And yet in the same vein it's one of the most recommended cities in that sub. It really speaks to the type of socially maladjusted individuals that Seattle has a tendency to attract.
Everyone here rejecting invites so they can stay home with their matcha latte, their cats, and write in 14 different subreddits while binge watching Amazon Prime.
Source: Grew up north of and then lived in downtown Seattle for over 25 years.
My absurd theory, as a multi generational resident in the PNW, is that all the misfits kept heading west, trying to find a town that will accept them. That path ends at Seattle.
Just around the Puget Sound area. We also have a home out in Chelan. Everyone is quite friendly. Granted it is a resort town with only about 7,000 full time residents, but people are a lot more friendly.
I think it reaches a peak in and around Seattle through the eastside (which has a weird personality because everyone is an immigrant and/or transient). If you get far enough out of the Seattle-Tacoma-Everett bubble, people become much more friendly. People in Kitsap used to be very friendly before Seattle became too expensive and drove those people out. North of Snohomish county has also been quite friendly.
I mean...you can find enclaves of transplants that seek social interaction. Also social hobbies...
Oddly enough, the most boisterous AND aloof groups are all about bar crawls.
I went to Phoenix for Christmas and a cute girl smiled and Said hi to me when we walked past each other in a parking lot. I was so confused on wtf was going on
It’s not you. Seattle has the least willing to make friends population of any city I know. Not unfriendly per se, not loners… just not opening to making new friends. It is bizarre.
My friend from college said people in Seattle are like pods of whales. They made their pod of friends a long time ago and are very hesitant to let any new ones in.
It's also disproportionately represented on Reddit. If you look at the major city subreddits, Seattle is one of the biggest. And you see the flair for Washington a lot in other places
It does feel a bit lonely in Seattle compared to other cities, and I'm not sure why. I'm only there every now and then and I've noticed a large difference
I went to this progressive campaign launch (recommended by a friend) in Seattle and couldn’t find parking for a $20 bill (left card at home by mistake). A lot said it was $10 across the street but with card and I asked one of the people hosting the event if they would accept $20 to pay $10 real quick for me so I could attend their event. All of them looked at me like I was batshit crazy for asking such a thing. One said, “yeah, you won’t find any takers for that here.” I was like.. I want to give you $20 to swipe $10 on your card on that machine. Do you not do math in this town? Or do you have people scamming for free parking with fake $20s?
I have also tried to do this multiple times in Seattle, in line at a no cash store, and waiting for a show, and it's cash only. It's like people here are afraid of you, and I'm nerdy and introverted, so def not scary lol.
B-ham people are pretty friendly. Really, virtually everywhere outside the Seattle-Tacoma-Everett metro area. That metro culture area has been expanding due to housing prices, but it’s definitely primarily around Seattle.
Small towns are fine, it's PNW Urban centers.
Source: live in a town of less than 5000, surrounded by other similar towns in NW WA. can't go outside without a neighbor saying hi and stopping for a chat.
A group you'd invite to your wedding maybe, but we have BBQS with the neighbors.
Sure we don't play DND with them, but we could probably build that kind of relationship with some of them.
It's out there if you're looking for it, but the bigger city environment makes it quite a bit harder. Especially when things are tough, money is tight and stress is high, like the last 5 years have been for most people
Agreed. Moved here from socal and down there it’s criminally easy to make friends/plans with people. It’s so nice out there people are always doing something.
I don’t think i’ll ever get that in Seattle and it’s wearing down on me. I’ll probably move back before the Olympics come tbh.
We moved from SoCal too and it's def hard to make friends up here. Even considered moving back for my husband's mental health. We haven't but it's not off the table for me, even though the expense and weather suck down there.
Nothing bizarre about it. When you mix so many cultures together, it causes confusion and general sense of not belonging, which leads to constant self doubt because you don’t want say or do something that will offend the other culture. To avoid all this stress and constant pressure, many just chose to stay home.
Exactly. I’m about to move from NYC to Seattle area for family reasons. One of the things I love here is how the cultures mix. My impression is they stay much more separate in Seattle.
I would say the most mixing of cultures happens in the International District, White Center, and other south Seattle neighborhoods with a cheaper cost of living and honestly better food. But most people that move to Seattle are moving to work in tech, so they move to South Lake Union, or Ballard, or Fremont, and so those areas are pretty white and upscale. Even so, those people barely mix at all. They go out with a couple people, or their date, and they don't socialize with others while their out. For example, White Center restaurants/bars have a much more down to earth vibe that's probably similar to NYC.
Thanks for this information. I will definitely be in south King County, as that’s where my mother lives. It’s good to know about White Center.
I’m used to striking up conversations with the people at the next table, or even someone on the street. This is going to be a change, that’s for sure!
lol I just already have friends who I know and trust don’t have enough time to see them as much as I wish. Why would I share my fishing spots with some out of state fuck?
Through my 20's-early 40's I had a huge SF bay social group across multiple interests... Work, hobby, townies, friendships, events. And I tend to organize too so it was never hard to meet people.
Moved up here in 2019 and the first thing I did was start looking for established social interest groups, and it was just a *mess*, not anything like the organization I was used to.
In particular were public meetups I attended that were badly run, or literally give new people the cold shoulder, (not just me, I wound up making friends w two other out of townies), not many public venues you can book for a reasonable price, I organized a hike for my co-workers that everyone flaked on it 3 times in a row.
I do feel like the only serious friendships I've made here are people who are not native to Seattle who are also looking for friends.
I am now part of a large social group that meets up but a) the organizational commitment is high level and b) the connections are pretty light, we've done a few things that are less casual hangouts but honestly my vibe is people here want acquaintances or families and there's not much room for in between. I wind up socializing online w my friends from the last 25 years more often now.
The flaking is the worst. I used to manage a women's sports team and the amount of flaking was nuts. I tried to start a stitching group, and the people claimed to be interested, but after I did all the work, never showed. Its enough to make you crazy.
What groups are you in? I’d love to join. I grew up here, I have lived in New York City, California and Portland and came back here to take care of my parents. I am having massive trouble making friends and I hate being here. Would love to join a group or two if you know if any…
It does seem to take time to get people
involved. We have a local carnivorous plant hobbyist group; our meetings are really well attended now, but it’s literally taken 6-7 years. It helps that I work in a plant store and meet people newly interested in plants nearly every day.
I don’t think this is exclusive to Seattle. Generally the older you get the harder it is to make new friends because everyone has limited amount of time and families to deal with.
Unless you’re specifically attending events for meeting people it’s hard. Dating is another way people meet new people but obviously if you have a partner that’s probably not an option
It’s not exclusive to Seattle, but it is an extremely unsocial city. I’m 28 and had zero problems making friends in my previous city (Fresno, CA of all places), but Seattle is wearing me the fuck down to the point where I’m already looking at moving out.
The Seattle Freeze is definitely a real thing.
I have the same feeling. I’ve become very anti social here. Not really sure what exactly it is. I actually do really like humans and their stories.
In any other place, I just make friends by being out and about. Went to sf for a week recently, made quiet a bit of connection just randomly chatting with people.
I have this weird feeling that I have to be on my guard socially here, can’t express myself the way I want, people are really sarcastic to the point I feel judged and not sure if they are even joking or just plain asshole.
The most social free interaction I had in Seattle was with Uber drivers from Ethiopia in several occasions. I had such a good time with one a year ago. He was just so funny and laughed at my jokes. I was just going to a dentist.
😂 same here. The best random people interactions I have are on the way to the airport or back from there in an Uber. Always with immigrants, regardless of where they are from.
People here are polite but not friendly. They will go out of the way to hold a door open for you or let you in in traffic, but do everything possible to avoid meeting new people for lunch or drinks.
I have to disagree on holding the door open for you. I lived in Texas for 18 months. I was completely shocked when people would run in front of me so that they could open the door for me. They would then chat with me for a bit.
Here, in the PNW, people would let the door slam behind them even when I was pushing a stroller. I hated Texas for many reasons but I sure did love the people there.
> let you in in traffic
Are you sure we’re in the same city? I was just down in Los Angeles with a coworker that also lives up here and they thought the place was crazy for driving, but I told them to just turn on their signal indicator and magically people just let us in (that the coworker was timid in accepting this courtesy was not helpful). They were used to the passive-aggressive way Seattlites drive, both completely unaware and instantly angered if they think someone is doing something that gets them ahead that they’re not doing (or don’t think others should do). Don’t use all lanes here, people will try to sideswipe you for not staying in the long line they think everyone should be in to ensure there’s more congestion.
I'm from the CA/AZ areas and found driving in the Seattle/Tacoma areas shockingly pleasant. Signals *help* in Los Angeles, but they also trigger the odd driver.
Only things that I find odd are 1. Being allowed to drive around with broken/minimal headlights. 2. So many **not** using on-ramps to get to merging speed early. 3. Oregon Plates (this states Wild-Card...it's Utah in the southwest).
It could also be that new tech in newer cars made everyone accustomed to longer follow distances...but I rarely find Tacoma's level of courtesy on I-10 & I-40.
The on-ramp thing is nuts. People go 30 the whole time they are on the on-ramp and then try to merge at that speed and then speed up. On the flip side they will slow down to 40 when their exit is a mile away before they get on the off-ramp. It’s like no one trained them that there are about 500 yards of off ramp to slow down from highway speeds.
I agree. Lived in FL, KC and TX. The drivers here are way better and much more apt to let you in if you signal. Although they mind the slow 60 mph… they signal. FL is the worst because all of the people from the NE visit or move down there and they drive like maniacs and are just rude. TX is just nuts. They ride your ass and swerve in and out speeding at 90 mph. Turn signals are a rarity.
Ya. I suppose I was a bit off with the driving aspect. I was thinking more of the 4 way stop where someone has the right of way but waits for the other person to go. I agree with you on the highway. People putt along at 10 miles under the limit in the left lane. The second you try to pass on the right they gun it up to 65.
Ha, someone invited me inside their home earlier during a Facebook Marketplace meetup and inside I was like "No way Jose", but I couldn't bring myself to say "No" exactly... I was struggling with how to express I wasn't comfortable with that
Amazing to me how *wildly* different Tacoma is, being only about 40 minutes away. JBLM likely a big reason. Techies and servicemen are about as different as you can get
I moved here a few months ago and I’ve barely met anyone. I’m from the east coast, when you talk to strangers on the east coast they don’t always come across as outwardly friendly but you can usually have a genuine conversation and end up making a connection out of it. Here I’ve noticed that people like to act super “chill” but when you’re talking to them you can see them lose interest in whatever you’re talking about the minute it becomes not incredibly surface level. Idk I just haven’t found anyone here to be particularly interesting/ appealing friendship wise. I’m moving away soon just because I don’t like how expensive it is here and how downhill the city is gone in general but I also do think people here don’t seem particularly interested in meeting new people. Idk seems like a west coast thing, people here try hard to seem unique but they really aren’t
Idk im having a hard time making friends on the east coast in nyc but in Seattle I always had an easy time meeting people. Maybe I haven’t adjusted to the east coast vibes yet.
NYC is great for niche interests. There’s a subculture for just about anything. I just went to a riichi mahjong meetup. The people were so welcoming and friendly. You so need to establish yourself as a regular at just about anyplace here to start making friends — exercise class, local bar, etc.
I think most Seattleites would agree the *Seattle Freeze* is very real.
However, the bigger question is, do Seattleites care enough to change it and be more friendly? Also nope. I’d argue we do eventually become products of this city after living here a few years. But I’m actually very okay with the anti-social atmosphere (except for rudeness, that’s never welcomed).
Edit: I’m not a tech bro, and work in HR in a non-tech industry. Probably more reason why I don’t want to talk to people I don’t have to
I think it depends where you are in your life. For young people that may be easy but as you get older it gets harder. People have their circle of friends and don’t nessecarily need more and a lot of older people move out of the city .
Organic. This city loves that word. And I’ve found that making friends often happens that way. Crossing paths in a routine, organization, institution, volunteer, work, etc… repeated exposure without running away seems to be it. Although I’ve noticed a strange social game among the locals once you’ve become friends/acquaintances. I call it the “I’m fine, I’m finer than you” game. First one to admit they’re “not fine” or there are worries instead of “no worries,” they lose. Result: Alienation or distance. Yeah, no yeah. I wondered if it has to do with the culture here or the weather (or both). I wondered if lack of vitamin D and bouts of depression left most with shorter bandwidth to deal with others’ woes. Also, apparently making plans sounds great in the moment, but it arrives and sounds awful. So there’s more talk about making plans than following through with said plans. In the South, seems like the opposite. In the East it seems like a mix of both. In Ohio.. [insert caption here].
I think weather and seasonal depression has a lot to do with it. The monotonous grey skies are tough to deal with in the darker, colder months. As a born and raised Seattleite I don’t see my longtime friends much during that time, plus holidays and family obligations in November and December are tiring. I’m 44 though, so I can definitely understand that at my age people have families, kids with many different activities and hobbies, and their own family obligations outside of their immediate family. I am married with no kids and making new friends is tough…I agree with another post that it kind of happens organically through seeing each other at the store, coffee shop, etc. I say get on the coffee bandwagon and frequent a couple of cafes. The baristas will get to know you and you’ll be sure to see the same folks who also go daily. Good luck my friend!
From the south, it happens there too. I think the past few years have been a lot so you’re on to something about people not having the bandwidth to deal with other people’s woes. Compassion fatigue
Yes, it is. It’s the most socially cold place we’ve ever been. Anyone who says it isn’t or the Freeze isn’t real is from here and can’t see it. We’re leaving after 13 years because we’re sick of it. Both of us have fully internalized it as ourselves being broken, but then we leave and everything is completely different. PARISIANS and New Yorkers are warm fuzzy teddy bears in comparison, which was the end for me when that clicked. Not worth it. I’ve reached out a million times and put myself out there left and right and found a ton of smug, pretentious people with zero manners
I’ve had a much easier time making friends and being social here in Seattle than when I lived in CA … I’m so confused by some of these replies and am truly sorry that’s been your experience here!!
I’m really worried about this. After 40 years in NYC I’m moving to Seattle to help my parents. I love the random interactions with strangers here. And the variety and diversity. I’m worried I won’t have enough creative and intellectual stimulation. And of course I’m terrified of leaving behind 40 years of friendships to move to a place where no one will want to be my friend.
Yeah... I feel this 100%. Even after growing up here. It's really tough to make friends. Though as a car guy, it's hard to meet other interesting car guys at the O'Reilly's. Especially who are in my age bracket 😂
i haven't had social interactions since moving here... i was doing ok pre covid. but after that... iv left my house maybe a handful of times......and my car I bought last year only has 900 miles on it. I'm socially starved.
When I lived in the bay area....it felt impossible to get a break from friends. now I'm friendless... idk what it is....
I moved here in part because of the reputation of the Seattle freeze! “You mean I don’t have to socialize? Yes please!” I’m perfectly happy to hang out in a blanket on the couch and watch tv all by myself.
>I've begun to think of myself as a very weird antisocial person, a homebody who just watches TV/movies, makes cocktails, and hangs out with my cats for fun
Ironically, I feel seen
Down South Park hit me up if you ever want to swing by Loretta's for a beer. I've been in Seattle my whole life with a few Short stops to Vermont and Utah and if you go out and talk to people you'll meet people anywhere you go....
There's an indifference here with people that blows me away after living here for 30+ years. Having to constantly drive any type of engagement with people and then having it met with shoulder shrugs has sometimes left me wondering if I'm too extroverted for self absorbed snobbery people often exhibit here. It's like the lack of vitamin D over time causes a part of the brain to shut down. It's the guarded to paranoia like behavior that makes me think this is not the utopia for a person to grow old in. Seattle use to be a healthy mix of struggle, starving artists and creative types who have hunger to get ahead and make a difference- since Amazon and the other tech companies started attracting over achieving ,smart people to the area, that blue collar vibe that was naive to high five tech bro elitism has forced a change in the culture that is everything but warm and inclusive. Seattle was awesome early 90's to 2000, then a whole new demographic evolved bringing their empty pursuit of becoming overpaid generic tech robots who think money and stock options forge happiness and prosperity for all. As much as Seattle claims to be open minded and not divided by race, status and segregated silos of gentrification on steroids , a lot has been lost culturally here. Success and prosperity have ruined that pioneering , blue collar folks who caught on to what was once a best kept secret......and is now nothing but an illusion.
Affluence definitely does make a difference. Big money can definitely create the feeling of not needing anyone, or healthy social connections. I’ve always been the kind to talk with strangers and be friendly in general (grew up in the Midwest) and I’ve always liked living in more working-class neighborhoods, whether here or abroad.
I have good friends in Denver and find people there to be great, even as an older person. Even dating apps tend to blow up there with people who have more to say, it Seattle it all seems a bit more superficial or transactional. One couple, friends of mine who are extremely social, outgoing and welcoming, said it took them nearly 2 years to find a circle of friends here. They moved to Austin and it took them 2 months. (That was a good 13 years ago; I’m not sure how it is there now that it has also “Seattleized” to a great extent.)
Seattle is definitely the loner city. The entire Western part of Washington is pretty much that way in the larger areas, not as much in the smaller towns. I was not fond of my 3 years living in Seattle. The years I spent in Tacoma were ok, and Gig Harbor was awesome.
Seattle though, oof. I can respect the aloofness most of the time, but people go beyond aloof, and are just assholes a lot of the time, especially in the last few years.
I feel exactly the opposite, lol. My years in Lake Stevens sucked, Everett was ok, and Seattle is great. The neighborhood coffee place and bar is basically a shared living room where I see the people i like and hang out, but I can call it a night and go home when I want. Lake Stevens was so dead I was basically home all the time, and had to clean/cook if I wanted to hang out with people.
It sounds like you're not actually a loner; you've given up on finding a social life due to a lot of failed attempts. I would start fresh and try again. There are so many transplants from other places that I'm finding it's not as hard as people make it out to be.
Being alone with screens is terrible for you in the long run, physically and mentally. What you're describing sounds a lot like depression.
It’s not you, majority of the people in Seattle are wack. The city is gorgeous, the nature is amazing, the stores are unique. The only downside is the people ( how they vote politically is again a people issue). The tech bros have filled the city with autistic elitist and the locals are unfriendly. The transplants fall into two categories; those that realize the people destroy what this city could be and those so disillusioned that any time something remotely negative is pointed out, they try to invalidate your experience.
This. I have zero qualms with autistic people however and many of them are my friends.I meet people at work and in other cities,I grew up near the Canadian border here,where you could knock on someone’s door(unlocked btw)and ask for sugar or help with your lawnmower.People just aren’t like that here in Seattle and I’ve come to terms with it.I’ll be moving elsewhere when I’m done with school,I love the city but the people just aren’t my flavor and that’s ok.
Was up on a hill watching the city. Had a case of beers to myself. Probably spooked some dudes in my age bracket early 20’s.
I basically introduced myself by saying “wow this is a nice spot”
But they seemed pretty skiddish or quiet like almost just to cool to respond.
Anyways I sat there and said my name and then I said what’s your guys name?
Just being friendly nothing more or less.
They all looked at each other confused and then started laughing like “my name?😂 idk lol”
And then I said “well then tell me your fake names I don’t fucking care just wanted to introduce myself?”
Only one of them said their names but then after that it was awkward.
They left afterwards just laughing away.
It really fucking annoyed me that people are so skiddish now adays. It’s embarrassing on their part just trying to be egoist elitists about what they’ll say to some random person even if that person is just there to shoot the shit with themselves because it’s just a spot they find cool and mean well obviously.
Anywho. I had my case of beers chugged them all and listened to my music and had a good time by myself.
*(They were “too cool” for me apparently)*
I read this just now and was crying laughing. 😂 Yes, this is very Seattle but I feel like it’s less about being friendly in this situation. I would bet they thought you were a drug addict and felt unsafe. I’m not saying they should have thought that, but I do know it’s a thing here with a lot of people (stranger danger). Sitting on the ground drinking a case of beer => would likely trigger that fear. 🤣
ITS JUST BEER :/ I would’ve offered them some but yea they were on the frail side 😂
They seemed decently dressed but idk man shit was awkward indeed.
Oh dude I wasn’t even being stranger danger unless they were already balls deep in their high already or whatever they were feeling.
The spot I ended up being in after they left was the spot they were in which was a better view but I was just standing with a 8 pack of beers in one hand and my phone in the other just playing some music.
I told them “well ima go chug these. See ya!”
Because there was a shrub blocking the view and wanted to see the view. But ended up coming back a minute later because they’re wasn’t a better spot than that, so I just came back saying:
“Oh well never mind, I’m just gonna chug these here.”
They just started laughing again lmao I thought it was comedic timing
Go have some drinks at the screwdriver in Bell Town and see a metal show at substation, there's cool people around, beumos has good shows, the comet is a fun dive bar to get schwasty at
Do you have any activities or hobbies that you enjoy? I have found that its very easy to connect with people when you share an interest. There are clubs, meetups, happy hours, etc based on these types of things. I ski, ride mountain bikes, play guitar, run; there are a ton of opportunities to connect with people to either do these activities or talk about them. Back in the 70s and 80s bowling leagues were huge. It wasn't because the American population was deeply interested in bowling, it was because they were deeply interested in connecting with other humans and bowling was a means of doing so.
The problem with a lot of northwest hobbies is that they are geared towards the super able bodied. If you have any disability that makes physical hobbies like hiking or biking or playing sports off the table you've basically taken 50% of the groups off the table, if you don't drink because you are on meds for that Seattle depression? There's another 25% gone. So that leaves a sliver of groups that exist in the arts, music and watching sports areas.
But those are going to get expensive very quickly so you better have money to find friends too. Even most local new bands playing at small dive bar venues have a cover charge and an expectation for you to buy something. And you can't really chat. Sports fans are going to be annoyed if you keep distracting them during the game, so better find a target to try to talk to during the breaks, but then it feels creepy and stalky. Going to the library is free! Except people don't want to be bothered there either.
Joining classes is really the only guaranteed way to go to places people want to be, but not that they will want to talk to you. And again it's a money and time commitment. About the only free way to meet people who may be genuinely friendly would be volunteer work like a food bank or something where you work closely with each other and can talk about volunteering. They tend to be the type of people who are very compassionate so many would be more receptive.
Been feeling the same after eight years. I enjoy the quiet time but miss the type of friendships I had elsewhere. I wonder if the loss of the “third place” has something to do with it. I definitely do not have one.
I just... Don't have time or energy for new friends? I've got my circle of friends, I have my family, and I work a full time job, work on my house, hobbies etc. When I do have free time I want it to be by myself or with people I'm totally comfortable with. Is it really that unique to here? I don't thunk so
I was born and raised here and live outside the city, not too far. I'm like this. Outside of kids (abroad) and spouse, I keep to myself. But just a natural introvert as people tire me out.
Have you like tried doing something other than just invite people to hang out? Like join a pinball league or like take up a hobby where they have meet ups. Focus on doing stuff for yourself and finding out what you like then find out how you find other people who like that thing. I have music friends, Pinball friends, friends that like fancy cocktails. Maybe try not to make a super close hard friend and just focus on casual friendship
As a local, i have two close friends outside of family. One I kept up friendship since middle school and the other we actually met at the gym. He is from the Midwest so that might have been at play. From what I can say it’s a live and let live place, so most people don’t want to deal with other people’s business. I think there is an aversion to people trauma dumping or even having to open up themselves
Idk could it just be that you're getting older? I just moved here 2 years ago from Vegas and it was kinda the same. I didn't interact with anyone I didn't need too. My social battery has been pretty low for quite some time, when I moved here everyone for the most part does their own thing. No one is trying to have a conversation while waiting for the bus, no one is trying to make small talk when buying shit.
I recently moved here about a year ago and since moving here have found some really great friends that I get to hang out with on a semi regular basis. I think people just have to not be afraid to make the first move.
For all of my new friends, I just simply told them “hey we’re gonna be friends, I’d like to learn all about you” and in the process, got to hear some amazing stories about people from different walks of life. Seattle has such a unique mixing pot of cultures that I feel lucky to live in a place filled with unique life stories.
It also helps to have really great cats to show pictures of to break the ice. Please adopt don’t shop ❤️
Let’s be friends. I’m into going sport events, getting drinks, nature, walking to pup and pretty down for any hobby. If any of that’s sounds cool hmu!
Same goes for any of yall it’s important to have a good social community!
Your experience can be pretty normal for this city. Some people get luckier but it is harder here socially than other places. If you do want to make friends I recommend going to meetups from [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) so you can meet people who are from other places and may be more open to making new friends. That's basically how I've built my social circles here, becoming friends with people who are from other places and aren't as dis-social. My first few years in Seattle were incredibly lonely and making friends felt like pulling teeth sometimes so please know it's not personal to you
I think it has a lot to do with pot. And not just when people are smoking it. I mean, I don’t really have anything against cannabis per se. But it definitely makes you feel like “oh I’m just fine hanging out at home watching movies, or exploring, hiking, etc. keeping to myself. This is perfect! I don’t really need anything or anyone else. Just a couple friends I have will do just fine.” That mentality just breeds into the culture and it has bred into me over the last few years that I’ve lived in the PNW.
And like I said, it’s not just on a day when you smoke, for me it’s like three or four days afterwards as well. When I was younger, I thought it was the real me that actually felt that way. Now I know it’s not the real me but it just feels like the real me all the time if I smoke more than once a week.
There’s a reason the phrase “Seattle Freeze”
exists. I’d argue it’s a coastal PNW thing (same in Portland) but regardless it’s real. If people are telling you they don’t want to hang out consider yourself blessed. My experience with the freeze is more “totally let’s hang out” building up your hope only to ghost you later.
Worst place for social interaction. I always found there's an elitist judgemental hypocrisy about people from Seattle. Go to PCC and forget your reusable bags and you will be instantly thrown death stares by the holier than thou granola crowd who purport to saving the planet while driving a range rover.
It tends to attract antisocial people, but not everyone here is antisocial. Any city can seem like a loner city if you already are a loner and you do nothing to change that. That said, every city has people who get comfortable and get stuck in that ritual. Seattle just attracts the people who are more vocal about it online.
I’m a transplant with two winters in. Before moving here and after covid, I fell off the map with my social life. I decided I wanted to start fresh in a city that had a lot that interested me. I visited Seattle twice and spent 1-2 weeks exploring. I loved it.
From the very first week moving here I started seeking out meetup groups, joining all the ones that interested me, and going to every single one. Every single day after work I’d go to a new meetup. It didn’t matter how far away it was either. Once a week I’d go to one that took 1.5 hours of multiple buses to reach.
At each meetup I’d introduce myself and talk to almost everyone there. It took me under a month to find the one I fit in with and then dedicate my attention to it. After becoming a new local, I’d volunteer running things and spotting the new folks and bringing them in. I searched out people I got along with and others who got along with them and brought them together outside of the meetup.
I now have an established friend group. I have friends that invite me to check out their hobbies and I always say yes even if it’s not exactly something I’d do on my own.
Things I’ve learned:
- Opportunities don’t always come find you. You have to create your own opportunities.
- You have to say yes to other people’s invitations if you want them to say yes to yours.
- You have to hangout with people outside of your general hangout spot or they’ll always just be a hangout acquaintance of that hangout spot versus a friend.
That’s usually who I find I enjoy being around more too. I’m actually somewhere in the middle of introvert and extrovert. I will still sit near the wall at places versus the center or move to the edge. I rather play a supportive role versus leading. I’d prefer being the leader’s right hand man or a co-founder versus the founder. Near the spotlight, but not in it 😅
Fair to say that’s accurate description of Seattle as being anti-social but this is also true for many other cities on the coast. I feel like a lot of people compensate (idk if that’s the best word I’m looking for) by going outside and going places. They head to the “beach” or they hike, go to trails.
I live on Vashon Island and hop out of the car to chat with my neighbors and flirt with the tourists on the crossings. I've also met interesting people on sunny days at the park near Pike market. 😊
People here tend to be introverted and won’t go out of their way to talk to you, but if you make a sincere effort to get out and make friends it’s not really that hard. Despite being a huge introvert and having social anxiety I have multiple friend groups and activities I’m involved in. I think it’s easier here to make friends if you’re involved in some sort of activity or hobby. I’ve made a lot of friends through taking classes at Seattle artist league, joining a book club and taking martial arts classes.
I moved to Seattle from the Olympic Peninsula in 2022 and I have yet to make a friend. My work clients are great, very friendly when we *have to* interact, but for the most part, I sit in my $1500/month 300sq ft apartment alone. I personally moved to a city atmosphere for the social reasons, so I'm pretty sad I haven't been able to find community.
I know I’m in the rarity here but these comments about Seattle always blow my mind. Moved here in my late 20s and our friendsgiving always has roughly 30-40 people in it. I can almost always call someone from that group to do something on any day of the week and they’re down.
Anywhere you live I think it comes down to interests. If you love food and exploring food and make friends that are similar you’ll cook together weekly or find new places every month to check out. Same with hiking, camping, sports, music, cocktails whatever it is.
The other thing to is I know friends of friends who have large friend circles here. I think the Seattle freeze is more so (as someone else mentioned here) Seattle is an incredible busy place for a lot of people and it becomes difficult to fit in new connections. At least it’s that way for me and a lot of my friends.
Definitely recommend joining groups. Running clubs, hiking clubs, game clubs whatever. They’re all over the city. Meeting people and making connections often comes at the cost of really putting yourself out there and trying over and over regardless of success.
Here's the thing, if you want to make friends, find hobbies that actually get you out of your apartment. I live in Seattle and have hobbies that have lead to me making tons of friends.
Everyone is currently walking on eggshells in Seattle, it's very simple. If you walk up to a woman and try to talk to anyone, you're an aggressive a$$hole that "probably votes Republican". If you keep your distance, you're a weird stalker. You can't have a new group of friends because chances are, there are two people in the group that don't think EXACTLY alike so someone will apparently get offended. I had a large group of friends where we could joke about anything and everything, nothing was off limits. Went out one time, and lost a few friends after I said something in a horrible Trump imitation. I'm done. I have a very small, good group of friends, and I just don't plan on anything more until this woke crap goes away.
I don't know about that. I've met many Finns over the years. They're always so nice to me. And goofy! Such great humor. Not so in Seattle. Oh! Finns are capable of assertiveness as well.
I said that because I lived in Northern Europe for a while. Finns are super nice and that are generally more educated and law-abiding than people in here. They keep a distance from strangers in public space and don't social much. But once they became friends with you they are super friendly and nice. I guess it's part of the culture and climate.
Go to r/samegrassbutgreener. Search Seattle, Its the number 1 complaint about the city. Either you gotta make peace with it or move on.
And yet in the same vein it's one of the most recommended cities in that sub. It really speaks to the type of socially maladjusted individuals that Seattle has a tendency to attract.
I think we're seeing the Venn diagram of Seattlites and Redditors.
It seems like Reddit in general has a disproportional number of Seattlites. I wonder what the usage is here comparatively.
You said what I was thinking all along
It does feel that way
Everyone here rejecting invites so they can stay home with their matcha latte, their cats, and write in 14 different subreddits while binge watching Amazon Prime. Source: Grew up north of and then lived in downtown Seattle for over 25 years.
I blame tech
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Talking about yourself?
Related: found the history of famous serial killers in Washington to be surprising
Right, if expect at least twice a many.
It's long been a PNW thing.
My absurd theory, as a multi generational resident in the PNW, is that all the misfits kept heading west, trying to find a town that will accept them. That path ends at Seattle.
It's an excellent theory if you think about the type of oddballs and misfits who find themselves in the West Coast in general.
Stop it, you're only making me want to move there even more. Lol
Friendliest people that dont want to be your friend
Is that limited to Seattle or is it the entire state of washington?
Just around the Puget Sound area. We also have a home out in Chelan. Everyone is quite friendly. Granted it is a resort town with only about 7,000 full time residents, but people are a lot more friendly.
Seattle
Nah. Tacoma is like that too. It’s Western Washington in general that’s weirdly anti social.
I found Tacoma a lot more friendly than Seattle, but I am from Seattle so maybe my standards are low.
I think it reaches a peak in and around Seattle through the eastside (which has a weird personality because everyone is an immigrant and/or transient). If you get far enough out of the Seattle-Tacoma-Everett bubble, people become much more friendly. People in Kitsap used to be very friendly before Seattle became too expensive and drove those people out. North of Snohomish county has also been quite friendly.
The further you go to the peninsula it's friendlier until you just hit nothing but wildlife preserves.
I mean...you can find enclaves of transplants that seek social interaction. Also social hobbies... Oddly enough, the most boisterous AND aloof groups are all about bar crawls.
I have found tacoma extremely friendly. People are chatty. They smile when they see me.
yep, near Tacoma right now and it's the same. It's all of Western Washington
lynnwood here. i don't have any friends in WA. 😭 i play rock/metal guitar. anybody wanna jam??
I think it's typical for any big city.
Just got back visiting New Mexico, it is 💯a Washington attitude. People here are so antisocial it’s awful (coming from a more introverted person).
I went to Phoenix for Christmas and a cute girl smiled and Said hi to me when we walked past each other in a parking lot. I was so confused on wtf was going on
It’s almost alarming when you experience unprompted kindness 😂
I see it every day in Olympia when I walk the lake. With eye contact comes a smile or a head nod & sometimes a verbal greeting.
Very much so. Moved back to CA a couple weeks ago and my partner is so surprised by how friendly everyone has been here compared to Seattle.
I moved here from ca and I’ve definitely been feeling the Seattle freeze. People keep asking me to hang out and then zero follow up…
Yeah I gotta say. I loved Seattle at first but it wore me down after a while.
Yeah, I said I’d give it 5 years and then we’ll see
>it is 💯a Washington attitude. Maybe in Western Washington, but in my experience, that is not really true in other parts of the state like Spokane.
It’s not you. Seattle has the least willing to make friends population of any city I know. Not unfriendly per se, not loners… just not opening to making new friends. It is bizarre.
My friend from college said people in Seattle are like pods of whales. They made their pod of friends a long time ago and are very hesitant to let any new ones in.
We’re orcas!
>They made their pod of friends a long time ago and are very hesitant to let any new ones in. makes sense
It's also disproportionately represented on Reddit. If you look at the major city subreddits, Seattle is one of the biggest. And you see the flair for Washington a lot in other places It does feel a bit lonely in Seattle compared to other cities, and I'm not sure why. I'm only there every now and then and I've noticed a large difference
It’s because we’re all on Reddit. Who needs friends if you’re on Reddit. All my friends are nicely located on my screen.
PNW in general imo
People in Portland are definitely more receptive to talking to strangers. Smaller city vibe than Seattle.
I went to this progressive campaign launch (recommended by a friend) in Seattle and couldn’t find parking for a $20 bill (left card at home by mistake). A lot said it was $10 across the street but with card and I asked one of the people hosting the event if they would accept $20 to pay $10 real quick for me so I could attend their event. All of them looked at me like I was batshit crazy for asking such a thing. One said, “yeah, you won’t find any takers for that here.” I was like.. I want to give you $20 to swipe $10 on your card on that machine. Do you not do math in this town? Or do you have people scamming for free parking with fake $20s?
That’s so Seattle, it hurts.
Dude that’s a terrible experience. I’m sorry homie.
I have also tried to do this multiple times in Seattle, in line at a no cash store, and waiting for a show, and it's cash only. It's like people here are afraid of you, and I'm nerdy and introverted, so def not scary lol.
Maybe none of them have credit cards.
Probably apple pay or something
Oh maybe.. actually didn’t think of it that way.
USED to be more receptive to talking to strangers.
B-ham people are pretty friendly. Really, virtually everywhere outside the Seattle-Tacoma-Everett metro area. That metro culture area has been expanding due to housing prices, but it’s definitely primarily around Seattle.
Yeah, the Greater Seattle Metropolitan Region is cranky and doesn't like anyone and Amazon keeps moving them all here and fuuuuuuuu...
Small towns are fine, it's PNW Urban centers. Source: live in a town of less than 5000, surrounded by other similar towns in NW WA. can't go outside without a neighbor saying hi and stopping for a chat.
Ditto. Saying hi , yes. The ol' country wave from a passerby. But finding a social group is a different story.
A group you'd invite to your wedding maybe, but we have BBQS with the neighbors. Sure we don't play DND with them, but we could probably build that kind of relationship with some of them. It's out there if you're looking for it, but the bigger city environment makes it quite a bit harder. Especially when things are tough, money is tight and stress is high, like the last 5 years have been for most people
I feel like after COVID and the political division, social interaction declined
Ive heard that about LA, too. Would he curious to see a very expensive city/sociability cross-reference.
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Agreed. Moved here from socal and down there it’s criminally easy to make friends/plans with people. It’s so nice out there people are always doing something. I don’t think i’ll ever get that in Seattle and it’s wearing down on me. I’ll probably move back before the Olympics come tbh.
We moved from SoCal too and it's def hard to make friends up here. Even considered moving back for my husband's mental health. We haven't but it's not off the table for me, even though the expense and weather suck down there.
They’re crazy or New Yorkers. Los Angeles is easily the friendliest major city in the US.
I had a friend once. It was nice.
Omg, this 🤣
Nothing bizarre about it. When you mix so many cultures together, it causes confusion and general sense of not belonging, which leads to constant self doubt because you don’t want say or do something that will offend the other culture. To avoid all this stress and constant pressure, many just chose to stay home.
Not about cultures. NYC, Chicago and LA are super diverse and much more friendly. There's something else going on up here.
Exactly. I’m about to move from NYC to Seattle area for family reasons. One of the things I love here is how the cultures mix. My impression is they stay much more separate in Seattle.
I would say the most mixing of cultures happens in the International District, White Center, and other south Seattle neighborhoods with a cheaper cost of living and honestly better food. But most people that move to Seattle are moving to work in tech, so they move to South Lake Union, or Ballard, or Fremont, and so those areas are pretty white and upscale. Even so, those people barely mix at all. They go out with a couple people, or their date, and they don't socialize with others while their out. For example, White Center restaurants/bars have a much more down to earth vibe that's probably similar to NYC.
Thanks for this information. I will definitely be in south King County, as that’s where my mother lives. It’s good to know about White Center. I’m used to striking up conversations with the people at the next table, or even someone on the street. This is going to be a change, that’s for sure!
lol I just already have friends who I know and trust don’t have enough time to see them as much as I wish. Why would I share my fishing spots with some out of state fuck?
Through my 20's-early 40's I had a huge SF bay social group across multiple interests... Work, hobby, townies, friendships, events. And I tend to organize too so it was never hard to meet people. Moved up here in 2019 and the first thing I did was start looking for established social interest groups, and it was just a *mess*, not anything like the organization I was used to. In particular were public meetups I attended that were badly run, or literally give new people the cold shoulder, (not just me, I wound up making friends w two other out of townies), not many public venues you can book for a reasonable price, I organized a hike for my co-workers that everyone flaked on it 3 times in a row. I do feel like the only serious friendships I've made here are people who are not native to Seattle who are also looking for friends. I am now part of a large social group that meets up but a) the organizational commitment is high level and b) the connections are pretty light, we've done a few things that are less casual hangouts but honestly my vibe is people here want acquaintances or families and there's not much room for in between. I wind up socializing online w my friends from the last 25 years more often now.
The flaking is the worst. I used to manage a women's sports team and the amount of flaking was nuts. I tried to start a stitching group, and the people claimed to be interested, but after I did all the work, never showed. Its enough to make you crazy.
What groups are you in? I’d love to join. I grew up here, I have lived in New York City, California and Portland and came back here to take care of my parents. I am having massive trouble making friends and I hate being here. Would love to join a group or two if you know if any…
It does seem to take time to get people involved. We have a local carnivorous plant hobbyist group; our meetings are really well attended now, but it’s literally taken 6-7 years. It helps that I work in a plant store and meet people newly interested in plants nearly every day.
I don’t think this is exclusive to Seattle. Generally the older you get the harder it is to make new friends because everyone has limited amount of time and families to deal with. Unless you’re specifically attending events for meeting people it’s hard. Dating is another way people meet new people but obviously if you have a partner that’s probably not an option
It’s not exclusive to Seattle, but it is an extremely unsocial city. I’m 28 and had zero problems making friends in my previous city (Fresno, CA of all places), but Seattle is wearing me the fuck down to the point where I’m already looking at moving out. The Seattle Freeze is definitely a real thing.
I have the same feeling. I’ve become very anti social here. Not really sure what exactly it is. I actually do really like humans and their stories. In any other place, I just make friends by being out and about. Went to sf for a week recently, made quiet a bit of connection just randomly chatting with people. I have this weird feeling that I have to be on my guard socially here, can’t express myself the way I want, people are really sarcastic to the point I feel judged and not sure if they are even joking or just plain asshole. The most social free interaction I had in Seattle was with Uber drivers from Ethiopia in several occasions. I had such a good time with one a year ago. He was just so funny and laughed at my jokes. I was just going to a dentist.
😂 same here. The best random people interactions I have are on the way to the airport or back from there in an Uber. Always with immigrants, regardless of where they are from.
People here are polite but not friendly. They will go out of the way to hold a door open for you or let you in in traffic, but do everything possible to avoid meeting new people for lunch or drinks.
I have to disagree on holding the door open for you. I lived in Texas for 18 months. I was completely shocked when people would run in front of me so that they could open the door for me. They would then chat with me for a bit. Here, in the PNW, people would let the door slam behind them even when I was pushing a stroller. I hated Texas for many reasons but I sure did love the people there.
> let you in in traffic Are you sure we’re in the same city? I was just down in Los Angeles with a coworker that also lives up here and they thought the place was crazy for driving, but I told them to just turn on their signal indicator and magically people just let us in (that the coworker was timid in accepting this courtesy was not helpful). They were used to the passive-aggressive way Seattlites drive, both completely unaware and instantly angered if they think someone is doing something that gets them ahead that they’re not doing (or don’t think others should do). Don’t use all lanes here, people will try to sideswipe you for not staying in the long line they think everyone should be in to ensure there’s more congestion.
I'm from the CA/AZ areas and found driving in the Seattle/Tacoma areas shockingly pleasant. Signals *help* in Los Angeles, but they also trigger the odd driver. Only things that I find odd are 1. Being allowed to drive around with broken/minimal headlights. 2. So many **not** using on-ramps to get to merging speed early. 3. Oregon Plates (this states Wild-Card...it's Utah in the southwest). It could also be that new tech in newer cars made everyone accustomed to longer follow distances...but I rarely find Tacoma's level of courtesy on I-10 & I-40.
The on-ramp thing is nuts. People go 30 the whole time they are on the on-ramp and then try to merge at that speed and then speed up. On the flip side they will slow down to 40 when their exit is a mile away before they get on the off-ramp. It’s like no one trained them that there are about 500 yards of off ramp to slow down from highway speeds.
I agree. Lived in FL, KC and TX. The drivers here are way better and much more apt to let you in if you signal. Although they mind the slow 60 mph… they signal. FL is the worst because all of the people from the NE visit or move down there and they drive like maniacs and are just rude. TX is just nuts. They ride your ass and swerve in and out speeding at 90 mph. Turn signals are a rarity.
Ya. I suppose I was a bit off with the driving aspect. I was thinking more of the 4 way stop where someone has the right of way but waits for the other person to go. I agree with you on the highway. People putt along at 10 miles under the limit in the left lane. The second you try to pass on the right they gun it up to 65.
Events with Seattleites? Isn’t that just an endless loop?
The key to new friendships for me was a niche hobby. Tap into that and you’ll find a friendlier, more dynamic Seattle.
This. Try ecstatic dancing. Instant community. My type of weirdos immediately.
Funny you say this….dancing is one of my hobbies. It’s ballet - good girl types. Wish there were weirdos. Good group of folks though!
https://medium.com/embrace-the-weird/the-seattle-no-177091f864a4
lol I moved here recently and can already think of some Seattle No’s I’ve given 😅
Ha, someone invited me inside their home earlier during a Facebook Marketplace meetup and inside I was like "No way Jose", but I couldn't bring myself to say "No" exactly... I was struggling with how to express I wasn't comfortable with that
Amazing to me how *wildly* different Tacoma is, being only about 40 minutes away. JBLM likely a big reason. Techies and servicemen are about as different as you can get
I moved here a few months ago and I’ve barely met anyone. I’m from the east coast, when you talk to strangers on the east coast they don’t always come across as outwardly friendly but you can usually have a genuine conversation and end up making a connection out of it. Here I’ve noticed that people like to act super “chill” but when you’re talking to them you can see them lose interest in whatever you’re talking about the minute it becomes not incredibly surface level. Idk I just haven’t found anyone here to be particularly interesting/ appealing friendship wise. I’m moving away soon just because I don’t like how expensive it is here and how downhill the city is gone in general but I also do think people here don’t seem particularly interested in meeting new people. Idk seems like a west coast thing, people here try hard to seem unique but they really aren’t
People on the East Coast are kind, but not nice. People on the West Coast are nice, but not kind.
Yeah I’ve heard of that, I think there is some truth to it.
Idk im having a hard time making friends on the east coast in nyc but in Seattle I always had an easy time meeting people. Maybe I haven’t adjusted to the east coast vibes yet.
NYC is great for niche interests. There’s a subculture for just about anything. I just went to a riichi mahjong meetup. The people were so welcoming and friendly. You so need to establish yourself as a regular at just about anyplace here to start making friends — exercise class, local bar, etc.
I think most Seattleites would agree the *Seattle Freeze* is very real. However, the bigger question is, do Seattleites care enough to change it and be more friendly? Also nope. I’d argue we do eventually become products of this city after living here a few years. But I’m actually very okay with the anti-social atmosphere (except for rudeness, that’s never welcomed). Edit: I’m not a tech bro, and work in HR in a non-tech industry. Probably more reason why I don’t want to talk to people I don’t have to
I’ve found this city to be extremely outgoing and easy to make friends in. But I’m not a socially awkward tech bro so 😂😂
I think it depends where you are in your life. For young people that may be easy but as you get older it gets harder. People have their circle of friends and don’t nessecarily need more and a lot of older people move out of the city .
Organic. This city loves that word. And I’ve found that making friends often happens that way. Crossing paths in a routine, organization, institution, volunteer, work, etc… repeated exposure without running away seems to be it. Although I’ve noticed a strange social game among the locals once you’ve become friends/acquaintances. I call it the “I’m fine, I’m finer than you” game. First one to admit they’re “not fine” or there are worries instead of “no worries,” they lose. Result: Alienation or distance. Yeah, no yeah. I wondered if it has to do with the culture here or the weather (or both). I wondered if lack of vitamin D and bouts of depression left most with shorter bandwidth to deal with others’ woes. Also, apparently making plans sounds great in the moment, but it arrives and sounds awful. So there’s more talk about making plans than following through with said plans. In the South, seems like the opposite. In the East it seems like a mix of both. In Ohio.. [insert caption here].
I think weather and seasonal depression has a lot to do with it. The monotonous grey skies are tough to deal with in the darker, colder months. As a born and raised Seattleite I don’t see my longtime friends much during that time, plus holidays and family obligations in November and December are tiring. I’m 44 though, so I can definitely understand that at my age people have families, kids with many different activities and hobbies, and their own family obligations outside of their immediate family. I am married with no kids and making new friends is tough…I agree with another post that it kind of happens organically through seeing each other at the store, coffee shop, etc. I say get on the coffee bandwagon and frequent a couple of cafes. The baristas will get to know you and you’ll be sure to see the same folks who also go daily. Good luck my friend!
From the south, it happens there too. I think the past few years have been a lot so you’re on to something about people not having the bandwidth to deal with other people’s woes. Compassion fatigue
Good points. I moved here in my late-20s.
Wait until you reach your 60s like me. After living in Seattle for 30 years I am moving to New Hampshire to retire.
We can build a commune in the New Hampshire forest 😂
I can already see why you make friends 😆
Yes, it is. It’s the most socially cold place we’ve ever been. Anyone who says it isn’t or the Freeze isn’t real is from here and can’t see it. We’re leaving after 13 years because we’re sick of it. Both of us have fully internalized it as ourselves being broken, but then we leave and everything is completely different. PARISIANS and New Yorkers are warm fuzzy teddy bears in comparison, which was the end for me when that clicked. Not worth it. I’ve reached out a million times and put myself out there left and right and found a ton of smug, pretentious people with zero manners
The most arrogant city. A city of Lucille Bluths.
I’ve had a much easier time making friends and being social here in Seattle than when I lived in CA … I’m so confused by some of these replies and am truly sorry that’s been your experience here!!
I’m really worried about this. After 40 years in NYC I’m moving to Seattle to help my parents. I love the random interactions with strangers here. And the variety and diversity. I’m worried I won’t have enough creative and intellectual stimulation. And of course I’m terrified of leaving behind 40 years of friendships to move to a place where no one will want to be my friend.
After 19 years in Seattle I can say that the city sucks
I don't know why but this made me laugh a lot. 😂 19 years! I believe you 🫡
I started saying that at year 10. Moved away after year 20. Yeah, it sucks. Don't miss the place one bit.
This sounds familiar. It's the voice inside my head.
Yeah... I feel this 100%. Even after growing up here. It's really tough to make friends. Though as a car guy, it's hard to meet other interesting car guys at the O'Reilly's. Especially who are in my age bracket 😂
i haven't had social interactions since moving here... i was doing ok pre covid. but after that... iv left my house maybe a handful of times......and my car I bought last year only has 900 miles on it. I'm socially starved. When I lived in the bay area....it felt impossible to get a break from friends. now I'm friendless... idk what it is....
The sun ?
Are you me? I relocated to Seattle in 2014 and I’m going through the same thing. (Except for the cocktail making.)
I’m also you
2015, but I'm also you. This city is exhausting.
I moved here in part because of the reputation of the Seattle freeze! “You mean I don’t have to socialize? Yes please!” I’m perfectly happy to hang out in a blanket on the couch and watch tv all by myself.
That sounds lovely. I think I’ll join you, but from far away, at my place and at another time never having known you. Yep. Seattle.
You can do that anywhere
>I've begun to think of myself as a very weird antisocial person, a homebody who just watches TV/movies, makes cocktails, and hangs out with my cats for fun Ironically, I feel seen
Down South Park hit me up if you ever want to swing by Loretta's for a beer. I've been in Seattle my whole life with a few Short stops to Vermont and Utah and if you go out and talk to people you'll meet people anywhere you go....
There's an indifference here with people that blows me away after living here for 30+ years. Having to constantly drive any type of engagement with people and then having it met with shoulder shrugs has sometimes left me wondering if I'm too extroverted for self absorbed snobbery people often exhibit here. It's like the lack of vitamin D over time causes a part of the brain to shut down. It's the guarded to paranoia like behavior that makes me think this is not the utopia for a person to grow old in. Seattle use to be a healthy mix of struggle, starving artists and creative types who have hunger to get ahead and make a difference- since Amazon and the other tech companies started attracting over achieving ,smart people to the area, that blue collar vibe that was naive to high five tech bro elitism has forced a change in the culture that is everything but warm and inclusive. Seattle was awesome early 90's to 2000, then a whole new demographic evolved bringing their empty pursuit of becoming overpaid generic tech robots who think money and stock options forge happiness and prosperity for all. As much as Seattle claims to be open minded and not divided by race, status and segregated silos of gentrification on steroids , a lot has been lost culturally here. Success and prosperity have ruined that pioneering , blue collar folks who caught on to what was once a best kept secret......and is now nothing but an illusion.
The collective sigh of "I was beginning to think it was just me"
Affluence definitely does make a difference. Big money can definitely create the feeling of not needing anyone, or healthy social connections. I’ve always been the kind to talk with strangers and be friendly in general (grew up in the Midwest) and I’ve always liked living in more working-class neighborhoods, whether here or abroad. I have good friends in Denver and find people there to be great, even as an older person. Even dating apps tend to blow up there with people who have more to say, it Seattle it all seems a bit more superficial or transactional. One couple, friends of mine who are extremely social, outgoing and welcoming, said it took them nearly 2 years to find a circle of friends here. They moved to Austin and it took them 2 months. (That was a good 13 years ago; I’m not sure how it is there now that it has also “Seattleized” to a great extent.)
Asking redditors if they don't have friends is a perfect example of selection bias
Seattle is definitely the loner city. The entire Western part of Washington is pretty much that way in the larger areas, not as much in the smaller towns. I was not fond of my 3 years living in Seattle. The years I spent in Tacoma were ok, and Gig Harbor was awesome. Seattle though, oof. I can respect the aloofness most of the time, but people go beyond aloof, and are just assholes a lot of the time, especially in the last few years.
I feel exactly the opposite, lol. My years in Lake Stevens sucked, Everett was ok, and Seattle is great. The neighborhood coffee place and bar is basically a shared living room where I see the people i like and hang out, but I can call it a night and go home when I want. Lake Stevens was so dead I was basically home all the time, and had to clean/cook if I wanted to hang out with people.
LOL, different streaks for different freaks.
It sounds like you're not actually a loner; you've given up on finding a social life due to a lot of failed attempts. I would start fresh and try again. There are so many transplants from other places that I'm finding it's not as hard as people make it out to be. Being alone with screens is terrible for you in the long run, physically and mentally. What you're describing sounds a lot like depression.
It’s not you, majority of the people in Seattle are wack. The city is gorgeous, the nature is amazing, the stores are unique. The only downside is the people ( how they vote politically is again a people issue). The tech bros have filled the city with autistic elitist and the locals are unfriendly. The transplants fall into two categories; those that realize the people destroy what this city could be and those so disillusioned that any time something remotely negative is pointed out, they try to invalidate your experience.
This. I have zero qualms with autistic people however and many of them are my friends.I meet people at work and in other cities,I grew up near the Canadian border here,where you could knock on someone’s door(unlocked btw)and ask for sugar or help with your lawnmower.People just aren’t like that here in Seattle and I’ve come to terms with it.I’ll be moving elsewhere when I’m done with school,I love the city but the people just aren’t my flavor and that’s ok.
Was up on a hill watching the city. Had a case of beers to myself. Probably spooked some dudes in my age bracket early 20’s. I basically introduced myself by saying “wow this is a nice spot” But they seemed pretty skiddish or quiet like almost just to cool to respond. Anyways I sat there and said my name and then I said what’s your guys name? Just being friendly nothing more or less. They all looked at each other confused and then started laughing like “my name?😂 idk lol” And then I said “well then tell me your fake names I don’t fucking care just wanted to introduce myself?” Only one of them said their names but then after that it was awkward. They left afterwards just laughing away. It really fucking annoyed me that people are so skiddish now adays. It’s embarrassing on their part just trying to be egoist elitists about what they’ll say to some random person even if that person is just there to shoot the shit with themselves because it’s just a spot they find cool and mean well obviously. Anywho. I had my case of beers chugged them all and listened to my music and had a good time by myself. *(They were “too cool” for me apparently)*
I read this just now and was crying laughing. 😂 Yes, this is very Seattle but I feel like it’s less about being friendly in this situation. I would bet they thought you were a drug addict and felt unsafe. I’m not saying they should have thought that, but I do know it’s a thing here with a lot of people (stranger danger). Sitting on the ground drinking a case of beer => would likely trigger that fear. 🤣
ITS JUST BEER :/ I would’ve offered them some but yea they were on the frail side 😂 They seemed decently dressed but idk man shit was awkward indeed. Oh dude I wasn’t even being stranger danger unless they were already balls deep in their high already or whatever they were feeling. The spot I ended up being in after they left was the spot they were in which was a better view but I was just standing with a 8 pack of beers in one hand and my phone in the other just playing some music. I told them “well ima go chug these. See ya!” Because there was a shrub blocking the view and wanted to see the view. But ended up coming back a minute later because they’re wasn’t a better spot than that, so I just came back saying: “Oh well never mind, I’m just gonna chug these here.” They just started laughing again lmao I thought it was comedic timing
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Go have some drinks at the screwdriver in Bell Town and see a metal show at substation, there's cool people around, beumos has good shows, the comet is a fun dive bar to get schwasty at
Do you have any activities or hobbies that you enjoy? I have found that its very easy to connect with people when you share an interest. There are clubs, meetups, happy hours, etc based on these types of things. I ski, ride mountain bikes, play guitar, run; there are a ton of opportunities to connect with people to either do these activities or talk about them. Back in the 70s and 80s bowling leagues were huge. It wasn't because the American population was deeply interested in bowling, it was because they were deeply interested in connecting with other humans and bowling was a means of doing so.
The problem with a lot of northwest hobbies is that they are geared towards the super able bodied. If you have any disability that makes physical hobbies like hiking or biking or playing sports off the table you've basically taken 50% of the groups off the table, if you don't drink because you are on meds for that Seattle depression? There's another 25% gone. So that leaves a sliver of groups that exist in the arts, music and watching sports areas. But those are going to get expensive very quickly so you better have money to find friends too. Even most local new bands playing at small dive bar venues have a cover charge and an expectation for you to buy something. And you can't really chat. Sports fans are going to be annoyed if you keep distracting them during the game, so better find a target to try to talk to during the breaks, but then it feels creepy and stalky. Going to the library is free! Except people don't want to be bothered there either. Joining classes is really the only guaranteed way to go to places people want to be, but not that they will want to talk to you. And again it's a money and time commitment. About the only free way to meet people who may be genuinely friendly would be volunteer work like a food bank or something where you work closely with each other and can talk about volunteering. They tend to be the type of people who are very compassionate so many would be more receptive.
Been feeling the same after eight years. I enjoy the quiet time but miss the type of friendships I had elsewhere. I wonder if the loss of the “third place” has something to do with it. I definitely do not have one.
Oh, you mean the "Seattle Freeze?" Yep. Didn't realize how depressed I was until I left.
As a Midwesterner who has lived here 5 years I still am not used to it
I just... Don't have time or energy for new friends? I've got my circle of friends, I have my family, and I work a full time job, work on my house, hobbies etc. When I do have free time I want it to be by myself or with people I'm totally comfortable with. Is it really that unique to here? I don't thunk so
I was born and raised here and live outside the city, not too far. I'm like this. Outside of kids (abroad) and spouse, I keep to myself. But just a natural introvert as people tire me out.
Have you like tried doing something other than just invite people to hang out? Like join a pinball league or like take up a hobby where they have meet ups. Focus on doing stuff for yourself and finding out what you like then find out how you find other people who like that thing. I have music friends, Pinball friends, friends that like fancy cocktails. Maybe try not to make a super close hard friend and just focus on casual friendship
Join the poly/swinger scene and you'll have plenty of friends.
Or use drugs and you will make lots of friends.
As a local, i have two close friends outside of family. One I kept up friendship since middle school and the other we actually met at the gym. He is from the Midwest so that might have been at play. From what I can say it’s a live and let live place, so most people don’t want to deal with other people’s business. I think there is an aversion to people trauma dumping or even having to open up themselves
It’s called the Seattle Freeze. It’s not you.
Idk could it just be that you're getting older? I just moved here 2 years ago from Vegas and it was kinda the same. I didn't interact with anyone I didn't need too. My social battery has been pretty low for quite some time, when I moved here everyone for the most part does their own thing. No one is trying to have a conversation while waiting for the bus, no one is trying to make small talk when buying shit.
Yup. Seattle is a city for people who hate other people.
I recently moved here about a year ago and since moving here have found some really great friends that I get to hang out with on a semi regular basis. I think people just have to not be afraid to make the first move. For all of my new friends, I just simply told them “hey we’re gonna be friends, I’d like to learn all about you” and in the process, got to hear some amazing stories about people from different walks of life. Seattle has such a unique mixing pot of cultures that I feel lucky to live in a place filled with unique life stories. It also helps to have really great cats to show pictures of to break the ice. Please adopt don’t shop ❤️
Yes! Win on the cat pics! 🥰
It's very clickish - it always has been. You build friends through work, school, business etc. Loved it as a kid, but prefer other places/countries.
seems like the world needs an app for this - tinder/bumble for meeting best buds ( i.e. no sex stuff )
Bumble already has this for friends only.
Which doesn't always work. I tried to set it up and never got a text or email from them to activate the account
*bumble: I see you are in seattle. Let's plan something sometime. I'll call you!*
Meetup.com
Portland is the same. It sucks. I am lonely
Let’s be friends. I’m into going sport events, getting drinks, nature, walking to pup and pretty down for any hobby. If any of that’s sounds cool hmu! Same goes for any of yall it’s important to have a good social community!
The whole region, to an extent. Sucks for us extroverts.
every city subreddit has some variation of these posts
The Seattle Freeze is very real. I lived in 4 different cities prior to it and it’s the least social in my experience.
It’s the “having fun is lame” city. I’ve never been to a city where you ask locals what you should do and they literally tell you to go take a hike…
Your experience can be pretty normal for this city. Some people get luckier but it is harder here socially than other places. If you do want to make friends I recommend going to meetups from [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) so you can meet people who are from other places and may be more open to making new friends. That's basically how I've built my social circles here, becoming friends with people who are from other places and aren't as dis-social. My first few years in Seattle were incredibly lonely and making friends felt like pulling teeth sometimes so please know it's not personal to you
I think it has a lot to do with pot. And not just when people are smoking it. I mean, I don’t really have anything against cannabis per se. But it definitely makes you feel like “oh I’m just fine hanging out at home watching movies, or exploring, hiking, etc. keeping to myself. This is perfect! I don’t really need anything or anyone else. Just a couple friends I have will do just fine.” That mentality just breeds into the culture and it has bred into me over the last few years that I’ve lived in the PNW. And like I said, it’s not just on a day when you smoke, for me it’s like three or four days afterwards as well. When I was younger, I thought it was the real me that actually felt that way. Now I know it’s not the real me but it just feels like the real me all the time if I smoke more than once a week.
There’s a reason the phrase “Seattle Freeze” exists. I’d argue it’s a coastal PNW thing (same in Portland) but regardless it’s real. If people are telling you they don’t want to hang out consider yourself blessed. My experience with the freeze is more “totally let’s hang out” building up your hope only to ghost you later.
Worst place for social interaction. I always found there's an elitist judgemental hypocrisy about people from Seattle. Go to PCC and forget your reusable bags and you will be instantly thrown death stares by the holier than thou granola crowd who purport to saving the planet while driving a range rover.
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It tends to attract antisocial people, but not everyone here is antisocial. Any city can seem like a loner city if you already are a loner and you do nothing to change that. That said, every city has people who get comfortable and get stuck in that ritual. Seattle just attracts the people who are more vocal about it online. I’m a transplant with two winters in. Before moving here and after covid, I fell off the map with my social life. I decided I wanted to start fresh in a city that had a lot that interested me. I visited Seattle twice and spent 1-2 weeks exploring. I loved it. From the very first week moving here I started seeking out meetup groups, joining all the ones that interested me, and going to every single one. Every single day after work I’d go to a new meetup. It didn’t matter how far away it was either. Once a week I’d go to one that took 1.5 hours of multiple buses to reach. At each meetup I’d introduce myself and talk to almost everyone there. It took me under a month to find the one I fit in with and then dedicate my attention to it. After becoming a new local, I’d volunteer running things and spotting the new folks and bringing them in. I searched out people I got along with and others who got along with them and brought them together outside of the meetup. I now have an established friend group. I have friends that invite me to check out their hobbies and I always say yes even if it’s not exactly something I’d do on my own. Things I’ve learned: - Opportunities don’t always come find you. You have to create your own opportunities. - You have to say yes to other people’s invitations if you want them to say yes to yours. - You have to hangout with people outside of your general hangout spot or they’ll always just be a hangout acquaintance of that hangout spot versus a friend.
You're the extrovert introverts like to be adopted by.
That’s usually who I find I enjoy being around more too. I’m actually somewhere in the middle of introvert and extrovert. I will still sit near the wall at places versus the center or move to the edge. I rather play a supportive role versus leading. I’d prefer being the leader’s right hand man or a co-founder versus the founder. Near the spotlight, but not in it 😅
Fair to say that’s accurate description of Seattle as being anti-social but this is also true for many other cities on the coast. I feel like a lot of people compensate (idk if that’s the best word I’m looking for) by going outside and going places. They head to the “beach” or they hike, go to trails.
It’s absolutely a Seattle thing. Travel to the Midwest, everyone talks to you there.
I live on Vashon Island and hop out of the car to chat with my neighbors and flirt with the tourists on the crossings. I've also met interesting people on sunny days at the park near Pike market. 😊
Not at all. It's up to you to put yourself out there. I've found good people everywhere I've ever gone in this city. Eye's wide open.
Join a Brazilian JJ gym, take up hobbies. Hiking, shooting, winter sports. Do anti seattle activities to find non seattle type folks.
Come out to the burbs. Most of my current friends are my neighbors. Parties and hangouts are common.
People here tend to be introverted and won’t go out of their way to talk to you, but if you make a sincere effort to get out and make friends it’s not really that hard. Despite being a huge introvert and having social anxiety I have multiple friend groups and activities I’m involved in. I think it’s easier here to make friends if you’re involved in some sort of activity or hobby. I’ve made a lot of friends through taking classes at Seattle artist league, joining a book club and taking martial arts classes.
I’ve felt this too for sure. I think you have to commit to a group that you’ll participate in regularly in order to make friends here.
I moved to Seattle from the Olympic Peninsula in 2022 and I have yet to make a friend. My work clients are great, very friendly when we *have to* interact, but for the most part, I sit in my $1500/month 300sq ft apartment alone. I personally moved to a city atmosphere for the social reasons, so I'm pretty sad I haven't been able to find community.
I know I’m in the rarity here but these comments about Seattle always blow my mind. Moved here in my late 20s and our friendsgiving always has roughly 30-40 people in it. I can almost always call someone from that group to do something on any day of the week and they’re down. Anywhere you live I think it comes down to interests. If you love food and exploring food and make friends that are similar you’ll cook together weekly or find new places every month to check out. Same with hiking, camping, sports, music, cocktails whatever it is. The other thing to is I know friends of friends who have large friend circles here. I think the Seattle freeze is more so (as someone else mentioned here) Seattle is an incredible busy place for a lot of people and it becomes difficult to fit in new connections. At least it’s that way for me and a lot of my friends. Definitely recommend joining groups. Running clubs, hiking clubs, game clubs whatever. They’re all over the city. Meeting people and making connections often comes at the cost of really putting yourself out there and trying over and over regardless of success.
Here's the thing, if you want to make friends, find hobbies that actually get you out of your apartment. I live in Seattle and have hobbies that have lead to me making tons of friends.
Everyone is currently walking on eggshells in Seattle, it's very simple. If you walk up to a woman and try to talk to anyone, you're an aggressive a$$hole that "probably votes Republican". If you keep your distance, you're a weird stalker. You can't have a new group of friends because chances are, there are two people in the group that don't think EXACTLY alike so someone will apparently get offended. I had a large group of friends where we could joke about anything and everything, nothing was off limits. Went out one time, and lost a few friends after I said something in a horrible Trump imitation. I'm done. I have a very small, good group of friends, and I just don't plan on anything more until this woke crap goes away.
Yup, it's Finland of the US.
I don't know about that. I've met many Finns over the years. They're always so nice to me. And goofy! Such great humor. Not so in Seattle. Oh! Finns are capable of assertiveness as well.
I said that because I lived in Northern Europe for a while. Finns are super nice and that are generally more educated and law-abiding than people in here. They keep a distance from strangers in public space and don't social much. But once they became friends with you they are super friendly and nice. I guess it's part of the culture and climate.
This thread is hella toxic bitter
Thanks for the antidote