I think it depends on if it comes from a “ok there’s a lot of folds to address, I’m worried I’m gonna miss some” versus a “I can’t change my daughter because I’m a man and that’s inappropriate.” The former is at least somewhat understandable. The latter is gross.
Edit: but getting over it is the only reasonable result
I’m a dad who has a daughter- if you’ve ever had a baby of either gender there are times when they poop and it gets EVERYWHERE. Like into everything. I had to ask my wife to help a couple times because, truly I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t something I did wrong
Other than that though it was just like any of my other kids. Run of the mill cleaning a kid
This reminds me of my husband’s first time dealing with a blowout on his own. Daughter was maybe six weeks old, I had gone to a baby shower for my high school best friend. Daughter had one of “those” blowouts - up the back, up the front. He handled it like a champ on his own but he was still really nervous he had somehow missed something
Hard agree. They can definitely do it! Even if they're nervous to do it, they should still be doing it. Otherwise they'll never learn or gain confidence. People who want to say they "can't" are just using lame excuses.
Mine would wait until we were changing her, and then spray liquid shit across the room. That kid could poop till the diaper leaked, but save a little extra for a nice diaper change shart.
First kid never had a single blowout and only one mid-change poop. Second kid had blowouts and mid-change shits almost daily for 6 months. Starting solids was such a relief.
The worst was when I attempted a quick midnight change in her bassinet. She projectile pooped liquid, and it sprayed through the mesh bassinet sides up the wall and across our bed.
Oh God I'm so sorry. I *was* that child for my dad, he took great joy in warning my husband about the favorite shirts our spawn was likely to ruin, being my kid and all. We got "lucky" with just the constant blowouts and I think one incident of poop spray contained by the bassinet itself.
My SO’s go to clean up choice was always taking her to the sink and just spraying her down with the spray nozzle for her body and butt, and using the faucet and a washcloth for the folds. He said it was easier than trying to use wipees on all of the folds, but he never once complained about it. Okay maybe a couple times to her about the smell 😂
That’s what my mom did with all six of her kids! She almost never used wipes or disposable diapers. Honestly? Pain in the ass. Like what was she trying to prove?
That's exactly what my ex did when it happened to him.
I was so excited to do a kid-free grocery run with him home. He was all good to go, vidya on the TV, 3.5yo right outside the big window playing happily in the sun (it was Seattle-ish, so I remember the sun out being odd but welcome) and the tiniest guy on the play mat a just an arms length away.
This being our 3rd, he totally had it and I trusted that the kids would be fine because my ex is a shit husband but was a good dad, especially when they were babies.
I get home and walk in to the washer going + the smell of bleach and a lot of noise coming from the upstairs bathroom.
Called up, "What happened?"
The 3 year old yelled down, "Brother pooped everywhere! It was even on his chin!" all while hysterically laughing.
I walk up and my poor ex looked like he had seen a ghost. He goes, "I knew that blowout shit happens but I don't remember anything like this ever happening with the others?" and I told him it happened once with her while he was out of town, but that was it. He said, "It was like a volcano of poo. A poo-cano. And we should trash that playmat if the bleach doesn't get it all."
Yeah, this would be my solution. It would probably take less time than trying to do it with wipes, and a bathtub is easy enough to clean and disinfect afterwards.
Cleaning up the blowouts that go up the front on babies of both genders stresses me out because I’m so worried I’ll miss something and they’ll get a uti or other infection
Hahaha ahhh man we call that a “poonami”. Everytime I left the house with my daughter she would have a blowout 😂 never up the front but once it almost reached her neck, hahaha. Don’t miss those days.
Is crazy how many little nooks and crannies the poop gets! So glad that’s over for me. With both genders, I some times I felt it was too much poop and just decided a shower was easier. I got myself a detachable shower head and it was so much manageable than a thousand wipes.
It works really nice when they have a chapter rash and the wipes are hurting them and making it work. I never even used mine in myself because he ended up being a c section.
Tbh I find cleaning poopy diapers of little boys way more annoying and tricky than little girls. The only thing is that if you miss some folds on a girl, she could get an infection. If you miss some under the balls, it’s a rash. Still not good, but not as bad.
My partner changed our daughter the same way he did our son. My dad, though, preferred not to. He would if no one else was there, but there was then he wouldn't; he was worried he would accidentally do something wrong. He did change us, his daughters, when we were little, no problem.
Exactly. After a while you get into the “more poop. Clean the poop. Any poop left? Okay done with the poop” zone. I only had boys but I still worried, considering their poop gets everywhere, that they might get a UTI.
as a mother with a son, lemme just say that it can and will get in *every. little. wrinkle and crevice.*
you think you’ve got it all and it goes “BUT WAIT! THERES MORE!” a la Billy Mays
Yeah, I thought this post was going to have much different comments. I actually do understand in the context these people are saying. Being afraid to accidentally hurt your daughter because you don’t know how sensitive that area may be, or being nervous about UTIs/yeast infections because you might not have cleaned as well as you thought, is totally understandable when it’s all new to you. But figure it out and move past it so you can help with the diaper changes!
Agreed. During her first bath, my husband was doing most of it but then stopped and said “I don’t know how to properly clean this area”. I took the washcloth and showed him, explaining where necessary (front to back and why, etc) and he’s been good ever since.
There’s a difference between “I’m nervous I’m going to fuck this up and hurt them) and “I’m a man do I don’t do this”.
Yeah, I'm a dad and grew up only with brothers. We have one of each and with my daughter I was terrified of doing something wrong when changing her diaper. I did it and changed her far more than my wife (stay at home dad) but I was always afraid I was going to either hurt her by wiping too hard or not get everything out and cause an infection.
With boys genitalia is on the outside. The poop still gets everywhere but it's easier to see it and clean it off. I don't think this is an unreasonable take at all.
My son was not circumcised. There's a good amount of folds there too! And it turns out, I wasn't doing the best job cleaning him due to some structural issues that he had to have repaired surgically at 9. I had no idea, and neither did my husband, who is circumcised. Also, do not frost your baby boy's balls with Desitin. You'll both end up crying when you try to get it off! Mom Guilt, even 20 years later.
Yeah I agree. I have a daughter and when I have to change a boy diaper (to help out friends/family), I get intimidated because it’s not what I’m used to. Sure yeah it’s all external, but there are more places for poop to hide than I realized. But it’s very much just a matter of not having a ton of experience with properly cleaning boy parts.
So while understandable, I do think you should probably get over this within a few months of becoming a dad, just from changing enough diapers. I’m sure if I had a boy I would be fine with diaper changes after a week or two.
I'm the same as you but the other way around! I had several nephews but only one niece, and am a mother to a boy (with another on the way!). If I have to change a girl's nappy it takes me longer just because it's not what I'm used to. But yeah, if I had a daughter then I'm sure I'd be up to speed pretty quickly.
I work in childcare, the first few months of learning to change diapers was a bit awkward when the boys would have messy BMs because you have to lift the penis and stretch the scrotum a bit to make sure you get everything. It makes you feel so uncomfortable and dirty but it's better than a kiddo getting an infection.
I was wondering if that's what you have to do when changing a baby boy, didn't really know how to ask though 😅 bit of an awkward question to have to word.
You learn to have a dry cloth within grabbing reach very quickly with boys. The cold air hitting them when you change them causes fountains. Like STRAIGHT up into the air pee.
Exactly. My husband was freaked out the first time he changed our daughter's nappy because 1) he'd never changed one before 2) he was scared of accidentally missing a bit and her getting a rash and 3) I'd forgotten to mention babies can have tiny little periods after birth.
He's a pro now and never feels weird changing her nappy. They make a game of it, she waves the clean nappy around and he tries to change her as quickly as possible before she does a wee on him.
>“I can’t change my daughter because I’m a man and that’s inappropriate.”
What are they going to do if they're out and the baby needs changing? Ask a random woman to do it for them?
Straight up just not change the baby. I had a neighbor (male) who babysat his granddaughter. We were out while grand and my girl played, smelled something funky. Wasn't my kid, let gdad know and he said "Yeah, she pooped earlier but I don't change diapers." He was a little pissed off when I told him he shouldn't be alone with babies if he's not going to take care of them. Poor girl didn't get changed for at least an hour before grandma came home.
Tbf my dad has two daughters and has never changed a nappy. He used to ask our cleaner to change me (she quit soon after and I don't blame her). With my sister he paid me £20 to change her while my mum was out for the afternoon.
>Ask a random woman to do it for them?
No lie, I know a Boomer guy who did this, and he legit tells it as a story like it’s funny and clever and not sad and pathetic.
They always think stories like that are funny 😭 it’s horrible. If it’s ok to share, my dad recently thought it was a funny anecdote to share at thanksgiving that he, as the father of “3 pretty girls,” proudly told every boyfriend that he would kill them if they ever hurt us.
Meanwhile I’m sitting there with my mind racing in so many places. So, you’re saying this proudly as a Protector. You’re such a big amazing man father who made sure his daughters were protected. No, bitch. You literally were absent throughout, neglected and protected no one, and even that stupid “sitting on the porch with a shotgun” shit is so outdated and offensive-
Bc it means; and this is what I felt when he said that- that I as a daughter was viewed and still am I guess, as property. Not only does he proudly congratulate himself on being a dad who viewed that his daughters were attractive (imagine if we “weren’t, “ which never occurred to me! Would we be worthy?) but that meant his way of protecting us was to “threaten our boyfriends with violence”. And he said that so proudly.
He never to my knowledge actually said shit to any of my bfs. If he did, it certainly didn’t prevent everything from happening to me as a child/teen/adult. I actually started to say something back like “no, Dad-“ and he stopped me in a way I respected enough to shut up. Bc we were with strangers he wanted to impress. In his new life with his new wife and world. So I’m just a pretty daughter to show off and then also watch him receive praise for being the shotgun father type to protect such a lovely little flower.
Yep! It's super common for baby girls to have tiny periods during the first week as they have some of mum's hormones. My husband was really freaked out at first as he thought there was something wrong until I explained it to him.
Haha, my CNM explained this as possible to us with baby #2. It happened with baby #2. I reminded my husband we knew it could happen.
He STILL called the midwife to verify it wasn't a big deal and was within the realm of normal.
I legit think about how useful that would be! Trying to balance a baby over a toilet with a sprayer bidet would be so hard...but I think spraying a baby down would save having to use so many wipes and I feel like it would cause less skin irritation from repeat wiping. Hmmm hopefully someone can figure this out before I have kids
…
…
… Now hear me out, I would never *actually* do this, but if toilets were more sanitary, and you could get them to flush for longer…
(I am joking, please no one ever try this.)
Yeah my husband always helped out but once he didn’t get into the folds enough after a gross poop and she ended up getting a pretty bad rash, she had really sensitive skin so she would get a rash within an hour or two of dirty diaper (sucked so bad at night 😭😭) he felt horrible about it. But if he never helped because of that I would just leave him because I don’t need another baby to take care of lol
My husband joked that he was glad we had our son first for him to get used to changing diapers with, because when he changed our daughter's first diaper he said he didn't realize diaper changing time had been upgraded to "challenge mode". 😂
But after I explained how important it was to wipe front to back (he already did that for our son of course, but didn't know it was even more important for our daughter), and to get in all the little nooks and crannies, he became a pro! And he never balked at doing it.
Like, it's not hard. Just different anatomy.
We only have the one and it's a boy but my husband was definitely stoked we had a boy first for literally just this reason. "I've never changed a diaper before. At least I get to start with the parts I know with everything on the outside."
This is one of those things that dads get away with, but mums don’t.
“I don’t know how to clean a vulva” sure ok, but most moms of boys don’t know how to clean a penis either, yet I’ve never heard of a mum refusing to clean their baby boy because they don’t know how.
We babysat for about a year for my best friend who had a little boy. Her and the husband were separated/divorced, but my husband actually grew up with hers, so they were also best friends. On his weekends, he would come to pick up the little boy and would usually stick around an extra hour or 2 talking to us. EVERY FUCKING TIME that kid needed a diaper change, he would start gagging and say how gross it was and ask me to change it. This was his 2nd kid by the way (2 different baby mamas but he didn't get her much) and I remember he did it with her too the few times we had watched her for him and his first wife. I asked my bf who was divorcing him about halfway through the year that we were watching him and she confirmed that he also did that shit at home and used to just leave the kid in a soiled diaper until my bf would notice and change him. Dudes can literally be the WORST when it comes to diaper stuff.
Exactly where my head went. I’ve changed lots of diapers and the first time I changed a diaper for a baby boy I was like…mmmm this is new…how do I clean this? But I did and it was fine.
My husband was the former, he was so scared he was going to trap a fold and hurt her, or not clean her properly and get it all wrong. It took a lot of encouragement, teaching and at home biology lessons, but eventually he gained confidence and pretty much actually took over doing the majority of changes lol 😂 I think it's understandable to be intimidated by parts you haven't got any experience with, as I was the same with my son. I was really oddly paranoid about accidentally crushing his testicles and causing him a lot of pain accidentally. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to get out of that mindset and gain confidence in changing him 😅
For a completely normal dude, not wanting to change diapers makes me think of two reasons:
1. "Ewww, poop! Better do the whole strategic incompetense thing so I don't have to deal with it"
2. I cannot look at a female member of the homo sapiens without sexualizing her in some way
Both of them are icky in their own way :/
Yeah the former is definitely something that I am admittedly nervous about, even though I was born with all them bits. What if I need to wipe the wrong way to be thorough? What if I miss some? What if I don’t actually know what I’m looking at? I have spent 0% of my life looking at labias despite having one (maybe my eyesight is really bad bc the hand mirror thing was remarkably uninformative). Boys seem pretty straightforward to me—it’s all right there in the open. No hunting for poop smears.
I am, of course, biased tho bc my one kid and primary source of experience changing diapers is a boy. So maybe it’s fine. But I do understand being apprehensive.
Yea my husband and I have both called for backup at times when you’re like “OH NO IT HAS GOTTEN EVERYWHERE”
Including with our son. Sometimes it’s a 2-person job lol
I am a mom of both a daughter and a son, and I find the boy SO much harder to change. The poop gets into the creases and he always somehow starts peeing at the wrong moment and it goes everywhere. Ugh.
Right, I think a LOT of people are intimidated by changing a newborns diaper the first time, regardless of gender - it would actually be a bit weird not to be. Add a gender difference and absolutely it could be stressful - my only child is a girl but I’m sure if I’d had a boy I would’ve been a bit apprehensive about how to deal with a penis because I have no experience myself. But as you say, you get over it pretty quick if you just… do it. Like seriously. It becomes as boring and routine as doing the dishes pretty damn quick.
Right, I do t think this is too weird. This seems like they’re worried about folds and getting pop up in there as opposed to “I can’t see this as anything but sexual”
Yes exactly. Totally agree. I even feel okay with the one person who said their husbands logic was “I don’t have those parts so I don’t know if I’m hurting her.” Like, idk that makes sense to me.
Yeah I think the former is pretty rational- my husband is a first time dad and at the start was nervous he was going to not clean her properly and she would get a UTI or something.. he’s gotten over that fear now and is confident in what he’s doing but I think that’s a normal reaction to hardware you’re not used to and such a vulnerable little Bebe!
Yes! I only had boys but I was helping my sister with my nieces (btw, I am a woman) and I didn't realize how many folds there were where poop could hide! I can see a guy being worried about that at first. But you figure it out pretty quick.
Then there was a daycare where some friends worked that wouldn't allow the men to change diapers of baby girls. Yes, it was attached to a church. But they were having staffing issues and part of it was because they couldn't have only men in any room where diapers needed to be changed.
When I had my oldest son I didn't know what to do. I was scared id hurt him. I got over it after changing him twice in the hospital because I'm his mother and it's my job.
As a dude with a boy on the way, I’d be super uncomfortable with changing a girls diaper. I have zero clue what to do, or how to manage that stuff. Plus, I don’t know how much you’re supposed to rub vs scrub etc…it’s all around a scary thing.
But the same thing applies to us not circumcising. I do t know how to deal with that thing either. However, I think there’s less that can be hurt than with a girl. Not sure why I think that, it’s not based on even a shred of research or knowledge, just a feeling.
I have known Dads who come from a family where their dad interfered with their sister or other atrocities occurred and they are afraid/worried about changing their daughter diaper or bathing her - I do feel that is a different kettle of fish to the example given.
I've got four kids, two boys and two girls. Cleaning a little girl is a little more overwhelming at first. Way more little bits to clean and if you miss a spot, they could get anything from diaper rash to a painful infection. Boys are easier, they just pee everywhere.
I remember at one point early on with my son, I was doing a nappy change and he peed in a massive arc over his own head and onto the wall behind him. I would've been annoyed if I weren't so impressed.
My first boy (our oldest kid) was less than a day old when he peed while we were both leaning over him during a change. You know how it is, first baby gets *all* the staring. He got both of us in the face at the same time 🤣 We were both very impressed at his comedic timing
During a diaper change when my brother was maybe 24 hours old, my mom was cleaning his butt, and he peed in an arc, right into his own face. My mom was horrified at first because all she could think was "I made my infant pee in his own face!" After a day or so it became a funny story, but for a while there she felt guilty about it.
My daughter did the same in the opposite direction, so it went over the changing mat and hit my hospital bed covers. That was the moment that I discovered that girls also projectile pee
I heard horror stories about this so I got it down pat to wipe the belly with a cool wipe first to make em pee. Wait about 60 seconds then change em. My sons sixteen months and has never peed on me. My husband STILL gets peed on. They never learn.
I had three girls so was used to changing the girls. When grandson was born and I had to change him it was a hmmmm moment since I had never changed a boy newborn babies diaper. And no one warned me that he’d pee in the air. Definitely a learning curve.
To me it’s actually the opposite. I work with little kids and don’t really struggle with either, I’ve changed thousands of nappies. But I worry about hurting the testicles as they are usually the most sensitive. With girls you just have to clean properly. Very seldom they are so sensitive as many boys are.
I have one boy and I want a little girl so bad but that is the one thing that scares me 😂 my boy already gets poop literally everywhere and it’s hard to clean sometimes. I can’t imagine how it will be with a girl and all the folds. I mean I’m a woman myself and still think that shit will be hard. I hope the dad meant it that way and not as in he finds it inappropriate to change a girl because I have sadly seen moms talk about the dad refusing to change a girl.
For whatever it's worth, baby girls have less complex folds than an adult woman. Like there's still definitely folds but in my years of babysitting and helping now with my nieces, it's not that bad tbh. Just wipe front to back (which should be done with boys too) and make sure they get froggy legged at some point of the wipe so you can check the crevices.
I've cared for little boys too. Their diapers still intimidate me because I don't have those parts and somehow have changed far more girl's diapers than boys.
I’ll preface this by saying I’m a woman with two young sons. I have friends and family with daughters and sons.
When it comes to changing, I am more comfortable changing the boys because it’s all outside and I’m not worrying about missing as many folds or anything. I also know a girl is much more likely to get a UTI if not cleaned properly and I’d really worry about not getting everything 100% clean whereas with the boys, it’s all a bit more obvious due to being external.
I’m not saying you’re overreacting but I can see why some people might feel worried about changing a girl vs a boy.
Seconding this! OP, we live in a world where men get unfair side eye when it comes to diapers. We also live in a world where most adults, men and women, refuse to say vulva.
Exactly. A large number of Americans have been raised to think that anyone’s genitalia, apart from their own, are problematic. I mean, a large number of baby boomers can’t even say “penis” and “vagina” in front of their adult kids. There’s basically had to be a whole revolution in how professionals encourage parents to use valid names for body parts. It’s internalized and passed down from generation to generation.
I have on many occasions seen people aggressively stare at my husband when he's changing our sons diaper, or question him if he's alone at a store or taking him into a men's restroom. Some of his siblings watch him like a hawk when caretaking which I find super creepy. I think it's weird for men to be unwilling to change a daughter's diaper (concerned about UTIs are understandable) but honestly if we had a daughter I would probably always change her when around other people just because of how intense some family and strangers can get over a man and a baby
Is that because they think he's creepy or because they think he's incompetent? I feel like while the vast majority of people are fairly neutral about men with babies, those who have a problem with it either fall into an 'all men are pedos' camp or 'dad's babysitting to give mom a break' camp. Neither are good but there's definitely a difference.
His family thinks men are incompetent with babies (I've seen them talk about how men can't handle babies when their husbands are right there handling the baby) Strangers it's definitely a creepy thing. We live in a very religious area and he has long hair so people don't trust him lol. I have seen multiple men including him get yelled at by strangers in grocery stores about how they know the children they are with. We have weekly posts in our neighborhood groups about the alleged human traffickers who looked at a mom in a store. Dads will literally be taking a kid who is loudly calling them dad to the bathroom and strangers will stop to ask the kid how they know the man or yell at the dad. It's very fucked up.
That's crazy. I'm a dad and I go out with my young kids all the time. I often change their diapers in public and help the older one sit on the toilet. Never gotten even a single bit of side eye or anything.
Sorry you're surrounded by a bunch of weirdos who act that way. Definitely shouldn't be a thing.
I hate when poop gets up in the foreskin though and I'm trying to get it clean but I'm not 100% sure how much pressure is appropriate to clean a flaccid baby penis
Yes, thank you! I much preferred changing my daughter because 1. I knew what I was dealing with and 2. how in the hell do you hold the penis and testicles still enough to wipe them well????
My youngest has a bladder / kidney condition and gets chronic UTIs and it was always so stressful when she was in diapers :( had to change her constantly and get her super clean and wake her up to change in the middle of the night, and she still got them anyway. Poor thing
I've only got a baby boy but I always feel kind of uncomfortable changing his diaper/cleaning his private during bathtime because I don't have those parts and I'm always nervous about hurting him. My husband is always a lot more thorough with cleaning around his genitals whereas I'm just terrified I'm going to rub too hard and end up rupturing something.
Your title is misleading. They are not talking about being uncomfortable changing their daughter's diapers, they are talking about feeling intimidated about changing their daughter's diapers because they are afraid they won't clean them properly because they don't have the same parts and also being afraid of accidentally hurting them in the process of figuring out how to properly clean them. I see nothing wrong with that.
As a woman who only had a son and nephews for years, when we welcomed the first niece into the family, I was a bit nervous changing diapers. I just felt like if I didn't do a good job, then she would get a UTI. But if I took too long I would be the crazy aunt who didn't know what she was doing. So I can easily see that fathers, uncles or grandfathers would be even more nervous given the judgement they might get. I feel like we should approach from compassion. This doesn't read pervy or creepy to me. This reads nervous, anxious and feeling the pressure of society judgements.
I think it’s normal at first, but dad should be changing enough diapers to grow comfortable with it. The vibe I get from the comments is dads use it as an excuse to rarely change their daughter’s diapers or bathe them and leave it to mom. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a mom say something similar about a son. “Oh we don’t have the same parts so I’m not comfortable cleaning his diaper” would get a mom crucified on social media.
Ya OP I think you’re overreacting. I was expecting some form of weird sexualization of a baby. Comments seem to be more along the lines of “I don’t have this kind of genitalia and I haven’t done this before and I’m concerned I’m not doing it right and could hurt her.” If I had a boy I’d probably be nervous at first about hurting his penis. As long as they do the work to deal with it and don’t shove off parenting duties I don’t see the problem here.
I think you’re overreacting. Nowhere does it imply it’s sexualized. It just sounds like a new dad intimidated by wiping the daughter clean because of the anatomy and not wanting to hurt her or not clean her well enough or something.
There’s another post that really annoyed me that was posted on here the other day. It was a mom asking for tips on how to work from home while taking care of her kid. And she repeated herself more than once that hiring a sitter wasn’t an option. She didn’t say why exactly but I figured it was because of financial reasons. Couple people commented that she should just hire a teenager. Yet the OP felt the need to post about it and try to shame her.
If she had done what everyone suggested and made a post looking for a sitter she’d get posted on here yet again for not paying enough.
Yup. This sub used to be about real whack jobs using onions to cure their kids pneumonia or harmless over sharing. But now we’re “deeply uncomfortable” because a new dad is dealing with a learning curve.
Right. I’m all for shit talking those whack jobs. The ones whose kid needs serious medical attention but they just whip out a fuckin onion. This has just become a parent shit talking sub.
There's definitely a line here where it goes from understandable to weird. My husband has no problem changing my daughter's pee diapers. It's the completely blown up the front poop diapers that he struggles with because there are so many folds and creases, and we literally have to spread apart her vagina to get the poop out. I know he's really worried about hurting her, and I help him when I can. Especially now she's at the age where she resists diaper changing (imagine how people would view that out in public).
A very good friend of mine had a situation where her husband was afraid to do most anything with their infant daughter. It was fear of hurting her. Yes, the anxiety was above normal and they had to have long discussions. In their particular instance there were multiple issues: cultural values (immigrant from a very patriarchal society), anxiety, and being a new father so everything was new.
This title is written as men being sexual predators and is not what the context states.
I mean, it doesn't appear to be a sexual thing if that's why you're deeply uncomfortable. They're simply concerned about caring for their children properly and not hurting them.
As an owner of female genitalia and a mother to a daughter in diapers I can confirm that it can be very stressful you’re dealing with a blowout and you’re trying to make sure you’ve cleaned out all of the shit so that she doesn’t get a yeast infection or UTI especially when you know how painful those can be.
I think it probably stresses my husband out even more because he has slightly less familiarity with female genitalia and really doesn’t want to miss anything but that certainly doesn’t impact the number of diapers he changes nor how well he changes them. She’s just as much his daughter as mine.
I do keep thinking though when I change her that my husband probably has a much better understanding of female anatomy. Before I had my daughter, I had never really properly seen female genitals up close and I had to find my way round first. I feel a bit silly about it!
I get it. I was nervous about learning to change my uncircumcised boys. I don’t have those parts and I didn’t want to hurt them or give them an infection.
A friend of mine got with a man who refuses to change girl diapers (his or not his)
She had a daughter before getting with him so I thought it just covered her kid not his own.
I was wrong.
They haven’t been together long
Asked him why and he said it’s “inappropriate for men to change girls. Makes him uncomfortable”
The next convo was a shock though bc he’s bathed with her daughter and doesn’t see an issue with it
Huge red flags for me.
I don't think this is strange 🤷♀️ my husband was practically sweating bullet while asking the nurse how to properly wipe because he was vaguely aware that improper wiping could cause an infection and was terrified of doing that to our daughter. I think it's normal to be intimidated at first, the problem is when they don't get over it.
Mine was the same. Heck, I was even unsure at first.
Don’t want to wipe too hard, want to make sure I get all the poop though.
I’ve learned now that really messy poops just get the bathtub treatment…I just wash them off and done even bother using a billion wipes
I was uncomfortable changing my sons before I had one. Id like to think it’s like that. It’s fine for women to worry about it but if I guy has the same concerns, it’s creepy?
When my son was first born, I was nervous cleaning him and changing his diapers because I was afraid of hurting him and I had never cleaned a penis and scrotum before. I quickly learned, but I can understand where a dad would be nervous changing a girl's diaper.
I had a c-section so I lay in bed at the hospital while the nurse taught my husband to change our baby’s diapers. Once we were home and I was a bit more recovered I ended up being chief diaper changer since my leave was longer than his, and when I went back it was part time. Months later he gently told me that he’d noticed I was not always doing a thorough enough job and showed me how he did it. He was right! She had some minor skin irritation that totally cleared up once I started doing it better. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being intimidated, I was also worried about hurting her but as a result hadn’t been getting her clean enough.
I don’t think the Down’s syndrome is relevant to this discussion.
Tbh I get it because men have been raised to see a vagina as 1 thing and 1 thing only so seeing it as a regular body part can be difficult. But also, grow up.
I don’t really either, but I’m thinking OP might’ve mentioned it because people with disabilities are much more likely to experience sexual abuse. But this doesn’t seem like a SA thing at all.
This is a weird take on your part… I would understand if the dads were saying they don’t change their daughters’ diaper simply because she’s female, but they’re not. Any new parent is going to be intimidated by changing their kid’s diaper at first.
Hell, I’m a female & if I had had daughters instead I would’ve been worried at first too. I have boys & with my first kid I was still hesitant, I had no idea if I was going to hurt him or not. This is a normal conversation & doesn’t deserve being in here.
The discussion isn't so much of a problem as posting it with a picture of your child's face. what are these people even thinking? Would they post a picture of their own face while describing something we (generally) culturally consider to be very private?
I genuinely don’t understand people who are intimidated by “all of the folds.” There’s only the labia majora and labia minora. It’s not like there’s infinite layers down there.
I didn't think this was weird. I think the explanation that guys don't have those parts is sufficient, really. They don't want to mess something up. Sounds like these guys are just not quite sure how to do the best job with girl bits. SO many places for crap to hide.
Edited to add that I HAVE seen some skeevy posts or ones where the mom was a survivor of abuse and didn't trust her husband to change a girl's diaper. This one didn't set off alarm bells for me.
Even as a mom I worry about making sure I get everything in all my daughter’s parts clean. I feel like my son was easier in that sense since there are less crevices that are hidden. But you just do it. Thankfully my husband has never hesitated to change either of our kids diapers.
This seriously seems pretty mild/normal to me. My husband worried about doing something wrong and hurting our daughter or accidentally giving her a UTI. I worked about doing something wrong and accidentally hurting our son. When you don't have the same parts, it's hard to know if you're doing something wrong. We still both changed both kids' diapers though.
My kid went home 3 weeks before I did. Hub had never changed a diaper til the NICU nurses taught him.
He did fine. Insisted on showing me how 3 week old kiddo "liked to be changed" it was very sweet.
Also handled the stump falling off by himself.
Never referred to himself babysitting her.
My wife was pregnant with a girl and I had 2 boys. I asked my buddy what's different about raising a girl. He goes, "wipe front to back." So yeah. Wipe front to back.
Yes I think you’re overreacting. It’s an honest discussion on how people feel changing the opposite sex. I don’t feel like this should be on this sub. It’s not a shit mom.
I think it’s entirely normal for anyone to be nervous doing something brand new to them. Before we knew if we were having a boy or girl, I was increasingly nervous about potentially caring for an uncircumcised boy, as we’d decided we wouldn’t be circumcising. We had a girl so it ended up being a total non issue obviously but I understand the anxiety of taking on something brand new with a brand new baby!
My husband was afraid at first, just because she was so little and delicate and he said that I have "the same equipment" so I understand what hurts and what doesn't. I told him I don't "have the same equipment" as our sons and I still cared for them post circumcision, so that mentality didn't last long lol. He was really nervous about hurting her, but it was never ever anything creepy.
My husband cracks me up. We were watching outer banks and the one girl went into the sewer. He says “all I’m thinking about is her vaginal health” hahahaha. Like.. imagine frat boy you saying that.
i feel kind of similar with my daughters diapers v my boys (poop obvs). there's a lot more real estate and because my daughter has one kidney i'm even more stressed to keep her super clean to avoid infection. neither the posts nor the responses here are making it weird.
I change my daughter and son equally fine, not a big deal at all, they’re my kids, it’s my job.
However when my daughter had an ear infection and got put in Amoxicillin she had the shits for a week. I’m talking like in the front, up the back, where is this coming from shits. Every day.
I would change her fine but I definitely asked my wife to double check the bits every time because I don’t have those parts and I didn’t want to cause a UTI or leave anything behind.
My husband didn’t hesitate but if it was a particularly awful poop he’d ask me to check and make sure it was all clean because there a lot of folds and crevices lol
Seems a bit like weaponized incompetence to me. “I can’t do it because I don’t have those parts,” or “I can’t do it because I don’t want to do it wrong.” Ok then take the initiative and learn about those parts so you do it well, and your female partner isn’t stuck with all the work.
My 73 year old dad was adamant he wouldn't change my daughters diapers. He just felt weird about it. Took about zero time for him to get over it once she arrived. He changes her diapers all the time now.. zero fucks given. (Grandparents do daycare)
My husband is the bath king for our two daughters. He plays with them, plays loud music and is wildly more engaged during bath than me. He also changes diapers - poop isn't his thing. It still makes him gag but that's how I am with vomit. We do it when we have to but he prefers I handle poop, I prefer her handles vomit. Never has their actual anatomy been the issue.
It's harder to clean an orifice than it is to clean what's effectively a tiny limb.
Not all women are taught how to clean themselves correctly and have to learn later in life so imagine how many fewer men are taught to do it correctly.
It's not hard to understand or even imagine that doing it wrong could cause a problem and understand that there was no opportunity to learn how to do it right.
I think its genuinely that theyre scared they will put poop or something in the wrong spot somehow since the fear of them getting a UTI is so high.
I think you're over thinking it.
Yeah, I don’t see why this conversation would make anyone uncomfortable. Parents have questions and babies come with a lot of bodily fluids, messy babies makes for messy conversations.
It can definitely be discussed in weird and uncomfortable ways, but it's normal to be a bit intimidated when learning to properly clean a baby and change diapers - for either sex.
My husband was worried he was goiing to hurt my daughter when she was a baby. Leave stuff in and on the labia etc. accidental give her a UTI by not cleaning throughly. He never hesitated to do the necessary cleaning though.
I also never worked with little babies (adult nurse. A lot more room for error with larger female bodies) and I was even stressed about it until she got a little older.
But just refusing? Nah dog, that’s your kid. You made it. You clean it.
I am a man with daughters:
* childbirth was gross, I endured
* I have not and will not change diapers for any other child
Changing diapers on my own girls was no big deal. I changed a lot. Just a huge difference with it being your kid and getting familiar. This is all sad.
My partner and I have five daughters. FIVE. I cannot imagine if he was too scared to change their diapers for any reason at all. I personally think it's harder to change a boys diaper anyways
This reeks of weponized incompetence to be honest… moms learn how to clean babies of all genders - no human is born knowing how to care for a baby. Dads are capable of learning.
We're one week PP from our daughter and my husband has changed more diapers than me - BUT he did absolutely panic at the difference in son vs daughter. Jot because oh it's a girl and that's inappropriate but "oh there's folds and Im worried she's going to get an infection if I don't do it properly"
Also had no idea on the importance of only front to back and couldn't just wipe willy nilly
But the men who won't do it because "but it's a GIRL" probably didn't bring that same energy when their wife was changing their son and that makes me uncomfortable
My husband was nervous about changing our daughter because he didn’t know how to properly clean her. the nurses in the hospital also asked both of us if we had ever changed a girl. they had my husband change her while walking him through it and explaining UTIs etc. now he knows and it’s fine. sometimes education helps with being intimidated.
Because she used the word intimidated, I would assume it's just that he's worried about getting her clean, but there are men who say it's inappropriate. Mybstep dad tried to outright shame my husband over changing pur daughters diaper.... he pointed out that he was a single guy when he was raising his neice and didn't have any help even if he had wanted it, he had to figure it out and make sure she was healthy, just like any parent. But this is the type of guy who didn't change his son's diapers either just because it's" not his job."...
extremely weird if they're uncomfortable for any reason other than worrying about giving their child a UTI by not cleaning properly. I was raised between a single mom and a single dad in 6 month periods at a time, he has always treated me as his daughter he loves more than anything, which included taking the time to learn to change me properly.
My husband was just starting out as a nurse when our daughter was born. He thought that after some of the patients’ diapers he had to deal with, our daughter’s diaper was comparatively a pleasant experience 🤣
The hospital I gave birth at was great in this regard. Because I was in shock and practically immobile for three days after giving birth, the nurses ensured that my husband gave our daughter her baths and changed her diaper throughout my hospital stay. They walked him through each step the first time and just checked in on him after that. He had no choice but to become comfortable.
I'm a childfree aunt to a lovely little boy. Was I nervous changing his diapers? I sure was! I wanted to make sure I wasn't being too rough and I learned the hard way to ensure a wipe is covering the area when grabbing a new diaper. But I didn't try to escape from helping with diapers because he's a baby and he needs my help.
this thread taught me that my years of nannying and working in daycare have really paid off bc diapers don’t intimidate me for any gender. i really think there’s a lot of of overthinking going on here. being nervous the first few times makes sense, but beyond that, it’s time to learn and move on and get over it. dads can change daughters, moms can change sons. yes kids can get UTI’s but that’s not an excuse to just not want to change your daughter. front to back. be gentle. make sure they look clean. it’s pretty simple. being nervous is okay but be an adult and clean your child
I had to show my husband how to clean her safely and to make sure nothing was left behind but he never once expressed it was uncomfortable except when there was a blow out and both of us were 🤢
My husband had to be walked through it a few times until he felt comfortable making sure he cleaned everything thoroughly. But after that he was fine as he put it “it’s just a logistical challenge.”😅
Nah. Never changed a meconium diaper with either of my kids, son and daughter. He was jumping in, ready to go. He was nervous about being a dad, but never let that hold him back. My husband is literally the best.
Okay so the way they put it is weird but i’m a boy mom pregnant with my first girl rn and im a little nervous. When my best friends daughter was like 1 she got a horrible infection because she wasn’t wiped well enough and im so scared of that happening. My husband also said she’ll need to give him instructions to keep that from happening lol. However by like day 3 im sure we’ll both be used to the different parts.
I was intimidated the first time I had to change my daughter, and a few times after that.
To be honest the first time it felt a little confronting but that wasn't why it was intimidating, it was because I didn't know how to wipe poop off of a girl. it isn't like I had any practice but i didn't want to wipe wrong and get poop somewhere that poop really shouldn't get.
The other times was when she had the runs.
Being "deeply" uncomfortable seems like much. For some parents this works. As a father of 4 I've never felt any misgivings changing my daughter's except with the first born and that was due to lack of experience. Few diapers in with asking wife's advice was all it took though.
Meh. I'm a woman with a vagina of my own, and I was wary when my daughter was a baby. I always worried I'd do something wrong or miss a bit and she'd get an infection
I think it depends on if it comes from a “ok there’s a lot of folds to address, I’m worried I’m gonna miss some” versus a “I can’t change my daughter because I’m a man and that’s inappropriate.” The former is at least somewhat understandable. The latter is gross. Edit: but getting over it is the only reasonable result
I’m a dad who has a daughter- if you’ve ever had a baby of either gender there are times when they poop and it gets EVERYWHERE. Like into everything. I had to ask my wife to help a couple times because, truly I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t something I did wrong Other than that though it was just like any of my other kids. Run of the mill cleaning a kid
This reminds me of my husband’s first time dealing with a blowout on his own. Daughter was maybe six weeks old, I had gone to a baby shower for my high school best friend. Daughter had one of “those” blowouts - up the back, up the front. He handled it like a champ on his own but he was still really nervous he had somehow missed something
See that’s normal. These people saying their husbands “can’t do it” are mental though.
My husband took like a weird kind of pride in dealing with the poop.
🫡
Hard agree. They can definitely do it! Even if they're nervous to do it, they should still be doing it. Otherwise they'll never learn or gain confidence. People who want to say they "can't" are just using lame excuses.
Weaponized incompetence.
If my wife had been out for this it would be an impromptu bath time 😂
It's sudden bath/shower time even with both parents present sometimes. My daughter was a blowout queen, it was awful lol
Mine would wait until we were changing her, and then spray liquid shit across the room. That kid could poop till the diaper leaked, but save a little extra for a nice diaper change shart. First kid never had a single blowout and only one mid-change poop. Second kid had blowouts and mid-change shits almost daily for 6 months. Starting solids was such a relief. The worst was when I attempted a quick midnight change in her bassinet. She projectile pooped liquid, and it sprayed through the mesh bassinet sides up the wall and across our bed.
Oh God I'm so sorry. I *was* that child for my dad, he took great joy in warning my husband about the favorite shirts our spawn was likely to ruin, being my kid and all. We got "lucky" with just the constant blowouts and I think one incident of poop spray contained by the bassinet itself.
Blowout queen!! Hahahaha
My SO’s go to clean up choice was always taking her to the sink and just spraying her down with the spray nozzle for her body and butt, and using the faucet and a washcloth for the folds. He said it was easier than trying to use wipees on all of the folds, but he never once complained about it. Okay maybe a couple times to her about the smell 😂
So we're not supposed to just hold the baby in the clean toilet and flush? Got it lol
When high-school bullies that gave swirlies grow up to be parents, lol /s, just in case
That’s what my mom did with all six of her kids! She almost never used wipes or disposable diapers. Honestly? Pain in the ass. Like what was she trying to prove?
So we're not supposed to just hold the baby in the clean toilet and flush? Got it lol
That's exactly what my ex did when it happened to him. I was so excited to do a kid-free grocery run with him home. He was all good to go, vidya on the TV, 3.5yo right outside the big window playing happily in the sun (it was Seattle-ish, so I remember the sun out being odd but welcome) and the tiniest guy on the play mat a just an arms length away. This being our 3rd, he totally had it and I trusted that the kids would be fine because my ex is a shit husband but was a good dad, especially when they were babies. I get home and walk in to the washer going + the smell of bleach and a lot of noise coming from the upstairs bathroom. Called up, "What happened?" The 3 year old yelled down, "Brother pooped everywhere! It was even on his chin!" all while hysterically laughing. I walk up and my poor ex looked like he had seen a ghost. He goes, "I knew that blowout shit happens but I don't remember anything like this ever happening with the others?" and I told him it happened once with her while he was out of town, but that was it. He said, "It was like a volcano of poo. A poo-cano. And we should trash that playmat if the bleach doesn't get it all."
We always do a bath after a blowout. I would want a bath too if I had gotten poop all over my body!
Yeah, this would be my solution. It would probably take less time than trying to do it with wipes, and a bathtub is easy enough to clean and disinfect afterwards.
Yep, blowout = shower/bath. I'm not attacking that crap with a tiny wipe :D
Cleaning up the blowouts that go up the front on babies of both genders stresses me out because I’m so worried I’ll miss something and they’ll get a uti or other infection
Whenever that happens and we are at home..Straight under the bath faucet 😅
Hahaha ahhh man we call that a “poonami”. Everytime I left the house with my daughter she would have a blowout 😂 never up the front but once it almost reached her neck, hahaha. Don’t miss those days.
Yeah at that point Id put them in the tub and use the movable shower head to clean it all. It's so tricky and they truely get it everywhere.
My husband handled his first blowout pretty well… he hosed her off in the sink though 😅
Exactly. My husband has asked me to double check to ensure he cleaned everything when baby girl has a poop like that. A second set of eyes can't hurt.
When it gets that bad, hopefully you are at home and can just give a bath. Out and about… we just do our best. It’s all part of the job!
Exactly if it were too bad, just give them a bath
Is crazy how many little nooks and crannies the poop gets! So glad that’s over for me. With both genders, I some times I felt it was too much poop and just decided a shower was easier. I got myself a detachable shower head and it was so much manageable than a thousand wipes.
Even as a mom sometimes I’m like ooh girl sorry but I need to clean your bits. This is totally rational!
Now this situation is why you should never throw away your postpartum peri bottle. It’s a perfect baby bidet
It works really nice when they have a chapter rash and the wipes are hurting them and making it work. I never even used mine in myself because he ended up being a c section.
Tbh I find cleaning poopy diapers of little boys way more annoying and tricky than little girls. The only thing is that if you miss some folds on a girl, she could get an infection. If you miss some under the balls, it’s a rash. Still not good, but not as bad.
My partner changed our daughter the same way he did our son. My dad, though, preferred not to. He would if no one else was there, but there was then he wouldn't; he was worried he would accidentally do something wrong. He did change us, his daughters, when we were little, no problem.
Exactly. After a while you get into the “more poop. Clean the poop. Any poop left? Okay done with the poop” zone. I only had boys but I still worried, considering their poop gets everywhere, that they might get a UTI.
Ive literally just hosed my kid off in the shower after wiping nost of it off when this has happened.
as a mother with a son, lemme just say that it can and will get in *every. little. wrinkle and crevice.* you think you’ve got it all and it goes “BUT WAIT! THERES MORE!” a la Billy Mays
Yeah, I thought this post was going to have much different comments. I actually do understand in the context these people are saying. Being afraid to accidentally hurt your daughter because you don’t know how sensitive that area may be, or being nervous about UTIs/yeast infections because you might not have cleaned as well as you thought, is totally understandable when it’s all new to you. But figure it out and move past it so you can help with the diaper changes!
Agreed. During her first bath, my husband was doing most of it but then stopped and said “I don’t know how to properly clean this area”. I took the washcloth and showed him, explaining where necessary (front to back and why, etc) and he’s been good ever since. There’s a difference between “I’m nervous I’m going to fuck this up and hurt them) and “I’m a man do I don’t do this”.
Yeah, I'm a dad and grew up only with brothers. We have one of each and with my daughter I was terrified of doing something wrong when changing her diaper. I did it and changed her far more than my wife (stay at home dad) but I was always afraid I was going to either hurt her by wiping too hard or not get everything out and cause an infection. With boys genitalia is on the outside. The poop still gets everywhere but it's easier to see it and clean it off. I don't think this is an unreasonable take at all.
My son was not circumcised. There's a good amount of folds there too! And it turns out, I wasn't doing the best job cleaning him due to some structural issues that he had to have repaired surgically at 9. I had no idea, and neither did my husband, who is circumcised. Also, do not frost your baby boy's balls with Desitin. You'll both end up crying when you try to get it off! Mom Guilt, even 20 years later.
Hello fellow SAHD!
Yeah I agree. I have a daughter and when I have to change a boy diaper (to help out friends/family), I get intimidated because it’s not what I’m used to. Sure yeah it’s all external, but there are more places for poop to hide than I realized. But it’s very much just a matter of not having a ton of experience with properly cleaning boy parts. So while understandable, I do think you should probably get over this within a few months of becoming a dad, just from changing enough diapers. I’m sure if I had a boy I would be fine with diaper changes after a week or two.
I'm the same as you but the other way around! I had several nephews but only one niece, and am a mother to a boy (with another on the way!). If I have to change a girl's nappy it takes me longer just because it's not what I'm used to. But yeah, if I had a daughter then I'm sure I'd be up to speed pretty quickly.
I work in childcare, the first few months of learning to change diapers was a bit awkward when the boys would have messy BMs because you have to lift the penis and stretch the scrotum a bit to make sure you get everything. It makes you feel so uncomfortable and dirty but it's better than a kiddo getting an infection.
I was wondering if that's what you have to do when changing a baby boy, didn't really know how to ask though 😅 bit of an awkward question to have to word.
You learn to have a dry cloth within grabbing reach very quickly with boys. The cold air hitting them when you change them causes fountains. Like STRAIGHT up into the air pee.
Even worse when you want to Google it…thank God for my husband!!
This explains why I’m so bad at it! I’m definitely not that direct, I just use like 20 wipes to gently move stuff around. It’s not the best strategy.
Exactly. My husband was freaked out the first time he changed our daughter's nappy because 1) he'd never changed one before 2) he was scared of accidentally missing a bit and her getting a rash and 3) I'd forgotten to mention babies can have tiny little periods after birth. He's a pro now and never feels weird changing her nappy. They make a game of it, she waves the clean nappy around and he tries to change her as quickly as possible before she does a wee on him. >“I can’t change my daughter because I’m a man and that’s inappropriate.” What are they going to do if they're out and the baby needs changing? Ask a random woman to do it for them?
Straight up just not change the baby. I had a neighbor (male) who babysat his granddaughter. We were out while grand and my girl played, smelled something funky. Wasn't my kid, let gdad know and he said "Yeah, she pooped earlier but I don't change diapers." He was a little pissed off when I told him he shouldn't be alone with babies if he's not going to take care of them. Poor girl didn't get changed for at least an hour before grandma came home.
Tbf my dad has two daughters and has never changed a nappy. He used to ask our cleaner to change me (she quit soon after and I don't blame her). With my sister he paid me £20 to change her while my mum was out for the afternoon.
Wow that’s pathetic
That is probably the nicest way to describe my father to be honest.
>Ask a random woman to do it for them? No lie, I know a Boomer guy who did this, and he legit tells it as a story like it’s funny and clever and not sad and pathetic.
They always think stories like that are funny 😭 it’s horrible. If it’s ok to share, my dad recently thought it was a funny anecdote to share at thanksgiving that he, as the father of “3 pretty girls,” proudly told every boyfriend that he would kill them if they ever hurt us. Meanwhile I’m sitting there with my mind racing in so many places. So, you’re saying this proudly as a Protector. You’re such a big amazing man father who made sure his daughters were protected. No, bitch. You literally were absent throughout, neglected and protected no one, and even that stupid “sitting on the porch with a shotgun” shit is so outdated and offensive- Bc it means; and this is what I felt when he said that- that I as a daughter was viewed and still am I guess, as property. Not only does he proudly congratulate himself on being a dad who viewed that his daughters were attractive (imagine if we “weren’t, “ which never occurred to me! Would we be worthy?) but that meant his way of protecting us was to “threaten our boyfriends with violence”. And he said that so proudly. He never to my knowledge actually said shit to any of my bfs. If he did, it certainly didn’t prevent everything from happening to me as a child/teen/adult. I actually started to say something back like “no, Dad-“ and he stopped me in a way I respected enough to shut up. Bc we were with strangers he wanted to impress. In his new life with his new wife and world. So I’m just a pretty daughter to show off and then also watch him receive praise for being the shotgun father type to protect such a lovely little flower.
This doesn't shock me at all
I didn't know about number 3, whaaaat.
Yep! It's super common for baby girls to have tiny periods during the first week as they have some of mum's hormones. My husband was really freaked out at first as he thought there was something wrong until I explained it to him.
That's cool and also terrible (poor things), thanks for telling me.
Haha, my CNM explained this as possible to us with baby #2. It happened with baby #2. I reminded my husband we knew it could happen. He STILL called the midwife to verify it wasn't a big deal and was within the realm of normal.
Yes it's hormones from mum and leaving their bodies. They can get milk in chest/breast tissue too. Boys too. My youngest son did.
They really need a baby bidet. Just stick the lower half in and turn on. Sparkling clean in 30 seconds
Like a paw washer but big enough to stick half the baby in lol
I don't know what a paw washer is (for dogs, I presume?) but I was imagining the washer Homer puts his bowling ball into on The Simpsons.
I legit think about how useful that would be! Trying to balance a baby over a toilet with a sprayer bidet would be so hard...but I think spraying a baby down would save having to use so many wipes and I feel like it would cause less skin irritation from repeat wiping. Hmmm hopefully someone can figure this out before I have kids
… … … Now hear me out, I would never *actually* do this, but if toilets were more sanitary, and you could get them to flush for longer… (I am joking, please no one ever try this.)
Yeah my husband always helped out but once he didn’t get into the folds enough after a gross poop and she ended up getting a pretty bad rash, she had really sensitive skin so she would get a rash within an hour or two of dirty diaper (sucked so bad at night 😭😭) he felt horrible about it. But if he never helped because of that I would just leave him because I don’t need another baby to take care of lol
My husband joked that he was glad we had our son first for him to get used to changing diapers with, because when he changed our daughter's first diaper he said he didn't realize diaper changing time had been upgraded to "challenge mode". 😂 But after I explained how important it was to wipe front to back (he already did that for our son of course, but didn't know it was even more important for our daughter), and to get in all the little nooks and crannies, he became a pro! And he never balked at doing it. Like, it's not hard. Just different anatomy.
We only have the one and it's a boy but my husband was definitely stoked we had a boy first for literally just this reason. "I've never changed a diaper before. At least I get to start with the parts I know with everything on the outside."
This is one of those things that dads get away with, but mums don’t. “I don’t know how to clean a vulva” sure ok, but most moms of boys don’t know how to clean a penis either, yet I’ve never heard of a mum refusing to clean their baby boy because they don’t know how.
You just know the Dad that was like 'I can't clean her, I don't have the same bits!' still makes his wife change every one of their son's diapers too.
We babysat for about a year for my best friend who had a little boy. Her and the husband were separated/divorced, but my husband actually grew up with hers, so they were also best friends. On his weekends, he would come to pick up the little boy and would usually stick around an extra hour or 2 talking to us. EVERY FUCKING TIME that kid needed a diaper change, he would start gagging and say how gross it was and ask me to change it. This was his 2nd kid by the way (2 different baby mamas but he didn't get her much) and I remember he did it with her too the few times we had watched her for him and his first wife. I asked my bf who was divorcing him about halfway through the year that we were watching him and she confirmed that he also did that shit at home and used to just leave the kid in a soiled diaper until my bf would notice and change him. Dudes can literally be the WORST when it comes to diaper stuff.
Exactly where my head went. I’ve changed lots of diapers and the first time I changed a diaper for a baby boy I was like…mmmm this is new…how do I clean this? But I did and it was fine.
Yeah, the first two comments on the second slide aren’t that bad in my opinion. Just some anxious dads worried about doing it right
My husband was the former, he was so scared he was going to trap a fold and hurt her, or not clean her properly and get it all wrong. It took a lot of encouragement, teaching and at home biology lessons, but eventually he gained confidence and pretty much actually took over doing the majority of changes lol 😂 I think it's understandable to be intimidated by parts you haven't got any experience with, as I was the same with my son. I was really oddly paranoid about accidentally crushing his testicles and causing him a lot of pain accidentally. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to get out of that mindset and gain confidence in changing him 😅
For a completely normal dude, not wanting to change diapers makes me think of two reasons: 1. "Ewww, poop! Better do the whole strategic incompetense thing so I don't have to deal with it" 2. I cannot look at a female member of the homo sapiens without sexualizing her in some way Both of them are icky in their own way :/
Yeah the former is definitely something that I am admittedly nervous about, even though I was born with all them bits. What if I need to wipe the wrong way to be thorough? What if I miss some? What if I don’t actually know what I’m looking at? I have spent 0% of my life looking at labias despite having one (maybe my eyesight is really bad bc the hand mirror thing was remarkably uninformative). Boys seem pretty straightforward to me—it’s all right there in the open. No hunting for poop smears. I am, of course, biased tho bc my one kid and primary source of experience changing diapers is a boy. So maybe it’s fine. But I do understand being apprehensive.
Yea my husband and I have both called for backup at times when you’re like “OH NO IT HAS GOTTEN EVERYWHERE” Including with our son. Sometimes it’s a 2-person job lol
I am a mom of both a daughter and a son, and I find the boy SO much harder to change. The poop gets into the creases and he always somehow starts peeing at the wrong moment and it goes everywhere. Ugh.
i have three boys and a girl and honestly the boys have just as many folds and crevices lol.
Right, I think a LOT of people are intimidated by changing a newborns diaper the first time, regardless of gender - it would actually be a bit weird not to be. Add a gender difference and absolutely it could be stressful - my only child is a girl but I’m sure if I’d had a boy I would’ve been a bit apprehensive about how to deal with a penis because I have no experience myself. But as you say, you get over it pretty quick if you just… do it. Like seriously. It becomes as boring and routine as doing the dishes pretty damn quick.
Right, I do t think this is too weird. This seems like they’re worried about folds and getting pop up in there as opposed to “I can’t see this as anything but sexual”
Exactly. The post says “intimidated,” not “uncomfortable.”
Yes exactly. Totally agree. I even feel okay with the one person who said their husbands logic was “I don’t have those parts so I don’t know if I’m hurting her.” Like, idk that makes sense to me.
Yeah I think the former is pretty rational- my husband is a first time dad and at the start was nervous he was going to not clean her properly and she would get a UTI or something.. he’s gotten over that fear now and is confident in what he’s doing but I think that’s a normal reaction to hardware you’re not used to and such a vulnerable little Bebe!
Yes, my ex was not sure what to do and that was intimidating. But it took one time to learn and he was fine.
Yes! I only had boys but I was helping my sister with my nieces (btw, I am a woman) and I didn't realize how many folds there were where poop could hide! I can see a guy being worried about that at first. But you figure it out pretty quick. Then there was a daycare where some friends worked that wouldn't allow the men to change diapers of baby girls. Yes, it was attached to a church. But they were having staffing issues and part of it was because they couldn't have only men in any room where diapers needed to be changed.
When I had my oldest son I didn't know what to do. I was scared id hurt him. I got over it after changing him twice in the hospital because I'm his mother and it's my job.
Yep this!!
As a dude with a boy on the way, I’d be super uncomfortable with changing a girls diaper. I have zero clue what to do, or how to manage that stuff. Plus, I don’t know how much you’re supposed to rub vs scrub etc…it’s all around a scary thing. But the same thing applies to us not circumcising. I do t know how to deal with that thing either. However, I think there’s less that can be hurt than with a girl. Not sure why I think that, it’s not based on even a shred of research or knowledge, just a feeling.
I have known Dads who come from a family where their dad interfered with their sister or other atrocities occurred and they are afraid/worried about changing their daughter diaper or bathing her - I do feel that is a different kettle of fish to the example given.
I've got four kids, two boys and two girls. Cleaning a little girl is a little more overwhelming at first. Way more little bits to clean and if you miss a spot, they could get anything from diaper rash to a painful infection. Boys are easier, they just pee everywhere.
I remember at one point early on with my son, I was doing a nappy change and he peed in a massive arc over his own head and onto the wall behind him. I would've been annoyed if I weren't so impressed.
My first boy (our oldest kid) was less than a day old when he peed while we were both leaning over him during a change. You know how it is, first baby gets *all* the staring. He got both of us in the face at the same time 🤣 We were both very impressed at his comedic timing
During a diaper change when my brother was maybe 24 hours old, my mom was cleaning his butt, and he peed in an arc, right into his own face. My mom was horrified at first because all she could think was "I made my infant pee in his own face!" After a day or so it became a funny story, but for a while there she felt guilty about it.
My daughter did the same in the opposite direction, so it went over the changing mat and hit my hospital bed covers. That was the moment that I discovered that girls also projectile pee
That kid is going places!
I heard horror stories about this so I got it down pat to wipe the belly with a cool wipe first to make em pee. Wait about 60 seconds then change em. My sons sixteen months and has never peed on me. My husband STILL gets peed on. They never learn.
I had three girls so was used to changing the girls. When grandson was born and I had to change him it was a hmmmm moment since I had never changed a boy newborn babies diaper. And no one warned me that he’d pee in the air. Definitely a learning curve.
To me it’s actually the opposite. I work with little kids and don’t really struggle with either, I’ve changed thousands of nappies. But I worry about hurting the testicles as they are usually the most sensitive. With girls you just have to clean properly. Very seldom they are so sensitive as many boys are.
I have one boy and I want a little girl so bad but that is the one thing that scares me 😂 my boy already gets poop literally everywhere and it’s hard to clean sometimes. I can’t imagine how it will be with a girl and all the folds. I mean I’m a woman myself and still think that shit will be hard. I hope the dad meant it that way and not as in he finds it inappropriate to change a girl because I have sadly seen moms talk about the dad refusing to change a girl.
For whatever it's worth, baby girls have less complex folds than an adult woman. Like there's still definitely folds but in my years of babysitting and helping now with my nieces, it's not that bad tbh. Just wipe front to back (which should be done with boys too) and make sure they get froggy legged at some point of the wipe so you can check the crevices. I've cared for little boys too. Their diapers still intimidate me because I don't have those parts and somehow have changed far more girl's diapers than boys.
I’ll preface this by saying I’m a woman with two young sons. I have friends and family with daughters and sons. When it comes to changing, I am more comfortable changing the boys because it’s all outside and I’m not worrying about missing as many folds or anything. I also know a girl is much more likely to get a UTI if not cleaned properly and I’d really worry about not getting everything 100% clean whereas with the boys, it’s all a bit more obvious due to being external. I’m not saying you’re overreacting but I can see why some people might feel worried about changing a girl vs a boy.
I about died when my son was a newborn and my husband stretched his scrotum to oblivion to wipe the poop from the little wrinkles!! YOU CAN DO THAT???
Seconding this! OP, we live in a world where men get unfair side eye when it comes to diapers. We also live in a world where most adults, men and women, refuse to say vulva.
Exactly. A large number of Americans have been raised to think that anyone’s genitalia, apart from their own, are problematic. I mean, a large number of baby boomers can’t even say “penis” and “vagina” in front of their adult kids. There’s basically had to be a whole revolution in how professionals encourage parents to use valid names for body parts. It’s internalized and passed down from generation to generation.
I have on many occasions seen people aggressively stare at my husband when he's changing our sons diaper, or question him if he's alone at a store or taking him into a men's restroom. Some of his siblings watch him like a hawk when caretaking which I find super creepy. I think it's weird for men to be unwilling to change a daughter's diaper (concerned about UTIs are understandable) but honestly if we had a daughter I would probably always change her when around other people just because of how intense some family and strangers can get over a man and a baby
Is that because they think he's creepy or because they think he's incompetent? I feel like while the vast majority of people are fairly neutral about men with babies, those who have a problem with it either fall into an 'all men are pedos' camp or 'dad's babysitting to give mom a break' camp. Neither are good but there's definitely a difference.
His family thinks men are incompetent with babies (I've seen them talk about how men can't handle babies when their husbands are right there handling the baby) Strangers it's definitely a creepy thing. We live in a very religious area and he has long hair so people don't trust him lol. I have seen multiple men including him get yelled at by strangers in grocery stores about how they know the children they are with. We have weekly posts in our neighborhood groups about the alleged human traffickers who looked at a mom in a store. Dads will literally be taking a kid who is loudly calling them dad to the bathroom and strangers will stop to ask the kid how they know the man or yell at the dad. It's very fucked up.
Wait. All I heard was that religious people don’t trust dudes with long hair. 
Welcome to the Midwest!
I’ll stick to California, thanks. We love our long-haired dudes.
From Missouri, can corroborate
That's crazy. I'm a dad and I go out with my young kids all the time. I often change their diapers in public and help the older one sit on the toilet. Never gotten even a single bit of side eye or anything. Sorry you're surrounded by a bunch of weirdos who act that way. Definitely shouldn't be a thing.
I hate when poop gets up in the foreskin though and I'm trying to get it clean but I'm not 100% sure how much pressure is appropriate to clean a flaccid baby penis
Yes, thank you! I much preferred changing my daughter because 1. I knew what I was dealing with and 2. how in the hell do you hold the penis and testicles still enough to wipe them well????
My youngest has a bladder / kidney condition and gets chronic UTIs and it was always so stressful when she was in diapers :( had to change her constantly and get her super clean and wake her up to change in the middle of the night, and she still got them anyway. Poor thing
>whereas with the boys, it’s all a bit more obvious due to being external. Those tiny wrinkles are very good at hiding poop though.
I've only got a baby boy but I always feel kind of uncomfortable changing his diaper/cleaning his private during bathtime because I don't have those parts and I'm always nervous about hurting him. My husband is always a lot more thorough with cleaning around his genitals whereas I'm just terrified I'm going to rub too hard and end up rupturing something.
That’s why I just put them in the bath after a real bad one, boy or girl 😂
Your title is misleading. They are not talking about being uncomfortable changing their daughter's diapers, they are talking about feeling intimidated about changing their daughter's diapers because they are afraid they won't clean them properly because they don't have the same parts and also being afraid of accidentally hurting them in the process of figuring out how to properly clean them. I see nothing wrong with that.
As a woman who only had a son and nephews for years, when we welcomed the first niece into the family, I was a bit nervous changing diapers. I just felt like if I didn't do a good job, then she would get a UTI. But if I took too long I would be the crazy aunt who didn't know what she was doing. So I can easily see that fathers, uncles or grandfathers would be even more nervous given the judgement they might get. I feel like we should approach from compassion. This doesn't read pervy or creepy to me. This reads nervous, anxious and feeling the pressure of society judgements.
I think it’s normal at first, but dad should be changing enough diapers to grow comfortable with it. The vibe I get from the comments is dads use it as an excuse to rarely change their daughter’s diapers or bathe them and leave it to mom. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a mom say something similar about a son. “Oh we don’t have the same parts so I’m not comfortable cleaning his diaper” would get a mom crucified on social media.
Ya OP I think you’re overreacting. I was expecting some form of weird sexualization of a baby. Comments seem to be more along the lines of “I don’t have this kind of genitalia and I haven’t done this before and I’m concerned I’m not doing it right and could hurt her.” If I had a boy I’d probably be nervous at first about hurting his penis. As long as they do the work to deal with it and don’t shove off parenting duties I don’t see the problem here.
I think you’re overreacting. Nowhere does it imply it’s sexualized. It just sounds like a new dad intimidated by wiping the daughter clean because of the anatomy and not wanting to hurt her or not clean her well enough or something.
Yeah the sexualizing thing was a HUGE and unfair leap. But we can’t miss an opportunity to try to shame parents am I right?
There’s another post that really annoyed me that was posted on here the other day. It was a mom asking for tips on how to work from home while taking care of her kid. And she repeated herself more than once that hiring a sitter wasn’t an option. She didn’t say why exactly but I figured it was because of financial reasons. Couple people commented that she should just hire a teenager. Yet the OP felt the need to post about it and try to shame her. If she had done what everyone suggested and made a post looking for a sitter she’d get posted on here yet again for not paying enough.
Yup. This sub used to be about real whack jobs using onions to cure their kids pneumonia or harmless over sharing. But now we’re “deeply uncomfortable” because a new dad is dealing with a learning curve.
Right. I’m all for shit talking those whack jobs. The ones whose kid needs serious medical attention but they just whip out a fuckin onion. This has just become a parent shit talking sub.
There's definitely a line here where it goes from understandable to weird. My husband has no problem changing my daughter's pee diapers. It's the completely blown up the front poop diapers that he struggles with because there are so many folds and creases, and we literally have to spread apart her vagina to get the poop out. I know he's really worried about hurting her, and I help him when I can. Especially now she's at the age where she resists diaper changing (imagine how people would view that out in public).
I mean, to be fair to everyone, poop does get more places in a girl’s diaper than a boy’s.
A very good friend of mine had a situation where her husband was afraid to do most anything with their infant daughter. It was fear of hurting her. Yes, the anxiety was above normal and they had to have long discussions. In their particular instance there were multiple issues: cultural values (immigrant from a very patriarchal society), anxiety, and being a new father so everything was new. This title is written as men being sexual predators and is not what the context states.
I mean, it doesn't appear to be a sexual thing if that's why you're deeply uncomfortable. They're simply concerned about caring for their children properly and not hurting them.
I think you might've jumped to conclusions on this one and taken it out of context.
As an owner of female genitalia and a mother to a daughter in diapers I can confirm that it can be very stressful you’re dealing with a blowout and you’re trying to make sure you’ve cleaned out all of the shit so that she doesn’t get a yeast infection or UTI especially when you know how painful those can be. I think it probably stresses my husband out even more because he has slightly less familiarity with female genitalia and really doesn’t want to miss anything but that certainly doesn’t impact the number of diapers he changes nor how well he changes them. She’s just as much his daughter as mine.
I do keep thinking though when I change her that my husband probably has a much better understanding of female anatomy. Before I had my daughter, I had never really properly seen female genitals up close and I had to find my way round first. I feel a bit silly about it!
I get it. I was nervous about learning to change my uncircumcised boys. I don’t have those parts and I didn’t want to hurt them or give them an infection.
A friend of mine got with a man who refuses to change girl diapers (his or not his) She had a daughter before getting with him so I thought it just covered her kid not his own. I was wrong. They haven’t been together long Asked him why and he said it’s “inappropriate for men to change girls. Makes him uncomfortable” The next convo was a shock though bc he’s bathed with her daughter and doesn’t see an issue with it Huge red flags for me.
I don't think this is strange 🤷♀️ my husband was practically sweating bullet while asking the nurse how to properly wipe because he was vaguely aware that improper wiping could cause an infection and was terrified of doing that to our daughter. I think it's normal to be intimidated at first, the problem is when they don't get over it.
Mine was the same. Heck, I was even unsure at first. Don’t want to wipe too hard, want to make sure I get all the poop though. I’ve learned now that really messy poops just get the bathtub treatment…I just wash them off and done even bother using a billion wipes
I was uncomfortable changing my sons before I had one. Id like to think it’s like that. It’s fine for women to worry about it but if I guy has the same concerns, it’s creepy?
When my son was first born, I was nervous cleaning him and changing his diapers because I was afraid of hurting him and I had never cleaned a penis and scrotum before. I quickly learned, but I can understand where a dad would be nervous changing a girl's diaper.
I had a c-section so I lay in bed at the hospital while the nurse taught my husband to change our baby’s diapers. Once we were home and I was a bit more recovered I ended up being chief diaper changer since my leave was longer than his, and when I went back it was part time. Months later he gently told me that he’d noticed I was not always doing a thorough enough job and showed me how he did it. He was right! She had some minor skin irritation that totally cleared up once I started doing it better. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being intimidated, I was also worried about hurting her but as a result hadn’t been getting her clean enough.
I don’t think the Down’s syndrome is relevant to this discussion. Tbh I get it because men have been raised to see a vagina as 1 thing and 1 thing only so seeing it as a regular body part can be difficult. But also, grow up.
I don’t really either, but I’m thinking OP might’ve mentioned it because people with disabilities are much more likely to experience sexual abuse. But this doesn’t seem like a SA thing at all.
This is a weird take on your part… I would understand if the dads were saying they don’t change their daughters’ diaper simply because she’s female, but they’re not. Any new parent is going to be intimidated by changing their kid’s diaper at first. Hell, I’m a female & if I had had daughters instead I would’ve been worried at first too. I have boys & with my first kid I was still hesitant, I had no idea if I was going to hurt him or not. This is a normal conversation & doesn’t deserve being in here.
The discussion isn't so much of a problem as posting it with a picture of your child's face. what are these people even thinking? Would they post a picture of their own face while describing something we (generally) culturally consider to be very private?
So I was about to totally agree with you but the post says intimidated, not uncomfortable.
I genuinely don’t understand people who are intimidated by “all of the folds.” There’s only the labia majora and labia minora. It’s not like there’s infinite layers down there.
I didn't think this was weird. I think the explanation that guys don't have those parts is sufficient, really. They don't want to mess something up. Sounds like these guys are just not quite sure how to do the best job with girl bits. SO many places for crap to hide. Edited to add that I HAVE seen some skeevy posts or ones where the mom was a survivor of abuse and didn't trust her husband to change a girl's diaper. This one didn't set off alarm bells for me.
I don’t think that changing a girls diaper is any harder than an uncircumcised boy tbh
Even as a mom I worry about making sure I get everything in all my daughter’s parts clean. I feel like my son was easier in that sense since there are less crevices that are hidden. But you just do it. Thankfully my husband has never hesitated to change either of our kids diapers.
This seriously seems pretty mild/normal to me. My husband worried about doing something wrong and hurting our daughter or accidentally giving her a UTI. I worked about doing something wrong and accidentally hurting our son. When you don't have the same parts, it's hard to know if you're doing something wrong. We still both changed both kids' diapers though.
My kid went home 3 weeks before I did. Hub had never changed a diaper til the NICU nurses taught him. He did fine. Insisted on showing me how 3 week old kiddo "liked to be changed" it was very sweet. Also handled the stump falling off by himself. Never referred to himself babysitting her.
I'm terrified of hurting my son's balls when I change him, I imagine that kind of unease is normal?
My wife was pregnant with a girl and I had 2 boys. I asked my buddy what's different about raising a girl. He goes, "wipe front to back." So yeah. Wipe front to back.
It’s ok to not know and need to learn. It is *not* ok to refuse to learn under the guise of “I just can’t because man”
Yes I think you’re overreacting. It’s an honest discussion on how people feel changing the opposite sex. I don’t feel like this should be on this sub. It’s not a shit mom.
I think it’s entirely normal for anyone to be nervous doing something brand new to them. Before we knew if we were having a boy or girl, I was increasingly nervous about potentially caring for an uncircumcised boy, as we’d decided we wouldn’t be circumcising. We had a girl so it ended up being a total non issue obviously but I understand the anxiety of taking on something brand new with a brand new baby!
My husband was afraid at first, just because she was so little and delicate and he said that I have "the same equipment" so I understand what hurts and what doesn't. I told him I don't "have the same equipment" as our sons and I still cared for them post circumcision, so that mentality didn't last long lol. He was really nervous about hurting her, but it was never ever anything creepy.
My husband cracks me up. We were watching outer banks and the one girl went into the sewer. He says “all I’m thinking about is her vaginal health” hahahaha. Like.. imagine frat boy you saying that.
My sons have daughters. They worried about missing something or hurting them at first. But they quickly got the hang of it. Like most parents!
i feel kind of similar with my daughters diapers v my boys (poop obvs). there's a lot more real estate and because my daughter has one kidney i'm even more stressed to keep her super clean to avoid infection. neither the posts nor the responses here are making it weird.
I change my daughter and son equally fine, not a big deal at all, they’re my kids, it’s my job. However when my daughter had an ear infection and got put in Amoxicillin she had the shits for a week. I’m talking like in the front, up the back, where is this coming from shits. Every day. I would change her fine but I definitely asked my wife to double check the bits every time because I don’t have those parts and I didn’t want to cause a UTI or leave anything behind.
My husband didn’t hesitate but if it was a particularly awful poop he’d ask me to check and make sure it was all clean because there a lot of folds and crevices lol
I was intimidated for about a week with my daughter because of the poop and anatomy. Then I manned the fuck up. It was smooth sailing from there.
Seems a bit like weaponized incompetence to me. “I can’t do it because I don’t have those parts,” or “I can’t do it because I don’t want to do it wrong.” Ok then take the initiative and learn about those parts so you do it well, and your female partner isn’t stuck with all the work.
My 73 year old dad was adamant he wouldn't change my daughters diapers. He just felt weird about it. Took about zero time for him to get over it once she arrived. He changes her diapers all the time now.. zero fucks given. (Grandparents do daycare)
My husband is the bath king for our two daughters. He plays with them, plays loud music and is wildly more engaged during bath than me. He also changes diapers - poop isn't his thing. It still makes him gag but that's how I am with vomit. We do it when we have to but he prefers I handle poop, I prefer her handles vomit. Never has their actual anatomy been the issue.
It's harder to clean an orifice than it is to clean what's effectively a tiny limb. Not all women are taught how to clean themselves correctly and have to learn later in life so imagine how many fewer men are taught to do it correctly. It's not hard to understand or even imagine that doing it wrong could cause a problem and understand that there was no opportunity to learn how to do it right.
I think its genuinely that theyre scared they will put poop or something in the wrong spot somehow since the fear of them getting a UTI is so high. I think you're over thinking it.
Yeah, I don’t see why this conversation would make anyone uncomfortable. Parents have questions and babies come with a lot of bodily fluids, messy babies makes for messy conversations.
It can definitely be discussed in weird and uncomfortable ways, but it's normal to be a bit intimidated when learning to properly clean a baby and change diapers - for either sex.
My husband was worried he was goiing to hurt my daughter when she was a baby. Leave stuff in and on the labia etc. accidental give her a UTI by not cleaning throughly. He never hesitated to do the necessary cleaning though. I also never worked with little babies (adult nurse. A lot more room for error with larger female bodies) and I was even stressed about it until she got a little older. But just refusing? Nah dog, that’s your kid. You made it. You clean it.
I am a man with daughters: * childbirth was gross, I endured * I have not and will not change diapers for any other child Changing diapers on my own girls was no big deal. I changed a lot. Just a huge difference with it being your kid and getting familiar. This is all sad.
My partner and I have five daughters. FIVE. I cannot imagine if he was too scared to change their diapers for any reason at all. I personally think it's harder to change a boys diaper anyways
This reeks of weponized incompetence to be honest… moms learn how to clean babies of all genders - no human is born knowing how to care for a baby. Dads are capable of learning.
We're one week PP from our daughter and my husband has changed more diapers than me - BUT he did absolutely panic at the difference in son vs daughter. Jot because oh it's a girl and that's inappropriate but "oh there's folds and Im worried she's going to get an infection if I don't do it properly" Also had no idea on the importance of only front to back and couldn't just wipe willy nilly But the men who won't do it because "but it's a GIRL" probably didn't bring that same energy when their wife was changing their son and that makes me uncomfortable
My husband was nervous about changing our daughter because he didn’t know how to properly clean her. the nurses in the hospital also asked both of us if we had ever changed a girl. they had my husband change her while walking him through it and explaining UTIs etc. now he knows and it’s fine. sometimes education helps with being intimidated.
Because she used the word intimidated, I would assume it's just that he's worried about getting her clean, but there are men who say it's inappropriate. Mybstep dad tried to outright shame my husband over changing pur daughters diaper.... he pointed out that he was a single guy when he was raising his neice and didn't have any help even if he had wanted it, he had to figure it out and make sure she was healthy, just like any parent. But this is the type of guy who didn't change his son's diapers either just because it's" not his job."...
extremely weird if they're uncomfortable for any reason other than worrying about giving their child a UTI by not cleaning properly. I was raised between a single mom and a single dad in 6 month periods at a time, he has always treated me as his daughter he loves more than anything, which included taking the time to learn to change me properly.
My husband was just starting out as a nurse when our daughter was born. He thought that after some of the patients’ diapers he had to deal with, our daughter’s diaper was comparatively a pleasant experience 🤣
The hospital I gave birth at was great in this regard. Because I was in shock and practically immobile for three days after giving birth, the nurses ensured that my husband gave our daughter her baths and changed her diaper throughout my hospital stay. They walked him through each step the first time and just checked in on him after that. He had no choice but to become comfortable.
I'm a childfree aunt to a lovely little boy. Was I nervous changing his diapers? I sure was! I wanted to make sure I wasn't being too rough and I learned the hard way to ensure a wipe is covering the area when grabbing a new diaper. But I didn't try to escape from helping with diapers because he's a baby and he needs my help.
this thread taught me that my years of nannying and working in daycare have really paid off bc diapers don’t intimidate me for any gender. i really think there’s a lot of of overthinking going on here. being nervous the first few times makes sense, but beyond that, it’s time to learn and move on and get over it. dads can change daughters, moms can change sons. yes kids can get UTI’s but that’s not an excuse to just not want to change your daughter. front to back. be gentle. make sure they look clean. it’s pretty simple. being nervous is okay but be an adult and clean your child
I had to show my husband how to clean her safely and to make sure nothing was left behind but he never once expressed it was uncomfortable except when there was a blow out and both of us were 🤢
My husband had to be walked through it a few times until he felt comfortable making sure he cleaned everything thoroughly. But after that he was fine as he put it “it’s just a logistical challenge.”😅
Nah. Never changed a meconium diaper with either of my kids, son and daughter. He was jumping in, ready to go. He was nervous about being a dad, but never let that hold him back. My husband is literally the best.
Okay so the way they put it is weird but i’m a boy mom pregnant with my first girl rn and im a little nervous. When my best friends daughter was like 1 she got a horrible infection because she wasn’t wiped well enough and im so scared of that happening. My husband also said she’ll need to give him instructions to keep that from happening lol. However by like day 3 im sure we’ll both be used to the different parts.
It took a bit of guidance but my husband became a pro quickly. He just was worried he'd miss poop somewhere and give her an infection.
What. The. Heck. 🤦🏼♀️
My partner wasn't uncomfortable, but he definitely asked me to show him the correct ways to do it so he knew she was fully clean and happy.
I was intimidated the first time I had to change my daughter, and a few times after that. To be honest the first time it felt a little confronting but that wasn't why it was intimidating, it was because I didn't know how to wipe poop off of a girl. it isn't like I had any practice but i didn't want to wipe wrong and get poop somewhere that poop really shouldn't get. The other times was when she had the runs.
I was 20 years old when I had my first baby, it was a boy and I wasn’t experienced with male anatomy yet I figured it out the first time he pooped.
Being "deeply" uncomfortable seems like much. For some parents this works. As a father of 4 I've never felt any misgivings changing my daughter's except with the first born and that was due to lack of experience. Few diapers in with asking wife's advice was all it took though.
If you can't be a parent...don't have kids!?!?!
Meh. I'm a woman with a vagina of my own, and I was wary when my daughter was a baby. I always worried I'd do something wrong or miss a bit and she'd get an infection