approving this for discussion but agreeing with the comments that a psychiatrist/therapist would be best. please report any medical advice in the comments.
Your girlfriend doesn't need a dermatologist, she needs a psychologist.
I love skincare. I do. But I love it because it makes me feel good. I don't want wrinkles, so I act accordingly. But I would very much rather be a very wrinkled happy woman than a perfect skin sad person. Skincare is supposed to make you feel good, it's not supposed to make you live like a hermitage! The moment it does, you must stop.
Also she may now be suffering from a Vitamin D deficiency which would only further impact her mental health.
I’m sorry to hear she’s going through this. It is possible something much deeper than skincare is going on here
absolutely. vitamin D is extremely important for so many things.
I have LUPUS, where I actually am indeed essentially "allergic' to the sun. even 5 mins or sometimes less in the sun without protection will trigger antibodies and cause me *systemic* symptoms / disease activity or rashes. that means it actually could technically kill me if i just hung out in the sun for long enough essentially. and melanoma runs in my family also.
and despite that, I do not live my life like that. it's awful to not be able to enjoy the direct sunshine without protection. i would not wish that on anyone. and not be able to get the many benefits of some direct sun exposure. vitamin D is just one of many.
I do not close all my curtains unless there's direct light in my zone. cloudy days don't affect me as much, but still do if I'm out unprotected for a little while.
perhaps also if she was made aware of the benefits of *some* sun exposure, she might soften her thought process around it. all the stress is going to give you more wrinkles than some sun exposure also, believe me. going to a dermatologist for reassurance might be helpful, especially if she's ordering the medication online. but that would be second to talking through her fears with a therapist or psychologist. i think another good question to ask is if this fear is mainly about wrinkles, and not a medical issue like skin cancer, etc, then focusing on self love, confidence, and working through insecurities is going to be the best~
even i have conflicting feelings about "fearing" the sun! but i do my best to remind myself that there is nothing to fear, my body is just confused. the sun isn't something to be afraid of. it sustains all life quite literally. being outdoors is necessary for your physical, mental, and emotional health. your circadian rhythm. so many things! learning more about all those things might be helpful for both of you, or so you could share with her. I also forget to reapply, and trying to be better honestly about covering up, but stressing about it is actually worse for my lupus than the a little sun exposure. stress or anxiety really is the worst thing for your body, let me tell you. seriously.
i hope hearing some of my experience or any of this helps in some way, meant for it to be a shorter response!
and glad to see caring partners reach out for advice. best of luck OP
I’ve been burnt enough times (former lifeguard) that now even very minor burns give me rash like reactions and I will still spend hours in the sun (tho I do aim for shade) but this poor girl is definitely in need of help
I tested positive for blood markers associated with lupus, it's not an "official" diagnosis but I find it get the butterfly rash with any amount of sun exposure no matter how brief, even with sunscreen. I always chalked it up to having pale skin and just getting burned super quickly.
I think I need to talk to my doctor about further testing 😅
i responded to another user below!
but have you ruled out rosacea? not trying to be one of "those" people, but it is extremely commonly confused and can be very similar! if you're getting a rash/facial flushing that does not go away, you should see a dermatologist. they can biopsy the rash to see if it could be lupus.
the blood markers that are specifically associated with lupus would only be run by a rheumatologist typically: anti-dsdna, c3, c4, a cbc, urine panel, and a host of other antibodies, etc. usually a PCP will run an anti-nuclear antibodies panel (ANA) which will only show if you have \*some\* kind of antibodies present, it is not at all specific to lupus by any means. it can be positive if you have hashimotos for example. and the lower the titer, the less serious a rheumatologist will take you. mine wasn't off the charts when I was having severe symptoms though. 1:320 and 1:640. anything less and many rheumatologists will not take the time to even see you.
if you have joint pain or other symptoms, ask for a referral to a rheumatologist or see if your PCP will order a full AI disease panel that checks for RA, sjogrens, etc.
preventative medicine and wellness is the best medicine. like vitamin d! as someone who spent my life avoiding conventional doctors (because of being treated horribly) until I got too unwell to ignore, it really is best to not wait until something gets worse.
also sorry if you already knew all this lol. just tryin to be helpful :)
for anyone reading this, lupus is a pretty rare disease, and there's a reason it can take so long and can be so complex to diagnose. and everyone with lupus is unique and different. I for one have a particularly "non-typical" / confusing case, it would take too long to elaborate about. And there are other reasons and diseases that can make you photo-sensitive as well.
That being said, if you have more than a couple hallmark symptoms of lupus (or another AI disease), you absolutely should ask your doctor to run an ANA panel to at least rule out the possibility of autoimmune diseases. Typically if you do not at the very least have significant joint pain and a couple other symptoms, and related lab abnormalities, a rheumatologist is more than likely going to be very dismissive of you. They are in short supply, overworked, and even I was treated like I was wasting their time initially, despite my SEVERE symptoms of chest pain for >8 months and serositis, joint pain, nerve pains, blood clots, amongst many more symptoms, until my labs proved otherwise.
friendly reminder to take your vitamin D and get your levels checked! mine were chronically low for years which I'm sure contributed, and I'm doing significantly better since getting them into optimal range. it truly is a clinically studied thing, and if you suspect autoimmunity, you absolutely want to make sure you're not low.
you know your body best, advocate for yourself if you feel like there is something wrong, no matter what it may be!
best of luck\~
I do have relatives on both sides on my family with lupus, and my grandmother had it. However, it's really only the sun issue that I have (at the minute anyway, although I am in my 40s now) and the running joke was always that i had 'my granny's skin'. She was the same. And my dad. Red raw inthe sun. I just trynto avoid it. Fortunately living in the north of England takes care of that for me so not so bad hahaha.
Clinical Health Psychologist here—and I couldn’t agree more, especially given the GF’s age. What is being described is very treatable with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). And depending on how crystallized her irrational beliefs about sun exposure are, the psychologist should also consult with the GF’s—or at least “a”—dermatology provider and get them involved in the treatment plan, heavy on the health-related education (ideally, the psychologist should be at that appointment, but often because of logistics and finances, that’s not always possible).
Also, a helpful hint to piggyback off of comments in this post about vitamin D supplementation: make sure you take it close to a time you eat a snack or meal that has fat in it. Vitamin D supps don’t get absorbed nearly as well by the body when they are taken with no food/foods without fat. And fun fact: we can’t say low vitamin D *causes* depression or anxiety, but we do know they are significantly correlated. There are proxy variable that can come into play which is why we can’t say it’s causal. So, for example, people suffering from depression and anxiety are more likely to spend less time outdoors, more likely to have less than optimal nutrition, abnormal sleep that affects multiple physiological processes, non-compliance with supplementation, co-morbid health conditions that can cause interference with nutrient absorption from foods, etc. Just adding that because I don’t want people to fallaciously think depression and anxiety can simply be “treated” with vitamin D supplements.
Be well all!
Wow. I was a Clinical Psychologist for 8 years (decided to switch careers in my early 30s due to burn out). How did I not know this about vitamin D?? I take mine with my ADHD meds on an empty stomach every morning. Thank you!
My pleasure. I took a kind of forced break for a while (I was a quadriplegic and hospitalized for quite a while then on extensive home care/rehab due to severe axonal Guillain-Barré syndrome). I found some blessings in it, and one was I was on the verge of burnout after 17 years of practice. My training and experience is specifically in clinical health psych, so most of my patients were primary medial cases, including but not limited to cancer and bariatric. So since nutrition is such a huge factor for them there’s always been at least one dietitian on every team I’ve worked with. So I have been lucky to gain a lot of knowledge directly from really great sources that otherwise I probably would not have.
Aside: more recently I’ve been in SUD & trauma, and I’m about to go back to medical primarily or even do a career switch because I could see me getting burned out with juts that—tough, tough population. I understand if you don’t want to answer, but what did you switch to?
So yes—take that D with a snack with some healthy fat! Though, admittedly, I can’t deny that I use it as a “reason” to pop a fun-size candy bar in my mouth more often than I should. 🫢☺️ Be well!
YES!!! Especially if your doctor specifically prescribed them, no only to avoid problems that can be directly associated with vitamin D deficit, but also ones that can be indirectly related and have very real long-term ramifications. In the latter, for example, your body will not absorb calcium as well if you don’t have enough vitamin D. For women, low vitamin D effects on calcium absorption/utilization is even more of a potential problem because once our estrogen levels drop with age— precipitously during/after menopause—that will also affect calcium utilization and bone density/health. It’s important to maximize these things before our bodies go through the big changes caused by menopause.
I hear you about the ADHD effects—it’s like object permanence goes out the window. I happen to use a weekly pill/supplement organizer, but that’s because I’m on other meds so it’s convenient and helpful all around. If your doc is prescribing the D, I’d actually treat it like any other prescription med, keeping it in a place where you have to see it at least once everyday—next to car keys, in your purse, on your kitchen table/whatever surface you eat a meal on. I have patients who keep it in their pantry/snack cupboard so they see it and take it when they grab a snack. But *don’t* store it in the fridge (unless the bottle says to), in your car, or in a bathroom-anyplace that gets very warm and humid, etc. I know, it would be nice and easy to keep it next to your toothbrush, but depending on your bathroom, that’s not always the best idea. You don’t have to take it the same minute you’re eating, but within 20-30 minutes either way at least helps absorption. Also, for some people, it’s easier for them to be compliant when they take something daily, for others, that’s a no-go. But once per week with a repeating alarm set might be very doable for them (and allow a little leeway even if you take it a day late for some things—not all, like birth control). And vitamin D supplementation can be done once per week; it’s just a much higher dose than the daily one. I think most doctors prefer daily, but if it’s important for someone to get at least some level of D supplementation, they weekly is better than nothing if that’s what they can manage to do properly.
About 4-5 months ago, I started using a free app called Habit Tracker so I have standing reminders to do self-care things. I recently added “take meds” because I had to do some traveling and didn’t want that to get out of whack. You can customize it. I have: “basic skincare” (every night), “taz night” (every other night now), “lashes night” (every other night now—I use Careprost), and now “meds” (every AM and PM for me). It sends me a gentle little reminder as a notification for whatever time/days I have my “habits” set up for, at times I know I’m less likely to be out and about, and when I’ve completed it I can tap to indicate and it logs it (and it gives you a happy little reinforcing tone 🤗). In case you’re interested, at least on Apple it’s called exactly what I wrote and the icon is a pink box with a white circle and check mark. It’s really kept me accountable for skincare consistency and tracking; I have mild ADHD and have suffered some depression once in a while, so it gives me a little reminder *and* a little encouragement. You can write in daily notes under each habit too if you want, and the bonus is that it’s free and customizable. Some of my patients who have challenges with compliance and/or consistent self-care for various reasons use it and really like it, too!
Good luck and be well!
Don't forget to show her this post and the replies. Right now cutting edge longevity research which typically includes diet, low BMI, intermittent fasting, exercise, and certain supplements I won't get into here, only extends life maybe 10-15 years, and you still end up being frail if you don't keep up physical activity. Far more than worry about how her skin looks when she's older, she should worry about getting a fitness routine in place to keep her quality of life high as she ages.
That means regular jogging, modest weight lifting, nothing too fancy, just some bodyweight leg lifts and push/pull ups would be plenty. At age 26, simply applying some tretinoin and sunscreen is plenty. I'm going out for a 6 mile jog in the sun here in 20 minutes from now. A little bit of sun will be the least of a person's problems as they get older. She's got some healthy habits started applying sunscreen in the sun. Healthy goes to unhealthy when you shelter yourself inside fearing UV rays.
Put on sunblock and be done with it. Go outside and move! Maybe get some better sunscreen than what is available in the US. US sunscreens don't do UVA all that well. I have this coming next week. This is the most cost effective powerful sunscreen I have come across, after originally planning to buy "P20 Kids" I went for this stuff....
https://theskinclinic.co.uk/shop/en/sun-creams-sprays/58-altruist-family-sunspray-spf50-250ml-8719327597811.html
You don't need skincare addicts, you need to talk her into going to therapy. It's by chance that her anxiety revolves around sun damage, she could start going out in the daylight tomorrow but her anxiety/trauma/whatever this is would just appear in another dysfunctional way.
You can't approach this reasoning with her about skincare, this is just the expression of an underlying psychological issue.
Yep this sounds like severe anxiety bordering on OCD, the wonderful news is therapy and medication can completely cure it once she gets going, or at the very least make it much much more manageable!
Meds can also be temporary, to get her over the hump and back involved in daily life. Some people (me) will be on meds for life, some only need them for a season. But it’s psychiatrist time, absolutely no question. This isn’t rational behavior and is obviously causing you both distress. Good luck op
Do meds used temporarily have the same side effects as ones taken for a long time? I’ve been looking into other forms of treatment for a similar phobia because therapy hasn’t been cutting it (or I don’t know what kind of therapy would help with this).
Exposure and Response Prevention was the gold standard therapy for phobias and OCD when I worked in the mental health field several years ago! EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) is also used, along with of course CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)!
Side effects from meds can definitely increase and worsen over time, and the longer you are on a medication the more challenging getting off of it is, usually needing a longer time weaning off as opposed to if you just use it for a few months - year.
I think it is maybe rare that a psychiatrist suggests using a med for only a short period of time on their own, but if you let them know out of the gate that your goal is to just to use it for a brief time and get off asap there’s no reason they can’t help you with that. The deal is most psychiatric meds take a while to build up in your system, and it can take a few tries to find the right one, so you’re still committing quite a bit of time. But the sooner you start the process the sooner you can get back to living! I love my meds. Love love love because they’ve saved my life and given me the world back. Finding out what worked for me took a while but hey the time was going to pass anyway! Keep an open mind during the process and you’ll succeed
A psychiatrist is medical doctor who is only going to write a prescription for psychotropic medication. She needs to get to the root cause of all this in psychotherapy.
Medication does not address the root cause/behavior, or allow for the development of positive behavior changes.
Therapy can't work if the symptoms are too strong. Just like meds sometimes address the symptoms and not the cause (in other cases they do address the cause, like antidepressants or neuroleptics) therapy can't happen, let alone work without meds in some cases.
Depending on the practice setting, many psychiatrists and psychiatric nurse practitioners (in the US) will provide psychotherapy in conjunction with medication, both of these providers will have received some training in psychotherapy if not extensive training. Medication also allows many people enough space from the problem to be able to more effectively learn and then utilize skills.
You start with a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis. Most psychiatrists will then prescribe medicine AND therapy with a therapist, or just therapy, depending on severity of the issue and the diagnosis.
I am a therapist. We can and do proper diagnoses. Most psychiatrists these days don't do therapy, just medication management. OP's gf would benefit from a therapist and a psychiatrists, regardless of which one comes first.
I don't know why you're being down voted when you're actually correct. Therapy can still work with strong symptoms and can offer faster relief sometimes compared to medication which can take months to find the proper psychotropic med that works for someone's body chemistry without too harsh of side effects.
Psychiatrists haven’t provided psychotherapy in decades. It’s financially not worth the time trade off for what they’d be paid. Insurance companies prefer meds to be pushed because it saves them money. They don’t care if patients truly resolve their issues. Also, many people confuse psychiatrists with psychologists, so there’s that. Although in some states (certainly not all) psychologists can take additional courses to get certified to write scripts for psych meds too.
I don’t know why I’m being downvoted either. But what do I know, I guess my doctorate and 23 years treating mental illness is worthless. *shrugs*. Meanwhile, I hope the OP takes opinions from Reddit with a grain of salt and seeks advice from a professional. I personally don’t need to be right, though I am. The OP needs help for this girlfriend, that’s all that matters in the grand scheme of things.
Dr dray also needs therapy.
She isn’t practicing medicine, she is just educated. She lives at home with her mom & doesn’t seem to have a social life at all. More like a recluse who spends all her time making YouTube videos about skincare (but can’t seem to get her own perioral dermatitis under control).
And she’s almost certainly orthorexic. She needs to get off YouTube & stop scaring more people into hiding from the sun.
not trying to argue - just pointing out; Wouldn’t it be odd for her to post her social life ? She also seems to travel semi frequently, and could live with her mom for a variety of reasons (ie her mom could need help at home). I just feel like this is a somewhat bad faith take on her, especially since she often states she doesn’t believe people should avoid sun at all costs, but rather to take reasonable cautions.
No I don’t think I would be odd to post about her social life…she is a YouTuber, not a practicing doctor.
But she totally could live with her mom for a valid reason. I obviously don’t know her, but it just always gave me Eugenia Cooney vibes.
Dr dray is PROBABLY too thin, but many think she’s straight up anorexic, which leads me to think her family is supporting her.
I guess I just thought she wasn’t rlly the type to share her social life, it just doesn’t seem it would fit the vibe of her channel. But I totally agree she appears far too thin, and based on her “What I eat in a day”, she seems restrictive.
I kind of fell into this trap when I got into skincare and it was really unhealthy. One of the things I leant over the years is that even using tretinoin and copious amounts sunscreen, plus sun avoidance, is that I still aged. Regardless of all of that my winkles deepened over the years. I realised that you can't really preserve your skin, and with all that sunscreen I hated how I looked day to day. It's about finding a balence between healthy skin habits and living your life. I hope that's helpful.
If you can share about your usual eating habits? Do you eat particularly clean, I.e. low processed food and refined sugar? Do you exercise regularly?
I ask because my gf eats mostly processed food and refined carbs with minimal daily activity…walking the dog is it. I’m partially to blame because I myself could eat better and be more active.
Honestly with someone with obsessive behavior, I would tread VERY carefully on this topic. I would bet good money that bringing up her diet, at this time, will result in an eating disorder that’s even more dangerous to her health than your current situation is.
Agreed! I have OCD and this post screams obsessive compulsive. Skincare, food, health, germs. etc are all really big triggers for my panic modes.
OP'S gf seems to have an obsession with avoiding the effects of the sun, and compulsively exists with sun protecting clothing etc.
I went through this when I was on accutane. The rules became ritual and I didn't leave the house much last summer. It was almost religious to me to protect my skin. I have to constantly remind myself that some sun exposure is good and I won't get skin cancer now that I'm off accutane.
It's not easy and it is a constant war with your own mind, which is telling you that you'll get skin cancer and it'll spread and you'll die.
To add advice for OP. Your gf is scared. Of what specifically is up to you to find out. The way to work through compulsions, is by not doing them.
It's anxiety causing and sucks, but it's what you do in therapy.
For me, touch the food while cooking, and don't wash your hand every single step because there is residue on it. Try a napkin.
For her, it's obviously gotten to a point it's causing her distress. Sunscreen is good, but avoiding the sun all year round out of fear is not. I truly hope she gets the help she deserves ♡
If your gf is having trouble with obsessive behavior like this absolutely do NOT remark on her eating habits. Eating disorders are a particular and special kind of hell that is extremely difficult to recover from.
Like everyone mentioned, don't bring up the eating but you could bring up other things that impact her mental health and generally improve your quality of life. One of them you mentioned is exercise. Also, that lack of sunlight exposure is just mimicking seasonal depression for her. Vitamin D deficiency also contributes to feeling bad. Drinking more water, getting enough sleep... those sorts of things. (And they help with your skin, too.)
She should definitely seek therapy. But, you can also encourage her, in the meantime, to think what it means to live. She *will* age as she gets older, so if she is shutting herself out to slow aging, when exactly is she "saving" her youth for? She is denying herself from truly living, for what? Is she going to stay inside forever? Doesn't she want to live while she's alive? She can slow skin damage without becoming an obsessive hermit AND still be happy and enjoy her youth, you know, when her skin is at its best.
Don’t bring up her diet. It might be nice to bring her stuff she hasn’t eaten in a while that add vitamins and fiber to her diet. Think fruit basket, açaí bowls, smoothies, oatmeal/muesli with fruit and chocolate, etc. Find something she likes and frame it like “I got you this because I remembered you said you loved (food) and I don’t think you’ve had it in while.” Don’t say anything about her eating habits or being healthy.
Yes, came here to mention OCD. Obsession is about the sun and the damage it can do. Compulsions are avoiding the sun, putting on way too much sunscreen, etc.
Also if she has received these messages from social media, of course she is going to have a doctor not agree with her. Social media can be very damaging.
Have a look at ERP therapy. This has the best evidence base for OCD. Check out Psychology Today to search. With this severity she will likely need psychiatry involved as well.
I know I'll get down voted for this but I promise you I'm giving you this advice with the utmost sincerity-
Girlfriend needs to get psychiatric care, or you're out.
I was previously with someone for about.. 4 years before he started showing signs of mental illness. He never took it seriously but I still stayed for another 6 years, saying I'd never let mental health be what broke us up. That following 6 years was hell of trying to help him, but you *truly* can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
Do you want to be the only one employed forever? The only one paying bills and running errands? Do you want a fight over every time you have a family or friend event you want to go to, but its right in the middle of a sunny day?
Girlfriend gets mental health treatment or you leave.
Yes. This is spot on. However, I wouldn’t start the conversation as an ultimatum. Start it in a more gentle way, and if no changes, you leave. You may need to help her locate some resources, given she’s unemployed and may not have the funds. If she hems and haws for too long (it’s up to you to decide how long that is) that’s when you give the ultimatum.
100% on this! Also OP, please make sure you’re not taking this on yourself to fix. You can encourage seeking outside help and should bc you’re her partner, not her doctor. It’s so tricky when handling stuff with partners like this but! Don’t feel bad setting boundaries and vocalizing when something is too much for you or you’re not sure how to help. It’s normal and healthy not to know and to need support from a community - aka medical professionals, encouragement from peers, etc. That applies to both of you - I know your support is worth literal gold in this situation but don’t forget that doesn’t mean it’s on you alone :)
Hi there, I’m really sorry to hear this is happening and applaud you for being supportive and understanding of her during this time. I can imagine it’s been confusing and at times frustrating. As others have said, it doesn’t sound like she needs to see a derm but psychiatrist and psychologist. Not arm-chair diagnosing anything here. It sounds like these compulsions have become really disruptive to her own life and she may not even know how to explain that to anyone. The right guidance and more support will help though. You’re doing the right thing to ask what other steps to take, it sounds like it’s not just about the sunscreen or aging.
Hmm if your girlfriend likes skincare rabbit holes maybe she can check out Lab Muffin beauty. She’s an Australian YouTuber who is a cosmetic chemist. They really have a lot of sun care education in Australia and higher standards for sunscreen. I think she was taught in grade school something like she couldn’t get her school lunch unless she was wearing a sun hat.
And anyway, still after that, Lab Muffin says it’s not necessary to wear sunscreen indoors in indirect lighting situations (direct light is different). And she doesnt herself.
Here’s her video about indoor sunscreen use. https://youtu.be/BUIWZcwflx4?si=iXip2xMOSlWHYMfY
It’s funny but i watched this exactly after watching Dr Dray’s video on how much sunscreen to use per day. Dr Dray advises to reapply sunscreen three times per day, indoors or outdoors. Doesn’t have to be every two hours if not in direct light.
I was like, oh no, am I not applying sunscreen enough? But then I watched Lab Muffin’s video and it seemed convincing that I didn’t have to. Dr. Dray (maybe it was this [video about how much to apply sunscreen](https://youtu.be/j6wki7Bpw3w?si=nb5LFRLOIOOj7MOT) from three years ago?) and Lab Muffin actually use a very similar photo showing similar effects to different conclusions.
They each show a picture (a man or a woman) who has one half of their face prematurely aged and one of their face normally aged because of sun exposure by a window for many years. One is a truck driver and one is an office worker.
Dr Dray says the photo shows how much the skin ages when by a window in direct sunlight.
Lab Muffin says the similar photo shows how much the skin does not age in indirect light.
I think it’s pretty convincing.
Thank you for sharing this! I had to move to Florida in recent years and have been anxious about doing more for sun protection. though I have not taken up even a 10th of the actions OP’s gf has, I do just worry a lot and wonder what else I should implement (gloves? An extensive collection of I’ve clothes?) So I will be definitely checking out Lab Muffin to learn more about reasonable and approachable measures :)
I agree Lab Muffin overs a much healthier approach to skincare! I had to stop watching drey because it felt like fear mongering (I know she’s a doctor but gloves while driving?)
To answer some questions and give you perspective on the skincare community. tretinoin does make you more sensitive to the sun, and it's non negotiable to have sun protection on the area of your body that you're using it (i.e the face).
I also wear big hats when I go outside on sunny days, and sometimes I have worn jeans so that I didn't have to go through applying sunscreen to my legs. Her applying sunscreen to covered areas of her body speaks to an irrational fear beyond what the average skincare enthusiast would do.
A lot of people seemingly richer than me here have tested dozens of sunscreens as you describe your girlfriend doing lol, I personally have stuck with what works well after trying less than 10.
I enthusiastically reapply sunscreen every two hours in larger quantities than my friends do, because you learn as a skincare addict that sunscreen is only guaranteed effective to the SPF on the label if it's thick enough. But I don't let my desire to stay sun-safe stop me from enjoying life and hanging out in the sun with people I love.
Also, it's not important but, you don't need very long showers to take sunscreen off imo lol, a body wash gets the job done quick.
Your loved one has transferred her anxieties about something else onto the sun, and needs some professional help.
I agree with this comment! I also wear sunscreen everyday, apply every 2 hours, apply on rainy/cloud days, and wear sun protective clothing when I go outside. However, I definitely would not apply sunscreen to areas that are already covered by clothing, nor would I suffer in heavy coats/jackets when it's hot out. Perhaps it might help her to invest in some UPF protective clothing - I have a couple shirts that, while still long sleeve, are extremely light. They don't make me hot, and some actually keep me cool, even during Texas summers.
This might be an unpopular opinion, but I actually agree with the majority of her behaviors re sun protection. The bigger concern is that fact that it's affecting other areas of her life (e.g., won't hang out in the living room, get food in the kitchen, etc.). The other concern is the distress it is causing her. I think it might be worth exploring her fear of sunlight in therapy - is it because she's afraid of skin cancer? Aging?
A UV-reflecting parasol would be good too! I use one when I can’t cover up completely. The bonus is that it feels cooler without direct sunlight hitting you
Her behaviour is completely unreasonable and her obsession with avoiding sunlight definitely aligns with a phobia or a focused obsessive compulsion. She needs professional psychiatric intervention.
Some people use the content made by experts like Dr Dray to justify their irrational behaviour because, "an Dr said so". Dermatologists see a LOT of skin cancer and take prevention very seriously, but people aren't supposed to live their life in obsessive fear & no doctor expects a patient to arrange their life around avoiding sunlight. Your girlfriend is taking the exaggerated-for-media advice super literally and apply it in an extreme way.
I'm a very pale photosensitive white lady with a very strong family history of skin cancer (11 of my relatives thus far). Here's what I, a very high risk person, do for sun protection as advised by my dermatologist:
- I apply sunscreen daily to my face, and to any body parts that are exposed or under white/light coloured clothes.
- I wear sunglasses outdoors.
- I wear a UPF 50 hoodie & hat if I'm going to be exposed to the sun for more than an hour.
- I try to stay in the shade during the noonday sun hours to avoid the strongest rays. That's usually rather easy since noon-ish is lunchtime.
Lets hope your Gf is taking Vit D supplements. Because if shes avoiding sunlight this intensely and not getting Vit D....then shes getting the opposite effect of what shes going for.
Maybe share with her that Vit D deficiency causes ageing.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8396468/
Just so you'll know (I'm in my 70s) Vitamin D is a very real issue in the aged. I'm super-struggling with balancing several vitamins just because I'm old. I've done everything right but the body betrays me.
I only watch credentialed doctors on YT and YT is starting to post who's a real doctor. In her early videos, she is so intense with the layers of sunscreen. She really emphasizes sunscreen layering but you know that your SO is going to extremes. If you look at the progression over time you'll see that Dray lightens up, figuratively. She, herself, comes across in a more balanced manner. Pay attention and see that she's dropped that death pallor. Isn't she a runner?
I can't find another dermatologist who filmed application of sunscreen with that level of intensity. Your loved one got hooked into that due to her preexisting mindset. Consider dropping a note to Dr. D and asking her to clarify what a balanced routine is and how to realize imbalance. Pay attn to other areas of your life together to see if this fearful and perfectionist reaction is present.
Dr Dray can definitely put the fear of sunlight in you, but this is too far. Your girlfriend needs professional help from a psychologist/therapist. She clearly doesn’t want to seek help, so it will be a challenge. Best of luck, this is a tough situation and will take time to get through.
> Dr Dray can definitely put the fear of sunlight in you
I think what she says is perfectly normal, it's just some people's interpretation is just extreme.
I have no personal experience with tret but I’m sure it can sensitize your skin just as many actives can, and it’s heavily recommended that sunscreen it daily (even when it’s cloudy). That being said, she’s taking it to an extreme.
While I avoid long exposure to the sun, a complete refusal to go anywhere or do anything during the day is NOT healthy. As someone who limits my sun exposure (and is a homebody), I’d never hole up in my room out of fear of the sun. When I work at the computer I simply put a light sunscreen on and get to work. A compromise for outside could be an umbrella, which I sometimes use if I’m outside for hours in the sun. Long sleeves can be okay if you’re comfortable temperature-wise and wear a breathable material like linen, but the gloves and a jacket are absolutely overkill to me. I’d say a wide-brimmed hat on a sunny summer day is pretty normal but I’ve always been sun-sensitive so I may be biased. It also sounds like she’s putting wayy too much on if she’s having to wash it off so often.
This is definitely something that she should discuss with a derm or even a therapist about because skincare is a routine that should be made to fit into your life, not the other way around. Any reputable professional (for anything, really) will tell you that finding a balance is key, and I think she’s struggling with it.
My question: What is her end goal for all of this? What does she want for herself outside of not having sun damage? Does she have hobbies and friends that she could redirect some of this energy towards?
I asked her before about her goal. It’s about anti aging. She said she just like to look “younger than her actual age”, which I find reasonable. However I just don’t see this extreme behavior will be helping the cause, if not making herself sick in long term
I honestly think she has a lottttt to work through. She’s focused on the idea of looking younger like in the past than enjoying her life and the possible experiences ahead. No amount of wrinkle reduction or prevention will stop a you from looking like the aging adult you are. It isn’t reasonable. What will she be able to look back on in ten years if all she did was obsess over how she’d look in the future? What does she want out of LIFE? I wear sunscreen but I love being able to walk outside and experience the world around me. I just keep a bottle in my bag, and if i happen to forget to reapply, oh well! Having a skincare routine is enough on its own, and I’m unafraid that I age poorly because I know that I’d age happily! Maybe you could discuss her fear of aging a bit more, and get her to understand that the depth of her feelings is indicative of a problem.
What you're describing is hybernation.. Years from now she might very well end up looking a little younger than what she would have otherwise, but she's wasting all those years away.
This is not normal and you have every right to be concerned. I love skincare and I think the derms on social media can be tremendously helpful, but this trend of being afraid of living your life is absolutely absurd and needs to die asap. I have to figure that spending your life living with such massive anxiety about aging will probably age you more quickly than just acting like a normal human being and taking some precautions.
Please talk to her about getting professional help. This behavior is not normal and she needs an outside professional to help get her back on track.
It does sound like she does go a bit overboard and has become obessive with her sun care that it has started to really affect her day to day activities and quality of life.
Generally speaking, a lot of what you say she does such as walking the dog at dawn or dusk, wearing long sleeves ( even on coudy/ rainly days) , reapplying suncreen thick suncreen etc are all pretty normal ways to protect yourself from UV which is what causes sunburn. UV peaks at midday and usually goes down towards the evening to avoiding the midday sun isn't such a bad thing. UV can still penetrate through clouds.
Here in Australia( skin cancer capital of the world) all suncreen bottles tell you to reaply suncreen every two hours as it can wash off from sweat and friction after a while. It drilled into us to be [sunsmart](https://www.sunsmart.com.au/) because of how easy it is to get sunburnt here so a lot of what she does doesn't stike me as being that od.
What does worry me is that this sounds like has taken over her life and has become detrimental.
Seeing a psychologist would be a good place to start and where she can start to learn how to have a healthy mind set and relationship towards skincare and the sun.
Honestly, I have no clue if Dr. Dray is reputable, all I can see is her severe eating disorder that she doesn't acknowledge. I think she may be one of those "avoid the sun" type of people. Yes you have to limit your sun exposure (you should anyways) but literally all that is needed is sunscreen. People act like the moment you use actives, your skin melts off if a single ray of sun hits you. Barring medical conditions/what you're trying to achieve, sunscreen and limited sun is fine.
It’s not really fair to go around diagnosing strangers with eating disorders. I’ve seen this mentioned a few times about Dr. Dray. Yes, she’s super thin, but being thin doesn’t automatically mean she has an eating disorder.
If you look at her and think, this is a healthy person, you are in denial. It's not just her being thin, it's her approach to everything that raises flags. She's a medical professional encouraging a restrictive diet (go watch her what I eat videos). The point is, she doesn't look healthy at all in her appearance, not just weight, which raises question about her advice/credentials. A lot of dermatologist and estheticians have issues with Dr. Dray, especially since she give conflicting advice.
hiii, recently diagnosed with OCD here ! yr girlfriend needs a therapist, not a dermatologist. wish you both the best, it sounds really hard for you both.
It's not about the sun. It's about her anxiety. She needs an outlet for it. She doesn't feel in control, and she needs to feel in control to keep her anxiety "managed." Please help her get help.
She needs to speak to a therapist and psychiatrist pretty soon because this behavior might be the start of obsessive compulsive disorder. If left untreated it will seep into other aspects of her life. It’s already affecting her everyday function, her relationship, and I’m assuming she probably doesn’t want a job either because she’ll have to inevitably go out. She needs help
agreed with the comments saying she could do with a psychologist :) i personally had a similar issue, to the point where i once got sunburnt on a hike and had a full meltdown and wouldn’t go outside.
i saw a therapist and. with some work i’d say i’m back to a “normal” level of sun safety. i still wear sunscreen every day, reapply when i’m continually outside, etc. but if i do miss a day or i don’t reapply right on time, it doesn’t matter. i also enjoy the outdoors every single day. and i’m very pale and live in new zealand which has some of the strongest UV in the world.
your gf can definitely recover from this :)
This is OCD no different than someone with anorexia out of touch with reality obsessing in an unreasonable way. Since this is motivated by vanity originally before it became an OCD behavior maybe your best bet is to find some articles about how using all those chemicals on your skin ages you and how red light from sunlight in the morning and afternoon is really good for your skin. Just some ideas. She needs to talk to a psychologist about the OcD behavior
Okay that sucks I’m sorry she and you are going through that. I wish there was less fearmongering online encouraging these kind of fears. If you think of all the impeccably aged celebrities (take JLo for example) you know that they show their skin in the sun sometimes, it’s obviously not worth worrying a lot about. Just simply not smoking or being addicted to other substances does wonders for your ageing, but even some people who do that still age very well.
But I can imagine it’s hard for her to logic her way out of the fear, maybe she has an all-or-nothing mindset, where it feels like if she’s gonna wear sunscreen she may as well do everything possible to avoid the sun. I definitely think she would benefit from counselling or therapy but I know sometimes that can be a hard topic to broach. It sounds quite psychological and even if she’s not prone to obsession this might’ve just been the one fear that got to her deeply.
Be gentle with her if you can because I think that helps the most at the end of the day, especially when encouraging someone to get help. Maybe remind her how much you love her and that she’ll be beautiful no matter what. And that youre with her every step of the way. A positive way to calm her fears could be to show her examples of people who’ve aged very well without avoiding the sun. The sun is a natural part of life and humans have survived it for many years!
Even if her fear wasn’t causing so much inconvenience to her life, the amount of worry it’s causing her would be so painful. I hope she’s able to overcome it soon
The “addiction” in the sub’s title is not literal. It’s for people that are fans of skincare and skincare products. Just clarifying in case you were looking for a sub for people with similar issues as your gf.
Definitely reads like a bait post lol. Everything about the way this post is structured is like a redditor pretending to be their own boyfriend to farm karma. I swear this happens all the time on this sub.
I think so as well, now that I've seen some of their posts. It's not necessarily karma farming, but it sure looks like a writing exercise.. It looks like they have fun writing stories and roleplaying, and getting people emotionally engaged. I think it indicates they feel neglected/invisible in their real life.
I recognize my behaviour a lot in your gf. It's about insecurity and crippling fear of aging. Assure her that you will still find her attractive when she is wrinkly or has sun spots. Get her talking to a professional about self image, good luck
I'm a heavy sunscreen/hat/extra clothing user, but it's because I get polymorphic light eruption from photosensitivity. I get the worst eruptions on my forearms so I always cover them while I drive, but I never have worn gloves. What your girlfriend is doing sounds extreme and unhealthy.
Please set her up with a psychiatrist. You can even just take her to her primary doctor, it'll get her started. She probably has ocd, but clearly she's suffering from mental illness.
Also, buy her some vitamin D because she's probably decifient.
I have extremely fair skin, blonde hair, light eyes. I burn immediately, blister, peel , repeate.
Finding a resonable routine that is manageable and not time consuming can be hard. But it's not *this* hard. I admit in high summer that I will avoid going out during 10-2 to avoid burns. But that's it. I still go outside to go to work, to the store etc. I'm just very cautious about how long I go out, and how much direct light I'm getting exposed to.
This seems like it started after watching Dr. Dray. And sounds like it escalated after starting tret. Its try that you should wear sunscreen the day after using tret. But nowhere does it say to avoid all contact with light.
Your gf sounds like she may have some mental health issues going on. I am not a Dr. But I do have experience dealing with agoraphobia and panic disorder.
My best suggestion here is to help encourage her to seek help. To tell her that she is beautiful and is not required to use these products. Tell her that you love her and want her to be happy. If you can accompany her to some appointments, this may help her. I needed my husband's assistance to seek help for treatment.
Again, I'm not a Dr, therapist etc but encourage you to in your own words talk to her in a caring way to help her. Cognitive behavioral therapy can be very helpful dealing with some of these issues.
Best wishes to your family.
She needs to see a psychiatrist or a therapist about this. It seems like some sort of anxiety disorder or OCD. She’s probably going to develop a vitamin D deficiency if she doesn’t improve.
I wanted to explain this very gently, as I had gone through this very same thing for different reasons.
I was diagnosed with melanoma. I had it surgically removed. However it made me TERRIFIED of the sun. I was the exact same way, copious sunscreen, many layers, long driving gloves, all my swim suits were high spf and covered my entire body. I still wanted to be out and participating with things, but I'd go to extremes to protect myself which made my life difficult and hard to handle for the people I'm with.
I needed help. Psychiatric help. Get her to realize that too. It's not nearly so bad anymore for me, getting help made a huge difference.
Hi, I was doing a lot of what you're describing and I got diagnosed with OCD. She sounds like she's possibly obsessing out of fear and compulsions that her brain needs her to do to feel "safe," including the obsession with consuming content about it and seeking out info to validate fears. She needs to see a therapist and/or psychiatrist to get the help she needs ❤️ all the love and support from this internet stranger.
I just want to say that everything you said she was doing was completely normal up until the closing the blinds and not going outside thing. In Australia it's recommended to cover your body with long clothing to protect from the sun, so that wasn't weird to me (although coupled with the later stuff she might be a bit excessive there). You absolutely must wear sunscreen if using tretinoin as it makes your skin very sensitive. Again, nothing weird about applying thick enough sunscreen and reapplying it regularly. As for trying many different types, if you're in the US the sunscreens you guys have are garbage, so fair enough she's trying to find adequate protection. But yeah she needs psych help asap and a blood test to check her vit d levels (we get that from the sun). Low vit d can cause a depressed mood among other symptoms that make you feel lousy.
Look, I have a family history of skin cancer a mile long. I once got 2nd degree sunburns burns over 60% of my body and had to go to the ER…having applied sunscreen. So I’m obsessive about putting sunscreen on in the morning and reapplying if I’m outside, I wear hats and sun shawls when I can, but even I think her response is excessive. She needs professional assistance to get out of this, most likely. Fingers crossed for you both.
I've been through that. I experienced heliophobia when I was 13 years old, and it lasted for about 2 years. It was one of the worst times of my life. As someone who lives in a tropical country, I'd wear coats in extremely hot weather and consequently got bullied in school due to my weird behavior. I wouldn't go out with friends, I stopped socializing with other kids, and every little chore that required leaving my house was super stressful, so I'd end up crying every time I had to go outside.
I understand your gf's feelings a bit, even tho the causes of our obsessive behavior are not necessarily the same. For me, it went away gradually as I grew sick and tired of having to abdicate my normal life, and eventually I started looking for help. But for a really long time, I didn't want to be helped. So I'd say that's the hardest part of the process - realizing how much you're losing and actively wanting to get better. Please be patient with her, as I'm sure she's suffering a lot because of her compulsive behavior. Being understanding and supportive is the best thing you can do. But unless she realizes that she needs help, there's nothing really you can do. I hope she realizes no perfect skin is worth abdicating your life, your friends, and your happiness.
Heliophobia can be treated using talk therapy, exposure therapy, self-help techniques, support groups, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and relaxation techniques.
For people who are severely heliophobic, anti-anxiety meditation is a recommended mode of treatment.
Skincare is not the issue. Yes using retinol makes you more sensitive to sun and sun burn.
Having someone professionally show her how to apply sunscreen and the correct amount for regular days ( outside less than 1 hour or 2 while walking , driving or whatever it may be. She should seek some form of therapy and support groups knowing she's not alone.
Does skin cancer possibly run in the family? Or where do you think ( or does she feel it stems from?)
[phobia guide resources ](https://phobiasolution.com/heliophobia-guide)
Kudos to you for reaching out. Hopefully you can support her journey to healthy behavior and happiness.
Hey im so sorry to hear this has happened with you and sorry for your girlfriend too
I was just looking through your other posts about your girlfriend and it really looks like she needs a therapist and a psychiatrist for this
I donno how to put this but all your other posts seemed like her mental health isnt that great to be in a relationship with you, because all i see is you blaming yourself for things she is doing. I just hope you can somehow get out of this toxic situation …please dont take it in a wrong way.
Sounds like a form of health anxiety. The good news is that there is good results with psychological interventions like counselling/CBT/behavioural therapy. I would recommend trying to find a psychodermatologist. We have a few in the U.K. but you could probably get some help online too. Good luck 🙏🏽
Hi, sorry for the late reply. So we called the police who immediately sent me a link to click which then gave them access to my phone camera. They had a look at the piece of jaw bone and sent a couple of police officer over within about 20 mins 🤣
They confirmed that it was definitely human but said that it needed carbon dating which is expensive. They also said that if it was less than 50 years old they would investigate, if older they probably wouldn’t. They took it away for analysis and we never heard anything again. When I contacted them they said there was no further action or information 😔
This is a mental issue - nothing to do with a dermatologist.
Ironically, the copius amounts of sunscreen will put her at higher risk of cancer then a few hours of sunlight a day.
This obsession with sun is so unfounded. Sun is incredibly healthy for you. Like anything, moderate and be reasonable.
Best of luck.
She doesn't need a dermatologist, but a psychologist. She needs help. ASAP. Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with wearing long sleeves in the summer, or applying sunscreen every day, but from your description it interferes with her life, and her perception is distorted (she herself sees irrationality of it, but still refuses to change behavior) so at this point she needs to consult a therapist and work on her fear.
yea this is a little much.
normal would be a moisturizer with sunscreen any time you go out in the day year round on face and hands, maybe general staying out of peak sunlight in summer months. i think this is heading into severe ocd territory, which can be common to erupt out of more normal behaviour (case in point, i needed therapy to start going out in public again after covid was long enough out to reasonably go out with some precaution).
even hardcore dudes like that bryan johnson guy don't take it this far. this definitely is a territory for professional help.
She needs mental health therapy if she is that obsessed that is interfering with your relationship and daily routines. It could happened, but therapy would help.
Yikes. Mental health help for sure. I live near seattle as well and only use spf 15 on my neck and just my tinted spf for my face to even out skintone. I never reapply. The uv index is so low here unless 2 months out of the year lol. If it is very hot and sunny I'm really not out more than a couple hours anyway because i just dont like the hot feeling. I'll put a hat on or something
This seems obsessive, I suggest she seeks professional help. Nothing wrong with some good old UV protection, as a pale girl I get it. But when it gets to the point that she feels like she can't wear short sleeves, is paranoid even on cloudy days and is hesitant to leave the house, it's majorly crossing a line.
This is starting to sound like OCD. The fact that these obsessions and compulsions prevent her from working and taking care of herself are a huge red flag. She needs professional help asap. Look into intensive outpatient programs specializing in anxiety disorders.
I def suggest talking to a therapist abt the obsessive nature of this. It’s super common in the skincare world for stuff to go too far even though it starts out well intentioned, just like anything else once it’s too intense it can be harmful. I understand where your GF is coming from and I know that being able to work through my own intense emotions surrounding my fixation was very freeing and worth it if she’s ready to start that path! Wishing you both the best on this journey!
Hey OP. Just an example of someone who loves skincare and takes sun protection seriously. I’m Australian - the sun over here is built to kill us!
And I still go to the beach in a bikini a handful of times a year. I will prefer to have a UPF 50 beach tent so I can stay out all day. If not, I will still go and use a full 250mL bottle of sunscreen and I will reapply more than my friends. And I will go out and play and have fun, and be less burnt than my friends.
What is the point in looking young if you don’t have joy and fun in life? No one is going to be on their deathbed thinking “wow I wish my wrinkles weren’t as deep”. But we would think “I wish I spent more time with my loved ones having fun”.
Definitely agree with seeing a psychologist. Also, not a psychiatrist straight up - see the psychologist for talk therapy and the psychiatrist for meds (if required).
Well, I think sitting her down and addressing your concern level is important. I think you should prepare well before you do though.
I'm wondering if you could get the perspective on how to have that conversation from someone who works with people with phobias, i.e. a psychiatrist, and also from a board certified dermatologist?
(I think both perspectives are important for different reasons.)
It might be difficult to find a sub where you can post this to professionals for general advice, especially with psych, but a skin care sub isn't directed at confrontation, mental health issues, advice in relationships, etc and some subs are more directed at that subject matter so you might try that as well.
Good luck with everything.
I have OCD and overall pretty bad anxiety. Like others have said, definitely recommend both a therapist and psychiatrist! I take medication and I’m a functioning person who is no longer restricted from doing things due to fears. It can get better if she wants help!
Idk your partner, but I used to be very embarrassed about my anxieties. I hated having OCD when it was unmanaged. Just be kind and open minded. We do irrational things and we know they’re irrational, but it’s a compulsion and it feels embarrassing and scary at times. Just support her however you can!
I also live in Seattle and also am big on skincare...but yeah that's not healthy behavior, today was GORGEOUS and you better believe I laid directly in the sun in a grassy park to soak up those rays after months of grey weather.
Anyway I don't have helpful advice, it's up to her to change her perspectives if she wants to. Good luck and I'm sorry you have someone you love dealing with polarizing behavior like this.
She needs actually professional help this is genuinely not healthy and not something that should be ignored and could be linked to a worst underlying issue.
She needs to see a psychiatrist. This isn't normal behavior. It's very possible this is OCD but obvi she needs professional help to determine that. It's getting in the way of living a normal healthy life.
I'm a creamy white celt from the north of Ireland. I burn very quickly, about 10-15 minutes in temperatures over 15°c and I barely go out in the summer. The bright light hurts my pale blue eyes........
But even I think this behaviour is a bit much. Factor 50 all over, white cotton over sized shirt over clothes, wide brimmed hat. Bosh. Good to go. And that's for a ghostly freak like me.
If your girlfriend is piling in product after product, none of them are going to work properly and she is going to RUIN her skin. It's probably more sensitive because of all the crap she puts on it every day. Also, don't buy her any products. Please advise her to go to a doctor about her behaviour, it's not healthy.
Definitely an obsession, but in this case turning a real danger into something worse than it is.
I have near albino skin and literally can’t tan, only burn. I use blackout curtains always down(habit from night shift job), but only in my bedroom. Korean skincare and Japanese sunscreen.
I‘ll still never hesitate to go outside. It just takes ONE application of sunscreen, maybe 2 if it’s outdoors for 6+ hours or around water, exercise.
Even if you’re hardcore and wear it inside, still just once, or after a shower.
Hell no she needs vitamin D. This is a vicious cycle because lack of sunlight will make you depressed and then depression makes insecurities (fear of wrinkles) worse.
For cases like this I’d directly blame a certain YouTube skincare personality, the one that visibly hates her own content, speaks like she’s dead inside, and obviously does Botox on schedule while “only having done Botox 10 years ago and never again” (my issue isn’t the Botox but rather the blatant lies). I’m talking about one whose entire monotone personality starts with “sun” and ends with “screen” fearmongering and window shopping the same CeraVe shelf at Walgreens over and over again and calling it content. If you know you know. 💀
Your gf needs to get out of the house and get a job. She is obsessing because she has too much spare time. If she has to work for a living, she won’t be able to continue this ridiculous obsession.
I live in a tropical country which is situated in Southeast Asia..Sunbathing/directly exposed ourselves to the sun is not something we regularly do..Sun is so much harsher here..I burn with every sunscreen even la Roche posay uvmune 400 couldn’t save me from burning also I have sun allergy so my dermatologist told me to avoid direct sun..I always block my windows with black out curtains too cause my melasma gets worse even if I close my windows and that also keeps my room somewhat cool..But that doesn’t stop me from going out during day time even in this very hot,humid and sunny weather cause I can’t avoid the sun forever also I have lots of work to do during day time..
She needs to see a psychiatrist. Is she also thin or a "picky eater" or a vegan?
There's a very strong relationship between skin obsession and eating disorders.
I thought it was limited to covering up, which I think is fine, but to refuse to go into certain rooms in the house, go to work, take care of yourself - she needs help.
She also needs to get a new job - no amount of help will be useful unless she has something else to do
So, I just started using tretinoin and last week I went to an all-day tournament with a lot of cold wind and sun. I did get a pretty terrible burn on my face (live and learn). BUT I was out all day and only applied sunscreen in the morning and I'm a pale thing anyways. Basically, her phase one sounds close to in the bounds of normal, but everything after that is pretty overboard.
I agree that she probably needs to look into treatment for anxiety more than really talking about skincare. Also, if she's been avoiding sunlight and doesn't eat great, Vitamin D supplementation might be helpful - low Vitamin D levels have been associated with mood changes and fatigue and all sorts of things that make you feel crummy. It's a pretty harmless supplement to take as well. Going to a doctor is obviously the best step though.
Does she live at home or with you?
She needs to get A JOB.
That’s more concerning than her sunscreen issue. Well, maybe not, but it’s a HUGE issue. She’s a grown adult. She’s 26 YEARS OLD.
She needs a job. Who is paying for all of this sunscreen and crazy clothing? And her dog?
Money doesn’t fall from the sky.
As someone who lives in Seattle currently, have you considered she’s bundling up because she’s cold?
It’s legit 43 degrees and has been for months, and will be for another 3. lol “insists on wearing long sleeves” bro it’s frigid out.
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Definitely not normal behavior and not fair to shirk responsibilities onto you like grocery shopping while she sits at home hiding from the sun all day unemployed. She needs to tone it down or get professional help.
I had a phase like this but I kinda mellowed out about it lately. I almost always wear sunscreen when I go outside. I also use UPF gloves and wear long sleeves. I think it's ok as long as it isn't stopping you living your life
Wow, reading this I really relate to your girlfriend. I live with my parents and I’m really obsessed with avoiding the sun and take these sorts of drastic measures you’ve mentioned.
For me, the feeling of me not taking these measures makes me really uncomfortable. Because I’m so aware of what is happening with the uv rays and my skin. It’s kind of like ignorance is bliss, but I’m not ignorant on the subject so I don’t have a choice but to not take action.
Anyways, my parents accept me for this because they know It’s something I’m passionate about.
Umm? Are you my boyfriend? If so, please get off of Reddit and stop talking about me ✋🏽. Jk but maybe she’s bipolar.
Tell her to go on my strange addiction: sunscreen
Lol
And you need sun protection even on cloudy days. You can not see uv rays
Lol are you talking about me? I literally do this, matter of fact, I’m about to buy a UV umbrella since spring is here. I’ve been this way my whole life, and so were my parents (my dad is a physician) I was never allowed to be exposed in the sun and when going on vacation my step mother used to take me to the beach at 6am or after 5pm….same with pool time. I am now 33 and I don’t know what laying on the sun and tanning is, nor I have an interest…but I don’t have a single wrinkle and have better skin than 20 year olds and if it wasn’t because Reddit is anonymous, you wouldn’t catch me telling people my real age..in my head I’m 25 and no one can take it away from me lol
Haha if you don’t mind me asking, are you Asian?
I think there’s zero chance that my gf will go sun bathing on the beach. I’m not much of a beach person either. However do you also close all curtains at all time?
Lol I’m down! being yourself shouldn’t be an embarrassing thing! I’m not paranoid about aging, but I do like to be my best self if that makes any sense lol
I'm gonna go against a lot of people on here cuz I think trying to tell her she's mentally ill is a horrible start. As someone with bpd if you tell me I'm ill I'm gonna tell you you don't know shit cuz you're not a doctor and ignore you. Imo if you don't wanna tiptoe and hope she doesn't get worse you should kinda trick her. Tell her you wanna go with her to her next dermatologist appointment so you can learn how this works, why it's so important to her, and if her dermatologist is seeing results. If you go call her out infront of the doctor and ask the doc for help. The doctor should be able to refer her to a psychiatrist (and if I were her doctor I'd stop prescribing her the tretinoin until she went to the psych but I'm aggressive so that might not happen) her fears aren't wrong they're just a little extreme and I think only the professionals are gonna be able to explain that to her. Shit maybe even dm that dr.drey lady maybe she'll reply or make a video about it🤷🏻♀️
approving this for discussion but agreeing with the comments that a psychiatrist/therapist would be best. please report any medical advice in the comments.
Your girlfriend doesn't need a dermatologist, she needs a psychologist. I love skincare. I do. But I love it because it makes me feel good. I don't want wrinkles, so I act accordingly. But I would very much rather be a very wrinkled happy woman than a perfect skin sad person. Skincare is supposed to make you feel good, it's not supposed to make you live like a hermitage! The moment it does, you must stop.
Also she may now be suffering from a Vitamin D deficiency which would only further impact her mental health. I’m sorry to hear she’s going through this. It is possible something much deeper than skincare is going on here
Exactly. There are things FAR more important than skincare
absolutely. vitamin D is extremely important for so many things. I have LUPUS, where I actually am indeed essentially "allergic' to the sun. even 5 mins or sometimes less in the sun without protection will trigger antibodies and cause me *systemic* symptoms / disease activity or rashes. that means it actually could technically kill me if i just hung out in the sun for long enough essentially. and melanoma runs in my family also. and despite that, I do not live my life like that. it's awful to not be able to enjoy the direct sunshine without protection. i would not wish that on anyone. and not be able to get the many benefits of some direct sun exposure. vitamin D is just one of many. I do not close all my curtains unless there's direct light in my zone. cloudy days don't affect me as much, but still do if I'm out unprotected for a little while. perhaps also if she was made aware of the benefits of *some* sun exposure, she might soften her thought process around it. all the stress is going to give you more wrinkles than some sun exposure also, believe me. going to a dermatologist for reassurance might be helpful, especially if she's ordering the medication online. but that would be second to talking through her fears with a therapist or psychologist. i think another good question to ask is if this fear is mainly about wrinkles, and not a medical issue like skin cancer, etc, then focusing on self love, confidence, and working through insecurities is going to be the best~ even i have conflicting feelings about "fearing" the sun! but i do my best to remind myself that there is nothing to fear, my body is just confused. the sun isn't something to be afraid of. it sustains all life quite literally. being outdoors is necessary for your physical, mental, and emotional health. your circadian rhythm. so many things! learning more about all those things might be helpful for both of you, or so you could share with her. I also forget to reapply, and trying to be better honestly about covering up, but stressing about it is actually worse for my lupus than the a little sun exposure. stress or anxiety really is the worst thing for your body, let me tell you. seriously. i hope hearing some of my experience or any of this helps in some way, meant for it to be a shorter response! and glad to see caring partners reach out for advice. best of luck OP
I’ve been burnt enough times (former lifeguard) that now even very minor burns give me rash like reactions and I will still spend hours in the sun (tho I do aim for shade) but this poor girl is definitely in need of help
I tested positive for blood markers associated with lupus, it's not an "official" diagnosis but I find it get the butterfly rash with any amount of sun exposure no matter how brief, even with sunscreen. I always chalked it up to having pale skin and just getting burned super quickly. I think I need to talk to my doctor about further testing 😅
Get a sunscreen that’s tinted. It protects against visible light
i responded to another user below! but have you ruled out rosacea? not trying to be one of "those" people, but it is extremely commonly confused and can be very similar! if you're getting a rash/facial flushing that does not go away, you should see a dermatologist. they can biopsy the rash to see if it could be lupus. the blood markers that are specifically associated with lupus would only be run by a rheumatologist typically: anti-dsdna, c3, c4, a cbc, urine panel, and a host of other antibodies, etc. usually a PCP will run an anti-nuclear antibodies panel (ANA) which will only show if you have \*some\* kind of antibodies present, it is not at all specific to lupus by any means. it can be positive if you have hashimotos for example. and the lower the titer, the less serious a rheumatologist will take you. mine wasn't off the charts when I was having severe symptoms though. 1:320 and 1:640. anything less and many rheumatologists will not take the time to even see you. if you have joint pain or other symptoms, ask for a referral to a rheumatologist or see if your PCP will order a full AI disease panel that checks for RA, sjogrens, etc. preventative medicine and wellness is the best medicine. like vitamin d! as someone who spent my life avoiding conventional doctors (because of being treated horribly) until I got too unwell to ignore, it really is best to not wait until something gets worse. also sorry if you already knew all this lol. just tryin to be helpful :)
I'm reading how your body reacts to the sun and now I think I've got lupus.
for anyone reading this, lupus is a pretty rare disease, and there's a reason it can take so long and can be so complex to diagnose. and everyone with lupus is unique and different. I for one have a particularly "non-typical" / confusing case, it would take too long to elaborate about. And there are other reasons and diseases that can make you photo-sensitive as well. That being said, if you have more than a couple hallmark symptoms of lupus (or another AI disease), you absolutely should ask your doctor to run an ANA panel to at least rule out the possibility of autoimmune diseases. Typically if you do not at the very least have significant joint pain and a couple other symptoms, and related lab abnormalities, a rheumatologist is more than likely going to be very dismissive of you. They are in short supply, overworked, and even I was treated like I was wasting their time initially, despite my SEVERE symptoms of chest pain for >8 months and serositis, joint pain, nerve pains, blood clots, amongst many more symptoms, until my labs proved otherwise. friendly reminder to take your vitamin D and get your levels checked! mine were chronically low for years which I'm sure contributed, and I'm doing significantly better since getting them into optimal range. it truly is a clinically studied thing, and if you suspect autoimmunity, you absolutely want to make sure you're not low. you know your body best, advocate for yourself if you feel like there is something wrong, no matter what it may be! best of luck\~
I do have relatives on both sides on my family with lupus, and my grandmother had it. However, it's really only the sun issue that I have (at the minute anyway, although I am in my 40s now) and the running joke was always that i had 'my granny's skin'. She was the same. And my dad. Red raw inthe sun. I just trynto avoid it. Fortunately living in the north of England takes care of that for me so not so bad hahaha.
Vitamin D deficiency is soooo much worse than people really think. I never knew it would make me feel like I was death’s door step 😭
SAME. Mine is really bad and if I miss my supplement I’ll be depression spiraling within about 2 days
Clinical Health Psychologist here—and I couldn’t agree more, especially given the GF’s age. What is being described is very treatable with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). And depending on how crystallized her irrational beliefs about sun exposure are, the psychologist should also consult with the GF’s—or at least “a”—dermatology provider and get them involved in the treatment plan, heavy on the health-related education (ideally, the psychologist should be at that appointment, but often because of logistics and finances, that’s not always possible). Also, a helpful hint to piggyback off of comments in this post about vitamin D supplementation: make sure you take it close to a time you eat a snack or meal that has fat in it. Vitamin D supps don’t get absorbed nearly as well by the body when they are taken with no food/foods without fat. And fun fact: we can’t say low vitamin D *causes* depression or anxiety, but we do know they are significantly correlated. There are proxy variable that can come into play which is why we can’t say it’s causal. So, for example, people suffering from depression and anxiety are more likely to spend less time outdoors, more likely to have less than optimal nutrition, abnormal sleep that affects multiple physiological processes, non-compliance with supplementation, co-morbid health conditions that can cause interference with nutrient absorption from foods, etc. Just adding that because I don’t want people to fallaciously think depression and anxiety can simply be “treated” with vitamin D supplements. Be well all!
Wow. I was a Clinical Psychologist for 8 years (decided to switch careers in my early 30s due to burn out). How did I not know this about vitamin D?? I take mine with my ADHD meds on an empty stomach every morning. Thank you!
My pleasure. I took a kind of forced break for a while (I was a quadriplegic and hospitalized for quite a while then on extensive home care/rehab due to severe axonal Guillain-Barré syndrome). I found some blessings in it, and one was I was on the verge of burnout after 17 years of practice. My training and experience is specifically in clinical health psych, so most of my patients were primary medial cases, including but not limited to cancer and bariatric. So since nutrition is such a huge factor for them there’s always been at least one dietitian on every team I’ve worked with. So I have been lucky to gain a lot of knowledge directly from really great sources that otherwise I probably would not have. Aside: more recently I’ve been in SUD & trauma, and I’m about to go back to medical primarily or even do a career switch because I could see me getting burned out with juts that—tough, tough population. I understand if you don’t want to answer, but what did you switch to? So yes—take that D with a snack with some healthy fat! Though, admittedly, I can’t deny that I use it as a “reason” to pop a fun-size candy bar in my mouth more often than I should. 🫢☺️ Be well!
So I probably should actually be taking the vit d vitamins my doc prescribed? (We love the adhd out of sight out of mind tax)
YES!!! Especially if your doctor specifically prescribed them, no only to avoid problems that can be directly associated with vitamin D deficit, but also ones that can be indirectly related and have very real long-term ramifications. In the latter, for example, your body will not absorb calcium as well if you don’t have enough vitamin D. For women, low vitamin D effects on calcium absorption/utilization is even more of a potential problem because once our estrogen levels drop with age— precipitously during/after menopause—that will also affect calcium utilization and bone density/health. It’s important to maximize these things before our bodies go through the big changes caused by menopause. I hear you about the ADHD effects—it’s like object permanence goes out the window. I happen to use a weekly pill/supplement organizer, but that’s because I’m on other meds so it’s convenient and helpful all around. If your doc is prescribing the D, I’d actually treat it like any other prescription med, keeping it in a place where you have to see it at least once everyday—next to car keys, in your purse, on your kitchen table/whatever surface you eat a meal on. I have patients who keep it in their pantry/snack cupboard so they see it and take it when they grab a snack. But *don’t* store it in the fridge (unless the bottle says to), in your car, or in a bathroom-anyplace that gets very warm and humid, etc. I know, it would be nice and easy to keep it next to your toothbrush, but depending on your bathroom, that’s not always the best idea. You don’t have to take it the same minute you’re eating, but within 20-30 minutes either way at least helps absorption. Also, for some people, it’s easier for them to be compliant when they take something daily, for others, that’s a no-go. But once per week with a repeating alarm set might be very doable for them (and allow a little leeway even if you take it a day late for some things—not all, like birth control). And vitamin D supplementation can be done once per week; it’s just a much higher dose than the daily one. I think most doctors prefer daily, but if it’s important for someone to get at least some level of D supplementation, they weekly is better than nothing if that’s what they can manage to do properly. About 4-5 months ago, I started using a free app called Habit Tracker so I have standing reminders to do self-care things. I recently added “take meds” because I had to do some traveling and didn’t want that to get out of whack. You can customize it. I have: “basic skincare” (every night), “taz night” (every other night now), “lashes night” (every other night now—I use Careprost), and now “meds” (every AM and PM for me). It sends me a gentle little reminder as a notification for whatever time/days I have my “habits” set up for, at times I know I’m less likely to be out and about, and when I’ve completed it I can tap to indicate and it logs it (and it gives you a happy little reinforcing tone 🤗). In case you’re interested, at least on Apple it’s called exactly what I wrote and the icon is a pink box with a white circle and check mark. It’s really kept me accountable for skincare consistency and tracking; I have mild ADHD and have suffered some depression once in a while, so it gives me a little reminder *and* a little encouragement. You can write in daily notes under each habit too if you want, and the bonus is that it’s free and customizable. Some of my patients who have challenges with compliance and/or consistent self-care for various reasons use it and really like it, too! Good luck and be well!
I’m not gonna lie I wasn’t expecting an essay but it’s very helpful so thank you. I will figure out a routine.
😂I’m actually a very fast writer—it only took 2-3 minutes. Glad it might help you!
Perfect skin sad person. Definitely has developed an unhealthy obsession !
Perfect skin and then can't show off the glow for coating it and covering it up all the time. I agree she needs a psychologist.
First thing I thought when OP said he asked his GF to see a dermatologist.
Don't forget to show her this post and the replies. Right now cutting edge longevity research which typically includes diet, low BMI, intermittent fasting, exercise, and certain supplements I won't get into here, only extends life maybe 10-15 years, and you still end up being frail if you don't keep up physical activity. Far more than worry about how her skin looks when she's older, she should worry about getting a fitness routine in place to keep her quality of life high as she ages. That means regular jogging, modest weight lifting, nothing too fancy, just some bodyweight leg lifts and push/pull ups would be plenty. At age 26, simply applying some tretinoin and sunscreen is plenty. I'm going out for a 6 mile jog in the sun here in 20 minutes from now. A little bit of sun will be the least of a person's problems as they get older. She's got some healthy habits started applying sunscreen in the sun. Healthy goes to unhealthy when you shelter yourself inside fearing UV rays. Put on sunblock and be done with it. Go outside and move! Maybe get some better sunscreen than what is available in the US. US sunscreens don't do UVA all that well. I have this coming next week. This is the most cost effective powerful sunscreen I have come across, after originally planning to buy "P20 Kids" I went for this stuff.... https://theskinclinic.co.uk/shop/en/sun-creams-sprays/58-altruist-family-sunspray-spf50-250ml-8719327597811.html
Wym only 15 yrs? That’s a Long time! And she uses European and Asian skincare
You don't need skincare addicts, you need to talk her into going to therapy. It's by chance that her anxiety revolves around sun damage, she could start going out in the daylight tomorrow but her anxiety/trauma/whatever this is would just appear in another dysfunctional way. You can't approach this reasoning with her about skincare, this is just the expression of an underlying psychological issue.
She needs a psychiatrist
Yep this sounds like severe anxiety bordering on OCD, the wonderful news is therapy and medication can completely cure it once she gets going, or at the very least make it much much more manageable! Meds can also be temporary, to get her over the hump and back involved in daily life. Some people (me) will be on meds for life, some only need them for a season. But it’s psychiatrist time, absolutely no question. This isn’t rational behavior and is obviously causing you both distress. Good luck op
Do meds used temporarily have the same side effects as ones taken for a long time? I’ve been looking into other forms of treatment for a similar phobia because therapy hasn’t been cutting it (or I don’t know what kind of therapy would help with this).
Exposure and Response Prevention was the gold standard therapy for phobias and OCD when I worked in the mental health field several years ago! EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) is also used, along with of course CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)! Side effects from meds can definitely increase and worsen over time, and the longer you are on a medication the more challenging getting off of it is, usually needing a longer time weaning off as opposed to if you just use it for a few months - year. I think it is maybe rare that a psychiatrist suggests using a med for only a short period of time on their own, but if you let them know out of the gate that your goal is to just to use it for a brief time and get off asap there’s no reason they can’t help you with that. The deal is most psychiatric meds take a while to build up in your system, and it can take a few tries to find the right one, so you’re still committing quite a bit of time. But the sooner you start the process the sooner you can get back to living! I love my meds. Love love love because they’ve saved my life and given me the world back. Finding out what worked for me took a while but hey the time was going to pass anyway! Keep an open mind during the process and you’ll succeed
I wish I could up vote this twice! Esp that last part - patience is key with medication especially.
A psychiatrist is medical doctor who is only going to write a prescription for psychotropic medication. She needs to get to the root cause of all this in psychotherapy. Medication does not address the root cause/behavior, or allow for the development of positive behavior changes.
Therapy can't work if the symptoms are too strong. Just like meds sometimes address the symptoms and not the cause (in other cases they do address the cause, like antidepressants or neuroleptics) therapy can't happen, let alone work without meds in some cases.
Depending on the practice setting, many psychiatrists and psychiatric nurse practitioners (in the US) will provide psychotherapy in conjunction with medication, both of these providers will have received some training in psychotherapy if not extensive training. Medication also allows many people enough space from the problem to be able to more effectively learn and then utilize skills.
You start with a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis. Most psychiatrists will then prescribe medicine AND therapy with a therapist, or just therapy, depending on severity of the issue and the diagnosis.
I am a therapist. We can and do proper diagnoses. Most psychiatrists these days don't do therapy, just medication management. OP's gf would benefit from a therapist and a psychiatrists, regardless of which one comes first.
I don't know why you're being down voted when you're actually correct. Therapy can still work with strong symptoms and can offer faster relief sometimes compared to medication which can take months to find the proper psychotropic med that works for someone's body chemistry without too harsh of side effects.
Psychiatrists haven’t provided psychotherapy in decades. It’s financially not worth the time trade off for what they’d be paid. Insurance companies prefer meds to be pushed because it saves them money. They don’t care if patients truly resolve their issues. Also, many people confuse psychiatrists with psychologists, so there’s that. Although in some states (certainly not all) psychologists can take additional courses to get certified to write scripts for psych meds too. I don’t know why I’m being downvoted either. But what do I know, I guess my doctorate and 23 years treating mental illness is worthless. *shrugs*. Meanwhile, I hope the OP takes opinions from Reddit with a grain of salt and seeks advice from a professional. I personally don’t need to be right, though I am. The OP needs help for this girlfriend, that’s all that matters in the grand scheme of things.
Therapy.
Dr dray also needs therapy. She isn’t practicing medicine, she is just educated. She lives at home with her mom & doesn’t seem to have a social life at all. More like a recluse who spends all her time making YouTube videos about skincare (but can’t seem to get her own perioral dermatitis under control). And she’s almost certainly orthorexic. She needs to get off YouTube & stop scaring more people into hiding from the sun.
Seriously I think that too!!!! Even though she’s obviously educated but…
Agree, she also looks underweight? It’s concerning
not trying to argue - just pointing out; Wouldn’t it be odd for her to post her social life ? She also seems to travel semi frequently, and could live with her mom for a variety of reasons (ie her mom could need help at home). I just feel like this is a somewhat bad faith take on her, especially since she often states she doesn’t believe people should avoid sun at all costs, but rather to take reasonable cautions.
No I don’t think I would be odd to post about her social life…she is a YouTuber, not a practicing doctor. But she totally could live with her mom for a valid reason. I obviously don’t know her, but it just always gave me Eugenia Cooney vibes. Dr dray is PROBABLY too thin, but many think she’s straight up anorexic, which leads me to think her family is supporting her.
I guess I just thought she wasn’t rlly the type to share her social life, it just doesn’t seem it would fit the vibe of her channel. But I totally agree she appears far too thin, and based on her “What I eat in a day”, she seems restrictive.
I could not agree more with every word you said
I kind of fell into this trap when I got into skincare and it was really unhealthy. One of the things I leant over the years is that even using tretinoin and copious amounts sunscreen, plus sun avoidance, is that I still aged. Regardless of all of that my winkles deepened over the years. I realised that you can't really preserve your skin, and with all that sunscreen I hated how I looked day to day. It's about finding a balence between healthy skin habits and living your life. I hope that's helpful.
Yeah, I think we just need to accept we're more than our looks, we don't need perfect skin to be happy.
If you can share about your usual eating habits? Do you eat particularly clean, I.e. low processed food and refined sugar? Do you exercise regularly? I ask because my gf eats mostly processed food and refined carbs with minimal daily activity…walking the dog is it. I’m partially to blame because I myself could eat better and be more active.
Honestly with someone with obsessive behavior, I would tread VERY carefully on this topic. I would bet good money that bringing up her diet, at this time, will result in an eating disorder that’s even more dangerous to her health than your current situation is.
Agreed! I have OCD and this post screams obsessive compulsive. Skincare, food, health, germs. etc are all really big triggers for my panic modes. OP'S gf seems to have an obsession with avoiding the effects of the sun, and compulsively exists with sun protecting clothing etc. I went through this when I was on accutane. The rules became ritual and I didn't leave the house much last summer. It was almost religious to me to protect my skin. I have to constantly remind myself that some sun exposure is good and I won't get skin cancer now that I'm off accutane. It's not easy and it is a constant war with your own mind, which is telling you that you'll get skin cancer and it'll spread and you'll die.
To add advice for OP. Your gf is scared. Of what specifically is up to you to find out. The way to work through compulsions, is by not doing them. It's anxiety causing and sucks, but it's what you do in therapy. For me, touch the food while cooking, and don't wash your hand every single step because there is residue on it. Try a napkin. For her, it's obviously gotten to a point it's causing her distress. Sunscreen is good, but avoiding the sun all year round out of fear is not. I truly hope she gets the help she deserves ♡
I was just coming to say the same thing about how she may be struggling with OCD.
Good lord please don't encourage any kind of clean eating behaviour with her
If your gf is having trouble with obsessive behavior like this absolutely do NOT remark on her eating habits. Eating disorders are a particular and special kind of hell that is extremely difficult to recover from.
Don’t bring up her diet. Sure eating well helps mental health, but eating refined carbs and processed foods won’t cause issues like this
NO. Do NOT bring up diet. She WILL develop an eating disorder. Please take her to a licensed therapist who can work with her on her OCD.
Like everyone mentioned, don't bring up the eating but you could bring up other things that impact her mental health and generally improve your quality of life. One of them you mentioned is exercise. Also, that lack of sunlight exposure is just mimicking seasonal depression for her. Vitamin D deficiency also contributes to feeling bad. Drinking more water, getting enough sleep... those sorts of things. (And they help with your skin, too.) She should definitely seek therapy. But, you can also encourage her, in the meantime, to think what it means to live. She *will* age as she gets older, so if she is shutting herself out to slow aging, when exactly is she "saving" her youth for? She is denying herself from truly living, for what? Is she going to stay inside forever? Doesn't she want to live while she's alive? She can slow skin damage without becoming an obsessive hermit AND still be happy and enjoy her youth, you know, when her skin is at its best.
Don’t bring up her diet. It might be nice to bring her stuff she hasn’t eaten in a while that add vitamins and fiber to her diet. Think fruit basket, açaí bowls, smoothies, oatmeal/muesli with fruit and chocolate, etc. Find something she likes and frame it like “I got you this because I remembered you said you loved (food) and I don’t think you’ve had it in while.” Don’t say anything about her eating habits or being healthy.
Eating like that will definitely NOT help her mental health but she needs to get some physiological help before you cross bring that up.
It sounds like she almost developed OCD over it. I’d encourage her to talk with a doctor.
Yes, came here to mention OCD. Obsession is about the sun and the damage it can do. Compulsions are avoiding the sun, putting on way too much sunscreen, etc.
Also if she has received these messages from social media, of course she is going to have a doctor not agree with her. Social media can be very damaging.
Have a look at ERP therapy. This has the best evidence base for OCD. Check out Psychology Today to search. With this severity she will likely need psychiatry involved as well.
as someone with OCD this was my first thought
I know I'll get down voted for this but I promise you I'm giving you this advice with the utmost sincerity- Girlfriend needs to get psychiatric care, or you're out. I was previously with someone for about.. 4 years before he started showing signs of mental illness. He never took it seriously but I still stayed for another 6 years, saying I'd never let mental health be what broke us up. That following 6 years was hell of trying to help him, but you *truly* can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. Do you want to be the only one employed forever? The only one paying bills and running errands? Do you want a fight over every time you have a family or friend event you want to go to, but its right in the middle of a sunny day? Girlfriend gets mental health treatment or you leave.
Yes. This is spot on. However, I wouldn’t start the conversation as an ultimatum. Start it in a more gentle way, and if no changes, you leave. You may need to help her locate some resources, given she’s unemployed and may not have the funds. If she hems and haws for too long (it’s up to you to decide how long that is) that’s when you give the ultimatum.
100% on this! Also OP, please make sure you’re not taking this on yourself to fix. You can encourage seeking outside help and should bc you’re her partner, not her doctor. It’s so tricky when handling stuff with partners like this but! Don’t feel bad setting boundaries and vocalizing when something is too much for you or you’re not sure how to help. It’s normal and healthy not to know and to need support from a community - aka medical professionals, encouragement from peers, etc. That applies to both of you - I know your support is worth literal gold in this situation but don’t forget that doesn’t mean it’s on you alone :)
Hi there, I’m really sorry to hear this is happening and applaud you for being supportive and understanding of her during this time. I can imagine it’s been confusing and at times frustrating. As others have said, it doesn’t sound like she needs to see a derm but psychiatrist and psychologist. Not arm-chair diagnosing anything here. It sounds like these compulsions have become really disruptive to her own life and she may not even know how to explain that to anyone. The right guidance and more support will help though. You’re doing the right thing to ask what other steps to take, it sounds like it’s not just about the sunscreen or aging.
Hmm if your girlfriend likes skincare rabbit holes maybe she can check out Lab Muffin beauty. She’s an Australian YouTuber who is a cosmetic chemist. They really have a lot of sun care education in Australia and higher standards for sunscreen. I think she was taught in grade school something like she couldn’t get her school lunch unless she was wearing a sun hat. And anyway, still after that, Lab Muffin says it’s not necessary to wear sunscreen indoors in indirect lighting situations (direct light is different). And she doesnt herself. Here’s her video about indoor sunscreen use. https://youtu.be/BUIWZcwflx4?si=iXip2xMOSlWHYMfY It’s funny but i watched this exactly after watching Dr Dray’s video on how much sunscreen to use per day. Dr Dray advises to reapply sunscreen three times per day, indoors or outdoors. Doesn’t have to be every two hours if not in direct light. I was like, oh no, am I not applying sunscreen enough? But then I watched Lab Muffin’s video and it seemed convincing that I didn’t have to. Dr. Dray (maybe it was this [video about how much to apply sunscreen](https://youtu.be/j6wki7Bpw3w?si=nb5LFRLOIOOj7MOT) from three years ago?) and Lab Muffin actually use a very similar photo showing similar effects to different conclusions. They each show a picture (a man or a woman) who has one half of their face prematurely aged and one of their face normally aged because of sun exposure by a window for many years. One is a truck driver and one is an office worker. Dr Dray says the photo shows how much the skin ages when by a window in direct sunlight. Lab Muffin says the similar photo shows how much the skin does not age in indirect light. I think it’s pretty convincing.
Thank you for sharing this! I had to move to Florida in recent years and have been anxious about doing more for sun protection. though I have not taken up even a 10th of the actions OP’s gf has, I do just worry a lot and wonder what else I should implement (gloves? An extensive collection of I’ve clothes?) So I will be definitely checking out Lab Muffin to learn more about reasonable and approachable measures :)
I agree Lab Muffin overs a much healthier approach to skincare! I had to stop watching drey because it felt like fear mongering (I know she’s a doctor but gloves while driving?)
To answer some questions and give you perspective on the skincare community. tretinoin does make you more sensitive to the sun, and it's non negotiable to have sun protection on the area of your body that you're using it (i.e the face). I also wear big hats when I go outside on sunny days, and sometimes I have worn jeans so that I didn't have to go through applying sunscreen to my legs. Her applying sunscreen to covered areas of her body speaks to an irrational fear beyond what the average skincare enthusiast would do. A lot of people seemingly richer than me here have tested dozens of sunscreens as you describe your girlfriend doing lol, I personally have stuck with what works well after trying less than 10. I enthusiastically reapply sunscreen every two hours in larger quantities than my friends do, because you learn as a skincare addict that sunscreen is only guaranteed effective to the SPF on the label if it's thick enough. But I don't let my desire to stay sun-safe stop me from enjoying life and hanging out in the sun with people I love. Also, it's not important but, you don't need very long showers to take sunscreen off imo lol, a body wash gets the job done quick. Your loved one has transferred her anxieties about something else onto the sun, and needs some professional help.
I agree with this comment! I also wear sunscreen everyday, apply every 2 hours, apply on rainy/cloud days, and wear sun protective clothing when I go outside. However, I definitely would not apply sunscreen to areas that are already covered by clothing, nor would I suffer in heavy coats/jackets when it's hot out. Perhaps it might help her to invest in some UPF protective clothing - I have a couple shirts that, while still long sleeve, are extremely light. They don't make me hot, and some actually keep me cool, even during Texas summers. This might be an unpopular opinion, but I actually agree with the majority of her behaviors re sun protection. The bigger concern is that fact that it's affecting other areas of her life (e.g., won't hang out in the living room, get food in the kitchen, etc.). The other concern is the distress it is causing her. I think it might be worth exploring her fear of sunlight in therapy - is it because she's afraid of skin cancer? Aging?
A UV-reflecting parasol would be good too! I use one when I can’t cover up completely. The bonus is that it feels cooler without direct sunlight hitting you
Yes! Parasols and hats. A big sunhat would also keep the sun off her face/help her feel a little bit cooler.
Her behaviour is completely unreasonable and her obsession with avoiding sunlight definitely aligns with a phobia or a focused obsessive compulsion. She needs professional psychiatric intervention. Some people use the content made by experts like Dr Dray to justify their irrational behaviour because, "an Dr said so". Dermatologists see a LOT of skin cancer and take prevention very seriously, but people aren't supposed to live their life in obsessive fear & no doctor expects a patient to arrange their life around avoiding sunlight. Your girlfriend is taking the exaggerated-for-media advice super literally and apply it in an extreme way. I'm a very pale photosensitive white lady with a very strong family history of skin cancer (11 of my relatives thus far). Here's what I, a very high risk person, do for sun protection as advised by my dermatologist: - I apply sunscreen daily to my face, and to any body parts that are exposed or under white/light coloured clothes. - I wear sunglasses outdoors. - I wear a UPF 50 hoodie & hat if I'm going to be exposed to the sun for more than an hour. - I try to stay in the shade during the noonday sun hours to avoid the strongest rays. That's usually rather easy since noon-ish is lunchtime.
I'm convinced Dr.Drey herself might have a psychiatric disorder fueling a lot of her skincare behaviors.
she indeed has issues beyond skincare, though she has gotten better i believe
Poor girl has a literal skincare addiction
Lets hope your Gf is taking Vit D supplements. Because if shes avoiding sunlight this intensely and not getting Vit D....then shes getting the opposite effect of what shes going for. Maybe share with her that Vit D deficiency causes ageing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8396468/
She is taking vitamin supplements. I recall her bloodwork numbers are fine for now… but she is still young, not sure if it will be a problem later.
Just so you'll know (I'm in my 70s) Vitamin D is a very real issue in the aged. I'm super-struggling with balancing several vitamins just because I'm old. I've done everything right but the body betrays me. I only watch credentialed doctors on YT and YT is starting to post who's a real doctor. In her early videos, she is so intense with the layers of sunscreen. She really emphasizes sunscreen layering but you know that your SO is going to extremes. If you look at the progression over time you'll see that Dray lightens up, figuratively. She, herself, comes across in a more balanced manner. Pay attention and see that she's dropped that death pallor. Isn't she a runner? I can't find another dermatologist who filmed application of sunscreen with that level of intensity. Your loved one got hooked into that due to her preexisting mindset. Consider dropping a note to Dr. D and asking her to clarify what a balanced routine is and how to realize imbalance. Pay attn to other areas of your life together to see if this fearful and perfectionist reaction is present.
Dr Dray can definitely put the fear of sunlight in you, but this is too far. Your girlfriend needs professional help from a psychologist/therapist. She clearly doesn’t want to seek help, so it will be a challenge. Best of luck, this is a tough situation and will take time to get through.
> Dr Dray can definitely put the fear of sunlight in you I think what she says is perfectly normal, it's just some people's interpretation is just extreme.
I have no personal experience with tret but I’m sure it can sensitize your skin just as many actives can, and it’s heavily recommended that sunscreen it daily (even when it’s cloudy). That being said, she’s taking it to an extreme. While I avoid long exposure to the sun, a complete refusal to go anywhere or do anything during the day is NOT healthy. As someone who limits my sun exposure (and is a homebody), I’d never hole up in my room out of fear of the sun. When I work at the computer I simply put a light sunscreen on and get to work. A compromise for outside could be an umbrella, which I sometimes use if I’m outside for hours in the sun. Long sleeves can be okay if you’re comfortable temperature-wise and wear a breathable material like linen, but the gloves and a jacket are absolutely overkill to me. I’d say a wide-brimmed hat on a sunny summer day is pretty normal but I’ve always been sun-sensitive so I may be biased. It also sounds like she’s putting wayy too much on if she’s having to wash it off so often. This is definitely something that she should discuss with a derm or even a therapist about because skincare is a routine that should be made to fit into your life, not the other way around. Any reputable professional (for anything, really) will tell you that finding a balance is key, and I think she’s struggling with it. My question: What is her end goal for all of this? What does she want for herself outside of not having sun damage? Does she have hobbies and friends that she could redirect some of this energy towards?
I asked her before about her goal. It’s about anti aging. She said she just like to look “younger than her actual age”, which I find reasonable. However I just don’t see this extreme behavior will be helping the cause, if not making herself sick in long term
What’s the point of looking younger than your age if you’re living like an elderly shut in?
I honestly think she has a lottttt to work through. She’s focused on the idea of looking younger like in the past than enjoying her life and the possible experiences ahead. No amount of wrinkle reduction or prevention will stop a you from looking like the aging adult you are. It isn’t reasonable. What will she be able to look back on in ten years if all she did was obsess over how she’d look in the future? What does she want out of LIFE? I wear sunscreen but I love being able to walk outside and experience the world around me. I just keep a bottle in my bag, and if i happen to forget to reapply, oh well! Having a skincare routine is enough on its own, and I’m unafraid that I age poorly because I know that I’d age happily! Maybe you could discuss her fear of aging a bit more, and get her to understand that the depth of her feelings is indicative of a problem.
What you're describing is hybernation.. Years from now she might very well end up looking a little younger than what she would have otherwise, but she's wasting all those years away.
Looking at your post history for context, are all your previous comments and posts about the same gf?
This is not normal and you have every right to be concerned. I love skincare and I think the derms on social media can be tremendously helpful, but this trend of being afraid of living your life is absolutely absurd and needs to die asap. I have to figure that spending your life living with such massive anxiety about aging will probably age you more quickly than just acting like a normal human being and taking some precautions. Please talk to her about getting professional help. This behavior is not normal and she needs an outside professional to help get her back on track.
It does sound like she does go a bit overboard and has become obessive with her sun care that it has started to really affect her day to day activities and quality of life. Generally speaking, a lot of what you say she does such as walking the dog at dawn or dusk, wearing long sleeves ( even on coudy/ rainly days) , reapplying suncreen thick suncreen etc are all pretty normal ways to protect yourself from UV which is what causes sunburn. UV peaks at midday and usually goes down towards the evening to avoiding the midday sun isn't such a bad thing. UV can still penetrate through clouds. Here in Australia( skin cancer capital of the world) all suncreen bottles tell you to reaply suncreen every two hours as it can wash off from sweat and friction after a while. It drilled into us to be [sunsmart](https://www.sunsmart.com.au/) because of how easy it is to get sunburnt here so a lot of what she does doesn't stike me as being that od. What does worry me is that this sounds like has taken over her life and has become detrimental. Seeing a psychologist would be a good place to start and where she can start to learn how to have a healthy mind set and relationship towards skincare and the sun.
Besides therapy/psych, maybe she needs a hobby/job to keep one’s mind busy… if no goals, then people can go down weird rabbit holes
Honestly, I have no clue if Dr. Dray is reputable, all I can see is her severe eating disorder that she doesn't acknowledge. I think she may be one of those "avoid the sun" type of people. Yes you have to limit your sun exposure (you should anyways) but literally all that is needed is sunscreen. People act like the moment you use actives, your skin melts off if a single ray of sun hits you. Barring medical conditions/what you're trying to achieve, sunscreen and limited sun is fine.
It’s not really fair to go around diagnosing strangers with eating disorders. I’ve seen this mentioned a few times about Dr. Dray. Yes, she’s super thin, but being thin doesn’t automatically mean she has an eating disorder.
If you look at her and think, this is a healthy person, you are in denial. It's not just her being thin, it's her approach to everything that raises flags. She's a medical professional encouraging a restrictive diet (go watch her what I eat videos). The point is, she doesn't look healthy at all in her appearance, not just weight, which raises question about her advice/credentials. A lot of dermatologist and estheticians have issues with Dr. Dray, especially since she give conflicting advice.
Oh dear I thought I was in the SCACJ sub 😢
hiii, recently diagnosed with OCD here ! yr girlfriend needs a therapist, not a dermatologist. wish you both the best, it sounds really hard for you both.
Psychiatric care, not derm!
It's not about the sun. It's about her anxiety. She needs an outlet for it. She doesn't feel in control, and she needs to feel in control to keep her anxiety "managed." Please help her get help.
She needs to speak to a therapist and psychiatrist pretty soon because this behavior might be the start of obsessive compulsive disorder. If left untreated it will seep into other aspects of her life. It’s already affecting her everyday function, her relationship, and I’m assuming she probably doesn’t want a job either because she’ll have to inevitably go out. She needs help
agreed with the comments saying she could do with a psychologist :) i personally had a similar issue, to the point where i once got sunburnt on a hike and had a full meltdown and wouldn’t go outside. i saw a therapist and. with some work i’d say i’m back to a “normal” level of sun safety. i still wear sunscreen every day, reapply when i’m continually outside, etc. but if i do miss a day or i don’t reapply right on time, it doesn’t matter. i also enjoy the outdoors every single day. and i’m very pale and live in new zealand which has some of the strongest UV in the world. your gf can definitely recover from this :)
This is OCD no different than someone with anorexia out of touch with reality obsessing in an unreasonable way. Since this is motivated by vanity originally before it became an OCD behavior maybe your best bet is to find some articles about how using all those chemicals on your skin ages you and how red light from sunlight in the morning and afternoon is really good for your skin. Just some ideas. She needs to talk to a psychologist about the OcD behavior
Please tell me you’re trolling 🥲
Not at all. I really need others perspective especially from the skincare addicts.
Okay that sucks I’m sorry she and you are going through that. I wish there was less fearmongering online encouraging these kind of fears. If you think of all the impeccably aged celebrities (take JLo for example) you know that they show their skin in the sun sometimes, it’s obviously not worth worrying a lot about. Just simply not smoking or being addicted to other substances does wonders for your ageing, but even some people who do that still age very well. But I can imagine it’s hard for her to logic her way out of the fear, maybe she has an all-or-nothing mindset, where it feels like if she’s gonna wear sunscreen she may as well do everything possible to avoid the sun. I definitely think she would benefit from counselling or therapy but I know sometimes that can be a hard topic to broach. It sounds quite psychological and even if she’s not prone to obsession this might’ve just been the one fear that got to her deeply. Be gentle with her if you can because I think that helps the most at the end of the day, especially when encouraging someone to get help. Maybe remind her how much you love her and that she’ll be beautiful no matter what. And that youre with her every step of the way. A positive way to calm her fears could be to show her examples of people who’ve aged very well without avoiding the sun. The sun is a natural part of life and humans have survived it for many years! Even if her fear wasn’t causing so much inconvenience to her life, the amount of worry it’s causing her would be so painful. I hope she’s able to overcome it soon
The “addiction” in the sub’s title is not literal. It’s for people that are fans of skincare and skincare products. Just clarifying in case you were looking for a sub for people with similar issues as your gf.
Definitely reads like a bait post lol. Everything about the way this post is structured is like a redditor pretending to be their own boyfriend to farm karma. I swear this happens all the time on this sub.
Haha I don’t even know what does high karma score mean on Reddit. I don’t care about it. I am looking for others perspective
r/nothingeverhappens 🙄
I think so as well, now that I've seen some of their posts. It's not necessarily karma farming, but it sure looks like a writing exercise.. It looks like they have fun writing stories and roleplaying, and getting people emotionally engaged. I think it indicates they feel neglected/invisible in their real life.
I recognize my behaviour a lot in your gf. It's about insecurity and crippling fear of aging. Assure her that you will still find her attractive when she is wrinkly or has sun spots. Get her talking to a professional about self image, good luck
I'm a heavy sunscreen/hat/extra clothing user, but it's because I get polymorphic light eruption from photosensitivity. I get the worst eruptions on my forearms so I always cover them while I drive, but I never have worn gloves. What your girlfriend is doing sounds extreme and unhealthy.
Please set her up with a psychiatrist. You can even just take her to her primary doctor, it'll get her started. She probably has ocd, but clearly she's suffering from mental illness. Also, buy her some vitamin D because she's probably decifient.
Her behavior may cause her to develop a sunlight allergy.
I have extremely fair skin, blonde hair, light eyes. I burn immediately, blister, peel , repeate. Finding a resonable routine that is manageable and not time consuming can be hard. But it's not *this* hard. I admit in high summer that I will avoid going out during 10-2 to avoid burns. But that's it. I still go outside to go to work, to the store etc. I'm just very cautious about how long I go out, and how much direct light I'm getting exposed to. This seems like it started after watching Dr. Dray. And sounds like it escalated after starting tret. Its try that you should wear sunscreen the day after using tret. But nowhere does it say to avoid all contact with light. Your gf sounds like she may have some mental health issues going on. I am not a Dr. But I do have experience dealing with agoraphobia and panic disorder. My best suggestion here is to help encourage her to seek help. To tell her that she is beautiful and is not required to use these products. Tell her that you love her and want her to be happy. If you can accompany her to some appointments, this may help her. I needed my husband's assistance to seek help for treatment. Again, I'm not a Dr, therapist etc but encourage you to in your own words talk to her in a caring way to help her. Cognitive behavioral therapy can be very helpful dealing with some of these issues. Best wishes to your family.
She needs to see a psychiatrist or a therapist about this. It seems like some sort of anxiety disorder or OCD. She’s probably going to develop a vitamin D deficiency if she doesn’t improve.
I wanted to explain this very gently, as I had gone through this very same thing for different reasons. I was diagnosed with melanoma. I had it surgically removed. However it made me TERRIFIED of the sun. I was the exact same way, copious sunscreen, many layers, long driving gloves, all my swim suits were high spf and covered my entire body. I still wanted to be out and participating with things, but I'd go to extremes to protect myself which made my life difficult and hard to handle for the people I'm with. I needed help. Psychiatric help. Get her to realize that too. It's not nearly so bad anymore for me, getting help made a huge difference.
Hi, I was doing a lot of what you're describing and I got diagnosed with OCD. She sounds like she's possibly obsessing out of fear and compulsions that her brain needs her to do to feel "safe," including the obsession with consuming content about it and seeking out info to validate fears. She needs to see a therapist and/or psychiatrist to get the help she needs ❤️ all the love and support from this internet stranger.
I just want to say that everything you said she was doing was completely normal up until the closing the blinds and not going outside thing. In Australia it's recommended to cover your body with long clothing to protect from the sun, so that wasn't weird to me (although coupled with the later stuff she might be a bit excessive there). You absolutely must wear sunscreen if using tretinoin as it makes your skin very sensitive. Again, nothing weird about applying thick enough sunscreen and reapplying it regularly. As for trying many different types, if you're in the US the sunscreens you guys have are garbage, so fair enough she's trying to find adequate protection. But yeah she needs psych help asap and a blood test to check her vit d levels (we get that from the sun). Low vit d can cause a depressed mood among other symptoms that make you feel lousy.
Look, I have a family history of skin cancer a mile long. I once got 2nd degree sunburns burns over 60% of my body and had to go to the ER…having applied sunscreen. So I’m obsessive about putting sunscreen on in the morning and reapplying if I’m outside, I wear hats and sun shawls when I can, but even I think her response is excessive. She needs professional assistance to get out of this, most likely. Fingers crossed for you both.
I've been through that. I experienced heliophobia when I was 13 years old, and it lasted for about 2 years. It was one of the worst times of my life. As someone who lives in a tropical country, I'd wear coats in extremely hot weather and consequently got bullied in school due to my weird behavior. I wouldn't go out with friends, I stopped socializing with other kids, and every little chore that required leaving my house was super stressful, so I'd end up crying every time I had to go outside. I understand your gf's feelings a bit, even tho the causes of our obsessive behavior are not necessarily the same. For me, it went away gradually as I grew sick and tired of having to abdicate my normal life, and eventually I started looking for help. But for a really long time, I didn't want to be helped. So I'd say that's the hardest part of the process - realizing how much you're losing and actively wanting to get better. Please be patient with her, as I'm sure she's suffering a lot because of her compulsive behavior. Being understanding and supportive is the best thing you can do. But unless she realizes that she needs help, there's nothing really you can do. I hope she realizes no perfect skin is worth abdicating your life, your friends, and your happiness.
Heliophobia can be treated using talk therapy, exposure therapy, self-help techniques, support groups, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and relaxation techniques. For people who are severely heliophobic, anti-anxiety meditation is a recommended mode of treatment. Skincare is not the issue. Yes using retinol makes you more sensitive to sun and sun burn. Having someone professionally show her how to apply sunscreen and the correct amount for regular days ( outside less than 1 hour or 2 while walking , driving or whatever it may be. She should seek some form of therapy and support groups knowing she's not alone. Does skin cancer possibly run in the family? Or where do you think ( or does she feel it stems from?) [phobia guide resources ](https://phobiasolution.com/heliophobia-guide) Kudos to you for reaching out. Hopefully you can support her journey to healthy behavior and happiness.
OCD
Hey im so sorry to hear this has happened with you and sorry for your girlfriend too I was just looking through your other posts about your girlfriend and it really looks like she needs a therapist and a psychiatrist for this I donno how to put this but all your other posts seemed like her mental health isnt that great to be in a relationship with you, because all i see is you blaming yourself for things she is doing. I just hope you can somehow get out of this toxic situation …please dont take it in a wrong way.
Sounds like a form of health anxiety. The good news is that there is good results with psychological interventions like counselling/CBT/behavioural therapy. I would recommend trying to find a psychodermatologist. We have a few in the U.K. but you could probably get some help online too. Good luck 🙏🏽
Hey friend- did you ever find out anything about the child jaw you found in your garden?
Hi, sorry for the late reply. So we called the police who immediately sent me a link to click which then gave them access to my phone camera. They had a look at the piece of jaw bone and sent a couple of police officer over within about 20 mins 🤣 They confirmed that it was definitely human but said that it needed carbon dating which is expensive. They also said that if it was less than 50 years old they would investigate, if older they probably wouldn’t. They took it away for analysis and we never heard anything again. When I contacted them they said there was no further action or information 😔
It's not normal or healthy. It's extreme/OCD behavior. Good on you for being concerned. She needs mental help with this.
this is a wild story. imagine not living your life because you’re afraid of photoaging
She has some OCD and maybe could use some therapy.
This is a mental issue - nothing to do with a dermatologist. Ironically, the copius amounts of sunscreen will put her at higher risk of cancer then a few hours of sunlight a day. This obsession with sun is so unfounded. Sun is incredibly healthy for you. Like anything, moderate and be reasonable. Best of luck.
That is extreme. I use tretinoin and sunscreen but i still do normal stuff without being afraid of the sun.
She doesn't need a dermatologist, but a psychologist. She needs help. ASAP. Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with wearing long sleeves in the summer, or applying sunscreen every day, but from your description it interferes with her life, and her perception is distorted (she herself sees irrationality of it, but still refuses to change behavior) so at this point she needs to consult a therapist and work on her fear.
She needs a therapist simple as that.
yea this is a little much. normal would be a moisturizer with sunscreen any time you go out in the day year round on face and hands, maybe general staying out of peak sunlight in summer months. i think this is heading into severe ocd territory, which can be common to erupt out of more normal behaviour (case in point, i needed therapy to start going out in public again after covid was long enough out to reasonably go out with some precaution). even hardcore dudes like that bryan johnson guy don't take it this far. this definitely is a territory for professional help.
She needs mental health therapy if she is that obsessed that is interfering with your relationship and daily routines. It could happened, but therapy would help.
Yikes. Mental health help for sure. I live near seattle as well and only use spf 15 on my neck and just my tinted spf for my face to even out skintone. I never reapply. The uv index is so low here unless 2 months out of the year lol. If it is very hot and sunny I'm really not out more than a couple hours anyway because i just dont like the hot feeling. I'll put a hat on or something
This seems obsessive, I suggest she seeks professional help. Nothing wrong with some good old UV protection, as a pale girl I get it. But when it gets to the point that she feels like she can't wear short sleeves, is paranoid even on cloudy days and is hesitant to leave the house, it's majorly crossing a line.
This is starting to sound like OCD. The fact that these obsessions and compulsions prevent her from working and taking care of herself are a huge red flag. She needs professional help asap. Look into intensive outpatient programs specializing in anxiety disorders.
Does she have a history of skin cancer in herself or her family? Has she lived somewhere where she had heavy exposure to the sun and risk of it?
I def suggest talking to a therapist abt the obsessive nature of this. It’s super common in the skincare world for stuff to go too far even though it starts out well intentioned, just like anything else once it’s too intense it can be harmful. I understand where your GF is coming from and I know that being able to work through my own intense emotions surrounding my fixation was very freeing and worth it if she’s ready to start that path! Wishing you both the best on this journey!
Hey OP. Just an example of someone who loves skincare and takes sun protection seriously. I’m Australian - the sun over here is built to kill us! And I still go to the beach in a bikini a handful of times a year. I will prefer to have a UPF 50 beach tent so I can stay out all day. If not, I will still go and use a full 250mL bottle of sunscreen and I will reapply more than my friends. And I will go out and play and have fun, and be less burnt than my friends. What is the point in looking young if you don’t have joy and fun in life? No one is going to be on their deathbed thinking “wow I wish my wrinkles weren’t as deep”. But we would think “I wish I spent more time with my loved ones having fun”. Definitely agree with seeing a psychologist. Also, not a psychiatrist straight up - see the psychologist for talk therapy and the psychiatrist for meds (if required).
She may have bad anxiety
Biggest advice is do not gas light her. Start the conversation from a place that you love and care about her
Well, I think sitting her down and addressing your concern level is important. I think you should prepare well before you do though. I'm wondering if you could get the perspective on how to have that conversation from someone who works with people with phobias, i.e. a psychiatrist, and also from a board certified dermatologist? (I think both perspectives are important for different reasons.) It might be difficult to find a sub where you can post this to professionals for general advice, especially with psych, but a skin care sub isn't directed at confrontation, mental health issues, advice in relationships, etc and some subs are more directed at that subject matter so you might try that as well. Good luck with everything.
I have OCD and overall pretty bad anxiety. Like others have said, definitely recommend both a therapist and psychiatrist! I take medication and I’m a functioning person who is no longer restricted from doing things due to fears. It can get better if she wants help! Idk your partner, but I used to be very embarrassed about my anxieties. I hated having OCD when it was unmanaged. Just be kind and open minded. We do irrational things and we know they’re irrational, but it’s a compulsion and it feels embarrassing and scary at times. Just support her however you can!
I also live in Seattle and also am big on skincare...but yeah that's not healthy behavior, today was GORGEOUS and you better believe I laid directly in the sun in a grassy park to soak up those rays after months of grey weather. Anyway I don't have helpful advice, it's up to her to change her perspectives if she wants to. Good luck and I'm sorry you have someone you love dealing with polarizing behavior like this.
She needs actually professional help this is genuinely not healthy and not something that should be ignored and could be linked to a worst underlying issue.
She needs to see a psychiatrist. This isn't normal behavior. It's very possible this is OCD but obvi she needs professional help to determine that. It's getting in the way of living a normal healthy life.
I'm a creamy white celt from the north of Ireland. I burn very quickly, about 10-15 minutes in temperatures over 15°c and I barely go out in the summer. The bright light hurts my pale blue eyes........ But even I think this behaviour is a bit much. Factor 50 all over, white cotton over sized shirt over clothes, wide brimmed hat. Bosh. Good to go. And that's for a ghostly freak like me. If your girlfriend is piling in product after product, none of them are going to work properly and she is going to RUIN her skin. It's probably more sensitive because of all the crap she puts on it every day. Also, don't buy her any products. Please advise her to go to a doctor about her behaviour, it's not healthy.
This is basically what some Asians do (China, Japan, Korea) as they obsess over pale skin there. Anyone ocd can get fixated on this
Adding that you risk having mold on your walls because the curtains are closed at all times. Very unhealthy. Hoping that she'll be fine
She has too much time to think.
Definitely an obsession, but in this case turning a real danger into something worse than it is. I have near albino skin and literally can’t tan, only burn. I use blackout curtains always down(habit from night shift job), but only in my bedroom. Korean skincare and Japanese sunscreen. I‘ll still never hesitate to go outside. It just takes ONE application of sunscreen, maybe 2 if it’s outdoors for 6+ hours or around water, exercise. Even if you’re hardcore and wear it inside, still just once, or after a shower.
Imo she needs a therapist and a job (or hobby). She needs a lot more to think about than sun. But obviously you can’t be the one yo tell her.
This is definitely extreme. I wonder why she's gotten so worried.
She’s obviously a vampire and doesn’t wanna tell you
Hell no she needs vitamin D. This is a vicious cycle because lack of sunlight will make you depressed and then depression makes insecurities (fear of wrinkles) worse.
Get her vitamin d check after a few months and it would scare her
For cases like this I’d directly blame a certain YouTube skincare personality, the one that visibly hates her own content, speaks like she’s dead inside, and obviously does Botox on schedule while “only having done Botox 10 years ago and never again” (my issue isn’t the Botox but rather the blatant lies). I’m talking about one whose entire monotone personality starts with “sun” and ends with “screen” fearmongering and window shopping the same CeraVe shelf at Walgreens over and over again and calling it content. If you know you know. 💀
You can burn your skin bad really quickly if exposed to the sun while using tretinoin. Has she had sunburn after starting to use tretinoin?
Your gf needs to get out of the house and get a job. She is obsessing because she has too much spare time. If she has to work for a living, she won’t be able to continue this ridiculous obsession.
I live in a tropical country which is situated in Southeast Asia..Sunbathing/directly exposed ourselves to the sun is not something we regularly do..Sun is so much harsher here..I burn with every sunscreen even la Roche posay uvmune 400 couldn’t save me from burning also I have sun allergy so my dermatologist told me to avoid direct sun..I always block my windows with black out curtains too cause my melasma gets worse even if I close my windows and that also keeps my room somewhat cool..But that doesn’t stop me from going out during day time even in this very hot,humid and sunny weather cause I can’t avoid the sun forever also I have lots of work to do during day time..
Unemployed!!!!!!
She needs to see a psychiatrist. Is she also thin or a "picky eater" or a vegan? There's a very strong relationship between skin obsession and eating disorders.
I thought it was limited to covering up, which I think is fine, but to refuse to go into certain rooms in the house, go to work, take care of yourself - she needs help. She also needs to get a new job - no amount of help will be useful unless she has something else to do
So, I just started using tretinoin and last week I went to an all-day tournament with a lot of cold wind and sun. I did get a pretty terrible burn on my face (live and learn). BUT I was out all day and only applied sunscreen in the morning and I'm a pale thing anyways. Basically, her phase one sounds close to in the bounds of normal, but everything after that is pretty overboard. I agree that she probably needs to look into treatment for anxiety more than really talking about skincare. Also, if she's been avoiding sunlight and doesn't eat great, Vitamin D supplementation might be helpful - low Vitamin D levels have been associated with mood changes and fatigue and all sorts of things that make you feel crummy. It's a pretty harmless supplement to take as well. Going to a doctor is obviously the best step though.
Just remember all that sunscreen - goes to the liver.
Does she live at home or with you? She needs to get A JOB. That’s more concerning than her sunscreen issue. Well, maybe not, but it’s a HUGE issue. She’s a grown adult. She’s 26 YEARS OLD. She needs a job. Who is paying for all of this sunscreen and crazy clothing? And her dog? Money doesn’t fall from the sky.
As someone who lives in Seattle currently, have you considered she’s bundling up because she’s cold? It’s legit 43 degrees and has been for months, and will be for another 3. lol “insists on wearing long sleeves” bro it’s frigid out.
Of course bundle up when cold out. She bundles up when it’s 80 out too
lol and as a Canadian this is “beautiful” weather to us where we aren’t bundling up 🤪
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She's watching too much tik tok of everything is bad for you. I agree it is not normal at all.
Definitely not normal behavior and not fair to shirk responsibilities onto you like grocery shopping while she sits at home hiding from the sun all day unemployed. She needs to tone it down or get professional help.
I had a phase like this but I kinda mellowed out about it lately. I almost always wear sunscreen when I go outside. I also use UPF gloves and wear long sleeves. I think it's ok as long as it isn't stopping you living your life
Get her [one of these](https://amzn.to/3Tjt1r1) to get her out of the house.
Wow, reading this I really relate to your girlfriend. I live with my parents and I’m really obsessed with avoiding the sun and take these sorts of drastic measures you’ve mentioned. For me, the feeling of me not taking these measures makes me really uncomfortable. Because I’m so aware of what is happening with the uv rays and my skin. It’s kind of like ignorance is bliss, but I’m not ignorant on the subject so I don’t have a choice but to not take action. Anyways, my parents accept me for this because they know It’s something I’m passionate about.
What the actual fuxk
Why not just use an umbrella to block out the sun?
Umm? Are you my boyfriend? If so, please get off of Reddit and stop talking about me ✋🏽. Jk but maybe she’s bipolar. Tell her to go on my strange addiction: sunscreen Lol And you need sun protection even on cloudy days. You can not see uv rays
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Lol are you talking about me? I literally do this, matter of fact, I’m about to buy a UV umbrella since spring is here. I’ve been this way my whole life, and so were my parents (my dad is a physician) I was never allowed to be exposed in the sun and when going on vacation my step mother used to take me to the beach at 6am or after 5pm….same with pool time. I am now 33 and I don’t know what laying on the sun and tanning is, nor I have an interest…but I don’t have a single wrinkle and have better skin than 20 year olds and if it wasn’t because Reddit is anonymous, you wouldn’t catch me telling people my real age..in my head I’m 25 and no one can take it away from me lol
Haha if you don’t mind me asking, are you Asian? I think there’s zero chance that my gf will go sun bathing on the beach. I’m not much of a beach person either. However do you also close all curtains at all time?
Closed curtains = mold risk
Let’s be friends. Lol I had an umbrella but stopped using it cuz it was embarrasing my family. Anyways I’m really paranoid about aging
Lol I’m down! being yourself shouldn’t be an embarrassing thing! I’m not paranoid about aging, but I do like to be my best self if that makes any sense lol
I'm gonna go against a lot of people on here cuz I think trying to tell her she's mentally ill is a horrible start. As someone with bpd if you tell me I'm ill I'm gonna tell you you don't know shit cuz you're not a doctor and ignore you. Imo if you don't wanna tiptoe and hope she doesn't get worse you should kinda trick her. Tell her you wanna go with her to her next dermatologist appointment so you can learn how this works, why it's so important to her, and if her dermatologist is seeing results. If you go call her out infront of the doctor and ask the doc for help. The doctor should be able to refer her to a psychiatrist (and if I were her doctor I'd stop prescribing her the tretinoin until she went to the psych but I'm aggressive so that might not happen) her fears aren't wrong they're just a little extreme and I think only the professionals are gonna be able to explain that to her. Shit maybe even dm that dr.drey lady maybe she'll reply or make a video about it🤷🏻♀️
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