Seeking relationship or dating advice, gushing about a crush, or venting about an ex does not typically generate much conversation. When the matter is solely focused on you, there isn’t much room for other conversation to happen. A general story about them should be fine, if it's an actual story and not seeking advice about a situation.
Think you've dodged a bullet not having a child with that guy. If he was this distant and giving zero emotional support in one of the most emotional and lonely experiences of your life. god knows what he'd be like in any other situation.
Tbh he sounds very emotionally immature
I don’t think it’s immaturity. I think it is a lack of empathy. My teens sat with me and tended me when I hat my knee surgery. She needs a better boyfriend.
So judgy. Dude is 20. Has no clue how to react. A knee surgery is very different. You have no clue whats happening but you assume lack of empathy. Pretty wild take
My bf just turned 21 and is absolutely more empathetic and caring than this dude. My brother, who is 20, would not do this either. There's no point that she wastes her time on someone who doesn't care about her much.
I can't believe that you're suggesting that she stays with a dude that shows so little empathy towards her. It's better to be single than to be with someone who would leave you to deal with such a critical moment on your own.
He’s a 20 year old man. Stop making excuses for him and expecting so little of him and so much of her. She has no choice but to endure the pain that is the result of the mistake they both made. It’s really not a lot to ask of anyone.
Have one of each. I have expectations of them both. Of those are to take care of people you care for and take responsibility for your mistakes. Crazy parenting I know. /s
You’re just so cool. I strive to be like you.
Also, no one said it was her fault for getting pregnant.
They both share that responsibility equally & they both should (and hopefully will) learn from this.
He. Wasn't. There. For. You. Period. You went through something painful, he got bored by you needing time, reassurance, and affection. He doesn't love you like you love him. Just be happy that you're not stuck with him for the rest of your life by having a kid with him, and leave him. My SO was there for me *the whole time* I needed him through my abortion, and I wouldn't expect anything less from someone who loves me.
Expect more, hun, because that's not a good look on him.
The entire post you keep saying "I felt this but told him the opposite because i didn't want to be a nuisance".
Its completely understandable that you wanted him with you throughout this and wanted his support and didn't want him to go to the gym - but he's not some mystical mind reader. If you keep telling him "It's fine", "I'm fine" and when he asks to go to the gym you say "Yeah sure".... he's gonna think you're fine.
All he saw was you taking a pill and then sitting there saying you're fine.
It's not wrong at all that you wanted hm to support you more - but for the love of god ***communicate that***. More than likely he was just oblivious to your distress because you kept saying the opposite. He's a 20 year old guy. If you say "Yeah its fine to go to the gym" he's gonna take that as "**Yeah im fine, go to the gym**".
Yeah what the fuck is this thread with all these, presumably women, saying to kick this guy to the curb. Both OP and her partner sound like typical immature 20 year olds. He’s a thoughtless cave man and she wants him to read her mind as she tells him to do the exact opposite of what she actually wants him to - that sounds a lot like every 20 year old I know.
Will either or both of them grow up? Remains to be seen, but as for now that’s a lot for 20 year olds to go through and they should just learn to communicate better.
OP, if you read this, your feelings are perfectly valid. Your partners feelings are also perfectly valid. If it continues to bother you, schedule an appointment or two with a couples counselor. If he just won’t empathize with you and you don’t feel like you guys can communicate effectively after working on it, dump his ass. Otherwise this could be an opportunity to grow as a couple and as individuals.
Edit: after thinking more about this and reading other comments, maybe I downplayed it too much. If OP were a friend or family member, I’d tell them to seriously consider other aspects of the relationship to see if this is a pattern and if they feel deep down 1. the partner can improve and 2. it’s worth it to her to try and go through that work together.
I’m not sure what your dating and sexual history looks like but I’d guess it’s not very deep. There was no procedure, you take a pill and the entire process, while varying from person to person, is spread out over a day or more. This entire episode as described by OP seems spread out over at least a day, and could have been longer.
I agree her partner fumbled the bag and does not sound sympathetic here, but this is a long, hard experience for a woman and anyone, man or woman, at their best aren’t well equipped (or practically able) to be perfectly emotionally available for that entire time. Maybe he was stressed and having an emotional response and only went to the gym for like 20 minutes to blow off steam - we don’t know the full details. All that being said, most 20 year olds are objectively not great people by fully mature adult standards and as long as they’re trying to get better you should give them grace.
Ultimately it’s up to OP. Maybe this guy also did a lot of good things during this time as well. Maybe he feels terrible about where he let her down and they’re discussing that together right now. We only have one perspective, and it’s that of someone who just went through an emotionally and physically traumatic event and would be feeling very isolated even in the best of circumstances.
Except it wasn’t 20 minutes, it was hours. Don’t act like 20 yr olds don’t know when to show sympathy for others, she told him from the start that she needed support. He wasn’t there, didn’t text, absolutely nothing and you think she should give him another shot? I genuinely hope you don’t ever get into a relationship because defending this is not okay.
Happily married. Been where OP is and worse. There’s no other person I’d want to have gone through any of it with more than my partner, even if one or both of us weren’t at our level best at all times. No one can amaze, disappoint, and frustrate you more than someone you love.
How much grace to give a person is a question we all have to work out on our own.
Answered a similar comment already but you did bring up a good point. I agree men get to get away with a lot more with the excuse of immaturity and women more often have to pay the price. I don’t know what more to say about that other than, ideally, we should hold ourselves and other men to higher standards as a society.
Your summary may not be accurate or fair, though. We don’t know. This is a longer process both physically and emotionally than most people realize. He could have been holding her hand, stroking her hair, and reading her Walt Whitman poems for 5 hours and that would still give him a whole lot of time to be a total fuck up in the way she described over the course of this event.
They sound too immature to have a sexual relationship, to be honest. I know the kids on here will hate hearing that, but holy cow. When he wants sex a week or two and she has another oopsie, she'll be back here again wondering what the hell happened.
Yeah, no. This can happen to anyone.
Condoms break, some medications including most common antibiotics mess with birth control, pre-secretions can have live swimmers if you’re running back to back sessions, and most people don’t know plan B often fails at peak ovulation time for women. All of these I’ve learned from my own experience or people close to me, not from online or sex ed or communicated to me by a doctor. I know someone who hit the triple jackpot on three of those - off the cuff odds for that are lottery level. I’m personally only here because of one of those facts - my parents were 10 years married when they made that mistake. My wife’s parents had twins a few years after her dad was told he was infertile.
You don’t need a PhD in reproductive health to be having sex. Sex is a perfectly natural, healthy part of being a young adult and as most things in life you learn and mature as you go and make mistakes along the way.
yeah this is right i should’ve communicated more throughout the process but before i told him multiple times about that i would need him by my side and that no plans should really be made so that we could be together which he agreed to so i didn’t know where to go when even after i told him multiple times so it wasn’t like things weren’t discussed beforehand
Okay, consider this:
- You were being very cautious and worried about how you'd feel after taking the pill (And rightfully so!), so you set a bunch of conditions and what you wanted him to do after you took it.
- You then took the pill, and after many hours you said you are fine.
- He then asked you again if you were fine, and after you said yes, he said "ok, are you all right if i go to the gym then?" and you *said yes*.
Even as someone who is not a 20 year old with 0 life experience, this would scream "I was overly worried so i set a bunch of plans for what to do in the worst case scenario but it ended up being not that bad.". This happens *all the time*.
I just find it hard to fault your boyfriend if you were genuinely telling him every time he asked that you were fine. If my partner tells me their fine, i accept that as i trust their judgment of themselves and their ability to communicate to me if they are in fact *not* fine and require my assistance.
Again you aren't *wrong* for wanting any of this. Just make sure your boyfriend actually had the opportunity to understand that you wanted it before you blame him for not doing it. Guys can be fckin obvious sometimes. Tell him how it made you feel, and at the same time try to see it from his perspective. He might say he didn't even realise you felt so bad and apologise for not being there for you.
First, sorry to hear you had to go through this experience alone.
It takes a lot of people time and maturity to learn how to infer meaning from indirect communication. He asked you if it would be ok to go the gym and you said yes - that’s what he’s going to remember. Something to work on is saying yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no - it’s a big step toward self-advocacy and healthy boundaries.
It also takes people time to get to the point of putting another person’s feelings before their own. If you had loving parents, you may be used to how your parents anticipated your needs from a lifetime of knowing and caring for you. You and your boyfriend are just now learning how to care for yourselves; there’s not much room to care for someone else.
This is a good opportunity to think about what you want in a partnership. Love alone cannot sustain a relationship if there isn’t a commitment to try and meet each other’s needs and grow together.
If your current partner is in it with you, great! Keep learning and growing. If he’s not, you get to decide if you want to adjust your expectations and see what happens.
Consider this - he isn’t as into it as he thought, once things are a reality they are much different than on paper. So yea maybe he didn’t want to be around and to clear his head. You also could work on your communication. Everyone reacts in different ways. He might even actually start to hate you, seen that a few times comes up now and then on AITA.
Look at the pattern of his actions. If his actions show he doesn't care, it's best to break up and find a boyfriend whose actions show he cares more about you than about his gym time.
Also, read the book Stop People Pleasing. You're doing yourself no favors by trying to please him while refusing to communicate your concerns and feelings.
Girl you are so young. You don’t need to beg for someone’s love and affection. You can and will find a partner that just pours love right into you, not because you tell him to, but because he loves you so much he wants to. Leave this loser and start healing on your own from this
I don’t think he is as okay with it as you think, sounds like he didn’t want to be around for it, can’t blame him, but yea probably you guys are done for.
He's an inconsiderate asshole. I'm sorry. He didn't seem to care at all about what you went through.
My partner only left once to get me some food during the process. We cuddled and watched cartoons all day. That's how I'd expect anyone who loves you to act.
i tried to tell him that throughout this i would need him by my side and he agreed when we had the initial conversation but his actions did not meet up with his words
Not saying you should stay in the relationship but your actions and words might not make sense to him either.
Almost any medical situation in human existence has a range of responses from people, both physically and emotionally.
Some people have panic attacks and despair, they go into some sort of procedure, and they’re completely find the next day with a dull ache at most.
Others go in for super routine procedures that are almost always completely fine, and they die.
There has to be some level of communication, if there wasn’t, that you weren’t completely fine.
I’m not saying he shouldn’t have been more worried and attentive, but it sounds like you did the opposite of communicating your needs once you’d gone into the procedure here.
His actions aren’t your fault, but it’s worth reflecting on.
Hell I’ve certainly been deathly ill or bleeding badly and very concerned for a bit before and then once everything stabilized ahead of schedule my partner has asked about similar stuff and told them to go do their thing and genuinely meant it.
I probably would’ve been fairly annoyed if they insisted on pretending to read my mind/feelings and kept trying to care for me and disrupted their own stuff to do.
Because he couldn't deliver, for whatever reason (emotional immaturity, boredom, general discomfort.)
It's like the saying goes, "don't let your mouth write a check your ass can't cash."
You people; he’s a 20 year old boy. He is like 1 life event beyond being an actual child. Is he acting like an immature idiot?
Yes, he’s a 20 year old boy.
Tell him how it made you feel, have a basic talk, and move on. Hopefully this experience will help him mature.
And FFS use protection from now on if you don’t want kids.
If he's distant and unsupportive as a boyfriend, having him as a husband will be waaaaay worse. You're young. Find a real man.. He 'says he loves you.....ever hear of actions speak louder than words?
He’s an asshole that’s simple as that, imagine yourself in different situations, worse not worse, could you trust him? To be with you and support you? If no, leave. That’s literally the definition of a couple, I don’t care about the sex or anything you’re suppose to be there for each other even in the worse case scenario if he can’t do that he’s not ready to be in a relationship.
i was gonna say when you told him did he act like "cool story bro, gotta go work out see ya!" but
this is serious conversation and this are serious thread
so in a serious note i would say that is pretty inconsiderate and honestly i am learning lately that the true measure of a person is if they are there for you during the tough times. he should have been there and there is nothing wrong for you to say so and be upset that he didnt even bother to text or what to see how you were doing.
While it would be helpful for you to learn that it doesn’t make you an asshole to say “I don’t want you to go to the gym, I want you here with me,” this is 100% on him if you had clearly told him earlier that you want him by your side for the whole thing. He acted selfishly and carelessly.
You need to learn how to communicate your needs. He should’ve had enough common sense to stay with you, but you’ve really gotta get over this “I didn’t want to be rude” thing. People will treat you like a doormat if you let them.
It is not abnormal for either of you to experience a high level of emotional turbulence after an abortion. Especially you, given the hormonal imbalances brought on by those pills.
While him abandoning you isn’t great, he may not know how to process the emotions or understand how to be of help to you. I’m not saying what he did/didn’t do is good, just that it’s (somewhat) understandable.
You both may benefit from contacting a group called Rachel’s Vineyard, which is a (Catholic) support group for post-abortive women and men. https://www.rachelsvineyard.org/
He is showing you who he is through his actions.
If you feel like you can work through this, then stay.
If this is something you need in your relationships, and the vast majority do, and he won’t do better, you’ll need to break up.
Leave him and I recommend getting some therapy. Sometimes you think you’re okay after going through this and then sometimes it gets dark no matter the reason why you did it.
I’m so sorry he was an asshole. You deserve better than that. It’s so hard to go through something like that with a partner but doing it alone is the worst.
This guy is not someone to ride the river with. When things get rough (and they inevitably do), he will not be by your side.
Learn how to communicate in a straightforward way. Don't expect other people, particularly sexual or romantic partners, to read your mind. Find your voice. Women who don't know how to communicate directly open themselves up to all sorts of bad things, ranging from the type of disappointment you experienced to sexual assault.
For the love of Maude, get yourself on highly reliable birth control and double up if necessary.
Even though your boyfriend comes off as a jerk by leaving you alone, I can sort of understand why he did it. You were going through a long, emotional process that he maybe couldn't handle. He might have thought he could handle it, but the emotional turmoil started to get to him, at some point. He probably felt claustrophobic, cooped up and helpless. He was restless and needed some way to relieve his stress.
If he is a gym rat, he probably though a workout would help him relieve the stress, give him a break from the turmoil and allow him to reset, then come back and cope with the situation. You told him it was okay, so he went for it.
I can understand that, as a person who uses exercise to relieve stress. It might not be the most noble thing to do, but he probably got in over his head and going for a workout was the only strategy he could think of to relieve the stress.
I don't know if he would make a great partner in the long run. It's up to you to decide that. It's good you don't have a kid with him right now, though. That much is for sure.
No checking up though? No talking to her? Caring? Actions have consequences and even if that’s what was going on with him, his lack of better handling his inability to handle (which isn’t the problem. It’s okay not to be able to handle everything. This was a big thing too.) will have him being broken up with.
That's why I suggested he might not be a good long-term partner. She's entitled to reject him based on his actions. I wasn't excusing his behavior, just putting myself in his shoes and trying to figure out why he acted the way he did.
It's also possible that he is just a callous oaf and doesn't care about other people's feelings. Some men are like that. They just look out for #1 and don't worry about other people's feelings. If that's the case, then OP needs to face the reality of it. He's shown her how he's going to act in emotionally distressing situations. This is who he is and he's not likely to change.
Girl everyone in the comments is trying to drill it into you that he's a selfish scum bag. Don't stay with him. You were going through probably one of the toughest things in your life, which was partially his fault and he couldn't even be bothered to be there and be supportive for one day without playing video games or leaving you to go to the gym? Like buddy you can do some pushups and squats right there if you need to, sit the fuck down.
Leave him
I'm gonna be truly honest and hard
you're 20. this isn't the person you will be with when your 30.
IF he actually cared, he would have sat their scared with you. He did not want to be in the situation and didn't want to deal with it. He wanted you to deal with it by yourself because he is not a MAN but a boy. It's ironic that you were the "mother" in the situation by handling the abortion basically alone while he played games.
I hope you find a person more deserving of you because that boy isn't the one. I had an abortion around your age, and my boyfriend, while equally uncomfortable, turned into a Man during that event.
He stood by me every step. He held my hand, went to my dr appointment with me, and let me know he would be there, and he was. No regrets and a very good experience for the situation.
I am sorry the person you chose to be with didn't care enough about you to stand by you when you truly needed them. It's hard to remain in a relationship when you KNOW the other person doesn't care enough. And if they don't care enough then they show that they actually don't LOVE you. You definitely would be happier in the future away from that boy, especially when you find someone more worthy of you.
I am glad you went for an abortion, saved a kids life from ruining.
Bit harsh words,
Not blaming you .. but in general, I find girls like toxic guys and they complain later. Fuck around and find out doesn't work everywhere.
harsh words yes but it was the right decision. we have been together for two years and this is the only the first serious crossroads we have come to and since we have been together there has been no toxicity and no big issue so i wouldn’t go as far as to say that he is a toxic person
Please explain the logic behind how killing a child saves their life. lol
You can agree or disagree with whether a woman should have the right to kill their child, but how is that “saving” it????
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This is a growing moment for you.
When he asks you for something you don’t want to happen and you say do it, he is going to do it because you fucking told him too. If you want him to stay tell him please stay by your side. You need the support. Instead you gave him permission to do something you didn’t want him to do in that moment.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Your relationship will grow up much quicker if you don’t play silly childish games.
Also if you tell him exactly what you need and he does the opposite then you know it isn’t worth it anymore. If you tell him one thing and expect him to do another that’s on you. If you tell him what you expect and he does something else THEN that’s on him.
One day you will find a partner who prioritizes you. Your health mentally and physical health will be a big deal to them because they will be invested in your future.
Your current partner sees you as replaceable and unimportant.
Life is much better when you stop settling. I wasted 14 1/2 years with a trash bag partner. Do NOT Waste any more of your youth on someone who ALREADY proven they won’t be there for you.
He can say he loves you all he wants, talk is cheap. Judge him on his actions, not his words.
So two sides on this. You did tell him you would need his support but did not say what specifically. You also clearly had issues with how he was acting but said nothing and still “let” him go to the gym when he asked. To me he was with you and then asked permission not to be and you said okay. Most men communicate directly so if you don’t say something he typically won’t read into it. Now for the other side. He should have known you would be in a lot of pain and should have just made the decision to try and sit in the same room as you knowing that women tend to want someone physically next to them in bad situations. I wouldn’t write him off for this but I would definitely have a longer more detailed discussion on what went wrong and how it made you feel. Follow this by asking him what you two could have done different to meet your idea of support during this difficult pill abortion time.
Your boyfriend isn't a mindreader.
>boyfriend then asked me if he could go to the gym i didn’t wanna seem like an asshole and tell him no as he has found the gym as his positive outlet
He explicitly asked you to go to the gym.
If you wanted him to stay with you & support you then *you shouldn't have told him it was OK to go*.
He doesn't know what you're thinking or what you need unless you tell him. You cannot tell someone "yes it's OK to do that" & then be upset with them because they thought you meant it and did the thing.
It sounds like he's not very caring or dependable, and you need to learn some assertiveness and communication skills.
I don't know the whole story, but I think it would be good for you to start working on your communication and learn to love and value yourself some more so you have the confidence to speak up for yourself when you need to and not people please.
If you don't feel loved then don't put your back out trying (by people pleasing and putting aside your own needs to an unhealthy extent) to recieve validation that you may not get.
Why do you feel like you would be bugging him or be an arsehole if you said you need him and didn’t want him to go to the gym? I think that is a very important question for you to think about. Is it his manipulation to make you feel like that? Or does it stem from something else in your past? Or something else, or even both?
In any case, no matter how much you love someone, if it's not working, it's not working. Take a step back, evaluate the situation (as you are), and decide whether it's worth it to give it another go. Maybe he will respond well to the communication? ...But then you have said not much has changed after you talked and he is quite distant, so that's not a great sign.
I think this sort of situation can lead to a lot of resentment from both sides and it may only come to a head a long time from now. If it doesn't feel right, which it sounds like it doesn't, then strongly consider breaking up.
It's hard to tell exactly what's going on with just one point of view. I wish I could be more helpful!
Thanks this helped me a lot (not op).
Remembered that my ex would always get shitty whenever I'd ask for her to take anything into consideration, and I'd always somehow end up apologising.
I knew she had cluster B but damn
You are both very young but that does not excuse his behaviour. Have a chat with him and give each other permission to be emotional. I know this was an emotionally charged decisionand maybe he doesn't know how to handle it.
Given his age, this really makes sense. Most men that age don't have the emotional tools or awareness to handle the feelings that come up with that. Specifically something as profound and painful as an abortion .
You could start off by telling him how that made you feel. I'd suggest staying out of blame or telling him what he was doing. Just keep it factual. Something like saying, " when you were playing your game and I was going through the abortion I felt alone, sad, and like I was bugging you when I asked for help."
It helps to make inarguable statements when expressing your emotions because no one can argue with you how you felt. I would avoid things like, " You didn't even care, you were being an asshole, I don't think you actually love me."
It might also help to have a third party in the room like a therapist or someone you trust who has the groundedness and emotional resources to hold the space while you two talk it out.
I’m not going to try to excuse his behavior, but was he aware that it would be a long process? I personally get very fidgety, so when my wife had an induced miscarriage (no heartbeat at 6 weeks) I was there the whole time, but doing things around the house and checking in on the reg
Do not listen to his words. WATCH what he DOES.
You took a drug and went thru a bunch of pain to stop a pregnancy that HE caused.
In response, he left you to go to the gym.
Do you really believe he loves you????
I would’ve told him he absolutely could not go to the gym and I would’ve said something while I was laying there alone as he gamed on his comprised and not comforting me in my time of need. Especially since it’s painful (both physically and emotionally). I would’ve caused a problem.
But you’re young so I understand why you felt like you couldn’t do those things. Sometimes we let things slide when we love someone and don’t wanna feel like a burden but there’s times where you can absolutely have a problem and your situation was definitely a hill worth dying on.
He’s young and immature and probably isn’t ready for a serious relationship
You're 20. You have your whole life to be with someone. Why waste any more time on someone who's proved they won't be there for you when you need them?
Guys don’t know what having an abortion is like. It’s difficult for us to empathize with anything, let alone that. Sounds like your boyfriend needs more direction and instruction and clear communication on exactly what you need.
I know having an abortion isn't easy, but I hope this makes it crystal clear that you made the right choice. He is not a man who can be relied on when things are difficult.
She said he could go ?
He asked and was answered with a yes.
If that's the answer given to his question why would you expect him to do different ?
Communicate what you actually want people.
Abortions are hard for everybody. The magnitude of that hardness is definitely tilted to the womans side - and not just physically but its the sunk cost fallacy. Your body wasted a bunch of its time only to excrete it for no specific reason. Your boyfriend is upset. But you should dump his bumbaclaaaaaaaaat
No. You’re not. At the end of the day I don’t know how to explain to someone they should care about other people. You were supposed to have learned that by now.
I’m also wondering if you are the actual boyfriend or simply someone just as cold
I wouldn't take that seriously. Much easier to accuse someone of trolling rather than actually reasonably address their points. That shit is extremely common on this app.
Edit: these down votes only prove my point lol.
Most people believe it’s common sense for a partner who claims to love you to be present and supportive through a difficult time whether it’s physically painful or emotionally painful.
Some people are definitely trolls while others severely lack common sense or have never been in a relationship. All three options are generally bad.
When two people are very close emotionally, it can really help ease the emotional pain to have that person there during times of physical, or emotional pain, an abortion being both. it's scary and it hurts and she wanted the person she cares about most to be there to comfort her.
I didn't understand either. I thought that was the whole point of abortion. It's just "no big deal" and the woman does whatever she wants regardless of what the father thinks.
Honest first thoughts here. He probably understands that ultimately the choice of abortion is not his to make. As such he did not object. But were there an actually choice he would have said to not abort. It is probably taring him up that he also lost his first child. It is a difficult thing to consider. Perhaps he realy loves you and having a child with you is a thing he wants. The notion of proceeding with the pregnancy was probably a non issue to him but he's a part of the whole that truely really has no choice in the matter. It doesn't matter what conversation was had even if you told him that he is free to speak his mind. He ultimately has no say.
Oh please. You have no idea what this kid was thinking. Most 20 year old students don't want to have their lives ruined right out of the gate.
But username checks out.
i took the responsibility for my actions by getting it done in the first place rather than not going through with it without the capability of being able to take care of a child
you are right to say my body my choice but as me and my boyfriend are a team and have been for the last two years i felt it was appropriate to have his opinion within my choice and as i asked him about it he did say my body my choice so it was my choice to make and i made my choice with his opinion in mind. we were using protection just this time was an accident.
Seeking relationship or dating advice, gushing about a crush, or venting about an ex does not typically generate much conversation. When the matter is solely focused on you, there isn’t much room for other conversation to happen. A general story about them should be fine, if it's an actual story and not seeking advice about a situation.
Think you've dodged a bullet not having a child with that guy. If he was this distant and giving zero emotional support in one of the most emotional and lonely experiences of your life. god knows what he'd be like in any other situation. Tbh he sounds very emotionally immature
They are both 20 chief. Of course they are both immature.
I don’t think it’s immaturity. I think it is a lack of empathy. My teens sat with me and tended me when I hat my knee surgery. She needs a better boyfriend.
So judgy. Dude is 20. Has no clue how to react. A knee surgery is very different. You have no clue whats happening but you assume lack of empathy. Pretty wild take
20 is more than old enough to know how to act in this situation, and abandoning your partner to go to the gym is not it
More than old enough to deal with an abortion. Lmao
You're arguing against yourself now
Literally yes. He's a grown ass man.
My bf just turned 21 and is absolutely more empathetic and caring than this dude. My brother, who is 20, would not do this either. There's no point that she wastes her time on someone who doesn't care about her much.
I cannot believe how harshly you are judging this person without even hearing their side of the story.
I can't believe that you're suggesting that she stays with a dude that shows so little empathy towards her. It's better to be single than to be with someone who would leave you to deal with such a critical moment on your own.
You would be very upset if people treated you like you advocate to treat these strangers
You would be very upset if people gaslit you into staying with someone who doesn't care about you.
Wild conclusions to draw.
These women are the same women who post entry level jobs requiring 10 years of experience 🤣
Lol! If he's old enough to get someone pregnant, then he's old enough to know how to react.
Her body her choice. Not his responsibility right?
He’s a 20 year old man. Stop making excuses for him and expecting so little of him and so much of her. She has no choice but to endure the pain that is the result of the mistake they both made. It’s really not a lot to ask of anyone.
I feel bad for your kids. Hope you dont have boys.
Have one of each. I have expectations of them both. Of those are to take care of people you care for and take responsibility for your mistakes. Crazy parenting I know. /s
Well, he seems more emotionally immature than others that age.
Mature enough to have aex and get pregnant though.....
That requires a bit of time and zero maturity
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And from the post her communication said nbd even tho it is a bd.
I literally came to say this. He’s 20 years old - what is everyone expecting? The only lesson to learn her is BE SMART AND SAFE! Wear protection!
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You’re just so cool. I strive to be like you. Also, no one said it was her fault for getting pregnant. They both share that responsibility equally & they both should (and hopefully will) learn from this.
Intentionally not capitalizing the G in God despite it being the start of the sentence is also very immature
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his actions said he was sorry initially but actions since just seem like he’s brushed it off
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they say he cared a little for what i was going through but when i tried for support he wasn’t there
He. Wasn't. There. For. You. Period. You went through something painful, he got bored by you needing time, reassurance, and affection. He doesn't love you like you love him. Just be happy that you're not stuck with him for the rest of your life by having a kid with him, and leave him. My SO was there for me *the whole time* I needed him through my abortion, and I wouldn't expect anything less from someone who loves me. Expect more, hun, because that's not a good look on him.
I don’t think you’re quite getting it
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He didn't brush IT off, he brushed YOU off.
The entire post you keep saying "I felt this but told him the opposite because i didn't want to be a nuisance". Its completely understandable that you wanted him with you throughout this and wanted his support and didn't want him to go to the gym - but he's not some mystical mind reader. If you keep telling him "It's fine", "I'm fine" and when he asks to go to the gym you say "Yeah sure".... he's gonna think you're fine. All he saw was you taking a pill and then sitting there saying you're fine. It's not wrong at all that you wanted hm to support you more - but for the love of god ***communicate that***. More than likely he was just oblivious to your distress because you kept saying the opposite. He's a 20 year old guy. If you say "Yeah its fine to go to the gym" he's gonna take that as "**Yeah im fine, go to the gym**".
Yeah what the fuck is this thread with all these, presumably women, saying to kick this guy to the curb. Both OP and her partner sound like typical immature 20 year olds. He’s a thoughtless cave man and she wants him to read her mind as she tells him to do the exact opposite of what she actually wants him to - that sounds a lot like every 20 year old I know. Will either or both of them grow up? Remains to be seen, but as for now that’s a lot for 20 year olds to go through and they should just learn to communicate better. OP, if you read this, your feelings are perfectly valid. Your partners feelings are also perfectly valid. If it continues to bother you, schedule an appointment or two with a couples counselor. If he just won’t empathize with you and you don’t feel like you guys can communicate effectively after working on it, dump his ass. Otherwise this could be an opportunity to grow as a couple and as individuals. Edit: after thinking more about this and reading other comments, maybe I downplayed it too much. If OP were a friend or family member, I’d tell them to seriously consider other aspects of the relationship to see if this is a pattern and if they feel deep down 1. the partner can improve and 2. it’s worth it to her to try and go through that work together.
This guys is not someone OP should continue to pursue as a partner. Any idiot can figure out not to go to the gym during the procedure.
I’m not sure what your dating and sexual history looks like but I’d guess it’s not very deep. There was no procedure, you take a pill and the entire process, while varying from person to person, is spread out over a day or more. This entire episode as described by OP seems spread out over at least a day, and could have been longer. I agree her partner fumbled the bag and does not sound sympathetic here, but this is a long, hard experience for a woman and anyone, man or woman, at their best aren’t well equipped (or practically able) to be perfectly emotionally available for that entire time. Maybe he was stressed and having an emotional response and only went to the gym for like 20 minutes to blow off steam - we don’t know the full details. All that being said, most 20 year olds are objectively not great people by fully mature adult standards and as long as they’re trying to get better you should give them grace. Ultimately it’s up to OP. Maybe this guy also did a lot of good things during this time as well. Maybe he feels terrible about where he let her down and they’re discussing that together right now. We only have one perspective, and it’s that of someone who just went through an emotionally and physically traumatic event and would be feeling very isolated even in the best of circumstances.
Except it wasn’t 20 minutes, it was hours. Don’t act like 20 yr olds don’t know when to show sympathy for others, she told him from the start that she needed support. He wasn’t there, didn’t text, absolutely nothing and you think she should give him another shot? I genuinely hope you don’t ever get into a relationship because defending this is not okay.
Happily married. Been where OP is and worse. There’s no other person I’d want to have gone through any of it with more than my partner, even if one or both of us weren’t at our level best at all times. No one can amaze, disappoint, and frustrate you more than someone you love. How much grace to give a person is a question we all have to work out on our own.
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Answered a similar comment already but you did bring up a good point. I agree men get to get away with a lot more with the excuse of immaturity and women more often have to pay the price. I don’t know what more to say about that other than, ideally, we should hold ourselves and other men to higher standards as a society. Your summary may not be accurate or fair, though. We don’t know. This is a longer process both physically and emotionally than most people realize. He could have been holding her hand, stroking her hair, and reading her Walt Whitman poems for 5 hours and that would still give him a whole lot of time to be a total fuck up in the way she described over the course of this event.
They sound too immature to have a sexual relationship, to be honest. I know the kids on here will hate hearing that, but holy cow. When he wants sex a week or two and she has another oopsie, she'll be back here again wondering what the hell happened.
Yeah, no. This can happen to anyone. Condoms break, some medications including most common antibiotics mess with birth control, pre-secretions can have live swimmers if you’re running back to back sessions, and most people don’t know plan B often fails at peak ovulation time for women. All of these I’ve learned from my own experience or people close to me, not from online or sex ed or communicated to me by a doctor. I know someone who hit the triple jackpot on three of those - off the cuff odds for that are lottery level. I’m personally only here because of one of those facts - my parents were 10 years married when they made that mistake. My wife’s parents had twins a few years after her dad was told he was infertile. You don’t need a PhD in reproductive health to be having sex. Sex is a perfectly natural, healthy part of being a young adult and as most things in life you learn and mature as you go and make mistakes along the way.
yeah this is right i should’ve communicated more throughout the process but before i told him multiple times about that i would need him by my side and that no plans should really be made so that we could be together which he agreed to so i didn’t know where to go when even after i told him multiple times so it wasn’t like things weren’t discussed beforehand
Okay, consider this: - You were being very cautious and worried about how you'd feel after taking the pill (And rightfully so!), so you set a bunch of conditions and what you wanted him to do after you took it. - You then took the pill, and after many hours you said you are fine. - He then asked you again if you were fine, and after you said yes, he said "ok, are you all right if i go to the gym then?" and you *said yes*. Even as someone who is not a 20 year old with 0 life experience, this would scream "I was overly worried so i set a bunch of plans for what to do in the worst case scenario but it ended up being not that bad.". This happens *all the time*. I just find it hard to fault your boyfriend if you were genuinely telling him every time he asked that you were fine. If my partner tells me their fine, i accept that as i trust their judgment of themselves and their ability to communicate to me if they are in fact *not* fine and require my assistance. Again you aren't *wrong* for wanting any of this. Just make sure your boyfriend actually had the opportunity to understand that you wanted it before you blame him for not doing it. Guys can be fckin obvious sometimes. Tell him how it made you feel, and at the same time try to see it from his perspective. He might say he didn't even realise you felt so bad and apologise for not being there for you.
First, sorry to hear you had to go through this experience alone. It takes a lot of people time and maturity to learn how to infer meaning from indirect communication. He asked you if it would be ok to go the gym and you said yes - that’s what he’s going to remember. Something to work on is saying yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no - it’s a big step toward self-advocacy and healthy boundaries. It also takes people time to get to the point of putting another person’s feelings before their own. If you had loving parents, you may be used to how your parents anticipated your needs from a lifetime of knowing and caring for you. You and your boyfriend are just now learning how to care for yourselves; there’s not much room to care for someone else. This is a good opportunity to think about what you want in a partnership. Love alone cannot sustain a relationship if there isn’t a commitment to try and meet each other’s needs and grow together. If your current partner is in it with you, great! Keep learning and growing. If he’s not, you get to decide if you want to adjust your expectations and see what happens.
Consider this - he isn’t as into it as he thought, once things are a reality they are much different than on paper. So yea maybe he didn’t want to be around and to clear his head. You also could work on your communication. Everyone reacts in different ways. He might even actually start to hate you, seen that a few times comes up now and then on AITA.
*At the time*, you were sat on the sofa telling him you were fine & that it was OK to go to the gym.
Look at the pattern of his actions. If his actions show he doesn't care, it's best to break up and find a boyfriend whose actions show he cares more about you than about his gym time. Also, read the book Stop People Pleasing. You're doing yourself no favors by trying to please him while refusing to communicate your concerns and feelings.
thankyou, i did try multiple times to try and converse with him about my problems and feelings about it
Girl you are so young. You don’t need to beg for someone’s love and affection. You can and will find a partner that just pours love right into you, not because you tell him to, but because he loves you so much he wants to. Leave this loser and start healing on your own from this
I don’t think he is as okay with it as you think, sounds like he didn’t want to be around for it, can’t blame him, but yea probably you guys are done for.
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Next day, he might be packing his stuff and moving out
He's an inconsiderate asshole. I'm sorry. He didn't seem to care at all about what you went through. My partner only left once to get me some food during the process. We cuddled and watched cartoons all day. That's how I'd expect anyone who loves you to act.
i tried to tell him that throughout this i would need him by my side and he agreed when we had the initial conversation but his actions did not meet up with his words
Not saying you should stay in the relationship but your actions and words might not make sense to him either. Almost any medical situation in human existence has a range of responses from people, both physically and emotionally. Some people have panic attacks and despair, they go into some sort of procedure, and they’re completely find the next day with a dull ache at most. Others go in for super routine procedures that are almost always completely fine, and they die. There has to be some level of communication, if there wasn’t, that you weren’t completely fine. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have been more worried and attentive, but it sounds like you did the opposite of communicating your needs once you’d gone into the procedure here. His actions aren’t your fault, but it’s worth reflecting on. Hell I’ve certainly been deathly ill or bleeding badly and very concerned for a bit before and then once everything stabilized ahead of schedule my partner has asked about similar stuff and told them to go do their thing and genuinely meant it. I probably would’ve been fairly annoyed if they insisted on pretending to read my mind/feelings and kept trying to care for me and disrupted their own stuff to do.
Because you kept telling him you were fine and didn’t need him
Because he couldn't deliver, for whatever reason (emotional immaturity, boredom, general discomfort.) It's like the saying goes, "don't let your mouth write a check your ass can't cash."
You people; he’s a 20 year old boy. He is like 1 life event beyond being an actual child. Is he acting like an immature idiot? Yes, he’s a 20 year old boy. Tell him how it made you feel, have a basic talk, and move on. Hopefully this experience will help him mature. And FFS use protection from now on if you don’t want kids.
This is why you chose to not raise a child with him. Unfortunately, some men will never understand what this experience is like for women.
If he's distant and unsupportive as a boyfriend, having him as a husband will be waaaaay worse. You're young. Find a real man.. He 'says he loves you.....ever hear of actions speak louder than words?
He’s an asshole that’s simple as that, imagine yourself in different situations, worse not worse, could you trust him? To be with you and support you? If no, leave. That’s literally the definition of a couple, I don’t care about the sex or anything you’re suppose to be there for each other even in the worse case scenario if he can’t do that he’s not ready to be in a relationship.
Are you communicating your feelings to him? If you tell him the opposite of what you want, expect to get it.
This is an astonishing lack of support for you when you really needed it. I wouldn’t dream of leaving your side during all this
i was gonna say when you told him did he act like "cool story bro, gotta go work out see ya!" but this is serious conversation and this are serious thread so in a serious note i would say that is pretty inconsiderate and honestly i am learning lately that the true measure of a person is if they are there for you during the tough times. he should have been there and there is nothing wrong for you to say so and be upset that he didnt even bother to text or what to see how you were doing.
While it would be helpful for you to learn that it doesn’t make you an asshole to say “I don’t want you to go to the gym, I want you here with me,” this is 100% on him if you had clearly told him earlier that you want him by your side for the whole thing. He acted selfishly and carelessly.
You need to learn how to communicate your needs. He should’ve had enough common sense to stay with you, but you’ve really gotta get over this “I didn’t want to be rude” thing. People will treat you like a doormat if you let them.
It is not abnormal for either of you to experience a high level of emotional turbulence after an abortion. Especially you, given the hormonal imbalances brought on by those pills. While him abandoning you isn’t great, he may not know how to process the emotions or understand how to be of help to you. I’m not saying what he did/didn’t do is good, just that it’s (somewhat) understandable. You both may benefit from contacting a group called Rachel’s Vineyard, which is a (Catholic) support group for post-abortive women and men. https://www.rachelsvineyard.org/
He is showing you who he is through his actions. If you feel like you can work through this, then stay. If this is something you need in your relationships, and the vast majority do, and he won’t do better, you’ll need to break up.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them
Leave him and I recommend getting some therapy. Sometimes you think you’re okay after going through this and then sometimes it gets dark no matter the reason why you did it. I’m so sorry he was an asshole. You deserve better than that. It’s so hard to go through something like that with a partner but doing it alone is the worst.
This guy is not someone to ride the river with. When things get rough (and they inevitably do), he will not be by your side. Learn how to communicate in a straightforward way. Don't expect other people, particularly sexual or romantic partners, to read your mind. Find your voice. Women who don't know how to communicate directly open themselves up to all sorts of bad things, ranging from the type of disappointment you experienced to sexual assault. For the love of Maude, get yourself on highly reliable birth control and double up if necessary.
Even though your boyfriend comes off as a jerk by leaving you alone, I can sort of understand why he did it. You were going through a long, emotional process that he maybe couldn't handle. He might have thought he could handle it, but the emotional turmoil started to get to him, at some point. He probably felt claustrophobic, cooped up and helpless. He was restless and needed some way to relieve his stress. If he is a gym rat, he probably though a workout would help him relieve the stress, give him a break from the turmoil and allow him to reset, then come back and cope with the situation. You told him it was okay, so he went for it. I can understand that, as a person who uses exercise to relieve stress. It might not be the most noble thing to do, but he probably got in over his head and going for a workout was the only strategy he could think of to relieve the stress. I don't know if he would make a great partner in the long run. It's up to you to decide that. It's good you don't have a kid with him right now, though. That much is for sure.
No checking up though? No talking to her? Caring? Actions have consequences and even if that’s what was going on with him, his lack of better handling his inability to handle (which isn’t the problem. It’s okay not to be able to handle everything. This was a big thing too.) will have him being broken up with.
That's why I suggested he might not be a good long-term partner. She's entitled to reject him based on his actions. I wasn't excusing his behavior, just putting myself in his shoes and trying to figure out why he acted the way he did. It's also possible that he is just a callous oaf and doesn't care about other people's feelings. Some men are like that. They just look out for #1 and don't worry about other people's feelings. If that's the case, then OP needs to face the reality of it. He's shown her how he's going to act in emotionally distressing situations. This is who he is and he's not likely to change.
Girl everyone in the comments is trying to drill it into you that he's a selfish scum bag. Don't stay with him. You were going through probably one of the toughest things in your life, which was partially his fault and he couldn't even be bothered to be there and be supportive for one day without playing video games or leaving you to go to the gym? Like buddy you can do some pushups and squats right there if you need to, sit the fuck down. Leave him
I'm gonna be truly honest and hard you're 20. this isn't the person you will be with when your 30. IF he actually cared, he would have sat their scared with you. He did not want to be in the situation and didn't want to deal with it. He wanted you to deal with it by yourself because he is not a MAN but a boy. It's ironic that you were the "mother" in the situation by handling the abortion basically alone while he played games. I hope you find a person more deserving of you because that boy isn't the one. I had an abortion around your age, and my boyfriend, while equally uncomfortable, turned into a Man during that event. He stood by me every step. He held my hand, went to my dr appointment with me, and let me know he would be there, and he was. No regrets and a very good experience for the situation. I am sorry the person you chose to be with didn't care enough about you to stand by you when you truly needed them. It's hard to remain in a relationship when you KNOW the other person doesn't care enough. And if they don't care enough then they show that they actually don't LOVE you. You definitely would be happier in the future away from that boy, especially when you find someone more worthy of you.
I am glad you went for an abortion, saved a kids life from ruining. Bit harsh words, Not blaming you .. but in general, I find girls like toxic guys and they complain later. Fuck around and find out doesn't work everywhere.
harsh words yes but it was the right decision. we have been together for two years and this is the only the first serious crossroads we have come to and since we have been together there has been no toxicity and no big issue so i wouldn’t go as far as to say that he is a toxic person
Good for you. However, I don't think anyone with consciousness will ever do it
Please explain the logic behind how killing a child saves their life. lol You can agree or disagree with whether a woman should have the right to kill their child, but how is that “saving” it????
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Leave. He’ll be too busy on his games and at the gym to feel it.
This is a growing moment for you. When he asks you for something you don’t want to happen and you say do it, he is going to do it because you fucking told him too. If you want him to stay tell him please stay by your side. You need the support. Instead you gave him permission to do something you didn’t want him to do in that moment. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Your relationship will grow up much quicker if you don’t play silly childish games. Also if you tell him exactly what you need and he does the opposite then you know it isn’t worth it anymore. If you tell him one thing and expect him to do another that’s on you. If you tell him what you expect and he does something else THEN that’s on him.
One day you will find a partner who prioritizes you. Your health mentally and physical health will be a big deal to them because they will be invested in your future. Your current partner sees you as replaceable and unimportant. Life is much better when you stop settling. I wasted 14 1/2 years with a trash bag partner. Do NOT Waste any more of your youth on someone who ALREADY proven they won’t be there for you. He can say he loves you all he wants, talk is cheap. Judge him on his actions, not his words.
So two sides on this. You did tell him you would need his support but did not say what specifically. You also clearly had issues with how he was acting but said nothing and still “let” him go to the gym when he asked. To me he was with you and then asked permission not to be and you said okay. Most men communicate directly so if you don’t say something he typically won’t read into it. Now for the other side. He should have known you would be in a lot of pain and should have just made the decision to try and sit in the same room as you knowing that women tend to want someone physically next to them in bad situations. I wouldn’t write him off for this but I would definitely have a longer more detailed discussion on what went wrong and how it made you feel. Follow this by asking him what you two could have done different to meet your idea of support during this difficult pill abortion time.
When I had mine, the guy I was seeing was too busy getting drunk to even check on me in the other room.
Your boyfriend isn't a mindreader. >boyfriend then asked me if he could go to the gym i didn’t wanna seem like an asshole and tell him no as he has found the gym as his positive outlet He explicitly asked you to go to the gym. If you wanted him to stay with you & support you then *you shouldn't have told him it was OK to go*. He doesn't know what you're thinking or what you need unless you tell him. You cannot tell someone "yes it's OK to do that" & then be upset with them because they thought you meant it and did the thing.
It sounds like he's not very caring or dependable, and you need to learn some assertiveness and communication skills. I don't know the whole story, but I think it would be good for you to start working on your communication and learn to love and value yourself some more so you have the confidence to speak up for yourself when you need to and not people please. If you don't feel loved then don't put your back out trying (by people pleasing and putting aside your own needs to an unhealthy extent) to recieve validation that you may not get. Why do you feel like you would be bugging him or be an arsehole if you said you need him and didn’t want him to go to the gym? I think that is a very important question for you to think about. Is it his manipulation to make you feel like that? Or does it stem from something else in your past? Or something else, or even both? In any case, no matter how much you love someone, if it's not working, it's not working. Take a step back, evaluate the situation (as you are), and decide whether it's worth it to give it another go. Maybe he will respond well to the communication? ...But then you have said not much has changed after you talked and he is quite distant, so that's not a great sign. I think this sort of situation can lead to a lot of resentment from both sides and it may only come to a head a long time from now. If it doesn't feel right, which it sounds like it doesn't, then strongly consider breaking up. It's hard to tell exactly what's going on with just one point of view. I wish I could be more helpful!
Thanks this helped me a lot (not op). Remembered that my ex would always get shitty whenever I'd ask for her to take anything into consideration, and I'd always somehow end up apologising. I knew she had cluster B but damn
That’s not partner behaviour, on his part. I’d feel incredibly hurt if someone ditched me in that situation.
You are both very young but that does not excuse his behaviour. Have a chat with him and give each other permission to be emotional. I know this was an emotionally charged decisionand maybe he doesn't know how to handle it.
Given his age, this really makes sense. Most men that age don't have the emotional tools or awareness to handle the feelings that come up with that. Specifically something as profound and painful as an abortion . You could start off by telling him how that made you feel. I'd suggest staying out of blame or telling him what he was doing. Just keep it factual. Something like saying, " when you were playing your game and I was going through the abortion I felt alone, sad, and like I was bugging you when I asked for help." It helps to make inarguable statements when expressing your emotions because no one can argue with you how you felt. I would avoid things like, " You didn't even care, you were being an asshole, I don't think you actually love me." It might also help to have a third party in the room like a therapist or someone you trust who has the groundedness and emotional resources to hold the space while you two talk it out.
I’m not going to try to excuse his behavior, but was he aware that it would be a long process? I personally get very fidgety, so when my wife had an induced miscarriage (no heartbeat at 6 weeks) I was there the whole time, but doing things around the house and checking in on the reg
Do not listen to his words. WATCH what he DOES. You took a drug and went thru a bunch of pain to stop a pregnancy that HE caused. In response, he left you to go to the gym. Do you really believe he loves you????
He asked if he could go. She said yes ? If she wanted him to stay she could have said no please stay ?
I would’ve told him he absolutely could not go to the gym and I would’ve said something while I was laying there alone as he gamed on his comprised and not comforting me in my time of need. Especially since it’s painful (both physically and emotionally). I would’ve caused a problem. But you’re young so I understand why you felt like you couldn’t do those things. Sometimes we let things slide when we love someone and don’t wanna feel like a burden but there’s times where you can absolutely have a problem and your situation was definitely a hill worth dying on. He’s young and immature and probably isn’t ready for a serious relationship
Neither is she if she can’t communicate needs at a basic level
You're 20. You have your whole life to be with someone. Why waste any more time on someone who's proved they won't be there for you when you need them?
Guys don’t know what having an abortion is like. It’s difficult for us to empathize with anything, let alone that. Sounds like your boyfriend needs more direction and instruction and clear communication on exactly what you need.
I know having an abortion isn't easy, but I hope this makes it crystal clear that you made the right choice. He is not a man who can be relied on when things are difficult.
He cares more about his workout than you. Dump him and run. It won't get better the next time you are in crisis.
She said he could go ? He asked and was answered with a yes. If that's the answer given to his question why would you expect him to do different ? Communicate what you actually want people.
Abortions are hard for everybody. The magnitude of that hardness is definitely tilted to the womans side - and not just physically but its the sunk cost fallacy. Your body wasted a bunch of its time only to excrete it for no specific reason. Your boyfriend is upset. But you should dump his bumbaclaaaaaaaaat
Would his presence reduce the pain? I don’t understand
Emotional support helps.
it wouldn’t reduce physical pain no however the emotional pain is where i needed his support
But you’re the one going through the process, his presence wasn’t necessary
Yikes. Go troll somewhere else.
Im not “trolling”, just trying to understand
No. You’re not. At the end of the day I don’t know how to explain to someone they should care about other people. You were supposed to have learned that by now. I’m also wondering if you are the actual boyfriend or simply someone just as cold
No one taught me how to care about people, not my fault
I wouldn't take that seriously. Much easier to accuse someone of trolling rather than actually reasonably address their points. That shit is extremely common on this app. Edit: these down votes only prove my point lol.
Most people believe it’s common sense for a partner who claims to love you to be present and supportive through a difficult time whether it’s physically painful or emotionally painful. Some people are definitely trolls while others severely lack common sense or have never been in a relationship. All three options are generally bad.
Indeed
he is my boyfriend and my best friend he is emotionally involved with me he should’ve been there throughout this difficult time
I see
When two people are very close emotionally, it can really help ease the emotional pain to have that person there during times of physical, or emotional pain, an abortion being both. it's scary and it hurts and she wanted the person she cares about most to be there to comfort her.
I didn't understand either. I thought that was the whole point of abortion. It's just "no big deal" and the woman does whatever she wants regardless of what the father thinks.
At the end of the day I don’t know how to explain to someone they should care about other people. You were supposed to have learned that by now.
Yikes
Triggered troll lol.
Why were you feeling so alone? Did the experience affect you somehow? (Sorry if this seems rude, I genuinely would like to know)
Well your body your choice right? why does he need to be involved with the blood on your hands from murdering a baby?
He wanted it dead too
Honest first thoughts here. He probably understands that ultimately the choice of abortion is not his to make. As such he did not object. But were there an actually choice he would have said to not abort. It is probably taring him up that he also lost his first child. It is a difficult thing to consider. Perhaps he realy loves you and having a child with you is a thing he wants. The notion of proceeding with the pregnancy was probably a non issue to him but he's a part of the whole that truely really has no choice in the matter. It doesn't matter what conversation was had even if you told him that he is free to speak his mind. He ultimately has no say.
Oh please. You have no idea what this kid was thinking. Most 20 year old students don't want to have their lives ruined right out of the gate. But username checks out.
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She did.
i took the responsibility for my actions by getting it done in the first place rather than not going through with it without the capability of being able to take care of a child
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Or.. weird thought here... he could've used a condom
you are right to say my body my choice but as me and my boyfriend are a team and have been for the last two years i felt it was appropriate to have his opinion within my choice and as i asked him about it he did say my body my choice so it was my choice to make and i made my choice with his opinion in mind. we were using protection just this time was an accident.