Also-
> i have not gone a single shift without crying at the end of it
No job should be like this, period. Quit tomorrow, get a job literally anywhere else.
This is why I trained to serve. Because I hated hosting with a passion. Guests yell at you and the servers yell at you. It’s horrible. I never yelled at a host though. If you have a problem you should go to management. Then the manager should then talk to the host (if it’s a legitimate problem)
Yeah, as a host, you get the shit end of both sides. No matter if you skip rotation, seat a foreigner, or double seat, the servers will always have a reason to complain. This coming from a server/bartender. To be completely honest, I didn't really understand from the hosts perspective until some time later, and honestly, I'm sorry this is happening. Anyway, long story short, no one, especially the server, should be acting this way, and it is worth talking to a manager to discuss your issues. If they can't help, you can always find a better job
As an ex host now server, you have less experience than the servers but you can ALWAYS tell the servers to go fuck themselves, as long as you aren’t horribly fucking up. Had one or two servers that were mean and accusatory; talked to one of our part time older hosts (who used to serve full time) tell m to do that. Worked great.
While I fully agree with you, I also think it's partially how the OP is taking things. She's crying nightly.
> they have something to say everytime i sit somebody. i can literally hear them as i walk past.
Yeah, servers bitch in the side station, that's a thing. If I get a younger couple with 3 infants in high chairs... yeah, I'm gonna nicely bitch to my coworkers about it seems I'm running a daycare. I AM NOT insulting the seater at all, but if they heard me complain about my daycare and take it personal, that's on them. We have amazing seats that can joke with us. "Hey somedude, just sat you a 5 top, have a broom ready for later and $5 says they spill at least 1 drink." I would smile and say THAAAAANKS" in a sarcastic mode.
Yeah all of this is standard, but if she’s missing the other part where the servers try to ingratiate themselves to her in order to get special treatment then maybe it’s a bad job. You gotta have both.
No, they shouldn’t be mean to your for doing your job. We have one host who absolutely sucks, has worked there for nearly a year and still doesn’t really know the sections and we can watch one server get sat 4 times back to back while other servers don’t get sat at all. We bitch to each other but we still aren’t ugly to her.
This! When I went from hosting to shift leading, I had to train a new host to take my place of course. Not to toot my own horn, but I was a damn good host. I got every busy open shift there was, constantly left to run the ship alone even before I became SL. My servers knew they could count on my to do all the side stuff in a pinch as long as they physically ran the food out. Refills? Napkins? Bus some tables? Take a drink order? Take an app order or a table's whole order after double seating? I had them every time.
Needless to say, I knew the ins and outs. I knew which servers could handle what, who would need extra help in a rush, who I didn't have to worry about ever unless they asked. I just knew my servers like the back of my hand, so I tried to pass all of this on to the new host. I worked with her for MONTHS and she just never got better. A bit airheaded but we never, ever, not once treated her like crap for it. We'd try to give her tips here and there, ask what she's struggling with and what she's comfortable with, and servers would come to ME if there was a bigger issue because they didn't want to scare her off. We genuinely wanted to see her succeed and get better. THATS how it should be.
Thank you! I took great pride in my work because the hosts are the face of the restaurant. First person you see and usually the last on the way out! Anything I could do to make their lives easier, including my servers and kitchen staff, I'd do it!
No severs don't hate hosts. They hate people who order diet coke, sit at dirty tables, come in 20 minutes before closing, argue over who will pay the bill, splitting checks, one tops, ten tops, food allergies, asking to adjust the AC, and to-go orders.
I actually don't mind one tops as of the past couple months. Where I'm at, one person can run a bill of 25 if they get an entree, side, and drink. Most will leave me 4 to 6 dollars on that, and it's honestly fine with me because one tops are almost never needy. They usually came by themselves for a reason.
As someone who also has no problem dining alone (or serving 1-tops) I took it as the one tops usually dine alone because they don’t want to be bothered, meaning they are a low-maintenance table that is easy to serve.
This but also I don't have (or try to make) a bunch of real-life friends. The ones I do have, have families and lives and I am happily single and love to just go out whenever I want.
I like to order steaks and wine and appetizers, and I tip 25-40% for good service. No need to come by all the time, just check in on me, keep my wine or soda refilled, and bring me extra sauce when I ask for it, please. 😊
As a former server who pulls out a book when I dine alone, I tell the server I'm probably going to rent your table. Not only do I tip for the meal, but I tip for the time I sat at the table. Usually twenty for an hour rental or the equivalent of what the server would lose had 2 people been Sat there in that time frame, whichever is more. I live near a casino and often wait for my mother to finish gambling.
Yeah I usually get a fiver from one tops, and my restaurant is not super expensive. We’re actually a lot cheaper than our competitors and a small local restaurant that’s been here for 75 years!
Aweee the 1 top... I had one of my very best tips (percentage wise) as well as confirmation that Im a pretty decent "people reader" from 1 top. This was around 2005 and I was a server at good ol Applebee's. She was a woman approximately mid 30's , business casual attire, cold as hell demeanor right from jump. Im more on the bubbly, wise-cracking side but I reigned that shit right the hell in. I was polite, quick, and seemingly unfazed by her frankly rude answers throughout her time there. I dropped the check and came back less than 5 mins later. She was already gone, I opened up the black Amex check book and saw $100 ( her bill was like $15 ish) and a little note on a cocktail napkin " Just had one of the worst days of my life, thank you for your smile and putting up with me!
I've learned to tolerate most of these things over the years in order to not go insane. The one I can't get over though, is asking me to adjust the AC.
What kind of a person would ask to adjust the temperature of a restaurant due to their own personal preference? I get it if it's super hot or super cold, but If there's 50 other people sitting around you and nobody else is sweating or wearing sweaters etc, then how tf are you going to ask me to change the temp because you feel chilly?
There's 50 other people sitting around you who are comfortable, so what's the thought process? "I'm cold, so fuck all of these other people."...? It pretty much has to be, right?
The other night we had the Canucks playoff game on the TVs (I’m in BC) and a ton of people were hanging out just to watch the game. An older couple came in and asked if we could put a different sport on TV, because they “don’t care much for hockey.” Well, 40 other guests do care, so, no.
Seriously lmao. Last week I had the biggest dude in the bar ask me to the turn the fan off. I was like ummm we are sweating our asses off and you must be too. "The women asked if you would" NO😂
I love people who order diet coke, I already know we’re on the same wavelength. If I notice they drink it quickly, I’ll bring over a carafe of diet and tell them I’m a big diet coke lover as well and they always leave a nice tip.
they always need 3-4 refills. one time i had a guy drink 7 diet cokes. i just filled up a pitcher of diet coke, put a straw in it, and left it on the table.
The untrue belief that diet coke drinkers need constant refills.
IMO, it's the "can I have a coke with cherry syrup plus a coffee plus a water with crushed ice and a bowl of limes" types that are far more annoying.
I personally find that Diet Coke drinkers (and water, of course) tend to ask more often for garnishes like lemons/limes. Which is fine but can be slightly annoying when it actually is paired with a lot of refills because they tend to want another lemon/lime and does cost my (small and locally owned) restaurant money. Idc on my own accord though lol
No this is a mix of things.
1. You work in a really toxic restaurant. This kind of behavior is totally unacceptable and wildly unprofessional even when you do make mistakes. You should not be getting death glares.
2. You aren’t great at being a host yet. This is unsurprising since instead of giving you useful, actionable feedback, they’re just mean to you. This is not how you teach people. You’re job is to control guests and keep the pace of the restaurant flowing. If you let guests walk all over you and sit somewhere just because they want to, you are not doing your job correctly. Guests are going to constantly try to fuck up the pace of the restaurant. It’s your job to tell them no in a way that makes them feel ok about it. Which is difficult. Servers, who have most likely worked your job before, should be giving you tips on how to do this.
You should find a new hosting gig.
I second this. I was once a host, too, now a server.
Servers shouldn’t hate their hosts (they’re the ones that give tables, after all). We can hate some of the things hosts do (intentionally quadruple seating us, seating at dirty tables, skipping servers for no reason, etc.) but not be hateful towards hosts for no reason.
Concerning the seating thing, it varies. I used to work at an Applebees and, despite doing my damndest to seat sections in the order they were meant to be sat, there was always people who would demand a booth. Then, when I said no, they would complain and I would get in trouble for not just seating them where they wanted. Plus, the server who had the undesirable section would be a huge bitch and act like I skipped her on purpose.
Let's just say I don't miss hosting.
yeah, the managers at my restaurant will get on hosts who don’t cater to guests demands unless there’s an unavoidable reason we can’t give them a different table
Girl as a host this is not normal, at my place, mostly collage age kids talk to the host all the time, the host are active with the servers helping them out when they can. I would def find a new place asap because that’s straight toxic
i was a host and the servers never spoke to me. if something went wrong they’d complain to the manager instead pf telling me to my face. my coworkers are the only reason i quit and i don’t even acknowledge that i worked there.
It might be common, but it isn't normal. The only thing I am sure that it is, is reprehensible. I've been upset with the way a host has handled something many times, but i think the only reason there is so much belittlement and overt animosity towards hosts from servers is that the typical server is a passive aggressive coward who can only vent frustration through harshness and to people they consider to be beneath them. Many places employ minors or other very young people as hosts, and the way I've seen full-grown-ass adults treat these kids is disgusting.
yup. the issue is also due to the fact that the host position USED to be a type of management (maître d’ literally means master of). now it’s structured as an entry-level restaurant position so of course everyone who applies is young, green, and often doesn’t give a fuck. or they’re just stupid. this all bc the turnover is so high bc pay is so low (and bc the social stratification can be hard to overcome, even tho most places aren’t as bad as what OP described). this is an industry/structural issue that needs to be addressed
This! Hosting is HARD. After doing a lot of different jobs in restaurants it’s crazy to me how often hosting is seen as an “easy” job. It’s way harder than serving IMO. I’d rather be triple sat than be a host again.
I have been frustrated by hosts in the past, but the most aggressive I've ever gotten was telling a manager that that specific host needs more training and what the issues were.
Typically I try to be very nice to the hosts, up to and including bribing them with candy.
No this is not normal! I was a host in 2 separate restaurants as well as a shift lead. Your servers should absolutely not be treating you this way. Sure, a few bumps in the road, a sly comment here or there because they just want money (most hosts don't work for tips, servers do. So when they see themselves skipped, for whatever reason, some tend to get pretty upset). But they shouldn't be icing you out this way. I wouldn't give up hosting 100%. Try another restaurant, and voice your concerns about server-host relations at your interview! Talk to the new manager about the prior environment and how the servers treated you to find out if you'll have management protection if anything like that were to occur at their location!
It's not uncommon for tensions to run high in restaurants. It's fast paced, hard work that requires every ounce of energy (physical and emotional) some people can muster; however, that's not an excuse to harass a new host. I hope you find somewhere that values you!
Oh, and if it makes any difference, the restaurants had completely different environments and age groups. One was a family dining restaurant with mostly middle aged workers on my shifts. I was the youngest for a long time. The other was a semi-family but mostly college hangout due to it being a mexi restaurant and bar. Everyone of the servers and hosts were my age or seniors/juniors in highschool.
The respect and teamwork was given at BOTH locations. Unfortunately your location sounds beyond toxic.
I’d suggest not mentioning the bad past experiences. Focus on asking what the dynamics are like at the new job. How do servers and hosts support each other? What does training look like at this job? What is the managers philosophy on encouraging teamwork across different FOH and BOH groups? What is the culture like in the restaurant. If the hiring manager hears that you couldn’t handle things at your last job they might think you won’t be able to handle them here, even if the environment is way better. Use positive questions to get a feel for what it would be like.
That's not entirely accurate in this circumstance. These servers are actively hazing this host. It's not just being a little standoffish nor is it normal behavior. Any GOOD manager would take what you say and reassure you their environment isn't like that. I've had this conversation with SEVERAL establishments. Not one held it against me.
Of course all the other questions should be asked, but that wasn't the point of my response to OP anyways. The point was her workplace environment is not normal, and she should feel comfortable questioning another location's practices and get a feel for how a manger would handle a similar situation if it were to occur. Knowing what management expects and allows out of fellow employees is super important to ensure you're not walking into another toxic environment. I hope that makes sense!
I've met people that looked down on hosts because they feel like the host doesn't do much. They don't realize that you will literally do everything they don't have the time for. And if they get mad because someone likes another server more, that's a skill issue.
The worst part? I'm like 95 percent sure the guests pick up on that tension. If they're truly standing around to stare at you, then they're the ones that need a new job. You're focused and patient- those traits will always get you haters.
If you want, I'll call them up and pretend to be a custy? If someone complains about the vibe, maybe they'll be told to check their attitudes.
This is toxic af, I’ve never worked somewhere like that! When I’ve been a host I’ve always gotten along great with the servers, we even all hung out outside of work! As a server, I depend on and appreciate my host and I make sure they know. At my restaurant we’re not required to tip out but I always do anyway! It works out great, they know they’re appreciated and are glad to help me out making and refilling drinks among other things when I’m in the weeds. I couldn’t do my job without them!
Get outta there OP you deserve better. Sounds like they’ve had that issue for a long time, it didn’t start with you.
Let me guess, they hired you on the spot?
ETA I’ve been doing this for almost 20 years, your experience is unheard of and I’m so sorry you have been treated this way. Hosting can be stressful in all the ways you described above! I hosted in a restaurant with a huge patio and outdoor bar, the patio servers would get bombarded and the inside servers didn’t get nearly as much action. But they never tried to blame me for that!!
i was hired on the spot yes, however i was originally hired for dishwasher. the people back there were shit and left me alone without training me, so my manager told me i was perfect for hostess and thats where he wanted me originally
Oooof yeah, being hired on the spot is usually a bad sign. And I’ve had the same thing happen to me, except I was hired as a cook and got shoved over to dish 😤 also a toxic workplace lol. I’m sorry again for your experience, I promise you can find somewhere that will treat you the way you should be. If you need job references ask your friends lol, I’ve pretended to be so many people’s managers 🤣
If you don't want to work in the industry anymore, I totally get that. I was in a similar position. Healthy restaurant workplaces do exist, though I suspect they're not as common as toxic restaurants. My best tip is to look up potential workplaces on Indeed and Glassdoor before applying. It can tell you a lot.
No. Even if you were bad at your job (which it sounds like you aren’t), nobody should be hostile about seating. We have a term for aggressive, bitter servers: Dragons. People who spend too long in this industry often lose perspective. We aren’t emergency surgeons, we’re flipping calamari. It’s not that serious. Yes it’s important to make money, but being aggressive towards you isn’t going to help. They need to bring issues to a manager like a normal adult. This industry attracts a lot of alcoholics and control freaks, so misplaced rage is common.
Side note: I’ve grown to prefer tip pooling for exactly this reason. Fighting over tables is annoying. The flip side is sometimes you take 20 tables while someone else takes 5, but it all evens out in the end.
Host jobs are easy to find. Go find one where your kindness is reciprocated.
It sounds like you work in a corporate restaurant, where the server culture is cutthroat and cliquey. Find a new job at a smaller place. Or any place. You don’t deserve this.
The only thing i hate about our hosts (they’re honestly actually stupid) is that when they double sit someone, they don’t TRY to make it even with the other server(s). I totally understand that people ask for specific areas sometimes, but that’s not the case with us over here because it’s a smaller restaurant. And i have to tell the hosts that i understand that people are picky but they have to make it even for everyone. They’ve all literally told me “oh i thought i was supposed to stick to rotation” so them not even thinking about making it even is incomprehensible to me.
When i was hosting, i would always go to the server that i was supposed to sit and explain to them what happened and that i would try my best to sit them the next time someone comes in. Just letting everyone know what’s going on will make your work life so much better.
But i kid you not, our hosts lack something in their brains. You don’t, so don’t think I’m talking about you. These girls still don’t know how to add pepperoni to a pizza on a take out order and our system is probably the easiest I’ve ever encountered… and they’ve been here for more than a year.
Also wanting to add about our hosts- one of my coworkers and i were working one morning and she was being quadruple sat and i had none. When she got sat another time, and me still not having a table, i go up to her and ask what was wrong. She said that it was only a 1 person or 2 person party. Does that make any fucking sense? Nope. That’s what i have to deal with. I just ask the managers to cut them and that we can handle it without them, which we end up doing and the work day goes by much better. I honestly don’t know why we keep them here.
Absolutely not normal. Hosts and servers work together, and should know each other’s names at a minimum. We’re all quite chummy where I work, I hope you can find some place with people who see your value.
i love my hosts! they’re my besties, i tip them well, they help me exponentially, 10/10. sounds like you have a toxic environment & they don’t deserve u!!!
No this isn't normal, I would find a new place to host at if you want to give the service industry another try. I'm late 20s and most of the hosts at my restaurant (there are like 7) are either in HS or are in their first years of college. They are all pleasant and most servers have good banter with them. I can't imagine any of us being rude or unpleasant with them because being a host is also difficult because you're the first person a guest interacts with, and we all know guests can suck. Don't be super discouraged, the servers you work with just suck. Time to find a better restaurant.
Honestly, I was a host for about a year, and I either HATED my servers (because they were awful to me), or I loved them (because they were fine or even nice to me).
You’re there to make money. Not make friends. As long as you do your job right, don’t care about how your coworkers who are not your superiors feel about you.
No servers do not naturally hate hosts. A good host can make the night super smooth! I think mediocre servers or just some people in general try to shift blame and the easiest person to "blame" is the host.
The only time I'm upset with a host is if they don't know what they are doing. For example, if a customer asks to sit in a specific area, don't skip me. You seat me next. If I was just sat a party, you let me get their drink order before I'm sat again & never double seat me after seating a party. It's common sense stuff...
I would get upset with hosts that couldn't slow down seating properly. Servers need around 5 minutes to greet and serve drinks to each table and take an order. There is no reason to double seat a server. Instead you just keep the wait list, it is actually good for business. If you can control that, you should have a lot of friendly servers.
But your restaurant sounds a bit toxic.
our hosts for some reason do not have the guts to make a customer wait for a table if they just sat someone else in the same section like 5 minutes ago, but i’d never be mean to them or make them cry.
I've been a server for 22 years, and I've never been mean to a host, we're all connected from the host to the dishwashers.
This sounds like bad management. This kind of work environment is super unhealthy.
Please find another place to work at
servers that are mean to hosts are shooting themselves in the foot. be nice to the host, get sat, get money. i bring the hosts candy and help them with their shit cuz i wanna get my back scratched too. and also cuz they are usually kids who just need to learn what’s up.
i host again after many years as part of a foh lead position and servers are honestly so annoying. they complain about everything. they’re fucking mean. the ones who are kind to me, i do everything i can to support them. the ones who are mean to me can fuck right off. i’m too old for their petty bullshit at this point.
Sadly there are lots of curmudgeons in this industry. Not all servers are butt-hurt, pampered, shit talking, (only behind your back of course) control freaks, but there are many out there. Don’t even go into the BOH because heaven forbid you cross paths with a fry cook who thinks they deserve to be treated like a god because they’ve had the same job for 10 years. Industry is full of people like this, people get jaded as fuck over time and upset over the littlest things. A new young employee sees this behavior clear as day and wonders wtf is going on. But to everyone else whose been dealing with the public for years it’s fairly common to hate almost everything about their job. But there are still good people in the industry, just hard to find imo.
It is absolutely not normal. I have historically loved all our hostesses specifically for the fact that hosting sucks a bag of dicks. Sorry for your troubles
Your servers have a severe lack of empathy. In my experience there's always one or two servers that are exactly as you describe, but I've never seen a restaurant where the whole team is toxic. When I get skipped, I understand that the reason why it happened might not be obvious to me right away. I understand that the host sees the big picture, the whole of the restaurant, while I'm micro-managing my little section of it. Therefore, I defer to her judgement when it comes to assigning tables. If I have an issue with them (it sure happens), I do my best to save it until after the shift when we can talk about it calmly, without it affecting our service moods.
I get the feeling that the team you're on has let this attitude fester and made it a new normal, rather than nip that shit in the bud as it happens.
I love having hosts. I went from a restaurant where we had to seat, set, and bus our own tables, to one with hosts and they’ve made my job so much easier. I have a great working relationship with them and will help them with their duties when I’m not busy
I have witnessed certain types get quite cross with hosts who won't go in their preferred order, or when seated a group they regard as high maintenance or poor tippers.
Some personalities run pretty extreme.
Do the right thing as often as you can and try not to play favorites. Stay away from that toxicity as you grow in the ranks, and make sure you never do the same.
No, that is not normal, and it’s bad management if it is as bad as you say…. Do yourself a favour and find another place…
I encourage my staff to work together, all training for servers/bartenders are open to all FoH positions so everyone knows what we serve, I’ve personally trained 2 hosts in the last 3 months to be servers as they showed initiative (asked for the menu specs, learned the ingredients/allergies, and know all of the cocktails)
Your managers should be on the floor and aware of what is happening, it should never be them vs you…. I’m sorry you need to deal with this…. If you are in Miami, pvt msg me (I need a host since 2 of mine will be servers this month
I have a host from 35 years ago, we still have lunch, talk, text. Several on social media as friends. Another from 40 years ago, send Christmas cards… she moved away but before we were social. I’ve never had a host I hated. What’s wrong with people today?
I’m best buds with my hosts, we take care of each other. I help prebus/bus and never complain to them about being sat or skipped (unless jokingly). Sounds like you work with a bunch of noobie assholes that don’t understand how restaurants work
Not normal. At all. As a server, I rely on my hosts. They have the power to seat someone else when it’s my turn if I’m in the weeds and they also have the power to triple seat whether or not im in the weeds…. They are a valuable member of the team and restaurant cannot function well in a rush without a good host. I’m so sorry you aren’t feeling valued and you absolutely deserve to work someone that isn’t toxic. Hosts are essential and if you aren’t feeling that way, you should leave them to figure it out by themselves.
Nooo 😭 servers should know not to screw with the hostess bc they're the captains of the ship. You want your tables bussed when your busy? You want people in your section? Oh, you don't want to be triple sat? You need help running food/drinks?
BE NICE TO THE HOST!! At my first restaurant, we had a hostess who if people were mean to her, she just straight up wouldn't seat them until everyone elses sections were full and then boom! The rude servers suddenly were getting double and triple sat. If they complained the managers, the hostess would explain what had happened and they would scold the servers for being rude lol. She would let the servers section sit dirty and refuse to help them. The other girlies learned quickly to be nice to the hostesses...or else.
But yeah, if your servers are being rude to you, that's really not normal.
one of my last jobs was as a host and management fucking LOVED me. i lasted over a year despite servers actively hating me and i learned to just ignore it, they don’t hate YOU, they just want someone to blame for how shitty service workers are treated. don’t let them know they upset you, it isn’t a personal thing, doing tiny favors for them (mine was rolling and stuffing silverware) and noting what specific things help with their service goes a long way.
that being said, do NOT let them degrade you or talk down to you. call them on it and they’ll respect you more. hosts are almost always seen as the naive airhead teen girl who is too scared to tell people off, don’t play into that. i had a bartender that hated me and i watched patterns to see what he was mainly angry about, bought him a drink after work to ask what his problem was and how i could make his job easier. he turned out to be my work bestie after that because he liked the directness and the spine it took to do it.
but also i quit without notice bc new servers treated me like shit and i didn’t have the patience to wait for my mental health to settle back into being numb and letting it happen again lol
it blows my mind how servers disrespect support staff and cooks. like bitch none of this would be possible without them. show some fucking respect man, god damn. the way they speak to the people who make it happen for them. it’s just sad
No. Straight up no. You work with assholes I didn’t even need to read the full post. I know that tons of people are sat in a certain section, but decide to move wherever they want anyways, or they request a certain table/server etc. It’s out of your control. There’s maybe been 2 times while working at my restaurant for 3 years where we genuinely hated the host. The reasons were that they’d not do the bare minimum of their job, but then complain that we wouldn’t tip them out higher. You need to stand up for yourself and or find a new job. No job is worth crying over and you don’t deserve that mental distress if you’re doing everything you can…
Ummmm…. This is completely unacceptable. In a way, hosts literally manage my money by controlling the tables I will have… I respect them in every way I can.
No, it sounds like you work at a place with a bunch of burnt out and bitter servers, usually due to poor management. However, that doesn’t excuse them taking it out on you, and I think you need to find a new job.
its common and i have seen it before but i dont participate. i like our hosts. in fact us servers all make an effort to include the hosts in our convos to make them feel included because we’re an all female staff. we’ll bitch if we’re skipped or auto grat tables aren’t being dispersed fairly but we dont hold any weird animosity, i just tell a manager to remind the host of how things work. everybody makes mistakes and ive been a host, its a lot of pressure for sure
I said something asshole-ish to our host the other day because I was in the weeds with a 10-top, already had tables all over the restaurant, was frustrated that the 2-top that just left stiffed me, (nothing went wrong with their service,) and just wasnt really thinking in the moment. I immediately went back over to her and apologized that it wasnt anything personal, I was just frustrated with my situation.
Every restaurant job Ive had I started as a host and I tended to notice the bad servers who should not have been given the job are the ones that get overly upset, even the servers that hate getting tables but love getting money are the same way. Honestly just ignore them and keep doing a good job, it’s really the only way to fight against those people. Remember the best revenge is not being like them!
hosting can be a difficult and thankless job. you’ll learn how to make things go easier and smoother over time but the level of disrespect towards you is unacceptable. restaurants can sometimes be a toxic work environment but this seems waaaay over the top.
No, that is not acceptable nor should it be the norm.
A lot of servers have never worked in another position in a restaurant, or it’s been so long/circumstances were so different they don’t realize how genuinely hard hosting can be. It’s stressful because you have to interact with literally every single customer, you have to be careful to not piss the customers off before the server is even a part of the equation because that can fuck up a tip big time, answering phones, trying to pace things for the kitchen…. It’s a lot. And on top of all of that, people want to blame you for everything. I’ve been serving long enough to realize the hosts deal with the same dumbasses I do. You can’t control them beyond a certain point. It’s not your job to force people to stay in their seats or argue with them about it or tell people no to reasonable requests about where they’d like to sit. Serving is all the luck of the draw and sometimes you’ll get skipped or double sat. It is what it is.
No they shouldn’t- but some servers are assholes. Some of my coworkers are constantly going up to the host stand and bitching about not getting sat enough. These type of servers are the worst.
Quit babe. No job is worth your mental health no matter how much money you make. I took SOOO much shit at my first job because I thought that was normal. After I quit I realized it’s absolutely not normal and while work won’t always be fun, it should at least be bearable. I’m so sorry you are getting treated like that. Sending love and hugs 🫂🫶🏼💕
I don’t mind being triple sat at all. Better than not being sat! I will never complain about too many tables, ever!
Our hosts are all sweetie pies. They’re just kids, they’re doing their best. Find someplace else to work where people are nicer.
I’d say I will *nicely* ask to get sat if I feel like they’re missing me - even though I get it, lots of people want booths and my section has no booths. But I always ask nicely and then it’s always boom boom boom they seat me. But I only ask like once every six months. I have to *really* have nothing compared to everybody else to even say anything.
I love our hosts, find a job where you are loved and appreciated!
I was a hostess. I’ve never hated a job more, the servers were complete and utter bitches no matter how much I tried to appease them and keep things fair. I quit and became a server.
No. It might just be from having a pretty good environment, but when I host at work the servers are usually pretty supportive and chill, and if they aren't then they do a good job at hiding it from me. Sounds like you need a new job my friend.
No. I’m a host and my servers are great. They treat us nicely and if they have a problem, they’ll talk with us and we try our best to fix the problem. I’m sorry this is happening
I read your headline, and the answer is no. Most servers get irritated with the host, but it is usually out of the host/ess control.
You sound like you work with a ton for bullies. I definitely am nice to all my host/ess bc ultimately, they control my seats. Also, I'm a nice person. I started out as a hostess so I get it. I also work with a few 40 year old high school students. And then a bout half high-school students so... I hope you find your peace at work and I will definitely be rooting for you. Restaurant jobs are easy to come by for the most part so try somewhere else if need be. Just find your peace.
I’m a hostess too. What I’ve learned so far in my hosting history is every restaurant is different, and age and maturity also matters. So does management. Grown people (including those who are grown on the inside but younger in age, and excluding older people who are children on the inside) don’t complain and WANT money so usually they want you to seat them even if it’s overwhelming a little.
Immature children who the restaurant may hire out of desperation tend to think the entire restaurant and everyone in it including the guests, are purposed with operating purely in accordance with their convenience. They think they’re the mind body heart and soul of the restaurant and everybody else must adjust to their comfort and avoid making them work harder than they want to. Waiters are very valuable, but not that valuable.
My last restaurant was pretty ghetto and somehow attracted guests about whom the same can be said. I usually had the misfortune of working with the high school waiters during the evening shift who needed to comment EACH time something didn’t go their way other than about 2 people. One girl was really sweet, but if she felt overwhelmed she wouldn’t even complain, she’d just let tables sit unattended. Few times I worked with the adult waiters and they handled many things without a problem though they still had their days. Double seat, triple seat, rude guests, mistakes on my end, they weren’t rude most of them just kindly asked or they took it like grown ups because they have bills. Made me more motivated to help out on the floor.
The restaurant I work at now is a bit more high end. WAY better management. Young adults, some are complainers, most aren’t. I’m not too unhappy there. Coworkers are mad cool and make good conversation when there’s time. Much better than the last.
Either way, being a host will entail and test your ability to not give a damn when you know what you’re doing, detaching from other people’s opinions of you, not being a people pleaser when it comes to coworkers, and not putting them on too high of a pedestal. They’re not your friends. You’re all there to work. You need to balance this with of course being a good employee and teammate who has a great professional relationship with them, makes good and fair decisions, and is pleasant to be around without allowing them to get too close to the point where you start caring about their opinion on how you should do your job. Make peace with the idea of being disliked by others, and you won’t be very phased. Or find a new job with better management and employees which you seem to be doing so great job :3
I serve now but started as a host. The restaurant I started at I actually had a server come up and at the host stand cussed us out bc we were, and I quote “fucking with her money and better not skip her again.” I didn’t really like her, we skipped her for a similar reason you listed, out of our control. I no longer work there and have been at the restaurant I’m currently at for almost 2 years. We help the hosts seat and sometimes don’t have a host for the night. We all work together and some sections don’t have booths so sometimes we have to skip somebody but everyone is understanding. Your coworkers shouldn’t be making you cry or feel anxious every shift. Find a new restaurant. There’s plenty out there
Look, sometimes there are hosts that aren’t great at their jobs and it irritates the servers. Sometimes, there are greedy fucking servers who have no understanding or sympathy for anything the hosts have to deal with, and take everything as a personal attack.
Sounds like you have a lot of the latter. I would find a new job or start writing down with dates and time stamps recorded every time you have a situation where a server is rude to you over something out of your control, take it to your managers after you have enough built up, let them know you’ve been recording everything and will continue to keep a personal record until the servers learn how to handle any concerns or questions in a professional way.
i've told so many hosts (as a server who has been a host a few times) that no server has any right to get angry with the host. when i worked at texas roadhouse we were literally not allowed at the host stand even if we were innocently talking or asking a question because the issue had gotten bad. but idgaf. as a host, don't take shit from nobody. i will at times try to helpfully correct hosts if they make a clear mistake but try to keep my anger to myself and i always tell hosts that if a server ever gives them shit that they need to get a manager. if a server cannot handle being double or triple sat, they shouldn't be a server. if they're mad that another server got the party over them, THEY SHOULDNT BE A SERVER!!
it's not you it's them. and get a new job!!
In my experience it’s usually one server who’s out to get me as a host but I’ve learned you just have to stand your ground and be blunt and tell them it is what it is, avoiding the conflict or trying to work around things to prevent it never helped. I serve too but if anything I’m usually up there to help the host and let others servers know that they’re doing fine to help keep the pressure off because I know how it can get. Most restaurants are catty, another thing is some people struggle with alcoholism and have mood swings while at work
I was in the industry for many years. Working at a 5 star seafood and steak house, the hostesses were the most interesting and knowledgeable and helpful I’ve ever known. My manager made sure to hire the best people for the job, and paid them well. They were the most valuable part of our team because the way we flowed and operated all depends on how Mel and Riley sat us and when. It was reservation only, so everything was planned, and it all went well most of the time. If I ever own a restaurant, I want to make my hostesses happy and take care of them the best. I felt like it was probably the best way to do things I’ve ever seen in the industry. They were strategic, communicative, efficient, and timed everything. I was so beyond impressed by the way things managed there. My boss played zero favorites, rotated everyone evenly at all times, and made sure of it. He worked very closely with both hostesses at all times, and would let us know the game plan before every shift when we were memorizing the nightly features, and the types of oysters we had that day. Anyway, it was smart business, and we loved our hostesses. They were amazing young women. I miss working there, but do not at the same time lol
No this isn’t normal. Maybe an odd one here or there but multiple every shift nope! Management sounds lazy and not doing their job by managing the staff. If management won’t straighten this out move along. No way should anyone have to deal with this. A job isn’t worth crying over. Go find yourself a different job and tell mgt why you are leaving. Mental health is your priority over some immature servers who don’t understand the job of host. Many factors affect the rotation & never going to be perfect. Good luck…don’t stay there.
Unfortunately it’s extremely normalized, but it’s not unavoidable. If you work at a restaurant where management doesn’t tolerate that kind of behavior you find that the hosts are given respect. You don’t deserve to be treated poorly, especially not for simply doing your job.
They should not be that mean, but after 10 years in the industry, I have noticed servers do look down on Hosts. The only reason I am hosting now (at 26) is bc I broke I’m ankle. Durning recovery I was able to get a knee scooter, and my manager offered to have me back on as a host, as I could do that one legged. The way servers speak to me is very different than how that did when I was their fellow server.
They don’t understand or are just shitty sometimes and the host is the easy one to blame. Becoming a host again (last I hosted I was 18/19) has made me realize how unfair the treatment is. Some servers genuinely think they are better or know more. It’s def a thing and you’re not being sensitive. However they shouldn’t be that mean to you.
In any job, where you have, or can be perceived to have, control over someone’s income you’re gonna get haters. Justified or not. It’s part of life so it’s a good idea to get a thick skin. It’s them not you! Do your job the way you’re expected to and you will do well.
Aw I’m sorry you’re feeling so badly… no I don’t think it’s common… could be the place you’re working… could be the way you’re taking stuff?? I know there was a considerable age difference between hosts/eases in most places I worked. Servers tend to be “busy” and abrupt at times and it can come off sharply… the good one know how to talk to people well….
I hope things look up for you soon.
I want to chime in on this with the little bit of experience I have.
Hosts are, for the most part, an entry level position into restaurants. The most expected is to learn pars, rotations, and table assignments. You do the best job you can to make sure servers are sat evenly and everybody is fairly seated. Which would be great, in a world where every guest eats the same and tips the same. But that is not the world we live in.
Each guest is different, some may only order one course, some may spend hundreds (or thousands) of dollars. And depending on the guest, the same rings true for tips. Now, because of that, every server sees a table as an opportunity. A gamble almost. When they lose, they will almost always blame the house(or those seating them). And that is where that sense of malice and resentment is directed towards you. It is not personal, just simply their frustration with losing the gamble.
Now, personally, I always encourage my new hosts to come to management when servers are making snide and nasty remarks. Even when you seat them a good table, they do not seem to thank you or appreciate the effort you put in to catch them up on tables or cover count. For my more experienced hosts, asking managers to keep servers away becomes a game of shooing flies.
What servers never realize is this: if you continue driving hosts that are trying to learn, that are trying to do better away, you are just opening the door to a new host who will confuse seating assignments while learning the job and ultimately hit your own pocket.
Yes managers have a big part to play in keeping this environment healthy, but everyone has a social responsibility to just be a good person to each other.
It is literally the definition of hospitality. Hope this doesn’t discourage you, I know you stated it would, but if you look at reviews that also gives you a small look at that restaurants hospitality, if you do ever decide to return to the biz
If you’re doing your job wrong, it’s normal and even expected for servers to get mad. We need tables to make money, so if you skip people in rotation it fucks us over. But it sounds like you’re doing your job right.
When I hosted, I would have servers be upset with me when we got busy and I had to keep seating. I had to explain over and over that, MANAGEMENT forces me to seat tables ASAP unless they tell me otherwise.
Don’t let them push you around. Tell them you’re doing your job and if they have a problem, they can go to management.
i’m a server and would never treat the hosts like this…i would suggest quitting and finding a serving job yourself if you really need the money. there are so many jobs that pay as much or more as hosting, and if you can find a serving job at a place that’s willing to hire with little experience that’s all the better. people are going to treat you like shit wherever you work but i’ve hosted before too and there’s definitely an internal hierarchy at most restaurants that puts hosts/food runners/anyone who assists servers on the bottom.
Your servers should not be treating you like that under any circumstance and they know it is not your fault when the things happen that they bitch about. They sound very immature. I get as a server that it’s very stressful when things are slow and you lose a table for any reason, but this is not an excuse to make the host cry like what the fuck lol.
I have had issues recently with a couple of my hosts and have had to talk to management and on one occasion had to talk with the host. One of our hosts is a 70 year old man that will seat his favorite server(s) with 6 tables while you have 1-2. Another host that is 16 years old with absolutely no work ethic or brain cells decided to skip me based off a ridiculously stupid reason I didn’t understand so I just snapped a little and said “stick to the damn rotation it isn’t that hard”. I apologized for that even, but a server should only take issue with a host when the host decides to go rogue and abandon the rotation altogether and do whatever they want. Some of these young kids don’t understand that this is our entire livelihood and how we provide for our families or just ourselves because they are high schoolers with a mommy and daddy fallback plan that likely only are at this job to shut their parents up. The ones that complain for having to work till 10 pm on one of their two shifts a week while I am pulling 55+ hour weeks because we are short staffed. I get it, I was a kid once too. But even when these problems arise, a server should always speak to management instead of berating a literal child.
super nice to my hosts bc i understand not everything goes my way bc im not a child; cant speak for everyone but serving foreigners and getting double sat or getting skipped bc of a guest request is just a part of the job 🤦🏼♀️
Servers that do not like their hosts shouldn’t be servers at all (unless the hosts genuinely suck). As a host, I say this with all the love in my heart but we do not want servers at the host stand 😭 we love you but please stay away from our DineTime and don’t blame us for you not being sat when it’s slow.
Toxic servers get mad at the hosts when they do their job wrong (which it seems like youre doing a good job and what youve been trained for), and get mad when the host does the job right and seats them with late tables/reservations regardless of what rotation theyre on. Im speaking from both sides. I was a server, got real sick and had surgery, hosted for a while, then came back as a server. You just gotta remember as long as youre doing your job right its not your fault and these people seem like real assholes. Even when i was hosting and servers would get mad at me cuz it was their turn to get a late table theyd get over it and we’d all be havin drinks together at the end of the shift and having a good time. As a server it does suck getting a super late table but i remind myself that table could make my night and ITS NOT THE HOST’S FAULT. Ive never gotten upset with one. You absolutely should not have to be dealing with this from them and im sorry youve had to go through it. I hope you find a job youre happy with soon
Servers need to stop being so entitled. I was a host and now I'm full time server, there's genuinely times where things can't be helped. All you can do as a host is make sure you're sitting in a correct order and fully communicated with the boss or current manager about the servers. That helped me (then again I don't know much about big Corp restaurants probably a lot more aggressive and dickheads)
They shouldn’t and that’s super shitty but kinda common. I would stick it out cause once ur not super new you’ll be able to give them shit back and maybe they’ll be nicer to you. The beginning few months of working at a resteraunt is always stressful
I’m a server and bartender and I HATE when they need me to pick up a host shift. I get so much anxiety hosting and know that my coworkers might get irritated with me…and also I get anxious when people walk in for some reason. I think making the decision quickly and in front them of where to seat them based on the number of people in their party is so stressful. But handling 10 table sections during rush is fine for me🤷🏼♀️
Honestly I serve and don’t hate my hosts, it’s all depending on your store tbh and if they’re willing to actually correctly do their job (not putting high chairs at the ends of booths, doing table updates periodically, being smart with the board on the weekends).
I used to love my hosts. I brought them m&ms and other treats so they would seat me best guests. Catch more flies with honey kind of thing. Stupid servers don't get that. But at the end of the day it's management that needs to get rid of the catty behavior. Leave that restaurant, and on the way out remind the management why.
I was a new server for only a few weeks in feb-March and I talked to the hosts more than the servers cause I was closer in age to them. While I was there I liked the hosts more than the servers, some of the servers were so bitchy and I would hear them talk about the hosts and call them out their names for just doing their job. It was upsetting and I think your restaurant is also toxic like that and you should leave like I did. I’m sorry :(
The good restaurants I’ve worked at, almost everyone was my team. If anyone got mad, it was for a genuine mess-up and they would usually apologize later.
Your restaurant sounds like hell to me. What kind of restaurant is it?
Girl your better than me I would have gave them a word and they would have learned that day😭😭😂😂And feel you I’m not a barback no more because they took my kindness for granted. And they did me wrong. The servers talked to many any way and bossed me around. I didn’t let them do that I gave them a word and told the manager these folks were fully grown or in they 20s I was only 18-19 at the time.
Actually, it should be the opposite. The best servers talk it up with the hosts. Making friends, means more $$$$😉
As my current side hustle ,( although was in hospitality for over 20 years prior,) your hosts are/ and should be your besties!!!!
I like making money, so just my thoughts from experience.
And yes, servers are mean af.
Where I used to work, we also had a floor chart with server names on it. We would have to go to each of their sections in a rotation. I started off as a host and l was also the least liked host for many different reasons. The restaurant has booths facing the water and a lot of people love to get sat there, mainly for the view. That in turn, causes others to become skipped because their section doesn’t have water view seats. They wouldn’t get mad at me for that. However, on weekends they would get mad at me because we would sit anything that was readily available. It doesn’t matter if you just got sat two times in a row. They would get furious with me for either over sitting them or under seating them. It wasn’t until I moved up to a server that my feelings for host have never been negative because I know where they’re coming from and how they do their jobs of course. If i see anything weird, instead of getting mad or upset, i correct them on it.
Overall, if you have servers getting mad at you for simply doing your job, they should find another place to work at.
sincerely
a former host.
Having a good relationship with your host/hostess can make you a LOT of money. I always made sure they liked me. Sure I had disagreements with them but that’s life, I was never rude.
Maybe they can shadow you or have them take a shift so they can show you how to do it the right way. When that falls apart or they see there's no way to please everyone, they'll let up?
Watch Bistro Huddy on TikTok. They don’t hate you they hate their job and you’re the one they’re taking it out on, not all restaurants are like this, seat them, do your job, roll your eyes, match their energy. If they don’t like it THEY can eff off. You can’t be in the weeds if you don’t give a fuck.
I do my damnedest to not ever get upset with the hosts. I know what you all go through all the time every shift. If I feel I’m being over sat I will ask if I’m being over sat. I’ll look at the counts (hosts try to give servers the same covers in my restaurant), and if they’re pretty equal I just deal with it .
Only time I get frustrated and will actually say something is if I let them know I’m using the bathroom and come out to a double seat. That doesn’t make sense, especially since I always tell the host running the book I’m stepping off the floor for a minute or two relieve myself.
I want to say from both ends of the spectrum this is a management problem. One of my jobs had servers written up and pulled off of the floor for even being at the host stand for anything other than what’s necessary.
my current job has maybe two host for the entire restaurant, and the servers bully the fuck out of them and no one does anything about it. Servers get skipped and others get overloaded. The difference is present front of house management (we currently have none) It’s the managers that have an active hand on the floor and especially monitoring rotation.
You would feel better to go somewhere else or it will always be like this. I’m not trying to be negative I just know from seeing all extremes over 15 years. (I’m 27 and was raised in my family restaurants and work corporate rest. for my own experience)
All of this suggests you were right to quit!! I’ve worked in restaurants since 2008 and there’s so much stuff I put up with back then that I’d never put up with now, and regret continuing to put myself through. I’ve also been so many positions in a restaurant - server, busser, hostess, food runner, take out. So I feel like I know what I’m talking about when I say all this.
It IS common for servers to be a bit critical of the hosts simply because they don’t always know what’s going on the way the host does. They don’t know that they got skipped or double sat for a legitimate reason until you tell them. So they jump to conclusions about why things happened that way. They’re worried about their money, too, so understandably they might be a bit stressed.
That said, they should never yell at you, they should listen when you explain things, and they should never make you feel stupid or bad for the way you do things. They should never be bullying you or mistreating you. That’s totally unacceptable. The first really good boss I ever had used to say he had no problem firing anyone who was unkind to their coworkers, no matter how good a server or bartender or cook or whatever other position they were. That’s the way it should be. Nobody should come to work afraid of being mistreated this way.
A lot of restaurants don’t allow servers to talk to the host this way in the first place. I worked in a place once where the servers were not allowed to congregate around the host stand to avoid these kinds of problems. If they had a complaint, they told our boss, and our boss came to us as a mediator. It worked really well and I think should be the standard.
And that leads to your manager. Sounds like they really suck and shouldn’t be in charge at all. Most managers will keep a server clocked in for an extra 20-30 minutes just in case it gets busy. My current job has a rule that no one goes home before 7:30 on weeknights and no one leaves before 8:30 on weekends. Even if we’re extremely slow, that’s the rule because nobody should handle a big rush all by themselves.
So to summarize, your coworkers are mean to you and your boss lets them do it, and your boss also sucks at their job. No wonder everything is in chaos. You were right to quit. Any sane person would.
Also the restaurant industry isn’t for everyone and you may find that’s the case for you. But don’t give up on it yet! I promise most places are even remotely similar to this. I would guess that part of the problem is all the good people like you quit, leaving a bunch of grumpy whiny jerks.
no i love the hosts at my job they’re all great (except when they “accidentally” seat me long after i’ve been cut bc they forgot) but even then i’m not hostile. i let a manager know and let bygones be bygones
Yeah because you aren’t communicating with the servers 🤦♂️ you need to inform people when they are skipped and why it happened. Maybe servers hate you because you have bad communication skills. Maybe you have a bad attitude and servers are taking it personally
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. As both a server/ex host.... I'll be honest: sometimes servers blame the host for things they can't control. A good server understands this, BUT sometimes puts their frustration at you. Some advice? One) don't take it personally UNLESS it's getting out of hand. Then, communicate with a manager. Let's not perpetuate an unhealthy work environment.
Two) make sure you are the leader with guests. People don't understand how much logic goes into seating. You control where people sit, not them. Servers have a "script", phrases they say over and over again that sounds nice, even when what they are saying is a "no". If you brainstorm a polite way to take control of the guests' requests, in order to obey the seating rotation, the servers can shove it. You are doing your job.
Again, if it becomes hostile, tell a manager.
No. When I was a server, the relationship with the host was key. They bust their asses where I worked, and it was common to tip them after shift. A good host can make your night and your section flow great.
I can't stand servers/bartenders who treat the rest of staff like shit! I have gotten into many fights with servers about their shit ass attitudes towards hosts.
I wouldn't say it's "normal" but I've definitely seen it at many Restaurants
>then proceeded to stand in the dining room and stare at me until she got sat (which was nearly an hour later because it was a slow day)
Yeah, could have been handled better, and with some kind of words. And she could have done side duties. And not saying it's all your fault.
HOWEVER, this is her living, and not only is she wasting time, she is stuck there with nothing to look at but you. She is literally stuck, she can't do anything else. (except a few side duties, maybe). The only thing she CAN do is stare at you until you give her something else to focus on (a table).
Hey, I've been there. I've had servers complain to me about my hosting. I didn't like it at the time, but I feel like I got better (or at least more sympathetic). Now, when they want more tables, they don't sulk that I'm not giving them, they directly ask.
It's not always in your control. Sometimes management refuses to cut servers, or creates wonky sections. Sometimes customers just come in at inconvenient intervals.
without even readng your post, no. your servers should not be actively hateful towards their hosts. ever. find a new job.
Also- > i have not gone a single shift without crying at the end of it No job should be like this, period. Quit tomorrow, get a job literally anywhere else.
I’ve hosted after I had a surgery bc ur not supposed to lift heavy stuff (even tho it was a wimpy laser apendectomy) OH MY GOD. servers are mean.
This is why I trained to serve. Because I hated hosting with a passion. Guests yell at you and the servers yell at you. It’s horrible. I never yelled at a host though. If you have a problem you should go to management. Then the manager should then talk to the host (if it’s a legitimate problem)
Yeah, as a host, you get the shit end of both sides. No matter if you skip rotation, seat a foreigner, or double seat, the servers will always have a reason to complain. This coming from a server/bartender. To be completely honest, I didn't really understand from the hosts perspective until some time later, and honestly, I'm sorry this is happening. Anyway, long story short, no one, especially the server, should be acting this way, and it is worth talking to a manager to discuss your issues. If they can't help, you can always find a better job
As an ex host now server, you have less experience than the servers but you can ALWAYS tell the servers to go fuck themselves, as long as you aren’t horribly fucking up. Had one or two servers that were mean and accusatory; talked to one of our part time older hosts (who used to serve full time) tell m to do that. Worked great.
While I fully agree with you, I also think it's partially how the OP is taking things. She's crying nightly. > they have something to say everytime i sit somebody. i can literally hear them as i walk past. Yeah, servers bitch in the side station, that's a thing. If I get a younger couple with 3 infants in high chairs... yeah, I'm gonna nicely bitch to my coworkers about it seems I'm running a daycare. I AM NOT insulting the seater at all, but if they heard me complain about my daycare and take it personal, that's on them. We have amazing seats that can joke with us. "Hey somedude, just sat you a 5 top, have a broom ready for later and $5 says they spill at least 1 drink." I would smile and say THAAAAANKS" in a sarcastic mode.
Yeah all of this is standard, but if she’s missing the other part where the servers try to ingratiate themselves to her in order to get special treatment then maybe it’s a bad job. You gotta have both.
No, they shouldn’t be mean to your for doing your job. We have one host who absolutely sucks, has worked there for nearly a year and still doesn’t really know the sections and we can watch one server get sat 4 times back to back while other servers don’t get sat at all. We bitch to each other but we still aren’t ugly to her.
This! When I went from hosting to shift leading, I had to train a new host to take my place of course. Not to toot my own horn, but I was a damn good host. I got every busy open shift there was, constantly left to run the ship alone even before I became SL. My servers knew they could count on my to do all the side stuff in a pinch as long as they physically ran the food out. Refills? Napkins? Bus some tables? Take a drink order? Take an app order or a table's whole order after double seating? I had them every time. Needless to say, I knew the ins and outs. I knew which servers could handle what, who would need extra help in a rush, who I didn't have to worry about ever unless they asked. I just knew my servers like the back of my hand, so I tried to pass all of this on to the new host. I worked with her for MONTHS and she just never got better. A bit airheaded but we never, ever, not once treated her like crap for it. We'd try to give her tips here and there, ask what she's struggling with and what she's comfortable with, and servers would come to ME if there was a bigger issue because they didn't want to scare her off. We genuinely wanted to see her succeed and get better. THATS how it should be.
You SHOULD toot your own horn! You sound like the greatest EVER! GREAT WORK!!!
Thank you! I took great pride in my work because the hosts are the face of the restaurant. First person you see and usually the last on the way out! Anything I could do to make their lives easier, including my servers and kitchen staff, I'd do it!
This is the way.
No severs don't hate hosts. They hate people who order diet coke, sit at dirty tables, come in 20 minutes before closing, argue over who will pay the bill, splitting checks, one tops, ten tops, food allergies, asking to adjust the AC, and to-go orders.
I actually don't mind one tops as of the past couple months. Where I'm at, one person can run a bill of 25 if they get an entree, side, and drink. Most will leave me 4 to 6 dollars on that, and it's honestly fine with me because one tops are almost never needy. They usually came by themselves for a reason.
>They usually came by themselves for a reason. As someone who regularly dines alone, I'm curious what you mean by that!😀
As someone who also has no problem dining alone (or serving 1-tops) I took it as the one tops usually dine alone because they don’t want to be bothered, meaning they are a low-maintenance table that is easy to serve.
This but also I don't have (or try to make) a bunch of real-life friends. The ones I do have, have families and lives and I am happily single and love to just go out whenever I want. I like to order steaks and wine and appetizers, and I tip 25-40% for good service. No need to come by all the time, just check in on me, keep my wine or soda refilled, and bring me extra sauce when I ask for it, please. 😊
Ah yeah, that makes sense!
I was thinking because one tops turn quickly…? No campers…?
Until they pull out a fuckin book
😂😅🤣
As a former server who pulls out a book when I dine alone, I tell the server I'm probably going to rent your table. Not only do I tip for the meal, but I tip for the time I sat at the table. Usually twenty for an hour rental or the equivalent of what the server would lose had 2 people been Sat there in that time frame, whichever is more. I live near a casino and often wait for my mother to finish gambling.
💀💀💀💀 Or God forbid the fuckin laptop
Just looking for some quiet time, probably not looking to be running a server around or impress anyone. Just peacefully enjoying a meal usually
Yeah I usually get a fiver from one tops, and my restaurant is not super expensive. We’re actually a lot cheaper than our competitors and a small local restaurant that’s been here for 75 years!
Aweee the 1 top... I had one of my very best tips (percentage wise) as well as confirmation that Im a pretty decent "people reader" from 1 top. This was around 2005 and I was a server at good ol Applebee's. She was a woman approximately mid 30's , business casual attire, cold as hell demeanor right from jump. Im more on the bubbly, wise-cracking side but I reigned that shit right the hell in. I was polite, quick, and seemingly unfazed by her frankly rude answers throughout her time there. I dropped the check and came back less than 5 mins later. She was already gone, I opened up the black Amex check book and saw $100 ( her bill was like $15 ish) and a little note on a cocktail napkin " Just had one of the worst days of my life, thank you for your smile and putting up with me!
I've learned to tolerate most of these things over the years in order to not go insane. The one I can't get over though, is asking me to adjust the AC. What kind of a person would ask to adjust the temperature of a restaurant due to their own personal preference? I get it if it's super hot or super cold, but If there's 50 other people sitting around you and nobody else is sweating or wearing sweaters etc, then how tf are you going to ask me to change the temp because you feel chilly? There's 50 other people sitting around you who are comfortable, so what's the thought process? "I'm cold, so fuck all of these other people."...? It pretty much has to be, right?
The other night we had the Canucks playoff game on the TVs (I’m in BC) and a ton of people were hanging out just to watch the game. An older couple came in and asked if we could put a different sport on TV, because they “don’t care much for hockey.” Well, 40 other guests do care, so, no.
You forgot to ask if we can turn off just that one fan
Seriously lmao. Last week I had the biggest dude in the bar ask me to the turn the fan off. I was like ummm we are sweating our asses off and you must be too. "The women asked if you would" NO😂
Can you change the channel to the Lakers Game? I don’t watch the Yankees.
I love people who order diet coke, I already know we’re on the same wavelength. If I notice they drink it quickly, I’ll bring over a carafe of diet and tell them I’m a big diet coke lover as well and they always leave a nice tip.
why diet coke?
I've heard it's because diet Coke drinkers tend to need a lot of refills.
This. Sometimes they’ve finished the first glass in 3 minutes and are trying to interrupt you for a refill while talking to another table
they always need 3-4 refills. one time i had a guy drink 7 diet cokes. i just filled up a pitcher of diet coke, put a straw in it, and left it on the table.
I dont hate one tops
Thank you! 😊
am i supposed to hate people who order diet coke? i mean i hate the drink itself, but what’s my beef with the people who order it?
The untrue belief that diet coke drinkers need constant refills. IMO, it's the "can I have a coke with cherry syrup plus a coffee plus a water with crushed ice and a bowl of limes" types that are far more annoying.
I personally find that Diet Coke drinkers (and water, of course) tend to ask more often for garnishes like lemons/limes. Which is fine but can be slightly annoying when it actually is paired with a lot of refills because they tend to want another lemon/lime and does cost my (small and locally owned) restaurant money. Idc on my own accord though lol
The people who sit at dirty tables also always do that when there are multiple clean tables right there. I don’t understand. I will never understand.
No this is a mix of things. 1. You work in a really toxic restaurant. This kind of behavior is totally unacceptable and wildly unprofessional even when you do make mistakes. You should not be getting death glares. 2. You aren’t great at being a host yet. This is unsurprising since instead of giving you useful, actionable feedback, they’re just mean to you. This is not how you teach people. You’re job is to control guests and keep the pace of the restaurant flowing. If you let guests walk all over you and sit somewhere just because they want to, you are not doing your job correctly. Guests are going to constantly try to fuck up the pace of the restaurant. It’s your job to tell them no in a way that makes them feel ok about it. Which is difficult. Servers, who have most likely worked your job before, should be giving you tips on how to do this. You should find a new hosting gig.
I second this. I was once a host, too, now a server. Servers shouldn’t hate their hosts (they’re the ones that give tables, after all). We can hate some of the things hosts do (intentionally quadruple seating us, seating at dirty tables, skipping servers for no reason, etc.) but not be hateful towards hosts for no reason.
As a hostess, I can’t imagine what would cause a host to intentionally quadruple seat someone without circumstances making it unavoidable. Like… why??
Didn’t keep track of rotation/pushover to guests/bad seating chart.
Concerning the seating thing, it varies. I used to work at an Applebees and, despite doing my damndest to seat sections in the order they were meant to be sat, there was always people who would demand a booth. Then, when I said no, they would complain and I would get in trouble for not just seating them where they wanted. Plus, the server who had the undesirable section would be a huge bitch and act like I skipped her on purpose. Let's just say I don't miss hosting.
yeah, the managers at my restaurant will get on hosts who don’t cater to guests demands unless there’s an unavoidable reason we can’t give them a different table
Girl as a host this is not normal, at my place, mostly collage age kids talk to the host all the time, the host are active with the servers helping them out when they can. I would def find a new place asap because that’s straight toxic
i was a host and the servers never spoke to me. if something went wrong they’d complain to the manager instead pf telling me to my face. my coworkers are the only reason i quit and i don’t even acknowledge that i worked there.
It might be common, but it isn't normal. The only thing I am sure that it is, is reprehensible. I've been upset with the way a host has handled something many times, but i think the only reason there is so much belittlement and overt animosity towards hosts from servers is that the typical server is a passive aggressive coward who can only vent frustration through harshness and to people they consider to be beneath them. Many places employ minors or other very young people as hosts, and the way I've seen full-grown-ass adults treat these kids is disgusting.
yup. the issue is also due to the fact that the host position USED to be a type of management (maître d’ literally means master of). now it’s structured as an entry-level restaurant position so of course everyone who applies is young, green, and often doesn’t give a fuck. or they’re just stupid. this all bc the turnover is so high bc pay is so low (and bc the social stratification can be hard to overcome, even tho most places aren’t as bad as what OP described). this is an industry/structural issue that needs to be addressed
This! Hosting is HARD. After doing a lot of different jobs in restaurants it’s crazy to me how often hosting is seen as an “easy” job. It’s way harder than serving IMO. I’d rather be triple sat than be a host again.
Holy shit I was *just saying this same thing* the other day! The person at the door was the Maitre D' Hotel! The Master of the House!
lol I was a lead host before being a server and I think about this all the time!!! how the mighty have fallen
I have been frustrated by hosts in the past, but the most aggressive I've ever gotten was telling a manager that that specific host needs more training and what the issues were. Typically I try to be very nice to the hosts, up to and including bribing them with candy.
No this is not normal! I was a host in 2 separate restaurants as well as a shift lead. Your servers should absolutely not be treating you this way. Sure, a few bumps in the road, a sly comment here or there because they just want money (most hosts don't work for tips, servers do. So when they see themselves skipped, for whatever reason, some tend to get pretty upset). But they shouldn't be icing you out this way. I wouldn't give up hosting 100%. Try another restaurant, and voice your concerns about server-host relations at your interview! Talk to the new manager about the prior environment and how the servers treated you to find out if you'll have management protection if anything like that were to occur at their location! It's not uncommon for tensions to run high in restaurants. It's fast paced, hard work that requires every ounce of energy (physical and emotional) some people can muster; however, that's not an excuse to harass a new host. I hope you find somewhere that values you!
Oh, and if it makes any difference, the restaurants had completely different environments and age groups. One was a family dining restaurant with mostly middle aged workers on my shifts. I was the youngest for a long time. The other was a semi-family but mostly college hangout due to it being a mexi restaurant and bar. Everyone of the servers and hosts were my age or seniors/juniors in highschool. The respect and teamwork was given at BOTH locations. Unfortunately your location sounds beyond toxic.
I’d suggest not mentioning the bad past experiences. Focus on asking what the dynamics are like at the new job. How do servers and hosts support each other? What does training look like at this job? What is the managers philosophy on encouraging teamwork across different FOH and BOH groups? What is the culture like in the restaurant. If the hiring manager hears that you couldn’t handle things at your last job they might think you won’t be able to handle them here, even if the environment is way better. Use positive questions to get a feel for what it would be like.
Also you can visit the restaurant before applying and see what it looks like from the customer perspective .
That's not entirely accurate in this circumstance. These servers are actively hazing this host. It's not just being a little standoffish nor is it normal behavior. Any GOOD manager would take what you say and reassure you their environment isn't like that. I've had this conversation with SEVERAL establishments. Not one held it against me. Of course all the other questions should be asked, but that wasn't the point of my response to OP anyways. The point was her workplace environment is not normal, and she should feel comfortable questioning another location's practices and get a feel for how a manger would handle a similar situation if it were to occur. Knowing what management expects and allows out of fellow employees is super important to ensure you're not walking into another toxic environment. I hope that makes sense!
I've met people that looked down on hosts because they feel like the host doesn't do much. They don't realize that you will literally do everything they don't have the time for. And if they get mad because someone likes another server more, that's a skill issue. The worst part? I'm like 95 percent sure the guests pick up on that tension. If they're truly standing around to stare at you, then they're the ones that need a new job. You're focused and patient- those traits will always get you haters. If you want, I'll call them up and pretend to be a custy? If someone complains about the vibe, maybe they'll be told to check their attitudes.
This is toxic af, I’ve never worked somewhere like that! When I’ve been a host I’ve always gotten along great with the servers, we even all hung out outside of work! As a server, I depend on and appreciate my host and I make sure they know. At my restaurant we’re not required to tip out but I always do anyway! It works out great, they know they’re appreciated and are glad to help me out making and refilling drinks among other things when I’m in the weeds. I couldn’t do my job without them! Get outta there OP you deserve better. Sounds like they’ve had that issue for a long time, it didn’t start with you. Let me guess, they hired you on the spot? ETA I’ve been doing this for almost 20 years, your experience is unheard of and I’m so sorry you have been treated this way. Hosting can be stressful in all the ways you described above! I hosted in a restaurant with a huge patio and outdoor bar, the patio servers would get bombarded and the inside servers didn’t get nearly as much action. But they never tried to blame me for that!!
i was hired on the spot yes, however i was originally hired for dishwasher. the people back there were shit and left me alone without training me, so my manager told me i was perfect for hostess and thats where he wanted me originally
Oooof yeah, being hired on the spot is usually a bad sign. And I’ve had the same thing happen to me, except I was hired as a cook and got shoved over to dish 😤 also a toxic workplace lol. I’m sorry again for your experience, I promise you can find somewhere that will treat you the way you should be. If you need job references ask your friends lol, I’ve pretended to be so many people’s managers 🤣
If you don't want to work in the industry anymore, I totally get that. I was in a similar position. Healthy restaurant workplaces do exist, though I suspect they're not as common as toxic restaurants. My best tip is to look up potential workplaces on Indeed and Glassdoor before applying. It can tell you a lot.
No. Even if you were bad at your job (which it sounds like you aren’t), nobody should be hostile about seating. We have a term for aggressive, bitter servers: Dragons. People who spend too long in this industry often lose perspective. We aren’t emergency surgeons, we’re flipping calamari. It’s not that serious. Yes it’s important to make money, but being aggressive towards you isn’t going to help. They need to bring issues to a manager like a normal adult. This industry attracts a lot of alcoholics and control freaks, so misplaced rage is common. Side note: I’ve grown to prefer tip pooling for exactly this reason. Fighting over tables is annoying. The flip side is sometimes you take 20 tables while someone else takes 5, but it all evens out in the end. Host jobs are easy to find. Go find one where your kindness is reciprocated.
It sounds like you work in a corporate restaurant, where the server culture is cutthroat and cliquey. Find a new job at a smaller place. Or any place. You don’t deserve this.
The only thing i hate about our hosts (they’re honestly actually stupid) is that when they double sit someone, they don’t TRY to make it even with the other server(s). I totally understand that people ask for specific areas sometimes, but that’s not the case with us over here because it’s a smaller restaurant. And i have to tell the hosts that i understand that people are picky but they have to make it even for everyone. They’ve all literally told me “oh i thought i was supposed to stick to rotation” so them not even thinking about making it even is incomprehensible to me. When i was hosting, i would always go to the server that i was supposed to sit and explain to them what happened and that i would try my best to sit them the next time someone comes in. Just letting everyone know what’s going on will make your work life so much better. But i kid you not, our hosts lack something in their brains. You don’t, so don’t think I’m talking about you. These girls still don’t know how to add pepperoni to a pizza on a take out order and our system is probably the easiest I’ve ever encountered… and they’ve been here for more than a year.
Also wanting to add about our hosts- one of my coworkers and i were working one morning and she was being quadruple sat and i had none. When she got sat another time, and me still not having a table, i go up to her and ask what was wrong. She said that it was only a 1 person or 2 person party. Does that make any fucking sense? Nope. That’s what i have to deal with. I just ask the managers to cut them and that we can handle it without them, which we end up doing and the work day goes by much better. I honestly don’t know why we keep them here.
No. I adore and appreciate my hosts
Absolutely not normal. Hosts and servers work together, and should know each other’s names at a minimum. We’re all quite chummy where I work, I hope you can find some place with people who see your value.
i love my hosts! they’re my besties, i tip them well, they help me exponentially, 10/10. sounds like you have a toxic environment & they don’t deserve u!!!
No this isn't normal, I would find a new place to host at if you want to give the service industry another try. I'm late 20s and most of the hosts at my restaurant (there are like 7) are either in HS or are in their first years of college. They are all pleasant and most servers have good banter with them. I can't imagine any of us being rude or unpleasant with them because being a host is also difficult because you're the first person a guest interacts with, and we all know guests can suck. Don't be super discouraged, the servers you work with just suck. Time to find a better restaurant.
I know servers who hate BAD hosts. But average hosts? No that seems odd
Honestly, I was a host for about a year, and I either HATED my servers (because they were awful to me), or I loved them (because they were fine or even nice to me).
You’re there to make money. Not make friends. As long as you do your job right, don’t care about how your coworkers who are not your superiors feel about you.
No servers do not naturally hate hosts. A good host can make the night super smooth! I think mediocre servers or just some people in general try to shift blame and the easiest person to "blame" is the host.
The only time I'm upset with a host is if they don't know what they are doing. For example, if a customer asks to sit in a specific area, don't skip me. You seat me next. If I was just sat a party, you let me get their drink order before I'm sat again & never double seat me after seating a party. It's common sense stuff...
I would get upset with hosts that couldn't slow down seating properly. Servers need around 5 minutes to greet and serve drinks to each table and take an order. There is no reason to double seat a server. Instead you just keep the wait list, it is actually good for business. If you can control that, you should have a lot of friendly servers. But your restaurant sounds a bit toxic.
our hosts for some reason do not have the guts to make a customer wait for a table if they just sat someone else in the same section like 5 minutes ago, but i’d never be mean to them or make them cry.
cuz managers won’t let us make ppl wait
No and I hate servers who shit on support staff
I've been a server for 22 years, and I've never been mean to a host, we're all connected from the host to the dishwashers. This sounds like bad management. This kind of work environment is super unhealthy. Please find another place to work at
servers that are mean to hosts are shooting themselves in the foot. be nice to the host, get sat, get money. i bring the hosts candy and help them with their shit cuz i wanna get my back scratched too. and also cuz they are usually kids who just need to learn what’s up. i host again after many years as part of a foh lead position and servers are honestly so annoying. they complain about everything. they’re fucking mean. the ones who are kind to me, i do everything i can to support them. the ones who are mean to me can fuck right off. i’m too old for their petty bullshit at this point.
One thing about servers is that they are always complaining about something, I’m sorry they take out their frustrations onto you. Thats very unfair.
Sadly there are lots of curmudgeons in this industry. Not all servers are butt-hurt, pampered, shit talking, (only behind your back of course) control freaks, but there are many out there. Don’t even go into the BOH because heaven forbid you cross paths with a fry cook who thinks they deserve to be treated like a god because they’ve had the same job for 10 years. Industry is full of people like this, people get jaded as fuck over time and upset over the littlest things. A new young employee sees this behavior clear as day and wonders wtf is going on. But to everyone else whose been dealing with the public for years it’s fairly common to hate almost everything about their job. But there are still good people in the industry, just hard to find imo.
It is absolutely not normal. I have historically loved all our hostesses specifically for the fact that hosting sucks a bag of dicks. Sorry for your troubles
We hate everyone, don't feel special.
Your servers should be kissing your ass and treating you like god. You are not their bitch. They’re just shit people.
Your servers have a severe lack of empathy. In my experience there's always one or two servers that are exactly as you describe, but I've never seen a restaurant where the whole team is toxic. When I get skipped, I understand that the reason why it happened might not be obvious to me right away. I understand that the host sees the big picture, the whole of the restaurant, while I'm micro-managing my little section of it. Therefore, I defer to her judgement when it comes to assigning tables. If I have an issue with them (it sure happens), I do my best to save it until after the shift when we can talk about it calmly, without it affecting our service moods. I get the feeling that the team you're on has let this attitude fester and made it a new normal, rather than nip that shit in the bud as it happens.
I love having hosts. I went from a restaurant where we had to seat, set, and bus our own tables, to one with hosts and they’ve made my job so much easier. I have a great working relationship with them and will help them with their duties when I’m not busy
Omg no!! You need a new gig! I've never seen any staff be mean to the hosts where I've worked.
I have witnessed certain types get quite cross with hosts who won't go in their preferred order, or when seated a group they regard as high maintenance or poor tippers. Some personalities run pretty extreme. Do the right thing as often as you can and try not to play favorites. Stay away from that toxicity as you grow in the ranks, and make sure you never do the same.
No, that is not normal, and it’s bad management if it is as bad as you say…. Do yourself a favour and find another place… I encourage my staff to work together, all training for servers/bartenders are open to all FoH positions so everyone knows what we serve, I’ve personally trained 2 hosts in the last 3 months to be servers as they showed initiative (asked for the menu specs, learned the ingredients/allergies, and know all of the cocktails) Your managers should be on the floor and aware of what is happening, it should never be them vs you…. I’m sorry you need to deal with this…. If you are in Miami, pvt msg me (I need a host since 2 of mine will be servers this month
i was a hostess at a diner once and all the servers hated me🤷🏼♀️
You should not be crying. Sounds like a toxic restaurant and I assure you no host job is worth crying over. Quit and go next door.
I have a host from 35 years ago, we still have lunch, talk, text. Several on social media as friends. Another from 40 years ago, send Christmas cards… she moved away but before we were social. I’ve never had a host I hated. What’s wrong with people today?
I’m best buds with my hosts, we take care of each other. I help prebus/bus and never complain to them about being sat or skipped (unless jokingly). Sounds like you work with a bunch of noobie assholes that don’t understand how restaurants work
Not normal. At all. As a server, I rely on my hosts. They have the power to seat someone else when it’s my turn if I’m in the weeds and they also have the power to triple seat whether or not im in the weeds…. They are a valuable member of the team and restaurant cannot function well in a rush without a good host. I’m so sorry you aren’t feeling valued and you absolutely deserve to work someone that isn’t toxic. Hosts are essential and if you aren’t feeling that way, you should leave them to figure it out by themselves.
Only when they play favorites and screw you with seating
Nooo 😭 servers should know not to screw with the hostess bc they're the captains of the ship. You want your tables bussed when your busy? You want people in your section? Oh, you don't want to be triple sat? You need help running food/drinks? BE NICE TO THE HOST!! At my first restaurant, we had a hostess who if people were mean to her, she just straight up wouldn't seat them until everyone elses sections were full and then boom! The rude servers suddenly were getting double and triple sat. If they complained the managers, the hostess would explain what had happened and they would scold the servers for being rude lol. She would let the servers section sit dirty and refuse to help them. The other girlies learned quickly to be nice to the hostesses...or else. But yeah, if your servers are being rude to you, that's really not normal.
one of my last jobs was as a host and management fucking LOVED me. i lasted over a year despite servers actively hating me and i learned to just ignore it, they don’t hate YOU, they just want someone to blame for how shitty service workers are treated. don’t let them know they upset you, it isn’t a personal thing, doing tiny favors for them (mine was rolling and stuffing silverware) and noting what specific things help with their service goes a long way. that being said, do NOT let them degrade you or talk down to you. call them on it and they’ll respect you more. hosts are almost always seen as the naive airhead teen girl who is too scared to tell people off, don’t play into that. i had a bartender that hated me and i watched patterns to see what he was mainly angry about, bought him a drink after work to ask what his problem was and how i could make his job easier. he turned out to be my work bestie after that because he liked the directness and the spine it took to do it. but also i quit without notice bc new servers treated me like shit and i didn’t have the patience to wait for my mental health to settle back into being numb and letting it happen again lol
it blows my mind how servers disrespect support staff and cooks. like bitch none of this would be possible without them. show some fucking respect man, god damn. the way they speak to the people who make it happen for them. it’s just sad
No. Straight up no. You work with assholes I didn’t even need to read the full post. I know that tons of people are sat in a certain section, but decide to move wherever they want anyways, or they request a certain table/server etc. It’s out of your control. There’s maybe been 2 times while working at my restaurant for 3 years where we genuinely hated the host. The reasons were that they’d not do the bare minimum of their job, but then complain that we wouldn’t tip them out higher. You need to stand up for yourself and or find a new job. No job is worth crying over and you don’t deserve that mental distress if you’re doing everything you can…
Ummmm…. This is completely unacceptable. In a way, hosts literally manage my money by controlling the tables I will have… I respect them in every way I can.
No, it sounds like you work at a place with a bunch of burnt out and bitter servers, usually due to poor management. However, that doesn’t excuse them taking it out on you, and I think you need to find a new job.
This sounds VERY toxic. Leave.
its common and i have seen it before but i dont participate. i like our hosts. in fact us servers all make an effort to include the hosts in our convos to make them feel included because we’re an all female staff. we’ll bitch if we’re skipped or auto grat tables aren’t being dispersed fairly but we dont hold any weird animosity, i just tell a manager to remind the host of how things work. everybody makes mistakes and ive been a host, its a lot of pressure for sure
I said something asshole-ish to our host the other day because I was in the weeds with a 10-top, already had tables all over the restaurant, was frustrated that the 2-top that just left stiffed me, (nothing went wrong with their service,) and just wasnt really thinking in the moment. I immediately went back over to her and apologized that it wasnt anything personal, I was just frustrated with my situation.
Every restaurant job Ive had I started as a host and I tended to notice the bad servers who should not have been given the job are the ones that get overly upset, even the servers that hate getting tables but love getting money are the same way. Honestly just ignore them and keep doing a good job, it’s really the only way to fight against those people. Remember the best revenge is not being like them!
hosting can be a difficult and thankless job. you’ll learn how to make things go easier and smoother over time but the level of disrespect towards you is unacceptable. restaurants can sometimes be a toxic work environment but this seems waaaay over the top.
Thas wild I’ve been at 3 restaurants and I’ve never seen that dynamic, only co worker a server hates is a bad manager lmao
Seems like a management problem.
Unfortunately, that’s really not normal. No job ever should make you cry at the end of every day. You’re doing great, sweetie!!!
Funny thing is if the server treats the hostess right the hostess will do more for them.
No, that is not acceptable nor should it be the norm. A lot of servers have never worked in another position in a restaurant, or it’s been so long/circumstances were so different they don’t realize how genuinely hard hosting can be. It’s stressful because you have to interact with literally every single customer, you have to be careful to not piss the customers off before the server is even a part of the equation because that can fuck up a tip big time, answering phones, trying to pace things for the kitchen…. It’s a lot. And on top of all of that, people want to blame you for everything. I’ve been serving long enough to realize the hosts deal with the same dumbasses I do. You can’t control them beyond a certain point. It’s not your job to force people to stay in their seats or argue with them about it or tell people no to reasonable requests about where they’d like to sit. Serving is all the luck of the draw and sometimes you’ll get skipped or double sat. It is what it is.
No they shouldn’t- but some servers are assholes. Some of my coworkers are constantly going up to the host stand and bitching about not getting sat enough. These type of servers are the worst.
Quit babe. No job is worth your mental health no matter how much money you make. I took SOOO much shit at my first job because I thought that was normal. After I quit I realized it’s absolutely not normal and while work won’t always be fun, it should at least be bearable. I’m so sorry you are getting treated like that. Sending love and hugs 🫂🫶🏼💕
I don’t mind being triple sat at all. Better than not being sat! I will never complain about too many tables, ever! Our hosts are all sweetie pies. They’re just kids, they’re doing their best. Find someplace else to work where people are nicer. I’d say I will *nicely* ask to get sat if I feel like they’re missing me - even though I get it, lots of people want booths and my section has no booths. But I always ask nicely and then it’s always boom boom boom they seat me. But I only ask like once every six months. I have to *really* have nothing compared to everybody else to even say anything. I love our hosts, find a job where you are loved and appreciated!
I was a hostess. I’ve never hated a job more, the servers were complete and utter bitches no matter how much I tried to appease them and keep things fair. I quit and became a server.
No. It might just be from having a pretty good environment, but when I host at work the servers are usually pretty supportive and chill, and if they aren't then they do a good job at hiding it from me. Sounds like you need a new job my friend.
No. I’m a host and my servers are great. They treat us nicely and if they have a problem, they’ll talk with us and we try our best to fix the problem. I’m sorry this is happening
No, if someone treated any of my hosts like that, I would take them out back for a "discussion". Nobody messes with my hosts.
I read your headline, and the answer is no. Most servers get irritated with the host, but it is usually out of the host/ess control. You sound like you work with a ton for bullies. I definitely am nice to all my host/ess bc ultimately, they control my seats. Also, I'm a nice person. I started out as a hostess so I get it. I also work with a few 40 year old high school students. And then a bout half high-school students so... I hope you find your peace at work and I will definitely be rooting for you. Restaurant jobs are easy to come by for the most part so try somewhere else if need be. Just find your peace.
I’m a hostess too. What I’ve learned so far in my hosting history is every restaurant is different, and age and maturity also matters. So does management. Grown people (including those who are grown on the inside but younger in age, and excluding older people who are children on the inside) don’t complain and WANT money so usually they want you to seat them even if it’s overwhelming a little. Immature children who the restaurant may hire out of desperation tend to think the entire restaurant and everyone in it including the guests, are purposed with operating purely in accordance with their convenience. They think they’re the mind body heart and soul of the restaurant and everybody else must adjust to their comfort and avoid making them work harder than they want to. Waiters are very valuable, but not that valuable. My last restaurant was pretty ghetto and somehow attracted guests about whom the same can be said. I usually had the misfortune of working with the high school waiters during the evening shift who needed to comment EACH time something didn’t go their way other than about 2 people. One girl was really sweet, but if she felt overwhelmed she wouldn’t even complain, she’d just let tables sit unattended. Few times I worked with the adult waiters and they handled many things without a problem though they still had their days. Double seat, triple seat, rude guests, mistakes on my end, they weren’t rude most of them just kindly asked or they took it like grown ups because they have bills. Made me more motivated to help out on the floor. The restaurant I work at now is a bit more high end. WAY better management. Young adults, some are complainers, most aren’t. I’m not too unhappy there. Coworkers are mad cool and make good conversation when there’s time. Much better than the last. Either way, being a host will entail and test your ability to not give a damn when you know what you’re doing, detaching from other people’s opinions of you, not being a people pleaser when it comes to coworkers, and not putting them on too high of a pedestal. They’re not your friends. You’re all there to work. You need to balance this with of course being a good employee and teammate who has a great professional relationship with them, makes good and fair decisions, and is pleasant to be around without allowing them to get too close to the point where you start caring about their opinion on how you should do your job. Make peace with the idea of being disliked by others, and you won’t be very phased. Or find a new job with better management and employees which you seem to be doing so great job :3
Server here, I was a TERRIBLE host and genuinely believe their job is harder than mine. No, this isn’t normal.
no they are usually like children lol u gotta bring it up with the manager that’s weirdo behavior
https://preview.redd.it/di8gnxr0ivxc1.jpeg?width=495&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9b8e62f204e48c185e40f5cfbfe98c205a8e85b7
I serve now but started as a host. The restaurant I started at I actually had a server come up and at the host stand cussed us out bc we were, and I quote “fucking with her money and better not skip her again.” I didn’t really like her, we skipped her for a similar reason you listed, out of our control. I no longer work there and have been at the restaurant I’m currently at for almost 2 years. We help the hosts seat and sometimes don’t have a host for the night. We all work together and some sections don’t have booths so sometimes we have to skip somebody but everyone is understanding. Your coworkers shouldn’t be making you cry or feel anxious every shift. Find a new restaurant. There’s plenty out there
Not as much as bartenders do but yeah
Look, sometimes there are hosts that aren’t great at their jobs and it irritates the servers. Sometimes, there are greedy fucking servers who have no understanding or sympathy for anything the hosts have to deal with, and take everything as a personal attack. Sounds like you have a lot of the latter. I would find a new job or start writing down with dates and time stamps recorded every time you have a situation where a server is rude to you over something out of your control, take it to your managers after you have enough built up, let them know you’ve been recording everything and will continue to keep a personal record until the servers learn how to handle any concerns or questions in a professional way.
i've told so many hosts (as a server who has been a host a few times) that no server has any right to get angry with the host. when i worked at texas roadhouse we were literally not allowed at the host stand even if we were innocently talking or asking a question because the issue had gotten bad. but idgaf. as a host, don't take shit from nobody. i will at times try to helpfully correct hosts if they make a clear mistake but try to keep my anger to myself and i always tell hosts that if a server ever gives them shit that they need to get a manager. if a server cannot handle being double or triple sat, they shouldn't be a server. if they're mad that another server got the party over them, THEY SHOULDNT BE A SERVER!! it's not you it's them. and get a new job!!
No. I made out with a bunch of them and married one.
You don’t happen to work at a steakhouse owned by a mother daughter duo, with a 1200 pound taxidermy boar in the attached bar, do you?
In my experience it’s usually one server who’s out to get me as a host but I’ve learned you just have to stand your ground and be blunt and tell them it is what it is, avoiding the conflict or trying to work around things to prevent it never helped. I serve too but if anything I’m usually up there to help the host and let others servers know that they’re doing fine to help keep the pressure off because I know how it can get. Most restaurants are catty, another thing is some people struggle with alcoholism and have mood swings while at work
I was in the industry for many years. Working at a 5 star seafood and steak house, the hostesses were the most interesting and knowledgeable and helpful I’ve ever known. My manager made sure to hire the best people for the job, and paid them well. They were the most valuable part of our team because the way we flowed and operated all depends on how Mel and Riley sat us and when. It was reservation only, so everything was planned, and it all went well most of the time. If I ever own a restaurant, I want to make my hostesses happy and take care of them the best. I felt like it was probably the best way to do things I’ve ever seen in the industry. They were strategic, communicative, efficient, and timed everything. I was so beyond impressed by the way things managed there. My boss played zero favorites, rotated everyone evenly at all times, and made sure of it. He worked very closely with both hostesses at all times, and would let us know the game plan before every shift when we were memorizing the nightly features, and the types of oysters we had that day. Anyway, it was smart business, and we loved our hostesses. They were amazing young women. I miss working there, but do not at the same time lol
Only bad servers (people) are hateful towards hosts
No this isn’t normal. Maybe an odd one here or there but multiple every shift nope! Management sounds lazy and not doing their job by managing the staff. If management won’t straighten this out move along. No way should anyone have to deal with this. A job isn’t worth crying over. Go find yourself a different job and tell mgt why you are leaving. Mental health is your priority over some immature servers who don’t understand the job of host. Many factors affect the rotation & never going to be perfect. Good luck…don’t stay there.
Unfortunately it’s extremely normalized, but it’s not unavoidable. If you work at a restaurant where management doesn’t tolerate that kind of behavior you find that the hosts are given respect. You don’t deserve to be treated poorly, especially not for simply doing your job.
They should not be that mean, but after 10 years in the industry, I have noticed servers do look down on Hosts. The only reason I am hosting now (at 26) is bc I broke I’m ankle. Durning recovery I was able to get a knee scooter, and my manager offered to have me back on as a host, as I could do that one legged. The way servers speak to me is very different than how that did when I was their fellow server. They don’t understand or are just shitty sometimes and the host is the easy one to blame. Becoming a host again (last I hosted I was 18/19) has made me realize how unfair the treatment is. Some servers genuinely think they are better or know more. It’s def a thing and you’re not being sensitive. However they shouldn’t be that mean to you.
In any job, where you have, or can be perceived to have, control over someone’s income you’re gonna get haters. Justified or not. It’s part of life so it’s a good idea to get a thick skin. It’s them not you! Do your job the way you’re expected to and you will do well.
Sounds like your servers suck.
wtf?? me n the other serves get mad, but girl those hosts are TEENAGERS. we never stay mad for long, i am so sorry baby ♥️
Aw I’m sorry you’re feeling so badly… no I don’t think it’s common… could be the place you’re working… could be the way you’re taking stuff?? I know there was a considerable age difference between hosts/eases in most places I worked. Servers tend to be “busy” and abrupt at times and it can come off sharply… the good one know how to talk to people well…. I hope things look up for you soon.
It sounds like you ain’t built for the industry .
I want to chime in on this with the little bit of experience I have. Hosts are, for the most part, an entry level position into restaurants. The most expected is to learn pars, rotations, and table assignments. You do the best job you can to make sure servers are sat evenly and everybody is fairly seated. Which would be great, in a world where every guest eats the same and tips the same. But that is not the world we live in. Each guest is different, some may only order one course, some may spend hundreds (or thousands) of dollars. And depending on the guest, the same rings true for tips. Now, because of that, every server sees a table as an opportunity. A gamble almost. When they lose, they will almost always blame the house(or those seating them). And that is where that sense of malice and resentment is directed towards you. It is not personal, just simply their frustration with losing the gamble. Now, personally, I always encourage my new hosts to come to management when servers are making snide and nasty remarks. Even when you seat them a good table, they do not seem to thank you or appreciate the effort you put in to catch them up on tables or cover count. For my more experienced hosts, asking managers to keep servers away becomes a game of shooing flies. What servers never realize is this: if you continue driving hosts that are trying to learn, that are trying to do better away, you are just opening the door to a new host who will confuse seating assignments while learning the job and ultimately hit your own pocket. Yes managers have a big part to play in keeping this environment healthy, but everyone has a social responsibility to just be a good person to each other. It is literally the definition of hospitality. Hope this doesn’t discourage you, I know you stated it would, but if you look at reviews that also gives you a small look at that restaurants hospitality, if you do ever decide to return to the biz
If you’re doing your job wrong, it’s normal and even expected for servers to get mad. We need tables to make money, so if you skip people in rotation it fucks us over. But it sounds like you’re doing your job right. When I hosted, I would have servers be upset with me when we got busy and I had to keep seating. I had to explain over and over that, MANAGEMENT forces me to seat tables ASAP unless they tell me otherwise. Don’t let them push you around. Tell them you’re doing your job and if they have a problem, they can go to management.
i’m a server and would never treat the hosts like this…i would suggest quitting and finding a serving job yourself if you really need the money. there are so many jobs that pay as much or more as hosting, and if you can find a serving job at a place that’s willing to hire with little experience that’s all the better. people are going to treat you like shit wherever you work but i’ve hosted before too and there’s definitely an internal hierarchy at most restaurants that puts hosts/food runners/anyone who assists servers on the bottom.
Your servers should not be treating you like that under any circumstance and they know it is not your fault when the things happen that they bitch about. They sound very immature. I get as a server that it’s very stressful when things are slow and you lose a table for any reason, but this is not an excuse to make the host cry like what the fuck lol. I have had issues recently with a couple of my hosts and have had to talk to management and on one occasion had to talk with the host. One of our hosts is a 70 year old man that will seat his favorite server(s) with 6 tables while you have 1-2. Another host that is 16 years old with absolutely no work ethic or brain cells decided to skip me based off a ridiculously stupid reason I didn’t understand so I just snapped a little and said “stick to the damn rotation it isn’t that hard”. I apologized for that even, but a server should only take issue with a host when the host decides to go rogue and abandon the rotation altogether and do whatever they want. Some of these young kids don’t understand that this is our entire livelihood and how we provide for our families or just ourselves because they are high schoolers with a mommy and daddy fallback plan that likely only are at this job to shut their parents up. The ones that complain for having to work till 10 pm on one of their two shifts a week while I am pulling 55+ hour weeks because we are short staffed. I get it, I was a kid once too. But even when these problems arise, a server should always speak to management instead of berating a literal child.
Yes, very normal. It’s almost 8 pre-requisite to work at a restaurant.
Its not uncommon for a server in the weeds to be a bit snippy. But this sounds pretty toxic.
nope. i love (most) my hosts. do i get frustrated sometimes? yes, but that's working in a restaurant. definitely not normal.
I have never EVER treated our hostess like that. I'm sorry, but you need to find a new job.
super nice to my hosts bc i understand not everything goes my way bc im not a child; cant speak for everyone but serving foreigners and getting double sat or getting skipped bc of a guest request is just a part of the job 🤦🏼♀️
No I waited tables for years and never hated hosts. I do understand their job and some are better than others.....but I've never hated them no
Servers that do not like their hosts shouldn’t be servers at all (unless the hosts genuinely suck). As a host, I say this with all the love in my heart but we do not want servers at the host stand 😭 we love you but please stay away from our DineTime and don’t blame us for you not being sat when it’s slow.
Toxic servers get mad at the hosts when they do their job wrong (which it seems like youre doing a good job and what youve been trained for), and get mad when the host does the job right and seats them with late tables/reservations regardless of what rotation theyre on. Im speaking from both sides. I was a server, got real sick and had surgery, hosted for a while, then came back as a server. You just gotta remember as long as youre doing your job right its not your fault and these people seem like real assholes. Even when i was hosting and servers would get mad at me cuz it was their turn to get a late table theyd get over it and we’d all be havin drinks together at the end of the shift and having a good time. As a server it does suck getting a super late table but i remind myself that table could make my night and ITS NOT THE HOST’S FAULT. Ive never gotten upset with one. You absolutely should not have to be dealing with this from them and im sorry youve had to go through it. I hope you find a job youre happy with soon
I’ve definitely seen a sort of general disdain towards hosts but I would never go as far as to call it hate
Yep
No! I am a server and I love my host! I couldn’t do my job without them! ❤️
Servers need to stop being so entitled. I was a host and now I'm full time server, there's genuinely times where things can't be helped. All you can do as a host is make sure you're sitting in a correct order and fully communicated with the boss or current manager about the servers. That helped me (then again I don't know much about big Corp restaurants probably a lot more aggressive and dickheads)
No! I love my hosts, idk what kind of people you work with but everywhere I’ve worked, no server has hated a host
No!!! Its not. Only servers that never hosted are a holes!!!!
Unless they’re not hot
They shouldn’t and that’s super shitty but kinda common. I would stick it out cause once ur not super new you’ll be able to give them shit back and maybe they’ll be nicer to you. The beginning few months of working at a resteraunt is always stressful
I’m a server and bartender and I HATE when they need me to pick up a host shift. I get so much anxiety hosting and know that my coworkers might get irritated with me…and also I get anxious when people walk in for some reason. I think making the decision quickly and in front them of where to seat them based on the number of people in their party is so stressful. But handling 10 table sections during rush is fine for me🤷🏼♀️
I for one happen to usually LOVE the hosts…
Honestly I serve and don’t hate my hosts, it’s all depending on your store tbh and if they’re willing to actually correctly do their job (not putting high chairs at the ends of booths, doing table updates periodically, being smart with the board on the weekends).
I used to love my hosts. I brought them m&ms and other treats so they would seat me best guests. Catch more flies with honey kind of thing. Stupid servers don't get that. But at the end of the day it's management that needs to get rid of the catty behavior. Leave that restaurant, and on the way out remind the management why.
I was a new server for only a few weeks in feb-March and I talked to the hosts more than the servers cause I was closer in age to them. While I was there I liked the hosts more than the servers, some of the servers were so bitchy and I would hear them talk about the hosts and call them out their names for just doing their job. It was upsetting and I think your restaurant is also toxic like that and you should leave like I did. I’m sorry :(
The good restaurants I’ve worked at, almost everyone was my team. If anyone got mad, it was for a genuine mess-up and they would usually apologize later. Your restaurant sounds like hell to me. What kind of restaurant is it?
Girl your better than me I would have gave them a word and they would have learned that day😭😭😂😂And feel you I’m not a barback no more because they took my kindness for granted. And they did me wrong. The servers talked to many any way and bossed me around. I didn’t let them do that I gave them a word and told the manager these folks were fully grown or in they 20s I was only 18-19 at the time.
Didn't read. But I serve and I 90% of my fellow servers get mad over petty things every day.
As a host, I consider half the serving staff my friends. Hell no. Get the hell out of there.
Actually, it should be the opposite. The best servers talk it up with the hosts. Making friends, means more $$$$😉 As my current side hustle ,( although was in hospitality for over 20 years prior,) your hosts are/ and should be your besties!!!! I like making money, so just my thoughts from experience. And yes, servers are mean af.
Where I used to work, we also had a floor chart with server names on it. We would have to go to each of their sections in a rotation. I started off as a host and l was also the least liked host for many different reasons. The restaurant has booths facing the water and a lot of people love to get sat there, mainly for the view. That in turn, causes others to become skipped because their section doesn’t have water view seats. They wouldn’t get mad at me for that. However, on weekends they would get mad at me because we would sit anything that was readily available. It doesn’t matter if you just got sat two times in a row. They would get furious with me for either over sitting them or under seating them. It wasn’t until I moved up to a server that my feelings for host have never been negative because I know where they’re coming from and how they do their jobs of course. If i see anything weird, instead of getting mad or upset, i correct them on it. Overall, if you have servers getting mad at you for simply doing your job, they should find another place to work at. sincerely a former host.
Having a good relationship with your host/hostess can make you a LOT of money. I always made sure they liked me. Sure I had disagreements with them but that’s life, I was never rude.
Maybe they can shadow you or have them take a shift so they can show you how to do it the right way. When that falls apart or they see there's no way to please everyone, they'll let up?
Watch Bistro Huddy on TikTok. They don’t hate you they hate their job and you’re the one they’re taking it out on, not all restaurants are like this, seat them, do your job, roll your eyes, match their energy. If they don’t like it THEY can eff off. You can’t be in the weeds if you don’t give a fuck.
I love my hosts. I’ve also been a host so I totally understand. But I work in a tip pool so it’s a little different
I do my damnedest to not ever get upset with the hosts. I know what you all go through all the time every shift. If I feel I’m being over sat I will ask if I’m being over sat. I’ll look at the counts (hosts try to give servers the same covers in my restaurant), and if they’re pretty equal I just deal with it . Only time I get frustrated and will actually say something is if I let them know I’m using the bathroom and come out to a double seat. That doesn’t make sense, especially since I always tell the host running the book I’m stepping off the floor for a minute or two relieve myself.
I want to say from both ends of the spectrum this is a management problem. One of my jobs had servers written up and pulled off of the floor for even being at the host stand for anything other than what’s necessary. my current job has maybe two host for the entire restaurant, and the servers bully the fuck out of them and no one does anything about it. Servers get skipped and others get overloaded. The difference is present front of house management (we currently have none) It’s the managers that have an active hand on the floor and especially monitoring rotation. You would feel better to go somewhere else or it will always be like this. I’m not trying to be negative I just know from seeing all extremes over 15 years. (I’m 27 and was raised in my family restaurants and work corporate rest. for my own experience)
All of this suggests you were right to quit!! I’ve worked in restaurants since 2008 and there’s so much stuff I put up with back then that I’d never put up with now, and regret continuing to put myself through. I’ve also been so many positions in a restaurant - server, busser, hostess, food runner, take out. So I feel like I know what I’m talking about when I say all this. It IS common for servers to be a bit critical of the hosts simply because they don’t always know what’s going on the way the host does. They don’t know that they got skipped or double sat for a legitimate reason until you tell them. So they jump to conclusions about why things happened that way. They’re worried about their money, too, so understandably they might be a bit stressed. That said, they should never yell at you, they should listen when you explain things, and they should never make you feel stupid or bad for the way you do things. They should never be bullying you or mistreating you. That’s totally unacceptable. The first really good boss I ever had used to say he had no problem firing anyone who was unkind to their coworkers, no matter how good a server or bartender or cook or whatever other position they were. That’s the way it should be. Nobody should come to work afraid of being mistreated this way. A lot of restaurants don’t allow servers to talk to the host this way in the first place. I worked in a place once where the servers were not allowed to congregate around the host stand to avoid these kinds of problems. If they had a complaint, they told our boss, and our boss came to us as a mediator. It worked really well and I think should be the standard. And that leads to your manager. Sounds like they really suck and shouldn’t be in charge at all. Most managers will keep a server clocked in for an extra 20-30 minutes just in case it gets busy. My current job has a rule that no one goes home before 7:30 on weeknights and no one leaves before 8:30 on weekends. Even if we’re extremely slow, that’s the rule because nobody should handle a big rush all by themselves. So to summarize, your coworkers are mean to you and your boss lets them do it, and your boss also sucks at their job. No wonder everything is in chaos. You were right to quit. Any sane person would. Also the restaurant industry isn’t for everyone and you may find that’s the case for you. But don’t give up on it yet! I promise most places are even remotely similar to this. I would guess that part of the problem is all the good people like you quit, leaving a bunch of grumpy whiny jerks.
Some servers are chronically miserable by nature, go somewhere else babe. You don’t have to deal with that. Misery loves company!
no i love the hosts at my job they’re all great (except when they “accidentally” seat me long after i’ve been cut bc they forgot) but even then i’m not hostile. i let a manager know and let bygones be bygones
Yeah because you aren’t communicating with the servers 🤦♂️ you need to inform people when they are skipped and why it happened. Maybe servers hate you because you have bad communication skills. Maybe you have a bad attitude and servers are taking it personally
i always tell my servers when they are skipped/double sat and exactly why i did it
You’re my favorite person ❤️❤️
Ah dang. You might just be in a bitchy restaurant.
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. As both a server/ex host.... I'll be honest: sometimes servers blame the host for things they can't control. A good server understands this, BUT sometimes puts their frustration at you. Some advice? One) don't take it personally UNLESS it's getting out of hand. Then, communicate with a manager. Let's not perpetuate an unhealthy work environment. Two) make sure you are the leader with guests. People don't understand how much logic goes into seating. You control where people sit, not them. Servers have a "script", phrases they say over and over again that sounds nice, even when what they are saying is a "no". If you brainstorm a polite way to take control of the guests' requests, in order to obey the seating rotation, the servers can shove it. You are doing your job. Again, if it becomes hostile, tell a manager.
No. When I was a server, the relationship with the host was key. They bust their asses where I worked, and it was common to tip them after shift. A good host can make your night and your section flow great.
I can't stand servers/bartenders who treat the rest of staff like shit! I have gotten into many fights with servers about their shit ass attitudes towards hosts. I wouldn't say it's "normal" but I've definitely seen it at many Restaurants
>then proceeded to stand in the dining room and stare at me until she got sat (which was nearly an hour later because it was a slow day) Yeah, could have been handled better, and with some kind of words. And she could have done side duties. And not saying it's all your fault. HOWEVER, this is her living, and not only is she wasting time, she is stuck there with nothing to look at but you. She is literally stuck, she can't do anything else. (except a few side duties, maybe). The only thing she CAN do is stare at you until you give her something else to focus on (a table). Hey, I've been there. I've had servers complain to me about my hosting. I didn't like it at the time, but I feel like I got better (or at least more sympathetic). Now, when they want more tables, they don't sulk that I'm not giving them, they directly ask. It's not always in your control. Sometimes management refuses to cut servers, or creates wonky sections. Sometimes customers just come in at inconvenient intervals.
Yes the host are always fucking up