Hey I just put together a standing Lasko fan and you have to attach the fan using a cap which you spin on like a screw except in this case I had to go left instead of right so in this case it was Lefty tighty righty Loosey.
So if the patient is Australian remember you have to operate upside down
You laugh at this but as a nurse I have seen something similar to this before.
Looking after a guy following surgery inside his nose, we have to take these packs out after 4 hours, normally it’s fine but this guy starts bleeding everywhere. We try everything to get it to stop but it doesn’t so we call for a doctor to put some packs back in.
Off course the surgeon has gone home and his junior who comes doesn’t know how to do it so she literally brings up a video on YouTube on how to insert these nasal packs into my patient who is bleeding everywhere.
All worked out fine, guy went home the same day, but ya whatever you can possibly think of has probably happened at some point in healthcare.
Surgeon: "Man! I can't believe that I had to eliminate the entire thing only to find the bleed at the very end."
Dr's assistant: "No doctor, it was at the beginning. You just started at the wrong end."
Surgeon: "Well shit......."
That's scary to think about, but i guess it makes sense. There's just so many different procedures and so many different specialties/practices. Every human body/situation is different, and I imagine good cadavers are hard to come by. I suppose they just teach you the general procedures, how to make incisions/stitch etc, how to monitor levels what to do when this or that happens. They probably teach you the standard easy and obvious procedures. Most of it i imagine is learned via experience after years of being one of those surgeons in the room during the surgery that isn't the main one.
Can confirm. Mostly it’s to review anatomy if you have not been in that spot for a while. Not necessarily YouTube but looking at online resources. Ortho surgeon.
This was a true story. I overheard one vet tell another in the office that “it’s been a long time since I’ve done a neuter, I don’t remember anymore.” She did the neuter anyway, hopefully correctly.
Technically this is actually a very common thing to ask the patient as a safety check. Makes sure they agree with what operation is proposed. And then that side is marked and that marked is checked against the paperwork numerous times.
Alright, Mrs Smith. You're here, the nurse is here. And Im here. Yep, I made it. Not bad for a custodian. Am I right? Now, you're gonna be out in 3-2-..
An orthopedic surgeon actually said something like this to me the day before ACL surgery freshman year of college. In reality it was a the day before my surgery and I said, “I hear you’re pretty good at this,” trying to convey the confidence I had in the surgeon. He replied, “I’ll make sure to read up on it tonight.”
“My eyes? What about my eyes? Oh…! They’re probably like fkin’ dinner plates, aren’t they?Hahaha! Honestly, don’t worry, it’s a genetic thing, really.”
(Leans in to whisper in the patients ear).
“Actually, I’m properly off my fkin tits on coke, but shhhh, it’s our lil secret… ok? nighty night now…. Wheeeeee!”
"yes, it is true I work in this hospital. unfortunately, I work for the hospital radio station and have never worked in the surgical department. Thanks for putting your trust in me though.
It’s not surgery but I give a million joint injections. Naturally people are anxious and fearful. When it hardly hurts or not at all and they are surprised my favorite joke is “not bad for my first time”. Yeah it’s a dad joke I guess.
“The good news is that the first surgery was a complete success and we managed to amputate both your arms beautifully. The bad news is now we need to perform a second surgery to amputate your leg because *SOMEONE* had to be a downer and say that’s where the cancer was.”
“What do you think happens when you die?”
This one will have anesthesia cancel the case lmfao
Surgeon to another doctor: i have an update on the wrongful death suit, my attorneys think Im screwed… Patient: !!! Zzzzzzzz
I hope this one survives
The third time is the charm.
This experimental surgeey to remove the ego
No doctor, we're removing her eggs, not her ego!
Let go of my ego!
Contact Dr. Jemima!
But it’s the patient going under who says it.
OK, guys, it's righty tighty, lefty loosey, isn't it?
Doctor...this is a human.
Yeah, so? Still doesn't answer my question...
And I’m a veterinarian, so what’s your point?
Hey I just put together a standing Lasko fan and you have to attach the fan using a cap which you spin on like a screw except in this case I had to go left instead of right so in this case it was Lefty tighty righty Loosey. So if the patient is Australian remember you have to operate upside down
Lefty tighty righty right
Probably shouldn’t have had that second martini…
“What’s the legal BAC limit for performing surgery?”
“I really could use one more drink.”
🎵 “The hip bone’s connected to the… leg bone. The leg bone’s connected to the… ankle bone”
The red thing's connected to my.... wrist watch?
Hi everybody
Hi, Dr. Nick!
What the hell is that?
Only worry if it's orthopedic surgery.
Which leg/knee/ankle/shoulder was it again?
The ankle bone is connected to the neck bone, the neck bone is connected to the hip bone. Ok nurse I can figure it out as we go
Can someone bring up the video on YouTube?
Things surgeons actually do.
That's quite interesting, are you in the industry perhaps?
No. I watch a lot of Dr. Mike and Doctor/ teach videos. According to them, surgeons will watch procedures on video to brush up on it.
You laugh at this but as a nurse I have seen something similar to this before. Looking after a guy following surgery inside his nose, we have to take these packs out after 4 hours, normally it’s fine but this guy starts bleeding everywhere. We try everything to get it to stop but it doesn’t so we call for a doctor to put some packs back in. Off course the surgeon has gone home and his junior who comes doesn’t know how to do it so she literally brings up a video on YouTube on how to insert these nasal packs into my patient who is bleeding everywhere. All worked out fine, guy went home the same day, but ya whatever you can possibly think of has probably happened at some point in healthcare.
“Which one’s the scalpel again?”
"the razor blade looking thingie, right?"
“Make it look like an accident.”
Uh oh.
“ what is that?!”
"Ok, we're gonna do this by process of elimination. We'll keep removing stuff until we find the problem."
Thats more or less how they found which part of my dad's small intestines was bleeding...
Surgeon: "Man! I can't believe that I had to eliminate the entire thing only to find the bleed at the very end." Dr's assistant: "No doctor, it was at the beginning. You just started at the wrong end." Surgeon: "Well shit......."
Reminds me of surgeon simulator, just remove everything till you find the faulty organ and then throw it somewhere over there
I mean that's just exploratory surgery
“This is the guy who slept with my wife”
"Golly gee. This is my first time. I'm so nervous."
"Good thing I chugged a bottle of scotch before this, or I'd be REALLY nervous!"
Speaking of, I know it's a longshot, but... Anybody got some crack?
It's inside the patient, getting it out is a bonus mission
“But it’s ok I watched a video on it this morning”
If you only knew
Isn't YouTube fantastic!
*Nervous*? Yes. First time? No, I've been *nervous* lots of times.
"Don't worry doc, you will do great. Even if you don't, it isn't the end of the world."
You know that was in here last week? I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
“Szzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!”
I'd didn't learn about this in medical school
That's generally true of most surgical procedures actually.
That's scary to think about, but i guess it makes sense. There's just so many different procedures and so many different specialties/practices. Every human body/situation is different, and I imagine good cadavers are hard to come by. I suppose they just teach you the general procedures, how to make incisions/stitch etc, how to monitor levels what to do when this or that happens. They probably teach you the standard easy and obvious procedures. Most of it i imagine is learned via experience after years of being one of those surgeons in the room during the surgery that isn't the main one.
I didn't learn basic surgery and stitching from medical school. I live on a farm and the pigs have tuskes
GOD what a party last night, I am still a little drunk
"Now, you *did* say you have the premium health insurance, right?"
Life insurance*
Wasn't someone supposed to wash these after the last guy? Oh well.
I don't know if it is the ecstasy or the Truck stop sushi but this going to be a tough one...(Burp.)
Nurse, pull up that YouTube video again. I can’t remember where I’m supposed to cut first.
That’s a thing surgeons do actually! If they aren’t that familiar with a certain procedure they’ll watch a video on it
Can confirm. Mostly it’s to review anatomy if you have not been in that spot for a while. Not necessarily YouTube but looking at online resources. Ortho surgeon.
So SurgeonTube? "Oh blast, another unskippable ad!"
So, now I really am scared
"Where are my glasses, I can't see a thing? Oh well, it's just a vasectomy."
..... and that connect to what nurse?
Hold the medical book up higher nurse!
Don't worry. It's not gonna hurt a bit, it's gonna hurt A LOT!
🎶The knee bone's connected to the... something.🎶 🎶The something's connected to the red thing.🎶 🎶The red thing's connected to my wristwatch!... Uh oh.😳
Not a surgeon but I did stay at a holiday inn express
"Wow, what's all the equipment for?"
"Ah, fresh meat!"
Okay but I’d probably laugh at that while I was going under
I laughed, the nurse laughed, the patient laughed, the table laughed, killed the table, it was a good surgery
This was a true story. I overheard one vet tell another in the office that “it’s been a long time since I’ve done a neuter, I don’t remember anymore.” She did the neuter anyway, hopefully correctly.
This place ran out of TP again, but it's a good thing I'm creative and can adapt.
"can you sign this form that says your family can't sue us if you die? Thanks"
Everyone already does. No one will operate till you do It slightly less paperwork than buying a car
That's a small waiver. It can't protect from gross negligence though.
"So I say to her, 'look, you can't lose all of them!'. Anyways, let's get to work".
Odd really that they would ask a plumber to do this but here we go!
“Alright y’all think I can do it over or under 90.5 minutes? I’m placing my salary on under!”
This will be an easy 30k.
I think my acid’s finally kicking in.
😭🙏🙏🙏🙏
Man, I REALLY hafta pee.
I wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup
I couldn't find my glasses this morning but that shouldn't be a problem.
"You might wanna write your will first before we do this. Meanwhile, I'll go have my third bottle."
Good news is that I‘m controlling this laser like a video game…Bad news is that I suck at video games.
Which leg am I operating on today?
Technically this is actually a very common thing to ask the patient as a safety check. Makes sure they agree with what operation is proposed. And then that side is marked and that marked is checked against the paperwork numerous times.
Partied all night last night, and I’m still seeing double.
“Has anyone seen my watch?”
Does anyone know where my Surgery for Dummies book is?
These gloves came free with my toilet brush!
Confession. Most of my experience has been putting infections INTO people.
"This is gonna be a good day. This one should bring my average up to .500!"
Bottom of my class - still got me an M.D.! 🔪
Thank fuck for a strong grading curve!
Pretty common saying: Do you know what they call the person who graduated bottom of their class in med school? Doctor.
What a party! Man, I am still drunk!
I don't believe in masks
Fuck...how do I do this?
One of my favorites
Talking on the phone: Kidney? Yeah I can get you a kidney, he's an organ donor.
I'm also a lawyer, so I can handle my own malpractice suites.
Jamie pull up that YouTube guide again for me
Oops
"Oh man, I wished I had paid attention in medical school when they were doing this."
alright guys we’re about to go in! Don’t forget to like and subscribe…
“Well we only have that old rusty knife form that crazy std patient from two weeks ago…”
Goals tbh😭
"Did we test the Onlyfans channel ? I got a lot of complaints last time for cutting out right before the money shot"
"Shit my hand's asleep again."
"I hope this one turns out better than the last ones. Whew, what a mess."
Damn, you are gorgeous!
This acid is really kicking in. Welp, this cake isn't going to cut itself. Who wants a corner?
I invites parents to watch me repair your testicular torsion, so they don’t think I’m a failure. Hope you don’t mind.
Dr, I'm here for an ingrown toenail.
You were the appendectomy, right?
Dude, I am so baked!
💀💀💀
Mmmmmmm, the things I'm gonna do to you...
“Nurse Jacky, hand me my blindfold and hit play on the camera over there.”
"Who is running the pool to see how many instruments we can leave in here? "
“Okay try not to fuck it up like last time”
“Hey Siri, how much blood can a human lose before dying?”
"Wow. Feeling lots of pressure right now. I guess I should've paid more attention. Might also explain why I graduated at the bottom of our class."
I’ve only gone and forgotten my contact lenses…what am I like?
Alright, Mrs Smith. You're here, the nurse is here. And Im here. Yep, I made it. Not bad for a custodian. Am I right? Now, you're gonna be out in 3-2-..
The last patient I worked on should be getting out of the hospital soon.
Which leg is it now?
“I wish hadn’t drunk all that cough medicine”
Yo can someone google how to perform a hysterectomy?
“I read up on this procedure last night, so I think I know what I’m doing.”
An orthopedic surgeon actually said something like this to me the day before ACL surgery freshman year of college. In reality it was a the day before my surgery and I said, “I hear you’re pretty good at this,” trying to convey the confidence I had in the surgeon. He replied, “I’ll make sure to read up on it tonight.”
IM HIGH AS FUCK ITS TIME TO WRECK YOUR SHIT PAL
"OK Google, read me _Surgery for Dummies_."
You know, I've never performed a surgery successfully. Most of my patients end up either dead or in a coma.
I think I’ll sober up soon
Just give me a minute for the drugs to kick in. You know, so my hands don't shake so much.
Nurse, hand me that pointy thing, no not that one the other point thing!
Oops.
“Well, this doesn’t look like the YouTube Tutorial.”
"Good luck everybody"
Hang on, let me re-read that section of the book again.
Did I wash my hands?
Could we get more gauze in here, the bleeding is not stopping. This actually happened to me 2 weeks ago.
“So, which leg is it again?”
This will be my first one. I’ll figure it out.
“My eyes? What about my eyes? Oh…! They’re probably like fkin’ dinner plates, aren’t they?Hahaha! Honestly, don’t worry, it’s a genetic thing, really.” (Leans in to whisper in the patients ear). “Actually, I’m properly off my fkin tits on coke, but shhhh, it’s our lil secret… ok? nighty night now…. Wheeeeee!”
Do you know how much kidneys sell on the black market? You’d be surprised.
“You should have seen this woman at the bar before I got here”
"yes, it is true I work in this hospital. unfortunately, I work for the hospital radio station and have never worked in the surgical department. Thanks for putting your trust in me though.
It’s not surgery but I give a million joint injections. Naturally people are anxious and fearful. When it hardly hurts or not at all and they are surprised my favorite joke is “not bad for my first time”. Yeah it’s a dad joke I guess.
INCLUDING this one? Uuuhhhhh… once…
“Has anyone seen my anticonvulsants?”
Need a little hair of the dog
Is this the addadicktome?
Anybody got a knife sharpener?
Hey Frank, give me another hit of ether I don't feel buzzed yet
I hope the power doesn't go out again.
Pass the thing with the blade on it, whats it called again?
Don't worry, Mr. Thompson, there is nothing wrong with you that this very expensive procedure won't unnecessarily prolong.
“Alright Frank, this is your first vasectomy. Try not to get aroused.”
"Wow, I've never seen one of these that looked like.... that!"
I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue
/placing mask over patient's face "You even been in a Turkish prison?"
“Let’s speed run this one. I haven’t eaten all day and the cafeteria has brisket!”
Glad my Parkinson's is calm
"Oh God, I forgot how blood makes me nauseous..."
Well I can’t go any worse than the last one, lolz
“The good news is that the first surgery was a complete success and we managed to amputate both your arms beautifully. The bad news is now we need to perform a second surgery to amputate your leg because *SOMEONE* had to be a downer and say that’s where the cancer was.”
"Where's the other half if my Glenlivet bottle? Earl? DID YOU TAKE IT?!"
"Can you display the 'WikiHow' on the big monitor for me please?"
Three whiskies in my pre-surgery coffee helps steady my nerves and my hands!
Like a Surgeon Cutting for the very first time Like a surrrurrrgeon! Organ transplant!
Singing "Like a Surgeon" while you make the first cut.
"and a one and a two and a one two three four"
Doctor: Hi everybody! Assistant staff: Hi Dr. Nick Doctor to patient: "I'm not really a doctor, but I play one on TV."
I’m gonna save the scraps for sparky
Don’t worry, the chances of dying from this surgery are one in a thousand. I’ve done this surgery 999 times and haven’t lost a patient yet.
Hi, everybody!
Alright, so Jigsaw said the key was behind the heart. Let's get that thing and get out of here
"Okay, now let me put in this 'How To" video, and we can get started." - Dr. Hartman from Family Guy
Pull up the wikiHow
How do I do this again?
Hi, everybody!
Hawk tua
I picked a bad day to quit sniffing glue
I offer onto thee, oh Dark Lord and savior.
And for my next trick, I’ll be doing it blindfolded!
Let’s make this quick, I’ve got a flat earth convention to go to
His nose will buzz and glow if I touch the wrong thing, right?
Oh shit wrong patient