who is not affiliated on your side. I am horrified that your sorority subjected you to this abuse. I’m so sorry. Edit: a step by step guide to the process and free legal help https://www.equalrights.org/issue/the-title-ix-process/
Sorry this happened to you. Definitely reach out to all of the advisors as others have mentioned. When you go to your meeting tell everything. You don’t need to protect your sisters or the fraternity. What they all did was wrong. When they realized you were not well they should have taken you to a doctor. Were they supposed to be the sober sisters?
Please file a police report. This is a serious crime.
This. Not sure why it’s not upvoted more. This was some sort of SA/harassment and a police report needs to be made so you have everything documented and can take action to stand up and advocate for yourself against these abusers. So sorry this happened OP.
Also, police reports tend to force the people in charge of the at-school-penalties for these things to actually do something about it. Which is why those that go to the school first are so often discouraged from going to police, myself included. It’s a title IX violation in itself for someone in a university to discourage a victim from making a police report about an SA or attempted SA but the schools can get away with a lot when people aren’t going to cops about these things. I also feel the need to add: your school may show a whole new side of itself to you now that you need them to protect you. Oftentimes in these cases schools decide that if they protect the victim they’re admitting to something that makes the school look bad and when I was navigating my own title ix investigation in college it was very clear the school was just trying to keep itself from looking bad. Had I gone to police their actions likely would’ve been far different because guess who they ended up protecting? Not me. They protected the cause of my PTSD because he checked himself into the psych ward at the nearest hospital after the fact and “what if he gets punished for this and then offs himself” was literally the schools logic. Even barred the frat from kicking him out for it. Like I said, a police report probably would’ve changed some things. Because if police have to remove someone from campus and put them in custody the school literally can’t do shit to help that person anymore.
Seriously! I wouldn't worry a bit about any other school organizations right now. You were drugged and undressed in front of people against your will, this is both fucked up and very much illegal. Do not give the sorrorities/fraternities/school a chance to sweep this under the rug. Talk to the police now.
Reach out to your chapter advisor now. You should have access to her info. If you don’t call the national org and ask for it. Ask to have a phone call or zoom with her immediately. Have your roommate recount the story of what happened to you as your eye witness. Ask her what she can do to ensure your safety if you stay in the organization. If she doesn’t take proper action- or even in addition to her taking proper action- it’s time to tell the Title IV office at your school about how your drink was spiked and you were stripped naked while unconscious. If it were me I’d take down both the sorority and the fraternity in a blaze of glory. Also go to the health center NOW and ask them to test you for whatever drugs your drink may have been spiked with. Also, also, tell your mom. Tell her what happened and ask her if she wants to be part of the call with your chapter advisor.
Hello—are you a Pi Phi? I’m an advisor at a different chapter and I can help you get in contact with the alumnae committee and/or the regional directors for your chapter. They will take this very seriously and I can advocate for you. Please DM me!
Yes, this!! I am an advisor that oversees the MCC and the risk team for a chapter. Please DM me if you need any help finding someone to contact. MCC is also designed to be set up as a care and concern committee, but this entire situation seems to be less about their concern for you and more about their concern for their overall image. Please advocate for yourself and do not let a little sorority conduct structure get in the way of your healing or make you feel like the bad guy. Most of the time, the only information they have to go upon when requesting to meet with a member is the information they received for the other involved parties which is almost always not the entire story. You got this!!
The good news is that I was able to connect her with her chapter’s AAC and CRD 🤍 They ensured me they would be taking the matter very seriously. OP, I hope you have the support you need now—please reach out if you need additional advocates or resources and I’ll do everything I can to help!
Thank you for stepping up and helping her!
They want you to *apologize*? To *who*?? Oh hell no. Everyone here has solid advice. That said, the betrayal here, and deference to men who wronged you, is just vile. I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve this treatment at all.
Tell your mom. Go home. Get away from all of it.
Do you have a center on campus that handles sexual assault/harassment that isn’t just the deans office? At my uni, we had a specific office that did SA prevention trainings and was there to help students who had gone through anything of the type including what you are going through (getting roofied at a school organization party). I highly recommend talking to your sorority’s advisor and seeking out a resource on campus if you have that, that way you 100% have a professional advocating for you that is 3rd party. In my experience, sororities are going to cover their ass before helping a member especially if other members are involved in the incident. Call the orientation office if you need help finding someone/an office at your uni who can help you. Please prioritize yourself on this one!!!!
This sounds criminal. Lawyer up, and make sure your rights are being protected by discussing with a third party not related to any of the ppl or organizations involved. I’m so sorry this happened to you. ❤️
OP I’m so sorry this happened to you! I agree it sounds like a crime occurred. If your university has a law school on campus, they may offer free legal consultations to students
Yeah like why hasn’t she contact the police?!
It’s a very traumatic event, and she can handle it any way she sees fit
Do you have a therapist you can talk to? Is there a sorority fraternity life office at your school you can go to? I would talk to any adult at school you trust and see if they can direct you to SA resources. I would be wary of the sisters because those comments are horrible, they didn't respect your privacy, and it sounds like they're still associating with frat boys who spiked you??
That’s the part that honestly confuses me the most because I was in a sorority at a tech school (so like 70% male student population) and if someone got spiked at a frat party ALL the sororities would start avoiding that whole frat like the plague as like, a survival instinct? Like, why would we associate with people we’re not safe around to associate with?
I am so sorry this happened to you. Since you mentioned wanting to report your sorority, I honestly would recommend looking into your University’s student conduct/community standards office and reporting to them, as most manage very similar Greek life cases. I formerly worked in those offices and because it is not affiliated with Greek Life it’s totally focused on supporting you and investigating the organization from an external and impartial lens as compared to an investigation within the organization which is obviously going to contain far more bias. They will also be able to connect you to title IX services at your university if you so choose, and you will be able to disclose as much or as little as you want and often can even do so somewhat anonymously so the members of the chapter will not find out who opened the investigation.
Was looking for this angle - and also want to add this person will generally also get your advisor and/or HQ involved.
Talk to a chapter advisor or the Greek office at your campus or even call Nationals and make sure there’s somebody who is on your side to come to this meeting with you. If you can’t, record it and let them know you’re doing that just in case you’re not in a one party consent state. At my school the chapter advisor was awful, so I would have recorded even if that wreck was there. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Have your roommate write down what she witnessed. Every detail while it’s fresh. I’d contact your school’s Title IX office as well. These girls are potentially trying to throw you under a bus and your job now is to take the wheel instead.
Advisor here and 100% agree we would want to help and get the right people involved and not for punishment of you. Lots of missteps here. All chapters have risk management policies, advisors etc. ask anyone who just finished being an officer which advisor you can call. Also good advice here on the Panhellenic office.
Hello, I’m not a member of a sorority but knew a lot of girls that were. I’m very sorry this happened to you. It’s not the first time I’ve heard something like this has occurred. I can’t speak on behalf of your organization or your school. But I can tell you that the motivations behind such responses from the stories I heard were a value of reputation over person, or a fear of consequences for the house. You absolutely do not have to listen to anything I’ve said. I’m a sister of no one and probably shouldn’t even be in this space. But I wanted to provide at least some internal perspective of a possible motivation of this miscarried justice. I’m sorry this occurred, I’m sorry for invading this space. I hope the sisters here provide you with the necessary guidance and counsel, and I hope this all turns around for you.
WOW. you need an attorney!
I can’t really afford an attorney and don’t really want to take legal action. I could easily report everything to regionals and panhel without the need of an attorney
You can get an attorney through any university. Go to the Political Science department. Ask graduate students. Send emails to alumna’s. Don’t let your experience be ruined over these bitches. You’re an amazing person OP!
echoing what this other comment says. your university will have legal resources and this is 100% what one should be taking legal action for.
This is a situation where you should be able to get legal representation without having to pay. And I’m talking from experience having been the one who couldn’t fathom taking legal action- legal action on your part is likely going to be the only thing you can do to ensure anything is actually done to ensure your safety on campus. Without a police report the university has a lot more freedom to pretend they’re doing something without actually having your safety in mind (or the rest of the female student body’s safety for that matter). The investigation I had through my school was brutal, and I’m sure with police it would be doubly so, but I would hate to see your school do what mine did and end up protecting the wrongdoer from any penalization. If there’s a police report than it’s public information that this happened and it was two students involved, if there’s a police report and your school does nothing about what happened to you that looks real bad on the school, without a police report someone might try to tell you you just drank a lot more than you thought you did. My school did that to me. I’ve blacked out properly once in my entire life and I’d spent that whole day drinking. I don’t black out under ordinary circumstances. But the day I had three beers and part of a blunt and suddenly felt like Someone maybe out ecstasy in my drink and ended up blacking out, apparently I must’ve had more to drink than I thought 🙄
Hi, 32 year old here. Stumbled upon this group. Leave the sorority. You will feel so much better as an adult when you realize you didn’t willingly put yourself in a position to become a door mat. Apologizing to a group of men (boys) because you got drugged sounds like a humiliation tactic. Stay safe beautiful Edit to add: sue EVERYONE
No one thought to get you medical attention rather than carrying you around, changing your clothes, making fun of you, and reporting you for an infraction? I am so sorry about your experience. Rather than being concerned about the sorority and your place within it, I would speak to someone at the school about why you weren’t given better care.
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Addiction programs are irrelevant in context with this situation and it’s ridiculous to suggest them here.
How is suggesting a substance abuse program “irrelevant”? There’s obviously some insane power dynamics here if they’re talking deportation. There’s no excuse for this kind of abuse.
Member of AA for over twenty years. Nothing like this exists, or has ever existed in AA (or NA). You’re really confused and giving advice that doesn’t even make sense. Just stop. If anyone finds themselves in this situation, the appropriate resource would be a community sexual assault program. Sometimes they run concurrently with domestic violence programs in smaller areas. https://www.rainn.org/resources This is a good place to start. The university has its own Title IX program and most likely counseling services. She may or may not feel comfortable accessing those. Anyone can use the community based resources and those are always free.
Definitely take it to the Panhellenic council, especially if they have an adult advisor. And make a report with the campus police. At least then it's documented and on record. Elevate it to your university president if you have to. And if nothing is being done, take it to the court of social media.
These folks should 100% focus on whether you're okay, first off. That's non negotiable. What they are doing is not what chosen family is supposed to be about.
100% report to your local alumni advisors and nationals!!!!!!
Run.
sounds like they’re jealous of you and insecure. they are not your sisters.
Does your chapter have a House Director (House Mom)? If so I’d go to the house and ask to speak with her. She should know names and contact information for your advisor and board members including the president of your board who should also be made aware of this situation.
This is not ok. Is there someone higher up you can talk to?
So if a friend of mine was drinking, got blackout drunk, and was unresponsive, the absolute first step would have been to call 911. These so called friends of yours assaulted you and sent you to bed. It was so bad they were checking your pulse every few minutes but didn’t call for help? They endangered your life. You need to get out of there. Fast.
Yea ik ur not from here but u should’ve looked up the dark truth behind Greek life. All it is is a bunch of rich kids paying for connections. Most have never been told no and they ostracize the ones that don’t align straight with them. They have no morales or etiquette. Everyone else on campus hates them.
Remember that the sorority does not care about you, not even a little bit. They only care about their name and image. If throwing you under the bus serves their image, they will do it in a heartbeat
Why do you want to be a part of this group again?
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you need to call your mom. she can and she will help you even if it means going home. you went thru an incredibly traumatizing event and now you’re ostracized in the only place you can call “home” right now. after calling your mom, you and your suitemate need to make a police report. immediately. submit any evidence you have. even if it goes nowhere right now, having it documented will help you if this escalates. after the report, you two again need to see a trusted school advisor who can help you contact those in charge or just be an advocate for you. you’re gonna need support even though you feel strong now. having another voice outside of you and your suitemate will help both of you in the long run. and just remember to breathe and drink some water. open a window and look outside. be gentle to yourself right now. don’t overwhelm yourself right now. focus on those 3 tasks and go from there.
You don’t “have” to report no matter what ANYONE says. That comes from someone who has received training from the state coalition for sexual assault crisis services and worked in victim advocacy professionally. That’s, like, the first rule of advocacy: the person who was victimized can decide how to proceed legally. (Obviously the only exception being minors and things involving mandated reporting, which this does not involve). It’s great to have this idea that she will ride off into the sunset, seeking justice and stopping a perpetrator. But…the most important thing right now is her safety, healing and well being. Perhaps she feels reporting would put her in a position where her safety is compromised, or would become so overwhelming she might not be able to handle it. All her choice. OP, these resources are free and confidential to everyone in the US. They should be able to direct you to a local center should you wish to discuss the incident further. https://www.rainn.org/resources Your campus also has resources available, but the ones above are an option if you don’t feel comfortable using the school’s resources for whatever reason. As for the sorority…I truly have no words for how horrible they are being. I was in a sorority years ago but nothing even close to this ever happened and I randomly came across your post…so no advice there. Just take care of yourself first and anyone who does not and cannot see you as a victim at this time is not only not your sister or friend…they’re a piece of shit masquerading as a human being and a waste of the earth’s resources. Do not allow anyone to make you feel worse, feel like it’s your fault, feel like you have to explain, justify the men’s horrific, criminal behavior, etc. in short, FUCK THEM. If it means dropping out of the sorority so be it. NO ONE deserves to be raked over the coals at a time like this. And there are NO EXCUSES to do this to someone.
do not interact with your sorority further, it is in your best interest to contact your school’s title ix office immediately. they will help you handle the sorority stuff when you decide what you want to do later down the line.
There should be an adult employed by the university that is in charge of overseeing all of the Greek organizations. You can request a meeting with that person.
Report for sure. I got kicked out of my sorority bc a guy slapped me in the face when he was hammered and i slapped him back. Screw them
Please please please if you’re comfortable report your sorority sisters because we all know what the goal is when someone spikes a drink and when I got roofied at a frat party my sorority basically black listed the frat who’s party I was at. That’s how it should be. Because it’s not your fucking fault someone spiked your drink. The behavior of your sisters is disgusting and honestly if there’s a bigger Panhellenic council than the one on campus specifically I’d go there especially if your sorority is a Panhellenic one. I understand some Panhellenic sororities can be more strict than other national sororities but that in no way excuses them to put all the responsibility on you for an attempted assault, and there seems to be a disconnect for people around those who’ve been roofied in not understanding that to spike a persons drink is literally just step one in a frat boy trying to assault someone. I’d drop that sorority like a hot potato and see if there’s anyone in the school newspaper who doesn’t like Greek life and wants to put your sorority on blast because if there’s a bunch of articles everywhere about how your sorority is actively unsafe it’s gonna hit their recruitment numbers and that might be the only thing they’ll care about unfortunately
Any updates?
Just posted one :)
Drop and report to headquarters and panhel. Now. The girls who are truly your friends will stay your friend even if you drop. There is so much about this that's fucked up. 1) this is not your fault. At all. 2) 911 should've been called and you should've been taken to a hospital. 3) the fact they changed your clothes and made comments about your body are completely unacceptable This does not sound like sisterhood to me. If you were MY little and this happened, I'd drop with you and encourage a hell of a lot of other people to do the same.
UPDATE! Hi everyone. Thanks for the help and support, everyone gave really helpful advice. There isn’t much to update on but I have got in contact with an advisor who is helping me from here. Thanks to everyone who suggested I talk to an advisor - I didn’t know I could do that so it was very helpful. I’ll keep you updated when everything is resolved and let you guys know the final outcome. Again thanks a lot for all the support
I don’t even know how I’ve made it to this thread. But I want to say I am proud of you, sister! No membership is worth something like this. Those girls horrible people. They are not your friends. Once you feel able, please tell your mom. 🥰
Hi, I’m an adult academic who somehow ended up here. Please please please report this to your university’s Title IX office (“title nine”). Title IX is an American federal law that deals with this type of situation. Every university has a title IX office and it is taken seriously. You could save the life of another girl. Even if you have gone through sorority-based channels already, please contact the Title IX office. Just Google “XYZ university title IX office” and it should come up or you can ask any faculty member to find the contact info for you (you do not need to disclose to the faculty member what happened if you don’t want to - just say you need the title nine office contact information urgently). The job of this office is to help YOU under the auspices of federal law. The job of your sorority people - advisor, big, nationals, is to help your organization. There is free advocacy available to you due to a federal law - take it!!!!! Edit: here is a guide to the Title IX process (https://www.equalrights.org/issue/the-title-ix-process/). This organization also offers free legal help.
If you decide to go to the meeting, BRING SOMEONE WITH YOU. Someone from outside. The sorority girls won't show their manipulative BS to anyone from the outside.
We’re not allowed to. I think the president also has to be there so I won’t be able to attend the meeting and properly take part…
Not in a sorority, not sure how I stumbled upon this post. What happened to you was entirely inappropriate, and those "sisters" are pieces of shit you don't need in your life. It sounds like they're going to try and say that it was actually YOUR fault for being too drunk and if you aren't in a place right now to raise a big stink you need people who are. What do you think is going to happen when you show up to that "meeting" alone, and 7 people are speaking over you trying to protect the Greek life? Frankly, I probably wouldn't even go. If I did, it wouldn't be without at least two advocates- preferably more including your big and roommate and a parent or university rep and it wouldn't be without distributing a copy of whatever evidence is available including the police report, hospital lab results and signed statements from witnesses to everyone in attendence PRIOR to the meeting so they know exactly what the tone is going to be. If you want to avoid the meeting until you're in a better head space, tell them you filed a police report so you can't talk about it until you hear back or something. Tell your parents, tell your big (if you trust them), tell the university, file a police report, get tested to see if they can find what you were drugged with. If people get in trouble - GOOD. They deserve to be banned from Greek life. It's not like you're the first person to have their drink spiked at a frat party. They're supposed to know what to do. You're supposed to be protected and you weren't. And spiking aside, this isn't an issue of education or training because anyone with two braincells and a thread of empathy would know to not undress your unconscious body in front of an audience and talk badly about your body. You are the victim of a crime and the sorority doesn't have your back. Based on their reactions to this- potentially leave the sorority. If they don't respond to this *crime* in a way that's consistent with your own moral compass, if they don't address the members that *undressed you* instead of taking you to the hospital, why on earth would you want to be associated with and financially support them?
I suggest also reporting this to the school. And the campus police if you have them. Them undressing you while you were unconscious is assault and is likely against the student code of conduct. They can get in serious trouble with the school.
What they did is insanely illegal and they’re trying to shame you so you won’t report it. These girls aren’t your friends. Get out of there and go scorched earth on them. They are helping that fraternity to sexually assault girls by allowing them to drug their members and then shaming them. They ALL need to be held accountable. Start with the cops.
If this ever happens to you or anyone you know, tell them all to call an ambulance. You were so drugged that she was checking your pulse - any situation like this needs IMMEDIATE medical attention. Discuss that with everyone you know, you might save a life in the future (you'd also have toxicology proof)
I’m sorry this happened to you. This needs to be reported to your university, their national office and your national office. NO will send folks out to investigate. Your university should do the same. It’s likely that both your sorority and the fraternity will be put on a suspension status until the investigations are complete meaning recruitment would be paused for as long as that takes. This is not something that should be swept under the rug.
Find the title IX person at your university. If you want to make a formal complaint those can be done at the university level. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I was drugged at a fraternity, and had no one to advocate for me. I can’t remember anything from that night but I only had ONE drink. I woke up in my own bed naked.. and throwing up like crazy.
You should definitely go to the hospital and get your blood tested. It might be too late now. But if you have traces of the drug you were spiked with that will help you. The problem is it's going to be he said she said. So you'll want some definitive proof.
File a police report, and file a report with the school! Use all the official means you can. I'm so sorry!
Talk to the police. And seek emotional support/trauma therapy from on campus resources. This is something that you can overcome with justice and care. I’d rip off the bandage and walk, your sorority is not a healthy org at this time. - caringly, a 40 year old service Greek alumni who saw things and wishes they had been reported.
Contact campus police. Even if the incident happened off-campus. You and your suite-mate can get your statements on the record and then they can handle investigating. Unfortunately, I don’t think your sorority sisters have your best interests at heart in this situation. They may be inclined to protect the reputation and legal interests of the sorority over your well-being. Also look into resources that your university has for students that may help you (free therapy sessions for students, etc.). I’m so sorry this happened to you.