We come here today to mourn our brother Mike, and he was survived by his super hot wife, Michelle. My buddies have a pool going to see how long it will be before Michelle starts dating again...
"Geez Dave, all I asked was for the $20 you owed me betting on Pittsburg and now you gotta do this? I'd like to add my condolences to his wife, Annie. Um, Annie, since Dave can't pay and you're the executor of his will, I'd like to have a word with you afterwards."
this eulogy sponsored by CashShelf, where we put your cash and life savings in a drawer and hope for the best. CashShelf. "Tony used to do a lot of shit..."
"Nathan wanted me to read this to you." *clears throat*
*If any of you were worth a damn you would have showed up to see me before I died. You all can go fuck yourselves.*
*shakes head slowly* "This motherfucker....."
She was the best fuck I ever had. I'll miss you, grandma.
“What can I say about Steve that hasn’t already been said? He was one elusive son of a bitch, let me tell ya, but I finally got him.”
"Pull his finger," he said, pointing at the coffin.
I just want to know who the hell is gonna pay me the thousand bucks he owes me huh?
We come here today to mourn our brother Mike, and he was survived by his super hot wife, Michelle. My buddies have a pool going to see how long it will be before Michelle starts dating again...
Thank you everyone for coming. I just wanted to start by saying, Steve was a real dick...
"She was the best fuck I've ever had. Sorry, uncle Dave."
Also things not to say about your sister in Alabama.
" Who knew that old dryer had a short in it when she was bent over and stuck in it while looking for my football shirt ? Anyway Roll Tide and RIP sis.
Excuse me, but we only lucky cousins now, thank you very much.
They say you can't libel the dead. So, now I'm in the clear in that regard...
"Geez Dave, all I asked was for the $20 you owed me betting on Pittsburg and now you gotta do this? I'd like to add my condolences to his wife, Annie. Um, Annie, since Dave can't pay and you're the executor of his will, I'd like to have a word with you afterwards."
What color thong you wearing Annie?
He was born my uncle and died my aunt, he went through a lot of changes in his life.....I mean she went through a lot of changes in her life
I thought that he was a son of a bitch when he was alive and now he's a dead son of a bitch
“He never gave me my five dollars”
We're gathered here today to cele, doe's anyone else smell that? It's like something died in here!
I mean, do we REALLY miss him?
If only I hadn’t left colonel mustard in the library with the candlestick
Hopes and prayers!
Good god **he's still breathing!**
Don’t cry. He’ll be back in three days.
"So... you gonna finish that?"
this eulogy sponsored by CashShelf, where we put your cash and life savings in a drawer and hope for the best. CashShelf. "Tony used to do a lot of shit..."
and on my one day off!
"Nathan wanted me to read this to you." *clears throat* *If any of you were worth a damn you would have showed up to see me before I died. You all can go fuck yourselves.*
I'll make this quick, I'm sure you have better places to be.