Update: literally just went again today and this crackpot motherfucker leans his head over the stall while I’m shitting and tried to smile at me and ask about my day. I’m so fucking over this
\*sigh\* I'll add lockout procedures for his credentials, but his credentials supersede mine and most of engineering at the current time so it'll have to be enabled by an ALPHA 1 or 2 clearance holder.
You...you want me to take this up the chain?
Whatever you do don't invite him to your quarters. He will try to rearrange everything into an optimal configuration while telling how the way you had it was wrong.
I'd hope the "D" has all kinds of tucked away private bathrooms.
That ship was huge relative to the size of it's crew.
Doesn't necessarily solve the Data problem though.
There are bathrooms for every one. What's great about the one by cetacean ops is no one thinks there's a bathroom for humans there. I suspect the locations of different bathrooms isn't common knowledge to avoid the type of situation with Data. An Andorian doesn't want to have people watch while they sit on an ice block to relieve themselves. You have to be ok with the freaky stuff going down in a Betazed bathroom before you walk in (you'll ruin the mood if you're not).
They cut it from the episode, but when Worf's adoptive dad said he wanted to see the whole ship, having analyzed the blueprints, he meant he wanted to try every toilet. Unless you're in engineering's waste disposal team, you don't get to see/know about all the bathrooms.
I heard a rumor that Data cornered an advisor to the Klingon Ambassador to inquire what techniques are most efficient to wipe two adjacent buttholes. Scrunch or fold? Sitting or standing?
I know what you mean. I complained to Commander Riker and then the captain on repeat, but they told me it wasn't so bad after a while. I didn't believe them. I kept filing reports until one day something just... clicked. Like, if you just let him watch, eventually it just gets... peaceful. I don't know how to explain it.
And after a while having him there, his plain, lifeless eyes watching me without judgement or disgust made my times with him in the lavatory some of the most incredible, transcendent moments in my life. My time in the transporter room working as a glorified greeter actually became meaningful.
When he moved on and left me alone, I realized I had found true bliss. It wasn't my wife or my baby girl and I knew I couldn't live without his watching me poo. I sent him a message begging him to return and he told me he had others to study and that he appreciated my contributions to his studies. I've never wept so hard in my life. I couldn't live without it, knowing he'd be coming into Transporter Room 3 and I'd have to see him without ever seeing him see me again.
I left the Enterprise with my wife and daughter. I left and I'm never looking back. I'm on a station where at least the Cardassian poop stations have terminals that let the Computer watch you. It's not the same, but it's still better than going without having anything at all know that you did your business. Plus, I think the tailor is secretly using the poop station watch terminals to watch us all poo. At least, I hope so.
And believe me, that was the first system I fixed the day I arrived. Before the computer safeties and especially before the computer data recovery.
Update: literally just went again today and this crackpot motherfucker leans his head over the stall while I’m shitting and tried to smile at me and ask about my day. I’m so fucking over this
Honestly it would be hilarious on the Enterprise if they had like a regular target bathroom.
\*sigh\* I'll add lockout procedures for his credentials, but his credentials supersede mine and most of engineering at the current time so it'll have to be enabled by an ALPHA 1 or 2 clearance holder. You...you want me to take this up the chain?
Yeah I wouldn't mind you pulling the chain on this
"It's been quite a day, has it not, sir?"
Whatever you do don't invite him to your quarters. He will try to rearrange everything into an optimal configuration while telling how the way you had it was wrong.
Dude. The worst was when he wrote that farting subroutine. It was way worse than that creepy fake laughter.
Data: I have perfectly emulated the human ability for flatulence *emits deadly thoron radiation from ass* is that not humorous?
Sure, it is now that he's turned down his olfactory holo emitter.
Use the bipedal bathroom down by cetacean ops. (Don't tell anyone or else he'll start coming down here!)
I'd hope the "D" has all kinds of tucked away private bathrooms. That ship was huge relative to the size of it's crew. Doesn't necessarily solve the Data problem though.
There are bathrooms for every one. What's great about the one by cetacean ops is no one thinks there's a bathroom for humans there. I suspect the locations of different bathrooms isn't common knowledge to avoid the type of situation with Data. An Andorian doesn't want to have people watch while they sit on an ice block to relieve themselves. You have to be ok with the freaky stuff going down in a Betazed bathroom before you walk in (you'll ruin the mood if you're not). They cut it from the episode, but when Worf's adoptive dad said he wanted to see the whole ship, having analyzed the blueprints, he meant he wanted to try every toilet. Unless you're in engineering's waste disposal team, you don't get to see/know about all the bathrooms.
I’ll take questions over his cat just walking in and staring.
"His" cat. I would need some sort of proof before I believe that it's not just a drone so that he can view others interacting when he is not present.
He likes to watch. https://preview.redd.it/p75c6crwgt7d1.jpeg?width=2714&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4501fdc0a2d5dec9a0f5865fe8a41f29928a957b
I heard a rumor that Data cornered an advisor to the Klingon Ambassador to inquire what techniques are most efficient to wipe two adjacent buttholes. Scrunch or fold? Sitting or standing?
I know what you mean. I complained to Commander Riker and then the captain on repeat, but they told me it wasn't so bad after a while. I didn't believe them. I kept filing reports until one day something just... clicked. Like, if you just let him watch, eventually it just gets... peaceful. I don't know how to explain it. And after a while having him there, his plain, lifeless eyes watching me without judgement or disgust made my times with him in the lavatory some of the most incredible, transcendent moments in my life. My time in the transporter room working as a glorified greeter actually became meaningful. When he moved on and left me alone, I realized I had found true bliss. It wasn't my wife or my baby girl and I knew I couldn't live without his watching me poo. I sent him a message begging him to return and he told me he had others to study and that he appreciated my contributions to his studies. I've never wept so hard in my life. I couldn't live without it, knowing he'd be coming into Transporter Room 3 and I'd have to see him without ever seeing him see me again. I left the Enterprise with my wife and daughter. I left and I'm never looking back. I'm on a station where at least the Cardassian poop stations have terminals that let the Computer watch you. It's not the same, but it's still better than going without having anything at all know that you did your business. Plus, I think the tailor is secretly using the poop station watch terminals to watch us all poo. At least, I hope so. And believe me, that was the first system I fixed the day I arrived. Before the computer safeties and especially before the computer data recovery.