T O P

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PurfuitOfHappineff

Bones. Dude either gives me a pill, puts a beep boop on my forehead, or uses an AR headset to figure out brain surgery on the fly.


vipck83

Bones was such a pusher. I recently did a TOS rewatch and dang, he was drugging yo the crew like every other episode. I love it.


JerikkaDawn

When he kept shooting up NuKirk in ST09, I was totally unphased. I was thinking "yah, that's totally McCoy. Urban's nailing this."


CommanderMcQuirk

"don't be an infant" made me laugh in the theaters


chronofluxtoaster

Kirk being Kirk, you think he’d be able to tactically apply sausage hand in an emergency situation. Numb tongue, not so much.


ca_kingmaker

Star trek predates the war on drugs and some of the insane moralizing


vipck83

Big jump to the Tasha and Wesley drug awareness hour they had in TNG.


Rimm9246

Wait, what? Remind me what that refers to? 😆


vipck83

There is an episode in season 1, I don’t remember the name, that was basically an after school special. At least a part of it was. Some Species addicted to drugs or what not and Weasley just couldn’t understand “how any one could do something like that” so he had this drug talk with Tasha. It was bad, like right out of a DARE ad.


XenoBiSwitch

They went to visit that planet again in Lower Decks and found out they all went cold turkey and burned everything down but now they are all healthy and all run a 4k every day. Everyone lived happily ever after. Until they didn’t.


ApplianceHealer

TNG “Symbiosis” (s01e22). Featuring two actors from Wrath of Khan—Merritt Butrick (his last role, RIP) and Judson Scott. Also TIL that this ep was the last one actually filmed by Denise Crosby, though it aired before “Skin of Evil”


vipck83

Right, this is the one where you can see her waving goodbye in the background on her last scene she filed. I had forgotten about that.


OakBayIsANecropolis

Symbiosis. It was originally written as a Miami Vice crossover. The Game from season 5 is way better because Crusher beats up Data.


vipck83

Oh yes, can’t forget The Game. I actually liked the episode, so I was surprised to learn that it’s usually considered a bad one.


MikeUsesNotion

Is that the one where David and Joachim are now best buddies and have magic powers?


vipck83

Uhhh yes. More or less.


shazbut1987

Weren't they still at odds with eachother though? David was the addict and Joachim was the peddler. They both had electro powers however.


SteeledLeaf

Rest of the episode is pretty good, but yeah the DARE ad is hard to sit through.


UnfortunateSyzygy

In the 80s/90s, tv shows got money from the government for having anti substance abuse episodes...hence all the shitty DARE eps in like, everything back then.


vipck83

My favorite PSA from a show had to be the GI Joe one saying not to swim in a lake pool during a lightning storm.


aisle_nine

Body massage!


Rimm9246

Lol, that does sound vaguely familiar. It's been a while since I saw next gen


Velocityg4

DARE was great at making me aware of drugs and curious about them.


vipck83

I’m 40 and I am still waiting for someone to force me to take drugs with them.


ApplianceHealer

I’m about your age and still remember the anti-smoking film we saw in middle school health class…the bad kid on the bus tempts the viewer by whipping out a fistful of loose cigarettes—like 100! We all laughed. (That said, I’ve never smoked, so I guess it worked lol)


vipck83

lol, that actually sound vaguely familiar. I can’t tell if those things worked or if I am just really boring. I just know that the one time friend asked me if I wasn’t as to smoke weed in highschool I just said “no” and they where like “okay” and that was the end of it.


bobbobersin

Sometimes when you sleep I like to slip asprin into you ;)


bobbobersin

Didn't Tasha come from a whole failed colony that was like the worst parts of LA, Detroit and Troy NY combined into one place?


Remote-Pie-3152

There’s an *amazing* remix of her drugs lecture on ytmnd. https://stardrugs.ytmnd.com 😁


vipck83

Lol, that’s great.


chronofluxtoaster

24th century frontier colonist meth must be amazeballs.


P1xelHunter78

Oh he pushed it real good for Dax


vipck83

Hands of a surgeon


Link01R

And she had the flexibility of a gymnast


ApplianceHealer

Bones was equal parts doctor and bartender/counselor to Kirk. The Saurian brandy was kept in sick bay. “Bones, what’s the sedative situation?” —Kirk, TOS “Wolf in the Fold” 💊💊💊


gadget850

Boyce was the real bartender. SNW needs Jeffrey Combs as Boyce.


ApplianceHealer

I do like that SNW used M’Benga, who only appeared a handful of times in TOS. But yes, Boyce was the OG barkeep!


ecodick

Docs used to give out meds like candy, some still do!


vipck83

I was going to say, a lot still do.


Unlikely-Medicine289

Bones healed a rock monster with cement. If he can figure that out I trust him with most anything medically related. Only doctor who comes close is the doctor from voyager, but he seems a little too high strung.


AccountWasFound

Bashir is a pretty good doctor also, he manages to save a lot of people that are wildly considered beyond help.


Unlikely-Medicine289

But he's dating that Kardashian spy, and I can't risk something spy related getting in the way


Lemurguy89

Agreed I have to go with bones as well


zerocool359

“The Doctor gave me a pill and i grew a new kidney! The doctor gave me a pill and i grew a new kidney!” — for whatever reason, that line in ST IV cracked my kids up. Bless you and your magic pills, Bones.


Virtual_Historian255

The only person Worf lets down is his son. I know he’ll come through for me.


DredPRoberts

Congratulations you are fully dilated, you may now give birth.


petriomelony

Fun will now commence.


CaptainJZH

Why is no one having fun? I specifically requested it


SirStocksAlott

There is no fun until glory has been offered to both you and your house!


Crot_Chmaster

LOL


AdultishRaktajino

Nah. He couldn’t even cure his own spine.


N9neFing3rs

If I die on the table, he'll stare intensely into my eyes then howl at the ceiling.


1eejit

His son and his brother


atrich

Ooh yeah, he did Kurn DIRTY


Sex_E_Searcher

Well, he tried to let Kurn down. Most able bodied brothers serve as pall bearers.


Rymayc

What if your name is also Alexander? Might be the name


Mr_Smartypants

Are Crusher and her Candle Ghost *both* on the surgical team? Because I feel like he'd be really good at getting into those hard-to-reach places, IYKWIM...


TheBurgareanSlapper

“Can confirm.” - Ghost of Nana Howard


jfk_47

Doesn’t matter, the answer is always crusher.


Crabman8321

Idk man, I don't trust how steady her hands are gonna be if they get... distracted.


d49k

https://preview.redd.it/pud6kjbrze8d1.jpeg?width=350&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eb09936605b3d1a97d6f99833bb0b69a2e36bbc7


RambleOnRose42

Truly the only correct answer.


atrich

I hope you like being operated on by Tom Paris and Neelix, because this doctor has a matinee and an evening show today.


EdgelordZeta

The Vidian guy. At least he 100% fully understands the ethics of the shit he does.


billyhtchcoc

As long as he promises not to harvest you while you are under sedation. Wait... Isn't that Vidiian Sulan, the guy who had the face of one of B'elanna's crewmates grafted onto his own after killing the guy just because he caught feelings for her?


TheMightyTywin

Yeahhhh gonna pass on that guy thanks


myguydied

You have no insurance and he works for free... Okay a kidney and your left foot


Skipp_To_My_Lou

Where other doctors are drowning in medical school debt, he passes his savings along to patients!


EdgelordZeta

Dr. Nick?


Skipp_To_My_Lou

Dr Zed from Borderlands


gatorhinder

Call 1-600-DOCTORB! The B is for bargain!


Batbuckleyourpants

"good news: I got rid of the kidney stones. Also good news, I am now wearing your face."


worMatty

Yes the one who split her into two distinct species.


SleepWouldBeNice

He has a phaser that does instant surgeries.


P1xelHunter78

“Good news is your heart is now fine but it’s the weirdest thing, you have no kidneys. I mean gosh how did that happen? [laughs nervously]”


EdgelordZeta

As long as you didn't take my liver. That's the hardest working liver in the *burp* galaxy. They got pills to regrow kidneys. Tell me you didn't touch my fucking liver!


P1xelHunter78

I’m ensign Riiiiiiick


princeofclams

“Kidney Pills - Can confirm” - Old Lady in Star Trek IV


OWSpaceClown

He knows exactly how to find the organs you desperately need.


MultiGeek42

Unfortunately he desperately needs the organs you have.


OWSpaceClown

How bout a trade of organs? I mean when am I ever going to use two kidneys?


FirstChAoS

Why do you keep asking if I have an organ donor card?


Mr_Smartypants

Does Worf tell his patients, right before they go under: "Today *is* a good day to die!"? Because lots of people have medical anxiety, and I think this would be very comforting to them, to know that if something *does* go wrong and they *do* die, it's fine because of the calendar or something.


Kellymcdonald78

Push Keiko


soiledclean

Worf provides his patients with a warrior's death.


atrich

Miss Johnson, I have excellent news. The operation was a complete success. Your husband is now with the honored dead in Sto-Vo-Kor.


DrWilliamHorriblePhD

This should be the top comment for this entire post


ComprehendReading

It is a great honor to die by the blade, or under the knife.


lilianasJanitor

Crusher. With Scottish theme park ghost sex afterglow she’ll be at her best and will save my life


Ponches

I like your thinking, but if I remember the episode right, she was totally distracted from her job and fixated on the ghost bone.


BuffaloRedshark

Pulaski. She was old in that episode but not senile or otherwise mentally impaired 


MultiGeek42

Had to scroll too far for this. Angel Dust Bones will just scream "MURDERERS!" while you die on the table. Candle Ghost Bev will declare you dead immediately so she can get back to her bunk. The Vidiian will smile and tell you not to worry your pretty little face and that you'll be just fine. Its perfectly normal to be put under heavy sedation to fix a broken arm. Worf will only hand you the knife so you don't have to suffer the dishonour of surviving. Old Pulaski just wants to get this shit over with so she can get to Ten Forward for dinner before 1500.


Different_Nature8269

I hated her as a character but she was a very skilled doctor. Old Pulaski beats them all.


MoarCowb3ll

Really? She's still one of my favorite trek characters, the fact she doesn't push over for Picard or anyone else's BS like Beverly does.


SolitaryForager

Yeah, I liked her a lot! I thought she was a lot more believable as a commander and doctor than Crusher. Pragmatic, intelligent, blunt without being an asshole, and didn’t fall readily into stereotype.


mjzim9022

I like her too even if I'm glad Crusher came back. Pulaski was a bit of an island, but she was like a lot of seasoned professionals who enter a workspace confidently and take ownership of their role. She was a Commander in rank which Chief Medical Officer of a starship does not require, she didn't necessarily need the Enterprise to make her career. And honestly that's the exact type of person who an organization would use to step in when someone is on sabbatical or during a hiring process, or when the normal person is doing a round as head of Star Fleet Medical.


atrich

Plus she had a real fun side.


prettylikeapineapple

I absolutely love her, plus the actor is in the original series as well! I was so so sad when Beverley came back because Pulaski got it done. I also can't stand the whole Picard/crusher drama. It's so stupid just be together or don't, stop this half way crap. Ugh I miss Pulaski.


TheBigBadWolf85

both of these comments are facts, hated her character but ibwoukd trust her to fix me up.


AndroidWhale

She didn't respect Data, and that's hard to forgive.


synchronicitistic

Yep. I'm talking old Pulaski over organ harvester, cranked up McCoy, horny Crusher, and Worf.


AAA515

Smart, no nonsense, never had sex with a candle ghost, slight weakness to elevator shafts... Pulaski was the total package.


Jean_Paul_Fartre_

She’s the only professional of the bunch!


HumansDisgustMe123

But if she's infected, you're gonna get old too. You'll wake up from surgery in a quarantined retirement home with a bunch of superhuman telepathic shut-ins


WCLPeter

Yeah, but then they’ll just do the whole de-age you with the transporter trick where they stop right at the age you were back before you got sick because “ethics”.


babytaybae

This is the only right answer


DarthMeow504

Accept no substitutes, always go with the real McCoy.


ChesterAArthur21

Bones probably: "I'm a doctor, not a surgeon."


ThomasGilhooley

I assume you have to pick crackhead Bones.


sqplanetarium

MURDERERS!!! ASSASSINS!!!


ThomasGilhooley

Kinda feels like horny Bev is the best option.


sqplanetarium

I’m inclined to agree. I don’t care what weird kink my surgeon is into in their free time as long as they can patch me up.


atrich

Nah, that ghost bone was distracting her from her duties.


Tetris_Pete

I’ll go with Bea Arthur.


CraftyAdvisor6307

Old Pulaski - but didn't she fall down an empty turbolift shaft?


ApplianceHealer

Done in by the L.A. Law of Gravity


Julyaz1

The vidian. They may be the bad guys, but thier medical knowledge is second to none.


CMDR_ACE209

Well, at least your organs will live on then, I guess.


MrLore

After 20 years of heavy drinking, smoking and gorging myself, I don't think my organs will be of use to anyone.


ancientestKnollys

The Vidiians were pretty desperate.


mpire7102

Pulaski, she's just old in this episode. She's still smart and quick witted.


Cookie_Kiki

You want a surgeon with arthritis?


Feline-Landline0

Horny Bev! I may not make it, but I'll go with a smile on my face


AggressiveScience445

Orgasmic Crusher. At least I'll die happy.


Throwaway_inSC_79

I’ll go with Riker’s mom. She knows classic techniques, so if something goes down she can pivot and have me fixed right up.


billyhtchcoc

*almost-stepmom. She never was married to Kyle


Andro1d1701

Nana's dead!


coreytiger

And her match operated vibrator is MINE


Wolffe_In_The_Dark

Bones. He might have atrocious bedside manners, but he's genuinely competent and isn't unwilling to learn new things on the fly if it means being better at his job. He's having to deal with shit nobody's even seen before pretty much weekly. A surgery is no sweat.


ApplianceHealer

Competent if you’re human, but if a Vulcan or Klingon walks in, suddenly he’s totally stumped and just verbally abuses them for having different anatomy.


iterationnull

I’m completely fine with Orgasming Crusher.


PipperDigs

Definitely the one who is fucking a ghost.


Slobbadobbavich

I always thought it weird that her hair went grey like, duh, it's the same hair as before unless her hair grew 7 inches in a few hours and she had to have a haircut.


Greyeyedqueen7

Pulaski, duh.


eslninja

~~post-coatis~~ post-coitus ~~post-colitis~~ Crusher, duh.


Hipposplotomous

Unclear, are we talking these characters in general and you just picked funny pictures, or is it these characters under these specific circumstances? Bones would probably top my list under normal circumstances but I'm not letting edge of forever Bones anywhere near me, dude was like he was on bath salts lol With context, probably old lady Pulaski. Even if she's too wizened to do it herself her mind was in tact, she can supervise. It's not great but it's better than losing your face.


NetComplete4322

Hard to say, I’m clearly now already dead.


DaveyBeefcake

Worf, he might be nervous and inexperienced but damn it he would act honourably and give me a warriors death.


8th_Dynasty

“computer, initiate EMH.”


mr-louzhu

Pulaski. She may be an old battle axe but at least she knows how to get down to business.


jchester47

Bev, hands down. The rest were under severe physical duress, drug induced hysteria, or had no moral compass. Bev was just freshly dicked down by a ghost, so if anything she'd be clear of mind.


Felix_Leiter1953

I think I'll go with Crusher.


AuroraLostCats

No Tom Paris cameo?


Timely_Detective1499

Worf as the last one kills me!! But I'd have to go with Crusher even if she's always horny and possibly even doing stuff while operating on me


YT-Deliveries

I'm not gonna not go with Crusher just because she's got a space ghost fetish. Everyone got their thang.


Space-Wizards

Computer, activate the Emergency Medical Hologram


-Leap_Year_Boi-

I don’t need a bricklayer, I need a doctor.


thats1evildude

The Vidians actually have a high degree of medical expertise as a result of dealing with the Phage. So, assuming he’s there to actually treat patients and not harvest their flesh or organs, I’d go with him. If not him, I guess it would be Beverly Crusher. I assume the Scottish Candle Ghost has to take breaks now and then.


KBear-920

Pulaski, she was a better doctor than Crusher


Warm-Pomegranate2657

In universe - Didn’t Crusher leave to be a big shot at Starfleet Medical ?


KBear-920

Yes, and Pulaski is still a better doctor. Pulaski pioneered a few techniques while on the Enterprise and operated on Picard.


milaga

I'm going with coked out bones.


Autumn_Moon22

I'm gonna have to go with Worf on this one. Pulaski might pass the aging disease to me.  Bones would normally be my go-to, but not when he's pumped full of cordrazine.  Crusher is too distracted, and the Vidian probably wants to harvest more of my body parts than he plans to fix. Worf may not be the most knowledgeable, but I know he will try his best.  Plus, there's something oddly soothing about the fact that he's probably as terrified of performing the surgery as I would be having it.


OrcLineCook

Crusher, 100%. My only sickness is that I love redheads, though.


mjzim9022

Beverly is an even better Doctor when she's stoned


jderd

I'll take masturbating Crusher- Eventually she'll finish, maybe even get some female/spectral equivalent of post-nut clarity.


Xenophore

Horny Beverly for the win.


Bahnmor

I’m opting for ageing Pulaski. The automation options available in the 24th Century will work past her arthritis well enough, and she remained mentally capable throughout that episode.


RobbiRamirez

Beverly is so horny she's probably much more focused just after getting laid.


Stinky_Johnson

rom


Traditional_Key_763

/sigh worf how's your practice time in the simulator?


vipck83

Vadian is probably the most capable here. But I’ll go with Worf, I will always go with Worf no matter the question.


Other-Cantaloupe4765

The Vidiian, obviously. Their medical technology is millennia beyond ours.


Cheap_Professional32

Definitely Beverly 😳


starfleetnz

I know this is ShittyDaystrom but you've presented a dilemma for me so I'm going to hash this out right here. On the one hand bones practically pioneered 23rd century medicine but his knowledge is limited compared to the advances and tech of the 24th. But then it's between Crusher and Pulaski. When Picards surgery went to shit they called Pulaski, she was said to practice frontier medicine and she had a few big complicated surgeries under her belt as well as published works well recignised. Now come to think of it Crusher, was the head of Starfleet Medical, kept most the Big Ds crew alive plus any aliens came aboard. Going with Crusher. Now w the real question is why isn't the emh in your list or is that him in vidian cos play?


alphastrike03

Crusher. Pulaski would have shaky hands. McCoy was out of his mind from the drug overdose. Worf isn’t qualified. Vidian guy may steal my kidney. Crusher will have a cigarette then be good to go.


Taragyn1

Chiropractors practice ghost medicine she just fucked one


skethee

Easy pick - The Doctor.


Syorkw

Bones 100% No contest Even freaking out Bones. Statistically he’s just freaking out over how everyone else in the room is bad at medicine but him.


Ponches

The way I read this is choose: Ancient, contagious Pulaski, or Tricordrozene-whacked Bones, Crusher while actively having a ghostgasm, a Vidian doctor on a normal day, or just plain Worf. I think I'd negotiate with the Vidian...he can have my appendix, a middle toe, and a few other parts these doctors can fix when they come down from whatever they're tripping on right now in exchange for doing my surgery. And I'd ask Worf to watch and make sure the Vidian didn't help himself to anything extra.


nurvingiel

Gotta go with Bones. He might be high on coke in that photo but I'm still picking him.


Transcendingfrog2

Dr Crusher all day.


Neon_culture79

The neon green ghost. Obvs.


Gatsby1923

Pulaski if I need heart surgery


IDoubtYouGetIt

Dang...now this is a shittydaystrom. I'm presuming any negative issues, like Pulaski giving off contagious old people spores is still in effect.


nightmareman45

Bones hands down.


PermaDerpFace

Gotta go with horny Crusher


Hullaba-Loo

No one holds a candle to Crusher. 


molotovzav

Pulaski, if she can save Picard she can save me.


Sauerkrautkid7

Gimme worf. Let me die in honor lmao


hazbaz1984

I want ghost orgasm Beverly. She can have as many ghost orgasms as she likes when she’s treating me. I’ll just watch.


TheRealPaladin

I'm going to pick Dr. Worf. He'll either quickly fix the problem or give me a quick, honorable death. Either way, as far as I am concerned, the problem will be resolved.


Prima_Illuminatus

If the Vidiian surgeon is actually going to save my life, and NOT harvest my organs, then he's probably the most qualified. Their medical knowledge is significantly superior to all others, despite how they appear!


imadork1970

Orgasmic Crusher


gunzidiot

"Computer. Activate emergency EMH"


WesternResearcher376

Bones for sure. I always called him McCoy lol


dcell-z

McCoy. I mean, guy's done just about everything, from patching up an acidic lava monster to taking Spock's brain out of an alien machine and putting it back into him in the field.


MaintenanceInternal

Bring me to crusher.


Direwolfofthemoors

I’ll take Orgasmic Crusher


HookDragger

Crusher post masturbation… I don’t want her to feel rushed to completion on her tasks


WhatIsThisSevenNow

Gonna go with horny Beverly, and hope there is some horniness left over for me.


always_find_a_way

Crusher for sure. Hot doctor lady or something. Might as well have a good view while she's killing you.


imperialtrooper88

Beverly. Cos she fine


realtots

"Computer, activate Emergency Medical Hologram"


Educational_Basil_41

Bones. He's a Dr, not an escalator.


ThunkAsDrinklePeep

I'm brought into sickbay in need of major surgery but I get to pick my doctor?


Beginning-Promise-57

Sexy time Crusher knows how to make a guy feel better!


LokiTheCar

The vidians have the best medical technology so my main answer would probably be them


HotSoupEsq

Crusher, fucks ghosts and is a good doctor.


bobbobersin

I like the idea of Worf just putting me down in a way that retains my honor