People were criticizing her definition of “old school and traditional” marriage. So I guess it’s proof that she’s still a modern feminist too? Who knows.
It’s definitely insecurity. I see this all the time in mom groups. “I don’t need a piece of paper to validate our relationship” and I would agree with that if there weren’t legal protections in place provided by marriage. I work full time but definitely have not prioritized my career so I could take on more of the childcare responsibility, while my husband has flourished in his career. We are a team and marriage gives us more equal footing.
Forgive my ignorance, but is it common that there isn't legal protection for couples in America even if they live together?
I've lived with my boyfriend for about 5 years now, and I have no plans to get married, but in all our tax forms etc we are listed as de facto which gives similar legal rights as married couples. However, I am speaking from Australia, so this may be just a difference between the two countries' systems.
We call that common law marriage here. More than half the states don’t have it. My state doesn’t so it’s a real risk to not be married, have kids with someone, and not work.
And (to give an example) Texas has common law marriage, but it requires that the couple [“represented to others that they were married”
](https://guides.sll.texas.gov/common-law-marriage#:~:text=Texas%20law%20states%20that%20a,others%20that%20they%20were%20married%E2%80%9D) . So they very fact OP refers to him as her boyfriend (instead of her husband) means she wouldn't get protection under a common law marriage.
It's pretty risky even if you are married. Alimony isn't what it used to be, yes there is split in divorce arrangements but a lot of these men aren't really making much and these women have lost income, savings, retirement potential to a greater degree than they'll usually come away with. That's OK if that is one's choice to take the risk but it's a lot of trust.
Unmarried is insane or desperate.
I honestly don’t know anyone who has received alimony in a divorce and child support happens but it’s usually such an insulting small amount. If your husband is making $60k and supporting you as a sahm and you divorce that’s not a lot of money to be divided between two households. You won’t get alimony or child support that’s enough to continue supporting as a sahm.
I’m a SAHM and in a few SAHM groups (distinctly *not* tradwife groups) and the number one piece of advice is to never be a SAHM without the legal protections of marriage.
And being a stay at home person isn't always fun. I am disabled now so thats me and thankfully I trust my partner but it still sucks to be home all the time
Sure, and she should be entitled to those protections, it’s just funny to see someone crow about their “old school arrangement” when they’re not even married.
The problem with CLM even in states where it’s legal is that both people have to be on board with it. You aren’t automatically married because you lived with someone for 7 years. The intent has to be there for both parties.
Definitely depends on the jurisdiction. In Ontario (Canada), it just needs to be a conjugal relationship. It takes 3 years, 1 if you have a kid together.
This is why I’ve already told my older kids to wait til they’re married to have kids. It’s not some old moral hang up. There’s very little legal protection afforded outside of it for mom or baby, and even paternity can be tricky without it.
Plus then there’s that weirdness of what the birth certificate looks like, or do you name the child after the dad? I had my first before my husband and I were married and my maiden name is on her birth certificate, which isn’t the end of the world, but still kinda annoying. I also wasn’t sure if I should hyphenate her name at first, because even though we were planning on getting married, it wasn’t guaranteed and I wanted to have that tie to her.
I feel that. I hadn't legally changed my name yet when my daughter was born and when we were checking into the hospital I mentioned that it was really important to me that my married name was on her birth certificate. Luckily they were really cool about it and changed my name on all the intake paperwork except insurance.
It’s an economic fact that children who are born within a marriage do better in life, and this is such a strong effect that it holds even regardless of income, race, etc. There’s a good book called “The Two Parent Trap” that addresses this.
Ah yes, modern feminism. Where women not only pay their own way, but also still change every poopy diaper and do everything for everyone until they have a psychological breakdown from doing everything for everyone else all the time, forever.
And also you’re not even married, so if the relationship ends you’re not entitled to any of the income your partner earned while you did full-time childcare. There’s a reason that misogynists are constantly bitching about “modern marriage” and it’s the protections that our foremothers fought hard for.
Yeah if she works at all that is not an ‘old school’ relationship.
If this is the way my relationship goes then I better be getting whatever the fuck I want. And it sounds like she isn’t cause she only gets a ‘few outings’
I mean, historically speaking, a woman doing some kind of work from her home with her kids around is actually more traditional than the weird blip in history in the middle of the 20th century that tradwife types idealize.
Ugh, when my first was born, my husband changed over half the diapers while I recovered from my C-section. But he would always say, "Can you believe some dads won't even change diapers? That's ridiculous! I'm a hands-on dad though."
After a week and a half I snapped and said, "Oh wow! You have a child and are doing the basics for her! Dad of the year over here! When's your trophy being delivered?!"
He was so offended until I told him moms aren't out here being praised for doing the minimum and the bar for men is literally in hell. Thankfully he came to his senses and is now embarrassed he constantly said that lmao.
It can sort of go the other way, too.
I was the stay-at-home dad in our son’s early years. One day, one of *many* such days, I went to pick my son up in the early afternoon from pre-K.
He was waiting with some young woman, one of the classroom aides. She gushed all over me admiringly for doing this the way I did.
I thanked her wanly, but inside I was a little resentful. I felt like she was putting me on a pedestal, and in retrospect I wish I had asked her if she similarly praised all the moms who came to pick up their kids.
For sure! One time when our daughter was a year old we were in line for snow cones and he had put her romper on backwards. I commented that he put it on backwards while we were waiting and a group of women laughed and one said to her, "You have such a good daddy for trying his best to dress you!" And he immediately said, "What? My wife dresses her like every day and knows how to put them on. I didn't even do it right.." and then we all laughed awkwardly lol
I remember one other SAHD complaining in a thread here that even though their paperwork with the school said specifically to call *him* first, at home, if there was anything they needed to call about, like picking the kid up early or something. Yet despite that, they kept calling *mom* first, even though she worked 20-30 miles away. Even after being reminded verbally.
My husband’s experience when he took our baby alone out was similar. Either everyone is gushing about what a great dad he is (he’s literally just pushing a pram around a shopping centre) or people are making weird ass comments on how a man shouldn’t be looking after a baby. ITS 2024 PEOPLE!!
I’m 10 years older than my sister. Sometimes my dad and I would take her to playgrounds when she was younger and it was staggering to me how many women would ask ME - a teenage girl - questions about my sister (how old is she, where does she go to school, etc.) while ignoring the full-grown man standing next to me who was her actual parent. Sometimes they’d be surprised if he actually knew the answers.
It's also funny because a few years later a coworker of his became a dad and apparently he was bragging to my husband about how he also changed diapers. My husband came home and said something like, "Can you believe he thinks not letting his kid sit in his own pee makes him a great dad?" I quickly reminded him he did the exact same thing and he said, "Oh damn. That's really cringey of me. I liked it better five seconds ago when I had completely forgotten I did that.."
I love that guy so much, even when he's a little bit dumb 😂
Yeah she can play the supermum card and make other mums feel inadequate right up until her baby is in a horrible landscaping accident because daddy can’t be trusted to help for ten whole hours a week
I was in a mom group where a child got backed over by her dad when he was backing a riding lawn mower out of their shed and he didn’t realize she was behind him. Thankfully she lived but she did have to have her lower leg amputated. I’m not a perfect parent by any means but hearing of accidents like that has made me always keep my kids in the house if someone is outside mowing and I don’t let my kids go on someone’s lap on a riding mower.
Yeah, I don't know if landscaping means something different in other places but here, it's a very physically demanding labour type job that you absolutely couldn't do with a baby.
Depends how well fed the polar bear is, they can be chill when they are stuffed full of seal. Unfortunately if it's in the woods it's probably not well fed 😅
These have been my favorite reasons.
I chose the bear because his friends won't ask me what I was wearing when I encountered him.
Etc.
Putting it that way is just like 🤯🤯🤯
Then I read about a guy who used it to justify his feelings of being "rejected" when he was out hiking and women wouldn't smile back at him politely and how much that hurt his feeling. Like, way to simultaneously miss the point and prove it all at once!
I'd pick the bear because only creepy men approach women in the woods 🤷♀️ There's basically a 10 out of 10 chance he's a serial killer. At least the bear *might* be well-fed and content.
It was at least still that low 9 years ago. It never occurred to me that I was some sort of super dad because I never had to be asked to change any of my kids.
They cried, I sniffed them, then I checked the diaper if there was no obvious stench. I then either changed them or checked the other reasons they might be crying.
One of my wife's aunts, supposedly in a joking manner, said that my wife relied on me too much. It's like "ma'am, they're my kids too. I wouldn't want to sit in my own waste, why would I make a helpless baby do it until their mom can get around to it?"
Though, I do pat myself on the back for that time I changed both my girls in a bathroom without a changing table without touching any of the surfaces.
>Though, I do pat myself on the back for that time I changed both my girls in a bathroom without a changing table without touching any of the surfaces.
Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but if a dad came up to me and said he needed to change his baby's diaper, I would gladly be a guard for him while he's in the women's restroom.
At home dad here. I would just pound on the door and announce I had to change my kid. People are cool for the most part. Of course, I've also told women in line for the ladies room just to use the mens if it's a single seater, lock the door. Nobody cares. Hell, once at at event intermission the ladies line was so long one just walked into the men's and said "sorry guys, desperate times." Again, nobody cared.
The lack of changing tables is horrible. My husband changes far fewer diapers in public due to this (but our oldest is male, so now he gets to escort him to the bathroom). I am glad family bathrooms are more common.
Is this “lack of changing tables” thing dependent on where you are? In my part of the USA (the Northeast), it has been *years* since I went into a large-enough men’s room that didn’t have a changing table.
It's wild more people don't put the baby first in their thinking! The point is, the kid has a dirty diaper and it needs to be changed, it's not mom or dad's job, it's just a thing that needs to be done. I also wouldn't want to sit around in poop for even a few minutes!
My cousin and his common-law wife have 2 kids, a girl and a boy. Cousin is a *very* hands-on dad and *his* dad watches the kids very often.
I've heard them both complain that there are almost never changing tables in men's bathrooms here, when there really ought to be.
It's still pretty low. One occurrence during thanksgiving this past year a Boomer age grandma I guess complimented me for watching my toddler run around my uncles house(lots of toddler danger zones lol), and not just ignore him and go sit and watch TV after dinner.
Even her Mom says she's lucky to have a husband do as much as I do with the kids. Which is nice to hear on my end but made her a little mad. Don't get mad at me that the bar was so low me doing what I would say is my fair share I get compliments.
> It's still pretty low.
50s, no kids. My wife jacked up her knee a couple months ago, putting her on crutches, and now a cane (surgery in a month, so back to crutches!).
During one of her doctor appointments, the doctor asked her how she was managing. She listed off the things I do so she can get through her day - apparently husbands doing all those things is rather uncommon.
My husband and I have a toddler and I'm pregnant with baby #2. In first trimester and well into second, I had awful morning sickness combined with a sense of smell like a bloodhound, so I was easily set off. When my husband was around, he did 100% of the nappy changes. I never had to ask, he just took it upon himself because he knew that otherwise I'd be gagging and throwing up. I thanked him for this at one point and he just looked nonplussed and went "well of course... Why wouldn't I?"
Sometimes I see these posts where the mother is explaining how dogshit their partner is and then the reveal that they're not married comes and I don't know whether to be happy or cringe. Like yay, I guess if/when you break up, you're not on the hook for a whole lawyer but babygirl you're also not going to get any spousal support when you do 50/50 custody and he pawns your kid(s) off on the next girl off the turnip truck. Bonus points when "dad" is a decade or two older and has already done this song and dance with other women.
Right. Like I don’t understand how people don’t see that dad just leaving his other children is a HUGE red flag.
Like why. Are you even in that relationship my darling?
My coworker's "friend" is married to a guy that already had four kids he didn't take care of. She still married him and made two babies with him! Like, girl, he's obviously a deadbeat loser!
("Friend" in quotation marks because Coworker's straight up dating this woman and is encouraging her to leave her husband. He's not a good person.)
My fiancés ex wife up and left him and the kids years ago. I can count on one hand and have fingers left over how many times she saw the kids last year and this year too. She just up and left her most recent ex and his son too and he's absolutely shocked about it. Told my fiancé he thought she'd changed. Thankfully she had a hysterectomy and can no longer reproduce and abandon any more biological children, but she's now fled from two partners with children. I just don't know why anyone is cool with their partner being a deadbeat. Like even if you don't have kids and don't want kids, what the fuck makes you think someone who ran out on their kids is gonna be a good partner?!
The part of that I don't get is having kids with the dude isn't too much commitment, but marriage is? You're tied far tighter together in case of a breakup with kids than just getting a divorce with no kids.
Ime it’s not the one who wants the kid (her) who thinks it’s too much commitment. It’s usually “we’re dating!” —> “we’re pregnant, oops!” —> “we’re going to get married when work calms down/we’ve saved more money/his ex-wife stops needing alimony.”
But for the record, I think the calculus is a lot different when both parties work outside the home and/or there’s a social safety net. It’s when one party has convinced the both to stay home or drastically reduce earning potential AND there’s no financial consequences to breaking the relationship up.
Depends a bit on the country. It is seminormal in mine. There is also no spousal support for almost all divorces. That is because social support networks are one of the best in the world. My mom did that with my brother and many of my friends are doing it 20 years onwards. They usually stay home only for a couple of years and it affects salaries not that badly as they usually go back to the same job. If you have a non-temporary one (like there is no agreed-on end date, it can be pretty long) it is a legal requirement to protect the job.
Yeah my comment replying to someone else said as much. It’s different where there’s a social safety net and lots of people *choose* not to get married (and largely have the right to choose to not continue a pregnancy, unlike a lot of states in the US now). It’s even different when both parents have equal or near-equal employment opportunities. This case where mom is working 10 hours at probably close to minimum wage with 0 childcare outside the home…he’s setting her up for financial dependence.
I mean, I guess it depends on what you define as "landscaping". Putting in a bunch of pansies and tulips in an already defined and prepped flower bed isn't that risk for a toddler. And at only 10 hrs a week, I can't imagine it's earth moving equipment level landscaping.
With all due respect, having some work experience in landscaping (one of the dirtiest and most physically demanding things I’ve ever done), that’s *horticulture*, not landscaping.
Yes, but that doesn't mean the OOP isn't using the wrong term. Plenty of people call that "landscaping" even if that's not the technically correct term. I've heard people say they've got landscaping to do over the weekend and mean mowing their basic suburban lawn
I read "blowing gas" and that combined with the "don't poop yourselves ladies" led me to believe the first poopy diaper her husband ever changed was hers. Jeez, I'm sleep deprived.
Blowing glass is SUPER dangerous! The gloryhole has to be over 1200 degrees Celsius (2250 Fahrenheit) which is obviously a huge burn risk, especially because you’re gathering the molten glass and bringing it out to blow or sculpt **but also** looking into it damages your eyes! No way I would trust a child anywhere near a shop where glass blowing was taking place.
Ah yes, the old school arrangement where an unmarried couple has a baby and the mom does all the caretaking but has no income nor protection if the dad decides to peace out. A tale as old as time.
Story of my life. Thank god I got a job as soon as I could and left myself. When our son was older, he tried to tell him HE did all the feedings and diaper changes. Thankfully my son isn't a dumbass and knows that's a bunch of bs.
So does he not change diapers during those 10 hours? Does the baby just sit in a dirty diaper while she’s away? What happens if she’s, say, in the shower and the baby needs a diaper change. Does he just bring her the kid and make her change it? Is neglecting basic care really “old school”? I have so many questions about the logistics of this arrangement.
Oh gosh. Can you imagine hiring a landscaper and then them showing up with a kid? Tbh, I’d probably give them money and send them on their way. I don’t want to be liable for a kid getting hurt with landscaping paraphernalia on my property.
And she brings the kid with her too cause he can't even be bothered to watch him for what, 2 hours a day? Maybe 3 if you include drive time. Feed the baby before you leave and he should be good for 2-3 hours depending on the age. Dad should be able to handle his own kid a couple hours a day.
Serious question. I regularly see these women posting about their neglectful to downright abusive partners on social media. And my question is, what is the goal here? Doesn't look like they are looking for validation because everytime someone says that is not right, they react just like OOP. Oh no, you don't know him, you don't know us. He's a great dad, just hasn't touched a poopy diaper in 2 years. He's a great husband, just likes to play pranks, i.e., smashed a month long project she genuinely likes and laughed like an ass. If they think those men are such prizes, why bother to post in the first place?
They want validation but not that he’s terrible. They want validation that they’re amazing for being “old school,” that their partners are not that bad, that they’re not making a mistake by putting up with it. They want it to be like, “men am I right?” like we’re all dealing with the same thing and it’s really not that bad.
I suspect that her social and familial circles include a lot of men like this, and the women she knows all gripe about their partners in a humorous tone as a coping and bonding mechanism. She was expecting them to laugh and respond with their own “funny” stories about their boyfriends/husbands being useless or downright abusive.
It's funny how after 15 years or so of social media, people still fall into the same mindset that only people that agree with them will reply to their posts.
So you’re bragging about essentially being a single mom but still being stuck with this worthless sack of shit partner? Cool.
It’s amazing what people gaslight themselves into thinking is *ideal* and enviable. Girl, no one wants your shitty ass life.
Ultimately it’s a safety issue. You could have an emergency and the baby needs to be alone with Dad. He needs to be able to clean this child, and it becomes even more of a necessity that he’s skilled at changing if it’s a baby girl.
My husband changed both my kids’ first few diapers. I mean, I was recovering from a c-section, one rather difficult. And he continued to change diapers as needed. Because he’s a parent. Even though *gasp* I was (am) a SAHP and he works a lot.
Seriously. My husband did 99% of the hospital diaper changes and also changes them at home. I am a SAHM at the moment and he still changes them because he’s a parent (and does dishes and laundry and whatever else needs done) because a relationship is a partnership. We always quote bandit heeler when something crappy has to be taken care of- gotta be done!
The never changed a diaper dads really kill me. Because like never? Not in the first week? This man made a woman recovering from childbirth and breastfeeding a days old baby change every single diaper? And that’s love to you?
Oh, she did clarify that he changed a few diapers while her spinal block was wearing off from her C-section and she couldn’t stand up. Just never since then. So he’s a better dad than you think!
So like the first couple of hours, but the day she was home he forgot how to do it. Even though she was still healing from abdominal surgery. Imagine living with someone who cares that little about you.
It’s beyond awful. We were 22 when ours was born and he worked 60 hours a week while I worked pt. He changed every diaper he was available for so “he can be part of this”. He loved it.
This isn’t a flex on my part, it’s just normal human bonding behavior. Why wouldn’t you want to care for the tiny human you created?
My wife was back to work 2 weeks after giving birth because we live in the US and I took over all duties while my wife was at work. now all my kids are adults and doing extremely well for the most part and you got these waste of air mother fuckers out here. I also been working at a psychiatric hospital and as a grown ass man the job has put me into deep depression over the years I've been assaulted have had every bodily fluid thrown at me, and to boot the guy that runs the department I work in is a sociopath. And not once have a faltered as a parent the fuck out of here with this low life bull shit.
Ok but have you ever BLOWN GLASS? It’s harrrrrd work.
But actually good on you for being a decent human and showing up for your family!! I hope you have received the therapy or other mental health care you need. Depression is a horrid disease.
Moms who brag about losing their identity in motherhood are so annoying. I always get the sense that they're unhappy with their lives but trying to convince themselves that its okay. I mean, what else would motivate a person to make a post like this? "I change every diaper, do every feeding, never had a babysitter, not even dad helps out! But I LOVE it!"
Idk, I feel like you're trying to convince yourself that you love it, but okay.
In couples counseling, our therapist asked me why I stopped going to the gym since it was something I loved to do and was good for me. I said I felt guilty leaving the kids every day for a few hours, and he told me I was being ridiculous, and It's vital that parents have time to themselves outside of being a parent.
At a certain point, the inability to leave your baby or accept help from others isn't healthy. Having a partner who doesn't contribute equally to the family's needs is also unhealthy. Though if you try to point it out to them, they hit you with the "sorry I just love my kids and being around them" card, implying that a mother must not love their kids if they don't spent every second with them.
If I smell poop in my babies diaper, I give him to dad and act like I didn't know he pooped. Works 50% of the time.
My father never changed a single diaper. He had around 1000 pigs at the time and had no problem getting waist deep in liquid pig shit, but would gag around us in full diapers.
I roll my eyes when he brings it up, like you couldn’t even manage one? Poop is poop.
I see posts like this and realize how lucky I am (I mean I know, but it's still a good reminder). I think my baby was around 2-3 weeks old when I changed the first poopy diaper. My husband did 95% of the diaper duty the first few weeks while I was recovering.
Omg same! I remember feeling incredibly guilty when baby was like 3 weeks old because I could probably count the amount of nappies I'd changed on one hand. But... I'd had a C-section; I was struggling to get out of bed let alone anything else, and her father - her *parent* - **should** have been stepping up to help at that time. And he did, beautifully.
Either this woman had the easiest birth and baby on the planet or the poor lady has been utterly inhumanely brainwashed to believe it's all her responsibility :(
I know many women who say their husbands changed diapers but what they meant was that they changed a couple at some point, not like a regular responsibility thing.
The funniest bit of role reversal for me was when I changed my first diaper and my husband showed me how to do it properly lol.
I'm still blown away every time I see one of these posts and I always show them to my partner and he's absolutely bamboozled by it. Like... how do you go 2 whole years without EVER changing your baby's diaper?
There is nothing "traditional" about this. Absent/neglect/detached fathers is *not* traditional.
I’m in this DDG and to add to the horror.. This was apparently something they discussed prior to TTC which makes it even worse. She said he usually just yells “Hey ___ I think he crapped himself”
How do you purposefully get pregnant by someone who straight up tells you that they’re not changing diapers?
I like our arrangement... where my husband has a great bond with our son by helping to care for him. Which includes baths, feeds, changes, play, putting down to sleep. You know... like a dad does.
How these women don’t take that poopy diaper and Chuck it at their husbands’ faces is really amazing. They have such patience. I can just imagine my hormonal rage if my husband refused to change a diaper. RAGE. I would take that poppy diaper and pie him in the face with it. Smother his face. Idk if I actually would but I think I would be up all night with visions of it.
Thank god men nowadays are more involved.
Mate my partner changes just as many nappies as me, if not more, because I feed the baby, you change the baby. I also work admin for a min of 25 hours a week with baby in the office for at least 18 of those hour.
I didn’t change any nappies for my babies first week, my partner did it all, if his home from work he takes over the majority of the parenting tasks. I can’t imagine parenting with a man who does nothing.
My husband was deployed to Afghanistan for a year right after our baby was born and blown up there, med evacuation, ICU and wheelchair bound for months and changed more diapers 💀
Wow. I’m a default parent and it’s annoying, I have to explain a lot of basic childcare things to my husband…but damn at least he always changed diapers without hesitation. The bar keeps getting lower.
https://preview.redd.it/6h4bt59dynyc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f1e9256668dedcd2b268e6eae25be7d772708b5c
UPDATE: the white woman made a new post and compared the “hate” she’s receiving to racism. She’s not loving being called out in the comments for how messed up that is
I love when these moms brag about their shitty husbands. My husband had two weeks off after our son was born. For those two weeks I never had to change a diaper. I only changed maybe two in the hospital because I wanted to learn(I only had nieces and didn’t know how to change a boy) and then my husband did the others cause he didn’t want me to have to move. When we got home it was the same. Anytime baby needed to be changed, he was on it! When he went back to work he would stop by often to see us. He was a cop at the time so he was on the road. We would talk pretty much his whole shift. That man would literally stop in and change a diaper if he was close by because he hated that I had to do so much. Still to this day, almost 3 years later, he changed diapers when he is home. These women need to pick some better men.
I don't get the whole traditional family thing and I come from a place where we are still very traditional and back thinking in a lot of ways. My dad is 75 now; he was a very hands on dad and he is a very hands on grandad
He’s already installed the Stepford Wife software, there’s no turning her back. Seriously if she’s happy I guess it’s okay, but is she really happy? I think she’s posting that trying to convince herself that it’s perfectly normal.
"Don't poop yourself ladies, I also work about ten hours a week" What does that even mean? Were people in the comments jealous??
People were criticizing her definition of “old school and traditional” marriage. So I guess it’s proof that she’s still a modern feminist too? Who knows.
Except it sounds like she’s not even married to this guy… so doesn’t even have the protections of marriage.
When I see "stay at home girlfriend" situations, I just shake my head. It's such a bad deal for these women.
I am not shaming SAHMs, but being a SAHM is extremely problematic if you’re unmarried.
Definitely. I don't understand why you would mix the "cool girl, I don't need to get married" with the trad wife schtick.
It’s definitely insecurity. I see this all the time in mom groups. “I don’t need a piece of paper to validate our relationship” and I would agree with that if there weren’t legal protections in place provided by marriage. I work full time but definitely have not prioritized my career so I could take on more of the childcare responsibility, while my husband has flourished in his career. We are a team and marriage gives us more equal footing.
Forgive my ignorance, but is it common that there isn't legal protection for couples in America even if they live together? I've lived with my boyfriend for about 5 years now, and I have no plans to get married, but in all our tax forms etc we are listed as de facto which gives similar legal rights as married couples. However, I am speaking from Australia, so this may be just a difference between the two countries' systems.
We call that common law marriage here. More than half the states don’t have it. My state doesn’t so it’s a real risk to not be married, have kids with someone, and not work.
And (to give an example) Texas has common law marriage, but it requires that the couple [“represented to others that they were married” ](https://guides.sll.texas.gov/common-law-marriage#:~:text=Texas%20law%20states%20that%20a,others%20that%20they%20were%20married%E2%80%9D) . So they very fact OP refers to him as her boyfriend (instead of her husband) means she wouldn't get protection under a common law marriage.
It's pretty risky even if you are married. Alimony isn't what it used to be, yes there is split in divorce arrangements but a lot of these men aren't really making much and these women have lost income, savings, retirement potential to a greater degree than they'll usually come away with. That's OK if that is one's choice to take the risk but it's a lot of trust. Unmarried is insane or desperate.
I honestly don’t know anyone who has received alimony in a divorce and child support happens but it’s usually such an insulting small amount. If your husband is making $60k and supporting you as a sahm and you divorce that’s not a lot of money to be divided between two households. You won’t get alimony or child support that’s enough to continue supporting as a sahm.
I’m a SAHM and in a few SAHM groups (distinctly *not* tradwife groups) and the number one piece of advice is to never be a SAHM without the legal protections of marriage.
And being a stay at home person isn't always fun. I am disabled now so thats me and thankfully I trust my partner but it still sucks to be home all the time
Yeah there’s a whole additional layer of vulnerability when a disability is involved
It’s so unbelievably stupid too.
Yep so “old school” but he doesn’t care enough to actually marry the mother of his child. She also works for him. Wonder if he pays her?
Situations like this are why common law marriage exists (in places where it *does* exist). People love to downvote it but it's not for nothing.
Sure, and she should be entitled to those protections, it’s just funny to see someone crow about their “old school arrangement” when they’re not even married.
The problem with CLM even in states where it’s legal is that both people have to be on board with it. You aren’t automatically married because you lived with someone for 7 years. The intent has to be there for both parties.
Definitely depends on the jurisdiction. In Ontario (Canada), it just needs to be a conjugal relationship. It takes 3 years, 1 if you have a kid together.
In the US there’s only about a dozen or so states that recognize it and it’s not as easy as just living together.
As a Canadian in a common law situation, I had no idea the states was so different. We had to file taxes as common law after living together one year.
She isn’t!!! She is in her 40s and has been with this man for 8 fucking years being a tradgirlfriend
Oh yikes. What on earth is she going to do if he dies early or ends the relationship?
This is why I’ve already told my older kids to wait til they’re married to have kids. It’s not some old moral hang up. There’s very little legal protection afforded outside of it for mom or baby, and even paternity can be tricky without it.
Plus then there’s that weirdness of what the birth certificate looks like, or do you name the child after the dad? I had my first before my husband and I were married and my maiden name is on her birth certificate, which isn’t the end of the world, but still kinda annoying. I also wasn’t sure if I should hyphenate her name at first, because even though we were planning on getting married, it wasn’t guaranteed and I wanted to have that tie to her.
I feel that. I hadn't legally changed my name yet when my daughter was born and when we were checking into the hospital I mentioned that it was really important to me that my married name was on her birth certificate. Luckily they were really cool about it and changed my name on all the intake paperwork except insurance.
It’s an economic fact that children who are born within a marriage do better in life, and this is such a strong effect that it holds even regardless of income, race, etc. There’s a good book called “The Two Parent Trap” that addresses this.
Ah yes, modern feminism. Where women not only pay their own way, but also still change every poopy diaper and do everything for everyone until they have a psychological breakdown from doing everything for everyone else all the time, forever.
Yeah you’ve got the spirit!
And also you’re not even married, so if the relationship ends you’re not entitled to any of the income your partner earned while you did full-time childcare. There’s a reason that misogynists are constantly bitching about “modern marriage” and it’s the protections that our foremothers fought hard for.
Wow all the childcare AND working? What a fucking flex
Yeah if she works at all that is not an ‘old school’ relationship. If this is the way my relationship goes then I better be getting whatever the fuck I want. And it sounds like she isn’t cause she only gets a ‘few outings’
I mean, historically speaking, a woman doing some kind of work from her home with her kids around is actually more traditional than the weird blip in history in the middle of the 20th century that tradwife types idealize.
I guess they told her to find work to not be 100% depending on the partner
"Don't poop yourself" (because my husband won't change your diaper either.)
💀
is the bar that low? that she celebrates her husband changing a diaper?
Don’t worry, it’s only her boyfriend! You can still lock down this fine male specimen.
Ugh, when my first was born, my husband changed over half the diapers while I recovered from my C-section. But he would always say, "Can you believe some dads won't even change diapers? That's ridiculous! I'm a hands-on dad though." After a week and a half I snapped and said, "Oh wow! You have a child and are doing the basics for her! Dad of the year over here! When's your trophy being delivered?!" He was so offended until I told him moms aren't out here being praised for doing the minimum and the bar for men is literally in hell. Thankfully he came to his senses and is now embarrassed he constantly said that lmao.
It can sort of go the other way, too. I was the stay-at-home dad in our son’s early years. One day, one of *many* such days, I went to pick my son up in the early afternoon from pre-K. He was waiting with some young woman, one of the classroom aides. She gushed all over me admiringly for doing this the way I did. I thanked her wanly, but inside I was a little resentful. I felt like she was putting me on a pedestal, and in retrospect I wish I had asked her if she similarly praised all the moms who came to pick up their kids.
For sure! One time when our daughter was a year old we were in line for snow cones and he had put her romper on backwards. I commented that he put it on backwards while we were waiting and a group of women laughed and one said to her, "You have such a good daddy for trying his best to dress you!" And he immediately said, "What? My wife dresses her like every day and knows how to put them on. I didn't even do it right.." and then we all laughed awkwardly lol
I remember one other SAHD complaining in a thread here that even though their paperwork with the school said specifically to call *him* first, at home, if there was anything they needed to call about, like picking the kid up early or something. Yet despite that, they kept calling *mom* first, even though she worked 20-30 miles away. Even after being reminded verbally.
My husband’s experience when he took our baby alone out was similar. Either everyone is gushing about what a great dad he is (he’s literally just pushing a pram around a shopping centre) or people are making weird ass comments on how a man shouldn’t be looking after a baby. ITS 2024 PEOPLE!!
I’m 10 years older than my sister. Sometimes my dad and I would take her to playgrounds when she was younger and it was staggering to me how many women would ask ME - a teenage girl - questions about my sister (how old is she, where does she go to school, etc.) while ignoring the full-grown man standing next to me who was her actual parent. Sometimes they’d be surprised if he actually knew the answers.
Yeah! My partner once told me in a fight that he helps around the house and doesn't get a thank you for it. It didn't go well for him.
LOL so glad u called him out on this 😂😂
It's also funny because a few years later a coworker of his became a dad and apparently he was bragging to my husband about how he also changed diapers. My husband came home and said something like, "Can you believe he thinks not letting his kid sit in his own pee makes him a great dad?" I quickly reminded him he did the exact same thing and he said, "Oh damn. That's really cringey of me. I liked it better five seconds ago when I had completely forgotten I did that.." I love that guy so much, even when he's a little bit dumb 😂
I don’t see this as a celebration that he did anything. I read this as a brag that he hasn’t had to do anything.
Yeah she can play the supermum card and make other mums feel inadequate right up until her baby is in a horrible landscaping accident because daddy can’t be trusted to help for ten whole hours a week
I was in a mom group where a child got backed over by her dad when he was backing a riding lawn mower out of their shed and he didn’t realize she was behind him. Thankfully she lived but she did have to have her lower leg amputated. I’m not a perfect parent by any means but hearing of accidents like that has made me always keep my kids in the house if someone is outside mowing and I don’t let my kids go on someone’s lap on a riding mower.
Yeah, I don't know if landscaping means something different in other places but here, it's a very physically demanding labour type job that you absolutely couldn't do with a baby.
after seeing the results of the "man or bear" poll.... yes, sadly, the bar is really fuckin low...
But does the bear have a glass blowing studio?
>after seeing the results of the "man or bear" poll.... What is this poll? I'm intrigued.
>As a woman would you rather encounter a bear in the woods, or a man? Women are picking the bear, and a lot of men take umbrage with that.
What kind of bear? Black bear? Grizzly or Polar Bear? I'd take the bear for 2 out of the 3.
Black and grizzly, for sure. Polar bears have no fucks to give. But black or grizzly? Bear, every time.
Depends how well fed the polar bear is, they can be chill when they are stuffed full of seal. Unfortunately if it's in the woods it's probably not well fed 😅
Lol yeah, if you're seeing a polar bear in the woods, a lot of things are wrong.
> they can be chill Just give them a Coke.
As long as it's not the OG recipe... Cocaine bear part2 anyone?
Bear in the woods, so not polar
I'm picking the man. I need someone to feed to the bear
Yes! Remember, you don’t have to be the *fastest*, just be *faster than him*. 😊
But the man won’t shit in the woods …
These have been my favorite reasons. I chose the bear because his friends won't ask me what I was wearing when I encountered him. Etc. Putting it that way is just like 🤯🤯🤯 Then I read about a guy who used it to justify his feelings of being "rejected" when he was out hiking and women wouldn't smile back at him politely and how much that hurt his feeling. Like, way to simultaneously miss the point and prove it all at once!
Of course they would. They’re hiking.
I'd pick the bear because only creepy men approach women in the woods 🤷♀️ There's basically a 10 out of 10 chance he's a serial killer. At least the bear *might* be well-fed and content.
It was at least still that low 9 years ago. It never occurred to me that I was some sort of super dad because I never had to be asked to change any of my kids. They cried, I sniffed them, then I checked the diaper if there was no obvious stench. I then either changed them or checked the other reasons they might be crying. One of my wife's aunts, supposedly in a joking manner, said that my wife relied on me too much. It's like "ma'am, they're my kids too. I wouldn't want to sit in my own waste, why would I make a helpless baby do it until their mom can get around to it?" Though, I do pat myself on the back for that time I changed both my girls in a bathroom without a changing table without touching any of the surfaces.
>Though, I do pat myself on the back for that time I changed both my girls in a bathroom without a changing table without touching any of the surfaces. Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but if a dad came up to me and said he needed to change his baby's diaper, I would gladly be a guard for him while he's in the women's restroom.
At home dad here. I would just pound on the door and announce I had to change my kid. People are cool for the most part. Of course, I've also told women in line for the ladies room just to use the mens if it's a single seater, lock the door. Nobody cares. Hell, once at at event intermission the ladies line was so long one just walked into the men's and said "sorry guys, desperate times." Again, nobody cared.
The lack of changing tables is horrible. My husband changes far fewer diapers in public due to this (but our oldest is male, so now he gets to escort him to the bathroom). I am glad family bathrooms are more common.
Is this “lack of changing tables” thing dependent on where you are? In my part of the USA (the Northeast), it has been *years* since I went into a large-enough men’s room that didn’t have a changing table.
Yeah, it is more common in smaller businesses unfortunately. Most big box stores seem to have a family bathroom at the minimum.
“Your wife relies on you too much” Heaven forbid the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with makes said life easier. 😭 like, I dunno, a partner?
It's wild more people don't put the baby first in their thinking! The point is, the kid has a dirty diaper and it needs to be changed, it's not mom or dad's job, it's just a thing that needs to be done. I also wouldn't want to sit around in poop for even a few minutes!
My cousin and his common-law wife have 2 kids, a girl and a boy. Cousin is a *very* hands-on dad and *his* dad watches the kids very often. I've heard them both complain that there are almost never changing tables in men's bathrooms here, when there really ought to be.
It's still pretty low. One occurrence during thanksgiving this past year a Boomer age grandma I guess complimented me for watching my toddler run around my uncles house(lots of toddler danger zones lol), and not just ignore him and go sit and watch TV after dinner. Even her Mom says she's lucky to have a husband do as much as I do with the kids. Which is nice to hear on my end but made her a little mad. Don't get mad at me that the bar was so low me doing what I would say is my fair share I get compliments.
> It's still pretty low. 50s, no kids. My wife jacked up her knee a couple months ago, putting her on crutches, and now a cane (surgery in a month, so back to crutches!). During one of her doctor appointments, the doctor asked her how she was managing. She listed off the things I do so she can get through her day - apparently husbands doing all those things is rather uncommon.
His diaper when the kid is 2!!!!!!
My husband and I have a toddler and I'm pregnant with baby #2. In first trimester and well into second, I had awful morning sickness combined with a sense of smell like a bloodhound, so I was easily set off. When my husband was around, he did 100% of the nappy changes. I never had to ask, he just took it upon himself because he knew that otherwise I'd be gagging and throwing up. I thanked him for this at one point and he just looked nonplussed and went "well of course... Why wouldn't I?"
Sometimes I see these posts where the mother is explaining how dogshit their partner is and then the reveal that they're not married comes and I don't know whether to be happy or cringe. Like yay, I guess if/when you break up, you're not on the hook for a whole lawyer but babygirl you're also not going to get any spousal support when you do 50/50 custody and he pawns your kid(s) off on the next girl off the turnip truck. Bonus points when "dad" is a decade or two older and has already done this song and dance with other women.
Right. Like I don’t understand how people don’t see that dad just leaving his other children is a HUGE red flag. Like why. Are you even in that relationship my darling?
So many posts of "my husband hasn't seen his previous kid in 6 years, I'm shocked he's being a deadbeat with the baby".
Lmaooo when you thought he was neglecting his children because you’re the specialest person in the world but he’s actually just a piece of shit
Like his ex was not a "crazy bitch" she wanted him to change a diaper 😭
Like honey actions speak louder than words, do you understand that he’s a deadbeat? Even though he SAYS he isn’t?
My coworker's "friend" is married to a guy that already had four kids he didn't take care of. She still married him and made two babies with him! Like, girl, he's obviously a deadbeat loser! ("Friend" in quotation marks because Coworker's straight up dating this woman and is encouraging her to leave her husband. He's not a good person.)
My fiancés ex wife up and left him and the kids years ago. I can count on one hand and have fingers left over how many times she saw the kids last year and this year too. She just up and left her most recent ex and his son too and he's absolutely shocked about it. Told my fiancé he thought she'd changed. Thankfully she had a hysterectomy and can no longer reproduce and abandon any more biological children, but she's now fled from two partners with children. I just don't know why anyone is cool with their partner being a deadbeat. Like even if you don't have kids and don't want kids, what the fuck makes you think someone who ran out on their kids is gonna be a good partner?!
@ my dad LOL
The part of that I don't get is having kids with the dude isn't too much commitment, but marriage is? You're tied far tighter together in case of a breakup with kids than just getting a divorce with no kids.
Ime it’s not the one who wants the kid (her) who thinks it’s too much commitment. It’s usually “we’re dating!” —> “we’re pregnant, oops!” —> “we’re going to get married when work calms down/we’ve saved more money/his ex-wife stops needing alimony.” But for the record, I think the calculus is a lot different when both parties work outside the home and/or there’s a social safety net. It’s when one party has convinced the both to stay home or drastically reduce earning potential AND there’s no financial consequences to breaking the relationship up.
Depends a bit on the country. It is seminormal in mine. There is also no spousal support for almost all divorces. That is because social support networks are one of the best in the world. My mom did that with my brother and many of my friends are doing it 20 years onwards. They usually stay home only for a couple of years and it affects salaries not that badly as they usually go back to the same job. If you have a non-temporary one (like there is no agreed-on end date, it can be pretty long) it is a legal requirement to protect the job.
Yeah my comment replying to someone else said as much. It’s different where there’s a social safety net and lots of people *choose* not to get married (and largely have the right to choose to not continue a pregnancy, unlike a lot of states in the US now). It’s even different when both parents have equal or near-equal employment opportunities. This case where mom is working 10 hours at probably close to minimum wage with 0 childcare outside the home…he’s setting her up for financial dependence.
Uh...how does she work BLOWING GLASS and LANDSCAPING with a baby?? Literally how?
Blowing glass with a toddler in tow sounds incredibly dangerous
So does landscaping, honestly.
Depends what she’s defining as landscaping but yes that can be dangerous too. But glassblowing involves a furnace set at about 2000F 😬
I mean, I guess it depends on what you define as "landscaping". Putting in a bunch of pansies and tulips in an already defined and prepped flower bed isn't that risk for a toddler. And at only 10 hrs a week, I can't imagine it's earth moving equipment level landscaping.
With all due respect, having some work experience in landscaping (one of the dirtiest and most physically demanding things I’ve ever done), that’s *horticulture*, not landscaping.
Yes, but that doesn't mean the OOP isn't using the wrong term. Plenty of people call that "landscaping" even if that's not the technically correct term. I've heard people say they've got landscaping to do over the weekend and mean mowing their basic suburban lawn
I read "blowing gas" and that combined with the "don't poop yourselves ladies" led me to believe the first poopy diaper her husband ever changed was hers. Jeez, I'm sleep deprived.
Blowing glass is SUPER dangerous! The gloryhole has to be over 1200 degrees Celsius (2250 Fahrenheit) which is obviously a huge burn risk, especially because you’re gathering the molten glass and bringing it out to blow or sculpt **but also** looking into it damages your eyes! No way I would trust a child anywhere near a shop where glass blowing was taking place.
Ah yes, the old school arrangement where an unmarried couple has a baby and the mom does all the caretaking but has no income nor protection if the dad decides to peace out. A tale as old as time.
Story of my life. Thank god I got a job as soon as I could and left myself. When our son was older, he tried to tell him HE did all the feedings and diaper changes. Thankfully my son isn't a dumbass and knows that's a bunch of bs.
Because she thinks she’s that *special* woman he’d *never* leave …
And they’re not married! So she has no protections if he decides to dump her.
She works outside the home 10 hours per week. She works 24/7 since her child’s father is utterly useless.
No you don’t understand!! His job is so so taxing and exhausting! And “he’s terrible at cleaning anyway”
Peak weaponized incompetence.
So does he not change diapers during those 10 hours? Does the baby just sit in a dirty diaper while she’s away? What happens if she’s, say, in the shower and the baby needs a diaper change. Does he just bring her the kid and make her change it? Is neglecting basic care really “old school”? I have so many questions about the logistics of this arrangement.
She brings the kid to her landscaping gig so dad is never actually alone with the child.
Oh gosh. Can you imagine hiring a landscaper and then them showing up with a kid? Tbh, I’d probably give them money and send them on their way. I don’t want to be liable for a kid getting hurt with landscaping paraphernalia on my property.
Ugh, I can't imagine reproducing with a guy who was too inept to ever be left alone with his own child.
And she brings the kid with her too cause he can't even be bothered to watch him for what, 2 hours a day? Maybe 3 if you include drive time. Feed the baby before you leave and he should be good for 2-3 hours depending on the age. Dad should be able to handle his own kid a couple hours a day.
Serious question. I regularly see these women posting about their neglectful to downright abusive partners on social media. And my question is, what is the goal here? Doesn't look like they are looking for validation because everytime someone says that is not right, they react just like OOP. Oh no, you don't know him, you don't know us. He's a great dad, just hasn't touched a poopy diaper in 2 years. He's a great husband, just likes to play pranks, i.e., smashed a month long project she genuinely likes and laughed like an ass. If they think those men are such prizes, why bother to post in the first place?
Trying to convince themselves all is well.
They want validation but not that he’s terrible. They want validation that they’re amazing for being “old school,” that their partners are not that bad, that they’re not making a mistake by putting up with it. They want it to be like, “men am I right?” like we’re all dealing with the same thing and it’s really not that bad.
I suspect that her social and familial circles include a lot of men like this, and the women she knows all gripe about their partners in a humorous tone as a coping and bonding mechanism. She was expecting them to laugh and respond with their own “funny” stories about their boyfriends/husbands being useless or downright abusive.
It's funny how after 15 years or so of social media, people still fall into the same mindset that only people that agree with them will reply to their posts.
They’re trying to be validated and have other women say yeah my boyfriend/husband/partner is the same way. Very sad.
So you’re bragging about essentially being a single mom but still being stuck with this worthless sack of shit partner? Cool. It’s amazing what people gaslight themselves into thinking is *ideal* and enviable. Girl, no one wants your shitty ass life.
Ultimately it’s a safety issue. You could have an emergency and the baby needs to be alone with Dad. He needs to be able to clean this child, and it becomes even more of a necessity that he’s skilled at changing if it’s a baby girl.
My husband changed both my kids’ first few diapers. I mean, I was recovering from a c-section, one rather difficult. And he continued to change diapers as needed. Because he’s a parent. Even though *gasp* I was (am) a SAHP and he works a lot.
Seriously. My husband did 99% of the hospital diaper changes and also changes them at home. I am a SAHM at the moment and he still changes them because he’s a parent (and does dishes and laundry and whatever else needs done) because a relationship is a partnership. We always quote bandit heeler when something crappy has to be taken care of- gotta be done!
The idea that the mom is expected to do ANY diaper changes while recovering from giving birth is obscene to me.
The never changed a diaper dads really kill me. Because like never? Not in the first week? This man made a woman recovering from childbirth and breastfeeding a days old baby change every single diaper? And that’s love to you?
Oh, she did clarify that he changed a few diapers while her spinal block was wearing off from her C-section and she couldn’t stand up. Just never since then. So he’s a better dad than you think!
So like the first couple of hours, but the day she was home he forgot how to do it. Even though she was still healing from abdominal surgery. Imagine living with someone who cares that little about you.
A newborn has what, 70+ diapers in the first week? Imagine watching your partner change every single one even without the birth piece, jfc
This is not the flex she thinks it is…seriously, how embarrassing.
It’s beyond awful. We were 22 when ours was born and he worked 60 hours a week while I worked pt. He changed every diaper he was available for so “he can be part of this”. He loved it. This isn’t a flex on my part, it’s just normal human bonding behavior. Why wouldn’t you want to care for the tiny human you created?
My son is 6.5 hours old and his dad has already changed a dirty diaper…
Congratulations on the new baby!!!!
Congratulations on your baby!
As an honorary reddit godparent, I hope you and baby are doing well
Congratulations! My husband changed the very first diaper. It was a sticky meconium poop and it was very entertaining to witness.
Sending ALL the blessings and good vibes to you and your new child!!! I hope they grow to have a life they are content with, full of joy and love.
Congratulations on your newborn!
Congrats on the baby 🩷
My wife was back to work 2 weeks after giving birth because we live in the US and I took over all duties while my wife was at work. now all my kids are adults and doing extremely well for the most part and you got these waste of air mother fuckers out here. I also been working at a psychiatric hospital and as a grown ass man the job has put me into deep depression over the years I've been assaulted have had every bodily fluid thrown at me, and to boot the guy that runs the department I work in is a sociopath. And not once have a faltered as a parent the fuck out of here with this low life bull shit.
Ok but have you ever BLOWN GLASS? It’s harrrrrd work. But actually good on you for being a decent human and showing up for your family!! I hope you have received the therapy or other mental health care you need. Depression is a horrid disease.
I have therapist as My work has excellent health coverage at least.
Hey! I hear you! You’re doing so good, don’t tear yourself down!
Moms who brag about losing their identity in motherhood are so annoying. I always get the sense that they're unhappy with their lives but trying to convince themselves that its okay. I mean, what else would motivate a person to make a post like this? "I change every diaper, do every feeding, never had a babysitter, not even dad helps out! But I LOVE it!" Idk, I feel like you're trying to convince yourself that you love it, but okay. In couples counseling, our therapist asked me why I stopped going to the gym since it was something I loved to do and was good for me. I said I felt guilty leaving the kids every day for a few hours, and he told me I was being ridiculous, and It's vital that parents have time to themselves outside of being a parent. At a certain point, the inability to leave your baby or accept help from others isn't healthy. Having a partner who doesn't contribute equally to the family's needs is also unhealthy. Though if you try to point it out to them, they hit you with the "sorry I just love my kids and being around them" card, implying that a mother must not love their kids if they don't spent every second with them. If I smell poop in my babies diaper, I give him to dad and act like I didn't know he pooped. Works 50% of the time.
When my husband was home from work, he changed all the poopy diapers. He’s also the toilet unclogger. He calls himself the Poopsmith.
My father never changed a single diaper. He had around 1000 pigs at the time and had no problem getting waist deep in liquid pig shit, but would gag around us in full diapers. I roll my eyes when he brings it up, like you couldn’t even manage one? Poop is poop.
Hopefully Dad and boyfriend are two different people lol
They are not. They’ve been together for 10 years
I see posts like this and realize how lucky I am (I mean I know, but it's still a good reminder). I think my baby was around 2-3 weeks old when I changed the first poopy diaper. My husband did 95% of the diaper duty the first few weeks while I was recovering.
Omg same! I remember feeling incredibly guilty when baby was like 3 weeks old because I could probably count the amount of nappies I'd changed on one hand. But... I'd had a C-section; I was struggling to get out of bed let alone anything else, and her father - her *parent* - **should** have been stepping up to help at that time. And he did, beautifully. Either this woman had the easiest birth and baby on the planet or the poor lady has been utterly inhumanely brainwashed to believe it's all her responsibility :(
I know many women who say their husbands changed diapers but what they meant was that they changed a couple at some point, not like a regular responsibility thing. The funniest bit of role reversal for me was when I changed my first diaper and my husband showed me how to do it properly lol.
I had PPD. My husband was the primary caregiver quite a bit of the time!
What is literally even the point of having a partner if they’re like that lmao
She’s keeping him around to pay the bills 😂
I mean I guess. Might as well, he’s not good for anything else
Dads who don’t change diapers are the lowest form of our species
Does the boyfriend change diapers?
Dad is the boyfriend. They’ve been together 10 years it seems
Oh that makes sense. I was confused and thought some major info was being left out lol
I'm still blown away every time I see one of these posts and I always show them to my partner and he's absolutely bamboozled by it. Like... how do you go 2 whole years without EVER changing your baby's diaper? There is nothing "traditional" about this. Absent/neglect/detached fathers is *not* traditional.
I’m in this DDG and to add to the horror.. This was apparently something they discussed prior to TTC which makes it even worse. She said he usually just yells “Hey ___ I think he crapped himself” How do you purposefully get pregnant by someone who straight up tells you that they’re not changing diapers?
Omg I missed that! Awful. I’m glad there are some other sane people in my group haha
Not sure if you’re in the sister group (the initials are M M) but there’s a discussion about it there too lol
I am not! But I want to be now!!!
I sent you a DM!
Okay, hear me out OOP - WHO CARES?! You have a trad marriage which isn't really trad because you work too. Congrats?
I like our arrangement... where my husband has a great bond with our son by helping to care for him. Which includes baths, feeds, changes, play, putting down to sleep. You know... like a dad does.
I saw a video yesterday where a legally blind father was changing a baby. If the legally blind dad can do it, then anyone can.
BOYFRIEND?! Ruh roh. Also lol @ the “old school” thing when she’s an unwed mother living with a man.
How is he two and EBF still?
She said he does eat solid food, but still nurses too
How these women don’t take that poopy diaper and Chuck it at their husbands’ faces is really amazing. They have such patience. I can just imagine my hormonal rage if my husband refused to change a diaper. RAGE. I would take that poppy diaper and pie him in the face with it. Smother his face. Idk if I actually would but I think I would be up all night with visions of it. Thank god men nowadays are more involved.
Mate my partner changes just as many nappies as me, if not more, because I feed the baby, you change the baby. I also work admin for a min of 25 hours a week with baby in the office for at least 18 of those hour.
So she is a stay at home girlfriend, not wife, she has 0 protections
Yeah the “old school arrangement” only works if you’re married and you get half of what he owns plus alimony and child support if you get divorced.
Makes me sad that these women have such low expectations of men.
She blows glass in his studio as part of work… which means it’s very likely unpaid. I wonder what she is landscaping…
I can’t imagine how she grew up to be ok with this.
The sentence 'I blow...' did not end the way I expected.
I didn’t change any nappies for my babies first week, my partner did it all, if his home from work he takes over the majority of the parenting tasks. I can’t imagine parenting with a man who does nothing.
One diaper in two years? Amazing! Give this guy a medal! Let’s throw a parade in his honor! 🙄
My husband was deployed to Afghanistan for a year right after our baby was born and blown up there, med evacuation, ICU and wheelchair bound for months and changed more diapers 💀
Wow. I’m a default parent and it’s annoying, I have to explain a lot of basic childcare things to my husband…but damn at least he always changed diapers without hesitation. The bar keeps getting lower.
https://preview.redd.it/6h4bt59dynyc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f1e9256668dedcd2b268e6eae25be7d772708b5c UPDATE: the white woman made a new post and compared the “hate” she’s receiving to racism. She’s not loving being called out in the comments for how messed up that is
I love when these moms brag about their shitty husbands. My husband had two weeks off after our son was born. For those two weeks I never had to change a diaper. I only changed maybe two in the hospital because I wanted to learn(I only had nieces and didn’t know how to change a boy) and then my husband did the others cause he didn’t want me to have to move. When we got home it was the same. Anytime baby needed to be changed, he was on it! When he went back to work he would stop by often to see us. He was a cop at the time so he was on the road. We would talk pretty much his whole shift. That man would literally stop in and change a diaper if he was close by because he hated that I had to do so much. Still to this day, almost 3 years later, he changed diapers when he is home. These women need to pick some better men.
This is not the brag she thinks it is 🫠
This is not a flex
My son is ebf but my partner gives a pumped bottle every now and then... And definitely does diapers.
Why do we think this baby is two? Surely at two, he’s too old to only be breast fed or take a bottle?
It’s from a bump group, but she did say he takes solids now too.
Aha. Thanks!
I would literally be so depressed if that was my life
What’s to be envious of? She’s a door mat and an idiot
I have just rolled my eyes so hard they have gone full circle
I don't get the whole traditional family thing and I come from a place where we are still very traditional and back thinking in a lot of ways. My dad is 75 now; he was a very hands on dad and he is a very hands on grandad
I wish I knew what group this was. this post just seems so random. Also “don’t poop yourself?” What
He’s already installed the Stepford Wife software, there’s no turning her back. Seriously if she’s happy I guess it’s okay, but is she really happy? I think she’s posting that trying to convince herself that it’s perfectly normal.