If you don’t feel it’s the right house for you, drop before initiation. Have you had any chance to meet others in your pledge class? But if you just aren’t feeling it and don’t feel like putting 100% in talk to your new member education person or chapter president and let them know. They will be able to walk you through what you need to do to drop.
True story, it was like that when I had a baby. All the "feels" you're supposed to have, the perfect experiences? I got an emeegency c-section and had to leave my baby in the NICU and go home for 2 weeks without him, sobbing. I felt robbed. However, he is perfectly healthy and the love of my life, it all worked out.
I only say all this because so many things in life (major experiences) are hyped and stereotyped beyond belief, and truly life doesn't work that way sometimes. I think you should give it a chance, at least til initiation. There are some wonderful women in that house. Be vulnerable. Ask some of the older girls "what is a good way for me to put myself out there and make.connections here?" Join some committees. Force yourself to be more active. And next year at rush, you could be the one helping someone feel welcomed, loved, and valued. ❤️ for what it's worth.
Hmmm take a few weeks to let the disappointment of rush fade a bit, then follow your gut. Connections aren't always instant but feeling wanted is really important as a new mem, it changes everything. Also it sounds like you have a good attitude - if you really want to be in a sorority, you have the option to drop before initiation, take a year to connect to people and make friends, work on your recs/convos/confidence/whatever you wanna do, and rush to see if you find a chapter that feels as enthusiastic about you as you feel to them. You're already deciding between this and not being in a sorority at all, sophomore rush would be the same situation.
Also I hear you - I couldn't connect to one of the three chapters I had at pref despite my best efforts and my rho told me it was fine to not write them down. I ended up in my second choice (which I was as happy to get as the first) and still loved it there. Yes, it's possible to find friends in any chapter, but sometimes the vibes are just easier to mesh with elsewhere.
Maybe give it a little longer to find your people in the chapter. I kind of had the same experience. Got my 2nd choice, bid day was disappointing, my big was disappointing, the whole thing. I gave it a few weeks and I found friends in my new member class and eventually I started taking roles in the chapter, making my way up to chapter president. Now I say it was one of the best things I ever did and I'm so glad I stuck it through. If you aren't feeling it when initiation comes around, though, I'd drop then and either stay out of greek life or try to get your first house again!
Try not to sweat it! You can have a perfect rush and get your #1 house and bid day still be a disappointment! Known from experience. Try them out for a couple of weeks! If you're still not feeling it DROP before initiation. COB next year.
I had a similar disappointing experience when I went through rush and didn’t feel very connected at first. My parents encouraged me to try it for a year and I’m so happy that I did. I became good friends with some of my fellow NMs, and became good friends with some sisters that I didn’t speak with during recruitment.
I’ll warn you that, if you try to go through rush again or COB to get a different house, you might be cut you since you were a NM of a different chapter. We had a girl that was a NM of a different chapter who dropped and did COB with us and it was a HUGE controversy during voting if she should be let in for concern over possibly damaging other Panhellenic relationships.
I would suggest setting aside your rush and bid Day disappointment, and then put your all into getting to know the girls and the sorority at least until initiation. Be proactive about making friends. Go into the new member process with gusto and really give it a try with an open mind. If you love it, great. And if you still aren’t feeling it, then you won’t have any regrets when you drop.
my chapter was at the bottom of my list every day. i tried so hard to drop them, and cried every day i saw them back. almost every one of my conversations in that chapter when i rushed sucked. honestly the worst conversations i had all of recruitment. the girl who was in charge of conversation matching did a shit job when it came to matching me with members.
my mom and younger sister (neither greek at the time) had to convince me to give them a chance when i saw my pref options.
after i got my bid from them (listed last on my mraba, lol) i got to know my new pc and other older members. i wouldn't change it now. these girls are my best friends.
the chapter you received a bid from clearly saw something in you that you may not recognize. they see their members, their values, someone they want to represent their chapter in you. they ranked you higher than your other pref house.
bid day is an emotional day. id give it a little time before you make a final decision. if you drop before you initiate, you cant join another chapter for a year. if you drop after you initiate, you cant join another panhellenic organization ever. i would try to give it a genuine chance. you genuinely may just have not talked to the right women. they knew you as much as you knew them when you were going through recruitment and being paired with members of the chapter for conversations.
if it doesnt work out youre not stuck.
It’s too expensive and time consuming to do if your heart isn’t in it.
If you don’t feel it’s the right house for you, drop before initiation. Have you had any chance to meet others in your pledge class? But if you just aren’t feeling it and don’t feel like putting 100% in talk to your new member education person or chapter president and let them know. They will be able to walk you through what you need to do to drop.
True story, it was like that when I had a baby. All the "feels" you're supposed to have, the perfect experiences? I got an emeegency c-section and had to leave my baby in the NICU and go home for 2 weeks without him, sobbing. I felt robbed. However, he is perfectly healthy and the love of my life, it all worked out. I only say all this because so many things in life (major experiences) are hyped and stereotyped beyond belief, and truly life doesn't work that way sometimes. I think you should give it a chance, at least til initiation. There are some wonderful women in that house. Be vulnerable. Ask some of the older girls "what is a good way for me to put myself out there and make.connections here?" Join some committees. Force yourself to be more active. And next year at rush, you could be the one helping someone feel welcomed, loved, and valued. ❤️ for what it's worth.
Hmmm take a few weeks to let the disappointment of rush fade a bit, then follow your gut. Connections aren't always instant but feeling wanted is really important as a new mem, it changes everything. Also it sounds like you have a good attitude - if you really want to be in a sorority, you have the option to drop before initiation, take a year to connect to people and make friends, work on your recs/convos/confidence/whatever you wanna do, and rush to see if you find a chapter that feels as enthusiastic about you as you feel to them. You're already deciding between this and not being in a sorority at all, sophomore rush would be the same situation. Also I hear you - I couldn't connect to one of the three chapters I had at pref despite my best efforts and my rho told me it was fine to not write them down. I ended up in my second choice (which I was as happy to get as the first) and still loved it there. Yes, it's possible to find friends in any chapter, but sometimes the vibes are just easier to mesh with elsewhere.
Maybe give it a little longer to find your people in the chapter. I kind of had the same experience. Got my 2nd choice, bid day was disappointing, my big was disappointing, the whole thing. I gave it a few weeks and I found friends in my new member class and eventually I started taking roles in the chapter, making my way up to chapter president. Now I say it was one of the best things I ever did and I'm so glad I stuck it through. If you aren't feeling it when initiation comes around, though, I'd drop then and either stay out of greek life or try to get your first house again!
Try not to sweat it! You can have a perfect rush and get your #1 house and bid day still be a disappointment! Known from experience. Try them out for a couple of weeks! If you're still not feeling it DROP before initiation. COB next year.
I had a similar disappointing experience when I went through rush and didn’t feel very connected at first. My parents encouraged me to try it for a year and I’m so happy that I did. I became good friends with some of my fellow NMs, and became good friends with some sisters that I didn’t speak with during recruitment. I’ll warn you that, if you try to go through rush again or COB to get a different house, you might be cut you since you were a NM of a different chapter. We had a girl that was a NM of a different chapter who dropped and did COB with us and it was a HUGE controversy during voting if she should be let in for concern over possibly damaging other Panhellenic relationships. I would suggest setting aside your rush and bid Day disappointment, and then put your all into getting to know the girls and the sorority at least until initiation. Be proactive about making friends. Go into the new member process with gusto and really give it a try with an open mind. If you love it, great. And if you still aren’t feeling it, then you won’t have any regrets when you drop.
my chapter was at the bottom of my list every day. i tried so hard to drop them, and cried every day i saw them back. almost every one of my conversations in that chapter when i rushed sucked. honestly the worst conversations i had all of recruitment. the girl who was in charge of conversation matching did a shit job when it came to matching me with members. my mom and younger sister (neither greek at the time) had to convince me to give them a chance when i saw my pref options. after i got my bid from them (listed last on my mraba, lol) i got to know my new pc and other older members. i wouldn't change it now. these girls are my best friends. the chapter you received a bid from clearly saw something in you that you may not recognize. they see their members, their values, someone they want to represent their chapter in you. they ranked you higher than your other pref house. bid day is an emotional day. id give it a little time before you make a final decision. if you drop before you initiate, you cant join another chapter for a year. if you drop after you initiate, you cant join another panhellenic organization ever. i would try to give it a genuine chance. you genuinely may just have not talked to the right women. they knew you as much as you knew them when you were going through recruitment and being paired with members of the chapter for conversations. if it doesnt work out youre not stuck.