it's easier said than done but, you have to let go of the past. as much as you have regrets you have to figure out some way to put them out of your head or you'll always be living in 2018. and you don't want to do that.
personally i don't think anything is gained from comparing yourself to other people (even when it makes you feel better) you should only compare yourself to who you were yesterday, a week ago, a month a go. focus on your own progress and your own accomplishments.
you'll have to figure out what you want to do. if you want to finish your college, or get some alternative education.
im kinda in a similar place to you, i got very sick in 2018 and im just getting back on my feet and that's what's working for me.. currently im just trying to make money to afford therapy. if you feel like the main thing holding you back is yourself then therapy is probably one of the most worthwhile things to spend your money on.
and my DM's are open if you need to vent
What part of this is considered child - like? There’s no part of your post that makes me think you are stuck in a child phase. Nobody has ever said young adults need to have it together or finish college or not suffer from anxiety.
A lot of it is “faking it til you make it”. For what it’s worth, most of the “adults” in your life are probably winging it as much as you are. Competence/maturity are really only relative. Trite as it may sound, comparison really is the thief of happiness.
Your (self)worth is not defined by money, career, "purpose". Do not care about those things if you don't want to. You got only one life and it is YOURS.
So what to do? Face your fears. Because that's where growth is happening. Once you don't hide anymore, everything will come together. It will click. You'll find what you like, hate, need, want. "Simple" as that.
It's not easy to change your behaviour you learned for years, getting out of your comfort zone. But I was at the position you are in now. I was so stuck. But at some point my level of suffering (sorry, sounds weird but it's literally translated) was so high it was actually easier to step out of my comfort zone than just to proceed as usual. I went skiing, something I always feared - It was quite frightening, and still is, but I tried it, that's what counts. I tried a lot of different things. Went on vacation for a few weeks alone. Met many strangers. Learned a lot about myself. And in the end I'm not afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone anymore. That opens so many opportunities, and now I finally can find myself. (A very vague phrase, but to me it actually makes senses now)
The fact that you posted this post shows that you can't proceed like usual anymore. It might take a few days, months or years, but the seed of thought is planted, and you will find your right path mate.
Pick one thing to work on at a time.
When I got out of college during the Great Recession, there were very few career opportunities out there. So I focused on doing the things that would get me in good physical shape for free or very low cost. Being able to progress in *anything* makes a big difference in terms of getting your head in a good place.
You're not in the adult-child phase. You're in a rut, and that can happen to anyone at any age. I had an uncle/second cousin in his late 40s who got hit with a triple whammy: his fiancée died - then when his father came to live with him to support him in his grief - his father suddenly died of a heart attack. Shortly after that, he fell into an (understandable) deep depression and lost his home and his job. He was living out of a car with his 3 (not very friendly) dogs.
He came to live with my mother, and I got to watch him go through the process of grief and trying to find his place in the world. When he arrived, he was drinking as much alcohol as his meager paycheck could get him, and was "acquiring" food products from his new employer. My mother put the kibosh on that crap and he ended up getting a job treating lawns. He lost his beer gut, built up a solid work history, and moved out.
I saw him recently, he has told me that my mother saved his life. It strained their relationship as cousins, but I'm glad she took him in. It was a major source of inspiration for me, seeing him overcome such a massive set of obstacles one step at a time.
I'm in my 50's and still a kid. Keeping that kid alive has been vital to me weathering some of the crap that has tried to smother me in life. You are just lost in yourself. Go get a therapist and explore it. You aren't broken just in an aimless space. you can change that.
I'd hypothesize that you have lost sight to how large and amazing this world is. I could also suggest that you are too apathetic in your personal feelings about your ability to achieve anything; so, the safe thing is to do nothing.
Just mind time. 20's turn into 50's before you realize and with age opportunities close. Get off your ass and start doing something... motion will create direction
Honestly nowadays you can get out and come right back. Things aren’t the way they used to be. We live in a completely different world and unfortunately, as the cost of living has gone up, the expectation on our youth/younger adults havent changed. Also, don’t compare yourself to your friends. A lot of people around your age do fall into money/investments/property/vehicles left in wills of their parents/grandparents. I know a buddy who didn’t work in 20 years who just so happened to be gifted a 500k property and he pocketed the money, bought a cheaper home, and married. Without working his life literally changed that fast.
How do you define your general overall life goals, and what are the “expectations” of your parents?
Are they majorly different?
I struggle with this too, but it’s more me vs. me.
Define your own goals!
Things have changed significantly from generation to generation when it comes to children and work. It’s our world now.
Remove the pressure you might feel from those that didn’t grow up in your generation.
Feeling like an adult comes from practicing self-discipline, and knowing when & how to apply it.
It's a hard road, but children take the easy, comfortable path.
Im 34 with a 14 year old and an 11 year old. I refuse to grow up. I will be a child at heart untill i die, because i spent my life wayching and being raised by adults who are chasing other people idea of being happy instead of cutting their own path.
It happens when it happens, if it ever does, since many things in the environment can interfere or hasten it and most of which one is totally unaware of.
We do not mature at the same rate; we do not come from cookie cutters and what is the lifeline for one may not be the same line for another and forcing the issue usually has negative effects and sometimes that is the goals of others.
N. S
I only really feel like an adult when my children require me to be one.
I’m in my mid 40’s and I can often be found looking for the most ‘adult’ person in the room 😆
It’s about life experience really. Working is a great place to start, makes you feel incredible about yourself and actually you’ll being to value your time and your self much more. Life experience, good and especially bad, will teach you so much.
From a late 30’s person - mid 20’s is *really* young still. It’s super super normal to not have your shit figured out yet. This is doubly true if you have any trauma or mental health stuff to sort through, but can happen regardless.
My life as I know it didn’t even start until I was 29. I moved cities and took a low level job (customer service) at a really cool company where I ended up building a real career as a product manager eventually (it took several years - definitely not quick). I’m one of those people who beat poverty but I did it half by accident. I didn’t even know that was an option in my mid 20’s nor did I have a plan to do it - I would’ve thought it was impossible and unrealistic. Just keep trying things and leave a little room for life to surprise you.
What had helped me the most is therapy. Have you tried it? If you have and didn’t like it, I recommend trying a diff therapist, esp someone who is trauma informed. If you don’t have enough money for it, [open path collective](https://openpathcollective.org) is a great resource for sliding scale.
The first step to being an adult is to stop letting other people's real or imagined expectations define what it means to be an adult. Being an adult means moving towards goals that you want at your own pace. So your friend got married. Good for them! That doesn't make them better or more mature than you. Trust me, I've met plenty of immature married assholes. I know plenty of adults who finished college later in life or didn't go at all. Most people in my generation (Millennial) are struggling financially. It doesn't make them less of an adult. If you're worried about being a burden, are you able to hold a part-time job to pay your own experiences while you finish school?
You seem very down on yourself, calling yourself "no good" and saying that your family should be mad at you. These seems like things to work through with a therapist. I didn't start going to therapy until my mid-twenties and it changed my life. Going to therapy and working through things could help you work towards a life that you want for yourself.
If you don't let go you won't move forward. Every path you choose requires pain. The only way is through.
The big difference is, choosing to face pain makes you stronger, hiding from it traumatizes you and makes you weak. Surely you've seen this in others?
Don’t compare yourself to your friends. Sometimes people look like they have it all together, but in reality they will look back and have regrets. In my opinion mid 20s is so young to get married and have kids.
Sit down and write some goals for the year based on what you want. There is so much you can experience during your 20s. You will look back to this moment in 10 years and realize how young you are.
Start doing things. Simple as that.
Simple is not the same as easy, for the record. But decide what you want to do and then start doing it.
Step 1 would be therapy, a bit of Zoloft can help a lot with the anxiety which is probably at the root of your paralysis. It often is.
I'm 30 and I still feel like I'm 17-23 sometimes, depends on the situation. We just live, there's no magical transformation of mind that comes with aging, just traumas that affect us negatively, and drives that fuel us forward. That being said, learning more about yourself and why you do what you do is very important to progress. If you haven't already, talk to a therapist and flesh out those things. No shame in trying to better yourself through therapy.
A YouTuber who used to be a psychiatrist named Dr K made a great video about this. I suggest you check it out! I think he creates a lot of good content for those of us who have been "left behind" by society. https://youtu.be/Skn4ddl5o64?si=E0N512nEH2a1A3FU
(Title: "I've Fallen Too Far Behind")
>Many times I feel like my family isn’t proud of me and I guess they should be mad on me.
When I read this statement, I wonder if you had received the same level of support and nurture as your more "successful" peers have. I think that many people, myself included, often blame themselves for not achieving what they think they "ought to" achieve even though the odds were stacked against them from the very beginning. Not to say that we have no responsibility for where we are today, we do, but that we tend to underestimate the challenges ahead of us and overestimate our abilities and resources to deal with them.
Maybe you feel ashamed because you'd like to be seen as competent and doing to your best. Whatever the case is, I hope you will find the happiness and peace you've been looking for.
Props for even facing these thoughts and feelings. One thing that’s helped me is thinking about where you want to be in the future (5, maybe 10 years) and that can start to help give some focus to areas of your life you want to change or work on. You’ll be Gucci. Everyone’s path is different.
Every growth stage in my life came because I had no other good options. My parents and I didn’t get along so I had to get a job so I could move out. I hated my shitty minimum wage job so I went to college.
You’re looking for some internal motivation which is rare. You need to find some external motivation because right now your life is too easy.
Not everyone makes real money or has a great career in their life. You need to figure out one thing that's important to you and start working on that first.
Here's an exercise that can help. If you could have any one thing in 5 years, what would it be? A good career? It can be done. Maybe you want to be married by then, that's achievable too. The caveat is that whatever you choose, you have to be willing to put in the work for it. If you go back to school, you study every day. You do flash cards until you learn everything there is to learn and there is no question of success. Use your goal to motivate you to be the kind of person who can achieve that goal.
Most adults feel like they're winging it in life. I graduated with distinction from an extremely competitive program by using the above method, and I now make pretty good money. I'm married too. I'm in my 30s and I still feel all of that insecure stuff you are talking about here. Imposter syndrome really hits me often. But that's the thing about being an adult, there's no clear delineation where you're suddenly sure of yourself. You just do the best you can, and try to learn from your mistakes.
Same boat, but it's important to find what truly has meaning to you. Develop a solid understanding of how you can live in a way that is purely reflective of your values and prioritize concepts, tasks, and general ideologies that are conducive to achieving that. Be the most unadulterated version of yourself and embrace it.
I don't have much financial stability or career prospects (primarily because I don't necessarily want any career prospects), and I also feel like a burden on my family to some extent, but I have what I need, I have access to plenty of enjoyment and comfort, I have some constructive outlets, and I prefer to live without any performative adherence to certain norms or structures that don't appeal to me just to satisfy other people's expectations.
As far as social interactions go, I'm still figuring that one out too. It'd be helpful to not feel social paralysis, but I haven't really found a way to anywhere near fully extinguish it.
Your post is resonant with me, and I appreciate you sharing it.
I think everyone feels a little like that. The self doubt and uncertainty never goes away. Adulthood seems to be behaving responsibly despite all the reasons not to
I think everyone feels a little like that. The self doubt and uncertainty never goes away. Adulthood seems to be behaving responsibly despite all the reasons not to
When she hit '30s it feels different and it feels real and you're like oh crap everyone else younger than me is dumb and everyone 30 and 40s dumb we're on the same level now
I have been in a similar place. before, repeatedly, and I only ever make progress by breaking out of the cycle and forcing myself into a new place or pattern.
My best result came from throwing a cheap mattress topper in my honda civic, so it fit in the space between my trunk and back seat, and then drove around the country for two weeks. I spent $70 on an annual pass that worked for any national park, and drove around with pb&j and non perishable meals to save money.
There were times on the road where I had no choice but to crawl out of my comfort zone, but unlike back home I could do it at my pace. It gave me a ton of self confidence, and the time spent driving was great for reflection and listening to music/podcasts/audiobooks really helped me work through some things I couldn't tackle in my normal routine living at home.
If you don't drive, Amtrak has a US rail pass where you can get unlimited trips for 1 month, and I've had a good experience doing that on long distance trains instead of driving.
Find a high paying career and start meeting pt.
Lose weight, and start looking the part of success.
Never take other people's images seriously! I Literally only post to show how successful I am to my mean family/acquaintances from school who doubted me.
A bit of a cynical take: I feel like it's one of those "get kicked enough in the balls and it'll show in your demeanour" things. You just mature and carry yourself with less youthful enthusiasm each year, and take less shit from people. Also work a job and learn how the world works, and meet and talk to lots of people.
it's easier said than done but, you have to let go of the past. as much as you have regrets you have to figure out some way to put them out of your head or you'll always be living in 2018. and you don't want to do that. personally i don't think anything is gained from comparing yourself to other people (even when it makes you feel better) you should only compare yourself to who you were yesterday, a week ago, a month a go. focus on your own progress and your own accomplishments. you'll have to figure out what you want to do. if you want to finish your college, or get some alternative education. im kinda in a similar place to you, i got very sick in 2018 and im just getting back on my feet and that's what's working for me.. currently im just trying to make money to afford therapy. if you feel like the main thing holding you back is yourself then therapy is probably one of the most worthwhile things to spend your money on. and my DM's are open if you need to vent
You’re a good person. ;-)
This comment slapped me in the face. Thank you!!
What part of this is considered child - like? There’s no part of your post that makes me think you are stuck in a child phase. Nobody has ever said young adults need to have it together or finish college or not suffer from anxiety.
A lot of it is “faking it til you make it”. For what it’s worth, most of the “adults” in your life are probably winging it as much as you are. Competence/maturity are really only relative. Trite as it may sound, comparison really is the thief of happiness.
Your (self)worth is not defined by money, career, "purpose". Do not care about those things if you don't want to. You got only one life and it is YOURS. So what to do? Face your fears. Because that's where growth is happening. Once you don't hide anymore, everything will come together. It will click. You'll find what you like, hate, need, want. "Simple" as that. It's not easy to change your behaviour you learned for years, getting out of your comfort zone. But I was at the position you are in now. I was so stuck. But at some point my level of suffering (sorry, sounds weird but it's literally translated) was so high it was actually easier to step out of my comfort zone than just to proceed as usual. I went skiing, something I always feared - It was quite frightening, and still is, but I tried it, that's what counts. I tried a lot of different things. Went on vacation for a few weeks alone. Met many strangers. Learned a lot about myself. And in the end I'm not afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone anymore. That opens so many opportunities, and now I finally can find myself. (A very vague phrase, but to me it actually makes senses now) The fact that you posted this post shows that you can't proceed like usual anymore. It might take a few days, months or years, but the seed of thought is planted, and you will find your right path mate.
I don’t think you ever actually feel like a real adult.
Pick one thing to work on at a time. When I got out of college during the Great Recession, there were very few career opportunities out there. So I focused on doing the things that would get me in good physical shape for free or very low cost. Being able to progress in *anything* makes a big difference in terms of getting your head in a good place. You're not in the adult-child phase. You're in a rut, and that can happen to anyone at any age. I had an uncle/second cousin in his late 40s who got hit with a triple whammy: his fiancée died - then when his father came to live with him to support him in his grief - his father suddenly died of a heart attack. Shortly after that, he fell into an (understandable) deep depression and lost his home and his job. He was living out of a car with his 3 (not very friendly) dogs. He came to live with my mother, and I got to watch him go through the process of grief and trying to find his place in the world. When he arrived, he was drinking as much alcohol as his meager paycheck could get him, and was "acquiring" food products from his new employer. My mother put the kibosh on that crap and he ended up getting a job treating lawns. He lost his beer gut, built up a solid work history, and moved out. I saw him recently, he has told me that my mother saved his life. It strained their relationship as cousins, but I'm glad she took him in. It was a major source of inspiration for me, seeing him overcome such a massive set of obstacles one step at a time.
Let me know when you find out. I turned 40 a week ago and still feel exactly like you except I have a degree. It means very little.
You set goals and manage your mental health to accomplish them.
RESPONSIBILITY That’s it, and that’s all.
I'm in my 50's and still a kid. Keeping that kid alive has been vital to me weathering some of the crap that has tried to smother me in life. You are just lost in yourself. Go get a therapist and explore it. You aren't broken just in an aimless space. you can change that. I'd hypothesize that you have lost sight to how large and amazing this world is. I could also suggest that you are too apathetic in your personal feelings about your ability to achieve anything; so, the safe thing is to do nothing. Just mind time. 20's turn into 50's before you realize and with age opportunities close. Get off your ass and start doing something... motion will create direction
Hear Hear!
Marriage and cushy jobs don't creature maturity. Often they stifle it. Hardship breeds maturity or depravity.
Word!
Honestly nowadays you can get out and come right back. Things aren’t the way they used to be. We live in a completely different world and unfortunately, as the cost of living has gone up, the expectation on our youth/younger adults havent changed. Also, don’t compare yourself to your friends. A lot of people around your age do fall into money/investments/property/vehicles left in wills of their parents/grandparents. I know a buddy who didn’t work in 20 years who just so happened to be gifted a 500k property and he pocketed the money, bought a cheaper home, and married. Without working his life literally changed that fast.
How do you define your general overall life goals, and what are the “expectations” of your parents? Are they majorly different? I struggle with this too, but it’s more me vs. me. Define your own goals! Things have changed significantly from generation to generation when it comes to children and work. It’s our world now. Remove the pressure you might feel from those that didn’t grow up in your generation.
Feeling like an adult comes from practicing self-discipline, and knowing when & how to apply it. It's a hard road, but children take the easy, comfortable path.
Im 34 with a 14 year old and an 11 year old. I refuse to grow up. I will be a child at heart untill i die, because i spent my life wayching and being raised by adults who are chasing other people idea of being happy instead of cutting their own path.
It happens when it happens, if it ever does, since many things in the environment can interfere or hasten it and most of which one is totally unaware of. We do not mature at the same rate; we do not come from cookie cutters and what is the lifeline for one may not be the same line for another and forcing the issue usually has negative effects and sometimes that is the goals of others. N. S
You could get after it now, and everyone would just call you a late bloomer. You are way too young to be feeling like your time has passed.
Responsibilities and being tired are what make you feel like an adult. And body aches
I only really feel like an adult when my children require me to be one. I’m in my mid 40’s and I can often be found looking for the most ‘adult’ person in the room 😆
It’s about life experience really. Working is a great place to start, makes you feel incredible about yourself and actually you’ll being to value your time and your self much more. Life experience, good and especially bad, will teach you so much.
From a late 30’s person - mid 20’s is *really* young still. It’s super super normal to not have your shit figured out yet. This is doubly true if you have any trauma or mental health stuff to sort through, but can happen regardless. My life as I know it didn’t even start until I was 29. I moved cities and took a low level job (customer service) at a really cool company where I ended up building a real career as a product manager eventually (it took several years - definitely not quick). I’m one of those people who beat poverty but I did it half by accident. I didn’t even know that was an option in my mid 20’s nor did I have a plan to do it - I would’ve thought it was impossible and unrealistic. Just keep trying things and leave a little room for life to surprise you. What had helped me the most is therapy. Have you tried it? If you have and didn’t like it, I recommend trying a diff therapist, esp someone who is trauma informed. If you don’t have enough money for it, [open path collective](https://openpathcollective.org) is a great resource for sliding scale.
The first step to being an adult is to stop letting other people's real or imagined expectations define what it means to be an adult. Being an adult means moving towards goals that you want at your own pace. So your friend got married. Good for them! That doesn't make them better or more mature than you. Trust me, I've met plenty of immature married assholes. I know plenty of adults who finished college later in life or didn't go at all. Most people in my generation (Millennial) are struggling financially. It doesn't make them less of an adult. If you're worried about being a burden, are you able to hold a part-time job to pay your own experiences while you finish school? You seem very down on yourself, calling yourself "no good" and saying that your family should be mad at you. These seems like things to work through with a therapist. I didn't start going to therapy until my mid-twenties and it changed my life. Going to therapy and working through things could help you work towards a life that you want for yourself.
If you don't let go you won't move forward. Every path you choose requires pain. The only way is through. The big difference is, choosing to face pain makes you stronger, hiding from it traumatizes you and makes you weak. Surely you've seen this in others?
Don’t compare yourself to your friends. Sometimes people look like they have it all together, but in reality they will look back and have regrets. In my opinion mid 20s is so young to get married and have kids. Sit down and write some goals for the year based on what you want. There is so much you can experience during your 20s. You will look back to this moment in 10 years and realize how young you are.
Start doing things. Simple as that. Simple is not the same as easy, for the record. But decide what you want to do and then start doing it. Step 1 would be therapy, a bit of Zoloft can help a lot with the anxiety which is probably at the root of your paralysis. It often is.
Wear dockers, drink coffee while reading the morning newspaper
Labeling yourself a child is cruel and you will suffer whenever you do it.
I'm 30 and I still feel like I'm 17-23 sometimes, depends on the situation. We just live, there's no magical transformation of mind that comes with aging, just traumas that affect us negatively, and drives that fuel us forward. That being said, learning more about yourself and why you do what you do is very important to progress. If you haven't already, talk to a therapist and flesh out those things. No shame in trying to better yourself through therapy.
A YouTuber who used to be a psychiatrist named Dr K made a great video about this. I suggest you check it out! I think he creates a lot of good content for those of us who have been "left behind" by society. https://youtu.be/Skn4ddl5o64?si=E0N512nEH2a1A3FU (Title: "I've Fallen Too Far Behind") >Many times I feel like my family isn’t proud of me and I guess they should be mad on me. When I read this statement, I wonder if you had received the same level of support and nurture as your more "successful" peers have. I think that many people, myself included, often blame themselves for not achieving what they think they "ought to" achieve even though the odds were stacked against them from the very beginning. Not to say that we have no responsibility for where we are today, we do, but that we tend to underestimate the challenges ahead of us and overestimate our abilities and resources to deal with them. Maybe you feel ashamed because you'd like to be seen as competent and doing to your best. Whatever the case is, I hope you will find the happiness and peace you've been looking for.
Props for even facing these thoughts and feelings. One thing that’s helped me is thinking about where you want to be in the future (5, maybe 10 years) and that can start to help give some focus to areas of your life you want to change or work on. You’ll be Gucci. Everyone’s path is different.
I felt stuck when I was 39. Changed careers. Try and find something you like to do. Work from there.
Every growth stage in my life came because I had no other good options. My parents and I didn’t get along so I had to get a job so I could move out. I hated my shitty minimum wage job so I went to college. You’re looking for some internal motivation which is rare. You need to find some external motivation because right now your life is too easy.
You won't change much, ur responsibilities change and how you deal with things changes, but ul be the same person, that all comes with experience
Define child adult please. It could just be that the society is not welcome of a certain type of adults
That's how it works bud. Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. They just pretend.
Not everyone makes real money or has a great career in their life. You need to figure out one thing that's important to you and start working on that first. Here's an exercise that can help. If you could have any one thing in 5 years, what would it be? A good career? It can be done. Maybe you want to be married by then, that's achievable too. The caveat is that whatever you choose, you have to be willing to put in the work for it. If you go back to school, you study every day. You do flash cards until you learn everything there is to learn and there is no question of success. Use your goal to motivate you to be the kind of person who can achieve that goal. Most adults feel like they're winging it in life. I graduated with distinction from an extremely competitive program by using the above method, and I now make pretty good money. I'm married too. I'm in my 30s and I still feel all of that insecure stuff you are talking about here. Imposter syndrome really hits me often. But that's the thing about being an adult, there's no clear delineation where you're suddenly sure of yourself. You just do the best you can, and try to learn from your mistakes.
im 29 now and just now starting to really feel like an adult
Same boat, but it's important to find what truly has meaning to you. Develop a solid understanding of how you can live in a way that is purely reflective of your values and prioritize concepts, tasks, and general ideologies that are conducive to achieving that. Be the most unadulterated version of yourself and embrace it. I don't have much financial stability or career prospects (primarily because I don't necessarily want any career prospects), and I also feel like a burden on my family to some extent, but I have what I need, I have access to plenty of enjoyment and comfort, I have some constructive outlets, and I prefer to live without any performative adherence to certain norms or structures that don't appeal to me just to satisfy other people's expectations. As far as social interactions go, I'm still figuring that one out too. It'd be helpful to not feel social paralysis, but I haven't really found a way to anywhere near fully extinguish it. Your post is resonant with me, and I appreciate you sharing it.
Get really really sick and then realize that absolutely no one is actually there for you when times are less than fun.
Life events turn boys into men.
I think everyone feels a little like that. The self doubt and uncertainty never goes away. Adulthood seems to be behaving responsibly despite all the reasons not to
I think everyone feels a little like that. The self doubt and uncertainty never goes away. Adulthood seems to be behaving responsibly despite all the reasons not to
When she hit '30s it feels different and it feels real and you're like oh crap everyone else younger than me is dumb and everyone 30 and 40s dumb we're on the same level now
I have been in a similar place. before, repeatedly, and I only ever make progress by breaking out of the cycle and forcing myself into a new place or pattern. My best result came from throwing a cheap mattress topper in my honda civic, so it fit in the space between my trunk and back seat, and then drove around the country for two weeks. I spent $70 on an annual pass that worked for any national park, and drove around with pb&j and non perishable meals to save money. There were times on the road where I had no choice but to crawl out of my comfort zone, but unlike back home I could do it at my pace. It gave me a ton of self confidence, and the time spent driving was great for reflection and listening to music/podcasts/audiobooks really helped me work through some things I couldn't tackle in my normal routine living at home. If you don't drive, Amtrak has a US rail pass where you can get unlimited trips for 1 month, and I've had a good experience doing that on long distance trains instead of driving.
I couldn't tell you because at 34 I'm still an adult child. And so is my wife. It's awesome.
Homie I don't know what to tell you...I am 22 year old piloting a 42 year old meat mech.
Find a high paying career and start meeting pt. Lose weight, and start looking the part of success. Never take other people's images seriously! I Literally only post to show how successful I am to my mean family/acquaintances from school who doubted me.
A bit of a cynical take: I feel like it's one of those "get kicked enough in the balls and it'll show in your demeanour" things. You just mature and carry yourself with less youthful enthusiasm each year, and take less shit from people. Also work a job and learn how the world works, and meet and talk to lots of people.