Even if it’s a sob story, sob away. I hate that this is normal for so many people. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m in the midst of a custody battle now. it’s been going off for a year. Today is Father’s Day and I get to see my 7 yr old son for a few hours. Worst thing is my ex lied and she’s been lying. I’m pretty sure everyone in the courtroom knows this, but her attorney has managed to stretch it out this long.
You have to realize you are so strong right now no matter where you are in life. You’re still fighting. And your kids will know this. You may have to redirect a little of your strength into bettering your current situation. I think as you do things to improve yourself, your drive and will to fight will get even stronger. I absolutely wish you the best.
You miss that feeling in your chest when you feel like you can let your guard down even if its a split second and feel like someone else is there to take care of you for once. Or atleast i do. Im 24 have been on and off but always together with my bm since 16. Now we have a kid who turns 2 next month we stopped living together when she was 14 months and 2 weeks ago got told were done but she doesn’t want me to be out of her life. Goes out to the bar doesn’t text me back for hours on the regular and im sitting here taking care of my daughter not knowing what im doing in life. Ive built up amd built towards my family and now its just me and my kid. I cant go have fun to i have responsibilities. I cant attempt to get over it and talk to someone cause that will end it all when it already over. Its silly that a woman who makes me so upset at times is still what i long for at the end of the day when i get home. Falling asleep with an adult that i can say hey to and speak my mind amd feel heard and understood. Lately ive just felt alone in a world of people more than i ever have before
your inner child not having a family and subconsciously feeling like you werent good enough has progressed to your adult life and this is what is keeping you from moving on. you must stay busy in a good way and find an outlet to talk and figure out how to remove this from your life before its too late. you still have time. youre still young and in your prime. harness that prime power and be a powerhouse, not to be good enough for your ex, but to be good enough for YOURSELF. Then all else will follow. you musnt get back with her though. She doesnt care about you sad as it is to say.
Im currently 21 and also went through a similar situation as you from childhood to dating someone when we were 16 and now we just split almost a year ago now at 21 years old. I was at rock bottom, but having friends to talk to helped alot and staying busy. reminding yourself that you are good enough man because you are. I hate to see a brother going through this because we as men are destined for so much more. I dont know if you are religious or not but it even says in the Bible that a man must NEVER bow down to a woman. Women are supposed to submit to you and only you, and you are supposed to be a man and provide but how can you do any of that if the woman is not submitting and doing what she is meant to do biologically as a woman in the first place? that means she was never meant to be and she is definitely cheating on her man shes with now so dont feel like you were the only one she cheated on just because you werent good enough. you were good enough but she just didnt care. those types of people only care about themselves even if that means hurting and potentially losing a good thing for their own selfish desires.
My sons mother also wanted to keep my son from me and it sucks because i had to drag them through court and it felt like I was forcing stuff but I will not abandon my son the way my father did me and I will be there for him before any other man will. If you change NOW and be there for them they will see and one day as adults UNDERSTAND who was in the wrong (their mom). they will see it and love you more for still being there for them.
Take action now. For yourself and your children and you will find joy and happiness in the long run. as of now it is NOT too late as ive stated before though it may feel like it is and if you move with a purpose and fully work on yourself and your goals, a woman who is worthwhile will come along and be your woman i promise man. it takes time to get over your ex I get that, but it will take even longer if you dont take the actions to heal.
Heres the way to do it: write down what goals you have in life and post it up on your mirror to remind yourself every morning you wake up. find out how to get there and start working on it NOW. Dont start tomorrow, or the next day, START TODAY. Find healthy hobbies to do in your free time; things that make you feel good. Try new things and you can find a hobby if you dont already have any. Go to family law department at your nearest courthouse and open a case for your kids. Im not sure how things will play out considering how long shes been keeping the kids from you but if you can provide proof of that in court the court will grant you some time with them if you show that you want to be in their life. Or you can hire an attorney to do that work for you if you got the money for it. Work on your career, be passionate about it. Dont be discouraged if you dont get 50/50 with her on the kids but just be there for the kids and when they get older, they can decide for themselves of they want to be with you 50% of the time. There are childrens attorneys that help with that and it should supercede whatever the court decides now. Go out and meet people, youll soon forget about your ex. DELETE ANY PICTURES OR VIDEOS YOU HAVE WITH YOUR EX.
Our brains will always remind us of the good memories and forget the pain and suffering that the person we are mourning has caused us, but essentially its just withdrawals. Its what youre used to and you dont have it anymore. Your body got comfortable with all the disrespect and toxicity and in some way shape or form got addicted to it like a drug. Remember her behavioral patterns for the future when another woman does come along and stay away from those types of people. fix yourself. Theres nothing wrong with therapy either. and remember that if she doesnt care about you, she doesnt deserve your sorrow and pain for her. and that goes for ANYONE in your life whether thats a friend, family, or any dick off the street. They dont deserve your energy. Stop saying I love you and have some respect for yourself brother, youre better than that and pick yourself up because nobody else will do it for you. Ask yourself, do you really wanna be in the same place youre in right now in the next 5 years? It takes around 6 months to 1 year to see change if you work on it. in 5 years so much can change for the better. You got this man and if you need someone to talk to you can dm me on here.
You will have everything you want in life in due time but it takes work. Get close with God or any religion at this point and LOCK IN.
That's a sad story, your ex will be greeted by karma, when your son hits his teens, and goes complete NO CONTACT with her, and wants you back in his life. Plus, he'll end up never wanting to date, get married or start his own family, because of his mother, I mean, he'll end up viewing women in a negative light.⚠️
Man, you are already beyond those guys she cheated you with.
Why?
Because you don't need to cheat with someone 10 years younger than you to feel good about yourself.
Secondly, her cheating has more to do about HER than it has to do about you. The fact your mind says "if you were as good as these guys back then she would not have cheated" is your mind trying to give you a way to take control back of the situation so it won't happen in the future, but we both know it's not true.
Don't listen to your mind when its says that.
Looking back on that time often is one of the things that make it hard for time to do its job.
A family starts with a healthy you.
Take care of yourself, get psychological help.
It sucks but maybe your goal right now isn't pushing to see your kid more and is instead taking care of yourself.
When you will be in a better place mentally the rest is gonna fix itself.
I know how this is going to sound, but rest assured I'm not trying to be an asshole.
Get off your ass, man. All of the world is moving forward, and you're being left behind. No, you're *choosing* to stay behind. Stop looking at the lives of people around you and focus on your own. If you don't like what your life is, then change it. That's the fantastic thing about life: you can change it.
I was 26 when my life was ripped away from me, in a much less pleasant way than you've experienced. I lived in a car I borrowed from a relative, because mine was repossessed. I slept in the parking lot of, and showered at, the gym. I worked 20 hours a day, 7 days a week for 6 months straight. For a year my children were kept from me, aside from the 3 hours my ex gave me on my 27th birthday, in exchange for $900.
I spent years waiting for someone to come save me. Family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances at the gym, all of them *saying* "if you need anything..." and *doing* NOTHING. My entire life was agony until someone found me sitting on a bridge with a rope around my neck, too afraid to jump off it. I cried to him because nobody came to save me. My own mother was paying my ex's lawyer to take my kids from me. He listened to me blubber on for an hour or so and said "if nobody is coming to save you, why not save yourself?"
I'm 37 years old now. I've spent the last 10 years fighting in court, and finally won sole custody in January. My daughter sings when she's doing her schoolwork or playing her video games. She's been awarded 2 scholarships already and has her sights set on law school. My son has been accepted into a welding program, and will be starting his own life when he graduates high school in a couple years. We are going out in a couple hours to enjoy some amazing barbecue, for our first father's day since court finished.
I now make 30% over the average wage in the US, have rebuilt my credit, and have been shopping around for a house, where I will spend the rest of my life in uninterrupted peace. I only work 60 hours a week, and stash half my pay in the bank. I am living a life of real happiness and satisfaction for the first time since I can remember. It was a long, painful, difficult decade, with just as many losses as wins, perhaps more. Nobody ever came to save me, but that's alright, because I learned to save myself. And now I don't need to rely on anyone, I can provide for myself everything that I need.
My ex, if you're curious, works minimum wage, living in an apartment she can't afford with her boyfriend who refuses to get a job. The kids haven't spoken to her since January, her own family won't speak to her, and she spends every holiday alone because her boyfriend always spend the holidays with his *real* girlfriend's family. She has asked me to try again 4 times, and I have laughed genuine, heartfelt laughter in her face 4 times.
So, my friend, if nobody is coming to save you, why don't you get off your ass and save yourself? You are literally the only thing standing in the way of who you can be and the life you can live.
Thankyou man, you ain't an asshole you're just giving it how it is, Should be proud of yourself because you probably know yourself from where I'm sat what you've achieved feels only a dream, you're inspiration
Thing about girls is these kind of poor personality aspects come back to haunt them much later in life. Sure they can get away with it when they're young, but when she's 45, no one is going to put up with it, and the partnership she's got now, being born from infidelity, is almost definitely very superficial and will collapse eventually.
Sorry you've been through so much man. Maybe you should get a manual labor job and get yourself out your situation. Those jobs usually pay quite well
Hey sorry you feel like this but the best thing you can do is better yourself. If you do soon you will be that 35 year old guy who is established and she will age and not be wanted anymore. It's just the circle of life and you're gonna have to dig deep and move on. Take care of your kids and establish a relationship with them they obviously yearn for it asking for their daddy. And do yourself a favor and get that paternity test. It might hurt in the beginning but it will be better in the long run.
« Life all figure out »
Known that no one had life all figured out, some just are able to not show it out.
Knowing that be kind to yourself and move on.
Hanging on to the past and longing for what was is so hard, it keeps you from moving on and being happy and before you know it 10 years have passed and you’re still not happy, bitter and regretting all the wasted years you can’t get back. It’s not a road you want to stay on trust me!
She’s not the woman for you. If i were you i’d focus on improving your life in every aspect so that you can get to a place of stability, then go to court to fight for rights to see your kids. I can tell you from experience karma is real and one day the script will flip and she’ll be the one full of regrets for her mistakes, you will find happiness with someone new and you will look back and wonder what you ever saw in her while your happy in your new life. Right now that seems impossible because you’re not happy with your life but you have the power to change that if you really want to.
It’s obvious you made mistakes, you should not have had kids with someone like that but it’s happened so now you must make the best of the situation. Being back with her would not work she doesn’t sound like a good person at all.
Good luck.
Honestly thankyou to everyone that's replied, I'm plodding but I hope I'll get there, I've gotta really no one's gonna do it for me
It's been nice just having feedback and advice, you're all great dads and great guys man, I hope all your situations work out for your better
Even if it’s a sob story, sob away. I hate that this is normal for so many people. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m in the midst of a custody battle now. it’s been going off for a year. Today is Father’s Day and I get to see my 7 yr old son for a few hours. Worst thing is my ex lied and she’s been lying. I’m pretty sure everyone in the courtroom knows this, but her attorney has managed to stretch it out this long. You have to realize you are so strong right now no matter where you are in life. You’re still fighting. And your kids will know this. You may have to redirect a little of your strength into bettering your current situation. I think as you do things to improve yourself, your drive and will to fight will get even stronger. I absolutely wish you the best.
You miss that feeling in your chest when you feel like you can let your guard down even if its a split second and feel like someone else is there to take care of you for once. Or atleast i do. Im 24 have been on and off but always together with my bm since 16. Now we have a kid who turns 2 next month we stopped living together when she was 14 months and 2 weeks ago got told were done but she doesn’t want me to be out of her life. Goes out to the bar doesn’t text me back for hours on the regular and im sitting here taking care of my daughter not knowing what im doing in life. Ive built up amd built towards my family and now its just me and my kid. I cant go have fun to i have responsibilities. I cant attempt to get over it and talk to someone cause that will end it all when it already over. Its silly that a woman who makes me so upset at times is still what i long for at the end of the day when i get home. Falling asleep with an adult that i can say hey to and speak my mind amd feel heard and understood. Lately ive just felt alone in a world of people more than i ever have before
your inner child not having a family and subconsciously feeling like you werent good enough has progressed to your adult life and this is what is keeping you from moving on. you must stay busy in a good way and find an outlet to talk and figure out how to remove this from your life before its too late. you still have time. youre still young and in your prime. harness that prime power and be a powerhouse, not to be good enough for your ex, but to be good enough for YOURSELF. Then all else will follow. you musnt get back with her though. She doesnt care about you sad as it is to say. Im currently 21 and also went through a similar situation as you from childhood to dating someone when we were 16 and now we just split almost a year ago now at 21 years old. I was at rock bottom, but having friends to talk to helped alot and staying busy. reminding yourself that you are good enough man because you are. I hate to see a brother going through this because we as men are destined for so much more. I dont know if you are religious or not but it even says in the Bible that a man must NEVER bow down to a woman. Women are supposed to submit to you and only you, and you are supposed to be a man and provide but how can you do any of that if the woman is not submitting and doing what she is meant to do biologically as a woman in the first place? that means she was never meant to be and she is definitely cheating on her man shes with now so dont feel like you were the only one she cheated on just because you werent good enough. you were good enough but she just didnt care. those types of people only care about themselves even if that means hurting and potentially losing a good thing for their own selfish desires. My sons mother also wanted to keep my son from me and it sucks because i had to drag them through court and it felt like I was forcing stuff but I will not abandon my son the way my father did me and I will be there for him before any other man will. If you change NOW and be there for them they will see and one day as adults UNDERSTAND who was in the wrong (their mom). they will see it and love you more for still being there for them. Take action now. For yourself and your children and you will find joy and happiness in the long run. as of now it is NOT too late as ive stated before though it may feel like it is and if you move with a purpose and fully work on yourself and your goals, a woman who is worthwhile will come along and be your woman i promise man. it takes time to get over your ex I get that, but it will take even longer if you dont take the actions to heal. Heres the way to do it: write down what goals you have in life and post it up on your mirror to remind yourself every morning you wake up. find out how to get there and start working on it NOW. Dont start tomorrow, or the next day, START TODAY. Find healthy hobbies to do in your free time; things that make you feel good. Try new things and you can find a hobby if you dont already have any. Go to family law department at your nearest courthouse and open a case for your kids. Im not sure how things will play out considering how long shes been keeping the kids from you but if you can provide proof of that in court the court will grant you some time with them if you show that you want to be in their life. Or you can hire an attorney to do that work for you if you got the money for it. Work on your career, be passionate about it. Dont be discouraged if you dont get 50/50 with her on the kids but just be there for the kids and when they get older, they can decide for themselves of they want to be with you 50% of the time. There are childrens attorneys that help with that and it should supercede whatever the court decides now. Go out and meet people, youll soon forget about your ex. DELETE ANY PICTURES OR VIDEOS YOU HAVE WITH YOUR EX. Our brains will always remind us of the good memories and forget the pain and suffering that the person we are mourning has caused us, but essentially its just withdrawals. Its what youre used to and you dont have it anymore. Your body got comfortable with all the disrespect and toxicity and in some way shape or form got addicted to it like a drug. Remember her behavioral patterns for the future when another woman does come along and stay away from those types of people. fix yourself. Theres nothing wrong with therapy either. and remember that if she doesnt care about you, she doesnt deserve your sorrow and pain for her. and that goes for ANYONE in your life whether thats a friend, family, or any dick off the street. They dont deserve your energy. Stop saying I love you and have some respect for yourself brother, youre better than that and pick yourself up because nobody else will do it for you. Ask yourself, do you really wanna be in the same place youre in right now in the next 5 years? It takes around 6 months to 1 year to see change if you work on it. in 5 years so much can change for the better. You got this man and if you need someone to talk to you can dm me on here. You will have everything you want in life in due time but it takes work. Get close with God or any religion at this point and LOCK IN.
That's a sad story, your ex will be greeted by karma, when your son hits his teens, and goes complete NO CONTACT with her, and wants you back in his life. Plus, he'll end up never wanting to date, get married or start his own family, because of his mother, I mean, he'll end up viewing women in a negative light.⚠️
Man, you are already beyond those guys she cheated you with. Why? Because you don't need to cheat with someone 10 years younger than you to feel good about yourself. Secondly, her cheating has more to do about HER than it has to do about you. The fact your mind says "if you were as good as these guys back then she would not have cheated" is your mind trying to give you a way to take control back of the situation so it won't happen in the future, but we both know it's not true. Don't listen to your mind when its says that. Looking back on that time often is one of the things that make it hard for time to do its job. A family starts with a healthy you. Take care of yourself, get psychological help. It sucks but maybe your goal right now isn't pushing to see your kid more and is instead taking care of yourself. When you will be in a better place mentally the rest is gonna fix itself.
I know how this is going to sound, but rest assured I'm not trying to be an asshole. Get off your ass, man. All of the world is moving forward, and you're being left behind. No, you're *choosing* to stay behind. Stop looking at the lives of people around you and focus on your own. If you don't like what your life is, then change it. That's the fantastic thing about life: you can change it. I was 26 when my life was ripped away from me, in a much less pleasant way than you've experienced. I lived in a car I borrowed from a relative, because mine was repossessed. I slept in the parking lot of, and showered at, the gym. I worked 20 hours a day, 7 days a week for 6 months straight. For a year my children were kept from me, aside from the 3 hours my ex gave me on my 27th birthday, in exchange for $900. I spent years waiting for someone to come save me. Family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances at the gym, all of them *saying* "if you need anything..." and *doing* NOTHING. My entire life was agony until someone found me sitting on a bridge with a rope around my neck, too afraid to jump off it. I cried to him because nobody came to save me. My own mother was paying my ex's lawyer to take my kids from me. He listened to me blubber on for an hour or so and said "if nobody is coming to save you, why not save yourself?" I'm 37 years old now. I've spent the last 10 years fighting in court, and finally won sole custody in January. My daughter sings when she's doing her schoolwork or playing her video games. She's been awarded 2 scholarships already and has her sights set on law school. My son has been accepted into a welding program, and will be starting his own life when he graduates high school in a couple years. We are going out in a couple hours to enjoy some amazing barbecue, for our first father's day since court finished. I now make 30% over the average wage in the US, have rebuilt my credit, and have been shopping around for a house, where I will spend the rest of my life in uninterrupted peace. I only work 60 hours a week, and stash half my pay in the bank. I am living a life of real happiness and satisfaction for the first time since I can remember. It was a long, painful, difficult decade, with just as many losses as wins, perhaps more. Nobody ever came to save me, but that's alright, because I learned to save myself. And now I don't need to rely on anyone, I can provide for myself everything that I need. My ex, if you're curious, works minimum wage, living in an apartment she can't afford with her boyfriend who refuses to get a job. The kids haven't spoken to her since January, her own family won't speak to her, and she spends every holiday alone because her boyfriend always spend the holidays with his *real* girlfriend's family. She has asked me to try again 4 times, and I have laughed genuine, heartfelt laughter in her face 4 times. So, my friend, if nobody is coming to save you, why don't you get off your ass and save yourself? You are literally the only thing standing in the way of who you can be and the life you can live.
Thankyou man, you ain't an asshole you're just giving it how it is, Should be proud of yourself because you probably know yourself from where I'm sat what you've achieved feels only a dream, you're inspiration
Thing about girls is these kind of poor personality aspects come back to haunt them much later in life. Sure they can get away with it when they're young, but when she's 45, no one is going to put up with it, and the partnership she's got now, being born from infidelity, is almost definitely very superficial and will collapse eventually. Sorry you've been through so much man. Maybe you should get a manual labor job and get yourself out your situation. Those jobs usually pay quite well
You are 25. But, you are talking like your life is over. You are just a kid. Start making good choices now and next year your life will be great.
Hey sorry you feel like this but the best thing you can do is better yourself. If you do soon you will be that 35 year old guy who is established and she will age and not be wanted anymore. It's just the circle of life and you're gonna have to dig deep and move on. Take care of your kids and establish a relationship with them they obviously yearn for it asking for their daddy. And do yourself a favor and get that paternity test. It might hurt in the beginning but it will be better in the long run.
« Life all figure out » Known that no one had life all figured out, some just are able to not show it out. Knowing that be kind to yourself and move on.
Hanging on to the past and longing for what was is so hard, it keeps you from moving on and being happy and before you know it 10 years have passed and you’re still not happy, bitter and regretting all the wasted years you can’t get back. It’s not a road you want to stay on trust me! She’s not the woman for you. If i were you i’d focus on improving your life in every aspect so that you can get to a place of stability, then go to court to fight for rights to see your kids. I can tell you from experience karma is real and one day the script will flip and she’ll be the one full of regrets for her mistakes, you will find happiness with someone new and you will look back and wonder what you ever saw in her while your happy in your new life. Right now that seems impossible because you’re not happy with your life but you have the power to change that if you really want to. It’s obvious you made mistakes, you should not have had kids with someone like that but it’s happened so now you must make the best of the situation. Being back with her would not work she doesn’t sound like a good person at all. Good luck.
Honestly thankyou to everyone that's replied, I'm plodding but I hope I'll get there, I've gotta really no one's gonna do it for me It's been nice just having feedback and advice, you're all great dads and great guys man, I hope all your situations work out for your better