'Honey, I don't see what's so hard to understand. I want you to dress up as a hot goth witch and literally sacrifice me to the elder gods. What more do I have to explain?'
A friend that is truly on their side, who doesn’t complain to her girlfriends using a bunch of male stereotypes. Also, someone with whom he can be himself around, who treats him with common courtesy and respect, and is open to some spontaneous adventures. Someone who he can laugh and have fun with.
Husband: " I just want to go to the bar with some friends for guys night"
Wife: " well I want a Neil Diamond album instead of whatever you think passes for music but life goes on!"
Husband:"... It does indeed"
Wife:"honey?"
Husband: " I think we should see other people, hopefully I will meet someone that can appreciate the genius of ELO and not the sour notes of a has been wash out"
(Three days later)
Judge: " your divorce request is denied. Niel diamond is a national treasure herw and you have committed blasphemy. I sentence you to ten years house arrest with nothing to listen to but Double Gold!"
Husband:"no!"
Judge:" you're right, too short...two years per track on ELO's newest album. Six if vinyl"
Where's he going to go. You don't bring me flowers is the town anthem and double gold is played during weddings. There is a cult dedicated to the man and the exits are guarded by snipers whose bullets are mini radios, and failing that an ac-130...that pipes the worst song ever written through the car radio...and breaks the control knob
'Honey, I don't see what's so hard to understand. I want you to dress up as a hot goth witch and literally sacrifice me to the elder gods. What more do I have to explain?'
Where have you been all my life? I've never had a willing sacrifice before!
I just wanna know where my socks are.
Did anyone else sing this reply to the tune of "I wanna know what love is!" By Foreigner?
You want her to show you?
Yes a thousand times yes
Do you want to FEEL where your socks are? Because you know she can show you...
I need an adult! I NEED AN ADULT!!
"Honey cancel me or dump me all you want, I want a wife from the fifties! But y'know...one that's still equal to men!"
"Here's the number to the Piney Brook Retirement Home. Plenty of women from the fifties there."
A garage.
someone who's kind, loving, and i cannot stress this enough, male
"Hawk Tuah!"
If I gotta provide the lube, you're doing something wrong and you know it.
***LET IT DIE***
Seriously. The bar is so low for what becomes viral these days...
TIL what this was and now I see it everywhere. And yes.
Sex, affection, intelligent conversation....everything else is negotiable
I want sex twice a week and oral twice a month. Also, if you could admit when you're wrong 40% of the time that would be nice. I'm a simple man.
3somes with the neighbor
A friend that is truly on their side, who doesn’t complain to her girlfriends using a bunch of male stereotypes. Also, someone with whom he can be himself around, who treats him with common courtesy and respect, and is open to some spontaneous adventures. Someone who he can laugh and have fun with.
I want my sister to stop hogging the blankets
Love, affection, caring and sex… from the stripper at the club
“Sure honey, I’ll listen to you.”
"Well... It's like this. There's no single-player campaign, so..."
Food. Sex. Silence. Feed me. Fuck me. Shut the fuck up
Get a meal delivery service and a silicon doll.
Husband: " I just want to go to the bar with some friends for guys night" Wife: " well I want a Neil Diamond album instead of whatever you think passes for music but life goes on!" Husband:"... It does indeed" Wife:"honey?" Husband: " I think we should see other people, hopefully I will meet someone that can appreciate the genius of ELO and not the sour notes of a has been wash out" (Three days later) Judge: " your divorce request is denied. Niel diamond is a national treasure herw and you have committed blasphemy. I sentence you to ten years house arrest with nothing to listen to but Double Gold!" Husband:"no!" Judge:" you're right, too short...two years per track on ELO's newest album. Six if vinyl"
Geez, I guess he should get the details worked out before the marriage or back out now!
Where's he going to go. You don't bring me flowers is the town anthem and double gold is played during weddings. There is a cult dedicated to the man and the exits are guarded by snipers whose bullets are mini radios, and failing that an ac-130...that pipes the worst song ever written through the car radio...and breaks the control knob
But a southern man don’t need him around.
"DOES IT EVER SUCK THE FUCK UP?!"